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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:14:21 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/102-0.txt b/102-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..59e96a0 --- /dev/null +++ b/102-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5967 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 102 *** + +The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson + +By Mark Twain + +Samuel L. Clemens + + +1894 +HARTFORD, CONN. +AMERICAN PUBLISHING COMPANY + + + +Copyright, 1894, +by OLIVIA L. CLEMENS +All Rights Reserved +The right of dramatization and translation reserved. + + + +Copyright, 1893-1894, by the Century Company, in the Century Magazine. +Copyright, 1894, by Olivia L. Clemens +(All Rights Reserved) + + +Contents + + Pudd'nhead Wilson +Chapter Chapter Title Page + A Whisper to the Reader 15 + I. Pudd'nhead Wins His Name 17 + II. Driscoll Spares His Slaves 27 + III. Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick 41 + IV. The Ways of the Changelings 52 + V. The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing 67 + VI. Swimming in Glory 77 + VII. The Unknown Nymph 86 + VIII. Marse Tom Tramples His Chance 93 + IX. Tom Practises Sycophancy 111 + X. The Nymph Revealed 121 + XI. Pudd'nhead's Startling Discovery 130 + XII. The Shame of Judge Driscoll 155 + XIII. Tom Stares at Ruin 166 + XIV. Roxana Insists Upon Reform 179 + XV. The Robber Robbed 197 + XVI. Sold Down the River 214 + XVII. The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy 221 + XVIII. Roxana Commands 225 + XIX. The Prophecy Realized 246 + XX. The Murderer Chuckles 263 + XXI. Doom 278 + Conclusion 300 + + + + + + +A Whisper + +to the Reader. + +There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed +by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: +his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the +humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of +feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in +doubt.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +A person who is ignorant of legal matters is always liable to make +mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene with his pen; and so +I was not willing to let the law chapters in this book go to press +without first subjecting them to rigid and exhausting revision and +correction by a trained barrister--if that is what they are called. +These chapters are right, now, in every detail, for they were rewritten +under the immediate eye of William Hicks, who studied law part of a +while in southwest Missouri thirty-five years ago and then came over +here to Florence for his health and is still helping for exercise and +board in Macaroni Vermicelli's horse-feed shed which is up the back +alley as you turn around the corner out of the Piazza del Duomo just +beyond the house where that stone that Dante used to sit on six hundred +years ago is let into the wall when he let on to be watching them build +Giotto's campanile and yet always got tired looking as soon as Beatrice +passed along on her way to get a chunk of chestnut cake to defend +herself with in case of a Ghibelline outbreak before she got to school, +at the same old stand where they sell the same old cake to this day and +it is just as light and good as it was then, too, and this is not +flattery, far from it. He was a little rusty on his law, but he rubbed +up for this book, and those two or three legal chapters are right and +straight, now. He told me so himself. + +Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at the Villa +Viviani, village of Settignano, three miles back of Florence, on the +hills--the same certainly affording the most charming view to be found +on this planet, and with it the most dreamlike and enchanting sunsets to +be found in any planet or even in any solar system--and given, too, in +the swell room of the house, with the busts of Cerretani senators and +other grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon me as they +used to look down upon Dante, and mutely asking me to adopt them into my +family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest ancestors are but +spring chickens compared with these robed and stately antiques, and it +will be a great and satisfying lift for me, that six hundred years will. + +Mark Twain. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +Pudd'nhead Wins His Name. + +Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +The scene of this chronicle is the town of Dawson's Landing, on the +Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a day's journey, per steamboat, +below St. Louis. + +In 1830 it was a snug little collection of modest one- and two-story +frame dwellings whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed from +sight by climbing tangles of rose-vines, honeysuckles, and +morning-glories. Each of these pretty homes had a garden in front fenced +with white palings and opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, +touch-me-nots, prince's-feathers and other old-fashioned flowers; while +on the window-sills of the houses stood wooden boxes containing +moss-rose plants and terra-cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium +whose spread of intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint +of the rose-clad house-front like an explosion of flame. When there was +room on the ledge outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was +there--in sunny weather--stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, +with her furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose. Then +that house was complete, and its contentment and peace were made +manifest to the world by this symbol, whose testimony is infallible. A +home without a cat--and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered +cat--may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? + +All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge of the brick +sidewalks, stood locust-trees with trunks protected by wooden boxing, +and these furnished shade for summer and a sweet fragrance in spring +when the clusters of buds came forth. The main street, one block back +from the river, and running parallel with it, was the sole business +street. It was six blocks long, and in each block two or three brick +stores three stories high towered above interjected bunches of little +frame shops. Swinging signs creaked in the wind, the street's whole +length. The candy-striped pole which indicates nobility proud and +ancient along the palace-bordered canals of Venice, indicated merely the +humble barber shop along the main street of Dawson's Landing. On a chief +corner stood a lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top to bottom with tin +pots and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger's noisy notice to the world +(when the wind blew) that his shop was on hand for business at that +corner. + +The hamlet's front was washed by the clear waters of the great river; +its body stretched itself rearward up a gentle incline; its most +rearward border fringed itself out and scattered its houses about the +base-line of the hills; the hills rose high, inclosing the town in a +half-moon curve, clothed with forests from foot to summit. + +Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so. Those belonging to the +little Cairo line and the little Memphis line always stopped; the big +Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or to land passengers or freight; +and this was the case also with the great flotilla of "transients." +These latter came out of a dozen rivers--the Illinois, the Missouri, the +Upper Mississippi, the Ohio, the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red +River, the White River, and so on; and were bound every whither and +stocked with every imaginable comfort or necessity which the +Mississippi's communities could want, from the frosty Falls of St. +Anthony down through nine climates to torrid New Orleans. + +Dawson's Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich slave-worked grain +and pork country back of it. The town was sleepy and comfortable and +contented. It was fifty years old, and was growing slowly--very slowly, +in fact, but still it was growing. + +The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old, +judge of the county court. He was very proud of his old Virginian +ancestry, and in his hospitalities and his rather formal and stately +manners he kept up its traditions. He was fine and just and generous. To +be a gentleman--a gentleman without stain or blemish--was his only +religion, and to it he was always faithful. He was respected, esteemed +and beloved by all the community. He was well off, and was gradually +adding to his store. He and his wife were very nearly happy, but not +quite, for they had no children. The longing for the treasure of a child +had grown stronger and stronger as the years slipped away, but the +blessing never came--and was never to come. + +With this pair lived the Judge's widowed sister, Mrs. Rachel Pratt, and +she also was childless--childless, and sorrowful for that reason, and +not to be comforted. The women were good and commonplace people, and did +their duty and had their reward in clear consciences and the community's +approbation. They were Presbyterians, the Judge was a free-thinker. + +Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged about forty, was another old +Virginian grandee with proved descent from the First Families. He was a +fine, brave, majestic creature, a gentleman according to the nicest +requirements of the Virginia rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority +on the "code," and a man always courteously ready to stand up before you +in the field if any act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious +to you, and explain it with any weapon you might prefer from brad-awls +to artillery. He was very popular with the people, and was the Judge's +dearest friend. + +Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F. F. V. of +formidable caliber--however, with him we have no concern. + +Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the Judge, and younger than he +by five years, was a married man, and had had children around his +hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail by measles, croup and +scarlet fever, and this had given the doctor a chance with his effective +antediluvian methods; so the cradles were empty. He was a prosperous +man, with a good head for speculations, and his fortune was growing. On +the 1st of February, 1830, two boy babes were born in his house: one to +him, the other to one of his slave girls, Roxana by name. Roxana was +twenty years old. She was up and around the same day, with her hands +full, for she was tending both babies. + +Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week. Roxy remained in charge of the +children. She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll soon absorbed himself in +his speculations and left her to her own devices. + +In that same month of February, Dawson's Landing gained a new citizen. +This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of Scotch parentage. He had +wandered to this remote region from his birthplace in the interior of +the State of New York, to seek his fortune. He was twenty-five years +old, college-bred, and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern +law school a couple of years before. + +He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an +intelligent blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a +covert twinkle of a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, +he would no doubt have entered at once upon a successful career at +Dawson's Landing. But he made his fatal remark the first day he spent in +the village, and it "gaged" him. He had just made the acquaintance of a +group of citizens when an invisible dog began to yelp and snarl and howl +and make himself very comprehensively disagreeable, whereupon young +Wilson said, much as one who is thinking aloud-- + +"I wish I owned half of that dog." + +"Why?" somebody asked. + +"Because I would kill my half." + +The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, but found +no light there, no expression that they could read. They fell away from +him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy to discuss him. One +said: + +"'Pears to be a fool." + +"'Pears?" said another. "Is, I reckon you better say." + +"Said he wished he owned half of the dog, the idiot," said a third. +"What did he reckon would become of the other half if he killed his +half? Do you reckon he thought it would live?" + +"Why, he must have thought it, unless he is the downrightest fool in the +world; because if he hadn't thought it, he would have wanted to own the +whole dog, knowing that if he killed his half and the other half died, +he would be responsible for that half just the same as if he had killed +that half instead of his own. Don't it look that way to you, gents?" + +"Yes, it does. If he owned one half of the general dog, it would be so; +if he owned one end of the dog and another person owned the other end, +it would be so, just the same; particularly in the first case, because +if you kill one half of a general dog, there ain't any man that can tell +whose half it was, but if he owned one end of the dog, maybe he could +kill his end of it and--" + +"No, he couldn't either; he couldn't and not be responsible if the other +end died, which it would. In my opinion that man ain't in his right +mind." + +"In my opinion he hain't got any mind." + +No. 3 said: "Well, he's a lummox, anyway." + +"That's what he is," said No. 4, "he's a labrick--just a Simon-pure +labrick, if ever there was one." + +"Yes, sir, he's a dam fool, that's the way I put him up," said No. 5. +"Anybody can think different that wants to, but those are my +sentiments." + +"I'm with you, gentlemen," said No. 6. "Perfect jackass--yes, and it +ain't going too far to say he is a pudd'nhead. If he ain't a pudd'nhead, +I ain't no judge, that's all." + +Mr. Wilson stood elected. The incident was told all over the town, and +gravely discussed by everybody. Within a week he had lost his first +name; Pudd'nhead took its place. In time he came to be liked, and well +liked too; but by that time the nickname had got well stuck on, and it +stayed. That first day's verdict made him a fool, and he was not able to +get it set aside, or even modified. The nickname soon ceased to carry +any harsh or unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, and was +to continue to hold its place for twenty long years. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +Driscoll Spares His Slaves. + +Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple for +the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The +mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the +serpent.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Pudd'nhead Wilson had a trifle of money when he arrived, and he bought a +small house on the extreme western verge of the town. Between it and +Judge Driscoll's house there was only a grassy yard, with a paling fence +dividing the properties in the middle. He hired a small office down in +the town and hung out a tin sign with these words on it: + +DAVID WILSON. + +ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW. +SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC. + +But his deadly remark had ruined his chance--at least in the law. No +clients came. He took down his sign, after a while, and put it up on his +own house with the law features knocked out of it. It offered his +services now in the humble capacities of land-surveyor and expert +accountant. Now and then he got a job of surveying to do, and now and +then a merchant got him to straighten out his books. With Scotch +patience and pluck he resolved to live down his reputation and work his +way into the legal field yet. Poor fellow, he could not foresee that it +was going to take him such a weary long time to do it. + +He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung heavy on his +hands, for he interested himself in every new thing that was born into +the universe of ideas, and studied it and experimented upon it at his +house. One of his pet fads was palmistry. To another one he gave no +name, neither would he explain to anybody what its purpose was, but +merely said it was an amusement. In fact he had found that his fads +added to his reputation as a pudd'nhead; therefore he was growing chary +of being too communicative about them. The fad without a name was one +which dealt with people's finger-marks. He carried in his coat pocket a +shallow box with grooves in it, and in the grooves strips of glass five +inches long and three inches wide. Along the lower edge of each strip +was pasted a slip of white paper. He asked people to pass their hands +through their hair (thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the +natural oil) and then make a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it +with the mark of the ball of each finger in succession. Under this row +of faint grease-prints he would write a record on the strip of white +paper--thus: + +John Smith, right hand-- + +and add the day of the month and the year, then take Smith's left hand +on another glass strip, and add name and date and the words "left hand." +The strips were now returned to the grooved box, and took their place +among what Wilson called his "records." + +He often studied his records, examining and poring over them with +absorbing interest until far into the night; but what he found there--if +he found anything--he revealed to no one. Sometimes he copied on paper +the involved and delicate pattern left by the ball of a finger, and then +vastly enlarged it with a pantograph so that he could examine its web of +curving lines with ease and convenience. + +One sweltering afternoon--it was the first day of July, 1830--he was at +work over a set of tangled account-books in his work-room, which looked +westward over a stretch of vacant lots, when a conversation outside +disturbed him. It was carried on in yells, which showed that the people +engaged in it were not close together: + +"Say, Roxy, how does yo' baby come on?" This from the distant voice. + +"Fust-rate; how does you come on, Jasper?" This yell was from close by. + +"Oh, I's middlin'; hain't got noth'n' to complain of. I's gwine to come +a-court'n' you bimeby, Roxy." + +"You is, you black mud-cat! Yah--yah--yah! I got somep'n' better to do +den 'sociat'n' wid niggers as black as you is. Is ole Miss Cooper's +Nancy done give you de mitten?" Roxy followed this sally with another +discharge of care-free laughter. + +"You's jealous, Roxy, dat's what's de matter wid you, you +hussy--yah--yah--yah! Dat's de time I got you!" + +"Oh, yes, you got me, hain't you. 'Clah to goodness if dat conceit o' +yo'n strikes in, Jasper, it gwine to kill you sho'. If you b'longed to +me I'd sell you down de river 'fo' you git too fur gone. Fust time I +runs acrost yo' marster, I's gwine to tell him so." + +This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both parties enjoying the +friendly duel and each well satisfied with his own share of the wit +exchanged--for wit they considered it. + +Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; he could not +work while their chatter continued. Over in the vacant lots was Jasper, +young, coal-black and of magnificent build, sitting on a wheelbarrow in +the pelting sun--at work, supposably, whereas he was in fact only +preparing for it by taking an hour's rest before beginning. In front of +Wilson's porch stood Roxy, with a local hand-made baby-wagon, in which +sat her two charges--one at each end and facing each other. From Roxy's +manner of speech, a stranger would have expected her to be black, but +she was not. Only one sixteenth of her was black, and that sixteenth did +not show. She was of majestic form and stature, her attitudes were +imposing and statuesque, and her gestures and movements distinguished by +a noble and stately grace. Her complexion was very fair, with the rosy +glow of vigorous health in the cheeks, her face was full of character +and expression, her eyes were brown and liquid, and she had a heavy suit +of fine soft hair which was also brown, but the fact was not apparent +because her head was bound about with a checkered handkerchief and the +hair was concealed under it. Her face was shapely, intelligent and +comely--even beautiful. She had an easy, independent carriage--when she +was among her own caste--and a high and "sassy" way, withal; but of +course she was meek and humble enough where white people were. + +To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one +sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen parts and +made her a negro. She was a slave, and salable as such. Her child was +thirty-one parts white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a fiction of +law and custom a negro. He had blue eyes and flaxen curls like his white +comrade, but even the father of the white child was able to tell the +children apart--little as he had commerce with them--by their clothes: +for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin and a coral necklace, while +the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen shirt which barely reached to +its knees, and no jewelry. + +The white child's name was Thomas à Becket Driscoll, the other's name +was Valet de Chambre: no surname--slaves hadn't the privilege. Roxana +had heard that phrase somewhere, the fine sound of it had pleased her +ear, and as she had supposed it was a name, she loaded it on to her +darling. It soon got shorted to "Chambers," of course. + +Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wit began to play out, +he stepped outside to gather in a record or two. Jasper went to work +energetically, at once, perceiving that his leisure was observed. Wilson +inspected the children and asked-- + +"How old are they, Roxy?" + +"Bofe de same age, sir--five months. Bawn de fust o' Feb'uary." + +"They're handsome little chaps. One's just as handsome as the other, +too." + +A delighted smile exposed the girl's white teeth, and she said: + +"Bless yo' soul, Misto Wilson, it's pow'ful nice o' you to say dat, +'ca'se one of 'em ain't on'y a nigger. Mighty prime little nigger, I +al'ays says, but dat's 'ca'se it's mine, o' course." + +"How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they haven't any clothes on?" + +Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: + +"Oh, I kin tell 'em 'part, Misto Wilson, but I bet Marse Percy couldn't, +not to save his life." + +Wilson chatted along for awhile, and presently got Roxy's finger-prints +for his collection--right hand and left--on a couple of his glass +strips; then labeled and dated them, and took the "records" of both +children, and labeled and dated them also. + +Two months later, on the 3d of September, he took this trio of +finger-marks again. He liked to have a "series," two or three "takings" +at intervals during the period of childhood, these to be followed by +others at intervals of several years. + +The next day--that is to say, on the 4th of September--something +occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana. Mr. Driscoll missed another +small sum of money--which is a way of saying that this was not a new +thing, but had happened before. In truth it had happened three times +before. Driscoll's patience was exhausted. He was a fairly humane man +toward slaves and other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man toward +the erring of his own race. Theft he could not abide, and plainly there +was a thief in his house. Necessarily the thief must be one of his +negroes. Sharp measures must be taken. He called his servants before +him. There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a woman, and a boy +twelve years old. They were not related. Mr. Driscoll said: + +"You have all been warned before. It has done no good. This time I will +teach you a lesson. I will sell the thief. Which of you is the guilty +one?" + +They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a good home, and a +new one was likely to be a change for the worse. The denial was general. +None had stolen anything--not money, anyway--a little sugar, or cake, or +honey, or something like that, that "Marse Percy wouldn't mind or miss," +but not money--never a cent of money. They were eloquent in their +protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them. He answered each +in turn with a stern "Name the thief!" + +The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected that the others +were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. She was horrified to +think how near she had come to being guilty herself; she had been saved +in the nick of time by a revival in the colored Methodist Church, a +fortnight before, at which time and place she "got religion." The very +next day after that gracious experience, while her change of style was +fresh upon her and she was vain of her purified condition, her master +left a couple dollars lying unprotected on his desk, and she happened +upon that temptation when she was polishing around with a dust-rag. She +looked at the money awhile with a steady rising resentment, then she +burst out with-- + +"Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had 'a' be'n put off till to-morrow!" + +Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another member of the +kitchen cabinet got it. She made this sacrifice as a matter of religious +etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, but by no means to be wrested +into a precedent; no, a week or two would limber up her piety, then she +would be rational again, and the next two dollars that got left out in +the cold would find a comforter--and she could name the comforter. + +Was she bad? Was she worse than the general run of her race? No. They +had an unfair show in the battle of life, and they held it no sin to +take military advantage of the enemy--in a small way; in a small way, +but not in a large one. They would smouch provisions from the pantry +whenever they got a chance; or a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, or an +emery-bag, or a paper of needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, +or small articles of clothing, or any other property of light value; and +so far were they from considering such reprisals sinful, that they would +go to church and shout and pray the loudest and sincerest with their +plunder in their pockets. A farm smoke-house had to be kept heavily +padlocked, for even the colored deacon himself could not resist a ham +when Providence showed him in a dream, or otherwise, where such a thing +hung lonesome and longed for some one to love. But with a hundred +hanging before him the deacon would not take two--that is, on the same +night. On frosty nights the humane negro prowler would warm the end of a +plank and put it up under the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; +a drowsy hen would step on to the comfortable board, softly clucking her +gratitude, and the prowler would dump her into his bag, and later into +his stomach, perfectly sure that in taking this trifle from the man who +daily robbed him of an inestimable treasure--his liberty--he was not +committing any sin that God would remember against him in the Last Great +Day. + +"Name the thief!" + +For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always in the same +hard tone. And now he added these words of awful import: + +"I give you one minute"--he took out his watch. "If at the end of that +time you have not confessed, I will not only sell all four of you, +but--I will sell you down the river!" + +It was equivalent to condemning them to hell! No Missouri negro doubted +this. Roxy reeled in her tracks and the color vanished out of her face; +the others dropped to their knees as if they had been shot; tears gushed +from their eyes, their supplicating hands went up, and three answers +came in the one instant: + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!--have mercy, marster--Lord have mercy on us po' niggers!" + +"Very good," said the master, putting up his watch, "I will sell you +here though you don't deserve it. You ought to be sold down the river." + +The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of gratitude, and +kissed his feet, declaring that they would never forget his goodness and +never cease to pray for him as long as they lived. They were sincere, +for like a god he had stretched forth his mighty hand and closed the +gates of hell against them. He knew, himself, that he had done a noble +and gracious thing, and was privately well pleased with his magnanimity; +and that night he set the incident down in his diary, so that his son +might read it in after years, and be thereby moved to deeds of +gentleness and humanity himself. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick. + +Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a +debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our +race. He brought death into the world.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Percy Driscoll slept well the night he saved his house-minions from +going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited Roxy's eyes. A +profound terror had taken possession of her. Her child could grow up and +be sold down the river! The thought crazed her with horror. If she dozed +and lost herself for a moment, the next moment she was on her feet +flying to her child's cradle to see if it was still there. Then she +would gather it to her heart and pour out her love upon it in a frenzy +of kisses, moaning, crying, and saying, "Dey sha'n't, oh, dey +sha'n't!--yo' po' mammy will kill you fust!" + +Once, when she was tucking it back in its cradle again, the other child +nestled in its sleep and attracted her attention. She went and stood +over it a long time communing with herself: + +"What has my po' baby done, dat he couldn't have yo' luck? He hain't +done noth'n'. God was good to you; why warn't he good to him? Dey can't +sell you down de river. I hates yo' pappy; he hain't got no heart--for +niggers he hain't, anyways. I hates him, en I could kill him!" She +paused awhile, thinking; then she burst into wild sobbings again, and +turned away, saying, "Oh, I got to kill my chile, dey ain't no yuther +way,--killin' him wouldn't save de chile fum goin' down de river. Oh, I +got to do it, yo' po' mammy's got to kill you to save you, honey"--she +gathered her baby to her bosom, now, and began to smother it with +caresses--"Mammy's got to kill you--how kin I do it! But yo' mammy ain't +gwine to desert you--no, no; dah, don't cry--she gwine wid you, she +gwine to kill herself too. Come along, honey, come along wid mammy; we +gwine to jump in de river, den de troubles o' dis worl' is all over--dey +don't sell po' niggers down the river over yonder." + +She started toward the door, crooning to the child and hushing it; +midway she stopped, suddenly. She had caught sight of her new Sunday +gown--a cheap curtain-calico thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and +fantastic figures. She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. + +"Hain't ever wore it yet," she said, "en it's jist lovely." Then she +nodded her head in response to a pleasant idea, and added, "No, I ain't +gwine to be fished out, wid everybody lookin' at me, in dis mis'able ole +linsey-woolsey." + +She put down the child and made the change. She looked in the glass and +was astonished at her beauty. She resolved to make her death-toilet +perfect. She took off her handkerchief-turban and dressed her glossy +wealth of hair "like white folks"; she added some odds and ends of +rather lurid ribbon and a spray of atrocious artificial flowers; finally +she threw over her shoulders a fluffy thing called a "cloud" in that +day, which was of a blazing red complexion. Then she was ready for the +tomb. + +She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye fell upon its +miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and noted the contrast +between its pauper shabbiness and her own volcanic irruption of infernal +splendors, her mother-heart was touched, and she was ashamed. + +"No, dolling, mammy ain't gwine to treat you so. De angels is gwine to +'mire you jist as much as dey does yo' mammy. Ain't gwine to have 'em +putt'n' dey han's up 'fo' dey eyes en sayin' to David en Goliah en dem +yuther prophets, 'Dat chile is dress' too indelicate fo' dis place.'" + +By this time she had stripped off the shirt. Now she clothed the naked +little creature in one of Thomas à Becket's snowy long baby-gowns, with +its bright blue bows and dainty flummery of ruffles. + +"Dah--now you's fixed." She propped the child in a chair and stood off +to inspect it. Straightway her eyes began to widen with astonishment and +admiration, and she clapped her hands and cried out, "Why, it do beat +all!--I never knowed you was so lovely. Marse Tommy ain't a bit +puttier--not a single bit." + +She stepped over and glanced at the other infant; she flung a glance +back at her own; then one more at the heir of the house. Now a strange +light dawned in her eyes, and in a moment she was lost in thought. She +seemed in a trance; when she came out of it she muttered, "When I 'uz +a-washin' 'em in de tub, yistiddy, his own pappy asked me which of 'em +was his'n." + +She began to move about like one in a dream. She undressed Thomas à +Becket, stripping him of everything, and put the tow-linen shirt on him. +She put his coral necklace on her own child's neck. Then she placed the +children side by side, and after earnest inspection she muttered-- + +"Now who would b'lieve clo'es could do de like o' dat? Dog my cats if it +ain't all I kin do to tell t'other fum which, let alone his pappy." + +She put her cub in Tommy's elegant cradle and said-- + +"You's young Marse Tom fum dis out, en I got to practise and git used to +'memberin' to call you dat, honey, or I's gwine to make a mistake some +time en git us bofe into trouble. Dah--now you lay still en don't fret +no mo', Marse Tom--oh, thank de good Lord in heaven, you's saved, you's +saved!--dey ain't no man kin ever sell mammy's po' little honey down de +river now!" + +She put the heir of the house in her own child's unpainted pine cradle, +and said, contemplating its slumbering form uneasily-- + +"I's sorry for you, honey; I's sorry, God knows I is,--but what kin I +do, what could I do? Yo' pappy would sell him to somebody, some time, en +den he'd go down de river, sho', en I couldn't, couldn't, couldn't stan' +it." + +She flung herself on her bed and began to think and toss, toss and +think. By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a comforting thought had +flown through her worried mind-- + +"'Tain't no sin--white folks has done it! It ain't no sin, glory to +goodness it ain't no sin! Dey's done it--yes, en dey was de biggest +quality in de whole bilin', too--kings!" + +She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her memory the dim +particulars of some tale she had heard some time or other. At last she +said-- + +"Now I's got it; now I 'member. It was dat ole nigger preacher dat tole +it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en preached in de nigger +church. He said dey ain't nobody kin save his own self--can't do it by +faith, can't do it by works, can't do it no way at all. Free grace is de +on'y way, en dat don't come fum nobody but jis' de Lord; en he kin give +it to anybody he please, saint or sinner--he don't kyer. He do jis' as +he's a mineter. He s'lect out anybody dat suit him, en put another one +in his place, and make de fust one happy forever en leave t'other one to +burn wid Satan. De preacher said it was jist like dey done in Englan' +one time, long time ago. De queen she lef' her baby layin' aroun' one +day, en went out callin'; en one o' de niggers roun'-'bout de place dat +was 'mos' white, she come in en see de chile layin' aroun', en tuck en +put her own chile's clo'es on de queen's chile, en put de queen's +chile's clo'es on her own chile, en den lef' her own chile layin' aroun' +en tuck en toted de queen's chile home to de nigger-quarter, en nobody +ever foun' it out, en her chile was de king bimeby, en sole de queen's +chile down de river one time when dey had to settle up de estate. Dah, +now--de preacher said it his own self, en it ain't no sin, 'ca'se white +folks done it. Dey done it--yes, dey done it; en not on'y jis' common +white folks nuther, but de biggest quality dey is in de whole bilin'. +Oh, I's so glad I 'member 'bout dat!" + +She got up light-hearted and happy, and went to the cradles and spent +what was left of the night "practising." She would give her own child a +light pat and say humbly, "Lay still, Marse Tom," then give the real Tom +a pat and say with severity, "Lay still, Chambers!--does you want me to +take somep'n' to you?" + +As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised to see how +steadily and surely the awe which had kept her tongue reverent and her +manner humble toward her young master was transferring itself to her +speech and manner toward the usurper, and how similarly handy she was +becoming in transferring her motherly curtness of speech and +peremptoriness of manner to the unlucky heir of the ancient house of +Driscoll. + +She took occasional rests from practising, and absorbed herself in +calculating her chances. + +"Dey'll sell dese niggers to-day fo' stealin' de money, den dey'll buy +some mo' dat don't know de chillen--so dat's all right. When I takes de +chillen out to git de air, de minute I's roun' de corner I's gwine to +gaum dey mouths all roun' wid jam, den dey can't nobody notice dey's +changed. Yes, I gwineter do dat till I's safe, if it's a year. + +"Dey ain't but one man dat I's afeard of, en dat's dat Pudd'nhead +Wilson. Dey calls him a pudd'nhead, en says he's a fool. My lan', dat +man ain't no mo' fool den I is! He's de smartes' man in dis town, less'n +it's Jedge Driscoll or maybe Pem Howard. Blame dat man, he worries me +wid dem ornery glasses o' hisn; I b'lieve he's a witch. But nemmine, I's +gwine to happen aroun' dah one o' dese days en let on dat I reckon he +wants to print de chillen's fingers ag'in; en if he don't notice dey's +changed, I bound dey ain't nobody gwine to notice it, en den I's safe, +sho'. But I reckon I'll tote along a hoss-shoe to keep off de +witch-work." + +The new negroes gave Roxy no trouble, of course. The master gave her +none, for one of his speculations was in jeopardy, and his mind was so +occupied that he hardly saw the children when he looked at them, and all +Roxy had to do was to get them both into a gale of laughter when he came +about; then their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, and he was +gone again before the spasm passed and the little creatures resumed a +human aspect. + +Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so dubious that Mr. +Percy went away with his brother the Judge, to see what could be done +with it. It was a land speculation as usual, and it had gotten +complicated with a lawsuit. The men were gone seven weeks. Before they +got back Roxy had paid her visit to Wilson, and was satisfied. Wilson +took the finger-prints, labeled them with the names and with the +date--October the first--put them carefully away and continued his chat +with Roxy, who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great +advance in flesh and beauty which the babies had made since he took +their finger-prints a month before. He complimented their improvement to +her contentment; and as they were without any disguise of jam or other +stain, she trembled all the while and was miserably frightened lest at +any moment he-- + +But he didn't. He discovered nothing; and she went home jubilant, and +dropped all concern about the matter permanently out of her mind. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +The Ways of the Changelings. + +Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, that they +escaped teething.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +There is this trouble about special providences--namely, there is so +often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In +the case of the children, the bears and the prophet, the bears got more +real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they +got the children.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +This history must henceforth accommodate itself to the change which +Roxana has consummated, and call the real heir "Chambers" and the +usurping little slave "Thomas à Becket"--shortening this latter name to +"Tom," for daily use, as the people about him did. + +"Tom" was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his usurpation. He +would cry for nothing; he would burst into storms of devilish temper +without notice, and let go scream after scream and squall after squall, +then climax the thing with "holding his breath"--that frightful +specialty of the teething nursling, in the throes of which the creature +exhausts its lungs, then is convulsed with noiseless squirmings and +twistings and kickings in the effort to get its breath, while the lips +turn blue and the mouth stands wide and rigid, offering for inspection +one wee tooth set in the lower rim of a hoop of red gums; and when the +appalling stillness has endured until one is sure the lost breath will +never return, a nurse comes flying, and dashes water in the child's +face, and--presto! the lungs fill, and instantly discharge a shriek, or +a yell, or a howl which bursts the listening ear and surprises the owner +of it into saying words which would not go well with a halo if he had +one. The baby Tom would claw anybody who came within reach of his nails, +and pound anybody he could reach with his rattle. He would scream for +water until he got it, and then throw cup and all on the floor and +scream for more. He was indulged in all his caprices, howsoever +troublesome and exasperating they might be; he was allowed to eat +anything he wanted, particularly things that would give him the +stomach-ache. + +When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about and say broken +words and get an idea of what his hands were for, he was a more +consummate pest than ever. Roxy got no rest while he was awake. He would +call for anything and everything he saw, simply saying "Awnt it!" (want +it), which was a command. When it was brought, he said in a frenzy, and +motioning it away with his hands, "Don't awnt it! don't awnt it!" and +the moment it was gone he set up frantic yells of "Awnt it! awnt it! +awnt it!" and Roxy had to give wings to her heels to get that thing back +to him again before he could get time to carry out his intention of +going into convulsions about it. + +What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. This was because +his "father" had forbidden him to have them lest he break windows and +furniture with them. The moment Roxy's back was turned he would toddle +to the presence of the tongs and say "Like it!" and cock his eye to one +side to see if Roxy was observing; then, "Awnt it!" and cock his eye +again; then, "Hab it!" with another furtive glance; and finally, "Take +it!"--and the prize was his. The next moment the heavy implement was +raised aloft; the next, there was a crash and a squall, and the cat was +off on three legs to meet an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as the +lamp or a window went to irremediable smash. + +Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none. Tom got all the delicacies, +Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar. In consequence +Tom was a sickly child and Chambers wasn't. Tom was "fractious," as Roxy +called it, and overbearing; Chambers was meek and docile. + +With all her splendid common sense and practical every-day ability, Roxy +was a doting fool of a mother. She was this toward her child--and she +was also more than this: by the fiction created by herself, he was +become her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly +and of perfecting herself in the forms required to express the +recognition, had moved her to such diligence and faithfulness in +practicing these forms that this exercise soon concreted itself into +habit; it became automatic and unconscious; then a natural result +followed: deceptions intended solely for others gradually grew +practically into self-deceptions as well; the mock reverence became real +reverence, the mock obsequiousness real obsequiousness, the mock homage +real homage; the little counterfeit rift of separation between +imitation-slave and imitation-master widened and widened, and became an +abyss, and a very real one--and on one side of it stood Roxy, the dupe +of her own deceptions, and on the other stood her child, no longer a +usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized master. He was her +darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in her worship of him +she forgot who she was and what he had been. + +In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and +Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, +the advantage all lay with the former policy. The few times that his +persecutions had moved him beyond control and made him fight back had +cost him very dear at headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she +ever went beyond scolding him sharply for "forgitt'n' who his young +marster was," she at least never extended her punishment beyond a box on +the ear. No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told Chambers that under +no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his hand against his +little master. Chambers overstepped the line three times, and got three +such convincing canings from the man who was his father and didn't know +it, that he took Tom's cruelties in all humility after that, and made no +more experiments. + +Outside of the house the two boys were together all through their +boyhood. Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; +strong because he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, and +a good fighter because Tom furnished him plenty of practice--on white +boys whom he hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his constant +body-guard, to and from school; he was present on the playground at +recess to protect his charge. He fought himself into such a formidable +reputation, by and by, that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and +"ridden in peace," like Sir Kay in Launcelot's armor. + +He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to play +"keeps" with, and then took all the winnings away from him. In the +winter season Chambers was on hand, in Tom's worn-out clothes, with +"holy" red mittens, and "holy" shoes, and pants "holy" at the knees and +seat, to drag a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; +but he never got a ride himself. He built snow men and snow +fortifications under Tom's directions. He was Tom's patient target when +Tom wanted to do some snowballing, but the target couldn't fire back. +Chambers carried Tom's skates to the river and strapped them on him, +then trotted around after him on the ice, so as to be on hand when +wanted; but he wasn't ever asked to try the skates himself. + +In summer the pet pastime of the boys of Dawson's Landing was to steal +apples, peaches, and melons from the farmers' fruit-wagons,--mainly on +account of the risk they ran of getting their heads laid open with the +butt of the farmer's whip. Tom was a distinguished adept at these +thefts--by proxy. Chambers did his stealing, and got the peach-stones, +apple-cores, and melon-rinds for his share. + +Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as a +protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots in +Chambers's shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to undo, +then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged +at the stubborn knots with his teeth. + +Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native +viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his superiorities of +physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. Tom couldn't dive, +for it gave him splitting headaches. Chambers could dive without +inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. He excited so much admiration, +one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from +the stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom's spirit, and at last he +shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air--so he came +down on his head in the canoe-bottom; and while he lay unconscious, +several of Tom's ancient adversaries saw that their long-desired +opportunity was come, and they gave the false heir such a drubbing that +with Chambers's best help he was hardly able to drag himself home +afterward. + +When the boys were fifteen and upward, Tom was "showing off" in the +river one day, when he was taken with a cramp, and shouted for help. It +was a common trick with the boys--particularly if a stranger was +present--to pretend a cramp and howl for help; then when the stranger +came tearing hand over hand to the rescue, the howler would go on +struggling and howling till he was close at hand, then replace the howl +with a sarcastic smile and swim blandly away, while the town boys +assailed the dupe with a volley of jeers and laughter. Tom had never +tried this joke as yet, but was supposed to be trying it now, so the +boys held warily back; but Chambers believed his master was in earnest, +therefore he swam out, and arrived in time, unfortunately, and saved his +life. + +This was the last feather. Tom had managed to endure everything else, +but to have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation +as this to a nigger, and to this nigger of all niggers--this was too +much. He heaped insults upon Chambers for "pretending" to think he was +in earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody but a block-headed +nigger would have known he was funning and left him alone. + +Tom's enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their +opinions quite freely. They laughed at him, and called him coward, liar, +sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant to call +Chambers by a new name after this, and make it common in the town--"Tom +Driscoll's niggerpappy,"--to signify that he had had a second birth into +this life, and that Chambers was the author of his new being. Tom grew +frantic under these taunts, and shouted-- + +"Knock their heads off, Chambers! knock their heads off! What do you +stand there with your hands in your pockets for?" + +Chambers expostulated, and said, "But, Marse Tom, dey's too many of +'em--dey's--" + +"Do you hear me?" + +"Please, Marse Tom, don't make me! Dey's so many of 'em dat--" + +Tom sprang at him and drove his pocket-knife into him two or three times +before the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad a chance +to escape. He was considerably hurt, but not seriously. If the blade had +been a little longer his career would have ended there. + +Tom had long ago taught Roxy "her place." It had been many a day now +since she had ventured a caress or a fondling epithet in his quarter. +Such things, from a "nigger," were repulsive to him, and she had been +warned to keep her distance and remember who she was. She saw her +darling gradually cease from being her son, she saw that detail perish +utterly; all that was left was master--master, pure and simple, and it +was not a gentle mastership, either. She saw herself sink from the +sublime height of motherhood to the somber depths of unmodified slavery. +The abyss of separation between her and her boy was complete. She was +merely his chattel, now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing and +helpless slave, the humble and unresisting victim of his capricious +temper and vicious nature. + +Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, +because her rage boiled so high over the day's experiences with her boy. +She would mumble and mutter to herself-- + +"He struck me, en I warn't no way to blame--struck me in de face, right +before folks. En he's al'ays callin' me nigger-wench, en hussy, en all +dem mean names, when I's doin' de very bes' I kin. Oh, Lord, I done so +much for him--I lift' him away up to what he is--en dis is what I git +for it." + +Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to the +heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in the fancied +spectacle of his exposure to the world as an imposter and a slave; but +in the midst of these joys fear would strike her: she had made him too +strong; she could prove nothing, and--heavens, she might get sold down +the river for her pains! So her schemes always went for nothing, and she +laid them aside in impotent rage against the fates, and against herself +for playing the fool on that fatal September day in not providing +herself with a witness for use in the day when such a thing might be +needed for the appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. + +And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and kind,--and this +occurred every now and then,--all her sore places were healed, and she +was happy; happy and proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, +lording it among the whites and securely avenging their crimes against +her race. + +There were two grand funerals in Dawson's Landing that fall--the fall of +1845. One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, the other that of +Percy Driscoll. + +On his death-bed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized +ostensible son solemnly into the keeping of his brother, the Judge and +his wife. Those childless people were glad to get him. Childless people +are not difficult to please. + +Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a month before, and +bought Chambers. He had heard that Tom had been trying to get his father +to sell the boy down the river, and he wanted to prevent the +scandal--for public sentiment did not approve of that way of treating +family servants for light cause or for no cause. + +Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great +speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding. He was +hardly in his grave before the boom collapsed and left his hitherto +envied young devil of an heir a pauper. But that was nothing; his uncle +told him he should be his heir and have all his fortune when he died; so +Tom was comforted. + +Roxy had no home, now; so she resolved to go around and say good-by to +her friends and then clear out and see the world--that is to say, she +would go chambermaiding on a steamboat, the darling ambition of her race +and sex. + +Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper. She found him chopping +Pudd'nhead Wilson's winter provision of wood. + +Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived. He asked her how she +could bear to go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly +offered to copy off a series of their finger-prints, reaching up to +their twelfth year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a +moment, wondering if he suspected anything; then she said she believed +she didn't want them. Wilson said to himself, "The drop of black blood +in her is superstitious; she thinks there's some devilry, some +witch-business about my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here +with an old horseshoe in her hand; it could have been an accident, but I +doubt it." + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing. + +Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower +is nothing but cabbage with a college education.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Remark of Dr. Baldwin's, concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat +toadstools that think they are truffles.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Mrs. York Driscoll enjoyed two years of bliss with that prize, +Tom--bliss that was troubled a little at times, it is true, but bliss +nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and his childless sister, +Mrs. Pratt, continued the bliss-business at the old stand. Tom was +petted and indulged and spoiled to his entire content--or nearly that. +This went on till he was nineteen, then he was sent to Yale. He went +handsomely equipped with "conditions," but otherwise he was not an +object of distinction there. He remained at Yale two years, and then +threw up the struggle. He came home with his manners a good deal +improved; he had lost his surliness and brusqueness, and was rather +pleasantly soft and smooth, now; he was furtively, and sometimes openly, +ironical of speech, and given to gently touching people on the raw, but +he did it with a good-natured semiconscious air that carried it off +safely, and kept him from getting into trouble. He was as indolent as +ever and showed no very strenuous desire to hunt up an occupation. +People argued from this that he preferred to be supported by his uncle +until his uncle's shoes should become vacant. He brought back one or two +new habits with him, one of which he rather openly +practised--tippling--but concealed another which was gambling. It would +not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of it; he knew that quite +well. + +Tom's Eastern polish was not popular among the young people. They could +have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; but he wore gloves, +and that they couldn't stand, and wouldn't; so he was mainly without +society. He brought home with him a suit of clothes of such exquisite +style and cut and fashion,--Eastern fashion, city fashion,--that it +filled everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton +affront. He enjoyed the feeling which he was exciting, and paraded the +town serene and happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to +work that night, and when Tom started out on his parade next morning he +found the old deformed negro bell-ringer straddling along in his wake +tricked out in a flamboyant curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, +and imitating his fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. + +Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the local fashion. +But the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his +acquaintanceship with livelier regions, and it grew daily more and more +so. He began to make little trips to St. Louis for refreshment. There he +found companionship to suit him, and pleasures to his taste, along with +more freedom, in some particulars, than he could have at home. So, +during the next two years his visits to the city grew in frequency and +his tarryings there grew steadily longer in duration. + +He was getting into deep waters. He was taking chances, privately, which +might get him into trouble some day--in fact, did. + +Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all business +activities in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years. He +was president of the Free-thinkers' Society, and Pudd'nhead Wilson was +the other member. The society's weekly discussions were now the old +lawyer's main interest in life. Pudd'nhead was still toiling in +obscurity at the bottom of the ladder, under the blight of that unlucky +remark which he had let fall twenty-three years before about the dog. + +Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above the +average, but that was regarded as one of the Judge's whims, and it +failed to modify the public opinion. Or rather, that was one of the +reasons why it failed, but there was another and better one. If the +Judge had stopped with bare assertion, it would have had a good deal of +effect; but he made the mistake of trying to prove his position. For +some years Wilson had been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for +his amusement--a calendar, with a little dab of ostensible philosophy, +usually in ironical form, appended to each date; and the Judge thought +that these quips and fancies of Wilson's were neatly turned and cute; so +he carried a handful of them around, one day, and read them to some of +the chief citizens. But irony was not for those people; their mental +vision was not focussed for it. They read those playful trifles in the +solidest earnest, and decided without hesitancy that if there had ever +been any doubt that Dave Wilson was a pudd'nhead--which there +hadn't--this revelation removed that doubt for good and all. That is +just the way in this world; an enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes +a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it +perfect. After this the Judge felt tenderer than ever toward Wilson, and +surer than ever that his calendar had merit. + +Judge Driscoll could be a free-thinker and still hold his place in +society because he was the person of most consequence in the community, +and therefore could venture to go his own way and follow out his own +notions. The other member of his pet organization was allowed the like +liberty because he was a cipher in the estimation of the public, and +nobody attached any importance to what he thought or did. He was liked, +he was welcome enough all around, but he simply didn't count for +anything. + +The widow Cooper--affectionately called "aunt Patsy" by everybody--lived +in a snug and comely cottage with her daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, +romantic, amiable, and very pretty, but otherwise of no consequence. +Rowena had a couple of young brothers--also of no consequence. + +The widow had a large spare room which she let to a lodger, with board, +when she could find one, but this room had been empty for a year now, to +her sorrow. Her income was only sufficient for the family support, and +she needed the lodging-money for trifling luxuries. But now, at last, on +a flaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; +her year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a village +applicant, oh, no!--this letter was from away off yonder in the dim +great world to the North: it was from St. Louis. She sat on her porch +gazing out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches of the mighty +Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good fortune. Indeed, it was +specially good fortune, for she was to have two lodgers instead of one. + +She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had danced away to see +to the cleaning and airing of the room by the slave woman Nancy, and the +boys had rushed abroad in the town to spread the great news, for it was +matter of public interest, and the public would wonder and not be +pleased if not informed. Presently Rowena returned, all ablush with +joyous excitement, and begged for a re-reading of the letter. It was +framed thus: + +Honored Madam: My brother and I have seen your advertisement, by chance, +and beg leave to take the room you offer. We are twenty-four years of +age and twins. We are Italians by birth, but have lived long in the +various countries of Europe, and several years in the United States. Our +names are Luigi and Angelo Capello. You desire but one guest; but dear +Madam, if you will allow us to pay for two, we will not incommode you. +We shall be down Thursday. + +"Italians! How romantic! Just think, ma--there's never been one in this +town, and everybody will be dying to see them, and they're all ours! +Think of that!" + +"Yes, I reckon they'll make a grand stir." + +"Oh, indeed they will. The whole town will be on its head! +Think--they've been in Europe and everywhere! There's never been a +traveler in this town before. Ma, I shouldn't wonder if they've seen +kings!" + +"Well, a body can't tell, but they'll make stir enough, without that." + +"Yes, that's of course. Luigi--Angelo. They're lovely names; and so +grand and foreign--not like Jones and Robinson and such. Thursday they +are coming, and this is only Tuesday; it's a cruel long time to wait. +Here comes Judge Driscoll in at the gate. He's heard about it. I'll go +and open the door." + +The Judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. The letter was read +and discussed. Soon Justice Robinson arrived with more congratulations, +and there was a new reading and a new discussion. This was the +beginning. Neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, followed, and the +procession drifted in and out all day and evening and all Wednesday and +Thursday. The letter was read and re-read until it was nearly worn out; +everybody admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and +practised style, everybody was sympathetic and excited, and the Coopers +were steeped in happiness all the while. + +The boats were very uncertain in low water, in these primitive times. +This time the Thursday boat had not arrived at ten at night--so the +people had waited at the landing all day for nothing; they were driven +to their homes by a heavy storm without having had a view of the +illustrious foreigners. + +Eleven o'clock came; and the Cooper house was the only one in the town +that still had lights burning. The rain and thunder were booming yet, +and the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping. At last there +was a knock at the door and the family jumped to open it. Two negro men +entered, each carrying a trunk, and proceeded up-stairs toward the +guest-room. Then entered the twins--the handsomest, the best dressed, +the most distinguished-looking pair of young fellows the West had ever +seen. One was a little fairer than the other, but otherwise they were +exact duplicates. + + +CHAPTER VI. + +Swimming in Glory. + +Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker +will be sorry.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but +coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +At breakfast in the morning the twins' charm of manner and easy and +polished bearing made speedy conquest of the family's good graces. All +constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest +feeling succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names +almost from the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity about +them, and showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, which +pleased her greatly. It presently appeared that in their early youth +they had known poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along the old +lady watched for the right place to drop in a question or two concerning +that matter, and when she found it she said to the blond twin who was +now doing the biographies in his turn while the brunette one rested-- + +"If it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how did you +come to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were little? Do +you mind telling? But don't if you do." + +"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in our case it was merely +misfortune, and nobody's fault. Our parents were well to do, there in +Italy, and we were their only child. We were of the old Florentine +nobility"--Rowena's heart gave a great bound, her nostrils expanded, and +a fine light played in her eyes--"and when the war broke out my father +was on the losing side and had to fly for his life. His estates were +confiscated, his personal property seized, and there we were, in +Germany, strangers, friendless, and in fact paupers. My brother and I +were ten years old, and well educated for that age, very studious, very +fond of our books, and well grounded in the German, French, Spanish, and +English languages. Also, we were marvelous musical prodigies--if you +will allow me to say it, it being only the truth. + +"Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother soon +followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could have +made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they had +many and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, and they +said they would starve and die first. But what they wouldn't consent to +do we had to do without the formality of consent. We were seized for the +debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, and placed among +the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the liquidation +money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery. We traveled all +about Germany receiving no wages, and not even our keep. We had to be +exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread. + +"Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped from +that slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men. +Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, how to take +care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how +to conduct our own business for our own profit and without other +people's help. We traveled everywhere--years and years--picking up +smatterings of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves with strange +sights and strange customs, accumulating an education of a wide and +varied and curious sort. It was a pleasant life. We went to Venice--to +London, Paris, Russia, India, China, Japan--" + +At this point Nancy the slave woman thrust her head in at the door and +exclaimed: + +"Ole Missus, de house is plum' jam full o' people, en dey's jes +a-spi'lin' to see de gen'lmen!" She indicated the twins with a nod of +her head, and tucked it back out of sight again. + +It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised herself high +satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds before her neighbors +and friends--simple folk who had hardly ever seen a foreigner of any +kind, and never one of any distinction or style. Yet her feeling was +moderate indeed when contrasted with Rowena's. Rowena was in the clouds, +she walked on air; this was to be the greatest day, the most romantic +episode, in the colorless history of that dull country town. She was to +be familiarly near the source of its glory and feel the full flood of it +pour over her and about her; the other girls could only gaze and envy, +not partake. + +The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners. + +The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered the +open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation. The twins +took a position near the door, the widow stood at Luigi's side, Rowena +stood beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began. The +widow was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession and +passed it on to Rowena. + +"Good mornin', Sister Cooper"--hand-shake. + +"Good morning, Brother Higgins--Count Luigi Capello, Mr. +Higgins"--hand-shake, followed by a devouring stare and "I'm glad to see +ye," on the part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head and +a pleasant "Most happy!" on the part of Count Luigi. + +"Good mornin', Roweny"--hand-shake. + +"Good morning, Mr. Higgins--present you to Count Angelo Capello." +Hand-shake, admiring stare, "Glad to see ye,"--courteous nod, smily +"Most happy!" and Higgins passes on. + +None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people, they +didn't pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person bearing a +title of nobility before, and none had been expecting to see one now, +consequently the title came upon them as a kind of pile-driving surprise +and caught them unprepared. A few tried to rise to the emergency, and +got out an awkward "My lord," or "Your lordship," or something of that +sort, but the great majority were overwhelmed by the unaccustomed word +and its dim and awful associations with gilded courts and stately +ceremony and anointed kingship, so they only fumbled through the +hand-shake and passed on, speechless. Now and then, as happens at all +receptions everywhere, a more than ordinary friendly soul blocked the +procession and kept it waiting while he inquired how the brothers liked +the village, and how long they were going to stay, and if their families +were well, and dragged in the weather, and hoped it would get cooler +soon, and all that sort of thing, so as to be able to say, when they got +home, "I had quite a long talk with them"; but nobody did or said +anything of a regrettable kind, and so the great affair went through to +the end in a creditable and satisfactory fashion. + +General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about from group to +group, talking easily and fluently and winning approval, compelling +admiration and achieving favor from all. The widow followed their +conquering march with a proud eye, and every now and then Rowena said to +herself with deep satisfaction, "And to think they are ours--all ours!" + +There were no idle moments for mother or daughter. Eager inquiries +concerning the twins were pouring into their enchanted ears all the +time; each was the constant center of a group of breathless listeners; +each recognized that she knew now for the first time the real meaning of +that great word Glory, and perceived the stupendous value of it, and +understood why men in all ages had been willing to throw away meaner +happinesses, treasure, life itself, to get a taste of its sublime and +supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood accounted for--and +justified. + +When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor, +she went up-stairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow-meeting there, +for the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers. Again she was +besieged by eager questioners and again she swam in sunset seas of +glory. When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized with a pang +that this most splendid episode of her life was almost over, that +nothing could prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever fall +to her fortune again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, the +grand occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, and was a +noble and memorable success. If the twins could but do some crowning +act, now, to climax it, something unusual, something startling, +something to concentrate upon themselves the company's loftiest +admiration, something in the nature of an electric surprise-- + +Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed +down to see. It was the twins knocking out a classic four-handed piece +on the piano, in great style. Rowena was satisfied--satisfied down to +the bottom of her heart. + +The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were +astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance, and +could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever heard +before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace or charm when +compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound. They +realized that for once in their lives they were hearing masters. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. +The Unknown Nymph + +One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a +cat has only nine lives.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +The company broke up reluctantly, and drifted toward their several +homes, chatting with vivacity, and all agreeing that it would be many a +long day before Dawson's Landing would see the equal of this one again. +The twins had accepted several invitations while the reception was in +progress, and had also volunteered to play some duets at an amateur +entertainment for the benefit of a local charity. Society was eager to +receive them to its bosom. Judge Driscoll had the good fortune to secure +them for an immediate drive, and to be the first to display them in +public. They entered his buggy with him, and were paraded down the main +street, everybody flocking to the windows and sidewalks to see. + +The Judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and the jail, and +where the richest man lived, and the Freemasons' hall, and the Methodist +church, and the Presbyterian church, and where the Baptist church was +going to be when they got some money to build it with, and showed them +the town hall and the slaughter-house, and got out the independent fire +company in uniform and had them put out an imaginary fire; then he let +them inspect the muskets of the militia company, and poured out an +exhaustless stream of enthusiasm over all these splendors, and seemed +very well satisfied with the responses he got, for the twins admired his +admiration, and paid him back the best they could, though they could +have done better if some fifteen or sixteen hundred thousand previous +experiences of this sort in various countries had not already rubbed off +a considerable part of the novelty of it. + +The Judge laid himself out hospitably to make them have a good time, and +if there was a defect anywhere it was not his fault. He told them a good +many humorous anecdotes, and always forgot the nub, but they were always +able to furnish it, for these yarns were of a pretty early vintage, and +they had had many a rejuvenating pull at them before. And he told them +all about his several dignities, and how he had held this and that and +the other place of honor or profit, and had once been to the +legislature, and was now president of the Society of Free-thinkers. He +said the society had been in existence four years, and already had two +members, and was firmly established. He would call for the brothers in +the evening if they would like to attend a meeting of it. + +Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told them all about +Pudd'nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a favorable impression +of him in advance and be prepared to like him. This scheme +succeeded--the favorable impression was achieved. Later it was confirmed +and solidified when Wilson proposed that out of courtesy to the +strangers the usual topics be put aside and the hour be devoted to +conversation upon ordinary subjects and the cultivation of friendly +relations and good-fellowship,--a proposition which was put to vote and +carried. + +The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it was ended the +lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two friends than he had been +when it began. He invited the twins to look in at his lodgings, +presently, after disposing of an intervening engagement, and they +accepted with pleasure. + +Toward the middle of the evening they found themselves on the road to +his house. Pudd'nhead was at home waiting for them and putting in his +time puzzling over a thing which had come under his notice that morning. +The matter was this: He happened to be up very early--at dawn, in fact; +and he crossed the hall which divided his cottage through the center, +and entered a room to get something there. The window of the room had no +curtains, for that side of the house had long been unoccupied, and +through this window he caught sight of something which surprised and +interested him. It was a young woman--a young woman where properly no +young woman belonged; for she was in Judge Driscoll's house, and in the +bedroom over the Judge's private study or sitting-room. This was young +Tom Driscoll's bedroom. He and the Judge, the Judge's widowed sister +Mrs. Pratt and three negro servants were the only people who belonged in +the house. Who, then, might this young lady be? The two houses were +separated by an ordinary yard, with a low fence running back through its +middle from the street in front to the lane in the rear. The distance +was not great, and Wilson was able to see the girl very well, the +window-shades of the room she was in being up, and the window also. The +girl had on a neat and trim summer dress, patterned in broad stripes of +pink and white, and her bonnet was equipped with a pink veil. She was +practising steps, gaits and attitudes, apparently; she was doing the +thing gracefully, and was very much absorbed in her work. Who could she +be, and how came she to be in young Tom Driscoll's room? + +Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could watch the girl +without running much risk of being seen by her, and he remained there +hoping she would raise her veil and betray her face. But she +disappointed him. After a matter of twenty minutes she disappeared, and +although he stayed at his post half an hour longer, she came no more. + +Toward noon he dropped in at the Judge's and talked with Mrs. Pratt +about the great event of the day, the levee of the distinguished +foreigners at Aunt Patsy Cooper's. He asked after her nephew Tom, and +she said he was on his way home, and that she was expecting him to +arrive a little before night; and added that she and the Judge were +gratified to gather from his letters that he was conducting himself very +nicely and creditably--at which Wilson winked to himself privately. +Wilson did not ask if there was a newcomer in the house, but he asked +questions that would have brought light-throwing answers as to that +matter if Mrs. Pratt had had any light to throw; so he went away +satisfied that he knew of things that were going on in her house of +which she herself was not aware. + +He was now waiting for the twins, and still puzzling over the problem of +who that girl might be, and how she happened to be in that young +fellow's room at daybreak in the morning. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +Marse Tom Tramples His Chance. + +The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and +enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not +asked to lend money.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young +June-bug than an old bird of paradise.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +It is necessary now, to hunt up Roxy. + +At the time she was set free and went away chambermaiding, she was +thirty-five. She got a berth as second chambermaid on a Cincinnati boat +in the New Orleans trade, the Grand Mogul. A couple of trips made her +wonted and easy-going at the work, and infatuated her with the stir and +adventure and independence of steamboat life. Then she was promoted and +became head chambermaid. She was a favorite with the officers, and +exceedingly proud of their joking and friendly way with her. + +During eight years she served three parts of the year on that boat, and +the winters on a Vicksburg packet. But now for two months she had had +rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to let the wash-tub alone. So +she resigned. But she was well fixed--rich, as she would have described +it; for she had lived a steady life, and had banked four dollars every +month in New Orleans as a provision for her old age. She said in the +start that she had "put shoes on one bar'footed nigger to tromple on her +with," and that one mistake like that was enough; she would be +independent of the human race thenceforth forevermore if hard work and +economy could accomplish it. When the boat touched the levee at New +Orleans she bade good-by to her comrades on the Grand Mogul and moved +her kit ashore. + +But she was back in a hour. The bank had gone to smash and carried her +four hundred dollars with it. She was a pauper, and homeless. Also +disabled bodily, at least for the present. The officers were full of +sympathy for her in her trouble, and made up a little purse for her. She +resolved to go to her birthplace; she had friends there among the +negroes, and the unfortunate always help the unfortunate, she was well +aware of that; those lowly comrades of her youth would not let her +starve. + +She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she was on the +home-stretch. Time had worn away her bitterness against her son, and she +was able to think of him with serenity. She put the vile side of him out +of her mind, and dwelt only on recollections of his occasional acts of +kindness to her. She gilded and otherwise decorated these, and made them +very pleasant to contemplate. She began to long to see him. She would go +and fawn upon him, slave-like--for this would have to be her attitude, +of course--and maybe she would find that time had modified him, and that +he would be glad to see his long-forgotten old nurse and treat her +gently. That would be lovely; that would make her forget her woes and +her poverty. + +Her poverty! That thought inspired her to add another castle to her +dream: maybe he would give her a trifle now and then--maybe a dollar, +once a month, say; any little thing like that would help, oh, ever so +much. + +By the time she reached Dawson's Landing she was her old self again; her +blues were gone, she was in high feather. She would get along, surely; +there were many kitchens where the servants would share their meals with +her, and also steal sugar and apples and other dainties for her to carry +home--or give her a chance to pilfer them herself, which would answer +just as well. And there was the church. She was a more rabid and devoted +Methodist than ever, and her piety was no sham, but was strong and +sincere. Yes, with plenty of creature comforts and her old place in the +amen-corner in her possession again, she would be perfectly happy and at +peace thenceforward to the end. + +She went to Judge Driscoll's kitchen first of all. She was received +there in great form and with vast enthusiasm. Her wonderful travels, and +the strange countries she had seen and the adventures she had had, made +her a marvel, and a heroine of romance. The negroes hung enchanted upon +the great story of her experiences, interrupting her all along with +eager questions, with laughter, exclamations of delight and expressions +of applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if there was +anything better in this world than steamboating, it was the glory to be +got by telling about it. The audience loaded her stomach with their +dinners, and then stole the pantry bare to load up her basket. + +Tom was in St. Louis. The servants said he had spent the best part of +his time there during the previous two years. Roxy came every day, and +had many talks about the family and its affairs. Once she asked why Tom +was away so much. The ostensible "Chambers" said: + +"De fac' is, ole marster kin git along better when young marster's away +den he kin when he's in de town; yes, en he love him better, too; so he +gives him fifty dollahs a month--" + +"No, is dat so? Chambers, you's a-jokin', ain't you?" + +"'Clah to goodness I ain't, mammy; Marse Tom tole me so his own self. +But nemmine, 'tain't enough." + +"My lan', what de reason 'tain't enough?" + +"Well, I's gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, mammy. De reason it +ain't enough is 'ca'se Marse Tom gambles." + +Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment and Chambers went on-- + +"Ole marster found it out, 'ca'se he had to pay two hundred dollahs for +Marse Tom's gamblin' debts, en dat's true, mammy, jes as dead certain as +you's bawn." + +"Two--hund'd--dollahs! Why, what is you talkin' 'bout? +Two--hund'd--dollahs. Sakes alive, it's 'mos' enough to buy a tol'able +good second-hand nigger wid. En you ain't lyin', honey?--you wouldn't +lie to yo' ole mammy?" + +"It's God's own truth, jes as I tell you--two hund'd dollahs--I wisht I +may never stir outen my tracks if it ain't so. En, oh, my lan', ole +Marse was jes a-hoppin'! he was b'ilin' mad, I tell you! He tuck 'n' +dissenhurrit him." + +He licked his chops with relish after that stately word. Roxy struggled +with it a moment, then gave it up and said-- + +"Dissenwhiched him?" + +"Dissenhurrit him." + +"What's dat? What do it mean?" + +"Means he bu'sted de will." + +"Bu's--ted de will! He wouldn't ever treat him so! Take it back, you +mis'able imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow en tribbilation." + +Roxy's pet castle--an occasional dollar from Tom's pocket--was tumbling +to ruin before her eyes. She could not abide such a disaster as that; +she couldn't endure the thought of it. Her remark amused Chambers: + +"Yah-yah-yah! jes listen to dat! If I's imitation, what is you? Bofe of +us is imitation white--dat's what we is--en pow'ful good imitation, +too--yah-yah-yah!--we don't 'mount to noth'n as imitation niggers; en as +for--" + +"Shet up yo' foolin', 'fo' I knock you side de head, en tell me 'bout de +will. Tell me 'tain't bu'sted--do, honey, en I'll never forgit you." + +"Well, 'tain't--'ca'se dey's a new one made, en Marse Tom's all right +ag'in. But what is you in sich a sweat 'bout it for, mammy? 'Tain't none +o' your business I don't reckon." + +"'Tain't none o' my business? Whose business is it den, I'd like to +know? Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen years old, or wusn't I?--you +answer me dat. En you speck I could see him turned out po' en ornery on +de worl' en never care noth'n' 'bout it? I reckon if you'd ever be'n a +mother yo'self, Valet de Chambers, you wouldn't talk sich foolishness as +dat." + +"Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will ag'in--do dat +satisfy you?" + +Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and sentimental over it. She +kept coming daily, and at last she was told that Tom had come home. She +began to tremble with emotion, and straightway sent to beg him to let +his "po' ole nigger mammy have jes one sight of him en die for joy." + +Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when Chambers brought the +petition. Time had not modified his ancient detestation of the humble +drudge and protector of his boyhood; it was still bitter and +uncompromising. He sat up and bent a severe gaze upon the fair face of +the young fellow whose name he was unconsciously using and whose family +rights he was enjoying. He maintained the gaze until the victim of it +had become satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said-- + +"What does the old rip want with me?" + +The petition was meekly repeated. + +"Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the social +attentions of niggers?" + +Tom had risen. The other young man was trembling now, visibly. He saw +what was coming, and bent his head sideways, and put up his left arm to +shield it. Tom rained cuffs upon the head and its shield, saying no +word: the victim received each blow with a beseeching, "Please, Marse +Tom!--oh, please, Marse Tom!" Seven blows--then Tom said, "Face the +door--march!" He followed behind with one, two, three solid kicks. The +last one helped the pure-white slave over the door-sill, and he limped +away mopping his eyes with his old ragged sleeve. Tom shouted after him, +"Send her in!" + +Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and rasped out the +remark, "He arrived just at the right moment; I was full to the brim +with bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it out of. How refreshing it +was! I feel better." + +Tom's mother entered now, closing the door behind her, and approached +her son with all the wheedling and supplicating servilities that fear +and interest can impart to the words and attitudes of the born slave. +She stopped a yard from her boy and made two or three admiring +exclamations over his manly stature and general handsomeness, and Tom +put an arm under his head and hoisted a leg over the sofa-back in order +to look properly indifferent. + +"My lan', how you is growed, honey! 'Clah to goodness, I wouldn't +a-knowed you, Marse Tom! 'deed I wouldn't! Look at me good; does you +'member old Roxy?--does you know yo' old nigger mammy, honey? Well, now, +I kin lay down en die in peace, 'ca'se I'se seed--" + +"Cut it short, ------ it, cut it short! What is it you want?" + +"You heah dat? Jes the same old Marse Tom, al'ays so gay and funnin' wid +de ole mammy. I 'uz jes as shore--" + +"Cut it short, I tell you, and get along! What do you want?" + +This was a bitter disappointment. Roxy had for so many days nourished +and fondled and petted her notion that Tom would be glad to see his old +nurse, and would make her proud and happy to the marrow with a cordial +word or two, that it took two rebuffs to convince her that he was not +funning, and that her beautiful dream was a fond and foolish vanity, a +shabby and pitiful mistake. She was hurt to the heart, and so ashamed +that for a moment she did not quite know what to do or how to act. Then +her breast began to heave, the tears came, and in her forlornness she +was moved to try that other dream of hers--an appeal to her boy's +charity; and so, upon the impulse, and without reflection, she offered +her supplication: + +"Oh, Marse Tom, de po' ole mammy is in sich hard luck dese days; en +she's kinder crippled in de arms and can't work, en if you could gimme a +dollah--on'y jes one little dol--" + +Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was startled into a +jump herself. + +"A dollar!--give you a dollar! I've a notion to strangle you! Is that +your errand here? Clear out! and be quick about it!" + +Roxy backed slowly toward the door. When she was half-way she stopped, +and said mournfully: + +"Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en I raised you all +by myself tell you was 'most a young man; en now you is young en rich, +en I is po' en gitt'n ole, en I come heah b'lievin' dat you would he'p +de ole mammy 'long down de little road dat's lef' 'twix' her en de +grave, en--" + +Tom relished this tune less than any that had preceded it, for it began +to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; so he interrupted and said +with decision, though without asperity, that he was not in a situation +to help her, and wasn't going to do it. + +"Ain't you ever gwine to he'p me, Marse Tom?" + +"No! Now go away and don't bother me any more." + +Roxy's head was down, in an attitude of humility. But now the fires of +her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began to burn fiercely. She +raised her head slowly, till it was well up, and at the same time her +great frame unconsciously assumed an erect and masterful attitude, with +all the majesty and grace of her vanished youth in it. She raised her +finger and punctuated with it: + +"You has said de word. You has had yo' chance, en you has trompled it +under yo' foot. When you git another one, you'll git down on yo' knees +en beg for it!" + +A cold chill went to Tom's heart, he didn't know why; for he did not +reflect that such words, from such an incongruous source, and so +solemnly delivered, could not easily fail of that effect. However, he +did the natural thing: he replied with bluster and mockery: + +"You'll give me a chance--you! Perhaps I'd better get down on my knees +now! But in case I don't--just for argument's sake--what's going to +happen, pray?" + +"Dis is what is gwine to happen. I's gwine as straight to yo' uncle as I +kin walk, en tell him every las' thing I knows 'bout you." + +Tom's cheek blenched, and she saw it. Disturbing thoughts began to chase +each other through his head. "How can she know? And yet she must have +found out--she looks it. I've had the will back only three months, and +am already deep in debt again, and moving heaven and earth to save +myself from exposure and destruction, with a reasonably fair show of +getting the thing covered up if I'm let alone, and now this fiend has +gone and found me out somehow or other. I wonder how much she knows? Oh, +oh, oh, it's enough to break a body's heart! But I've got to humor +her--there's no other way." + +Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh and a hollow +chipperness of manner, and said: + +"Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like you and me mustn't quarrel. +Here's your dollar--now tell me what you know." + +He held out the wild-cat bill; she stood as she was, and made no +movement. It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery, now, and she did +not waste it. She said, with a grim implacability in voice and manner +which made Tom almost realize that even a former slave can remember for +ten minutes insults and injuries returned for compliments and flatteries +received, and can also enjoy taking revenge for them when the +opportunity offers: + +"What does I know? I'll tell you what I knows. I knows enough to bu'st +dat will to flinders--en more, mind you, more!" + +Tom was aghast. + +"More?" he said. "What do you call more? Where's there any room for +more?" + +Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with a toss of her +head, and her hands on her hips-- + +"Yes!--oh, I reckon! Co'se you'd like to know--wid yo' po' little ole +rag dollah. What you reckon I's gwine to tell you for?--you ain't got no +money. I's gwine to tell yo' uncle--en I'll do it dis minute, too--he'll +gimme five dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too." + +She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. Tom was in a +panic. He seized her skirts, and implored her to wait. She turned and +said, loftily-- + +"Look-a-heah, what 'uz it I tole you?" + +"You--you--I don't remember anything. What was it you told me?" + +"I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you'd git down on yo' +knees en beg for it." + +Tom was stupefied for a moment. He was panting with excitement. Then he +said: + +"Oh, Roxy, you wouldn't require your young master to do such a horrible +thing. You can't mean it." + +"I'll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or not! You call me +names, en as good as spit on me when I comes here po' en ornery en +'umble, to praise you for bein' growed up so fine en handsome, en tell +you how I used to nuss you en tend you en watch you when you 'uz sick en +hadn't no mother but me in de whole worl', en beg you to give de po' ole +nigger a dollah for to git her som'n' to eat, en you call me +names--names, dad blame you! Yassir, I gives you jes one chance mo', and +dat's now, en it las' on'y a half a second--you hear?" + +Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying-- + +"You see, I'm begging, and it's honest begging, too! Now tell me, Roxy, +tell me." + +The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage looked down on +him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of satisfaction. Then she +said-- + +"Fine nice young white gen'l'man kneelin' down to a nigger-wench! I's +wanted to see dat jes once befo' I's called. Now, Gabr'el, blow de hawn, +I's ready ... Git up!" + +Tom did it. He said, humbly-- + +"Now, Roxy, don't punish me any more. I deserved what I've got, but be +good and let me off with that. Don't go to uncle. Tell me--I'll give you +the five dollars." + +"Yes, I bet you will; en you won't stop dah, nuther. But I ain't gwine +to tell you heah--" + +"Good gracious, no!" + +"Is you 'feared o' de ha'nted house?" + +"N-no." + +"Well, den, you come to de ha'nted house 'bout ten or 'leven to-night, +en climb up de ladder, 'ca'se de sta'r-steps is broke down, en you'll +find me. I's a-roostin' in de ha'nted house 'ca'se I can't 'ford to +roos' nowhers' else." She started toward the door, but stopped and said, +"Gimme de dollah bill!" He gave it to her. She examined it and said, +"H'm--like enough de bank's bu'sted." She started again, but halted +again. "Has you got any whisky?" + +"Yes, a little." + +"Fetch it!" + +He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle which was +two-thirds full. She tilted it up and took a drink. Her eyes sparkled +with satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under her shawl, saying, +"It's prime. I'll take it along." + +Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and erect +as a grenadier. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +Tom Practises Sycophancy. + +Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is +because we are not the person involved.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a +man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, +complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +Tom flung himself on the sofa, and put his throbbing head in his hands, +and rested his elbows on his knees. He rocked himself back and forth and +moaned. + +"I've knelt to a nigger wench!" he muttered. "I thought I had struck the +deepest depths of degradation before, but oh, dear, it was nothing to +this.... Well, there is one consolation, such as it is--I've struck +bottom this time; there's nothing lower." + +But that was a hasty conclusion. + +At ten that night he climbed the ladder in the haunted house, pale, weak +and wretched. Roxy was standing in the door of one of the rooms, +waiting, for she had heard him. + +This was a two-story log house which had acquired the reputation a few +years before of being haunted, and that was the end of its usefulness. +Nobody would live in it afterward, or go near it by night, and most +people even gave it a wide berth in the daytime. As it had no +competition, it was called the haunted house. It was getting crazy and +ruinous, now, from long neglect. It stood three hundred yards beyond +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, with nothing between but vacancy. It was the +last house in the town at that end. + +Tom followed Roxy into the room. She had a pile of clean straw in the +corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept clothing was hanging on the +wall, there was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little spots of +light, and there were various soap-and-candle boxes scattered about, +which served for chairs. The two sat down. Roxy said-- + +"Now den, I'll tell you straight off, en I'll begin to k'leck de money +later on; I ain't in no hurry. What does you reckon I's gwine to tell +you?" + +"Well, you--you--oh, Roxy, don't make it too hard for me! Come right out +and tell me you've found out somehow what a shape I'm in on account of +dissipation and foolishness." + +"Disposition en foolishness! No sir, dat ain't it. Dat jist ain't +nothin' at all, 'longside o' what I knows." + +Tom stared at her, and said-- + +"Why, Roxy, what do you mean?" + +She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. + +"I means dis--en it's de Lord's truth. You ain't no more kin to ole +Marse Driscoll den I is!--dat's what I means!" and her eyes flamed with +triumph. + +"What!" + +"Yassir, en dat ain't all! You's a nigger!--bawn a nigger en a +slave!--en you's a nigger en a slave dis minute; en if I opens my mouf +ole Marse Driscoll'll sell you down de river befo' you is two days older +den what you is now!" + +"It's a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite!" + +"It ain't no lie, nuther. It's jes de truth, en nothin' but de truth, so +he'p me. Yassir--you's my son--" + +"You devil!" + +"En dat po' boy dat you's be'n a-kickin' en a-cuffin' to-day is Percy +Driscoll's son en yo' marster--" + +"You beast!" + +"En his name's Tom Driscoll, en yo' name's Valet de Chambers, en you +ain't got no fambly name, beca'se niggers don't have em!" + +Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised raised it; but his +mother only laughed at him, and said-- + +"Set down, you pup! Does you think you kin skyer me? It ain't in you, +nor de likes of you. I reckon you'd shoot me in de back, maybe, if you +got a chance, for dat's jist yo' style--I knows you, throo en throo--but +I don't mind gitt'n killed, beca'se all dis is down in writin' en it's +in safe hands, too, en de man dat's got it knows whah to look for de +right man when I gits killed. Oh, bless yo' soul, if you puts yo' mother +up for as big a fool as you is, you's pow'ful mistaken, I kin tell you! +Now den, you set still en behave yo'self; en don't you git up ag'in till +I tell you!" + +Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing sensations +and emotions, and finally said, with something like settled conviction-- + +"The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do your worst; I'm +done with you." + +Roxy made no answer. She took the lantern and started toward the door. +Tom was in a cold panic in a moment. + +"Come back, come back!" he wailed. "I didn't mean it, Roxy; I take it +all back, and I'll never say it again! Please come back, Roxy!" + +The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: + +"Dat's one thing you's got to stop, Valet de Chambers. You can't call me +Roxy, same as if you was my equal. Chillen don't speak to dey mammies +like dat. You'll call me ma or mammy, dat's what you'll call +me--leastways when dey ain't nobody aroun'. Say it!" + +It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. + +"Dat's all right. Don't you ever forgit it ag'in, if you knows what's +good for you. Now den, you has said you wouldn't ever call it lies en +moonshine ag'in. I'll tell you dis, for a warnin': if you ever does say +it ag'in, it's de las' time you'll ever say it to me; I'll tramp as +straight to de Judge as I kin walk, en tell him who you is, en prove it. +Does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"Oh," groaned Tom, "I more than believe it; I know it." + +Roxy knew her conquest was complete. She could have proved nothing to +anybody, and her threat about the writings was a lie; but she knew the +person she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any +doubt as to the effect they would produce. + +She went and sat down on her candle-box, and the pride and pomp of her +victorious attitude made it a throne. She said-- + +"Now den, Chambers, we's gwine to talk business, en dey ain't gwine to +be no mo' foolishness. In de fust place, you gits fifty dollahs a month; +you's gwine to han' over half of it to yo' ma. Plank it out!" + +But Tom had only six dollars in the world. He gave her that, and +promised to start fair on next month's pension. + +"Chambers, how much is you in debt?" + +Tom shuddered, and said-- + +"Nearly three hundred dollars." + +"How is you gwine to pay it?" + +Tom groaned out--"Oh, I don't know; don't ask me such awful questions." + +But she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: he +had been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from +private houses; in fact, he made a good deal of a raid on his +fellow-villagers a fortnight before, when he was supposed to be in St. +Louis; but he doubted if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the +required amount, and was afraid to make a further venture in the present +excited state of the town. His mother approved of his conduct, and +offered to help, but this frightened him. He tremblingly ventured to say +that if she would retire from the town he should feel better and safer, +and could hold his head higher--and was going on to make an argument, +but she interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying she was +ready; it didn't make any difference to her where she stayed, so that +she got her share of the pension regularly. She said she would not go +far, and would call at the haunted house once a month for her money. +Then she said-- + +"I don't hate you so much now, but I've hated you a many a year--and +anybody would. Didn't I change you off, en give you a good fambly en a +good name, en made you a white gen'l'man en rich, wid store clothes +on--en what did I git for it? You despised me all de time, en was al'ays +sayin' mean hard things to me befo' folks, en wouldn't ever let me +forgit I's a nigger--en--en------" + +She fell to sobbing, and broke down. Tom said--"But you know I didn't +know you were my mother; and besides--" + +"Well, nemmine 'bout dat, now; let it go. I's gwine to fo'git it." Then +she added fiercely, "En don't ever make me remember it ag'in, or you'll +be sorry, I tell you." + +When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive way he could +command-- + +"Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?" + +He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. He was mistaken. +Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said-- + +"Does I mine tellin' you? No, dat I don't! You ain't got no 'casion to +be shame' o' yo' father, I kin tell you. He wuz de highest quality in +dis whole town--ole Virginny stock. Fust famblies, he wuz. Jes as good +stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes' day dey ever seed." She put +on a little prouder air, if possible, and added impressively: "Does you +'member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh Essex, dat died de same year yo' young +Marse Tom Driscoll's pappy died, en all de Masons en Odd Fellers en +Churches turned out en give him de bigges' funeral dis town ever seed? +Dat's de man." + +Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of +her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a +dignity and state that might have passed for queenly if her surroundings +had been a little more in keeping with it. + +"Dey ain't another nigger in dis town dat's as high-bawn as you is. Now +den, go 'long! En jes you hold yo' head up as high as you want to--you +has de right, en dat I kin swah." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +The Nymph Revealed. + +All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to +come from the mouths of people who have had to live.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Every now and then, after Tom went to bed, he had sudden wakings out of +his sleep, and his first thought was, "Oh, joy, it was all a dream!" +Then he laid himself heavily down again, with a groan and the muttered +words, "A nigger! I am a nigger! Oh, I wish I was dead!" + +He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, and then he +resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous sleep. He began to +think. Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were. They wandered along +something after this fashion: + +"Why were niggers and whites made? What crime did the uncreated first +nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed for him? And why is +this awful difference made between white and black? ... How hard the +nigger's fate seems, this morning!--yet until last night such a thought +never entered my head." + +He sighed and groaned an hour or more away. Then "Chambers" came humbly +in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. "Tom" blushed scarlet to see +this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, a nigger, and call him +"Young Marster." He said roughly-- + +"Get out of my sight!" and when the youth was gone, he muttered, "He has +done me no harm, poor wretch, but he is an eyesore to me now, for he is +Driscoll the young gentleman, and I am a--oh, I wish I was dead!" + +A gigantic irruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years ago, with the +accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of volcanic dust, +changes the face of the surrounding landscape beyond recognition, +bringing down the high lands, elevating the low, making fair lakes where +deserts had been, and deserts where green prairies had smiled before. +The tremendous catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his moral +landscape in much the same way. Some of his low places he found lifted +to ideals, some of his ideals had sunk to the valleys, and lay there +with the sackcloth and ashes of pumice-stone and sulphur on their ruined +heads. + +For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, +thinking--trying to get his bearings. It was new work. If he met a +friend, he found that the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way +vanished--his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the hand +for a shake. It was the "nigger" in him asserting its humility, and he +blushed and was abashed. And the "nigger" in him was surprised when the +white friend put out his hand for a shake with him. He found the +"nigger" in him involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, to a +white rowdy and loafer. When Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, +the idol of his secret worship, invited him in, the "nigger" in him made +an embarrassed excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with the dread +white folks on equal terms. The "nigger" in him went shrinking and +skulking here and there and yonder, and fancying it saw suspicion and +maybe detection in all faces, tones, and gestures. So strange and +uncharacteristic was Tom's conduct that people noticed it, and turned to +look after him when he passed on; and when he glanced back--as he could +not help doing, in spite of his best resistance--and caught that puzzled +expression in a person's face, it gave him a sick feeling, and he took +himself out of view as quickly as he could. He presently came to have a +hunted sense and a hunted look, and then he fled away to the hill-tops +and the solitudes. He said to himself that the curse of Ham was upon +him. + +He dreaded his meals; the "nigger" in him was ashamed to sit at the +white folks' table, and feared discovery all the time; and once when +Judge Driscoll said, "What's the matter with you? You look as meek as a +nigger," he felt as secret murderers are said to feel when the accuser +says, "Thou art the man!" Tom said he was not well, and left the table. + +His ostensible "aunt's" solicitudes and endearments were become a terror +to him, and he avoided them. + +And all the time, hatred of his ostensible "uncle" was steadily growing +in his heart; for he said to himself, "He is white; and I am his +chattel, his property, his goods, and he can sell me, just as he could +his dog." + +For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his character had +undergone a pretty radical change. But that was because he did not know +himself. + +In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and would never go +back to what they were before, but the main structure of his character +was not changed, and could not be changed. One or two very important +features of it were altered, and in time effects would result from this, +if opportunity offered--effects of a quite serious nature, too. Under +the influence of a great mental and moral upheaval his character and +habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, but after a while +with the subsidence of the storm both began to settle toward their +former places. He dropped gradually back into his old frivolous and +easy-going ways and conditions of feeling and manner of speech, and no +familiar of his could have detected anything in him that differentiated +him from the weak and careless Tom of other days. + +The theft-raid which he had made upon the village turned out better than +he had ventured to hope. It produced the sum necessary to pay his +gaming-debts, and saved him from exposure to his uncle and another +smashing of the will. He and his mother learned to like each other +fairly well. She couldn't love him, as yet, because there "warn't +nothing to him," as she expressed it, but her nature needed something or +somebody to rule over, and he was better than nothing. Her strong +character and aggressive and commanding ways compelled Tom's admiration +in spite of the fact that he got more illustrations of them than he +needed for his comfort. However, as a rule her conversation was made up +of racy tattle about the privacies of the chief families of the town +(for she went harvesting among their kitchens every time she came to the +village), and Tom enjoyed this. It was just in his line. She always +collected her half of his pension punctually, and he was always at the +haunted house to have a chat with her on these occasions. Every now and +then she paid him a visit there on between-days also. + +Occasionally he would run up to St. Louis for a few weeks, and at last +temptation caught him again. He won a lot of money, but lost it, and +with it a deal more besides, which he promised to raise as soon as +possible. + +For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. He never meddled +with any other town, for he was afraid to venture into houses whose ins +and outs he did not know and the habits of whose households he was not +acquainted with. He arrived at the haunted house in disguise on the +Wednesday before the advent of the twins--after writing his aunt Pratt +that he would not arrive until two days after--and lay in hiding there +with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, when he went to +his uncle's house and entered by the back way with his own key, and +slipped up to his room, where he could have the use of the mirror and +toilet articles. He had a suit of girl's clothes with him in a bundle as +a disguise for his raid, and was wearing a suit of his mother's +clothing, with black gloves and veil. By dawn he was tricked out for his +raid, but he caught a glimpse of Pudd'nhead Wilson through the window +over the way, and knew that Pudd'nhead had caught a glimpse of him. So +he entertained Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes for a +while, then stepped out of sight and resumed the other disguise, and by +and by went down and out the back way and started down town to +reconnoiter the scene of his intended labors. + +But he was ill at ease. He had changed back to Roxy's dress, with the +stoop of age added to the disguise, so that Wilson would not bother +himself about a humble old woman leaving a neighbor's house by the back +way in the early morning, in case he was still spying. But supposing +Wilson had seen him leave, and had thought it suspicious, and had also +followed him? The thought made Tom cold. He gave up the raid for the +day, and hurried back to the haunted house by the obscurest route he +knew. His mother was gone; but she came back, by and by, with the news +of the grand reception at Patsy Cooper's, and soon persuaded him that +the opportunity was like a special providence, it was so inviting and +perfect. So he went raiding, after all, and made a nice success of it +while everybody was gone to Patsy Cooper's. Success gave him nerve and +even actual intrepidity; insomuch, indeed, that after he had conveyed +his harvest to his mother in a back alley, he went to the reception +himself, and added several of the valuables of that house to his +takings. + +After this long digression we have now arrived once more at the point +where Pudd'nhead Wilson, while waiting for the arrival of the twins on +that same Friday evening, sat puzzling over the strange apparition of +that morning--a girl in young Tom Driscoll's bedroom; fretting, and +guessing, and puzzling over it, and wondering who the shameless creature +might be. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +Pudd'nhead's Startling Discovery. + +There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three +form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of +his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him +to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you +to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you +clear into his heart.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +The twins arrived presently, and talk began. It flowed along chattily +and sociably, and under its influence the new friendship gathered ease +and strength. Wilson got out his Calendar, by request, and read a +passage or two from it, which the twins praised quite cordially. This +pleased the author so much that he complied gladly when they asked him +to lend them a batch of the work to read at home. In the course of their +wide travels they had found out that there are three sure ways of +pleasing an author; they were now working the best of the three. + +There was an interruption, now. Young Tom Driscoll appeared, and joined +the party. He pretended to be seeing the distinguished strangers for the +first time when they rose to shake hands; but this was only a blind, as +he had already had a glimpse of them, at the reception, while robbing +the house. The twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and +rather handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements--graceful, +in fact. Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there was +something veiled and sly about it. Angelo thought he had a pleasant +free-and-easy way of talking; Luigi thought it was more so than was +agreeable. Angelo thought he was a sufficiently nice young man; Luigi +reserved his decision. Tom's first contribution to the conversation was +a question which he had put to Wilson a hundred times before. It was +always cheerily and good-naturedly put, and always inflicted a little +pang, for it touched a secret sore; but this time the pang was sharp, +since strangers were present. + +"Well, how does the law come on? Had a case yet?" + +Wilson bit his lip, but answered, "No--not yet," with as much +indifference as he could assume. Judge Driscoll had generously left the +law feature out of the Wilson biography which he had furnished to the +twins. Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and said: + +"Wilson's a lawyer, gentlemen, but he doesn't practise now." + +The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, and said without +passion: + +"I don't practise, it is true. It is true that I have never had a case, +and have had to earn a poor living for twenty years as an expert +accountant in a town where I can't get hold of a set of books to +untangle as often as I should like. But it is also true that I did fit +myself well for the practice of the law. By the time I was your age, +Tom, I had chosen a profession, and was soon competent to enter upon +it." Tom winced. "I never got a chance to try my hand at it, and I may +never get a chance; and yet if I ever do get it I shall be found ready, +for I have kept up my law-studies all these years." + +"That's it; that's good grit! I like to see it. I've a notion to throw +all my business your way. My business and your law-practice ought to +make a pretty gay team, Dave," and the young fellow laughed again. + +"If you will throw--" Wilson had thought of the girl in Tom's bedroom, +and was going to say, "If you will throw the surreptitious and +disreputable part of your business my way, it may amount to something;" +but thought better of it and said, "However, this matter doesn't fit +well in a general conversation." + +"All right, we'll change the subject; I guess you were about to give me +another dig, anyway, so I'm willing to change. How's the Awful Mystery +flourishing these days? Wilson's got a scheme for driving plain +window-glass out of the market by decorating it with greasy +finger-marks, and getting rich by selling it at famine prices to the +crowned heads over in Europe to outfit their palaces with. Fetch it out, +Dave." + +Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said-- + +"I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right hand through his +hair, so as to get a little coating of the natural oil on them, and then +press the balls of them on the glass. A fine and delicate print of the +lines in the skin results, and is permanent, if it doesn't come in +contact with something able to rub it off. You begin, Tom." + +"Why, I think you took my finger-marks once or twice before." + +"Yes; but you were a little boy the last time, only about twelve years +old." + +"That's so. Of course I've changed entirely since then, and variety is +what the crowned heads want, I guess." + +He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, and pressed them +one at a time on the glass. Angelo made a print of his fingers on +another glass, and Luigi followed with the third. Wilson marked the +glasses with names and date, and put them away. Tom gave one of his +little laughs, and said-- + +"I thought I wouldn't say anything, but if variety is what you are +after, you have wasted a piece of glass. The hand-print of one twin is +the same as the hand-print of the fellow-twin." + +"Well, it's done now, and I like to have them both, anyway," said +Wilson, returning to his place. + +"But look here, Dave," said Tom, "you used to tell people's fortunes, +too, when you took their finger-marks. Dave's just an all-round +genius--a genius of the first water, gentlemen; a great scientist +running to seed here in this village, a prophet with the kind of honor +that prophets generally get at home--for here they don't give shucks for +his scientifics, and they call his skull a notion-factory--hey, Dave, +ain't it so? But never mind; he'll make his mark some day--finger-mark, +you know, he-he! But really, you want to let him take a shy at your +palms once; it's worth twice the price of admission or your money's +returned at the door. Why, he'll read your wrinkles as easy as a book, +and not only tell you fifty or sixty things that's going to happen to +you, but fifty or sixty thousand that ain't. Come, Dave, show the +gentlemen what an inspired Jack-at-all-science we've got in this town, +and don't know it." + +Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous chaff, and the +twins suffered with him and for him. They rightly judged, now, that the +best way to relieve him would be to take the thing in earnest and treat +it with respect, ignoring Tom's rather overdone raillery; so Luigi +said-- + +"We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, and know very +well what astonishing things it can do. If it isn't a science, and one +of the greatest of them, too, I don't know what its other name ought to +be. In the Orient--" + +Tom looked surprised and incredulous. He said-- + +"That juggling a science? But really, you ain't serious, are you?" + +"Yes, entirely so. Four years ago we had our hands read out to us as if +our palms had been covered with print." + +"Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in it?" asked Tom, +his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. + +"There was this much in it," said Angelo: "what was told us of our +characters was minutely exact--we could not have bettered it ourselves. +Next, two or three memorable things that had happened to us were laid +bare--things which no one present but ourselves could have known about." + +"Why, it's rank sorcery!" exclaimed Tom, who was now becoming very much +interested. "And how did they make out with what was going to happen to +you in the future?" + +"On the whole, quite fairly," said Luigi. "Two or three of the most +striking things foretold have happened since; much the most striking one +of all happened within that same year. Some of the minor prophecies have +come true; some of the minor and some of the major ones have not been +fulfilled yet, and of course may never be: still, I should be more +surprised if they failed to arrive than if they didn't." + +Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed. He said, +apologetically-- + +"Dave, I wasn't meaning to belittle that science; I was only +chaffing--chattering, I reckon I'd better say. I wish you would look at +their palms. Come, won't you?" + +"Why certainly, if you want me to; but you know I've had no chance to +become an expert, and don't claim to be one. When a past event is +somewhat prominently recorded in the palm I can generally detect that, +but minor ones often escape me,--not always, of course, but often,--but +I haven't much confidence in myself when it comes to reading the future. +I am talking as if palmistry was a daily study with me, but that is not +so. I haven't examined half a dozen hands in the last half dozen years; +you see, the people got to joking about it, and I stopped to let the +talk die down. I'll tell you what we'll do, Count Luigi: I'll make a try +at your past, and if I have any success there--no, on the whole, I'll +let the future alone; that's really the affair of an expert." + +He took Luigi's hand. Tom said-- + +"Wait--don't look yet, Dave! Count Luigi, here's paper and pencil. Set +down that thing that you said was the most striking one that was +foretold to you, and happened less than a year afterward, and give it to +me so I can see if Dave finds it in your hand." + +Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of paper, and +handed it to Tom, saying-- + +"I'll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it." + +Wilson began to study Luigi's palm, tracing life lines, heart lines, +head lines, and so on, and noting carefully their relations with the +cobweb of finer and more delicate marks and lines that enmeshed them on +all sides; he felt of the fleshy cushion at the base of the thumb, and +noted its shape; he felt of the fleshy side of the hand between the +wrist and the base of the little finger, and noted its shape also; he +painstakingly examined the fingers, observing their form, proportions, +and natural manner of disposing themselves when in repose. All this +process was watched by the three spectators with absorbing interest, +their heads bent together over Luigi's palm, and nobody disturbing the +stillness with a word. Wilson now entered upon a close survey of the +palm again, and his revelations began. + +He mapped out Luigi's character and disposition, his tastes, aversions, +proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in a way which sometimes +made Luigi wince and the others laugh, but both twins declared that the +chart was artistically drawn and was correct. + +Next, Wilson took up Luigi's history. He proceeded cautiously and with +hesitation, now, moving his finger slowly along the great lines of the +palm, and now and then halting it at a "star" or some such landmark, and +examining that neighborhood minutely. He proclaimed one or two past +events, Luigi confirmed his correctness, and the search went on. +Presently Wilson glanced up suddenly with a surprised expression-- + +"Here is a record of an incident which you would perhaps not wish me +to--" + +"Bring it out," said Luigi, good-naturedly; "I promise you it sha'n't +embarrass me." + +But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to know what to do. +Then he said-- + +"I think it is too delicate a matter to--to--I believe I would rather +write it or whisper it to you, and let you decide for yourself whether +you want it talked out or not." + +"That will answer," said Luigi; "write it." + +Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to Luigi, who +read it to himself and said to Tom-- + +"Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll." + +Tom read: + +"It was prophesied that I would kill a man. It came true before the year +was out." + +Tom added, "Great Scott!" + +Luigi handed Wilson's paper to Tom, and said-- + +"Now read this one." + +Tom read: + +"You have killed some one, but whether man, woman or child, I do not +make out." + +"Cæsar's ghost!" commented Tom, with astonishment. "It beats anything +that was ever heard of! Why, a man's own hand is his deadliest enemy! +Just think of that--a man's own hand keeps a record of the deepest and +fatalest secrets of his life, and is treacherously ready to expose him +to any black-magic stranger that comes along. But what do you let a +person look at your hand for, with that awful thing printed on it?" + +"Oh," said Luigi, reposefully, "I don't mind it. I killed the man for +good reasons, and I don't regret it." + +"What were the reasons?" + +"Well, he needed killing." + +"I'll tell you why he did it, since he won't say himself," said Angelo, +warmly. "He did it to save my life, that's what he did it for. So it was +a noble act, and not a thing to be hid in the dark." + +"So it was, so it was," said Wilson; "to do such a thing to save a +brother's life is a great and fine action." + +"Now come," said Luigi, "it is very pleasant to hear you say these +things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or magnanimity, the +circumstances won't stand scrutiny. You overlook one detail; suppose I +hadn't saved Angelo's life, what would have become of mine? If I had let +the man kill him, wouldn't he have killed me, too? I saved my own life, +you see." + +"Yes, that is your way of talking," said Angelo, "but I know you--I +don't believe you thought of yourself at all. I keep that weapon yet +that Luigi killed the man with, and I'll show it to you sometime. That +incident makes it interesting, and it had a history before it came into +Luigi's hands which adds to its interest. It was given to Luigi by a +great Indian prince, the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been in his +family two or three centuries. It killed a good many disagreeable people +who troubled that hearthstone at one time and another. It isn't much too +look at, except that it isn't shaped like other knives, or dirks, or +whatever it may be called--here, I'll draw it for you." He took a sheet +of paper and made a rapid sketch. "There it is--a broad and murderous +blade, with edges like a razor for sharpness. The devices engraved on it +are the ciphers or names of its long line of possessors--I had Luigi's +name added in Roman letters myself with our coat of arms, as you see. +You notice what a curious handle the thing has. It is solid ivory, +polished like a mirror, and is four or five inches long--round, and as +thick as a large man's wrist, with the end squared off flat, for your +thumb to rest on; for you grasp it, with your thumb resting on the blunt +end--so--and lift it aloft and strike downward. The Gaikowar showed us +how the thing was done when he gave it to Luigi, and before that night +was ended Luigi had used the knife, and the Gaikowar was a man short by +reason of it. The sheath is magnificently ornamented with gems of great +value. You will find the sheath more worth looking at than the knife +itself, of course." + +Tom said to himself-- + +"It's lucky I came here. I would have sold that knife for a song; I +supposed the jewels were glass." + +"But go on; don't stop," said Wilson. "Our curiosity is up now, to hear +about the homicide. Tell us about that." + +"Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all around. A native +servant slipped into our room in the palace in the night, to kill us and +steal the knife on account of the fortune incrusted on its sheath, +without a doubt. Luigi had it under his pillow; we were in bed together. +There was a dim night-light burning. I was asleep, but Luigi was awake, +and he thought he detected a vague form nearing the bed. He slipped the +knife out of the sheath and was ready, and unembarrassed by hampering +bed-clothes, for the weather was hot and we hadn't any. Suddenly that +native rose at the bedside, and bent over me with his right hand lifted +and a dirk in it aimed at my throat; but Luigi grabbed his wrist, pulled +him downward, and drove his own knife into the man's neck. That is the +whole story." + +Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general chat about the +tragedy, Pudd'nhead said, taking Tom's hand-- + +"Now, Tom, I've never had a look at your palms, as it happens; perhaps +you've got some little questionable privacies that need--hel-lo!" + +Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good deal confused. + +"Why, he's blushing!" said Luigi. + +Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply-- + +"Well, if I am, it ain't because I'm a murderer!" Luigi's dark face +flushed, but before he could speak or move, Tom added with anxious +haste: "Oh, I beg a thousand pardons. I didn't mean that; it was out +before I thought, and I'm very, very sorry--you must forgive me!" + +Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as well as he could; +and in fact was entirely successful as far as the twins were concerned, +for they felt sorrier for the affront put upon him by his guest's +outburst of ill manners than for the insult offered to Luigi. But the +success was not so pronounced with the offender. Tom tried to seem at +his ease, and he went through the motions fairly well, but at bottom he +felt resentful toward all the three witnesses of his exhibition; in +fact, he felt so annoyed at them for having witnessed it and noticed it +that he almost forgot to feel annoyed at himself for placing it before +them. However, something presently happened which made him almost +comfortable, and brought him nearly back to a state of charity and +friendliness. This was a little spat between the twins; not much of a +spat, but still a spat; and before they got far with it they were in a +decided condition of irritation with each other. Tom was charmed; so +pleased, indeed, that he cautiously did what he could to increase the +irritation while pretending to be actuated by more respectable motives. +By his help the fire got warmed up to the blazing-point, and he might +have had the happiness of seeing the flames show up, in another moment, +but for the interruption of a knock on the door--an interruption which +fretted him as much as it gratified Wilson. Wilson opened the door. + +The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic, middle-aged +Irishman named John Buckstone, who was a great politician in a small +way, and always took a large share in public matters of every sort. One +of the town's chief excitements, just now, was over the matter of rum. +There was a strong rum party and a strong anti-rum party. Buckstone was +training with the rum party, and he had been sent to hunt up the twins +and invite them to attend a mass-meeting of that faction. He delivered +his errand, and said the clans were already gathering in the big hall +over the market-house. Luigi accepted the invitation cordially, Angelo +less cordially, since he disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful +intoxicants of America. In fact, he was even a teetotaler +sometimes--when it was judicious to be one. + +The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined company with them +uninvited. + +In the distance one could see a long wavering line of torches drifting +down the main street, and could hear the throbbing of the bass drum, the +clash of cymbals, the squeaking of a fife or two, and the faint roar of +remote hurrahs. The tail-end of this procession was climbing the +market-house stairs when the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when +they reached the hall it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise and +enthusiasm. They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone--Tom +Driscoll still following--and were delivered to the chairman in the +midst of a prodigious explosion of welcome. When the noise had moderated +a little, the chair proposed that "our illustrious guests be at once +elected, by complimentary acclamation, to membership in our +ever-glorious organization, the paradise of the free and the perdition +of the slave." + +This eloquent discharge opened the flood-gates of enthusiasm again, and +the election was carried with thundering unanimity. Then arose a storm +of cries: + +"Wet them down! Wet them down! Give them a drink!" + +Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins. Luigi waved his aloft, then +brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. There was another storm +of cries: + +"What's the matter with the other one?" "What is the blond one going +back on us for?" "Explain! Explain!" + +The chairman inquired, and then reported-- + +"We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen. I find that the Count +Angelo Capello is opposed to our creed--is a teetotaler, in fact, and +was not intending to apply for membership with us. He desires that we +reconsider the vote by which he was elected. What is the pleasure of the +house?" + +There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully accented with +whistlings and cat-calls, but the energetic use of the gavel presently +restored something like order. Then a man spoke from the crowd, and said +that while he was very sorry that the mistake had been made, it would +not be possible to rectify it at the present meeting. According to the +by-laws it must go over to the next regular meeting for action. He would +not offer a motion, as none was required. He desired to apologize to the +gentleman in the name of the house, and begged to assure him that as far +as it might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his temporary +membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. + +This speech was received with great applause, mixed with cries of-- + +"That's the talk!" "He's a good fellow, anyway, if he is a teetotaler!" +"Drink his health!" "Give him a rouser, and no heeltaps!" + +Glasses were handed around, and everybody on the platform drank Angelo's +health, while the house bellowed forth in song: + + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fe-el-low,-- + Which nobody can deny. + +Tom Driscoll drank. It was his second glass, for he had drunk Angelo's +the moment that Angelo had set it down. The two drinks made him very +merry--almost idiotically so--and he began to take a most lively and +prominent part in the proceedings, particularly in the music and +cat-calls and side-remarks. + +The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins at his side. The +extraordinarily close resemblance of the brothers to each other +suggested a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and just as the chairman began a +speech he skipped forward and said with an air of tipsy confidence to +the audience-- + +"Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human philopena snip you +out a speech." + +The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, and a mighty +burst of laughter followed. + +Luigi's southern blood leaped to the boiling-point in a moment under the +sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in the presence of four +hundred strangers. It was not in the young man's nature to let the +matter pass, or to delay the squaring of the account. He took a couple +of strides and halted behind the unsuspecting joker. Then he drew back +and delivered a kick of such titanic vigor that it lifted Tom clear over +the footlights and landed him on the heads of the front row of the Sons +of Liberty. + +Even a sober person does not like to have a human being emptied on him +when he is not doing any harm; a person who is not sober cannot endure +such an attention at all. The nest of Sons of Liberty that Driscoll +landed in had not a sober bird in it; in fact there was probably not an +entirely sober one in the auditorium. Driscoll was promptly and +indignantly flung on to the heads of Sons in the next row, and these +Sons passed him on toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel +the front-row Sons who had passed him to them. This course was strictly +followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in his tumultuous and +airy flight toward the door; so he left behind him an ever lengthening +wake of raging and plunging and fighting and swearing humanity. Down +went group after group of torches, and presently above the deafening +clatter of the gavel, roar of angry voices, and crash of succumbing +benches, rose the paralyzing cry of "Fire!" + +The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for one distinctly +defined moment there was a dead hush, a motionless calm, where the +tempest had been; then with one impulse the multitude awoke to life and +energy again, and went surging and struggling and swaying, this way and +that, its outer edges melting away through windows and doors and +gradually lessening the pressure and relieving the mass. + +The fire-boys were never on hand so suddenly before; for there was no +distance to go, this time, their quarters being in the rear end of the +market-house. There was an engine company and a hook-and-ladder company. +Half of each was composed of rummies and the other half of anti-rummies, +after the moral and political share-and-share-alike fashion of the +frontier town of the period. Enough anti-rummies were loafing in +quarters to man the engine and the ladders. In two minutes they had +their red shirts and helmets on--they never stirred officially in +unofficial costume--and as the mass meeting overhead smashed through the +long row of windows and poured out upon the roof of the arcade, the +deliverers were ready for them with a powerful stream of water which +washed some of them off the roof and nearly drowned the rest. But water +was preferable to fire, and still the stampede from the windows +continued, and still the pitiless drenching assailed it until the +building was empty; then the fire-boys mounted to the hall and flooded +it with water enough to annihilate forty times as much fire as there was +there; for a village fire-company does not often get a chance to show +off, and so when it does get a chance it makes the most of it. Such +citizens of that village as were of a thoughtful and judicious +temperament did not insure against fire; they insured against the +fire-company. + + +CHAPTER XII. + +The Shame of Judge Driscoll. + +Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. +Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is +brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the +flea!--incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if +ignorance of fear were courage. Whether you are asleep or awake he will +attack you, caring nothing for the fact that in bulk and strength you +are to him as are the massed armies of the earth to a sucking child; he +lives both day and night and all days and nights in the very lap of +peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more afraid +than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was threatened by +an earthquake ten centuries before. When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and +Putnam as men who "didn't know what fear was," we ought always to add +the flea--and put him at the head of the procession.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +Judge Driscoll was in bed and asleep by ten o'clock on Friday night, and +he was up and gone a-fishing before daylight in the morning with his +friend Pembroke Howard. These two had been boys together in Virginia +when that State still ranked as the chief and most imposing member of +the Union, and they still coupled the proud and affectionate adjective +"old" with her name when they spoke of her. In Missouri a recognized +superiority attached to any person who hailed from Old Virginia; and +this superiority was exalted to supremacy when a person of such nativity +could also prove descent from the First Families of that great +commonwealth. The Howards and Driscolls were of this aristocracy. In +their eyes it was a nobility. It had its unwritten laws, and they were +as clearly defined and as strict as any that could be found among the +printed statutes of the land. The F. F. V. was born a gentleman; his +highest duty in life was to watch over that great inheritance and keep +it unsmirched. He must keep his honor spotless. Those laws were his +chart; his course was marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much +as half a point of the compass it meant shipwreck to his honor; that is +to say, degradation from his rank as a gentleman. These laws required +certain things of him which his religion might forbid: then his religion +must yield--the laws could not be relaxed to accommodate religions or +anything else. Honor stood first; and the laws defined what it was and +wherein it differed in certain details from honor as defined by church +creeds and by the social laws and customs of some of the minor divisions +of the globe that had got crowded out when the sacred boundaries of +Virginia were staked out. + +If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of Dawson's Landing, +Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized second citizen. He was called +"the great lawyer"--an earned title. He and Driscoll were of the same +age--a year or two past sixty. + +Although Driscoll was a free-thinker and Howard a strong and determined +Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no impairment in consequence. +They were men whose opinions were their own property and not subject to +revision and amendment, suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their +friends. + +The day's fishing finished, they came floating down stream in their +skiff, talking national politics and other high matters, and presently +met a skiff coming up from town, with a man in it who said: + +"I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew a kicking last +night, Judge?" + +"Did what?" + +"Gave him a kicking." + +The old Judge's lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. He choked with +anger for a moment, then he got out what he was trying to say-- + +"Well--well--go on! give me the details!" + +The man did it. At the finish the Judge was silent a minute, turning +over in his mind the shameful picture of Tom's flight over the +footlights; then he said, as if musing aloud--"H'm--I don't understand +it. I was asleep at home. He didn't wake me. Thought he was competent to +manage his affair without my help, I reckon." His face lit up with pride +and pleasure at that thought, and he said with a cheery complacency, "I +like that--it's the true old blood--hey, Pembroke?" + +Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head approvingly. Then the +news-bringer spoke again-- + +"But Tom beat the twin on the trial." + +The Judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said-- + +"The trial? What trial?" + +"Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault and battery." + +The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has received a +death-stroke. Howard sprang for him as he sank forward in a swoon, and +took him in his arms, and bedded him on his back in the boat. He +sprinkled water in his face, and said to the startled visitor-- + +"Go, now--don't let him come to and find you here. You see what an +effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to have been more +considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece of slander as that." + +"I'm right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I wouldn't have done +it if I had thought: but it ain't slander; it's perfectly true, just as +I told him." + +He rowed away. Presently the old Judge came out of his faint and looked +up piteously into the sympathetic face that was bent over him. + +"Say it ain't true, Pembroke; tell me it ain't true!" he said in a weak +voice. + +There was nothing weak in the deep organ-tones that responded-- + +"You know it's a lie as well as I do, old friend. He is of the best +blood of the Old Dominion." + +"God bless you for saying it!" said the old gentleman, fervently. "Ah, +Pembroke, it was such a blow!" + +Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and entered the house +with him. It was dark, and past supper-time, but the Judge was not +thinking of supper; he was eager to hear the slander refuted from +headquarters, and as eager to have Howard hear it, too. Tom was sent +for, and he came immediately. He was bruised and lame, and was not a +happy-looking object. His uncle made him sit down, and said-- + +"We have been hearing about your adventure, Tom, with a handsome lie +added to it for embellishment. Now pulverize that lie to dust! What +measures have you taken? How does the thing stand?" + +Tom answered guilelessly: "It don't stand at all; it's all over. I had +him up in court and beat him. Pudd'nhead Wilson defended him--first case +he ever had, and lost it. The judge fined the miserable hound five +dollars for the assault." + +Howard and the Judge sprang to their feet with the opening +sentence--why, neither knew; then they stood gazing vacantly at each +other. Howard stood a moment, then sat mournfully down without saying +anything. The Judge's wrath began to kindle, and he burst out-- + +"You cur! You scum! You vermin! Do you mean to tell me that blood of my +race has suffered a blow and crawled to a court of law about it? Answer +me!" + +Tom's head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent silence. His uncle +stared at him with a mixed expression of amazement and shame and +incredulity that was sorrowful to see. At last he said-- + +"Which of the twins was it?" + +"Count Luigi." + +"You have challenged him?" + +"N--no," hesitated Tom, turning pale. + +"You will challenge him to-night. Howard will carry it." + +Tom began to turn sick, and to show it. He turned his hat round and +round in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and blacker upon him as +the heavy seconds drifted by; then at last he began to stammer, and said +piteously-- + +"Oh, please don't ask me to do it, uncle! He is a murderous devil--I +never could--I--I'm afraid of him!" + +Old Driscoll's mouth opened and closed three times before he could get +it to perform its office; then he stormed out-- + +"A coward in my family! A Driscoll a coward! Oh, what have I done to +deserve this infamy!" He tottered to his secretary in the corner +repeating that lament again and again in heartbreaking tones, and got +out of a drawer a paper, which he slowly tore to bits scattering the +bits absently in his track as he walked up and down the room, still +grieving and lamenting. At last he said-- + +"There it is, shreds and fragments once more--my will. Once more you +have forced me to disinherit you, you base son of a most noble father! +Leave my sight! Go--before I spit on you!" + +The young man did not tarry. Then the Judge turned to Howard: + +"You will be my second, old friend?" + +"Of course." + +"There is pen and paper. Draft the cartel, and lose no time." + +"The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen minutes," said Howard. + +Tom was very heavy-hearted. His appetite was gone with his property and +his self-respect. He went out the back way and wandered down the obscure +lane grieving, and wondering if any course of future conduct, however +discreet and carefully perfected and watched over, could win back his +uncle's favor and persuade him to reconstruct once more that generous +will which had just gone to ruin before his eyes. He finally concluded +that it could. He said to himself that he had accomplished this sort of +triumph once already, and that what had been done once could be done +again. He would set about it. He would bend every energy to the task, +and he would score that triumph once more, cost what it might to his +convenience, limit as it might his frivolous and liberty-loving life. + +"To begin," he said to himself, "I'll square up with the proceeds of my +raid, and then gambling has got to be stopped--and stopped short off. +It's the worst vice I've got--from my standpoint, anyway, because it's +the one he can most easily find out, through the impatience of my +creditors. He thought it expensive to have to pay two hundred dollars to +them for me once. Expensive--that! Why, it cost me the whole of his +fortune--but of course he never thought of that; some people can't think +of any but their own side of a case. If he had known how deep I am in, +now, the will would have gone to pot without waiting for a duel to help. +Three hundred dollars! It's a pile! But he'll never hear of it, I'm +thankful to say. The minute I've cleared it off, I'm safe; and I'll +never touch a card again. Anyway, I won't while he lives, I make oath to +that. I'm entering on my last reform--I know it--yes, and I'll win; but +after that, if I ever slip again I'm gone." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +Tom Stares at Ruin. + +When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have +gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in +stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, +May, March, June, December, August, and February.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Thus mournfully communing with himself Tom moped along the lane past +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, and still on and on between fences inclosing +vacant country on each hand till he neared the haunted house, then he +came moping back again, with many sighs and heavy with trouble. He +sorely wanted cheerful company. Rowena! His heart gave a bound at the +thought, but the next thought quieted it--the detested twins would be +there. + +He was on the inhabited side of Wilson's house, and now as he approached +it he noticed that the sitting-room was lighted. This would do; others +made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but Wilson never failed in courtesy +toward him, and a kindly courtesy does at least save one's feelings, +even if it is not professing to stand for a welcome. Wilson heard +footsteps at his threshold, then the clearing of a throat. + +"It's that fickle-tempered, dissipated young goose--poor devil, he find +friends pretty scarce to-day, likely, after the disgrace of carrying a +personal-assault case into a law-court." + +A dejected knock. "Come in!" + +Tom entered, and drooped into a chair, without saying anything. Wilson +said kindly-- + +"Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don't take it so hard. Try and forget +you have been kicked." + +"Oh, dear," said Tom, wretchedly, "it's not that, Pudd'nhead--it's not +that. It's a thousand times worse than that--oh, yes, a million times +worse." + +"Why, Tom, what do you mean? Has Rowena--" + +"Flung me? No, but the old man has." + +Wilson said to himself, "Aha!" and thought of the mysterious girl in the +bedroom. "The Driscolls have been making discoveries!" Then he said +aloud, gravely: + +"Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which--" + +"Oh, shucks, this hasn't got anything to do with dissipation. He wanted +me to challenge that derned Italian savage, and I wouldn't do it." + +"Yes, of course he would do that," said Wilson in a meditative +matter-of-course way, "but the thing that puzzled me was, why he didn't +look to that last night, for one thing, and why he let you carry such a +matter into a court of law at all, either before the duel or after it. +It's no place for it. It was not like him. I couldn't understand it. How +did it happen?" + +"It happened because he didn't know anything about it. He was asleep +when I got home last night." + +"And you didn't wake him? Tom, is that possible?" + +Tom was not getting much comfort here. He fidgeted a moment, then said: + +"I didn't choose to tell him--that's all. He was going a-fishing before +dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I got the twins into the common +calaboose--and I thought sure I could--I never dreamed of their slipping +out on a paltry fine for such an outrageous offense--well, once in the +calaboose they would be disgraced, and uncle wouldn't want any duels +with that sort of characters, and wouldn't allow any." + +"Tom, I am ashamed of you! I don't see how you could treat your good old +uncle so. I am a better friend of his than you are; for if I had known +the circumstances I would have kept that case out of court until I got +word to him and let him have a gentleman's chance." + +"You would?" exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise. "And it your first +case! And you know perfectly well there never would have been any case +if he had got that chance, don't you? And you'd have finished your days +a pauper nobody, instead of being an actually launched and recognized +lawyer to-day. And you would really have done that, would you?" + +"Certainly." + +Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head sorrowfully and +said-- + +"I believe you--upon my word I do. I don't know why I do, but I do. +Pudd'nhead Wilson, I think you're the biggest fool I ever saw." + +"Thank you." + +"Don't mention it." + +"Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian and you have +refused. You degenerate remnant of an honorable line! I'm thoroughly +ashamed of you, Tom!" + +"Oh, that's nothing! I don't care for anything, now that the will's torn +up again." + +"Tom, tell me squarely--didn't he find any fault with you for anything +but those two things--carrying the case into court and refusing to +fight?" + +He watched the young fellow's face narrowly, but it was entirely +reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: + +"No, he didn't find any other fault with me. If he had had any to find, +he would have begun yesterday, for he was just in the humor for it. He +drove that jack-pair around town and showed them the sights, and when he +came home he couldn't find his father's old silver watch that don't keep +time and he thinks so much of, and couldn't remember what he did with it +three or four days ago when he saw it last, and so when I arrived he was +all in a sweat about it, and when I suggested that it probably wasn't +lost but stolen, it put him in a regular passion and he said I was a +fool--which convinced me, without any trouble, that that was just what +he was afraid had happened, himself, but did not want to believe it, +because lost things stand a better chance of being found again than +stolen ones." + +"Whe-ew!" whistled Wilson; "score another on the list." + +"Another what?" + +"Another theft!" + +"Theft?" + +"Yes, theft. That watch isn't lost, it's stolen. There's been another +raid on the town--and just the same old mysterious sort of thing that +has happened once before, as you remember." + +"You don't mean it!" + +"It's as sure as you are born! Have you missed anything yourself?" + +"No. That is, I did miss a silver pencil-case that Aunt Mary Pratt gave +me last birthday--" + +"You'll find it stolen--that's what you'll find." + +"No, I sha'n't; for when I suggested theft about the watch and got such +a rap, I went and examined my room, and the pencil-case was missing, but +it was only mislaid, and I found it again." + +"You are sure you missed nothing else?" + +"Well, nothing of consequence. I missed a small plain gold ring worth +two or three dollars, but that will turn up. I'll look again." + +"In my opinion you'll not find it. There's been a raid, I tell you. Come +in!" + +Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by Buckstone and the +town-constable, Jim Blake. They sat down, and after some wandering and +aimless weather-conversation Wilson said-- + +"By the way, we've just added another to the list of thefts, maybe two. +Judge Driscoll's old silver watch is gone, and Tom here has missed a +gold ring." + +"Well, it is a bad business," said the Justice, "and gets worse the +further it goes. The Hankses, the Dobsons, the Pilligrews, the Ortons, +the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the Holcombs, in fact everybody +that lives around about Patsy Cooper's has been robbed of little things +like trinkets and teaspoons and such-like small valuables that are +easily carried off. It's perfectly plain that the thief took advantage +of the reception at Patsy Cooper's when all the neighbors were in her +house and all their niggers hanging around her fence for a look at the +show, to raid the vacant houses undisturbed. Patsy is miserable about +it; miserable on account of the neighbors, and particularly miserable on +account of her foreigners, of course; so miserable on their account that +she hasn't any room to worry about her own little losses." + +"It's the same old raider," said Wilson. "I suppose there isn't any +doubt about that." + +"Constable Blake doesn't think so." + +"No, you're wrong there," said Blake; "the other times it was a man; +there was plenty of signs of that, as we know, in the profession, though +we never got hands on him; but this time it's a woman." + +Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off. She was always in +his mind now. But she failed him again. Blake continued: + +"She's a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered basket on her arm, in +a black veil, dressed in mourning. I saw her going aboard the ferry-boat +yesterday. Lives in Illinois, I reckon; but I don't care where she +lives, I'm going to get her--she can make herself sure of that." + +"What makes you think she's the thief?" + +"Well, there ain't any other, for one thing; and for another, some +nigger draymen that happened to be driving along saw her coming out of +or going into houses, and told me so--and it just happens that they was +robbed houses, every time." + +It was granted that this was plenty good enough circumstantial evidence. +A pensive silence followed, which lasted some moments, then Wilson +said-- + +"There's one good thing, anyway. She can't either pawn or sell Count +Luigi's costly Indian dagger." + +"My!" said Tom, "is that gone?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, that was a haul! But why can't she pawn it or sell it?" + +"Because when the twins went home from the Sons of Liberty meeting last +night, news of the raid was sifting in from everywhere, and Aunt Patsy +was in distress to know if they had lost anything. They found that the +dagger was gone, and they notified the police and pawnbrokers +everywhere. It was a great haul, yes, but the old woman won't get +anything out of it, because she'll get caught." + +"Did they offer a reward?" asked Buckstone. + +"Yes; five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred more for the +thief." + +"What a leather-headed idea!" exclaimed the constable. "The thief +da'sn't go near them, nor send anybody. Whoever goes is going to get +himself nabbed, for their ain't any pawnbroker that's going to lose the +chance to--" + +If anybody had noticed Tom's face at that time, the gray-green color of +it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody did. He said to himself: +"I'm gone! I never can square up; the rest of the plunder won't pawn or +sell for half of the bill. Oh, I know it--I'm gone, I'm gone--and this +time it's for good. Oh, this is awful--I don't know what to do, nor +which way to turn!" + +"Softly, softly," said Wilson to Blake. "I planned their scheme for them +at midnight last night, and it was all finished up shipshape by two this +morning. They'll get their dagger back, and then I'll explain to you how +the thing was done." + +There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and Buckstone said-- + +"Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp, Wilson, and I'm free to say +that if you don't mind telling us in confidence--" + +"Oh, I'd as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as the twins and I +agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it stand so. But you can +take my word for it you won't be kept waiting three days. Somebody will +apply for that reward pretty promptly, and I'll show you the thief and +the dagger both very soon afterward." + +The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed. He said-- + +"It may all be--yes, and I hope it will, but I'm blamed if I can see my +way through it. It's too many for yours truly." + +The subject seemed about talked out. Nobody seemed to have anything +further to offer. After a silence the justice of the peace informed +Wilson that he and Buckstone and the constable had come as a committee, +on the part of the Democratic party, to ask him to run for mayor--for +the little town was about to become a city and the first charter +election was approaching. It was the first attention which Wilson had +ever received at the hands of any party; it was a sufficiently humble +one, but it was a recognition of his début into the town's life and +activities at last; it was a step upward, and he was deeply gratified. +He accepted, and the committee departed, followed by young Tom. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +Roxana Insists Upon Reform. + +The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned +with commoner things. It is chief of this world's luxuries, king by the +grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, +he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve +took: we know it because she repented.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +About the time that Wilson was bowing the committee out, Pembroke Howard +was entering the next house to report. He found the old Judge sitting +grim and straight in his chair, waiting. + +"Well, Howard--the news?" + +"The best in the world." + +"Accepts, does he?" and the light of battle gleamed joyously in the +Judge's eye. + +"Accepts? Why, he jumped at it." + +"Did, did he? Now that's fine--that's very fine. I like that. When is it +to be?" + +"Now! Straight off! To-night! An admirable fellow--admirable!" + +"Admirable? He's a darling! Why, it's an honor as well as a pleasure to +stand up before such a man. Come--off with you! Go and arrange +everything--and give him my heartiest compliments. A rare fellow, +indeed; an admirable fellow, as you have said!" + +Howard hurried away, saying-- + +"I'll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson's and the haunted +house within the hour, and I'll bring my own pistols." + +Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of pleased excitement; +but presently he stopped, and began to think--began to think of Tom. +Twice he moved toward the secretary, and twice he turned away again; but +finally he said-- + +"This may be my last night in the world--I must not take the chance. He +is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely my fault. He was intrusted +to me by my brother on his dying bed, and I have indulged him to his +hurt, instead of training him up severely, and making a man of him. I +have violated my trust, and I must not add the sin of desertion to that. +I have forgiven him once already, and would subject him to a long and +hard trial before forgiving him again, if I could live; but I must not +run that risk. No, I must restore the will. But if I survive the duel, I +will hide it away, and he will not know, and I will not tell him until +he reforms, and I see that his reformation is going to be permanent." + +He re-drew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir to a fortune +again. As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied with another brooding +tramp, entered the house and went tiptoeing past the sitting-room door. +He glanced in, and hurried on, for the sight of his uncle had nothing +but terrors for him to-night. But his uncle was writing! That was +unusual at this late hour. What could he be writing? A chill of anxiety +settled down upon Tom's heart. Did that writing concern him? He was +afraid so. He reflected that when ill luck begins, it does not come in +sprinkles, but in showers. He said he would get a glimpse of that +document or know the reason why. He heard some one coming, and stepped +out of sight and hearing. It was Pembroke Howard. What could be +hatching? + +Howard said, with great satisfaction: + +"Everything's right and ready. He's gone to the battle-ground with his +second and the surgeon--also with his brother. I've arranged it all with +Wilson--Wilson's his second. We are to have three shots apiece." + +"Good! How is the moon?" + +"Bright as day, nearly. Perfect, for the distance--fifteen yards. No +wind--not a breath; hot and still." + +"All good; all first-rate. Here, Pembroke, read this, and witness it." + +Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old man's hand a +hearty shake and said: + +"Now that's right, York--but I knew you would do it. You couldn't leave +that poor chap to fight along without means or profession, with certain +defeat before him, and I knew you wouldn't, for his father's sake if not +for his own." + +"For his dead father's sake I couldn't, I know; for poor Percy--but you +know what Percy was to me. But mind--Tom is not to know of this unless I +fall to-night." + +"I understand. I'll keep the secret." + +The Judge put the will away, and the two started for the battle-ground. +In another minute the will was in Tom's hands. His misery vanished, his +feelings underwent a tremendous revulsion. He put the will carefully +back in its place, and spread his mouth and swung his hat once, twice, +three times around his head, in imitation of three rousing huzzas, no +sound issuing from his lips. He fell to communing with himself excitedly +and joyously, but every now and then he let off another volley of dumb +hurrahs. + +He said to himself: "I've got the fortune again, but I'll not let on +that I know about it. And this time I'm going to hang on to it. I take +no more risks. I'll gamble no more, I'll drink no more, because--well, +because I'll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, +again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way; I might have thought of +that sooner--well, yes, if I had wanted to. But now--dear me, I've had a +scare this time, and I'll take no more chances. Not a single chance +more. Land! I persuaded myself this evening that I could fetch him +around without any great amount of effort, but I've been getting more +and more heavy-hearted and doubtful straight along, ever since. If he +tells me about this thing, all right; but if he doesn't, I sha'n't let +on. I--well, I'd like to tell Pudd'nhead Wilson, but--no, I'll think +about that; perhaps I won't." He whirled off another dead huzza, and +said, "I'm reformed, and this time I'll stay so, sure!" + +He was about to close with a final grand silent demonstration, when he +suddenly recollected that Wilson had put it out of his power to pawn or +sell the Indian knife, and that he was once more in awful peril of +exposure by his creditors for that reason. His joy collapsed utterly, +and he turned away and moped toward the door moaning and lamenting over +the bitterness of his luck. He dragged himself up-stairs, and brooded in +his room a long time disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi's Indian knife +for a text. At last he sighed and said: + +"When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory bone, the thing +hadn't any interest for me because it hadn't any value, and couldn't +help me out of my trouble. But now--why, now it is full of interest; +yes, and of a sort to break a body's heart. It's a bag of gold that has +turned to dirt and ashes in my hands. It could save me, and save me so +easily, and yet I've got to go to ruin. It's like drowning with a +life-preserver in my reach. All the hard luck comes to me, and all the +good luck goes to other people--Pudd'nhead Wilson, for instance; even +his career has got a sort of a little start at last, and what has he +done to deserve it, I should like to know? Yes, he has opened his own +road, but he isn't content with that, but must block mine. It's a +sordid, selfish world, and I wish I was out of it." He allowed the light +of the candle to play upon the jewels of the sheath, but the flashings +and sparklings had no charm for his eye; they were only just so many +pangs to his heart. "I must not say anything to Roxy about this thing," +he said, "she is too daring. She would be for digging these stones out +and selling them, and then--why, she would be arrested and the stones +traced, and then--" The thought made him quake, and he hid the knife +away, trembling all over and glancing furtively about, like a criminal +who fancies that the accuser is already at hand. + +Should he try to sleep? Oh, no, sleep was not for him; his trouble was +too haunting, too afflicting for that. He must have somebody to mourn +with. He would carry his despair to Roxy. + +He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of thing was not +uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. He went out at the +back door, and turned westward. He passed Wilson's house and proceeded +along the lane, and presently saw several figures approaching Wilson's +place through the vacant lots. These were the duelists returning from +the fight; he thought he recognized them, but as he had no desire for +white people's company, he stooped down behind the fence until they were +out of his way. + +Roxy was feeling fine. She said: + +"Whah was you, child? Warn't you in it?" + +"In what?" + +"In de duel." + +"Duel? Has there been a duel?" + +"'Co'se dey has. De ole Jedge has be'n havin' a duel wid one o' dem +twins." + +"Great Scott!" Then he added to himself: "That's what made him re-make +the will; he thought he might get killed, and it softened him toward me. +And that's what he and Howard were so busy about.... Oh dear, if the +twin had only killed him, I should be out of my--" + +"What is you mumblin' bout, Chambers? Whah was you? Didn't you know dey +was gwyne to be a duel?" + +"No, I didn't. The old man tried to get me to fight one with Count +Luigi, but he didn't succeed, so I reckon he concluded to patch up the +family honor himself." + +He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a detailed account of +his talk with the Judge, and how shocked and ashamed the Judge was to +find that he had a coward in his family. He glanced up at last, and got +a shock himself. Roxana's bosom was heaving with suppressed passion, and +she was glowering down upon him with measureless contempt written in her +face. + +"En you refuse' to fight a man dat kicked you, 'stid o' jumpin' at de +chance! En you ain't got no mo' feelin' den to come en tell me, dat +fetched sich a po' low-down ornery rabbit into de worl'! Pah! it make me +sick! It's de nigger in you, dat's what it is. Thirty-one parts o' you +is white, en on'y one part nigger, en dat po' little one part is yo' +soul. Tain't wuth savin'; tain't wuth totin' out on a shovel en throwin' +in de gutter. You has disgraced yo' birth. What would yo' pa think o' +you? It's enough to make him turn in his grave." + +The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he said to himself +that if his father were only alive and in reach of assassination his +mother would soon find that he had a very clear notion of the size of +his indebtedness to that man, and was willing to pay it up in full, and +would do it too, even at risk of his life; but he kept this thought to +himself; that was safest in his mother's present state. + +"Whatever has come o' yo' Essex blood? Dat's what I can't understan'. En +it ain't on'y jist Essex blood dat's in you, not by a long sight--'deed +it ain't! My great-great-great-gran'father en yo' +great-great-great-great-gran'father was Ole Cap'n John Smith, de highest +blood dat Ole Virginny ever turned out, en his great-great-gran'mother +or somers along back dah, was Pocahontas de Injun queen, en her husbun' +was a nigger king outen Africa--en yit here you is, a slinkin' outen a +duel en disgracin' our whole line like a ornery low-down hound! Yes, +it's de nigger in you!" + +She sat down on her candle-box and fell into a reverie. Tom did not +disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was not in +circumstances of this kind, Roxana's storm went gradually down, but it +died hard, and even when it seemed to be quite gone, it would now and +then break out in a distant rumble, so to speak, in the form of muttered +ejaculations. One of these was, "Ain't nigger enough in him to show in +his finger-nails, en dat takes mighty little--yit dey's enough to paint +his soul." + +Presently she muttered. "Yassir, enough to paint a whole thimbleful of +'em." At last her ramblings ceased altogether, and her countenance began +to clear--a welcome sign to Tom, who had learned her moods, and knew she +was on the threshold of good-humor, now. He noticed that from time to +time she unconsciously carried her finger to the end of her nose. He +looked closer and said: + +"Why, mammy, the end of your nose is skinned. How did that come?" + +She sent out the sort of whole-hearted peal of laughter which God had +vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy angels in heaven and +the bruised and broken black slave on the earth, and said: + +"Dad fetch dat duel, I be'n in it myself." + +"Gracious! did a bullet do that?" + +"Yassir, you bet it did!" + +"Well, I declare! Why, how did that happen?" + +"Happened dis-away. I 'uz a-sett'n' here kinder dozin' in de dark, en +che-bang! goes a gun, right out dah. I skips along out towards t'other +end o' de house to see what's gwyne on, en stops by de ole winder on de +side towards Pudd'nhead Wilson's house dat ain't got no sash in it,--but +dey ain't none of 'em got any sashes, fur as dat's concerned,--en I +stood dah in de dark en look out, en dar in de moonlight, right down +under me 'uz one o' de twins a-cussin'--not much, but jist a-cussin' +soft--it 'uz de brown one dat 'uz cussin', 'ca'se he 'uz hit in de +shoulder. En Doctor Claypool he 'uz a-workin' at him, en Pudd'nhead +Wilson he 'uz a-he'pin', en ole Jedge Driscoll en Pem Howard 'uz +a-standin' out yonder a little piece waitin' for 'em to git ready agin. +En treckly dey squared off en give de word, en bang-bang went de +pistols, en de twin he say, 'Ouch!'--hit him on de han' dis time,--en I +hear dat same bullet go spat! ag'in, de logs under de winder; en de nex' +time dey shoot, de twin say, 'Ouch!' ag'in, en I done it too, 'ca'se de +bullet glance' on his cheek-bone en skip up here en glance on de side o' +de winder en whiz right acrost my face en tuck de hide off'n my +nose--why, if I'd 'a' be'n jist a inch or a inch en a half furder 't +would 'a' tuck de whole nose en disfiggered me. Here's de bullet; I +hunted her up." + +"Did you stand there all the time?" + +"Dat's a question to ask, ain't it? What else would I do? Does I git a +chance to see a duel every day?" + +"Why, you were right in range! Weren't you afraid?" + +The woman gave a sniff of scorn. + +"'Fraid! De Smith-Pocahontases ain't 'fraid o' nothin', let alone +bullets." + +"They've got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is judgment. I +wouldn't have stood there." + +"Nobody's accusin' you!" + +"Did anybody else get hurt?" + +"Yes, we all got hit 'cep' de blon' twin en de doctor en de seconds. De +Jedge didn't git hurt, but I hear Pudd'nhead say de bullet snip some o' +his ha'r off." + +"'George!" said Tom to himself, "to come so near being out of my +trouble, and miss it by an inch. Oh dear, dear, he will live to find me +out and sell me to some nigger-trader yet--yes, and he would do it in a +minute." Then he said aloud, in a grave tone-- + +"Mother, we are in an awful fix." + +Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said-- + +"Chile! What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? What's be'n en gone +en happen'?" + +"Well, there's one thing I didn't tell you. When I wouldn't fight, he +tore up the will again, and--" + +Roxana's face turned a dead white, and she said-- + +"Now you's done!--done forever! Dat's de end. Bofe un us is gwyne to +starve to--" + +"Wait and hear me through, can't you! I reckon that when he resolved to +fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and not have a chance to +forgive me any more in this life, so he made the will again, and I've +seen it, and it's all right. But--" + +"Oh, thank goodness, den we's safe ag'in!--safe! en so what did you want +to come here en talk sich dreadful--" + +"Hold on, I tell you, and let me finish. The swag I gathered won't half +square me up, and the first thing we know, my creditors--well, you know +what'll happen." + +Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone--she must +think this matter out. Presently she said impressively: + +"You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you! En here's what you got to +do. He didn't git killed, en if you gives him de least reason, he'll +bust de will ag'in, en dat's de las' time, now you hear me! So--you's +got to show him what you kin do in de nex' few days. You's got to be +pison good, en let him see it; you got to do everything dat'll make him +b'lieve in you, en you got to sweeten aroun' ole Aunt Pratt, too,--she's +pow'ful strong wid de Jedge, en de bes' frien' you got. Nex', you'll go +'long away to Sent Louis, en dat'll keep him in yo' favor. Den you go en +make a bargain wid dem people. You tell 'em he ain't gwyne to live +long--en dat's de fac', too,--en tell 'em you'll pay 'em intrust, en big +intrust, too,--ten per--what you call it?" + +"Ten per cent. a month?" + +"Dat's it. Den you take and sell yo' truck aroun', a little at a time, +en pay de intrust. How long will it las'?" + +"I think there's enough to pay the interest five or six months." + +"Den you's all right. If he don't die in six months, dat don't make no +diff'rence--Providence'll provide. You's gwyne to be safe--if you +behaves." She bent an austere eye on him and added, "En you is gwyne to +behave--does you know dat?" + +He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway. She did not unbend. She +said gravely: + +"Tryin' ain't de thing. You's gwyne to do it. You ain't gwyne to steal a +pin--'ca'se it ain't safe no mo'; en you ain't gwyne into no bad +comp'ny--not even once, you understand; en you ain't gwyne to drink a +drop--nary single drop; en you ain't gwyne to gamble one single +gamble--not one! Dis ain't what you's gwyne to try to do, it's what +you's gwyne to do. En I'll tell you how I knows it. Dis is how. I's +gwyne to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; en you's gwyne to come +to me every day o' yo' life, en I'll look you over; en if you fails in +one single one o' dem things--jist one--I take my oath I'll come +straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you's a nigger en a slave--en +prove it!" She paused to let her words sink home. Then she added, +"Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +Tom was sober enough now. There was no levity in his voice when he +answered: + +"Yes, mother, I know, now, that I am reformed--and permanently. +Permanently--and beyond the reach of any human temptation." + +"Den g' long home en begin!" + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +The Robber Robbed. + +Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one +basket"--which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your +attention;" but the wise man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket +and--watch that basket"--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +What a time of it Dawson's Landing was having! All its life it had been +asleep, but now it hardly got a chance for a nod, so swiftly did big +events and crashing surprises come along in one another's wake: Friday +morning, first glimpse of Real Nobility, also grand reception at Aunt +Patsy Cooper's, also great robber-raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking +of the heir of the chief citizen in presence of four hundred people; +Saturday morning, emergence as practising lawyer of the long-submerged +Pudd'nhead Wilson; Saturday night, duel between chief citizen and titled +stranger. + +The people took more pride in the duel than in all the other events put +together, perhaps. It was a glory to their town to have such a thing +happen there. In their eyes the principals had reached the summit of +human honor. Everybody paid homage to their names; their praises were in +all mouths. Even the duelists' subordinates came in for a handsome share +of the public approbation: wherefore Pudd'nhead Wilson was suddenly +become a man of consequence. When asked to run for the mayoralty +Saturday night he was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found him a +made man and his success assured. + +The twins were prodigiously great, now; the town took them to its bosom +with enthusiasm. Day after day, and night after night, they went dining +and visiting from house to house, making friends, enlarging and +solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising all with their +musical prodigies, and now and then heightening the effects with samples +of what they could do in other directions, out of their stock of rare +and curious accomplishments. They were so pleased that they gave the +regulation thirty days' notice, the required preparation for +citizenship, and resolved to finish their days in this pleasant place. +That was the climax. The delighted community rose as one man and +applauded; and when the twins were asked to stand for seats in the +forthcoming aldermanic board, and consented, the public contentment was +rounded and complete. + +Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, and hurt +all the way down. He hated the one twin for kicking him, and the other +one for being the kicker's brother. + +Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard of the raider, or +of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able to throw +any light on that matter. Nearly a week had drifted by, and still the +thing remained a vexed mystery. + +On Saturday Constable Blake and Pudd'nhead Wilson met on the street, and +Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their conversation for them. He +said to Blake--"You are not looking well, Blake; you seem to be annoyed +about something. Has anything gone wrong in the detective business? I +believe you fairly and justifiably claim to have a pretty good +reputation in that line, isn't it so?"--which made Blake feel good, and +look it; but Tom added, "for a country detective"--which made Blake feel +the other way, and not only look it, but betray it in his voice-- + +"Yes, sir, I have got a reputation; and it's as good as anybody's in the +profession, too, country or no country." + +"Oh, I beg pardon; I didn't mean any offense. What I started out to ask +was only about the old woman that raided the town--the stoop-shouldered +old woman, you know, that you said you were going to catch; and I knew +you would, too, because you have the reputation of never boasting, +and--well, you--you've caught the old woman?" + +"D------ the old woman!" + +"Why, sho! you don't mean to say you haven't caught her?" + +"No; I haven't caught her. If anybody could have caught her, I could; +but nobody couldn't, I don't care who he is." + +"I am sorry, real sorry--for your sake; because, when it gets around +that a detective has expressed himself so confidently, and then--" + +"Don't you worry, that's all--don't you worry; and as for the town, the +town needn't worry, either. She's my meat--make yourself easy about +that. I'm on her track; I've got clues that--" + +"That's good! Now if you could get an old veteran detective down from +St. Louis to help you find out what the clues mean, and where they lead +to, and then--" + +"I'm plenty veteran enough myself, and I don't need anybody's help. I'll +have her inside of a we--inside of a month. That I'll swear to!" + +Tom said carelessly-- + +"I suppose that will answer--yes, that will answer. But I reckon she is +pretty old, and old people don't often outlive the cautious pace of the +professional detective when he has got his clues together and is out on +his still-hunt." + +Blake's dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he could set his +retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was saying, with placid +indifference of manner and voice-- + +"Who got the reward, Pudd'nhead?" + +Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come. + +"What reward?" + +"Why, the reward for the thief, and the other one for the knife." + +Wilson answered--and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his hesitating +fashion of delivering himself-- + +"Well, the--well, in fact, nobody has claimed it yet." + +Tom seemed surprised. + +"Why, is that so?" + +Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied-- + +"Yes, it's so. And what of it?" + +"Oh, nothing. Only I thought you had struck out a new idea, and invented +a scheme that was going to revolutionize the time-worn and ineffectual +methods of the--" He stopped, and turned to Blake, who was happy now +that another had taken his place on the gridiron: "Blake, didn't you +understand him to intimate that it wouldn't be necessary for you to hunt +the old woman down?" + +"B'George, he said he'd have thief and swag both inside of three +days--he did, by hokey! and that's just about a week ago. Why, I said at +the time that no thief and no thief's pal was going to try to pawn or +sell a thing where he knowed the pawnbroker could get both rewards by +taking him into camp with the swag. It was the blessedest idea that ever +I struck!" + +"You'd change your mind," said Wilson, with irritated bluntness, "if you +knew the entire scheme instead of only part of it." + +"Well," said the constable, pensively, "I had the idea that it wouldn't +work, and up to now I'm right anyway." + +"Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a further show. It +has worked at least as well as your own methods, you perceive." + +The constable hadn't anything handy to hit back with, so he discharged a +discontented sniff, and said nothing. + +After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme at his house, +Tom had tried for several days to guess out the secret of the rest of +it, but had failed. Then it occurred to him to give Roxana's smarter +head a chance at it. He made up a supposititious case, and laid it +before her. She thought it over, and delivered her verdict upon it. Tom +said to himself, "She's hit it, sure!" He thought he would test that +verdict, now, and watch Wilson's face; so he said reflectively-- + +"Wilson, you're not a fool--a fact of recent discovery. Whatever your +scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake's opinion to the contrary +notwithstanding. I don't ask you to reveal it, but I will suppose a +case--a case which will answer as a starting-point for the real thing I +am going to come at, and that's all I want. You offered five hundred +dollars for the knife, and five hundred for the thief. We will suppose, +for argument's sake, that the first reward is advertised and the second +offered by private letter to pawnbrokers and--" + +Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out-- + +"By Jackson, he's got you, Pudd'nhead! Now why couldn't I or any fool +have thought of that?" + +Wilson said to himself, "Anybody with a reasonably good head would have +thought of it. I am not surprised that Blake didn't detect it; I am only +surprised that Tom did. There is more to him than I supposed." He said +nothing aloud, and Tom went on: + +"Very well. The thief would not suspect that there was a trap, and he +would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, or found +it in the road, or something like that, and try to collect the reward, +and be arrested--wouldn't he?" + +"Yes," said Wilson. + +"I think so," said Tom. "There can't be any doubt of it. Have you ever +seen that knife?" + +"No." + +"Has any friend of yours?" + +"Not that I know of." + +"Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme failed." + +"What do you mean, Tom? What are you driving at?" asked Wilson, with a +dawning sense of discomfort. + +"Why, that there isn't any such knife." + +"Look here, Wilson," said Blake, "Tom Driscoll's right, for a thousand +dollars--if I had it." + +Wilson's blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had been played +upon by those strangers; it certainly had something of that look. But +what could they gain by it? He threw out that suggestion. Tom replied: + +"Gain? Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe. But they are strangers +making their way in a new community. Is it nothing to them to appear as +pets of an Oriental prince--at no expense? Is it nothing to them to be +able to dazzle this poor little town with thousand-dollar rewards--at no +expense? Wilson, there isn't any such knife, or your scheme would have +fetched it to light. Or if there is any such knife, they've got it yet. +I believe, myself, that they've seen such a knife, for Angelo pictured +it out with his pencil too swiftly and handily for him to have been +inventing it, and of course I can't swear that they've never had it; but +this I'll go bail for--if they had it when they came to this town, +they've got it yet." + +Blake said-- + +"It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it most certainly +does." + +Tom responded, turning to leave-- + +"You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can't furnish the knife, go +and search the twins!" + +Tom sauntered away. Wilson felt a good deal depressed. He hardly knew +what to think. He was loath to withdraw his faith from the twins, and +was resolved not to do it on the present indecisive evidence; but--well, +he would think, and then decide how to act. + +"Blake, what do you think of this matter?" + +"Well, Pudd'nhead, I'm bound to say I put it up the way Tom does. They +hadn't the knife; or if they had it, they've got it yet." + +The men parted. Wilson said to himself: + +"I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the scheme would have +restored it, that is certain. And so I believe they've got it yet." + +Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those two men. When +he began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them a little and get a +trifle of malicious entertainment out of it. But when he left, he left +in great spirits, for he perceived that just by pure luck and no +troublesome labor he had accomplished several delightful things: he had +touched both men on a raw spot and seen them squirm; he had modified +Wilson's sweetness for the twins with one small bitter taste that he +wouldn't be able to get out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, +he had taken the hated twins down a peg with the community; for Blake +would gossip around freely, after the manner of detectives, and within a +week the town would be laughing at them in its sleeve for offering a +gaudy reward for a bauble which they either never possessed or hadn't +lost. Tom was very well satisfied with himself. + +Tom's behavior at home had been perfect during the entire week. His +uncle and aunt had seen nothing like it before. They could find no fault +with him anywhere. + +Saturday evening he said to the Judge-- + +"I've had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I am going away, +and might never see you again, I can't bear it any longer. I made you +believe I was afraid to fight that Italian adventurer. I had to get out +of it on some pretext or other, and maybe I chose badly, being taken +unawares, but no honorable person could consent to meet him in the +field, knowing what I knew about him." + +"Indeed? What was that?" + +"Count Luigi is a confessed assassin." + +"Incredible!" + +"It's perfectly true. Wilson detected it in his hand, by palmistry, and +charged him with it, and cornered him up so close that he had to +confess; but both twins begged us on their knees to keep the secret, and +swore they would lead straight lives here; and it was all so pitiful +that we gave our word of honor never to expose them while they kept that +promise. You would have done it yourself, uncle." + +"You are right, my boy; I would. A man's secret is still his own +property, and sacred, when it has been surprised out of him like that. +You did well, and I am proud of you." Then he added mournfully, "But I +wish I could have been saved the shame of meeting an assassin on the +field of honor." + +"It couldn't be helped, uncle. If I had known you were going to +challenge him I should have felt obliged to sacrifice my pledged word in +order to stop it, but Wilson couldn't be expected to do otherwise than +keep silent." + +"Oh, no; Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. Tom, Tom, you have +lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung to the very soul when I +seemed to have discovered that I had a coward in my family." + +"You may imagine what it cost me to assume such a part, uncle." + +"Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it. And I can understand how much it +has cost you to remain under that unjust stigma to this time. But it is +all right now, and no harm is done. You have restored my comfort of +mind, and with it your own; and both of us had suffered enough." + +The old man sat awhile plunged in thought; then he looked up with a +satisfied light in his eye, and said: "That this assassin should have +put the affront upon me of letting me meet him on the field of honor as +if he were a gentleman is a matter which I will presently settle--but +not now. I will not shoot him until after election. I see a way to ruin +them both before; I will attend to that first. Neither of them shall be +elected, that I promise. You are sure that the fact that he is an +assassin has not got abroad?" + +"Perfectly certain of it, sir." + +"It will be a good card. I will fling a hint at it from the stump on the +polling-day. It will sweep the ground from under both of them." + +"There's not a doubt of it. It will finish them." + +"That and outside work among the voters will, to a certainty. I want you +to come down here by and by and work privately among the rag-tag and +bobtail. You shall spend money among them; I will furnish it." + +Another point scored against the detested twins! Really it was a great +day for Tom. He was encouraged to chance a parting shot, now, at the +same target, and did it. + +"You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins have been making +such a to-do about? Well, there's no track or trace of it yet; so the +town is beginning to sneer and gossip and laugh. Half the people believe +they never had any such knife, the other half believe they had it and +have got it still. I've heard twenty people talking like that to-day." + +Yes, Tom's blemishless week had restored him to the favor of his aunt +and uncle. + +His mother was satisfied with him, too. Privately, she believed she was +coming to love him, but she did not say so. She told him to go along to +St. Louis, now, and she would get ready and follow. Then she smashed her +whisky bottle and said-- + +"Dah now! I's a-gwyne to make you walk as straight as a string, +Chambers, en so I's bown' you ain't gwyne to git no bad example out o' +yo' mammy. I tole you you couldn't go into no bad comp'ny. Well, you's +gwyne into my comp'ny, en I's gwyne to fill de bill. Now, den, trot +along, trot along!" + +Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that night with his heavy +satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept the sleep of the unjust, +which is serener and sounder than the other kind, as we know by the +hanging-eve history of a million rascals. But when he got up in the +morning, luck was against him again: A brother-thief had robbed him +while he slept, and gone ashore at some intermediate landing. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +Sold Down the River. + +If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite +you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a +man.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of +the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It +seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for +studying the oyster.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +When Roxana arrived, she found her son in such despair and misery that +her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up strong in her. He was +ruined past hope, now; his destruction would be immediate and sure, and +he would be an outcast and friendless. That was reason enough for a +mother to love a child; so she loved him, and told him so. It made him +wince, secretly--for she was a "nigger." That he was one himself was far +from reconciling him to that despised race. + +Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he responded +uncomfortably, but as well as he could. And she tried to comfort him, +but that was not possible. These intimacies quickly became horrible to +him, and within the hour he began to try to get up courage enough to +tell her so, and require that they be discontinued or very considerably +modified. But he was afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull, now, +for she had begun to think. She was trying to invent a saving plan. +Finally she started up, and said she had found a way out. Tom was almost +suffocated by the joy of this sudden good news. Roxana said: + +"Here is de plan, en she'll win, sure. I's a nigger, en nobody ain't +gwyne to doubt it dat hears me talk. I's wuth six hund'd dollahs. Take +en sell me, en pay off dese gamblers." + +Tom was dazed. He was not sure he had heard aright. He was dumb for a +moment; then he said: + +"Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save me?" + +"Ain't you my chile? En does you know anything dat a mother won't do for +her chile? Day ain't nothin' a white mother won't do for her chile. Who +made 'em so? De Lord done it. En who made de niggers? De Lord made 'em. +In de inside, mothers is all de same. De good Lord he made 'em so. I's +gwyne to be sole into slavery, en in a year you's gwyne to buy yo' ole +mammy free ag'in. I'll show you how. Dat's de plan." + +Tom's hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with them. He said-- + +"It's lovely of you, mammy--it's just--" + +"Say it ag'in! En keep on sayin' it! It's all de pay a body kin want in +dis worl', en it's mo' den enough. Laws bless you, honey, when I's +slavin' aroun', en dey 'buses me, if I knows you's a-sayin' dat, 'way +off yonder somers, it'll heal up all de sore places, en I kin stan' +'em." + +"I do say it again, mammy, and I'll keep on saying it, too. But how am I +going to sell you? You're free, you know." + +"Much diff'rence dat make! White folks ain't partic'lar. De law kin sell +me now if dey tell me to leave de State in six months en I don't go. You +draw up a paper--bill o' sale--en put it 'way off yonder, down in de +middle o' Kaintuck somers, en sign some names to it, en say you'll sell +me cheap 'ca'se you's hard up; you'll find you ain't gwyne to have no +trouble. You take me up de country a piece, en sell me on a farm; dem +people ain't gwyne to ask no questions if I's a bargain." + +Tom forged a bill of sale and sold his mother to an Arkansas +cotton-planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. He did not want to +commit this treachery, but luck threw the man in his way, and this saved +him the necessity of going up country to hunt up a purchaser, with the +added risk of having to answer a lot of questions, whereas this planter +was so pleased with Roxy that he asked next to none at all. Besides, the +planter insisted that Roxy wouldn't know where she was, at first, and +that by the time she found out she would already have become contented. +And Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantage for Roxy to +have a master who was so pleased with her, as this planter manifestly +was. In almost no time his flowing reasonings carried him to the point +of even half believing he was doing Roxy a splendid surreptitious +service in selling her "down the river." And then he kept diligently +saying to himself all the time: "It's for only a year. In a year I buy +her free again; she'll keep that in mind, and it'll reconcile her." Yes; +the little deception could do no harm, and everything would come out +right and pleasant in the end, any way. By agreement, the conversation +in Roxy's presence was all about the man's "upcountry" farm, and how +pleasant a place it was, and how happy the slaves were there; so poor +Roxy was entirely deceived; and easily, for she was not dreaming that +her own son could be guilty of treason to a mother who, in voluntarily +going into slavery--slavery of any kind, mild or severe, or of any +duration, brief or long--was making a sacrifice for him compared with +which death would have been a poor and commonplace one. She lavished +tears and loving caresses upon him privately, and then went away with +her owner--went away broken-hearted, and yet proud of what she was +doing, and glad it was in her power to do it. + +Tom squared his accounts, and resolved to keep to the very letter of his +reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy again. He had three +hundred dollars left. According to his mother's plan, he was to put that +safely away, and add her half of his pension to it monthly. In one year +this fund would buy her free again. + +For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much the villainy +which he had played upon his trusting mother preyed upon his rag of a +conscience; but after that he began to get comfortable again, and was +presently able to sleep like any other miscreant. + +The boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the afternoon, and she +stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle-box and watched Tom through a +blur of tears until he melted into the throng of people and disappeared; +then she looked no more, but sat there on a coil of cable crying till +far into the night. When she went to her foul steerage-bunk at last, +between the clashing engines, it was not to sleep, but only to wait for +the morning, and, waiting, grieve. + +It had been imagined that she "would not know," and would think she was +traveling up stream. She! Why, she had been steamboating for years. At +dawn she got up and went listlessly and sat down on the cable-coil +again. She passed many a snag whose "break" could have told her a thing +to break her heart, for it showed a current moving in the same direction +that the boat was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did +not notice. But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break than usual +brought her out of her torpor, and she looked up, and her practised eye +fell upon that telltale rush of water. For one moment her petrified gaze +fixed itself there. Then her head dropped upon her breast, and she +said-- + +"Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po' sinful me--I's sole down de +river!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy. + +Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full +of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that +you didn't see him do it.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all +the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left +in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the +country has grown so.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +The summer weeks dragged by, and then the political campaign +opened--opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed hotter and hotter +daily. The twins threw themselves into it with their whole heart, for +their self-love was engaged. Their popularity, so general at first, had +suffered afterward; mainly because they had been too popular, and so a +natural reaction had followed. Besides, it had been diligently whispered +around that it was curious--indeed, very curious--that that wonderful +knife of theirs did not turn up--if it was so valuable, or if it had +ever existed. And with the whisperings went chucklings and nudgings and +winks, and such things have an effect. The twins considered that success +in the election would reinstate them, and that defeat would work them +irreparable damage. Therefore they worked hard, but not harder than +Judge Driscoll and Tom worked against them in the closing days of the +canvas. Tom's conduct had remained so letter-perfect during two whole +months, now, that his uncle not only trusted him with money with which +to persuade voters, but trusted him to go and get it himself out of the +safe in the private sitting-room. + +The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge Driscoll, and he +made it against both of the foreigners. It was disastrously effective. +He poured out rivers of ridicule upon them, and forced the big +mass-meeting to laugh and applaud. He scoffed at them as adventurers, +mountebanks, side-show riff-raff, dime museum freaks; he assailed their +showy titles with measureless derision; he said they were back-alley +barbers disguised as nobilities, peanut peddlers masquerading as +gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft of their brother monkey. At last he +stopped and stood still. He waited until the place had become absolutely +silent and expectant, then he delivered his deadliest shot; delivered it +with ice-cold seriousness and deliberation, with a significant emphasis +upon the closing words: he said that he believed that the reward offered +for the lost knife was humbug and buncombe, and that its owner would +know where to find it whenever he should have occasion to assassinate +somebody. + +Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and impressive hush +behind him instead of the customary explosion of cheers and party cries. + +The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and made an +extraordinary sensation. Everybody was asking, "What could he mean by +that?" And everybody went on asking that question, but in vain; for the +Judge only said he knew what he was talking about, and stopped there; +Tom said he hadn't any idea what his uncle meant, and Wilson, whenever +he was asked what he thought it meant, parried the question by asking +the questioner what he thought it meant. + +Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated--crushed, in fact, and left +forlorn and substantially friendless. Tom went back to St. Louis happy. + +Dawson's Landing had a week of repose, now, and it needed it. But it was +in an expectant state, for the air was full of rumors of a new duel. +Judge Driscoll's election labors had prostrated him, but it was said +that as soon as he was well enough to entertain a challenge he would get +one from Count Luigi. + +The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed their +humiliation in privacy. They avoided the people, and went out for +exercise only late at night, when the streets were deserted. + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +Roxana Commands. + +Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same +procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the +band and the gaudy officials have gone by.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Thanksgiving Day. Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, +but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use +plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +The Friday after the election was a rainy one in St. Louis. It rained +all day long, and rained hard, apparently trying its best to wash that +soot-blackened town white, but of course not succeeding. Toward midnight +Tom Driscoll arrived at his lodgings from the theatre in the heavy +downpour, and closed his umbrella and let himself in; but when he would +have shut the door, he found that there was another person +entering--doubtless another lodger; this person closed the door and +tramped up-stairs behind Tom. Tom found his door in the dark, and +entered it and turned up the gas. When he faced about, lightly +whistling, he saw the back of a man. The man was closing and locking his +door for him. His whistle faded out and he felt uneasy. The man turned +around, a wreck of shabby old clothes, sodden with rain and all a-drip, +and showed a black face under an old slouch hat. Tom was frightened. He +tried to order the man out, but the words refused to come, and the other +man got the start. He said, in a low voice-- + +"Keep still--I's yo' mother!" + +Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out-- + +"It was mean of me, and base--I know it; but I meant it for the best, I +did indeed--I can swear it." + +Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he writhed in shame +and went on incoherently babbling self-accusations mixed with pitiful +attempts at explanation and palliation of his crime; then she seated +herself and took off her hat, and her unkept masses of long brown hair +tumbled down about her shoulders. + +"It ain't no fault o' yo'n dat dat ain't gray," she said sadly, noticing +the hair. + +"I know it, I know it! I'm a scoundrel. But I swear I meant it for the +best. It was a mistake, of course, but I thought it was for the best, I +truly did." + +Roxana began to cry softly, and presently words began to find their way +out between her sobs. They were uttered lamentingly, rather than +angrily-- + +"Sell a pusson down de river--down the river!--for de bes'! I wouldn't +treat a dog so! I is all broke down en wore out, now, en so I reckon it +ain't in me to storm aroun' no mo', like I used to when I 'uz trompled +on en 'bused. I don't know--but maybe it's so. Leastways, I's suffered +so much dat mournin' seem to come mo' handy to me now den stormin'." + +These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if they did, that +effect was obliterated by a stronger one--one which removed the heavy +weight of fear which lay upon him, and gave his crushed spirit a most +grateful rebound, and filled all his small soul with a deep sense of +relief. But he kept prudently still, and ventured no comment. There was +a voiceless interval of some duration, now, in which no sounds were +heard but the beating of the rain upon the panes, the sighing and +complaining of the winds, and now and then a muffled sob from Roxana. +The sobs became more and more infrequent, and at last ceased. Then the +refugee began to talk again: + +"Shet down dat light a little. More. More yit. A pusson dat is hunted +don't like de light. Dah--dat'll do. I kin see whah you is, en dat's +enough. I's gwine to tell you de tale, en cut it jes as short as I kin, +en den I'll tell you what you's got to do. Dat man dat bought me ain't a +bad man; he's good enough, as planters goes; en if he could 'a' had his +way I'd 'a' be'n a house servant in his fambly en be'n comfortable: but +his wife she was a Yank, en not right down good lookin', en she riz up +agin me straight off; so den dey sent me out to de quarter 'mongst de +common fiel' han's. Dat woman warn't satisfied even wid dat, but she +worked up de overseer ag'in' me, she 'uz dat jealous en hateful; so de +overseer he had me out befo' day in de mawnin's en worked me de whole +long day as long as dey 'uz any light to see by; en many's de lashin's I +got 'ca'se I couldn't come up to de work o' de stronges'. Dat overseer +wuz a Yank, too, outen New Englan', en anybody down South kin tell you +what dat mean. Dey knows how to work a nigger to death, en dey knows how +to whale 'em, too--whale 'em till dey backs is welted like a washboard. +'Long at fust my marster say de good word for me to de overseer, but dat +'uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it out, en arter dat I jist +ketched it at every turn--dey warn't no mercy for me no mo'." + +Tom's heart was fired--with fury against the planter's wife; and he said +to himself, "But for that meddlesome fool, everything would have gone +all right." He added a deep and bitter curse against her. + +The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in his face, and +stood thus revealed to Roxana by a white glare of lightning which turned +the somber dusk of the room into dazzling day at that moment. She was +pleased--pleased and grateful; for did not that expression show that her +child was capable of grieving for his mother's wrongs and of feeling +resentment toward her persecutors?--a thing which she had been doubting. +But her flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out again and left +her spirit dark; for she said to herself, "He sole me down de river--he +can't feel for a body long: dis'll pass en go." Then she took up her +tale again. + +"'Bout ten days ago I 'uz sayin' to myself dat I couldn't las' many mo' +weeks I 'uz so wore out wid de awful work en de lashin's, en so +downhearted en misable. En I didn't care no mo', nuther--life warn't +wuth noth'n' to me, if I got to go on like dat. Well, when a body is in +a frame o' mine like dat, what do a body care what a body do? Dey was a +little sickly nigger wench 'bout ten year ole dat 'uz good to me, en +hadn't no mammy, po' thing, en I loved her en she loved me; en she come +out whah I 'uz workin 'en she had a roasted tater, en tried to slip it +to me,--robbin' herself, you see, 'ca'se she knowed de overseer didn't +gimme enough to eat,--en he ketched her at it, en give her a lick acrost +de back wid his stick, which 'uz as thick as a broom-handle, en she +drop' screamin' on de groun', en squirmin' en wallerin' aroun' in de +dust like a spider dat's got crippled. I couldn't stan' it. All de +hell-fire dat 'uz ever in my heart flame' up, en I snatch de stick outen +his han' en laid him flat. He laid dah moanin' en cussin', en all out of +his head, you know, en de niggers 'uz plumb sk'yred to death. Dey +gathered roun' him to he'p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took out for +de river as tight as I could go. I knowed what dey would do wid me. Soon +as he got well he would start in en work me to death if marster let him; +en if dey didn't do dat, they'd sell me furder down de river, en dat's +de same thing. So I 'lowed to drown myself en git out o' my troubles. It +'uz gitt'n' towards dark. I 'uz at de river in two minutes. Den I see a +canoe, en I says dey ain't no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I +ties de hoss in de edge o' de timber en shove out down de river, keepin' +in under de shelter o' de bluff bank en prayin' for de dark to shet down +quick. I had a pow'ful good start, 'ca'se de big house 'uz three mile +back f'om de river en on'y de work-mules to ride dah on, en on'y niggers +to ride 'em, en dey warn't gwine to hurry--dey'd gimme all de chance dey +could. Befo' a body could go to de house en back it would be long pas' +dark, en dey couldn't track de hoss en fine out which way I went tell +mawnin', en de niggers would tell 'em all de lies dey could 'bout it. + +"Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin' down de river. I paddled +mo'n two hours, den I warn't worried no mo', so I quit paddlin, en +floated down de current, considerin' what I 'uz gwine to do if I didn't +have to drown myself. I made up some plans, en floated along, turnin' +'em over in my mine. Well, when it 'uz a little pas' midnight, as I +reckoned, en I had come fifteen or twenty mile, I see de lights o' a +steamboat layin' at de bank, whah dey warn't no town en no woodyard, en +putty soon I ketched de shape o' de chimbly-tops ag'in' de stars, en den +good gracious me, I 'most jumped out o' my skin for joy! It 'uz de Gran' +Mogul--I 'uz chambermaid on her for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en +Orleans trade. I slid 'long pas'--don't see nobody stirrin' nowhah--hear +'em a-hammerin' away in de engine-room, den I knowed what de matter +was--some o' de machinery's broke. I got asho' below de boat and turn' +de canoe loose, den I goes 'long up, en dey 'uz jes one plank out, en I +step' 'board de boat. It 'uz pow'ful hot, deckhan's en roustabouts 'uz +sprawled aroun' asleep on de fo'cas'l', de second mate, Jim Bangs, he +sot dah on de bitts wid his head down, asleep--'ca'se dat's de way de +second mate stan' de cap'n's watch!--en de ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he +'uz a-noddin' on de companionway;--en I knowed 'em all; 'en, lan', but +dey did look good! I says to myself, I wished old marster'd come along +now en try to take me--bless yo' heart, I's 'mong frien's, I is. So I +tromped right along 'mongst 'em, en went up on de b'iler deck en 'way +back aft to de ladies' cabin guard, en sot down dah in de same cheer dat +I'd sot in 'mos' a hund'd million times, I reckon; en it 'uz jist home +ag'in, I tell you! + +"In 'bout an hour I heard de ready-bell jingle, en den de racket begin. +Putty soon I hear de gong strike. 'Set her back on de outside,' I says +to myself--'I reckon I knows dat music!' I hear de gong ag'in. 'Come +ahead on de inside,' I says. Gong ag'in. 'Stop de outside.' Gong ag'in. +'Come ahead on de outside--now we's pinted for Sent Louis, en I's outer +de woods en ain't got to drown myself at all.' I knowed de Mogul 'uz in +de Sent Louis trade now, you see. It 'uz jes fair daylight when we +passed our plantation, en I seed a gang o' niggers en white folks +huntin' up en down de sho', en troublin' deyselves a good deal 'bout me; +but I warn't troublin' myself none 'bout dem. + +"'Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second chambermaid en +'uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, en 'uz pow'ful glad +to see me, en so 'uz all de officers; en I tole 'em I'd got kidnapped en +sole down de river, en dey made me up twenty dollahs en give it to me, +en Sally she rigged me out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went +straight to whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say +you's away but 'spected back every day; so I didn't dast to go down de +river to Dawson's, 'ca'se I might miss you. + +"Well, las' Monday I 'uz pass'n' by one o' dem places in Fourth street +whah deh sticks up runaway-nigger bills, en he'ps to ketch 'em, en I +seed my marster! I 'mos' flopped down on de groun', I felt so gone. He +had his back to me, en 'uz talkin' to de man en givin' him some +bills--nigger-bills, I reckon, en I'se de nigger. He's offerin' a +reward--dat's it. Ain't I right, don't you reckon?" + +Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly terror, and he +said to himself, now: "I'm lost, no matter what turn things take! This +man has said to me that he thinks there was something suspicious about +that sale. He said he had a letter from a passenger on the Grand Mogul +saying that Roxy came here on that boat and that everybody on board knew +all about the case; so he says that her coming here instead of flying to +a free State looks bad for me, and that if I don't find her for him, and +that pretty soon, he will make trouble for me. I never believed that +story; I couldn't believe she would be so dead to all motherly instincts +as to come here, knowing the risk she would run of getting me into +irremediable trouble. And after all, here she is! And I stupidly swore I +would help him find her, thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to +promise. If I venture to deliver her up, she--she--but how can I help +myself? I've got to do that or pay the money, and where's the money to +come from? I--I--well, I should think that if he would swear to treat +her kindly hereafter--and she says, herself, that he is a good man--and +if he would swear to never allow her to be overworked, or ill fed, or--" + +A flash of lightning exposed Tom's pallid face, drawn and rigid with +these worrying thoughts. Roxana spoke up sharply now, and there was +apprehension in her voice-- + +"Turn up dat light! I want to see yo' face better. Dah now--lemme look +at you. Chambers, you's as white as yo' shirt! Has you see dat man? Has +he be'n to see you?" + +"Ye-s." + +"When?" + +"Monday noon." + +"Monday noon! Was he on my track?" + +"He--well, he thought he was. That is, he hoped he was. This is the bill +you saw." He took it out of his pocket. + +"Read it to me!" + +She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky glow in her eyes +that Tom could not translate with certainty, but there seemed to be +something threatening about it. The handbill had the usual rude woodcut +of a turbaned negro woman running, with the customary bundle on a stick +over her shoulder, and the heading in bold type, "$100 Reward." Tom read +the bill aloud--at least the part that described Roxana and named the +master and his St. Louis address and the address of the Fourth-street +agency; but he left out the item that applicants for the reward might +also apply to Mr. Thomas Driscoll. + +"Gimme de bill!" + +Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket. He felt a chilly +streak creeping down his back, but said as carelessly as he could-- + +"The bill? Why, it isn't any use to you, you can't read it. What do you +want with it?" + +"Gimme de bill!" Tom gave it to her, but with a reluctance which he +could not entirely disguise. "Did you read it all to me?" + +"Certainly I did." + +"Hole up yo' han' en swah to it." + +Tom did it. Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, with her +eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while; then she said-- + +"Yo's lyin'!" + +"What would I want to lie about it for?" + +"I don't know--but you is. Dat's my opinion, anyways. But nemmine 'bout +dat. When I seed dat man I 'uz dat sk'yerd dat I could sca'cely wobble +home. Den I give a nigger man a dollar for dese clo'es, en I ain't be'n +in a house sence, night ner day, till now. I blacked my face en laid hid +in de cellar of a ole house dat's burnt down, daytimes, en robbed de +sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de wharf, nights, to git somethin' to +eat, en never dast to try to buy noth'n', en I's 'mos' starved. En I +never dast to come near dis place till dis rainy night, when dey ain't +no people roun' sca'cely. But to-night I be'n a-stannin' in de dark +alley ever sence night come, waitin' for you to go by. En here I is." + +She fell to thinking. Presently she said-- + +"You seed dat man at noon, las' Monday?" + +"Yes." + +"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon. He hunted you up, didn't he?" + +"Yes." + +"Did he give you de bill dat time?" + +"No, he hadn't got it printed yet." + +Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. + +"Did you he'p him fix up de bill?" + +Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried to rectify +it by saying he remembered, now, that it was at noon Monday that the man +gave him the bill. Roxana said-- + +"You's lyin' ag'in, sho." Then she straightened up and raised her +finger: + +"Now den! I's gwine to ask you a question, en I wants to know how you's +gwine to git aroun' it. You knowed he 'uz arter me; en if you run off, +'stid o' stayin' here to he'p him, he'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong +'bout dis business, en den he would inquire 'bout you, en dat would take +him to yo' uncle, en yo' uncle would read de bill en see dat you be'n +sellin' a free nigger down de river, en you know him, I reckon! He'd +t'ar up de will en kick you outen de house. Now, den, you answer me dis +question: hain't you tole dat man dat I would be sho' to come here, en +den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch me?" + +Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any +longer--he was in a vise, with the screw turned on, and out of it there +was no budging. His face began to take on an ugly look, and presently he +said, with a snarl-- + +"Well, what could I do? You see, yourself, that I was in his grip and +couldn't get out." + +Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she said-- + +"What could you do? You could be Judas to yo' own mother to save yo' +wuthless hide! Would anybody b'lieve it? No--a dog couldn't! You is de +low-downest orneriest hound dat was ever pup'd into dis worl'--en I's +'sponsible for it!"--and she spat on him. + +He made no effort to resent this. Roxy reflected a moment, then she +said-- + +"Now I'll tell you what you's gwine to do. You's gwine to give dat man +de money dat you's got laid up, en make him wait till you kin go to de +Judge en git de res' en buy me free agin." + +"Thunder! what are you thinking of? Go and ask him for three hundred +dollars and odd? What would I tell him I want with it, pray?" + +Roxy's answer was delivered in a serene and level voice-- + +"You'll tell him you's sole me to pay yo' gamblin' debts en dat you lied +to me en was a villain, en dat I 'quires you to git dat money en buy me +back ag'in." + +"Why, you've gone stark mad! He would tear the will to shreds in a +minute--don't you know that?" + +"Yes, I does." + +"Then you don't believe I'm idiot enough to go to him, do you?" + +"I don't b'lieve nothin' 'bout it--I knows you's a-goin'. I knows it +'ca'se you knows dat if you don't raise dat money I'll go to him myself, +en den he'll sell you down de river, en you kin see how you like it!" + +Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil light in his eye. +He strode to the door and said he must get out of this suffocating place +for a moment and clear his brain in the fresh air so that he could +determine what to do. The door wouldn't open. Roxy smiled grimly, and +said-- + +"I's got de key, honey--set down. You needn't cle'r up yo' brain none to +fine out what you gwine to do--I knows what you's gwine to do." Tom sat +down and began to pass his hands through his hair with a helpless and +desperate air. Roxy said, "Is dat man in dis house?" + +Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked-- + +"What gave you such an idea?" + +"You done it. Gwine out to cle'r yo' brain! In de fust place you ain't +got none to cle'r, en in de second place yo' ornery eye tole on you. +You's de low-downest hound dat ever--but I done tole you dat befo'. Now +den, dis is Friday. You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you's +gwine away to git de res' o' de money, en dat you'll be back wid it nex' +Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. You understan'?" + +Tom answered sullenly-- + +"Yes." + +"En when you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells me to my own self, take +en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd'nhead Wilson, en write on de back dat +he's to keep it tell I come. You understan'?" + +"Yes." + +"Dat's all den. Take yo' umbreller, en put on yo' hat." + +"Why?" + +"Beca'se you's gwine to see me home to de wharf. You see dis knife? I's +toted it aroun' sence de day I seed dat man en bought dese clo'es en it. +If he ketch me, I's gwine to kill myself wid it. Now start along, en go +sof', en lead de way; en if you gives a sign in dis house, or if anybody +comes up to you in de street, I's gwine to jam it right into you. +Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"It's no use to bother me with that question. I know your word's good." + +"Yes, it's diff'rent from yo'n! Shet de light out en move along--here's +de key." + +They were not followed. Tom trembled every time a late straggler brushed +by them on the street, and half expected to feel the cold steel in his +back. Roxy was right at his heels and always in reach. After tramping a +mile they reached a wide vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this +dark and rainy desert they parted. + +As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts and wild plans; +but at last he said to himself, wearily-- + +"There is but the one way out. I must follow her plan. But with a +variation--I will not ask for the money and ruin myself; I will rob the +old skinflint." + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +The Prophecy Realized. + +Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good +example.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of +opinion that makes horse-races.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Dawson's Landing was comfortably finishing its season of dull repose and +waiting patiently for the duel. Count Luigi was waiting, too; but not +patiently, rumor said. Sunday came, and Luigi insisted on having his +challenge conveyed. Wilson carried it. Judge Driscoll declined to fight +with an assassin--"that is," he added significantly, "in the field of +honor." + +Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready. Wilson tried to convince him +that if he had been present himself when Angelo told about the homicide +committed by Luigi, he would not have considered the act discreditable +to Luigi; but the obstinate old man was not to be moved. + +Wilson went back to his principal and reported the failure of his +mission. Luigi was incensed, and asked how it could be that the old +gentleman, who was by no means dull-witted, held his trifling nephew's +evidence and inferences to be of more value than Wilson's. But Wilson +laughed, and said-- + +"That is quite simple; that is easily explicable. I am not his doll--his +baby--his infatuation: his nephew is. The Judge and his late wife never +had any children. The Judge and his wife were past middle age when this +treasure fell into their lap. One must make allowances for a parental +instinct that has been starving for twenty-five or thirty years. It is +famished, it is crazed with hunger by that time, and will be entirely +satisfied with anything that comes handy; its taste is atrophied, it +can't tell mud-cat from shad. A devil born to a young couple is +measurably recognizable by them as a devil before long, but a devil +adopted by an old couple is an angel to them, and remains so, through +thick and thin. Tom is this old man's angel; he is infatuated with him. +Tom can persuade him into things which other people can't--not all +things; I don't mean that, but a good many--particularly one class of +things: the things that create or abolish personal partialities or +prejudices in the old man's mind. The old man liked both of you. Tom +conceived a hatred for you. That was enough; it turned the old man +around at once. The oldest and strongest friendship must go to the +ground when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at it." + +"It's a curious philosophy," said Luigi. + +"It ain't a philosophy at all--it's a fact. And there is something +pathetic and beautiful about it, too. I think there is nothing more +pathetic than to see one of these poor old childless couples taking a +menagerie of yelping little worthless dogs to their hearts; and then +adding some cursing and squawking parrots and a jackass-voiced macaw; +and next a couple of hundred screeching song-birds, and presently some +fetid guinea-pigs and rabbits, and a howling colony of cats. It is all a +groping and ignorant effort to construct out of base metal and brass +filings, so to speak, something to take the place of that golden +treasure denied them by Nature, a child. But this is a digression. The +unwritten law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll on +sight, and he and the community will expect that attention at your +hands--though of course your own death by his bullet will answer every +purpose. Look out for him! Are you heeled--that is, fixed?" + +"Yes, he shall have his opportunity. If he attacks me I will respond." + +As Wilson was leaving, he said-- + +"The Judge is still a little used up by his campaign work, and will not +get out for a day or so; but when he does get out, you want to be on the +alert." + +About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, and started on a +long stroll in the veiled moonlight. + +Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett's Store, two miles below Dawson's, +just about half an hour earlier, the only passenger for that lonely +spot, and had walked up the shore road and entered Judge Driscoll's +house without having encountered any one either on the road or under the +roof. + +He pulled down his window-blinds and lighted his candle. He laid off his +coat and hat and began his preparations. He unlocked his trunk and got +his suit of girl's clothes out from under the male attire in it, and +laid it by. Then he blacked his face with burnt cork and put the cork in +his pocket. His plan was, to slip down to his uncle's private +sitting-room below, pass into the bedroom, steal the safe-key from the +old gentleman's clothes, and then go back and rob the safe. He took up +his candle to start. His courage and confidence were high, up to this +point, but both began to waver a little, now. Suppose he should make a +noise, by some accident, and get caught--say, in the act of opening the +safe? Perhaps it would be well to go armed. He took the Indian knife +from its hiding-place, and felt a pleasant return of his wandering +courage. He slipped stealthily down the narrow stair, his hair rising +and his pulses halting at the slightest creak. When he was half-way +down, he was disturbed to perceive that the landing below was touched by +a faint glow of light. What could that mean? Was his uncle still up? No, +that was not likely; he must have left his night-taper there when he +went to bed. Tom crept on down, pausing at every step to listen. He +found the door standing open, and glanced in. What he saw pleased him +beyond measure. His uncle was asleep on the sofa; on a small table at +the head of the sofa a lamp was burning low, and by it stood the old +man's small tin cash-box, closed. Near the box was a pile of bank-notes +and a piece of paper covered with figures in pencil. The safe-door was +not open. Evidently the sleeper had wearied himself with work upon his +finances, and was taking a rest. + +Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his way toward the +pile of notes, stooping low as he went. When he was passing his uncle, +the old man stirred in his sleep, and Tom stopped instantly--stopped, +and softly drew the knife from its sheath, with his heart thumping, and +his eyes fastened upon his benefactor's face. After a moment or two he +ventured forward again--one step--reached for his prize and seized it, +dropping the knife-sheath. Then he felt the old man's strong grip upon +him, and a wild cry of "Help! help!" rang in his ear. Without hesitation +he drove the knife home--and was free. Some of the notes escaped from +his left hand and fell in the blood on the floor. He dropped the knife +and snatched them up and started to fly; transferred them to his left +hand, and seized the knife again, in his fright and confusion, but +remembered himself and flung it from him, as being a dangerous witness +to carry away with him. + +He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind him; and as he +snatched his candle and fled upward, the stillness of the night was +broken by the sound of urgent footsteps approaching the house. In +another moment he was in his room and the twins were standing aghast +over the body of the murdered man! + +Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on his suit of +girl's clothes, dropped the veil, blew out his light, locked the room +door by which he had just entered, taking the key, passed through his +other door into the back hall, locked that door and kept the key, then +worked his way along in the dark and descended the back stairs. He was +not expecting to meet anybody, for all interest was centered in the +other part of the house, now; his calculation proved correct. By the +time he was passing through the back-yard, Mrs. Pratt, her servants, and +a dozen half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and the dead, and +accessions were still arriving at the front door. + +As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, three women +came flying from the house on the opposite side of the lane. They rushed +by him and in at the gate, asking him what the trouble was there, but +not waiting for an answer. Tom said to himself, "Those old maids waited +to dress--they did the same thing the night Stevens's house burned down +next door." In a few minutes he was in the haunted house. He lighted a +candle and took off his girl-clothes. There was blood on him all down +his left side, and his right hand was red with the stains of the +blood-soaked notes which he had crushed in it; but otherwise he was free +from this sort of evidence. He cleansed his hand on the straw, and +cleaned most of the smut from his face. Then he burned his male and +female attire to ashes, scattered the ashes, and put on a disguise +proper for a tramp. He blew out his light, went below, and was soon +loafing down the river road with the intent to borrow and use one of +Roxy's devices. He found a canoe and paddled off down-stream, setting +the canoe adrift as dawn approached, and making his way by land to the +next village, where he kept out of sight till a transient steamer came +along, and then took deck passage for St. Louis. He was ill at ease +until Dawson's Landing was behind him; then he said to himself, "All the +detectives on earth couldn't trace me now; there's not a vestige of a +clue left in the world; that homicide will take its place with the +permanent mysteries, and people won't get done trying to guess out the +secret of it for fifty years." + +In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram in the +papers--dated at Dawson's Landing: + +Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, was assassinated here +about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman or barber on account of +a quarrel growing out of the recent election. The assassin will probably +be lynched. + +"One of the twins!" soliloquized Tom; "how lucky! It is the knife that +has done him this grace. We never know when fortune is trying to favor +us. I actually cursed Pudd'nhead Wilson in my heart for putting it out +of my power to sell that knife. I take it back, now." + +Tom was now rich and independent. He arranged with the planter, and +mailed to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold Roxana to herself; then +he telegraphed his Aunt Pratt: + +Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost prostrated with +grief. Shall start by packet to-day. Try to bear up till I come. + +When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had gathered such details +as Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd could tell him, he took command +as mayor, and gave orders that nothing should be touched, but everything +left as it was until Justice Robinson should arrive and take the proper +measures as coroner. He cleared everybody out of the room but the twins +and himself. The sheriff soon arrived and took the twins away to jail. +Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do his best in their +defense when the case should come to trial. Justice Robinson came +presently, and with him Constable Blake. They examined the room +thoroughly. They found the knife and the sheath. Wilson noticed that +there were finger-prints on the knife-handle. That pleased him, for the +twins had required the earliest comers to make a scrutiny of their hands +and clothes, and neither these people nor Wilson himself had found any +blood-stains upon them. Could there be a possibility that the twins had +spoken the truth when they said they found the man dead when they ran +into the house in answer to the cry for help? He thought of that +mysterious girl at once. But this was not the sort of work for a girl to +be engaged in. No matter; Tom Driscoll's room must be examined. + +After the coroner's jury had viewed the body and its surroundings, +Wilson suggested a search up-stairs, and he went along. The jury forced +an entrance to Tom's room, but found nothing, of course. + +The coroner's jury found that the homicide was committed by Luigi, and +that Angelo was accessory to it. + +The town was bitter against the unfortunates, and for the first few days +after the murder they were in constant danger of being lynched. The +grand jury presently indicted Luigi for murder in the first degree, and +Angelo as accessory before the fact. The twins were transferred from the +city jail to the county prison to await trial. + +Wilson examined the finger-marks on the knife-handle and said to +himself, "Neither of the twins made those marks." Then manifestly there +was another person concerned, either in his own interest or as hired +assassin. + +But who could it be? That, he must try to find out. The safe was not +open, the cash-box was closed, and had three thousand dollars in it. +Then robbery was not the motive, and revenge was. Where had the murdered +man an enemy except Luigi? There was but that one person in the world +with a deep grudge against him. + +The mysterious girl! The girl was a great trial to Wilson. If the motive +had been robbery, the girl might answer; but there wasn't any girl that +would want to take this old man's life for revenge. He had no quarrels +with girls; he was a gentleman. + +Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger-marks of the knife-handle; and +among his glass-records he had a great array of finger-prints of women +and girls, collected during the last fifteen or eighteen years, but he +scanned them in vain, they successfully withstood every test; among them +were no duplicates of the prints on the knife. + +The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was a worrying +circumstance for Wilson. A week previously he had as good as admitted to +himself that he believed Luigi had possessed such a knife, and that he +still possessed it notwithstanding his pretense that it had been stolen. +And now here was the knife, and with it the twins. Half the town had +said the twins were humbugging when they claimed that they had lost +their knife, and now these people were joyful, and said, "I told you +so!" + +If their finger-prints had been on the handle--but it was useless to +bother any further about that; the finger-prints on the handle were not +theirs--that he knew perfectly. + +Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom couldn't murder +anybody--he hadn't character enough; secondly, if he could murder a +person he wouldn't select his doting benefactor and nearest relative; +thirdly, self-interest was in the way; for while the uncle lived, Tom +was sure of a free support and a chance to get the destroyed will +revived again, but with the uncle gone, that chance was gone, too. It +was true the will had really been revived, as was now discovered, but +Tom could not have been aware of it, or he would have spoken of it, in +his native talky, unsecretive way. Finally, Tom was in St. Louis when +the murder was done, and got the news out of the morning journals, as +was shown by his telegram to his aunt. These speculations were +unemphasized sensations rather than articulated thoughts, for Wilson +would have laughed at the idea of seriously connecting Tom with the +murder. + +Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate--in fact, about +hopeless. For he argued that if a confederate was not found, an +enlightened Missouri jury would hang them, sure; if a confederate was +found, that would not improve the matter, but simply furnish one more +person for the sheriff to hang. Nothing could save the twins but the +discovery of a person who did the murder on his sole personal +account--an undertaking which had all the aspect of the impossible. +Still, the person who made the finger-prints must be sought. The twins +might have no case with him, but they certainly would have none without +him. + +So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, guessing, day and +night, and arriving nowhere. Whenever he ran across a girl or a woman he +was not acquainted with, he got her finger-prints, on one pretext or +another; and they always cost him a sigh when he got home, for they +never tallied with the finger-marks on the knife-handle. + +As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such girl, and did not +remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress like the one described by +Wilson. He admitted that he did not always lock his room, and that +sometimes the servants forgot to lock the house doors; still, in his +opinion the girl must have made but few visits or she would have been +discovered. When Wilson tried to connect her with the stealing-raid, and +thought she might have been the old woman's confederate, if not the very +thief herself disguised as an old woman, Tom seemed stuck, and also much +interested, and said he would keep a sharp eye out for this person or +persons, although he was afraid that she or they would be too smart to +venture again into a town where everybody would now be on the watch for +a good while to come. + +Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and sorrowful, and seemed +to feel his great loss so deeply. He was playing a part, but it was not +all a part. The picture of his alleged uncle, as he had last seen him, +was before him in the dark pretty frequently, when he was awake, and +called again in his dreams, when he was asleep. He wouldn't go into the +room where the tragedy had happened. This charmed the doting Mrs. Pratt, +who realized now, "as she had never done before," she said, what a +sensitive and delicate nature her darling had, and how he adored his +poor uncle. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +The Murderer Chuckles. + +Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to +be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great +caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman: if you +have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take +simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say she did it with her +teeth.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +The weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the jailed twins but their +counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of trial came at last--the +heaviest day in Wilson's life; for with all his tireless diligence he +had discovered no sign or trace of the missing confederate. +"Confederate" was the term he had long ago privately accepted for that +person--not as being unquestionably the right term, but as being at +least possibly the right one, though he was never able to understand why +the twins did not vanish and escape, as the confederate had done, +instead of remaining by the murdered man and getting caught there. + +The court-house was crowded, of course, and would remain so to the +finish, for not only in the town itself, but in the country for miles +around, the trial was the one topic of conversation among the people. +Mrs. Pratt, in deep mourning, and Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats +near Pembroke Howard, the public prosecutor, and back of them sat a +great array of friends of the family. The twins had but one friend +present to keep their counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing +landlady. She sat near Wilson, and looked her friendliest. In the +"nigger corner" sat Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, and her +bill of sale in her pocket. It was her most precious possession, and she +never parted with it, day or night. Tom had allowed her thirty-five +dollars a month ever since he came into his property, and had said that +he and she ought to be grateful to the twins for making them rich; but +had roused such a temper in her by this speech that he did not repeat +the argument afterward. She said the old Judge had treated her child a +thousand times better than he deserved, and had never done her an +unkindness in his life; so she hated these outlandish devils for killing +him, and shouldn't ever sleep satisfied till she saw them hanged for it. +She was here to watch the trial, now, and was going to lift up just one +"hooraw" over it if the County Judge put her in jail a year for it. She +gave her turbaned head a toss and said, "When dat verdic' comes, I's +gwine to lif' dat roof, now, I tell you." + +Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the State's case. He said he would show +by a chain of circumstantial evidence without break or fault in it +anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the bar committed the murder; +that the motive was partly revenge, and partly a desire to take his own +life out of jeopardy, and that his brother, by his presence, was a +consenting accessory to the crime; a crime which was the basest known to +the calendar of human misdeeds--assassination; that it was conceived by +the blackest of hearts and consummated by the cowardliest of hands; a +crime which had broken a loving sister's heart, blighted the happiness +of a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought inconsolable grief +to many friends, and sorrow and loss to the whole community. The utmost +penalty of the outraged law would be exacted, and upon the accused, now +present at the bar, that penalty would unquestionably be executed. He +would reserve further remark until his closing speech. + +He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; Mrs. Pratt and +several other women were weeping when he sat down, and many an eye that +was full of hate was riveted upon the unhappy prisoners. + +Witness after witness was called by the State, and questioned at length; +but the cross-questioning was brief. Wilson knew they could furnish +nothing valuable for his side. People were sorry for Pudd'nhead; his +budding career would get hurt by this trial. + +Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in his public +speech that the twins would be able to find their lost knife again when +they needed it to assassinate somebody with. This was not news, but now +it was seen to have been sorrowfully prophetic, and a profound sensation +quivered through the hushed court-room when those dismal words were +repeated. + +The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within his knowledge, +through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on the last day of his +life, that counsel for the defense had brought him a challenge from the +person charged at this bar with murder; that he had refused to fight +with a confessed assassin--"that is, on the field of honor," but had +added significantly, that he would be ready for him elsewhere. +Presumably the person here charged with murder was warned that he must +kill or be killed the first time he should meet Judge Driscoll. If +counsel for the defense chose to let the statement stand so, he would +not call him to the witness stand. Mr. Wilson said he would offer no +denial. [Murmurs in the house--"It is getting worse and worse for +Wilson's case."] + +Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, and did not know what +woke her up, unless it was the sound of rapid footsteps approaching the +front door. She jumped up and ran out in the hall just as she was, and +heard the footsteps flying up the front steps and then following behind +her as she ran to the sitting-room. There she found the accused standing +over her murdered brother. [Here she broke down and sobbed. Sensation in +the court.] Resuming, she said the persons entering behind her were Mr. +Rogers and Mr. Buckstone. + +Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed their innocence; +declared that they had been taking a walk, and had hurried to the house +in response to a cry for help which was so loud and strong that they had +heard it at a considerable distance; that they begged her and the +gentlemen just mentioned to examine their hands and clothes--which was +done, and no blood stains found. + +Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and Buckstone. + +The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement minutely +describing it and offering a reward for it was put in evidence, and its +exact correspondence with that description proved. Then followed a few +minor details, and the case for the State was closed. + +Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses Clarkson, who would +testify that they met a veiled young woman leaving Judge Driscoll's +premises by the back gate a few minutes after the cries for help were +heard, and that their evidence, taken with certain circumstantial +evidence which he would call the court's attention to, would in his +opinion convince the court that there was still one person concerned in +this crime who had not yet been found, and also that a stay of +proceedings ought to be granted, in justice to his clients, until that +person should be discovered. As it was late, he would ask leave to defer +the examination of his three witnesses until the next morning. + +The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away in excited +groups and couples, talking the events of the session over with vivacity +and consuming interest, and everybody seemed to have had a satisfactory +and enjoyable day except the accused, their counsel, and their old-lady +friend. There was no cheer among these, and no substantial hope. + +In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good-night with a gay +pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down without finishing. + +Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, the opening +solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him with a vague +uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the smallest alarms; +but from the moment that the poverty and weakness of Wilson's case lay +exposed to the court, he was comfortable once more, even jubilant. He +left the court-room sarcastically sorry for Wilson. "The Clarksons met +an unknown woman in the back lane," he said to himself--"that is his +case! I'll give him a century to find her in--a couple of them if he +likes. A woman who doesn't exist any longer, and the clothes that gave +her her sex burnt up and the ashes thrown away--oh, certainly, he'll +find her easy enough!" This reflection set him to admiring, for the +hundredth time, the shrewd ingenuities by which he had insured himself +against detection--more, against even suspicion. + +"Nearly always in cases like this there is some little detail or other +overlooked, some wee little track or trace left behind, and detection +follows; but here there's not even the faintest suggestion of a trace +left. No more than a bird leaves when it flies through the air--yes, +through the night, you may say. The man that can track a bird through +the air in the dark and find that bird is the man to track me out and +find the Judge's assassin--no other need apply. And that is the job that +has been laid out for poor Pudd'nhead Wilson, of all people in the +world! Lord, it will be pathetically funny to see him grubbing and +groping after that woman that don't exist, and the right person sitting +under his very nose all the time!" The more he thought the situation +over, the more the humor of it struck him. Finally he said, "I'll never +let him hear the last of that woman. Every time I catch him in company, +to his dying day, I'll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that +used to gravel him so when I inquired how his unborn law-business was +coming along, 'Got on her track yet--hey, Pudd'nhead?'" He wanted to +laugh, but that would not have answered; there were people about, and he +was mourning for his uncle. He made up his mind that it would be good +entertainment to look in on Wilson that night and watch him worry over +his barren law-case and goad him with an exasperating word or two of +sympathy and commiseration now and then. + +Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite. He got out all the +finger-prints of girls and women in his collection of records and pored +gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to convince himself that that +troublesome girl's marks were there somewhere and had been overlooked. +But it was not so. He drew back his chair, clasped his hands over his +head, and gave himself up to dull and arid musings. + +Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said with a pleasant +laugh as he took a seat-- + +"Hello, we've gone back to the amusements of our days of neglect and +obscurity for consolation, have we?" and he took up one of the glass +strips and held it against the light to inspect it. "Come, cheer up, old +man; there's no use in losing your grip and going back to this +child's-play merely because this big sunspot is drifting across your +shiny new disk. It'll pass, and you'll be all right again,"--and he laid +the glass down. "Did you think you could win always?" + +"Oh, no," said Wilson, with a sigh, "I didn't expect that, but I can't +believe Luigi killed your uncle, and I feel very sorry for him. It makes +me blue. And you would feel as I do, Tom, if you were not prejudiced +against those young fellows." + +"I don't know about that," and Tom's countenance darkened, for his +memory reverted to his kicking; "I owe them no good will, considering +the brunette one's treatment of me that night. Prejudice or no +prejudice, Pudd'nhead, I don't like them, and when they get their +deserts you're not going to find me sitting on the mourner's bench." + +He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed-- + +"Why, here's old Roxy's label! Are you going to ornament the royal +palaces with nigger paw-marks, too? By the date here, I was seven months +old when this was done, and she was nursing me and her little nigger +cub. There's a line straight across her thumb-print. How comes that?" +and Tom held out the piece of glass to Wilson. + +"That is common," said the bored man, wearily. "Scar of a cut or a +scratch, usually"--and he took the strip of glass indifferently, and +raised it toward the lamp. + +All the blood sunk suddenly out of his face; his hand quaked, and he +gazed at the polished surface before him with the glassy stare of a +corpse. + +"Great Heavens, what's the matter with you, Wilson? Are you going to +faint?" + +Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but Wilson shrank +shuddering from him and said-- + +"No, no!--take it away!" His breast was rising and falling, and he moved +his head about in a dull and wandering way, like a person who had been +stunned. Presently he said, "I shall feel better when I get to bed; I +have been overwrought to-day; yes, and over worked for many days." + +"Then I'll leave you and let you to get to your rest. Good-night, old +man." But as Tom went out he couldn't deny himself a small parting gibe: +"Don't take it so hard; a body can't win every time; you'll hang +somebody yet." + +Wilson muttered to himself, "It is no lie to say I am sorry I have to +begin with you, miserable dog though you are!" + +He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and went to work +again. He did not compare the new finger-marks unintentionally left by +Tom a few minutes before on Roxy's glass with the tracings of the marks +left on the knife-handle, there being no need for that (for his trained +eye), but busied himself with another matter, muttering from time to +time, "Idiot that I was!--Nothing but a girl would do me--a man in +girl's clothes never occurred to me." First, he hunted out the plate +containing the finger-prints made by Tom when he was twelve years old, +and laid it by itself; then he brought forth the marks made by Tom's +baby fingers when he was a suckling of seven months, and placed these +two plates with the one containing this subject's newly (and +unconsciously) made record. + +"Now the series is complete," he said with satisfaction, and sat down to +inspect these things and enjoy them. + +But his enjoyment was brief. He stared a considerable time at the three +strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. At last he put them down +and said, "I can't make it out at all--hang it, the baby's don't tally +with the others!" + +He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his enigma, then he +hunted out two other glass plates. + +He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, but kept +muttering, "It's no use; I can't understand it. They don't tally right, +and yet I'll swear the names and dates are right, and so of course they +ought to tally. I never labeled one of these thing carelessly in my +life. There is a most extraordinary mystery here." + +He was tired out, now, and his brains were beginning to clog. He said he +would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he could do with this +riddle. He slept through a troubled and unrestful hour, then +unconsciousness began to shred away, and presently he rose drowsily to a +sitting posture. "Now what was that dream?" he said, trying to recall +it; "what was that dream?--it seemed to unravel that puz--" + +He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without finishing the +sentence, and ran and turned up his light and seized his "records." He +took a single swift glance at them and cried out-- + +"It's so! Heavens, what a revelation! And for twenty-three years no man +has ever suspected it!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +Doom. + +He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring +the cabbages.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on +the other three hundred and sixty-four.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Wilson put on enough clothes for business purposes and went to work +under a high pressure of steam. He was awake all over. All sense of +weariness had been swept away by the invigorating refreshment of the +great and hopeful discovery which he had made. He made fine and accurate +reproductions of a number of his "records," and then enlarged them on a +scale of ten to one with his pantograph. He did these pantograph +enlargements on sheets of white cardboard, and made each individual line +of the bewildering maze of whorls or curves or loops which constituted +the "pattern," of a "record" stand out bold and black by reinforcing it +with ink. To the untrained eye the collection of delicate originals made +by the human finger on the glass plates looked about alike; but when +enlarged ten times they resembled the markings of a block of wood that +has been sawed across the grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a +glance, and at a distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were +alike. When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, +he arranged its results according to a plan in which a progressive order +and sequence was a principal feature; then he added to the batch several +pantograph enlargements which he had made from time to time in bygone +years. + +The night was spent and the day well advanced, now. By the time he had +snatched a trifle of breakfast it was nine o'clock, and the court was +ready to begin its sitting. He was in his place twelve minutes later +with his "records." + +Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, and nudged his +nearest friend and said, with a wink, "Pudd'nhead's got a rare eye to +business--thinks that as long as he can't win his case it's at least a +noble good chance to advertise his palace-window decorations without any +expense." Wilson was informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but +would arrive presently; but he rose and said he should probably not have +occasion to make use of their testimony. [An amused murmur ran through +the room--"It's a clean backdown! he gives up without hitting a lick!"] +Wilson continued--"I have other testimony--and better. [This compelled +interest, and evoked murmurs of surprise that had a detectable +ingredient of disappointment in them.] If I seem to be springing this +evidence upon the court, I offer as my justification for this, that I +did not discover its existence until late last night, and have been +engaged in examining and classifying it ever since, until half an hour +ago. I shall offer it presently; but first I wish to say a few +preliminary words. + +"May it please the Court, the claim given the front place, the claim +most persistently urged, the claim most strenuously and I may even say +aggressively and defiantly insisted upon by the prosecution, is +this--that the person whose hand left the blood-stained finger-prints +upon the handle of the Indian knife is the person who committed the +murder." Wilson paused, during several moments, to give impressiveness +to what he was about to say, and then added tranquilly, "We grant that +claim." + +It was an electrical surprise. No one was prepared for such an +admission. A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, and people were +heard to intimate that the overworked lawyer had lost his mind. Even the +veteran judge, accustomed as he was to legal ambushes and masked +batteries in criminal procedure, was not sure that his ears were not +deceiving him, and asked counsel what it was he had said. Howard's +impassive face betrayed no sign, but his attitude and bearing lost +something of their careless confidence for a moment. Wilson resumed: + +"We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and strongly endorse +it. Leaving that matter for the present, we will now proceed to consider +other points in the case which we propose to establish by evidence, and +shall include that one in the chain in its proper place." + +He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in mapping out his +theory of the origin and motive of the murder--guesses designed to fill +up gaps in it--guesses which could help if they hit, and would probably +do no harm if they didn't. + +"To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before the court seem to +suggest a motive for the homicide quite different from the one insisted +on by the State. It is my conviction that the motive was not revenge, +but robbery. It has been urged that the presence of the accused brothers +in that fatal room, just after notification that one of them must take +the life of Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the parties should +meet, clearly signifies that the natural instinct of self-preservation +moved my clients to go there secretly and save Count Luigi by destroying +his adversary. + +"Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? Mrs. Pratt had +time, although she did not hear the cry for help, but woke up some +moments later, to run to that room--and there she found these men +standing and making no effort to escape. If they were guilty, they ought +to have been running out of the house at the same time that she was +running to that room. If they had had such a strong instinct toward +self-preservation as to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had +become of it now, when it should have been more alert than ever? Would +any of us have remained there? Let us not slander our intelligence to +that degree. + +"Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the accused offered a very +large reward for the knife with which this murder was done; that no +thief came forward to claim that extraordinary reward; that the latter +fact was good circumstantial evidence that the claim that the knife had +been stolen was a vanity and a fraud; that these details taken in +connection with the memorable and apparently prophetic speech of the +deceased concerning that knife, and the final discovery of that very +knife in the fatal room where no living person was found present with +the slaughtered man but the owner of the knife and his brother, form an +indestructible chain of evidence which fixes the crime upon those +unfortunate strangers. + +"But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall testify that there was +a large reward offered for the thief, also; and it was offered secretly +and not advertised; that this fact was indiscreetly mentioned--or at +least tacitly admitted--in what was supposed to be safe circumstances, +but may not have been. The thief may have been present himself. [Tom +Driscoll had been looking at the speaker, but dropped his eyes at this +point.] In that case he would retain the knife in his possession, not +daring to offer it for sale, or for pledge in a pawn-shop. [There was a +nodding of heads among the audience by way of admission that this was +not a bad stroke.] I shall prove to the satisfaction of the jury that +there was a person in Judge Driscoll's room several minutes before the +accused entered it. [This produced a strong sensation; the last +drowsy-head in the court-room roused up, now, and made preparation to +listen.] If it shall seem necessary, I will prove by the Misses Clarkson +that they met a veiled person--ostensibly a woman--coming out of the +back gate a few minutes after the cry for help was heard. This person +was not a woman, but a man dressed in woman's clothes." Another +sensation. Wilson had his eye on Tom when he hazarded this guess, to see +what effect it would produce. He was satisfied with the result, and said +to himself, "It was a success--he's hit!" + +"The object of that person in that house was robbery, not murder. It is +true that the safe was not open, but there was an ordinary tin cash-box +on the table, with three thousand dollars in it. It is easily supposable +that the thief was concealed in the house; that he knew of this box, and +of its owner's habit of counting its contents and arranging his accounts +at night--if he had that habit, which I do not assert, of course;--that +he tried to take the box while its owner slept, but made a noise and was +seized, and had to use the knife to save himself from capture; and that +he fled without his booty because he heard help coming. + +"I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the evidences by +which I propose to try to prove its soundness." Wilson took up several +of his strips of glass. When the audience recognized these familiar +mementoes of Pudd'nhead's old-time childish "puttering" and folly, the +tense and funereal interest vanished out of their faces, and the house +burst into volleys of relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked +up and joined in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not +disturbed. He arranged his records on the table before him, and said-- + +"I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few remarks in +explanation of some evidence which I am about to introduce, and which I +shall presently ask to be allowed to verify under oath on the witness +stand. Every human being carries with him from his cradle to his grave +certain physical marks which do not change their character, and by which +he can always be identified--and that without shade of doubt or +question. These marks are his signature, his physiological autograph, so +to speak, and this autograph can not be counterfeited, nor can he +disguise it or hide it away, nor can it become illegible by the wear and +mutations of time. This signature is not his face--age can change that +beyond recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not +his height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, for +duplicates of that exist also, whereas this signature is each man's very +own--there is no duplicate of it among the swarming populations of the +globe! [The audience were interested once more.] + +"This autograph consists of the delicate lines or corrugations with +which Nature marks the insides of the hands and the soles of the feet. +If you will look at the balls of your fingers,--you that have very sharp +eyesight,--you will observe that these dainty curving lines lie close +together, like those that indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and +that they form various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, +circles, long curves, whorls, etc., and that these patterns differ on +the different fingers. [Every man in the room had his hand up to the +light, now, and his head canted to one side, and was minutely +scrutinizing the balls of his fingers; there were whispered ejaculations +of 'Why, it's so--I never noticed that before!'] The patterns on the +right hand are not the same as those on the left. [Ejaculations of 'Why, +that's so, too!'] Taken finger for finger, your patterns differ from +your neighbor's. [Comparisons were made all over the house--even the +judge and jury were absorbed in this curious work.] The patterns of a +twin's right hand are not the same as those on his left. One twin's +patterns are never the same as his fellow-twin's patterns--the jury will +find that the patterns upon the finger-balls of the accused follow this +rule. [An examination of the twins' hands was begun at once.] You have +often heard of twins who were so exactly alike that when dressed alike +their own parents could not tell them apart. Yet there was never a twin +born into this world that did not carry from birth to death a sure +identifier in this mysterious and marvelous natal autograph. That once +known to you, his fellow-twin could never personate him and deceive +you." + +Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death +when a speaker does that. The stillness gives warning that something is +coming. All palms and finger-balls went down, now, all slouching forms +straightened, all heads came up, all eyes were fastened upon Wilson's +face. He waited yet one, two, three moments, to let his pause complete +and perfect its spell upon the house; then, when through the profound +hush he could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he put out his +hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it aloft where all +could see the sinister spots upon its ivory handle; then he said, in a +level and passionless voice-- + +"Upon this haft stands the assassin's natal autograph, written in the +blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who loved you and whom +you all loved. There is but one man in the whole earth whose hand can +duplicate that crimson sign,"--he paused and raised his eyes to the +pendulum swinging back and forth,--"and please God we will produce that +man in this room before the clock strikes noon!" + +Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, the house half +rose, as if expecting to see the murderer appear at the door, and a +breeze of muttered ejaculations swept the place. "Order in the +court!--sit down!" This from the sheriff. He was obeyed, and quiet +reigned again. Wilson stole a glance at Tom, and said to himself, "He is +flying signals of distress, now; even people who despise him are pitying +him; they think this is a hard ordeal for a young fellow who has lost +his benefactor by so cruel a stroke--and they are right." He resumed his +speech: + +"For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory leisure with +collecting these curious physical signatures in this town. At my house I +have hundreds upon hundreds of them. Each and every one is labelled with +name and date; not labelled the next day or even the next hour, but in +the very minute that the impression was taken. When I go upon the +witness stand I will repeat under oath the things which I am now saying. +I have the finger-prints of the court, the sheriff, and every member of +the jury. There is hardly a person in this room, white or black, whose +natal signature I cannot produce, and not one of them can so disguise +himself that I cannot pick him out from a multitude of his +fellow-creatures and unerringly identify him by his hands. And if he and +I should live to be a hundred I could still do it. [The interest of the +audience was steadily deepening, now.] + +"I have studied some of these signatures so much that I know them as +well as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his oldest customer. +While I turn my back now, I beg that several persons will be so good as +to pass their fingers through their hair, and then press them upon one +of the panes of the window near the jury, and that among them the +accused may set their finger-marks. Also, I beg that these +experimenters, or others, will set their finger-marks upon another pane, +and add again the marks of the accused, but not placing them in the same +order or relation to the other signatures as before--for, by one chance +in a million, a person might happen upon the right marks by pure +guess-work once, therefore I wish to be tested twice." + +He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly covered with +delicately-lined oval spots, but visible only to such persons as could +get a dark background for them--the foliage of a tree, outside, for +instance. Then, upon call, Wilson went to the window, made his +examination, and said-- + +"This is Count Luigi's right hand; this one, three signatures below, is +his left. Here is Count Angelo's right; down here is his left. Now for +the other pane: here and here are Count Luigi's, here and here are his +brother's." He faced about. "Am I right?" + +A deafening explosion of applause was the answer. The Bench said-- + +"This certainly approaches the miraculous!" + +Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, pointing with his +finger-- + +"This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. [Applause.] This, of +Constable Blake. [Applause.] This, of John Mason, juryman. [Applause.] +This, of the sheriff. [Applause.] I cannot name the others, but I have +them all at home, named and dated, and could identify them all by my +finger-print records." + +He moved to his place through a storm of applause--which the sheriff +stopped, and also made the people sit down, for they were all standing +and struggling to see, of course. Court, jury, sheriff, and everybody +had been too absorbed in observing Wilson's performance to attend to the +audience earlier. + +"Now, then," said Wilson, "I have here the natal autographs of two +children--thrown up to ten times the natural size by the pantograph, so +that any one who can see at all can tell the markings apart at a glance. +We will call the children A and B. Here are A's finger-marks, taken at +the age of five months. Here they are again, taken at seven months. [Tom +started.] They are alike, you see. Here are B's at five months, and also +at seven months. They, too, exactly copy each other, but the patterns +are quite different from A's, you observe. I shall refer to these again +presently, but we will turn them face down, now. + +"Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of the two persons +who are here before you accused of murdering Judge Driscoll. I made +these pantograph copies last night, and will so swear when I go upon the +witness stand. I ask the jury to compare them with the finger-marks of +the accused upon the window panes, and tell the court if they are the +same." + +He passed a powerful magnifying-glass to the foreman. + +One juryman after another took the cardboard and the glass and made the +comparison. Then the foreman said to the judge-- + +"Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical." + +Wilson said to the foreman-- + +"Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this one, and compare it +searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal signature upon the +knife-handle, and report your finding to the court." + +Again the jury made minute examinations, and again reported-- + +"We find them to be exactly identical, your honor." + +Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, and there was a +clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice when he said-- + +"May it please the court, the State has claimed, strenuously and +persistently, that the blood-stained finger-prints upon that +knife-handle were left there by the assassin of Judge Driscoll. You have +heard us grant that claim, and welcome it." He turned to the jury: +"Compare the finger-prints of the accused with the finger-prints left by +the assassin--and report." + +The comparison began. As it proceeded, all movement and all sound +ceased, and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting suspense settled +upon the house; and when at last the words came-- + +"They do not even resemble," a thunder-crash of applause followed and +the house sprang to its feet, but was quickly repressed by official +force and brought to order again. Tom was altering his position every +few minutes, now, but none of his changes brought repose nor any small +trifle of comfort. When the house's attention was become fixed once +more, Wilson said gravely, indicating the twins with a gesture-- + +"These men are innocent--I have no further concern with them. [Another +outbreak of applause began, but was promptly checked.] We will now +proceed to find the guilty. [Tom's eyes were starting from their +sockets--yes, it was a cruel day for the bereaved youth, everybody +thought.] We will return to the infant autographs of A and B. I will ask +the jury to take these large pantograph facsimilies of A's marked five +months and seven months. Do they tally?" + +The foreman responded-- + +"Perfectly." + +"Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, and also marked A. +Does it tally with the other two?" + +The surprised response was-- + +"No--they differ widely!" + +"You are quite right. Now take these two pantographs of B's autograph, +marked five months and seven months. Do they tally with each other?" + +"Yes--perfectly." + +"Take this third pantograph marked B, eight months. Does it tally with +B's other two?" + +"By no means!" + +"Do you know how to account for those strange discrepancies? I will tell +you. For a purpose unknown to us, but probably a selfish one, somebody +changed those children in the cradle." + +This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was astonished at this +admirable guess, but not disturbed by it. To guess the exchange was one +thing, to guess who did it quite another. Pudd'nhead Wilson could do +wonderful things, no doubt, but he couldn't do impossible ones. Safe? +She was perfectly safe. She smiled privately. + +"Between the ages of seven months and eight months those children were +changed in the cradle"--he made one of his effect-collecting pauses, and +added--"and the person who did it is in this house!" + +Roxy's pulses stood still! The house was thrilled as with an electric +shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a glimpse of the person +who had made that exchange. Tom was growing limp; the life seemed oozing +out of him. Wilson resumed: + +"A was put into B's cradle in the nursery; B was transferred to the +kitchen and became a negro and a slave, [Sensation--confusion of angry +ejaculations]--but within a quarter of an hour he will stand before you +white and free! [Burst of applause, checked by the officers.] From seven +months onward until now, A has still been a usurper, and in my +finger-record he bears B's name. Here is his pantograph at the age of +twelve. Compare it with the assassin's signature upon the knife-handle. +Do they tally?" + +The foreman answered-- + +"To the minutest detail!" + +Wilson said, solemnly-- + +"The murderer of your friend and mine--York Driscoll of the generous +hand and the kindly spirit--sits in among you. Valet de Chambre, negro +and slave,--falsely called Thomas à Becket Driscoll,--make upon the +window the finger-prints that will hang you!" + +Tom turned his ashen face imploring toward the speaker, made some +impotent movements with his white lips, then slid limp and lifeless to +the floor. + +Wilson broke the awed silence with the words-- + +"There is no need. He has confessed." + +Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with her hands, and +out through her sobs the words struggled-- + +"De Lord have mercy on me, po' misable sinner dat I is!" + +The clock struck twelve. + +The court rose; the new prisoner, handcuffed, was removed. + + + + +Conclusion + +It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the +best judge of one.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it +would have been more wonderful to miss it.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +The town sat up all night to discuss the amazing events of the day and +swap guesses as to when Tom's trial would begin. Troop after troop of +citizens came to serenade Wilson, and require a speech, and shout +themselves hoarse over every sentence that fell from his lips--for all +his sentences were golden, now, all were marvelous. His long fight +against hard luck and prejudice was ended; he was a made man for good. + +And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts marched away, some +remorseful member of it was quite sure to raise his voice and say-- + +"And this is the man the likes of us have called a pudd'nhead for more +than twenty years. He has resigned from that position, friends." + +"Yes, but it isn't vacant--we're elected." + +The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with rehabilitated +reputations. But they were weary of Western adventure, and straightway +retired to Europe. + +Roxy's heart was broken. The young fellow upon whom she had inflicted +twenty-three years of slavery continued the false heir's pension of +thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her hurts were too deep for +money to heal; the spirit in her eye was quenched, her martial bearing +departed with it, and the voice of her laughter ceased in the land. In +her church and its affairs she found her only solace. + +The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but in a most +embarrassing situation. He could neither read nor write, and his speech +was the basest dialect of the negro quarter. His gait, his attitudes, +his gestures, his bearing, his laugh--all were vulgar and uncouth; his +manners were the manners of a slave. Money and fine clothes could not +mend these defects or cover them up; they only made them the more +glaring and the more pathetic. The poor fellow could not endure the +terrors of the white man's parlor, and felt at home and at peace nowhere +but in the kitchen. The family pew was a misery to him, yet he could +nevermore enter into the solacing refuge of the "nigger gallery"--that +was closed to him for good and all. But we cannot follow his curious +fate further--that would be a long story. + +The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced to imprisonment +for life. But now a complication came up. The Percy Driscoll estate was +in such a crippled shape when its owner died that it could pay only +sixty per cent. of its great indebtedness, and was settled at that rate. +But the creditors came forward, now, and complained that inasmuch as +through an error for which they were in no way to blame the false heir +was not inventoried at the time with the rest of the property, great +wrong and loss had thereby been inflicted upon them. They rightly +claimed that "Tom" was lawfully their property and had been so for eight +years; that they had already lost sufficiently in being deprived of his +services during that long period, and ought not to be required to add +anything to that loss; that if he had been delivered up to them in the +first place, they would have sold him and he could not have murdered +Judge Driscoll; therefore it was not he that had really committed the +murder, the guilt lay with the erroneous inventory. Everybody saw that +there was reason in this. Everybody granted that if "Tom" were white and +free it would be unquestionably right to punish him--it would be no loss +to anybody; but to shut up a valuable slave for life--that was quite +another matter. + +As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom at once, +and the creditors sold him down the river. + +Transcriber's Notes + +Introduction: + +1. Background. + +Welcome to Project Gutenberg's presentation of Pudd'nhead Wilson. The +Italian twins in this novel, Luigi and Angelo, were inspired by a real +pair of Italian conjoined twins who toured America in the 1890s. These +were Giacomo and Giovanni Battista Tocci. + +Homer Plessy was arrested for sitting in a whites-only passenger car on +June 7, 1892, and one month later he stood before Judge John Howard +Ferguson to plead his case. Plessy was an octaroon who could easily +"pass white." Four years later, the Supreme Court condoned "Separate but +Equal" laws in the famous Plessy vs. Ferguson case, which affirmed the +decision of Justice Ferguson in local court. These events in 1892 +unfolded as Twain wrote this story, and changed the tale that he ended +up telling. + +Arthur Conan Doyle released his best-selling collection of short +stories, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, on October 14, 1892. The +stories had already appeared in The Strand Magazine, one each month, +from July 1891 to June 1892. Holmes inspired Twain to add a component of +forensics to this story. + +2. Dialect. + +The soliloquies and conversations in the novel follow some general +rules. Twain introduced some variations in the spelling of dialect, and +sometimes the sound of dialect, but the end meaning seems to be the +same thing. Below is a table of some of these words, and alternatives +found in the text: + +Dialect used in Pudd'nhead Wilson + +English Dialect, Alternative, Another +and en +against agin, ag'in, ag'in' +because 'ca'se +going gwine, gwyne +more mo' +that dat +the de +then den +there dere, dah +these dese +they dey, deh +this dis +was 'uz +with wid +where whah + +The above table was presented as a foundation which played into the +decision to make some emendations, below, that were not authorized by +Twain in 1899. One curious notation is that there was sometimes +pronounced dere, but also dah. Along the same lines, they most often +became dey, but in one case, deh. + +3. This version. + +Our version is based on the 1894 publication of this novel in Hartford. +This was Twain's original American release of the novel in book form. A +scanned copy of this book is available through Hathitrust. The book +contained some spaces in contractions: I 'll, dat 'll, had n't, could +n't, dis 'll, 't ain't / t ain't, and dey 'll are some examples. These +spaces were not retained in our transcription, and are not identified. +We did make a few other emendations. These emendations were checked with +the 1899 version of Pudd'nhead Wilson published by Harper & Brothers. + +4. Notes on emendations. + +The errors on Page 233 and Page 288, were not changed in the 1899 book, +so the case for making those changes may be found in the Detailed Notes +section. The remaining errors were corrected in the 1899 publication, +presumably authorized by Twain, who essentially made the case for those +emendations. + +In the HTML version of this e-book, you can place your cursor over the +faint silver dotted lines below the changed text to discover the +original text. The Detailed Notes section of these notes describe these +emendations. + +5. Other versions. + +Please note that many print versions of Pudd'nhead Wilson include the +phrase 'spelling and usage have been brought into conformity with modern +usage,' and editors have been liberal with their renditions of Twain's +story. + +6. Detailed notes. + +The Detailed Notes Section also includes issues that have come up during +transcription. One common issue is that words are sometimes split into +two lines for spacing purposes in the original text. These words are +hyphenated in the physical book, but there is a question sometimes as to +whether the hyphen should be retained in transcription. The reasons +behind some of these decisions are itemized. + +Production Notes Section: + +1. Chapter Titles. + +The Chapter Titles, such as Doom in Chapter XXI., were not part of +Twain's book. They remain from another version of this book. The chapter +titles are used in PG's Mark Twain index, so we have retained them. + +2. The Author's Note. + +The Author's Note to Those Extraordinary Twins is actually the author's +introduction to the novella, Those Extraordinary Twins. Twain originally +produced this book with two parts: Pudd'nhead Wilson and Those +Extraordinary Twins. + +Project Gutenberg offers both stories, so we present the Author's Note +as the Introduction to Those Extraordinary Twins, as Twain intended. If +you want to read the Author's Note, please visit the Introduction of our +production of the novella, Those Extraordinary Twins. + +Detailed Notes Section: + +Chapter 1. + +On Page 19, barber-shop was hyphenated between two lines for spacing. +The 1899 Harper & Brothers version used "barber shop" in this spot. Even +though barber-shop cannot be transcribed as such, the assumption is that +the 1894 version put in the hyphen by mistake. We transcribed the word +barber shop. + +Chapter 2. + +On Page 34, changed ca'se to 'ca'se, used as dialect for because, in the +clause: "but dat's ca'se it's mine." The author used 'ca'se eighteen +other times as dialect for because, and did not use ca'se again. + +Chapter 3. + +On Page 43, insert missing period after tomb. + +Chapter 6. + +On Page 81, add a comma after door: "The twins took a position near the +door the widow stood at Luigi's side, Rowena stood beside Angelo,..." + +Chapter 7. + +On Page 88, add a period after fault in the sentence: The Judge laid +himself out hospitably to make them have a good time, and if there was a +defect anywhere it was not his fault. + +Chapter 9. + +On Page 114, there is a word missing before the semicolon in the clause: +Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised ; the 1899 Harper +& Brothers version provided the missing word, "it." + +Chapter 11. + +On Page 131, change dicision to decision in the clause: Luigi reserved +his dicision. + +On Page 133, change comma to a period after years in the sentence: "I +never got a chance to try my hand at it, and I may never get a chance; +and yet if I ever do get it I shall be found ready, for I have kept up +my law-studies all these years," + +On Page 149, Correct spelling of Cappello to Capello. The surname of the +twins was Capello in the letter on page 73, and two other times in +Chapter 6. + +Chapter 13. + +On Page 167, Change ' to " in the sentence: "Why, my boy, you look +desolate. Don't take it so hard. Try and forget you have been kicked.' + +On Page 176, ship-shape was hyphenated and split between two lines for +spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version of the novel used shipshape, +and so will we. + +Chapter 14. + +On Page 182, changed period after hatching to question mark in the +sentence: What could be hatching. +On Page 184, remove comma after sha'n't, in the clause: but if he +doesn't, I sha'n't, let on. + +On Page 189, low-down is hyphenated and split between two lines for +spacing. On Page 188, low-down is spelled with a hyphen, and on pages +241 and 243 low-downest is also hyphenated. There is no occurrence of +lowdown. We transcribed low-down with a hyphen: like a ornery low-down +hound! + +Chapter 16. +On Page 216, Changed ? to ! in the sentence: En keep on sayin' it? + +Chapter 18. + +On Page 229, Changed 'against to against in the clause: with fury +'against the planter's wife. + +On Page 233, Changed de to den in the clause "en de good gracious me." +The author always used den for then, except in this case. De is dialect +for the. Twain did not correct this in the 1899 Harper & Brothers +version of the novel, but den makes more sense then de. Roxy was +floating on the river, and then she cried good gracious me, because she +spotted the Grand Mogul. + +Changed day to dey in two places. The novel used dey as dialect for they +regularly, and almost consistently, except in two cases. Both cases were +presumed errata: + +• On Page 232, en day warn't gwine to hurry +• On Page 229, en day knows how to whale 'em, too. + +Chapter 19. + +On Page 253, back-yard is hyphenated and split between two lines for +spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version of the novel used back-yard, +and so will we. + +Chapter 20. + +On Page 273, changed countenence to countenance in the clause: "I don't +know about that," and Tom's countenence darkened,... + +Chapter 21. + +On Page 288, there are two quotes made by the crowd in double quotes. +Twain did not correct this in the 1899 version of the novel by Harper & +Brothers. But these lines are surrounded by Wilson's narrative, which is +already in double quotes. Therefore, we have used single quotes for the +two remarks from the gallery. + +• 'Why, it's so--I never noticed that before!' +• 'Why, that's so, too!' + +Conclusion. + +On Page 302, removed in from the sentence: "But we cannot follow his +curious fate further--that in would be a long story." + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 102 *** diff --git a/102-h/102-h.htm b/102-h/102-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..45c0cf1 --- /dev/null +++ b/102-h/102-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8253 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson by Mark Twain</title> +<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> +<style type="text/css"> + + body { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify;} + p { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + a {text-decoration:none;} + h1, h2 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + h3 { text-align: center; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; + font-variant:small-caps; font-weight:normal; font-size:large;} + h4 { text-align: left; font-weight:bold; font-size:small; + margin-bottom:0em;} + ul { margin-top:0; margin-left:1%; margin-right:4%;} + hr { width: 40%; margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:2em;} + hr.break { width: 20%; margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:2em;} + blockquote { font-size: 90%; margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 5%;} + ins { text-decoration:none; border-bottom: thin dotted gray;} + /* simple function classes */ + .smcap {font-variant:small-caps;} + .small {font-size:small;} + .large {font-size:large;} + .noindent {text-indent: 0%; } + .double-space-top {margin-top:2em;} + + /* pagenumber classes */ + .pagenum { right: 1%; font-size: x-small; background-color: inherit; color: gray; + text-indent: 0em; text-align: right; position: absolute; + /* To remove the page-numbers, use the hidden visibilty feature */ + /* visibility:hidden; */ + border: 1px solid silver; padding: 1px 2px; + font-style: normal; + font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;} + /* table common styling */ +table {margin:0 auto;} +caption {font-variant:small-caps; font-weight:bold; + margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1.5em;} +th {font-size:small;} +tr td {vertical-align:top;} + /* table of contents styling */ +table.toc tr td:first-child {text-align:right; padding-right:.5em; } +table.toc tr td:last-child {text-align:right; padding-left:.5em; } +/* table of dialect styling */ +table.dialect tr th {border-bottom:3px solid gray;} +table.dialect tr td {font-size:small;} +table.dialect tr td:first-child {padding-right:.5em; } + /* poem classes */ +p.poem1 { text-indent:-3em; padding-left:20%; + margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;} +p.poem2 { text-indent:-1.5em; padding-left:20%; + margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;} +div.poem1 {margin-left:3em; font-size:small;} + p.author { text-indent:0; text-align: center; + font-weight:bold; font-size:large;} + p.buscard { text-indent:0; text-align:center; + margin-top:1.5em; margin-bottom:1.5em;} + p.pullquote { text-indent:0; margin-top:1em; font-size:small; + margin-left:15%; margin-right:25%; margin-bottom:0em; } + p.chaptertitle + { text-indent:0; text-align: center; + font-variant:small-caps; + font-weight:bold; font-size:1.2em; + margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; + margin-bottom:2em;} + p.signature { text-indent:0; text-align:right; margin-top:0em;} + div.contents { margin-right:5%; + margin-left:5%;} + div.chapterhead { padding-top:4em; } + div.titlepage { padding-top:5%; padding-bottom:5%; + margin-right:15%; margin-left:15%; + text-align: center;} + div.titlepage p { text-indent:0; margin-bottom: .25em; + margin-top:1em; } + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 102 ***</div> + +<div class="titlepage"> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_001" id="Page_001">1</a></span> + <h1>The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson</h1> + <p class="author">By Mark Twain</p> + <p class="small smcap">Samuel L. Clemens</p> + <p><br/></p> + <p class="small"> + 1894<br /> + HARTFORD, CONN.<br /> + AMERICAN PUBLISHING COMPANY + </p> + +<p><br /><br /></p> +<p class="small"> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_008" id="Page_008">8</a></span> + Copyright, 1894,<br /> + by OLIVIA L. CLEMENS<br /> + All Rights Reserved <br /> + The right of dramatization and translation reserved.<br /> +</p> +<p><br /><br /></p> +<p class="small"> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_010" id="Page_010">10</a></span> + Copyright, 1893-1894, by the Century Company, in the Century Magazine.<br /> + Copyright, 1894, by Olivia L. Clemens<br /> + (All Rights Reserved)<br /> +</p> +</div> + + +<div class="contents"><a id="Contents" name="Contents"></a> + <hr /> + <h2>Contents</h2> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_012" id="Page_012">12</a></span> +</div> + +<table class="toc" summary="Table of Contents for Puddnhead Wilson" > +<caption>Pudd’nhead Wilson</caption> +<thead> + <tr> + <th>Chapter</th> + <th>Chapter Title</th> + <th>Page</th> + </tr> +</thead> +<tbody> + <tr> + <td></td> + <td class="smcap">A Whisper to the Reader</td> + <td><a href="#link2H_4_0001">15</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>I.</td> + <td class="smcap">Pudd’nhead Wins His Name</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0001">17</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>II.</td> + <td class="smcap">Driscoll Spares His Slaves</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0002">27</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>III.</td> + <td class="smcap">Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0003">41</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>IV.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Ways of the Changelings</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0004">52</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>V.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Twins Thrill Dawson’s Landing</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0005">67</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>VI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Swimming in Glory</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0006">77</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>VII.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Unknown Nymph</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0007">86</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>VIII.</td> + <td class="smcap">Marse Tom Tramples His Chance</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0008">93</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>IX.</td> + <td class="smcap">Tom Practises Sycophancy</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0009">111</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>X.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Nymph Revealed</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0010">121</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Pudd’nhead’s Startling Discovery </td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0011">130</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XII.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Shame of Judge Driscoll</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0012">155</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XIII.</td> + <td class="smcap">Tom Stares at Ruin </td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0013">166</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XIV.</td> + <td class="smcap">Roxana Insists Upon Reform</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0014">179</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XV.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Robber Robbed</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0015">197</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XVI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Sold Down the River</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0016">214</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XVII.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0017">221</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XVIII.</td> + <td class="smcap">Roxana Commands</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0018">225</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XIX.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Prophecy Realized</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0019">246</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XX.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Murderer Chuckles</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0020">263</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XXI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Doom</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0021">278</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td></td> + <td class="smcap">Conclusion</td> + <td><a href="#link2H_CONC">300</a></td> + </tr> +</tbody> +</table> + + <p><br /><br /> + </p> + + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_015" id="Page_015">15</a></span> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"></a> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">A Whisper</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">to the Reader.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can + be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. + Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about + perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler + animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead + of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are + left in doubt.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">A person</span> who is ignorant of legal matters is + always liable to make mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene + with his pen; and so I was not willing to let the law chapters in this + book go to press without first subjecting them to rigid and exhausting + revision and correction by a trained barrister—if that is what they + are called. These chapters are right, now, in every detail, for they were + rewritten under the immediate eye of William Hicks, who studied law part + of a while in southwest Missouri thirty-five years ago and then came over + here to Florence for his health and is still helping for exercise and + board in Macaroni Vermicelli’s horse-feed shed which is up the + back alley as you turn around the corner out of the Piazza del Duomo just + beyond the house where that stone that Dante used to sit on six hundred + years ago is let into the wall + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_016" id="Page_016">16</a></span> + when he let on to be watching them build + Giotto’s campanile and yet always got tired looking as soon as + Beatrice passed along on her way to get a chunk of chestnut cake to defend + herself with in case of a Ghibelline outbreak before she got to school, at + the same old stand where they sell the same old cake to this day and it is + just as light and good as it was then, too, and this is not flattery, far + from it. He was a little rusty on his law, but he rubbed up for this book, + and those two or three legal chapters are right and straight, now. + He told me so himself. + </p> + <p> + Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at the Villa + Viviani, village of Settignano, three miles back of Florence, on the + hills—the same certainly affording the most charming view to be + found on this planet, and with it the most dreamlike and enchanting + sunsets to be found in any planet or even in any solar system—and + given, too, in the swell room of the house, with the busts of Cerretani + senators and other grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon + me as they used to look down upon Dante, and mutely asking me to adopt + them into my family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest ancestors + are but spring chickens compared with these robed and stately antiques, + and it will be a great and satisfying lift for me, that six hundred + years will. + </p> + <p class="signature"> + <i>Mark Twain.</i> + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_017" id="Page_017">17</a></span> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"></a> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER I.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Pudd’nhead Wins His Name.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Tell the truth or trump—but get the trick.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> scene of this chronicle is the town of + Dawson’s Landing, on the Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a + day’s journey, per steamboat, below St. Louis. + </p> + <p> + In 1830 it was a snug little collection of modest one- and two-story frame + dwellings whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed from sight by + climbing tangles of rose-vines, honeysuckles, and morning-glories. Each of + these pretty homes had a garden in front fenced with white palings and + opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, touch-me-nots, + prince’s-feathers and other old-fashioned flowers; while on the + window-sills of the houses stood wooden boxes containing moss-rose + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_018" id="Page_018">18</a></span> + plants + and terra-cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium whose spread of + intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint of the rose-clad + house-front like an explosion of flame. When there was room on the ledge + outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there—in sunny + weather—stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, with her + furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose. Then that house was + complete, and its contentment and peace were made manifest to the world by + this symbol, whose testimony is infallible. A home without a cat—and + a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat—may be a perfect + home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? + </p> + <p> + All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge of the brick + sidewalks, stood locust-trees with trunks protected by wooden boxing, and + these furnished shade for summer and a sweet fragrance in spring when + the clusters of buds came forth. The main street, one block back from the + river, and running parallel with it, was the sole business street. It was + six blocks long, and in each block two + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_019" id="Page_019">19</a></span> + or three brick stores three stories high towered above interjected bunches + of little frame shops. Swinging signs creaked in the wind, the + street’s whole length. The candy-striped pole which indicates + nobility proud and ancient along the palace-bordered canals of Venice, + indicated merely the humble + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: barber-shop was transcribed as barber shop."> + barber shop</ins> along the main street of Dawson’s Landing. On a + chief corner stood a lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top to bottom + with tin pots and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger’s noisy notice + to the world (when the wind blew) that his shop was on hand for business + at that corner. + </p> + <p> + The hamlet’s front was washed by the clear waters of the great + river; its body stretched itself rearward up a gentle incline; its most + rearward border fringed itself out and scattered its houses about the + base-line of the hills; the hills rose high, inclosing the town in a + half-moon curve, clothed with forests from foot to summit. + </p> + <p> + Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so. Those belonging to the + little Cairo line and the little Memphis line always + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_020" id="Page_020">20</a></span> + stopped; the big Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or to land + passengers or freight; and this was the case also with the great + flotilla of “transients.” These latter came out of a + dozen rivers—the Illinois, the Missouri, the Upper Mississippi, + the Ohio, the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red River, the White River, + and so on; and were bound every whither and stocked with every imaginable + comfort or necessity which the Mississippi’s communities could want, + from the frosty Falls of St. Anthony down through nine climates to torrid + New Orleans. + </p> + <p> + Dawson’s Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich + slave-worked grain and pork country back of it. The town was sleepy + and comfortable and contented. It was fifty years old, and was growing + slowly—very slowly, in fact, but still it was growing. + </p> + <p> + The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old, + judge of the county court. He was very proud of his old Virginian + ancestry, and in his hospitalities and his rather formal and stately + manners he kept up its traditions. He was fine and just + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_021" id="Page_021">21</a></span> + and generous. To be a gentleman—a gentleman without stain or + blemish—was his only religion, and to it he was always faithful. + He was respected, esteemed and beloved by all the community. He was + well off, and was gradually adding to his store. He and his wife were + very nearly happy, but not quite, for they had no children. The longing + for the treasure of a child had grown stronger and stronger as the years + slipped away, but the blessing never came—and was never to come. + </p> + <p> + With this pair lived the Judge’s widowed sister, Mrs. Rachel + Pratt, and she also was childless—childless, and sorrowful for + that reason, and not to be comforted. The women were good and commonplace + people, and did their duty and had their reward in clear consciences and + the community’s approbation. They were Presbyterians, the Judge + was a free-thinker. + </p> + <p> + Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged about forty, was another old + Virginian grandee with proved descent from the First Families. He was a + fine, brave, majestic + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_022" id="Page_022">22</a></span> + creature, a gentleman according to the nicest requirements of the Virginia + rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority on the “code,” and + a man always courteously ready to stand up before you in the field if any + act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious to you, and explain + it with any weapon you might prefer from brad-awls to artillery. He was + very popular with the people, and was the Judge’s dearest friend. + </p> + <p> + Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F. F. V. + of formidable caliber—however, with him we have no concern. + </p> + <p> + Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the Judge, and younger than he + by five years, was a married man, and had had children around his + hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail by measles, croup and + scarlet fever, and this had given the doctor a chance with his effective + antediluvian methods; so the cradles were empty. He was a prosperous man, + with a good head for speculations, and his fortune was growing. On the + 1st of February, 1830, two boy babes were born in his house: one to him, + the other to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_023" id="Page_023">23</a></span> + one of his slave girls, Roxana by name. Roxana was twenty + years old. She was up and around the same day, with her hands full, for + she was tending both babies. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week. Roxy remained in charge of the + children. She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll soon absorbed himself in + his speculations and left her to her own devices. + </p> + <p> + In that same month of February, Dawson’s Landing gained a new + citizen. This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of Scotch parentage. + He had wandered to this remote region from his birthplace in the interior + of the State of New York, to seek his fortune. He was twenty-five years + old, college-bred, and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern + law school a couple of years before. + </p> + <p> + He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an intelligent + blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a covert twinkle of + a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, he would no doubt + have entered at once upon a successful career at Dawson’s Landing. + But he made his fatal remark + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_024" id="Page_024">24</a></span> + the first day he spent in the village, and it “gaged” him. + He had just made the acquaintance of a group of citizens when an invisible + dog began to yelp and snarl and howl and make himself very comprehensively + disagreeable, whereupon young Wilson said, much as one who is thinking + aloud— + </p> + <p> + “I wish I owned half of that dog.” + </p> + <p> + “Why?” somebody asked. + </p> + <p> + “Because I would kill my half.” + </p> + <p> + The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, but found + no light there, no expression that they could read. They fell away from + him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy to discuss him. One + said: + </p> + <p> + “’Pears to be a fool.” + </p> + <p> + “’Pears?” said another. + “<i>Is,</i> I reckon you better say.” + </p> + <p> + “Said he wished he owned <i>half</i> of the dog, the idiot,” + said a third. “What did he reckon would become of the other half + if he killed his half? Do you reckon he thought it would live?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, he must have thought it, unless he <i>is</i> the downrightest + fool in the world; because if + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_025" id="Page_025">25</a></span> + he hadn’t thought it, he would have wanted to own the whole dog, + knowing that if he killed his half and the other half died, he would be + responsible for that half just the same as if he had killed that half + instead of his own. Don’t it look that way to you, gents?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it does. If he owned one half of the general dog, it would be + so; if he owned one end of the dog and another person owned the other + end, it would be so, just the same; particularly in the first case, + because if you kill one half of a general dog, there ain’t any man + that can tell whose half it was, but if he owned one end of the dog, + maybe he could kill his end of it and—” + </p> + <p> + “No, he couldn’t either; he couldn’t and not be + responsible if the other end died, which it would. In my opinion + the man ain’t in his right mind.” + </p> + <p> + “In my opinion he hain’t <i>got</i> any mind.” + </p> + <p> + No. 3 said: “Well, he’s a lummox, anyway.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s what he is,” said No. 4, “he’s + a labrick—just a Simon-pure labrick, if ever there was one.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_026" id="Page_026">26</a></span> + “Yes, sir, he’s a dam fool, that’s the way I put + him up,” said No. 5. “Anybody can think different that + wants to, but those are my sentiments.” + </p> + <p> + “I’m with you, gentlemen,” said No. 6. “Perfect + jackass—yes, and it ain’t going too far to say he is a + pudd’nhead. If he ain’t a pudd’nhead, I + ain’t no judge, that’s all.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wilson stood elected. The incident was told all over the town, and + gravely discussed by everybody. Within a week he had lost his first name; + Pudd’nhead took its place. In time he came to be liked, and well + liked too; but by that time the nickname had got well stuck on, and it + stayed. That first day’s verdict made him a fool, and he was not + able to get it set aside, or even modified. The nickname soon ceased to + carry any harsh or unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, and + was to continue to hold its place for twenty long years. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_027" id="Page_027">27</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER II.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Driscoll Spares His Slaves.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want + the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it + was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the + serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Pudd’nhead Wilson</span> had a trifle of money + when he arrived, and he bought a small house on the extreme western verge + of the town. Between it and Judge Driscoll’s house there was only a + grassy yard, with a paling fence dividing the properties in the middle. He + hired a small office down in the town and hung out a tin sign with these + words on it: + </p> + <p class="buscard small"> + <span class="large">DAVID WILSON.</span><br /><br /> + ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW. <br /> + SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC.<br /> + </p> + <p> + But his deadly remark had ruined his chance—at least in the law. No + clients came. He + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_028" id="Page_028">28</a></span> + took down his sign, after a while, and put it up on his own house with the + law features knocked out of it. It offered his services now in the humble + capacities of land-surveyor and expert accountant. Now and then he got a + job of surveying to do, and now and then a merchant got him to straighten + out his books. With Scotch patience and pluck he resolved to live down his + reputation and work his way into the legal field yet. Poor fellow, he + could not foresee that it was going to take him such a weary long time + to do it. + </p> + <p> + He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung heavy on his + hands, for he interested himself in every new thing that was born into the + universe of ideas, and studied it and experimented upon it at his house. + One of his pet fads was palmistry. To another one he gave no name, neither + would he explain to anybody what its purpose was, but merely said it was + an amusement. In fact he had found that his fads added to his reputation + as a pudd’nhead; therefore he was growing chary of being too + communicative about them. The fad without a name was one which dealt + with + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_029" id="Page_029">29</a></span> + people’s finger-marks. He carried in his coat pocket a shallow + box with grooves in it, and in the grooves strips of glass five inches + long and three inches wide. Along the lower edge of each strip was pasted + a slip of white paper. He asked people to pass their hands through their + hair (thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the natural oil) and + then make a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it with the mark of + the ball of each finger in succession. Under this row of faint + grease-prints he would write a record on the strip of white + paper—thus: + </p> + <p class="buscard"> + <span class="smcap">John Smith</span>, <i>right hand</i>— + </p> + <p class="noindent"> + and add the day of the month and the year, then take Smith’s + left hand on another glass strip, and add name and date and the words + “left hand.” The strips were now returned to the grooved box, + and took their place among what Wilson called his “records.” + </p> + <p> + He often studied his records, examining and poring over them with + absorbing interest until far into the night; but what he found + there—if + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_030" id="Page_030">30</a></span> + he found anything—he revealed to no one. Sometimes + he copied on paper the involved and delicate pattern left by the ball + of a finger, and then vastly enlarged it with a pantograph so that + he could examine its web of curving lines with ease and convenience. + </p> + <p> + One sweltering afternoon—it was the first day of July, 1830—he + was at work over a set of tangled account-books in his work-room, which + looked westward over a stretch of vacant lots, when a conversation outside + disturbed him. It was carried on in yells, which showed that the people + engaged in it were not close together: + </p> + <p> + “Say, Roxy, how does yo’ baby come on?” + This from the distant voice. + </p> + <p> + “Fust-rate; how does <i>you</i> come on, Jasper?” + This yell was from close by. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I’s middlin’; hain’t got + noth’n’ to complain of. I’s gwine to come + a-court’n’ you bimeby, Roxy.” + </p> + <p> + “<i>You</i> is, you black mud-cat! Yah—yah—yah! + I got somep’n’ better to do den ’sociat’n’ + wid niggers as black as you is. Is ole Miss Cooper’s Nancy done give + you de mitten?” + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_031" id="Page_031">31</a></span> + Roxy followed this sally with another discharge of care-free laughter. + </p> + <p> + “You’s jealous, Roxy, dat’s what’s de + matter wid <i>you</i>, you hussy—yah—yah—yah! + Dat’s de time I got you!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes, <i>you</i> got me, hain’t you. ’Clah to + goodness if dat conceit o’ yo’n strikes in, Jasper, + it gwine to kill you sho’. If you b’longed to + me I’d sell you down de river ’fo’ you git + too fur gone. Fust time I runs acrost yo’ marster, + I’s gwine to tell him so.” + </p> + <p> + This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both parties enjoying the + friendly duel and each well satisfied with his own share of the wit + exchanged—for wit they considered it. + </p> + <p> + Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; he could not work + while their chatter continued. Over in the vacant lots was Jasper, young, + coal-black and of magnificent build, sitting on a wheelbarrow in the + pelting sun—at work, supposably, whereas he was in fact only + preparing for it by taking an hour’s rest before beginning. In + front of Wilson’s porch stood Roxy, with a local hand-made + baby-wagon, in which sat her two charges—one + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_032" id="Page_032">32</a></span> + at each end and facing each other. From Roxy’s manner of speech, + a stranger would have expected her to be black, but she was not. Only + one sixteenth of her was black, and that sixteenth did not show. She was + of majestic form and stature, her attitudes were imposing and statuesque, + and her gestures and movements distinguished by a noble and stately grace. + Her complexion was very fair, with the rosy glow of vigorous health in + the cheeks, her face was full of character and expression, her eyes were + brown and liquid, and she had a heavy suit of fine soft hair which was + also brown, but the fact was not apparent because her head was bound about + with a checkered handkerchief and the hair was concealed under it. Her + face was shapely, intelligent and comely—even beautiful. She had an + easy, independent carriage—when she was among her own + caste—and a high and “sassy” way, withal; but of course + she was meek and humble enough where white people were. + </p> + <p> + To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one + sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_033" id="Page_033">33</a></span> + parts and made her a negro. She was a slave, and salable as such. Her + child was thirty-one parts white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a + fiction of law and custom a negro. He had blue eyes and flaxen curls + like his white comrade, but even the father of the white child was able + to tell the children apart—little as he had commerce with + them—by their clothes: for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin + and a coral necklace, while the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen + shirt which barely reached to its knees, and no jewelry. + </p> + <p> + The white child’s name was Thomas à Becket Driscoll, + the other’s name was Valet de Chambre: no surname—slaves + hadn’t the privilege. Roxana had heard that phrase somewhere, + the fine sound of it had pleased her ear, and as she had supposed it + was a name, she loaded it on to her darling. It soon got shorted to + “Chambers,” of course. + </p> + <p> + Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wit began to play out, he + stepped outside to gather in a record or two. Jasper went to work + energetically, at once, perceiving + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_034" id="Page_034">34</a></span> + that his leisure was observed. Wilson inspected the children and + asked— + </p> + <p> + “How old are they, Roxy?” + </p> + <p> + “Bofe de same age, sir—five months. + Bawn de fust o’ Feb’uary.” + </p> + <p> + “They’re handsome little chaps. + One’s just as handsome as the other, too.” + </p> + <p> + A delighted smile exposed the girl’s white teeth, and she said: + </p> + <p> + “Bless yo’ soul, Misto Wilson, it’s pow’ful + nice o’ you to say dat, ’ca’se one of ’em + ain’t on’y a nigger. Mighty prime little nigger, + <i>I</i> al’ays says, but dat’s + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: change ca'se to 'ca'se."> + ’ca’se</ins> it’s mine, o’ course.” + </p> + <p> + “How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they + haven’t any clothes on?” + </p> + <p> + Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Oh, <i>I</i> kin tell ’em ’part, Misto Wilson, + but I bet Marse Percy couldn’t, not to save his life.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson chatted along for awhile, and presently got Roxy’s + finger-prints for his collection—right hand and left—on a + couple of his glass strips; then labeled and dated them, and took + the “records” of both children, and labeled and dated them + also. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_035" id="Page_035">35</a></span> + Two months later, on the 3d of September, he took this trio of + finger-marks again. He liked to have a “series,” two or + three “takings” at intervals during the period of childhood, + these to be followed by others at intervals of several years. + </p> + <p> + The next day—that is to say, on the 4th of September—something + occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana. Mr. Driscoll missed another + small sum of money—which is a way of saying that this was not a new + thing, but had happened before. In truth it had happened three times + before. Driscoll’s patience was exhausted. He was a fairly humane + man toward slaves and other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man + toward the erring of his own race. Theft he could not abide, and plainly + there was a thief in his house. Necessarily the thief must be one of his + negroes. Sharp measures must be taken. He called his servants before him. + There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a woman, and a boy twelve + years old. They were not related. Mr. Driscoll said: + </p> + <p> + “You have all been warned before. It has + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_036" id="Page_036">36</a></span> + done no good. This time I will teach you a lesson. I will sell the thief. + Which of you is the guilty one?” + </p> + <p> + They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a good home, and a new + one was likely to be a change for the worse. The denial was general. None + had stolen anything—not money, anyway—a little sugar, or cake, + or honey, or something like that, that “Marse Percy wouldn’t + mind or miss,” but not money—never a cent of money. They were + eloquent in their protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them. + He answered each in turn with a stern “Name the thief!” + </p> + <p> + The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected that the others + were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. She was horrified to + think how near she had come to being guilty herself; she had been saved in + the nick of time by a revival in the colored Methodist Church, a fortnight + before, at which time and place she “got religion.” The very + next day after that gracious experience, while her change of style was + fresh upon her and she was vain of her purified + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_037" id="Page_037">37</a></span> + condition, her master left a couple dollars lying unprotected on his desk, + and she happened upon that temptation when she was polishing around with + a dust-rag. She looked at the money awhile with a steady rising + resentment, then she burst out with— + </p> + <p> + “Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had ’a’ + be’n put off till to-morrow!” + </p> + <p> + Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another member of the + kitchen cabinet got it. She made this sacrifice as a matter of religious + etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, but by no means to be wrested + into a precedent; no, a week or two would limber up her piety, then she + would be rational again, and the next two dollars that got left out in the + cold would find a comforter—and she could name the comforter. + </p> + <p> + Was she bad? Was she worse than the general run of her race? No. They had + an unfair show in the battle of life, and they held it no sin to take + military advantage of the enemy—in a small way; in a small way, but + not in a large one. They would smouch provisions from the pantry whenever + they got a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_038" id="Page_038">38</a></span> + chance; or a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, or an emery-bag, or a paper + of needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, or small articles of + clothing, or any other property of light value; and so far were they from + considering such reprisals sinful, that they would go to church and shout + and pray the loudest and sincerest with their plunder in their pockets. A + farm smoke-house had to be kept heavily padlocked, for even the colored + deacon himself could not resist a ham when Providence showed him in a + dream, or otherwise, where such a thing hung lonesome and longed for some + one to love. But with a hundred hanging before him the deacon would not + take two—that is, on the same night. On frosty nights the humane + negro prowler would warm the end of a plank and put it up under + the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; a drowsy hen would step on + to the comfortable board, softly clucking her gratitude, and the prowler + would dump her into his bag, and later into his stomach, perfectly sure + that in taking this trifle from the man who daily robbed + him of an inestimable treasure—his + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_039" id="Page_039">39</a></span> + liberty—he was not committing any sin that God would remember + against him in the Last Great Day. + </p> + <p> + “Name the thief!” + </p> + <p> + For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always in the same hard + tone. And now he added these words of awful import: + </p> + <p> + “I give you one minute”—he took out his watch. + “If at the end of that time you have not confessed, I will + not only sell all four of you, <i>but</i>—I + will sell you <span class="smcap">down the river</span>!” + </p> + <p> + It was equivalent to condemning them to hell! No Missouri negro doubted + this. Roxy reeled in her tracks and the color vanished out of her face; + the others dropped to their knees as if they had been shot; tears gushed + from their eyes, their supplicating hands went up, and three answers came + in the one instant: + </p> + <p> + “I done it!” + </p> + <p> + “I done it!” + </p> + <p> + “I done it!—have mercy, marster—Lord have + mercy on us po’ niggers!” + </p> + <p> + “Very good,” said the master, putting up his watch, + “I will sell you <i>here</i> though you don’t + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_040" id="Page_040">40</a></span> + deserve it. You ought to be sold down the river.” + </p> + <p> + The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of gratitude, and + kissed his feet, declaring that they would never forget his goodness and + never cease to pray for him as long as they lived. They were sincere, for + like a god he had stretched forth his mighty hand and closed the gates of + hell against them. He knew, himself, that he had done a noble and gracious + thing, and was privately well pleased with his magnanimity; and that night + he set the incident down in his diary, so that his son might read it in + after years, and be thereby moved to deeds of gentleness and humanity + himself. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_041" id="Page_041">41</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER III.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, + knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first + great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the + world.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Percy Driscoll</span> slept well the night he saved + his house-minions from going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited + Roxy’s eyes. A profound terror had taken possession of her. Her + child could grow up and be sold down the river! The thought crazed her + with horror. If she dozed and lost herself for a moment, the next moment + she was on her feet flying to her child’s cradle to see if it was + still there. Then she would gather it to her heart and pour out her love + upon it in a frenzy of kisses, moaning, crying, and saying, “Dey + sha’n’t, oh, dey <i>sha’n’t!</i>—yo’ + po’ mammy will kill you fust!” + </p> + <p> + Once, when she was tucking it back in its + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_042" id="Page_042">42</a></span> + cradle again, the other child nestled in its sleep and attracted her + attention. She went and stood over it a long time communing with herself: + </p> + <p> + “What has my po’ baby done, dat he couldn’t have + yo’ luck? He hain’t done noth’n’. God was good + to you; why warn’t he good to him? Dey can’t sell <i>you</i> + down de river. I hates yo’ pappy; he hain’t got no + heart—for niggers he hain’t, anyways. I hates him, en I + could kill him!” She paused awhile, thinking; then she burst into + wild sobbings again, and turned away, saying, “Oh, I got to + kill my chile, dey ain’t no yuther way,—killin’ + <i>him</i> wouldn’t save de chile fum goin’ down de river. + Oh, I got to do it, yo’ po’ mammy’s got to kill you + to save you, honey”—she gathered her baby to her bosom, now, + and began to smother it with caresses—“Mammy’s got + to kill you—how <i>kin</i> I do it! But yo’ mammy ain’t + gwine to desert you—no, no; <i>dah</i>, don’t cry—she + gwine <i>wid</i> you, she gwine to kill herself too. Come along, honey, + come along wid mammy; we gwine to jump in de river, den de troubles + o’ dis worl’ + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_043" id="Page_043">43</a></span> + is all over—dey don’t sell po’ niggers down the river + over <i>yonder</i>.” + </p> + <p> + She started toward the door, crooning to the child and hushing it; midway + she stopped, suddenly. She had caught sight of her new Sunday gown—a + cheap curtain-calico thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and fantastic + figures. She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. + </p> + <p> + “Hain’t ever wore it yet,” she said, “en + it’s jist lovely.” Then she nodded her head in response to a + pleasant idea, and added, “No, I ain’t gwine to be fished out, + wid everybody lookin’ at me, in dis mis’able ole + linsey-woolsey.” + </p> + <p> + She put down the child and made the change. She looked in the glass and + was astonished at her beauty. She resolved to make her death-toilet + perfect. She took off her handkerchief-turban and dressed her glossy + wealth of hair “like white folks”; she added + some odds and ends of rather lurid ribbon and a spray of atrocious + artificial flowers; finally she threw over her shoulders a fluffy thing + called a “cloud” in that day, which was of a blazing red + complexion. Then she was ready for the + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: insert missing period after tomb."> + tomb.</ins> + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_044" id="Page_044">44</a></span> + She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye fell upon its + miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and noted the contrast between + its pauper shabbiness and her own volcanic irruption of infernal + splendors, her mother-heart was touched, and she was ashamed. + </p> + <p> + “No, dolling, mammy ain’t gwine to treat you so. De angels + is gwine to ’mire you jist as much as dey does yo’ mammy. + Ain’t gwine to have ’em putt’n’ dey han’s + up ’fo’ dey eyes en sayin’ to David en Goliah en dem + yuther prophets, ‘Dat chile is dress’ too indelicate + fo’ dis place.’” + </p> + <p> + By this time she had stripped off the shirt. Now she clothed the naked + little creature in one of Thomas à Becket’s snowy long + baby-gowns, with its bright blue bows and dainty flummery of ruffles. + </p> + <p> + “Dah—now you’s fixed.” She propped the child + in a chair and stood off to inspect it. Straightway her eyes began to + widen with astonishment and admiration, and she clapped her hands and + cried out, “Why, it do beat all!—I <i>never</i> knowed + you was so lovely. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_045" id="Page_045">45</a></span> + Marse Tommy ain’t a bit puttier—not a single bit.” + </p> + <p> + She stepped over and glanced at the other infant; she flung a glance back + at her own; then one more at the heir of the house. Now a strange light + dawned in her eyes, and in a moment she was lost in thought. She seemed in + a trance; when she came out of it she muttered, “When I ’uz + a-washin’ ’em in de tub, yistiddy, his own pappy asked me + which of ’em was his’n.” + </p> + <p> + She began to move about like one in a dream. She undressed Thomas + à Becket, stripping him of everything, and put the tow-linen + shirt on him. She put his coral necklace on her own child’s neck. + Then she placed the children side by side, and after earnest inspection + she muttered— + </p> + <p> + “Now who would b’lieve clo’es could do de like + o’ dat? Dog my cats if it ain’t all <i>I</i> kin do to + tell t’other fum which, let alone his pappy.” + </p> + <p> + She put her cub in Tommy’s elegant cradle and said— + </p> + <p> + “You’s young Marse <i>Tom</i> fum dis out, en + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_046" id="Page_046">46</a></span> + I got to practise and git used to ’memberin’ to call you dat, + honey, or I’s gwine to make a mistake some time en git us bofe into + trouble. Dah—now you lay still en don’t fret no mo’, + Marse Tom—oh, thank de good Lord in heaven, you’s saved, + you’s saved!—dey ain’t no man kin ever sell + mammy’s po’ little honey down de river now!” + </p> + <p> + She put the heir of the house in her own child’s unpainted pine + cradle, and said, contemplating its slumbering form uneasily— + </p> + <p> + “I’s sorry for you, honey; I’s sorry, God knows I + is,—but what <i>kin</i> I do, what <i>could</i> I do? Yo’ + pappy would sell him to somebody, some time, en den he’d go down + de river, sho’, en I couldn’t, couldn’t, + <i>couldn’t</i> stan’ it.” + </p> + <p> + She flung herself on her bed and began to think and toss, toss and think. + By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a comforting thought had flown + through her worried mind— + </p> + <p> + “’Tain’t no sin—<i>white</i> folks has done it! + It ain’t no sin, glory to goodness it ain’t no sin! + <i>Dey’s</i> done it—yes, en dey was de biggest quality + in de whole bilin’, too—<i>kings!</i>” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_047" id="Page_047">47</a></span> + She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her memory the dim + particulars of some tale she had heard some time or other. At last she + said— + </p> + <p> + “Now I’s got it; now I ’member. It was dat ole nigger + preacher dat tole it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en preached + in de nigger church. He said dey ain’t nobody kin save his own + self—can’t do it by faith, can’t do it by works, + can’t do it no way at all. Free grace is de <i>on’y</i> + way, en dat don’t come fum nobody but jis’ de Lord; + en <i>he</i> kin give it to anybody he please, + saint or sinner—<i>he</i> don’t kyer. He do jis’ as + he’s a mineter. He s’lect out anybody dat suit him, en + put another one in his place, and make de fust one happy forever en leave + t’other one to burn wid Satan. De preacher said it was jist like + dey done in Englan’ one time, long time ago. De queen she + lef’ her baby layin’ aroun’ one day, en went out + callin’; en one o’ de niggers roun’-’bout de + place dat was ’mos’ white, she come in en see de chile + layin’ aroun’, en tuck en put her own chile’s + clo’es on de queen’s chile, en put de queen’s + chile’s clo’es on her own + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_048" id="Page_048">48</a></span> + chile, en den lef’ her own chile layin’ aroun’ en tuck + en toted de queen’s chile home to de nigger-quarter, en nobody ever + foun’ it out, en her chile was de king bimeby, en sole de + queen’s chile down de river one time when dey had to settle up de + estate. Dah, now—de preacher said it his own self, en it + ain’t no sin, ’ca’se white folks done it. <i>Dey</i> + done it—yes, <i>dey</i> done it; en not on’y jis’ + common white folks nuther, but de biggest quality dey is in de whole + bilin’. Oh, I’s <i>so</i> glad I ’member ’bout + dat!” + </p> + <p> + She got up light-hearted and happy, and went to the cradles and spent what + was left of the night “practising.” She would give her + own child a light pat and say humbly, “Lay still, Marse + Tom,” then give the real Tom a pat and say with severity, + “Lay <i>still</i>, Chambers!—does you want me to + take somep’n’ <i>to</i> you?” + </p> + <p> + As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised to see how steadily + and surely the awe which had kept her tongue reverent and her manner + humble toward her young master was transferring itself to her speech + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_049" id="Page_049">49</a></span> + and manner toward the usurper, and how similarly handy she was becoming in + transferring her motherly curtness of speech and peremptoriness of manner + to the unlucky heir of the ancient house of Driscoll. + </p> + <p> + She took occasional rests from practising, and absorbed herself in + calculating her chances. + </p> + <p> + “Dey’ll sell dese niggers to-day fo’ stealin’ + de money, den dey’ll buy some mo’ dat don’t know + de chillen—so <i>dat’s</i> all right. When I takes + de chillen out to git de air, de minute I’s roun’ de + corner I’s gwine to gaum dey mouths all roun’ wid jam, + den dey can’t <i>nobody</i> notice dey’s changed. Yes, + I gwineter do dat till I’s safe, if it’s a year. + </p> + <p> + “Dey ain’t but one man dat I’s afeard of, en + dat’s dat Pudd’nhead Wilson. Dey calls him a pudd’nhead, + en says he’s a fool. My lan’, dat man ain’t no + mo’ fool den I is! He’s de smartes’ man in dis town, + less’n it’s Jedge Driscoll or maybe Pem Howard. Blame dat man, + he worries me wid dem ornery glasses o’ hisn; <i>I</i> + b’lieve he’s a witch. But nemmine, I’s gwine to + happen aroun’ dah one o’ dese days en let on dat I reckon + he wants to print + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_050" id="Page_050">50</a></span> + de chillen’s fingers ag’in; en if <i>he</i> + don’t notice dey’s changed, I bound dey ain’t nobody + gwine to notice it, en den I’s safe, sho’. But I + reckon I’ll tote along a hoss-shoe to keep off de witch-work.” + </p> + <p> + The new negroes gave Roxy no trouble, of course. The master gave her none, + for one of his speculations was in jeopardy, and his mind was so occupied + that he hardly saw the children when he looked at them, and all Roxy had + to do was to get them both into a gale of laughter when he came about; + then their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, and he was gone again + before the spasm passed and the little creatures resumed a human aspect. + </p> + <p> + Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so dubious that Mr. + Percy went away with his brother the Judge, to see what could be done + with it. It was a land speculation as usual, and it had gotten + complicated with a lawsuit. The men were gone seven weeks. Before they + got back Roxy had paid her visit to Wilson, and was satisfied. Wilson took + the finger-prints, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_051" id="Page_051">51</a></span> + labeled them with the names and with the date—October + the first—put them carefully away and continued his chat with Roxy, + who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great advance in flesh + and beauty which the babies had made since he took their finger-prints a + month before. He complimented their improvement to her contentment; and as + they were without any disguise of jam or other stain, she trembled all the + while and was miserably frightened lest at any moment he— + </p> + <p> + But he didn’t. He discovered nothing; and she went home jubilant, + and dropped all concern about the matter permanently out of her mind. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_052" id="Page_052">52</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER IV.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Ways of the Changelings.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one + was, that they escaped teething.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + There is this trouble about special providences—namely, + there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to + be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears + and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of + the episode than the prophet did, because they got the + children.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">This</span> history must henceforth accommodate + itself to the change which Roxana has consummated, and call the real + heir “Chambers” and the usurping little slave + “Thomas à Becket”—shortening this latter name to + “Tom,” for daily use, as the people about him did. + </p> + <p> + “Tom” was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his + usurpation. He would cry for nothing; he would burst into storms of + devilish temper without notice, and let go + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_053" id="Page_053">53</a></span> + scream after scream and squall after squall, then climax + the thing with “holding his breath”—that frightful + specialty of the teething nursling, in the throes of which the creature + exhausts its lungs, then is convulsed with noiseless squirmings and + twistings and kickings in the effort to get its breath, while the lips + turn blue and the mouth stands wide and rigid, offering for inspection + one wee tooth set in the lower rim of a hoop of red gums; and when the + appalling stillness has endured until one is sure the lost breath will + never return, a nurse comes flying, and dashes water in the child’s + face, and—presto! the lungs fill, and instantly discharge a shriek, + or a yell, or a howl which bursts the listening ear and surprises the + owner of it into saying words which would not go well with a halo if he + had one. The baby Tom would claw anybody who came within reach of his + nails, and pound anybody he could reach with his rattle. He would scream + for water until he got it, and then throw cup and all on the floor and + scream for more. He was indulged in all his caprices, howsoever + troublesome and exasperating they + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_054" id="Page_054">54</a></span> + might be; he was allowed to eat anything he wanted, particularly things + that would give him the stomach-ache. + </p> + <p> + When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about and say broken words + and get an idea of what his hands were for, he was a more consummate pest + than ever. Roxy got no rest while he was awake. He would call for anything + and everything he saw, simply saying “Awnt it!” (want it), + which was a command. When it was brought, he said in a frenzy, and + motioning it away with his hands, “Don’t awnt it! + don’t awnt it!” and the moment it was gone + he set up frantic yells of “Awnt it! awnt it! awnt it!” + and Roxy had to give wings to her heels to get that thing back to him + again before he could get time to carry out his intention of going into + convulsions about it. + </p> + <p> + What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. This was because + his “father” had forbidden him to have them lest he break + windows and furniture with them. The moment Roxy’s back was turned + he would toddle to the presence of the tongs and say + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_055" id="Page_055">55</a></span> + “Like it!” and cock his eye to one side to see if Roxy was + observing; then, “Awnt it!” and cock his eye again; then, + “Hab it!” with another furtive glance; and finally, + “Take it!”—and the prize was his. The next moment + the heavy implement was raised aloft; the next, there was a + crash and a squall, and the cat was off on three legs to meet + an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as the lamp or a window + went to irremediable smash. + </p> + <p> + Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none. Tom got all the delicacies, + Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar. In consequence Tom + was a sickly child and Chambers wasn’t. Tom was + “fractious,” as Roxy called it, and overbearing; + Chambers was meek and docile. + </p> + <p> + With all her splendid common sense and practical every-day ability, Roxy + was a doting fool of a mother. She was this toward her child—and she + was also more than this: by the fiction created by herself, he was become + her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly and of + perfecting + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_056" id="Page_056">56</a></span> + herself in the forms required to express the recognition, had moved her + to such diligence and faithfulness in practicing these forms that this + exercise soon concreted itself into habit; it became automatic and + unconscious; then a natural result followed: deceptions intended solely + for others gradually grew practically into self-deceptions as well; the + mock reverence became real reverence, the mock obsequiousness real + obsequiousness, the mock homage real homage; the little counterfeit rift + of separation between imitation-slave and imitation-master widened and + widened, and became an abyss, and a very real one—and on one side + of it stood Roxy, the dupe of her own deceptions, and on the other stood + her child, no longer a usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized + master. He was her darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in + her worship of him she forgot who she was and what he had been. + </p> + <p> + In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and + Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, + the advantage all lay + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_057" id="Page_057">57</a></span> + with the former policy. The few times that his persecutions had moved + him beyond control and made him fight back had cost him very dear at + headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she ever went beyond + scolding him sharply for “forgitt’n’ who his young + marster was,” she at least never extended her punishment + beyond a box on the ear. No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told + Chambers that under no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift + his hand against his little master. Chambers overstepped the line three + times, and got three such convincing canings from the man who was his + father and didn’t know it, that he took Tom’s cruelties in + all humility after that, and made no more experiments. + </p> + <p> + Outside of the house the two boys were together all through their boyhood. + Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; strong because + he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, and a good fighter + because Tom furnished him plenty of practice—on white boys whom he + hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his constant + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_058" id="Page_058">58</a></span> + body-guard, to and from school; he was present on the playground at recess + to protect his charge. He fought himself into such a formidable + reputation, by and by, that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and + “ridden in peace,” like Sir Kay in Launcelot’s armor. + </p> + <p> + He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to play + “keeps” with, and then took all the winnings away from him. + In the winter season Chambers was on hand, in Tom’s worn-out + clothes, with “holy” red mittens, and “holy” + shoes, and pants “holy” at the knees and seat, to drag + a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; but he never got + a ride himself. He built snow men and snow fortifications under + Tom’s directions. He was Tom’s patient target when Tom + wanted to do some snowballing, but the target couldn’t fire back. + Chambers carried Tom’s skates to the river and strapped them on + him, then trotted around after him on the ice, so as to be on hand when + wanted; but he wasn’t ever asked to try the skates himself. + </p> + <p> + + In summer the pet pastime of the boys of + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_059" id="Page_059">59</a></span> + Dawson’s Landing was to + steal apples, peaches, and melons from the farmers’ + fruit-wagons,—mainly on account of the risk they ran of getting their + heads laid open with the butt of the farmer’s whip. Tom was a + distinguished adept at these thefts—by proxy. Chambers did his + stealing, and got the peach-stones, apple-cores, and melon-rinds for + his share. + </p> + <p> + Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as a + protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots in + Chambers’s shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to + undo, then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer + tugged at the stubborn knots with his teeth. + </p> + <p> + Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native + viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his superiorities of + physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. Tom couldn’t + dive, for it gave him splitting headaches. Chambers could dive without + inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. He excited so much admiration, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_060" id="Page_060">60</a></span> + one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from + the stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom’s spirit, and at last he + shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air—so he + came down on his head in the canoe-bottom; and while he lay unconscious, + several of Tom’s ancient adversaries saw that their long-desired + opportunity was come, and they gave the false heir such a drubbing that + with Chambers’s best help he was hardly able to drag himself home + afterward. + </p> + <p> + When the boys were fifteen and upward, Tom was “showing + off” in the river one day, when he was taken with a cramp, and + shouted for help. It was a common trick with the boys—particularly + if a stranger was present—to pretend a cramp and howl for help; + then when the stranger came tearing hand over hand to the rescue, the + howler would go on struggling and howling till he was close at hand, + then replace the howl with a sarcastic smile and swim blandly away, + while the town boys assailed the dupe with a volley of jeers and laughter. + Tom had never tried this joke as + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_061" id="Page_061">61</a></span> + yet, but was supposed to be trying it + now, so the boys held warily back; but Chambers believed his master was + in earnest, therefore he swam out, and arrived in time, unfortunately, + and saved his life. + </p> + <p> + This was the last feather. Tom had managed to endure everything else, but + to have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation as + this to a nigger, and to this nigger of all niggers—this was too + much. He heaped insults upon Chambers for “pretending” + to think he was in earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody + but a block-headed nigger would have known he was funning and left him + alone. + </p> + <p> + Tom’s enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their + opinions quite freely. They laughed at him, and called him coward, liar, + sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant to call + Chambers + by a new name after this, and make it common in the + town—“Tom Driscoll’s niggerpappy,”—to + signify that he had had a second birth into this life, and that + Chambers was the author of his new being. Tom grew frantic under + these taunts, and shouted— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_062" id="Page_062">62</a></span> + “Knock their heads off, Chambers! knock their heads off! What + do you stand there with your hands in your pockets for?” + </p> + <p> + Chambers expostulated, and said, “But, Marse Tom, dey’s + too many of ’em—dey’s—” + </p> + <p> + “Do you hear me?” + </p> + <p> + “Please, Marse Tom, don’t make me! Dey’s so many of + ’em dat—” + </p> + <p> + Tom sprang at him and drove his pocket-knife into him two or three times + before the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad a chance to + escape. He was considerably hurt, but not seriously. If the blade had been + a little longer his career would have ended there. + </p> + <p> + Tom had long ago taught Roxy “her place.” It had been + many a day now since she had ventured a caress or a fondling epithet + in his quarter. Such things, from a “nigger,” were + repulsive to him, and she had been warned to keep her distance and + remember who she was. She saw her darling gradually cease from being + her son, she saw <i>that</i> detail perish utterly; all that was + left was master—master, pure and simple, and it was not a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_063" id="Page_063">63</a></span> + gentle mastership, either. She saw herself sink from the sublime height + of motherhood to the somber depths of unmodified slavery. The abyss of + separation between her and her boy was complete. She was merely his + chattel, now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing and helpless slave, + the humble and unresisting victim of his capricious temper and vicious + nature. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, + because her rage boiled so high over the day’s experiences with + her boy. She would mumble and mutter to herself— + </p> + <p> + “He struck me, en I warn’t no way to blame—struck + me in de face, right before folks. En he’s al’ays + callin’ me nigger-wench, en hussy, en all dem mean names, + when I’s doin’ de very bes’ I kin. Oh, Lord, + I done so much for him—I lift’ him away up to what + he is—en dis is what I git for it.” + </p> + <p> + Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to the + heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in the fancied + spectacle of his exposure to the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_064" id="Page_064">64</a></span> + world as an imposter and a slave; but in the midst of these joys fear + would strike her: she had made him too strong; she could prove nothing, + and—heavens, she might get sold down the river for her pains! + So her schemes always went for nothing, and she laid them aside in + impotent rage against the fates, and against herself for playing the + fool on that fatal September day in not providing herself with a + witness for use in the day when such a thing might be needed for the + appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. + </p> + <p> + And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and kind,—and + this occurred every now and then,—all her sore places were healed, + and she was happy; happy and proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, + lording it among the whites and securely avenging their crimes against her + race. + </p> + <p> + There were two grand funerals in Dawson’s Landing that + fall—the fall of 1845. One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh + Essex, the other that of Percy Driscoll. + </p> + <p> + On his death-bed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized + ostensible son + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_065" id="Page_065">65</a></span> + solemnly into the keeping of his brother, the Judge and + his wife. Those childless people were glad to get him. Childless people + are not difficult to please. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a month before, and + bought Chambers. He had heard that Tom had been trying to get his father + to sell the boy down the river, and he wanted to prevent the + scandal—for public sentiment did not approve of that way of + treating family servants for light cause or for no cause. + </p> + <p> + Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great + speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding. He was hardly + in his grave before the boom collapsed and left his hitherto envied young + devil of an heir a pauper. But that was nothing; his uncle told him he + should be his heir and have all his fortune when he died; so Tom was + comforted. + </p> + <p> + Roxy had no home, now; so she resolved to go around and say good-by to her + friends and then clear out and see the world—that is to say, she + would go chambermaiding on a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_066" id="Page_066">66</a></span> + steamboat, the darling ambition of her race and sex. + </p> + <p> + Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper. She found him chopping + Pudd’nhead Wilson’s winter provision of wood. + </p> + <p> + Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived. He asked her how she could + bear to go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly offered + to copy off a series of their finger-prints, reaching up to their twelfth + year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a moment, wondering + if he suspected anything; then she said she believed she didn’t + want them. Wilson said to himself, “The drop of black blood in + her is superstitious; she thinks there’s some devilry, some + witch-business about my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here + with an old horseshoe in her hand; it could have been an accident, but I + doubt it.” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_067" id="Page_067">67</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER V.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Twins Thrill Dawson’s Landing.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; + cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college + education.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Remark of Dr. Baldwin’s, concerning upstarts: + We don’t care to eat toadstools that think they + are truffles.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Mrs. York Driscoll</span> enjoyed two years of bliss + with that prize, Tom—bliss that was troubled a little at times, it + is true, but bliss nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and his + childless sister, Mrs. Pratt, continued the bliss-business at the old + stand. Tom was petted and indulged and spoiled to his entire + content—or nearly that. This went on till he was nineteen, then he + was sent to Yale. He went handsomely equipped with + “conditions,” but otherwise he was not an object of + distinction there. He remained at Yale two years, and then threw up the + struggle. He came + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_068" id="Page_068">68</a></span> + home with his manners a good deal improved; he had lost his surliness and + brusqueness, and was rather pleasantly soft and smooth, now; he was + furtively, and sometimes openly, ironical of speech, and given to + gently touching people on the raw, but he did it with a good-natured + semiconscious air that carried it off safely, and kept him from getting + into trouble. He was as indolent as ever and showed no very strenuous + desire to hunt up an occupation. People argued from this that he preferred + to be supported by his uncle until his uncle’s shoes should become + vacant. He brought back one or two new habits with him, one of which he + rather openly practised—tippling—but concealed another which + was gambling. It would not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of it; + he knew that quite well. + </p> + <p> + Tom’s Eastern polish was not popular among the young people. They + could have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; but he wore + gloves, and that they couldn’t stand, and wouldn’t; so he was + mainly without society. He brought home with him a suit of clothes of such + exquisite style and cut + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_069" id="Page_069">69</a></span> + and fashion,—Eastern fashion, city fashion,—that it filled + everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton affront. + He enjoyed the feeling which he was exciting, and paraded the town + serene and happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to work + that night, and when Tom started out on his parade next morning he found + the old deformed negro bell-ringer straddling along in his wake tricked + out in a flamboyant curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, and + imitating his fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. + </p> + <p> + Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the local fashion. But + the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his acquaintanceship with + livelier regions, and it grew daily more and more so. He began to make + little trips to St. Louis for refreshment. There he found companionship to + suit him, and pleasures to his taste, along with more freedom, in some + particulars, than he could have at home. So, during the next two years + his visits to the city grew in frequency and his tarryings there grew + steadily longer in duration. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_070" id="Page_070">70</a></span> + He was getting into deep waters. He was taking chances, privately, which + might get him into trouble some day—in fact, <i>did</i>. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all business activities + in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years. He was president + of the Free-thinkers’ Society, and Pudd’nhead Wilson was the + other member. The society’s weekly discussions were now the old + lawyer’s main interest in life. Pudd’nhead was still toiling + in obscurity at the bottom of the ladder, under the blight of that unlucky + remark which he had let fall twenty-three years before about the dog. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above the + average, but that was regarded as one of the Judge’s whims, and it + failed to modify the public opinion. Or rather, that was one of the + reasons why it failed, but there was another and better one. If the Judge + had stopped with bare assertion, it would have had a good deal of effect; + but he made the mistake of trying to prove his position. For some years + Wilson had been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_071" id="Page_071">71</a></span> + his amusement—a calendar, with a little dab of ostensible + philosophy, usually in ironical form, appended to each date; and the Judge + thought that these quips and fancies of Wilson’s were neatly turned + and cute; so he carried a handful of them around, one day, and read them + to some of the chief citizens. But irony was not for those people; their + mental vision was not focussed for it. They read those playful trifles in + the solidest earnest, and decided without hesitancy that if there had ever + been any doubt that Dave Wilson was a pudd’nhead—which there + hadn’t—this revelation removed that doubt for good and all. + That is just the way in this world; an enemy can partly ruin a man, but + it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and + make it perfect. After this the Judge felt tenderer than ever toward + Wilson, and surer than ever that his calendar had merit. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll could be a free-thinker and still hold his place in + society because he was the person of most consequence in the community, + and therefore could venture to go + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_072" id="Page_072">72</a></span> + his own way and follow out his own notions. The other member + of his pet organization was allowed the like liberty + because he was a cipher in the estimation of the public, and nobody + attached any importance to what he thought or did. He was liked, he was + welcome enough all around, but he simply didn’t count for anything. + </p> + <p> + The widow Cooper—affectionately called “aunt + Patsy” by everybody—lived in a snug and comely cottage with + her daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, romantic, amiable, and very + pretty, but otherwise of no consequence. Rowena had a couple of young + brothers—also of no consequence. + </p> + <p> + The widow had a large spare room which she let to a lodger, with board, + when she could find one, but this room had been empty for a year now, to + her sorrow. Her income was only sufficient for the family support, and she + needed the lodging-money for trifling luxuries. But now, at last, on a + flaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; her + year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_073" id="Page_073">73</a></span> + village applicant, oh, no!—this letter was from away off yonder in + the dim great world to the North: it was from St. Louis. She sat on her + porch gazing out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches of the + mighty Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good fortune. Indeed, it + was specially good fortune, for she was to have two lodgers instead of + one. + </p> + <p> + She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had danced away to see + to the cleaning and airing of the room by the slave woman Nancy, and the + boys had rushed abroad in the town to spread the great news, for it was + matter of public interest, and the public would wonder and not be pleased + if not informed. Presently Rowena returned, all ablush with joyous + excitement, and begged for a re-reading of the letter. It was framed thus: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + <span class="smcap">Honored Madam:</span> My brother and I have seen your + advertisement, by chance, and beg leave to take the room you offer. We + are twenty-four years of age and twins. We are Italians by birth, but have + lived long in the various countries of Europe, and several years in the + United States. Our names are Luigi and Angelo Capello. You desire but one + guest; but dear Madam, if you will + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_074" id="Page_074">74</a></span> + allow us to pay for two, we will not incommode you. We shall be down + Thursday. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “Italians! How romantic! Just think, ma—there’s + never been one in this town, and everybody will be dying to see + them, and they’re all <i>ours</i>! Think of + that!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I reckon they’ll make a grand stir.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, indeed they will. The whole town will be on its head! + Think—they’ve been in Europe and everywhere! + There’s never been a traveler in this town before. + Ma, I shouldn’t wonder if they’ve seen kings!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, a body can’t tell, but they’ll make stir + enough, without that.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, that’s of course. Luigi—Angelo. + They’re lovely names; and so grand and foreign—not like + Jones and Robinson and such. Thursday they are coming, and this is + only Tuesday; it’s a cruel long time to wait. Here comes Judge + Driscoll in at the gate. He’s heard about it. I’ll go and + open the door.” + </p> + <p> + + The Judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. The letter was read + and discussed. Soon Justice Robinson arrived with more + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_075" id="Page_075">75</a></span> + congratulations, and there was a new reading and a new discussion. This + was the beginning. Neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, followed, and + the procession drifted in and out all day and evening and all Wednesday + and Thursday. The letter was read and re-read until it was nearly worn + out; everybody admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and + practised style, everybody was sympathetic and excited, and the Coopers + were steeped in happiness all the while. + </p> + <p> + The boats were very uncertain in low water, in these primitive times. This + time the Thursday boat had not arrived at ten at night—so the people + had waited at the landing all day for nothing; they were driven to their + homes by a heavy storm without having had a view of the illustrious + foreigners. + </p> + <p> + Eleven o’clock came; and the Cooper house was the only one in the + town that still had lights burning. The rain and thunder were booming + yet, and the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping. At last + there was a knock at the door and the family jumped to open it. Two + negro men entered, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_076" id="Page_076">76</a></span> + each carrying a trunk, and proceeded up-stairs toward the guest-room. + Then entered the twins—the handsomest, the best dressed, the most + distinguished-looking pair of young fellows the West had ever seen. + One was a little fairer than the other, but otherwise they were exact + duplicates. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_077" id="Page_077">77</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER VI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Swimming in Glory.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even + the undertaker will be sorry.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, + but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">At</span> breakfast in the morning the twins’ + charm of manner and easy and polished bearing made speedy conquest of the + family’s good graces. + All constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest + feeling succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names almost + from the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity about them, and + showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, which pleased her + greatly. It presently appeared that in their early youth they had known + poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_078" id="Page_078">78</a></span> + the old lady watched for the right place to drop in a question or two + concerning that matter, and when she found it she said to the blond + twin who was now doing the biographies in his turn while the brunette + one rested— + </p> + <p> + “If it ain’t asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how + did you come to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were + little? Do you mind telling? But don’t if you do.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, we don’t mind it at all, madam; in our case it was + merely misfortune, and nobody’s fault. Our parents were well to do, + there in Italy, and we were their only child. We were of the old + Florentine nobility”—Rowena’s heart gave a great bound, + her nostrils expanded, and a fine light played in her + eyes—“and when the war broke out my father was on the + losing side and had to fly for his life. His estates were confiscated, his + personal property seized, and there we were, in Germany, strangers, + friendless, and in fact paupers. My brother and I were ten years old, and + well educated for that age, very studious, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_079" id="Page_079">79</a></span> + very fond of our books, and + well grounded in the German, French, Spanish, and English languages. Also, + we were marvelous musical prodigies—if you will allow me to say it, + it being only the truth. + </p> + <p> + “Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother + soon followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could + have made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they + had many and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, and + they said they would starve and die first. But what they wouldn’t + consent to do we had to do without the formality of consent. We were + seized for the debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, + and placed among the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn + the liquidation money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery. + We traveled all about Germany receiving no wages, and not even our keep. + We had to be exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread. + </p> + <p> + “Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped + from that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_080" id="Page_080">80</a></span> + slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men. + Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, how to take + care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how to + conduct our own business for our own profit and without other + people’s help. We traveled everywhere—years and + years—picking up smatterings of strange tongues, familiarizing + ourselves with strange sights and strange customs, accumulating an + education of a wide and varied and curious sort. It was a pleasant life. + We went to Venice—to London, Paris, Russia, India, China, + Japan—” + </p> + <p> + At this point Nancy the slave woman thrust her head in at the door and + exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + “Ole Missus, de house is plum’ jam full o’ people, en + dey’s jes a-spi’lin’ to see de gen’lmen!” + She indicated the twins with a nod of her head, and tucked it back out + of sight again. + </p> + <p> + It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised herself high + satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds before her neighbors + and friends—simple folk who had hardly + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_081" id="Page_081">81</a></span> + ever seen a foreigner of any kind, and never one of any distinction or + style. Yet her feeling was moderate indeed when contrasted with + Rowena’s. Rowena was in the clouds, she walked on air; this was to + be the greatest day, the most romantic episode, in the colorless history + of that dull country town. She was to be familiarly near the source of + its glory and feel the full flood of it pour over her and about her; the + other girls could only gaze and envy, not partake. + </p> + <p> + The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners. + </p> + <p> + The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered the open + parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation. The twins took a + position near the <ins title="Transcriber's Note: add comma after door."> + door,</ins> the widow stood at Luigi’s side, Rowena + stood beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began. The + widow was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession and + passed it on to Rowena. + </p> + <p> + “Good mornin’, Sister Cooper”—hand-shake. + </p> + <p> + “Good morning, Brother Higgins—Count + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_082" id="Page_082">82</a></span> + Luigi Capello, Mr. Higgins”—hand-shake, followed by a + devouring stare and “I’m glad to see ye,” on the + part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head and a + pleasant “Most happy!” on the part of Count Luigi. + </p> + <p> + “Good mornin’, Roweny”—hand-shake. + </p> + <p> + “Good morning, Mr. Higgins—present you to Count Angelo + Capello.” Hand-shake, admiring stare, “Glad to see + ye,”—courteous nod, smily “Most happy!” + and Higgins passes on. + </p> + <p> + None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people, they + didn’t pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person + bearing a title of nobility before, and none had been expecting to + see one now, consequently the title came upon them as a kind of + pile-driving surprise and caught them unprepared. A few tried to + rise to the emergency, and got out an awkward “My + lord,” or “Your lordship,” or something of that sort, + but the great majority were overwhelmed by the unaccustomed word + and its dim and awful associations with gilded courts and stately + ceremony and anointed kingship, so they only + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_083" id="Page_083">83</a></span> + fumbled through the hand-shake and passed on, speechless. Now and then, + as happens at all receptions everywhere, a more than ordinary friendly + soul blocked the procession and kept it waiting while he inquired how + the brothers liked the village, and how long they were going to stay, + and if their families were well, and dragged in the weather, and hoped + it would get cooler soon, and all that sort of thing, so as to be able + to say, when they got home, “I had quite a long talk with + them”; but nobody did or said anything of a regrettable kind, + and so the great affair went through to the end in a creditable and + satisfactory fashion. + </p> + <p> + General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about from group to + group, talking easily and fluently and winning approval, compelling + admiration and achieving favor from all. The widow followed their + conquering march with a proud eye, and every now and then Rowena said to + herself with deep satisfaction, “And to think they are + ours—all ours!” + </p> + <p> + There were no idle moments for mother or + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_084" id="Page_084">84</a></span> + daughter. Eager inquiries concerning the twins were pouring into their + enchanted ears all the time; each was the constant center of a group of + breathless listeners; each recognized that she knew now for the first + time the real meaning of that great word Glory, and perceived the + stupendous value of it, and understood why men in all ages had been + willing to throw away meaner happinesses, treasure, life itself, to get a + taste of its sublime and supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood + accounted for—and justified. + </p> + <p> + When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor, she + went up-stairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow-meeting there, for + the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers. Again she was + besieged by eager questioners and again she swam in sunset seas of glory. + When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized with a pang that this + most splendid episode of her life was almost over, that nothing could + prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever fall to her fortune + again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, the grand + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_085" id="Page_085">85</a></span> + occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, and was a noble + and memorable success. If the twins could but do some crowning act, now, + to climax it, something unusual, something startling, something to + concentrate upon themselves the company’s loftiest admiration, + something in the nature of an electric surprise— + </p> + <p> + Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed down + to see. It was the twins knocking out a classic four-handed piece on the + piano, in great style. Rowena was satisfied—satisfied down to the + bottom of her heart. + </p> + <p> + The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were + astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance, and + could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever heard + before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace or charm when + compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound. They realized + that for once in their lives they were hearing masters. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_086" id="Page_086">86</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER VII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Unknown Nymph.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + One of the most striking differences between a cat and a + lie is that a cat has only nine lives.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> company broke up reluctantly, and drifted + toward their several homes, chatting with vivacity, and all agreeing + that it would be many a long day before Dawson’s Landing would + see the equal of this one again. The twins had accepted several + invitations while the reception was in progress, and had also + volunteered to play some duets at an amateur entertainment for the + benefit of a local charity. Society was eager to receive them to its + bosom. Judge Driscoll had the good fortune to secure them for an + immediate drive, and to be the first to display them in public. They + entered his buggy with him, and were paraded down the main street, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_087" id="Page_087">87</a></span> + everybody flocking to the windows and sidewalks to see. + </p> + <p> + The Judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and the jail, and where + the richest man lived, and the Freemasons’ hall, and the + Methodist church, and the Presbyterian church, and where the Baptist + church was going to be when they got some money to build it with, and + showed them the town hall and the slaughter-house, and got out the + independent fire company in uniform and had them put out an imaginary + fire; then he let them inspect the muskets of the militia company, and + poured out an exhaustless stream of enthusiasm over all these splendors, + and seemed very well satisfied with the responses he got, for the twins + admired his admiration, and paid him back the best they could, though + they could have done better if some fifteen or sixteen hundred thousand + previous experiences of this sort in various countries had not already + rubbed off a considerable part of the novelty of it. + </p> + <p> + The Judge laid himself out hospitably to make them have a good time, and + if there + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_088" id="Page_088">88</a></span> + was a defect anywhere it was not his + <ins title="Place period after fault.">fault.</ins> + He told them a good + many humorous anecdotes, and always forgot the nub, but they were always + able to furnish it, for these yarns were of a pretty early vintage, and + they had had many a rejuvenating pull at them before. And he told them all + about his several dignities, and how he had held this and that and the + other place of honor or profit, and had once been to the legislature, and + was now president of the Society of Free-thinkers. He said the society had + been in existence four + years, and already had two members, and was firmly established. He would + call for the brothers in the evening if they would like to attend a + meeting of it. + </p> + <p> + Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told them all about + Pudd’nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a favorable + impression of him in advance and be prepared to like him. This scheme + succeeded—the favorable impression was achieved. Later it was + confirmed and solidified when Wilson proposed that out of courtesy to + the strangers the usual topics be put aside and the hour be + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_089" id="Page_089">89</a></span> + devoted to conversation upon ordinary subjects and the cultivation of + friendly relations and good-fellowship,—a proposition which was + put to vote and carried. + </p> + <p> + The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it was ended the + lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two friends than he had been + when it began. He invited the twins to look in at his lodgings, presently, + after disposing of an intervening engagement, and they accepted with + pleasure. + </p> + <p> + Toward the middle of the evening they found themselves on the road to his + house. Pudd’nhead was at home waiting for them and putting in his + time puzzling over a thing which had come under his notice that morning. + The matter was this: He happened to be up very early—at dawn, in + fact; and he crossed the hall which divided his cottage through the + center, and entered a room to get something there. The window of the + room had no curtains, for that side of the house had long been unoccupied, + and through this window he caught sight of something which surprised and + interested him. It was a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_090" id="Page_090">90</a></span> + young woman—a young woman where properly + no young woman belonged; for she was in Judge Driscoll’s house, and + in the bedroom over the Judge’s private study or sitting-room. + This was young Tom Driscoll’s bedroom. He and the Judge, the + Judge’s widowed sister Mrs. Pratt and three negro servants were + the only people who belonged in the house. Who, then, might this young + lady be? The two houses were separated by an ordinary yard, with a low + fence running back through its middle from the street in front to the + lane in the rear. The distance was not great, and Wilson was able to see + the girl very well, the window-shades of the room she was in being up, + and the window also. The girl had on a neat and trim summer dress, + patterned in broad stripes of pink and white, and her bonnet was equipped + with a pink veil. She was practising steps, gaits and attitudes, + apparently; she was doing the thing gracefully, and was very much absorbed + in her work. Who could she be, and how came she to be in + young Tom Driscoll’s room? + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_091" id="Page_091">91</a></span> + Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could watch the girl + without running much risk of being seen by her, and he remained there + hoping she would raise her veil and betray her face. But she disappointed + him. After a matter of twenty minutes she disappeared, and although he + stayed at his post half an hour longer, she came no more. + </p> + <p> + Toward noon he dropped in at the Judge’s and talked with Mrs. + Pratt about the great event of the day, the levee of the distinguished + foreigners at Aunt Patsy Cooper’s. He asked after her nephew Tom, + and she said he was on his way home, and that she was expecting him to + arrive a little before night; and added that she and the Judge were + gratified to gather from his letters that he was conducting himself + very nicely and creditably—at which Wilson winked to himself + privately. Wilson did not ask if there was a newcomer in the house, + but he asked questions that would have brought light-throwing answers + as to that matter if Mrs. Pratt had had any light to throw; so he went + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_092" id="Page_092">92</a></span> + away satisfied that he knew of things that were going + on in her house of which she herself was not aware. + </p> + <p> + He was now waiting for the twins, and still puzzling over the problem of + who that girl might be, and how she happened to be in that young + fellow’s room at daybreak in the morning. + </p> + <hr /> + + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_093" id="Page_093">93</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER VIII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Marse Tom Tramples His Chance.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady + and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a + whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be + a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">It</span> is necessary now, to hunt up Roxy. + </p> + <p> + At the time she was set free and went away chambermaiding, she was + thirty-five. She got a berth as second chambermaid on a Cincinnati boat + in the New Orleans trade, the <i>Grand Mogul</i>. A couple of trips made + her wonted and easy-going at the work, and infatuated her with the stir + and adventure and independence of steamboat life. Then she was promoted + and became head chambermaid. She was a favorite with the officers, and + exceedingly proud of their joking and friendly way with her. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_094" id="Page_094">94</a></span> + During eight years she served three parts of the year on that boat, and + the winters on a Vicksburg packet. But now for two months she had had + rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to let the wash-tub alone. So she + resigned. But she was well fixed—rich, as she would have described + it; for she had lived a steady life, and had banked four dollars every + month in New + Orleans as a provision for her old age. She said in the start + that she had “put shoes on one bar’footed nigger to tromple + on her with,” and that one mistake like that was enough; she + would be independent of the human race thenceforth forevermore if hard + work and economy could accomplish it. When the boat touched the levee at + New Orleans she bade good-by to her comrades on the <i>Grand Mogul</i> + and moved her kit ashore. + </p> + <p> + But she was back in a hour. The bank had gone to smash and carried her + four hundred dollars with it. She was a pauper, and homeless. Also disabled + bodily, at least for the present. The officers were full of sympathy for + her in her trouble, and made up a little purse for her. She resolved to go + to her birthplace; + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_095" id="Page_095">95</a></span> + she had friends there among the negroes, and the + unfortunate always help the unfortunate, she was well aware of that; those + lowly comrades of her youth would not let her starve. + </p> + <p> + She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she was on the + home-stretch. Time had worn away her bitterness against her son, and she + was able to think of him with serenity. She put the vile side of him out + of her mind, and dwelt only on recollections of his occasional acts of + kindness to her. She gilded and otherwise decorated these, and made them + very pleasant to contemplate. She began to long to see him. She would go + and fawn upon him, slave-like—for this would have to be her attitude, + of course—and maybe she would find that time had modified him, and + that he would be glad to see his long-forgotten old nurse and treat her + gently. That would be lovely; that would make her forget her woes and her + poverty. + </p> + <p> + Her poverty! That thought inspired her to add another castle to her dream: + maybe he would give her a trifle now and then—maybe + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_096" id="Page_096">96</a></span> + a dollar, once a month, say; any little thing like that would help, oh, + ever so much. + </p> + <p> + By the time she reached Dawson’s Landing she was her old self + again; her blues were gone, she was in high feather. She would get along, + surely; there were many kitchens where the servants would share their + meals with her, and also steal sugar and apples and other dainties for + her to carry home—or give her a chance to pilfer them herself, + which would answer just as well. And there was the church. She was a + more rabid and devoted Methodist than ever, and her piety was no sham, + but was strong and sincere. Yes, with plenty of creature comforts and + her old place in the amen-corner in her possession again, she would be + perfectly happy and at peace thenceforward to the end. + </p> + <p> + She went to Judge Driscoll’s kitchen first of all. She was received + there in great form and with vast enthusiasm. Her wonderful travels, and + the strange countries she had seen and the adventures she had had, made + her a marvel, and a heroine of romance. The negroes hung enchanted upon + the great story of her experiences, interrupting her all along with eager + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_097" id="Page_097">97</a></span> + questions, with laughter, exclamations of delight and expressions of + applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if there was + anything better in this world + than steamboating, it was the glory to be got by telling about it. + The audience loaded her stomach with their dinners, and then stole + the pantry bare to load up her basket. + </p> + <p> + Tom was in St. Louis. The servants said he had spent the best part of his + time there during the previous two years. Roxy came every day, and had + many talks about the family and its affairs. Once she asked why Tom was + away so much. The ostensible “Chambers” said: + </p> + <p> + “De fac’ is, ole marster kin git along better when young + marster’s away den he kin when he’s in de town; yes, + en he love him better, too; so he gives him fifty dollahs a + month—” + </p> + <p> + “No, is dat so? Chambers, you’s a-jokin’, + ain’t you?” + </p> + <p> + “’Clah to goodness I ain’t, mammy; + Marse Tom tole me so his own self. But + nemmine, ’tain’t enough.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_098" id="Page_098">98</a></span> + “My lan’, what de reason ’tain’t enough?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I’s gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, + mammy. De reason it ain’t enough is ’ca’se + Marse Tom gambles.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment and Chambers went on— + </p> + <p> + “Ole marster found it out, ’ca’se he had to pay two + hundred dollahs for Marse Tom’s gamblin’ debts, en + dat’s true, mammy, jes as dead certain as + you’s bawn.” + </p> + <p> + “Two—hund’d—dollahs! Why, what is you + talkin’ ’bout? Two—hund’d—dollahs. + Sakes alive, it’s ’mos’ enough to buy a + tol’able good second-hand nigger wid. En you ain’t + lyin’, honey?—you wouldn’t lie to yo’ + ole mammy?” + </p> + <p> + “It’s God’s own truth, jes as I tell you—two + hund’d dollahs—I wisht I may never stir outen my tracks + if it ain’t so. En, oh, my lan’, ole Marse was jes + a-hoppin’! he was b’ilin’ mad, I tell you! + He tuck ’n’ dissenhurrit him.” + </p> + <p> + He licked his chops with relish after that stately word. Roxy struggled + with it a moment, then gave it up and said— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_099" id="Page_099">99</a></span> + “Dissen<i>whiched</i> him?” + </p> + <p> + “Dissenhurrit him.” + </p> + <p> + “What’s dat? What do it mean?” + </p> + <p> + “Means he bu’sted de will.” + </p> + <p> + “Bu’s—ted de will! He wouldn’t + <i>ever</i> treat him so! Take it back, you mis’able + imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow en tribbilation.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s pet castle—an occasional dollar from Tom’s + pocket—was tumbling to ruin before her eyes. She could not + abide such a disaster as that; she couldn’t endure the thought + of it. Her remark amused Chambers: + </p> + <p> + “Yah-yah-yah! jes listen to dat! If I’s imitation, + what is you? Bofe of us is imitation <i>white</i>—dat’s + what we is—en pow’ful good imitation, + too—yah-yah-yah!—we don’t ’mount to noth’n + as imitation <i>niggers</i>; en as for—” + </p> + <p> + “Shet up yo’ foolin’, ’fo’ I knock you side + de head, en tell me ’bout de will. Tell me ’tain’t + bu’sted—do, honey, en I’ll never forgit you.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, <i>’tain’t</i>—’ca’se + dey’s a new one made, en Marse Tom’s all right ag’in. + But what is + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">100</a></span> + you in sich a sweat ’bout it for, mammy? + ’Tain’t none o’ your business I don’t + reckon.” + </p> + <p> + “’Tain’t none o’ my business? Whose + business is it den, I’d like to know? + Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen years old, or wusn’t + I?—you answer me dat. En you speck I could see him turned + out po’ en ornery on de worl’ en never care + noth’n’ ’bout it? I reckon if you’d + ever be’n a mother yo’self, Valet de Chambers, you + wouldn’t talk sich foolishness as dat.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will + ag’in—do dat satisfy you?” + </p> + <p> + Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and sentimental over it. She + kept coming daily, and at last she was told that Tom had come home. She + began to tremble with emotion, and straightway sent to beg him to let his + “po’ ole nigger mammy have jes one sight of him + en die for joy.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when Chambers brought the + petition. Time had not modified his ancient detestation of the humble + drudge and protector of his boyhood; it was still bitter and + uncompromising. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">101</a></span> + He sat up and bent a severe gaze upon the fair face of the + young fellow whose name he was unconsciously using and whose family rights + he was enjoying. He maintained the gaze until the victim of it had become + satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said— + </p> + <p> + “What does the old rip want with me?” + </p> + <p> + The petition was meekly repeated. + </p> + <p> + “Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the + social attentions of niggers?” + </p> + <p> + Tom had risen. The other young man was trembling now, visibly. He saw what + was coming, and bent his head sideways, and put up his left arm to shield + it. Tom rained cuffs upon the head and its shield, saying no word: the + victim received each blow with a beseeching, “Please, + Marse Tom!—oh, please, Marse Tom!” Seven blows—then + Tom said, “Face the door—march!” He followed behind with + one, two, three solid kicks. The last one helped the pure-white slave + over the door-sill, and he limped away mopping his + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">102</a></span> + eyes with his old + ragged sleeve. Tom shouted after him, “Send her in!” + </p> + <p> + Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and rasped out the + remark, “He arrived just at the right moment; I was full to + the brim with bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it out of. + How refreshing it was! I feel better.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s mother entered now, closing the door behind her, and + approached her son with all the wheedling and supplicating servilities + that fear and interest can impart to the words and attitudes of the born + slave. She stopped a yard from her boy and made two or three admiring + exclamations over his manly stature and general handsomeness, and Tom + put an arm under his head and hoisted a leg over the sofa-back in order + to look properly indifferent. + </p> + <p> + “My lan’, how you is growed, honey! ’Clah to goodness, + I wouldn’t a-knowed you, Marse Tom! ’deed I wouldn’t! + Look at me good; does you ’member old Roxy?—does you know + yo’ old nigger mammy, honey? Well, now, I kin lay down en die in + peace, ’ca’se I’se seed—” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">103</a></span> + “Cut it short, ——— it, cut it short! + What is it you want?” + </p> + <p> + “You heah dat? Jes the same old Marse Tom, al’ays so gay + and funnin’ wid de ole mammy. I ’uz jes as shore—” + </p> + <p> + “Cut it short, I tell you, and get along! What do you want?” + </p> + <p> + This was a bitter disappointment. Roxy had for so many days nourished and + fondled and petted her notion that Tom would be glad to see his old nurse, + and would make her proud and happy to the marrow with a cordial word or + two, that it took two rebuffs to convince her that he was not funning, and + that her beautiful dream was a fond and foolish vanity, a shabby and + pitiful mistake. She was hurt to the heart, and so ashamed that for a + moment she did not quite know what to do or how to act. Then her breast + began to heave, the tears came, and in her forlornness she was moved to + try that other dream of hers—an appeal to her boy’s charity; + and so, upon the impulse, and without reflection, she offered her + supplication: + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Marse Tom, de po’ ole mammy is in + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">104</a></span> + sich hard luck dese days; en she’s kinder crippled in de arms en + can’t work, en if you could gimme a dollah—on’y jes one + little dol—” + </p> + <p> + Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was startled into a + jump herself. + </p> + <p> + “A dollar!—give you a dollar! I’ve a notion to + strangle you! Is <i>that</i> your errand here? Clear out! and be + quick about it!” + </p> + <p> + Roxy backed slowly toward the door. When she was half-way she stopped, + and said mournfully: + </p> + <p> + “Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en I + raised you all by myself tell you was ’most a young man; en now + you is young en rich, en I is po’ en gitt’n ole, en I come + heah b’lievin’ dat you would he’p de ole mammy + ’long down de little road dat’s lef’ ’twix’ + her en de grave, en—” + </p> + <p> + Tom relished this tune less than any that had preceded it, for it began + to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; so he interrupted and said + with decision, though without asperity, that he was not in a situation to + help her, and wasn’t going to do it. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">105</a></span> + “Ain’t you ever gwine to he’p me, Marse Tom?” + </p> + <p> + “No! Now go away and don’t bother me any more.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s head was down, in an attitude of humility. But now the + fires of her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began to burn + fiercely. She raised her head slowly, till it was well up, and at the + same time her great frame unconsciously assumed an erect and masterful + attitude, with all the majesty and grace of her vanished youth in it. + She raised her finger and punctuated with it: + </p> + <p> + “You has said de word. You has had yo’ chance, en you has + trompled it under yo’ foot. When you git another one, you’ll + git down on yo’ knees en <i>beg</i> for it!” + </p> + <p> + A cold chill went to Tom’s heart, he didn’t know why; + for he did not reflect that such words, from such an incongruous + source, and so solemnly delivered, could not easily fail of that + effect. However, he did the natural thing: he replied with bluster + and mockery: + </p> + <p> + “<i>You’ll</i> give me a chance—<i>you</i>! + Perhaps I’d better get down on my knees now! But + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">106</a></span> + in case I don’t—just for argument’s + sake—what’s going to happen, pray?” + </p> + <p> + “Dis is what is gwine to happen. I’s gwine as straight to + yo’ uncle as I kin walk, en tell him every las’ + thing I knows ’bout you.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s cheek blenched, and she saw it. Disturbing thoughts began + to chase each other through his head. “How can she know? And yet + she must have found out—she looks it. I’ve had the will back + only three months, and am already deep in debt again, and moving heaven + and earth to save myself from exposure and destruction, with a reasonably + fair show of getting the thing covered up if I’m let alone, and + now this fiend has gone and found me out somehow or other. I wonder how + much she knows? Oh, oh, oh, it’s enough to break a body’s + heart! But I’ve got to humor her—there’s + no other way.” + </p> + <p> + Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh and a hollow + chipperness of manner, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">107</a></span> + you and me mustn’t quarrel. Here’s your dollar—now + tell me what you know.” + </p> + <p> + He held out the wild-cat bill; she stood as she was, and made no movement. + It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery, now, and she did not waste + it. She said, with a grim implacability in voice and manner which made Tom + almost realize that even a former slave can remember for ten minutes + insults and injuries returned for compliments and flatteries received, and + can also enjoy taking revenge for them when the opportunity offers: + </p> + <p> + “What does I know? I’ll tell you what I knows. I knows enough + to bu’st dat will to flinders—en more, mind you, + <i>more!</i>” + </p> + <p> + Tom was aghast. + </p> + <p> + “More?” he said. “What do you call more? + Where’s there any room for more?” + </p> + <p> + Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with a toss of her + head, and her hands on her hips— + </p> + <p> + “Yes!—oh, I reckon! <i>Co’se</i> you’d like + to know—wid yo’ po’ little ole rag dollah. What you + reckon I’s gwine to tell <i>you</i> for?—you ain’t + got no money. I’s gwine to tell yo’ + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">108</a></span> + uncle—en I’ll do it dis minute, too—he’ll + gimme <i>five</i> dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too.” + </p> + <p> + She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. Tom was in a + panic. He seized her skirts, and implored her to wait. She turned and + said, loftily— + </p> + <p> + “Look-a-heah, what ’uz it I tole you?” + </p> + <p> + “You—you—I don’t remember anything. + What was it you told me?” + </p> + <p> + “I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you’d git + down on yo’ knees en beg for it.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was stupefied for a moment. He was panting with excitement. Then he + said: + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Roxy, you wouldn’t require your young master to do + such a horrible thing. You can’t mean it.” + </p> + <p> + “I’ll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or not! + You call me names, en as good as spit on me when I comes here po’ + en ornery en ’umble, to praise you for bein’ growed up so + fine en handsome, en tell you how I used to nuss you en tend you en + watch you when you ’uz sick en hadn’t no mother + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">109</a></span> + but me in de whole worl’, en beg you to give de po’ ole + nigger a dollah for to git her som’n’ to eat, en you call + me names—<i>names</i>, dad blame you! Yassir, I gives you jes + one chance mo’, and dat’s <i>now</i>, en it las’ + on’y a half a second—you hear?” + </p> + <p> + Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying— + </p> + <p> + “You see, I’m begging, and it’s honest begging, too! + Now tell me, Roxy, tell me.” + </p> + <p> + The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage looked down on + him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of satisfaction. Then she + said— + </p> + <p> + “Fine nice young white gen’l’man kneelin’ down + to a nigger-wench! I’s wanted to see dat jes once befo’ + I’s called. Now, Gabr’el, blow de hawn, I’s + ready … Git up!” + </p> + <p> + Tom did it. He said, humbly— + </p> + <p> + “Now, Roxy, don’t punish me any more. I deserved what + I’ve got, but be good and let me off with that. Don’t go + to uncle. Tell me—I’ll give you the five dollars.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I bet you will; en you won’t stop dah, nuther. + But I ain’t gwine to tell you heah—” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">110</a></span> + “Good gracious, no!” + </p> + <p> + “Is you ’feared o’ de ha’nted + house?” + </p> + <p> + “N-no.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, den, you come to de ha’nted house ’bout ten + or ’leven to-night, en climb up de ladder, ’ca’se de + sta’r-steps is broke down, en you’ll find me. I’s + a-roostin’ in de ha’nted house ’ca’se I + can’t ’ford to roos’ nowhers’ else.” + She started toward the door, but stopped and said, “Gimme + de dollah bill!” He gave it to her. She examined it and said, + “H’m—like enough de bank’s + bu’sted.” She started again, but halted again. + “Has you got any whisky?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, a little.” + </p> + <p> + “Fetch it!” + </p> + <p> + He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle which was two-thirds + full. She tilted it up and took a drink. Her eyes sparkled with + satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under her shawl, saying, + “It’s prime. I’ll take it along.” + </p> + <p> + Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and erect as + a grenadier. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">111</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER IX.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Tom Practises Sycophancy.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a + funeral? It is because we are not the person + involved.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. + There was once a man who, not being able to find any other + fault with his coal, complained that there were too many + prehistoric toads in it.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Tom</span> flung himself on the sofa, and put his + throbbing head in his hands, and rested his elbows on his knees. He + rocked himself back and forth and moaned. + </p> + <p> + “I’ve knelt to a nigger wench!” he muttered. + “I thought I had struck the deepest depths of degradation before, + but oh, dear, it was nothing to this.… Well, there is one + consolation, such as it is—I’ve struck bottom this time; + there’s nothing lower.” + </p> + <p> + But that was a hasty conclusion. + </p> + <p> + At ten that night he climbed the ladder in + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">112</a></span> + the haunted house, pale, weak and wretched. Roxy was standing in the + door of one of the rooms, waiting, for she had heard him. + </p> + <p> + This was a two-story log house which had acquired the reputation a few + years before of being haunted, and that was the end of its usefulness. + Nobody would live in it afterward, or go near it by night, and most + people even gave it a wide berth in the daytime. As it had no competition, + it was called <i>the</i> haunted house. It was getting crazy and ruinous, + now, from long neglect. It stood three hundred yards beyond + Pudd’nhead Wilson’s house, with nothing between but vacancy. + It was the last house in the town at that end. + </p> + <p> + Tom followed Roxy into the room. She had a pile of clean straw in the + corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept clothing was hanging on the + wall, there was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little spots of + light, and there were various soap-and-candle boxes scattered about, + which served for chairs. The two sat down. Roxy said— + </p> + <p> + “Now den, I’ll tell you straight off, en I’ll begin + to k’leck de money later on; I ain’t in + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">113</a></span> + no hurry. What does you reckon I’s gwine to tell you?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, you—you—oh, Roxy, don’t make it too hard + for me! Come right out and tell me you’ve found out somehow what + a shape I’m in on account of dissipation and foolishness.” + </p> + <p> + “Disposition en foolishness! <i>No</i> sir, dat ain’t it. + Dat jist ain’t nothin’ at all, ’longside o’ + what <i>I</i> knows.” + </p> + <p> + Tom stared at her, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Why, Roxy, what do you mean?” + </p> + <p> + She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. + </p> + <p> + “I means dis—en it’s de Lord’s truth. You + ain’t no more kin to ole Marse Driscoll den I + is!—<i>dat’s</i> what I means!” and her eyes + flamed with triumph. + </p> + <p> + “What!” + </p> + <p> + “Yassir, en <i>dat</i> ain’t all! You’s a + <i>nigger!</i>—<i>bawn</i> a nigger en a + <i>slave!</i>—en you’s a nigger en a slave dis + minute; en if I opens my mouf ole Marse Driscoll’ll sell + you down de river befo’ you is two days older den what + you is now!” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">114</a></span> + “It’s a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite!” + </p> + <p> + “It ain’t no lie, nuther. It’s jes de truth, en + nothin’ <i>but</i> de truth, so he’p me. + Yassir—you’s my <i>son</i>—” + </p> + <p> + “You devil!” + </p> + <p> + “En dat po’ boy dat you’s be’n a-kickin’ en + a-cuffin’ to-day is Percy Driscoll’s son en yo’ + <i>marster</i>—” + </p> + <p> + “You beast!” + </p> + <p> + “En <i>his</i> name’s Tom Driscoll, en <i>yo’</i> + name’s Valet de Chambers, en you ain’t <i>got</i> no fambly + name, beca’se niggers don’t <i>have</i> em!” + </p> + <p> + Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Missing word after raised in text; 'it'."> + raised it;</ins> but his mother only laughed at him, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Set down, you pup! Does you think you kin skyer me? It ain’t + in you, nor de likes of you. I reckon you’d shoot me in de back, + maybe, if you got a chance, for dat’s jist yo’ + style—<i>I</i> knows you, throo en throo—but I don’t + mind gitt’n killed, beca’se all dis is down in writin’ + en it’s in safe hands, too, en de man dat’s got it knows + whah to look for de right man when I gits killed. Oh, bless + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">115</a></span> + yo’ soul, if you puts yo’ mother up for as big a fool as + <i>you</i> is, you’s pow’ful mistaken, I kin tell you! + Now den, you set still en behave yo’self; en don’t you git + up ag’in till I tell you!” + </p> + <p> + Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing sensations + and emotions, and finally said, with something like settled + conviction— + </p> + <p> + “The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do your worst; + I’m done with you.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy made no answer. She took the lantern and started toward the door. + Tom was in a cold panic in a moment. + </p> + <p> + + “Come back, come back!” he wailed. “I didn’t mean + it, Roxy; I take it all back, and I’ll never say it again! + Please come back, Roxy!” + </p> + <p> + The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s one thing you’s got to stop, Valet de Chambers. + You can’t call me <i>Roxy</i>, same as if you was my equal. + Chillen don’t speak to dey mammies like dat. You’ll call me ma + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">116</a></span> + or mammy, dat’s what you’ll call me—leastways when dey + ain’t nobody aroun’. <i>Say</i> it!” + </p> + <p> + It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s all right. Don’t you ever forgit it ag’in, + if you knows what’s good for you. Now den, you has said you + wouldn’t ever call it lies en moonshine ag’in. I’ll + tell you dis, for a warnin’: if you ever does say it ag’in, + it’s de <i>las’</i> time you’ll ever say it to me; + I’ll tramp as straight to de Judge as I kin walk, en tell him + who you is, en <i>prove</i> it. Does you b’lieve me when I + says dat?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh,” groaned Tom, “I more than believe it; + I <i>know</i> it.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy knew her conquest was complete. She could have proved nothing to + anybody, and her threat about the writings was a lie; but she knew the + person she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any + doubt as to the effect they would produce. + </p> + <p> + She went and sat down on her candle-box, and the pride and pomp of her + victorious attitude made it a throne. She said— + </p> + <p> + “Now den, Chambers, we’s gwine to talk + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">117</a></span> + business, en dey ain’t gwine to be no mo’ foolishness. In de + fust place, you gits fifty dollahs a month; you’s gwine to + han’ over half of it to yo’ ma. Plank it out!” + </p> + <p> + But Tom had only six dollars in the world. He gave her that, and promised + to start fair on next month’s pension. + </p> + <p> + “Chambers, how much is you in debt?” + </p> + <p> + Tom shuddered, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Nearly three hundred dollars.” + </p> + <p> + “How is you gwine to pay it?” + </p> + <p> + Tom groaned out—“Oh, I don’t know; don’t ask me + such awful questions.” + </p> + <p> + But she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: he + had been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from private + houses; in fact, he made a good deal of a raid on his fellow-villagers a + fortnight before, when he was supposed to be in St. Louis; but he doubted + if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the required amount, and was + afraid to make a further venture in the present excited state of the town. + His mother approved of his conduct, and offered + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">118</a></span> + to help, but this frightened him. He tremblingly ventured to say that if + she would retire from the town he should feel better and safer, and could + hold his head higher—and was going on to make an argument, but she + interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying she was ready; it + didn’t make any difference to her where she stayed, so that + she got her share of the pension regularly. She said she would not go + far, and would call at the haunted house once a month for her money. + Then she said— + </p> + <p> + “I don’t hate you so much now, but I’ve hated you a + many a year—and anybody would. Didn’t I change you off, en + give you a good fambly en a good name, en made you a white + gen’l’man en rich, wid store clothes on—en + what did I git for it? You despised me all de time, en was al’ays + sayin’ mean hard things to me befo’ folks, en wouldn’t + ever let me forgit I’s a + nigger—en—en———” + </p> + <p> + She fell to sobbing, and broke down. Tom said—“But you + know I didn’t know you were my mother; and besides—” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">119</a></span> + “Well, nemmine ’bout dat, now; let it go. I’s gwine + to fo’git it.” Then she added fiercely, “En + don’t ever make me remember it ag’in, or you’ll be + sorry, <i>I</i> tell you.” + </p> + <p> + When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive way he could + command— + </p> + <p> + “Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?” + </p> + <p> + He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. He was mistaken. + Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Does I mine tellin’ you? No, dat I don’t! + You ain’t got no ’casion to be shame’ + o’ yo’ father, <i>I</i> kin tell you. He wuz de highest + quality in dis whole town—ole Virginny stock. Fust famblies, he + wuz. Jes as good stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes’ day + dey ever seed.” She put on a little prouder air, if possible, and + added impressively: “Does you ’member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh + Essex, dat died de same year yo’ young Marse Tom Driscoll’s + pappy died, en all de Masons en Odd Fellers en Churches + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">120</a></span> + turned out en give him de bigges’ funeral dis town ever seed? + Dat’s de man.” + </p> + <p> + Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of + her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a dignity + and state that might have passed for queenly if her surroundings had been + a little more in keeping with it. + </p> + <p> + “Dey ain’t another nigger in dis town dat’s as + high-bawn as you is. Now den, go ’long! En jes you hold + yo’ head up as high as you want to—you + has de right, en dat I kin swah.” + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">121</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER X.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Nymph Revealed.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + All say, “How hard it is that we have to die”—a strange + complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to + live.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Every</span> now and then, after Tom went to bed, + he had sudden wakings out of his sleep, and his first thought was, + “Oh, joy, it was all a dream!” Then he laid himself heavily + down again, with a groan and the muttered words, + “A nigger! I am a nigger! Oh, I wish I was dead!” + </p> + <p> + He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, and then he + resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous sleep. He began to think. + Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were. They wandered along something + after this fashion: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">122</a></span> + “Why were niggers <i>and</i> whites made? What crime did the + uncreated first nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed for him? + And why is this awful difference made between white and black? … + How hard the nigger’s fate seems, this morning!—yet until last + night such a thought never entered my head.” + </p> + <p> + He sighed and groaned an hour or more away. Then “Chambers” + came humbly in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. “Tom” + blushed scarlet to see this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, a + nigger, and call him “Young Marster.” He said roughly— + </p> + <p> + “Get out of my sight!” and when the youth was gone, + he muttered, “He has done me no harm, poor wretch, but he is + an eyesore to me now, for he is Driscoll the young gentleman, + and I am a—oh, I wish I was dead!” + </p> + <p> + A gigantic irruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years ago, with the + accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of volcanic dust, + changes the face of the surrounding landscape beyond recognition, bringing + down the high lands, elevating the low, making fair + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">123</a></span> + lakes where deserts had been, and deserts where green prairies had smiled + before. The tremendous catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his + moral landscape in much the same way. Some of his low places he found + lifted to ideals, some of his ideals had sunk to the valleys, and lay + there with the sackcloth and ashes of pumice-stone and sulphur on their + ruined heads. + </p> + <p> + For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, + thinking—trying to get his bearings. It was new work. If he met a + friend, he found that the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way + vanished—his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the + hand for a shake. It was the “nigger” + in him asserting its humility, and he blushed and was abashed. And the + “nigger” in him was surprised when the white friend put out + his hand for a shake with him. He found the “nigger” in him + involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, to a white rowdy and + loafer. When Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, the idol of his + secret worship, invited him in, the “nigger” + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">124</a></span> + in him made an embarrassed excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with + the dread white folks on equal terms. The “nigger” in him + went shrinking and skulking here and there and yonder, and fancying it + saw suspicion and maybe detection in all faces, tones, and gestures. + So strange and uncharacteristic was Tom’s conduct that people + noticed it, and turned to look after him when he passed on; and when + he glanced back—as he could not help doing, in spite of his best + resistance—and caught that puzzled expression in a person’s + face, it gave him a sick feeling, and he took himself out of view as + quickly as he could. He presently came to have a hunted sense and a + hunted look, and then he fled away to the hill-tops and the solitudes. + He said to himself that the curse of Ham was upon him. + </p> + <p> + He dreaded his meals; the “nigger” in him was ashamed + to sit at the white folks’ table, and feared discovery all the + time; and once when Judge Driscoll said, “What’s + the matter with you? You look as meek as a nigger,” + he felt as secret murderers are said to feel + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">125</a></span> + when the accuser says, “Thou art the man!” Tom said he was + not well, and left the table. + </p> + <p> + His ostensible “aunt’s” solicitudes and endearments + were become a terror to him, and he avoided them. + </p> + <p> + And all the time, hatred of his ostensible “uncle” + was steadily growing in his heart; for he said to himself, + “He is white; and I am his chattel, his property, his goods, + and he can sell me, just as he could his dog.” + </p> + <p> + For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his character had + undergone a pretty radical change. But that was because he did not know + himself. + </p> + <p> + In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and would never go back + to what they were before, but the main structure of his character was not + changed, and could not be changed. One or two very important features of + it were altered, and in time effects would result from this, if + opportunity offered—effects of a quite serious nature, too. Under + the influence of a great mental and moral upheaval his character and + habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">126</a></span> + but after a while with the subsidence of the storm both began to settle + toward their former places. He dropped gradually back into his old + frivolous and easy-going ways and conditions of feeling and manner of + speech, and no familiar of his could have detected anything in him that + differentiated him from the weak and careless Tom of other days. + </p> + <p> + The theft-raid which he had made upon the village turned out better than + he had ventured to hope. It produced the sum necessary to pay his + gaming-debts, and saved him from exposure to his uncle and another + smashing of the will. He and his mother learned to like each other fairly + well. She couldn’t love him, as yet, because there + “warn’t nothing <i>to</i> him,” as she expressed it, + but her nature needed something or somebody to rule over, and he was + better than nothing. Her strong character and aggressive and commanding + ways compelled Tom’s admiration in spite of the fact that he got + more illustrations of them than he needed for his comfort. However, as a + rule her conversation was made up of racy tattle about the privacies of + the chief + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">127</a></span> + families of the town (for she went harvesting among their kitchens every + time she came to the village), and Tom enjoyed this. It was just in his + line. She always collected her half of his pension punctually, and he was + always at the haunted house to have a chat with her on these occasions. + Every now and then she paid him a visit there on between-days also. + </p> + <p> + Occasionally he would run up to St. Louis for a few weeks, and at last + temptation caught him again. He won a lot of money, but lost it, and with + it a deal more besides, which he promised to raise as soon as possible. + </p> + <p> + For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. He never meddled + with any other town, for he was afraid to venture into houses whose ins + and outs he did not know and the habits of whose households he was not + acquainted with. He arrived at the haunted house in disguise on the + Wednesday before the advent of the twins—after writing his aunt + Pratt that he would not arrive until two days after—and lay in + hiding there with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, when he + went to his uncle’s house and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">128</a></span> + entered by the back way with his own key, and slipped up to his room, + where he could have the use of the mirror and toilet articles. He had + a suit of girl’s clothes with him in a bundle as a disguise for + his raid, and was wearing a suit of his mother’s clothing, with + black gloves and veil. By dawn he was tricked out for his raid, but he + caught a glimpse of Pudd’nhead Wilson through the window over the + way, and knew that Pudd’nhead had caught a glimpse of him. So he + entertained Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes for a while, + then stepped out of sight and resumed the other disguise, and by and by + went down and out the back way and started down town to reconnoiter the + scene of his intended labors. + </p> + <p> + But he was ill at ease. He had changed back to Roxy’s dress, + with the stoop of age added to the disguise, so that Wilson would not + bother himself about a humble old woman leaving a neighbor’s + house by the back way in the early morning, in case he was still spying. + But supposing Wilson had seen him leave, and had thought it suspicious, + and had also followed him? The thought made Tom + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">129</a></span> + cold. He gave up the raid for the day, and hurried back + to the haunted house by the obscurest route he knew. His mother was gone; + but she came back, by and by, with the news of the grand reception at + Patsy Cooper’s, and soon persuaded him that the opportunity was + like a special providence, it was so inviting and perfect. So he went + raiding, after all, and made a nice success of it while everybody was + gone to Patsy Cooper’s. Success gave him nerve and even actual + intrepidity; insomuch, indeed, that after he had conveyed his harvest to + his mother in a back alley, he went to the reception himself, and added + several of the valuables of that house to his takings. + </p> + <p> + After this long digression we have now arrived once more at the point + where Pudd’nhead Wilson, while waiting for the arrival of the + twins on that same Friday evening, sat puzzling over the strange + apparition of that morning—a girl in young Tom Driscoll’s + bedroom; fretting, and guessing, and puzzling over it, and wondering + who the shameless creature might be. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">130</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Pudd’nhead’s Startling Discovery.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and + the three form a rising scale of compliment: + 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; + 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; + 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his + forthcoming book. + No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; + No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + As to the Adjective: when in doubt, + strike it out.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> twins arrived presently, and talk began. + It flowed along chattily and sociably, and under its influence the new + friendship gathered ease and strength. Wilson got out his Calendar, by + request, and read a passage or two from it, which the twins praised + quite cordially. This pleased the author so much that he complied gladly + when they asked him to lend them a batch of the work to read at + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">131</a></span> + home. + In the course of their wide travels they had found out that there are + three sure ways of pleasing an author; they were now working the best + of the three. + </p> + <p> + There was an interruption, now. Young Tom Driscoll appeared, and joined + the party. He pretended to be seeing the distinguished strangers for the + first time when they rose to shake hands; but this was only a blind, as he + had already had a glimpse of them, at the reception, while robbing the + house. The twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and rather + handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements—graceful, in + fact. Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there was something + veiled and sly about it. Angelo thought he had a pleasant free-and-easy + way of talking; Luigi thought it was more so than was agreeable. Angelo + thought he was a sufficiently nice young man; Luigi reserved his + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: change dicision to decision."> + decision.</ins> + Tom’s first contribution to the conversation was a question which + he had put to Wilson a hundred times before. It was always cheerily and + good-naturedly put, and always inflicted a little pang, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">132</a></span> + for it touched a secret sore; but this time the pang was sharp, since + strangers were present. + </p> + <p> + “Well, how does the law come on? Had a case yet?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson bit his lip, but answered, “No—not yet,” + with as much indifference as he could assume. Judge Driscoll had + generously left the law feature out of the Wilson biography which + he had furnished to the twins. Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Wilson’s a lawyer, gentlemen, but he doesn’t + practise now.” + </p> + <p> + The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, and said without + passion: + </p> + <p> + “I don’t practise, it is true. It is true that I have + never had a case, and have had to earn a poor living for twenty years + as an expert accountant in a town where I can’t get hold of a + set of books to untangle as often as I should like. But it is also + true that I did fit myself well for the practice of the law. By the + time I was your age, Tom, I had chosen a profession, and was soon + competent to enter upon it.” Tom winced. “I never got a + chance to try my hand at it, and I may never get + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">133</a></span> + a chance; and yet if I ever do get it I shall be found ready, for I have + kept up my law-studies all these + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Replace comma after years with a period."> + years.”</ins> + </p> + <p> + “That’s it; that’s good grit! I like to see it. + I’ve a notion to throw all my business your way. My business + and your law-practice ought to make a pretty gay team, Dave,” + and the young fellow laughed again. + </p> + <p> + “If you will throw—” Wilson had thought of the girl + in Tom’s bedroom, and was going to say, “If you will throw + the surreptitious and disreputable part of your business my way, it may + amount to something;” but thought better of it and said, + “However, this matter doesn’t fit well in a general + conversation.” + </p> + <p> + “All right, we’ll change the subject; I guess you + were about to give me another dig, anyway, so I’m willing to + change. How’s the Awful Mystery flourishing these days? + Wilson’s got a scheme for driving plain window-glass out of + the market by decorating it with greasy finger-marks, and getting + rich by selling it at famine prices to the crowned heads over + in Europe to outfit their palaces with. Fetch it out, Dave.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">134</a></span> + Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said— + </p> + <p> + “I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right hand through + his hair, so as to get a little coating of the natural oil on them, + and then press the balls of them on the glass. A fine and delicate + print of the lines in the skin results, and is permanent, if it + doesn’t come in contact with something able to rub it off. + You begin, Tom.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, I think you took my finger-marks once or twice before.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes; but you were a little boy the last time, + only about twelve years old.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s so. Of course I’ve changed entirely since + then, and variety is what the crowned heads want, I guess.” + </p> + <p> + He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, and pressed them one + at a time on the glass. Angelo made a print of his fingers on another + glass, and Luigi followed with the third. Wilson marked the glasses with + names and date, and put them away. Tom gave one of his little laughs, and + said— + </p> + <p> + “I thought I wouldn’t say anything, but if + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">135</a></span> + variety is what you are after, you have wasted a piece of glass. + The hand-print of one twin is the same as the hand-print of the + fellow-twin.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, it’s done now, and I like to have them both, + anyway,” said Wilson, returning to his place. + </p> + <p> + “But look here, Dave,” said Tom, “you used to tell + people’s fortunes, too, when you took their finger-marks. + Dave’s just an all-round genius—a genius of the first + water, gentlemen; a great scientist running to seed here in this village, + a prophet with the kind of honor that prophets generally get at + home—for here they don’t give shucks for his scientifics, + and they call his skull a notion-factory—hey, Dave, ain’t it + so? But never mind; he’ll make his mark some day—finger-mark, + you know, he-he! But really, you want to let him take a shy at your palms + once; it’s worth twice the price of admission or your money’s + returned at the door. Why, he’ll read your wrinkles as easy as a + book, and not only tell you fifty or sixty things that’s going to + happen to you, but fifty or sixty thousand that ain’t. Come, Dave, + show the gentlemen + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">136</a></span> + what an inspired Jack-at-all-science we’ve got in this town, + and don’t know it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous chaff, and the + twins suffered with him and for him. They rightly judged, now, that the + best way to relieve him would be to take the thing in earnest and treat it + with respect, ignoring Tom’s rather overdone raillery; so + Luigi said— + </p> + <p> + “We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, and know + very well what astonishing things it can do. If it isn’t a + science, and one of the greatest of them, too, I don’t know what + its other name ought to be. In the Orient—” + </p> + <p> + Tom looked surprised and incredulous. He said— + </p> + <p> + “That juggling a science? But really, you ain’t + serious, are you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, entirely so. Four years ago we had our hands read + out to us as if our palms had been covered with print.” + </p> + <p> + + “Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in it?” + asked Tom, his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">137</a></span> + “There was this much in it,” said Angelo: “what was + told us of our characters was minutely exact—we could not have + bettered it ourselves. Next, two or three memorable things that + had happened to us were laid bare—things which no one present + but ourselves could have known about.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, it’s rank sorcery!” exclaimed Tom, who was now + becoming very much interested. “And how did they make out with + what was going to happen to you in the future?” + </p> + <p> + “On the whole, quite fairly,” said Luigi. “Two + or three of the most striking things foretold have happened since; + much the most striking one of all happened within that same year. + Some of the minor prophecies have come true; some of the minor and + some of the major ones have not been fulfilled yet, and of course + may never be: still, I should be more surprised if they failed to + arrive than if they didn’t.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed. He said, + apologetically— + </p> + <p> + “Dave, I wasn’t meaning to belittle that science; I was + only chaffing—chattering, I + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">138</a></span> + reckon I’d better say. I wish you would look at their palms. + Come, won’t you?” + </p> + <p> + “Why certainly, if you want me to; but you know I’ve + had no chance to become an expert, and don’t claim to be one. + When a past event is somewhat prominently recorded in the palm I can + generally detect that, but minor ones often escape me,—not always, + of course, but often,—but I haven’t much confidence in myself + when it comes to reading the future. I am talking as if palmistry was a + daily study with me, but that is not so. I haven’t examined half + a dozen hands in the last half dozen years; you see, the people got to + joking about it, and I stopped to let the talk die down. I’ll + tell you what we’ll do, Count Luigi: I’ll make a try at your + past, and if I have any success there—no, on the whole, I’ll + let the future alone; that’s really the affair of an expert.” + </p> + <p> + He took Luigi’s hand. Tom said— + </p> + <p> + “Wait—don’t look yet, Dave! Count Luigi, here’s + paper and pencil. Set down that thing that you said was the most striking + one that was foretold to you, and happened less + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">139</a></span> + than a year afterward, and give it to me so I can see if Dave finds it + in your hand.” + </p> + <p> + Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of paper, and handed + it to Tom, saying— + </p> + <p> + “I’ll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson began to study Luigi’s palm, tracing life lines, heart + lines, head lines, and so on, and noting carefully their relations with + the cobweb of finer and more delicate marks and lines that enmeshed them + on all sides; he felt of the fleshy cushion at the base of the thumb, and + noted its shape; he felt of the fleshy side of the hand between the wrist + and the base of the little finger, + + and noted its shape also; he painstakingly examined the fingers, observing + their form, proportions, and natural manner of disposing themselves when + in repose. All this process was watched by the three spectators with + absorbing interest, their heads bent together over Luigi’s palm, + and nobody disturbing the stillness with a word. Wilson now entered upon + a close survey of the palm again, and his revelations began. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">140</a></span> + He mapped out Luigi’s character and disposition, his tastes, + aversions, proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in a way which + sometimes made Luigi wince and the others laugh, but both twins declared + that the chart was artistically drawn and was correct. + </p> + <p> + Next, Wilson took up Luigi’s history. He proceeded cautiously + and with hesitation, now, moving his finger slowly along the great + lines of the palm, and now and then halting it at a + “star” or some such landmark, and examining that neighborhood + minutely. He proclaimed one or two past events, Luigi confirmed his + correctness, and the search went on. Presently Wilson glanced up suddenly + with a surprised expression— + </p> + <p> + “Here is a record of an incident which you would perhaps + not wish me to—” + </p> + <p> + “Bring it out,” said Luigi, good-naturedly; + “I promise you it sha’n’t embarrass me.” + </p> + <p> + But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to know what to do. + Then he said— + </p> + <p> + “I think it is too delicate a matter to—to—I + believe I would rather write it or whisper it to you, and let you + decide for yourself whether you want it talked out or not.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">141</a></span> + “That will answer,” said Luigi; “write it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to Luigi, + who read it to himself and said to Tom— + </p> + <p> + “Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll.” + </p> + <p> + Tom read: + </p> + <p> + “<i>It was prophesied that I would kill a man. + It came true before the year was out.</i>” + </p> + <p> + Tom added, “Great Scott!” + </p> + <p> + Luigi handed Wilson’s paper to Tom, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Now read this one.” + </p> + <p> + Tom read: + </p> + <p> + “<i>You have killed some one, but whether man, woman or + child, I do not make out.</i>” + </p> + <p> + “Cæsar’s ghost!” commented Tom, + with astonishment. “It beats anything that was ever + heard of! Why, a man’s own hand is his deadliest enemy! + Just think of that—a man’s own hand keeps a record + of the deepest and fatalest secrets of his life, and is + treacherously ready to expose him to any black-magic stranger + that comes along. But what do you + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">142</a></span> + let a person look at your hand for, with that awful thing printed + on it?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh,” said Luigi, reposefully, “I + don’t mind it. I killed the man for good reasons, and + I don’t regret it.” + </p> + <p> + “What were the reasons?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, he needed killing.” + </p> + <p> + “I’ll tell you why he did it, since he won’t say + himself,” said Angelo, warmly. “He did it to save my life, + that’s what he did it for. So it was a noble act, and + not a thing to be hid in the dark.” + </p> + <p> + “So it was, so it was,” said Wilson; “to do such a + thing to save a brother’s life is a great and fine action.” + </p> + <p> + “Now come,” said Luigi, “it is very pleasant + to hear you say these things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or + magnanimity, the circumstances won’t stand scrutiny. You + overlook one detail; suppose I hadn’t saved Angelo’s + life, what would have become of mine? If I had let the man kill him, + wouldn’t he have killed me, too? I saved my own life, + you see.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, that is your way of talking,” said + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">143</a></span> + Angelo, + “but I know you—I don’t believe you thought of + yourself at all. I keep that weapon yet that Luigi killed the man with, + and I’ll show it to you sometime. That incident makes it + interesting, and it had a history before it came into Luigi’s + hands which adds to its interest. It was given to Luigi by a great Indian + prince, the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been in his family two or three + centuries. It killed a good many disagreeable people who troubled that + hearthstone at one time and another. It isn’t much too look at, + except that it isn’t shaped like other knives, or dirks, or + whatever it may be called—here, I’ll draw it for + you.” He took a sheet of paper and made a rapid sketch. + “There it is—a broad and murderous blade, with edges + like a razor for sharpness. The devices engraved on it are the ciphers + or names of its long line of possessors—I had Luigi’s name + added in Roman letters myself with our coat of arms, as you see. You + notice what a curious handle the thing has. It is solid ivory, + polished like a mirror, and is four or five inches long—round, + and as thick as + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">144</a></span> + a large man’s wrist, with the end squared off + flat, for your thumb to rest on; for you grasp it, with your thumb + resting on the blunt end—so—and lift it aloft and strike + downward. The Gaikowar showed us how the thing was done when he + gave it to Luigi, and before that night was ended Luigi had used the + knife, and the Gaikowar was a man short by reason of it. The sheath is + magnificently ornamented with gems of great value. You will find the + sheath more worth looking at than the knife itself, of course.” + </p> + <p> + Tom said to himself— + </p> + <p> + “It’s lucky I came here. I would have sold that knife + for a song; I supposed the jewels were glass.” + </p> + <p> + “But go on; don’t stop,” said Wilson. “Our + curiosity is up now, to hear about the homicide. Tell us about + that.” + </p> + <p> + + “Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all around. + A native servant slipped into our room in the palace in the night, + to kill us and steal the knife on account of the fortune incrusted + on its sheath, without a doubt. Luigi had it under his pillow; + we + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">145</a></span> + were in bed together. There was a dim night-light burning. I + was asleep, but Luigi was awake, and he thought he detected a vague + form nearing the bed. He slipped the knife out of the sheath and was + ready, and unembarrassed by hampering bed-clothes, for the weather was + hot and we hadn’t any. Suddenly that native rose at the + bedside, and bent over me with his right hand lifted and a dirk in it + aimed at my throat; but Luigi grabbed his wrist, pulled him downward, and + drove his own knife into the man’s neck. That is the whole + story.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general chat about the + tragedy, Pudd’nhead said, taking Tom’s hand— + </p> + <p> + “Now, Tom, I’ve never had a look at your palms, as it happens; + perhaps you’ve got some little questionable privacies that + need—hel-lo!” + </p> + <p> + Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good deal confused. + </p> + <p> + “Why, he’s blushing!” said Luigi. + </p> + <p> + Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">146</a></span> + “Well, if I am, it ain’t because I’m a + murderer!” Luigi’s dark face flushed, but before he + could speak or move, Tom added with anxious haste: + “Oh, I beg a thousand pardons. I didn’t mean that; + it was out before I thought, and I’m very, very + sorry—you must forgive me!” + </p> + <p> + Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as well as he could; + and in fact was entirely successful as far as the twins were concerned, + for they felt sorrier for the affront put upon him by his guest’s + outburst of ill manners than for the insult offered to Luigi. But the + success was not so pronounced with the offender. Tom tried to seem at + his ease, and he went through the motions fairly well, but at bottom + he felt resentful toward all the three witnesses of his exhibition; + in fact, he felt so annoyed at them for having witnessed it and noticed + it that he almost forgot to feel annoyed at himself for placing it + before them. However, something presently happened which made him almost + comfortable, and brought him nearly back to a state of charity and + friendliness. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">147</a></span> + This was a little spat between the twins; not much of a + spat, but still a spat; and before they got far with it they were in + a decided condition of irritation with each other. Tom was charmed; + so pleased, indeed, that he cautiously did what he could to increase the + irritation while pretending to be actuated by more respectable motives. By + his help the fire got warmed up to the blazing-point, and he might have + had the happiness of seeing the flames show up, in another moment, but for + the interruption of a knock on the door—an interruption which + fretted him as much as it gratified Wilson. Wilson opened the door. + </p> + <p> + The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic, middle-aged Irishman + named John Buckstone, who was a great politician in a small way, and + always took a large share in public matters of every sort. One of the + town’s chief excitements, just now, was over the matter of rum. + There was a strong rum party and a strong anti-rum party. Buckstone was + training with the rum party, and he had been sent to hunt up the twins + and invite + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">148</a></span> + them to attend a mass-meeting of that faction. He delivered his errand, + and said the clans were already gathering in the big hall over the + market-house. Luigi accepted the invitation cordially, Angelo less + cordially, since he disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful + intoxicants of America. In fact, he was even a teetotaler + sometimes—when it was judicious to be one. + </p> + <p> + The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined company with + them uninvited. + </p> + <p> + In the distance one could see a long wavering line of torches drifting + down the main street, and could hear the throbbing of the bass drum, the + clash of cymbals, the squeaking of a fife or two, and the faint roar of + remote hurrahs. The tail-end of this procession was climbing the + market-house stairs when the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when + they reached the hall it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise and + enthusiasm. They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone—Tom + Driscoll still following—and were delivered to the chairman in the + midst of a prodigious explosion of welcome. When + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">149</a></span> + the noise had moderated a little, the chair proposed that “our + illustrious guests be at once elected, by complimentary acclamation, + to membership in our ever-glorious organization, the paradise of the + free and the perdition of the slave.” + </p> + <p> + This eloquent discharge opened the flood-gates of enthusiasm again, and + the election was carried with thundering unanimity. Then arose a storm + of cries: + </p> + <p> + “Wet them down! Wet them down! Give them a drink!” + </p> + <p> + Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins. Luigi waved his aloft, then + brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. There was another storm + of cries: + </p> + <p> + “What’s the matter with the other one?” + “What is the blond one going back on us for?” + “Explain! Explain!” + </p> + <p> + The chairman inquired, and then reported— + </p> + <p> + “We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen. I find that + the Count Angelo + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change Cappello to Capello."> + Capello</ins> is opposed to our creed—is a teetotaler, + in fact, and was not intending to apply for membership with us. He + desires that we + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">150</a></span> + reconsider the vote by which he was elected. What is the + pleasure of the house?” + </p> + <p> + There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully accented with + whistlings and cat-calls, but the energetic use of the gavel presently + restored something like order. Then a man spoke from the crowd, and said + that while he was very sorry that the mistake had been made, it would not + be possible to rectify it at the present meeting. According to the + by-laws it must go over to the next regular meeting for action. He would + not offer a motion, as none was required. He desired to apologize to the + gentleman in the name of the house, and begged to assure him that as far + as it might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his temporary + membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. + </p> + <p> + This speech was received with great applause, mixed with cries of— + </p> + <p> + “That’s the talk!” “He’s + a good fellow, anyway, if he <i>is</i> a + teetotaler!” “Drink his health!” + “Give him a rouser, and no heeltaps!” + </p> + <p> + Glasses were handed around, and everybody + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">151</a></span> + on the platform drank Angelo’s health, while the house bellowed + forth in song: + </p> + <div class="poem1"> + <p class="poem1"> + For he’s a jolly good fel-low,</p> + <p class="poem1"> + For he’s a jolly good fel-low,</p> + <p class="poem1"> + For he’s a jolly good fe-el-low,—</p> + <p class="poem2"> + Which nobody can deny.</p> + </div> + <p> + Tom Driscoll drank. It was his second glass, for he had drunk + Angelo’s the moment that Angelo had set it down. The two drinks + made him very merry—almost idiotically so—and he began to + take a most lively and prominent part in the proceedings, particularly + in the music and cat-calls and side-remarks. + </p> + <p> + The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins at his side. The + extraordinarily close resemblance of the brothers to each other suggested + a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and just as the chairman began a speech he + skipped forward and said with an air of tipsy confidence to the + audience— + </p> + <p> + “Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human + philopena snip you out a speech.” + </p> + <p> + The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, and a mighty burst + of laughter followed. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">152</a></span> + Luigi’s southern blood leaped to the boiling-point in a moment + under the sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in the presence + of four hundred strangers. It was not in the young man’s nature + to let the matter pass, or to delay the squaring of the account. He + took a couple of strides and halted behind the unsuspecting joker. + Then he drew back and delivered a kick of such titanic vigor that it + lifted Tom clear over the footlights and landed him on the heads of + the front row of the Sons of Liberty. + </p> + <p> + Even a sober person does not like to have a human being emptied on him + when he is not doing any harm; a person who is not sober cannot endure + such an attention at all. The nest of Sons of Liberty that Driscoll landed + in had not a sober bird in it; in fact there was probably not an entirely + sober one in the auditorium. Driscoll was promptly and indignantly flung + on to the heads of Sons in the next row, and these Sons passed him on + toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel the front-row Sons + who had passed him to them. This course was strictly + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">153</a></span> + followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in his tumultuous and + airy flight toward the door; so he left behind him an ever lengthening + wake of raging and plunging and fighting and swearing humanity. Down + went group after group of torches, and presently above the deafening + clatter of the gavel, roar of angry voices, and crash of succumbing + benches, rose the paralyzing cry of + “<span class="smcap">Fire!</span>” + </p> + <p> + The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for one distinctly + defined moment there was a dead hush, a motionless calm, where the + tempest had been; then with one impulse the multitude awoke to life and + energy again, and went surging and struggling and swaying, this way and + that, its outer edges melting away through windows and doors and gradually + lessening the pressure and relieving the mass. + </p> + <p> + The fire-boys were never on hand so suddenly before; for there was no + distance to go, this time, their quarters being in the rear end of the + market-house. There was an engine company and a hook-and-ladder company. + Half of each was composed of rummies and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">154</a></span> + the other half of anti-rummies, after the moral and political + share-and-share-alike fashion of the frontier town of the period. + Enough anti-rummies were loafing in quarters to man the engine and the + ladders. In two minutes they had their red shirts and helmets + on—they never stirred officially in unofficial costume—and + as the mass meeting overhead smashed through the long row of windows and + poured out upon the roof of the arcade, the deliverers were ready for + them with a powerful stream of water which washed some of them off the + roof and nearly drowned the rest. But water was preferable to fire, and + still the stampede from the windows continued, and still the pitiless + drenching assailed it until the building was empty; then the fire-boys + mounted to the hall and flooded it with water enough to annihilate forty + times as much fire as there was there; for a village fire-company does + not often get a chance to show off, and so when it does get a chance it + makes the most of it. Such citizens of that village as were of a + thoughtful and judicious temperament did not insure against fire; they + insured against the fire-company. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">155</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Shame of Judge Driscoll.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence + of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to + say it is brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. + Consider the flea!—incomparably the bravest of all the + creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Whether you + are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact + that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies + of the earth to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and + all days and nights in the very lap of peril and the immediate presence + of death, and yet is no more afraid than is the man who walks the streets + of a city that was threatened by an earthquake ten centuries before. + When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam as men who + “didn’t know what fear was,” we ought always to add + the flea—and put him at the head of the + procession.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Judge Driscoll</span> was in bed and asleep by ten + o’clock on Friday night, and he was up and gone a-fishing before + daylight in the morning with his friend Pembroke Howard. These two had + been boys together in Virginia + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">156</a></span> + when that State still ranked as the chief + and most imposing member of the Union, and they still coupled the proud + and affectionate adjective “old” with her name when they + spoke of her. In Missouri a recognized superiority attached to any + person who hailed from Old Virginia; and this superiority was exalted + to supremacy when a person of such nativity could also prove descent + from the First Families of that great commonwealth. The Howards and + Driscolls were of this aristocracy. In their eyes it was a nobility. + It had its unwritten laws, and they were as clearly defined and as + strict as any that could be found among the printed statutes of the + land. The F. F. V. was born a gentleman; his highest duty in + life was to watch over that great inheritance and keep it unsmirched. He + must keep his honor spotless. Those laws were his chart; his course was + marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much as half a point + of the compass it meant shipwreck to his honor; that is to say, + degradation from his rank as a gentleman. These laws required certain + things of him which his religion might + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">157</a></span> + forbid: then his religion must yield—the laws could not be relaxed + to accommodate religions or anything else. Honor stood first; and the + laws defined what it was and wherein it differed in certain details from + honor as defined by church creeds and by the social laws and customs + of some of the minor divisions of the globe that had got crowded out when + the sacred boundaries of Virginia were staked out. + </p> + <p> + If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of Dawson’s + Landing, Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized second citizen. He + was called “the great lawyer”—an earned title. + He and Driscoll were of the same age—a year or two past sixty. + </p> + <p> + Although Driscoll was a free-thinker and Howard a strong and determined + Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no impairment in consequence. + They were men whose opinions were their own property and not subject to + revision and amendment, suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their + friends. + </p> + <p> + The day’s fishing finished, they came floating + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">158</a></span> + down stream in their skiff, talking national politics and other high + matters, and presently met a skiff coming up from town, with a man in + it who said: + </p> + <p> + “I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew a + kicking last night, Judge?” + </p> + <p> + “Did <i>what</i>?” + </p> + <p> + “Gave him a kicking.” + </p> + <p> + The old Judge’s lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. He + choked with anger for a moment, then he got out what he was trying to + say— + </p> + <p> + “Well—well—go on! give me the details!” + </p> + <p> + The man did it. At the finish the Judge was silent a minute, turning over + in his mind the shameful picture of Tom’s flight over the + footlights; then he said, as if musing + aloud—“H’m—I don’t understand it. + I was asleep at home. He didn’t wake me. Thought he was competent + to manage his affair without my help, I reckon.” His face lit up + with pride and pleasure at that thought, and he said with a cheery + complacency, “I like that—it’s the true old + blood—hey, Pembroke?” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">159</a></span> + Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head approvingly. Then the + news-bringer spoke again— + </p> + <p> + “But Tom beat the twin on the trial.” + </p> + <p> + The Judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said— + </p> + <p> + “The trial? What trial?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault + and battery.” + </p> + <p> + The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has received a + death-stroke. Howard sprang for him as he sank forward in a swoon, and + took him in his arms, and bedded him on his back in the boat. He sprinkled + water in his face, and said to the startled visitor— + </p> + <p> + “Go, now—don’t let him come to and find you here. + You see what an effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to have + been more considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece of + slander as that.” + </p> + <p> + “I’m right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I + wouldn’t have done it if I had thought: but it ain’t slander; + it’s perfectly true, just as I told him.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">160</a></span> + He rowed away. Presently the old Judge came out of his faint and looked up + piteously into the sympathetic face that was bent over him. + </p> + <p> + “Say it ain’t true, Pembroke; tell me it ain’t + true!” he said in a weak voice. + </p> + <p> + There was nothing weak in the deep organ-tones that responded— + </p> + <p> + “You know it’s a lie as well as I do, old friend. He is of the + best blood of the Old Dominion.” + </p> + <p> + “God bless you for saying it!” said the old gentleman, + fervently. “Ah, Pembroke, it was such a blow!” + </p> + <p> + Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and entered the house with + him. It was dark, and past supper-time, but the Judge was not thinking of + supper; he was eager to hear the slander refuted from headquarters, and as + eager to have Howard hear it, too. Tom was sent for, and he came + immediately. He was bruised and lame, and was not a happy-looking object. + His uncle made him sit down, and said— + </p> + <p> + “We have been hearing about your adventure, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">161</a></span> + Tom, with a handsome lie added to it for embellishment. Now pulverize that + lie to dust! What measures have you taken? How does the thing + stand?” + </p> + <p> + Tom answered guilelessly: “It don’t stand at all; + it’s all over. I had him up in court and beat him. + Pudd’nhead Wilson defended him—first case + he ever had, and lost it. The judge fined the miserable + hound five dollars for the assault.” + </p> + <p> + Howard and the Judge sprang to their feet with the opening + sentence—why, neither knew; then they stood gazing vacantly at + each other. Howard stood a moment, then sat mournfully down without + saying anything. The Judge’s wrath began to kindle, and + he burst out— + </p> + <p> + “You cur! You scum! You vermin! Do you mean to tell me that blood + of my race has suffered a blow and crawled to a court of law about + it? Answer me!” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent silence. + His uncle stared at him with a mixed expression of amazement and + shame and incredulity that was sorrowful to see. At last he said— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">162</a></span> + “Which of the twins was it?” + </p> + <p> + “Count Luigi.” + </p> + <p> + “You have challenged him?” + </p> + <p> + “N—no,” hesitated Tom, turning pale. + </p> + <p> + “You will challenge him to-night. Howard will carry it.” + </p> + <p> + Tom began to turn sick, and to show it. He turned his hat round and round + in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and blacker upon him as the heavy + seconds drifted by; then at last he began to stammer, and said + piteously— + </p> + <p> + “Oh, please don’t ask me to do it, uncle! He is a + murderous devil—I never could—I—I’m + afraid of him!” + </p> + <p> + Old Driscoll’s mouth opened and closed three times before + he could get it to perform its office; then he stormed out— + </p> + <p> + “A coward in my family! A Driscoll a coward! Oh, what have I done + to deserve this infamy!” He tottered to his secretary in the + corner repeating that lament again and again in heartbreaking tones, + and got out of a drawer a paper, which he slowly tore to bits + scattering the bits absently in his track as he + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">163</a></span> + walked up and down the room, still grieving and lamenting. At last he + said— + </p> + <p> + “There it is, shreds and fragments once more—my will. + Once more you have forced me to disinherit you, you base son + of a most noble father! Leave my sight! Go—before + I spit on you!” + </p> + <p> + The young man did not tarry. Then the Judge turned to Howard: + </p> + <p> + “You will be my second, old friend?” + </p> + <p> + “Of course.” + </p> + <p> + “There is pen and paper. Draft the cartel, and lose no time.” + </p> + <p> + “The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen + minutes,” said Howard. + </p> + <p> + Tom was very heavy-hearted. His appetite was gone with his property + and his self-respect. He went out the back way and wandered down the + obscure lane grieving, and wondering if any course of future + conduct, however discreet and carefully perfected and watched over, + could win back his uncle’s favor and persuade him to + reconstruct once more that generous will which had just gone to ruin + before his eyes. He finally concluded + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">164</a></span> + that it could. He said to himself that he had accomplished this sort of + triumph once already, and that what had been done once could be done + again. He would set about it. He would bend every energy to the task, + and he would score that triumph once more, cost what it might to his + convenience, limit as it might his frivolous and liberty-loving life. + </p> + <p> + “To begin,” he said to himself, “I’ll square + up with the proceeds of my raid, and then gambling has got to be + stopped—and stopped short off. It’s the worst vice + I’ve got—from my standpoint, anyway, because + it’s the one he can most easily find out, through the impatience + of my creditors. He thought it expensive to have to pay two hundred + dollars to them for me once. Expensive—<i>that!</i> Why, it + cost me the whole of his fortune—but of course he never thought + of that; some people can’t think of any but their own side of a + case. If he had known how deep I am in, now, the will would have gone + to pot without waiting for a duel to help. Three hundred dollars! + It’s a pile! But he’ll never hear of it, I’m + thankful to say. The minute I’ve + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">165</a></span> + cleared it off, I’m safe; and I’ll never touch a card again. + Anyway, I won’t while he lives, I make oath to that. I’m + entering on my last reform—I know it—yes, and I’ll win; + but after that, if I ever slip again I’m gone.” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">166</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XIII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Tom Stares at Ruin.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I + know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a + different life.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to + speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, + September, April, November, May, March, June, December, + August, and February.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Thus</span> mournfully communing with himself Tom + moped along the lane past Pudd’nhead Wilson’s + house, and still + on and on between fences inclosing vacant country on each hand till he + neared the haunted house, then he came moping back again, with many sighs + and heavy with trouble. He sorely wanted cheerful company. Rowena! His + heart gave a bound at the thought, but the next thought quieted + it—the detested twins would be there. + </p> + <p> + He was on the inhabited side of Wilson’s + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">167</a></span> + house, and now as he approached it he noticed that the sitting-room was + lighted. This would do; others made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but + Wilson never failed in courtesy toward him, and a kindly courtesy does + at least save one’s feelings, even if it is not professing to stand + for a welcome. Wilson heard footsteps at his threshold, then the clearing + of a throat. + </p> + <p> + “It’s that fickle-tempered, dissipated young + goose—poor devil, he find friends pretty scarce to-day, + likely, after the disgrace of carrying a personal-assault case + into a law-court.” + </p> + <p> + A dejected knock. “Come in!” + </p> + <p> + Tom entered, and drooped into a chair, without saying anything. Wilson + said kindly— + </p> + <p> + “Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don’t take it so hard. + Try and forget you have been + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change single quote after kicked to a double quote."> + kicked.”</ins> + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear,” said Tom, wretchedly, “it’s + not that, Pudd’nhead—it’s not that. It’s a + thousand times worse than that—oh, yes, a million + times worse.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">168</a></span> + “Why, Tom, what do you mean? Has Rowena—” + </p> + <p> + “Flung me? No, but the old man has.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said to himself, “Aha!” and thought of the + mysterious girl in the bedroom. “The Driscolls have been + making discoveries!” Then he said aloud, gravely: + </p> + <p> + “Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, shucks, this hasn’t got anything to do with + dissipation. He wanted me to challenge that derned Italian savage, + and I wouldn’t do it.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, of course he would do that,” said Wilson in a meditative + matter-of-course way, “but the thing that puzzled me was, why + he didn’t look to that last night, for one thing, and why he + let you carry such a matter into a court of law at all, either + before the duel or after it. It’s no place for it. It was not + like him. I couldn’t understand it. How did it happen?” + </p> + <p> + “It happened because he didn’t know anything about it. + He was asleep when I got home last night.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">169</a></span> + “And you didn’t wake him? Tom, is that possible?” + </p> + <p> + Tom was not getting much comfort here. He fidgeted a moment, then said: + </p> + <p> + “I didn’t choose to tell him—that’s all. + He was going a-fishing before dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I + got the twins into the common calaboose—and I thought sure I + could—I never dreamed of their slipping out on a paltry fine + for such an outrageous offense—well, once in the calaboose + they would be disgraced, and uncle wouldn’t want any + duels with that sort of characters, and wouldn’t allow any.” + </p> + <p> + “Tom, I am ashamed of you! I don’t see how you could treat + your good old uncle so. I am a better friend of his than you are; for + if I had known the circumstances I would have kept that case out of + court until I got word to him and let him have a gentleman’s + chance.” + </p> + <p> + “You would?” exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise. + “And it your first case! And you know perfectly well there + never would have <i>been</i> any case if he had got that chance, + don’t + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">170</a></span> + you? And you’d have finished your days a pauper + nobody, instead of being an actually launched and recognized lawyer + to-day. And you would really have done that, would you?” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly.” + </p> + <p> + Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head sorrowfully and + said— + </p> + <p> + “I believe you—upon my word I do. I don’t know + why I do, but I do. Pudd’nhead Wilson, I think you’re + the biggest fool I ever saw.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you.” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t mention it.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian and you have + refused. You degenerate remnant of an honorable line! I’m thoroughly + ashamed of you, Tom!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, that’s nothing! I don’t care for anything, now + that the will’s torn up again.” + </p> + <p> + “Tom, tell me squarely—didn’t he find any fault with + you for anything but those two things—carrying the case into + court and refusing to fight?” + </p> + <p> + He watched the young fellow’s face narrowly, but it was entirely + reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">171</a></span> + “No, he didn’t find any other fault with me. If he had + had any to find, he would have begun yesterday, for he was just in the + humor for it. He drove that jack-pair around town and showed them the + sights, and when he came home he couldn’t find his father’s + old silver watch that don’t keep time and he thinks so much of, + and couldn’t remember what he did with it three or four days ago + when he saw it last, and so when I arrived he was all in a sweat about it, + and when I suggested that it probably wasn’t lost but stolen, it put + him in a regular passion and he said I was a fool—which convinced + me, without any trouble, that that was just what he was afraid + <i>had</i> happened, himself, but did not want to believe it, because + lost things stand a better chance of being found again than stolen + ones.” + </p> + <p> + “Whe-ew!” whistled Wilson; + “score another on the list.” + </p> + <p> + “Another what?” + </p> + <p> + “Another theft!” + </p> + <p> + “Theft?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, theft. That watch isn’t lost, it’s + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">172</a></span> + stolen. There’s been another raid on the town—and just the + same old mysterious sort of thing that has happened once before, as you + remember.” + </p> + <p> + “You don’t mean it!” + </p> + <p> + “It’s as sure as you are born! Have you missed anything + yourself?” + </p> + <p> + “No. That is, I did miss a silver pencil-case that Aunt Mary + Pratt gave me last birthday—” + </p> + <p> + “You’ll find it stolen—that’s what + you’ll find.” + </p> + <p> + “No, I sha’n’t; for when I suggested theft about + the watch and got such a rap, I went and examined my room, and the + pencil-case was missing, but it was only mislaid, and I found + it again.” + </p> + <p> + “You are sure you missed nothing else?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, nothing of consequence. I missed a small plain gold + ring worth two or three dollars, but that will turn up. + I’ll look again.” + </p> + <p> + “In my opinion you’ll not find it. There’s been + a raid, I tell you. Come <i>in!</i>” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">173</a></span> + Buckstone and the town-constable, Jim Blake. They sat down, and after + some wandering and aimless weather-conversation Wilson said— + </p> + <p> + “By the way, we’ve just added another to the list of + thefts, maybe two. Judge Driscoll’s old silver watch is gone, + and Tom here has missed a gold ring.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, it is a bad business,” said the Justice, + “and gets worse the further it goes. The Hankses, the Dobsons, + the Pilligrews, the Ortons, the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the + Holcombs, in fact everybody that lives around about Patsy Cooper’s + has been robbed of little things like trinkets and teaspoons and + such-like small valuables that are easily carried off. It’s + perfectly plain that the thief took advantage of the reception at Patsy + Cooper’s when all the neighbors were in her house and all their + niggers hanging around her fence for a look at the show, to raid the + vacant houses undisturbed. Patsy is miserable about it; miserable on + account of the neighbors, and particularly miserable on account of her + foreigners, of course; so miserable + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">174</a></span> + on their account that she hasn’t any room to worry about her own + little losses.” + </p> + <p> + “It’s the same old raider,” said Wilson. “I + suppose there isn’t any doubt about that.” + </p> + <p> + “Constable Blake doesn’t think so.” + </p> + <p> + “No, you’re wrong there,” said Blake; + “the other times it was a man; there was plenty of signs of that, + as we know, in the profession, though we never got hands on him; + but this time it’s a woman.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off. She was always in his + mind now. But she failed him again. Blake continued: + </p> + <p> + “She’s a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered basket + on her arm, in a black veil, dressed in mourning. I saw her going + aboard the ferry-boat yesterday. Lives in Illinois, I reckon; but + I don’t care where she lives, I’m going to get + her—she can make herself sure of that.” + </p> + <p> + “What makes you think she’s the thief?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, there ain’t any other, for one thing; and for + another, some nigger draymen that happened to be driving along saw + her coming out of or going into houses, and told + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">175</a></span> + me so—and it just happens that they was <i>robbed</i> houses, + every time.” + </p> + <p> + It was granted that this was plenty good enough circumstantial evidence. + A pensive silence followed, which lasted some moments, then Wilson + said— + </p> + <p> + “There’s one good thing, anyway. She can’t either + pawn or sell Count Luigi’s costly Indian dagger.” + </p> + <p> + “My!” said Tom, “is <i>that</i> gone?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, that was a haul! But why can’t she pawn it or + sell it?” + </p> + <p> + “Because when the twins went home from the Sons of Liberty + meeting last night, news of the raid was sifting in from everywhere, + and Aunt Patsy was in distress to know if they had lost anything. + They found that the dagger was gone, and they notified the police and + pawnbrokers everywhere. It was a great haul, yes, but the old woman + won’t get anything out of it, because she’ll get + caught.” + </p> + <p> + “Did they offer a reward?” asked Buckstone. + </p> + <p> + “Yes; five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred + more for the thief.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">176</a></span> + “What a leather-headed idea!” exclaimed the constable. + “The thief da’sn’t go near them, nor send anybody. + Whoever goes is going to get himself nabbed, for their ain’t + any pawnbroker that’s going to lose the chance to—” + </p> + <p> + If anybody had noticed Tom’s face at that time, the gray-green + color of it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody did. He said to + himself: “I’m gone! I never can square up; the rest of the + plunder won’t pawn or sell for half of the bill. Oh, I know + it—I’m gone, I’m gone—and this time it’s + for good. Oh, this is awful—I don’t know what to do, + nor which way to turn!” + </p> + <p> + “Softly, softly,” said Wilson to Blake. “I + planned their scheme for them at midnight last night, and it was all + finished up shipshape by two this morning. They’ll get their + dagger back, and then I’ll explain to you how + the thing was done.” + </p> + <p> + There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and Buckstone said— + </p> + <p> + “Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp, Wilson, and I’m + free to say that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">177</a></span> + if you don’t mind telling us in confidence—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I’d as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as + the twins and I agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it stand so. + But you can take my word for it you won’t be kept waiting three + days. Somebody will apply for that reward pretty promptly, and + I’ll show you the thief and the dagger both very soon + afterward.” + </p> + <p> + The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed. He said— + </p> + <p> + “It may all be—yes, and I hope it will, but I’m blamed + if I can see my way through it. It’s too many for yours + truly.” + </p> + <p> + The subject seemed about talked out. Nobody seemed to have anything + further to offer. After a silence the justice of the peace informed Wilson + that he and Buckstone and the constable had come as a committee, on the + part of the Democratic party, to ask him to run for mayor—for the + little town was about to become a city and the first charter election was + approaching. It was the first attention which Wilson had ever received at + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">178</a></span> + the hands of any party; it was a sufficiently humble one, but it was a + recognition of his début into the town’s life and activities + at last; it was a step upward, and he was deeply gratified. He accepted, + and the committee departed, followed by young Tom. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">179</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XIV.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Roxana Insists Upon Reform.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be + mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world’s + luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of + the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels + eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know + it because she repented.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">About</span> the time that Wilson was bowing the + committee out, Pembroke Howard was entering the next house to report. + He found the old Judge sitting grim and straight in his chair, waiting. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Howard—the news?” + </p> + <p> + “The best in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Accepts, does he?” and the light of battle gleamed + joyously in the Judge’s eye. + </p> + <p> + “Accepts? Why, he jumped at it.” + </p> + <p> + “Did, did he? Now that’s fine—that’s very fine. + I like that. When is it to be?” + </p> + <p> + “Now! Straight off! To-night! An admirable + fellow—admirable!” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">180</a></span> + “Admirable? He’s a darling! Why, it’s an honor + as well as a pleasure to stand up before such a man. Come—off + with you! Go and arrange everything—and give him my heartiest + compliments. A rare fellow, indeed; an admirable fellow, as you have + said!” + </p> + <p> + Howard hurried away, saying— + </p> + <p> + “I’ll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson’s + and the haunted house within the hour, and I’ll bring my own + pistols.” + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of pleased excitement; + but presently he stopped, and began to think—began to think of Tom. + Twice he moved toward the secretary, and twice he turned away again; but + finally he said— + </p> + <p> + “This may be my last night in the world—I must not take the + chance. He is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely my fault. He was + intrusted to me by my brother on his dying bed, and I have indulged him + to his hurt, instead of training him up severely, and making a man of + him. I have violated my trust, and I must not add the sin of desertion + to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">181</a></span> + that. I have forgiven him once already, and would subject him to a + long and hard trial before forgiving him again, if I could live; but I + must not run that risk. No, I must restore the will. But if I survive the + duel, I will hide it away, and he will not know, and I will not tell him + until he reforms, and I see that his reformation is going to be + permanent.” + </p> + <p> + He re-drew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir to a fortune again. + As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied with another brooding tramp, + entered the house and went tiptoeing past the sitting-room door. He + glanced in, and hurried on, for the sight of his uncle had nothing but + terrors for him to-night. But his uncle was writing! That was unusual at + this late hour. What could he be writing? A chill of anxiety settled down + upon Tom’s heart. Did that writing concern him? He was afraid so. + He reflected that when ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, + but in showers. He said he would get a glimpse of that document or know + the reason why. He heard some one coming, and stepped out of sight and + hearing. It was + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">182</a></span> + Pembroke Howard. What could be + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change period after hatching to question mark."> + hatching?</ins> + </p> + <p> + Howard said, with great satisfaction: + </p> + <p> + “Everything’s right and ready. He’s gone to the + battle-ground with his second and the surgeon—also with his brother. + I’ve arranged it all with Wilson—Wilson’s his second. + We are to have three shots apiece.” + </p> + <p> + “Good! How is the moon?” + </p> + <p> + “Bright as day, nearly. Perfect, for the distance—fifteen + yards. No wind—not a breath; hot and still.” + </p> + <p> + “All good; all first-rate. Here, Pembroke, read this, and witness + it.” + </p> + <p> + Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old man’s hand a + hearty shake and said: + </p> + <p> + “Now that’s right, York—but I knew you would do it. + You couldn’t leave that poor chap to fight along without means or + profession, with certain defeat before him, and I knew you + wouldn’t, for his father’s sake if not for his own.” + </p> + <p> + “For his dead father’s sake I couldn’t, I know; + for poor Percy—but you know what + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">183</a></span> + Percy was to me. But mind—Tom is not to know of this unless I + fall to-night.” + </p> + <p> + “I understand. I’ll keep the secret.” + </p> + <p> + The Judge put the will away, and the two started for the battle-ground. In + another minute the will was in Tom’s hands. His misery vanished, his + feelings underwent a tremendous revulsion. He put the will carefully back + in its place, and spread his mouth and swung his hat once, twice, three + times around his head, in imitation of three rousing huzzas, no sound + issuing from his lips. He fell to communing with himself excitedly and + joyously, but every now and then he let off another volley of dumb + hurrahs. + </p> + <p> + He said to himself: “I’ve got the fortune again, but + I’ll not let on that I know about it. And this time I’m going + to hang on to it. I take no more risks. I’ll gamble no more, + I’ll drink no more, because—well, because I’ll not go + where there is any of that sort of thing going on, again. It’s the + sure way, and the only sure way; I might have thought of that + sooner—well, yes, if I had wanted to. But now—dear me, + I’ve had a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">184</a></span> + scare this time, and I’ll take no more chances. Not a single chance + more. Land! I persuaded myself this evening that I could fetch him around + without any great amount of effort, but I’ve been getting more and + more heavy-hearted and doubtful straight along, ever since. If he tells + me about this thing, all right; but if he doesn’t, I + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Remove comma after sha'n't." + >sha’n’t</ins> let on. I—well, I’d like to tell + Pudd’nhead Wilson, but—no, I’ll think about that; + perhaps I won’t.” He whirled off another dead huzza, and + said, “I’m reformed, and this time I’ll stay so, + sure!” + </p> + <p> + He was about to close with a final grand silent demonstration, when he + suddenly recollected that Wilson had put it out of his power to pawn or + sell the Indian knife, and that he was once more in awful peril of + exposure by his creditors for that reason. His joy collapsed utterly, and + he turned away and moped toward the door moaning and lamenting over the + bitterness of his luck. He dragged himself up-stairs, and brooded in his + room a long time disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi’s Indian + knife for a text. At last he sighed and said: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">185</a></span> + “When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory bone, + the thing hadn’t any interest for me because it hadn’t + any value, and couldn’t help me out of my trouble. But + now—why, now it is full of interest; yes, and of a sort to break + a body’s heart. It’s a bag of gold that has turned + to dirt and ashes in my hands. It could save me, and save me so easily, + and yet I’ve got to go to ruin. It’s like drowning with a + life-preserver in my reach. All the hard luck comes to me, and all the + good luck goes to other people—Pudd’nhead Wilson, for + instance; even his career has got a sort of a little start at last, and + what has he done to deserve it, I should like to know? Yes, he has opened + his own road, but he isn’t content with that, but must block mine. + It’s a sordid, selfish world, and I wish I was out of + it.” He allowed the light of the candle to play upon the jewels of + the sheath, but the flashings and sparklings had no charm for his eye; + they were only just so many pangs to his heart. “I must not say + anything to Roxy about this thing,” he said, “she is too + daring. She would be for + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">186</a></span> + digging these stones out and selling them, and then—why, she would + be arrested and the stones traced, and then—” The thought + made him quake, and he hid the knife away, trembling all over and + glancing furtively about, like a criminal who fancies that the accuser + is already at hand. + </p> + <p> + Should he try to sleep? Oh, no, sleep was not for him; his trouble was too + haunting, too afflicting for that. He must have somebody to mourn with. He + would carry his despair to Roxy. + </p> + <p> + He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of thing was not + uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. He went out at the + back door, and turned westward. He passed Wilson’s house and + proceeded along the lane, and presently saw several figures approaching + Wilson’s place through the vacant lots. These were the duelists + returning from the fight; he thought he recognized them, but as he had + no desire for white people’s company, he stooped down behind the + fence until they were out of his way. + </p> + <p> + Roxy was feeling fine. She said: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">187</a></span> + “Whah was you, child? Warn’t you in it?” + </p> + <p> + “In what?” + </p> + <p> + “In de duel.” + </p> + <p> + “Duel? Has there been a duel?” + </p> + <p> + “’Co’se dey has. De ole Jedge has be’n + havin’ a duel wid one o’ dem twins.” + </p> + <p> + “Great Scott!” Then he added to himself: “That’s + what made him re-make the will; he thought he might get killed, and it + softened him toward me. And that’s what he and Howard were so + busy about.… Oh dear, if the twin had only killed him, + I should be out of my—” + </p> + <p> + “What is you mumblin’ bout, Chambers? Whah was you? + Didn’t you know dey was gwyne to be a duel?” + </p> + <p> + “No, I didn’t. The old man tried to get me to fight one with + Count Luigi, but he didn’t succeed, so I reckon he concluded to + patch up the family honor himself.” + </p> + <p> + He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a detailed account of + his talk with the Judge, and how shocked and ashamed the Judge was to find + that he had a coward in his family. He glanced up at last, and got a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">188</a></span> + shock himself. Roxana’s bosom was heaving with suppressed passion, + and she was glowering down upon him with measureless contempt written + in her face. + </p> + <p> + “En you refuse’ to fight a man dat kicked you, + ’stid o’ jumpin’ at de chance! En you ain’t + got no mo’ feelin’ den to come en tell me, dat fetched sich + a po’ low-down ornery rabbit into de worl’! Pah! it make me + sick! It’s de nigger in you, dat’s what it is. Thirty-one + parts o’ you is white, en on’y one part nigger, en dat + po’ little one part is yo’ <i>soul</i>. + Tain’t wuth savin’; tain’t wuth totin’ out on a + shovel en throwin’ in de gutter. You has disgraced yo’ birth. + What would yo’ pa think o’ you? It’s enough to make him + turn in his grave.” + </p> + <p> + The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he said to himself + that if his father were only alive and in reach of assassination his + mother would soon find that he had a very clear notion of the size of his + indebtedness to that man, and was willing to pay it up in full, and would + do it too, even at risk of his life; but he kept this thought to himself; + that was safest in his mother’s present state. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">189</a></span> + “Whatever has come o’ yo’ Essex blood? Dat’s + what I can’t understan’. En it ain’t on’y jist + Essex blood dat’s in you, not by a long sight—’deed + it ain’t! My great-great-great-gran’father en yo’ + great-great-great-great-gran’father was Ole Cap’n John Smith, + de highest blood dat Ole Virginny ever turned out, en <i>his</i> + great-great-gran’mother or somers along back dah, was Pocahontas + de Injun queen, en her husbun’ was a nigger king outen + Africa—en yit here you is, a slinkin’ outen a duel en + disgracin’ our whole line like a ornery low-down hound! Yes, + it’s de nigger in you!” + </p> + <p> + She sat down on her candle-box and fell into a reverie. Tom did not + disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was not in circumstances + of this kind, Roxana’s storm went gradually down, but it died hard, + and even when it seemed to be quite gone, it would now and then break out + in a distant rumble, so to speak, in the form of muttered ejaculations. + One of these was, “Ain’t nigger enough in him to show in + his finger-nails, en dat takes mighty little—yit dey’s enough + to paint his soul.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">190</a></span> + Presently she muttered. “Yassir, enough to paint a whole + thimbleful of ’em.” At last her ramblings ceased + altogether, and her countenance began to clear—a welcome sign to + Tom, who had learned her moods, and knew she was on the threshold of + good-humor, now. He noticed that from time to time she unconsciously + carried her finger to the end of her nose. He looked closer and said: + </p> + <p> + “Why, mammy, the end of your nose is skinned. + How did that come?” + </p> + <p> + She sent out the sort of whole-hearted peal of laughter which God had + vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy angels in heaven and + the bruised and broken black slave on the earth, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Dad fetch dat duel, I be’n in it myself.” + </p> + <p> + “Gracious! did a bullet do that?” + </p> + <p> + “Yassir, you bet it did!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I declare! Why, how did that happen?” + </p> + <p> + “Happened dis-away. I ’uz a-sett’n’ here kinder + dozin’ in de dark, en <i>che-bang!</i> goes a gun, right out dah. + I skips along out towards t’other end o’ de house to see + what’s gwyne + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">191</a></span> + on, en stops by de ole winder on de side towards + Pudd’nhead Wilson’s house dat ain’t got no sash in + it,—but dey ain’t none of ’em got any sashes, fur as + dat’s concerned,—en I stood dah in de dark en look out, en + dar in de moonlight, right down under me ’uz one o’ de + twins a-cussin’—not much, but jist a-cussin’ + soft—it ’uz de brown one dat ’uz cussin’, + ’ca’se he ’uz hit in de shoulder. En Doctor Claypool + he ’uz a-workin’ at him, en Pudd’nhead Wilson he + ’uz a-he’pin’, en ole Jedge Driscoll en Pem Howard + ’uz a-standin’ out yonder a little piece waitin’ + for ’em to git ready agin. En treckly dey squared off en + give de word, en <i>bang-bang</i> went de pistols, en de twin he say, + ‘Ouch!’—hit him on de han’ dis time,—en I + hear dat same bullet go <i>spat!</i> ag’in, de logs under de + winder; en de nex’ time dey shoot, de twin say, ‘Ouch!’ + ag’in, en I done it too, ’ca’se de bullet glance’ + on his cheek-bone en skip up here en glance on de side o’ + de winder en whiz right acrost my face en tuck de hide off’n my + nose—why, if I’d ’a’ be’n jist a + inch or a inch en a half furder ’t would ’a’ tuck de + whole nose en disfiggered me. Here’s de bullet; I hunted her + up.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">192</a></span> + “Did you stand there all the time?” + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s a question to ask, ain’t it? What else would + I do? Does I git a chance to see a duel every day?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, you were right in range! Weren’t you afraid?” + </p> + <p> + The woman gave a sniff of scorn. + </p> + <p> + “’Fraid! De Smith-Pocahontases ain’t + ’fraid o’ nothin’, let alone bullets.” + </p> + <p> + “They’ve got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is + judgment. <i>I</i> wouldn’t have stood there.” + </p> + <p> + “Nobody’s accusin’ you!” + </p> + <p> + “Did anybody else get hurt?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, we all got hit ’cep’ de blon’ twin en de + doctor en de seconds. De Jedge didn’t git hurt, but I hear + Pudd’nhead say de bullet snip some o’ his + ha’r off.” + </p> + <p> + “’George!” said Tom to himself, “to come so + near being out of my trouble, and miss it by an inch. Oh dear, dear, + he will live to find me out and sell me to some nigger-trader + yet—yes, and he would do it in a minute.” Then he + said aloud, in a grave tone— + </p> + <p> + “Mother, we are in an awful fix.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">193</a></span> + Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Chile! What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? + What’s be’n en gone en happen’?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, there’s one thing I didn’t tell you. When I + wouldn’t fight, he tore up the will again, and—” + </p> + <p> + Roxana’s face turned a dead white, and she said— + </p> + <p> + “Now you’s <i>done!</i>—done forever! Dat’s + de end. Bofe un us is gwyne to starve to—” + </p> + <p> + “Wait and hear me through, can’t you! I reckon that when he + resolved to fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and not + have a chance to forgive me any more in this life, so he made the will + again, and I’ve seen it, and it’s all right. + But—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, thank goodness, den we’s safe ag’in!—safe! + en so what did you want to come here en talk sich + dreadful—” + </p> + <p> + “Hold <i>on</i>, I tell you, and let me finish. The swag I + gathered won’t half square me up, and the first thing we know, my + creditors—well, you know what’ll happen.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">194</a></span> + Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone—she + must think this matter out. Presently she said impressively: + </p> + <p> + “You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you! En here’s + what you got to do. He didn’t git killed, en if you gives him de + least reason, he’ll bust de will ag’in, en dat’s de + <i>las’</i> time, now you hear me! So—you’s got to + show him what you kin do in de nex’ few days. You’s got to be + pison good, en let him see it; you got to do everything dat’ll + make him b’lieve in you, en you got to sweeten aroun’ + ole Aunt Pratt, too,—she’s pow’ful strong wid de + Jedge, en de bes’ frien’ you got. Nex’, you’ll + go ’long away to Sent Louis, en dat’ll <i>keep</i> him in + yo’ favor. Den you go en make a bargain wid dem people. You tell + ’em he ain’t gwyne to live long—en dat’s de + fac’, too,—en tell ’em you’ll pay ’em + intrust, en big intrust, too,—ten per—what you call it?” + </p> + <p> + “Ten per cent. a month?” + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s it. Den you take and sell yo’ truck aroun’, + a little at a time, en pay de intrust. How long will it + las’?” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">195</a></span> + “I think there’s enough to pay the interest five or six + months.” + </p> + <p> + “Den you’s all right. If he don’t die in six months, + dat don’t make no diff’rence—Providence’ll + provide. You’s gwyne to be safe—if you + behaves.” She bent an austere eye on him and added, + “En you <i>is</i> gwyne to behave—does you know dat?” + </p> + <p> + He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway. She did not unbend. She + said gravely: + </p> + <p> + “Tryin’ ain’t de thing. You’s gwyne to + <i>do</i> it. You ain’t gwyne to steal a + pin—’ca’se it ain’t safe no mo’; + en you ain’t gwyne into no bad comp’ny—not even + once, you understand; en you ain’t gwyne to drink a + drop—nary single drop; en you ain’t gwyne to gamble + one single gamble—not one! Dis ain’t what you’s + gwyne to <i>try</i> to do, it’s what you’s gwyne to + <i>do</i>. En I’ll tell you how I knows it. Dis is how. + I’s gwyne to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; + en you’s gwyne to come to me every day o’ yo’ life, + en I’ll look you over; en if you fails in one single one + o’ dem things—jist <i>one</i>—I take my oath + I’ll + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">196</a></span> + come straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you’s a nigger en a + slave—en <i>prove</i> it!” She paused to let her words sink + home. Then she added, “Chambers, does you b’lieve me when I + says dat?” + </p> + <p> + Tom was sober enough now. There was no levity in his voice when he + answered: + </p> + <p> + “Yes, mother, I know, now, that I am reformed—and permanently. + Permanently—and beyond the reach of any human temptation.” + </p> + <p> + “Den g’ long home en begin!” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">197</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XV.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Robber Robbed.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s + habits.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Behold, the fool saith, “Put not all thine eggs in the one + basket”—which is but a manner of saying, “Scatter your + money and your attention;” but the wise man saith, “Put all + your eggs in the one basket and—<span class="smcap">watch that + basket</span>”<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">What</span> a time of it Dawson’s Landing was + having! All its life it had been asleep, but now it hardly got a chance + for a nod, so swiftly did big events and crashing surprises come along + in one another’s wake: Friday morning, first glimpse of Real + Nobility, also grand reception at Aunt Patsy Cooper’s, also great + robber-raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking of the heir of the chief + citizen in presence of four hundred people; Saturday morning, emergence + as practising lawyer of the long-submerged Pudd’nhead Wilson; + Saturday + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">198</a></span> + night, duel between chief citizen and titled stranger. + </p> + <p> + The people took more pride in the duel than in all the other + events put together, perhaps. It was a glory to their town to have such + a thing happen there. In their eyes the principals had reached + the summit of human honor. Everybody paid homage to their names; + their praises were in all mouths. Even the duelists’ + subordinates came in for a handsome share of the public + approbation: wherefore Pudd’nhead Wilson was suddenly + become a man of consequence. When asked to run for the mayoralty + Saturday night he was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found + him a made man and his success assured. + </p> + <p> + The twins were prodigiously great, now; the town took them to its bosom + with enthusiasm. Day after day, and night after night, they went dining + and visiting from house to house, making friends, enlarging and + solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising all with their + musical prodigies, and now and then heightening the effects with samples + of what they could do in other directions, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">199</a></span> + out of their stock of rare and curious accomplishments. They were so + pleased that they gave the regulation thirty days’ notice, the + required preparation for citizenship, and resolved to finish their days + in this pleasant place. That was the climax. The delighted community + rose as one man and applauded; and when the twins were asked to stand + for seats in the forthcoming aldermanic board, and consented, the + public contentment was rounded and complete. + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, and hurt all + the way down. He hated the one twin for kicking him, and the other one for + being the kicker’s brother. + </p> + <p> + Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard of the raider, or + of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able to throw any + light on that matter. Nearly a week had drifted by, and still the thing + remained a vexed mystery. + </p> + <p> + On Saturday Constable Blake and Pudd’nhead Wilson met on the street, + and Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">200</a></span> + conversation for them. He said to Blake—“You are not looking + well, Blake; you seem to be annoyed about something. Has anything gone + wrong in the detective business? I believe you fairly and justifiably + claim to have a pretty good reputation in that line, isn’t it + so?”—which made Blake feel good, and look it; but Tom added, + “for a country detective”—which made Blake feel the + other way, and not only look it, but betray it in his voice— + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir, I <i>have</i> got a reputation; and it’s as good + as anybody’s in the profession, too, country or no country.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I beg pardon; I didn’t mean any offense. What I + started out to ask was only about the old woman that raided the + town—the stoop-shouldered old woman, you know, that you said you + were going to catch; and I knew you would, too, because you have the + reputation of never boasting, and—well, you—you’ve + caught the old woman?” + </p> + <p> + “D——— the old woman!” + </p> + <p> + “Why, sho! you don’t mean to say you haven’t + caught her?” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">201</a></span> + “No; I haven’t caught her. If anybody could have caught her, + I could; but nobody couldn’t, I don’t care who he is.” + </p> + <p> + “I am sorry, real sorry—for your sake; because, when it + gets around that a detective has expressed himself so confidently, + and then—” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t you worry, that’s all—don’t you + worry; and as for the town, the town needn’t worry, either. + She’s my meat—make yourself easy about that. I’m + on her track; I’ve got clues that—” + </p> + <p> + “That’s good! Now if you could get an old veteran detective + down from St. Louis to help you find out what the clues mean, and + where they lead to, and then—” + </p> + <p> + “I’m plenty veteran enough myself, and I don’t need + anybody’s help. I’ll have her inside of a we—inside + of a month. That I’ll swear to!” + </p> + <p> + Tom said carelessly— + </p> + <p> + “I suppose that will answer—yes, that will answer. + But I reckon she is pretty old, and old people don’t often + outlive the cautious pace of the professional detective when + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">202</a></span> + he + has got his clues together and is out on his still-hunt.” + </p> + <p> + Blake’s dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he + could set his retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was + saying, with placid indifference of manner and voice— + </p> + <p> + “Who got the reward, Pudd’nhead?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come. + </p> + <p> + “What reward?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, the reward for the thief, + and the other one for the knife.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson answered—and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his hesitating + fashion of delivering himself— + </p> + <p> + “Well, the—well, in fact, nobody has claimed it yet.” + </p> + <p> + Tom seemed surprised. + </p> + <p> + “Why, is that so?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied— + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it’s so. And what of it?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, nothing. Only I thought you had struck out a new idea, + and invented a scheme that was going to revolutionize the time-worn + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">203</a></span> + and ineffectual methods of the—” He stopped, and + turned to Blake, who was happy now that another had taken his + place on the gridiron: “Blake, didn’t you understand him + to intimate that it wouldn’t be necessary for you to hunt + the old woman down?” + </p> + <p> + “B’George, he said he’d have thief and swag both + inside of three days—he did, by hokey! and that’s just + about a week ago. Why, I said at the time that no thief and no + thief’s pal was going to try to pawn or sell a thing where + he knowed the pawnbroker could get both rewards by taking + <i>him</i> into camp <i>with</i> the swag. It was the blessedest idea + that ever <i>I</i> struck!” + </p> + <p> + “You’d change your mind,” said Wilson, with + irritated bluntness, “if you knew the entire scheme + instead of only part of it.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said the constable, pensively, “I had the idea + that it wouldn’t work, and up to now I’m right anyway.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a further + show. It has worked at least as well as your own methods, + you perceive.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">204</a></span> + The constable hadn’t anything handy to hit back with, + so he discharged a discontented sniff, and said nothing. + </p> + <p> + After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme at his house, + Tom had tried for several days to guess out the secret of the rest of it, + but had failed. Then it occurred to him to give Roxana’s smarter + head a chance at it. He made up a supposititious case, and laid it before + her. She thought it over, and delivered her verdict upon it. Tom said to + himself, “She’s hit it, sure!” He thought he would + test that verdict, now, and watch Wilson’s face; + so he said reflectively— + </p> + <p> + “Wilson, you’re not a fool—a fact of recent discovery. + Whatever your scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake’s opinion to + the contrary notwithstanding. I don’t ask you to reveal it, but I + will suppose a case—a case which will answer as a + starting-point for the real thing I am going to come at, and that’s + all I want. You offered five hundred dollars for the knife, and five + hundred for the thief. We will suppose, for argument’s sake, that + the first reward is <i>advertised</i> and the second + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">205</a></span> + offered by <i>private letter</i> to pawnbrokers and—” + </p> + <p> + Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out— + </p> + <p> + “By Jackson, he’s got you, Pudd’nhead! Now why + couldn’t I or <i>any</i> fool have thought of that?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said to himself, “Anybody with a reasonably good head + would have thought of it. I am not surprised that Blake didn’t + detect it; I am only surprised that Tom did. There is more to him than I + supposed.” He said nothing aloud, and Tom went on: + </p> + <p> + “Very well. The thief would not suspect that there was a trap, + and he would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, + or found it in the road, or something like that, and try to collect the + reward, and be arrested—wouldn’t he?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Wilson. + </p> + <p> + “I think so,” said Tom. “There can’t be any + doubt of it. Have you ever seen that knife?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “Has any friend of yours?” + </p> + <p> + “Not that I know of.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">206</a></span> + “Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme failed.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean, Tom? What are you driving at?” + asked Wilson, with a dawning sense of discomfort. + </p> + <p> + “Why, that there <i>isn’t</i> any such knife.” + </p> + <p> + “Look here, Wilson,” said Blake, + “Tom Driscoll’s right, for a thousand + dollars—if I had it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson’s blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had been + played upon by those strangers; it certainly had something of that + look. But what could they gain by it? He threw out that suggestion. + Tom replied: + </p> + <p> + “Gain? Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe. But they + are strangers making their way in a new community. Is it nothing to + them to appear as pets of an Oriental prince—at no expense? + Is it nothing to them to be able to dazzle this poor little town with + thousand-dollar rewards—at no expense? Wilson, there isn’t + any such knife, or your scheme would have fetched it to light. Or if + there is any such knife, they’ve got it yet. I believe, myself, + that they’ve seen such a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">207</a></span> + knife, for Angelo pictured it out with his pencil too swiftly and + handily for him to have been inventing it, and of course I can’t + swear that they’ve never had it; but this I’ll go bail + for—if they had it when they came to this town, + they’ve got it yet.” + </p> + <p> + Blake said— + </p> + <p> + “It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it + most certainly does.” + </p> + <p> + Tom responded, turning to leave— + </p> + <p> + “You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can’t furnish + the knife, go and search the twins!” + </p> + <p> + Tom sauntered away. Wilson felt a good deal depressed. He hardly knew what + to think. He was loath to withdraw his faith from the twins, and was + resolved not to do it on the present indecisive evidence; but—well, + he would think, and then decide how to act. + </p> + <p> + “Blake, what do you think of this matter?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, Pudd’nhead, I’m bound to say I put it up + the way Tom does. They hadn’t the knife; or if they had it, + they’ve got it yet.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">208</a></span> + The men parted. Wilson said to himself: + </p> + <p> + “I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the scheme + would have restored it, that is certain. And so I believe + they’ve got it yet.” + </p> + <p> + Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those two men. When he + began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them a little and get a trifle + of malicious entertainment out of it. But when he left, he left in great + spirits, for he perceived that just by pure luck and no troublesome labor + he had accomplished several delightful things: he had touched both men on + a raw spot and seen them squirm; he had modified Wilson’s + sweetness for the twins with one small bitter taste that he wouldn’t + be able to get out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, he had taken + the hated twins down a peg with the community; for Blake would gossip + around freely, after the manner of detectives, and within a week the town + would be laughing at them in its sleeve for offering a gaudy reward for a + bauble which they either never possessed or hadn’t lost. Tom was + very well satisfied with himself. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">209</a></span> + Tom’s behavior at home had been perfect during the entire week. + His uncle and aunt had seen nothing like it before. They could find no + fault with him anywhere. + </p> + <p> + Saturday evening he said to the Judge— + </p> + <p> + “I’ve had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I am + going away, and might never see you again, I can’t bear it any + longer. I made you believe I was afraid to fight that Italian adventurer. + I had to get out of it on some pretext or other, and maybe I chose badly, + being taken unawares, but no honorable person could consent to meet him + in the field, knowing what I knew about him.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed? What was that?” + </p> + <p> + “Count Luigi is a confessed assassin.” + </p> + <p> + “Incredible!” + </p> + <p> + “It’s perfectly true. Wilson detected it in his hand, + by palmistry, and charged him with it, and cornered him up so close + that he had to confess; but both twins begged us on their knees to + keep the secret, and swore they would lead straight lives here; and + it was all so pitiful that we gave our word of honor never to expose + them while they kept that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">210</a></span> + promise. You would have done it yourself, uncle.” + </p> + <p> + “You are right, my boy; I would. A man’s secret is + still his own property, and sacred, when it has been surprised out of + him like that. You did well, and I am proud of you.” Then he + added mournfully, “But I wish I could have been saved the + shame of meeting an assassin on the field of honor.” + </p> + <p> + “It couldn’t be helped, uncle. If I had known you were + going to challenge him I should have felt obliged to sacrifice + my pledged word in order to stop it, but Wilson couldn’t be + expected to do otherwise than keep silent.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no; Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. Tom, + Tom, you have lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung + to the very soul when I seemed to have discovered that I had + a coward in my family.” + </p> + <p> + “You may imagine what it cost <i>me</i> to assume such a part, + uncle.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it. And I can understand how + much it has cost you to remain under that unjust stigma to this time. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">211</a></span> + But it is all right now, and no harm is done. You have restored my + comfort of mind, and with it your own; and both of us had + suffered enough.” + </p> + <p> + The old man sat awhile plunged in thought; then he looked up with a + satisfied light in his eye, and said: “That this assassin + should have put the affront upon me of letting me meet him on the + field of honor as if he were a gentleman is a matter which I will + presently settle—but not now. I will not shoot him until + after election. I see a way to ruin them both before; I will attend + to that first. Neither of them shall be elected, that I promise. + You are sure that the fact that he is an assassin has not got + abroad?” + </p> + <p> + “Perfectly certain of it, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “It will be a good card. I will fling a hint at it from + the stump on the polling-day. It will sweep the ground from + under both of them.” + </p> + <p> + “There’s not a doubt of it. It will finish them.” + </p> + <p> + “That and outside work among the voters will, to a certainty. + I want you to come + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">212</a></span> + down here by and by and work privately among the rag-tag and bobtail. + You shall spend money among them; I will furnish it.” + </p> + <p> + Another point scored against the detested twins! Really it was a great day + for Tom. He was encouraged to chance a parting shot, now, at the same + target, and did it. + </p> + <p> + “You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins have been + making such a to-do about? Well, there’s no track or trace of it + yet; so the town is beginning to sneer and gossip and laugh. Half the + people believe they never had any such knife, the other half believe + they had it and have got it still. I’ve heard twenty people + talking like that to-day.” + </p> + <p> + Yes, Tom’s blemishless week had restored him to the favor + of his aunt and uncle. + </p> + <p> + His mother was satisfied with him, too. Privately, she believed she was + coming to love him, but she did not say so. She told him to go along to + St. Louis, now, and she would get ready and follow. Then she smashed her + whisky bottle and said— + </p> + <p> + “Dah now! I’s a-gwyne to make you + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">213</a></span> + walk as straight as a string, Chambers, en so I’s bown’ you + ain’t gwyne to git no bad example out o’ yo’ mammy. I + tole you you couldn’t go into no bad comp’ny. Well, + you’s gwyne into my comp’ny, en I’s gwyne to + fill de bill. Now, den, trot along, trot along!” + </p> + <p> + Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that night with his heavy + satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept the sleep of the unjust, which + is serener and sounder than the other kind, as we know by the hanging-eve + history of a million rascals. But when he got up in the morning, luck was + against him again: A brother-thief had robbed him while he slept, and gone + ashore at some intermediate landing. + </p> + <hr /> + + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">214</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XVI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Sold Down the River.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he + will not bite you. This is the principal difference between + a dog and a man.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about + the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the + habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have + been choosing the wrong time for studying the + oyster.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">When</span> Roxana arrived, she found her son in such + despair and misery that her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up + strong in her. He was ruined past hope, now; his destruction would be + immediate and sure, and he would be an outcast and friendless. That was + reason enough for a mother to love a child; so she loved him, and told him + so. It made him wince, secretly—for she was a “nigger.” + That he was one himself was far from reconciling him to that despised + race. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">215</a></span> + Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he responded + uncomfortably, but as well as he could. And she tried to comfort him, but + that was not possible. These intimacies quickly became horrible to him, + and within the hour he began to try to get up courage enough to tell her + so, and require that they be discontinued or very considerably modified. + But he was afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull, now, for she had + begun to think. She was trying to invent a saving plan. Finally she + started up, and said she had found a way out. Tom was almost suffocated by + the joy of this sudden good news. Roxana said: + </p> + <p> + + “Here is de plan, en she’ll win, sure. I’s a nigger, + en nobody ain’t gwyne to doubt it dat hears me talk. I’s + wuth six hund’d dollahs. Take en sell me, en pay off dese + gamblers.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was dazed. He was not sure he had heard aright. He was dumb for a + moment; then he said: + </p> + <p> + “Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save me?” + </p> + <p> + “Ain’t you my chile? En does you know + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">216</a></span> + anything dat a + mother won’t do for her chile? Day ain’t nothin’ a + white mother won’t do for her chile. Who made ’em so? De + Lord done it. En who made de niggers? De Lord made ’em. In + de inside, mothers is all de same. De good Lord he made ’em so. + I’s gwyne to be sole into slavery, en in a year you’s gwyne + to buy yo’ ole mammy free ag’in. I’ll show you how. + Dat’s de plan.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with them. + He said— + </p> + <p> + “It’s lovely of you, mammy—it’s just—” + </p> + <p> + “Say it ag’in! En keep on sayin’ + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Changed ? to !">it!</ins> + It’s all de pay a body kin want in dis worl’, en it’s + mo’ den enough. Laws bless you, honey, when I’s slavin’ + aroun’, en dey ’buses me, if I knows you’s + a-sayin’ dat, ’way off yonder somers, it’ll heal up all + de sore places, en I kin stan’ ’em.” + </p> + <p> + “I <i>do</i> say it again, mammy, and I’ll keep on + saying it, too. But how am I going to sell you? + You’re free, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Much diff’rence dat make! White folks ain’t + partic’lar. De law kin sell me now if dey tell me to leave de State + in six months + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">217</a></span> + en I don’t go. You draw up a paper—bill + o’ sale—en put it ’way off yonder, down in de middle + o’ Kaintuck somers, en sign some names to it, en say you’ll + sell me cheap ’ca’se you’s hard up; you’ll find + you ain’t gwyne to have no trouble. You take me up de country a + piece, en sell me on a farm; dem people ain’t gwyne to ask no + questions if I’s a bargain.” + </p> + <p> + Tom forged a bill of sale and sold his mother to an Arkansas + cotton-planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. He did not want to + commit this treachery, but luck threw the man in his way, and this saved + him the necessity of going up country to hunt up a purchaser, with the + added risk of having to answer a lot of questions, whereas this planter + was so pleased with Roxy that he asked next to none at all. Besides, the + planter insisted that Roxy wouldn’t know where she was, at first, + and that by the time she found out she would already have become + contented. And Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantage + for Roxy to have a master who was so pleased with + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">218</a></span> + her, as this planter manifestly was. In almost no time his flowing + reasonings carried him to the point of even half believing he was + doing Roxy a splendid surreptitious service in selling her “down + the river.” And then he kept diligently saying to himself all the + time: “It’s for only a year. In a year I buy her free again; + she’ll keep that in mind, and it’ll reconcile her.” + Yes; the little deception could do no harm, and everything would come + out right and pleasant in the end, any way. By agreement, the + conversation in Roxy’s presence was all about the man’s + “upcountry” farm, and how pleasant a place it was, and how + happy the slaves were there; so poor Roxy was entirely deceived; and + easily, for she was not dreaming that her own son could be guilty of + treason to a mother who, in voluntarily going into slavery—slavery + of any kind, mild or severe, or of any duration, brief or long—was + making a sacrifice for him compared with which death would have been a + poor and commonplace one. She lavished tears and loving caresses upon + him privately, and then went away with + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">219</a></span> + her owner—went away broken-hearted, and yet proud of what she was + doing, and glad it was in her power to do it. + </p> + <p> + Tom squared his accounts, and resolved to keep to the very letter of his + reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy again. He had three hundred + dollars left. According to his mother’s plan, he was to put that + safely away, and add her half of his pension to it monthly. In one year + this fund would buy her free again. + </p> + <p> + For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much the villainy which + he had played upon his trusting mother preyed upon his rag of a + conscience; but after that he began to get comfortable again, and was + presently able to sleep like any other miscreant. + </p> + <hr class="break" /> + <p> + The boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the afternoon, and she + stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle-box and watched Tom through a + blur of tears until he melted into the throng of people and disappeared; + then she looked no more, but + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">220</a></span> + sat there on a coil of cable crying till far into the night. When she + went to her foul steerage-bunk at last, between the clashing engines, + it was not to sleep, but only to wait for the morning, and, waiting, + grieve. + </p> + <p> + It had been imagined that she “would not know,” and + would think she was traveling up stream. She! Why, she had been + steamboating for years. At dawn she got up and went listlessly and + sat down on the cable-coil again. She passed many a snag whose + “break” could have told her a thing to break her + heart, for it showed a current moving in the same direction that + the boat was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did + not notice. But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break than + usual brought her out of her torpor, and she looked up, and her + practised eye fell upon that telltale rush of water. For one + moment her petrified gaze fixed itself there. Then her head dropped + upon her breast, and she said— + </p> + <p> + “Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po’ sinful + me—<i>I’s sole down de river!</i>” + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">221</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XVII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, + you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and + by you only regret that you didn’t see him do + it.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>July 4</i>. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day + than in all the other days of the year put together. This + proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July + per year is now inadequate, the country has grown + so.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> summer weeks dragged by, and then the + political campaign opened—opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed + hotter and hotter daily. The twins threw themselves into it with their + whole heart, for their self-love was engaged. Their popularity, so general + at first, had suffered afterward; mainly because they had been + <i>too</i> popular, and so a natural reaction had followed. Besides, + it had been diligently whispered around that it + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">222</a></span> + was curious—indeed, <i>very</i> curious—that that wonderful + knife of theirs did not turn up—<i>if</i> it was so valuable, + or <i>if</i> it had ever existed. And with the whisperings went + chucklings and nudgings and winks, and such things have an effect. + The twins considered that success in the election would reinstate them, + and that defeat would work them irreparable damage. Therefore they + worked hard, but not harder than Judge Driscoll and Tom worked against + them in the closing days of the canvas. Tom’s conduct had remained + so letter-perfect during two whole months, now, that his uncle not only + trusted him with money with which to persuade voters, but trusted him to + go and get it himself out of the safe in the private sitting-room. + </p> + <p> + The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge Driscoll, + and he made it against both of the foreigners. It was disastrously + effective. He poured out rivers of ridicule upon them, and forced + the big mass-meeting to laugh and applaud. He scoffed at them as + adventurers, mountebanks, side-show riff-raff, dime museum freaks; + he assailed + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">223</a></span> + their showy titles with measureless derision; he said + they were back-alley barbers disguised as nobilities, + peanut peddlers masquerading as gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft + of their brother monkey. At last he stopped and stood still. He + waited until the place had become absolutely silent and expectant, + then he delivered his deadliest shot; delivered it + with ice-cold seriousness and deliberation, with a significant + emphasis upon the closing words: he said that he believed that + the reward offered for the lost knife was humbug and buncombe, + and that its owner would know where to find it whenever he + should have occasion <i>to assassinate somebody</i>. + </p> + <p> + Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and impressive hush + behind him instead of the customary explosion of cheers and party cries. + </p> + <p> + The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and made an + extraordinary sensation. Everybody was asking, “What could he + mean by that?” And everybody went on asking that question, + but in vain; for the Judge only said he knew what he was talking + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">224</a></span> + about, and stopped there; Tom said he hadn’t any idea what his + uncle meant, and Wilson, whenever he was asked what he thought it meant, + parried the question by asking the questioner what <i>he</i> thought + it meant. + </p> + <p> + Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated—crushed, in fact, and + left forlorn and substantially friendless. Tom went back to St. Louis + happy. + </p> + <p> + Dawson’s Landing had a week of repose, now, and it needed it. + But it was in an expectant state, for the air was full of rumors of + a new duel. Judge Driscoll’s election labors had prostrated him, + but it was said that as soon as he was well enough to entertain a + challenge he would get one from Count Luigi. + </p> + <p> + The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed their humiliation + in privacy. They avoided the people, and went out for exercise only late + at night, when the streets were deserted. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0018" id="link2HCH0018"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">225</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XVIII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Roxana Commands.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of + the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth + staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone + by.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>Thanksgiving Day</i>. Let all give humble, hearty, and + sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji + they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not + become you and me to sneer at Fiji.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> Friday after the election was a rainy one + in St. Louis. It rained all day long, and rained hard, apparently trying + its best to wash that soot-blackened town white, but of course not + succeeding. Toward midnight Tom Driscoll arrived at his lodgings from + the theatre in the heavy downpour, and closed his umbrella and let + himself in; but when he would have shut the door, he found that there was + another person entering—doubtless another lodger; this person + closed the door + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">226</a></span> + and tramped up-stairs behind Tom. Tom found his door in the dark, and + entered it and turned up the gas. When he faced about, lightly whistling, + he saw the back of a man. The man was closing and locking his door for + him. His whistle faded out and he felt uneasy. The man turned around, a + wreck of shabby old clothes, sodden with rain and all a-drip, and showed + a black face under an old slouch hat. Tom was frightened. He tried to + order the man out, but the words refused to come, and the other man got + the start. He said, in a low voice— + </p> + <p> + “Keep still—I’s yo’ mother!” + </p> + <p> + Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out— + </p> + <p> + “It was mean of me, and base—I know it; but I meant it for + the best, I did indeed—I can swear it.” + </p> + <p> + Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he writhed in shame + and went on incoherently babbling self-accusations mixed with pitiful + attempts at explanation and palliation of his crime; then she seated + herself and took off her hat, and her unkept masses + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">227</a></span> + of long brown hair tumbled down about her shoulders. + </p> + <p> + “It ain’t no fault o’ yo’n dat dat + ain’t gray,” she said sadly, noticing the hair. + </p> + <p> + “I know it, I know it! I’m a scoundrel. But I swear I meant + it for the best. It was a mistake, of course, but I thought it was + for the best, I truly did.” + </p> + <p> + Roxana began to cry softly, and presently words began to find their way + out between her sobs. They were uttered lamentingly, rather than + angrily— + </p> + <p> + “Sell a pusson down de river—<i>down the + river!</i>—for de bes’! I wouldn’t treat a dog so! + I is all broke down en wore out, now, en so I reckon it ain’t in + me to storm aroun’ no mo’, like I used to when I ’uz + trompled on en ’bused. I don’t know—but maybe + it’s so. Leastways, I’s suffered so much dat mournin’ + seem to come mo’ handy to me now den stormin’.” + </p> + <p> + These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if they did, that effect + was obliterated by a stronger one—one which removed the heavy weight + of fear which lay upon him, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">228</a></span> + and gave his crushed spirit a most grateful rebound, and filled all his + small soul with a deep sense of relief. But he kept prudently still, and + ventured no comment. There was a voiceless interval of some duration, + now, in which no sounds were heard but the beating of the rain upon the + panes, the sighing and complaining of the winds, and now and then a + muffled sob from Roxana. The sobs became more and more infrequent, and at + last ceased. Then the refugee began to talk again: + </p> + <p> + “Shet down dat light a little. More. More yit. A pusson dat + is hunted don’t like de light. Dah—dat’ll do. I kin see + whah you is, en dat’s enough. I’s gwine to tell you de tale, + en cut it jes as short as I kin, en den I’ll tell you what + you’s got to do. Dat man dat bought me ain’t a bad + man; he’s good enough, as planters goes; en if he could + ’a’ had his way I’d ’a’ be’n a + house servant + in his fambly en be’n comfortable: but his wife she was a Yank, en + not right down good lookin’, en she riz up agin me straight off; so + den dey sent me out to de quarter + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">229</a></span> + ’mongst de common fiel’ + han’s. Dat woman warn’t satisfied even wid dat, but she + worked up de overseer ag’in’ me, she ’uz dat jealous + en hateful; so de overseer he had me out befo’ day in de + mawnin’s en worked me de whole long day as long as dey ’uz + any light to see by; en many’s de lashin’s I got + ’ca’se I couldn’t come up to de work o’ de + stronges’. Dat overseer wuz a Yank, too, outen New Englan’, en + anybody down South kin tell you what dat mean. <i>Dey</i> knows how to + work a nigger to death, en + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change day to dey."> + dey</ins> knows how to whale ’em, + too—whale ’em till dey backs is welted like a washboard. + ’Long at fust my marster say de good word for me to de overseer, + but dat ’uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it out, en arter + dat I jist ketched it at every turn—dey warn’t no mercy for + me no mo’.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s heart was fired—with fury + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change 'against to against."> + against</ins> the planter’s wife; and he said to himself, + “But for that meddlesome fool, everything would have gone + all right.” He added a deep and bitter curse against her. + </p> + <p> + The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in his face, and + stood thus revealed to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">230</a></span> + Roxana by a white glare of lightning which turned + the somber dusk of the room into dazzling day at that moment. She was + pleased—pleased and grateful; for did not that expression show that + her child was capable of grieving for his mother’s wrongs and of + feeling resentment toward her persecutors?—a thing which she had + been doubting. But her flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out + again and left her spirit dark; for she said to herself, “He sole + me down de river—he can’t feel for a body long: dis’ll + pass en go.” Then she took up her tale again. + </p> + <p> + “’Bout ten days ago I ’uz sayin’ to myself dat + I couldn’t las’ many mo’ weeks I ’uz so wore out + wid de awful work en de lashin’s, en so downhearted en misable. En + I didn’t care no mo’, nuther—life warn’t + wuth noth’n’ to me, if I got to go on like dat. Well, when + a body is in a frame o’ mine like dat, what do a body care what a + body do? Dey was a little sickly nigger wench ’bout ten year ole + dat ’uz good to me, en hadn’t no mammy, po’ thing, en + I loved her en she loved me; en she come out whah I ’uz + workin ’en she had + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">231</a></span> + a roasted tater, en tried to slip it to me,—robbin’ herself, + you see, ’ca’se she knowed de overseer didn’t gimme + enough to eat,—en he ketched her at it, en give her a lick acrost + de back wid his stick, which ’uz as thick as a broom-handle, en + she drop’ screamin’ on de groun’, en squirmin’ + en wallerin’ aroun’ in de dust like a spider dat’s + got crippled. I couldn’t stan’ it. All de hell-fire dat + ’uz ever in my heart flame’ up, en I snatch de stick outen + his han’ en laid him flat. He laid dah moanin’ en + cussin’, en all out of his head, you know, en de niggers ’uz + plumb sk’yred to death. Dey gathered roun’ him to + he’p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took out for de river + as tight as I could go. I knowed what dey would do wid me. Soon as he got + well he would start in en work me to death if marster let him; en if + dey didn’t do dat, they’d sell me furder down de river, + en dat’s de same thing. So I ’lowed to drown myself en git + out o’ my troubles. It ’uz gitt’n’ towards dark. + I ’uz at de river in two minutes. Den I see a canoe, en I says dey + ain’t no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I ties de hoss in de + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">232</a></span> + edge o’ de timber en shove out down de river, keepin’ in + under de shelter o’ de bluff bank en prayin’ for de dark to + shet down quick. I had a pow’ful good start, ’ca’se de + big house ’uz three mile back f’om de river en on’y de + work-mules to ride dah on, en on’y niggers to ride ’em, en + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change day to dey."><i>dey</i></ins> + warn’t gwine to hurry—dey’d gimme all de + chance dey could. Befo’ a body could go to de house en back it + would be long pas’ dark, en dey couldn’t track de + hoss en fine out which way I went tell mawnin’, en de niggers + would tell ’em all de lies dey could ’bout it. + </p> + <p> + “Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin’ down de river. + I paddled mo’n two hours, den I warn’t worried no mo’, + so I quit paddlin, en floated down de current, considerin’ + what I ’uz gwine to do if I didn’t have to drown myself. I + made up some plans, en floated along, turnin’ ’em over in my + mine. Well, when it ’uz a little pas’ midnight, as I reckoned, + en I had come fifteen or twenty mile, I see de lights o’ a steamboat + layin’ at de bank, whah dey warn’t no town en no woodyard, + en putty soon I ketched de shape + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">233</a></span> + o’ de chimbly-tops ag’in’ de stars, en + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change de to den."> + den</ins> + good + gracious me, I ’most jumped out o’ my skin for joy! It + ’uz de <i>Gran’ Mogul</i>—I ’uz chambermaid on her + for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en Orleans trade. I slid ’long + pas’—don’t see nobody stirrin’ nowhah—hear + ’em a-hammerin’ away in de engine-room, den I knowed what de + matter was—some o’ de machinery’s broke. I got + asho’ below de boat and turn’ de canoe loose, den I goes + ’long up, en dey ’uz jes one plank out, en I step’ + ’board de boat. It ’uz pow’ful hot, deckhan’s en + roustabouts ’uz sprawled aroun’ asleep on de + fo’cas’l’, de second mate, Jim Bangs, he sot dah on de + bitts wid his head down, asleep—’ca’se dat’s de + way de second mate stan’ de cap’n’s watch!—en de + ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he ’uz a-noddin’ on de + companionway;—en I knowed ’em all; ’en, lan’, + but dey did look good! I says to myself, I wished old marster’d + come along <i>now</i> en try to take me—bless yo’ + heart, I’s ’mong frien’s, I is. So I tromped right + along ’mongst ’em, en went up on de b’iler deck en + ’way back aft to de ladies’ cabin guard, en sot down dah in + de + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">234</a></span> + same cheer dat I’d sot in ’mos’ a hund’d + million times, I reckon; en it ’uz jist home ag’in, + I tell you! + </p> + <p> + “In ’bout an hour I heard de ready-bell jingle, en den de + racket begin. Putty soon I hear de gong strike. ‘Set her back on + de outside,’ I says to myself—‘I reckon I knows dat + music!’ I hear de gong ag’in. ‘Come ahead on + de inside,’ I says. Gong ag’in. ‘Stop de outside.’ + Gong ag’in. ‘Come ahead on de outside—now we’s + pinted for Sent Louis, en I’s outer de woods en ain’t got to + drown myself at all.’ I knowed de <i>Mogul</i> ’uz in de Sent + Louis trade now, you see. It ’uz jes fair daylight when we passed + our plantation, en I seed a gang o’ niggers en white folks + huntin’ up en down de sho’, en troublin’ deyselves a + good deal ’bout me; but I warn’t troublin’ myself + none ’bout dem. + </p> + <p> + + “’Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second + chambermaid en ’uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, + en ’uz pow’ful glad to see me, en so ’uz all de + officers; en I tole ’em I’d got kidnapped en sole down de + river, en dey made me up + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">235</a></span> + twenty dollahs en give it to me, en Sally + she rigged me out wid good clo’es, en when I got here I went + straight to whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say + you’s away but ’spected back every day; so I didn’t + dast to go down de river to Dawson’s, ’ca’se I might + miss you. + </p> + <p> + “Well, las’ Monday I ’uz pass’n’ + by one o’ dem places in Fourth street whah deh sticks up + runaway-nigger bills, en he’ps to ketch ’em, en I + seed my marster! I ’mos’ flopped down on de + groun’, I felt so gone. He had his back to me, en + ’uz talkin’ to de man en givin’ him some + bills—nigger-bills, I reckon, en I’se de nigger. + He’s offerin’ a reward—dat’s it. + Ain’t I right, don’t you reckon?” + </p> + <p> + Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly terror, and he said + to himself, now: “I’m lost, no matter what turn things + take! This man has said to me that he thinks there was something + suspicious about that sale. He said he had a letter from a passenger on + the <i>Grand Mogul</i> saying that Roxy came here on that boat and that + everybody on board knew all about the case; so + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">236</a></span> + he says that her coming here instead of flying to a free State looks bad + for me, and that if I don’t find her for him, and that pretty soon, + he will make trouble for me. I never believed that story; I couldn’t + believe she would be so dead to all motherly instincts as to come here, + knowing the risk she would run of getting me into irremediable trouble. + And after all, here she is! And I stupidly swore I would help him find + her, thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to promise. If I venture to + deliver her up, she—she—but how can I help myself? I’ve + got to do that or pay the money, and where’s the money to come from? + I—I—well, I should think that if he would swear to treat her + kindly hereafter—and she says, herself, that he is a good + man—and if he would swear to never allow her to be overworked, + or ill fed, or—” + </p> + <p> + A flash of lightning exposed Tom’s pallid face, drawn and rigid + with these worrying thoughts. Roxana spoke up sharply now, and there + was apprehension in her voice— + </p> + <p> + “Turn up dat light! I want to see yo’ face better. + Dah now—lemme look at you. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">237</a></span> + Chambers, you’s as white as + yo’ shirt! Has you see dat man? Has he be’n to + see you?” + </p> + <p> + “Ye-s.” + </p> + <p> + “When?” + </p> + <p> + “Monday noon.” + </p> + <p> + “Monday noon! Was he on my track?” + </p> + <p> + “He—well, he thought he was. That is, he hoped he was. + This is the bill you saw.” He took it out of his pocket. + </p> + <p> + “Read it to me!” + </p> + <p> + + She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky glow in her eyes + that Tom could not translate with certainty, but there seemed to be + something threatening about it. The handbill had the usual rude woodcut of + a turbaned negro woman running, with the customary bundle on a stick over + her shoulder, and the heading in bold type, “$100 + <span class="smcap">Reward.</span>” Tom read the bill aloud—at + least the part that described Roxana and named the master and his St. + Louis address and the address of the Fourth-street agency; but he left out + the item that applicants for the reward might also apply to Mr. + Thomas Driscoll. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">238</a></span> + “Gimme de bill!” + </p> + <p> + Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket. He felt a chilly + streak creeping down his back, but said as carelessly as he could— + </p> + <p> + “The bill? Why, it isn’t any use to you, you can’t + read it. What do you want with it?” + </p> + <p> + “Gimme de bill!” Tom gave it to her, but with a reluctance + which he could not entirely disguise. “Did you read it + <i>all</i> to me?” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly I did.” + </p> + <p> + “Hole up yo’ han’ en swah to it.” + </p> + <p> + Tom did it. Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, with her + eyes fixed upon Tom’s face all the while; then she said— + </p> + <p> + “Yo’s lyin’!” + </p> + <p> + “What would I want to lie about it for?” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t know—but you is. Dat’s my opinion, + anyways. But nemmine ’bout dat. When I seed dat man I ’uz + dat sk’yerd dat I could sca’cely wobble home. Den I give a + nigger man a dollar for dese clo’es, en I ain’t be’n + in a house sence, night ner day, till now. I blacked my face en laid + hid in de cellar of a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">239</a></span> + ole house dat’s burnt down, + daytimes, en robbed de sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de + wharf, nights, to git somethin’ to eat, en never dast to try + to buy noth’n’, en I’s ’mos’ starved. + En I never dast to come near dis place till dis rainy night, when + dey ain’t no people roun’ sca’cely. But to-night I + be’n a-stannin’ in de dark alley ever sence + night come, waitin’ for you to go by. En here I is.” + </p> + <p> + She fell to thinking. Presently she said— + </p> + <p> + “You seed dat man at noon, las’ Monday?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “I seed him de middle o’ dat arternoon. He + hunted you up, didn’t he?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Did he give you de bill dat time?” + </p> + <p> + “No, he hadn’t got it printed yet.” + </p> + <p> + Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. + </p> + <p> + “Did you he’p him fix up de bill?” + </p> + <p> + Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried to rectify it + by saying he remembered, now, that it <i>was</i> at noon Monday that the + man gave him the bill. Roxana said— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">240</a></span> + “You’s lyin’ ag’in, sho.” + Then she straightened up and raised her finger: + </p> + <p> + + “Now den! I’s gwine to ask you a question, en I wants to + know how you’s gwine to git aroun’ it. You knowed he + ’uz arter me; en if you run off, ’stid o’ stayin’ + here to he’p him, he’d know dey ’uz somethin’ + wrong ’bout dis business, en den he would inquire ’bout you, + en dat would take him to yo’ uncle, en yo’ uncle would read + de bill en see dat you be’n sellin’ a free nigger down de + river, en you know <i>him</i>, I reckon! He’d t’ar up de will + en kick you outen de house. Now, den, you answer me dis question: + hain’t you tole dat man dat I would be sho’ to come here, + en den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch me?” + </p> + <p> + Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any + longer—he was in a vise, with the screw turned on, and out of + it there was no budging. His face began to take on an ugly look, and + presently he said, with a snarl— + </p> + <p> + “Well, what could I do? You see, yourself, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">241</a></span> + that I was in his grip + and couldn’t get out.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she said— + </p> + <p> + “What could you do? You could be Judas to yo’ own mother + to save yo’ wuthless hide! Would anybody b’lieve it? + No—a dog couldn’t! You is de low-downest orneriest + hound dat was ever pup’d into dis worl’—en + I’s ’sponsible for it!”—and she spat on him. + </p> + <p> + He made no effort to resent this. Roxy reflected a moment, then she + said— + </p> + <p> + “Now I’ll tell you what you’s gwine to do. You’s + gwine to give dat man de money dat you’s got laid up, en make + him wait till you kin go to de Judge en git de res’ en buy me + free agin.” + </p> + <p> + “Thunder! what are you thinking of? Go and ask him for three hundred + dollars and odd? What would I tell him I want with it, pray?” + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s answer was delivered in a serene and level voice— + </p> + <p> + “You’ll tell him you’s sole me to pay yo’ + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">242</a></span> + gamblin’ debts en dat you lied to me en was a villain, + en dat I ’quires you to git dat money en buy me + back ag’in.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, you’ve gone stark mad! He would tear the will to shreds + in a minute—don’t you know that?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I does.” + </p> + <p> + “Then you don’t believe I’m + idiot enough to go to him, do you?” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t b’lieve nothin’ ’bout + it—I <i>knows</i> you’s a-goin’. I knows it + ’ca’se you knows dat if you don’t raise dat + money I’ll go to him myself, en den he’ll sell + <i>you</i> down de river, en you kin see how you like it!” + </p> + <p> + Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil light in his eye. + He strode to the door and said he must get out of this suffocating place + for a moment and clear his brain in the fresh air so that he could + determine what to do. The door wouldn’t open. Roxy smiled grimly, + and said— + </p> + <p> + “I’s got de key, honey—set down. You needn’t + cle’r up yo’ brain none to fine out what you gwine to + do—<i>I</i> knows what you’s gwine to do.” + Tom sat down and began to pass his + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">243</a></span> + hands through his hair with a helpless and desperate air. Roxy said, + “Is dat man in dis house?” + </p> + <p> + Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked— + </p> + <p> + “What gave you such an idea?” + </p> + <p> + “You done it. Gwine out to cle’r yo’ brain! In de fust + place you ain’t got none to cle’r, en in de second place + yo’ ornery eye tole on you. You’s de low-downest hound dat + ever—but I done tole you dat befo’. Now den, dis is Friday. + You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you’s gwine away to git + de res’ o’ de money, en dat you’ll be back wid it + nex’ Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. You understan’?” + </p> + <p> + Tom answered sullenly— + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “En when you gits de new bill o’ sale dat sells me to my + own self, take en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd’nhead Wilson, + en write on de back dat he’s to keep it tell I come. + You understan’?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">244</a></span> + “Dat’s all den. Take yo’ umbreller, + en put on yo’ hat.” + </p> + <p> + “Why?” + </p> + <p> + “Beca’se you’s gwine to see me home to de wharf. + You see dis knife? I’s toted it aroun’ sence de day I + seed dat man en bought dese clo’es en it. If he ketch me, + I’s gwine to kill myself wid it. Now start along, en go + sof’, en lead de way; en if you gives a sign in dis house, + or if anybody comes up to you in de street, I’s gwine to + jam it right into you. Chambers, does you b’lieve me when + I says dat?” + </p> + <p> + “It’s no use to bother me with that question. + I know your word’s good.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it’s diff’rent from yo’n! Shet de light + out en move along—here’s de key.” + </p> + <p> + They were not followed. Tom trembled every time a late straggler brushed + by them on the street, and half expected to feel the cold steel in his + back. Roxy was right at his heels and always in reach. After tramping a + mile they reached a wide vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this dark + and rainy desert they parted. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">245</a></span> + As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts and wild plans; + but at last he said to himself, wearily— + </p> + <p> + “There is but the one way out. I must follow her plan. But + with a variation—I will not ask for the money and ruin myself; + I will <i>rob</i> the old skinflint.” + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">246</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XIX.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Prophecy Realized.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of + a good example.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + It were not best that we should all think alike; it is + difference of opinion that makes horse-races.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Dawson’s Landing</span> was comfortably + finishing its season of dull repose and waiting patiently for the duel. + Count Luigi was waiting, too; but not patiently, rumor said. Sunday came, + and Luigi insisted on having his challenge conveyed. Wilson carried it. + Judge Driscoll declined to fight with an assassin—“that + is,” he added significantly, “in the field of honor.” + </p> + <p> + Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready. Wilson tried to convince him that + if he had been present himself when Angelo told about the homicide + committed by Luigi, he would not have considered the act discreditable to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">247</a></span> + Luigi; but the obstinate old man was not to be moved. + </p> + <p> + Wilson went back to his principal and reported the failure of his mission. + Luigi was incensed, and asked how it could be that the old gentleman, who + was by no means dull-witted, held his trifling nephew’s evidence + and inferences to be of more value than Wilson’s. But Wilson + laughed, and said— + </p> + <p> + “That is quite simple; that is easily explicable. I am not his + doll—his baby—his infatuation: his nephew is. The Judge and + his late wife never had any children. The Judge and his wife were past + middle age when this treasure fell into their lap. One must make + allowances for a parental instinct that has been starving for + twenty-five or thirty years. It is famished, it is crazed with hunger + by that time, and will be entirely satisfied with anything that comes + handy; its taste is atrophied, it can’t tell mud-cat from shad. + A devil born to a young couple is measurably recognizable by them as + a devil before long, but a devil adopted by an old couple is an angel + to them, and remains so, through thick + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">248</a></span> + and thin. Tom is this old man’s angel; he is infatuated with him. + Tom can persuade him into things which other people can’t—not + all things; I don’t mean that, but a good many—particularly + one class of things: the things that create or abolish personal + partialities or prejudices in the old man’s mind. The old man liked + both of you. Tom conceived a hatred for you. That was enough; it turned + the old man around at once. The oldest and strongest friendship must go + to the ground when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at + it.” + </p> + <p> + “It’s a curious philosophy,” said Luigi. + </p> + <p> + “It ain’t a philosophy at all—it’s a fact. And + there is something pathetic and beautiful about it, too. I think there is + nothing more pathetic than to see one of these poor old childless + couples taking a menagerie of yelping little worthless dogs to their + hearts; and then adding some cursing and squawking parrots and a + jackass-voiced macaw; and next a couple of hundred screeching + song-birds, and presently some fetid guinea-pigs and rabbits, and a + howling colony of cats. It + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">249</a></span> + is all a groping and ignorant effort to construct out of base metal + and brass filings, so to speak, something to take the place of that + golden treasure denied them by Nature, a child. But this is a digression. + The unwritten law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll on + sight, and he and the community will expect that attention at your + hands—though of course your own death by his bullet will answer + every purpose. Look out for him! Are you heeled—that is, + fixed?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, he shall have his opportunity. If he attacks me I will + respond.” + </p> + <p> + As Wilson was leaving, he said— + </p> + <p> + “The Judge is still a little used up by his campaign work, + and will not get out for a day or so; but when he does get out, + you want to be on the alert.” + </p> + <p> + About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, and started on a + long stroll in the veiled moonlight. + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett’s Store, two miles below + Dawson’s, just about half an hour earlier, the only passenger + for that lonely spot, and had walked up the shore + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">250</a></span> + road and entered Judge Driscoll’s house without having + encountered any one either on the road or under the roof. + </p> + <p> + He pulled down his window-blinds and lighted his candle. He laid + off his coat and hat and began his preparations. He unlocked his + trunk and got his suit of girl’s clothes out from under the + male attire in it, and laid it by. Then he blacked his face with + burnt cork and put the cork in his pocket. His plan was, to slip + down to his uncle’s private sitting-room below, pass into + the bedroom, steal the safe-key from the old gentleman’s + clothes, and then go back and rob the safe. He took up his candle + to start. His courage and confidence were high, up to this point, + but both began to waver a little, now. Suppose he should make a + noise, by some accident, and get caught—say, in the act of + opening the safe? Perhaps it would be well to go armed. He took + the Indian knife from its hiding-place, and felt a pleasant + return of his wandering courage. He slipped stealthily down the + narrow stair, his hair rising and his pulses halting at the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">251</a></span> + slightest creak. When he was half-way down, he was disturbed to + perceive that the landing below was touched by a faint glow of + light. What could that mean? Was his uncle still up? No, that + was not likely; he must have left his night-taper there when he + went to bed. Tom crept on down, + pausing at every step to listen. He found the door standing open, + and glanced in. What he saw pleased him beyond measure. His uncle + was asleep on the sofa; on a small table at the head of the sofa + a lamp was burning low, and by it stood the old man’s small + tin cash-box, closed. Near the box was a pile of bank-notes and a + piece of paper covered with figures in pencil. The safe-door was + not open. Evidently the sleeper had wearied himself with work upon + his finances, and was taking a rest. + </p> + <p> + Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his way toward + the pile of notes, stooping low as he went. When he was passing his + uncle, the old man stirred in his sleep, and Tom stopped + instantly—stopped, and softly drew the knife from its sheath, + with his heart thumping, and his eyes fastened upon + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">252</a></span> + his + benefactor’s face. After a moment or two he ventured forward + again—one step—reached for his prize and seized it, + dropping the knife-sheath. Then he felt the old man’s + strong grip upon him, and a wild cry of “Help! help!” + rang in his ear. Without hesitation he drove the knife home—and + was free. Some of the notes escaped from his left hand and fell in the + blood on the floor. He dropped the knife and snatched them up and started + to fly; transferred them to his left hand, and seized the knife again, + in his fright and confusion, but remembered himself and flung it from + him, as being a dangerous witness to carry away with him. + </p> + <p> + He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind him; and as he + snatched his candle and fled upward, the stillness of the night was broken + by the sound of urgent footsteps approaching the house. In another moment + he was in his room and the twins were standing aghast over the body of + the murdered man! + </p> + <p> + Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on his suit of + girl’s clothes, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">253</a></span> + dropped the veil, blew out his light, locked the + room door by which he had just entered, taking the key, passed through + his other door into the back hall, locked that door and kept the key, + then worked his way along in the dark and descended the back stairs. + He was not expecting to meet anybody, for all interest was centered + in the other part of the house, now; his calculation proved correct. + By the time he was passing through the back-yard, Mrs. Pratt, her + servants, and a dozen half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and + the dead, and accessions were still arriving at the front door. + </p> + <p> + As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, three women + came flying from the house on the opposite side of the lane. They + rushed by him and in at the gate, asking him what the trouble was + there, but not waiting for an answer. Tom said to himself, + “Those old maids waited to dress—they did the same thing + the night Stevens’s house burned down next door.” In a few + minutes he was in the haunted house. He lighted a candle and took off + his girl-clothes. There + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">254</a></span> + was blood on him all down his left side, and his right hand was red with + the stains of the blood-soaked notes which he had crushed in it; but + otherwise he was free from this sort of evidence. He cleansed his + hand on the straw, and cleaned most of the smut from his face. Then he + burned his male and female attire to ashes, scattered the ashes, and put + on a disguise proper for a tramp. He blew out his light, went below, and + was soon loafing down the river road with the intent to borrow and use one + of Roxy’s devices. He found a canoe and paddled off down-stream, + setting the canoe adrift as dawn approached, and making his way by land to + the next village, where he kept out of sight till a transient steamer came + along, and then took deck passage for St. Louis. He was ill at ease until + Dawson’s Landing was behind him; then he said to himself, + “All the detectives on earth couldn’t trace me now; + there’s not a vestige of a clue left in the world; that homicide + will take its place with the permanent mysteries, and people + won’t get done trying to guess out the secret of it for + fifty years.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">255</a></span> + In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram in the + papers—dated at Dawson’s Landing: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, was assassinated + here about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman or + barber on account of a quarrel growing out of the recent + election. The assassin will probably be lynched. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “One of the twins!” soliloquized Tom; “how lucky! + It is the knife that has done him this grace. We never know when fortune + is trying to favor us. I actually cursed Pudd’nhead Wilson in my + heart for putting it out of my power to sell that knife. I take it + back, now.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was now rich and independent. He arranged with the planter, and mailed + to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold Roxana to herself; then he + telegraphed his Aunt Pratt: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost + prostrated with grief. Shall start by packet to-day. Try to + bear up till I come. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had gathered such details as + Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd could tell him, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">256</a></span> + he took command as mayor, and gave orders that nothing should be touched, + but everything left as it was until Justice Robinson should arrive and + take the proper measures as coroner. He cleared everybody out of the + room but the twins and himself. The sheriff soon arrived and took the + twins away to jail. Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do + his best in their defense when the case should come to trial. Justice + Robinson came presently, and with him Constable Blake. They examined the + room thoroughly. They found the knife and the sheath. Wilson noticed that + there were finger-prints on the knife-handle. That pleased him, for the + twins had required the earliest comers to make a scrutiny of their hands + and clothes, and neither these people nor Wilson himself had found any + blood-stains upon them. Could there be a possibility that the twins had + spoken the truth when they said they found the man dead when they ran + into the house in answer to the cry for help? He thought of that + mysterious girl at once. But this was not the sort of work for a girl to + be engaged in. No + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">257</a></span> + matter; Tom Driscoll’s room must be examined. + </p> + <p> + After the coroner’s jury had viewed the body and its surroundings, + Wilson suggested a search up-stairs, and he went along. The jury forced an + entrance to Tom’s room, but found nothing, of course. + </p> + <p> + The coroner’s jury found that the homicide was committed by Luigi, + and that Angelo was accessory to it. + </p> + <p> + The town was bitter against the unfortunates, and for the first few days + after the murder they were in constant danger of being lynched. The grand + jury presently indicted Luigi for murder in the first degree, and Angelo + as accessory before the fact. The twins were transferred from the city + jail to the county prison to await trial. + </p> + <p> + Wilson examined the finger-marks on the knife-handle and said to himself, + “Neither of the twins made those marks.” Then + manifestly there was another person concerned, either in his own + interest or as hired assassin. + </p> + <p> + But who could it be? That, he must try to find out. The safe was not + open, the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">258</a></span> + cash-box was closed, and had three thousand dollars in it. Then + robbery was not the motive, and revenge was. Where had the murdered man an + enemy except Luigi? There was but that one person in the world with a deep + grudge against him. + </p> + <p> + The mysterious girl! The girl was a great trial to Wilson. If the motive + had been robbery, the girl might answer; but there wasn’t any girl + that would want to take this old man’s life for revenge. He had no + quarrels with girls; he was a gentleman. + </p> + <p> + Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger-marks of the knife-handle; and + among his glass-records he had a great array of finger-prints of women and + girls, collected during the last fifteen or eighteen years, but he scanned + them in vain, they successfully withstood every test; among them were no + duplicates of the prints on the knife. + </p> + <p> + The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was a worrying + circumstance for Wilson. A week previously he had as good as admitted to + himself that he believed Luigi had possessed such a knife, and that he + still + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">259</a></span> + possessed it notwithstanding his pretense that it had been stolen. And + now here was the knife, and with it the twins. Half the town had said + the twins were humbugging when they claimed that they had lost their + knife, and now these people were joyful, and said, + “I told you so!” + </p> + <p> + If their finger-prints had been on the handle—but it was useless + to bother any further about that; the finger-prints on the handle were + <i>not</i> theirs—that he knew perfectly. + </p> + <p> + Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom couldn’t murder + anybody—he hadn’t character enough; secondly, if he could + murder a person he wouldn’t select his doting benefactor and + nearest relative; thirdly, self-interest was in + the way; for while the uncle lived, Tom was sure of a free support and a + chance to get the destroyed will revived again, but with the uncle gone, + that chance was gone, too. It was true the will had really been revived, + as was now discovered, but Tom could not have been aware of it, or he + would have spoken of it, in his native talky, unsecretive way. Finally, + Tom was in St. Louis when + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">260</a></span> + the murder was done, and got the news out of the morning journals, as was + shown by his telegram to his aunt. These speculations were unemphasized + sensations rather than articulated thoughts, for Wilson would have + laughed at the idea of seriously connecting Tom with the murder. + </p> + <p> + Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate—in fact, about + hopeless. For he argued that if a confederate was not found, an + enlightened Missouri jury would hang them, sure; if a confederate was + found, that would not improve the matter, but simply furnish one more + person for the sheriff to hang. Nothing could save the twins but the + discovery of a person who did the murder on his sole personal + account—an undertaking which had all the aspect of the impossible. + Still, the person who made the finger-prints must be sought. The twins + might have no case <i>with</i> him, but they certainly would have none + without him. + </p> + <p> + So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, guessing, day and + night, and arriving nowhere. Whenever he ran across a girl or a woman he + was not acquainted with, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">261</a></span> + he got her finger-prints, on one pretext or another; and they always cost + him a sigh when he got home, for they never tallied with the finger-marks + on the knife-handle. + </p> + <p> + As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such girl, and did not + remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress like the one described by + Wilson. He admitted that he did not always lock his room, and that + sometimes the servants forgot to lock the house doors; still, in his + opinion the girl must have made but few visits or she would have been + discovered. When Wilson tried to connect her with the stealing-raid, and + thought she might have been the old woman’s confederate, if not + the very thief herself disguised as an old woman, Tom seemed stuck, and + also much interested, and said he would keep a sharp eye out for this + person or persons, although he was afraid that she or they would be too + smart to venture again into a town where everybody would now be on the + watch for a good while to come. + </p> + <p> + Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and sorrowful, and seemed to + feel his great loss so deeply. He was playing a part, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">262</a></span> + but it was not all a part. The picture of his alleged uncle, as he had + last seen him, was before him in the dark pretty frequently, when he was + awake, and called again in his dreams, when he was asleep. He + wouldn’t go into the room where the tragedy had happened. This + charmed the doting Mrs. Pratt, who realized now, “as she had never + done before,” she said, what a sensitive and delicate nature her + darling had, and how he adored his poor uncle. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0020" id="link2HCH0020"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">263</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XX.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Murderer Chuckles.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence + is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to + be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, + sharpened by any woman: if you have witnesses, you will find + she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect + of the pencil, you will say she did it with her + teeth.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the + jailed twins but their counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of trial + came at last—the heaviest day in Wilson’s life; for with all + his tireless diligence he had discovered no sign or trace of the missing + confederate. “Confederate” was the term he had long ago + privately accepted for that person—not as being unquestionably the + right term, but as being at least possibly the right one, though he was + never able to understand why the twins did not vanish and escape, as + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">264</a></span> + the confederate had done, instead of remaining by the murdered man and + getting caught there. + </p> + <p> + The court-house was crowded, of course, and would remain so to the finish, + for not only in the town itself, but in the country for miles around, the + trial was the one topic of conversation among the people. Mrs. Pratt, in + deep mourning, and Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats near Pembroke + Howard, the public prosecutor, and back of them sat a great array of + friends of the family. The twins had but one friend present to keep their + counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing landlady. She sat near + Wilson, and looked her friendliest. In the “nigger corner” + sat Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, and her bill of sale in + her pocket. It was her most precious possession, and she never parted + with it, day or night. Tom had allowed her thirty-five dollars a month + ever since he came into his property, and had said that he and she ought + to be grateful to the twins for making them rich; but had roused such a + temper in her by + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">265</a></span> + this speech that he did not repeat the argument + afterward. She said the old Judge had treated her child a thousand times + better than he deserved, and had never done her an unkindness in his life; + so she hated these outlandish devils for killing him, and shouldn’t + ever sleep satisfied till she saw them hanged for it. She was here to + watch the trial, now, and was going to lift up just one + “hooraw” over it if the County Judge put her in jail + a year for it. She gave her turbaned head a toss and said, “When + dat verdic’ comes, I’s gwine to lif’ dat <i>roof</i>, + now, I <i>tell</i> you.” + </p> + <p> + Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the State’s case. He said he + would show by a chain of circumstantial evidence without break or fault + in it anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the bar committed the + murder; that the motive was partly revenge, and partly a desire to take + his own life out of jeopardy, and that his brother, by his presence, was a + consenting accessory to the crime; a crime which was the basest known to + the calendar of human misdeeds—assassination; that it was conceived + by the blackest of hearts and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">266</a></span> + consummated by the cowardliest of hands; a + crime which had broken a loving sister’s heart, blighted the + happiness of a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought + inconsolable grief to many friends, and sorrow and loss to the whole + community. The utmost penalty of the outraged law would be exacted, and + upon the accused, now present at the bar, that penalty would + unquestionably be executed. He would reserve further remark until his + closing speech. + </p> + <p> + He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; Mrs. Pratt and + several other women were weeping when he sat down, and many an eye that + was full of hate was riveted upon the unhappy prisoners. + </p> + <p> + Witness after witness was called by the State, and questioned at length; + but the cross-questioning was brief. Wilson knew they could furnish + nothing valuable for his side. People were sorry for Pudd’nhead; + his budding career would get hurt by this trial. + </p> + <p> + Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in his public speech + that the twins would be able to find their lost knife + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">267</a></span> + again when they needed it to assassinate somebody with. This was not + news, but now it was seen to have been sorrowfully prophetic, and a + profound sensation quivered through the hushed court-room when those + dismal words were repeated. + </p> + <p> + The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within his knowledge, + through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on the last day of his + life, that counsel for the defense had brought him a challenge from the + person charged at this bar with murder; that he had refused to fight with + a confessed assassin—“that is, on the field of + honor,” but had added significantly, that he would be ready + for him elsewhere. Presumably the person here charged with murder was + warned that he must kill or be killed the first time he should meet + Judge Driscoll. If counsel for the defense chose to let the statement + stand so, he would not call him to the witness stand. Mr. Wilson said he + would offer no denial. [Murmurs in the house—“It is getting + worse and worse for Wilson’s case.”] + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">268</a></span> + and did not know what woke her up, unless it was the sound of rapid + footsteps approaching the front door. She jumped up and ran out in the + hall just as she was, and heard the footsteps flying up the front steps + and then following behind her as she ran to the sitting-room. There she + found the accused standing over her murdered brother. [Here she broke + down and sobbed. Sensation in the court.] Resuming, she said the persons + entering behind her were Mr. Rogers and Mr. Buckstone. + </p> + <p> + Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed their innocence; + declared that they had been taking a walk, and had hurried to the house in + response to a cry for help which was so loud and strong that they had + heard it at a considerable distance; that they begged her and the + gentlemen just mentioned to examine their hands and clothes—which + was done, and no blood stains found. + </p> + <p> + Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and Buckstone. + </p> + <p> + The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement minutely + describing it and offering + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">269</a></span> + a reward for it was put in evidence, and its exact correspondence with + that description proved. Then followed a few minor details, and the case + for the State was closed. + </p> + <p> + Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses Clarkson, who would + testify that they met a veiled young woman leaving Judge Driscoll’s + premises by the back gate a few minutes after the cries for help were + heard, and that their evidence, taken with certain circumstantial evidence + which he would call the court’s attention to, would in his opinion + convince the court that there was still one person concerned in this crime + who had not yet been found, and also that a stay of proceedings ought to + be granted, in justice to his clients, until that person should be + discovered. As it was late, he would ask leave to defer the examination of + his three witnesses until the next morning. + </p> + <p> + The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away in excited groups + and couples, talking the events of the session over with vivacity and + consuming interest, and everybody seemed to have had a satisfactory and + enjoyable + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">270</a></span> + day except the accused, their counsel, and their old-lady + friend. There was no cheer among these, and no substantial hope. + </p> + <p> + In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good-night with a gay + pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down without finishing. + </p> + <p> + Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, the opening + solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him with a + vague uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the + smallest alarms; but from the moment that the poverty and + weakness of Wilson’s case lay exposed to the court, he + was comfortable once more, even jubilant. He left the court-room + sarcastically sorry for Wilson. “The Clarksons met an + unknown woman in the back lane,” he said to + himself—“<i>that</i> is his case! I’ll give + him a century to find her in—a couple of them if he + likes. A woman who doesn’t exist any longer, and the clothes + that gave her her sex burnt up and the ashes thrown away—oh, + certainly, he’ll find <i>her</i> easy enough!” This + reflection set him to admiring, for the hundredth time, the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">271</a></span> + shrewd ingenuities by which he had insured himself against + detection—more, against even suspicion. + </p> + <p> + “Nearly always in cases like this there is some little detail + or other overlooked, some wee little track or trace left behind, and + detection follows; but here there’s not even the faintest suggestion + of a trace left. No more than a bird leaves when it flies through the + air—yes, through the night, you may say. The man that can track a + bird through the air in the dark and find that bird is the man to track + me out and find the Judge’s assassin—no other need apply. + And that is the job that has been laid out for poor Pudd’nhead + Wilson, of all people in the world! Lord, it will be pathetically funny + to see him grubbing and groping after that woman that don’t exist, + and the right person sitting under his very nose all the time!” + The more he thought the situation over, the more the humor of it struck + him. Finally he said, “I’ll never let him hear the last of + that woman. Every time I catch him in company, to his dying day, + I’ll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">272</a></span> + used to gravel him so when I inquired how his unborn law-business + was coming along, ‘Got on her track yet—hey, + Pudd’nhead?’” He wanted to laugh, but that + would not have answered; there were people about, and he was mourning + for his uncle. He made up his mind that it would be good entertainment + to look in on Wilson that night and watch him worry over his barren + law-case and goad him with an exasperating word or two of sympathy and + commiseration now and then. + </p> + <p> + Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite. He got out all the + finger-prints of girls and women in his collection of records and pored + gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to convince himself that that + troublesome girl’s marks were there somewhere and had been + overlooked. But it was not so. He drew back his chair, clasped his hands + over his head, and gave himself up to dull and arid musings. + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said with a pleasant + laugh as he took a seat— + </p> + <p> + “Hello, we’ve gone back to the amusements + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">273</a></span> + of our days of neglect and obscurity for consolation, have we?” + and he took up one of the glass strips and held it against the light + to inspect it. “Come, cheer up, old man; there’s no use + in losing your grip and going back to this child’s-play merely + because this big sunspot is drifting across your shiny new + disk. It’ll pass, and you’ll be all right + again,”—and he laid the glass down. + “Did you think you could win always?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no,” said Wilson, with a sigh, “I + didn’t expect that, but I can’t believe Luigi killed your + uncle, and I feel very sorry for him. It makes me blue. And you would + feel as I do, Tom, if you were not prejudiced against those young + fellows.” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t know about that,” and Tom’s + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change countenence to countenance."> + countenance</ins> darkened, for his memory reverted to his kicking; + “I owe them no good will, considering the brunette + one’s treatment of me that night. Prejudice or no prejudice, + Pudd’nhead, I don’t like them, and when they get their + deserts you’re not going to find me sitting on the + mourner’s bench.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">274</a></span> + He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “Why, here’s old Roxy’s label! Are you going to + ornament the royal palaces with nigger paw-marks, too? By the date here, + I was seven months old when this was done, and she was nursing me and her + little nigger cub. There’s a line straight across her thumb-print. + How comes that?” and Tom held out the piece of glass to Wilson. + </p> + <p> + “That is common,” said the bored man, wearily. + “Scar of a cut or a scratch, usually”—and he took + the strip of glass indifferently, and raised it toward the lamp. + </p> + <p> + All the blood sunk suddenly out of his face; his hand quaked, and he gazed + at the polished surface before him with the glassy stare of a corpse. + </p> + <p> + “Great Heavens, what’s the matter with you, Wilson? + Are you going to faint?” + </p> + <p> + Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but Wilson shrank + shuddering from him and said— + </p> + <p> + “No, no!—take it away!” His breast was rising and + falling, and he moved his head + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">275</a></span> + about in a dull and wandering way, like a person who had been stunned. + Presently he said, “I shall feel better when I get to bed; I have + been overwrought to-day; yes, and over worked for many days.” + </p> + <p> + “Then I’ll leave you and let you to get to your rest. + Good-night, old man.” But as Tom went out he couldn’t deny + himself a small parting gibe: “Don’t take it so hard; a body + can’t win every time; you’ll hang somebody yet.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson muttered to himself, “It is no lie to say I am sorry + I have to begin with you, miserable dog though you are!” + </p> + <p> + He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and went to work again. + He did not compare the new finger-marks unintentionally left by Tom a few + minutes before on Roxy’s glass with the tracings of the marks left + on the knife-handle, there being no need for that (for his trained eye), + but busied himself with another matter, muttering from time to time, + “Idiot that I was!—Nothing but a <i>girl</i> would do + me—a man in girl’s clothes never occurred to me.” + First, he hunted out the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">276</a></span> + plate containing the finger-prints made by Tom when he was twelve years + old, and laid it by itself; then he brought forth the marks made by + Tom’s baby fingers when he was a suckling of seven months, and + placed these two plates with the one containing this subject’s + newly (and unconsciously) made record. + </p> + <p> + “Now the series is complete,” he said with satisfaction, + and sat down to inspect these things and enjoy them. + </p> + <p> + But his enjoyment was brief. He stared a considerable time at the three + strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. At last he put them down + and said, “I can’t make it out at all—hang it, + the baby’s don’t tally with the others!” + </p> + <p> + He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his enigma, then he + hunted out two other glass plates. + </p> + <p> + He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, but kept + muttering, “It’s no use; I can’t understand it. + They don’t tally right, and yet I’ll swear the names + and dates are right, and so of course they <i>ought</i> to tally. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">277</a></span> + I never labeled one of these thing carelessly in my life. + There is a most extraordinary mystery here.” + </p> + <p> + He was tired out, now, and his brains were beginning to clog. He said he + would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he could do with this riddle. + He slept through a troubled and unrestful hour, then unconsciousness began + to shred away, and presently he rose drowsily to a sitting posture. + “Now what was that dream?” he said, trying to recall it; + “what was that dream?—it seemed to unravel that + puz—” + </p> + <p> + He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without finishing the + sentence, and ran and turned up his light and seized his + “records.” He took a single swift glance at them and + cried out— + </p> + <p> + “It’s so! Heavens, what a revelation! And for twenty-three + years no man has ever suspected it!” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0021" id="link2HCH0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">278</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XXI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Doom.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> He is useless on top of the ground; he ought + to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>April 1.</i> This is the day upon which we are reminded of what + we are on the other three hundred and + sixty-four.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Wilson</span> put on enough clothes for business + purposes and went to work under a high pressure of steam. He was awake + all over. All sense of weariness had been swept away by the invigorating + refreshment of the great and hopeful discovery which he had made. He + made fine and accurate reproductions of a number of his + “records,” and then enlarged them on a scale of ten to one + with his pantograph. He did these pantograph enlargements on sheets of + white cardboard, and made each individual line of the bewildering maze + of whorls or curves or loops which constituted the “pattern,” + of a “record” stand out bold and black by reinforcing + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">279</a></span> + it with ink. To the untrained eye the collection of delicate originals + made by the human finger on the glass plates looked about alike; but when + enlarged ten times they resembled the markings of a block of wood that has + been sawed across the grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a glance, + and at a distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were alike. + When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, he + arranged its results according to a plan in which a progressive order and + sequence was a principal feature; then he added to the batch several + pantograph enlargements which he had made from time to time in bygone + years. + </p> + <p> + The night was spent and the day well advanced, now. By the time he had + snatched a trifle of breakfast it was nine o’clock, and the court + was ready to begin its sitting. He was in his place twelve minutes later + with his “records.” + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, and nudged his + nearest friend and said, with a wink, “Pudd’nhead’s + got a rare eye to business—thinks that as long as he + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">280</a></span> + can’t win his case it’s at least a noble good chance to + advertise his palace-window decorations without any expense.” + Wilson was informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but would + arrive presently; but he rose and said he should probably not have + occasion to make use of their testimony. [An amused murmur ran through + the room—“It’s a clean backdown! he gives up without + hitting a lick!”] Wilson continued—“I have other + testimony—and better. [This compelled interest, and evoked murmurs + of surprise that had a detectable ingredient of disappointment in them.] + If I seem to be springing this evidence upon the court, I offer as my + justification for this, that I did not discover its existence until late + last night, and have been engaged in examining and classifying it ever + since, until half an hour ago. I shall offer it presently; but first I + wish to say a few preliminary words. + </p> + <p> + “May it please the Court, the claim given the front place, the claim + most persistently urged, the claim most strenuously and I may even say + aggressively and defiantly insisted upon by the prosecution, is + this—that the person + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">281</a></span> + whose hand left the blood-stained finger-prints upon the handle of the + Indian knife is the person who committed the murder.” Wilson paused, + during several moments, to give impressiveness to what he was about to + say, and then added tranquilly, “<i>We grant that + claim.</i>” + </p> + <p> + It was an electrical surprise. No one was prepared for such an admission. + A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, and people were heard to + intimate that the overworked lawyer had lost his mind. Even the veteran + judge, accustomed as he was to legal ambushes and masked batteries in + criminal procedure, was not sure that his ears were not deceiving him, and + asked counsel what it was he had said. Howard’s impassive face + betrayed no sign, but his attitude and bearing lost something of their + careless confidence for a moment. Wilson resumed: + </p> + <p> + “We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and strongly + endorse it. Leaving that matter for the present, we will now proceed to + consider other points in the case which we propose to establish by + evidence, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">282</a></span> + and shall include that one in the chain in its proper place.” + </p> + <p> + He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in mapping out his + theory of the origin and motive of the murder—guesses designed to + fill up gaps in it—guesses which could help if they hit, and would + probably do no harm if they didn’t. + </p> + <p> + “To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before the court + seem to suggest a motive for the homicide quite different from the one + insisted on by the State. It is my conviction that the motive was not + revenge, but robbery. It has been urged that the presence of the accused + brothers in that fatal room, just after notification that one of them + must take the life of Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the + parties should meet, clearly signifies that the natural instinct of + self-preservation moved my clients to go there secretly and save Count + Luigi by destroying his adversary. + </p> + <p> + “Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? Mrs. + Pratt had time, although she did not hear the cry for help, but woke up + some moments later, to run to that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">283</a></span> + room—and there she found these + men standing and making no effort to escape. If they were guilty, they + ought to have been running out of the house at the same time that she + was running to that room. If they had had such a strong instinct toward + self-preservation as to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had + become of it now, when it should have been more alert than ever? Would + any of us have remained there? Let us not slander our intelligence to + that degree. + </p> + <p> + “Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the accused + offered a very large reward for the knife with which this murder was + done; that no thief came forward to claim that extraordinary reward; + that the latter fact was good circumstantial evidence that the claim + that the knife had been stolen was a vanity and a fraud; that these + details taken in connection with the memorable and apparently prophetic + speech of the deceased concerning that knife, and the final discovery + of that very knife in the fatal room where no living person was found + present with the slaughtered man but the owner of the knife and his + brother, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">284</a></span> + form an indestructible chain of evidence which fixes the crime + upon those unfortunate strangers. + </p> + <p> + “But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall testify that + there was a large reward offered for the <i>thief</i>, also; and it + was offered secretly and not advertised; that this fact was indiscreetly + mentioned—or at least tacitly admitted—in what was supposed + to be safe circumstances, but may <i>not</i> have been. The thief may + have been present himself. [Tom Driscoll had been looking at the speaker, + but dropped his eyes at this point.] In that case he would retain the + knife in his possession, not daring to offer it for sale, or for pledge + in a pawn-shop. [There was a nodding of heads among the audience by way + of admission that this was not a bad stroke.] I shall prove to the + satisfaction of the jury that there <i>was</i> a person in Judge + Driscoll’s room several minutes before the accused entered it. + [This produced a strong sensation; the last drowsy-head in the court-room + roused up, now, and made preparation to listen.] If it shall seem + necessary, I will prove by the Misses Clarkson + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">285</a></span> + that they met a veiled person—ostensibly a woman—coming out + of the back gate a few minutes after the cry for help was heard. This + person was not a woman, but a man dressed in woman’s clothes.” + Another sensation. Wilson had his eye on Tom when he hazarded this + guess, to see what effect it would produce. He was satisfied with the + result, and said to himself, “It was a + success—he’s hit!” + </p> + <p> + “The object of that person in that house was robbery, not murder. + It is true that the safe was not open, but there was an ordinary tin + cash-box on the table, with three thousand dollars in it. It is easily + supposable that the thief was concealed in the house; that he knew of + this box, and of its owner’s habit of counting its contents and + arranging his accounts at night—if he had that habit, which I do + not assert, of course;—that he tried to take the box while its owner + slept, but made a noise and was seized, and had to use the knife to save + himself from capture; and that he fled without his booty because he + heard help coming. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">286</a></span> + “I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the + evidences by which I propose to try to prove its soundness.” + Wilson took up several of his strips of glass. When the audience + recognized these familiar mementoes of Pudd’nhead’s + old-time childish “puttering” and folly, the tense and + funereal interest vanished out of their faces, and the house burst into + volleys of relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked up and + joined in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not disturbed. He + arranged his records on the table before him, and said— + </p> + <p> + “I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few remarks in + explanation of some evidence which I am about to introduce, and which I + shall presently ask to be allowed to verify under oath on the + witness stand. Every human being carries with him from his cradle to his + grave certain physical marks which do not change their character, and by + which he can always be identified—and that without shade of doubt or + question. These marks are his signature, his physiological autograph, so + to speak, and this autograph + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">287</a></span> + can not be counterfeited, nor can he disguise + it or hide it away, nor can it become illegible by the wear and mutations + of time. This signature is not his face—age can change that beyond + recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not his + height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, for duplicates + of that exist also, whereas this signature is each man’s very + own—there is no duplicate of it among the swarming populations + of the globe! [The audience were interested once more.] + </p> + <p> + “This autograph consists of the delicate lines or corrugations with + which Nature marks the insides of the hands and the soles of the feet. If + you will look at the balls of your fingers,—you that have very sharp + eyesight,—you will observe that these dainty curving lines lie close + together, like those that indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and that + they form various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, circles, long + curves, whorls, etc., and that these patterns differ on the different + fingers. [Every man in the room had his hand up + to the light, now, and his head canted to one side, and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">288</a></span> + was minutely + scrutinizing the balls of his fingers; there were whispered ejaculations + of ‘Why, it’s so—I never noticed that before!’] + The patterns on the right hand are not the same as those on the left. + [Ejaculations of ‘Why, that’s so, too!’] Taken finger + for finger, your patterns differ from your neighbor’s. [Comparisons + were made all over the house—even the judge and jury were absorbed + in this curious work.] The patterns of a twin’s right hand are not + the same as those on his left. One twin’s patterns are never the + same as his fellow-twin’s patterns—the jury will find that + the patterns upon the finger-balls of the accused follow this rule. + [An examination of the twins’ hands was begun at once.] You have + often heard of twins who were so exactly alike that when dressed alike + their own parents could not tell them apart. Yet there was never a twin + born into this world that did not carry from birth to death a sure + identifier in this mysterious and marvelous natal autograph. That once + known to you, his fellow-twin could never personate him and deceive + you.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">289</a></span> + Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death + when a speaker does that. The stillness gives warning that something is + coming. All palms and finger-balls went down, now, all slouching forms + straightened, all heads came up, all eyes were fastened upon + Wilson’s face. He waited yet one, two, three moments, to let his + pause complete and perfect its spell upon the house; then, when through + the profound hush he could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he + put out his hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it aloft + where all could see the sinister spots upon its ivory handle; then he + said, in a level and passionless voice— + </p> + <p> + “Upon this haft stands the assassin’s natal autograph, written + in the blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who loved you and + whom you all loved. There is but one man in the whole earth whose hand can + duplicate that crimson sign,”—he paused and raised his eyes + to the pendulum swinging back and forth,—“and please God + we will produce + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">290</a></span> + that man in this room before the clock strikes noon!” + </p> + <p> + Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, the house half rose, + as if expecting to see the murderer appear at the door, and a breeze of + muttered ejaculations swept the place. “Order in the + court!—sit down!” This from the sheriff. He was obeyed, and + quiet reigned again. Wilson stole a glance at Tom, and said to himself, + “He is flying signals of distress, now; even people who despise him + are pitying him; they think this is a hard ordeal for a young fellow who + has lost his benefactor by so cruel a stroke—and they are + right.” He resumed his speech: + </p> + <p> + “For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory leisure with + collecting these curious physical signatures in this town. At my house I + have hundreds upon hundreds of them. Each and every one is labelled with + name and date; not labelled the next day or even the next hour, but in the + very minute that the impression was taken. When I go upon the witness + stand I will repeat under oath the things which I am now saying. I + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">291</a></span> + have the finger-prints of the court, the sheriff, and every member of the + jury. There is hardly a person in this room, white or black, whose natal + signature I cannot produce, and not one of them can so disguise himself + that I cannot pick him out from a multitude of his fellow-creatures and + unerringly identify him by his hands. And if he and I should live to be a + hundred I could still do it. [The interest of the audience was steadily + deepening, now.] + </p> + <p> + “I have studied some of these signatures so much that I know them + as well as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his oldest customer. + While I turn my back now, I beg that several persons will be so good as + to pass their fingers through their hair, and then press them upon one + of the panes of the window near the jury, and that among them the accused + may set <i>their</i> finger-marks. Also, I beg that these experimenters, + or others, will set their finger-marks upon another pane, and add again + the marks of the accused, but not placing them in the same order or + relation to the other signatures as before—for, by one + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">292</a></span> + chance in a million, a person might happen upon the right marks by pure + guess-work <i>once</i>, therefore I wish to be tested twice.” + </p> + <p> + He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly covered with + delicately-lined oval spots, but visible only to such persons as could + get a dark background for them—the foliage of a tree, outside, for + instance. Then, upon call, Wilson went to the window, made his + examination, and said— + </p> + <p> + “This is Count Luigi’s right hand; this one, three signatures + below, is his left. Here is Count Angelo’s right; down here is his + left. Now for the other pane: here and here are Count Luigi’s, + here and here are his brother’s.” He faced about. + “Am I right?” + </p> + <p> + A deafening explosion of applause was the answer. The Bench said— + </p> + <p> + “This certainly approaches the miraculous!” + </p> + <p> + Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, pointing with his + finger— + </p> + <p> + “This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. [Applause.] This, of + Constable Blake. [Applause.] This, of John Mason, juryman. [Applause.] + This, of the sheriff. [Applause.] + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">293</a></span> + I cannot name the others, but I have them all at home, named and dated, + and could identify them all by my finger-print records.” + </p> + <p> + He moved to his place through a storm of applause—which the sheriff + stopped, and also made the people sit down, for they were all standing and + struggling to see, of course. Court, jury, sheriff, and everybody had been + too absorbed in observing Wilson’s performance to attend to the + audience earlier. + </p> + <p> + “Now, then,” said Wilson, “I have here the natal + autographs of two children—thrown up to ten times the natural size + by the pantograph, so that any one who can see at all can tell the + markings apart at a glance. We will call the children <i>A</i> and + <i>B</i>. Here are <i>A</i>’s finger-marks, taken at the age of + five months. Here they are again, taken at seven months. [Tom started.] + They are alike, you see. Here are <i>B</i>’s at five months, and + also at seven months. They, too, exactly copy each other, but the patterns + are quite different from <i>A</i>’s, you observe. I shall refer to + these again presently, but we will turn them face down, now. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">294</a></span> + “Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of the two + persons who are here before you accused of murdering Judge Driscoll. I + made these pantograph copies last night, and will so swear when I go upon + the witness stand. I ask the jury to compare them with the finger-marks + of the accused upon the window panes, and tell the court if they are + the same.” + </p> + <p> + He passed a powerful magnifying-glass to the foreman. + </p> + <p> + One juryman after another took the cardboard and the glass and made the + comparison. Then the foreman said to the judge— + </p> + <p> + “Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said to the foreman— + </p> + <p> + “Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this one, and + compare it searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal signature + upon the knife-handle, and report your finding to the court.” + </p> + <p> + Again the jury made minute examinations, and again reported— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">295</a></span> + “We find them to be exactly identical, your honor.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, and there was a + clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice when he said— + </p> + <p> + “May it please the court, the State has claimed, strenuously + and persistently, that the blood-stained finger-prints upon that + knife-handle were left there by the assassin of Judge Driscoll. You + have heard us grant that claim, and welcome it.” He turned to + the jury: “Compare the finger-prints of the accused with the + finger-prints left by the assassin—and report.” + </p> + <p> + The comparison began. As it proceeded, all movement and all sound ceased, + and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting suspense settled upon the + house; and when at last the words came— + </p> + <p> + “<i>They do not even resemble</i>,” a thunder-crash of + applause followed and the house sprang to its feet, but was quickly + repressed by official force and brought to order again. Tom was altering + his position every few minutes, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">296</a></span> + now, but none of his changes brought repose nor any small trifle of + comfort. When the house’s attention was become fixed once more, + Wilson said gravely, indicating the twins with a gesture— + </p> + <p> + “These men are innocent—I have no further concern with + them. [Another outbreak of applause began, but was promptly checked.] + We will now proceed to find the guilty. [Tom’s eyes were starting + from their sockets—yes, it was a cruel day for the bereaved youth, + everybody thought.] We will return to the infant autographs of <i>A</i> + and <i>B</i>. I will ask the jury to take these large pantograph + facsimilies of <i>A</i>’s marked five months and seven months. + Do they tally?” + </p> + <p> + The foreman responded— + </p> + <p> + “Perfectly.” + </p> + <p> + “Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, and also + marked <i>A</i>. Does it tally with the other two?” + </p> + <p> + The surprised response was— + </p> + <p> + “<i>No—they differ widely</i>!” + </p> + <p> + “You are quite right. Now take these two pantographs of + <i>B</i>’s autograph, marked + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">297</a></span> + five months and seven months. Do they tally with each other?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes—perfectly.” + </p> + <p> + “Take this third pantograph marked <i>B</i>, eight months. Does it + tally with <i>B</i>’s other two?” + </p> + <p> + “<i>By no means</i>!” + </p> + <p> + “Do you know how to account for those strange discrepancies? I + will tell you. For a purpose unknown to us, but probably a selfish one, + somebody changed those children in the cradle.” + </p> + <p> + This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was astonished at this + admirable guess, but not disturbed by it. To guess the exchange was one + thing, to guess who did it quite another. Pudd’nhead Wilson could do + wonderful things, no doubt, but he couldn’t do impossible ones. + Safe? She was perfectly safe. She smiled privately. + </p> + <p> + “Between the ages of seven months and eight months those children + were changed in the cradle”—he made one of his + effect-collecting pauses, and added—“and the + person who did it is in this house!” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">298</a></span> + Roxy’s pulses stood still! The house was thrilled as with an + electric shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a glimpse of the + person who had made that exchange. Tom was growing limp; the life seemed + oozing out of him. Wilson resumed: + </p> + <p> + “<i>A</i> was put into <i>B</i>’s cradle in the nursery; + <i>B</i> was transferred to the kitchen and became a negro and a slave, + [Sensation—confusion of angry ejaculations]—but within a + quarter of an hour he will stand before you white and free! [Burst of + applause, checked by the officers.] From seven months onward until now, + <i>A</i> has still been a usurper, and in my finger-record he bears + <i>B</i>’s name. Here is his pantograph at the age of twelve. + Compare it with the assassin’s signature upon the knife-handle. + Do they tally?” + </p> + <p> + The foreman answered— + </p> + <p> + “<i>To the minutest detail!</i>” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said, solemnly— + </p> + <p> + “The murderer of your friend and mine—York Driscoll of the + generous hand and the kindly spirit—sits in among you. + Valet de Chambre, negro and slave,—falsely called + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">299</a></span> + Thomas à Becket Driscoll,—make upon the window the + finger-prints that will hang you!” + </p> + <p> + Tom turned his ashen face imploring toward the speaker, made some impotent + movements with his white lips, then slid limp and lifeless to the floor. + </p> + <p> + Wilson broke the awed silence with the words— + </p> + <p> + “There is no need. He has confessed.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with her hands, and + out through her sobs the words struggled— + </p> + <p> + “De Lord have mercy on me, po’ misable sinner dat I is!” + </p> + <p> + The clock struck twelve. + </p> + <p> + The court rose; the new prisoner, handcuffed, was removed. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2H_CONC" id="link2H_CONC"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">300</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">Conclusion</a></h2> + + <p class="pullquote"> + It is often the case that the man who can’t tell a lie + thinks he is the best judge of one.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>October 12, the Discovery</i>. It was wonderful to find + America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss + it.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> town sat up all night to discuss the + amazing events of the day and swap guesses as to when Tom’s trial + would begin. Troop after troop of citizens came to serenade Wilson, and + require a speech, and shout themselves hoarse over every sentence that + fell from his lips—for all his sentences were golden, now, all + were marvelous. His long fight against hard luck and prejudice was + ended; he was a made man for good. + </p> + <p> + And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts marched away, some + remorseful + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">301</a></span> + member of it was quite sure to raise his voice and say— + </p> + <p> + “And this is the man the likes of us have called a + pudd’nhead for more than twenty years. He has resigned from + that position, friends.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but it isn’t vacant—we’re elected.” + </p> + <hr class="break" /> + <p> + The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with rehabilitated reputations. + But they were weary of Western adventure, and straightway retired to + Europe. + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s heart was broken. The young fellow upon whom she had + inflicted twenty-three years of slavery continued the false heir’s + pension of thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her hurts were too + deep for money to heal; the spirit in her eye was quenched, her martial + bearing departed with it, and the voice of her laughter ceased in the + land. In her church and its affairs she found her only solace. + </p> + <p> + The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but in a most + embarrassing + situation. He could neither read nor write, and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">302</a></span> + his speech + was the basest dialect of the negro quarter. His gait, his attitudes, his + gestures, his bearing, his laugh—all were vulgar and uncouth; his + manners were the manners of a slave. Money and fine clothes could not mend + these defects or cover them up; they only made them the more glaring and + the more pathetic. The poor fellow could not endure the terrors of the + white man’s parlor, and felt at home and at peace nowhere but in the + kitchen. The family pew was a misery to him, yet he could nevermore enter + into the solacing refuge of the “nigger gallery”—that + was closed to him for good and all. But we cannot follow his curious fate + further—that + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Remove in after that."> + would</ins> be a long story. + </p> + <p> + The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced to + imprisonment for life. But now a complication came up. The + Percy Driscoll estate was in such a crippled shape when its + owner died that it could pay only sixty per cent. of its + great indebtedness, and was settled at that rate. But the + creditors came forward, now, and complained that inasmuch + as through an error for which <i>they</i> were + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">303</a></span> + in no way to blame the false heir was not inventoried at the time with the + rest of the property, great wrong and loss had thereby been + inflicted upon them. They rightly claimed that “Tom” + was lawfully their property and had been so for eight years; + that they had already lost sufficiently in being deprived of + his services during that long period, and ought not to be + required to add anything to that loss; that if he had been + delivered up to them in the first place, they would have sold + him and he could not have murdered Judge Driscoll; therefore + it was not he that had really committed the murder, the guilt + lay with the erroneous inventory. Everybody saw that there was + reason in this. Everybody granted that if “Tom” + were white and free it would be unquestionably right to punish + him—it would be no loss to anybody; but to shut up a + valuable slave for life—that was quite another matter. + </p> + <p> + As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom + at once, and the creditors sold him down the river. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + + + <hr /> + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <br /><br /><br /> + <h2><a href="#Contents">Transcriber's Notes</a></h2> + <p><br /></p> + <h3>Introduction:</h3> + </div> + <h4>1. Background.</h4> + <p> + Welcome to <span class="smcap">Project Gutenberg</span>'s presentation + of <i>Pudd'nhead Wilson</i>. The Italian twins in this novel, Luigi and + Angelo, were inspired by a real pair of Italian conjoined twins who toured + America in the 1890s. These were Giacomo and Giovanni Battista Tocci. + </p> + <p> + Homer Plessy was arrested for sitting in a whites-only passenger car on + June 7, 1892, and one month later he stood before Judge John Howard + Ferguson to plead his case. Plessy was an octaroon who could easily + "pass white." Four years later, the Supreme Court condoned "Separate but + Equal" laws in the famous <i>Plessy vs. Ferguson</i> case, which affirmed + the decision of Justice Ferguson in local court. These events in 1892 + unfolded as Twain wrote this story, and changed the tale that he ended up + telling. + </p> + <p> + Arthur Conan Doyle released his best-selling collection of short stories, + <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/48320">The Adventures of Sherlock + Holmes</a>, on October 14, 1892. The stories had already appeared in + <i>The Strand Magazine</i>, one each month, from July 1891 to June 1892. + Holmes inspired Twain to add a component of forensics to this story. + </p> + <h4>2. Dialect.</h4> + <p> + The soliloquies and conversations in the novel follow some general + rules. Twain introduced some variations in the spelling of dialect, and + sometimes the sound of dialect, but the end meaning seems to be the + same thing. Below is a table of some of these words, and alternatives + found in the text: + </p> + <table class="dialect" summary="Table of Common Dialect used in Puddnhead Wilson" > +<caption>Dialect used in<br /> Pudd’nhead Wilson</caption> +<tbody> + <tr> + <th>English</th> + <th>Dialect,</th> + <th>Alternative,</th> + <th>Another</th> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>and</td> + <td>en</td> + <td></td> + <td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>against</td> + <td>agin,</td> + <td>ag’in,</td> + <td>ag’in’</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>because</td> + <td>’ca’se</td> + <td></td> + <td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>going</td> + <td>gwine,</td> + <td>gwyne</td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>more</td> + <td>mo’</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>that</td> + <td>dat</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>the</td> + <td>de</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>then</td> + <td>den</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>there</td> + <td>dere,</td> + <td>dah</td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>these</td> + <td>dese</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>they</td> + <td>dey,</td> + <td>deh</td> + <td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>this</td> + <td>dis</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>was</td> + <td>’uz</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>with</td> + <td>wid</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>where</td> + <td>whah</td> + <td></td> + <td></td> + </tr> +</tbody> +</table> + <p> + The above table was presented as a foundation which played into the decision + to make some emendations, below, that were not authorized by Twain in + 1899. One curious notation is that there was sometimes pronounced + dere, but also dah. Along the same lines, they most often + became dey, but in one case, deh. + </p> + <h4>3. This version.</h4> + <p> + Our version is based on the 1894 publication of this novel in Hartford. + This was Twain's original American release of the novel in book form. + A scanned copy of this book is available through Hathitrust. The book + contained some spaces in contractions: I 'll, dat 'll, had n't, could n't, + dis 'll, 't ain't / t ain't, and dey 'll are some examples. These spaces + were not retained in our transcription, and are not identified. We did make + a few other emendations. These emendations were checked with the 1899 + version of <i>Pudd’nhead Wilson</i> published by Harper & Brothers. + </p> + <h4>4. Notes on emendations.</h4> + <p> + The errors on <a href="#unauthorizedNote1">Page 233</a> and + <a href="#unauthorizedNote3">Page 288</a>, were not changed in + the 1899 book, so the case for making those changes may be found in the + <i>Detailed Notes</i> section. The remaining errors were corrected in + the 1899 publication, presumably authorized by Twain, who essentially + made the case for those emendations. + </p> + <p> + In the HTML version of this e-book, you can place your cursor over the faint + silver dotted lines below the + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: The change is stated here.">changed + text</ins> to discover the original text. The <i>Detailed Notes</i> + section of these notes describe these emendations. + </p> + <h4>5. Other versions.</h4> + <p> + Please note that many print versions of <i>Pudd’nhead Wilson</i> + include the phrase ‘spelling and usage have been brought into + conformity with modern usage,’ and editors have been liberal with + their renditions of Twain's story. + </p> + <h4>6. Detailed notes.</h4> + <p> + The <i>Detailed Notes Section</i> also includes issues that have come up + during transcription. One common issue is that words are sometimes split + into two lines for spacing purposes in the original text. These words are + hyphenated in the physical book, but there is a question sometimes as to + whether the hyphen should be retained in transcription. The reasons + behind some of these decisions are itemized. + </p> + <p><br /></p> + <h3>Production Notes Section:</h3> + <h4>1. Chapter Titles.</h4> + <p> + The Chapter Titles, such as <i>Doom</i> in Chapter XXI., were not + part of Twain's book. They remain from another version of this book. + The chapter titles are used in PG's + <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/28803">Mark Twain index</a>, + so we have retained them. + <a name="link2H_4_0024" id="link2H_4_0024"></a> + </p> + <h4>2. The Author's Note.</h4> + <p> + The <i>Author’s Note to Those Extraordinary Twins</i> is actually + the author's introduction to the novella, <i>Those Extraordinary Twins.</i> + Twain originally produced this book with two parts: <i>Pudd'nhead + Wilson</i> and <i>Those Extraordinary Twins</i>. + </p> + <p> + <span class="smcap">Project Gutenberg</span> offers both stories, + so we present the <i>Author's Note</i> as the Introduction to <i>Those + Extraordinary Twins,</i> as Twain intended. If you want to read the + Author's Note, please visit the Introduction of our production of the + novella, + <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3185">Those + Extraordinary Twins</a>. + </p> + <p><br /></p> + + + <h3>Detailed Notes Section:</h3> + + <h4>Chapter 1.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_019">Page 19</a>, barber-shop was hyphenated between + two lines for spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version + used "barber shop" in this spot. Even though barber-shop cannot + be transcribed as such, the assumption is that the 1894 version put in + the hyphen by mistake. We transcribed the word barber shop. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 2.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_034">Page 34</a>, changed ca’se to + ’ca’se, used as dialect for because, in the clause: + "but dat’s <strong>ca’se</strong> it’s mine." + The author used ’ca’se eighteen other times as dialect + for because, and did not use ca’se again. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 3.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_043">Page 43</a>, insert missing period after tomb. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 6.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_081">Page 81</a>, add a comma after door: "The twins + took a position near the <strong>door</strong> the widow stood at + Luigi’s side, Rowena stood beside Angelo,..." + </p> + <h4>Chapter 7.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_088">Page 88</a>, add a period after fault in the + sentence: The Judge laid himself out hospitably to make them have a + good time, and if there was a defect anywhere it was not his + fault<strong>.</strong> + </p> + <h4>Chapter 9.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_114">Page 114</a>, there is a word missing before + the semicolon in the clause: Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood + and raised <strong> ;</strong> the 1899 Harper & Brothers + version provided the missing word, "it." + </p> + <h4>Chapter 11.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_131">Page 131</a>, change dicision to decision in the + clause: Luigi reserved his <strong>dicision.</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_133">Page 133</a>, change comma to a period after + years in the sentence: “I never got a chance to try my hand at it, + and I may never get a chance; and yet if I ever do get it I shall be + found ready, for I have kept up my law-studies all these + <strong>years,”</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_149">Page 149</a>, Correct spelling of Cappello to + Capello. The surname of the twins was Capello in the letter on page + 73, and two other times in Chapter 6. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 13.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_167">Page 167</a>, Change ’ to ” in + the sentence: “Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don’t take + it so hard. Try and forget you have been <strong>kicked.’</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_176">Page 176</a>, ship-shape was hyphenated and + split between two lines for spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers + version of the novel used shipshape, and so will we. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 14.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_182">Page 182</a>, changed period after hatching to + question mark in the sentence: What could be hatching<strong>.</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_184">Page 184</a>, remove comma after sha'n't, in + the clause: but if he doesn’t, I + sha’n’t<strong>,</strong> let on. + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_189">Page 189</a>, low-down is hyphenated and split + between two lines for spacing. On Page 188, low-down is spelled with + a hyphen, and on pages 241 and 243 low-downest is also hyphenated. + There is no occurrence of lowdown. We transcribed low-down with a + hyphen: like a ornery <strong>low-down</strong> hound! + </p> + <h4>Chapter 16.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_216">Page 216</a>, Changed ? to ! in the sentence: + En keep on sayin’ it<strong>?</strong> + </p> + <h4>Chapter 18.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_229">Page 229</a>, Changed 'against to against in + the clause: with fury <strong>’against</strong> the + planter’s wife. + </p> + <p> + <a name="unauthorizedNote1" id="unauthorizedNote1"></a> + On <a href="#Page_233">Page 233</a>, Changed de to den in the clause + "en <strong>de</strong> good gracious me." The author always used + den for then, except in this case. De is dialect for the. Twain did + not correct this in the 1899 Harper & Brothers version of the novel, + but den makes more sense then de. Roxy was floating on the river, + and <strong>then</strong> she cried good gracious me, + because she spotted the <i>Grand Mogul</i>. + </p> + <p> + Changed day to dey in two places. The novel used dey as dialect for + they regularly, and almost consistently, except in two cases. Both + cases were presumed errata: + </p> + <ul> + <li>On <a href="#Page_232">Page 232</a>, en <strong><i>day</i></strong> + warn’t gwine to hurry</li> + <li>On <a href="#Page_229">Page 229</a>, en <strong>day</strong> knows how + to whale ’em, too. </li> + </ul> + <h4>Chapter 19.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_253">Page 253</a>, back-yard is hyphenated and split + between two lines for spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version + of the novel used back-yard, and so will we. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 20.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_273">Page 273</a>, changed countenence to countenance + in the clause: “I don’t know about that,” and + Tom’s <strong>countenence</strong> darkened,... + </p> + <h4>Chapter 21.</h4> + <p> + <a name="unauthorizedNote3" id="unauthorizedNote3"></a> + On <a href="#Page_288">Page 288</a>, there are two quotes made by the + crowd in double quotes. Twain did not correct this in the 1899 + version of the novel by Harper & Brothers. But these lines are + surrounded by Wilson's narrative, which is already in double quotes. + Therefore, we have used single quotes for the two remarks from the + gallery. + </p> + <ul> + <li>‘Why, it’s so—I never noticed that before!’</li> + <li>‘Why, that’s so, too!’</li> + </ul> + <h4>Conclusion.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_302">Page 302</a>, removed in from the sentence: + "But we cannot follow his curious fate further—that + <strong>in</strong> would be a long story." + </p> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 102 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/102-h/images/cover.jpg b/102-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c0cb402 --- /dev/null +++ b/102-h/images/cover.jpg diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..69dd151 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #102 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/102) diff --git a/old/102-0.txt b/old/102-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..57f9649 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/102-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6341 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you +will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before +using this eBook. + +Title: The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: January, 1994 [eBook #102] +[Most recently updated: March 5, 2023] + +Language: English + +Produced by: An Anonymous Volunteer, David Widger and Robert Homa + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD’NHEAD WILSON *** + + + + +The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson + +By Mark Twain + +Samuel L. Clemens + + +1894 +HARTFORD, CONN. +AMERICAN PUBLISHING COMPANY + + + +Copyright, 1894, +by OLIVIA L. CLEMENS +All Rights Reserved +The right of dramatization and translation reserved. + + + +Copyright, 1893-1894, by the Century Company, in the Century Magazine. +Copyright, 1894, by Olivia L. Clemens +(All Rights Reserved) + + +Contents + + Pudd'nhead Wilson +Chapter Chapter Title Page + A Whisper to the Reader 15 + I. Pudd'nhead Wins His Name 17 + II. Driscoll Spares His Slaves 27 + III. Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick 41 + IV. The Ways of the Changelings 52 + V. The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing 67 + VI. Swimming in Glory 77 + VII. The Unknown Nymph 86 + VIII. Marse Tom Tramples His Chance 93 + IX. Tom Practises Sycophancy 111 + X. The Nymph Revealed 121 + XI. Pudd'nhead's Startling Discovery 130 + XII. The Shame of Judge Driscoll 155 + XIII. Tom Stares at Ruin 166 + XIV. Roxana Insists Upon Reform 179 + XV. The Robber Robbed 197 + XVI. Sold Down the River 214 + XVII. The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy 221 + XVIII. Roxana Commands 225 + XIX. The Prophecy Realized 246 + XX. The Murderer Chuckles 263 + XXI. Doom 278 + Conclusion 300 + + + + + + +A Whisper + +to the Reader. + +There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed +by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: +his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the +humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of +feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in +doubt.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +A person who is ignorant of legal matters is always liable to make +mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene with his pen; and so +I was not willing to let the law chapters in this book go to press +without first subjecting them to rigid and exhausting revision and +correction by a trained barrister--if that is what they are called. +These chapters are right, now, in every detail, for they were rewritten +under the immediate eye of William Hicks, who studied law part of a +while in southwest Missouri thirty-five years ago and then came over +here to Florence for his health and is still helping for exercise and +board in Macaroni Vermicelli's horse-feed shed which is up the back +alley as you turn around the corner out of the Piazza del Duomo just +beyond the house where that stone that Dante used to sit on six hundred +years ago is let into the wall when he let on to be watching them build +Giotto's campanile and yet always got tired looking as soon as Beatrice +passed along on her way to get a chunk of chestnut cake to defend +herself with in case of a Ghibelline outbreak before she got to school, +at the same old stand where they sell the same old cake to this day and +it is just as light and good as it was then, too, and this is not +flattery, far from it. He was a little rusty on his law, but he rubbed +up for this book, and those two or three legal chapters are right and +straight, now. He told me so himself. + +Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at the Villa +Viviani, village of Settignano, three miles back of Florence, on the +hills--the same certainly affording the most charming view to be found +on this planet, and with it the most dreamlike and enchanting sunsets to +be found in any planet or even in any solar system--and given, too, in +the swell room of the house, with the busts of Cerretani senators and +other grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon me as they +used to look down upon Dante, and mutely asking me to adopt them into my +family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest ancestors are but +spring chickens compared with these robed and stately antiques, and it +will be a great and satisfying lift for me, that six hundred years will. + +Mark Twain. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +Pudd'nhead Wins His Name. + +Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +The scene of this chronicle is the town of Dawson's Landing, on the +Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a day's journey, per steamboat, +below St. Louis. + +In 1830 it was a snug little collection of modest one- and two-story +frame dwellings whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed from +sight by climbing tangles of rose-vines, honeysuckles, and +morning-glories. Each of these pretty homes had a garden in front fenced +with white palings and opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, +touch-me-nots, prince's-feathers and other old-fashioned flowers; while +on the window-sills of the houses stood wooden boxes containing +moss-rose plants and terra-cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium +whose spread of intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint +of the rose-clad house-front like an explosion of flame. When there was +room on the ledge outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was +there--in sunny weather--stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, +with her furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose. Then +that house was complete, and its contentment and peace were made +manifest to the world by this symbol, whose testimony is infallible. A +home without a cat--and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered +cat--may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? + +All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge of the brick +sidewalks, stood locust-trees with trunks protected by wooden boxing, +and these furnished shade for summer and a sweet fragrance in spring +when the clusters of buds came forth. The main street, one block back +from the river, and running parallel with it, was the sole business +street. It was six blocks long, and in each block two or three brick +stores three stories high towered above interjected bunches of little +frame shops. Swinging signs creaked in the wind, the street's whole +length. The candy-striped pole which indicates nobility proud and +ancient along the palace-bordered canals of Venice, indicated merely the +humble barber shop along the main street of Dawson's Landing. On a chief +corner stood a lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top to bottom with tin +pots and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger's noisy notice to the world +(when the wind blew) that his shop was on hand for business at that +corner. + +The hamlet's front was washed by the clear waters of the great river; +its body stretched itself rearward up a gentle incline; its most +rearward border fringed itself out and scattered its houses about the +base-line of the hills; the hills rose high, inclosing the town in a +half-moon curve, clothed with forests from foot to summit. + +Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so. Those belonging to the +little Cairo line and the little Memphis line always stopped; the big +Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or to land passengers or freight; +and this was the case also with the great flotilla of "transients." +These latter came out of a dozen rivers--the Illinois, the Missouri, the +Upper Mississippi, the Ohio, the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red +River, the White River, and so on; and were bound every whither and +stocked with every imaginable comfort or necessity which the +Mississippi's communities could want, from the frosty Falls of St. +Anthony down through nine climates to torrid New Orleans. + +Dawson's Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich slave-worked grain +and pork country back of it. The town was sleepy and comfortable and +contented. It was fifty years old, and was growing slowly--very slowly, +in fact, but still it was growing. + +The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old, +judge of the county court. He was very proud of his old Virginian +ancestry, and in his hospitalities and his rather formal and stately +manners he kept up its traditions. He was fine and just and generous. To +be a gentleman--a gentleman without stain or blemish--was his only +religion, and to it he was always faithful. He was respected, esteemed +and beloved by all the community. He was well off, and was gradually +adding to his store. He and his wife were very nearly happy, but not +quite, for they had no children. The longing for the treasure of a child +had grown stronger and stronger as the years slipped away, but the +blessing never came--and was never to come. + +With this pair lived the Judge's widowed sister, Mrs. Rachel Pratt, and +she also was childless--childless, and sorrowful for that reason, and +not to be comforted. The women were good and commonplace people, and did +their duty and had their reward in clear consciences and the community's +approbation. They were Presbyterians, the Judge was a free-thinker. + +Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged about forty, was another old +Virginian grandee with proved descent from the First Families. He was a +fine, brave, majestic creature, a gentleman according to the nicest +requirements of the Virginia rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority +on the "code," and a man always courteously ready to stand up before you +in the field if any act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious +to you, and explain it with any weapon you might prefer from brad-awls +to artillery. He was very popular with the people, and was the Judge's +dearest friend. + +Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F. F. V. of +formidable caliber--however, with him we have no concern. + +Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the Judge, and younger than he +by five years, was a married man, and had had children around his +hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail by measles, croup and +scarlet fever, and this had given the doctor a chance with his effective +antediluvian methods; so the cradles were empty. He was a prosperous +man, with a good head for speculations, and his fortune was growing. On +the 1st of February, 1830, two boy babes were born in his house: one to +him, the other to one of his slave girls, Roxana by name. Roxana was +twenty years old. She was up and around the same day, with her hands +full, for she was tending both babies. + +Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week. Roxy remained in charge of the +children. She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll soon absorbed himself in +his speculations and left her to her own devices. + +In that same month of February, Dawson's Landing gained a new citizen. +This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of Scotch parentage. He had +wandered to this remote region from his birthplace in the interior of +the State of New York, to seek his fortune. He was twenty-five years +old, college-bred, and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern +law school a couple of years before. + +He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an +intelligent blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a +covert twinkle of a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, +he would no doubt have entered at once upon a successful career at +Dawson's Landing. But he made his fatal remark the first day he spent in +the village, and it "gaged" him. He had just made the acquaintance of a +group of citizens when an invisible dog began to yelp and snarl and howl +and make himself very comprehensively disagreeable, whereupon young +Wilson said, much as one who is thinking aloud-- + +"I wish I owned half of that dog." + +"Why?" somebody asked. + +"Because I would kill my half." + +The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, but found +no light there, no expression that they could read. They fell away from +him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy to discuss him. One +said: + +"'Pears to be a fool." + +"'Pears?" said another. "Is, I reckon you better say." + +"Said he wished he owned half of the dog, the idiot," said a third. +"What did he reckon would become of the other half if he killed his +half? Do you reckon he thought it would live?" + +"Why, he must have thought it, unless he is the downrightest fool in the +world; because if he hadn't thought it, he would have wanted to own the +whole dog, knowing that if he killed his half and the other half died, +he would be responsible for that half just the same as if he had killed +that half instead of his own. Don't it look that way to you, gents?" + +"Yes, it does. If he owned one half of the general dog, it would be so; +if he owned one end of the dog and another person owned the other end, +it would be so, just the same; particularly in the first case, because +if you kill one half of a general dog, there ain't any man that can tell +whose half it was, but if he owned one end of the dog, maybe he could +kill his end of it and--" + +"No, he couldn't either; he couldn't and not be responsible if the other +end died, which it would. In my opinion that man ain't in his right +mind." + +"In my opinion he hain't got any mind." + +No. 3 said: "Well, he's a lummox, anyway." + +"That's what he is," said No. 4, "he's a labrick--just a Simon-pure +labrick, if ever there was one." + +"Yes, sir, he's a dam fool, that's the way I put him up," said No. 5. +"Anybody can think different that wants to, but those are my +sentiments." + +"I'm with you, gentlemen," said No. 6. "Perfect jackass--yes, and it +ain't going too far to say he is a pudd'nhead. If he ain't a pudd'nhead, +I ain't no judge, that's all." + +Mr. Wilson stood elected. The incident was told all over the town, and +gravely discussed by everybody. Within a week he had lost his first +name; Pudd'nhead took its place. In time he came to be liked, and well +liked too; but by that time the nickname had got well stuck on, and it +stayed. That first day's verdict made him a fool, and he was not able to +get it set aside, or even modified. The nickname soon ceased to carry +any harsh or unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, and was +to continue to hold its place for twenty long years. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +Driscoll Spares His Slaves. + +Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple for +the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The +mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the +serpent.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Pudd'nhead Wilson had a trifle of money when he arrived, and he bought a +small house on the extreme western verge of the town. Between it and +Judge Driscoll's house there was only a grassy yard, with a paling fence +dividing the properties in the middle. He hired a small office down in +the town and hung out a tin sign with these words on it: + +DAVID WILSON. + +ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW. +SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC. + +But his deadly remark had ruined his chance--at least in the law. No +clients came. He took down his sign, after a while, and put it up on his +own house with the law features knocked out of it. It offered his +services now in the humble capacities of land-surveyor and expert +accountant. Now and then he got a job of surveying to do, and now and +then a merchant got him to straighten out his books. With Scotch +patience and pluck he resolved to live down his reputation and work his +way into the legal field yet. Poor fellow, he could not foresee that it +was going to take him such a weary long time to do it. + +He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung heavy on his +hands, for he interested himself in every new thing that was born into +the universe of ideas, and studied it and experimented upon it at his +house. One of his pet fads was palmistry. To another one he gave no +name, neither would he explain to anybody what its purpose was, but +merely said it was an amusement. In fact he had found that his fads +added to his reputation as a pudd'nhead; therefore he was growing chary +of being too communicative about them. The fad without a name was one +which dealt with people's finger-marks. He carried in his coat pocket a +shallow box with grooves in it, and in the grooves strips of glass five +inches long and three inches wide. Along the lower edge of each strip +was pasted a slip of white paper. He asked people to pass their hands +through their hair (thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the +natural oil) and then make a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it +with the mark of the ball of each finger in succession. Under this row +of faint grease-prints he would write a record on the strip of white +paper--thus: + +John Smith, right hand-- + +and add the day of the month and the year, then take Smith's left hand +on another glass strip, and add name and date and the words "left hand." +The strips were now returned to the grooved box, and took their place +among what Wilson called his "records." + +He often studied his records, examining and poring over them with +absorbing interest until far into the night; but what he found there--if +he found anything--he revealed to no one. Sometimes he copied on paper +the involved and delicate pattern left by the ball of a finger, and then +vastly enlarged it with a pantograph so that he could examine its web of +curving lines with ease and convenience. + +One sweltering afternoon--it was the first day of July, 1830--he was at +work over a set of tangled account-books in his work-room, which looked +westward over a stretch of vacant lots, when a conversation outside +disturbed him. It was carried on in yells, which showed that the people +engaged in it were not close together: + +"Say, Roxy, how does yo' baby come on?" This from the distant voice. + +"Fust-rate; how does you come on, Jasper?" This yell was from close by. + +"Oh, I's middlin'; hain't got noth'n' to complain of. I's gwine to come +a-court'n' you bimeby, Roxy." + +"You is, you black mud-cat! Yah--yah--yah! I got somep'n' better to do +den 'sociat'n' wid niggers as black as you is. Is ole Miss Cooper's +Nancy done give you de mitten?" Roxy followed this sally with another +discharge of care-free laughter. + +"You's jealous, Roxy, dat's what's de matter wid you, you +hussy--yah--yah--yah! Dat's de time I got you!" + +"Oh, yes, you got me, hain't you. 'Clah to goodness if dat conceit o' +yo'n strikes in, Jasper, it gwine to kill you sho'. If you b'longed to +me I'd sell you down de river 'fo' you git too fur gone. Fust time I +runs acrost yo' marster, I's gwine to tell him so." + +This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both parties enjoying the +friendly duel and each well satisfied with his own share of the wit +exchanged--for wit they considered it. + +Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; he could not +work while their chatter continued. Over in the vacant lots was Jasper, +young, coal-black and of magnificent build, sitting on a wheelbarrow in +the pelting sun--at work, supposably, whereas he was in fact only +preparing for it by taking an hour's rest before beginning. In front of +Wilson's porch stood Roxy, with a local hand-made baby-wagon, in which +sat her two charges--one at each end and facing each other. From Roxy's +manner of speech, a stranger would have expected her to be black, but +she was not. Only one sixteenth of her was black, and that sixteenth did +not show. She was of majestic form and stature, her attitudes were +imposing and statuesque, and her gestures and movements distinguished by +a noble and stately grace. Her complexion was very fair, with the rosy +glow of vigorous health in the cheeks, her face was full of character +and expression, her eyes were brown and liquid, and she had a heavy suit +of fine soft hair which was also brown, but the fact was not apparent +because her head was bound about with a checkered handkerchief and the +hair was concealed under it. Her face was shapely, intelligent and +comely--even beautiful. She had an easy, independent carriage--when she +was among her own caste--and a high and "sassy" way, withal; but of +course she was meek and humble enough where white people were. + +To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one +sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen parts and +made her a negro. She was a slave, and salable as such. Her child was +thirty-one parts white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a fiction of +law and custom a negro. He had blue eyes and flaxen curls like his white +comrade, but even the father of the white child was able to tell the +children apart--little as he had commerce with them--by their clothes: +for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin and a coral necklace, while +the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen shirt which barely reached to +its knees, and no jewelry. + +The white child's name was Thomas à Becket Driscoll, the other's name +was Valet de Chambre: no surname--slaves hadn't the privilege. Roxana +had heard that phrase somewhere, the fine sound of it had pleased her +ear, and as she had supposed it was a name, she loaded it on to her +darling. It soon got shorted to "Chambers," of course. + +Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wit began to play out, +he stepped outside to gather in a record or two. Jasper went to work +energetically, at once, perceiving that his leisure was observed. Wilson +inspected the children and asked-- + +"How old are they, Roxy?" + +"Bofe de same age, sir--five months. Bawn de fust o' Feb'uary." + +"They're handsome little chaps. One's just as handsome as the other, +too." + +A delighted smile exposed the girl's white teeth, and she said: + +"Bless yo' soul, Misto Wilson, it's pow'ful nice o' you to say dat, +'ca'se one of 'em ain't on'y a nigger. Mighty prime little nigger, I +al'ays says, but dat's 'ca'se it's mine, o' course." + +"How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they haven't any clothes on?" + +Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: + +"Oh, I kin tell 'em 'part, Misto Wilson, but I bet Marse Percy couldn't, +not to save his life." + +Wilson chatted along for awhile, and presently got Roxy's finger-prints +for his collection--right hand and left--on a couple of his glass +strips; then labeled and dated them, and took the "records" of both +children, and labeled and dated them also. + +Two months later, on the 3d of September, he took this trio of +finger-marks again. He liked to have a "series," two or three "takings" +at intervals during the period of childhood, these to be followed by +others at intervals of several years. + +The next day--that is to say, on the 4th of September--something +occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana. Mr. Driscoll missed another +small sum of money--which is a way of saying that this was not a new +thing, but had happened before. In truth it had happened three times +before. Driscoll's patience was exhausted. He was a fairly humane man +toward slaves and other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man toward +the erring of his own race. Theft he could not abide, and plainly there +was a thief in his house. Necessarily the thief must be one of his +negroes. Sharp measures must be taken. He called his servants before +him. There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a woman, and a boy +twelve years old. They were not related. Mr. Driscoll said: + +"You have all been warned before. It has done no good. This time I will +teach you a lesson. I will sell the thief. Which of you is the guilty +one?" + +They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a good home, and a +new one was likely to be a change for the worse. The denial was general. +None had stolen anything--not money, anyway--a little sugar, or cake, or +honey, or something like that, that "Marse Percy wouldn't mind or miss," +but not money--never a cent of money. They were eloquent in their +protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them. He answered each +in turn with a stern "Name the thief!" + +The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected that the others +were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. She was horrified to +think how near she had come to being guilty herself; she had been saved +in the nick of time by a revival in the colored Methodist Church, a +fortnight before, at which time and place she "got religion." The very +next day after that gracious experience, while her change of style was +fresh upon her and she was vain of her purified condition, her master +left a couple dollars lying unprotected on his desk, and she happened +upon that temptation when she was polishing around with a dust-rag. She +looked at the money awhile with a steady rising resentment, then she +burst out with-- + +"Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had 'a' be'n put off till to-morrow!" + +Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another member of the +kitchen cabinet got it. She made this sacrifice as a matter of religious +etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, but by no means to be wrested +into a precedent; no, a week or two would limber up her piety, then she +would be rational again, and the next two dollars that got left out in +the cold would find a comforter--and she could name the comforter. + +Was she bad? Was she worse than the general run of her race? No. They +had an unfair show in the battle of life, and they held it no sin to +take military advantage of the enemy--in a small way; in a small way, +but not in a large one. They would smouch provisions from the pantry +whenever they got a chance; or a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, or an +emery-bag, or a paper of needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, +or small articles of clothing, or any other property of light value; and +so far were they from considering such reprisals sinful, that they would +go to church and shout and pray the loudest and sincerest with their +plunder in their pockets. A farm smoke-house had to be kept heavily +padlocked, for even the colored deacon himself could not resist a ham +when Providence showed him in a dream, or otherwise, where such a thing +hung lonesome and longed for some one to love. But with a hundred +hanging before him the deacon would not take two--that is, on the same +night. On frosty nights the humane negro prowler would warm the end of a +plank and put it up under the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; +a drowsy hen would step on to the comfortable board, softly clucking her +gratitude, and the prowler would dump her into his bag, and later into +his stomach, perfectly sure that in taking this trifle from the man who +daily robbed him of an inestimable treasure--his liberty--he was not +committing any sin that God would remember against him in the Last Great +Day. + +"Name the thief!" + +For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always in the same +hard tone. And now he added these words of awful import: + +"I give you one minute"--he took out his watch. "If at the end of that +time you have not confessed, I will not only sell all four of you, +but--I will sell you down the river!" + +It was equivalent to condemning them to hell! No Missouri negro doubted +this. Roxy reeled in her tracks and the color vanished out of her face; +the others dropped to their knees as if they had been shot; tears gushed +from their eyes, their supplicating hands went up, and three answers +came in the one instant: + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!--have mercy, marster--Lord have mercy on us po' niggers!" + +"Very good," said the master, putting up his watch, "I will sell you +here though you don't deserve it. You ought to be sold down the river." + +The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of gratitude, and +kissed his feet, declaring that they would never forget his goodness and +never cease to pray for him as long as they lived. They were sincere, +for like a god he had stretched forth his mighty hand and closed the +gates of hell against them. He knew, himself, that he had done a noble +and gracious thing, and was privately well pleased with his magnanimity; +and that night he set the incident down in his diary, so that his son +might read it in after years, and be thereby moved to deeds of +gentleness and humanity himself. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick. + +Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a +debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our +race. He brought death into the world.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Percy Driscoll slept well the night he saved his house-minions from +going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited Roxy's eyes. A +profound terror had taken possession of her. Her child could grow up and +be sold down the river! The thought crazed her with horror. If she dozed +and lost herself for a moment, the next moment she was on her feet +flying to her child's cradle to see if it was still there. Then she +would gather it to her heart and pour out her love upon it in a frenzy +of kisses, moaning, crying, and saying, "Dey sha'n't, oh, dey +sha'n't!--yo' po' mammy will kill you fust!" + +Once, when she was tucking it back in its cradle again, the other child +nestled in its sleep and attracted her attention. She went and stood +over it a long time communing with herself: + +"What has my po' baby done, dat he couldn't have yo' luck? He hain't +done noth'n'. God was good to you; why warn't he good to him? Dey can't +sell you down de river. I hates yo' pappy; he hain't got no heart--for +niggers he hain't, anyways. I hates him, en I could kill him!" She +paused awhile, thinking; then she burst into wild sobbings again, and +turned away, saying, "Oh, I got to kill my chile, dey ain't no yuther +way,--killin' him wouldn't save de chile fum goin' down de river. Oh, I +got to do it, yo' po' mammy's got to kill you to save you, honey"--she +gathered her baby to her bosom, now, and began to smother it with +caresses--"Mammy's got to kill you--how kin I do it! But yo' mammy ain't +gwine to desert you--no, no; dah, don't cry--she gwine wid you, she +gwine to kill herself too. Come along, honey, come along wid mammy; we +gwine to jump in de river, den de troubles o' dis worl' is all over--dey +don't sell po' niggers down the river over yonder." + +She started toward the door, crooning to the child and hushing it; +midway she stopped, suddenly. She had caught sight of her new Sunday +gown--a cheap curtain-calico thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and +fantastic figures. She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. + +"Hain't ever wore it yet," she said, "en it's jist lovely." Then she +nodded her head in response to a pleasant idea, and added, "No, I ain't +gwine to be fished out, wid everybody lookin' at me, in dis mis'able ole +linsey-woolsey." + +She put down the child and made the change. She looked in the glass and +was astonished at her beauty. She resolved to make her death-toilet +perfect. She took off her handkerchief-turban and dressed her glossy +wealth of hair "like white folks"; she added some odds and ends of +rather lurid ribbon and a spray of atrocious artificial flowers; finally +she threw over her shoulders a fluffy thing called a "cloud" in that +day, which was of a blazing red complexion. Then she was ready for the +tomb. + +She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye fell upon its +miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and noted the contrast +between its pauper shabbiness and her own volcanic irruption of infernal +splendors, her mother-heart was touched, and she was ashamed. + +"No, dolling, mammy ain't gwine to treat you so. De angels is gwine to +'mire you jist as much as dey does yo' mammy. Ain't gwine to have 'em +putt'n' dey han's up 'fo' dey eyes en sayin' to David en Goliah en dem +yuther prophets, 'Dat chile is dress' too indelicate fo' dis place.'" + +By this time she had stripped off the shirt. Now she clothed the naked +little creature in one of Thomas à Becket's snowy long baby-gowns, with +its bright blue bows and dainty flummery of ruffles. + +"Dah--now you's fixed." She propped the child in a chair and stood off +to inspect it. Straightway her eyes began to widen with astonishment and +admiration, and she clapped her hands and cried out, "Why, it do beat +all!--I never knowed you was so lovely. Marse Tommy ain't a bit +puttier--not a single bit." + +She stepped over and glanced at the other infant; she flung a glance +back at her own; then one more at the heir of the house. Now a strange +light dawned in her eyes, and in a moment she was lost in thought. She +seemed in a trance; when she came out of it she muttered, "When I 'uz +a-washin' 'em in de tub, yistiddy, his own pappy asked me which of 'em +was his'n." + +She began to move about like one in a dream. She undressed Thomas à +Becket, stripping him of everything, and put the tow-linen shirt on him. +She put his coral necklace on her own child's neck. Then she placed the +children side by side, and after earnest inspection she muttered-- + +"Now who would b'lieve clo'es could do de like o' dat? Dog my cats if it +ain't all I kin do to tell t'other fum which, let alone his pappy." + +She put her cub in Tommy's elegant cradle and said-- + +"You's young Marse Tom fum dis out, en I got to practise and git used to +'memberin' to call you dat, honey, or I's gwine to make a mistake some +time en git us bofe into trouble. Dah--now you lay still en don't fret +no mo', Marse Tom--oh, thank de good Lord in heaven, you's saved, you's +saved!--dey ain't no man kin ever sell mammy's po' little honey down de +river now!" + +She put the heir of the house in her own child's unpainted pine cradle, +and said, contemplating its slumbering form uneasily-- + +"I's sorry for you, honey; I's sorry, God knows I is,--but what kin I +do, what could I do? Yo' pappy would sell him to somebody, some time, en +den he'd go down de river, sho', en I couldn't, couldn't, couldn't stan' +it." + +She flung herself on her bed and began to think and toss, toss and +think. By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a comforting thought had +flown through her worried mind-- + +"'Tain't no sin--white folks has done it! It ain't no sin, glory to +goodness it ain't no sin! Dey's done it--yes, en dey was de biggest +quality in de whole bilin', too--kings!" + +She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her memory the dim +particulars of some tale she had heard some time or other. At last she +said-- + +"Now I's got it; now I 'member. It was dat ole nigger preacher dat tole +it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en preached in de nigger +church. He said dey ain't nobody kin save his own self--can't do it by +faith, can't do it by works, can't do it no way at all. Free grace is de +on'y way, en dat don't come fum nobody but jis' de Lord; en he kin give +it to anybody he please, saint or sinner--he don't kyer. He do jis' as +he's a mineter. He s'lect out anybody dat suit him, en put another one +in his place, and make de fust one happy forever en leave t'other one to +burn wid Satan. De preacher said it was jist like dey done in Englan' +one time, long time ago. De queen she lef' her baby layin' aroun' one +day, en went out callin'; en one o' de niggers roun'-'bout de place dat +was 'mos' white, she come in en see de chile layin' aroun', en tuck en +put her own chile's clo'es on de queen's chile, en put de queen's +chile's clo'es on her own chile, en den lef' her own chile layin' aroun' +en tuck en toted de queen's chile home to de nigger-quarter, en nobody +ever foun' it out, en her chile was de king bimeby, en sole de queen's +chile down de river one time when dey had to settle up de estate. Dah, +now--de preacher said it his own self, en it ain't no sin, 'ca'se white +folks done it. Dey done it--yes, dey done it; en not on'y jis' common +white folks nuther, but de biggest quality dey is in de whole bilin'. +Oh, I's so glad I 'member 'bout dat!" + +She got up light-hearted and happy, and went to the cradles and spent +what was left of the night "practising." She would give her own child a +light pat and say humbly, "Lay still, Marse Tom," then give the real Tom +a pat and say with severity, "Lay still, Chambers!--does you want me to +take somep'n' to you?" + +As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised to see how +steadily and surely the awe which had kept her tongue reverent and her +manner humble toward her young master was transferring itself to her +speech and manner toward the usurper, and how similarly handy she was +becoming in transferring her motherly curtness of speech and +peremptoriness of manner to the unlucky heir of the ancient house of +Driscoll. + +She took occasional rests from practising, and absorbed herself in +calculating her chances. + +"Dey'll sell dese niggers to-day fo' stealin' de money, den dey'll buy +some mo' dat don't know de chillen--so dat's all right. When I takes de +chillen out to git de air, de minute I's roun' de corner I's gwine to +gaum dey mouths all roun' wid jam, den dey can't nobody notice dey's +changed. Yes, I gwineter do dat till I's safe, if it's a year. + +"Dey ain't but one man dat I's afeard of, en dat's dat Pudd'nhead +Wilson. Dey calls him a pudd'nhead, en says he's a fool. My lan', dat +man ain't no mo' fool den I is! He's de smartes' man in dis town, less'n +it's Jedge Driscoll or maybe Pem Howard. Blame dat man, he worries me +wid dem ornery glasses o' hisn; I b'lieve he's a witch. But nemmine, I's +gwine to happen aroun' dah one o' dese days en let on dat I reckon he +wants to print de chillen's fingers ag'in; en if he don't notice dey's +changed, I bound dey ain't nobody gwine to notice it, en den I's safe, +sho'. But I reckon I'll tote along a hoss-shoe to keep off de +witch-work." + +The new negroes gave Roxy no trouble, of course. The master gave her +none, for one of his speculations was in jeopardy, and his mind was so +occupied that he hardly saw the children when he looked at them, and all +Roxy had to do was to get them both into a gale of laughter when he came +about; then their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, and he was +gone again before the spasm passed and the little creatures resumed a +human aspect. + +Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so dubious that Mr. +Percy went away with his brother the Judge, to see what could be done +with it. It was a land speculation as usual, and it had gotten +complicated with a lawsuit. The men were gone seven weeks. Before they +got back Roxy had paid her visit to Wilson, and was satisfied. Wilson +took the finger-prints, labeled them with the names and with the +date--October the first--put them carefully away and continued his chat +with Roxy, who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great +advance in flesh and beauty which the babies had made since he took +their finger-prints a month before. He complimented their improvement to +her contentment; and as they were without any disguise of jam or other +stain, she trembled all the while and was miserably frightened lest at +any moment he-- + +But he didn't. He discovered nothing; and she went home jubilant, and +dropped all concern about the matter permanently out of her mind. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +The Ways of the Changelings. + +Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, that they +escaped teething.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +There is this trouble about special providences--namely, there is so +often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In +the case of the children, the bears and the prophet, the bears got more +real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they +got the children.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +This history must henceforth accommodate itself to the change which +Roxana has consummated, and call the real heir "Chambers" and the +usurping little slave "Thomas à Becket"--shortening this latter name to +"Tom," for daily use, as the people about him did. + +"Tom" was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his usurpation. He +would cry for nothing; he would burst into storms of devilish temper +without notice, and let go scream after scream and squall after squall, +then climax the thing with "holding his breath"--that frightful +specialty of the teething nursling, in the throes of which the creature +exhausts its lungs, then is convulsed with noiseless squirmings and +twistings and kickings in the effort to get its breath, while the lips +turn blue and the mouth stands wide and rigid, offering for inspection +one wee tooth set in the lower rim of a hoop of red gums; and when the +appalling stillness has endured until one is sure the lost breath will +never return, a nurse comes flying, and dashes water in the child's +face, and--presto! the lungs fill, and instantly discharge a shriek, or +a yell, or a howl which bursts the listening ear and surprises the owner +of it into saying words which would not go well with a halo if he had +one. The baby Tom would claw anybody who came within reach of his nails, +and pound anybody he could reach with his rattle. He would scream for +water until he got it, and then throw cup and all on the floor and +scream for more. He was indulged in all his caprices, howsoever +troublesome and exasperating they might be; he was allowed to eat +anything he wanted, particularly things that would give him the +stomach-ache. + +When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about and say broken +words and get an idea of what his hands were for, he was a more +consummate pest than ever. Roxy got no rest while he was awake. He would +call for anything and everything he saw, simply saying "Awnt it!" (want +it), which was a command. When it was brought, he said in a frenzy, and +motioning it away with his hands, "Don't awnt it! don't awnt it!" and +the moment it was gone he set up frantic yells of "Awnt it! awnt it! +awnt it!" and Roxy had to give wings to her heels to get that thing back +to him again before he could get time to carry out his intention of +going into convulsions about it. + +What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. This was because +his "father" had forbidden him to have them lest he break windows and +furniture with them. The moment Roxy's back was turned he would toddle +to the presence of the tongs and say "Like it!" and cock his eye to one +side to see if Roxy was observing; then, "Awnt it!" and cock his eye +again; then, "Hab it!" with another furtive glance; and finally, "Take +it!"--and the prize was his. The next moment the heavy implement was +raised aloft; the next, there was a crash and a squall, and the cat was +off on three legs to meet an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as the +lamp or a window went to irremediable smash. + +Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none. Tom got all the delicacies, +Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar. In consequence +Tom was a sickly child and Chambers wasn't. Tom was "fractious," as Roxy +called it, and overbearing; Chambers was meek and docile. + +With all her splendid common sense and practical every-day ability, Roxy +was a doting fool of a mother. She was this toward her child--and she +was also more than this: by the fiction created by herself, he was +become her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly +and of perfecting herself in the forms required to express the +recognition, had moved her to such diligence and faithfulness in +practicing these forms that this exercise soon concreted itself into +habit; it became automatic and unconscious; then a natural result +followed: deceptions intended solely for others gradually grew +practically into self-deceptions as well; the mock reverence became real +reverence, the mock obsequiousness real obsequiousness, the mock homage +real homage; the little counterfeit rift of separation between +imitation-slave and imitation-master widened and widened, and became an +abyss, and a very real one--and on one side of it stood Roxy, the dupe +of her own deceptions, and on the other stood her child, no longer a +usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized master. He was her +darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in her worship of him +she forgot who she was and what he had been. + +In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and +Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, +the advantage all lay with the former policy. The few times that his +persecutions had moved him beyond control and made him fight back had +cost him very dear at headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she +ever went beyond scolding him sharply for "forgitt'n' who his young +marster was," she at least never extended her punishment beyond a box on +the ear. No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told Chambers that under +no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his hand against his +little master. Chambers overstepped the line three times, and got three +such convincing canings from the man who was his father and didn't know +it, that he took Tom's cruelties in all humility after that, and made no +more experiments. + +Outside of the house the two boys were together all through their +boyhood. Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; +strong because he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, and +a good fighter because Tom furnished him plenty of practice--on white +boys whom he hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his constant +body-guard, to and from school; he was present on the playground at +recess to protect his charge. He fought himself into such a formidable +reputation, by and by, that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and +"ridden in peace," like Sir Kay in Launcelot's armor. + +He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to play +"keeps" with, and then took all the winnings away from him. In the +winter season Chambers was on hand, in Tom's worn-out clothes, with +"holy" red mittens, and "holy" shoes, and pants "holy" at the knees and +seat, to drag a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; +but he never got a ride himself. He built snow men and snow +fortifications under Tom's directions. He was Tom's patient target when +Tom wanted to do some snowballing, but the target couldn't fire back. +Chambers carried Tom's skates to the river and strapped them on him, +then trotted around after him on the ice, so as to be on hand when +wanted; but he wasn't ever asked to try the skates himself. + +In summer the pet pastime of the boys of Dawson's Landing was to steal +apples, peaches, and melons from the farmers' fruit-wagons,--mainly on +account of the risk they ran of getting their heads laid open with the +butt of the farmer's whip. Tom was a distinguished adept at these +thefts--by proxy. Chambers did his stealing, and got the peach-stones, +apple-cores, and melon-rinds for his share. + +Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as a +protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots in +Chambers's shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to undo, +then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged +at the stubborn knots with his teeth. + +Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native +viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his superiorities of +physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. Tom couldn't dive, +for it gave him splitting headaches. Chambers could dive without +inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. He excited so much admiration, +one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from +the stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom's spirit, and at last he +shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air--so he came +down on his head in the canoe-bottom; and while he lay unconscious, +several of Tom's ancient adversaries saw that their long-desired +opportunity was come, and they gave the false heir such a drubbing that +with Chambers's best help he was hardly able to drag himself home +afterward. + +When the boys were fifteen and upward, Tom was "showing off" in the +river one day, when he was taken with a cramp, and shouted for help. It +was a common trick with the boys--particularly if a stranger was +present--to pretend a cramp and howl for help; then when the stranger +came tearing hand over hand to the rescue, the howler would go on +struggling and howling till he was close at hand, then replace the howl +with a sarcastic smile and swim blandly away, while the town boys +assailed the dupe with a volley of jeers and laughter. Tom had never +tried this joke as yet, but was supposed to be trying it now, so the +boys held warily back; but Chambers believed his master was in earnest, +therefore he swam out, and arrived in time, unfortunately, and saved his +life. + +This was the last feather. Tom had managed to endure everything else, +but to have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation +as this to a nigger, and to this nigger of all niggers--this was too +much. He heaped insults upon Chambers for "pretending" to think he was +in earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody but a block-headed +nigger would have known he was funning and left him alone. + +Tom's enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their +opinions quite freely. They laughed at him, and called him coward, liar, +sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant to call +Chambers by a new name after this, and make it common in the town--"Tom +Driscoll's niggerpappy,"--to signify that he had had a second birth into +this life, and that Chambers was the author of his new being. Tom grew +frantic under these taunts, and shouted-- + +"Knock their heads off, Chambers! knock their heads off! What do you +stand there with your hands in your pockets for?" + +Chambers expostulated, and said, "But, Marse Tom, dey's too many of +'em--dey's--" + +"Do you hear me?" + +"Please, Marse Tom, don't make me! Dey's so many of 'em dat--" + +Tom sprang at him and drove his pocket-knife into him two or three times +before the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad a chance +to escape. He was considerably hurt, but not seriously. If the blade had +been a little longer his career would have ended there. + +Tom had long ago taught Roxy "her place." It had been many a day now +since she had ventured a caress or a fondling epithet in his quarter. +Such things, from a "nigger," were repulsive to him, and she had been +warned to keep her distance and remember who she was. She saw her +darling gradually cease from being her son, she saw that detail perish +utterly; all that was left was master--master, pure and simple, and it +was not a gentle mastership, either. She saw herself sink from the +sublime height of motherhood to the somber depths of unmodified slavery. +The abyss of separation between her and her boy was complete. She was +merely his chattel, now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing and +helpless slave, the humble and unresisting victim of his capricious +temper and vicious nature. + +Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, +because her rage boiled so high over the day's experiences with her boy. +She would mumble and mutter to herself-- + +"He struck me, en I warn't no way to blame--struck me in de face, right +before folks. En he's al'ays callin' me nigger-wench, en hussy, en all +dem mean names, when I's doin' de very bes' I kin. Oh, Lord, I done so +much for him--I lift' him away up to what he is--en dis is what I git +for it." + +Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to the +heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in the fancied +spectacle of his exposure to the world as an imposter and a slave; but +in the midst of these joys fear would strike her: she had made him too +strong; she could prove nothing, and--heavens, she might get sold down +the river for her pains! So her schemes always went for nothing, and she +laid them aside in impotent rage against the fates, and against herself +for playing the fool on that fatal September day in not providing +herself with a witness for use in the day when such a thing might be +needed for the appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. + +And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and kind,--and this +occurred every now and then,--all her sore places were healed, and she +was happy; happy and proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, +lording it among the whites and securely avenging their crimes against +her race. + +There were two grand funerals in Dawson's Landing that fall--the fall of +1845. One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, the other that of +Percy Driscoll. + +On his death-bed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized +ostensible son solemnly into the keeping of his brother, the Judge and +his wife. Those childless people were glad to get him. Childless people +are not difficult to please. + +Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a month before, and +bought Chambers. He had heard that Tom had been trying to get his father +to sell the boy down the river, and he wanted to prevent the +scandal--for public sentiment did not approve of that way of treating +family servants for light cause or for no cause. + +Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great +speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding. He was +hardly in his grave before the boom collapsed and left his hitherto +envied young devil of an heir a pauper. But that was nothing; his uncle +told him he should be his heir and have all his fortune when he died; so +Tom was comforted. + +Roxy had no home, now; so she resolved to go around and say good-by to +her friends and then clear out and see the world--that is to say, she +would go chambermaiding on a steamboat, the darling ambition of her race +and sex. + +Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper. She found him chopping +Pudd'nhead Wilson's winter provision of wood. + +Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived. He asked her how she +could bear to go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly +offered to copy off a series of their finger-prints, reaching up to +their twelfth year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a +moment, wondering if he suspected anything; then she said she believed +she didn't want them. Wilson said to himself, "The drop of black blood +in her is superstitious; she thinks there's some devilry, some +witch-business about my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here +with an old horseshoe in her hand; it could have been an accident, but I +doubt it." + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing. + +Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower +is nothing but cabbage with a college education.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Remark of Dr. Baldwin's, concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat +toadstools that think they are truffles.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Mrs. York Driscoll enjoyed two years of bliss with that prize, +Tom--bliss that was troubled a little at times, it is true, but bliss +nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and his childless sister, +Mrs. Pratt, continued the bliss-business at the old stand. Tom was +petted and indulged and spoiled to his entire content--or nearly that. +This went on till he was nineteen, then he was sent to Yale. He went +handsomely equipped with "conditions," but otherwise he was not an +object of distinction there. He remained at Yale two years, and then +threw up the struggle. He came home with his manners a good deal +improved; he had lost his surliness and brusqueness, and was rather +pleasantly soft and smooth, now; he was furtively, and sometimes openly, +ironical of speech, and given to gently touching people on the raw, but +he did it with a good-natured semiconscious air that carried it off +safely, and kept him from getting into trouble. He was as indolent as +ever and showed no very strenuous desire to hunt up an occupation. +People argued from this that he preferred to be supported by his uncle +until his uncle's shoes should become vacant. He brought back one or two +new habits with him, one of which he rather openly +practised--tippling--but concealed another which was gambling. It would +not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of it; he knew that quite +well. + +Tom's Eastern polish was not popular among the young people. They could +have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; but he wore gloves, +and that they couldn't stand, and wouldn't; so he was mainly without +society. He brought home with him a suit of clothes of such exquisite +style and cut and fashion,--Eastern fashion, city fashion,--that it +filled everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton +affront. He enjoyed the feeling which he was exciting, and paraded the +town serene and happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to +work that night, and when Tom started out on his parade next morning he +found the old deformed negro bell-ringer straddling along in his wake +tricked out in a flamboyant curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, +and imitating his fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. + +Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the local fashion. +But the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his +acquaintanceship with livelier regions, and it grew daily more and more +so. He began to make little trips to St. Louis for refreshment. There he +found companionship to suit him, and pleasures to his taste, along with +more freedom, in some particulars, than he could have at home. So, +during the next two years his visits to the city grew in frequency and +his tarryings there grew steadily longer in duration. + +He was getting into deep waters. He was taking chances, privately, which +might get him into trouble some day--in fact, did. + +Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all business +activities in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years. He +was president of the Free-thinkers' Society, and Pudd'nhead Wilson was +the other member. The society's weekly discussions were now the old +lawyer's main interest in life. Pudd'nhead was still toiling in +obscurity at the bottom of the ladder, under the blight of that unlucky +remark which he had let fall twenty-three years before about the dog. + +Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above the +average, but that was regarded as one of the Judge's whims, and it +failed to modify the public opinion. Or rather, that was one of the +reasons why it failed, but there was another and better one. If the +Judge had stopped with bare assertion, it would have had a good deal of +effect; but he made the mistake of trying to prove his position. For +some years Wilson had been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for +his amusement--a calendar, with a little dab of ostensible philosophy, +usually in ironical form, appended to each date; and the Judge thought +that these quips and fancies of Wilson's were neatly turned and cute; so +he carried a handful of them around, one day, and read them to some of +the chief citizens. But irony was not for those people; their mental +vision was not focussed for it. They read those playful trifles in the +solidest earnest, and decided without hesitancy that if there had ever +been any doubt that Dave Wilson was a pudd'nhead--which there +hadn't--this revelation removed that doubt for good and all. That is +just the way in this world; an enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes +a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it +perfect. After this the Judge felt tenderer than ever toward Wilson, and +surer than ever that his calendar had merit. + +Judge Driscoll could be a free-thinker and still hold his place in +society because he was the person of most consequence in the community, +and therefore could venture to go his own way and follow out his own +notions. The other member of his pet organization was allowed the like +liberty because he was a cipher in the estimation of the public, and +nobody attached any importance to what he thought or did. He was liked, +he was welcome enough all around, but he simply didn't count for +anything. + +The widow Cooper--affectionately called "aunt Patsy" by everybody--lived +in a snug and comely cottage with her daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, +romantic, amiable, and very pretty, but otherwise of no consequence. +Rowena had a couple of young brothers--also of no consequence. + +The widow had a large spare room which she let to a lodger, with board, +when she could find one, but this room had been empty for a year now, to +her sorrow. Her income was only sufficient for the family support, and +she needed the lodging-money for trifling luxuries. But now, at last, on +a flaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; +her year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a village +applicant, oh, no!--this letter was from away off yonder in the dim +great world to the North: it was from St. Louis. She sat on her porch +gazing out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches of the mighty +Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good fortune. Indeed, it was +specially good fortune, for she was to have two lodgers instead of one. + +She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had danced away to see +to the cleaning and airing of the room by the slave woman Nancy, and the +boys had rushed abroad in the town to spread the great news, for it was +matter of public interest, and the public would wonder and not be +pleased if not informed. Presently Rowena returned, all ablush with +joyous excitement, and begged for a re-reading of the letter. It was +framed thus: + +Honored Madam: My brother and I have seen your advertisement, by chance, +and beg leave to take the room you offer. We are twenty-four years of +age and twins. We are Italians by birth, but have lived long in the +various countries of Europe, and several years in the United States. Our +names are Luigi and Angelo Capello. You desire but one guest; but dear +Madam, if you will allow us to pay for two, we will not incommode you. +We shall be down Thursday. + +"Italians! How romantic! Just think, ma--there's never been one in this +town, and everybody will be dying to see them, and they're all ours! +Think of that!" + +"Yes, I reckon they'll make a grand stir." + +"Oh, indeed they will. The whole town will be on its head! +Think--they've been in Europe and everywhere! There's never been a +traveler in this town before. Ma, I shouldn't wonder if they've seen +kings!" + +"Well, a body can't tell, but they'll make stir enough, without that." + +"Yes, that's of course. Luigi--Angelo. They're lovely names; and so +grand and foreign--not like Jones and Robinson and such. Thursday they +are coming, and this is only Tuesday; it's a cruel long time to wait. +Here comes Judge Driscoll in at the gate. He's heard about it. I'll go +and open the door." + +The Judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. The letter was read +and discussed. Soon Justice Robinson arrived with more congratulations, +and there was a new reading and a new discussion. This was the +beginning. Neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, followed, and the +procession drifted in and out all day and evening and all Wednesday and +Thursday. The letter was read and re-read until it was nearly worn out; +everybody admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and +practised style, everybody was sympathetic and excited, and the Coopers +were steeped in happiness all the while. + +The boats were very uncertain in low water, in these primitive times. +This time the Thursday boat had not arrived at ten at night--so the +people had waited at the landing all day for nothing; they were driven +to their homes by a heavy storm without having had a view of the +illustrious foreigners. + +Eleven o'clock came; and the Cooper house was the only one in the town +that still had lights burning. The rain and thunder were booming yet, +and the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping. At last there +was a knock at the door and the family jumped to open it. Two negro men +entered, each carrying a trunk, and proceeded up-stairs toward the +guest-room. Then entered the twins--the handsomest, the best dressed, +the most distinguished-looking pair of young fellows the West had ever +seen. One was a little fairer than the other, but otherwise they were +exact duplicates. + + +CHAPTER VI. + +Swimming in Glory. + +Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker +will be sorry.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but +coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +At breakfast in the morning the twins' charm of manner and easy and +polished bearing made speedy conquest of the family's good graces. All +constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest +feeling succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names +almost from the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity about +them, and showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, which +pleased her greatly. It presently appeared that in their early youth +they had known poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along the old +lady watched for the right place to drop in a question or two concerning +that matter, and when she found it she said to the blond twin who was +now doing the biographies in his turn while the brunette one rested-- + +"If it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how did you +come to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were little? Do +you mind telling? But don't if you do." + +"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in our case it was merely +misfortune, and nobody's fault. Our parents were well to do, there in +Italy, and we were their only child. We were of the old Florentine +nobility"--Rowena's heart gave a great bound, her nostrils expanded, and +a fine light played in her eyes--"and when the war broke out my father +was on the losing side and had to fly for his life. His estates were +confiscated, his personal property seized, and there we were, in +Germany, strangers, friendless, and in fact paupers. My brother and I +were ten years old, and well educated for that age, very studious, very +fond of our books, and well grounded in the German, French, Spanish, and +English languages. Also, we were marvelous musical prodigies--if you +will allow me to say it, it being only the truth. + +"Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother soon +followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could have +made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they had +many and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, and they +said they would starve and die first. But what they wouldn't consent to +do we had to do without the formality of consent. We were seized for the +debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, and placed among +the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the liquidation +money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery. We traveled all +about Germany receiving no wages, and not even our keep. We had to be +exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread. + +"Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped from +that slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men. +Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, how to take +care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how +to conduct our own business for our own profit and without other +people's help. We traveled everywhere--years and years--picking up +smatterings of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves with strange +sights and strange customs, accumulating an education of a wide and +varied and curious sort. It was a pleasant life. We went to Venice--to +London, Paris, Russia, India, China, Japan--" + +At this point Nancy the slave woman thrust her head in at the door and +exclaimed: + +"Ole Missus, de house is plum' jam full o' people, en dey's jes +a-spi'lin' to see de gen'lmen!" She indicated the twins with a nod of +her head, and tucked it back out of sight again. + +It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised herself high +satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds before her neighbors +and friends--simple folk who had hardly ever seen a foreigner of any +kind, and never one of any distinction or style. Yet her feeling was +moderate indeed when contrasted with Rowena's. Rowena was in the clouds, +she walked on air; this was to be the greatest day, the most romantic +episode, in the colorless history of that dull country town. She was to +be familiarly near the source of its glory and feel the full flood of it +pour over her and about her; the other girls could only gaze and envy, +not partake. + +The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners. + +The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered the +open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation. The twins +took a position near the door, the widow stood at Luigi's side, Rowena +stood beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began. The +widow was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession and +passed it on to Rowena. + +"Good mornin', Sister Cooper"--hand-shake. + +"Good morning, Brother Higgins--Count Luigi Capello, Mr. +Higgins"--hand-shake, followed by a devouring stare and "I'm glad to see +ye," on the part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head and +a pleasant "Most happy!" on the part of Count Luigi. + +"Good mornin', Roweny"--hand-shake. + +"Good morning, Mr. Higgins--present you to Count Angelo Capello." +Hand-shake, admiring stare, "Glad to see ye,"--courteous nod, smily +"Most happy!" and Higgins passes on. + +None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people, they +didn't pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person bearing a +title of nobility before, and none had been expecting to see one now, +consequently the title came upon them as a kind of pile-driving surprise +and caught them unprepared. A few tried to rise to the emergency, and +got out an awkward "My lord," or "Your lordship," or something of that +sort, but the great majority were overwhelmed by the unaccustomed word +and its dim and awful associations with gilded courts and stately +ceremony and anointed kingship, so they only fumbled through the +hand-shake and passed on, speechless. Now and then, as happens at all +receptions everywhere, a more than ordinary friendly soul blocked the +procession and kept it waiting while he inquired how the brothers liked +the village, and how long they were going to stay, and if their families +were well, and dragged in the weather, and hoped it would get cooler +soon, and all that sort of thing, so as to be able to say, when they got +home, "I had quite a long talk with them"; but nobody did or said +anything of a regrettable kind, and so the great affair went through to +the end in a creditable and satisfactory fashion. + +General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about from group to +group, talking easily and fluently and winning approval, compelling +admiration and achieving favor from all. The widow followed their +conquering march with a proud eye, and every now and then Rowena said to +herself with deep satisfaction, "And to think they are ours--all ours!" + +There were no idle moments for mother or daughter. Eager inquiries +concerning the twins were pouring into their enchanted ears all the +time; each was the constant center of a group of breathless listeners; +each recognized that she knew now for the first time the real meaning of +that great word Glory, and perceived the stupendous value of it, and +understood why men in all ages had been willing to throw away meaner +happinesses, treasure, life itself, to get a taste of its sublime and +supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood accounted for--and +justified. + +When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor, +she went up-stairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow-meeting there, +for the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers. Again she was +besieged by eager questioners and again she swam in sunset seas of +glory. When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized with a pang +that this most splendid episode of her life was almost over, that +nothing could prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever fall +to her fortune again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, the +grand occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, and was a +noble and memorable success. If the twins could but do some crowning +act, now, to climax it, something unusual, something startling, +something to concentrate upon themselves the company's loftiest +admiration, something in the nature of an electric surprise-- + +Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed +down to see. It was the twins knocking out a classic four-handed piece +on the piano, in great style. Rowena was satisfied--satisfied down to +the bottom of her heart. + +The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were +astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance, and +could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever heard +before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace or charm when +compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound. They +realized that for once in their lives they were hearing masters. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. +The Unknown Nymph + +One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a +cat has only nine lives.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +The company broke up reluctantly, and drifted toward their several +homes, chatting with vivacity, and all agreeing that it would be many a +long day before Dawson's Landing would see the equal of this one again. +The twins had accepted several invitations while the reception was in +progress, and had also volunteered to play some duets at an amateur +entertainment for the benefit of a local charity. Society was eager to +receive them to its bosom. Judge Driscoll had the good fortune to secure +them for an immediate drive, and to be the first to display them in +public. They entered his buggy with him, and were paraded down the main +street, everybody flocking to the windows and sidewalks to see. + +The Judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and the jail, and +where the richest man lived, and the Freemasons' hall, and the Methodist +church, and the Presbyterian church, and where the Baptist church was +going to be when they got some money to build it with, and showed them +the town hall and the slaughter-house, and got out the independent fire +company in uniform and had them put out an imaginary fire; then he let +them inspect the muskets of the militia company, and poured out an +exhaustless stream of enthusiasm over all these splendors, and seemed +very well satisfied with the responses he got, for the twins admired his +admiration, and paid him back the best they could, though they could +have done better if some fifteen or sixteen hundred thousand previous +experiences of this sort in various countries had not already rubbed off +a considerable part of the novelty of it. + +The Judge laid himself out hospitably to make them have a good time, and +if there was a defect anywhere it was not his fault. He told them a good +many humorous anecdotes, and always forgot the nub, but they were always +able to furnish it, for these yarns were of a pretty early vintage, and +they had had many a rejuvenating pull at them before. And he told them +all about his several dignities, and how he had held this and that and +the other place of honor or profit, and had once been to the +legislature, and was now president of the Society of Free-thinkers. He +said the society had been in existence four years, and already had two +members, and was firmly established. He would call for the brothers in +the evening if they would like to attend a meeting of it. + +Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told them all about +Pudd'nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a favorable impression +of him in advance and be prepared to like him. This scheme +succeeded--the favorable impression was achieved. Later it was confirmed +and solidified when Wilson proposed that out of courtesy to the +strangers the usual topics be put aside and the hour be devoted to +conversation upon ordinary subjects and the cultivation of friendly +relations and good-fellowship,--a proposition which was put to vote and +carried. + +The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it was ended the +lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two friends than he had been +when it began. He invited the twins to look in at his lodgings, +presently, after disposing of an intervening engagement, and they +accepted with pleasure. + +Toward the middle of the evening they found themselves on the road to +his house. Pudd'nhead was at home waiting for them and putting in his +time puzzling over a thing which had come under his notice that morning. +The matter was this: He happened to be up very early--at dawn, in fact; +and he crossed the hall which divided his cottage through the center, +and entered a room to get something there. The window of the room had no +curtains, for that side of the house had long been unoccupied, and +through this window he caught sight of something which surprised and +interested him. It was a young woman--a young woman where properly no +young woman belonged; for she was in Judge Driscoll's house, and in the +bedroom over the Judge's private study or sitting-room. This was young +Tom Driscoll's bedroom. He and the Judge, the Judge's widowed sister +Mrs. Pratt and three negro servants were the only people who belonged in +the house. Who, then, might this young lady be? The two houses were +separated by an ordinary yard, with a low fence running back through its +middle from the street in front to the lane in the rear. The distance +was not great, and Wilson was able to see the girl very well, the +window-shades of the room she was in being up, and the window also. The +girl had on a neat and trim summer dress, patterned in broad stripes of +pink and white, and her bonnet was equipped with a pink veil. She was +practising steps, gaits and attitudes, apparently; she was doing the +thing gracefully, and was very much absorbed in her work. Who could she +be, and how came she to be in young Tom Driscoll's room? + +Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could watch the girl +without running much risk of being seen by her, and he remained there +hoping she would raise her veil and betray her face. But she +disappointed him. After a matter of twenty minutes she disappeared, and +although he stayed at his post half an hour longer, she came no more. + +Toward noon he dropped in at the Judge's and talked with Mrs. Pratt +about the great event of the day, the levee of the distinguished +foreigners at Aunt Patsy Cooper's. He asked after her nephew Tom, and +she said he was on his way home, and that she was expecting him to +arrive a little before night; and added that she and the Judge were +gratified to gather from his letters that he was conducting himself very +nicely and creditably--at which Wilson winked to himself privately. +Wilson did not ask if there was a newcomer in the house, but he asked +questions that would have brought light-throwing answers as to that +matter if Mrs. Pratt had had any light to throw; so he went away +satisfied that he knew of things that were going on in her house of +which she herself was not aware. + +He was now waiting for the twins, and still puzzling over the problem of +who that girl might be, and how she happened to be in that young +fellow's room at daybreak in the morning. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +Marse Tom Tramples His Chance. + +The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and +enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not +asked to lend money.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young +June-bug than an old bird of paradise.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +It is necessary now, to hunt up Roxy. + +At the time she was set free and went away chambermaiding, she was +thirty-five. She got a berth as second chambermaid on a Cincinnati boat +in the New Orleans trade, the Grand Mogul. A couple of trips made her +wonted and easy-going at the work, and infatuated her with the stir and +adventure and independence of steamboat life. Then she was promoted and +became head chambermaid. She was a favorite with the officers, and +exceedingly proud of their joking and friendly way with her. + +During eight years she served three parts of the year on that boat, and +the winters on a Vicksburg packet. But now for two months she had had +rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to let the wash-tub alone. So +she resigned. But she was well fixed--rich, as she would have described +it; for she had lived a steady life, and had banked four dollars every +month in New Orleans as a provision for her old age. She said in the +start that she had "put shoes on one bar'footed nigger to tromple on her +with," and that one mistake like that was enough; she would be +independent of the human race thenceforth forevermore if hard work and +economy could accomplish it. When the boat touched the levee at New +Orleans she bade good-by to her comrades on the Grand Mogul and moved +her kit ashore. + +But she was back in a hour. The bank had gone to smash and carried her +four hundred dollars with it. She was a pauper, and homeless. Also +disabled bodily, at least for the present. The officers were full of +sympathy for her in her trouble, and made up a little purse for her. She +resolved to go to her birthplace; she had friends there among the +negroes, and the unfortunate always help the unfortunate, she was well +aware of that; those lowly comrades of her youth would not let her +starve. + +She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she was on the +home-stretch. Time had worn away her bitterness against her son, and she +was able to think of him with serenity. She put the vile side of him out +of her mind, and dwelt only on recollections of his occasional acts of +kindness to her. She gilded and otherwise decorated these, and made them +very pleasant to contemplate. She began to long to see him. She would go +and fawn upon him, slave-like--for this would have to be her attitude, +of course--and maybe she would find that time had modified him, and that +he would be glad to see his long-forgotten old nurse and treat her +gently. That would be lovely; that would make her forget her woes and +her poverty. + +Her poverty! That thought inspired her to add another castle to her +dream: maybe he would give her a trifle now and then--maybe a dollar, +once a month, say; any little thing like that would help, oh, ever so +much. + +By the time she reached Dawson's Landing she was her old self again; her +blues were gone, she was in high feather. She would get along, surely; +there were many kitchens where the servants would share their meals with +her, and also steal sugar and apples and other dainties for her to carry +home--or give her a chance to pilfer them herself, which would answer +just as well. And there was the church. She was a more rabid and devoted +Methodist than ever, and her piety was no sham, but was strong and +sincere. Yes, with plenty of creature comforts and her old place in the +amen-corner in her possession again, she would be perfectly happy and at +peace thenceforward to the end. + +She went to Judge Driscoll's kitchen first of all. She was received +there in great form and with vast enthusiasm. Her wonderful travels, and +the strange countries she had seen and the adventures she had had, made +her a marvel, and a heroine of romance. The negroes hung enchanted upon +the great story of her experiences, interrupting her all along with +eager questions, with laughter, exclamations of delight and expressions +of applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if there was +anything better in this world than steamboating, it was the glory to be +got by telling about it. The audience loaded her stomach with their +dinners, and then stole the pantry bare to load up her basket. + +Tom was in St. Louis. The servants said he had spent the best part of +his time there during the previous two years. Roxy came every day, and +had many talks about the family and its affairs. Once she asked why Tom +was away so much. The ostensible "Chambers" said: + +"De fac' is, ole marster kin git along better when young marster's away +den he kin when he's in de town; yes, en he love him better, too; so he +gives him fifty dollahs a month--" + +"No, is dat so? Chambers, you's a-jokin', ain't you?" + +"'Clah to goodness I ain't, mammy; Marse Tom tole me so his own self. +But nemmine, 'tain't enough." + +"My lan', what de reason 'tain't enough?" + +"Well, I's gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, mammy. De reason it +ain't enough is 'ca'se Marse Tom gambles." + +Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment and Chambers went on-- + +"Ole marster found it out, 'ca'se he had to pay two hundred dollahs for +Marse Tom's gamblin' debts, en dat's true, mammy, jes as dead certain as +you's bawn." + +"Two--hund'd--dollahs! Why, what is you talkin' 'bout? +Two--hund'd--dollahs. Sakes alive, it's 'mos' enough to buy a tol'able +good second-hand nigger wid. En you ain't lyin', honey?--you wouldn't +lie to yo' ole mammy?" + +"It's God's own truth, jes as I tell you--two hund'd dollahs--I wisht I +may never stir outen my tracks if it ain't so. En, oh, my lan', ole +Marse was jes a-hoppin'! he was b'ilin' mad, I tell you! He tuck 'n' +dissenhurrit him." + +He licked his chops with relish after that stately word. Roxy struggled +with it a moment, then gave it up and said-- + +"Dissenwhiched him?" + +"Dissenhurrit him." + +"What's dat? What do it mean?" + +"Means he bu'sted de will." + +"Bu's--ted de will! He wouldn't ever treat him so! Take it back, you +mis'able imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow en tribbilation." + +Roxy's pet castle--an occasional dollar from Tom's pocket--was tumbling +to ruin before her eyes. She could not abide such a disaster as that; +she couldn't endure the thought of it. Her remark amused Chambers: + +"Yah-yah-yah! jes listen to dat! If I's imitation, what is you? Bofe of +us is imitation white--dat's what we is--en pow'ful good imitation, +too--yah-yah-yah!--we don't 'mount to noth'n as imitation niggers; en as +for--" + +"Shet up yo' foolin', 'fo' I knock you side de head, en tell me 'bout de +will. Tell me 'tain't bu'sted--do, honey, en I'll never forgit you." + +"Well, 'tain't--'ca'se dey's a new one made, en Marse Tom's all right +ag'in. But what is you in sich a sweat 'bout it for, mammy? 'Tain't none +o' your business I don't reckon." + +"'Tain't none o' my business? Whose business is it den, I'd like to +know? Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen years old, or wusn't I?--you +answer me dat. En you speck I could see him turned out po' en ornery on +de worl' en never care noth'n' 'bout it? I reckon if you'd ever be'n a +mother yo'self, Valet de Chambers, you wouldn't talk sich foolishness as +dat." + +"Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will ag'in--do dat +satisfy you?" + +Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and sentimental over it. She +kept coming daily, and at last she was told that Tom had come home. She +began to tremble with emotion, and straightway sent to beg him to let +his "po' ole nigger mammy have jes one sight of him en die for joy." + +Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when Chambers brought the +petition. Time had not modified his ancient detestation of the humble +drudge and protector of his boyhood; it was still bitter and +uncompromising. He sat up and bent a severe gaze upon the fair face of +the young fellow whose name he was unconsciously using and whose family +rights he was enjoying. He maintained the gaze until the victim of it +had become satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said-- + +"What does the old rip want with me?" + +The petition was meekly repeated. + +"Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the social +attentions of niggers?" + +Tom had risen. The other young man was trembling now, visibly. He saw +what was coming, and bent his head sideways, and put up his left arm to +shield it. Tom rained cuffs upon the head and its shield, saying no +word: the victim received each blow with a beseeching, "Please, Marse +Tom!--oh, please, Marse Tom!" Seven blows--then Tom said, "Face the +door--march!" He followed behind with one, two, three solid kicks. The +last one helped the pure-white slave over the door-sill, and he limped +away mopping his eyes with his old ragged sleeve. Tom shouted after him, +"Send her in!" + +Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and rasped out the +remark, "He arrived just at the right moment; I was full to the brim +with bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it out of. How refreshing it +was! I feel better." + +Tom's mother entered now, closing the door behind her, and approached +her son with all the wheedling and supplicating servilities that fear +and interest can impart to the words and attitudes of the born slave. +She stopped a yard from her boy and made two or three admiring +exclamations over his manly stature and general handsomeness, and Tom +put an arm under his head and hoisted a leg over the sofa-back in order +to look properly indifferent. + +"My lan', how you is growed, honey! 'Clah to goodness, I wouldn't +a-knowed you, Marse Tom! 'deed I wouldn't! Look at me good; does you +'member old Roxy?--does you know yo' old nigger mammy, honey? Well, now, +I kin lay down en die in peace, 'ca'se I'se seed--" + +"Cut it short, ------ it, cut it short! What is it you want?" + +"You heah dat? Jes the same old Marse Tom, al'ays so gay and funnin' wid +de ole mammy. I 'uz jes as shore--" + +"Cut it short, I tell you, and get along! What do you want?" + +This was a bitter disappointment. Roxy had for so many days nourished +and fondled and petted her notion that Tom would be glad to see his old +nurse, and would make her proud and happy to the marrow with a cordial +word or two, that it took two rebuffs to convince her that he was not +funning, and that her beautiful dream was a fond and foolish vanity, a +shabby and pitiful mistake. She was hurt to the heart, and so ashamed +that for a moment she did not quite know what to do or how to act. Then +her breast began to heave, the tears came, and in her forlornness she +was moved to try that other dream of hers--an appeal to her boy's +charity; and so, upon the impulse, and without reflection, she offered +her supplication: + +"Oh, Marse Tom, de po' ole mammy is in sich hard luck dese days; en +she's kinder crippled in de arms and can't work, en if you could gimme a +dollah--on'y jes one little dol--" + +Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was startled into a +jump herself. + +"A dollar!--give you a dollar! I've a notion to strangle you! Is that +your errand here? Clear out! and be quick about it!" + +Roxy backed slowly toward the door. When she was half-way she stopped, +and said mournfully: + +"Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en I raised you all +by myself tell you was 'most a young man; en now you is young en rich, +en I is po' en gitt'n ole, en I come heah b'lievin' dat you would he'p +de ole mammy 'long down de little road dat's lef' 'twix' her en de +grave, en--" + +Tom relished this tune less than any that had preceded it, for it began +to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; so he interrupted and said +with decision, though without asperity, that he was not in a situation +to help her, and wasn't going to do it. + +"Ain't you ever gwine to he'p me, Marse Tom?" + +"No! Now go away and don't bother me any more." + +Roxy's head was down, in an attitude of humility. But now the fires of +her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began to burn fiercely. She +raised her head slowly, till it was well up, and at the same time her +great frame unconsciously assumed an erect and masterful attitude, with +all the majesty and grace of her vanished youth in it. She raised her +finger and punctuated with it: + +"You has said de word. You has had yo' chance, en you has trompled it +under yo' foot. When you git another one, you'll git down on yo' knees +en beg for it!" + +A cold chill went to Tom's heart, he didn't know why; for he did not +reflect that such words, from such an incongruous source, and so +solemnly delivered, could not easily fail of that effect. However, he +did the natural thing: he replied with bluster and mockery: + +"You'll give me a chance--you! Perhaps I'd better get down on my knees +now! But in case I don't--just for argument's sake--what's going to +happen, pray?" + +"Dis is what is gwine to happen. I's gwine as straight to yo' uncle as I +kin walk, en tell him every las' thing I knows 'bout you." + +Tom's cheek blenched, and she saw it. Disturbing thoughts began to chase +each other through his head. "How can she know? And yet she must have +found out--she looks it. I've had the will back only three months, and +am already deep in debt again, and moving heaven and earth to save +myself from exposure and destruction, with a reasonably fair show of +getting the thing covered up if I'm let alone, and now this fiend has +gone and found me out somehow or other. I wonder how much she knows? Oh, +oh, oh, it's enough to break a body's heart! But I've got to humor +her--there's no other way." + +Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh and a hollow +chipperness of manner, and said: + +"Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like you and me mustn't quarrel. +Here's your dollar--now tell me what you know." + +He held out the wild-cat bill; she stood as she was, and made no +movement. It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery, now, and she did +not waste it. She said, with a grim implacability in voice and manner +which made Tom almost realize that even a former slave can remember for +ten minutes insults and injuries returned for compliments and flatteries +received, and can also enjoy taking revenge for them when the +opportunity offers: + +"What does I know? I'll tell you what I knows. I knows enough to bu'st +dat will to flinders--en more, mind you, more!" + +Tom was aghast. + +"More?" he said. "What do you call more? Where's there any room for +more?" + +Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with a toss of her +head, and her hands on her hips-- + +"Yes!--oh, I reckon! Co'se you'd like to know--wid yo' po' little ole +rag dollah. What you reckon I's gwine to tell you for?--you ain't got no +money. I's gwine to tell yo' uncle--en I'll do it dis minute, too--he'll +gimme five dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too." + +She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. Tom was in a +panic. He seized her skirts, and implored her to wait. She turned and +said, loftily-- + +"Look-a-heah, what 'uz it I tole you?" + +"You--you--I don't remember anything. What was it you told me?" + +"I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you'd git down on yo' +knees en beg for it." + +Tom was stupefied for a moment. He was panting with excitement. Then he +said: + +"Oh, Roxy, you wouldn't require your young master to do such a horrible +thing. You can't mean it." + +"I'll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or not! You call me +names, en as good as spit on me when I comes here po' en ornery en +'umble, to praise you for bein' growed up so fine en handsome, en tell +you how I used to nuss you en tend you en watch you when you 'uz sick en +hadn't no mother but me in de whole worl', en beg you to give de po' ole +nigger a dollah for to git her som'n' to eat, en you call me +names--names, dad blame you! Yassir, I gives you jes one chance mo', and +dat's now, en it las' on'y a half a second--you hear?" + +Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying-- + +"You see, I'm begging, and it's honest begging, too! Now tell me, Roxy, +tell me." + +The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage looked down on +him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of satisfaction. Then she +said-- + +"Fine nice young white gen'l'man kneelin' down to a nigger-wench! I's +wanted to see dat jes once befo' I's called. Now, Gabr'el, blow de hawn, +I's ready ... Git up!" + +Tom did it. He said, humbly-- + +"Now, Roxy, don't punish me any more. I deserved what I've got, but be +good and let me off with that. Don't go to uncle. Tell me--I'll give you +the five dollars." + +"Yes, I bet you will; en you won't stop dah, nuther. But I ain't gwine +to tell you heah--" + +"Good gracious, no!" + +"Is you 'feared o' de ha'nted house?" + +"N-no." + +"Well, den, you come to de ha'nted house 'bout ten or 'leven to-night, +en climb up de ladder, 'ca'se de sta'r-steps is broke down, en you'll +find me. I's a-roostin' in de ha'nted house 'ca'se I can't 'ford to +roos' nowhers' else." She started toward the door, but stopped and said, +"Gimme de dollah bill!" He gave it to her. She examined it and said, +"H'm--like enough de bank's bu'sted." She started again, but halted +again. "Has you got any whisky?" + +"Yes, a little." + +"Fetch it!" + +He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle which was +two-thirds full. She tilted it up and took a drink. Her eyes sparkled +with satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under her shawl, saying, +"It's prime. I'll take it along." + +Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and erect +as a grenadier. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +Tom Practises Sycophancy. + +Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is +because we are not the person involved.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a +man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, +complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +Tom flung himself on the sofa, and put his throbbing head in his hands, +and rested his elbows on his knees. He rocked himself back and forth and +moaned. + +"I've knelt to a nigger wench!" he muttered. "I thought I had struck the +deepest depths of degradation before, but oh, dear, it was nothing to +this.... Well, there is one consolation, such as it is--I've struck +bottom this time; there's nothing lower." + +But that was a hasty conclusion. + +At ten that night he climbed the ladder in the haunted house, pale, weak +and wretched. Roxy was standing in the door of one of the rooms, +waiting, for she had heard him. + +This was a two-story log house which had acquired the reputation a few +years before of being haunted, and that was the end of its usefulness. +Nobody would live in it afterward, or go near it by night, and most +people even gave it a wide berth in the daytime. As it had no +competition, it was called the haunted house. It was getting crazy and +ruinous, now, from long neglect. It stood three hundred yards beyond +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, with nothing between but vacancy. It was the +last house in the town at that end. + +Tom followed Roxy into the room. She had a pile of clean straw in the +corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept clothing was hanging on the +wall, there was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little spots of +light, and there were various soap-and-candle boxes scattered about, +which served for chairs. The two sat down. Roxy said-- + +"Now den, I'll tell you straight off, en I'll begin to k'leck de money +later on; I ain't in no hurry. What does you reckon I's gwine to tell +you?" + +"Well, you--you--oh, Roxy, don't make it too hard for me! Come right out +and tell me you've found out somehow what a shape I'm in on account of +dissipation and foolishness." + +"Disposition en foolishness! No sir, dat ain't it. Dat jist ain't +nothin' at all, 'longside o' what I knows." + +Tom stared at her, and said-- + +"Why, Roxy, what do you mean?" + +She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. + +"I means dis--en it's de Lord's truth. You ain't no more kin to ole +Marse Driscoll den I is!--dat's what I means!" and her eyes flamed with +triumph. + +"What!" + +"Yassir, en dat ain't all! You's a nigger!--bawn a nigger en a +slave!--en you's a nigger en a slave dis minute; en if I opens my mouf +ole Marse Driscoll'll sell you down de river befo' you is two days older +den what you is now!" + +"It's a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite!" + +"It ain't no lie, nuther. It's jes de truth, en nothin' but de truth, so +he'p me. Yassir--you's my son--" + +"You devil!" + +"En dat po' boy dat you's be'n a-kickin' en a-cuffin' to-day is Percy +Driscoll's son en yo' marster--" + +"You beast!" + +"En his name's Tom Driscoll, en yo' name's Valet de Chambers, en you +ain't got no fambly name, beca'se niggers don't have em!" + +Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised raised it; but his +mother only laughed at him, and said-- + +"Set down, you pup! Does you think you kin skyer me? It ain't in you, +nor de likes of you. I reckon you'd shoot me in de back, maybe, if you +got a chance, for dat's jist yo' style--I knows you, throo en throo--but +I don't mind gitt'n killed, beca'se all dis is down in writin' en it's +in safe hands, too, en de man dat's got it knows whah to look for de +right man when I gits killed. Oh, bless yo' soul, if you puts yo' mother +up for as big a fool as you is, you's pow'ful mistaken, I kin tell you! +Now den, you set still en behave yo'self; en don't you git up ag'in till +I tell you!" + +Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing sensations +and emotions, and finally said, with something like settled conviction-- + +"The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do your worst; I'm +done with you." + +Roxy made no answer. She took the lantern and started toward the door. +Tom was in a cold panic in a moment. + +"Come back, come back!" he wailed. "I didn't mean it, Roxy; I take it +all back, and I'll never say it again! Please come back, Roxy!" + +The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: + +"Dat's one thing you's got to stop, Valet de Chambers. You can't call me +Roxy, same as if you was my equal. Chillen don't speak to dey mammies +like dat. You'll call me ma or mammy, dat's what you'll call +me--leastways when dey ain't nobody aroun'. Say it!" + +It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. + +"Dat's all right. Don't you ever forgit it ag'in, if you knows what's +good for you. Now den, you has said you wouldn't ever call it lies en +moonshine ag'in. I'll tell you dis, for a warnin': if you ever does say +it ag'in, it's de las' time you'll ever say it to me; I'll tramp as +straight to de Judge as I kin walk, en tell him who you is, en prove it. +Does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"Oh," groaned Tom, "I more than believe it; I know it." + +Roxy knew her conquest was complete. She could have proved nothing to +anybody, and her threat about the writings was a lie; but she knew the +person she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any +doubt as to the effect they would produce. + +She went and sat down on her candle-box, and the pride and pomp of her +victorious attitude made it a throne. She said-- + +"Now den, Chambers, we's gwine to talk business, en dey ain't gwine to +be no mo' foolishness. In de fust place, you gits fifty dollahs a month; +you's gwine to han' over half of it to yo' ma. Plank it out!" + +But Tom had only six dollars in the world. He gave her that, and +promised to start fair on next month's pension. + +"Chambers, how much is you in debt?" + +Tom shuddered, and said-- + +"Nearly three hundred dollars." + +"How is you gwine to pay it?" + +Tom groaned out--"Oh, I don't know; don't ask me such awful questions." + +But she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: he +had been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from +private houses; in fact, he made a good deal of a raid on his +fellow-villagers a fortnight before, when he was supposed to be in St. +Louis; but he doubted if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the +required amount, and was afraid to make a further venture in the present +excited state of the town. His mother approved of his conduct, and +offered to help, but this frightened him. He tremblingly ventured to say +that if she would retire from the town he should feel better and safer, +and could hold his head higher--and was going on to make an argument, +but she interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying she was +ready; it didn't make any difference to her where she stayed, so that +she got her share of the pension regularly. She said she would not go +far, and would call at the haunted house once a month for her money. +Then she said-- + +"I don't hate you so much now, but I've hated you a many a year--and +anybody would. Didn't I change you off, en give you a good fambly en a +good name, en made you a white gen'l'man en rich, wid store clothes +on--en what did I git for it? You despised me all de time, en was al'ays +sayin' mean hard things to me befo' folks, en wouldn't ever let me +forgit I's a nigger--en--en------" + +She fell to sobbing, and broke down. Tom said--"But you know I didn't +know you were my mother; and besides--" + +"Well, nemmine 'bout dat, now; let it go. I's gwine to fo'git it." Then +she added fiercely, "En don't ever make me remember it ag'in, or you'll +be sorry, I tell you." + +When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive way he could +command-- + +"Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?" + +He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. He was mistaken. +Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said-- + +"Does I mine tellin' you? No, dat I don't! You ain't got no 'casion to +be shame' o' yo' father, I kin tell you. He wuz de highest quality in +dis whole town--ole Virginny stock. Fust famblies, he wuz. Jes as good +stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes' day dey ever seed." She put +on a little prouder air, if possible, and added impressively: "Does you +'member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh Essex, dat died de same year yo' young +Marse Tom Driscoll's pappy died, en all de Masons en Odd Fellers en +Churches turned out en give him de bigges' funeral dis town ever seed? +Dat's de man." + +Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of +her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a +dignity and state that might have passed for queenly if her surroundings +had been a little more in keeping with it. + +"Dey ain't another nigger in dis town dat's as high-bawn as you is. Now +den, go 'long! En jes you hold yo' head up as high as you want to--you +has de right, en dat I kin swah." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +The Nymph Revealed. + +All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to +come from the mouths of people who have had to live.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Every now and then, after Tom went to bed, he had sudden wakings out of +his sleep, and his first thought was, "Oh, joy, it was all a dream!" +Then he laid himself heavily down again, with a groan and the muttered +words, "A nigger! I am a nigger! Oh, I wish I was dead!" + +He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, and then he +resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous sleep. He began to +think. Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were. They wandered along +something after this fashion: + +"Why were niggers and whites made? What crime did the uncreated first +nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed for him? And why is +this awful difference made between white and black? ... How hard the +nigger's fate seems, this morning!--yet until last night such a thought +never entered my head." + +He sighed and groaned an hour or more away. Then "Chambers" came humbly +in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. "Tom" blushed scarlet to see +this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, a nigger, and call him +"Young Marster." He said roughly-- + +"Get out of my sight!" and when the youth was gone, he muttered, "He has +done me no harm, poor wretch, but he is an eyesore to me now, for he is +Driscoll the young gentleman, and I am a--oh, I wish I was dead!" + +A gigantic irruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years ago, with the +accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of volcanic dust, +changes the face of the surrounding landscape beyond recognition, +bringing down the high lands, elevating the low, making fair lakes where +deserts had been, and deserts where green prairies had smiled before. +The tremendous catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his moral +landscape in much the same way. Some of his low places he found lifted +to ideals, some of his ideals had sunk to the valleys, and lay there +with the sackcloth and ashes of pumice-stone and sulphur on their ruined +heads. + +For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, +thinking--trying to get his bearings. It was new work. If he met a +friend, he found that the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way +vanished--his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the hand +for a shake. It was the "nigger" in him asserting its humility, and he +blushed and was abashed. And the "nigger" in him was surprised when the +white friend put out his hand for a shake with him. He found the +"nigger" in him involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, to a +white rowdy and loafer. When Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, +the idol of his secret worship, invited him in, the "nigger" in him made +an embarrassed excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with the dread +white folks on equal terms. The "nigger" in him went shrinking and +skulking here and there and yonder, and fancying it saw suspicion and +maybe detection in all faces, tones, and gestures. So strange and +uncharacteristic was Tom's conduct that people noticed it, and turned to +look after him when he passed on; and when he glanced back--as he could +not help doing, in spite of his best resistance--and caught that puzzled +expression in a person's face, it gave him a sick feeling, and he took +himself out of view as quickly as he could. He presently came to have a +hunted sense and a hunted look, and then he fled away to the hill-tops +and the solitudes. He said to himself that the curse of Ham was upon +him. + +He dreaded his meals; the "nigger" in him was ashamed to sit at the +white folks' table, and feared discovery all the time; and once when +Judge Driscoll said, "What's the matter with you? You look as meek as a +nigger," he felt as secret murderers are said to feel when the accuser +says, "Thou art the man!" Tom said he was not well, and left the table. + +His ostensible "aunt's" solicitudes and endearments were become a terror +to him, and he avoided them. + +And all the time, hatred of his ostensible "uncle" was steadily growing +in his heart; for he said to himself, "He is white; and I am his +chattel, his property, his goods, and he can sell me, just as he could +his dog." + +For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his character had +undergone a pretty radical change. But that was because he did not know +himself. + +In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and would never go +back to what they were before, but the main structure of his character +was not changed, and could not be changed. One or two very important +features of it were altered, and in time effects would result from this, +if opportunity offered--effects of a quite serious nature, too. Under +the influence of a great mental and moral upheaval his character and +habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, but after a while +with the subsidence of the storm both began to settle toward their +former places. He dropped gradually back into his old frivolous and +easy-going ways and conditions of feeling and manner of speech, and no +familiar of his could have detected anything in him that differentiated +him from the weak and careless Tom of other days. + +The theft-raid which he had made upon the village turned out better than +he had ventured to hope. It produced the sum necessary to pay his +gaming-debts, and saved him from exposure to his uncle and another +smashing of the will. He and his mother learned to like each other +fairly well. She couldn't love him, as yet, because there "warn't +nothing to him," as she expressed it, but her nature needed something or +somebody to rule over, and he was better than nothing. Her strong +character and aggressive and commanding ways compelled Tom's admiration +in spite of the fact that he got more illustrations of them than he +needed for his comfort. However, as a rule her conversation was made up +of racy tattle about the privacies of the chief families of the town +(for she went harvesting among their kitchens every time she came to the +village), and Tom enjoyed this. It was just in his line. She always +collected her half of his pension punctually, and he was always at the +haunted house to have a chat with her on these occasions. Every now and +then she paid him a visit there on between-days also. + +Occasionally he would run up to St. Louis for a few weeks, and at last +temptation caught him again. He won a lot of money, but lost it, and +with it a deal more besides, which he promised to raise as soon as +possible. + +For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. He never meddled +with any other town, for he was afraid to venture into houses whose ins +and outs he did not know and the habits of whose households he was not +acquainted with. He arrived at the haunted house in disguise on the +Wednesday before the advent of the twins--after writing his aunt Pratt +that he would not arrive until two days after--and lay in hiding there +with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, when he went to +his uncle's house and entered by the back way with his own key, and +slipped up to his room, where he could have the use of the mirror and +toilet articles. He had a suit of girl's clothes with him in a bundle as +a disguise for his raid, and was wearing a suit of his mother's +clothing, with black gloves and veil. By dawn he was tricked out for his +raid, but he caught a glimpse of Pudd'nhead Wilson through the window +over the way, and knew that Pudd'nhead had caught a glimpse of him. So +he entertained Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes for a +while, then stepped out of sight and resumed the other disguise, and by +and by went down and out the back way and started down town to +reconnoiter the scene of his intended labors. + +But he was ill at ease. He had changed back to Roxy's dress, with the +stoop of age added to the disguise, so that Wilson would not bother +himself about a humble old woman leaving a neighbor's house by the back +way in the early morning, in case he was still spying. But supposing +Wilson had seen him leave, and had thought it suspicious, and had also +followed him? The thought made Tom cold. He gave up the raid for the +day, and hurried back to the haunted house by the obscurest route he +knew. His mother was gone; but she came back, by and by, with the news +of the grand reception at Patsy Cooper's, and soon persuaded him that +the opportunity was like a special providence, it was so inviting and +perfect. So he went raiding, after all, and made a nice success of it +while everybody was gone to Patsy Cooper's. Success gave him nerve and +even actual intrepidity; insomuch, indeed, that after he had conveyed +his harvest to his mother in a back alley, he went to the reception +himself, and added several of the valuables of that house to his +takings. + +After this long digression we have now arrived once more at the point +where Pudd'nhead Wilson, while waiting for the arrival of the twins on +that same Friday evening, sat puzzling over the strange apparition of +that morning--a girl in young Tom Driscoll's bedroom; fretting, and +guessing, and puzzling over it, and wondering who the shameless creature +might be. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +Pudd'nhead's Startling Discovery. + +There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three +form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of +his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him +to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you +to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you +clear into his heart.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +The twins arrived presently, and talk began. It flowed along chattily +and sociably, and under its influence the new friendship gathered ease +and strength. Wilson got out his Calendar, by request, and read a +passage or two from it, which the twins praised quite cordially. This +pleased the author so much that he complied gladly when they asked him +to lend them a batch of the work to read at home. In the course of their +wide travels they had found out that there are three sure ways of +pleasing an author; they were now working the best of the three. + +There was an interruption, now. Young Tom Driscoll appeared, and joined +the party. He pretended to be seeing the distinguished strangers for the +first time when they rose to shake hands; but this was only a blind, as +he had already had a glimpse of them, at the reception, while robbing +the house. The twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and +rather handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements--graceful, +in fact. Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there was +something veiled and sly about it. Angelo thought he had a pleasant +free-and-easy way of talking; Luigi thought it was more so than was +agreeable. Angelo thought he was a sufficiently nice young man; Luigi +reserved his decision. Tom's first contribution to the conversation was +a question which he had put to Wilson a hundred times before. It was +always cheerily and good-naturedly put, and always inflicted a little +pang, for it touched a secret sore; but this time the pang was sharp, +since strangers were present. + +"Well, how does the law come on? Had a case yet?" + +Wilson bit his lip, but answered, "No--not yet," with as much +indifference as he could assume. Judge Driscoll had generously left the +law feature out of the Wilson biography which he had furnished to the +twins. Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and said: + +"Wilson's a lawyer, gentlemen, but he doesn't practise now." + +The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, and said without +passion: + +"I don't practise, it is true. It is true that I have never had a case, +and have had to earn a poor living for twenty years as an expert +accountant in a town where I can't get hold of a set of books to +untangle as often as I should like. But it is also true that I did fit +myself well for the practice of the law. By the time I was your age, +Tom, I had chosen a profession, and was soon competent to enter upon +it." Tom winced. "I never got a chance to try my hand at it, and I may +never get a chance; and yet if I ever do get it I shall be found ready, +for I have kept up my law-studies all these years." + +"That's it; that's good grit! I like to see it. I've a notion to throw +all my business your way. My business and your law-practice ought to +make a pretty gay team, Dave," and the young fellow laughed again. + +"If you will throw--" Wilson had thought of the girl in Tom's bedroom, +and was going to say, "If you will throw the surreptitious and +disreputable part of your business my way, it may amount to something;" +but thought better of it and said, "However, this matter doesn't fit +well in a general conversation." + +"All right, we'll change the subject; I guess you were about to give me +another dig, anyway, so I'm willing to change. How's the Awful Mystery +flourishing these days? Wilson's got a scheme for driving plain +window-glass out of the market by decorating it with greasy +finger-marks, and getting rich by selling it at famine prices to the +crowned heads over in Europe to outfit their palaces with. Fetch it out, +Dave." + +Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said-- + +"I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right hand through his +hair, so as to get a little coating of the natural oil on them, and then +press the balls of them on the glass. A fine and delicate print of the +lines in the skin results, and is permanent, if it doesn't come in +contact with something able to rub it off. You begin, Tom." + +"Why, I think you took my finger-marks once or twice before." + +"Yes; but you were a little boy the last time, only about twelve years +old." + +"That's so. Of course I've changed entirely since then, and variety is +what the crowned heads want, I guess." + +He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, and pressed them +one at a time on the glass. Angelo made a print of his fingers on +another glass, and Luigi followed with the third. Wilson marked the +glasses with names and date, and put them away. Tom gave one of his +little laughs, and said-- + +"I thought I wouldn't say anything, but if variety is what you are +after, you have wasted a piece of glass. The hand-print of one twin is +the same as the hand-print of the fellow-twin." + +"Well, it's done now, and I like to have them both, anyway," said +Wilson, returning to his place. + +"But look here, Dave," said Tom, "you used to tell people's fortunes, +too, when you took their finger-marks. Dave's just an all-round +genius--a genius of the first water, gentlemen; a great scientist +running to seed here in this village, a prophet with the kind of honor +that prophets generally get at home--for here they don't give shucks for +his scientifics, and they call his skull a notion-factory--hey, Dave, +ain't it so? But never mind; he'll make his mark some day--finger-mark, +you know, he-he! But really, you want to let him take a shy at your +palms once; it's worth twice the price of admission or your money's +returned at the door. Why, he'll read your wrinkles as easy as a book, +and not only tell you fifty or sixty things that's going to happen to +you, but fifty or sixty thousand that ain't. Come, Dave, show the +gentlemen what an inspired Jack-at-all-science we've got in this town, +and don't know it." + +Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous chaff, and the +twins suffered with him and for him. They rightly judged, now, that the +best way to relieve him would be to take the thing in earnest and treat +it with respect, ignoring Tom's rather overdone raillery; so Luigi +said-- + +"We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, and know very +well what astonishing things it can do. If it isn't a science, and one +of the greatest of them, too, I don't know what its other name ought to +be. In the Orient--" + +Tom looked surprised and incredulous. He said-- + +"That juggling a science? But really, you ain't serious, are you?" + +"Yes, entirely so. Four years ago we had our hands read out to us as if +our palms had been covered with print." + +"Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in it?" asked Tom, +his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. + +"There was this much in it," said Angelo: "what was told us of our +characters was minutely exact--we could not have bettered it ourselves. +Next, two or three memorable things that had happened to us were laid +bare--things which no one present but ourselves could have known about." + +"Why, it's rank sorcery!" exclaimed Tom, who was now becoming very much +interested. "And how did they make out with what was going to happen to +you in the future?" + +"On the whole, quite fairly," said Luigi. "Two or three of the most +striking things foretold have happened since; much the most striking one +of all happened within that same year. Some of the minor prophecies have +come true; some of the minor and some of the major ones have not been +fulfilled yet, and of course may never be: still, I should be more +surprised if they failed to arrive than if they didn't." + +Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed. He said, +apologetically-- + +"Dave, I wasn't meaning to belittle that science; I was only +chaffing--chattering, I reckon I'd better say. I wish you would look at +their palms. Come, won't you?" + +"Why certainly, if you want me to; but you know I've had no chance to +become an expert, and don't claim to be one. When a past event is +somewhat prominently recorded in the palm I can generally detect that, +but minor ones often escape me,--not always, of course, but often,--but +I haven't much confidence in myself when it comes to reading the future. +I am talking as if palmistry was a daily study with me, but that is not +so. I haven't examined half a dozen hands in the last half dozen years; +you see, the people got to joking about it, and I stopped to let the +talk die down. I'll tell you what we'll do, Count Luigi: I'll make a try +at your past, and if I have any success there--no, on the whole, I'll +let the future alone; that's really the affair of an expert." + +He took Luigi's hand. Tom said-- + +"Wait--don't look yet, Dave! Count Luigi, here's paper and pencil. Set +down that thing that you said was the most striking one that was +foretold to you, and happened less than a year afterward, and give it to +me so I can see if Dave finds it in your hand." + +Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of paper, and +handed it to Tom, saying-- + +"I'll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it." + +Wilson began to study Luigi's palm, tracing life lines, heart lines, +head lines, and so on, and noting carefully their relations with the +cobweb of finer and more delicate marks and lines that enmeshed them on +all sides; he felt of the fleshy cushion at the base of the thumb, and +noted its shape; he felt of the fleshy side of the hand between the +wrist and the base of the little finger, and noted its shape also; he +painstakingly examined the fingers, observing their form, proportions, +and natural manner of disposing themselves when in repose. All this +process was watched by the three spectators with absorbing interest, +their heads bent together over Luigi's palm, and nobody disturbing the +stillness with a word. Wilson now entered upon a close survey of the +palm again, and his revelations began. + +He mapped out Luigi's character and disposition, his tastes, aversions, +proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in a way which sometimes +made Luigi wince and the others laugh, but both twins declared that the +chart was artistically drawn and was correct. + +Next, Wilson took up Luigi's history. He proceeded cautiously and with +hesitation, now, moving his finger slowly along the great lines of the +palm, and now and then halting it at a "star" or some such landmark, and +examining that neighborhood minutely. He proclaimed one or two past +events, Luigi confirmed his correctness, and the search went on. +Presently Wilson glanced up suddenly with a surprised expression-- + +"Here is a record of an incident which you would perhaps not wish me +to--" + +"Bring it out," said Luigi, good-naturedly; "I promise you it sha'n't +embarrass me." + +But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to know what to do. +Then he said-- + +"I think it is too delicate a matter to--to--I believe I would rather +write it or whisper it to you, and let you decide for yourself whether +you want it talked out or not." + +"That will answer," said Luigi; "write it." + +Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to Luigi, who +read it to himself and said to Tom-- + +"Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll." + +Tom read: + +"It was prophesied that I would kill a man. It came true before the year +was out." + +Tom added, "Great Scott!" + +Luigi handed Wilson's paper to Tom, and said-- + +"Now read this one." + +Tom read: + +"You have killed some one, but whether man, woman or child, I do not +make out." + +"Cæsar's ghost!" commented Tom, with astonishment. "It beats anything +that was ever heard of! Why, a man's own hand is his deadliest enemy! +Just think of that--a man's own hand keeps a record of the deepest and +fatalest secrets of his life, and is treacherously ready to expose him +to any black-magic stranger that comes along. But what do you let a +person look at your hand for, with that awful thing printed on it?" + +"Oh," said Luigi, reposefully, "I don't mind it. I killed the man for +good reasons, and I don't regret it." + +"What were the reasons?" + +"Well, he needed killing." + +"I'll tell you why he did it, since he won't say himself," said Angelo, +warmly. "He did it to save my life, that's what he did it for. So it was +a noble act, and not a thing to be hid in the dark." + +"So it was, so it was," said Wilson; "to do such a thing to save a +brother's life is a great and fine action." + +"Now come," said Luigi, "it is very pleasant to hear you say these +things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or magnanimity, the +circumstances won't stand scrutiny. You overlook one detail; suppose I +hadn't saved Angelo's life, what would have become of mine? If I had let +the man kill him, wouldn't he have killed me, too? I saved my own life, +you see." + +"Yes, that is your way of talking," said Angelo, "but I know you--I +don't believe you thought of yourself at all. I keep that weapon yet +that Luigi killed the man with, and I'll show it to you sometime. That +incident makes it interesting, and it had a history before it came into +Luigi's hands which adds to its interest. It was given to Luigi by a +great Indian prince, the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been in his +family two or three centuries. It killed a good many disagreeable people +who troubled that hearthstone at one time and another. It isn't much too +look at, except that it isn't shaped like other knives, or dirks, or +whatever it may be called--here, I'll draw it for you." He took a sheet +of paper and made a rapid sketch. "There it is--a broad and murderous +blade, with edges like a razor for sharpness. The devices engraved on it +are the ciphers or names of its long line of possessors--I had Luigi's +name added in Roman letters myself with our coat of arms, as you see. +You notice what a curious handle the thing has. It is solid ivory, +polished like a mirror, and is four or five inches long--round, and as +thick as a large man's wrist, with the end squared off flat, for your +thumb to rest on; for you grasp it, with your thumb resting on the blunt +end--so--and lift it aloft and strike downward. The Gaikowar showed us +how the thing was done when he gave it to Luigi, and before that night +was ended Luigi had used the knife, and the Gaikowar was a man short by +reason of it. The sheath is magnificently ornamented with gems of great +value. You will find the sheath more worth looking at than the knife +itself, of course." + +Tom said to himself-- + +"It's lucky I came here. I would have sold that knife for a song; I +supposed the jewels were glass." + +"But go on; don't stop," said Wilson. "Our curiosity is up now, to hear +about the homicide. Tell us about that." + +"Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all around. A native +servant slipped into our room in the palace in the night, to kill us and +steal the knife on account of the fortune incrusted on its sheath, +without a doubt. Luigi had it under his pillow; we were in bed together. +There was a dim night-light burning. I was asleep, but Luigi was awake, +and he thought he detected a vague form nearing the bed. He slipped the +knife out of the sheath and was ready, and unembarrassed by hampering +bed-clothes, for the weather was hot and we hadn't any. Suddenly that +native rose at the bedside, and bent over me with his right hand lifted +and a dirk in it aimed at my throat; but Luigi grabbed his wrist, pulled +him downward, and drove his own knife into the man's neck. That is the +whole story." + +Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general chat about the +tragedy, Pudd'nhead said, taking Tom's hand-- + +"Now, Tom, I've never had a look at your palms, as it happens; perhaps +you've got some little questionable privacies that need--hel-lo!" + +Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good deal confused. + +"Why, he's blushing!" said Luigi. + +Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply-- + +"Well, if I am, it ain't because I'm a murderer!" Luigi's dark face +flushed, but before he could speak or move, Tom added with anxious +haste: "Oh, I beg a thousand pardons. I didn't mean that; it was out +before I thought, and I'm very, very sorry--you must forgive me!" + +Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as well as he could; +and in fact was entirely successful as far as the twins were concerned, +for they felt sorrier for the affront put upon him by his guest's +outburst of ill manners than for the insult offered to Luigi. But the +success was not so pronounced with the offender. Tom tried to seem at +his ease, and he went through the motions fairly well, but at bottom he +felt resentful toward all the three witnesses of his exhibition; in +fact, he felt so annoyed at them for having witnessed it and noticed it +that he almost forgot to feel annoyed at himself for placing it before +them. However, something presently happened which made him almost +comfortable, and brought him nearly back to a state of charity and +friendliness. This was a little spat between the twins; not much of a +spat, but still a spat; and before they got far with it they were in a +decided condition of irritation with each other. Tom was charmed; so +pleased, indeed, that he cautiously did what he could to increase the +irritation while pretending to be actuated by more respectable motives. +By his help the fire got warmed up to the blazing-point, and he might +have had the happiness of seeing the flames show up, in another moment, +but for the interruption of a knock on the door--an interruption which +fretted him as much as it gratified Wilson. Wilson opened the door. + +The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic, middle-aged +Irishman named John Buckstone, who was a great politician in a small +way, and always took a large share in public matters of every sort. One +of the town's chief excitements, just now, was over the matter of rum. +There was a strong rum party and a strong anti-rum party. Buckstone was +training with the rum party, and he had been sent to hunt up the twins +and invite them to attend a mass-meeting of that faction. He delivered +his errand, and said the clans were already gathering in the big hall +over the market-house. Luigi accepted the invitation cordially, Angelo +less cordially, since he disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful +intoxicants of America. In fact, he was even a teetotaler +sometimes--when it was judicious to be one. + +The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined company with them +uninvited. + +In the distance one could see a long wavering line of torches drifting +down the main street, and could hear the throbbing of the bass drum, the +clash of cymbals, the squeaking of a fife or two, and the faint roar of +remote hurrahs. The tail-end of this procession was climbing the +market-house stairs when the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when +they reached the hall it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise and +enthusiasm. They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone--Tom +Driscoll still following--and were delivered to the chairman in the +midst of a prodigious explosion of welcome. When the noise had moderated +a little, the chair proposed that "our illustrious guests be at once +elected, by complimentary acclamation, to membership in our +ever-glorious organization, the paradise of the free and the perdition +of the slave." + +This eloquent discharge opened the flood-gates of enthusiasm again, and +the election was carried with thundering unanimity. Then arose a storm +of cries: + +"Wet them down! Wet them down! Give them a drink!" + +Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins. Luigi waved his aloft, then +brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. There was another storm +of cries: + +"What's the matter with the other one?" "What is the blond one going +back on us for?" "Explain! Explain!" + +The chairman inquired, and then reported-- + +"We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen. I find that the Count +Angelo Capello is opposed to our creed--is a teetotaler, in fact, and +was not intending to apply for membership with us. He desires that we +reconsider the vote by which he was elected. What is the pleasure of the +house?" + +There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully accented with +whistlings and cat-calls, but the energetic use of the gavel presently +restored something like order. Then a man spoke from the crowd, and said +that while he was very sorry that the mistake had been made, it would +not be possible to rectify it at the present meeting. According to the +by-laws it must go over to the next regular meeting for action. He would +not offer a motion, as none was required. He desired to apologize to the +gentleman in the name of the house, and begged to assure him that as far +as it might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his temporary +membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. + +This speech was received with great applause, mixed with cries of-- + +"That's the talk!" "He's a good fellow, anyway, if he is a teetotaler!" +"Drink his health!" "Give him a rouser, and no heeltaps!" + +Glasses were handed around, and everybody on the platform drank Angelo's +health, while the house bellowed forth in song: + + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fe-el-low,-- + Which nobody can deny. + +Tom Driscoll drank. It was his second glass, for he had drunk Angelo's +the moment that Angelo had set it down. The two drinks made him very +merry--almost idiotically so--and he began to take a most lively and +prominent part in the proceedings, particularly in the music and +cat-calls and side-remarks. + +The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins at his side. The +extraordinarily close resemblance of the brothers to each other +suggested a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and just as the chairman began a +speech he skipped forward and said with an air of tipsy confidence to +the audience-- + +"Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human philopena snip you +out a speech." + +The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, and a mighty +burst of laughter followed. + +Luigi's southern blood leaped to the boiling-point in a moment under the +sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in the presence of four +hundred strangers. It was not in the young man's nature to let the +matter pass, or to delay the squaring of the account. He took a couple +of strides and halted behind the unsuspecting joker. Then he drew back +and delivered a kick of such titanic vigor that it lifted Tom clear over +the footlights and landed him on the heads of the front row of the Sons +of Liberty. + +Even a sober person does not like to have a human being emptied on him +when he is not doing any harm; a person who is not sober cannot endure +such an attention at all. The nest of Sons of Liberty that Driscoll +landed in had not a sober bird in it; in fact there was probably not an +entirely sober one in the auditorium. Driscoll was promptly and +indignantly flung on to the heads of Sons in the next row, and these +Sons passed him on toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel +the front-row Sons who had passed him to them. This course was strictly +followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in his tumultuous and +airy flight toward the door; so he left behind him an ever lengthening +wake of raging and plunging and fighting and swearing humanity. Down +went group after group of torches, and presently above the deafening +clatter of the gavel, roar of angry voices, and crash of succumbing +benches, rose the paralyzing cry of "Fire!" + +The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for one distinctly +defined moment there was a dead hush, a motionless calm, where the +tempest had been; then with one impulse the multitude awoke to life and +energy again, and went surging and struggling and swaying, this way and +that, its outer edges melting away through windows and doors and +gradually lessening the pressure and relieving the mass. + +The fire-boys were never on hand so suddenly before; for there was no +distance to go, this time, their quarters being in the rear end of the +market-house. There was an engine company and a hook-and-ladder company. +Half of each was composed of rummies and the other half of anti-rummies, +after the moral and political share-and-share-alike fashion of the +frontier town of the period. Enough anti-rummies were loafing in +quarters to man the engine and the ladders. In two minutes they had +their red shirts and helmets on--they never stirred officially in +unofficial costume--and as the mass meeting overhead smashed through the +long row of windows and poured out upon the roof of the arcade, the +deliverers were ready for them with a powerful stream of water which +washed some of them off the roof and nearly drowned the rest. But water +was preferable to fire, and still the stampede from the windows +continued, and still the pitiless drenching assailed it until the +building was empty; then the fire-boys mounted to the hall and flooded +it with water enough to annihilate forty times as much fire as there was +there; for a village fire-company does not often get a chance to show +off, and so when it does get a chance it makes the most of it. Such +citizens of that village as were of a thoughtful and judicious +temperament did not insure against fire; they insured against the +fire-company. + + +CHAPTER XII. + +The Shame of Judge Driscoll. + +Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. +Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is +brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the +flea!--incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if +ignorance of fear were courage. Whether you are asleep or awake he will +attack you, caring nothing for the fact that in bulk and strength you +are to him as are the massed armies of the earth to a sucking child; he +lives both day and night and all days and nights in the very lap of +peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more afraid +than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was threatened by +an earthquake ten centuries before. When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and +Putnam as men who "didn't know what fear was," we ought always to add +the flea--and put him at the head of the procession.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +Judge Driscoll was in bed and asleep by ten o'clock on Friday night, and +he was up and gone a-fishing before daylight in the morning with his +friend Pembroke Howard. These two had been boys together in Virginia +when that State still ranked as the chief and most imposing member of +the Union, and they still coupled the proud and affectionate adjective +"old" with her name when they spoke of her. In Missouri a recognized +superiority attached to any person who hailed from Old Virginia; and +this superiority was exalted to supremacy when a person of such nativity +could also prove descent from the First Families of that great +commonwealth. The Howards and Driscolls were of this aristocracy. In +their eyes it was a nobility. It had its unwritten laws, and they were +as clearly defined and as strict as any that could be found among the +printed statutes of the land. The F. F. V. was born a gentleman; his +highest duty in life was to watch over that great inheritance and keep +it unsmirched. He must keep his honor spotless. Those laws were his +chart; his course was marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much +as half a point of the compass it meant shipwreck to his honor; that is +to say, degradation from his rank as a gentleman. These laws required +certain things of him which his religion might forbid: then his religion +must yield--the laws could not be relaxed to accommodate religions or +anything else. Honor stood first; and the laws defined what it was and +wherein it differed in certain details from honor as defined by church +creeds and by the social laws and customs of some of the minor divisions +of the globe that had got crowded out when the sacred boundaries of +Virginia were staked out. + +If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of Dawson's Landing, +Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized second citizen. He was called +"the great lawyer"--an earned title. He and Driscoll were of the same +age--a year or two past sixty. + +Although Driscoll was a free-thinker and Howard a strong and determined +Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no impairment in consequence. +They were men whose opinions were their own property and not subject to +revision and amendment, suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their +friends. + +The day's fishing finished, they came floating down stream in their +skiff, talking national politics and other high matters, and presently +met a skiff coming up from town, with a man in it who said: + +"I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew a kicking last +night, Judge?" + +"Did what?" + +"Gave him a kicking." + +The old Judge's lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. He choked with +anger for a moment, then he got out what he was trying to say-- + +"Well--well--go on! give me the details!" + +The man did it. At the finish the Judge was silent a minute, turning +over in his mind the shameful picture of Tom's flight over the +footlights; then he said, as if musing aloud--"H'm--I don't understand +it. I was asleep at home. He didn't wake me. Thought he was competent to +manage his affair without my help, I reckon." His face lit up with pride +and pleasure at that thought, and he said with a cheery complacency, "I +like that--it's the true old blood--hey, Pembroke?" + +Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head approvingly. Then the +news-bringer spoke again-- + +"But Tom beat the twin on the trial." + +The Judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said-- + +"The trial? What trial?" + +"Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault and battery." + +The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has received a +death-stroke. Howard sprang for him as he sank forward in a swoon, and +took him in his arms, and bedded him on his back in the boat. He +sprinkled water in his face, and said to the startled visitor-- + +"Go, now--don't let him come to and find you here. You see what an +effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to have been more +considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece of slander as that." + +"I'm right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I wouldn't have done +it if I had thought: but it ain't slander; it's perfectly true, just as +I told him." + +He rowed away. Presently the old Judge came out of his faint and looked +up piteously into the sympathetic face that was bent over him. + +"Say it ain't true, Pembroke; tell me it ain't true!" he said in a weak +voice. + +There was nothing weak in the deep organ-tones that responded-- + +"You know it's a lie as well as I do, old friend. He is of the best +blood of the Old Dominion." + +"God bless you for saying it!" said the old gentleman, fervently. "Ah, +Pembroke, it was such a blow!" + +Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and entered the house +with him. It was dark, and past supper-time, but the Judge was not +thinking of supper; he was eager to hear the slander refuted from +headquarters, and as eager to have Howard hear it, too. Tom was sent +for, and he came immediately. He was bruised and lame, and was not a +happy-looking object. His uncle made him sit down, and said-- + +"We have been hearing about your adventure, Tom, with a handsome lie +added to it for embellishment. Now pulverize that lie to dust! What +measures have you taken? How does the thing stand?" + +Tom answered guilelessly: "It don't stand at all; it's all over. I had +him up in court and beat him. Pudd'nhead Wilson defended him--first case +he ever had, and lost it. The judge fined the miserable hound five +dollars for the assault." + +Howard and the Judge sprang to their feet with the opening +sentence--why, neither knew; then they stood gazing vacantly at each +other. Howard stood a moment, then sat mournfully down without saying +anything. The Judge's wrath began to kindle, and he burst out-- + +"You cur! You scum! You vermin! Do you mean to tell me that blood of my +race has suffered a blow and crawled to a court of law about it? Answer +me!" + +Tom's head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent silence. His uncle +stared at him with a mixed expression of amazement and shame and +incredulity that was sorrowful to see. At last he said-- + +"Which of the twins was it?" + +"Count Luigi." + +"You have challenged him?" + +"N--no," hesitated Tom, turning pale. + +"You will challenge him to-night. Howard will carry it." + +Tom began to turn sick, and to show it. He turned his hat round and +round in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and blacker upon him as +the heavy seconds drifted by; then at last he began to stammer, and said +piteously-- + +"Oh, please don't ask me to do it, uncle! He is a murderous devil--I +never could--I--I'm afraid of him!" + +Old Driscoll's mouth opened and closed three times before he could get +it to perform its office; then he stormed out-- + +"A coward in my family! A Driscoll a coward! Oh, what have I done to +deserve this infamy!" He tottered to his secretary in the corner +repeating that lament again and again in heartbreaking tones, and got +out of a drawer a paper, which he slowly tore to bits scattering the +bits absently in his track as he walked up and down the room, still +grieving and lamenting. At last he said-- + +"There it is, shreds and fragments once more--my will. Once more you +have forced me to disinherit you, you base son of a most noble father! +Leave my sight! Go--before I spit on you!" + +The young man did not tarry. Then the Judge turned to Howard: + +"You will be my second, old friend?" + +"Of course." + +"There is pen and paper. Draft the cartel, and lose no time." + +"The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen minutes," said Howard. + +Tom was very heavy-hearted. His appetite was gone with his property and +his self-respect. He went out the back way and wandered down the obscure +lane grieving, and wondering if any course of future conduct, however +discreet and carefully perfected and watched over, could win back his +uncle's favor and persuade him to reconstruct once more that generous +will which had just gone to ruin before his eyes. He finally concluded +that it could. He said to himself that he had accomplished this sort of +triumph once already, and that what had been done once could be done +again. He would set about it. He would bend every energy to the task, +and he would score that triumph once more, cost what it might to his +convenience, limit as it might his frivolous and liberty-loving life. + +"To begin," he said to himself, "I'll square up with the proceeds of my +raid, and then gambling has got to be stopped--and stopped short off. +It's the worst vice I've got--from my standpoint, anyway, because it's +the one he can most easily find out, through the impatience of my +creditors. He thought it expensive to have to pay two hundred dollars to +them for me once. Expensive--that! Why, it cost me the whole of his +fortune--but of course he never thought of that; some people can't think +of any but their own side of a case. If he had known how deep I am in, +now, the will would have gone to pot without waiting for a duel to help. +Three hundred dollars! It's a pile! But he'll never hear of it, I'm +thankful to say. The minute I've cleared it off, I'm safe; and I'll +never touch a card again. Anyway, I won't while he lives, I make oath to +that. I'm entering on my last reform--I know it--yes, and I'll win; but +after that, if I ever slip again I'm gone." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +Tom Stares at Ruin. + +When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have +gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in +stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, +May, March, June, December, August, and February.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Thus mournfully communing with himself Tom moped along the lane past +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, and still on and on between fences inclosing +vacant country on each hand till he neared the haunted house, then he +came moping back again, with many sighs and heavy with trouble. He +sorely wanted cheerful company. Rowena! His heart gave a bound at the +thought, but the next thought quieted it--the detested twins would be +there. + +He was on the inhabited side of Wilson's house, and now as he approached +it he noticed that the sitting-room was lighted. This would do; others +made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but Wilson never failed in courtesy +toward him, and a kindly courtesy does at least save one's feelings, +even if it is not professing to stand for a welcome. Wilson heard +footsteps at his threshold, then the clearing of a throat. + +"It's that fickle-tempered, dissipated young goose--poor devil, he find +friends pretty scarce to-day, likely, after the disgrace of carrying a +personal-assault case into a law-court." + +A dejected knock. "Come in!" + +Tom entered, and drooped into a chair, without saying anything. Wilson +said kindly-- + +"Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don't take it so hard. Try and forget +you have been kicked." + +"Oh, dear," said Tom, wretchedly, "it's not that, Pudd'nhead--it's not +that. It's a thousand times worse than that--oh, yes, a million times +worse." + +"Why, Tom, what do you mean? Has Rowena--" + +"Flung me? No, but the old man has." + +Wilson said to himself, "Aha!" and thought of the mysterious girl in the +bedroom. "The Driscolls have been making discoveries!" Then he said +aloud, gravely: + +"Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which--" + +"Oh, shucks, this hasn't got anything to do with dissipation. He wanted +me to challenge that derned Italian savage, and I wouldn't do it." + +"Yes, of course he would do that," said Wilson in a meditative +matter-of-course way, "but the thing that puzzled me was, why he didn't +look to that last night, for one thing, and why he let you carry such a +matter into a court of law at all, either before the duel or after it. +It's no place for it. It was not like him. I couldn't understand it. How +did it happen?" + +"It happened because he didn't know anything about it. He was asleep +when I got home last night." + +"And you didn't wake him? Tom, is that possible?" + +Tom was not getting much comfort here. He fidgeted a moment, then said: + +"I didn't choose to tell him--that's all. He was going a-fishing before +dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I got the twins into the common +calaboose--and I thought sure I could--I never dreamed of their slipping +out on a paltry fine for such an outrageous offense--well, once in the +calaboose they would be disgraced, and uncle wouldn't want any duels +with that sort of characters, and wouldn't allow any." + +"Tom, I am ashamed of you! I don't see how you could treat your good old +uncle so. I am a better friend of his than you are; for if I had known +the circumstances I would have kept that case out of court until I got +word to him and let him have a gentleman's chance." + +"You would?" exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise. "And it your first +case! And you know perfectly well there never would have been any case +if he had got that chance, don't you? And you'd have finished your days +a pauper nobody, instead of being an actually launched and recognized +lawyer to-day. And you would really have done that, would you?" + +"Certainly." + +Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head sorrowfully and +said-- + +"I believe you--upon my word I do. I don't know why I do, but I do. +Pudd'nhead Wilson, I think you're the biggest fool I ever saw." + +"Thank you." + +"Don't mention it." + +"Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian and you have +refused. You degenerate remnant of an honorable line! I'm thoroughly +ashamed of you, Tom!" + +"Oh, that's nothing! I don't care for anything, now that the will's torn +up again." + +"Tom, tell me squarely--didn't he find any fault with you for anything +but those two things--carrying the case into court and refusing to +fight?" + +He watched the young fellow's face narrowly, but it was entirely +reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: + +"No, he didn't find any other fault with me. If he had had any to find, +he would have begun yesterday, for he was just in the humor for it. He +drove that jack-pair around town and showed them the sights, and when he +came home he couldn't find his father's old silver watch that don't keep +time and he thinks so much of, and couldn't remember what he did with it +three or four days ago when he saw it last, and so when I arrived he was +all in a sweat about it, and when I suggested that it probably wasn't +lost but stolen, it put him in a regular passion and he said I was a +fool--which convinced me, without any trouble, that that was just what +he was afraid had happened, himself, but did not want to believe it, +because lost things stand a better chance of being found again than +stolen ones." + +"Whe-ew!" whistled Wilson; "score another on the list." + +"Another what?" + +"Another theft!" + +"Theft?" + +"Yes, theft. That watch isn't lost, it's stolen. There's been another +raid on the town--and just the same old mysterious sort of thing that +has happened once before, as you remember." + +"You don't mean it!" + +"It's as sure as you are born! Have you missed anything yourself?" + +"No. That is, I did miss a silver pencil-case that Aunt Mary Pratt gave +me last birthday--" + +"You'll find it stolen--that's what you'll find." + +"No, I sha'n't; for when I suggested theft about the watch and got such +a rap, I went and examined my room, and the pencil-case was missing, but +it was only mislaid, and I found it again." + +"You are sure you missed nothing else?" + +"Well, nothing of consequence. I missed a small plain gold ring worth +two or three dollars, but that will turn up. I'll look again." + +"In my opinion you'll not find it. There's been a raid, I tell you. Come +in!" + +Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by Buckstone and the +town-constable, Jim Blake. They sat down, and after some wandering and +aimless weather-conversation Wilson said-- + +"By the way, we've just added another to the list of thefts, maybe two. +Judge Driscoll's old silver watch is gone, and Tom here has missed a +gold ring." + +"Well, it is a bad business," said the Justice, "and gets worse the +further it goes. The Hankses, the Dobsons, the Pilligrews, the Ortons, +the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the Holcombs, in fact everybody +that lives around about Patsy Cooper's has been robbed of little things +like trinkets and teaspoons and such-like small valuables that are +easily carried off. It's perfectly plain that the thief took advantage +of the reception at Patsy Cooper's when all the neighbors were in her +house and all their niggers hanging around her fence for a look at the +show, to raid the vacant houses undisturbed. Patsy is miserable about +it; miserable on account of the neighbors, and particularly miserable on +account of her foreigners, of course; so miserable on their account that +she hasn't any room to worry about her own little losses." + +"It's the same old raider," said Wilson. "I suppose there isn't any +doubt about that." + +"Constable Blake doesn't think so." + +"No, you're wrong there," said Blake; "the other times it was a man; +there was plenty of signs of that, as we know, in the profession, though +we never got hands on him; but this time it's a woman." + +Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off. She was always in +his mind now. But she failed him again. Blake continued: + +"She's a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered basket on her arm, in +a black veil, dressed in mourning. I saw her going aboard the ferry-boat +yesterday. Lives in Illinois, I reckon; but I don't care where she +lives, I'm going to get her--she can make herself sure of that." + +"What makes you think she's the thief?" + +"Well, there ain't any other, for one thing; and for another, some +nigger draymen that happened to be driving along saw her coming out of +or going into houses, and told me so--and it just happens that they was +robbed houses, every time." + +It was granted that this was plenty good enough circumstantial evidence. +A pensive silence followed, which lasted some moments, then Wilson +said-- + +"There's one good thing, anyway. She can't either pawn or sell Count +Luigi's costly Indian dagger." + +"My!" said Tom, "is that gone?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, that was a haul! But why can't she pawn it or sell it?" + +"Because when the twins went home from the Sons of Liberty meeting last +night, news of the raid was sifting in from everywhere, and Aunt Patsy +was in distress to know if they had lost anything. They found that the +dagger was gone, and they notified the police and pawnbrokers +everywhere. It was a great haul, yes, but the old woman won't get +anything out of it, because she'll get caught." + +"Did they offer a reward?" asked Buckstone. + +"Yes; five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred more for the +thief." + +"What a leather-headed idea!" exclaimed the constable. "The thief +da'sn't go near them, nor send anybody. Whoever goes is going to get +himself nabbed, for their ain't any pawnbroker that's going to lose the +chance to--" + +If anybody had noticed Tom's face at that time, the gray-green color of +it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody did. He said to himself: +"I'm gone! I never can square up; the rest of the plunder won't pawn or +sell for half of the bill. Oh, I know it--I'm gone, I'm gone--and this +time it's for good. Oh, this is awful--I don't know what to do, nor +which way to turn!" + +"Softly, softly," said Wilson to Blake. "I planned their scheme for them +at midnight last night, and it was all finished up shipshape by two this +morning. They'll get their dagger back, and then I'll explain to you how +the thing was done." + +There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and Buckstone said-- + +"Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp, Wilson, and I'm free to say +that if you don't mind telling us in confidence--" + +"Oh, I'd as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as the twins and I +agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it stand so. But you can +take my word for it you won't be kept waiting three days. Somebody will +apply for that reward pretty promptly, and I'll show you the thief and +the dagger both very soon afterward." + +The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed. He said-- + +"It may all be--yes, and I hope it will, but I'm blamed if I can see my +way through it. It's too many for yours truly." + +The subject seemed about talked out. Nobody seemed to have anything +further to offer. After a silence the justice of the peace informed +Wilson that he and Buckstone and the constable had come as a committee, +on the part of the Democratic party, to ask him to run for mayor--for +the little town was about to become a city and the first charter +election was approaching. It was the first attention which Wilson had +ever received at the hands of any party; it was a sufficiently humble +one, but it was a recognition of his début into the town's life and +activities at last; it was a step upward, and he was deeply gratified. +He accepted, and the committee departed, followed by young Tom. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +Roxana Insists Upon Reform. + +The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned +with commoner things. It is chief of this world's luxuries, king by the +grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, +he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve +took: we know it because she repented.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +About the time that Wilson was bowing the committee out, Pembroke Howard +was entering the next house to report. He found the old Judge sitting +grim and straight in his chair, waiting. + +"Well, Howard--the news?" + +"The best in the world." + +"Accepts, does he?" and the light of battle gleamed joyously in the +Judge's eye. + +"Accepts? Why, he jumped at it." + +"Did, did he? Now that's fine--that's very fine. I like that. When is it +to be?" + +"Now! Straight off! To-night! An admirable fellow--admirable!" + +"Admirable? He's a darling! Why, it's an honor as well as a pleasure to +stand up before such a man. Come--off with you! Go and arrange +everything--and give him my heartiest compliments. A rare fellow, +indeed; an admirable fellow, as you have said!" + +Howard hurried away, saying-- + +"I'll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson's and the haunted +house within the hour, and I'll bring my own pistols." + +Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of pleased excitement; +but presently he stopped, and began to think--began to think of Tom. +Twice he moved toward the secretary, and twice he turned away again; but +finally he said-- + +"This may be my last night in the world--I must not take the chance. He +is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely my fault. He was intrusted +to me by my brother on his dying bed, and I have indulged him to his +hurt, instead of training him up severely, and making a man of him. I +have violated my trust, and I must not add the sin of desertion to that. +I have forgiven him once already, and would subject him to a long and +hard trial before forgiving him again, if I could live; but I must not +run that risk. No, I must restore the will. But if I survive the duel, I +will hide it away, and he will not know, and I will not tell him until +he reforms, and I see that his reformation is going to be permanent." + +He re-drew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir to a fortune +again. As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied with another brooding +tramp, entered the house and went tiptoeing past the sitting-room door. +He glanced in, and hurried on, for the sight of his uncle had nothing +but terrors for him to-night. But his uncle was writing! That was +unusual at this late hour. What could he be writing? A chill of anxiety +settled down upon Tom's heart. Did that writing concern him? He was +afraid so. He reflected that when ill luck begins, it does not come in +sprinkles, but in showers. He said he would get a glimpse of that +document or know the reason why. He heard some one coming, and stepped +out of sight and hearing. It was Pembroke Howard. What could be +hatching? + +Howard said, with great satisfaction: + +"Everything's right and ready. He's gone to the battle-ground with his +second and the surgeon--also with his brother. I've arranged it all with +Wilson--Wilson's his second. We are to have three shots apiece." + +"Good! How is the moon?" + +"Bright as day, nearly. Perfect, for the distance--fifteen yards. No +wind--not a breath; hot and still." + +"All good; all first-rate. Here, Pembroke, read this, and witness it." + +Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old man's hand a +hearty shake and said: + +"Now that's right, York--but I knew you would do it. You couldn't leave +that poor chap to fight along without means or profession, with certain +defeat before him, and I knew you wouldn't, for his father's sake if not +for his own." + +"For his dead father's sake I couldn't, I know; for poor Percy--but you +know what Percy was to me. But mind--Tom is not to know of this unless I +fall to-night." + +"I understand. I'll keep the secret." + +The Judge put the will away, and the two started for the battle-ground. +In another minute the will was in Tom's hands. His misery vanished, his +feelings underwent a tremendous revulsion. He put the will carefully +back in its place, and spread his mouth and swung his hat once, twice, +three times around his head, in imitation of three rousing huzzas, no +sound issuing from his lips. He fell to communing with himself excitedly +and joyously, but every now and then he let off another volley of dumb +hurrahs. + +He said to himself: "I've got the fortune again, but I'll not let on +that I know about it. And this time I'm going to hang on to it. I take +no more risks. I'll gamble no more, I'll drink no more, because--well, +because I'll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, +again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way; I might have thought of +that sooner--well, yes, if I had wanted to. But now--dear me, I've had a +scare this time, and I'll take no more chances. Not a single chance +more. Land! I persuaded myself this evening that I could fetch him +around without any great amount of effort, but I've been getting more +and more heavy-hearted and doubtful straight along, ever since. If he +tells me about this thing, all right; but if he doesn't, I sha'n't let +on. I--well, I'd like to tell Pudd'nhead Wilson, but--no, I'll think +about that; perhaps I won't." He whirled off another dead huzza, and +said, "I'm reformed, and this time I'll stay so, sure!" + +He was about to close with a final grand silent demonstration, when he +suddenly recollected that Wilson had put it out of his power to pawn or +sell the Indian knife, and that he was once more in awful peril of +exposure by his creditors for that reason. His joy collapsed utterly, +and he turned away and moped toward the door moaning and lamenting over +the bitterness of his luck. He dragged himself up-stairs, and brooded in +his room a long time disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi's Indian knife +for a text. At last he sighed and said: + +"When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory bone, the thing +hadn't any interest for me because it hadn't any value, and couldn't +help me out of my trouble. But now--why, now it is full of interest; +yes, and of a sort to break a body's heart. It's a bag of gold that has +turned to dirt and ashes in my hands. It could save me, and save me so +easily, and yet I've got to go to ruin. It's like drowning with a +life-preserver in my reach. All the hard luck comes to me, and all the +good luck goes to other people--Pudd'nhead Wilson, for instance; even +his career has got a sort of a little start at last, and what has he +done to deserve it, I should like to know? Yes, he has opened his own +road, but he isn't content with that, but must block mine. It's a +sordid, selfish world, and I wish I was out of it." He allowed the light +of the candle to play upon the jewels of the sheath, but the flashings +and sparklings had no charm for his eye; they were only just so many +pangs to his heart. "I must not say anything to Roxy about this thing," +he said, "she is too daring. She would be for digging these stones out +and selling them, and then--why, she would be arrested and the stones +traced, and then--" The thought made him quake, and he hid the knife +away, trembling all over and glancing furtively about, like a criminal +who fancies that the accuser is already at hand. + +Should he try to sleep? Oh, no, sleep was not for him; his trouble was +too haunting, too afflicting for that. He must have somebody to mourn +with. He would carry his despair to Roxy. + +He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of thing was not +uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. He went out at the +back door, and turned westward. He passed Wilson's house and proceeded +along the lane, and presently saw several figures approaching Wilson's +place through the vacant lots. These were the duelists returning from +the fight; he thought he recognized them, but as he had no desire for +white people's company, he stooped down behind the fence until they were +out of his way. + +Roxy was feeling fine. She said: + +"Whah was you, child? Warn't you in it?" + +"In what?" + +"In de duel." + +"Duel? Has there been a duel?" + +"'Co'se dey has. De ole Jedge has be'n havin' a duel wid one o' dem +twins." + +"Great Scott!" Then he added to himself: "That's what made him re-make +the will; he thought he might get killed, and it softened him toward me. +And that's what he and Howard were so busy about.... Oh dear, if the +twin had only killed him, I should be out of my--" + +"What is you mumblin' bout, Chambers? Whah was you? Didn't you know dey +was gwyne to be a duel?" + +"No, I didn't. The old man tried to get me to fight one with Count +Luigi, but he didn't succeed, so I reckon he concluded to patch up the +family honor himself." + +He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a detailed account of +his talk with the Judge, and how shocked and ashamed the Judge was to +find that he had a coward in his family. He glanced up at last, and got +a shock himself. Roxana's bosom was heaving with suppressed passion, and +she was glowering down upon him with measureless contempt written in her +face. + +"En you refuse' to fight a man dat kicked you, 'stid o' jumpin' at de +chance! En you ain't got no mo' feelin' den to come en tell me, dat +fetched sich a po' low-down ornery rabbit into de worl'! Pah! it make me +sick! It's de nigger in you, dat's what it is. Thirty-one parts o' you +is white, en on'y one part nigger, en dat po' little one part is yo' +soul. Tain't wuth savin'; tain't wuth totin' out on a shovel en throwin' +in de gutter. You has disgraced yo' birth. What would yo' pa think o' +you? It's enough to make him turn in his grave." + +The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he said to himself +that if his father were only alive and in reach of assassination his +mother would soon find that he had a very clear notion of the size of +his indebtedness to that man, and was willing to pay it up in full, and +would do it too, even at risk of his life; but he kept this thought to +himself; that was safest in his mother's present state. + +"Whatever has come o' yo' Essex blood? Dat's what I can't understan'. En +it ain't on'y jist Essex blood dat's in you, not by a long sight--'deed +it ain't! My great-great-great-gran'father en yo' +great-great-great-great-gran'father was Ole Cap'n John Smith, de highest +blood dat Ole Virginny ever turned out, en his great-great-gran'mother +or somers along back dah, was Pocahontas de Injun queen, en her husbun' +was a nigger king outen Africa--en yit here you is, a slinkin' outen a +duel en disgracin' our whole line like a ornery low-down hound! Yes, +it's de nigger in you!" + +She sat down on her candle-box and fell into a reverie. Tom did not +disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was not in +circumstances of this kind, Roxana's storm went gradually down, but it +died hard, and even when it seemed to be quite gone, it would now and +then break out in a distant rumble, so to speak, in the form of muttered +ejaculations. One of these was, "Ain't nigger enough in him to show in +his finger-nails, en dat takes mighty little--yit dey's enough to paint +his soul." + +Presently she muttered. "Yassir, enough to paint a whole thimbleful of +'em." At last her ramblings ceased altogether, and her countenance began +to clear--a welcome sign to Tom, who had learned her moods, and knew she +was on the threshold of good-humor, now. He noticed that from time to +time she unconsciously carried her finger to the end of her nose. He +looked closer and said: + +"Why, mammy, the end of your nose is skinned. How did that come?" + +She sent out the sort of whole-hearted peal of laughter which God had +vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy angels in heaven and +the bruised and broken black slave on the earth, and said: + +"Dad fetch dat duel, I be'n in it myself." + +"Gracious! did a bullet do that?" + +"Yassir, you bet it did!" + +"Well, I declare! Why, how did that happen?" + +"Happened dis-away. I 'uz a-sett'n' here kinder dozin' in de dark, en +che-bang! goes a gun, right out dah. I skips along out towards t'other +end o' de house to see what's gwyne on, en stops by de ole winder on de +side towards Pudd'nhead Wilson's house dat ain't got no sash in it,--but +dey ain't none of 'em got any sashes, fur as dat's concerned,--en I +stood dah in de dark en look out, en dar in de moonlight, right down +under me 'uz one o' de twins a-cussin'--not much, but jist a-cussin' +soft--it 'uz de brown one dat 'uz cussin', 'ca'se he 'uz hit in de +shoulder. En Doctor Claypool he 'uz a-workin' at him, en Pudd'nhead +Wilson he 'uz a-he'pin', en ole Jedge Driscoll en Pem Howard 'uz +a-standin' out yonder a little piece waitin' for 'em to git ready agin. +En treckly dey squared off en give de word, en bang-bang went de +pistols, en de twin he say, 'Ouch!'--hit him on de han' dis time,--en I +hear dat same bullet go spat! ag'in, de logs under de winder; en de nex' +time dey shoot, de twin say, 'Ouch!' ag'in, en I done it too, 'ca'se de +bullet glance' on his cheek-bone en skip up here en glance on de side o' +de winder en whiz right acrost my face en tuck de hide off'n my +nose--why, if I'd 'a' be'n jist a inch or a inch en a half furder 't +would 'a' tuck de whole nose en disfiggered me. Here's de bullet; I +hunted her up." + +"Did you stand there all the time?" + +"Dat's a question to ask, ain't it? What else would I do? Does I git a +chance to see a duel every day?" + +"Why, you were right in range! Weren't you afraid?" + +The woman gave a sniff of scorn. + +"'Fraid! De Smith-Pocahontases ain't 'fraid o' nothin', let alone +bullets." + +"They've got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is judgment. I +wouldn't have stood there." + +"Nobody's accusin' you!" + +"Did anybody else get hurt?" + +"Yes, we all got hit 'cep' de blon' twin en de doctor en de seconds. De +Jedge didn't git hurt, but I hear Pudd'nhead say de bullet snip some o' +his ha'r off." + +"'George!" said Tom to himself, "to come so near being out of my +trouble, and miss it by an inch. Oh dear, dear, he will live to find me +out and sell me to some nigger-trader yet--yes, and he would do it in a +minute." Then he said aloud, in a grave tone-- + +"Mother, we are in an awful fix." + +Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said-- + +"Chile! What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? What's be'n en gone +en happen'?" + +"Well, there's one thing I didn't tell you. When I wouldn't fight, he +tore up the will again, and--" + +Roxana's face turned a dead white, and she said-- + +"Now you's done!--done forever! Dat's de end. Bofe un us is gwyne to +starve to--" + +"Wait and hear me through, can't you! I reckon that when he resolved to +fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and not have a chance to +forgive me any more in this life, so he made the will again, and I've +seen it, and it's all right. But--" + +"Oh, thank goodness, den we's safe ag'in!--safe! en so what did you want +to come here en talk sich dreadful--" + +"Hold on, I tell you, and let me finish. The swag I gathered won't half +square me up, and the first thing we know, my creditors--well, you know +what'll happen." + +Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone--she must +think this matter out. Presently she said impressively: + +"You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you! En here's what you got to +do. He didn't git killed, en if you gives him de least reason, he'll +bust de will ag'in, en dat's de las' time, now you hear me! So--you's +got to show him what you kin do in de nex' few days. You's got to be +pison good, en let him see it; you got to do everything dat'll make him +b'lieve in you, en you got to sweeten aroun' ole Aunt Pratt, too,--she's +pow'ful strong wid de Jedge, en de bes' frien' you got. Nex', you'll go +'long away to Sent Louis, en dat'll keep him in yo' favor. Den you go en +make a bargain wid dem people. You tell 'em he ain't gwyne to live +long--en dat's de fac', too,--en tell 'em you'll pay 'em intrust, en big +intrust, too,--ten per--what you call it?" + +"Ten per cent. a month?" + +"Dat's it. Den you take and sell yo' truck aroun', a little at a time, +en pay de intrust. How long will it las'?" + +"I think there's enough to pay the interest five or six months." + +"Den you's all right. If he don't die in six months, dat don't make no +diff'rence--Providence'll provide. You's gwyne to be safe--if you +behaves." She bent an austere eye on him and added, "En you is gwyne to +behave--does you know dat?" + +He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway. She did not unbend. She +said gravely: + +"Tryin' ain't de thing. You's gwyne to do it. You ain't gwyne to steal a +pin--'ca'se it ain't safe no mo'; en you ain't gwyne into no bad +comp'ny--not even once, you understand; en you ain't gwyne to drink a +drop--nary single drop; en you ain't gwyne to gamble one single +gamble--not one! Dis ain't what you's gwyne to try to do, it's what +you's gwyne to do. En I'll tell you how I knows it. Dis is how. I's +gwyne to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; en you's gwyne to come +to me every day o' yo' life, en I'll look you over; en if you fails in +one single one o' dem things--jist one--I take my oath I'll come +straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you's a nigger en a slave--en +prove it!" She paused to let her words sink home. Then she added, +"Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +Tom was sober enough now. There was no levity in his voice when he +answered: + +"Yes, mother, I know, now, that I am reformed--and permanently. +Permanently--and beyond the reach of any human temptation." + +"Den g' long home en begin!" + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +The Robber Robbed. + +Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one +basket"--which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your +attention;" but the wise man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket +and--watch that basket"--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +What a time of it Dawson's Landing was having! All its life it had been +asleep, but now it hardly got a chance for a nod, so swiftly did big +events and crashing surprises come along in one another's wake: Friday +morning, first glimpse of Real Nobility, also grand reception at Aunt +Patsy Cooper's, also great robber-raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking +of the heir of the chief citizen in presence of four hundred people; +Saturday morning, emergence as practising lawyer of the long-submerged +Pudd'nhead Wilson; Saturday night, duel between chief citizen and titled +stranger. + +The people took more pride in the duel than in all the other events put +together, perhaps. It was a glory to their town to have such a thing +happen there. In their eyes the principals had reached the summit of +human honor. Everybody paid homage to their names; their praises were in +all mouths. Even the duelists' subordinates came in for a handsome share +of the public approbation: wherefore Pudd'nhead Wilson was suddenly +become a man of consequence. When asked to run for the mayoralty +Saturday night he was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found him a +made man and his success assured. + +The twins were prodigiously great, now; the town took them to its bosom +with enthusiasm. Day after day, and night after night, they went dining +and visiting from house to house, making friends, enlarging and +solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising all with their +musical prodigies, and now and then heightening the effects with samples +of what they could do in other directions, out of their stock of rare +and curious accomplishments. They were so pleased that they gave the +regulation thirty days' notice, the required preparation for +citizenship, and resolved to finish their days in this pleasant place. +That was the climax. The delighted community rose as one man and +applauded; and when the twins were asked to stand for seats in the +forthcoming aldermanic board, and consented, the public contentment was +rounded and complete. + +Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, and hurt +all the way down. He hated the one twin for kicking him, and the other +one for being the kicker's brother. + +Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard of the raider, or +of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able to throw +any light on that matter. Nearly a week had drifted by, and still the +thing remained a vexed mystery. + +On Saturday Constable Blake and Pudd'nhead Wilson met on the street, and +Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their conversation for them. He +said to Blake--"You are not looking well, Blake; you seem to be annoyed +about something. Has anything gone wrong in the detective business? I +believe you fairly and justifiably claim to have a pretty good +reputation in that line, isn't it so?"--which made Blake feel good, and +look it; but Tom added, "for a country detective"--which made Blake feel +the other way, and not only look it, but betray it in his voice-- + +"Yes, sir, I have got a reputation; and it's as good as anybody's in the +profession, too, country or no country." + +"Oh, I beg pardon; I didn't mean any offense. What I started out to ask +was only about the old woman that raided the town--the stoop-shouldered +old woman, you know, that you said you were going to catch; and I knew +you would, too, because you have the reputation of never boasting, +and--well, you--you've caught the old woman?" + +"D------ the old woman!" + +"Why, sho! you don't mean to say you haven't caught her?" + +"No; I haven't caught her. If anybody could have caught her, I could; +but nobody couldn't, I don't care who he is." + +"I am sorry, real sorry--for your sake; because, when it gets around +that a detective has expressed himself so confidently, and then--" + +"Don't you worry, that's all--don't you worry; and as for the town, the +town needn't worry, either. She's my meat--make yourself easy about +that. I'm on her track; I've got clues that--" + +"That's good! Now if you could get an old veteran detective down from +St. Louis to help you find out what the clues mean, and where they lead +to, and then--" + +"I'm plenty veteran enough myself, and I don't need anybody's help. I'll +have her inside of a we--inside of a month. That I'll swear to!" + +Tom said carelessly-- + +"I suppose that will answer--yes, that will answer. But I reckon she is +pretty old, and old people don't often outlive the cautious pace of the +professional detective when he has got his clues together and is out on +his still-hunt." + +Blake's dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he could set his +retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was saying, with placid +indifference of manner and voice-- + +"Who got the reward, Pudd'nhead?" + +Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come. + +"What reward?" + +"Why, the reward for the thief, and the other one for the knife." + +Wilson answered--and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his hesitating +fashion of delivering himself-- + +"Well, the--well, in fact, nobody has claimed it yet." + +Tom seemed surprised. + +"Why, is that so?" + +Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied-- + +"Yes, it's so. And what of it?" + +"Oh, nothing. Only I thought you had struck out a new idea, and invented +a scheme that was going to revolutionize the time-worn and ineffectual +methods of the--" He stopped, and turned to Blake, who was happy now +that another had taken his place on the gridiron: "Blake, didn't you +understand him to intimate that it wouldn't be necessary for you to hunt +the old woman down?" + +"B'George, he said he'd have thief and swag both inside of three +days--he did, by hokey! and that's just about a week ago. Why, I said at +the time that no thief and no thief's pal was going to try to pawn or +sell a thing where he knowed the pawnbroker could get both rewards by +taking him into camp with the swag. It was the blessedest idea that ever +I struck!" + +"You'd change your mind," said Wilson, with irritated bluntness, "if you +knew the entire scheme instead of only part of it." + +"Well," said the constable, pensively, "I had the idea that it wouldn't +work, and up to now I'm right anyway." + +"Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a further show. It +has worked at least as well as your own methods, you perceive." + +The constable hadn't anything handy to hit back with, so he discharged a +discontented sniff, and said nothing. + +After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme at his house, +Tom had tried for several days to guess out the secret of the rest of +it, but had failed. Then it occurred to him to give Roxana's smarter +head a chance at it. He made up a supposititious case, and laid it +before her. She thought it over, and delivered her verdict upon it. Tom +said to himself, "She's hit it, sure!" He thought he would test that +verdict, now, and watch Wilson's face; so he said reflectively-- + +"Wilson, you're not a fool--a fact of recent discovery. Whatever your +scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake's opinion to the contrary +notwithstanding. I don't ask you to reveal it, but I will suppose a +case--a case which will answer as a starting-point for the real thing I +am going to come at, and that's all I want. You offered five hundred +dollars for the knife, and five hundred for the thief. We will suppose, +for argument's sake, that the first reward is advertised and the second +offered by private letter to pawnbrokers and--" + +Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out-- + +"By Jackson, he's got you, Pudd'nhead! Now why couldn't I or any fool +have thought of that?" + +Wilson said to himself, "Anybody with a reasonably good head would have +thought of it. I am not surprised that Blake didn't detect it; I am only +surprised that Tom did. There is more to him than I supposed." He said +nothing aloud, and Tom went on: + +"Very well. The thief would not suspect that there was a trap, and he +would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, or found +it in the road, or something like that, and try to collect the reward, +and be arrested--wouldn't he?" + +"Yes," said Wilson. + +"I think so," said Tom. "There can't be any doubt of it. Have you ever +seen that knife?" + +"No." + +"Has any friend of yours?" + +"Not that I know of." + +"Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme failed." + +"What do you mean, Tom? What are you driving at?" asked Wilson, with a +dawning sense of discomfort. + +"Why, that there isn't any such knife." + +"Look here, Wilson," said Blake, "Tom Driscoll's right, for a thousand +dollars--if I had it." + +Wilson's blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had been played +upon by those strangers; it certainly had something of that look. But +what could they gain by it? He threw out that suggestion. Tom replied: + +"Gain? Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe. But they are strangers +making their way in a new community. Is it nothing to them to appear as +pets of an Oriental prince--at no expense? Is it nothing to them to be +able to dazzle this poor little town with thousand-dollar rewards--at no +expense? Wilson, there isn't any such knife, or your scheme would have +fetched it to light. Or if there is any such knife, they've got it yet. +I believe, myself, that they've seen such a knife, for Angelo pictured +it out with his pencil too swiftly and handily for him to have been +inventing it, and of course I can't swear that they've never had it; but +this I'll go bail for--if they had it when they came to this town, +they've got it yet." + +Blake said-- + +"It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it most certainly +does." + +Tom responded, turning to leave-- + +"You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can't furnish the knife, go +and search the twins!" + +Tom sauntered away. Wilson felt a good deal depressed. He hardly knew +what to think. He was loath to withdraw his faith from the twins, and +was resolved not to do it on the present indecisive evidence; but--well, +he would think, and then decide how to act. + +"Blake, what do you think of this matter?" + +"Well, Pudd'nhead, I'm bound to say I put it up the way Tom does. They +hadn't the knife; or if they had it, they've got it yet." + +The men parted. Wilson said to himself: + +"I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the scheme would have +restored it, that is certain. And so I believe they've got it yet." + +Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those two men. When +he began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them a little and get a +trifle of malicious entertainment out of it. But when he left, he left +in great spirits, for he perceived that just by pure luck and no +troublesome labor he had accomplished several delightful things: he had +touched both men on a raw spot and seen them squirm; he had modified +Wilson's sweetness for the twins with one small bitter taste that he +wouldn't be able to get out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, +he had taken the hated twins down a peg with the community; for Blake +would gossip around freely, after the manner of detectives, and within a +week the town would be laughing at them in its sleeve for offering a +gaudy reward for a bauble which they either never possessed or hadn't +lost. Tom was very well satisfied with himself. + +Tom's behavior at home had been perfect during the entire week. His +uncle and aunt had seen nothing like it before. They could find no fault +with him anywhere. + +Saturday evening he said to the Judge-- + +"I've had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I am going away, +and might never see you again, I can't bear it any longer. I made you +believe I was afraid to fight that Italian adventurer. I had to get out +of it on some pretext or other, and maybe I chose badly, being taken +unawares, but no honorable person could consent to meet him in the +field, knowing what I knew about him." + +"Indeed? What was that?" + +"Count Luigi is a confessed assassin." + +"Incredible!" + +"It's perfectly true. Wilson detected it in his hand, by palmistry, and +charged him with it, and cornered him up so close that he had to +confess; but both twins begged us on their knees to keep the secret, and +swore they would lead straight lives here; and it was all so pitiful +that we gave our word of honor never to expose them while they kept that +promise. You would have done it yourself, uncle." + +"You are right, my boy; I would. A man's secret is still his own +property, and sacred, when it has been surprised out of him like that. +You did well, and I am proud of you." Then he added mournfully, "But I +wish I could have been saved the shame of meeting an assassin on the +field of honor." + +"It couldn't be helped, uncle. If I had known you were going to +challenge him I should have felt obliged to sacrifice my pledged word in +order to stop it, but Wilson couldn't be expected to do otherwise than +keep silent." + +"Oh, no; Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. Tom, Tom, you have +lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung to the very soul when I +seemed to have discovered that I had a coward in my family." + +"You may imagine what it cost me to assume such a part, uncle." + +"Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it. And I can understand how much it +has cost you to remain under that unjust stigma to this time. But it is +all right now, and no harm is done. You have restored my comfort of +mind, and with it your own; and both of us had suffered enough." + +The old man sat awhile plunged in thought; then he looked up with a +satisfied light in his eye, and said: "That this assassin should have +put the affront upon me of letting me meet him on the field of honor as +if he were a gentleman is a matter which I will presently settle--but +not now. I will not shoot him until after election. I see a way to ruin +them both before; I will attend to that first. Neither of them shall be +elected, that I promise. You are sure that the fact that he is an +assassin has not got abroad?" + +"Perfectly certain of it, sir." + +"It will be a good card. I will fling a hint at it from the stump on the +polling-day. It will sweep the ground from under both of them." + +"There's not a doubt of it. It will finish them." + +"That and outside work among the voters will, to a certainty. I want you +to come down here by and by and work privately among the rag-tag and +bobtail. You shall spend money among them; I will furnish it." + +Another point scored against the detested twins! Really it was a great +day for Tom. He was encouraged to chance a parting shot, now, at the +same target, and did it. + +"You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins have been making +such a to-do about? Well, there's no track or trace of it yet; so the +town is beginning to sneer and gossip and laugh. Half the people believe +they never had any such knife, the other half believe they had it and +have got it still. I've heard twenty people talking like that to-day." + +Yes, Tom's blemishless week had restored him to the favor of his aunt +and uncle. + +His mother was satisfied with him, too. Privately, she believed she was +coming to love him, but she did not say so. She told him to go along to +St. Louis, now, and she would get ready and follow. Then she smashed her +whisky bottle and said-- + +"Dah now! I's a-gwyne to make you walk as straight as a string, +Chambers, en so I's bown' you ain't gwyne to git no bad example out o' +yo' mammy. I tole you you couldn't go into no bad comp'ny. Well, you's +gwyne into my comp'ny, en I's gwyne to fill de bill. Now, den, trot +along, trot along!" + +Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that night with his heavy +satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept the sleep of the unjust, +which is serener and sounder than the other kind, as we know by the +hanging-eve history of a million rascals. But when he got up in the +morning, luck was against him again: A brother-thief had robbed him +while he slept, and gone ashore at some intermediate landing. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +Sold Down the River. + +If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite +you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a +man.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of +the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It +seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for +studying the oyster.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +When Roxana arrived, she found her son in such despair and misery that +her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up strong in her. He was +ruined past hope, now; his destruction would be immediate and sure, and +he would be an outcast and friendless. That was reason enough for a +mother to love a child; so she loved him, and told him so. It made him +wince, secretly--for she was a "nigger." That he was one himself was far +from reconciling him to that despised race. + +Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he responded +uncomfortably, but as well as he could. And she tried to comfort him, +but that was not possible. These intimacies quickly became horrible to +him, and within the hour he began to try to get up courage enough to +tell her so, and require that they be discontinued or very considerably +modified. But he was afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull, now, +for she had begun to think. She was trying to invent a saving plan. +Finally she started up, and said she had found a way out. Tom was almost +suffocated by the joy of this sudden good news. Roxana said: + +"Here is de plan, en she'll win, sure. I's a nigger, en nobody ain't +gwyne to doubt it dat hears me talk. I's wuth six hund'd dollahs. Take +en sell me, en pay off dese gamblers." + +Tom was dazed. He was not sure he had heard aright. He was dumb for a +moment; then he said: + +"Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save me?" + +"Ain't you my chile? En does you know anything dat a mother won't do for +her chile? Day ain't nothin' a white mother won't do for her chile. Who +made 'em so? De Lord done it. En who made de niggers? De Lord made 'em. +In de inside, mothers is all de same. De good Lord he made 'em so. I's +gwyne to be sole into slavery, en in a year you's gwyne to buy yo' ole +mammy free ag'in. I'll show you how. Dat's de plan." + +Tom's hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with them. He said-- + +"It's lovely of you, mammy--it's just--" + +"Say it ag'in! En keep on sayin' it! It's all de pay a body kin want in +dis worl', en it's mo' den enough. Laws bless you, honey, when I's +slavin' aroun', en dey 'buses me, if I knows you's a-sayin' dat, 'way +off yonder somers, it'll heal up all de sore places, en I kin stan' +'em." + +"I do say it again, mammy, and I'll keep on saying it, too. But how am I +going to sell you? You're free, you know." + +"Much diff'rence dat make! White folks ain't partic'lar. De law kin sell +me now if dey tell me to leave de State in six months en I don't go. You +draw up a paper--bill o' sale--en put it 'way off yonder, down in de +middle o' Kaintuck somers, en sign some names to it, en say you'll sell +me cheap 'ca'se you's hard up; you'll find you ain't gwyne to have no +trouble. You take me up de country a piece, en sell me on a farm; dem +people ain't gwyne to ask no questions if I's a bargain." + +Tom forged a bill of sale and sold his mother to an Arkansas +cotton-planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. He did not want to +commit this treachery, but luck threw the man in his way, and this saved +him the necessity of going up country to hunt up a purchaser, with the +added risk of having to answer a lot of questions, whereas this planter +was so pleased with Roxy that he asked next to none at all. Besides, the +planter insisted that Roxy wouldn't know where she was, at first, and +that by the time she found out she would already have become contented. +And Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantage for Roxy to +have a master who was so pleased with her, as this planter manifestly +was. In almost no time his flowing reasonings carried him to the point +of even half believing he was doing Roxy a splendid surreptitious +service in selling her "down the river." And then he kept diligently +saying to himself all the time: "It's for only a year. In a year I buy +her free again; she'll keep that in mind, and it'll reconcile her." Yes; +the little deception could do no harm, and everything would come out +right and pleasant in the end, any way. By agreement, the conversation +in Roxy's presence was all about the man's "upcountry" farm, and how +pleasant a place it was, and how happy the slaves were there; so poor +Roxy was entirely deceived; and easily, for she was not dreaming that +her own son could be guilty of treason to a mother who, in voluntarily +going into slavery--slavery of any kind, mild or severe, or of any +duration, brief or long--was making a sacrifice for him compared with +which death would have been a poor and commonplace one. She lavished +tears and loving caresses upon him privately, and then went away with +her owner--went away broken-hearted, and yet proud of what she was +doing, and glad it was in her power to do it. + +Tom squared his accounts, and resolved to keep to the very letter of his +reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy again. He had three +hundred dollars left. According to his mother's plan, he was to put that +safely away, and add her half of his pension to it monthly. In one year +this fund would buy her free again. + +For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much the villainy +which he had played upon his trusting mother preyed upon his rag of a +conscience; but after that he began to get comfortable again, and was +presently able to sleep like any other miscreant. + +The boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the afternoon, and she +stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle-box and watched Tom through a +blur of tears until he melted into the throng of people and disappeared; +then she looked no more, but sat there on a coil of cable crying till +far into the night. When she went to her foul steerage-bunk at last, +between the clashing engines, it was not to sleep, but only to wait for +the morning, and, waiting, grieve. + +It had been imagined that she "would not know," and would think she was +traveling up stream. She! Why, she had been steamboating for years. At +dawn she got up and went listlessly and sat down on the cable-coil +again. She passed many a snag whose "break" could have told her a thing +to break her heart, for it showed a current moving in the same direction +that the boat was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did +not notice. But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break than usual +brought her out of her torpor, and she looked up, and her practised eye +fell upon that telltale rush of water. For one moment her petrified gaze +fixed itself there. Then her head dropped upon her breast, and she +said-- + +"Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po' sinful me--I's sole down de +river!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy. + +Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full +of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that +you didn't see him do it.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all +the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left +in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the +country has grown so.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +The summer weeks dragged by, and then the political campaign +opened--opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed hotter and hotter +daily. The twins threw themselves into it with their whole heart, for +their self-love was engaged. Their popularity, so general at first, had +suffered afterward; mainly because they had been too popular, and so a +natural reaction had followed. Besides, it had been diligently whispered +around that it was curious--indeed, very curious--that that wonderful +knife of theirs did not turn up--if it was so valuable, or if it had +ever existed. And with the whisperings went chucklings and nudgings and +winks, and such things have an effect. The twins considered that success +in the election would reinstate them, and that defeat would work them +irreparable damage. Therefore they worked hard, but not harder than +Judge Driscoll and Tom worked against them in the closing days of the +canvas. Tom's conduct had remained so letter-perfect during two whole +months, now, that his uncle not only trusted him with money with which +to persuade voters, but trusted him to go and get it himself out of the +safe in the private sitting-room. + +The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge Driscoll, and he +made it against both of the foreigners. It was disastrously effective. +He poured out rivers of ridicule upon them, and forced the big +mass-meeting to laugh and applaud. He scoffed at them as adventurers, +mountebanks, side-show riff-raff, dime museum freaks; he assailed their +showy titles with measureless derision; he said they were back-alley +barbers disguised as nobilities, peanut peddlers masquerading as +gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft of their brother monkey. At last he +stopped and stood still. He waited until the place had become absolutely +silent and expectant, then he delivered his deadliest shot; delivered it +with ice-cold seriousness and deliberation, with a significant emphasis +upon the closing words: he said that he believed that the reward offered +for the lost knife was humbug and buncombe, and that its owner would +know where to find it whenever he should have occasion to assassinate +somebody. + +Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and impressive hush +behind him instead of the customary explosion of cheers and party cries. + +The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and made an +extraordinary sensation. Everybody was asking, "What could he mean by +that?" And everybody went on asking that question, but in vain; for the +Judge only said he knew what he was talking about, and stopped there; +Tom said he hadn't any idea what his uncle meant, and Wilson, whenever +he was asked what he thought it meant, parried the question by asking +the questioner what he thought it meant. + +Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated--crushed, in fact, and left +forlorn and substantially friendless. Tom went back to St. Louis happy. + +Dawson's Landing had a week of repose, now, and it needed it. But it was +in an expectant state, for the air was full of rumors of a new duel. +Judge Driscoll's election labors had prostrated him, but it was said +that as soon as he was well enough to entertain a challenge he would get +one from Count Luigi. + +The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed their +humiliation in privacy. They avoided the people, and went out for +exercise only late at night, when the streets were deserted. + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +Roxana Commands. + +Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same +procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the +band and the gaudy officials have gone by.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +Thanksgiving Day. Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, +but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use +plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.--Pudd'nhead +Wilson's Calendar. + +The Friday after the election was a rainy one in St. Louis. It rained +all day long, and rained hard, apparently trying its best to wash that +soot-blackened town white, but of course not succeeding. Toward midnight +Tom Driscoll arrived at his lodgings from the theatre in the heavy +downpour, and closed his umbrella and let himself in; but when he would +have shut the door, he found that there was another person +entering--doubtless another lodger; this person closed the door and +tramped up-stairs behind Tom. Tom found his door in the dark, and +entered it and turned up the gas. When he faced about, lightly +whistling, he saw the back of a man. The man was closing and locking his +door for him. His whistle faded out and he felt uneasy. The man turned +around, a wreck of shabby old clothes, sodden with rain and all a-drip, +and showed a black face under an old slouch hat. Tom was frightened. He +tried to order the man out, but the words refused to come, and the other +man got the start. He said, in a low voice-- + +"Keep still--I's yo' mother!" + +Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out-- + +"It was mean of me, and base--I know it; but I meant it for the best, I +did indeed--I can swear it." + +Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he writhed in shame +and went on incoherently babbling self-accusations mixed with pitiful +attempts at explanation and palliation of his crime; then she seated +herself and took off her hat, and her unkept masses of long brown hair +tumbled down about her shoulders. + +"It ain't no fault o' yo'n dat dat ain't gray," she said sadly, noticing +the hair. + +"I know it, I know it! I'm a scoundrel. But I swear I meant it for the +best. It was a mistake, of course, but I thought it was for the best, I +truly did." + +Roxana began to cry softly, and presently words began to find their way +out between her sobs. They were uttered lamentingly, rather than +angrily-- + +"Sell a pusson down de river--down the river!--for de bes'! I wouldn't +treat a dog so! I is all broke down en wore out, now, en so I reckon it +ain't in me to storm aroun' no mo', like I used to when I 'uz trompled +on en 'bused. I don't know--but maybe it's so. Leastways, I's suffered +so much dat mournin' seem to come mo' handy to me now den stormin'." + +These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if they did, that +effect was obliterated by a stronger one--one which removed the heavy +weight of fear which lay upon him, and gave his crushed spirit a most +grateful rebound, and filled all his small soul with a deep sense of +relief. But he kept prudently still, and ventured no comment. There was +a voiceless interval of some duration, now, in which no sounds were +heard but the beating of the rain upon the panes, the sighing and +complaining of the winds, and now and then a muffled sob from Roxana. +The sobs became more and more infrequent, and at last ceased. Then the +refugee began to talk again: + +"Shet down dat light a little. More. More yit. A pusson dat is hunted +don't like de light. Dah--dat'll do. I kin see whah you is, en dat's +enough. I's gwine to tell you de tale, en cut it jes as short as I kin, +en den I'll tell you what you's got to do. Dat man dat bought me ain't a +bad man; he's good enough, as planters goes; en if he could 'a' had his +way I'd 'a' be'n a house servant in his fambly en be'n comfortable: but +his wife she was a Yank, en not right down good lookin', en she riz up +agin me straight off; so den dey sent me out to de quarter 'mongst de +common fiel' han's. Dat woman warn't satisfied even wid dat, but she +worked up de overseer ag'in' me, she 'uz dat jealous en hateful; so de +overseer he had me out befo' day in de mawnin's en worked me de whole +long day as long as dey 'uz any light to see by; en many's de lashin's I +got 'ca'se I couldn't come up to de work o' de stronges'. Dat overseer +wuz a Yank, too, outen New Englan', en anybody down South kin tell you +what dat mean. Dey knows how to work a nigger to death, en dey knows how +to whale 'em, too--whale 'em till dey backs is welted like a washboard. +'Long at fust my marster say de good word for me to de overseer, but dat +'uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it out, en arter dat I jist +ketched it at every turn--dey warn't no mercy for me no mo'." + +Tom's heart was fired--with fury against the planter's wife; and he said +to himself, "But for that meddlesome fool, everything would have gone +all right." He added a deep and bitter curse against her. + +The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in his face, and +stood thus revealed to Roxana by a white glare of lightning which turned +the somber dusk of the room into dazzling day at that moment. She was +pleased--pleased and grateful; for did not that expression show that her +child was capable of grieving for his mother's wrongs and of feeling +resentment toward her persecutors?--a thing which she had been doubting. +But her flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out again and left +her spirit dark; for she said to herself, "He sole me down de river--he +can't feel for a body long: dis'll pass en go." Then she took up her +tale again. + +"'Bout ten days ago I 'uz sayin' to myself dat I couldn't las' many mo' +weeks I 'uz so wore out wid de awful work en de lashin's, en so +downhearted en misable. En I didn't care no mo', nuther--life warn't +wuth noth'n' to me, if I got to go on like dat. Well, when a body is in +a frame o' mine like dat, what do a body care what a body do? Dey was a +little sickly nigger wench 'bout ten year ole dat 'uz good to me, en +hadn't no mammy, po' thing, en I loved her en she loved me; en she come +out whah I 'uz workin 'en she had a roasted tater, en tried to slip it +to me,--robbin' herself, you see, 'ca'se she knowed de overseer didn't +gimme enough to eat,--en he ketched her at it, en give her a lick acrost +de back wid his stick, which 'uz as thick as a broom-handle, en she +drop' screamin' on de groun', en squirmin' en wallerin' aroun' in de +dust like a spider dat's got crippled. I couldn't stan' it. All de +hell-fire dat 'uz ever in my heart flame' up, en I snatch de stick outen +his han' en laid him flat. He laid dah moanin' en cussin', en all out of +his head, you know, en de niggers 'uz plumb sk'yred to death. Dey +gathered roun' him to he'p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took out for +de river as tight as I could go. I knowed what dey would do wid me. Soon +as he got well he would start in en work me to death if marster let him; +en if dey didn't do dat, they'd sell me furder down de river, en dat's +de same thing. So I 'lowed to drown myself en git out o' my troubles. It +'uz gitt'n' towards dark. I 'uz at de river in two minutes. Den I see a +canoe, en I says dey ain't no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I +ties de hoss in de edge o' de timber en shove out down de river, keepin' +in under de shelter o' de bluff bank en prayin' for de dark to shet down +quick. I had a pow'ful good start, 'ca'se de big house 'uz three mile +back f'om de river en on'y de work-mules to ride dah on, en on'y niggers +to ride 'em, en dey warn't gwine to hurry--dey'd gimme all de chance dey +could. Befo' a body could go to de house en back it would be long pas' +dark, en dey couldn't track de hoss en fine out which way I went tell +mawnin', en de niggers would tell 'em all de lies dey could 'bout it. + +"Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin' down de river. I paddled +mo'n two hours, den I warn't worried no mo', so I quit paddlin, en +floated down de current, considerin' what I 'uz gwine to do if I didn't +have to drown myself. I made up some plans, en floated along, turnin' +'em over in my mine. Well, when it 'uz a little pas' midnight, as I +reckoned, en I had come fifteen or twenty mile, I see de lights o' a +steamboat layin' at de bank, whah dey warn't no town en no woodyard, en +putty soon I ketched de shape o' de chimbly-tops ag'in' de stars, en den +good gracious me, I 'most jumped out o' my skin for joy! It 'uz de Gran' +Mogul--I 'uz chambermaid on her for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en +Orleans trade. I slid 'long pas'--don't see nobody stirrin' nowhah--hear +'em a-hammerin' away in de engine-room, den I knowed what de matter +was--some o' de machinery's broke. I got asho' below de boat and turn' +de canoe loose, den I goes 'long up, en dey 'uz jes one plank out, en I +step' 'board de boat. It 'uz pow'ful hot, deckhan's en roustabouts 'uz +sprawled aroun' asleep on de fo'cas'l', de second mate, Jim Bangs, he +sot dah on de bitts wid his head down, asleep--'ca'se dat's de way de +second mate stan' de cap'n's watch!--en de ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he +'uz a-noddin' on de companionway;--en I knowed 'em all; 'en, lan', but +dey did look good! I says to myself, I wished old marster'd come along +now en try to take me--bless yo' heart, I's 'mong frien's, I is. So I +tromped right along 'mongst 'em, en went up on de b'iler deck en 'way +back aft to de ladies' cabin guard, en sot down dah in de same cheer dat +I'd sot in 'mos' a hund'd million times, I reckon; en it 'uz jist home +ag'in, I tell you! + +"In 'bout an hour I heard de ready-bell jingle, en den de racket begin. +Putty soon I hear de gong strike. 'Set her back on de outside,' I says +to myself--'I reckon I knows dat music!' I hear de gong ag'in. 'Come +ahead on de inside,' I says. Gong ag'in. 'Stop de outside.' Gong ag'in. +'Come ahead on de outside--now we's pinted for Sent Louis, en I's outer +de woods en ain't got to drown myself at all.' I knowed de Mogul 'uz in +de Sent Louis trade now, you see. It 'uz jes fair daylight when we +passed our plantation, en I seed a gang o' niggers en white folks +huntin' up en down de sho', en troublin' deyselves a good deal 'bout me; +but I warn't troublin' myself none 'bout dem. + +"'Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second chambermaid en +'uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, en 'uz pow'ful glad +to see me, en so 'uz all de officers; en I tole 'em I'd got kidnapped en +sole down de river, en dey made me up twenty dollahs en give it to me, +en Sally she rigged me out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went +straight to whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say +you's away but 'spected back every day; so I didn't dast to go down de +river to Dawson's, 'ca'se I might miss you. + +"Well, las' Monday I 'uz pass'n' by one o' dem places in Fourth street +whah deh sticks up runaway-nigger bills, en he'ps to ketch 'em, en I +seed my marster! I 'mos' flopped down on de groun', I felt so gone. He +had his back to me, en 'uz talkin' to de man en givin' him some +bills--nigger-bills, I reckon, en I'se de nigger. He's offerin' a +reward--dat's it. Ain't I right, don't you reckon?" + +Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly terror, and he +said to himself, now: "I'm lost, no matter what turn things take! This +man has said to me that he thinks there was something suspicious about +that sale. He said he had a letter from a passenger on the Grand Mogul +saying that Roxy came here on that boat and that everybody on board knew +all about the case; so he says that her coming here instead of flying to +a free State looks bad for me, and that if I don't find her for him, and +that pretty soon, he will make trouble for me. I never believed that +story; I couldn't believe she would be so dead to all motherly instincts +as to come here, knowing the risk she would run of getting me into +irremediable trouble. And after all, here she is! And I stupidly swore I +would help him find her, thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to +promise. If I venture to deliver her up, she--she--but how can I help +myself? I've got to do that or pay the money, and where's the money to +come from? I--I--well, I should think that if he would swear to treat +her kindly hereafter--and she says, herself, that he is a good man--and +if he would swear to never allow her to be overworked, or ill fed, or--" + +A flash of lightning exposed Tom's pallid face, drawn and rigid with +these worrying thoughts. Roxana spoke up sharply now, and there was +apprehension in her voice-- + +"Turn up dat light! I want to see yo' face better. Dah now--lemme look +at you. Chambers, you's as white as yo' shirt! Has you see dat man? Has +he be'n to see you?" + +"Ye-s." + +"When?" + +"Monday noon." + +"Monday noon! Was he on my track?" + +"He--well, he thought he was. That is, he hoped he was. This is the bill +you saw." He took it out of his pocket. + +"Read it to me!" + +She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky glow in her eyes +that Tom could not translate with certainty, but there seemed to be +something threatening about it. The handbill had the usual rude woodcut +of a turbaned negro woman running, with the customary bundle on a stick +over her shoulder, and the heading in bold type, "$100 Reward." Tom read +the bill aloud--at least the part that described Roxana and named the +master and his St. Louis address and the address of the Fourth-street +agency; but he left out the item that applicants for the reward might +also apply to Mr. Thomas Driscoll. + +"Gimme de bill!" + +Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket. He felt a chilly +streak creeping down his back, but said as carelessly as he could-- + +"The bill? Why, it isn't any use to you, you can't read it. What do you +want with it?" + +"Gimme de bill!" Tom gave it to her, but with a reluctance which he +could not entirely disguise. "Did you read it all to me?" + +"Certainly I did." + +"Hole up yo' han' en swah to it." + +Tom did it. Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, with her +eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while; then she said-- + +"Yo's lyin'!" + +"What would I want to lie about it for?" + +"I don't know--but you is. Dat's my opinion, anyways. But nemmine 'bout +dat. When I seed dat man I 'uz dat sk'yerd dat I could sca'cely wobble +home. Den I give a nigger man a dollar for dese clo'es, en I ain't be'n +in a house sence, night ner day, till now. I blacked my face en laid hid +in de cellar of a ole house dat's burnt down, daytimes, en robbed de +sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de wharf, nights, to git somethin' to +eat, en never dast to try to buy noth'n', en I's 'mos' starved. En I +never dast to come near dis place till dis rainy night, when dey ain't +no people roun' sca'cely. But to-night I be'n a-stannin' in de dark +alley ever sence night come, waitin' for you to go by. En here I is." + +She fell to thinking. Presently she said-- + +"You seed dat man at noon, las' Monday?" + +"Yes." + +"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon. He hunted you up, didn't he?" + +"Yes." + +"Did he give you de bill dat time?" + +"No, he hadn't got it printed yet." + +Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. + +"Did you he'p him fix up de bill?" + +Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried to rectify +it by saying he remembered, now, that it was at noon Monday that the man +gave him the bill. Roxana said-- + +"You's lyin' ag'in, sho." Then she straightened up and raised her +finger: + +"Now den! I's gwine to ask you a question, en I wants to know how you's +gwine to git aroun' it. You knowed he 'uz arter me; en if you run off, +'stid o' stayin' here to he'p him, he'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong +'bout dis business, en den he would inquire 'bout you, en dat would take +him to yo' uncle, en yo' uncle would read de bill en see dat you be'n +sellin' a free nigger down de river, en you know him, I reckon! He'd +t'ar up de will en kick you outen de house. Now, den, you answer me dis +question: hain't you tole dat man dat I would be sho' to come here, en +den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch me?" + +Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any +longer--he was in a vise, with the screw turned on, and out of it there +was no budging. His face began to take on an ugly look, and presently he +said, with a snarl-- + +"Well, what could I do? You see, yourself, that I was in his grip and +couldn't get out." + +Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she said-- + +"What could you do? You could be Judas to yo' own mother to save yo' +wuthless hide! Would anybody b'lieve it? No--a dog couldn't! You is de +low-downest orneriest hound dat was ever pup'd into dis worl'--en I's +'sponsible for it!"--and she spat on him. + +He made no effort to resent this. Roxy reflected a moment, then she +said-- + +"Now I'll tell you what you's gwine to do. You's gwine to give dat man +de money dat you's got laid up, en make him wait till you kin go to de +Judge en git de res' en buy me free agin." + +"Thunder! what are you thinking of? Go and ask him for three hundred +dollars and odd? What would I tell him I want with it, pray?" + +Roxy's answer was delivered in a serene and level voice-- + +"You'll tell him you's sole me to pay yo' gamblin' debts en dat you lied +to me en was a villain, en dat I 'quires you to git dat money en buy me +back ag'in." + +"Why, you've gone stark mad! He would tear the will to shreds in a +minute--don't you know that?" + +"Yes, I does." + +"Then you don't believe I'm idiot enough to go to him, do you?" + +"I don't b'lieve nothin' 'bout it--I knows you's a-goin'. I knows it +'ca'se you knows dat if you don't raise dat money I'll go to him myself, +en den he'll sell you down de river, en you kin see how you like it!" + +Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil light in his eye. +He strode to the door and said he must get out of this suffocating place +for a moment and clear his brain in the fresh air so that he could +determine what to do. The door wouldn't open. Roxy smiled grimly, and +said-- + +"I's got de key, honey--set down. You needn't cle'r up yo' brain none to +fine out what you gwine to do--I knows what you's gwine to do." Tom sat +down and began to pass his hands through his hair with a helpless and +desperate air. Roxy said, "Is dat man in dis house?" + +Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked-- + +"What gave you such an idea?" + +"You done it. Gwine out to cle'r yo' brain! In de fust place you ain't +got none to cle'r, en in de second place yo' ornery eye tole on you. +You's de low-downest hound dat ever--but I done tole you dat befo'. Now +den, dis is Friday. You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you's +gwine away to git de res' o' de money, en dat you'll be back wid it nex' +Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. You understan'?" + +Tom answered sullenly-- + +"Yes." + +"En when you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells me to my own self, take +en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd'nhead Wilson, en write on de back dat +he's to keep it tell I come. You understan'?" + +"Yes." + +"Dat's all den. Take yo' umbreller, en put on yo' hat." + +"Why?" + +"Beca'se you's gwine to see me home to de wharf. You see dis knife? I's +toted it aroun' sence de day I seed dat man en bought dese clo'es en it. +If he ketch me, I's gwine to kill myself wid it. Now start along, en go +sof', en lead de way; en if you gives a sign in dis house, or if anybody +comes up to you in de street, I's gwine to jam it right into you. +Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"It's no use to bother me with that question. I know your word's good." + +"Yes, it's diff'rent from yo'n! Shet de light out en move along--here's +de key." + +They were not followed. Tom trembled every time a late straggler brushed +by them on the street, and half expected to feel the cold steel in his +back. Roxy was right at his heels and always in reach. After tramping a +mile they reached a wide vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this +dark and rainy desert they parted. + +As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts and wild plans; +but at last he said to himself, wearily-- + +"There is but the one way out. I must follow her plan. But with a +variation--I will not ask for the money and ruin myself; I will rob the +old skinflint." + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +The Prophecy Realized. + +Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good +example.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of +opinion that makes horse-races.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Dawson's Landing was comfortably finishing its season of dull repose and +waiting patiently for the duel. Count Luigi was waiting, too; but not +patiently, rumor said. Sunday came, and Luigi insisted on having his +challenge conveyed. Wilson carried it. Judge Driscoll declined to fight +with an assassin--"that is," he added significantly, "in the field of +honor." + +Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready. Wilson tried to convince him +that if he had been present himself when Angelo told about the homicide +committed by Luigi, he would not have considered the act discreditable +to Luigi; but the obstinate old man was not to be moved. + +Wilson went back to his principal and reported the failure of his +mission. Luigi was incensed, and asked how it could be that the old +gentleman, who was by no means dull-witted, held his trifling nephew's +evidence and inferences to be of more value than Wilson's. But Wilson +laughed, and said-- + +"That is quite simple; that is easily explicable. I am not his doll--his +baby--his infatuation: his nephew is. The Judge and his late wife never +had any children. The Judge and his wife were past middle age when this +treasure fell into their lap. One must make allowances for a parental +instinct that has been starving for twenty-five or thirty years. It is +famished, it is crazed with hunger by that time, and will be entirely +satisfied with anything that comes handy; its taste is atrophied, it +can't tell mud-cat from shad. A devil born to a young couple is +measurably recognizable by them as a devil before long, but a devil +adopted by an old couple is an angel to them, and remains so, through +thick and thin. Tom is this old man's angel; he is infatuated with him. +Tom can persuade him into things which other people can't--not all +things; I don't mean that, but a good many--particularly one class of +things: the things that create or abolish personal partialities or +prejudices in the old man's mind. The old man liked both of you. Tom +conceived a hatred for you. That was enough; it turned the old man +around at once. The oldest and strongest friendship must go to the +ground when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at it." + +"It's a curious philosophy," said Luigi. + +"It ain't a philosophy at all--it's a fact. And there is something +pathetic and beautiful about it, too. I think there is nothing more +pathetic than to see one of these poor old childless couples taking a +menagerie of yelping little worthless dogs to their hearts; and then +adding some cursing and squawking parrots and a jackass-voiced macaw; +and next a couple of hundred screeching song-birds, and presently some +fetid guinea-pigs and rabbits, and a howling colony of cats. It is all a +groping and ignorant effort to construct out of base metal and brass +filings, so to speak, something to take the place of that golden +treasure denied them by Nature, a child. But this is a digression. The +unwritten law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll on +sight, and he and the community will expect that attention at your +hands--though of course your own death by his bullet will answer every +purpose. Look out for him! Are you heeled--that is, fixed?" + +"Yes, he shall have his opportunity. If he attacks me I will respond." + +As Wilson was leaving, he said-- + +"The Judge is still a little used up by his campaign work, and will not +get out for a day or so; but when he does get out, you want to be on the +alert." + +About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, and started on a +long stroll in the veiled moonlight. + +Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett's Store, two miles below Dawson's, +just about half an hour earlier, the only passenger for that lonely +spot, and had walked up the shore road and entered Judge Driscoll's +house without having encountered any one either on the road or under the +roof. + +He pulled down his window-blinds and lighted his candle. He laid off his +coat and hat and began his preparations. He unlocked his trunk and got +his suit of girl's clothes out from under the male attire in it, and +laid it by. Then he blacked his face with burnt cork and put the cork in +his pocket. His plan was, to slip down to his uncle's private +sitting-room below, pass into the bedroom, steal the safe-key from the +old gentleman's clothes, and then go back and rob the safe. He took up +his candle to start. His courage and confidence were high, up to this +point, but both began to waver a little, now. Suppose he should make a +noise, by some accident, and get caught--say, in the act of opening the +safe? Perhaps it would be well to go armed. He took the Indian knife +from its hiding-place, and felt a pleasant return of his wandering +courage. He slipped stealthily down the narrow stair, his hair rising +and his pulses halting at the slightest creak. When he was half-way +down, he was disturbed to perceive that the landing below was touched by +a faint glow of light. What could that mean? Was his uncle still up? No, +that was not likely; he must have left his night-taper there when he +went to bed. Tom crept on down, pausing at every step to listen. He +found the door standing open, and glanced in. What he saw pleased him +beyond measure. His uncle was asleep on the sofa; on a small table at +the head of the sofa a lamp was burning low, and by it stood the old +man's small tin cash-box, closed. Near the box was a pile of bank-notes +and a piece of paper covered with figures in pencil. The safe-door was +not open. Evidently the sleeper had wearied himself with work upon his +finances, and was taking a rest. + +Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his way toward the +pile of notes, stooping low as he went. When he was passing his uncle, +the old man stirred in his sleep, and Tom stopped instantly--stopped, +and softly drew the knife from its sheath, with his heart thumping, and +his eyes fastened upon his benefactor's face. After a moment or two he +ventured forward again--one step--reached for his prize and seized it, +dropping the knife-sheath. Then he felt the old man's strong grip upon +him, and a wild cry of "Help! help!" rang in his ear. Without hesitation +he drove the knife home--and was free. Some of the notes escaped from +his left hand and fell in the blood on the floor. He dropped the knife +and snatched them up and started to fly; transferred them to his left +hand, and seized the knife again, in his fright and confusion, but +remembered himself and flung it from him, as being a dangerous witness +to carry away with him. + +He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind him; and as he +snatched his candle and fled upward, the stillness of the night was +broken by the sound of urgent footsteps approaching the house. In +another moment he was in his room and the twins were standing aghast +over the body of the murdered man! + +Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on his suit of +girl's clothes, dropped the veil, blew out his light, locked the room +door by which he had just entered, taking the key, passed through his +other door into the back hall, locked that door and kept the key, then +worked his way along in the dark and descended the back stairs. He was +not expecting to meet anybody, for all interest was centered in the +other part of the house, now; his calculation proved correct. By the +time he was passing through the back-yard, Mrs. Pratt, her servants, and +a dozen half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and the dead, and +accessions were still arriving at the front door. + +As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, three women +came flying from the house on the opposite side of the lane. They rushed +by him and in at the gate, asking him what the trouble was there, but +not waiting for an answer. Tom said to himself, "Those old maids waited +to dress--they did the same thing the night Stevens's house burned down +next door." In a few minutes he was in the haunted house. He lighted a +candle and took off his girl-clothes. There was blood on him all down +his left side, and his right hand was red with the stains of the +blood-soaked notes which he had crushed in it; but otherwise he was free +from this sort of evidence. He cleansed his hand on the straw, and +cleaned most of the smut from his face. Then he burned his male and +female attire to ashes, scattered the ashes, and put on a disguise +proper for a tramp. He blew out his light, went below, and was soon +loafing down the river road with the intent to borrow and use one of +Roxy's devices. He found a canoe and paddled off down-stream, setting +the canoe adrift as dawn approached, and making his way by land to the +next village, where he kept out of sight till a transient steamer came +along, and then took deck passage for St. Louis. He was ill at ease +until Dawson's Landing was behind him; then he said to himself, "All the +detectives on earth couldn't trace me now; there's not a vestige of a +clue left in the world; that homicide will take its place with the +permanent mysteries, and people won't get done trying to guess out the +secret of it for fifty years." + +In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram in the +papers--dated at Dawson's Landing: + +Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, was assassinated here +about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman or barber on account of +a quarrel growing out of the recent election. The assassin will probably +be lynched. + +"One of the twins!" soliloquized Tom; "how lucky! It is the knife that +has done him this grace. We never know when fortune is trying to favor +us. I actually cursed Pudd'nhead Wilson in my heart for putting it out +of my power to sell that knife. I take it back, now." + +Tom was now rich and independent. He arranged with the planter, and +mailed to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold Roxana to herself; then +he telegraphed his Aunt Pratt: + +Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost prostrated with +grief. Shall start by packet to-day. Try to bear up till I come. + +When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had gathered such details +as Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd could tell him, he took command +as mayor, and gave orders that nothing should be touched, but everything +left as it was until Justice Robinson should arrive and take the proper +measures as coroner. He cleared everybody out of the room but the twins +and himself. The sheriff soon arrived and took the twins away to jail. +Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do his best in their +defense when the case should come to trial. Justice Robinson came +presently, and with him Constable Blake. They examined the room +thoroughly. They found the knife and the sheath. Wilson noticed that +there were finger-prints on the knife-handle. That pleased him, for the +twins had required the earliest comers to make a scrutiny of their hands +and clothes, and neither these people nor Wilson himself had found any +blood-stains upon them. Could there be a possibility that the twins had +spoken the truth when they said they found the man dead when they ran +into the house in answer to the cry for help? He thought of that +mysterious girl at once. But this was not the sort of work for a girl to +be engaged in. No matter; Tom Driscoll's room must be examined. + +After the coroner's jury had viewed the body and its surroundings, +Wilson suggested a search up-stairs, and he went along. The jury forced +an entrance to Tom's room, but found nothing, of course. + +The coroner's jury found that the homicide was committed by Luigi, and +that Angelo was accessory to it. + +The town was bitter against the unfortunates, and for the first few days +after the murder they were in constant danger of being lynched. The +grand jury presently indicted Luigi for murder in the first degree, and +Angelo as accessory before the fact. The twins were transferred from the +city jail to the county prison to await trial. + +Wilson examined the finger-marks on the knife-handle and said to +himself, "Neither of the twins made those marks." Then manifestly there +was another person concerned, either in his own interest or as hired +assassin. + +But who could it be? That, he must try to find out. The safe was not +open, the cash-box was closed, and had three thousand dollars in it. +Then robbery was not the motive, and revenge was. Where had the murdered +man an enemy except Luigi? There was but that one person in the world +with a deep grudge against him. + +The mysterious girl! The girl was a great trial to Wilson. If the motive +had been robbery, the girl might answer; but there wasn't any girl that +would want to take this old man's life for revenge. He had no quarrels +with girls; he was a gentleman. + +Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger-marks of the knife-handle; and +among his glass-records he had a great array of finger-prints of women +and girls, collected during the last fifteen or eighteen years, but he +scanned them in vain, they successfully withstood every test; among them +were no duplicates of the prints on the knife. + +The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was a worrying +circumstance for Wilson. A week previously he had as good as admitted to +himself that he believed Luigi had possessed such a knife, and that he +still possessed it notwithstanding his pretense that it had been stolen. +And now here was the knife, and with it the twins. Half the town had +said the twins were humbugging when they claimed that they had lost +their knife, and now these people were joyful, and said, "I told you +so!" + +If their finger-prints had been on the handle--but it was useless to +bother any further about that; the finger-prints on the handle were not +theirs--that he knew perfectly. + +Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom couldn't murder +anybody--he hadn't character enough; secondly, if he could murder a +person he wouldn't select his doting benefactor and nearest relative; +thirdly, self-interest was in the way; for while the uncle lived, Tom +was sure of a free support and a chance to get the destroyed will +revived again, but with the uncle gone, that chance was gone, too. It +was true the will had really been revived, as was now discovered, but +Tom could not have been aware of it, or he would have spoken of it, in +his native talky, unsecretive way. Finally, Tom was in St. Louis when +the murder was done, and got the news out of the morning journals, as +was shown by his telegram to his aunt. These speculations were +unemphasized sensations rather than articulated thoughts, for Wilson +would have laughed at the idea of seriously connecting Tom with the +murder. + +Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate--in fact, about +hopeless. For he argued that if a confederate was not found, an +enlightened Missouri jury would hang them, sure; if a confederate was +found, that would not improve the matter, but simply furnish one more +person for the sheriff to hang. Nothing could save the twins but the +discovery of a person who did the murder on his sole personal +account--an undertaking which had all the aspect of the impossible. +Still, the person who made the finger-prints must be sought. The twins +might have no case with him, but they certainly would have none without +him. + +So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, guessing, day and +night, and arriving nowhere. Whenever he ran across a girl or a woman he +was not acquainted with, he got her finger-prints, on one pretext or +another; and they always cost him a sigh when he got home, for they +never tallied with the finger-marks on the knife-handle. + +As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such girl, and did not +remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress like the one described by +Wilson. He admitted that he did not always lock his room, and that +sometimes the servants forgot to lock the house doors; still, in his +opinion the girl must have made but few visits or she would have been +discovered. When Wilson tried to connect her with the stealing-raid, and +thought she might have been the old woman's confederate, if not the very +thief herself disguised as an old woman, Tom seemed stuck, and also much +interested, and said he would keep a sharp eye out for this person or +persons, although he was afraid that she or they would be too smart to +venture again into a town where everybody would now be on the watch for +a good while to come. + +Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and sorrowful, and seemed +to feel his great loss so deeply. He was playing a part, but it was not +all a part. The picture of his alleged uncle, as he had last seen him, +was before him in the dark pretty frequently, when he was awake, and +called again in his dreams, when he was asleep. He wouldn't go into the +room where the tragedy had happened. This charmed the doting Mrs. Pratt, +who realized now, "as she had never done before," she said, what a +sensitive and delicate nature her darling had, and how he adored his +poor uncle. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +The Murderer Chuckles. + +Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to +be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great +caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman: if you +have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take +simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say she did it with her +teeth.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +The weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the jailed twins but their +counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of trial came at last--the +heaviest day in Wilson's life; for with all his tireless diligence he +had discovered no sign or trace of the missing confederate. +"Confederate" was the term he had long ago privately accepted for that +person--not as being unquestionably the right term, but as being at +least possibly the right one, though he was never able to understand why +the twins did not vanish and escape, as the confederate had done, +instead of remaining by the murdered man and getting caught there. + +The court-house was crowded, of course, and would remain so to the +finish, for not only in the town itself, but in the country for miles +around, the trial was the one topic of conversation among the people. +Mrs. Pratt, in deep mourning, and Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats +near Pembroke Howard, the public prosecutor, and back of them sat a +great array of friends of the family. The twins had but one friend +present to keep their counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing +landlady. She sat near Wilson, and looked her friendliest. In the +"nigger corner" sat Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, and her +bill of sale in her pocket. It was her most precious possession, and she +never parted with it, day or night. Tom had allowed her thirty-five +dollars a month ever since he came into his property, and had said that +he and she ought to be grateful to the twins for making them rich; but +had roused such a temper in her by this speech that he did not repeat +the argument afterward. She said the old Judge had treated her child a +thousand times better than he deserved, and had never done her an +unkindness in his life; so she hated these outlandish devils for killing +him, and shouldn't ever sleep satisfied till she saw them hanged for it. +She was here to watch the trial, now, and was going to lift up just one +"hooraw" over it if the County Judge put her in jail a year for it. She +gave her turbaned head a toss and said, "When dat verdic' comes, I's +gwine to lif' dat roof, now, I tell you." + +Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the State's case. He said he would show +by a chain of circumstantial evidence without break or fault in it +anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the bar committed the murder; +that the motive was partly revenge, and partly a desire to take his own +life out of jeopardy, and that his brother, by his presence, was a +consenting accessory to the crime; a crime which was the basest known to +the calendar of human misdeeds--assassination; that it was conceived by +the blackest of hearts and consummated by the cowardliest of hands; a +crime which had broken a loving sister's heart, blighted the happiness +of a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought inconsolable grief +to many friends, and sorrow and loss to the whole community. The utmost +penalty of the outraged law would be exacted, and upon the accused, now +present at the bar, that penalty would unquestionably be executed. He +would reserve further remark until his closing speech. + +He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; Mrs. Pratt and +several other women were weeping when he sat down, and many an eye that +was full of hate was riveted upon the unhappy prisoners. + +Witness after witness was called by the State, and questioned at length; +but the cross-questioning was brief. Wilson knew they could furnish +nothing valuable for his side. People were sorry for Pudd'nhead; his +budding career would get hurt by this trial. + +Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in his public +speech that the twins would be able to find their lost knife again when +they needed it to assassinate somebody with. This was not news, but now +it was seen to have been sorrowfully prophetic, and a profound sensation +quivered through the hushed court-room when those dismal words were +repeated. + +The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within his knowledge, +through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on the last day of his +life, that counsel for the defense had brought him a challenge from the +person charged at this bar with murder; that he had refused to fight +with a confessed assassin--"that is, on the field of honor," but had +added significantly, that he would be ready for him elsewhere. +Presumably the person here charged with murder was warned that he must +kill or be killed the first time he should meet Judge Driscoll. If +counsel for the defense chose to let the statement stand so, he would +not call him to the witness stand. Mr. Wilson said he would offer no +denial. [Murmurs in the house--"It is getting worse and worse for +Wilson's case."] + +Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, and did not know what +woke her up, unless it was the sound of rapid footsteps approaching the +front door. She jumped up and ran out in the hall just as she was, and +heard the footsteps flying up the front steps and then following behind +her as she ran to the sitting-room. There she found the accused standing +over her murdered brother. [Here she broke down and sobbed. Sensation in +the court.] Resuming, she said the persons entering behind her were Mr. +Rogers and Mr. Buckstone. + +Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed their innocence; +declared that they had been taking a walk, and had hurried to the house +in response to a cry for help which was so loud and strong that they had +heard it at a considerable distance; that they begged her and the +gentlemen just mentioned to examine their hands and clothes--which was +done, and no blood stains found. + +Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and Buckstone. + +The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement minutely +describing it and offering a reward for it was put in evidence, and its +exact correspondence with that description proved. Then followed a few +minor details, and the case for the State was closed. + +Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses Clarkson, who would +testify that they met a veiled young woman leaving Judge Driscoll's +premises by the back gate a few minutes after the cries for help were +heard, and that their evidence, taken with certain circumstantial +evidence which he would call the court's attention to, would in his +opinion convince the court that there was still one person concerned in +this crime who had not yet been found, and also that a stay of +proceedings ought to be granted, in justice to his clients, until that +person should be discovered. As it was late, he would ask leave to defer +the examination of his three witnesses until the next morning. + +The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away in excited +groups and couples, talking the events of the session over with vivacity +and consuming interest, and everybody seemed to have had a satisfactory +and enjoyable day except the accused, their counsel, and their old-lady +friend. There was no cheer among these, and no substantial hope. + +In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good-night with a gay +pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down without finishing. + +Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, the opening +solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him with a vague +uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the smallest alarms; +but from the moment that the poverty and weakness of Wilson's case lay +exposed to the court, he was comfortable once more, even jubilant. He +left the court-room sarcastically sorry for Wilson. "The Clarksons met +an unknown woman in the back lane," he said to himself--"that is his +case! I'll give him a century to find her in--a couple of them if he +likes. A woman who doesn't exist any longer, and the clothes that gave +her her sex burnt up and the ashes thrown away--oh, certainly, he'll +find her easy enough!" This reflection set him to admiring, for the +hundredth time, the shrewd ingenuities by which he had insured himself +against detection--more, against even suspicion. + +"Nearly always in cases like this there is some little detail or other +overlooked, some wee little track or trace left behind, and detection +follows; but here there's not even the faintest suggestion of a trace +left. No more than a bird leaves when it flies through the air--yes, +through the night, you may say. The man that can track a bird through +the air in the dark and find that bird is the man to track me out and +find the Judge's assassin--no other need apply. And that is the job that +has been laid out for poor Pudd'nhead Wilson, of all people in the +world! Lord, it will be pathetically funny to see him grubbing and +groping after that woman that don't exist, and the right person sitting +under his very nose all the time!" The more he thought the situation +over, the more the humor of it struck him. Finally he said, "I'll never +let him hear the last of that woman. Every time I catch him in company, +to his dying day, I'll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that +used to gravel him so when I inquired how his unborn law-business was +coming along, 'Got on her track yet--hey, Pudd'nhead?'" He wanted to +laugh, but that would not have answered; there were people about, and he +was mourning for his uncle. He made up his mind that it would be good +entertainment to look in on Wilson that night and watch him worry over +his barren law-case and goad him with an exasperating word or two of +sympathy and commiseration now and then. + +Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite. He got out all the +finger-prints of girls and women in his collection of records and pored +gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to convince himself that that +troublesome girl's marks were there somewhere and had been overlooked. +But it was not so. He drew back his chair, clasped his hands over his +head, and gave himself up to dull and arid musings. + +Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said with a pleasant +laugh as he took a seat-- + +"Hello, we've gone back to the amusements of our days of neglect and +obscurity for consolation, have we?" and he took up one of the glass +strips and held it against the light to inspect it. "Come, cheer up, old +man; there's no use in losing your grip and going back to this +child's-play merely because this big sunspot is drifting across your +shiny new disk. It'll pass, and you'll be all right again,"--and he laid +the glass down. "Did you think you could win always?" + +"Oh, no," said Wilson, with a sigh, "I didn't expect that, but I can't +believe Luigi killed your uncle, and I feel very sorry for him. It makes +me blue. And you would feel as I do, Tom, if you were not prejudiced +against those young fellows." + +"I don't know about that," and Tom's countenance darkened, for his +memory reverted to his kicking; "I owe them no good will, considering +the brunette one's treatment of me that night. Prejudice or no +prejudice, Pudd'nhead, I don't like them, and when they get their +deserts you're not going to find me sitting on the mourner's bench." + +He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed-- + +"Why, here's old Roxy's label! Are you going to ornament the royal +palaces with nigger paw-marks, too? By the date here, I was seven months +old when this was done, and she was nursing me and her little nigger +cub. There's a line straight across her thumb-print. How comes that?" +and Tom held out the piece of glass to Wilson. + +"That is common," said the bored man, wearily. "Scar of a cut or a +scratch, usually"--and he took the strip of glass indifferently, and +raised it toward the lamp. + +All the blood sunk suddenly out of his face; his hand quaked, and he +gazed at the polished surface before him with the glassy stare of a +corpse. + +"Great Heavens, what's the matter with you, Wilson? Are you going to +faint?" + +Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but Wilson shrank +shuddering from him and said-- + +"No, no!--take it away!" His breast was rising and falling, and he moved +his head about in a dull and wandering way, like a person who had been +stunned. Presently he said, "I shall feel better when I get to bed; I +have been overwrought to-day; yes, and over worked for many days." + +"Then I'll leave you and let you to get to your rest. Good-night, old +man." But as Tom went out he couldn't deny himself a small parting gibe: +"Don't take it so hard; a body can't win every time; you'll hang +somebody yet." + +Wilson muttered to himself, "It is no lie to say I am sorry I have to +begin with you, miserable dog though you are!" + +He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and went to work +again. He did not compare the new finger-marks unintentionally left by +Tom a few minutes before on Roxy's glass with the tracings of the marks +left on the knife-handle, there being no need for that (for his trained +eye), but busied himself with another matter, muttering from time to +time, "Idiot that I was!--Nothing but a girl would do me--a man in +girl's clothes never occurred to me." First, he hunted out the plate +containing the finger-prints made by Tom when he was twelve years old, +and laid it by itself; then he brought forth the marks made by Tom's +baby fingers when he was a suckling of seven months, and placed these +two plates with the one containing this subject's newly (and +unconsciously) made record. + +"Now the series is complete," he said with satisfaction, and sat down to +inspect these things and enjoy them. + +But his enjoyment was brief. He stared a considerable time at the three +strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. At last he put them down +and said, "I can't make it out at all--hang it, the baby's don't tally +with the others!" + +He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his enigma, then he +hunted out two other glass plates. + +He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, but kept +muttering, "It's no use; I can't understand it. They don't tally right, +and yet I'll swear the names and dates are right, and so of course they +ought to tally. I never labeled one of these thing carelessly in my +life. There is a most extraordinary mystery here." + +He was tired out, now, and his brains were beginning to clog. He said he +would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he could do with this +riddle. He slept through a troubled and unrestful hour, then +unconsciousness began to shred away, and presently he rose drowsily to a +sitting posture. "Now what was that dream?" he said, trying to recall +it; "what was that dream?--it seemed to unravel that puz--" + +He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without finishing the +sentence, and ran and turned up his light and seized his "records." He +took a single swift glance at them and cried out-- + +"It's so! Heavens, what a revelation! And for twenty-three years no man +has ever suspected it!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +Doom. + +He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring +the cabbages.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on +the other three hundred and sixty-four.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +Wilson put on enough clothes for business purposes and went to work +under a high pressure of steam. He was awake all over. All sense of +weariness had been swept away by the invigorating refreshment of the +great and hopeful discovery which he had made. He made fine and accurate +reproductions of a number of his "records," and then enlarged them on a +scale of ten to one with his pantograph. He did these pantograph +enlargements on sheets of white cardboard, and made each individual line +of the bewildering maze of whorls or curves or loops which constituted +the "pattern," of a "record" stand out bold and black by reinforcing it +with ink. To the untrained eye the collection of delicate originals made +by the human finger on the glass plates looked about alike; but when +enlarged ten times they resembled the markings of a block of wood that +has been sawed across the grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a +glance, and at a distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were +alike. When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, +he arranged its results according to a plan in which a progressive order +and sequence was a principal feature; then he added to the batch several +pantograph enlargements which he had made from time to time in bygone +years. + +The night was spent and the day well advanced, now. By the time he had +snatched a trifle of breakfast it was nine o'clock, and the court was +ready to begin its sitting. He was in his place twelve minutes later +with his "records." + +Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, and nudged his +nearest friend and said, with a wink, "Pudd'nhead's got a rare eye to +business--thinks that as long as he can't win his case it's at least a +noble good chance to advertise his palace-window decorations without any +expense." Wilson was informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but +would arrive presently; but he rose and said he should probably not have +occasion to make use of their testimony. [An amused murmur ran through +the room--"It's a clean backdown! he gives up without hitting a lick!"] +Wilson continued--"I have other testimony--and better. [This compelled +interest, and evoked murmurs of surprise that had a detectable +ingredient of disappointment in them.] If I seem to be springing this +evidence upon the court, I offer as my justification for this, that I +did not discover its existence until late last night, and have been +engaged in examining and classifying it ever since, until half an hour +ago. I shall offer it presently; but first I wish to say a few +preliminary words. + +"May it please the Court, the claim given the front place, the claim +most persistently urged, the claim most strenuously and I may even say +aggressively and defiantly insisted upon by the prosecution, is +this--that the person whose hand left the blood-stained finger-prints +upon the handle of the Indian knife is the person who committed the +murder." Wilson paused, during several moments, to give impressiveness +to what he was about to say, and then added tranquilly, "We grant that +claim." + +It was an electrical surprise. No one was prepared for such an +admission. A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, and people were +heard to intimate that the overworked lawyer had lost his mind. Even the +veteran judge, accustomed as he was to legal ambushes and masked +batteries in criminal procedure, was not sure that his ears were not +deceiving him, and asked counsel what it was he had said. Howard's +impassive face betrayed no sign, but his attitude and bearing lost +something of their careless confidence for a moment. Wilson resumed: + +"We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and strongly endorse +it. Leaving that matter for the present, we will now proceed to consider +other points in the case which we propose to establish by evidence, and +shall include that one in the chain in its proper place." + +He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in mapping out his +theory of the origin and motive of the murder--guesses designed to fill +up gaps in it--guesses which could help if they hit, and would probably +do no harm if they didn't. + +"To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before the court seem to +suggest a motive for the homicide quite different from the one insisted +on by the State. It is my conviction that the motive was not revenge, +but robbery. It has been urged that the presence of the accused brothers +in that fatal room, just after notification that one of them must take +the life of Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the parties should +meet, clearly signifies that the natural instinct of self-preservation +moved my clients to go there secretly and save Count Luigi by destroying +his adversary. + +"Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? Mrs. Pratt had +time, although she did not hear the cry for help, but woke up some +moments later, to run to that room--and there she found these men +standing and making no effort to escape. If they were guilty, they ought +to have been running out of the house at the same time that she was +running to that room. If they had had such a strong instinct toward +self-preservation as to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had +become of it now, when it should have been more alert than ever? Would +any of us have remained there? Let us not slander our intelligence to +that degree. + +"Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the accused offered a very +large reward for the knife with which this murder was done; that no +thief came forward to claim that extraordinary reward; that the latter +fact was good circumstantial evidence that the claim that the knife had +been stolen was a vanity and a fraud; that these details taken in +connection with the memorable and apparently prophetic speech of the +deceased concerning that knife, and the final discovery of that very +knife in the fatal room where no living person was found present with +the slaughtered man but the owner of the knife and his brother, form an +indestructible chain of evidence which fixes the crime upon those +unfortunate strangers. + +"But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall testify that there was +a large reward offered for the thief, also; and it was offered secretly +and not advertised; that this fact was indiscreetly mentioned--or at +least tacitly admitted--in what was supposed to be safe circumstances, +but may not have been. The thief may have been present himself. [Tom +Driscoll had been looking at the speaker, but dropped his eyes at this +point.] In that case he would retain the knife in his possession, not +daring to offer it for sale, or for pledge in a pawn-shop. [There was a +nodding of heads among the audience by way of admission that this was +not a bad stroke.] I shall prove to the satisfaction of the jury that +there was a person in Judge Driscoll's room several minutes before the +accused entered it. [This produced a strong sensation; the last +drowsy-head in the court-room roused up, now, and made preparation to +listen.] If it shall seem necessary, I will prove by the Misses Clarkson +that they met a veiled person--ostensibly a woman--coming out of the +back gate a few minutes after the cry for help was heard. This person +was not a woman, but a man dressed in woman's clothes." Another +sensation. Wilson had his eye on Tom when he hazarded this guess, to see +what effect it would produce. He was satisfied with the result, and said +to himself, "It was a success--he's hit!" + +"The object of that person in that house was robbery, not murder. It is +true that the safe was not open, but there was an ordinary tin cash-box +on the table, with three thousand dollars in it. It is easily supposable +that the thief was concealed in the house; that he knew of this box, and +of its owner's habit of counting its contents and arranging his accounts +at night--if he had that habit, which I do not assert, of course;--that +he tried to take the box while its owner slept, but made a noise and was +seized, and had to use the knife to save himself from capture; and that +he fled without his booty because he heard help coming. + +"I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the evidences by +which I propose to try to prove its soundness." Wilson took up several +of his strips of glass. When the audience recognized these familiar +mementoes of Pudd'nhead's old-time childish "puttering" and folly, the +tense and funereal interest vanished out of their faces, and the house +burst into volleys of relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked +up and joined in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not +disturbed. He arranged his records on the table before him, and said-- + +"I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few remarks in +explanation of some evidence which I am about to introduce, and which I +shall presently ask to be allowed to verify under oath on the witness +stand. Every human being carries with him from his cradle to his grave +certain physical marks which do not change their character, and by which +he can always be identified--and that without shade of doubt or +question. These marks are his signature, his physiological autograph, so +to speak, and this autograph can not be counterfeited, nor can he +disguise it or hide it away, nor can it become illegible by the wear and +mutations of time. This signature is not his face--age can change that +beyond recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not +his height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, for +duplicates of that exist also, whereas this signature is each man's very +own--there is no duplicate of it among the swarming populations of the +globe! [The audience were interested once more.] + +"This autograph consists of the delicate lines or corrugations with +which Nature marks the insides of the hands and the soles of the feet. +If you will look at the balls of your fingers,--you that have very sharp +eyesight,--you will observe that these dainty curving lines lie close +together, like those that indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and +that they form various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, +circles, long curves, whorls, etc., and that these patterns differ on +the different fingers. [Every man in the room had his hand up to the +light, now, and his head canted to one side, and was minutely +scrutinizing the balls of his fingers; there were whispered ejaculations +of 'Why, it's so--I never noticed that before!'] The patterns on the +right hand are not the same as those on the left. [Ejaculations of 'Why, +that's so, too!'] Taken finger for finger, your patterns differ from +your neighbor's. [Comparisons were made all over the house--even the +judge and jury were absorbed in this curious work.] The patterns of a +twin's right hand are not the same as those on his left. One twin's +patterns are never the same as his fellow-twin's patterns--the jury will +find that the patterns upon the finger-balls of the accused follow this +rule. [An examination of the twins' hands was begun at once.] You have +often heard of twins who were so exactly alike that when dressed alike +their own parents could not tell them apart. Yet there was never a twin +born into this world that did not carry from birth to death a sure +identifier in this mysterious and marvelous natal autograph. That once +known to you, his fellow-twin could never personate him and deceive +you." + +Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death +when a speaker does that. The stillness gives warning that something is +coming. All palms and finger-balls went down, now, all slouching forms +straightened, all heads came up, all eyes were fastened upon Wilson's +face. He waited yet one, two, three moments, to let his pause complete +and perfect its spell upon the house; then, when through the profound +hush he could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he put out his +hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it aloft where all +could see the sinister spots upon its ivory handle; then he said, in a +level and passionless voice-- + +"Upon this haft stands the assassin's natal autograph, written in the +blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who loved you and whom +you all loved. There is but one man in the whole earth whose hand can +duplicate that crimson sign,"--he paused and raised his eyes to the +pendulum swinging back and forth,--"and please God we will produce that +man in this room before the clock strikes noon!" + +Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, the house half +rose, as if expecting to see the murderer appear at the door, and a +breeze of muttered ejaculations swept the place. "Order in the +court!--sit down!" This from the sheriff. He was obeyed, and quiet +reigned again. Wilson stole a glance at Tom, and said to himself, "He is +flying signals of distress, now; even people who despise him are pitying +him; they think this is a hard ordeal for a young fellow who has lost +his benefactor by so cruel a stroke--and they are right." He resumed his +speech: + +"For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory leisure with +collecting these curious physical signatures in this town. At my house I +have hundreds upon hundreds of them. Each and every one is labelled with +name and date; not labelled the next day or even the next hour, but in +the very minute that the impression was taken. When I go upon the +witness stand I will repeat under oath the things which I am now saying. +I have the finger-prints of the court, the sheriff, and every member of +the jury. There is hardly a person in this room, white or black, whose +natal signature I cannot produce, and not one of them can so disguise +himself that I cannot pick him out from a multitude of his +fellow-creatures and unerringly identify him by his hands. And if he and +I should live to be a hundred I could still do it. [The interest of the +audience was steadily deepening, now.] + +"I have studied some of these signatures so much that I know them as +well as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his oldest customer. +While I turn my back now, I beg that several persons will be so good as +to pass their fingers through their hair, and then press them upon one +of the panes of the window near the jury, and that among them the +accused may set their finger-marks. Also, I beg that these +experimenters, or others, will set their finger-marks upon another pane, +and add again the marks of the accused, but not placing them in the same +order or relation to the other signatures as before--for, by one chance +in a million, a person might happen upon the right marks by pure +guess-work once, therefore I wish to be tested twice." + +He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly covered with +delicately-lined oval spots, but visible only to such persons as could +get a dark background for them--the foliage of a tree, outside, for +instance. Then, upon call, Wilson went to the window, made his +examination, and said-- + +"This is Count Luigi's right hand; this one, three signatures below, is +his left. Here is Count Angelo's right; down here is his left. Now for +the other pane: here and here are Count Luigi's, here and here are his +brother's." He faced about. "Am I right?" + +A deafening explosion of applause was the answer. The Bench said-- + +"This certainly approaches the miraculous!" + +Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, pointing with his +finger-- + +"This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. [Applause.] This, of +Constable Blake. [Applause.] This, of John Mason, juryman. [Applause.] +This, of the sheriff. [Applause.] I cannot name the others, but I have +them all at home, named and dated, and could identify them all by my +finger-print records." + +He moved to his place through a storm of applause--which the sheriff +stopped, and also made the people sit down, for they were all standing +and struggling to see, of course. Court, jury, sheriff, and everybody +had been too absorbed in observing Wilson's performance to attend to the +audience earlier. + +"Now, then," said Wilson, "I have here the natal autographs of two +children--thrown up to ten times the natural size by the pantograph, so +that any one who can see at all can tell the markings apart at a glance. +We will call the children A and B. Here are A's finger-marks, taken at +the age of five months. Here they are again, taken at seven months. [Tom +started.] They are alike, you see. Here are B's at five months, and also +at seven months. They, too, exactly copy each other, but the patterns +are quite different from A's, you observe. I shall refer to these again +presently, but we will turn them face down, now. + +"Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of the two persons +who are here before you accused of murdering Judge Driscoll. I made +these pantograph copies last night, and will so swear when I go upon the +witness stand. I ask the jury to compare them with the finger-marks of +the accused upon the window panes, and tell the court if they are the +same." + +He passed a powerful magnifying-glass to the foreman. + +One juryman after another took the cardboard and the glass and made the +comparison. Then the foreman said to the judge-- + +"Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical." + +Wilson said to the foreman-- + +"Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this one, and compare it +searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal signature upon the +knife-handle, and report your finding to the court." + +Again the jury made minute examinations, and again reported-- + +"We find them to be exactly identical, your honor." + +Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, and there was a +clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice when he said-- + +"May it please the court, the State has claimed, strenuously and +persistently, that the blood-stained finger-prints upon that +knife-handle were left there by the assassin of Judge Driscoll. You have +heard us grant that claim, and welcome it." He turned to the jury: +"Compare the finger-prints of the accused with the finger-prints left by +the assassin--and report." + +The comparison began. As it proceeded, all movement and all sound +ceased, and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting suspense settled +upon the house; and when at last the words came-- + +"They do not even resemble," a thunder-crash of applause followed and +the house sprang to its feet, but was quickly repressed by official +force and brought to order again. Tom was altering his position every +few minutes, now, but none of his changes brought repose nor any small +trifle of comfort. When the house's attention was become fixed once +more, Wilson said gravely, indicating the twins with a gesture-- + +"These men are innocent--I have no further concern with them. [Another +outbreak of applause began, but was promptly checked.] We will now +proceed to find the guilty. [Tom's eyes were starting from their +sockets--yes, it was a cruel day for the bereaved youth, everybody +thought.] We will return to the infant autographs of A and B. I will ask +the jury to take these large pantograph facsimilies of A's marked five +months and seven months. Do they tally?" + +The foreman responded-- + +"Perfectly." + +"Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, and also marked A. +Does it tally with the other two?" + +The surprised response was-- + +"No--they differ widely!" + +"You are quite right. Now take these two pantographs of B's autograph, +marked five months and seven months. Do they tally with each other?" + +"Yes--perfectly." + +"Take this third pantograph marked B, eight months. Does it tally with +B's other two?" + +"By no means!" + +"Do you know how to account for those strange discrepancies? I will tell +you. For a purpose unknown to us, but probably a selfish one, somebody +changed those children in the cradle." + +This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was astonished at this +admirable guess, but not disturbed by it. To guess the exchange was one +thing, to guess who did it quite another. Pudd'nhead Wilson could do +wonderful things, no doubt, but he couldn't do impossible ones. Safe? +She was perfectly safe. She smiled privately. + +"Between the ages of seven months and eight months those children were +changed in the cradle"--he made one of his effect-collecting pauses, and +added--"and the person who did it is in this house!" + +Roxy's pulses stood still! The house was thrilled as with an electric +shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a glimpse of the person +who had made that exchange. Tom was growing limp; the life seemed oozing +out of him. Wilson resumed: + +"A was put into B's cradle in the nursery; B was transferred to the +kitchen and became a negro and a slave, [Sensation--confusion of angry +ejaculations]--but within a quarter of an hour he will stand before you +white and free! [Burst of applause, checked by the officers.] From seven +months onward until now, A has still been a usurper, and in my +finger-record he bears B's name. Here is his pantograph at the age of +twelve. Compare it with the assassin's signature upon the knife-handle. +Do they tally?" + +The foreman answered-- + +"To the minutest detail!" + +Wilson said, solemnly-- + +"The murderer of your friend and mine--York Driscoll of the generous +hand and the kindly spirit--sits in among you. Valet de Chambre, negro +and slave,--falsely called Thomas à Becket Driscoll,--make upon the +window the finger-prints that will hang you!" + +Tom turned his ashen face imploring toward the speaker, made some +impotent movements with his white lips, then slid limp and lifeless to +the floor. + +Wilson broke the awed silence with the words-- + +"There is no need. He has confessed." + +Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with her hands, and +out through her sobs the words struggled-- + +"De Lord have mercy on me, po' misable sinner dat I is!" + +The clock struck twelve. + +The court rose; the new prisoner, handcuffed, was removed. + + + + +Conclusion + +It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the +best judge of one.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar. + +October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it +would have been more wonderful to miss it.--Pudd'nhead Wilson's +Calendar. + +The town sat up all night to discuss the amazing events of the day and +swap guesses as to when Tom's trial would begin. Troop after troop of +citizens came to serenade Wilson, and require a speech, and shout +themselves hoarse over every sentence that fell from his lips--for all +his sentences were golden, now, all were marvelous. His long fight +against hard luck and prejudice was ended; he was a made man for good. + +And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts marched away, some +remorseful member of it was quite sure to raise his voice and say-- + +"And this is the man the likes of us have called a pudd'nhead for more +than twenty years. He has resigned from that position, friends." + +"Yes, but it isn't vacant--we're elected." + +The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with rehabilitated +reputations. But they were weary of Western adventure, and straightway +retired to Europe. + +Roxy's heart was broken. The young fellow upon whom she had inflicted +twenty-three years of slavery continued the false heir's pension of +thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her hurts were too deep for +money to heal; the spirit in her eye was quenched, her martial bearing +departed with it, and the voice of her laughter ceased in the land. In +her church and its affairs she found her only solace. + +The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but in a most +embarrassing situation. He could neither read nor write, and his speech +was the basest dialect of the negro quarter. His gait, his attitudes, +his gestures, his bearing, his laugh--all were vulgar and uncouth; his +manners were the manners of a slave. Money and fine clothes could not +mend these defects or cover them up; they only made them the more +glaring and the more pathetic. The poor fellow could not endure the +terrors of the white man's parlor, and felt at home and at peace nowhere +but in the kitchen. The family pew was a misery to him, yet he could +nevermore enter into the solacing refuge of the "nigger gallery"--that +was closed to him for good and all. But we cannot follow his curious +fate further--that would be a long story. + +The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced to imprisonment +for life. But now a complication came up. The Percy Driscoll estate was +in such a crippled shape when its owner died that it could pay only +sixty per cent. of its great indebtedness, and was settled at that rate. +But the creditors came forward, now, and complained that inasmuch as +through an error for which they were in no way to blame the false heir +was not inventoried at the time with the rest of the property, great +wrong and loss had thereby been inflicted upon them. They rightly +claimed that "Tom" was lawfully their property and had been so for eight +years; that they had already lost sufficiently in being deprived of his +services during that long period, and ought not to be required to add +anything to that loss; that if he had been delivered up to them in the +first place, they would have sold him and he could not have murdered +Judge Driscoll; therefore it was not he that had really committed the +murder, the guilt lay with the erroneous inventory. Everybody saw that +there was reason in this. Everybody granted that if "Tom" were white and +free it would be unquestionably right to punish him--it would be no loss +to anybody; but to shut up a valuable slave for life--that was quite +another matter. + +As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom at once, +and the creditors sold him down the river. + +Transcriber's Notes + +Introduction: + +1. Background. + +Welcome to Project Gutenberg's presentation of Pudd'nhead Wilson. The +Italian twins in this novel, Luigi and Angelo, were inspired by a real +pair of Italian conjoined twins who toured America in the 1890s. These +were Giacomo and Giovanni Battista Tocci. + +Homer Plessy was arrested for sitting in a whites-only passenger car on +June 7, 1892, and one month later he stood before Judge John Howard +Ferguson to plead his case. Plessy was an octaroon who could easily +"pass white." Four years later, the Supreme Court condoned "Separate but +Equal" laws in the famous Plessy vs. Ferguson case, which affirmed the +decision of Justice Ferguson in local court. These events in 1892 +unfolded as Twain wrote this story, and changed the tale that he ended +up telling. + +Arthur Conan Doyle released his best-selling collection of short +stories, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, on October 14, 1892. The +stories had already appeared in The Strand Magazine, one each month, +from July 1891 to June 1892. Holmes inspired Twain to add a component of +forensics to this story. + +2. Dialect. + +The soliloquies and conversations in the novel follow some general +rules. Twain introduced some variations in the spelling of dialect, and +sometimes the sound of dialect, but the end meaning seems to be the +same thing. Below is a table of some of these words, and alternatives +found in the text: + +Dialect used in Pudd'nhead Wilson + +English Dialect, Alternative, Another +and en +against agin, ag'in, ag'in' +because 'ca'se +going gwine, gwyne +more mo' +that dat +the de +then den +there dere, dah +these dese +they dey, deh +this dis +was 'uz +with wid +where whah + +The above table was presented as a foundation which played into the +decision to make some emendations, below, that were not authorized by +Twain in 1899. One curious notation is that there was sometimes +pronounced dere, but also dah. Along the same lines, they most often +became dey, but in one case, deh. + +3. This version. + +Our version is based on the 1894 publication of this novel in Hartford. +This was Twain's original American release of the novel in book form. A +scanned copy of this book is available through Hathitrust. The book +contained some spaces in contractions: I 'll, dat 'll, had n't, could +n't, dis 'll, 't ain't / t ain't, and dey 'll are some examples. These +spaces were not retained in our transcription, and are not identified. +We did make a few other emendations. These emendations were checked with +the 1899 version of Pudd'nhead Wilson published by Harper & Brothers. + +4. Notes on emendations. + +The errors on Page 233 and Page 288, were not changed in the 1899 book, +so the case for making those changes may be found in the Detailed Notes +section. The remaining errors were corrected in the 1899 publication, +presumably authorized by Twain, who essentially made the case for those +emendations. + +In the HTML version of this e-book, you can place your cursor over the +faint silver dotted lines below the changed text to discover the +original text. The Detailed Notes section of these notes describe these +emendations. + +5. Other versions. + +Please note that many print versions of Pudd'nhead Wilson include the +phrase 'spelling and usage have been brought into conformity with modern +usage,' and editors have been liberal with their renditions of Twain's +story. + +6. Detailed notes. + +The Detailed Notes Section also includes issues that have come up during +transcription. One common issue is that words are sometimes split into +two lines for spacing purposes in the original text. These words are +hyphenated in the physical book, but there is a question sometimes as to +whether the hyphen should be retained in transcription. The reasons +behind some of these decisions are itemized. + +Production Notes Section: + +1. Chapter Titles. + +The Chapter Titles, such as Doom in Chapter XXI., were not part of +Twain's book. They remain from another version of this book. The chapter +titles are used in PG's Mark Twain index, so we have retained them. + +2. The Author's Note. + +The Author's Note to Those Extraordinary Twins is actually the author's +introduction to the novella, Those Extraordinary Twins. Twain originally +produced this book with two parts: Pudd'nhead Wilson and Those +Extraordinary Twins. + +Project Gutenberg offers both stories, so we present the Author's Note +as the Introduction to Those Extraordinary Twins, as Twain intended. If +you want to read the Author's Note, please visit the Introduction of our +production of the novella, Those Extraordinary Twins. + +Detailed Notes Section: + +Chapter 1. + +On Page 19, barber-shop was hyphenated between two lines for spacing. +The 1899 Harper & Brothers version used "barber shop" in this spot. Even +though barber-shop cannot be transcribed as such, the assumption is that +the 1894 version put in the hyphen by mistake. We transcribed the word +barber shop. + +Chapter 2. + +On Page 34, changed ca'se to 'ca'se, used as dialect for because, in the +clause: "but dat's ca'se it's mine." The author used 'ca'se eighteen +other times as dialect for because, and did not use ca'se again. + +Chapter 3. + +On Page 43, insert missing period after tomb. + +Chapter 6. + +On Page 81, add a comma after door: "The twins took a position near the +door the widow stood at Luigi's side, Rowena stood beside Angelo,..." + +Chapter 7. + +On Page 88, add a period after fault in the sentence: The Judge laid +himself out hospitably to make them have a good time, and if there was a +defect anywhere it was not his fault. + +Chapter 9. + +On Page 114, there is a word missing before the semicolon in the clause: +Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised ; the 1899 Harper +& Brothers version provided the missing word, "it." + +Chapter 11. + +On Page 131, change dicision to decision in the clause: Luigi reserved +his dicision. + +On Page 133, change comma to a period after years in the sentence: "I +never got a chance to try my hand at it, and I may never get a chance; +and yet if I ever do get it I shall be found ready, for I have kept up +my law-studies all these years," + +On Page 149, Correct spelling of Cappello to Capello. The surname of the +twins was Capello in the letter on page 73, and two other times in +Chapter 6. + +Chapter 13. + +On Page 167, Change ' to " in the sentence: "Why, my boy, you look +desolate. Don't take it so hard. Try and forget you have been kicked.' + +On Page 176, ship-shape was hyphenated and split between two lines for +spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version of the novel used shipshape, +and so will we. + +Chapter 14. + +On Page 182, changed period after hatching to question mark in the +sentence: What could be hatching. +On Page 184, remove comma after sha'n't, in the clause: but if he +doesn't, I sha'n't, let on. + +On Page 189, low-down is hyphenated and split between two lines for +spacing. On Page 188, low-down is spelled with a hyphen, and on pages +241 and 243 low-downest is also hyphenated. There is no occurrence of +lowdown. We transcribed low-down with a hyphen: like a ornery low-down +hound! + +Chapter 16. +On Page 216, Changed ? to ! in the sentence: En keep on sayin' it? + +Chapter 18. + +On Page 229, Changed 'against to against in the clause: with fury +'against the planter's wife. + +On Page 233, Changed de to den in the clause "en de good gracious me." +The author always used den for then, except in this case. De is dialect +for the. Twain did not correct this in the 1899 Harper & Brothers +version of the novel, but den makes more sense then de. Roxy was +floating on the river, and then she cried good gracious me, because she +spotted the Grand Mogul. + +Changed day to dey in two places. The novel used dey as dialect for they +regularly, and almost consistently, except in two cases. Both cases were +presumed errata: + +• On Page 232, en day warn't gwine to hurry +• On Page 229, en day knows how to whale 'em, too. + +Chapter 19. + +On Page 253, back-yard is hyphenated and split between two lines for +spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version of the novel used back-yard, +and so will we. + +Chapter 20. + +On Page 273, changed countenence to countenance in the clause: "I don't +know about that," and Tom's countenence darkened,... + +Chapter 21. + +On Page 288, there are two quotes made by the crowd in double quotes. +Twain did not correct this in the 1899 version of the novel by Harper & +Brothers. But these lines are surrounded by Wilson's narrative, which is +already in double quotes. Therefore, we have used single quotes for the +two remarks from the gallery. + +• 'Why, it's so--I never noticed that before!' +• 'Why, that's so, too!' + +Conclusion. + +On Page 302, removed in from the sentence: "But we cannot follow his +curious fate further--that in would be a long story." + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD’NHEAD WILSON *** + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the +United States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part +of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project +Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ +concept and trademark. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online +at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you +are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the +country where you are located before using this eBook. +</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) </div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: January, 1994 [eBook #102]<br /> +[Most recently updated: March 5, 2023]</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: An Anonymous Volunteer, David Widger and Robert Homa</div> +<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD’NHEAD WILSON ***</div> + +<div class="titlepage"> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_001" id="Page_001">1</a></span> + <h1>The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson</h1> + <p class="author">By Mark Twain</p> + <p class="small smcap">Samuel L. Clemens</p> + <p><br/></p> + <p class="small"> + 1894<br /> + HARTFORD, CONN.<br /> + AMERICAN PUBLISHING COMPANY + </p> + +<p><br /><br /></p> +<p class="small"> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_008" id="Page_008">8</a></span> + Copyright, 1894,<br /> + by OLIVIA L. CLEMENS<br /> + All Rights Reserved <br /> + The right of dramatization and translation reserved.<br /> +</p> +<p><br /><br /></p> +<p class="small"> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_010" id="Page_010">10</a></span> + Copyright, 1893-1894, by the Century Company, in the Century Magazine.<br /> + Copyright, 1894, by Olivia L. Clemens<br /> + (All Rights Reserved)<br /> +</p> +</div> + + +<div class="contents"><a id="Contents" name="Contents"></a> + <hr /> + <h2>Contents</h2> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_012" id="Page_012">12</a></span> +</div> + +<table class="toc" summary="Table of Contents for Puddnhead Wilson" > +<caption>Pudd’nhead Wilson</caption> +<thead> + <tr> + <th>Chapter</th> + <th>Chapter Title</th> + <th>Page</th> + </tr> +</thead> +<tbody> + <tr> + <td></td> + <td class="smcap">A Whisper to the Reader</td> + <td><a href="#link2H_4_0001">15</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>I.</td> + <td class="smcap">Pudd’nhead Wins His Name</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0001">17</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>II.</td> + <td class="smcap">Driscoll Spares His Slaves</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0002">27</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>III.</td> + <td class="smcap">Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0003">41</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>IV.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Ways of the Changelings</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0004">52</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>V.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Twins Thrill Dawson’s Landing</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0005">67</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>VI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Swimming in Glory</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0006">77</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>VII.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Unknown Nymph</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0007">86</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>VIII.</td> + <td class="smcap">Marse Tom Tramples His Chance</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0008">93</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>IX.</td> + <td class="smcap">Tom Practises Sycophancy</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0009">111</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>X.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Nymph Revealed</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0010">121</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Pudd’nhead’s Startling Discovery </td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0011">130</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XII.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Shame of Judge Driscoll</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0012">155</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XIII.</td> + <td class="smcap">Tom Stares at Ruin </td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0013">166</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XIV.</td> + <td class="smcap">Roxana Insists Upon Reform</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0014">179</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XV.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Robber Robbed</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0015">197</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XVI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Sold Down the River</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0016">214</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XVII.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0017">221</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XVIII.</td> + <td class="smcap">Roxana Commands</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0018">225</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XIX.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Prophecy Realized</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0019">246</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XX.</td> + <td class="smcap">The Murderer Chuckles</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0020">263</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>XXI.</td> + <td class="smcap">Doom</td> + <td><a href="#link2HCH0021">278</a></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td></td> + <td class="smcap">Conclusion</td> + <td><a href="#link2H_CONC">300</a></td> + </tr> +</tbody> +</table> + + <p><br /><br /> + </p> + + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_015" id="Page_015">15</a></span> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"></a> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">A Whisper</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">to the Reader.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can + be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. + Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about + perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler + animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead + of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are + left in doubt.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">A person</span> who is ignorant of legal matters is + always liable to make mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene + with his pen; and so I was not willing to let the law chapters in this + book go to press without first subjecting them to rigid and exhausting + revision and correction by a trained barrister—if that is what they + are called. These chapters are right, now, in every detail, for they were + rewritten under the immediate eye of William Hicks, who studied law part + of a while in southwest Missouri thirty-five years ago and then came over + here to Florence for his health and is still helping for exercise and + board in Macaroni Vermicelli’s horse-feed shed which is up the + back alley as you turn around the corner out of the Piazza del Duomo just + beyond the house where that stone that Dante used to sit on six hundred + years ago is let into the wall + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_016" id="Page_016">16</a></span> + when he let on to be watching them build + Giotto’s campanile and yet always got tired looking as soon as + Beatrice passed along on her way to get a chunk of chestnut cake to defend + herself with in case of a Ghibelline outbreak before she got to school, at + the same old stand where they sell the same old cake to this day and it is + just as light and good as it was then, too, and this is not flattery, far + from it. He was a little rusty on his law, but he rubbed up for this book, + and those two or three legal chapters are right and straight, now. + He told me so himself. + </p> + <p> + Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at the Villa + Viviani, village of Settignano, three miles back of Florence, on the + hills—the same certainly affording the most charming view to be + found on this planet, and with it the most dreamlike and enchanting + sunsets to be found in any planet or even in any solar system—and + given, too, in the swell room of the house, with the busts of Cerretani + senators and other grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon + me as they used to look down upon Dante, and mutely asking me to adopt + them into my family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest ancestors + are but spring chickens compared with these robed and stately antiques, + and it will be a great and satisfying lift for me, that six hundred + years will. + </p> + <p class="signature"> + <i>Mark Twain.</i> + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_017" id="Page_017">17</a></span> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"></a> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER I.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Pudd’nhead Wins His Name.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Tell the truth or trump—but get the trick.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> scene of this chronicle is the town of + Dawson’s Landing, on the Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a + day’s journey, per steamboat, below St. Louis. + </p> + <p> + In 1830 it was a snug little collection of modest one- and two-story frame + dwellings whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed from sight by + climbing tangles of rose-vines, honeysuckles, and morning-glories. Each of + these pretty homes had a garden in front fenced with white palings and + opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, touch-me-nots, + prince’s-feathers and other old-fashioned flowers; while on the + window-sills of the houses stood wooden boxes containing moss-rose + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_018" id="Page_018">18</a></span> + plants + and terra-cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium whose spread of + intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint of the rose-clad + house-front like an explosion of flame. When there was room on the ledge + outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there—in sunny + weather—stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, with her + furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose. Then that house was + complete, and its contentment and peace were made manifest to the world by + this symbol, whose testimony is infallible. A home without a cat—and + a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat—may be a perfect + home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? + </p> + <p> + All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge of the brick + sidewalks, stood locust-trees with trunks protected by wooden boxing, and + these furnished shade for summer and a sweet fragrance in spring when + the clusters of buds came forth. The main street, one block back from the + river, and running parallel with it, was the sole business street. It was + six blocks long, and in each block two + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_019" id="Page_019">19</a></span> + or three brick stores three stories high towered above interjected bunches + of little frame shops. Swinging signs creaked in the wind, the + street’s whole length. The candy-striped pole which indicates + nobility proud and ancient along the palace-bordered canals of Venice, + indicated merely the humble + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: barber-shop was transcribed as barber shop."> + barber shop</ins> along the main street of Dawson’s Landing. On a + chief corner stood a lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top to bottom + with tin pots and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger’s noisy notice + to the world (when the wind blew) that his shop was on hand for business + at that corner. + </p> + <p> + The hamlet’s front was washed by the clear waters of the great + river; its body stretched itself rearward up a gentle incline; its most + rearward border fringed itself out and scattered its houses about the + base-line of the hills; the hills rose high, inclosing the town in a + half-moon curve, clothed with forests from foot to summit. + </p> + <p> + Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so. Those belonging to the + little Cairo line and the little Memphis line always + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_020" id="Page_020">20</a></span> + stopped; the big Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or to land + passengers or freight; and this was the case also with the great + flotilla of “transients.” These latter came out of a + dozen rivers—the Illinois, the Missouri, the Upper Mississippi, + the Ohio, the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red River, the White River, + and so on; and were bound every whither and stocked with every imaginable + comfort or necessity which the Mississippi’s communities could want, + from the frosty Falls of St. Anthony down through nine climates to torrid + New Orleans. + </p> + <p> + Dawson’s Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich + slave-worked grain and pork country back of it. The town was sleepy + and comfortable and contented. It was fifty years old, and was growing + slowly—very slowly, in fact, but still it was growing. + </p> + <p> + The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old, + judge of the county court. He was very proud of his old Virginian + ancestry, and in his hospitalities and his rather formal and stately + manners he kept up its traditions. He was fine and just + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_021" id="Page_021">21</a></span> + and generous. To be a gentleman—a gentleman without stain or + blemish—was his only religion, and to it he was always faithful. + He was respected, esteemed and beloved by all the community. He was + well off, and was gradually adding to his store. He and his wife were + very nearly happy, but not quite, for they had no children. The longing + for the treasure of a child had grown stronger and stronger as the years + slipped away, but the blessing never came—and was never to come. + </p> + <p> + With this pair lived the Judge’s widowed sister, Mrs. Rachel + Pratt, and she also was childless—childless, and sorrowful for + that reason, and not to be comforted. The women were good and commonplace + people, and did their duty and had their reward in clear consciences and + the community’s approbation. They were Presbyterians, the Judge + was a free-thinker. + </p> + <p> + Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged about forty, was another old + Virginian grandee with proved descent from the First Families. He was a + fine, brave, majestic + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_022" id="Page_022">22</a></span> + creature, a gentleman according to the nicest requirements of the Virginia + rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority on the “code,” and + a man always courteously ready to stand up before you in the field if any + act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious to you, and explain + it with any weapon you might prefer from brad-awls to artillery. He was + very popular with the people, and was the Judge’s dearest friend. + </p> + <p> + Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F. F. V. + of formidable caliber—however, with him we have no concern. + </p> + <p> + Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the Judge, and younger than he + by five years, was a married man, and had had children around his + hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail by measles, croup and + scarlet fever, and this had given the doctor a chance with his effective + antediluvian methods; so the cradles were empty. He was a prosperous man, + with a good head for speculations, and his fortune was growing. On the + 1st of February, 1830, two boy babes were born in his house: one to him, + the other to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_023" id="Page_023">23</a></span> + one of his slave girls, Roxana by name. Roxana was twenty + years old. She was up and around the same day, with her hands full, for + she was tending both babies. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week. Roxy remained in charge of the + children. She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll soon absorbed himself in + his speculations and left her to her own devices. + </p> + <p> + In that same month of February, Dawson’s Landing gained a new + citizen. This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of Scotch parentage. + He had wandered to this remote region from his birthplace in the interior + of the State of New York, to seek his fortune. He was twenty-five years + old, college-bred, and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern + law school a couple of years before. + </p> + <p> + He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an intelligent + blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a covert twinkle of + a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, he would no doubt + have entered at once upon a successful career at Dawson’s Landing. + But he made his fatal remark + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_024" id="Page_024">24</a></span> + the first day he spent in the village, and it “gaged” him. + He had just made the acquaintance of a group of citizens when an invisible + dog began to yelp and snarl and howl and make himself very comprehensively + disagreeable, whereupon young Wilson said, much as one who is thinking + aloud— + </p> + <p> + “I wish I owned half of that dog.” + </p> + <p> + “Why?” somebody asked. + </p> + <p> + “Because I would kill my half.” + </p> + <p> + The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, but found + no light there, no expression that they could read. They fell away from + him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy to discuss him. One + said: + </p> + <p> + “’Pears to be a fool.” + </p> + <p> + “’Pears?” said another. + “<i>Is,</i> I reckon you better say.” + </p> + <p> + “Said he wished he owned <i>half</i> of the dog, the idiot,” + said a third. “What did he reckon would become of the other half + if he killed his half? Do you reckon he thought it would live?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, he must have thought it, unless he <i>is</i> the downrightest + fool in the world; because if + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_025" id="Page_025">25</a></span> + he hadn’t thought it, he would have wanted to own the whole dog, + knowing that if he killed his half and the other half died, he would be + responsible for that half just the same as if he had killed that half + instead of his own. Don’t it look that way to you, gents?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it does. If he owned one half of the general dog, it would be + so; if he owned one end of the dog and another person owned the other + end, it would be so, just the same; particularly in the first case, + because if you kill one half of a general dog, there ain’t any man + that can tell whose half it was, but if he owned one end of the dog, + maybe he could kill his end of it and—” + </p> + <p> + “No, he couldn’t either; he couldn’t and not be + responsible if the other end died, which it would. In my opinion + the man ain’t in his right mind.” + </p> + <p> + “In my opinion he hain’t <i>got</i> any mind.” + </p> + <p> + No. 3 said: “Well, he’s a lummox, anyway.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s what he is,” said No. 4, “he’s + a labrick—just a Simon-pure labrick, if ever there was one.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_026" id="Page_026">26</a></span> + “Yes, sir, he’s a dam fool, that’s the way I put + him up,” said No. 5. “Anybody can think different that + wants to, but those are my sentiments.” + </p> + <p> + “I’m with you, gentlemen,” said No. 6. “Perfect + jackass—yes, and it ain’t going too far to say he is a + pudd’nhead. If he ain’t a pudd’nhead, I + ain’t no judge, that’s all.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wilson stood elected. The incident was told all over the town, and + gravely discussed by everybody. Within a week he had lost his first name; + Pudd’nhead took its place. In time he came to be liked, and well + liked too; but by that time the nickname had got well stuck on, and it + stayed. That first day’s verdict made him a fool, and he was not + able to get it set aside, or even modified. The nickname soon ceased to + carry any harsh or unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, and + was to continue to hold its place for twenty long years. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_027" id="Page_027">27</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER II.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Driscoll Spares His Slaves.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want + the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it + was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the + serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Pudd’nhead Wilson</span> had a trifle of money + when he arrived, and he bought a small house on the extreme western verge + of the town. Between it and Judge Driscoll’s house there was only a + grassy yard, with a paling fence dividing the properties in the middle. He + hired a small office down in the town and hung out a tin sign with these + words on it: + </p> + <p class="buscard small"> + <span class="large">DAVID WILSON.</span><br /><br /> + ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW. <br /> + SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC.<br /> + </p> + <p> + But his deadly remark had ruined his chance—at least in the law. No + clients came. He + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_028" id="Page_028">28</a></span> + took down his sign, after a while, and put it up on his own house with the + law features knocked out of it. It offered his services now in the humble + capacities of land-surveyor and expert accountant. Now and then he got a + job of surveying to do, and now and then a merchant got him to straighten + out his books. With Scotch patience and pluck he resolved to live down his + reputation and work his way into the legal field yet. Poor fellow, he + could not foresee that it was going to take him such a weary long time + to do it. + </p> + <p> + He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung heavy on his + hands, for he interested himself in every new thing that was born into the + universe of ideas, and studied it and experimented upon it at his house. + One of his pet fads was palmistry. To another one he gave no name, neither + would he explain to anybody what its purpose was, but merely said it was + an amusement. In fact he had found that his fads added to his reputation + as a pudd’nhead; therefore he was growing chary of being too + communicative about them. The fad without a name was one which dealt + with + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_029" id="Page_029">29</a></span> + people’s finger-marks. He carried in his coat pocket a shallow + box with grooves in it, and in the grooves strips of glass five inches + long and three inches wide. Along the lower edge of each strip was pasted + a slip of white paper. He asked people to pass their hands through their + hair (thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the natural oil) and + then make a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it with the mark of + the ball of each finger in succession. Under this row of faint + grease-prints he would write a record on the strip of white + paper—thus: + </p> + <p class="buscard"> + <span class="smcap">John Smith</span>, <i>right hand</i>— + </p> + <p class="noindent"> + and add the day of the month and the year, then take Smith’s + left hand on another glass strip, and add name and date and the words + “left hand.” The strips were now returned to the grooved box, + and took their place among what Wilson called his “records.” + </p> + <p> + He often studied his records, examining and poring over them with + absorbing interest until far into the night; but what he found + there—if + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_030" id="Page_030">30</a></span> + he found anything—he revealed to no one. Sometimes + he copied on paper the involved and delicate pattern left by the ball + of a finger, and then vastly enlarged it with a pantograph so that + he could examine its web of curving lines with ease and convenience. + </p> + <p> + One sweltering afternoon—it was the first day of July, 1830—he + was at work over a set of tangled account-books in his work-room, which + looked westward over a stretch of vacant lots, when a conversation outside + disturbed him. It was carried on in yells, which showed that the people + engaged in it were not close together: + </p> + <p> + “Say, Roxy, how does yo’ baby come on?” + This from the distant voice. + </p> + <p> + “Fust-rate; how does <i>you</i> come on, Jasper?” + This yell was from close by. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I’s middlin’; hain’t got + noth’n’ to complain of. I’s gwine to come + a-court’n’ you bimeby, Roxy.” + </p> + <p> + “<i>You</i> is, you black mud-cat! Yah—yah—yah! + I got somep’n’ better to do den ’sociat’n’ + wid niggers as black as you is. Is ole Miss Cooper’s Nancy done give + you de mitten?” + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_031" id="Page_031">31</a></span> + Roxy followed this sally with another discharge of care-free laughter. + </p> + <p> + “You’s jealous, Roxy, dat’s what’s de + matter wid <i>you</i>, you hussy—yah—yah—yah! + Dat’s de time I got you!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes, <i>you</i> got me, hain’t you. ’Clah to + goodness if dat conceit o’ yo’n strikes in, Jasper, + it gwine to kill you sho’. If you b’longed to + me I’d sell you down de river ’fo’ you git + too fur gone. Fust time I runs acrost yo’ marster, + I’s gwine to tell him so.” + </p> + <p> + This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both parties enjoying the + friendly duel and each well satisfied with his own share of the wit + exchanged—for wit they considered it. + </p> + <p> + Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; he could not work + while their chatter continued. Over in the vacant lots was Jasper, young, + coal-black and of magnificent build, sitting on a wheelbarrow in the + pelting sun—at work, supposably, whereas he was in fact only + preparing for it by taking an hour’s rest before beginning. In + front of Wilson’s porch stood Roxy, with a local hand-made + baby-wagon, in which sat her two charges—one + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_032" id="Page_032">32</a></span> + at each end and facing each other. From Roxy’s manner of speech, + a stranger would have expected her to be black, but she was not. Only + one sixteenth of her was black, and that sixteenth did not show. She was + of majestic form and stature, her attitudes were imposing and statuesque, + and her gestures and movements distinguished by a noble and stately grace. + Her complexion was very fair, with the rosy glow of vigorous health in + the cheeks, her face was full of character and expression, her eyes were + brown and liquid, and she had a heavy suit of fine soft hair which was + also brown, but the fact was not apparent because her head was bound about + with a checkered handkerchief and the hair was concealed under it. Her + face was shapely, intelligent and comely—even beautiful. She had an + easy, independent carriage—when she was among her own + caste—and a high and “sassy” way, withal; but of course + she was meek and humble enough where white people were. + </p> + <p> + To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one + sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_033" id="Page_033">33</a></span> + parts and made her a negro. She was a slave, and salable as such. Her + child was thirty-one parts white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a + fiction of law and custom a negro. He had blue eyes and flaxen curls + like his white comrade, but even the father of the white child was able + to tell the children apart—little as he had commerce with + them—by their clothes: for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin + and a coral necklace, while the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen + shirt which barely reached to its knees, and no jewelry. + </p> + <p> + The white child’s name was Thomas à Becket Driscoll, + the other’s name was Valet de Chambre: no surname—slaves + hadn’t the privilege. Roxana had heard that phrase somewhere, + the fine sound of it had pleased her ear, and as she had supposed it + was a name, she loaded it on to her darling. It soon got shorted to + “Chambers,” of course. + </p> + <p> + Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wit began to play out, he + stepped outside to gather in a record or two. Jasper went to work + energetically, at once, perceiving + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_034" id="Page_034">34</a></span> + that his leisure was observed. Wilson inspected the children and + asked— + </p> + <p> + “How old are they, Roxy?” + </p> + <p> + “Bofe de same age, sir—five months. + Bawn de fust o’ Feb’uary.” + </p> + <p> + “They’re handsome little chaps. + One’s just as handsome as the other, too.” + </p> + <p> + A delighted smile exposed the girl’s white teeth, and she said: + </p> + <p> + “Bless yo’ soul, Misto Wilson, it’s pow’ful + nice o’ you to say dat, ’ca’se one of ’em + ain’t on’y a nigger. Mighty prime little nigger, + <i>I</i> al’ays says, but dat’s + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: change ca'se to 'ca'se."> + ’ca’se</ins> it’s mine, o’ course.” + </p> + <p> + “How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they + haven’t any clothes on?” + </p> + <p> + Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Oh, <i>I</i> kin tell ’em ’part, Misto Wilson, + but I bet Marse Percy couldn’t, not to save his life.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson chatted along for awhile, and presently got Roxy’s + finger-prints for his collection—right hand and left—on a + couple of his glass strips; then labeled and dated them, and took + the “records” of both children, and labeled and dated them + also. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_035" id="Page_035">35</a></span> + Two months later, on the 3d of September, he took this trio of + finger-marks again. He liked to have a “series,” two or + three “takings” at intervals during the period of childhood, + these to be followed by others at intervals of several years. + </p> + <p> + The next day—that is to say, on the 4th of September—something + occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana. Mr. Driscoll missed another + small sum of money—which is a way of saying that this was not a new + thing, but had happened before. In truth it had happened three times + before. Driscoll’s patience was exhausted. He was a fairly humane + man toward slaves and other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man + toward the erring of his own race. Theft he could not abide, and plainly + there was a thief in his house. Necessarily the thief must be one of his + negroes. Sharp measures must be taken. He called his servants before him. + There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a woman, and a boy twelve + years old. They were not related. Mr. Driscoll said: + </p> + <p> + “You have all been warned before. It has + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_036" id="Page_036">36</a></span> + done no good. This time I will teach you a lesson. I will sell the thief. + Which of you is the guilty one?” + </p> + <p> + They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a good home, and a new + one was likely to be a change for the worse. The denial was general. None + had stolen anything—not money, anyway—a little sugar, or cake, + or honey, or something like that, that “Marse Percy wouldn’t + mind or miss,” but not money—never a cent of money. They were + eloquent in their protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them. + He answered each in turn with a stern “Name the thief!” + </p> + <p> + The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected that the others + were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. She was horrified to + think how near she had come to being guilty herself; she had been saved in + the nick of time by a revival in the colored Methodist Church, a fortnight + before, at which time and place she “got religion.” The very + next day after that gracious experience, while her change of style was + fresh upon her and she was vain of her purified + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_037" id="Page_037">37</a></span> + condition, her master left a couple dollars lying unprotected on his desk, + and she happened upon that temptation when she was polishing around with + a dust-rag. She looked at the money awhile with a steady rising + resentment, then she burst out with— + </p> + <p> + “Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had ’a’ + be’n put off till to-morrow!” + </p> + <p> + Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another member of the + kitchen cabinet got it. She made this sacrifice as a matter of religious + etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, but by no means to be wrested + into a precedent; no, a week or two would limber up her piety, then she + would be rational again, and the next two dollars that got left out in the + cold would find a comforter—and she could name the comforter. + </p> + <p> + Was she bad? Was she worse than the general run of her race? No. They had + an unfair show in the battle of life, and they held it no sin to take + military advantage of the enemy—in a small way; in a small way, but + not in a large one. They would smouch provisions from the pantry whenever + they got a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_038" id="Page_038">38</a></span> + chance; or a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, or an emery-bag, or a paper + of needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, or small articles of + clothing, or any other property of light value; and so far were they from + considering such reprisals sinful, that they would go to church and shout + and pray the loudest and sincerest with their plunder in their pockets. A + farm smoke-house had to be kept heavily padlocked, for even the colored + deacon himself could not resist a ham when Providence showed him in a + dream, or otherwise, where such a thing hung lonesome and longed for some + one to love. But with a hundred hanging before him the deacon would not + take two—that is, on the same night. On frosty nights the humane + negro prowler would warm the end of a plank and put it up under + the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; a drowsy hen would step on + to the comfortable board, softly clucking her gratitude, and the prowler + would dump her into his bag, and later into his stomach, perfectly sure + that in taking this trifle from the man who daily robbed + him of an inestimable treasure—his + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_039" id="Page_039">39</a></span> + liberty—he was not committing any sin that God would remember + against him in the Last Great Day. + </p> + <p> + “Name the thief!” + </p> + <p> + For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always in the same hard + tone. And now he added these words of awful import: + </p> + <p> + “I give you one minute”—he took out his watch. + “If at the end of that time you have not confessed, I will + not only sell all four of you, <i>but</i>—I + will sell you <span class="smcap">down the river</span>!” + </p> + <p> + It was equivalent to condemning them to hell! No Missouri negro doubted + this. Roxy reeled in her tracks and the color vanished out of her face; + the others dropped to their knees as if they had been shot; tears gushed + from their eyes, their supplicating hands went up, and three answers came + in the one instant: + </p> + <p> + “I done it!” + </p> + <p> + “I done it!” + </p> + <p> + “I done it!—have mercy, marster—Lord have + mercy on us po’ niggers!” + </p> + <p> + “Very good,” said the master, putting up his watch, + “I will sell you <i>here</i> though you don’t + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_040" id="Page_040">40</a></span> + deserve it. You ought to be sold down the river.” + </p> + <p> + The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of gratitude, and + kissed his feet, declaring that they would never forget his goodness and + never cease to pray for him as long as they lived. They were sincere, for + like a god he had stretched forth his mighty hand and closed the gates of + hell against them. He knew, himself, that he had done a noble and gracious + thing, and was privately well pleased with his magnanimity; and that night + he set the incident down in his diary, so that his son might read it in + after years, and be thereby moved to deeds of gentleness and humanity + himself. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_041" id="Page_041">41</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER III.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, + knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first + great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the + world.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Percy Driscoll</span> slept well the night he saved + his house-minions from going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited + Roxy’s eyes. A profound terror had taken possession of her. Her + child could grow up and be sold down the river! The thought crazed her + with horror. If she dozed and lost herself for a moment, the next moment + she was on her feet flying to her child’s cradle to see if it was + still there. Then she would gather it to her heart and pour out her love + upon it in a frenzy of kisses, moaning, crying, and saying, “Dey + sha’n’t, oh, dey <i>sha’n’t!</i>—yo’ + po’ mammy will kill you fust!” + </p> + <p> + Once, when she was tucking it back in its + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_042" id="Page_042">42</a></span> + cradle again, the other child nestled in its sleep and attracted her + attention. She went and stood over it a long time communing with herself: + </p> + <p> + “What has my po’ baby done, dat he couldn’t have + yo’ luck? He hain’t done noth’n’. God was good + to you; why warn’t he good to him? Dey can’t sell <i>you</i> + down de river. I hates yo’ pappy; he hain’t got no + heart—for niggers he hain’t, anyways. I hates him, en I + could kill him!” She paused awhile, thinking; then she burst into + wild sobbings again, and turned away, saying, “Oh, I got to + kill my chile, dey ain’t no yuther way,—killin’ + <i>him</i> wouldn’t save de chile fum goin’ down de river. + Oh, I got to do it, yo’ po’ mammy’s got to kill you + to save you, honey”—she gathered her baby to her bosom, now, + and began to smother it with caresses—“Mammy’s got + to kill you—how <i>kin</i> I do it! But yo’ mammy ain’t + gwine to desert you—no, no; <i>dah</i>, don’t cry—she + gwine <i>wid</i> you, she gwine to kill herself too. Come along, honey, + come along wid mammy; we gwine to jump in de river, den de troubles + o’ dis worl’ + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_043" id="Page_043">43</a></span> + is all over—dey don’t sell po’ niggers down the river + over <i>yonder</i>.” + </p> + <p> + She started toward the door, crooning to the child and hushing it; midway + she stopped, suddenly. She had caught sight of her new Sunday gown—a + cheap curtain-calico thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and fantastic + figures. She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. + </p> + <p> + “Hain’t ever wore it yet,” she said, “en + it’s jist lovely.” Then she nodded her head in response to a + pleasant idea, and added, “No, I ain’t gwine to be fished out, + wid everybody lookin’ at me, in dis mis’able ole + linsey-woolsey.” + </p> + <p> + She put down the child and made the change. She looked in the glass and + was astonished at her beauty. She resolved to make her death-toilet + perfect. She took off her handkerchief-turban and dressed her glossy + wealth of hair “like white folks”; she added + some odds and ends of rather lurid ribbon and a spray of atrocious + artificial flowers; finally she threw over her shoulders a fluffy thing + called a “cloud” in that day, which was of a blazing red + complexion. Then she was ready for the + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: insert missing period after tomb."> + tomb.</ins> + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_044" id="Page_044">44</a></span> + She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye fell upon its + miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and noted the contrast between + its pauper shabbiness and her own volcanic irruption of infernal + splendors, her mother-heart was touched, and she was ashamed. + </p> + <p> + “No, dolling, mammy ain’t gwine to treat you so. De angels + is gwine to ’mire you jist as much as dey does yo’ mammy. + Ain’t gwine to have ’em putt’n’ dey han’s + up ’fo’ dey eyes en sayin’ to David en Goliah en dem + yuther prophets, ‘Dat chile is dress’ too indelicate + fo’ dis place.’” + </p> + <p> + By this time she had stripped off the shirt. Now she clothed the naked + little creature in one of Thomas à Becket’s snowy long + baby-gowns, with its bright blue bows and dainty flummery of ruffles. + </p> + <p> + “Dah—now you’s fixed.” She propped the child + in a chair and stood off to inspect it. Straightway her eyes began to + widen with astonishment and admiration, and she clapped her hands and + cried out, “Why, it do beat all!—I <i>never</i> knowed + you was so lovely. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_045" id="Page_045">45</a></span> + Marse Tommy ain’t a bit puttier—not a single bit.” + </p> + <p> + She stepped over and glanced at the other infant; she flung a glance back + at her own; then one more at the heir of the house. Now a strange light + dawned in her eyes, and in a moment she was lost in thought. She seemed in + a trance; when she came out of it she muttered, “When I ’uz + a-washin’ ’em in de tub, yistiddy, his own pappy asked me + which of ’em was his’n.” + </p> + <p> + She began to move about like one in a dream. She undressed Thomas + à Becket, stripping him of everything, and put the tow-linen + shirt on him. She put his coral necklace on her own child’s neck. + Then she placed the children side by side, and after earnest inspection + she muttered— + </p> + <p> + “Now who would b’lieve clo’es could do de like + o’ dat? Dog my cats if it ain’t all <i>I</i> kin do to + tell t’other fum which, let alone his pappy.” + </p> + <p> + She put her cub in Tommy’s elegant cradle and said— + </p> + <p> + “You’s young Marse <i>Tom</i> fum dis out, en + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_046" id="Page_046">46</a></span> + I got to practise and git used to ’memberin’ to call you dat, + honey, or I’s gwine to make a mistake some time en git us bofe into + trouble. Dah—now you lay still en don’t fret no mo’, + Marse Tom—oh, thank de good Lord in heaven, you’s saved, + you’s saved!—dey ain’t no man kin ever sell + mammy’s po’ little honey down de river now!” + </p> + <p> + She put the heir of the house in her own child’s unpainted pine + cradle, and said, contemplating its slumbering form uneasily— + </p> + <p> + “I’s sorry for you, honey; I’s sorry, God knows I + is,—but what <i>kin</i> I do, what <i>could</i> I do? Yo’ + pappy would sell him to somebody, some time, en den he’d go down + de river, sho’, en I couldn’t, couldn’t, + <i>couldn’t</i> stan’ it.” + </p> + <p> + She flung herself on her bed and began to think and toss, toss and think. + By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a comforting thought had flown + through her worried mind— + </p> + <p> + “’Tain’t no sin—<i>white</i> folks has done it! + It ain’t no sin, glory to goodness it ain’t no sin! + <i>Dey’s</i> done it—yes, en dey was de biggest quality + in de whole bilin’, too—<i>kings!</i>” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_047" id="Page_047">47</a></span> + She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her memory the dim + particulars of some tale she had heard some time or other. At last she + said— + </p> + <p> + “Now I’s got it; now I ’member. It was dat ole nigger + preacher dat tole it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en preached + in de nigger church. He said dey ain’t nobody kin save his own + self—can’t do it by faith, can’t do it by works, + can’t do it no way at all. Free grace is de <i>on’y</i> + way, en dat don’t come fum nobody but jis’ de Lord; + en <i>he</i> kin give it to anybody he please, + saint or sinner—<i>he</i> don’t kyer. He do jis’ as + he’s a mineter. He s’lect out anybody dat suit him, en + put another one in his place, and make de fust one happy forever en leave + t’other one to burn wid Satan. De preacher said it was jist like + dey done in Englan’ one time, long time ago. De queen she + lef’ her baby layin’ aroun’ one day, en went out + callin’; en one o’ de niggers roun’-’bout de + place dat was ’mos’ white, she come in en see de chile + layin’ aroun’, en tuck en put her own chile’s + clo’es on de queen’s chile, en put de queen’s + chile’s clo’es on her own + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_048" id="Page_048">48</a></span> + chile, en den lef’ her own chile layin’ aroun’ en tuck + en toted de queen’s chile home to de nigger-quarter, en nobody ever + foun’ it out, en her chile was de king bimeby, en sole de + queen’s chile down de river one time when dey had to settle up de + estate. Dah, now—de preacher said it his own self, en it + ain’t no sin, ’ca’se white folks done it. <i>Dey</i> + done it—yes, <i>dey</i> done it; en not on’y jis’ + common white folks nuther, but de biggest quality dey is in de whole + bilin’. Oh, I’s <i>so</i> glad I ’member ’bout + dat!” + </p> + <p> + She got up light-hearted and happy, and went to the cradles and spent what + was left of the night “practising.” She would give her + own child a light pat and say humbly, “Lay still, Marse + Tom,” then give the real Tom a pat and say with severity, + “Lay <i>still</i>, Chambers!—does you want me to + take somep’n’ <i>to</i> you?” + </p> + <p> + As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised to see how steadily + and surely the awe which had kept her tongue reverent and her manner + humble toward her young master was transferring itself to her speech + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_049" id="Page_049">49</a></span> + and manner toward the usurper, and how similarly handy she was becoming in + transferring her motherly curtness of speech and peremptoriness of manner + to the unlucky heir of the ancient house of Driscoll. + </p> + <p> + She took occasional rests from practising, and absorbed herself in + calculating her chances. + </p> + <p> + “Dey’ll sell dese niggers to-day fo’ stealin’ + de money, den dey’ll buy some mo’ dat don’t know + de chillen—so <i>dat’s</i> all right. When I takes + de chillen out to git de air, de minute I’s roun’ de + corner I’s gwine to gaum dey mouths all roun’ wid jam, + den dey can’t <i>nobody</i> notice dey’s changed. Yes, + I gwineter do dat till I’s safe, if it’s a year. + </p> + <p> + “Dey ain’t but one man dat I’s afeard of, en + dat’s dat Pudd’nhead Wilson. Dey calls him a pudd’nhead, + en says he’s a fool. My lan’, dat man ain’t no + mo’ fool den I is! He’s de smartes’ man in dis town, + less’n it’s Jedge Driscoll or maybe Pem Howard. Blame dat man, + he worries me wid dem ornery glasses o’ hisn; <i>I</i> + b’lieve he’s a witch. But nemmine, I’s gwine to + happen aroun’ dah one o’ dese days en let on dat I reckon + he wants to print + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_050" id="Page_050">50</a></span> + de chillen’s fingers ag’in; en if <i>he</i> + don’t notice dey’s changed, I bound dey ain’t nobody + gwine to notice it, en den I’s safe, sho’. But I + reckon I’ll tote along a hoss-shoe to keep off de witch-work.” + </p> + <p> + The new negroes gave Roxy no trouble, of course. The master gave her none, + for one of his speculations was in jeopardy, and his mind was so occupied + that he hardly saw the children when he looked at them, and all Roxy had + to do was to get them both into a gale of laughter when he came about; + then their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, and he was gone again + before the spasm passed and the little creatures resumed a human aspect. + </p> + <p> + Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so dubious that Mr. + Percy went away with his brother the Judge, to see what could be done + with it. It was a land speculation as usual, and it had gotten + complicated with a lawsuit. The men were gone seven weeks. Before they + got back Roxy had paid her visit to Wilson, and was satisfied. Wilson took + the finger-prints, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_051" id="Page_051">51</a></span> + labeled them with the names and with the date—October + the first—put them carefully away and continued his chat with Roxy, + who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great advance in flesh + and beauty which the babies had made since he took their finger-prints a + month before. He complimented their improvement to her contentment; and as + they were without any disguise of jam or other stain, she trembled all the + while and was miserably frightened lest at any moment he— + </p> + <p> + But he didn’t. He discovered nothing; and she went home jubilant, + and dropped all concern about the matter permanently out of her mind. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_052" id="Page_052">52</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER IV.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Ways of the Changelings.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one + was, that they escaped teething.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + There is this trouble about special providences—namely, + there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to + be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears + and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of + the episode than the prophet did, because they got the + children.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">This</span> history must henceforth accommodate + itself to the change which Roxana has consummated, and call the real + heir “Chambers” and the usurping little slave + “Thomas à Becket”—shortening this latter name to + “Tom,” for daily use, as the people about him did. + </p> + <p> + “Tom” was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his + usurpation. He would cry for nothing; he would burst into storms of + devilish temper without notice, and let go + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_053" id="Page_053">53</a></span> + scream after scream and squall after squall, then climax + the thing with “holding his breath”—that frightful + specialty of the teething nursling, in the throes of which the creature + exhausts its lungs, then is convulsed with noiseless squirmings and + twistings and kickings in the effort to get its breath, while the lips + turn blue and the mouth stands wide and rigid, offering for inspection + one wee tooth set in the lower rim of a hoop of red gums; and when the + appalling stillness has endured until one is sure the lost breath will + never return, a nurse comes flying, and dashes water in the child’s + face, and—presto! the lungs fill, and instantly discharge a shriek, + or a yell, or a howl which bursts the listening ear and surprises the + owner of it into saying words which would not go well with a halo if he + had one. The baby Tom would claw anybody who came within reach of his + nails, and pound anybody he could reach with his rattle. He would scream + for water until he got it, and then throw cup and all on the floor and + scream for more. He was indulged in all his caprices, howsoever + troublesome and exasperating they + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_054" id="Page_054">54</a></span> + might be; he was allowed to eat anything he wanted, particularly things + that would give him the stomach-ache. + </p> + <p> + When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about and say broken words + and get an idea of what his hands were for, he was a more consummate pest + than ever. Roxy got no rest while he was awake. He would call for anything + and everything he saw, simply saying “Awnt it!” (want it), + which was a command. When it was brought, he said in a frenzy, and + motioning it away with his hands, “Don’t awnt it! + don’t awnt it!” and the moment it was gone + he set up frantic yells of “Awnt it! awnt it! awnt it!” + and Roxy had to give wings to her heels to get that thing back to him + again before he could get time to carry out his intention of going into + convulsions about it. + </p> + <p> + What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. This was because + his “father” had forbidden him to have them lest he break + windows and furniture with them. The moment Roxy’s back was turned + he would toddle to the presence of the tongs and say + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_055" id="Page_055">55</a></span> + “Like it!” and cock his eye to one side to see if Roxy was + observing; then, “Awnt it!” and cock his eye again; then, + “Hab it!” with another furtive glance; and finally, + “Take it!”—and the prize was his. The next moment + the heavy implement was raised aloft; the next, there was a + crash and a squall, and the cat was off on three legs to meet + an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as the lamp or a window + went to irremediable smash. + </p> + <p> + Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none. Tom got all the delicacies, + Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar. In consequence Tom + was a sickly child and Chambers wasn’t. Tom was + “fractious,” as Roxy called it, and overbearing; + Chambers was meek and docile. + </p> + <p> + With all her splendid common sense and practical every-day ability, Roxy + was a doting fool of a mother. She was this toward her child—and she + was also more than this: by the fiction created by herself, he was become + her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly and of + perfecting + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_056" id="Page_056">56</a></span> + herself in the forms required to express the recognition, had moved her + to such diligence and faithfulness in practicing these forms that this + exercise soon concreted itself into habit; it became automatic and + unconscious; then a natural result followed: deceptions intended solely + for others gradually grew practically into self-deceptions as well; the + mock reverence became real reverence, the mock obsequiousness real + obsequiousness, the mock homage real homage; the little counterfeit rift + of separation between imitation-slave and imitation-master widened and + widened, and became an abyss, and a very real one—and on one side + of it stood Roxy, the dupe of her own deceptions, and on the other stood + her child, no longer a usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized + master. He was her darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in + her worship of him she forgot who she was and what he had been. + </p> + <p> + In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and + Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, + the advantage all lay + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_057" id="Page_057">57</a></span> + with the former policy. The few times that his persecutions had moved + him beyond control and made him fight back had cost him very dear at + headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she ever went beyond + scolding him sharply for “forgitt’n’ who his young + marster was,” she at least never extended her punishment + beyond a box on the ear. No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told + Chambers that under no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift + his hand against his little master. Chambers overstepped the line three + times, and got three such convincing canings from the man who was his + father and didn’t know it, that he took Tom’s cruelties in + all humility after that, and made no more experiments. + </p> + <p> + Outside of the house the two boys were together all through their boyhood. + Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; strong because + he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, and a good fighter + because Tom furnished him plenty of practice—on white boys whom he + hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his constant + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_058" id="Page_058">58</a></span> + body-guard, to and from school; he was present on the playground at recess + to protect his charge. He fought himself into such a formidable + reputation, by and by, that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and + “ridden in peace,” like Sir Kay in Launcelot’s armor. + </p> + <p> + He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to play + “keeps” with, and then took all the winnings away from him. + In the winter season Chambers was on hand, in Tom’s worn-out + clothes, with “holy” red mittens, and “holy” + shoes, and pants “holy” at the knees and seat, to drag + a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; but he never got + a ride himself. He built snow men and snow fortifications under + Tom’s directions. He was Tom’s patient target when Tom + wanted to do some snowballing, but the target couldn’t fire back. + Chambers carried Tom’s skates to the river and strapped them on + him, then trotted around after him on the ice, so as to be on hand when + wanted; but he wasn’t ever asked to try the skates himself. + </p> + <p> + + In summer the pet pastime of the boys of + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_059" id="Page_059">59</a></span> + Dawson’s Landing was to + steal apples, peaches, and melons from the farmers’ + fruit-wagons,—mainly on account of the risk they ran of getting their + heads laid open with the butt of the farmer’s whip. Tom was a + distinguished adept at these thefts—by proxy. Chambers did his + stealing, and got the peach-stones, apple-cores, and melon-rinds for + his share. + </p> + <p> + Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as a + protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots in + Chambers’s shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to + undo, then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer + tugged at the stubborn knots with his teeth. + </p> + <p> + Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native + viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his superiorities of + physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. Tom couldn’t + dive, for it gave him splitting headaches. Chambers could dive without + inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. He excited so much admiration, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_060" id="Page_060">60</a></span> + one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from + the stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom’s spirit, and at last he + shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air—so he + came down on his head in the canoe-bottom; and while he lay unconscious, + several of Tom’s ancient adversaries saw that their long-desired + opportunity was come, and they gave the false heir such a drubbing that + with Chambers’s best help he was hardly able to drag himself home + afterward. + </p> + <p> + When the boys were fifteen and upward, Tom was “showing + off” in the river one day, when he was taken with a cramp, and + shouted for help. It was a common trick with the boys—particularly + if a stranger was present—to pretend a cramp and howl for help; + then when the stranger came tearing hand over hand to the rescue, the + howler would go on struggling and howling till he was close at hand, + then replace the howl with a sarcastic smile and swim blandly away, + while the town boys assailed the dupe with a volley of jeers and laughter. + Tom had never tried this joke as + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_061" id="Page_061">61</a></span> + yet, but was supposed to be trying it + now, so the boys held warily back; but Chambers believed his master was + in earnest, therefore he swam out, and arrived in time, unfortunately, + and saved his life. + </p> + <p> + This was the last feather. Tom had managed to endure everything else, but + to have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation as + this to a nigger, and to this nigger of all niggers—this was too + much. He heaped insults upon Chambers for “pretending” + to think he was in earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody + but a block-headed nigger would have known he was funning and left him + alone. + </p> + <p> + Tom’s enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their + opinions quite freely. They laughed at him, and called him coward, liar, + sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant to call + Chambers + by a new name after this, and make it common in the + town—“Tom Driscoll’s niggerpappy,”—to + signify that he had had a second birth into this life, and that + Chambers was the author of his new being. Tom grew frantic under + these taunts, and shouted— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_062" id="Page_062">62</a></span> + “Knock their heads off, Chambers! knock their heads off! What + do you stand there with your hands in your pockets for?” + </p> + <p> + Chambers expostulated, and said, “But, Marse Tom, dey’s + too many of ’em—dey’s—” + </p> + <p> + “Do you hear me?” + </p> + <p> + “Please, Marse Tom, don’t make me! Dey’s so many of + ’em dat—” + </p> + <p> + Tom sprang at him and drove his pocket-knife into him two or three times + before the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad a chance to + escape. He was considerably hurt, but not seriously. If the blade had been + a little longer his career would have ended there. + </p> + <p> + Tom had long ago taught Roxy “her place.” It had been + many a day now since she had ventured a caress or a fondling epithet + in his quarter. Such things, from a “nigger,” were + repulsive to him, and she had been warned to keep her distance and + remember who she was. She saw her darling gradually cease from being + her son, she saw <i>that</i> detail perish utterly; all that was + left was master—master, pure and simple, and it was not a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_063" id="Page_063">63</a></span> + gentle mastership, either. She saw herself sink from the sublime height + of motherhood to the somber depths of unmodified slavery. The abyss of + separation between her and her boy was complete. She was merely his + chattel, now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing and helpless slave, + the humble and unresisting victim of his capricious temper and vicious + nature. + </p> + <p> + Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, + because her rage boiled so high over the day’s experiences with + her boy. She would mumble and mutter to herself— + </p> + <p> + “He struck me, en I warn’t no way to blame—struck + me in de face, right before folks. En he’s al’ays + callin’ me nigger-wench, en hussy, en all dem mean names, + when I’s doin’ de very bes’ I kin. Oh, Lord, + I done so much for him—I lift’ him away up to what + he is—en dis is what I git for it.” + </p> + <p> + Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to the + heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in the fancied + spectacle of his exposure to the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_064" id="Page_064">64</a></span> + world as an imposter and a slave; but in the midst of these joys fear + would strike her: she had made him too strong; she could prove nothing, + and—heavens, she might get sold down the river for her pains! + So her schemes always went for nothing, and she laid them aside in + impotent rage against the fates, and against herself for playing the + fool on that fatal September day in not providing herself with a + witness for use in the day when such a thing might be needed for the + appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. + </p> + <p> + And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and kind,—and + this occurred every now and then,—all her sore places were healed, + and she was happy; happy and proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, + lording it among the whites and securely avenging their crimes against her + race. + </p> + <p> + There were two grand funerals in Dawson’s Landing that + fall—the fall of 1845. One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh + Essex, the other that of Percy Driscoll. + </p> + <p> + On his death-bed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized + ostensible son + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_065" id="Page_065">65</a></span> + solemnly into the keeping of his brother, the Judge and + his wife. Those childless people were glad to get him. Childless people + are not difficult to please. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a month before, and + bought Chambers. He had heard that Tom had been trying to get his father + to sell the boy down the river, and he wanted to prevent the + scandal—for public sentiment did not approve of that way of + treating family servants for light cause or for no cause. + </p> + <p> + Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great + speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding. He was hardly + in his grave before the boom collapsed and left his hitherto envied young + devil of an heir a pauper. But that was nothing; his uncle told him he + should be his heir and have all his fortune when he died; so Tom was + comforted. + </p> + <p> + Roxy had no home, now; so she resolved to go around and say good-by to her + friends and then clear out and see the world—that is to say, she + would go chambermaiding on a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_066" id="Page_066">66</a></span> + steamboat, the darling ambition of her race and sex. + </p> + <p> + Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper. She found him chopping + Pudd’nhead Wilson’s winter provision of wood. + </p> + <p> + Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived. He asked her how she could + bear to go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly offered + to copy off a series of their finger-prints, reaching up to their twelfth + year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a moment, wondering + if he suspected anything; then she said she believed she didn’t + want them. Wilson said to himself, “The drop of black blood in + her is superstitious; she thinks there’s some devilry, some + witch-business about my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here + with an old horseshoe in her hand; it could have been an accident, but I + doubt it.” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_067" id="Page_067">67</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER V.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Twins Thrill Dawson’s Landing.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; + cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college + education.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Remark of Dr. Baldwin’s, concerning upstarts: + We don’t care to eat toadstools that think they + are truffles.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Mrs. York Driscoll</span> enjoyed two years of bliss + with that prize, Tom—bliss that was troubled a little at times, it + is true, but bliss nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and his + childless sister, Mrs. Pratt, continued the bliss-business at the old + stand. Tom was petted and indulged and spoiled to his entire + content—or nearly that. This went on till he was nineteen, then he + was sent to Yale. He went handsomely equipped with + “conditions,” but otherwise he was not an object of + distinction there. He remained at Yale two years, and then threw up the + struggle. He came + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_068" id="Page_068">68</a></span> + home with his manners a good deal improved; he had lost his surliness and + brusqueness, and was rather pleasantly soft and smooth, now; he was + furtively, and sometimes openly, ironical of speech, and given to + gently touching people on the raw, but he did it with a good-natured + semiconscious air that carried it off safely, and kept him from getting + into trouble. He was as indolent as ever and showed no very strenuous + desire to hunt up an occupation. People argued from this that he preferred + to be supported by his uncle until his uncle’s shoes should become + vacant. He brought back one or two new habits with him, one of which he + rather openly practised—tippling—but concealed another which + was gambling. It would not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of it; + he knew that quite well. + </p> + <p> + Tom’s Eastern polish was not popular among the young people. They + could have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; but he wore + gloves, and that they couldn’t stand, and wouldn’t; so he was + mainly without society. He brought home with him a suit of clothes of such + exquisite style and cut + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_069" id="Page_069">69</a></span> + and fashion,—Eastern fashion, city fashion,—that it filled + everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton affront. + He enjoyed the feeling which he was exciting, and paraded the town + serene and happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to work + that night, and when Tom started out on his parade next morning he found + the old deformed negro bell-ringer straddling along in his wake tricked + out in a flamboyant curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, and + imitating his fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. + </p> + <p> + Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the local fashion. But + the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his acquaintanceship with + livelier regions, and it grew daily more and more so. He began to make + little trips to St. Louis for refreshment. There he found companionship to + suit him, and pleasures to his taste, along with more freedom, in some + particulars, than he could have at home. So, during the next two years + his visits to the city grew in frequency and his tarryings there grew + steadily longer in duration. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_070" id="Page_070">70</a></span> + He was getting into deep waters. He was taking chances, privately, which + might get him into trouble some day—in fact, <i>did</i>. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all business activities + in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years. He was president + of the Free-thinkers’ Society, and Pudd’nhead Wilson was the + other member. The society’s weekly discussions were now the old + lawyer’s main interest in life. Pudd’nhead was still toiling + in obscurity at the bottom of the ladder, under the blight of that unlucky + remark which he had let fall twenty-three years before about the dog. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above the + average, but that was regarded as one of the Judge’s whims, and it + failed to modify the public opinion. Or rather, that was one of the + reasons why it failed, but there was another and better one. If the Judge + had stopped with bare assertion, it would have had a good deal of effect; + but he made the mistake of trying to prove his position. For some years + Wilson had been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_071" id="Page_071">71</a></span> + his amusement—a calendar, with a little dab of ostensible + philosophy, usually in ironical form, appended to each date; and the Judge + thought that these quips and fancies of Wilson’s were neatly turned + and cute; so he carried a handful of them around, one day, and read them + to some of the chief citizens. But irony was not for those people; their + mental vision was not focussed for it. They read those playful trifles in + the solidest earnest, and decided without hesitancy that if there had ever + been any doubt that Dave Wilson was a pudd’nhead—which there + hadn’t—this revelation removed that doubt for good and all. + That is just the way in this world; an enemy can partly ruin a man, but + it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and + make it perfect. After this the Judge felt tenderer than ever toward + Wilson, and surer than ever that his calendar had merit. + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll could be a free-thinker and still hold his place in + society because he was the person of most consequence in the community, + and therefore could venture to go + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_072" id="Page_072">72</a></span> + his own way and follow out his own notions. The other member + of his pet organization was allowed the like liberty + because he was a cipher in the estimation of the public, and nobody + attached any importance to what he thought or did. He was liked, he was + welcome enough all around, but he simply didn’t count for anything. + </p> + <p> + The widow Cooper—affectionately called “aunt + Patsy” by everybody—lived in a snug and comely cottage with + her daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, romantic, amiable, and very + pretty, but otherwise of no consequence. Rowena had a couple of young + brothers—also of no consequence. + </p> + <p> + The widow had a large spare room which she let to a lodger, with board, + when she could find one, but this room had been empty for a year now, to + her sorrow. Her income was only sufficient for the family support, and she + needed the lodging-money for trifling luxuries. But now, at last, on a + flaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; her + year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_073" id="Page_073">73</a></span> + village applicant, oh, no!—this letter was from away off yonder in + the dim great world to the North: it was from St. Louis. She sat on her + porch gazing out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches of the + mighty Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good fortune. Indeed, it + was specially good fortune, for she was to have two lodgers instead of + one. + </p> + <p> + She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had danced away to see + to the cleaning and airing of the room by the slave woman Nancy, and the + boys had rushed abroad in the town to spread the great news, for it was + matter of public interest, and the public would wonder and not be pleased + if not informed. Presently Rowena returned, all ablush with joyous + excitement, and begged for a re-reading of the letter. It was framed thus: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + <span class="smcap">Honored Madam:</span> My brother and I have seen your + advertisement, by chance, and beg leave to take the room you offer. We + are twenty-four years of age and twins. We are Italians by birth, but have + lived long in the various countries of Europe, and several years in the + United States. Our names are Luigi and Angelo Capello. You desire but one + guest; but dear Madam, if you will + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_074" id="Page_074">74</a></span> + allow us to pay for two, we will not incommode you. We shall be down + Thursday. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “Italians! How romantic! Just think, ma—there’s + never been one in this town, and everybody will be dying to see + them, and they’re all <i>ours</i>! Think of + that!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I reckon they’ll make a grand stir.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, indeed they will. The whole town will be on its head! + Think—they’ve been in Europe and everywhere! + There’s never been a traveler in this town before. + Ma, I shouldn’t wonder if they’ve seen kings!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, a body can’t tell, but they’ll make stir + enough, without that.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, that’s of course. Luigi—Angelo. + They’re lovely names; and so grand and foreign—not like + Jones and Robinson and such. Thursday they are coming, and this is + only Tuesday; it’s a cruel long time to wait. Here comes Judge + Driscoll in at the gate. He’s heard about it. I’ll go and + open the door.” + </p> + <p> + + The Judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. The letter was read + and discussed. Soon Justice Robinson arrived with more + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_075" id="Page_075">75</a></span> + congratulations, and there was a new reading and a new discussion. This + was the beginning. Neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, followed, and + the procession drifted in and out all day and evening and all Wednesday + and Thursday. The letter was read and re-read until it was nearly worn + out; everybody admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and + practised style, everybody was sympathetic and excited, and the Coopers + were steeped in happiness all the while. + </p> + <p> + The boats were very uncertain in low water, in these primitive times. This + time the Thursday boat had not arrived at ten at night—so the people + had waited at the landing all day for nothing; they were driven to their + homes by a heavy storm without having had a view of the illustrious + foreigners. + </p> + <p> + Eleven o’clock came; and the Cooper house was the only one in the + town that still had lights burning. The rain and thunder were booming + yet, and the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping. At last + there was a knock at the door and the family jumped to open it. Two + negro men entered, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_076" id="Page_076">76</a></span> + each carrying a trunk, and proceeded up-stairs toward the guest-room. + Then entered the twins—the handsomest, the best dressed, the most + distinguished-looking pair of young fellows the West had ever seen. + One was a little fairer than the other, but otherwise they were exact + duplicates. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_077" id="Page_077">77</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER VI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Swimming in Glory.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even + the undertaker will be sorry.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, + but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">At</span> breakfast in the morning the twins’ + charm of manner and easy and polished bearing made speedy conquest of the + family’s good graces. + All constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest + feeling succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names almost + from the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity about them, and + showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, which pleased her + greatly. It presently appeared that in their early youth they had known + poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_078" id="Page_078">78</a></span> + the old lady watched for the right place to drop in a question or two + concerning that matter, and when she found it she said to the blond + twin who was now doing the biographies in his turn while the brunette + one rested— + </p> + <p> + “If it ain’t asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how + did you come to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were + little? Do you mind telling? But don’t if you do.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, we don’t mind it at all, madam; in our case it was + merely misfortune, and nobody’s fault. Our parents were well to do, + there in Italy, and we were their only child. We were of the old + Florentine nobility”—Rowena’s heart gave a great bound, + her nostrils expanded, and a fine light played in her + eyes—“and when the war broke out my father was on the + losing side and had to fly for his life. His estates were confiscated, his + personal property seized, and there we were, in Germany, strangers, + friendless, and in fact paupers. My brother and I were ten years old, and + well educated for that age, very studious, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_079" id="Page_079">79</a></span> + very fond of our books, and + well grounded in the German, French, Spanish, and English languages. Also, + we were marvelous musical prodigies—if you will allow me to say it, + it being only the truth. + </p> + <p> + “Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother + soon followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could + have made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they + had many and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, and + they said they would starve and die first. But what they wouldn’t + consent to do we had to do without the formality of consent. We were + seized for the debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, + and placed among the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn + the liquidation money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery. + We traveled all about Germany receiving no wages, and not even our keep. + We had to be exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread. + </p> + <p> + “Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped + from that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_080" id="Page_080">80</a></span> + slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men. + Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, how to take + care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how to + conduct our own business for our own profit and without other + people’s help. We traveled everywhere—years and + years—picking up smatterings of strange tongues, familiarizing + ourselves with strange sights and strange customs, accumulating an + education of a wide and varied and curious sort. It was a pleasant life. + We went to Venice—to London, Paris, Russia, India, China, + Japan—” + </p> + <p> + At this point Nancy the slave woman thrust her head in at the door and + exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + “Ole Missus, de house is plum’ jam full o’ people, en + dey’s jes a-spi’lin’ to see de gen’lmen!” + She indicated the twins with a nod of her head, and tucked it back out + of sight again. + </p> + <p> + It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised herself high + satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds before her neighbors + and friends—simple folk who had hardly + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_081" id="Page_081">81</a></span> + ever seen a foreigner of any kind, and never one of any distinction or + style. Yet her feeling was moderate indeed when contrasted with + Rowena’s. Rowena was in the clouds, she walked on air; this was to + be the greatest day, the most romantic episode, in the colorless history + of that dull country town. She was to be familiarly near the source of + its glory and feel the full flood of it pour over her and about her; the + other girls could only gaze and envy, not partake. + </p> + <p> + The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners. + </p> + <p> + The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered the open + parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation. The twins took a + position near the <ins title="Transcriber's Note: add comma after door."> + door,</ins> the widow stood at Luigi’s side, Rowena + stood beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began. The + widow was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession and + passed it on to Rowena. + </p> + <p> + “Good mornin’, Sister Cooper”—hand-shake. + </p> + <p> + “Good morning, Brother Higgins—Count + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_082" id="Page_082">82</a></span> + Luigi Capello, Mr. Higgins”—hand-shake, followed by a + devouring stare and “I’m glad to see ye,” on the + part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head and a + pleasant “Most happy!” on the part of Count Luigi. + </p> + <p> + “Good mornin’, Roweny”—hand-shake. + </p> + <p> + “Good morning, Mr. Higgins—present you to Count Angelo + Capello.” Hand-shake, admiring stare, “Glad to see + ye,”—courteous nod, smily “Most happy!” + and Higgins passes on. + </p> + <p> + None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people, they + didn’t pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person + bearing a title of nobility before, and none had been expecting to + see one now, consequently the title came upon them as a kind of + pile-driving surprise and caught them unprepared. A few tried to + rise to the emergency, and got out an awkward “My + lord,” or “Your lordship,” or something of that sort, + but the great majority were overwhelmed by the unaccustomed word + and its dim and awful associations with gilded courts and stately + ceremony and anointed kingship, so they only + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_083" id="Page_083">83</a></span> + fumbled through the hand-shake and passed on, speechless. Now and then, + as happens at all receptions everywhere, a more than ordinary friendly + soul blocked the procession and kept it waiting while he inquired how + the brothers liked the village, and how long they were going to stay, + and if their families were well, and dragged in the weather, and hoped + it would get cooler soon, and all that sort of thing, so as to be able + to say, when they got home, “I had quite a long talk with + them”; but nobody did or said anything of a regrettable kind, + and so the great affair went through to the end in a creditable and + satisfactory fashion. + </p> + <p> + General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about from group to + group, talking easily and fluently and winning approval, compelling + admiration and achieving favor from all. The widow followed their + conquering march with a proud eye, and every now and then Rowena said to + herself with deep satisfaction, “And to think they are + ours—all ours!” + </p> + <p> + There were no idle moments for mother or + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_084" id="Page_084">84</a></span> + daughter. Eager inquiries concerning the twins were pouring into their + enchanted ears all the time; each was the constant center of a group of + breathless listeners; each recognized that she knew now for the first + time the real meaning of that great word Glory, and perceived the + stupendous value of it, and understood why men in all ages had been + willing to throw away meaner happinesses, treasure, life itself, to get a + taste of its sublime and supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood + accounted for—and justified. + </p> + <p> + When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor, she + went up-stairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow-meeting there, for + the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers. Again she was + besieged by eager questioners and again she swam in sunset seas of glory. + When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized with a pang that this + most splendid episode of her life was almost over, that nothing could + prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever fall to her fortune + again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, the grand + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_085" id="Page_085">85</a></span> + occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, and was a noble + and memorable success. If the twins could but do some crowning act, now, + to climax it, something unusual, something startling, something to + concentrate upon themselves the company’s loftiest admiration, + something in the nature of an electric surprise— + </p> + <p> + Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed down + to see. It was the twins knocking out a classic four-handed piece on the + piano, in great style. Rowena was satisfied—satisfied down to the + bottom of her heart. + </p> + <p> + The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were + astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance, and + could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever heard + before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace or charm when + compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound. They realized + that for once in their lives they were hearing masters. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_086" id="Page_086">86</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER VII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Unknown Nymph.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + One of the most striking differences between a cat and a + lie is that a cat has only nine lives.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> company broke up reluctantly, and drifted + toward their several homes, chatting with vivacity, and all agreeing + that it would be many a long day before Dawson’s Landing would + see the equal of this one again. The twins had accepted several + invitations while the reception was in progress, and had also + volunteered to play some duets at an amateur entertainment for the + benefit of a local charity. Society was eager to receive them to its + bosom. Judge Driscoll had the good fortune to secure them for an + immediate drive, and to be the first to display them in public. They + entered his buggy with him, and were paraded down the main street, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_087" id="Page_087">87</a></span> + everybody flocking to the windows and sidewalks to see. + </p> + <p> + The Judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and the jail, and where + the richest man lived, and the Freemasons’ hall, and the + Methodist church, and the Presbyterian church, and where the Baptist + church was going to be when they got some money to build it with, and + showed them the town hall and the slaughter-house, and got out the + independent fire company in uniform and had them put out an imaginary + fire; then he let them inspect the muskets of the militia company, and + poured out an exhaustless stream of enthusiasm over all these splendors, + and seemed very well satisfied with the responses he got, for the twins + admired his admiration, and paid him back the best they could, though + they could have done better if some fifteen or sixteen hundred thousand + previous experiences of this sort in various countries had not already + rubbed off a considerable part of the novelty of it. + </p> + <p> + The Judge laid himself out hospitably to make them have a good time, and + if there + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_088" id="Page_088">88</a></span> + was a defect anywhere it was not his + <ins title="Place period after fault.">fault.</ins> + He told them a good + many humorous anecdotes, and always forgot the nub, but they were always + able to furnish it, for these yarns were of a pretty early vintage, and + they had had many a rejuvenating pull at them before. And he told them all + about his several dignities, and how he had held this and that and the + other place of honor or profit, and had once been to the legislature, and + was now president of the Society of Free-thinkers. He said the society had + been in existence four + years, and already had two members, and was firmly established. He would + call for the brothers in the evening if they would like to attend a + meeting of it. + </p> + <p> + Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told them all about + Pudd’nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a favorable + impression of him in advance and be prepared to like him. This scheme + succeeded—the favorable impression was achieved. Later it was + confirmed and solidified when Wilson proposed that out of courtesy to + the strangers the usual topics be put aside and the hour be + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_089" id="Page_089">89</a></span> + devoted to conversation upon ordinary subjects and the cultivation of + friendly relations and good-fellowship,—a proposition which was + put to vote and carried. + </p> + <p> + The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it was ended the + lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two friends than he had been + when it began. He invited the twins to look in at his lodgings, presently, + after disposing of an intervening engagement, and they accepted with + pleasure. + </p> + <p> + Toward the middle of the evening they found themselves on the road to his + house. Pudd’nhead was at home waiting for them and putting in his + time puzzling over a thing which had come under his notice that morning. + The matter was this: He happened to be up very early—at dawn, in + fact; and he crossed the hall which divided his cottage through the + center, and entered a room to get something there. The window of the + room had no curtains, for that side of the house had long been unoccupied, + and through this window he caught sight of something which surprised and + interested him. It was a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_090" id="Page_090">90</a></span> + young woman—a young woman where properly + no young woman belonged; for she was in Judge Driscoll’s house, and + in the bedroom over the Judge’s private study or sitting-room. + This was young Tom Driscoll’s bedroom. He and the Judge, the + Judge’s widowed sister Mrs. Pratt and three negro servants were + the only people who belonged in the house. Who, then, might this young + lady be? The two houses were separated by an ordinary yard, with a low + fence running back through its middle from the street in front to the + lane in the rear. The distance was not great, and Wilson was able to see + the girl very well, the window-shades of the room she was in being up, + and the window also. The girl had on a neat and trim summer dress, + patterned in broad stripes of pink and white, and her bonnet was equipped + with a pink veil. She was practising steps, gaits and attitudes, + apparently; she was doing the thing gracefully, and was very much absorbed + in her work. Who could she be, and how came she to be in + young Tom Driscoll’s room? + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_091" id="Page_091">91</a></span> + Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could watch the girl + without running much risk of being seen by her, and he remained there + hoping she would raise her veil and betray her face. But she disappointed + him. After a matter of twenty minutes she disappeared, and although he + stayed at his post half an hour longer, she came no more. + </p> + <p> + Toward noon he dropped in at the Judge’s and talked with Mrs. + Pratt about the great event of the day, the levee of the distinguished + foreigners at Aunt Patsy Cooper’s. He asked after her nephew Tom, + and she said he was on his way home, and that she was expecting him to + arrive a little before night; and added that she and the Judge were + gratified to gather from his letters that he was conducting himself + very nicely and creditably—at which Wilson winked to himself + privately. Wilson did not ask if there was a newcomer in the house, + but he asked questions that would have brought light-throwing answers + as to that matter if Mrs. Pratt had had any light to throw; so he went + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_092" id="Page_092">92</a></span> + away satisfied that he knew of things that were going + on in her house of which she herself was not aware. + </p> + <p> + He was now waiting for the twins, and still puzzling over the problem of + who that girl might be, and how she happened to be in that young + fellow’s room at daybreak in the morning. + </p> + <hr /> + + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_093" id="Page_093">93</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER VIII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Marse Tom Tramples His Chance.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady + and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a + whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be + a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">It</span> is necessary now, to hunt up Roxy. + </p> + <p> + At the time she was set free and went away chambermaiding, she was + thirty-five. She got a berth as second chambermaid on a Cincinnati boat + in the New Orleans trade, the <i>Grand Mogul</i>. A couple of trips made + her wonted and easy-going at the work, and infatuated her with the stir + and adventure and independence of steamboat life. Then she was promoted + and became head chambermaid. She was a favorite with the officers, and + exceedingly proud of their joking and friendly way with her. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_094" id="Page_094">94</a></span> + During eight years she served three parts of the year on that boat, and + the winters on a Vicksburg packet. But now for two months she had had + rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to let the wash-tub alone. So she + resigned. But she was well fixed—rich, as she would have described + it; for she had lived a steady life, and had banked four dollars every + month in New + Orleans as a provision for her old age. She said in the start + that she had “put shoes on one bar’footed nigger to tromple + on her with,” and that one mistake like that was enough; she + would be independent of the human race thenceforth forevermore if hard + work and economy could accomplish it. When the boat touched the levee at + New Orleans she bade good-by to her comrades on the <i>Grand Mogul</i> + and moved her kit ashore. + </p> + <p> + But she was back in a hour. The bank had gone to smash and carried her + four hundred dollars with it. She was a pauper, and homeless. Also disabled + bodily, at least for the present. The officers were full of sympathy for + her in her trouble, and made up a little purse for her. She resolved to go + to her birthplace; + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_095" id="Page_095">95</a></span> + she had friends there among the negroes, and the + unfortunate always help the unfortunate, she was well aware of that; those + lowly comrades of her youth would not let her starve. + </p> + <p> + She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she was on the + home-stretch. Time had worn away her bitterness against her son, and she + was able to think of him with serenity. She put the vile side of him out + of her mind, and dwelt only on recollections of his occasional acts of + kindness to her. She gilded and otherwise decorated these, and made them + very pleasant to contemplate. She began to long to see him. She would go + and fawn upon him, slave-like—for this would have to be her attitude, + of course—and maybe she would find that time had modified him, and + that he would be glad to see his long-forgotten old nurse and treat her + gently. That would be lovely; that would make her forget her woes and her + poverty. + </p> + <p> + Her poverty! That thought inspired her to add another castle to her dream: + maybe he would give her a trifle now and then—maybe + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_096" id="Page_096">96</a></span> + a dollar, once a month, say; any little thing like that would help, oh, + ever so much. + </p> + <p> + By the time she reached Dawson’s Landing she was her old self + again; her blues were gone, she was in high feather. She would get along, + surely; there were many kitchens where the servants would share their + meals with her, and also steal sugar and apples and other dainties for + her to carry home—or give her a chance to pilfer them herself, + which would answer just as well. And there was the church. She was a + more rabid and devoted Methodist than ever, and her piety was no sham, + but was strong and sincere. Yes, with plenty of creature comforts and + her old place in the amen-corner in her possession again, she would be + perfectly happy and at peace thenceforward to the end. + </p> + <p> + She went to Judge Driscoll’s kitchen first of all. She was received + there in great form and with vast enthusiasm. Her wonderful travels, and + the strange countries she had seen and the adventures she had had, made + her a marvel, and a heroine of romance. The negroes hung enchanted upon + the great story of her experiences, interrupting her all along with eager + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_097" id="Page_097">97</a></span> + questions, with laughter, exclamations of delight and expressions of + applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if there was + anything better in this world + than steamboating, it was the glory to be got by telling about it. + The audience loaded her stomach with their dinners, and then stole + the pantry bare to load up her basket. + </p> + <p> + Tom was in St. Louis. The servants said he had spent the best part of his + time there during the previous two years. Roxy came every day, and had + many talks about the family and its affairs. Once she asked why Tom was + away so much. The ostensible “Chambers” said: + </p> + <p> + “De fac’ is, ole marster kin git along better when young + marster’s away den he kin when he’s in de town; yes, + en he love him better, too; so he gives him fifty dollahs a + month—” + </p> + <p> + “No, is dat so? Chambers, you’s a-jokin’, + ain’t you?” + </p> + <p> + “’Clah to goodness I ain’t, mammy; + Marse Tom tole me so his own self. But + nemmine, ’tain’t enough.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_098" id="Page_098">98</a></span> + “My lan’, what de reason ’tain’t enough?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I’s gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, + mammy. De reason it ain’t enough is ’ca’se + Marse Tom gambles.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment and Chambers went on— + </p> + <p> + “Ole marster found it out, ’ca’se he had to pay two + hundred dollahs for Marse Tom’s gamblin’ debts, en + dat’s true, mammy, jes as dead certain as + you’s bawn.” + </p> + <p> + “Two—hund’d—dollahs! Why, what is you + talkin’ ’bout? Two—hund’d—dollahs. + Sakes alive, it’s ’mos’ enough to buy a + tol’able good second-hand nigger wid. En you ain’t + lyin’, honey?—you wouldn’t lie to yo’ + ole mammy?” + </p> + <p> + “It’s God’s own truth, jes as I tell you—two + hund’d dollahs—I wisht I may never stir outen my tracks + if it ain’t so. En, oh, my lan’, ole Marse was jes + a-hoppin’! he was b’ilin’ mad, I tell you! + He tuck ’n’ dissenhurrit him.” + </p> + <p> + He licked his chops with relish after that stately word. Roxy struggled + with it a moment, then gave it up and said— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_099" id="Page_099">99</a></span> + “Dissen<i>whiched</i> him?” + </p> + <p> + “Dissenhurrit him.” + </p> + <p> + “What’s dat? What do it mean?” + </p> + <p> + “Means he bu’sted de will.” + </p> + <p> + “Bu’s—ted de will! He wouldn’t + <i>ever</i> treat him so! Take it back, you mis’able + imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow en tribbilation.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s pet castle—an occasional dollar from Tom’s + pocket—was tumbling to ruin before her eyes. She could not + abide such a disaster as that; she couldn’t endure the thought + of it. Her remark amused Chambers: + </p> + <p> + “Yah-yah-yah! jes listen to dat! If I’s imitation, + what is you? Bofe of us is imitation <i>white</i>—dat’s + what we is—en pow’ful good imitation, + too—yah-yah-yah!—we don’t ’mount to noth’n + as imitation <i>niggers</i>; en as for—” + </p> + <p> + “Shet up yo’ foolin’, ’fo’ I knock you side + de head, en tell me ’bout de will. Tell me ’tain’t + bu’sted—do, honey, en I’ll never forgit you.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, <i>’tain’t</i>—’ca’se + dey’s a new one made, en Marse Tom’s all right ag’in. + But what is + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">100</a></span> + you in sich a sweat ’bout it for, mammy? + ’Tain’t none o’ your business I don’t + reckon.” + </p> + <p> + “’Tain’t none o’ my business? Whose + business is it den, I’d like to know? + Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen years old, or wusn’t + I?—you answer me dat. En you speck I could see him turned + out po’ en ornery on de worl’ en never care + noth’n’ ’bout it? I reckon if you’d + ever be’n a mother yo’self, Valet de Chambers, you + wouldn’t talk sich foolishness as dat.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will + ag’in—do dat satisfy you?” + </p> + <p> + Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and sentimental over it. She + kept coming daily, and at last she was told that Tom had come home. She + began to tremble with emotion, and straightway sent to beg him to let his + “po’ ole nigger mammy have jes one sight of him + en die for joy.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when Chambers brought the + petition. Time had not modified his ancient detestation of the humble + drudge and protector of his boyhood; it was still bitter and + uncompromising. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">101</a></span> + He sat up and bent a severe gaze upon the fair face of the + young fellow whose name he was unconsciously using and whose family rights + he was enjoying. He maintained the gaze until the victim of it had become + satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said— + </p> + <p> + “What does the old rip want with me?” + </p> + <p> + The petition was meekly repeated. + </p> + <p> + “Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the + social attentions of niggers?” + </p> + <p> + Tom had risen. The other young man was trembling now, visibly. He saw what + was coming, and bent his head sideways, and put up his left arm to shield + it. Tom rained cuffs upon the head and its shield, saying no word: the + victim received each blow with a beseeching, “Please, + Marse Tom!—oh, please, Marse Tom!” Seven blows—then + Tom said, “Face the door—march!” He followed behind with + one, two, three solid kicks. The last one helped the pure-white slave + over the door-sill, and he limped away mopping his + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">102</a></span> + eyes with his old + ragged sleeve. Tom shouted after him, “Send her in!” + </p> + <p> + Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and rasped out the + remark, “He arrived just at the right moment; I was full to + the brim with bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it out of. + How refreshing it was! I feel better.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s mother entered now, closing the door behind her, and + approached her son with all the wheedling and supplicating servilities + that fear and interest can impart to the words and attitudes of the born + slave. She stopped a yard from her boy and made two or three admiring + exclamations over his manly stature and general handsomeness, and Tom + put an arm under his head and hoisted a leg over the sofa-back in order + to look properly indifferent. + </p> + <p> + “My lan’, how you is growed, honey! ’Clah to goodness, + I wouldn’t a-knowed you, Marse Tom! ’deed I wouldn’t! + Look at me good; does you ’member old Roxy?—does you know + yo’ old nigger mammy, honey? Well, now, I kin lay down en die in + peace, ’ca’se I’se seed—” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">103</a></span> + “Cut it short, ——— it, cut it short! + What is it you want?” + </p> + <p> + “You heah dat? Jes the same old Marse Tom, al’ays so gay + and funnin’ wid de ole mammy. I ’uz jes as shore—” + </p> + <p> + “Cut it short, I tell you, and get along! What do you want?” + </p> + <p> + This was a bitter disappointment. Roxy had for so many days nourished and + fondled and petted her notion that Tom would be glad to see his old nurse, + and would make her proud and happy to the marrow with a cordial word or + two, that it took two rebuffs to convince her that he was not funning, and + that her beautiful dream was a fond and foolish vanity, a shabby and + pitiful mistake. She was hurt to the heart, and so ashamed that for a + moment she did not quite know what to do or how to act. Then her breast + began to heave, the tears came, and in her forlornness she was moved to + try that other dream of hers—an appeal to her boy’s charity; + and so, upon the impulse, and without reflection, she offered her + supplication: + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Marse Tom, de po’ ole mammy is in + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">104</a></span> + sich hard luck dese days; en she’s kinder crippled in de arms en + can’t work, en if you could gimme a dollah—on’y jes one + little dol—” + </p> + <p> + Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was startled into a + jump herself. + </p> + <p> + “A dollar!—give you a dollar! I’ve a notion to + strangle you! Is <i>that</i> your errand here? Clear out! and be + quick about it!” + </p> + <p> + Roxy backed slowly toward the door. When she was half-way she stopped, + and said mournfully: + </p> + <p> + “Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en I + raised you all by myself tell you was ’most a young man; en now + you is young en rich, en I is po’ en gitt’n ole, en I come + heah b’lievin’ dat you would he’p de ole mammy + ’long down de little road dat’s lef’ ’twix’ + her en de grave, en—” + </p> + <p> + Tom relished this tune less than any that had preceded it, for it began + to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; so he interrupted and said + with decision, though without asperity, that he was not in a situation to + help her, and wasn’t going to do it. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">105</a></span> + “Ain’t you ever gwine to he’p me, Marse Tom?” + </p> + <p> + “No! Now go away and don’t bother me any more.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s head was down, in an attitude of humility. But now the + fires of her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began to burn + fiercely. She raised her head slowly, till it was well up, and at the + same time her great frame unconsciously assumed an erect and masterful + attitude, with all the majesty and grace of her vanished youth in it. + She raised her finger and punctuated with it: + </p> + <p> + “You has said de word. You has had yo’ chance, en you has + trompled it under yo’ foot. When you git another one, you’ll + git down on yo’ knees en <i>beg</i> for it!” + </p> + <p> + A cold chill went to Tom’s heart, he didn’t know why; + for he did not reflect that such words, from such an incongruous + source, and so solemnly delivered, could not easily fail of that + effect. However, he did the natural thing: he replied with bluster + and mockery: + </p> + <p> + “<i>You’ll</i> give me a chance—<i>you</i>! + Perhaps I’d better get down on my knees now! But + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">106</a></span> + in case I don’t—just for argument’s + sake—what’s going to happen, pray?” + </p> + <p> + “Dis is what is gwine to happen. I’s gwine as straight to + yo’ uncle as I kin walk, en tell him every las’ + thing I knows ’bout you.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s cheek blenched, and she saw it. Disturbing thoughts began + to chase each other through his head. “How can she know? And yet + she must have found out—she looks it. I’ve had the will back + only three months, and am already deep in debt again, and moving heaven + and earth to save myself from exposure and destruction, with a reasonably + fair show of getting the thing covered up if I’m let alone, and + now this fiend has gone and found me out somehow or other. I wonder how + much she knows? Oh, oh, oh, it’s enough to break a body’s + heart! But I’ve got to humor her—there’s + no other way.” + </p> + <p> + Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh and a hollow + chipperness of manner, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">107</a></span> + you and me mustn’t quarrel. Here’s your dollar—now + tell me what you know.” + </p> + <p> + He held out the wild-cat bill; she stood as she was, and made no movement. + It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery, now, and she did not waste + it. She said, with a grim implacability in voice and manner which made Tom + almost realize that even a former slave can remember for ten minutes + insults and injuries returned for compliments and flatteries received, and + can also enjoy taking revenge for them when the opportunity offers: + </p> + <p> + “What does I know? I’ll tell you what I knows. I knows enough + to bu’st dat will to flinders—en more, mind you, + <i>more!</i>” + </p> + <p> + Tom was aghast. + </p> + <p> + “More?” he said. “What do you call more? + Where’s there any room for more?” + </p> + <p> + Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with a toss of her + head, and her hands on her hips— + </p> + <p> + “Yes!—oh, I reckon! <i>Co’se</i> you’d like + to know—wid yo’ po’ little ole rag dollah. What you + reckon I’s gwine to tell <i>you</i> for?—you ain’t + got no money. I’s gwine to tell yo’ + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">108</a></span> + uncle—en I’ll do it dis minute, too—he’ll + gimme <i>five</i> dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too.” + </p> + <p> + She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. Tom was in a + panic. He seized her skirts, and implored her to wait. She turned and + said, loftily— + </p> + <p> + “Look-a-heah, what ’uz it I tole you?” + </p> + <p> + “You—you—I don’t remember anything. + What was it you told me?” + </p> + <p> + “I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you’d git + down on yo’ knees en beg for it.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was stupefied for a moment. He was panting with excitement. Then he + said: + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Roxy, you wouldn’t require your young master to do + such a horrible thing. You can’t mean it.” + </p> + <p> + “I’ll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or not! + You call me names, en as good as spit on me when I comes here po’ + en ornery en ’umble, to praise you for bein’ growed up so + fine en handsome, en tell you how I used to nuss you en tend you en + watch you when you ’uz sick en hadn’t no mother + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">109</a></span> + but me in de whole worl’, en beg you to give de po’ ole + nigger a dollah for to git her som’n’ to eat, en you call + me names—<i>names</i>, dad blame you! Yassir, I gives you jes + one chance mo’, and dat’s <i>now</i>, en it las’ + on’y a half a second—you hear?” + </p> + <p> + Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying— + </p> + <p> + “You see, I’m begging, and it’s honest begging, too! + Now tell me, Roxy, tell me.” + </p> + <p> + The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage looked down on + him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of satisfaction. Then she + said— + </p> + <p> + “Fine nice young white gen’l’man kneelin’ down + to a nigger-wench! I’s wanted to see dat jes once befo’ + I’s called. Now, Gabr’el, blow de hawn, I’s + ready … Git up!” + </p> + <p> + Tom did it. He said, humbly— + </p> + <p> + “Now, Roxy, don’t punish me any more. I deserved what + I’ve got, but be good and let me off with that. Don’t go + to uncle. Tell me—I’ll give you the five dollars.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I bet you will; en you won’t stop dah, nuther. + But I ain’t gwine to tell you heah—” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">110</a></span> + “Good gracious, no!” + </p> + <p> + “Is you ’feared o’ de ha’nted + house?” + </p> + <p> + “N-no.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, den, you come to de ha’nted house ’bout ten + or ’leven to-night, en climb up de ladder, ’ca’se de + sta’r-steps is broke down, en you’ll find me. I’s + a-roostin’ in de ha’nted house ’ca’se I + can’t ’ford to roos’ nowhers’ else.” + She started toward the door, but stopped and said, “Gimme + de dollah bill!” He gave it to her. She examined it and said, + “H’m—like enough de bank’s + bu’sted.” She started again, but halted again. + “Has you got any whisky?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, a little.” + </p> + <p> + “Fetch it!” + </p> + <p> + He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle which was two-thirds + full. She tilted it up and took a drink. Her eyes sparkled with + satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under her shawl, saying, + “It’s prime. I’ll take it along.” + </p> + <p> + Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and erect as + a grenadier. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">111</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER IX.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Tom Practises Sycophancy.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a + funeral? It is because we are not the person + involved.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. + There was once a man who, not being able to find any other + fault with his coal, complained that there were too many + prehistoric toads in it.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Tom</span> flung himself on the sofa, and put his + throbbing head in his hands, and rested his elbows on his knees. He + rocked himself back and forth and moaned. + </p> + <p> + “I’ve knelt to a nigger wench!” he muttered. + “I thought I had struck the deepest depths of degradation before, + but oh, dear, it was nothing to this.… Well, there is one + consolation, such as it is—I’ve struck bottom this time; + there’s nothing lower.” + </p> + <p> + But that was a hasty conclusion. + </p> + <p> + At ten that night he climbed the ladder in + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">112</a></span> + the haunted house, pale, weak and wretched. Roxy was standing in the + door of one of the rooms, waiting, for she had heard him. + </p> + <p> + This was a two-story log house which had acquired the reputation a few + years before of being haunted, and that was the end of its usefulness. + Nobody would live in it afterward, or go near it by night, and most + people even gave it a wide berth in the daytime. As it had no competition, + it was called <i>the</i> haunted house. It was getting crazy and ruinous, + now, from long neglect. It stood three hundred yards beyond + Pudd’nhead Wilson’s house, with nothing between but vacancy. + It was the last house in the town at that end. + </p> + <p> + Tom followed Roxy into the room. She had a pile of clean straw in the + corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept clothing was hanging on the + wall, there was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little spots of + light, and there were various soap-and-candle boxes scattered about, + which served for chairs. The two sat down. Roxy said— + </p> + <p> + “Now den, I’ll tell you straight off, en I’ll begin + to k’leck de money later on; I ain’t in + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">113</a></span> + no hurry. What does you reckon I’s gwine to tell you?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, you—you—oh, Roxy, don’t make it too hard + for me! Come right out and tell me you’ve found out somehow what + a shape I’m in on account of dissipation and foolishness.” + </p> + <p> + “Disposition en foolishness! <i>No</i> sir, dat ain’t it. + Dat jist ain’t nothin’ at all, ’longside o’ + what <i>I</i> knows.” + </p> + <p> + Tom stared at her, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Why, Roxy, what do you mean?” + </p> + <p> + She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. + </p> + <p> + “I means dis—en it’s de Lord’s truth. You + ain’t no more kin to ole Marse Driscoll den I + is!—<i>dat’s</i> what I means!” and her eyes + flamed with triumph. + </p> + <p> + “What!” + </p> + <p> + “Yassir, en <i>dat</i> ain’t all! You’s a + <i>nigger!</i>—<i>bawn</i> a nigger en a + <i>slave!</i>—en you’s a nigger en a slave dis + minute; en if I opens my mouf ole Marse Driscoll’ll sell + you down de river befo’ you is two days older den what + you is now!” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">114</a></span> + “It’s a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite!” + </p> + <p> + “It ain’t no lie, nuther. It’s jes de truth, en + nothin’ <i>but</i> de truth, so he’p me. + Yassir—you’s my <i>son</i>—” + </p> + <p> + “You devil!” + </p> + <p> + “En dat po’ boy dat you’s be’n a-kickin’ en + a-cuffin’ to-day is Percy Driscoll’s son en yo’ + <i>marster</i>—” + </p> + <p> + “You beast!” + </p> + <p> + “En <i>his</i> name’s Tom Driscoll, en <i>yo’</i> + name’s Valet de Chambers, en you ain’t <i>got</i> no fambly + name, beca’se niggers don’t <i>have</i> em!” + </p> + <p> + Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Missing word after raised in text; 'it'."> + raised it;</ins> but his mother only laughed at him, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Set down, you pup! Does you think you kin skyer me? It ain’t + in you, nor de likes of you. I reckon you’d shoot me in de back, + maybe, if you got a chance, for dat’s jist yo’ + style—<i>I</i> knows you, throo en throo—but I don’t + mind gitt’n killed, beca’se all dis is down in writin’ + en it’s in safe hands, too, en de man dat’s got it knows + whah to look for de right man when I gits killed. Oh, bless + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">115</a></span> + yo’ soul, if you puts yo’ mother up for as big a fool as + <i>you</i> is, you’s pow’ful mistaken, I kin tell you! + Now den, you set still en behave yo’self; en don’t you git + up ag’in till I tell you!” + </p> + <p> + Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing sensations + and emotions, and finally said, with something like settled + conviction— + </p> + <p> + “The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do your worst; + I’m done with you.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy made no answer. She took the lantern and started toward the door. + Tom was in a cold panic in a moment. + </p> + <p> + + “Come back, come back!” he wailed. “I didn’t mean + it, Roxy; I take it all back, and I’ll never say it again! + Please come back, Roxy!” + </p> + <p> + The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s one thing you’s got to stop, Valet de Chambers. + You can’t call me <i>Roxy</i>, same as if you was my equal. + Chillen don’t speak to dey mammies like dat. You’ll call me ma + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">116</a></span> + or mammy, dat’s what you’ll call me—leastways when dey + ain’t nobody aroun’. <i>Say</i> it!” + </p> + <p> + It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s all right. Don’t you ever forgit it ag’in, + if you knows what’s good for you. Now den, you has said you + wouldn’t ever call it lies en moonshine ag’in. I’ll + tell you dis, for a warnin’: if you ever does say it ag’in, + it’s de <i>las’</i> time you’ll ever say it to me; + I’ll tramp as straight to de Judge as I kin walk, en tell him + who you is, en <i>prove</i> it. Does you b’lieve me when I + says dat?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh,” groaned Tom, “I more than believe it; + I <i>know</i> it.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy knew her conquest was complete. She could have proved nothing to + anybody, and her threat about the writings was a lie; but she knew the + person she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any + doubt as to the effect they would produce. + </p> + <p> + She went and sat down on her candle-box, and the pride and pomp of her + victorious attitude made it a throne. She said— + </p> + <p> + “Now den, Chambers, we’s gwine to talk + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">117</a></span> + business, en dey ain’t gwine to be no mo’ foolishness. In de + fust place, you gits fifty dollahs a month; you’s gwine to + han’ over half of it to yo’ ma. Plank it out!” + </p> + <p> + But Tom had only six dollars in the world. He gave her that, and promised + to start fair on next month’s pension. + </p> + <p> + “Chambers, how much is you in debt?” + </p> + <p> + Tom shuddered, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Nearly three hundred dollars.” + </p> + <p> + “How is you gwine to pay it?” + </p> + <p> + Tom groaned out—“Oh, I don’t know; don’t ask me + such awful questions.” + </p> + <p> + But she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: he + had been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from private + houses; in fact, he made a good deal of a raid on his fellow-villagers a + fortnight before, when he was supposed to be in St. Louis; but he doubted + if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the required amount, and was + afraid to make a further venture in the present excited state of the town. + His mother approved of his conduct, and offered + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">118</a></span> + to help, but this frightened him. He tremblingly ventured to say that if + she would retire from the town he should feel better and safer, and could + hold his head higher—and was going on to make an argument, but she + interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying she was ready; it + didn’t make any difference to her where she stayed, so that + she got her share of the pension regularly. She said she would not go + far, and would call at the haunted house once a month for her money. + Then she said— + </p> + <p> + “I don’t hate you so much now, but I’ve hated you a + many a year—and anybody would. Didn’t I change you off, en + give you a good fambly en a good name, en made you a white + gen’l’man en rich, wid store clothes on—en + what did I git for it? You despised me all de time, en was al’ays + sayin’ mean hard things to me befo’ folks, en wouldn’t + ever let me forgit I’s a + nigger—en—en———” + </p> + <p> + She fell to sobbing, and broke down. Tom said—“But you + know I didn’t know you were my mother; and besides—” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">119</a></span> + “Well, nemmine ’bout dat, now; let it go. I’s gwine + to fo’git it.” Then she added fiercely, “En + don’t ever make me remember it ag’in, or you’ll be + sorry, <i>I</i> tell you.” + </p> + <p> + When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive way he could + command— + </p> + <p> + “Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?” + </p> + <p> + He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. He was mistaken. + Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Does I mine tellin’ you? No, dat I don’t! + You ain’t got no ’casion to be shame’ + o’ yo’ father, <i>I</i> kin tell you. He wuz de highest + quality in dis whole town—ole Virginny stock. Fust famblies, he + wuz. Jes as good stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes’ day + dey ever seed.” She put on a little prouder air, if possible, and + added impressively: “Does you ’member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh + Essex, dat died de same year yo’ young Marse Tom Driscoll’s + pappy died, en all de Masons en Odd Fellers en Churches + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">120</a></span> + turned out en give him de bigges’ funeral dis town ever seed? + Dat’s de man.” + </p> + <p> + Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of + her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a dignity + and state that might have passed for queenly if her surroundings had been + a little more in keeping with it. + </p> + <p> + “Dey ain’t another nigger in dis town dat’s as + high-bawn as you is. Now den, go ’long! En jes you hold + yo’ head up as high as you want to—you + has de right, en dat I kin swah.” + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">121</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER X.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Nymph Revealed.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + All say, “How hard it is that we have to die”—a strange + complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to + live.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Every</span> now and then, after Tom went to bed, + he had sudden wakings out of his sleep, and his first thought was, + “Oh, joy, it was all a dream!” Then he laid himself heavily + down again, with a groan and the muttered words, + “A nigger! I am a nigger! Oh, I wish I was dead!” + </p> + <p> + He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, and then he + resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous sleep. He began to think. + Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were. They wandered along something + after this fashion: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">122</a></span> + “Why were niggers <i>and</i> whites made? What crime did the + uncreated first nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed for him? + And why is this awful difference made between white and black? … + How hard the nigger’s fate seems, this morning!—yet until last + night such a thought never entered my head.” + </p> + <p> + He sighed and groaned an hour or more away. Then “Chambers” + came humbly in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. “Tom” + blushed scarlet to see this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, a + nigger, and call him “Young Marster.” He said roughly— + </p> + <p> + “Get out of my sight!” and when the youth was gone, + he muttered, “He has done me no harm, poor wretch, but he is + an eyesore to me now, for he is Driscoll the young gentleman, + and I am a—oh, I wish I was dead!” + </p> + <p> + A gigantic irruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years ago, with the + accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of volcanic dust, + changes the face of the surrounding landscape beyond recognition, bringing + down the high lands, elevating the low, making fair + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">123</a></span> + lakes where deserts had been, and deserts where green prairies had smiled + before. The tremendous catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his + moral landscape in much the same way. Some of his low places he found + lifted to ideals, some of his ideals had sunk to the valleys, and lay + there with the sackcloth and ashes of pumice-stone and sulphur on their + ruined heads. + </p> + <p> + For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, + thinking—trying to get his bearings. It was new work. If he met a + friend, he found that the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way + vanished—his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the + hand for a shake. It was the “nigger” + in him asserting its humility, and he blushed and was abashed. And the + “nigger” in him was surprised when the white friend put out + his hand for a shake with him. He found the “nigger” in him + involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, to a white rowdy and + loafer. When Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, the idol of his + secret worship, invited him in, the “nigger” + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">124</a></span> + in him made an embarrassed excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with + the dread white folks on equal terms. The “nigger” in him + went shrinking and skulking here and there and yonder, and fancying it + saw suspicion and maybe detection in all faces, tones, and gestures. + So strange and uncharacteristic was Tom’s conduct that people + noticed it, and turned to look after him when he passed on; and when + he glanced back—as he could not help doing, in spite of his best + resistance—and caught that puzzled expression in a person’s + face, it gave him a sick feeling, and he took himself out of view as + quickly as he could. He presently came to have a hunted sense and a + hunted look, and then he fled away to the hill-tops and the solitudes. + He said to himself that the curse of Ham was upon him. + </p> + <p> + He dreaded his meals; the “nigger” in him was ashamed + to sit at the white folks’ table, and feared discovery all the + time; and once when Judge Driscoll said, “What’s + the matter with you? You look as meek as a nigger,” + he felt as secret murderers are said to feel + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">125</a></span> + when the accuser says, “Thou art the man!” Tom said he was + not well, and left the table. + </p> + <p> + His ostensible “aunt’s” solicitudes and endearments + were become a terror to him, and he avoided them. + </p> + <p> + And all the time, hatred of his ostensible “uncle” + was steadily growing in his heart; for he said to himself, + “He is white; and I am his chattel, his property, his goods, + and he can sell me, just as he could his dog.” + </p> + <p> + For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his character had + undergone a pretty radical change. But that was because he did not know + himself. + </p> + <p> + In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and would never go back + to what they were before, but the main structure of his character was not + changed, and could not be changed. One or two very important features of + it were altered, and in time effects would result from this, if + opportunity offered—effects of a quite serious nature, too. Under + the influence of a great mental and moral upheaval his character and + habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">126</a></span> + but after a while with the subsidence of the storm both began to settle + toward their former places. He dropped gradually back into his old + frivolous and easy-going ways and conditions of feeling and manner of + speech, and no familiar of his could have detected anything in him that + differentiated him from the weak and careless Tom of other days. + </p> + <p> + The theft-raid which he had made upon the village turned out better than + he had ventured to hope. It produced the sum necessary to pay his + gaming-debts, and saved him from exposure to his uncle and another + smashing of the will. He and his mother learned to like each other fairly + well. She couldn’t love him, as yet, because there + “warn’t nothing <i>to</i> him,” as she expressed it, + but her nature needed something or somebody to rule over, and he was + better than nothing. Her strong character and aggressive and commanding + ways compelled Tom’s admiration in spite of the fact that he got + more illustrations of them than he needed for his comfort. However, as a + rule her conversation was made up of racy tattle about the privacies of + the chief + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">127</a></span> + families of the town (for she went harvesting among their kitchens every + time she came to the village), and Tom enjoyed this. It was just in his + line. She always collected her half of his pension punctually, and he was + always at the haunted house to have a chat with her on these occasions. + Every now and then she paid him a visit there on between-days also. + </p> + <p> + Occasionally he would run up to St. Louis for a few weeks, and at last + temptation caught him again. He won a lot of money, but lost it, and with + it a deal more besides, which he promised to raise as soon as possible. + </p> + <p> + For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. He never meddled + with any other town, for he was afraid to venture into houses whose ins + and outs he did not know and the habits of whose households he was not + acquainted with. He arrived at the haunted house in disguise on the + Wednesday before the advent of the twins—after writing his aunt + Pratt that he would not arrive until two days after—and lay in + hiding there with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, when he + went to his uncle’s house and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">128</a></span> + entered by the back way with his own key, and slipped up to his room, + where he could have the use of the mirror and toilet articles. He had + a suit of girl’s clothes with him in a bundle as a disguise for + his raid, and was wearing a suit of his mother’s clothing, with + black gloves and veil. By dawn he was tricked out for his raid, but he + caught a glimpse of Pudd’nhead Wilson through the window over the + way, and knew that Pudd’nhead had caught a glimpse of him. So he + entertained Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes for a while, + then stepped out of sight and resumed the other disguise, and by and by + went down and out the back way and started down town to reconnoiter the + scene of his intended labors. + </p> + <p> + But he was ill at ease. He had changed back to Roxy’s dress, + with the stoop of age added to the disguise, so that Wilson would not + bother himself about a humble old woman leaving a neighbor’s + house by the back way in the early morning, in case he was still spying. + But supposing Wilson had seen him leave, and had thought it suspicious, + and had also followed him? The thought made Tom + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">129</a></span> + cold. He gave up the raid for the day, and hurried back + to the haunted house by the obscurest route he knew. His mother was gone; + but she came back, by and by, with the news of the grand reception at + Patsy Cooper’s, and soon persuaded him that the opportunity was + like a special providence, it was so inviting and perfect. So he went + raiding, after all, and made a nice success of it while everybody was + gone to Patsy Cooper’s. Success gave him nerve and even actual + intrepidity; insomuch, indeed, that after he had conveyed his harvest to + his mother in a back alley, he went to the reception himself, and added + several of the valuables of that house to his takings. + </p> + <p> + After this long digression we have now arrived once more at the point + where Pudd’nhead Wilson, while waiting for the arrival of the + twins on that same Friday evening, sat puzzling over the strange + apparition of that morning—a girl in young Tom Driscoll’s + bedroom; fretting, and guessing, and puzzling over it, and wondering + who the shameless creature might be. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">130</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Pudd’nhead’s Startling Discovery.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and + the three form a rising scale of compliment: + 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; + 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; + 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his + forthcoming book. + No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; + No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + As to the Adjective: when in doubt, + strike it out.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> twins arrived presently, and talk began. + It flowed along chattily and sociably, and under its influence the new + friendship gathered ease and strength. Wilson got out his Calendar, by + request, and read a passage or two from it, which the twins praised + quite cordially. This pleased the author so much that he complied gladly + when they asked him to lend them a batch of the work to read at + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">131</a></span> + home. + In the course of their wide travels they had found out that there are + three sure ways of pleasing an author; they were now working the best + of the three. + </p> + <p> + There was an interruption, now. Young Tom Driscoll appeared, and joined + the party. He pretended to be seeing the distinguished strangers for the + first time when they rose to shake hands; but this was only a blind, as he + had already had a glimpse of them, at the reception, while robbing the + house. The twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and rather + handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements—graceful, in + fact. Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there was something + veiled and sly about it. Angelo thought he had a pleasant free-and-easy + way of talking; Luigi thought it was more so than was agreeable. Angelo + thought he was a sufficiently nice young man; Luigi reserved his + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: change dicision to decision."> + decision.</ins> + Tom’s first contribution to the conversation was a question which + he had put to Wilson a hundred times before. It was always cheerily and + good-naturedly put, and always inflicted a little pang, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">132</a></span> + for it touched a secret sore; but this time the pang was sharp, since + strangers were present. + </p> + <p> + “Well, how does the law come on? Had a case yet?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson bit his lip, but answered, “No—not yet,” + with as much indifference as he could assume. Judge Driscoll had + generously left the law feature out of the Wilson biography which + he had furnished to the twins. Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Wilson’s a lawyer, gentlemen, but he doesn’t + practise now.” + </p> + <p> + The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, and said without + passion: + </p> + <p> + “I don’t practise, it is true. It is true that I have + never had a case, and have had to earn a poor living for twenty years + as an expert accountant in a town where I can’t get hold of a + set of books to untangle as often as I should like. But it is also + true that I did fit myself well for the practice of the law. By the + time I was your age, Tom, I had chosen a profession, and was soon + competent to enter upon it.” Tom winced. “I never got a + chance to try my hand at it, and I may never get + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">133</a></span> + a chance; and yet if I ever do get it I shall be found ready, for I have + kept up my law-studies all these + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Replace comma after years with a period."> + years.”</ins> + </p> + <p> + “That’s it; that’s good grit! I like to see it. + I’ve a notion to throw all my business your way. My business + and your law-practice ought to make a pretty gay team, Dave,” + and the young fellow laughed again. + </p> + <p> + “If you will throw—” Wilson had thought of the girl + in Tom’s bedroom, and was going to say, “If you will throw + the surreptitious and disreputable part of your business my way, it may + amount to something;” but thought better of it and said, + “However, this matter doesn’t fit well in a general + conversation.” + </p> + <p> + “All right, we’ll change the subject; I guess you + were about to give me another dig, anyway, so I’m willing to + change. How’s the Awful Mystery flourishing these days? + Wilson’s got a scheme for driving plain window-glass out of + the market by decorating it with greasy finger-marks, and getting + rich by selling it at famine prices to the crowned heads over + in Europe to outfit their palaces with. Fetch it out, Dave.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">134</a></span> + Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said— + </p> + <p> + “I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right hand through + his hair, so as to get a little coating of the natural oil on them, + and then press the balls of them on the glass. A fine and delicate + print of the lines in the skin results, and is permanent, if it + doesn’t come in contact with something able to rub it off. + You begin, Tom.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, I think you took my finger-marks once or twice before.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes; but you were a little boy the last time, + only about twelve years old.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s so. Of course I’ve changed entirely since + then, and variety is what the crowned heads want, I guess.” + </p> + <p> + He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, and pressed them one + at a time on the glass. Angelo made a print of his fingers on another + glass, and Luigi followed with the third. Wilson marked the glasses with + names and date, and put them away. Tom gave one of his little laughs, and + said— + </p> + <p> + “I thought I wouldn’t say anything, but if + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">135</a></span> + variety is what you are after, you have wasted a piece of glass. + The hand-print of one twin is the same as the hand-print of the + fellow-twin.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, it’s done now, and I like to have them both, + anyway,” said Wilson, returning to his place. + </p> + <p> + “But look here, Dave,” said Tom, “you used to tell + people’s fortunes, too, when you took their finger-marks. + Dave’s just an all-round genius—a genius of the first + water, gentlemen; a great scientist running to seed here in this village, + a prophet with the kind of honor that prophets generally get at + home—for here they don’t give shucks for his scientifics, + and they call his skull a notion-factory—hey, Dave, ain’t it + so? But never mind; he’ll make his mark some day—finger-mark, + you know, he-he! But really, you want to let him take a shy at your palms + once; it’s worth twice the price of admission or your money’s + returned at the door. Why, he’ll read your wrinkles as easy as a + book, and not only tell you fifty or sixty things that’s going to + happen to you, but fifty or sixty thousand that ain’t. Come, Dave, + show the gentlemen + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">136</a></span> + what an inspired Jack-at-all-science we’ve got in this town, + and don’t know it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous chaff, and the + twins suffered with him and for him. They rightly judged, now, that the + best way to relieve him would be to take the thing in earnest and treat it + with respect, ignoring Tom’s rather overdone raillery; so + Luigi said— + </p> + <p> + “We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, and know + very well what astonishing things it can do. If it isn’t a + science, and one of the greatest of them, too, I don’t know what + its other name ought to be. In the Orient—” + </p> + <p> + Tom looked surprised and incredulous. He said— + </p> + <p> + “That juggling a science? But really, you ain’t + serious, are you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, entirely so. Four years ago we had our hands read + out to us as if our palms had been covered with print.” + </p> + <p> + + “Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in it?” + asked Tom, his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">137</a></span> + “There was this much in it,” said Angelo: “what was + told us of our characters was minutely exact—we could not have + bettered it ourselves. Next, two or three memorable things that + had happened to us were laid bare—things which no one present + but ourselves could have known about.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, it’s rank sorcery!” exclaimed Tom, who was now + becoming very much interested. “And how did they make out with + what was going to happen to you in the future?” + </p> + <p> + “On the whole, quite fairly,” said Luigi. “Two + or three of the most striking things foretold have happened since; + much the most striking one of all happened within that same year. + Some of the minor prophecies have come true; some of the minor and + some of the major ones have not been fulfilled yet, and of course + may never be: still, I should be more surprised if they failed to + arrive than if they didn’t.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed. He said, + apologetically— + </p> + <p> + “Dave, I wasn’t meaning to belittle that science; I was + only chaffing—chattering, I + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">138</a></span> + reckon I’d better say. I wish you would look at their palms. + Come, won’t you?” + </p> + <p> + “Why certainly, if you want me to; but you know I’ve + had no chance to become an expert, and don’t claim to be one. + When a past event is somewhat prominently recorded in the palm I can + generally detect that, but minor ones often escape me,—not always, + of course, but often,—but I haven’t much confidence in myself + when it comes to reading the future. I am talking as if palmistry was a + daily study with me, but that is not so. I haven’t examined half + a dozen hands in the last half dozen years; you see, the people got to + joking about it, and I stopped to let the talk die down. I’ll + tell you what we’ll do, Count Luigi: I’ll make a try at your + past, and if I have any success there—no, on the whole, I’ll + let the future alone; that’s really the affair of an expert.” + </p> + <p> + He took Luigi’s hand. Tom said— + </p> + <p> + “Wait—don’t look yet, Dave! Count Luigi, here’s + paper and pencil. Set down that thing that you said was the most striking + one that was foretold to you, and happened less + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">139</a></span> + than a year afterward, and give it to me so I can see if Dave finds it + in your hand.” + </p> + <p> + Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of paper, and handed + it to Tom, saying— + </p> + <p> + “I’ll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson began to study Luigi’s palm, tracing life lines, heart + lines, head lines, and so on, and noting carefully their relations with + the cobweb of finer and more delicate marks and lines that enmeshed them + on all sides; he felt of the fleshy cushion at the base of the thumb, and + noted its shape; he felt of the fleshy side of the hand between the wrist + and the base of the little finger, + + and noted its shape also; he painstakingly examined the fingers, observing + their form, proportions, and natural manner of disposing themselves when + in repose. All this process was watched by the three spectators with + absorbing interest, their heads bent together over Luigi’s palm, + and nobody disturbing the stillness with a word. Wilson now entered upon + a close survey of the palm again, and his revelations began. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">140</a></span> + He mapped out Luigi’s character and disposition, his tastes, + aversions, proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in a way which + sometimes made Luigi wince and the others laugh, but both twins declared + that the chart was artistically drawn and was correct. + </p> + <p> + Next, Wilson took up Luigi’s history. He proceeded cautiously + and with hesitation, now, moving his finger slowly along the great + lines of the palm, and now and then halting it at a + “star” or some such landmark, and examining that neighborhood + minutely. He proclaimed one or two past events, Luigi confirmed his + correctness, and the search went on. Presently Wilson glanced up suddenly + with a surprised expression— + </p> + <p> + “Here is a record of an incident which you would perhaps + not wish me to—” + </p> + <p> + “Bring it out,” said Luigi, good-naturedly; + “I promise you it sha’n’t embarrass me.” + </p> + <p> + But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to know what to do. + Then he said— + </p> + <p> + “I think it is too delicate a matter to—to—I + believe I would rather write it or whisper it to you, and let you + decide for yourself whether you want it talked out or not.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">141</a></span> + “That will answer,” said Luigi; “write it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to Luigi, + who read it to himself and said to Tom— + </p> + <p> + “Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll.” + </p> + <p> + Tom read: + </p> + <p> + “<i>It was prophesied that I would kill a man. + It came true before the year was out.</i>” + </p> + <p> + Tom added, “Great Scott!” + </p> + <p> + Luigi handed Wilson’s paper to Tom, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Now read this one.” + </p> + <p> + Tom read: + </p> + <p> + “<i>You have killed some one, but whether man, woman or + child, I do not make out.</i>” + </p> + <p> + “Cæsar’s ghost!” commented Tom, + with astonishment. “It beats anything that was ever + heard of! Why, a man’s own hand is his deadliest enemy! + Just think of that—a man’s own hand keeps a record + of the deepest and fatalest secrets of his life, and is + treacherously ready to expose him to any black-magic stranger + that comes along. But what do you + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">142</a></span> + let a person look at your hand for, with that awful thing printed + on it?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh,” said Luigi, reposefully, “I + don’t mind it. I killed the man for good reasons, and + I don’t regret it.” + </p> + <p> + “What were the reasons?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, he needed killing.” + </p> + <p> + “I’ll tell you why he did it, since he won’t say + himself,” said Angelo, warmly. “He did it to save my life, + that’s what he did it for. So it was a noble act, and + not a thing to be hid in the dark.” + </p> + <p> + “So it was, so it was,” said Wilson; “to do such a + thing to save a brother’s life is a great and fine action.” + </p> + <p> + “Now come,” said Luigi, “it is very pleasant + to hear you say these things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or + magnanimity, the circumstances won’t stand scrutiny. You + overlook one detail; suppose I hadn’t saved Angelo’s + life, what would have become of mine? If I had let the man kill him, + wouldn’t he have killed me, too? I saved my own life, + you see.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, that is your way of talking,” said + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">143</a></span> + Angelo, + “but I know you—I don’t believe you thought of + yourself at all. I keep that weapon yet that Luigi killed the man with, + and I’ll show it to you sometime. That incident makes it + interesting, and it had a history before it came into Luigi’s + hands which adds to its interest. It was given to Luigi by a great Indian + prince, the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been in his family two or three + centuries. It killed a good many disagreeable people who troubled that + hearthstone at one time and another. It isn’t much too look at, + except that it isn’t shaped like other knives, or dirks, or + whatever it may be called—here, I’ll draw it for + you.” He took a sheet of paper and made a rapid sketch. + “There it is—a broad and murderous blade, with edges + like a razor for sharpness. The devices engraved on it are the ciphers + or names of its long line of possessors—I had Luigi’s name + added in Roman letters myself with our coat of arms, as you see. You + notice what a curious handle the thing has. It is solid ivory, + polished like a mirror, and is four or five inches long—round, + and as thick as + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">144</a></span> + a large man’s wrist, with the end squared off + flat, for your thumb to rest on; for you grasp it, with your thumb + resting on the blunt end—so—and lift it aloft and strike + downward. The Gaikowar showed us how the thing was done when he + gave it to Luigi, and before that night was ended Luigi had used the + knife, and the Gaikowar was a man short by reason of it. The sheath is + magnificently ornamented with gems of great value. You will find the + sheath more worth looking at than the knife itself, of course.” + </p> + <p> + Tom said to himself— + </p> + <p> + “It’s lucky I came here. I would have sold that knife + for a song; I supposed the jewels were glass.” + </p> + <p> + “But go on; don’t stop,” said Wilson. “Our + curiosity is up now, to hear about the homicide. Tell us about + that.” + </p> + <p> + + “Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all around. + A native servant slipped into our room in the palace in the night, + to kill us and steal the knife on account of the fortune incrusted + on its sheath, without a doubt. Luigi had it under his pillow; + we + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">145</a></span> + were in bed together. There was a dim night-light burning. I + was asleep, but Luigi was awake, and he thought he detected a vague + form nearing the bed. He slipped the knife out of the sheath and was + ready, and unembarrassed by hampering bed-clothes, for the weather was + hot and we hadn’t any. Suddenly that native rose at the + bedside, and bent over me with his right hand lifted and a dirk in it + aimed at my throat; but Luigi grabbed his wrist, pulled him downward, and + drove his own knife into the man’s neck. That is the whole + story.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general chat about the + tragedy, Pudd’nhead said, taking Tom’s hand— + </p> + <p> + “Now, Tom, I’ve never had a look at your palms, as it happens; + perhaps you’ve got some little questionable privacies that + need—hel-lo!” + </p> + <p> + Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good deal confused. + </p> + <p> + “Why, he’s blushing!” said Luigi. + </p> + <p> + Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">146</a></span> + “Well, if I am, it ain’t because I’m a + murderer!” Luigi’s dark face flushed, but before he + could speak or move, Tom added with anxious haste: + “Oh, I beg a thousand pardons. I didn’t mean that; + it was out before I thought, and I’m very, very + sorry—you must forgive me!” + </p> + <p> + Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as well as he could; + and in fact was entirely successful as far as the twins were concerned, + for they felt sorrier for the affront put upon him by his guest’s + outburst of ill manners than for the insult offered to Luigi. But the + success was not so pronounced with the offender. Tom tried to seem at + his ease, and he went through the motions fairly well, but at bottom + he felt resentful toward all the three witnesses of his exhibition; + in fact, he felt so annoyed at them for having witnessed it and noticed + it that he almost forgot to feel annoyed at himself for placing it + before them. However, something presently happened which made him almost + comfortable, and brought him nearly back to a state of charity and + friendliness. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">147</a></span> + This was a little spat between the twins; not much of a + spat, but still a spat; and before they got far with it they were in + a decided condition of irritation with each other. Tom was charmed; + so pleased, indeed, that he cautiously did what he could to increase the + irritation while pretending to be actuated by more respectable motives. By + his help the fire got warmed up to the blazing-point, and he might have + had the happiness of seeing the flames show up, in another moment, but for + the interruption of a knock on the door—an interruption which + fretted him as much as it gratified Wilson. Wilson opened the door. + </p> + <p> + The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic, middle-aged Irishman + named John Buckstone, who was a great politician in a small way, and + always took a large share in public matters of every sort. One of the + town’s chief excitements, just now, was over the matter of rum. + There was a strong rum party and a strong anti-rum party. Buckstone was + training with the rum party, and he had been sent to hunt up the twins + and invite + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">148</a></span> + them to attend a mass-meeting of that faction. He delivered his errand, + and said the clans were already gathering in the big hall over the + market-house. Luigi accepted the invitation cordially, Angelo less + cordially, since he disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful + intoxicants of America. In fact, he was even a teetotaler + sometimes—when it was judicious to be one. + </p> + <p> + The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined company with + them uninvited. + </p> + <p> + In the distance one could see a long wavering line of torches drifting + down the main street, and could hear the throbbing of the bass drum, the + clash of cymbals, the squeaking of a fife or two, and the faint roar of + remote hurrahs. The tail-end of this procession was climbing the + market-house stairs when the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when + they reached the hall it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise and + enthusiasm. They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone—Tom + Driscoll still following—and were delivered to the chairman in the + midst of a prodigious explosion of welcome. When + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">149</a></span> + the noise had moderated a little, the chair proposed that “our + illustrious guests be at once elected, by complimentary acclamation, + to membership in our ever-glorious organization, the paradise of the + free and the perdition of the slave.” + </p> + <p> + This eloquent discharge opened the flood-gates of enthusiasm again, and + the election was carried with thundering unanimity. Then arose a storm + of cries: + </p> + <p> + “Wet them down! Wet them down! Give them a drink!” + </p> + <p> + Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins. Luigi waved his aloft, then + brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. There was another storm + of cries: + </p> + <p> + “What’s the matter with the other one?” + “What is the blond one going back on us for?” + “Explain! Explain!” + </p> + <p> + The chairman inquired, and then reported— + </p> + <p> + “We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen. I find that + the Count Angelo + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change Cappello to Capello."> + Capello</ins> is opposed to our creed—is a teetotaler, + in fact, and was not intending to apply for membership with us. He + desires that we + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">150</a></span> + reconsider the vote by which he was elected. What is the + pleasure of the house?” + </p> + <p> + There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully accented with + whistlings and cat-calls, but the energetic use of the gavel presently + restored something like order. Then a man spoke from the crowd, and said + that while he was very sorry that the mistake had been made, it would not + be possible to rectify it at the present meeting. According to the + by-laws it must go over to the next regular meeting for action. He would + not offer a motion, as none was required. He desired to apologize to the + gentleman in the name of the house, and begged to assure him that as far + as it might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his temporary + membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. + </p> + <p> + This speech was received with great applause, mixed with cries of— + </p> + <p> + “That’s the talk!” “He’s + a good fellow, anyway, if he <i>is</i> a + teetotaler!” “Drink his health!” + “Give him a rouser, and no heeltaps!” + </p> + <p> + Glasses were handed around, and everybody + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">151</a></span> + on the platform drank Angelo’s health, while the house bellowed + forth in song: + </p> + <div class="poem1"> + <p class="poem1"> + For he’s a jolly good fel-low,</p> + <p class="poem1"> + For he’s a jolly good fel-low,</p> + <p class="poem1"> + For he’s a jolly good fe-el-low,—</p> + <p class="poem2"> + Which nobody can deny.</p> + </div> + <p> + Tom Driscoll drank. It was his second glass, for he had drunk + Angelo’s the moment that Angelo had set it down. The two drinks + made him very merry—almost idiotically so—and he began to + take a most lively and prominent part in the proceedings, particularly + in the music and cat-calls and side-remarks. + </p> + <p> + The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins at his side. The + extraordinarily close resemblance of the brothers to each other suggested + a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and just as the chairman began a speech he + skipped forward and said with an air of tipsy confidence to the + audience— + </p> + <p> + “Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human + philopena snip you out a speech.” + </p> + <p> + The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, and a mighty burst + of laughter followed. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">152</a></span> + Luigi’s southern blood leaped to the boiling-point in a moment + under the sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in the presence + of four hundred strangers. It was not in the young man’s nature + to let the matter pass, or to delay the squaring of the account. He + took a couple of strides and halted behind the unsuspecting joker. + Then he drew back and delivered a kick of such titanic vigor that it + lifted Tom clear over the footlights and landed him on the heads of + the front row of the Sons of Liberty. + </p> + <p> + Even a sober person does not like to have a human being emptied on him + when he is not doing any harm; a person who is not sober cannot endure + such an attention at all. The nest of Sons of Liberty that Driscoll landed + in had not a sober bird in it; in fact there was probably not an entirely + sober one in the auditorium. Driscoll was promptly and indignantly flung + on to the heads of Sons in the next row, and these Sons passed him on + toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel the front-row Sons + who had passed him to them. This course was strictly + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">153</a></span> + followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in his tumultuous and + airy flight toward the door; so he left behind him an ever lengthening + wake of raging and plunging and fighting and swearing humanity. Down + went group after group of torches, and presently above the deafening + clatter of the gavel, roar of angry voices, and crash of succumbing + benches, rose the paralyzing cry of + “<span class="smcap">Fire!</span>” + </p> + <p> + The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for one distinctly + defined moment there was a dead hush, a motionless calm, where the + tempest had been; then with one impulse the multitude awoke to life and + energy again, and went surging and struggling and swaying, this way and + that, its outer edges melting away through windows and doors and gradually + lessening the pressure and relieving the mass. + </p> + <p> + The fire-boys were never on hand so suddenly before; for there was no + distance to go, this time, their quarters being in the rear end of the + market-house. There was an engine company and a hook-and-ladder company. + Half of each was composed of rummies and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">154</a></span> + the other half of anti-rummies, after the moral and political + share-and-share-alike fashion of the frontier town of the period. + Enough anti-rummies were loafing in quarters to man the engine and the + ladders. In two minutes they had their red shirts and helmets + on—they never stirred officially in unofficial costume—and + as the mass meeting overhead smashed through the long row of windows and + poured out upon the roof of the arcade, the deliverers were ready for + them with a powerful stream of water which washed some of them off the + roof and nearly drowned the rest. But water was preferable to fire, and + still the stampede from the windows continued, and still the pitiless + drenching assailed it until the building was empty; then the fire-boys + mounted to the hall and flooded it with water enough to annihilate forty + times as much fire as there was there; for a village fire-company does + not often get a chance to show off, and so when it does get a chance it + makes the most of it. Such citizens of that village as were of a + thoughtful and judicious temperament did not insure against fire; they + insured against the fire-company. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">155</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Shame of Judge Driscoll.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence + of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to + say it is brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. + Consider the flea!—incomparably the bravest of all the + creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Whether you + are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact + that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies + of the earth to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and + all days and nights in the very lap of peril and the immediate presence + of death, and yet is no more afraid than is the man who walks the streets + of a city that was threatened by an earthquake ten centuries before. + When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam as men who + “didn’t know what fear was,” we ought always to add + the flea—and put him at the head of the + procession.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Judge Driscoll</span> was in bed and asleep by ten + o’clock on Friday night, and he was up and gone a-fishing before + daylight in the morning with his friend Pembroke Howard. These two had + been boys together in Virginia + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">156</a></span> + when that State still ranked as the chief + and most imposing member of the Union, and they still coupled the proud + and affectionate adjective “old” with her name when they + spoke of her. In Missouri a recognized superiority attached to any + person who hailed from Old Virginia; and this superiority was exalted + to supremacy when a person of such nativity could also prove descent + from the First Families of that great commonwealth. The Howards and + Driscolls were of this aristocracy. In their eyes it was a nobility. + It had its unwritten laws, and they were as clearly defined and as + strict as any that could be found among the printed statutes of the + land. The F. F. V. was born a gentleman; his highest duty in + life was to watch over that great inheritance and keep it unsmirched. He + must keep his honor spotless. Those laws were his chart; his course was + marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much as half a point + of the compass it meant shipwreck to his honor; that is to say, + degradation from his rank as a gentleman. These laws required certain + things of him which his religion might + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">157</a></span> + forbid: then his religion must yield—the laws could not be relaxed + to accommodate religions or anything else. Honor stood first; and the + laws defined what it was and wherein it differed in certain details from + honor as defined by church creeds and by the social laws and customs + of some of the minor divisions of the globe that had got crowded out when + the sacred boundaries of Virginia were staked out. + </p> + <p> + If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of Dawson’s + Landing, Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized second citizen. He + was called “the great lawyer”—an earned title. + He and Driscoll were of the same age—a year or two past sixty. + </p> + <p> + Although Driscoll was a free-thinker and Howard a strong and determined + Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no impairment in consequence. + They were men whose opinions were their own property and not subject to + revision and amendment, suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their + friends. + </p> + <p> + The day’s fishing finished, they came floating + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">158</a></span> + down stream in their skiff, talking national politics and other high + matters, and presently met a skiff coming up from town, with a man in + it who said: + </p> + <p> + “I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew a + kicking last night, Judge?” + </p> + <p> + “Did <i>what</i>?” + </p> + <p> + “Gave him a kicking.” + </p> + <p> + The old Judge’s lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. He + choked with anger for a moment, then he got out what he was trying to + say— + </p> + <p> + “Well—well—go on! give me the details!” + </p> + <p> + The man did it. At the finish the Judge was silent a minute, turning over + in his mind the shameful picture of Tom’s flight over the + footlights; then he said, as if musing + aloud—“H’m—I don’t understand it. + I was asleep at home. He didn’t wake me. Thought he was competent + to manage his affair without my help, I reckon.” His face lit up + with pride and pleasure at that thought, and he said with a cheery + complacency, “I like that—it’s the true old + blood—hey, Pembroke?” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">159</a></span> + Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head approvingly. Then the + news-bringer spoke again— + </p> + <p> + “But Tom beat the twin on the trial.” + </p> + <p> + The Judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said— + </p> + <p> + “The trial? What trial?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault + and battery.” + </p> + <p> + The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has received a + death-stroke. Howard sprang for him as he sank forward in a swoon, and + took him in his arms, and bedded him on his back in the boat. He sprinkled + water in his face, and said to the startled visitor— + </p> + <p> + “Go, now—don’t let him come to and find you here. + You see what an effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to have + been more considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece of + slander as that.” + </p> + <p> + “I’m right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I + wouldn’t have done it if I had thought: but it ain’t slander; + it’s perfectly true, just as I told him.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">160</a></span> + He rowed away. Presently the old Judge came out of his faint and looked up + piteously into the sympathetic face that was bent over him. + </p> + <p> + “Say it ain’t true, Pembroke; tell me it ain’t + true!” he said in a weak voice. + </p> + <p> + There was nothing weak in the deep organ-tones that responded— + </p> + <p> + “You know it’s a lie as well as I do, old friend. He is of the + best blood of the Old Dominion.” + </p> + <p> + “God bless you for saying it!” said the old gentleman, + fervently. “Ah, Pembroke, it was such a blow!” + </p> + <p> + Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and entered the house with + him. It was dark, and past supper-time, but the Judge was not thinking of + supper; he was eager to hear the slander refuted from headquarters, and as + eager to have Howard hear it, too. Tom was sent for, and he came + immediately. He was bruised and lame, and was not a happy-looking object. + His uncle made him sit down, and said— + </p> + <p> + “We have been hearing about your adventure, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">161</a></span> + Tom, with a handsome lie added to it for embellishment. Now pulverize that + lie to dust! What measures have you taken? How does the thing + stand?” + </p> + <p> + Tom answered guilelessly: “It don’t stand at all; + it’s all over. I had him up in court and beat him. + Pudd’nhead Wilson defended him—first case + he ever had, and lost it. The judge fined the miserable + hound five dollars for the assault.” + </p> + <p> + Howard and the Judge sprang to their feet with the opening + sentence—why, neither knew; then they stood gazing vacantly at + each other. Howard stood a moment, then sat mournfully down without + saying anything. The Judge’s wrath began to kindle, and + he burst out— + </p> + <p> + “You cur! You scum! You vermin! Do you mean to tell me that blood + of my race has suffered a blow and crawled to a court of law about + it? Answer me!” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent silence. + His uncle stared at him with a mixed expression of amazement and + shame and incredulity that was sorrowful to see. At last he said— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">162</a></span> + “Which of the twins was it?” + </p> + <p> + “Count Luigi.” + </p> + <p> + “You have challenged him?” + </p> + <p> + “N—no,” hesitated Tom, turning pale. + </p> + <p> + “You will challenge him to-night. Howard will carry it.” + </p> + <p> + Tom began to turn sick, and to show it. He turned his hat round and round + in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and blacker upon him as the heavy + seconds drifted by; then at last he began to stammer, and said + piteously— + </p> + <p> + “Oh, please don’t ask me to do it, uncle! He is a + murderous devil—I never could—I—I’m + afraid of him!” + </p> + <p> + Old Driscoll’s mouth opened and closed three times before + he could get it to perform its office; then he stormed out— + </p> + <p> + “A coward in my family! A Driscoll a coward! Oh, what have I done + to deserve this infamy!” He tottered to his secretary in the + corner repeating that lament again and again in heartbreaking tones, + and got out of a drawer a paper, which he slowly tore to bits + scattering the bits absently in his track as he + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">163</a></span> + walked up and down the room, still grieving and lamenting. At last he + said— + </p> + <p> + “There it is, shreds and fragments once more—my will. + Once more you have forced me to disinherit you, you base son + of a most noble father! Leave my sight! Go—before + I spit on you!” + </p> + <p> + The young man did not tarry. Then the Judge turned to Howard: + </p> + <p> + “You will be my second, old friend?” + </p> + <p> + “Of course.” + </p> + <p> + “There is pen and paper. Draft the cartel, and lose no time.” + </p> + <p> + “The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen + minutes,” said Howard. + </p> + <p> + Tom was very heavy-hearted. His appetite was gone with his property + and his self-respect. He went out the back way and wandered down the + obscure lane grieving, and wondering if any course of future + conduct, however discreet and carefully perfected and watched over, + could win back his uncle’s favor and persuade him to + reconstruct once more that generous will which had just gone to ruin + before his eyes. He finally concluded + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">164</a></span> + that it could. He said to himself that he had accomplished this sort of + triumph once already, and that what had been done once could be done + again. He would set about it. He would bend every energy to the task, + and he would score that triumph once more, cost what it might to his + convenience, limit as it might his frivolous and liberty-loving life. + </p> + <p> + “To begin,” he said to himself, “I’ll square + up with the proceeds of my raid, and then gambling has got to be + stopped—and stopped short off. It’s the worst vice + I’ve got—from my standpoint, anyway, because + it’s the one he can most easily find out, through the impatience + of my creditors. He thought it expensive to have to pay two hundred + dollars to them for me once. Expensive—<i>that!</i> Why, it + cost me the whole of his fortune—but of course he never thought + of that; some people can’t think of any but their own side of a + case. If he had known how deep I am in, now, the will would have gone + to pot without waiting for a duel to help. Three hundred dollars! + It’s a pile! But he’ll never hear of it, I’m + thankful to say. The minute I’ve + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">165</a></span> + cleared it off, I’m safe; and I’ll never touch a card again. + Anyway, I won’t while he lives, I make oath to that. I’m + entering on my last reform—I know it—yes, and I’ll win; + but after that, if I ever slip again I’m gone.” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">166</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XIII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Tom Stares at Ruin.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I + know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a + different life.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to + speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, + September, April, November, May, March, June, December, + August, and February.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Thus</span> mournfully communing with himself Tom + moped along the lane past Pudd’nhead Wilson’s + house, and still + on and on between fences inclosing vacant country on each hand till he + neared the haunted house, then he came moping back again, with many sighs + and heavy with trouble. He sorely wanted cheerful company. Rowena! His + heart gave a bound at the thought, but the next thought quieted + it—the detested twins would be there. + </p> + <p> + He was on the inhabited side of Wilson’s + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">167</a></span> + house, and now as he approached it he noticed that the sitting-room was + lighted. This would do; others made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but + Wilson never failed in courtesy toward him, and a kindly courtesy does + at least save one’s feelings, even if it is not professing to stand + for a welcome. Wilson heard footsteps at his threshold, then the clearing + of a throat. + </p> + <p> + “It’s that fickle-tempered, dissipated young + goose—poor devil, he find friends pretty scarce to-day, + likely, after the disgrace of carrying a personal-assault case + into a law-court.” + </p> + <p> + A dejected knock. “Come in!” + </p> + <p> + Tom entered, and drooped into a chair, without saying anything. Wilson + said kindly— + </p> + <p> + “Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don’t take it so hard. + Try and forget you have been + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change single quote after kicked to a double quote."> + kicked.”</ins> + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear,” said Tom, wretchedly, “it’s + not that, Pudd’nhead—it’s not that. It’s a + thousand times worse than that—oh, yes, a million + times worse.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">168</a></span> + “Why, Tom, what do you mean? Has Rowena—” + </p> + <p> + “Flung me? No, but the old man has.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said to himself, “Aha!” and thought of the + mysterious girl in the bedroom. “The Driscolls have been + making discoveries!” Then he said aloud, gravely: + </p> + <p> + “Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, shucks, this hasn’t got anything to do with + dissipation. He wanted me to challenge that derned Italian savage, + and I wouldn’t do it.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, of course he would do that,” said Wilson in a meditative + matter-of-course way, “but the thing that puzzled me was, why + he didn’t look to that last night, for one thing, and why he + let you carry such a matter into a court of law at all, either + before the duel or after it. It’s no place for it. It was not + like him. I couldn’t understand it. How did it happen?” + </p> + <p> + “It happened because he didn’t know anything about it. + He was asleep when I got home last night.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">169</a></span> + “And you didn’t wake him? Tom, is that possible?” + </p> + <p> + Tom was not getting much comfort here. He fidgeted a moment, then said: + </p> + <p> + “I didn’t choose to tell him—that’s all. + He was going a-fishing before dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I + got the twins into the common calaboose—and I thought sure I + could—I never dreamed of their slipping out on a paltry fine + for such an outrageous offense—well, once in the calaboose + they would be disgraced, and uncle wouldn’t want any + duels with that sort of characters, and wouldn’t allow any.” + </p> + <p> + “Tom, I am ashamed of you! I don’t see how you could treat + your good old uncle so. I am a better friend of his than you are; for + if I had known the circumstances I would have kept that case out of + court until I got word to him and let him have a gentleman’s + chance.” + </p> + <p> + “You would?” exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise. + “And it your first case! And you know perfectly well there + never would have <i>been</i> any case if he had got that chance, + don’t + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">170</a></span> + you? And you’d have finished your days a pauper + nobody, instead of being an actually launched and recognized lawyer + to-day. And you would really have done that, would you?” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly.” + </p> + <p> + Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head sorrowfully and + said— + </p> + <p> + “I believe you—upon my word I do. I don’t know + why I do, but I do. Pudd’nhead Wilson, I think you’re + the biggest fool I ever saw.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you.” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t mention it.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian and you have + refused. You degenerate remnant of an honorable line! I’m thoroughly + ashamed of you, Tom!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, that’s nothing! I don’t care for anything, now + that the will’s torn up again.” + </p> + <p> + “Tom, tell me squarely—didn’t he find any fault with + you for anything but those two things—carrying the case into + court and refusing to fight?” + </p> + <p> + He watched the young fellow’s face narrowly, but it was entirely + reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">171</a></span> + “No, he didn’t find any other fault with me. If he had + had any to find, he would have begun yesterday, for he was just in the + humor for it. He drove that jack-pair around town and showed them the + sights, and when he came home he couldn’t find his father’s + old silver watch that don’t keep time and he thinks so much of, + and couldn’t remember what he did with it three or four days ago + when he saw it last, and so when I arrived he was all in a sweat about it, + and when I suggested that it probably wasn’t lost but stolen, it put + him in a regular passion and he said I was a fool—which convinced + me, without any trouble, that that was just what he was afraid + <i>had</i> happened, himself, but did not want to believe it, because + lost things stand a better chance of being found again than stolen + ones.” + </p> + <p> + “Whe-ew!” whistled Wilson; + “score another on the list.” + </p> + <p> + “Another what?” + </p> + <p> + “Another theft!” + </p> + <p> + “Theft?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, theft. That watch isn’t lost, it’s + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">172</a></span> + stolen. There’s been another raid on the town—and just the + same old mysterious sort of thing that has happened once before, as you + remember.” + </p> + <p> + “You don’t mean it!” + </p> + <p> + “It’s as sure as you are born! Have you missed anything + yourself?” + </p> + <p> + “No. That is, I did miss a silver pencil-case that Aunt Mary + Pratt gave me last birthday—” + </p> + <p> + “You’ll find it stolen—that’s what + you’ll find.” + </p> + <p> + “No, I sha’n’t; for when I suggested theft about + the watch and got such a rap, I went and examined my room, and the + pencil-case was missing, but it was only mislaid, and I found + it again.” + </p> + <p> + “You are sure you missed nothing else?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, nothing of consequence. I missed a small plain gold + ring worth two or three dollars, but that will turn up. + I’ll look again.” + </p> + <p> + “In my opinion you’ll not find it. There’s been + a raid, I tell you. Come <i>in!</i>” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">173</a></span> + Buckstone and the town-constable, Jim Blake. They sat down, and after + some wandering and aimless weather-conversation Wilson said— + </p> + <p> + “By the way, we’ve just added another to the list of + thefts, maybe two. Judge Driscoll’s old silver watch is gone, + and Tom here has missed a gold ring.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, it is a bad business,” said the Justice, + “and gets worse the further it goes. The Hankses, the Dobsons, + the Pilligrews, the Ortons, the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the + Holcombs, in fact everybody that lives around about Patsy Cooper’s + has been robbed of little things like trinkets and teaspoons and + such-like small valuables that are easily carried off. It’s + perfectly plain that the thief took advantage of the reception at Patsy + Cooper’s when all the neighbors were in her house and all their + niggers hanging around her fence for a look at the show, to raid the + vacant houses undisturbed. Patsy is miserable about it; miserable on + account of the neighbors, and particularly miserable on account of her + foreigners, of course; so miserable + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">174</a></span> + on their account that she hasn’t any room to worry about her own + little losses.” + </p> + <p> + “It’s the same old raider,” said Wilson. “I + suppose there isn’t any doubt about that.” + </p> + <p> + “Constable Blake doesn’t think so.” + </p> + <p> + “No, you’re wrong there,” said Blake; + “the other times it was a man; there was plenty of signs of that, + as we know, in the profession, though we never got hands on him; + but this time it’s a woman.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off. She was always in his + mind now. But she failed him again. Blake continued: + </p> + <p> + “She’s a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered basket + on her arm, in a black veil, dressed in mourning. I saw her going + aboard the ferry-boat yesterday. Lives in Illinois, I reckon; but + I don’t care where she lives, I’m going to get + her—she can make herself sure of that.” + </p> + <p> + “What makes you think she’s the thief?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, there ain’t any other, for one thing; and for + another, some nigger draymen that happened to be driving along saw + her coming out of or going into houses, and told + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">175</a></span> + me so—and it just happens that they was <i>robbed</i> houses, + every time.” + </p> + <p> + It was granted that this was plenty good enough circumstantial evidence. + A pensive silence followed, which lasted some moments, then Wilson + said— + </p> + <p> + “There’s one good thing, anyway. She can’t either + pawn or sell Count Luigi’s costly Indian dagger.” + </p> + <p> + “My!” said Tom, “is <i>that</i> gone?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, that was a haul! But why can’t she pawn it or + sell it?” + </p> + <p> + “Because when the twins went home from the Sons of Liberty + meeting last night, news of the raid was sifting in from everywhere, + and Aunt Patsy was in distress to know if they had lost anything. + They found that the dagger was gone, and they notified the police and + pawnbrokers everywhere. It was a great haul, yes, but the old woman + won’t get anything out of it, because she’ll get + caught.” + </p> + <p> + “Did they offer a reward?” asked Buckstone. + </p> + <p> + “Yes; five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred + more for the thief.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">176</a></span> + “What a leather-headed idea!” exclaimed the constable. + “The thief da’sn’t go near them, nor send anybody. + Whoever goes is going to get himself nabbed, for their ain’t + any pawnbroker that’s going to lose the chance to—” + </p> + <p> + If anybody had noticed Tom’s face at that time, the gray-green + color of it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody did. He said to + himself: “I’m gone! I never can square up; the rest of the + plunder won’t pawn or sell for half of the bill. Oh, I know + it—I’m gone, I’m gone—and this time it’s + for good. Oh, this is awful—I don’t know what to do, + nor which way to turn!” + </p> + <p> + “Softly, softly,” said Wilson to Blake. “I + planned their scheme for them at midnight last night, and it was all + finished up shipshape by two this morning. They’ll get their + dagger back, and then I’ll explain to you how + the thing was done.” + </p> + <p> + There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and Buckstone said— + </p> + <p> + “Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp, Wilson, and I’m + free to say that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">177</a></span> + if you don’t mind telling us in confidence—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I’d as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as + the twins and I agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it stand so. + But you can take my word for it you won’t be kept waiting three + days. Somebody will apply for that reward pretty promptly, and + I’ll show you the thief and the dagger both very soon + afterward.” + </p> + <p> + The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed. He said— + </p> + <p> + “It may all be—yes, and I hope it will, but I’m blamed + if I can see my way through it. It’s too many for yours + truly.” + </p> + <p> + The subject seemed about talked out. Nobody seemed to have anything + further to offer. After a silence the justice of the peace informed Wilson + that he and Buckstone and the constable had come as a committee, on the + part of the Democratic party, to ask him to run for mayor—for the + little town was about to become a city and the first charter election was + approaching. It was the first attention which Wilson had ever received at + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">178</a></span> + the hands of any party; it was a sufficiently humble one, but it was a + recognition of his début into the town’s life and activities + at last; it was a step upward, and he was deeply gratified. He accepted, + and the committee departed, followed by young Tom. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">179</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XIV.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Roxana Insists Upon Reform.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be + mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world’s + luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of + the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels + eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know + it because she repented.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">About</span> the time that Wilson was bowing the + committee out, Pembroke Howard was entering the next house to report. + He found the old Judge sitting grim and straight in his chair, waiting. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Howard—the news?” + </p> + <p> + “The best in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Accepts, does he?” and the light of battle gleamed + joyously in the Judge’s eye. + </p> + <p> + “Accepts? Why, he jumped at it.” + </p> + <p> + “Did, did he? Now that’s fine—that’s very fine. + I like that. When is it to be?” + </p> + <p> + “Now! Straight off! To-night! An admirable + fellow—admirable!” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">180</a></span> + “Admirable? He’s a darling! Why, it’s an honor + as well as a pleasure to stand up before such a man. Come—off + with you! Go and arrange everything—and give him my heartiest + compliments. A rare fellow, indeed; an admirable fellow, as you have + said!” + </p> + <p> + Howard hurried away, saying— + </p> + <p> + “I’ll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson’s + and the haunted house within the hour, and I’ll bring my own + pistols.” + </p> + <p> + Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of pleased excitement; + but presently he stopped, and began to think—began to think of Tom. + Twice he moved toward the secretary, and twice he turned away again; but + finally he said— + </p> + <p> + “This may be my last night in the world—I must not take the + chance. He is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely my fault. He was + intrusted to me by my brother on his dying bed, and I have indulged him + to his hurt, instead of training him up severely, and making a man of + him. I have violated my trust, and I must not add the sin of desertion + to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">181</a></span> + that. I have forgiven him once already, and would subject him to a + long and hard trial before forgiving him again, if I could live; but I + must not run that risk. No, I must restore the will. But if I survive the + duel, I will hide it away, and he will not know, and I will not tell him + until he reforms, and I see that his reformation is going to be + permanent.” + </p> + <p> + He re-drew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir to a fortune again. + As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied with another brooding tramp, + entered the house and went tiptoeing past the sitting-room door. He + glanced in, and hurried on, for the sight of his uncle had nothing but + terrors for him to-night. But his uncle was writing! That was unusual at + this late hour. What could he be writing? A chill of anxiety settled down + upon Tom’s heart. Did that writing concern him? He was afraid so. + He reflected that when ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, + but in showers. He said he would get a glimpse of that document or know + the reason why. He heard some one coming, and stepped out of sight and + hearing. It was + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">182</a></span> + Pembroke Howard. What could be + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change period after hatching to question mark."> + hatching?</ins> + </p> + <p> + Howard said, with great satisfaction: + </p> + <p> + “Everything’s right and ready. He’s gone to the + battle-ground with his second and the surgeon—also with his brother. + I’ve arranged it all with Wilson—Wilson’s his second. + We are to have three shots apiece.” + </p> + <p> + “Good! How is the moon?” + </p> + <p> + “Bright as day, nearly. Perfect, for the distance—fifteen + yards. No wind—not a breath; hot and still.” + </p> + <p> + “All good; all first-rate. Here, Pembroke, read this, and witness + it.” + </p> + <p> + Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old man’s hand a + hearty shake and said: + </p> + <p> + “Now that’s right, York—but I knew you would do it. + You couldn’t leave that poor chap to fight along without means or + profession, with certain defeat before him, and I knew you + wouldn’t, for his father’s sake if not for his own.” + </p> + <p> + “For his dead father’s sake I couldn’t, I know; + for poor Percy—but you know what + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">183</a></span> + Percy was to me. But mind—Tom is not to know of this unless I + fall to-night.” + </p> + <p> + “I understand. I’ll keep the secret.” + </p> + <p> + The Judge put the will away, and the two started for the battle-ground. In + another minute the will was in Tom’s hands. His misery vanished, his + feelings underwent a tremendous revulsion. He put the will carefully back + in its place, and spread his mouth and swung his hat once, twice, three + times around his head, in imitation of three rousing huzzas, no sound + issuing from his lips. He fell to communing with himself excitedly and + joyously, but every now and then he let off another volley of dumb + hurrahs. + </p> + <p> + He said to himself: “I’ve got the fortune again, but + I’ll not let on that I know about it. And this time I’m going + to hang on to it. I take no more risks. I’ll gamble no more, + I’ll drink no more, because—well, because I’ll not go + where there is any of that sort of thing going on, again. It’s the + sure way, and the only sure way; I might have thought of that + sooner—well, yes, if I had wanted to. But now—dear me, + I’ve had a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">184</a></span> + scare this time, and I’ll take no more chances. Not a single chance + more. Land! I persuaded myself this evening that I could fetch him around + without any great amount of effort, but I’ve been getting more and + more heavy-hearted and doubtful straight along, ever since. If he tells + me about this thing, all right; but if he doesn’t, I + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Remove comma after sha'n't." + >sha’n’t</ins> let on. I—well, I’d like to tell + Pudd’nhead Wilson, but—no, I’ll think about that; + perhaps I won’t.” He whirled off another dead huzza, and + said, “I’m reformed, and this time I’ll stay so, + sure!” + </p> + <p> + He was about to close with a final grand silent demonstration, when he + suddenly recollected that Wilson had put it out of his power to pawn or + sell the Indian knife, and that he was once more in awful peril of + exposure by his creditors for that reason. His joy collapsed utterly, and + he turned away and moped toward the door moaning and lamenting over the + bitterness of his luck. He dragged himself up-stairs, and brooded in his + room a long time disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi’s Indian + knife for a text. At last he sighed and said: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">185</a></span> + “When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory bone, + the thing hadn’t any interest for me because it hadn’t + any value, and couldn’t help me out of my trouble. But + now—why, now it is full of interest; yes, and of a sort to break + a body’s heart. It’s a bag of gold that has turned + to dirt and ashes in my hands. It could save me, and save me so easily, + and yet I’ve got to go to ruin. It’s like drowning with a + life-preserver in my reach. All the hard luck comes to me, and all the + good luck goes to other people—Pudd’nhead Wilson, for + instance; even his career has got a sort of a little start at last, and + what has he done to deserve it, I should like to know? Yes, he has opened + his own road, but he isn’t content with that, but must block mine. + It’s a sordid, selfish world, and I wish I was out of + it.” He allowed the light of the candle to play upon the jewels of + the sheath, but the flashings and sparklings had no charm for his eye; + they were only just so many pangs to his heart. “I must not say + anything to Roxy about this thing,” he said, “she is too + daring. She would be for + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">186</a></span> + digging these stones out and selling them, and then—why, she would + be arrested and the stones traced, and then—” The thought + made him quake, and he hid the knife away, trembling all over and + glancing furtively about, like a criminal who fancies that the accuser + is already at hand. + </p> + <p> + Should he try to sleep? Oh, no, sleep was not for him; his trouble was too + haunting, too afflicting for that. He must have somebody to mourn with. He + would carry his despair to Roxy. + </p> + <p> + He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of thing was not + uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. He went out at the + back door, and turned westward. He passed Wilson’s house and + proceeded along the lane, and presently saw several figures approaching + Wilson’s place through the vacant lots. These were the duelists + returning from the fight; he thought he recognized them, but as he had + no desire for white people’s company, he stooped down behind the + fence until they were out of his way. + </p> + <p> + Roxy was feeling fine. She said: + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">187</a></span> + “Whah was you, child? Warn’t you in it?” + </p> + <p> + “In what?” + </p> + <p> + “In de duel.” + </p> + <p> + “Duel? Has there been a duel?” + </p> + <p> + “’Co’se dey has. De ole Jedge has be’n + havin’ a duel wid one o’ dem twins.” + </p> + <p> + “Great Scott!” Then he added to himself: “That’s + what made him re-make the will; he thought he might get killed, and it + softened him toward me. And that’s what he and Howard were so + busy about.… Oh dear, if the twin had only killed him, + I should be out of my—” + </p> + <p> + “What is you mumblin’ bout, Chambers? Whah was you? + Didn’t you know dey was gwyne to be a duel?” + </p> + <p> + “No, I didn’t. The old man tried to get me to fight one with + Count Luigi, but he didn’t succeed, so I reckon he concluded to + patch up the family honor himself.” + </p> + <p> + He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a detailed account of + his talk with the Judge, and how shocked and ashamed the Judge was to find + that he had a coward in his family. He glanced up at last, and got a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">188</a></span> + shock himself. Roxana’s bosom was heaving with suppressed passion, + and she was glowering down upon him with measureless contempt written + in her face. + </p> + <p> + “En you refuse’ to fight a man dat kicked you, + ’stid o’ jumpin’ at de chance! En you ain’t + got no mo’ feelin’ den to come en tell me, dat fetched sich + a po’ low-down ornery rabbit into de worl’! Pah! it make me + sick! It’s de nigger in you, dat’s what it is. Thirty-one + parts o’ you is white, en on’y one part nigger, en dat + po’ little one part is yo’ <i>soul</i>. + Tain’t wuth savin’; tain’t wuth totin’ out on a + shovel en throwin’ in de gutter. You has disgraced yo’ birth. + What would yo’ pa think o’ you? It’s enough to make him + turn in his grave.” + </p> + <p> + The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he said to himself + that if his father were only alive and in reach of assassination his + mother would soon find that he had a very clear notion of the size of his + indebtedness to that man, and was willing to pay it up in full, and would + do it too, even at risk of his life; but he kept this thought to himself; + that was safest in his mother’s present state. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">189</a></span> + “Whatever has come o’ yo’ Essex blood? Dat’s + what I can’t understan’. En it ain’t on’y jist + Essex blood dat’s in you, not by a long sight—’deed + it ain’t! My great-great-great-gran’father en yo’ + great-great-great-great-gran’father was Ole Cap’n John Smith, + de highest blood dat Ole Virginny ever turned out, en <i>his</i> + great-great-gran’mother or somers along back dah, was Pocahontas + de Injun queen, en her husbun’ was a nigger king outen + Africa—en yit here you is, a slinkin’ outen a duel en + disgracin’ our whole line like a ornery low-down hound! Yes, + it’s de nigger in you!” + </p> + <p> + She sat down on her candle-box and fell into a reverie. Tom did not + disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was not in circumstances + of this kind, Roxana’s storm went gradually down, but it died hard, + and even when it seemed to be quite gone, it would now and then break out + in a distant rumble, so to speak, in the form of muttered ejaculations. + One of these was, “Ain’t nigger enough in him to show in + his finger-nails, en dat takes mighty little—yit dey’s enough + to paint his soul.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">190</a></span> + Presently she muttered. “Yassir, enough to paint a whole + thimbleful of ’em.” At last her ramblings ceased + altogether, and her countenance began to clear—a welcome sign to + Tom, who had learned her moods, and knew she was on the threshold of + good-humor, now. He noticed that from time to time she unconsciously + carried her finger to the end of her nose. He looked closer and said: + </p> + <p> + “Why, mammy, the end of your nose is skinned. + How did that come?” + </p> + <p> + She sent out the sort of whole-hearted peal of laughter which God had + vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy angels in heaven and + the bruised and broken black slave on the earth, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Dad fetch dat duel, I be’n in it myself.” + </p> + <p> + “Gracious! did a bullet do that?” + </p> + <p> + “Yassir, you bet it did!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I declare! Why, how did that happen?” + </p> + <p> + “Happened dis-away. I ’uz a-sett’n’ here kinder + dozin’ in de dark, en <i>che-bang!</i> goes a gun, right out dah. + I skips along out towards t’other end o’ de house to see + what’s gwyne + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">191</a></span> + on, en stops by de ole winder on de side towards + Pudd’nhead Wilson’s house dat ain’t got no sash in + it,—but dey ain’t none of ’em got any sashes, fur as + dat’s concerned,—en I stood dah in de dark en look out, en + dar in de moonlight, right down under me ’uz one o’ de + twins a-cussin’—not much, but jist a-cussin’ + soft—it ’uz de brown one dat ’uz cussin’, + ’ca’se he ’uz hit in de shoulder. En Doctor Claypool + he ’uz a-workin’ at him, en Pudd’nhead Wilson he + ’uz a-he’pin’, en ole Jedge Driscoll en Pem Howard + ’uz a-standin’ out yonder a little piece waitin’ + for ’em to git ready agin. En treckly dey squared off en + give de word, en <i>bang-bang</i> went de pistols, en de twin he say, + ‘Ouch!’—hit him on de han’ dis time,—en I + hear dat same bullet go <i>spat!</i> ag’in, de logs under de + winder; en de nex’ time dey shoot, de twin say, ‘Ouch!’ + ag’in, en I done it too, ’ca’se de bullet glance’ + on his cheek-bone en skip up here en glance on de side o’ + de winder en whiz right acrost my face en tuck de hide off’n my + nose—why, if I’d ’a’ be’n jist a + inch or a inch en a half furder ’t would ’a’ tuck de + whole nose en disfiggered me. Here’s de bullet; I hunted her + up.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">192</a></span> + “Did you stand there all the time?” + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s a question to ask, ain’t it? What else would + I do? Does I git a chance to see a duel every day?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, you were right in range! Weren’t you afraid?” + </p> + <p> + The woman gave a sniff of scorn. + </p> + <p> + “’Fraid! De Smith-Pocahontases ain’t + ’fraid o’ nothin’, let alone bullets.” + </p> + <p> + “They’ve got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is + judgment. <i>I</i> wouldn’t have stood there.” + </p> + <p> + “Nobody’s accusin’ you!” + </p> + <p> + “Did anybody else get hurt?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, we all got hit ’cep’ de blon’ twin en de + doctor en de seconds. De Jedge didn’t git hurt, but I hear + Pudd’nhead say de bullet snip some o’ his + ha’r off.” + </p> + <p> + “’George!” said Tom to himself, “to come so + near being out of my trouble, and miss it by an inch. Oh dear, dear, + he will live to find me out and sell me to some nigger-trader + yet—yes, and he would do it in a minute.” Then he + said aloud, in a grave tone— + </p> + <p> + “Mother, we are in an awful fix.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">193</a></span> + Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Chile! What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? + What’s be’n en gone en happen’?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, there’s one thing I didn’t tell you. When I + wouldn’t fight, he tore up the will again, and—” + </p> + <p> + Roxana’s face turned a dead white, and she said— + </p> + <p> + “Now you’s <i>done!</i>—done forever! Dat’s + de end. Bofe un us is gwyne to starve to—” + </p> + <p> + “Wait and hear me through, can’t you! I reckon that when he + resolved to fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and not + have a chance to forgive me any more in this life, so he made the will + again, and I’ve seen it, and it’s all right. + But—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, thank goodness, den we’s safe ag’in!—safe! + en so what did you want to come here en talk sich + dreadful—” + </p> + <p> + “Hold <i>on</i>, I tell you, and let me finish. The swag I + gathered won’t half square me up, and the first thing we know, my + creditors—well, you know what’ll happen.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">194</a></span> + Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone—she + must think this matter out. Presently she said impressively: + </p> + <p> + “You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you! En here’s + what you got to do. He didn’t git killed, en if you gives him de + least reason, he’ll bust de will ag’in, en dat’s de + <i>las’</i> time, now you hear me! So—you’s got to + show him what you kin do in de nex’ few days. You’s got to be + pison good, en let him see it; you got to do everything dat’ll + make him b’lieve in you, en you got to sweeten aroun’ + ole Aunt Pratt, too,—she’s pow’ful strong wid de + Jedge, en de bes’ frien’ you got. Nex’, you’ll + go ’long away to Sent Louis, en dat’ll <i>keep</i> him in + yo’ favor. Den you go en make a bargain wid dem people. You tell + ’em he ain’t gwyne to live long—en dat’s de + fac’, too,—en tell ’em you’ll pay ’em + intrust, en big intrust, too,—ten per—what you call it?” + </p> + <p> + “Ten per cent. a month?” + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s it. Den you take and sell yo’ truck aroun’, + a little at a time, en pay de intrust. How long will it + las’?” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">195</a></span> + “I think there’s enough to pay the interest five or six + months.” + </p> + <p> + “Den you’s all right. If he don’t die in six months, + dat don’t make no diff’rence—Providence’ll + provide. You’s gwyne to be safe—if you + behaves.” She bent an austere eye on him and added, + “En you <i>is</i> gwyne to behave—does you know dat?” + </p> + <p> + He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway. She did not unbend. She + said gravely: + </p> + <p> + “Tryin’ ain’t de thing. You’s gwyne to + <i>do</i> it. You ain’t gwyne to steal a + pin—’ca’se it ain’t safe no mo’; + en you ain’t gwyne into no bad comp’ny—not even + once, you understand; en you ain’t gwyne to drink a + drop—nary single drop; en you ain’t gwyne to gamble + one single gamble—not one! Dis ain’t what you’s + gwyne to <i>try</i> to do, it’s what you’s gwyne to + <i>do</i>. En I’ll tell you how I knows it. Dis is how. + I’s gwyne to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; + en you’s gwyne to come to me every day o’ yo’ life, + en I’ll look you over; en if you fails in one single one + o’ dem things—jist <i>one</i>—I take my oath + I’ll + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">196</a></span> + come straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you’s a nigger en a + slave—en <i>prove</i> it!” She paused to let her words sink + home. Then she added, “Chambers, does you b’lieve me when I + says dat?” + </p> + <p> + Tom was sober enough now. There was no levity in his voice when he + answered: + </p> + <p> + “Yes, mother, I know, now, that I am reformed—and permanently. + Permanently—and beyond the reach of any human temptation.” + </p> + <p> + “Den g’ long home en begin!” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">197</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XV.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Robber Robbed.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s + habits.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Behold, the fool saith, “Put not all thine eggs in the one + basket”—which is but a manner of saying, “Scatter your + money and your attention;” but the wise man saith, “Put all + your eggs in the one basket and—<span class="smcap">watch that + basket</span>”<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">What</span> a time of it Dawson’s Landing was + having! All its life it had been asleep, but now it hardly got a chance + for a nod, so swiftly did big events and crashing surprises come along + in one another’s wake: Friday morning, first glimpse of Real + Nobility, also grand reception at Aunt Patsy Cooper’s, also great + robber-raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking of the heir of the chief + citizen in presence of four hundred people; Saturday morning, emergence + as practising lawyer of the long-submerged Pudd’nhead Wilson; + Saturday + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">198</a></span> + night, duel between chief citizen and titled stranger. + </p> + <p> + The people took more pride in the duel than in all the other + events put together, perhaps. It was a glory to their town to have such + a thing happen there. In their eyes the principals had reached + the summit of human honor. Everybody paid homage to their names; + their praises were in all mouths. Even the duelists’ + subordinates came in for a handsome share of the public + approbation: wherefore Pudd’nhead Wilson was suddenly + become a man of consequence. When asked to run for the mayoralty + Saturday night he was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found + him a made man and his success assured. + </p> + <p> + The twins were prodigiously great, now; the town took them to its bosom + with enthusiasm. Day after day, and night after night, they went dining + and visiting from house to house, making friends, enlarging and + solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising all with their + musical prodigies, and now and then heightening the effects with samples + of what they could do in other directions, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">199</a></span> + out of their stock of rare and curious accomplishments. They were so + pleased that they gave the regulation thirty days’ notice, the + required preparation for citizenship, and resolved to finish their days + in this pleasant place. That was the climax. The delighted community + rose as one man and applauded; and when the twins were asked to stand + for seats in the forthcoming aldermanic board, and consented, the + public contentment was rounded and complete. + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, and hurt all + the way down. He hated the one twin for kicking him, and the other one for + being the kicker’s brother. + </p> + <p> + Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard of the raider, or + of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able to throw any + light on that matter. Nearly a week had drifted by, and still the thing + remained a vexed mystery. + </p> + <p> + On Saturday Constable Blake and Pudd’nhead Wilson met on the street, + and Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">200</a></span> + conversation for them. He said to Blake—“You are not looking + well, Blake; you seem to be annoyed about something. Has anything gone + wrong in the detective business? I believe you fairly and justifiably + claim to have a pretty good reputation in that line, isn’t it + so?”—which made Blake feel good, and look it; but Tom added, + “for a country detective”—which made Blake feel the + other way, and not only look it, but betray it in his voice— + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir, I <i>have</i> got a reputation; and it’s as good + as anybody’s in the profession, too, country or no country.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I beg pardon; I didn’t mean any offense. What I + started out to ask was only about the old woman that raided the + town—the stoop-shouldered old woman, you know, that you said you + were going to catch; and I knew you would, too, because you have the + reputation of never boasting, and—well, you—you’ve + caught the old woman?” + </p> + <p> + “D——— the old woman!” + </p> + <p> + “Why, sho! you don’t mean to say you haven’t + caught her?” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">201</a></span> + “No; I haven’t caught her. If anybody could have caught her, + I could; but nobody couldn’t, I don’t care who he is.” + </p> + <p> + “I am sorry, real sorry—for your sake; because, when it + gets around that a detective has expressed himself so confidently, + and then—” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t you worry, that’s all—don’t you + worry; and as for the town, the town needn’t worry, either. + She’s my meat—make yourself easy about that. I’m + on her track; I’ve got clues that—” + </p> + <p> + “That’s good! Now if you could get an old veteran detective + down from St. Louis to help you find out what the clues mean, and + where they lead to, and then—” + </p> + <p> + “I’m plenty veteran enough myself, and I don’t need + anybody’s help. I’ll have her inside of a we—inside + of a month. That I’ll swear to!” + </p> + <p> + Tom said carelessly— + </p> + <p> + “I suppose that will answer—yes, that will answer. + But I reckon she is pretty old, and old people don’t often + outlive the cautious pace of the professional detective when + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">202</a></span> + he + has got his clues together and is out on his still-hunt.” + </p> + <p> + Blake’s dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he + could set his retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was + saying, with placid indifference of manner and voice— + </p> + <p> + “Who got the reward, Pudd’nhead?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come. + </p> + <p> + “What reward?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, the reward for the thief, + and the other one for the knife.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson answered—and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his hesitating + fashion of delivering himself— + </p> + <p> + “Well, the—well, in fact, nobody has claimed it yet.” + </p> + <p> + Tom seemed surprised. + </p> + <p> + “Why, is that so?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied— + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it’s so. And what of it?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, nothing. Only I thought you had struck out a new idea, + and invented a scheme that was going to revolutionize the time-worn + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">203</a></span> + and ineffectual methods of the—” He stopped, and + turned to Blake, who was happy now that another had taken his + place on the gridiron: “Blake, didn’t you understand him + to intimate that it wouldn’t be necessary for you to hunt + the old woman down?” + </p> + <p> + “B’George, he said he’d have thief and swag both + inside of three days—he did, by hokey! and that’s just + about a week ago. Why, I said at the time that no thief and no + thief’s pal was going to try to pawn or sell a thing where + he knowed the pawnbroker could get both rewards by taking + <i>him</i> into camp <i>with</i> the swag. It was the blessedest idea + that ever <i>I</i> struck!” + </p> + <p> + “You’d change your mind,” said Wilson, with + irritated bluntness, “if you knew the entire scheme + instead of only part of it.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said the constable, pensively, “I had the idea + that it wouldn’t work, and up to now I’m right anyway.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a further + show. It has worked at least as well as your own methods, + you perceive.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">204</a></span> + The constable hadn’t anything handy to hit back with, + so he discharged a discontented sniff, and said nothing. + </p> + <p> + After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme at his house, + Tom had tried for several days to guess out the secret of the rest of it, + but had failed. Then it occurred to him to give Roxana’s smarter + head a chance at it. He made up a supposititious case, and laid it before + her. She thought it over, and delivered her verdict upon it. Tom said to + himself, “She’s hit it, sure!” He thought he would + test that verdict, now, and watch Wilson’s face; + so he said reflectively— + </p> + <p> + “Wilson, you’re not a fool—a fact of recent discovery. + Whatever your scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake’s opinion to + the contrary notwithstanding. I don’t ask you to reveal it, but I + will suppose a case—a case which will answer as a + starting-point for the real thing I am going to come at, and that’s + all I want. You offered five hundred dollars for the knife, and five + hundred for the thief. We will suppose, for argument’s sake, that + the first reward is <i>advertised</i> and the second + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">205</a></span> + offered by <i>private letter</i> to pawnbrokers and—” + </p> + <p> + Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out— + </p> + <p> + “By Jackson, he’s got you, Pudd’nhead! Now why + couldn’t I or <i>any</i> fool have thought of that?” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said to himself, “Anybody with a reasonably good head + would have thought of it. I am not surprised that Blake didn’t + detect it; I am only surprised that Tom did. There is more to him than I + supposed.” He said nothing aloud, and Tom went on: + </p> + <p> + “Very well. The thief would not suspect that there was a trap, + and he would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, + or found it in the road, or something like that, and try to collect the + reward, and be arrested—wouldn’t he?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Wilson. + </p> + <p> + “I think so,” said Tom. “There can’t be any + doubt of it. Have you ever seen that knife?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “Has any friend of yours?” + </p> + <p> + “Not that I know of.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">206</a></span> + “Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme failed.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean, Tom? What are you driving at?” + asked Wilson, with a dawning sense of discomfort. + </p> + <p> + “Why, that there <i>isn’t</i> any such knife.” + </p> + <p> + “Look here, Wilson,” said Blake, + “Tom Driscoll’s right, for a thousand + dollars—if I had it.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson’s blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had been + played upon by those strangers; it certainly had something of that + look. But what could they gain by it? He threw out that suggestion. + Tom replied: + </p> + <p> + “Gain? Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe. But they + are strangers making their way in a new community. Is it nothing to + them to appear as pets of an Oriental prince—at no expense? + Is it nothing to them to be able to dazzle this poor little town with + thousand-dollar rewards—at no expense? Wilson, there isn’t + any such knife, or your scheme would have fetched it to light. Or if + there is any such knife, they’ve got it yet. I believe, myself, + that they’ve seen such a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">207</a></span> + knife, for Angelo pictured it out with his pencil too swiftly and + handily for him to have been inventing it, and of course I can’t + swear that they’ve never had it; but this I’ll go bail + for—if they had it when they came to this town, + they’ve got it yet.” + </p> + <p> + Blake said— + </p> + <p> + “It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it + most certainly does.” + </p> + <p> + Tom responded, turning to leave— + </p> + <p> + “You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can’t furnish + the knife, go and search the twins!” + </p> + <p> + Tom sauntered away. Wilson felt a good deal depressed. He hardly knew what + to think. He was loath to withdraw his faith from the twins, and was + resolved not to do it on the present indecisive evidence; but—well, + he would think, and then decide how to act. + </p> + <p> + “Blake, what do you think of this matter?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, Pudd’nhead, I’m bound to say I put it up + the way Tom does. They hadn’t the knife; or if they had it, + they’ve got it yet.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">208</a></span> + The men parted. Wilson said to himself: + </p> + <p> + “I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the scheme + would have restored it, that is certain. And so I believe + they’ve got it yet.” + </p> + <p> + Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those two men. When he + began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them a little and get a trifle + of malicious entertainment out of it. But when he left, he left in great + spirits, for he perceived that just by pure luck and no troublesome labor + he had accomplished several delightful things: he had touched both men on + a raw spot and seen them squirm; he had modified Wilson’s + sweetness for the twins with one small bitter taste that he wouldn’t + be able to get out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, he had taken + the hated twins down a peg with the community; for Blake would gossip + around freely, after the manner of detectives, and within a week the town + would be laughing at them in its sleeve for offering a gaudy reward for a + bauble which they either never possessed or hadn’t lost. Tom was + very well satisfied with himself. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">209</a></span> + Tom’s behavior at home had been perfect during the entire week. + His uncle and aunt had seen nothing like it before. They could find no + fault with him anywhere. + </p> + <p> + Saturday evening he said to the Judge— + </p> + <p> + “I’ve had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I am + going away, and might never see you again, I can’t bear it any + longer. I made you believe I was afraid to fight that Italian adventurer. + I had to get out of it on some pretext or other, and maybe I chose badly, + being taken unawares, but no honorable person could consent to meet him + in the field, knowing what I knew about him.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed? What was that?” + </p> + <p> + “Count Luigi is a confessed assassin.” + </p> + <p> + “Incredible!” + </p> + <p> + “It’s perfectly true. Wilson detected it in his hand, + by palmistry, and charged him with it, and cornered him up so close + that he had to confess; but both twins begged us on their knees to + keep the secret, and swore they would lead straight lives here; and + it was all so pitiful that we gave our word of honor never to expose + them while they kept that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">210</a></span> + promise. You would have done it yourself, uncle.” + </p> + <p> + “You are right, my boy; I would. A man’s secret is + still his own property, and sacred, when it has been surprised out of + him like that. You did well, and I am proud of you.” Then he + added mournfully, “But I wish I could have been saved the + shame of meeting an assassin on the field of honor.” + </p> + <p> + “It couldn’t be helped, uncle. If I had known you were + going to challenge him I should have felt obliged to sacrifice + my pledged word in order to stop it, but Wilson couldn’t be + expected to do otherwise than keep silent.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no; Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. Tom, + Tom, you have lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung + to the very soul when I seemed to have discovered that I had + a coward in my family.” + </p> + <p> + “You may imagine what it cost <i>me</i> to assume such a part, + uncle.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it. And I can understand how + much it has cost you to remain under that unjust stigma to this time. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">211</a></span> + But it is all right now, and no harm is done. You have restored my + comfort of mind, and with it your own; and both of us had + suffered enough.” + </p> + <p> + The old man sat awhile plunged in thought; then he looked up with a + satisfied light in his eye, and said: “That this assassin + should have put the affront upon me of letting me meet him on the + field of honor as if he were a gentleman is a matter which I will + presently settle—but not now. I will not shoot him until + after election. I see a way to ruin them both before; I will attend + to that first. Neither of them shall be elected, that I promise. + You are sure that the fact that he is an assassin has not got + abroad?” + </p> + <p> + “Perfectly certain of it, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “It will be a good card. I will fling a hint at it from + the stump on the polling-day. It will sweep the ground from + under both of them.” + </p> + <p> + “There’s not a doubt of it. It will finish them.” + </p> + <p> + “That and outside work among the voters will, to a certainty. + I want you to come + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">212</a></span> + down here by and by and work privately among the rag-tag and bobtail. + You shall spend money among them; I will furnish it.” + </p> + <p> + Another point scored against the detested twins! Really it was a great day + for Tom. He was encouraged to chance a parting shot, now, at the same + target, and did it. + </p> + <p> + “You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins have been + making such a to-do about? Well, there’s no track or trace of it + yet; so the town is beginning to sneer and gossip and laugh. Half the + people believe they never had any such knife, the other half believe + they had it and have got it still. I’ve heard twenty people + talking like that to-day.” + </p> + <p> + Yes, Tom’s blemishless week had restored him to the favor + of his aunt and uncle. + </p> + <p> + His mother was satisfied with him, too. Privately, she believed she was + coming to love him, but she did not say so. She told him to go along to + St. Louis, now, and she would get ready and follow. Then she smashed her + whisky bottle and said— + </p> + <p> + “Dah now! I’s a-gwyne to make you + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">213</a></span> + walk as straight as a string, Chambers, en so I’s bown’ you + ain’t gwyne to git no bad example out o’ yo’ mammy. I + tole you you couldn’t go into no bad comp’ny. Well, + you’s gwyne into my comp’ny, en I’s gwyne to + fill de bill. Now, den, trot along, trot along!” + </p> + <p> + Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that night with his heavy + satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept the sleep of the unjust, which + is serener and sounder than the other kind, as we know by the hanging-eve + history of a million rascals. But when he got up in the morning, luck was + against him again: A brother-thief had robbed him while he slept, and gone + ashore at some intermediate landing. + </p> + <hr /> + + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">214</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XVI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Sold Down the River.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he + will not bite you. This is the principal difference between + a dog and a man.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about + the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the + habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have + been choosing the wrong time for studying the + oyster.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">When</span> Roxana arrived, she found her son in such + despair and misery that her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up + strong in her. He was ruined past hope, now; his destruction would be + immediate and sure, and he would be an outcast and friendless. That was + reason enough for a mother to love a child; so she loved him, and told him + so. It made him wince, secretly—for she was a “nigger.” + That he was one himself was far from reconciling him to that despised + race. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">215</a></span> + Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he responded + uncomfortably, but as well as he could. And she tried to comfort him, but + that was not possible. These intimacies quickly became horrible to him, + and within the hour he began to try to get up courage enough to tell her + so, and require that they be discontinued or very considerably modified. + But he was afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull, now, for she had + begun to think. She was trying to invent a saving plan. Finally she + started up, and said she had found a way out. Tom was almost suffocated by + the joy of this sudden good news. Roxana said: + </p> + <p> + + “Here is de plan, en she’ll win, sure. I’s a nigger, + en nobody ain’t gwyne to doubt it dat hears me talk. I’s + wuth six hund’d dollahs. Take en sell me, en pay off dese + gamblers.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was dazed. He was not sure he had heard aright. He was dumb for a + moment; then he said: + </p> + <p> + “Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save me?” + </p> + <p> + “Ain’t you my chile? En does you know + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">216</a></span> + anything dat a + mother won’t do for her chile? Day ain’t nothin’ a + white mother won’t do for her chile. Who made ’em so? De + Lord done it. En who made de niggers? De Lord made ’em. In + de inside, mothers is all de same. De good Lord he made ’em so. + I’s gwyne to be sole into slavery, en in a year you’s gwyne + to buy yo’ ole mammy free ag’in. I’ll show you how. + Dat’s de plan.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with them. + He said— + </p> + <p> + “It’s lovely of you, mammy—it’s just—” + </p> + <p> + “Say it ag’in! En keep on sayin’ + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Changed ? to !">it!</ins> + It’s all de pay a body kin want in dis worl’, en it’s + mo’ den enough. Laws bless you, honey, when I’s slavin’ + aroun’, en dey ’buses me, if I knows you’s + a-sayin’ dat, ’way off yonder somers, it’ll heal up all + de sore places, en I kin stan’ ’em.” + </p> + <p> + “I <i>do</i> say it again, mammy, and I’ll keep on + saying it, too. But how am I going to sell you? + You’re free, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Much diff’rence dat make! White folks ain’t + partic’lar. De law kin sell me now if dey tell me to leave de State + in six months + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">217</a></span> + en I don’t go. You draw up a paper—bill + o’ sale—en put it ’way off yonder, down in de middle + o’ Kaintuck somers, en sign some names to it, en say you’ll + sell me cheap ’ca’se you’s hard up; you’ll find + you ain’t gwyne to have no trouble. You take me up de country a + piece, en sell me on a farm; dem people ain’t gwyne to ask no + questions if I’s a bargain.” + </p> + <p> + Tom forged a bill of sale and sold his mother to an Arkansas + cotton-planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. He did not want to + commit this treachery, but luck threw the man in his way, and this saved + him the necessity of going up country to hunt up a purchaser, with the + added risk of having to answer a lot of questions, whereas this planter + was so pleased with Roxy that he asked next to none at all. Besides, the + planter insisted that Roxy wouldn’t know where she was, at first, + and that by the time she found out she would already have become + contented. And Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantage + for Roxy to have a master who was so pleased with + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">218</a></span> + her, as this planter manifestly was. In almost no time his flowing + reasonings carried him to the point of even half believing he was + doing Roxy a splendid surreptitious service in selling her “down + the river.” And then he kept diligently saying to himself all the + time: “It’s for only a year. In a year I buy her free again; + she’ll keep that in mind, and it’ll reconcile her.” + Yes; the little deception could do no harm, and everything would come + out right and pleasant in the end, any way. By agreement, the + conversation in Roxy’s presence was all about the man’s + “upcountry” farm, and how pleasant a place it was, and how + happy the slaves were there; so poor Roxy was entirely deceived; and + easily, for she was not dreaming that her own son could be guilty of + treason to a mother who, in voluntarily going into slavery—slavery + of any kind, mild or severe, or of any duration, brief or long—was + making a sacrifice for him compared with which death would have been a + poor and commonplace one. She lavished tears and loving caresses upon + him privately, and then went away with + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">219</a></span> + her owner—went away broken-hearted, and yet proud of what she was + doing, and glad it was in her power to do it. + </p> + <p> + Tom squared his accounts, and resolved to keep to the very letter of his + reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy again. He had three hundred + dollars left. According to his mother’s plan, he was to put that + safely away, and add her half of his pension to it monthly. In one year + this fund would buy her free again. + </p> + <p> + For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much the villainy which + he had played upon his trusting mother preyed upon his rag of a + conscience; but after that he began to get comfortable again, and was + presently able to sleep like any other miscreant. + </p> + <hr class="break" /> + <p> + The boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the afternoon, and she + stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle-box and watched Tom through a + blur of tears until he melted into the throng of people and disappeared; + then she looked no more, but + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">220</a></span> + sat there on a coil of cable crying till far into the night. When she + went to her foul steerage-bunk at last, between the clashing engines, + it was not to sleep, but only to wait for the morning, and, waiting, + grieve. + </p> + <p> + It had been imagined that she “would not know,” and + would think she was traveling up stream. She! Why, she had been + steamboating for years. At dawn she got up and went listlessly and + sat down on the cable-coil again. She passed many a snag whose + “break” could have told her a thing to break her + heart, for it showed a current moving in the same direction that + the boat was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did + not notice. But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break than + usual brought her out of her torpor, and she looked up, and her + practised eye fell upon that telltale rush of water. For one + moment her petrified gaze fixed itself there. Then her head dropped + upon her breast, and she said— + </p> + <p> + “Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po’ sinful + me—<i>I’s sole down de river!</i>” + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">221</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XVII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Judge Utters Dire Prophecy.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, + you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and + by you only regret that you didn’t see him do + it.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>July 4</i>. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day + than in all the other days of the year put together. This + proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July + per year is now inadequate, the country has grown + so.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> summer weeks dragged by, and then the + political campaign opened—opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed + hotter and hotter daily. The twins threw themselves into it with their + whole heart, for their self-love was engaged. Their popularity, so general + at first, had suffered afterward; mainly because they had been + <i>too</i> popular, and so a natural reaction had followed. Besides, + it had been diligently whispered around that it + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">222</a></span> + was curious—indeed, <i>very</i> curious—that that wonderful + knife of theirs did not turn up—<i>if</i> it was so valuable, + or <i>if</i> it had ever existed. And with the whisperings went + chucklings and nudgings and winks, and such things have an effect. + The twins considered that success in the election would reinstate them, + and that defeat would work them irreparable damage. Therefore they + worked hard, but not harder than Judge Driscoll and Tom worked against + them in the closing days of the canvas. Tom’s conduct had remained + so letter-perfect during two whole months, now, that his uncle not only + trusted him with money with which to persuade voters, but trusted him to + go and get it himself out of the safe in the private sitting-room. + </p> + <p> + The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge Driscoll, + and he made it against both of the foreigners. It was disastrously + effective. He poured out rivers of ridicule upon them, and forced + the big mass-meeting to laugh and applaud. He scoffed at them as + adventurers, mountebanks, side-show riff-raff, dime museum freaks; + he assailed + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">223</a></span> + their showy titles with measureless derision; he said + they were back-alley barbers disguised as nobilities, + peanut peddlers masquerading as gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft + of their brother monkey. At last he stopped and stood still. He + waited until the place had become absolutely silent and expectant, + then he delivered his deadliest shot; delivered it + with ice-cold seriousness and deliberation, with a significant + emphasis upon the closing words: he said that he believed that + the reward offered for the lost knife was humbug and buncombe, + and that its owner would know where to find it whenever he + should have occasion <i>to assassinate somebody</i>. + </p> + <p> + Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and impressive hush + behind him instead of the customary explosion of cheers and party cries. + </p> + <p> + The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and made an + extraordinary sensation. Everybody was asking, “What could he + mean by that?” And everybody went on asking that question, + but in vain; for the Judge only said he knew what he was talking + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">224</a></span> + about, and stopped there; Tom said he hadn’t any idea what his + uncle meant, and Wilson, whenever he was asked what he thought it meant, + parried the question by asking the questioner what <i>he</i> thought + it meant. + </p> + <p> + Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated—crushed, in fact, and + left forlorn and substantially friendless. Tom went back to St. Louis + happy. + </p> + <p> + Dawson’s Landing had a week of repose, now, and it needed it. + But it was in an expectant state, for the air was full of rumors of + a new duel. Judge Driscoll’s election labors had prostrated him, + but it was said that as soon as he was well enough to entertain a + challenge he would get one from Count Luigi. + </p> + <p> + The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed their humiliation + in privacy. They avoided the people, and went out for exercise only late + at night, when the streets were deserted. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0018" id="link2HCH0018"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">225</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XVIII.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Roxana Commands.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of + the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth + staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone + by.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>Thanksgiving Day</i>. Let all give humble, hearty, and + sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji + they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not + become you and me to sneer at Fiji.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> Friday after the election was a rainy one + in St. Louis. It rained all day long, and rained hard, apparently trying + its best to wash that soot-blackened town white, but of course not + succeeding. Toward midnight Tom Driscoll arrived at his lodgings from + the theatre in the heavy downpour, and closed his umbrella and let + himself in; but when he would have shut the door, he found that there was + another person entering—doubtless another lodger; this person + closed the door + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">226</a></span> + and tramped up-stairs behind Tom. Tom found his door in the dark, and + entered it and turned up the gas. When he faced about, lightly whistling, + he saw the back of a man. The man was closing and locking his door for + him. His whistle faded out and he felt uneasy. The man turned around, a + wreck of shabby old clothes, sodden with rain and all a-drip, and showed + a black face under an old slouch hat. Tom was frightened. He tried to + order the man out, but the words refused to come, and the other man got + the start. He said, in a low voice— + </p> + <p> + “Keep still—I’s yo’ mother!” + </p> + <p> + Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out— + </p> + <p> + “It was mean of me, and base—I know it; but I meant it for + the best, I did indeed—I can swear it.” + </p> + <p> + Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he writhed in shame + and went on incoherently babbling self-accusations mixed with pitiful + attempts at explanation and palliation of his crime; then she seated + herself and took off her hat, and her unkept masses + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">227</a></span> + of long brown hair tumbled down about her shoulders. + </p> + <p> + “It ain’t no fault o’ yo’n dat dat + ain’t gray,” she said sadly, noticing the hair. + </p> + <p> + “I know it, I know it! I’m a scoundrel. But I swear I meant + it for the best. It was a mistake, of course, but I thought it was + for the best, I truly did.” + </p> + <p> + Roxana began to cry softly, and presently words began to find their way + out between her sobs. They were uttered lamentingly, rather than + angrily— + </p> + <p> + “Sell a pusson down de river—<i>down the + river!</i>—for de bes’! I wouldn’t treat a dog so! + I is all broke down en wore out, now, en so I reckon it ain’t in + me to storm aroun’ no mo’, like I used to when I ’uz + trompled on en ’bused. I don’t know—but maybe + it’s so. Leastways, I’s suffered so much dat mournin’ + seem to come mo’ handy to me now den stormin’.” + </p> + <p> + These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if they did, that effect + was obliterated by a stronger one—one which removed the heavy weight + of fear which lay upon him, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">228</a></span> + and gave his crushed spirit a most grateful rebound, and filled all his + small soul with a deep sense of relief. But he kept prudently still, and + ventured no comment. There was a voiceless interval of some duration, + now, in which no sounds were heard but the beating of the rain upon the + panes, the sighing and complaining of the winds, and now and then a + muffled sob from Roxana. The sobs became more and more infrequent, and at + last ceased. Then the refugee began to talk again: + </p> + <p> + “Shet down dat light a little. More. More yit. A pusson dat + is hunted don’t like de light. Dah—dat’ll do. I kin see + whah you is, en dat’s enough. I’s gwine to tell you de tale, + en cut it jes as short as I kin, en den I’ll tell you what + you’s got to do. Dat man dat bought me ain’t a bad + man; he’s good enough, as planters goes; en if he could + ’a’ had his way I’d ’a’ be’n a + house servant + in his fambly en be’n comfortable: but his wife she was a Yank, en + not right down good lookin’, en she riz up agin me straight off; so + den dey sent me out to de quarter + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">229</a></span> + ’mongst de common fiel’ + han’s. Dat woman warn’t satisfied even wid dat, but she + worked up de overseer ag’in’ me, she ’uz dat jealous + en hateful; so de overseer he had me out befo’ day in de + mawnin’s en worked me de whole long day as long as dey ’uz + any light to see by; en many’s de lashin’s I got + ’ca’se I couldn’t come up to de work o’ de + stronges’. Dat overseer wuz a Yank, too, outen New Englan’, en + anybody down South kin tell you what dat mean. <i>Dey</i> knows how to + work a nigger to death, en + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change day to dey."> + dey</ins> knows how to whale ’em, + too—whale ’em till dey backs is welted like a washboard. + ’Long at fust my marster say de good word for me to de overseer, + but dat ’uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it out, en arter + dat I jist ketched it at every turn—dey warn’t no mercy for + me no mo’.” + </p> + <p> + Tom’s heart was fired—with fury + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change 'against to against."> + against</ins> the planter’s wife; and he said to himself, + “But for that meddlesome fool, everything would have gone + all right.” He added a deep and bitter curse against her. + </p> + <p> + The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in his face, and + stood thus revealed to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">230</a></span> + Roxana by a white glare of lightning which turned + the somber dusk of the room into dazzling day at that moment. She was + pleased—pleased and grateful; for did not that expression show that + her child was capable of grieving for his mother’s wrongs and of + feeling resentment toward her persecutors?—a thing which she had + been doubting. But her flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out + again and left her spirit dark; for she said to herself, “He sole + me down de river—he can’t feel for a body long: dis’ll + pass en go.” Then she took up her tale again. + </p> + <p> + “’Bout ten days ago I ’uz sayin’ to myself dat + I couldn’t las’ many mo’ weeks I ’uz so wore out + wid de awful work en de lashin’s, en so downhearted en misable. En + I didn’t care no mo’, nuther—life warn’t + wuth noth’n’ to me, if I got to go on like dat. Well, when + a body is in a frame o’ mine like dat, what do a body care what a + body do? Dey was a little sickly nigger wench ’bout ten year ole + dat ’uz good to me, en hadn’t no mammy, po’ thing, en + I loved her en she loved me; en she come out whah I ’uz + workin ’en she had + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">231</a></span> + a roasted tater, en tried to slip it to me,—robbin’ herself, + you see, ’ca’se she knowed de overseer didn’t gimme + enough to eat,—en he ketched her at it, en give her a lick acrost + de back wid his stick, which ’uz as thick as a broom-handle, en + she drop’ screamin’ on de groun’, en squirmin’ + en wallerin’ aroun’ in de dust like a spider dat’s + got crippled. I couldn’t stan’ it. All de hell-fire dat + ’uz ever in my heart flame’ up, en I snatch de stick outen + his han’ en laid him flat. He laid dah moanin’ en + cussin’, en all out of his head, you know, en de niggers ’uz + plumb sk’yred to death. Dey gathered roun’ him to + he’p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took out for de river + as tight as I could go. I knowed what dey would do wid me. Soon as he got + well he would start in en work me to death if marster let him; en if + dey didn’t do dat, they’d sell me furder down de river, + en dat’s de same thing. So I ’lowed to drown myself en git + out o’ my troubles. It ’uz gitt’n’ towards dark. + I ’uz at de river in two minutes. Den I see a canoe, en I says dey + ain’t no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I ties de hoss in de + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">232</a></span> + edge o’ de timber en shove out down de river, keepin’ in + under de shelter o’ de bluff bank en prayin’ for de dark to + shet down quick. I had a pow’ful good start, ’ca’se de + big house ’uz three mile back f’om de river en on’y de + work-mules to ride dah on, en on’y niggers to ride ’em, en + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change day to dey."><i>dey</i></ins> + warn’t gwine to hurry—dey’d gimme all de + chance dey could. Befo’ a body could go to de house en back it + would be long pas’ dark, en dey couldn’t track de + hoss en fine out which way I went tell mawnin’, en de niggers + would tell ’em all de lies dey could ’bout it. + </p> + <p> + “Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin’ down de river. + I paddled mo’n two hours, den I warn’t worried no mo’, + so I quit paddlin, en floated down de current, considerin’ + what I ’uz gwine to do if I didn’t have to drown myself. I + made up some plans, en floated along, turnin’ ’em over in my + mine. Well, when it ’uz a little pas’ midnight, as I reckoned, + en I had come fifteen or twenty mile, I see de lights o’ a steamboat + layin’ at de bank, whah dey warn’t no town en no woodyard, + en putty soon I ketched de shape + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">233</a></span> + o’ de chimbly-tops ag’in’ de stars, en + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change de to den."> + den</ins> + good + gracious me, I ’most jumped out o’ my skin for joy! It + ’uz de <i>Gran’ Mogul</i>—I ’uz chambermaid on her + for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en Orleans trade. I slid ’long + pas’—don’t see nobody stirrin’ nowhah—hear + ’em a-hammerin’ away in de engine-room, den I knowed what de + matter was—some o’ de machinery’s broke. I got + asho’ below de boat and turn’ de canoe loose, den I goes + ’long up, en dey ’uz jes one plank out, en I step’ + ’board de boat. It ’uz pow’ful hot, deckhan’s en + roustabouts ’uz sprawled aroun’ asleep on de + fo’cas’l’, de second mate, Jim Bangs, he sot dah on de + bitts wid his head down, asleep—’ca’se dat’s de + way de second mate stan’ de cap’n’s watch!—en de + ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he ’uz a-noddin’ on de + companionway;—en I knowed ’em all; ’en, lan’, + but dey did look good! I says to myself, I wished old marster’d + come along <i>now</i> en try to take me—bless yo’ + heart, I’s ’mong frien’s, I is. So I tromped right + along ’mongst ’em, en went up on de b’iler deck en + ’way back aft to de ladies’ cabin guard, en sot down dah in + de + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">234</a></span> + same cheer dat I’d sot in ’mos’ a hund’d + million times, I reckon; en it ’uz jist home ag’in, + I tell you! + </p> + <p> + “In ’bout an hour I heard de ready-bell jingle, en den de + racket begin. Putty soon I hear de gong strike. ‘Set her back on + de outside,’ I says to myself—‘I reckon I knows dat + music!’ I hear de gong ag’in. ‘Come ahead on + de inside,’ I says. Gong ag’in. ‘Stop de outside.’ + Gong ag’in. ‘Come ahead on de outside—now we’s + pinted for Sent Louis, en I’s outer de woods en ain’t got to + drown myself at all.’ I knowed de <i>Mogul</i> ’uz in de Sent + Louis trade now, you see. It ’uz jes fair daylight when we passed + our plantation, en I seed a gang o’ niggers en white folks + huntin’ up en down de sho’, en troublin’ deyselves a + good deal ’bout me; but I warn’t troublin’ myself + none ’bout dem. + </p> + <p> + + “’Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second + chambermaid en ’uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, + en ’uz pow’ful glad to see me, en so ’uz all de + officers; en I tole ’em I’d got kidnapped en sole down de + river, en dey made me up + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">235</a></span> + twenty dollahs en give it to me, en Sally + she rigged me out wid good clo’es, en when I got here I went + straight to whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say + you’s away but ’spected back every day; so I didn’t + dast to go down de river to Dawson’s, ’ca’se I might + miss you. + </p> + <p> + “Well, las’ Monday I ’uz pass’n’ + by one o’ dem places in Fourth street whah deh sticks up + runaway-nigger bills, en he’ps to ketch ’em, en I + seed my marster! I ’mos’ flopped down on de + groun’, I felt so gone. He had his back to me, en + ’uz talkin’ to de man en givin’ him some + bills—nigger-bills, I reckon, en I’se de nigger. + He’s offerin’ a reward—dat’s it. + Ain’t I right, don’t you reckon?” + </p> + <p> + Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly terror, and he said + to himself, now: “I’m lost, no matter what turn things + take! This man has said to me that he thinks there was something + suspicious about that sale. He said he had a letter from a passenger on + the <i>Grand Mogul</i> saying that Roxy came here on that boat and that + everybody on board knew all about the case; so + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">236</a></span> + he says that her coming here instead of flying to a free State looks bad + for me, and that if I don’t find her for him, and that pretty soon, + he will make trouble for me. I never believed that story; I couldn’t + believe she would be so dead to all motherly instincts as to come here, + knowing the risk she would run of getting me into irremediable trouble. + And after all, here she is! And I stupidly swore I would help him find + her, thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to promise. If I venture to + deliver her up, she—she—but how can I help myself? I’ve + got to do that or pay the money, and where’s the money to come from? + I—I—well, I should think that if he would swear to treat her + kindly hereafter—and she says, herself, that he is a good + man—and if he would swear to never allow her to be overworked, + or ill fed, or—” + </p> + <p> + A flash of lightning exposed Tom’s pallid face, drawn and rigid + with these worrying thoughts. Roxana spoke up sharply now, and there + was apprehension in her voice— + </p> + <p> + “Turn up dat light! I want to see yo’ face better. + Dah now—lemme look at you. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">237</a></span> + Chambers, you’s as white as + yo’ shirt! Has you see dat man? Has he be’n to + see you?” + </p> + <p> + “Ye-s.” + </p> + <p> + “When?” + </p> + <p> + “Monday noon.” + </p> + <p> + “Monday noon! Was he on my track?” + </p> + <p> + “He—well, he thought he was. That is, he hoped he was. + This is the bill you saw.” He took it out of his pocket. + </p> + <p> + “Read it to me!” + </p> + <p> + + She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky glow in her eyes + that Tom could not translate with certainty, but there seemed to be + something threatening about it. The handbill had the usual rude woodcut of + a turbaned negro woman running, with the customary bundle on a stick over + her shoulder, and the heading in bold type, “$100 + <span class="smcap">Reward.</span>” Tom read the bill aloud—at + least the part that described Roxana and named the master and his St. + Louis address and the address of the Fourth-street agency; but he left out + the item that applicants for the reward might also apply to Mr. + Thomas Driscoll. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">238</a></span> + “Gimme de bill!” + </p> + <p> + Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket. He felt a chilly + streak creeping down his back, but said as carelessly as he could— + </p> + <p> + “The bill? Why, it isn’t any use to you, you can’t + read it. What do you want with it?” + </p> + <p> + “Gimme de bill!” Tom gave it to her, but with a reluctance + which he could not entirely disguise. “Did you read it + <i>all</i> to me?” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly I did.” + </p> + <p> + “Hole up yo’ han’ en swah to it.” + </p> + <p> + Tom did it. Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, with her + eyes fixed upon Tom’s face all the while; then she said— + </p> + <p> + “Yo’s lyin’!” + </p> + <p> + “What would I want to lie about it for?” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t know—but you is. Dat’s my opinion, + anyways. But nemmine ’bout dat. When I seed dat man I ’uz + dat sk’yerd dat I could sca’cely wobble home. Den I give a + nigger man a dollar for dese clo’es, en I ain’t be’n + in a house sence, night ner day, till now. I blacked my face en laid + hid in de cellar of a + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">239</a></span> + ole house dat’s burnt down, + daytimes, en robbed de sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de + wharf, nights, to git somethin’ to eat, en never dast to try + to buy noth’n’, en I’s ’mos’ starved. + En I never dast to come near dis place till dis rainy night, when + dey ain’t no people roun’ sca’cely. But to-night I + be’n a-stannin’ in de dark alley ever sence + night come, waitin’ for you to go by. En here I is.” + </p> + <p> + She fell to thinking. Presently she said— + </p> + <p> + “You seed dat man at noon, las’ Monday?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “I seed him de middle o’ dat arternoon. He + hunted you up, didn’t he?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Did he give you de bill dat time?” + </p> + <p> + “No, he hadn’t got it printed yet.” + </p> + <p> + Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. + </p> + <p> + “Did you he’p him fix up de bill?” + </p> + <p> + Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried to rectify it + by saying he remembered, now, that it <i>was</i> at noon Monday that the + man gave him the bill. Roxana said— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">240</a></span> + “You’s lyin’ ag’in, sho.” + Then she straightened up and raised her finger: + </p> + <p> + + “Now den! I’s gwine to ask you a question, en I wants to + know how you’s gwine to git aroun’ it. You knowed he + ’uz arter me; en if you run off, ’stid o’ stayin’ + here to he’p him, he’d know dey ’uz somethin’ + wrong ’bout dis business, en den he would inquire ’bout you, + en dat would take him to yo’ uncle, en yo’ uncle would read + de bill en see dat you be’n sellin’ a free nigger down de + river, en you know <i>him</i>, I reckon! He’d t’ar up de will + en kick you outen de house. Now, den, you answer me dis question: + hain’t you tole dat man dat I would be sho’ to come here, + en den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch me?” + </p> + <p> + Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any + longer—he was in a vise, with the screw turned on, and out of + it there was no budging. His face began to take on an ugly look, and + presently he said, with a snarl— + </p> + <p> + “Well, what could I do? You see, yourself, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">241</a></span> + that I was in his grip + and couldn’t get out.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she said— + </p> + <p> + “What could you do? You could be Judas to yo’ own mother + to save yo’ wuthless hide! Would anybody b’lieve it? + No—a dog couldn’t! You is de low-downest orneriest + hound dat was ever pup’d into dis worl’—en + I’s ’sponsible for it!”—and she spat on him. + </p> + <p> + He made no effort to resent this. Roxy reflected a moment, then she + said— + </p> + <p> + “Now I’ll tell you what you’s gwine to do. You’s + gwine to give dat man de money dat you’s got laid up, en make + him wait till you kin go to de Judge en git de res’ en buy me + free agin.” + </p> + <p> + “Thunder! what are you thinking of? Go and ask him for three hundred + dollars and odd? What would I tell him I want with it, pray?” + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s answer was delivered in a serene and level voice— + </p> + <p> + “You’ll tell him you’s sole me to pay yo’ + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">242</a></span> + gamblin’ debts en dat you lied to me en was a villain, + en dat I ’quires you to git dat money en buy me + back ag’in.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, you’ve gone stark mad! He would tear the will to shreds + in a minute—don’t you know that?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I does.” + </p> + <p> + “Then you don’t believe I’m + idiot enough to go to him, do you?” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t b’lieve nothin’ ’bout + it—I <i>knows</i> you’s a-goin’. I knows it + ’ca’se you knows dat if you don’t raise dat + money I’ll go to him myself, en den he’ll sell + <i>you</i> down de river, en you kin see how you like it!” + </p> + <p> + Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil light in his eye. + He strode to the door and said he must get out of this suffocating place + for a moment and clear his brain in the fresh air so that he could + determine what to do. The door wouldn’t open. Roxy smiled grimly, + and said— + </p> + <p> + “I’s got de key, honey—set down. You needn’t + cle’r up yo’ brain none to fine out what you gwine to + do—<i>I</i> knows what you’s gwine to do.” + Tom sat down and began to pass his + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">243</a></span> + hands through his hair with a helpless and desperate air. Roxy said, + “Is dat man in dis house?” + </p> + <p> + Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked— + </p> + <p> + “What gave you such an idea?” + </p> + <p> + “You done it. Gwine out to cle’r yo’ brain! In de fust + place you ain’t got none to cle’r, en in de second place + yo’ ornery eye tole on you. You’s de low-downest hound dat + ever—but I done tole you dat befo’. Now den, dis is Friday. + You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you’s gwine away to git + de res’ o’ de money, en dat you’ll be back wid it + nex’ Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. You understan’?” + </p> + <p> + Tom answered sullenly— + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “En when you gits de new bill o’ sale dat sells me to my + own self, take en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd’nhead Wilson, + en write on de back dat he’s to keep it tell I come. + You understan’?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">244</a></span> + “Dat’s all den. Take yo’ umbreller, + en put on yo’ hat.” + </p> + <p> + “Why?” + </p> + <p> + “Beca’se you’s gwine to see me home to de wharf. + You see dis knife? I’s toted it aroun’ sence de day I + seed dat man en bought dese clo’es en it. If he ketch me, + I’s gwine to kill myself wid it. Now start along, en go + sof’, en lead de way; en if you gives a sign in dis house, + or if anybody comes up to you in de street, I’s gwine to + jam it right into you. Chambers, does you b’lieve me when + I says dat?” + </p> + <p> + “It’s no use to bother me with that question. + I know your word’s good.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it’s diff’rent from yo’n! Shet de light + out en move along—here’s de key.” + </p> + <p> + They were not followed. Tom trembled every time a late straggler brushed + by them on the street, and half expected to feel the cold steel in his + back. Roxy was right at his heels and always in reach. After tramping a + mile they reached a wide vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this dark + and rainy desert they parted. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">245</a></span> + As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts and wild plans; + but at last he said to himself, wearily— + </p> + <p> + “There is but the one way out. I must follow her plan. But + with a variation—I will not ask for the money and ruin myself; + I will <i>rob</i> the old skinflint.” + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">246</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XIX.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Prophecy Realized.</p> + <p class="pullquote"> + Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of + a good example.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + It were not best that we should all think alike; it is + difference of opinion that makes horse-races.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Dawson’s Landing</span> was comfortably + finishing its season of dull repose and waiting patiently for the duel. + Count Luigi was waiting, too; but not patiently, rumor said. Sunday came, + and Luigi insisted on having his challenge conveyed. Wilson carried it. + Judge Driscoll declined to fight with an assassin—“that + is,” he added significantly, “in the field of honor.” + </p> + <p> + Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready. Wilson tried to convince him that + if he had been present himself when Angelo told about the homicide + committed by Luigi, he would not have considered the act discreditable to + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">247</a></span> + Luigi; but the obstinate old man was not to be moved. + </p> + <p> + Wilson went back to his principal and reported the failure of his mission. + Luigi was incensed, and asked how it could be that the old gentleman, who + was by no means dull-witted, held his trifling nephew’s evidence + and inferences to be of more value than Wilson’s. But Wilson + laughed, and said— + </p> + <p> + “That is quite simple; that is easily explicable. I am not his + doll—his baby—his infatuation: his nephew is. The Judge and + his late wife never had any children. The Judge and his wife were past + middle age when this treasure fell into their lap. One must make + allowances for a parental instinct that has been starving for + twenty-five or thirty years. It is famished, it is crazed with hunger + by that time, and will be entirely satisfied with anything that comes + handy; its taste is atrophied, it can’t tell mud-cat from shad. + A devil born to a young couple is measurably recognizable by them as + a devil before long, but a devil adopted by an old couple is an angel + to them, and remains so, through thick + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">248</a></span> + and thin. Tom is this old man’s angel; he is infatuated with him. + Tom can persuade him into things which other people can’t—not + all things; I don’t mean that, but a good many—particularly + one class of things: the things that create or abolish personal + partialities or prejudices in the old man’s mind. The old man liked + both of you. Tom conceived a hatred for you. That was enough; it turned + the old man around at once. The oldest and strongest friendship must go + to the ground when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at + it.” + </p> + <p> + “It’s a curious philosophy,” said Luigi. + </p> + <p> + “It ain’t a philosophy at all—it’s a fact. And + there is something pathetic and beautiful about it, too. I think there is + nothing more pathetic than to see one of these poor old childless + couples taking a menagerie of yelping little worthless dogs to their + hearts; and then adding some cursing and squawking parrots and a + jackass-voiced macaw; and next a couple of hundred screeching + song-birds, and presently some fetid guinea-pigs and rabbits, and a + howling colony of cats. It + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">249</a></span> + is all a groping and ignorant effort to construct out of base metal + and brass filings, so to speak, something to take the place of that + golden treasure denied them by Nature, a child. But this is a digression. + The unwritten law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll on + sight, and he and the community will expect that attention at your + hands—though of course your own death by his bullet will answer + every purpose. Look out for him! Are you heeled—that is, + fixed?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, he shall have his opportunity. If he attacks me I will + respond.” + </p> + <p> + As Wilson was leaving, he said— + </p> + <p> + “The Judge is still a little used up by his campaign work, + and will not get out for a day or so; but when he does get out, + you want to be on the alert.” + </p> + <p> + About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, and started on a + long stroll in the veiled moonlight. + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett’s Store, two miles below + Dawson’s, just about half an hour earlier, the only passenger + for that lonely spot, and had walked up the shore + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">250</a></span> + road and entered Judge Driscoll’s house without having + encountered any one either on the road or under the roof. + </p> + <p> + He pulled down his window-blinds and lighted his candle. He laid + off his coat and hat and began his preparations. He unlocked his + trunk and got his suit of girl’s clothes out from under the + male attire in it, and laid it by. Then he blacked his face with + burnt cork and put the cork in his pocket. His plan was, to slip + down to his uncle’s private sitting-room below, pass into + the bedroom, steal the safe-key from the old gentleman’s + clothes, and then go back and rob the safe. He took up his candle + to start. His courage and confidence were high, up to this point, + but both began to waver a little, now. Suppose he should make a + noise, by some accident, and get caught—say, in the act of + opening the safe? Perhaps it would be well to go armed. He took + the Indian knife from its hiding-place, and felt a pleasant + return of his wandering courage. He slipped stealthily down the + narrow stair, his hair rising and his pulses halting at the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">251</a></span> + slightest creak. When he was half-way down, he was disturbed to + perceive that the landing below was touched by a faint glow of + light. What could that mean? Was his uncle still up? No, that + was not likely; he must have left his night-taper there when he + went to bed. Tom crept on down, + pausing at every step to listen. He found the door standing open, + and glanced in. What he saw pleased him beyond measure. His uncle + was asleep on the sofa; on a small table at the head of the sofa + a lamp was burning low, and by it stood the old man’s small + tin cash-box, closed. Near the box was a pile of bank-notes and a + piece of paper covered with figures in pencil. The safe-door was + not open. Evidently the sleeper had wearied himself with work upon + his finances, and was taking a rest. + </p> + <p> + Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his way toward + the pile of notes, stooping low as he went. When he was passing his + uncle, the old man stirred in his sleep, and Tom stopped + instantly—stopped, and softly drew the knife from its sheath, + with his heart thumping, and his eyes fastened upon + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">252</a></span> + his + benefactor’s face. After a moment or two he ventured forward + again—one step—reached for his prize and seized it, + dropping the knife-sheath. Then he felt the old man’s + strong grip upon him, and a wild cry of “Help! help!” + rang in his ear. Without hesitation he drove the knife home—and + was free. Some of the notes escaped from his left hand and fell in the + blood on the floor. He dropped the knife and snatched them up and started + to fly; transferred them to his left hand, and seized the knife again, + in his fright and confusion, but remembered himself and flung it from + him, as being a dangerous witness to carry away with him. + </p> + <p> + He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind him; and as he + snatched his candle and fled upward, the stillness of the night was broken + by the sound of urgent footsteps approaching the house. In another moment + he was in his room and the twins were standing aghast over the body of + the murdered man! + </p> + <p> + Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on his suit of + girl’s clothes, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">253</a></span> + dropped the veil, blew out his light, locked the + room door by which he had just entered, taking the key, passed through + his other door into the back hall, locked that door and kept the key, + then worked his way along in the dark and descended the back stairs. + He was not expecting to meet anybody, for all interest was centered + in the other part of the house, now; his calculation proved correct. + By the time he was passing through the back-yard, Mrs. Pratt, her + servants, and a dozen half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and + the dead, and accessions were still arriving at the front door. + </p> + <p> + As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, three women + came flying from the house on the opposite side of the lane. They + rushed by him and in at the gate, asking him what the trouble was + there, but not waiting for an answer. Tom said to himself, + “Those old maids waited to dress—they did the same thing + the night Stevens’s house burned down next door.” In a few + minutes he was in the haunted house. He lighted a candle and took off + his girl-clothes. There + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">254</a></span> + was blood on him all down his left side, and his right hand was red with + the stains of the blood-soaked notes which he had crushed in it; but + otherwise he was free from this sort of evidence. He cleansed his + hand on the straw, and cleaned most of the smut from his face. Then he + burned his male and female attire to ashes, scattered the ashes, and put + on a disguise proper for a tramp. He blew out his light, went below, and + was soon loafing down the river road with the intent to borrow and use one + of Roxy’s devices. He found a canoe and paddled off down-stream, + setting the canoe adrift as dawn approached, and making his way by land to + the next village, where he kept out of sight till a transient steamer came + along, and then took deck passage for St. Louis. He was ill at ease until + Dawson’s Landing was behind him; then he said to himself, + “All the detectives on earth couldn’t trace me now; + there’s not a vestige of a clue left in the world; that homicide + will take its place with the permanent mysteries, and people + won’t get done trying to guess out the secret of it for + fifty years.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">255</a></span> + In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram in the + papers—dated at Dawson’s Landing: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, was assassinated + here about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman or + barber on account of a quarrel growing out of the recent + election. The assassin will probably be lynched. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “One of the twins!” soliloquized Tom; “how lucky! + It is the knife that has done him this grace. We never know when fortune + is trying to favor us. I actually cursed Pudd’nhead Wilson in my + heart for putting it out of my power to sell that knife. I take it + back, now.” + </p> + <p> + Tom was now rich and independent. He arranged with the planter, and mailed + to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold Roxana to herself; then he + telegraphed his Aunt Pratt: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost + prostrated with grief. Shall start by packet to-day. Try to + bear up till I come. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had gathered such details as + Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd could tell him, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">256</a></span> + he took command as mayor, and gave orders that nothing should be touched, + but everything left as it was until Justice Robinson should arrive and + take the proper measures as coroner. He cleared everybody out of the + room but the twins and himself. The sheriff soon arrived and took the + twins away to jail. Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do + his best in their defense when the case should come to trial. Justice + Robinson came presently, and with him Constable Blake. They examined the + room thoroughly. They found the knife and the sheath. Wilson noticed that + there were finger-prints on the knife-handle. That pleased him, for the + twins had required the earliest comers to make a scrutiny of their hands + and clothes, and neither these people nor Wilson himself had found any + blood-stains upon them. Could there be a possibility that the twins had + spoken the truth when they said they found the man dead when they ran + into the house in answer to the cry for help? He thought of that + mysterious girl at once. But this was not the sort of work for a girl to + be engaged in. No + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">257</a></span> + matter; Tom Driscoll’s room must be examined. + </p> + <p> + After the coroner’s jury had viewed the body and its surroundings, + Wilson suggested a search up-stairs, and he went along. The jury forced an + entrance to Tom’s room, but found nothing, of course. + </p> + <p> + The coroner’s jury found that the homicide was committed by Luigi, + and that Angelo was accessory to it. + </p> + <p> + The town was bitter against the unfortunates, and for the first few days + after the murder they were in constant danger of being lynched. The grand + jury presently indicted Luigi for murder in the first degree, and Angelo + as accessory before the fact. The twins were transferred from the city + jail to the county prison to await trial. + </p> + <p> + Wilson examined the finger-marks on the knife-handle and said to himself, + “Neither of the twins made those marks.” Then + manifestly there was another person concerned, either in his own + interest or as hired assassin. + </p> + <p> + But who could it be? That, he must try to find out. The safe was not + open, the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">258</a></span> + cash-box was closed, and had three thousand dollars in it. Then + robbery was not the motive, and revenge was. Where had the murdered man an + enemy except Luigi? There was but that one person in the world with a deep + grudge against him. + </p> + <p> + The mysterious girl! The girl was a great trial to Wilson. If the motive + had been robbery, the girl might answer; but there wasn’t any girl + that would want to take this old man’s life for revenge. He had no + quarrels with girls; he was a gentleman. + </p> + <p> + Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger-marks of the knife-handle; and + among his glass-records he had a great array of finger-prints of women and + girls, collected during the last fifteen or eighteen years, but he scanned + them in vain, they successfully withstood every test; among them were no + duplicates of the prints on the knife. + </p> + <p> + The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was a worrying + circumstance for Wilson. A week previously he had as good as admitted to + himself that he believed Luigi had possessed such a knife, and that he + still + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">259</a></span> + possessed it notwithstanding his pretense that it had been stolen. And + now here was the knife, and with it the twins. Half the town had said + the twins were humbugging when they claimed that they had lost their + knife, and now these people were joyful, and said, + “I told you so!” + </p> + <p> + If their finger-prints had been on the handle—but it was useless + to bother any further about that; the finger-prints on the handle were + <i>not</i> theirs—that he knew perfectly. + </p> + <p> + Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom couldn’t murder + anybody—he hadn’t character enough; secondly, if he could + murder a person he wouldn’t select his doting benefactor and + nearest relative; thirdly, self-interest was in + the way; for while the uncle lived, Tom was sure of a free support and a + chance to get the destroyed will revived again, but with the uncle gone, + that chance was gone, too. It was true the will had really been revived, + as was now discovered, but Tom could not have been aware of it, or he + would have spoken of it, in his native talky, unsecretive way. Finally, + Tom was in St. Louis when + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">260</a></span> + the murder was done, and got the news out of the morning journals, as was + shown by his telegram to his aunt. These speculations were unemphasized + sensations rather than articulated thoughts, for Wilson would have + laughed at the idea of seriously connecting Tom with the murder. + </p> + <p> + Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate—in fact, about + hopeless. For he argued that if a confederate was not found, an + enlightened Missouri jury would hang them, sure; if a confederate was + found, that would not improve the matter, but simply furnish one more + person for the sheriff to hang. Nothing could save the twins but the + discovery of a person who did the murder on his sole personal + account—an undertaking which had all the aspect of the impossible. + Still, the person who made the finger-prints must be sought. The twins + might have no case <i>with</i> him, but they certainly would have none + without him. + </p> + <p> + So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, guessing, day and + night, and arriving nowhere. Whenever he ran across a girl or a woman he + was not acquainted with, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">261</a></span> + he got her finger-prints, on one pretext or another; and they always cost + him a sigh when he got home, for they never tallied with the finger-marks + on the knife-handle. + </p> + <p> + As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such girl, and did not + remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress like the one described by + Wilson. He admitted that he did not always lock his room, and that + sometimes the servants forgot to lock the house doors; still, in his + opinion the girl must have made but few visits or she would have been + discovered. When Wilson tried to connect her with the stealing-raid, and + thought she might have been the old woman’s confederate, if not + the very thief herself disguised as an old woman, Tom seemed stuck, and + also much interested, and said he would keep a sharp eye out for this + person or persons, although he was afraid that she or they would be too + smart to venture again into a town where everybody would now be on the + watch for a good while to come. + </p> + <p> + Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and sorrowful, and seemed to + feel his great loss so deeply. He was playing a part, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">262</a></span> + but it was not all a part. The picture of his alleged uncle, as he had + last seen him, was before him in the dark pretty frequently, when he was + awake, and called again in his dreams, when he was asleep. He + wouldn’t go into the room where the tragedy had happened. This + charmed the doting Mrs. Pratt, who realized now, “as she had never + done before,” she said, what a sensitive and delicate nature her + darling had, and how he adored his poor uncle. + </p> + <hr /> + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0020" id="link2HCH0020"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">263</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XX.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">The Murderer Chuckles.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence + is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to + be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, + sharpened by any woman: if you have witnesses, you will find + she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect + of the pencil, you will say she did it with her + teeth.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the + jailed twins but their counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of trial + came at last—the heaviest day in Wilson’s life; for with all + his tireless diligence he had discovered no sign or trace of the missing + confederate. “Confederate” was the term he had long ago + privately accepted for that person—not as being unquestionably the + right term, but as being at least possibly the right one, though he was + never able to understand why the twins did not vanish and escape, as + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">264</a></span> + the confederate had done, instead of remaining by the murdered man and + getting caught there. + </p> + <p> + The court-house was crowded, of course, and would remain so to the finish, + for not only in the town itself, but in the country for miles around, the + trial was the one topic of conversation among the people. Mrs. Pratt, in + deep mourning, and Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats near Pembroke + Howard, the public prosecutor, and back of them sat a great array of + friends of the family. The twins had but one friend present to keep their + counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing landlady. She sat near + Wilson, and looked her friendliest. In the “nigger corner” + sat Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, and her bill of sale in + her pocket. It was her most precious possession, and she never parted + with it, day or night. Tom had allowed her thirty-five dollars a month + ever since he came into his property, and had said that he and she ought + to be grateful to the twins for making them rich; but had roused such a + temper in her by + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">265</a></span> + this speech that he did not repeat the argument + afterward. She said the old Judge had treated her child a thousand times + better than he deserved, and had never done her an unkindness in his life; + so she hated these outlandish devils for killing him, and shouldn’t + ever sleep satisfied till she saw them hanged for it. She was here to + watch the trial, now, and was going to lift up just one + “hooraw” over it if the County Judge put her in jail + a year for it. She gave her turbaned head a toss and said, “When + dat verdic’ comes, I’s gwine to lif’ dat <i>roof</i>, + now, I <i>tell</i> you.” + </p> + <p> + Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the State’s case. He said he + would show by a chain of circumstantial evidence without break or fault + in it anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the bar committed the + murder; that the motive was partly revenge, and partly a desire to take + his own life out of jeopardy, and that his brother, by his presence, was a + consenting accessory to the crime; a crime which was the basest known to + the calendar of human misdeeds—assassination; that it was conceived + by the blackest of hearts and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">266</a></span> + consummated by the cowardliest of hands; a + crime which had broken a loving sister’s heart, blighted the + happiness of a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought + inconsolable grief to many friends, and sorrow and loss to the whole + community. The utmost penalty of the outraged law would be exacted, and + upon the accused, now present at the bar, that penalty would + unquestionably be executed. He would reserve further remark until his + closing speech. + </p> + <p> + He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; Mrs. Pratt and + several other women were weeping when he sat down, and many an eye that + was full of hate was riveted upon the unhappy prisoners. + </p> + <p> + Witness after witness was called by the State, and questioned at length; + but the cross-questioning was brief. Wilson knew they could furnish + nothing valuable for his side. People were sorry for Pudd’nhead; + his budding career would get hurt by this trial. + </p> + <p> + Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in his public speech + that the twins would be able to find their lost knife + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">267</a></span> + again when they needed it to assassinate somebody with. This was not + news, but now it was seen to have been sorrowfully prophetic, and a + profound sensation quivered through the hushed court-room when those + dismal words were repeated. + </p> + <p> + The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within his knowledge, + through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on the last day of his + life, that counsel for the defense had brought him a challenge from the + person charged at this bar with murder; that he had refused to fight with + a confessed assassin—“that is, on the field of + honor,” but had added significantly, that he would be ready + for him elsewhere. Presumably the person here charged with murder was + warned that he must kill or be killed the first time he should meet + Judge Driscoll. If counsel for the defense chose to let the statement + stand so, he would not call him to the witness stand. Mr. Wilson said he + would offer no denial. [Murmurs in the house—“It is getting + worse and worse for Wilson’s case.”] + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">268</a></span> + and did not know what woke her up, unless it was the sound of rapid + footsteps approaching the front door. She jumped up and ran out in the + hall just as she was, and heard the footsteps flying up the front steps + and then following behind her as she ran to the sitting-room. There she + found the accused standing over her murdered brother. [Here she broke + down and sobbed. Sensation in the court.] Resuming, she said the persons + entering behind her were Mr. Rogers and Mr. Buckstone. + </p> + <p> + Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed their innocence; + declared that they had been taking a walk, and had hurried to the house in + response to a cry for help which was so loud and strong that they had + heard it at a considerable distance; that they begged her and the + gentlemen just mentioned to examine their hands and clothes—which + was done, and no blood stains found. + </p> + <p> + Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and Buckstone. + </p> + <p> + The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement minutely + describing it and offering + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">269</a></span> + a reward for it was put in evidence, and its exact correspondence with + that description proved. Then followed a few minor details, and the case + for the State was closed. + </p> + <p> + Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses Clarkson, who would + testify that they met a veiled young woman leaving Judge Driscoll’s + premises by the back gate a few minutes after the cries for help were + heard, and that their evidence, taken with certain circumstantial evidence + which he would call the court’s attention to, would in his opinion + convince the court that there was still one person concerned in this crime + who had not yet been found, and also that a stay of proceedings ought to + be granted, in justice to his clients, until that person should be + discovered. As it was late, he would ask leave to defer the examination of + his three witnesses until the next morning. + </p> + <p> + The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away in excited groups + and couples, talking the events of the session over with vivacity and + consuming interest, and everybody seemed to have had a satisfactory and + enjoyable + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">270</a></span> + day except the accused, their counsel, and their old-lady + friend. There was no cheer among these, and no substantial hope. + </p> + <p> + In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good-night with a gay + pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down without finishing. + </p> + <p> + Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, the opening + solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him with a + vague uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the + smallest alarms; but from the moment that the poverty and + weakness of Wilson’s case lay exposed to the court, he + was comfortable once more, even jubilant. He left the court-room + sarcastically sorry for Wilson. “The Clarksons met an + unknown woman in the back lane,” he said to + himself—“<i>that</i> is his case! I’ll give + him a century to find her in—a couple of them if he + likes. A woman who doesn’t exist any longer, and the clothes + that gave her her sex burnt up and the ashes thrown away—oh, + certainly, he’ll find <i>her</i> easy enough!” This + reflection set him to admiring, for the hundredth time, the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">271</a></span> + shrewd ingenuities by which he had insured himself against + detection—more, against even suspicion. + </p> + <p> + “Nearly always in cases like this there is some little detail + or other overlooked, some wee little track or trace left behind, and + detection follows; but here there’s not even the faintest suggestion + of a trace left. No more than a bird leaves when it flies through the + air—yes, through the night, you may say. The man that can track a + bird through the air in the dark and find that bird is the man to track + me out and find the Judge’s assassin—no other need apply. + And that is the job that has been laid out for poor Pudd’nhead + Wilson, of all people in the world! Lord, it will be pathetically funny + to see him grubbing and groping after that woman that don’t exist, + and the right person sitting under his very nose all the time!” + The more he thought the situation over, the more the humor of it struck + him. Finally he said, “I’ll never let him hear the last of + that woman. Every time I catch him in company, to his dying day, + I’ll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">272</a></span> + used to gravel him so when I inquired how his unborn law-business + was coming along, ‘Got on her track yet—hey, + Pudd’nhead?’” He wanted to laugh, but that + would not have answered; there were people about, and he was mourning + for his uncle. He made up his mind that it would be good entertainment + to look in on Wilson that night and watch him worry over his barren + law-case and goad him with an exasperating word or two of sympathy and + commiseration now and then. + </p> + <p> + Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite. He got out all the + finger-prints of girls and women in his collection of records and pored + gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to convince himself that that + troublesome girl’s marks were there somewhere and had been + overlooked. But it was not so. He drew back his chair, clasped his hands + over his head, and gave himself up to dull and arid musings. + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said with a pleasant + laugh as he took a seat— + </p> + <p> + “Hello, we’ve gone back to the amusements + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">273</a></span> + of our days of neglect and obscurity for consolation, have we?” + and he took up one of the glass strips and held it against the light + to inspect it. “Come, cheer up, old man; there’s no use + in losing your grip and going back to this child’s-play merely + because this big sunspot is drifting across your shiny new + disk. It’ll pass, and you’ll be all right + again,”—and he laid the glass down. + “Did you think you could win always?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no,” said Wilson, with a sigh, “I + didn’t expect that, but I can’t believe Luigi killed your + uncle, and I feel very sorry for him. It makes me blue. And you would + feel as I do, Tom, if you were not prejudiced against those young + fellows.” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t know about that,” and Tom’s + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Change countenence to countenance."> + countenance</ins> darkened, for his memory reverted to his kicking; + “I owe them no good will, considering the brunette + one’s treatment of me that night. Prejudice or no prejudice, + Pudd’nhead, I don’t like them, and when they get their + deserts you’re not going to find me sitting on the + mourner’s bench.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">274</a></span> + He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “Why, here’s old Roxy’s label! Are you going to + ornament the royal palaces with nigger paw-marks, too? By the date here, + I was seven months old when this was done, and she was nursing me and her + little nigger cub. There’s a line straight across her thumb-print. + How comes that?” and Tom held out the piece of glass to Wilson. + </p> + <p> + “That is common,” said the bored man, wearily. + “Scar of a cut or a scratch, usually”—and he took + the strip of glass indifferently, and raised it toward the lamp. + </p> + <p> + All the blood sunk suddenly out of his face; his hand quaked, and he gazed + at the polished surface before him with the glassy stare of a corpse. + </p> + <p> + “Great Heavens, what’s the matter with you, Wilson? + Are you going to faint?” + </p> + <p> + Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but Wilson shrank + shuddering from him and said— + </p> + <p> + “No, no!—take it away!” His breast was rising and + falling, and he moved his head + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">275</a></span> + about in a dull and wandering way, like a person who had been stunned. + Presently he said, “I shall feel better when I get to bed; I have + been overwrought to-day; yes, and over worked for many days.” + </p> + <p> + “Then I’ll leave you and let you to get to your rest. + Good-night, old man.” But as Tom went out he couldn’t deny + himself a small parting gibe: “Don’t take it so hard; a body + can’t win every time; you’ll hang somebody yet.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson muttered to himself, “It is no lie to say I am sorry + I have to begin with you, miserable dog though you are!” + </p> + <p> + He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and went to work again. + He did not compare the new finger-marks unintentionally left by Tom a few + minutes before on Roxy’s glass with the tracings of the marks left + on the knife-handle, there being no need for that (for his trained eye), + but busied himself with another matter, muttering from time to time, + “Idiot that I was!—Nothing but a <i>girl</i> would do + me—a man in girl’s clothes never occurred to me.” + First, he hunted out the + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">276</a></span> + plate containing the finger-prints made by Tom when he was twelve years + old, and laid it by itself; then he brought forth the marks made by + Tom’s baby fingers when he was a suckling of seven months, and + placed these two plates with the one containing this subject’s + newly (and unconsciously) made record. + </p> + <p> + “Now the series is complete,” he said with satisfaction, + and sat down to inspect these things and enjoy them. + </p> + <p> + But his enjoyment was brief. He stared a considerable time at the three + strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. At last he put them down + and said, “I can’t make it out at all—hang it, + the baby’s don’t tally with the others!” + </p> + <p> + He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his enigma, then he + hunted out two other glass plates. + </p> + <p> + He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, but kept + muttering, “It’s no use; I can’t understand it. + They don’t tally right, and yet I’ll swear the names + and dates are right, and so of course they <i>ought</i> to tally. + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">277</a></span> + I never labeled one of these thing carelessly in my life. + There is a most extraordinary mystery here.” + </p> + <p> + He was tired out, now, and his brains were beginning to clog. He said he + would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he could do with this riddle. + He slept through a troubled and unrestful hour, then unconsciousness began + to shred away, and presently he rose drowsily to a sitting posture. + “Now what was that dream?” he said, trying to recall it; + “what was that dream?—it seemed to unravel that + puz—” + </p> + <p> + He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without finishing the + sentence, and ran and turned up his light and seized his + “records.” He took a single swift glance at them and + cried out— + </p> + <p> + “It’s so! Heavens, what a revelation! And for twenty-three + years no man has ever suspected it!” + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2HCH0021" id="link2HCH0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">278</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">CHAPTER XXI.</a></h2> + <p class="chaptertitle">Doom.</p> + + <p class="pullquote"> He is useless on top of the ground; he ought + to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>April 1.</i> This is the day upon which we are reminded of what + we are on the other three hundred and + sixty-four.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">Wilson</span> put on enough clothes for business + purposes and went to work under a high pressure of steam. He was awake + all over. All sense of weariness had been swept away by the invigorating + refreshment of the great and hopeful discovery which he had made. He + made fine and accurate reproductions of a number of his + “records,” and then enlarged them on a scale of ten to one + with his pantograph. He did these pantograph enlargements on sheets of + white cardboard, and made each individual line of the bewildering maze + of whorls or curves or loops which constituted the “pattern,” + of a “record” stand out bold and black by reinforcing + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">279</a></span> + it with ink. To the untrained eye the collection of delicate originals + made by the human finger on the glass plates looked about alike; but when + enlarged ten times they resembled the markings of a block of wood that has + been sawed across the grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a glance, + and at a distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were alike. + When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, he + arranged its results according to a plan in which a progressive order and + sequence was a principal feature; then he added to the batch several + pantograph enlargements which he had made from time to time in bygone + years. + </p> + <p> + The night was spent and the day well advanced, now. By the time he had + snatched a trifle of breakfast it was nine o’clock, and the court + was ready to begin its sitting. He was in his place twelve minutes later + with his “records.” + </p> + <p> + Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, and nudged his + nearest friend and said, with a wink, “Pudd’nhead’s + got a rare eye to business—thinks that as long as he + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">280</a></span> + can’t win his case it’s at least a noble good chance to + advertise his palace-window decorations without any expense.” + Wilson was informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but would + arrive presently; but he rose and said he should probably not have + occasion to make use of their testimony. [An amused murmur ran through + the room—“It’s a clean backdown! he gives up without + hitting a lick!”] Wilson continued—“I have other + testimony—and better. [This compelled interest, and evoked murmurs + of surprise that had a detectable ingredient of disappointment in them.] + If I seem to be springing this evidence upon the court, I offer as my + justification for this, that I did not discover its existence until late + last night, and have been engaged in examining and classifying it ever + since, until half an hour ago. I shall offer it presently; but first I + wish to say a few preliminary words. + </p> + <p> + “May it please the Court, the claim given the front place, the claim + most persistently urged, the claim most strenuously and I may even say + aggressively and defiantly insisted upon by the prosecution, is + this—that the person + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">281</a></span> + whose hand left the blood-stained finger-prints upon the handle of the + Indian knife is the person who committed the murder.” Wilson paused, + during several moments, to give impressiveness to what he was about to + say, and then added tranquilly, “<i>We grant that + claim.</i>” + </p> + <p> + It was an electrical surprise. No one was prepared for such an admission. + A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, and people were heard to + intimate that the overworked lawyer had lost his mind. Even the veteran + judge, accustomed as he was to legal ambushes and masked batteries in + criminal procedure, was not sure that his ears were not deceiving him, and + asked counsel what it was he had said. Howard’s impassive face + betrayed no sign, but his attitude and bearing lost something of their + careless confidence for a moment. Wilson resumed: + </p> + <p> + “We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and strongly + endorse it. Leaving that matter for the present, we will now proceed to + consider other points in the case which we propose to establish by + evidence, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">282</a></span> + and shall include that one in the chain in its proper place.” + </p> + <p> + He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in mapping out his + theory of the origin and motive of the murder—guesses designed to + fill up gaps in it—guesses which could help if they hit, and would + probably do no harm if they didn’t. + </p> + <p> + “To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before the court + seem to suggest a motive for the homicide quite different from the one + insisted on by the State. It is my conviction that the motive was not + revenge, but robbery. It has been urged that the presence of the accused + brothers in that fatal room, just after notification that one of them + must take the life of Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the + parties should meet, clearly signifies that the natural instinct of + self-preservation moved my clients to go there secretly and save Count + Luigi by destroying his adversary. + </p> + <p> + “Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? Mrs. + Pratt had time, although she did not hear the cry for help, but woke up + some moments later, to run to that + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">283</a></span> + room—and there she found these + men standing and making no effort to escape. If they were guilty, they + ought to have been running out of the house at the same time that she + was running to that room. If they had had such a strong instinct toward + self-preservation as to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had + become of it now, when it should have been more alert than ever? Would + any of us have remained there? Let us not slander our intelligence to + that degree. + </p> + <p> + “Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the accused + offered a very large reward for the knife with which this murder was + done; that no thief came forward to claim that extraordinary reward; + that the latter fact was good circumstantial evidence that the claim + that the knife had been stolen was a vanity and a fraud; that these + details taken in connection with the memorable and apparently prophetic + speech of the deceased concerning that knife, and the final discovery + of that very knife in the fatal room where no living person was found + present with the slaughtered man but the owner of the knife and his + brother, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">284</a></span> + form an indestructible chain of evidence which fixes the crime + upon those unfortunate strangers. + </p> + <p> + “But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall testify that + there was a large reward offered for the <i>thief</i>, also; and it + was offered secretly and not advertised; that this fact was indiscreetly + mentioned—or at least tacitly admitted—in what was supposed + to be safe circumstances, but may <i>not</i> have been. The thief may + have been present himself. [Tom Driscoll had been looking at the speaker, + but dropped his eyes at this point.] In that case he would retain the + knife in his possession, not daring to offer it for sale, or for pledge + in a pawn-shop. [There was a nodding of heads among the audience by way + of admission that this was not a bad stroke.] I shall prove to the + satisfaction of the jury that there <i>was</i> a person in Judge + Driscoll’s room several minutes before the accused entered it. + [This produced a strong sensation; the last drowsy-head in the court-room + roused up, now, and made preparation to listen.] If it shall seem + necessary, I will prove by the Misses Clarkson + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">285</a></span> + that they met a veiled person—ostensibly a woman—coming out + of the back gate a few minutes after the cry for help was heard. This + person was not a woman, but a man dressed in woman’s clothes.” + Another sensation. Wilson had his eye on Tom when he hazarded this + guess, to see what effect it would produce. He was satisfied with the + result, and said to himself, “It was a + success—he’s hit!” + </p> + <p> + “The object of that person in that house was robbery, not murder. + It is true that the safe was not open, but there was an ordinary tin + cash-box on the table, with three thousand dollars in it. It is easily + supposable that the thief was concealed in the house; that he knew of + this box, and of its owner’s habit of counting its contents and + arranging his accounts at night—if he had that habit, which I do + not assert, of course;—that he tried to take the box while its owner + slept, but made a noise and was seized, and had to use the knife to save + himself from capture; and that he fled without his booty because he + heard help coming. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">286</a></span> + “I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the + evidences by which I propose to try to prove its soundness.” + Wilson took up several of his strips of glass. When the audience + recognized these familiar mementoes of Pudd’nhead’s + old-time childish “puttering” and folly, the tense and + funereal interest vanished out of their faces, and the house burst into + volleys of relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked up and + joined in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not disturbed. He + arranged his records on the table before him, and said— + </p> + <p> + “I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few remarks in + explanation of some evidence which I am about to introduce, and which I + shall presently ask to be allowed to verify under oath on the + witness stand. Every human being carries with him from his cradle to his + grave certain physical marks which do not change their character, and by + which he can always be identified—and that without shade of doubt or + question. These marks are his signature, his physiological autograph, so + to speak, and this autograph + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">287</a></span> + can not be counterfeited, nor can he disguise + it or hide it away, nor can it become illegible by the wear and mutations + of time. This signature is not his face—age can change that beyond + recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not his + height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, for duplicates + of that exist also, whereas this signature is each man’s very + own—there is no duplicate of it among the swarming populations + of the globe! [The audience were interested once more.] + </p> + <p> + “This autograph consists of the delicate lines or corrugations with + which Nature marks the insides of the hands and the soles of the feet. If + you will look at the balls of your fingers,—you that have very sharp + eyesight,—you will observe that these dainty curving lines lie close + together, like those that indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and that + they form various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, circles, long + curves, whorls, etc., and that these patterns differ on the different + fingers. [Every man in the room had his hand up + to the light, now, and his head canted to one side, and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">288</a></span> + was minutely + scrutinizing the balls of his fingers; there were whispered ejaculations + of ‘Why, it’s so—I never noticed that before!’] + The patterns on the right hand are not the same as those on the left. + [Ejaculations of ‘Why, that’s so, too!’] Taken finger + for finger, your patterns differ from your neighbor’s. [Comparisons + were made all over the house—even the judge and jury were absorbed + in this curious work.] The patterns of a twin’s right hand are not + the same as those on his left. One twin’s patterns are never the + same as his fellow-twin’s patterns—the jury will find that + the patterns upon the finger-balls of the accused follow this rule. + [An examination of the twins’ hands was begun at once.] You have + often heard of twins who were so exactly alike that when dressed alike + their own parents could not tell them apart. Yet there was never a twin + born into this world that did not carry from birth to death a sure + identifier in this mysterious and marvelous natal autograph. That once + known to you, his fellow-twin could never personate him and deceive + you.” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">289</a></span> + Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death + when a speaker does that. The stillness gives warning that something is + coming. All palms and finger-balls went down, now, all slouching forms + straightened, all heads came up, all eyes were fastened upon + Wilson’s face. He waited yet one, two, three moments, to let his + pause complete and perfect its spell upon the house; then, when through + the profound hush he could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he + put out his hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it aloft + where all could see the sinister spots upon its ivory handle; then he + said, in a level and passionless voice— + </p> + <p> + “Upon this haft stands the assassin’s natal autograph, written + in the blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who loved you and + whom you all loved. There is but one man in the whole earth whose hand can + duplicate that crimson sign,”—he paused and raised his eyes + to the pendulum swinging back and forth,—“and please God + we will produce + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">290</a></span> + that man in this room before the clock strikes noon!” + </p> + <p> + Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, the house half rose, + as if expecting to see the murderer appear at the door, and a breeze of + muttered ejaculations swept the place. “Order in the + court!—sit down!” This from the sheriff. He was obeyed, and + quiet reigned again. Wilson stole a glance at Tom, and said to himself, + “He is flying signals of distress, now; even people who despise him + are pitying him; they think this is a hard ordeal for a young fellow who + has lost his benefactor by so cruel a stroke—and they are + right.” He resumed his speech: + </p> + <p> + “For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory leisure with + collecting these curious physical signatures in this town. At my house I + have hundreds upon hundreds of them. Each and every one is labelled with + name and date; not labelled the next day or even the next hour, but in the + very minute that the impression was taken. When I go upon the witness + stand I will repeat under oath the things which I am now saying. I + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">291</a></span> + have the finger-prints of the court, the sheriff, and every member of the + jury. There is hardly a person in this room, white or black, whose natal + signature I cannot produce, and not one of them can so disguise himself + that I cannot pick him out from a multitude of his fellow-creatures and + unerringly identify him by his hands. And if he and I should live to be a + hundred I could still do it. [The interest of the audience was steadily + deepening, now.] + </p> + <p> + “I have studied some of these signatures so much that I know them + as well as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his oldest customer. + While I turn my back now, I beg that several persons will be so good as + to pass their fingers through their hair, and then press them upon one + of the panes of the window near the jury, and that among them the accused + may set <i>their</i> finger-marks. Also, I beg that these experimenters, + or others, will set their finger-marks upon another pane, and add again + the marks of the accused, but not placing them in the same order or + relation to the other signatures as before—for, by one + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">292</a></span> + chance in a million, a person might happen upon the right marks by pure + guess-work <i>once</i>, therefore I wish to be tested twice.” + </p> + <p> + He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly covered with + delicately-lined oval spots, but visible only to such persons as could + get a dark background for them—the foliage of a tree, outside, for + instance. Then, upon call, Wilson went to the window, made his + examination, and said— + </p> + <p> + “This is Count Luigi’s right hand; this one, three signatures + below, is his left. Here is Count Angelo’s right; down here is his + left. Now for the other pane: here and here are Count Luigi’s, + here and here are his brother’s.” He faced about. + “Am I right?” + </p> + <p> + A deafening explosion of applause was the answer. The Bench said— + </p> + <p> + “This certainly approaches the miraculous!” + </p> + <p> + Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, pointing with his + finger— + </p> + <p> + “This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. [Applause.] This, of + Constable Blake. [Applause.] This, of John Mason, juryman. [Applause.] + This, of the sheriff. [Applause.] + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">293</a></span> + I cannot name the others, but I have them all at home, named and dated, + and could identify them all by my finger-print records.” + </p> + <p> + He moved to his place through a storm of applause—which the sheriff + stopped, and also made the people sit down, for they were all standing and + struggling to see, of course. Court, jury, sheriff, and everybody had been + too absorbed in observing Wilson’s performance to attend to the + audience earlier. + </p> + <p> + “Now, then,” said Wilson, “I have here the natal + autographs of two children—thrown up to ten times the natural size + by the pantograph, so that any one who can see at all can tell the + markings apart at a glance. We will call the children <i>A</i> and + <i>B</i>. Here are <i>A</i>’s finger-marks, taken at the age of + five months. Here they are again, taken at seven months. [Tom started.] + They are alike, you see. Here are <i>B</i>’s at five months, and + also at seven months. They, too, exactly copy each other, but the patterns + are quite different from <i>A</i>’s, you observe. I shall refer to + these again presently, but we will turn them face down, now. + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">294</a></span> + “Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of the two + persons who are here before you accused of murdering Judge Driscoll. I + made these pantograph copies last night, and will so swear when I go upon + the witness stand. I ask the jury to compare them with the finger-marks + of the accused upon the window panes, and tell the court if they are + the same.” + </p> + <p> + He passed a powerful magnifying-glass to the foreman. + </p> + <p> + One juryman after another took the cardboard and the glass and made the + comparison. Then the foreman said to the judge— + </p> + <p> + “Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said to the foreman— + </p> + <p> + “Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this one, and + compare it searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal signature + upon the knife-handle, and report your finding to the court.” + </p> + <p> + Again the jury made minute examinations, and again reported— + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">295</a></span> + “We find them to be exactly identical, your honor.” + </p> + <p> + Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, and there was a + clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice when he said— + </p> + <p> + “May it please the court, the State has claimed, strenuously + and persistently, that the blood-stained finger-prints upon that + knife-handle were left there by the assassin of Judge Driscoll. You + have heard us grant that claim, and welcome it.” He turned to + the jury: “Compare the finger-prints of the accused with the + finger-prints left by the assassin—and report.” + </p> + <p> + The comparison began. As it proceeded, all movement and all sound ceased, + and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting suspense settled upon the + house; and when at last the words came— + </p> + <p> + “<i>They do not even resemble</i>,” a thunder-crash of + applause followed and the house sprang to its feet, but was quickly + repressed by official force and brought to order again. Tom was altering + his position every few minutes, + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">296</a></span> + now, but none of his changes brought repose nor any small trifle of + comfort. When the house’s attention was become fixed once more, + Wilson said gravely, indicating the twins with a gesture— + </p> + <p> + “These men are innocent—I have no further concern with + them. [Another outbreak of applause began, but was promptly checked.] + We will now proceed to find the guilty. [Tom’s eyes were starting + from their sockets—yes, it was a cruel day for the bereaved youth, + everybody thought.] We will return to the infant autographs of <i>A</i> + and <i>B</i>. I will ask the jury to take these large pantograph + facsimilies of <i>A</i>’s marked five months and seven months. + Do they tally?” + </p> + <p> + The foreman responded— + </p> + <p> + “Perfectly.” + </p> + <p> + “Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, and also + marked <i>A</i>. Does it tally with the other two?” + </p> + <p> + The surprised response was— + </p> + <p> + “<i>No—they differ widely</i>!” + </p> + <p> + “You are quite right. Now take these two pantographs of + <i>B</i>’s autograph, marked + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">297</a></span> + five months and seven months. Do they tally with each other?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes—perfectly.” + </p> + <p> + “Take this third pantograph marked <i>B</i>, eight months. Does it + tally with <i>B</i>’s other two?” + </p> + <p> + “<i>By no means</i>!” + </p> + <p> + “Do you know how to account for those strange discrepancies? I + will tell you. For a purpose unknown to us, but probably a selfish one, + somebody changed those children in the cradle.” + </p> + <p> + This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was astonished at this + admirable guess, but not disturbed by it. To guess the exchange was one + thing, to guess who did it quite another. Pudd’nhead Wilson could do + wonderful things, no doubt, but he couldn’t do impossible ones. + Safe? She was perfectly safe. She smiled privately. + </p> + <p> + “Between the ages of seven months and eight months those children + were changed in the cradle”—he made one of his + effect-collecting pauses, and added—“and the + person who did it is in this house!” + </p> + <p> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">298</a></span> + Roxy’s pulses stood still! The house was thrilled as with an + electric shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a glimpse of the + person who had made that exchange. Tom was growing limp; the life seemed + oozing out of him. Wilson resumed: + </p> + <p> + “<i>A</i> was put into <i>B</i>’s cradle in the nursery; + <i>B</i> was transferred to the kitchen and became a negro and a slave, + [Sensation—confusion of angry ejaculations]—but within a + quarter of an hour he will stand before you white and free! [Burst of + applause, checked by the officers.] From seven months onward until now, + <i>A</i> has still been a usurper, and in my finger-record he bears + <i>B</i>’s name. Here is his pantograph at the age of twelve. + Compare it with the assassin’s signature upon the knife-handle. + Do they tally?” + </p> + <p> + The foreman answered— + </p> + <p> + “<i>To the minutest detail!</i>” + </p> + <p> + Wilson said, solemnly— + </p> + <p> + “The murderer of your friend and mine—York Driscoll of the + generous hand and the kindly spirit—sits in among you. + Valet de Chambre, negro and slave,—falsely called + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">299</a></span> + Thomas à Becket Driscoll,—make upon the window the + finger-prints that will hang you!” + </p> + <p> + Tom turned his ashen face imploring toward the speaker, made some impotent + movements with his white lips, then slid limp and lifeless to the floor. + </p> + <p> + Wilson broke the awed silence with the words— + </p> + <p> + “There is no need. He has confessed.” + </p> + <p> + Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with her hands, and + out through her sobs the words struggled— + </p> + <p> + “De Lord have mercy on me, po’ misable sinner dat I is!” + </p> + <p> + The clock struck twelve. + </p> + <p> + The court rose; the new prisoner, handcuffed, was removed. + </p> + <hr /> + + + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <a name="link2H_CONC" id="link2H_CONC"></a> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">300</a></span> + <br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2><a href="#Contents">Conclusion</a></h2> + + <p class="pullquote"> + It is often the case that the man who can’t tell a lie + thinks he is the best judge of one.<i>—Pudd’nhead + Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="pullquote"> + <i>October 12, the Discovery</i>. It was wonderful to find + America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss + it.<i>—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar.</i> + </p> + <p class="double-space-top"> + <span class="smcap">The</span> town sat up all night to discuss the + amazing events of the day and swap guesses as to when Tom’s trial + would begin. Troop after troop of citizens came to serenade Wilson, and + require a speech, and shout themselves hoarse over every sentence that + fell from his lips—for all his sentences were golden, now, all + were marvelous. His long fight against hard luck and prejudice was + ended; he was a made man for good. + </p> + <p> + And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts marched away, some + remorseful + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">301</a></span> + member of it was quite sure to raise his voice and say— + </p> + <p> + “And this is the man the likes of us have called a + pudd’nhead for more than twenty years. He has resigned from + that position, friends.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but it isn’t vacant—we’re elected.” + </p> + <hr class="break" /> + <p> + The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with rehabilitated reputations. + But they were weary of Western adventure, and straightway retired to + Europe. + </p> + <p> + Roxy’s heart was broken. The young fellow upon whom she had + inflicted twenty-three years of slavery continued the false heir’s + pension of thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her hurts were too + deep for money to heal; the spirit in her eye was quenched, her martial + bearing departed with it, and the voice of her laughter ceased in the + land. In her church and its affairs she found her only solace. + </p> + <p> + The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but in a most + embarrassing + situation. He could neither read nor write, and + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">302</a></span> + his speech + was the basest dialect of the negro quarter. His gait, his attitudes, his + gestures, his bearing, his laugh—all were vulgar and uncouth; his + manners were the manners of a slave. Money and fine clothes could not mend + these defects or cover them up; they only made them the more glaring and + the more pathetic. The poor fellow could not endure the terrors of the + white man’s parlor, and felt at home and at peace nowhere but in the + kitchen. The family pew was a misery to him, yet he could nevermore enter + into the solacing refuge of the “nigger gallery”—that + was closed to him for good and all. But we cannot follow his curious fate + further—that + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: Remove in after that."> + would</ins> be a long story. + </p> + <p> + The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced to + imprisonment for life. But now a complication came up. The + Percy Driscoll estate was in such a crippled shape when its + owner died that it could pay only sixty per cent. of its + great indebtedness, and was settled at that rate. But the + creditors came forward, now, and complained that inasmuch + as through an error for which <i>they</i> were + <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">303</a></span> + in no way to blame the false heir was not inventoried at the time with the + rest of the property, great wrong and loss had thereby been + inflicted upon them. They rightly claimed that “Tom” + was lawfully their property and had been so for eight years; + that they had already lost sufficiently in being deprived of + his services during that long period, and ought not to be + required to add anything to that loss; that if he had been + delivered up to them in the first place, they would have sold + him and he could not have murdered Judge Driscoll; therefore + it was not he that had really committed the murder, the guilt + lay with the erroneous inventory. Everybody saw that there was + reason in this. Everybody granted that if “Tom” + were white and free it would be unquestionably right to punish + him—it would be no loss to anybody; but to shut up a + valuable slave for life—that was quite another matter. + </p> + <p> + As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom + at once, and the creditors sold him down the river. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + + + <hr /> + <div class="chapterhead"> + <br /> + <br /><br /><br /> + <h2><a href="#Contents">Transcriber's Notes</a></h2> + <p><br /></p> + <h3>Introduction:</h3> + </div> + <h4>1. Background.</h4> + <p> + Welcome to <span class="smcap">Project Gutenberg</span>'s presentation + of <i>Pudd'nhead Wilson</i>. The Italian twins in this novel, Luigi and + Angelo, were inspired by a real pair of Italian conjoined twins who toured + America in the 1890s. These were Giacomo and Giovanni Battista Tocci. + </p> + <p> + Homer Plessy was arrested for sitting in a whites-only passenger car on + June 7, 1892, and one month later he stood before Judge John Howard + Ferguson to plead his case. Plessy was an octaroon who could easily + "pass white." Four years later, the Supreme Court condoned "Separate but + Equal" laws in the famous <i>Plessy vs. Ferguson</i> case, which affirmed + the decision of Justice Ferguson in local court. These events in 1892 + unfolded as Twain wrote this story, and changed the tale that he ended up + telling. + </p> + <p> + Arthur Conan Doyle released his best-selling collection of short stories, + <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/48320">The Adventures of Sherlock + Holmes</a>, on October 14, 1892. The stories had already appeared in + <i>The Strand Magazine</i>, one each month, from July 1891 to June 1892. + Holmes inspired Twain to add a component of forensics to this story. + </p> + <h4>2. Dialect.</h4> + <p> + The soliloquies and conversations in the novel follow some general + rules. Twain introduced some variations in the spelling of dialect, and + sometimes the sound of dialect, but the end meaning seems to be the + same thing. Below is a table of some of these words, and alternatives + found in the text: + </p> + <table class="dialect" summary="Table of Common Dialect used in Puddnhead Wilson" > +<caption>Dialect used in<br /> Pudd’nhead Wilson</caption> +<tbody> + <tr> + <th>English</th> + <th>Dialect,</th> + <th>Alternative,</th> + <th>Another</th> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>and</td> + <td>en</td> + <td></td> + <td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>against</td> + <td>agin,</td> + <td>ag’in,</td> + <td>ag’in’</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>because</td> + <td>’ca’se</td> + <td></td> + <td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>going</td> + <td>gwine,</td> + <td>gwyne</td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>more</td> + <td>mo’</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>that</td> + <td>dat</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>the</td> + <td>de</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>then</td> + <td>den</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>there</td> + <td>dere,</td> + <td>dah</td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>these</td> + <td>dese</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>they</td> + <td>dey,</td> + <td>deh</td> + <td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>this</td> + <td>dis</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>was</td> + <td>’uz</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>with</td> + <td>wid</td> + <td></td><td></td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td>where</td> + <td>whah</td> + <td></td> + <td></td> + </tr> +</tbody> +</table> + <p> + The above table was presented as a foundation which played into the decision + to make some emendations, below, that were not authorized by Twain in + 1899. One curious notation is that there was sometimes pronounced + dere, but also dah. Along the same lines, they most often + became dey, but in one case, deh. + </p> + <h4>3. This version.</h4> + <p> + Our version is based on the 1894 publication of this novel in Hartford. + This was Twain's original American release of the novel in book form. + A scanned copy of this book is available through Hathitrust. The book + contained some spaces in contractions: I 'll, dat 'll, had n't, could n't, + dis 'll, 't ain't / t ain't, and dey 'll are some examples. These spaces + were not retained in our transcription, and are not identified. We did make + a few other emendations. These emendations were checked with the 1899 + version of <i>Pudd’nhead Wilson</i> published by Harper & Brothers. + </p> + <h4>4. Notes on emendations.</h4> + <p> + The errors on <a href="#unauthorizedNote1">Page 233</a> and + <a href="#unauthorizedNote3">Page 288</a>, were not changed in + the 1899 book, so the case for making those changes may be found in the + <i>Detailed Notes</i> section. The remaining errors were corrected in + the 1899 publication, presumably authorized by Twain, who essentially + made the case for those emendations. + </p> + <p> + In the HTML version of this e-book, you can place your cursor over the faint + silver dotted lines below the + <ins title="Transcriber's Note: The change is stated here.">changed + text</ins> to discover the original text. The <i>Detailed Notes</i> + section of these notes describe these emendations. + </p> + <h4>5. Other versions.</h4> + <p> + Please note that many print versions of <i>Pudd’nhead Wilson</i> + include the phrase ‘spelling and usage have been brought into + conformity with modern usage,’ and editors have been liberal with + their renditions of Twain's story. + </p> + <h4>6. Detailed notes.</h4> + <p> + The <i>Detailed Notes Section</i> also includes issues that have come up + during transcription. One common issue is that words are sometimes split + into two lines for spacing purposes in the original text. These words are + hyphenated in the physical book, but there is a question sometimes as to + whether the hyphen should be retained in transcription. The reasons + behind some of these decisions are itemized. + </p> + <p><br /></p> + <h3>Production Notes Section:</h3> + <h4>1. Chapter Titles.</h4> + <p> + The Chapter Titles, such as <i>Doom</i> in Chapter XXI., were not + part of Twain's book. They remain from another version of this book. + The chapter titles are used in PG's + <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/28803">Mark Twain index</a>, + so we have retained them. + <a name="link2H_4_0024" id="link2H_4_0024"></a> + </p> + <h4>2. The Author's Note.</h4> + <p> + The <i>Author’s Note to Those Extraordinary Twins</i> is actually + the author's introduction to the novella, <i>Those Extraordinary Twins.</i> + Twain originally produced this book with two parts: <i>Pudd'nhead + Wilson</i> and <i>Those Extraordinary Twins</i>. + </p> + <p> + <span class="smcap">Project Gutenberg</span> offers both stories, + so we present the <i>Author's Note</i> as the Introduction to <i>Those + Extraordinary Twins,</i> as Twain intended. If you want to read the + Author's Note, please visit the Introduction of our production of the + novella, + <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3185">Those + Extraordinary Twins</a>. + </p> + <p><br /></p> + + + <h3>Detailed Notes Section:</h3> + + <h4>Chapter 1.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_019">Page 19</a>, barber-shop was hyphenated between + two lines for spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version + used "barber shop" in this spot. Even though barber-shop cannot + be transcribed as such, the assumption is that the 1894 version put in + the hyphen by mistake. We transcribed the word barber shop. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 2.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_034">Page 34</a>, changed ca’se to + ’ca’se, used as dialect for because, in the clause: + "but dat’s <strong>ca’se</strong> it’s mine." + The author used ’ca’se eighteen other times as dialect + for because, and did not use ca’se again. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 3.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_043">Page 43</a>, insert missing period after tomb. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 6.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_081">Page 81</a>, add a comma after door: "The twins + took a position near the <strong>door</strong> the widow stood at + Luigi’s side, Rowena stood beside Angelo,..." + </p> + <h4>Chapter 7.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_088">Page 88</a>, add a period after fault in the + sentence: The Judge laid himself out hospitably to make them have a + good time, and if there was a defect anywhere it was not his + fault<strong>.</strong> + </p> + <h4>Chapter 9.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_114">Page 114</a>, there is a word missing before + the semicolon in the clause: Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood + and raised <strong> ;</strong> the 1899 Harper & Brothers + version provided the missing word, "it." + </p> + <h4>Chapter 11.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_131">Page 131</a>, change dicision to decision in the + clause: Luigi reserved his <strong>dicision.</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_133">Page 133</a>, change comma to a period after + years in the sentence: “I never got a chance to try my hand at it, + and I may never get a chance; and yet if I ever do get it I shall be + found ready, for I have kept up my law-studies all these + <strong>years,”</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_149">Page 149</a>, Correct spelling of Cappello to + Capello. The surname of the twins was Capello in the letter on page + 73, and two other times in Chapter 6. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 13.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_167">Page 167</a>, Change ’ to ” in + the sentence: “Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don’t take + it so hard. Try and forget you have been <strong>kicked.’</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_176">Page 176</a>, ship-shape was hyphenated and + split between two lines for spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers + version of the novel used shipshape, and so will we. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 14.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_182">Page 182</a>, changed period after hatching to + question mark in the sentence: What could be hatching<strong>.</strong> + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_184">Page 184</a>, remove comma after sha'n't, in + the clause: but if he doesn’t, I + sha’n’t<strong>,</strong> let on. + </p> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_189">Page 189</a>, low-down is hyphenated and split + between two lines for spacing. On Page 188, low-down is spelled with + a hyphen, and on pages 241 and 243 low-downest is also hyphenated. + There is no occurrence of lowdown. We transcribed low-down with a + hyphen: like a ornery <strong>low-down</strong> hound! + </p> + <h4>Chapter 16.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_216">Page 216</a>, Changed ? to ! in the sentence: + En keep on sayin’ it<strong>?</strong> + </p> + <h4>Chapter 18.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_229">Page 229</a>, Changed 'against to against in + the clause: with fury <strong>’against</strong> the + planter’s wife. + </p> + <p> + <a name="unauthorizedNote1" id="unauthorizedNote1"></a> + On <a href="#Page_233">Page 233</a>, Changed de to den in the clause + "en <strong>de</strong> good gracious me." The author always used + den for then, except in this case. De is dialect for the. Twain did + not correct this in the 1899 Harper & Brothers version of the novel, + but den makes more sense then de. Roxy was floating on the river, + and <strong>then</strong> she cried good gracious me, + because she spotted the <i>Grand Mogul</i>. + </p> + <p> + Changed day to dey in two places. The novel used dey as dialect for + they regularly, and almost consistently, except in two cases. Both + cases were presumed errata: + </p> + <ul> + <li>On <a href="#Page_232">Page 232</a>, en <strong><i>day</i></strong> + warn’t gwine to hurry</li> + <li>On <a href="#Page_229">Page 229</a>, en <strong>day</strong> knows how + to whale ’em, too. </li> + </ul> + <h4>Chapter 19.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_253">Page 253</a>, back-yard is hyphenated and split + between two lines for spacing. The 1899 Harper & Brothers version + of the novel used back-yard, and so will we. + </p> + <h4>Chapter 20.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_273">Page 273</a>, changed countenence to countenance + in the clause: “I don’t know about that,” and + Tom’s <strong>countenence</strong> darkened,... + </p> + <h4>Chapter 21.</h4> + <p> + <a name="unauthorizedNote3" id="unauthorizedNote3"></a> + On <a href="#Page_288">Page 288</a>, there are two quotes made by the + crowd in double quotes. Twain did not correct this in the 1899 + version of the novel by Harper & Brothers. But these lines are + surrounded by Wilson's narrative, which is already in double quotes. + Therefore, we have used single quotes for the two remarks from the + gallery. + </p> + <ul> + <li>‘Why, it’s so—I never noticed that before!’</li> + <li>‘Why, that’s so, too!’</li> + </ul> + <h4>Conclusion.</h4> + <p> + On <a href="#Page_302">Page 302</a>, removed in from the sentence: + "But we cannot follow his curious fate further—that + <strong>in</strong> would be a long story." + </p> + +<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD’NHEAD WILSON ***</div> +<div style='text-align:left'> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will +be renamed. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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\ No newline at end of file diff --git a/old/102-h/images/cover.jpg b/old/102-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c0cb402 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/102-h/images/cover.jpg diff --git a/old/old/102-h.htm b/old/old/102-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0af7b30 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/old/102-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,7349 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"> +<title> + The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, by Mark Twain +</title> + +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {text-align:justify} + P { margin:10%; + text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + hr { width: 50%; } + hr.full { width: 100%; } + .foot { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 95%; } + img {border: 0;} + HR { width: 33%; text-align: center; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 10%; margin-left: 1%;} + .toc { margin-left: 15%; margin-bottom: 0em;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + PRE { font-size: 90%; margin-left: 25%;} + // --> +</style> + +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, by +Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Last Updated: December 23, 2008 +Release Date: August 20, 2006 [EBook #102] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD'NHEAD WILSON *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer; David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + +<br /> +<br /> + +<h1> + THE TRAGEDY <br /> +OF <br /><br /> + +PUDD'NHEAD WILSON +</h1><br /> + +<h2> +by Mark Twain +</h2> + + + + +<br /> +<br /> +<hr> +<br /> +<br /> + + + +<h2>Contents</h2> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0001"> +A WHISPER TO THE READER +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0001"> +CHAPTER 1 — Pudd'nhead Wins His Name +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0002"> +CHAPTER 2 — Driscoll Spares His Slaves +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0003"> +CHAPTER 3 — Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0004"> +CHAPTER 4 — The Ways of the Changelings +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0005"> +CHAPTER 5 — The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0006"> +CHAPTER 6 — Swimming in Glory +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0007"> +CHAPTER 7 — The Unknown Nymph +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0008"> +CHAPTER 8 — Marse Tom Tramples His Chance +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0009"> +CHAPTER 9 — Tom Practices Sycophancy +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0010"> +CHAPTER 10 — The Nymph Revealed +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0011"> +CHAPTER 11 — Pudd'nhead's Thrilling Discovery +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0012"> +CHAPTER 12 — The Shame of Judge Driscoll +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0013"> +CHAPTER 13 — Tom Stares at Ruin +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0014"> +CHAPTER 14 — Roxana Insists Upon Reform +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0015"> +CHAPTER 15 — The Robber Robbed +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0016"> +CHAPTER 16 — Sold Down the River +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0017"> +CHAPTER 17 — The Judge Utters Dire Prophesy +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0018"> +CHAPTER 18 — Roxana Commands +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0019"> +CHAPTER 19 — The Prophesy Realized +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0020"> +CHAPTER 20 — The Murderer Chuckles +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2HCH0021"> +CHAPTER 21 — Doom +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_CONC"> +CONCLUSION +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0024"> +AUTHOR'S NOTE TO "THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS" +</a></p> + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<br /> +<br /> +<hr> + +<a name="2H_4_0001"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<br /> +<br /> + +<br /> +<br /> + +<h2> + A WHISPER TO THE READER +</h2> +<pre> + <i>There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can + be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. + Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about + perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler + animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead + of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are + left in doubt.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +A person who is ignorant of legal matters is always liable to make +mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene with his pen; and so I +was not willing to let the law chapters in this book go to press without +first subjecting them to rigid and exhausting revision and correction by +a trained barrister—if that is what they are called. These chapters are +right, now, in every detail, for they were rewritten under the immediate +eye of William Hicks, who studied law part of a while in southwest +Missouri thirty-five years ago and then came over here to Florence for +his health and is still helping for exercise and board in Macaroni +Vermicelli's horse-feed shed, which is up the back alley as you turn +around the corner out of the Piazza del Duomo just beyond the house where +that stone that Dante used to sit on six hundred years ago is let into +the wall when he let on to be watching them build Giotto's campanile and +yet always got tired looking as Beatrice passed along on her way to get a +chunk of chestnut cake to defend herself with in case of a Ghibelline +outbreak before she got to school, at the same old stand where they sell +the same old cake to this day and it is just as light and good as it was +then, too, and this is not flattery, far from it. He was a little rusty +on his law, but he rubbed up for this book, and those two or three legal +chapters are right and straight, now. He told me so himself. +</p> +<p> +Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at the Villa +Viviani, village of Settignano, three miles back of Florence, on the +hills—the same certainly affording the most charming view to be found +on this planet, and with it the most dreamlike and enchanting sunsets to +be found in any planet or even in any solar system—and given, too, in +the swell room of the house, with the busts of Cerretani senators and +other grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon me, as they +used to look down upon Dante, and mutely asking me to adopt them into my +family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest ancestors are but +spring chickens compared with these robed and stately antiques, and it +will be a great and satisfying lift for me, that six hundred years will. +</p> +<p> +Mark Twain. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0001"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 1 — Pudd'nhead Wins His Name +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Tell the truth or trump—but get the trick.</i> —Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +The scene of this chronicle is the town of Dawson's Landing, on the +Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a day's journey, per steamboat, +below St. Louis. +</p> +<p> +In 1830 it was a snug collection of modest one- and two-story frame +dwellings, whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed from sight +by climbing tangles of rose vines, honeysuckles, and morning glories. +Each of these pretty homes had a garden in front fenced with white +palings and opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, touch-me-nots, +prince's-feathers, and other old-fashioned flowers; while on the +windowsills of the houses stood wooden boxes containing moss rose plants +and terra-cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium whose spread of +intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint of the rose-clad +house-front like an explosion of flame. When there was room on the ledge +outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there—in sunny +weather—stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, with her furry +belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose. Then that house was +complete, and its contentment and peace were made manifest to the world +by this symbol, whose testimony is infallible. A home without a cat—and +a well-fed, well-petted, and properly revered cat—may be a perfect +home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? +</p> +<p> +All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge of the brick +sidewalks, stood locust trees with trunks protected by wooden boxing, and +these furnished shade for summer and a sweet fragrancer in spring, when +the clusters of buds came forth. The main street, one block back from +the river, and running parallel with it, was the sole business street. +It was six blocks long, and in each block two or three brick stores, +three stories high, towered above interjected bunches of little frame +shops. Swinging signs creaked in the wind the street's whole length. +The candy-striped pole, which indicates nobility proud and ancient along +the palace-bordered canals of Venice, indicated merely the humble +barbershop along the main street of Dawson's Landing. On a chief corner +stood a lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top to bottom with tin pots +and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger's noisy notice to the world (when +the wind blew) that his shop was on hand for business at that corner. +</p> +<p> +The hamlet's front was washed by the clear waters of the great river; its +body stretched itself rearward up a gentle incline; its most rearward +border fringed itself out and scattered its houses about its base line of +the hills; the hills rose high, enclosing the town in a half-moon curve, +clothed with forests from foot to summit. +</p> +<p> +Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so. Those belonging to the +little Cairo line and the little Memphis line always stopped; the big +Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or to land passengers or freight; +and this was the case also with the great flotilla of "transients." +These latter came out of a dozen rivers—the Illinois, the Missouri, the +Upper Mississippi, the Ohio, the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red +River, the White River, and so on—and were bound every whither and +stocked with every imaginable comfort or necessity, which the +Mississippi's communities could want, from the frosty Falls of St. +Anthony down through nine climates to torrid New Orleans. +</p> +<p> +Dawson's Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich, slave-worked grain +and pork country back of it. The town was sleepy and comfortable and +contented. It was fifty years old, and was growing slowly—very slowly, +in fact, but still it was growing. +</p> +<p> +The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old, +judge of the county court. He was very proud of his old Virginian +ancestry, and in his hospitalities and his rather formal and stately +manners, he kept up its traditions. He was fine and just and generous. +To be a gentleman—a gentleman without stain or blemish—was his only +religion, and to it he was always faithful. He was respected, esteemed, +and beloved by all of the community. He was well off, and was gradually +adding to his store. He and his wife were very nearly happy, but not +quite, for they had no children. The longing for the treasure of a child +had grown stronger and stronger as the years slipped away, but the +blessing never came—and was never to come. +</p> +<p> +With this pair lived the judge's widowed sister, Mrs. Rachel Pratt, and +she also was childless—childless, and sorrowful for that reason, and not +to be comforted. The women were good and commonplace people, and did +their duty, and had their reward in clear consciences and the community's +approbation. They were Presbyterians, the judge was a freethinker. +</p> +<p> +Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged almost forty, was another old +Virginian grandee with proved descent from the First Families. He was a +fine, majestic creature, a gentleman according to the nicest requirements +of the Virginia rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority on the "code", +and a man always courteously ready to stand up before you in the field if +any act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious to you, and +explain it with any weapon you might prefer from bradawls to artillery. +He was very popular with the people, and was the judge's dearest friend. +</p> +<p> +Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F.F.V. of formidable +caliber—however, with him we have no concern. +</p> +<p> +Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the judge, and younger than he +by five years, was a married man, and had had children around his +hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail by measles, croup, and +scarlet fever, and this had given the doctor a chance with his effective +antediluvian methods; so the cradles were empty. He was a prosperous +man, with a good head for speculations, and his fortune was growing. On +the first of February, 1830, two boy babes were born in his house; one to +him, one to one of his slave girls, Roxana by name. Roxana was twenty +years old. She was up and around the same day, with her hands full, for +she was tending both babes. +</p> +<p> +Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week. Roxy remained in charge of the +children. She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll soon absorbed himself in +his speculations and left her to her own devices. +</p> +<p> +In that same month of February, Dawson's Landing gained a new citizen. +This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of Scotch parentage. He had +wandered to this remote region from his birthplace in the interior of the +State of New York, to seek his fortune. He was twenty-five years old, +college bred, and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern law +school a couple of years before. +</p> +<p> +He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an intelligent +blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a covert twinkle of +a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, he would no doubt +have entered at once upon a successful career at Dawson's Landing. But he +made his fatal remark the first day he spent in the village, and it +"gaged" him. He had just made the acquaintance of a group of citizens +when an invisible dog began to yelp and snarl and howl and make himself +very comprehensively disagreeable, whereupon young Wilson said, much as +one who is thinking aloud: +</p> +<p> +"I wish I owned half of that dog." +</p> +<p> +"Why?" somebody asked. +</p> +<p> +"Because I would kill my half." +</p> +<p> +The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, but found +no light there, no expression that they could read. They fell away from +him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy to discuss him. One +said: +</p> +<p> +"'Pears to be a fool." +</p> +<p> +"'Pears?" said another. "<i>Is,</i> I reckon you better say." +</p> +<p> +"Said he wished he owned <i>half</i> of the dog, the idiot," said a third. +"What did he reckon would become of the other half if he killed his half? +Do you reckon he thought it would live?" +</p> +<p> +"Why, he must have thought it, unless he IS the downrightest fool in the +world; because if he hadn't thought it, he would have wanted to own the +whole dog, knowing that if he killed his half and the other half died, he +would be responsible for that half just the same as if he had killed that +half instead of his own. Don't it look that way to you, gents?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, it does. If he owned one half of the general dog, it would be so; +if he owned one end of the dog and another person owned the other end, it +would be so, just the same; particularly in the first case, because if +you kill one half of a general dog, there ain't any man that can tell +whose half it was; but if he owned one end of the dog, maybe he could +kill his end of it and—" +</p> +<p> +"No, he couldn't either; he couldn't and not be responsible if the other +end died, which it would. In my opinion that man ain't in his right +mind." +</p> +<p> +"In my opinion he hain't <i>got</i> any mind." +</p> +<p> +No. 3 said: "Well, he's a lummox, anyway." +</p> +<p> +"That's what he is;" said No. 4. "He's a labrick—just a Simon-pure +labrick, if there was one." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, sir, he's a dam fool. That's the way I put him up," said No. 5. +"Anybody can think different that wants to, but those are my sentiments." +</p> +<p> +"I'm with you, gentlemen," said No. 6. "Perfect jackass—yes, and it +ain't going too far to say he is a pudd'nhead. If he ain't a pudd'nhead, +I ain't no judge, that's all." +</p> +<p> +Mr. Wilson stood elected. The incident was told all over the town, and +gravely discussed by everybody. Within a week he had lost his first +name; Pudd'nhead took its place. In time he came to be liked, and well +liked too; but by that time the nickname had got well stuck on, and it +stayed. That first day's verdict made him a fool, and he was not able to +get it set aside, or even modified. The nickname soon ceased to carry +any harsh or unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, and was +to continue to hold its place for twenty long years. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0002"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 2 — Driscoll Spares His Slaves +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want + the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it + was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the + serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.</i> —Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Pudd'nhead Wilson had a trifle of money when he arrived, and he bought a +small house on the extreme western verge of the town. Between it and +Judge Driscoll's house there was only a grassy yard, with a paling fence +dividing the properties in the middle. He hired a small office down in +the town and hung out a tin sign with these words on it: +</p> +<center> +D A V I D W I L S O N +</center> +<center> +ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW +</center> +<center> +SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC. +</center> +<p> +But his deadly remark had ruined his chance—at least in the law. No +clients came. He took down his sign, after a while, and put it up on his +own house with the law features knocked out of it. It offered his +services now in the humble capacities of land surveyor and expert +accountant. Now and then he got a job of surveying to do, and now and +then a merchant got him to straighten out his books. With Scotch patience +and pluck he resolved to live down his reputation and work his way into +the legal field yet. Poor fellow, he could foresee that it was going to +take him such a weary long time to do it. +</p> +<p> +He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung heavy on his +hands, for he interested himself in every new thing that was born into +the universe of ideas, and studied it, and experimented upon it at his +house. One of his pet fads was palmistry. To another one he gave no +name, neither would he explain to anybody what its purpose was, but +merely said it was an amusement. In fact, he had found that his fads +added to his reputation as a pudd'nhead; there, he was growing chary of +being too communicative about them. The fad without a name was one which +dealt with people's finger marks. He carried in his coat pocket a +shallow box with grooves in it, and in the grooves strips of glass five +inches long and three inches wide. Along the lower edge of each strip +was pasted a slip of white paper. He asked people to pass their hands +through their hair (thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the +natural oil) and then making a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it +with the mark of the ball of each finger in succession. Under this row +of faint grease prints he would write a record on the strip of white +paper—thus: +</p> +<p> +JOHN SMITH, right hand— +</p> +<p> +and add the day of the month and the year, then take Smith's left hand on +another glass strip, and add name and date and the words "left hand." The +strips were now returned to the grooved box, and took their place among +what Wilson called his "records." +</p> +<p> +He often studied his records, examining and poring over them with +absorbing interest until far into the night; but what he found there—if +he found anything—he revealed to no one. Sometimes he copied on paper +the involved and delicate pattern left by the ball of the finger, and +then vastly enlarged it with a pantograph so that he could examine its +web of curving lines with ease and convenience. +</p> +<p> +One sweltering afternoon—it was the first day of July, 1830—he was at +work over a set of tangled account books in his workroom, which looked +westward over a stretch of vacant lots, when a conversation outside +disturbed him. It was carried on in yells, which showed that the people +engaged in it were not close together. +</p> +<p> +"Say, Roxy, how does yo' baby come on?" This from the distant voice. +</p> +<p> +"Fust-rate. How does <i>you</i> come on, Jasper?" This yell was from close +by. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, I's middlin'; hain't got noth'n' to complain of, I's gwine to come +a-court'n you bimeby, Roxy." +</p> +<p> +"<i>You</i> is, you black mud cat! Yah—yah—yah! I got somep'n' better to +do den 'sociat'n' wid niggers as black as you is. Is ole Miss Cooper's +Nancy done give you de mitten?" Roxy followed this sally with another +discharge of carefree laughter. +</p> +<p> +"You's jealous, Roxy, dat's what's de matter wid you, you +hussy—yah—yah—yah! Dat's de time I got you!" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, yes, <i>you</i> got me, hain't you. 'Clah to goodness if dat conceit o' +yo'n strikes in, Jasper, it gwine to kill you sho'. If you b'longed to +me, I'd sell you down de river 'fo' you git too fur gone. Fust time I +runs acrost yo' marster, I's gwine to tell him so." +</p> +<p> +This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both parties enjoying the +friendly duel and each well satisfied with his own share of the wit +exchanged—for wit they considered it. +</p> +<p> +Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; he could not work +while their chatter continued. Over in the vacant lots was Jasper, +young, coal black, and of magnificent build, sitting on a wheelbarrow in +the pelting sun—at work, supposably, whereas he was in fact only +preparing for it by taking an hour's rest before beginning. In front of +Wilson's porch stood Roxy, with a local handmade baby wagon, in which sat +her two charges—one at each end and facing each other. From Roxy's +manner of speech, a stranger would have expected her to be black, but she +was not. Only one sixteenth of her was black, and that sixteenth did not +show. She was of majestic form and stature, her attitudes were imposing +and statuesque, and her gestures and movements distinguished by a noble +and stately grace. Her complexion was very fair, with the rosy glow of +vigorous health in her cheeks, her face was full of character and +expression, her eyes were brown and liquid, and she had a heavy suit of +fine soft hair which was also brown, but the fact was not apparent +because her head was bound about with a checkered handkerchief and the +hair was concealed under it. Her face was shapely, intelligent, and +comely—even beautiful. She had an easy, independent carriage—when she +was among her own caste—and a high and "sassy" way, withal; but of +course she was meek and humble enough where white people were. +</p> +<p> +To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one +sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen parts and +made her a Negro. She was a slave, and salable as such. Her child was +thirty-one parts white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a fiction of law +and custom a Negro. He had blue eyes and flaxen curls like his white +comrade, but even the father of the white child was able to tell the +children apart—little as he had commerce with them—by their clothes; +for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin and a coral necklace, while +the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen shirt which barely reached to +its knees, and no jewelry. +</p> +<p> +The white child's name was Thomas a Becket Driscoll, the other's name was +Valet de Chambre: no surname—slaves hadn't the privilege. Roxana had +heard that phrase somewhere, the fine sound of it had pleased her ear, +and as she had supposed it was a name, she loaded it on to her darling. +It soon got shorted to "Chambers," of course. +</p> +<p> +Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wits begun to play out, +he stepped outside to gather in a record or two. Jasper went to work +energetically, at once, perceiving that his leisure was observed. Wilson +inspected the children and asked: +</p> +<p> +"How old are they, Roxy?" +</p> +<p> +"Bofe de same age, sir—five months. Bawn de fust o' Feb'uary." +</p> +<p> +"They're handsome little chaps. One's just as handsome as the other, +too." +</p> +<p> +A delighted smile exposed the girl's white teeth, and she said: +</p> +<p> +"Bless yo' soul, Misto Wilson, it's pow'ful nice o' you to say dat, +'ca'se one of 'em ain't on'y a nigger. Mighty prime little nigger, <i>I</i> +al'ays says, but dat's 'ca'se it's mine, o' course." +</p> +<p> +"How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they haven't any clothes on?" +</p> +<p> +Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Oh, <i>I</i> kin tell 'em 'part, Misto Wilson, but I bet Marse Percy +couldn't, not to save his life." +</p> +<p> +Wilson chatted along for awhile, and presently got Roxy's fingerprints +for his collection—right hand and left—on a couple of his glass strips; +then labeled and dated them, and took the "records" of both children, and +labeled and dated them also. +</p> +<p> +Two months later, on the third of September, he took this trio of finger +marks again. He liked to have a "series," two or three "takings" at +intervals during the period of childhood, these to be followed at +intervals of several years. +</p> +<p> +The next day—that is to say, on the fourth of September—something +occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana. Mr. Driscoll missed another +small sum of money—which is a way of saying that this was not a new +thing, but had happened before. In truth, it had happened three times +before. Driscoll's patience was exhausted. He was a fairly humane man +toward slaves and other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man toward +the erring of his own race. Theft he could not abide, and plainly there +was a thief in his house. Necessarily the thief must be one of his +Negros. Sharp measures must be taken. He called his servants before him. +There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a woman, and a boy +twelve years old. They were not related. Mr. Driscoll said: +</p> +<p> +"You have all been warned before. It has done no good. This time I will +teach you a lesson. I will sell the thief. Which of you is the guilty +one?" +</p> +<p> +They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a good home, and a +new one was likely to be a change for the worse. The denial was general. +None had stolen anything—not money, anyway—a little sugar, or cake, or +honey, or something like that, that "Marse Percy wouldn't mind or miss" +but not money—never a cent of money. They were eloquent in their +protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them. He answered each +in turn with a stern "Name the thief!" +</p> +<p> +The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected that the others +were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. She was horrified to +think how near she had come to being guilty herself; she had been saved +in the nick of time by a revival in the colored Methodist Church, a +fortnight before, at which time and place she "got religion." The very +next day after that gracious experience, while her change of style was +fresh upon her and she was vain of her purified condition, her master +left a couple dollars unprotected on his desk, and she happened upon that +temptation when she was polishing around with a dustrag. She looked at +the money awhile with a steady rising resentment, then she burst out +with: +</p> +<p> +"Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had 'a' be'n put off till tomorrow!" +</p> +<p> +Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another member of the +kitchen cabinet got it. She made this sacrifice as a matter of religious +etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, but by no means to be wrested +into a precedent; no, a week or two would limber up her piety, then she +would be rational again, and the next two dollars that got left out in +the cold would find a comforter—and she could name the comforter. +</p> +<p> +Was she bad? Was she worse than the general run of her race? No. They +had an unfair show in the battle of life, and they held it no sin to take +military advantage of the enemy—in a small way; in a small way, but not +in a large one. They would smouch provisions from the pantry whenever +they got a chance; or a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, or an emery bag, +or a paper of needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, or small +articles of clothing, or any other property of light value; and so far +were they from considering such reprisals sinful, that they would go to +church and shout and pray the loudest and sincerest with their plunder in +their pockets. A farm smokehouse had to be kept heavily padlocked, or +even the colored deacon himself could not resist a ham when Providence +showed him in a dream, or otherwise, where such a thing hung lonesome, +and longed for someone to love. But with a hundred hanging before him, +the deacon would not take two—that is, on the same night. On frosty +nights the humane Negro prowler would warm the end of the plank and put +it up under the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; a drowsy hen +would step on to the comfortable board, softly clucking her gratitude, +and the prowler would dump her into his bag, and later into his stomach, +perfectly sure that in taking this trifle from the man who daily robbed +him of an inestimable treasure—his liberty—he was not committing any +sin that God would remember against him in the Last Great Day. +</p> +<p> +"Name the thief!" +</p> +<p> +For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always in the same hard +tone. And now he added these words of awful import: +</p> +<p> +"I give you one minute." He took out his watch. "If at the end of that +time, you have not confessed, I will not only sell all four of you, +BUT—I will sell you DOWN THE RIVER!" +</p> +<p> +It was equivalent to condemning them to hell! No Missouri Negro doubted +this. Roxy reeled in her tracks, and the color vanished out of her face; +the others dropped to their knees as if they had been shot; tears gushed +from their eyes, their supplicating hands went up, and three answers came +in the one instant. +</p> +<p> +"I done it!" +</p> +<p> +"I done it!" +</p> +<p> +"I done it!—have mercy, marster—Lord have mercy on us po' niggers!" +</p> +<p> +"Very good," said the master, putting up his watch, "I will sell you +<i>here</i> though you don't deserve it. You ought to be sold down the +river." +</p> +<p> +The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of gratitude, and +kissed his feet, declaring that they would never forget his goodness and +never cease to pray for him as long as they lived. They were sincere, for +like a god he had stretched forth his mighty hand and closed the gates of +hell against them. He knew, himself, that he had done a noble and +gracious thing, and was privately well pleased with his magnanimity; and +that night he set the incident down in his diary, so that his son might +read it in after years, and be thereby moved to deeds of gentleness and +humanity himself. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0003"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 3 — Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, + knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first + great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the + world.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Percy Driscoll slept well the night he saved his house minions from +going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited Roxy's eyes. A +profound terror had taken possession of her. Her child could grow up and +be sold down the river! The thought crazed her with horror. If she dozed +and lost herself for a moment, the next moment she was on her feet flying +to her child's cradle to see if it was still there. Then she would gather +it to her heart and pour out her love upon it in a frenzy of kisses, +moaning, crying, and saying, "Dey sha'n't, oh, dey <i>sha'nt'!'</i>—yo' po' +mammy will kill you fust!" +</p> +<p> +Once, when she was tucking him back in its cradle again, the other child +nestled in its sleep and attracted her attention. She went and stood +over it a long time communing with herself. +</p> +<p> +"What has my po' baby done, dat he couldn't have yo' luck? He hain't done +nuth'n. God was good to you; why warn't he good to him? Dey can't sell +<i>you</i> down de river. I hates yo' pappy; he hain't got no heart—for +niggers, he hain't, anyways. I hates him, en I could kill him!" She +paused awhile, thinking; then she burst into wild sobbings again, and +turned away, saying, "Oh, I got to kill my chile, dey ain't no yuther +way—killin' <i>him</i> wouldn't save de chile fum goin' down de river. Oh, I +got to do it, yo' po' mammy's got to kill you to save you, honey." She +gathered her baby to her bosom now, and began to smother it with +caresses. "Mammy's got to kill you—how <i>kin</i> I do it! But yo' mammy +ain't gwine to desert you—no, no, <i>dah</i>, don't cry—she gwine <i>wid</i> +you, she gwine to kill herself too. Come along, honey, come along wid +mammy; we gwine to jump in de river, den troubles o' dis worl' is all +over—dey don't sell po' niggers down the river over <i>yonder</i>." +</p> +<p> +She stared toward the door, crooning to the child and hushing it; midway +she stopped, suddenly. She had caught sight of her new Sunday gown—a +cheap curtain-calico thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and fantastic +figures. She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. +</p> +<p> +"Hain't ever wore it yet," she said, "en it's just lovely." Then she +nodded her head in response to a pleasant idea, and added, "No, I ain't +gwine to be fished out, wid everybody lookin' at me, in dis mis'able ole +linsey-woolsey." +</p> +<p> +She put down the child and made the change. She looked in the glass and +was astonished at her beauty. She resolved to make her death toilet +perfect. She took off her handkerchief turban and dressed her glossy +wealth of hair "like white folks"; she added some odds and ends of rather +lurid ribbon and a spray of atrocious artificial flowers; finally she +threw over her shoulders a fluffy thing called a "cloud" in that day, +which was of a blazing red complexion. Then she was ready for the tomb. +</p> +<p> +She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye fell upon its +miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and noted the contrast +between its pauper shabbiness and her own volcanic eruption of infernal +splendors, her mother-heart was touched, and she was ashamed. +</p> +<p> +"No, dolling mammy ain't gwine to treat you so. De angels is gwine to +'mire you jist as much as dey does yo' mammy. Ain't gwine to have 'em +putt'n dey han's up 'fo' dey eyes en sayin' to David and Goliah en dem +yuther prophets, 'Dat chile is dress' to indelicate fo' dis place.'" +</p> +<p> +By this time she had stripped off the shirt. Now she clothed the naked +little creature in one of Thomas `a Becket's snowy, long baby gowns, with +its bright blue bows and dainty flummery of ruffles. +</p> +<p> +"Dah—now you's fixed." She propped the child in a chair and stood off +to inspect it. Straightway her eyes begun to widen with astonishment and +admiration, and she clapped her hands and cried out, "Why, it do beat +all! I <i>never</i> knowed you was so lovely. Marse Tommy ain't a bit +puttier—not a single bit." +</p> +<p> +She stepped over and glanced at the other infant; she flung a glance +back at her own; then one more at the heir of the house. Now a strange +light dawned in her eyes, and in a moment she was lost in thought. She +seemed in a trance; when she came out of it, she muttered, "When I 'uz +a-washin' 'em in de tub, yistiddy, he own pappy asked me which of 'em was +his'n." +</p> +<p> +She began to move around like one in a dream. She undressed Thomas `a +Becket, stripping him of everything, and put the tow-linen shirt on him. +She put his coral necklace on her own child's neck. Then she placed the +children side by side, and after earnest inspection she muttered: +</p> +<p> +"Now who would b'lieve clo'es could do de like o' dat? Dog my cats if it +ain't all <i>I</i> kin do to tell t' other fum which, let alone his pappy." +</p> +<p> +She put her cub in Tommy's elegant cradle and said: +</p> +<p> +"You's young Marse <i>Tom</i> fum dis out, en I got to practice and git used +to 'memberin' to call you dat, honey, or I's gwine to make a mistake +sometime en git us bofe into trouble. Dah—now you lay still en don't +fret no mo', Marse Tom. Oh, thank de lord in heaven, you's saved, you's +saved! Dey ain't no man kin ever sell mammy's po' little honey down de +river now!" +</p> +<p> +She put the heir of the house in her own child's unpainted pine cradle, +and said, contemplating its slumbering form uneasily: +</p> +<p> +"I's sorry for you, honey; I's sorry, God knows I is—but what <i>kin</i> I +do, what <i>could</i> I do? Yo' pappy would sell him to somebody, sometime, +en den he'd go down de river, sho', en I couldn't, couldn't, <i>couldn't</i> +stan' it." +</p> +<p> +She flung herself on her bed and began to think and toss, toss and think. +By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a comforting thought had flown +through her worried mind— +</p> +<p> +"'T ain't no sin—<i>white</i> folks has done it! It ain't no sin, glory to +goodness it ain't no sin! <i>Dey's</i> done it—yes, en dey was de biggest +quality in de whole bilin', too—<i>kings!"</i> +</p> +<p> +She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her memory the dim +particulars of some tale she had heard some time or other. At last she +said— +</p> +<p> +"Now I's got it; now I 'member. It was dat ole nigger preacher dat tole +it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en preached in de nigger +church. He said dey ain't nobody kin save his own self—can't do it by +faith, can't do it by works, can't do it no way at all. Free grace is de +<i>on'y</i> way, en dat don't come fum nobody but jis' de Lord; en <i>he</i> kin +give it to anybody He please, saint or sinner—<i>he</i> don't kyer. He do +jis' as He's a mineter. He s'lect out anybody dat suit Him, en put +another one in his place, and make de fust one happy forever en leave t' +other one to burn wid Satan. De preacher said it was jist like dey done +in Englan' one time, long time ago. De queen she lef' her baby layin' +aroun' one day, en went out callin'; an one 'o de niggers roun'bout de +place dat was 'mos' white, she come in en see de chile layin' aroun', en +tuck en put her own chile's clo's on de queen's chile, en put de queen's +chile's clo'es on her own chile, en den lef' her own chile layin' aroun', +en tuck en toted de queen's chile home to de nigger quarter, en nobody +ever foun' it out, en her chile was de king bimeby, en sole de queen's +chile down de river one time when dey had to settle up de estate. Dah, +now—de preacher said it his own self, en it ain't no sin, 'ca'se white +folks done it. DEY done it—yes, DEY done it; en not on'y jis' common +white folks nuther, but de biggest quality dey is in de whole bilin'. +<i>Oh</i>, I's <i>so</i> glad I 'member 'bout dat!" +</p> +<p> +She got lighthearted and happy, and went to the cradles, and spent what +was left of the night "practicing." She would give her own child a light +pat and say humbly, "Lay still, Marse Tom," then give the real Tom a pat +and say with severity, "Lay <i>still</i>, Chambers! Does you want me to take +somep'n <i>to</i> you?" +</p> +<p> +As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised to see how +steadily and surely the awe which had kept her tongue reverent and her +manner humble toward her young master was transferring itself to her +speech and manner toward the usurper, and how similarly handy she was +becoming in transferring her motherly curtness of speech and +peremptoriness of manner to the unlucky heir of the ancient house of +Driscoll. +</p> +<p> +She took occasional rests from practicing, and absorbed herself in +calculating her chances. +</p> +<p> +"Dey'll sell dese niggers today fo' stealin' de money, den dey'll buy +some mo' dat don't now de chillen—so <i>dat's</i> all right. When I takes de +chillen out to git de air, de minute I's roun' de corner I's gwine to +gaum dey mouths all roun' wid jam, den dey can't <i>nobody</i> notice dey's +changed. Yes, I gwine ter do dat till I's safe, if it's a year. +</p> +<p> +"Dey ain't but one man dat I's afeard of, en dat's dat Pudd'nhead Wilson. +Dey calls him a pudd'nhead, en says he's a fool. My lan, dat man ain't +no mo' fool den I is! He's de smartes' man in dis town, lessn' it's +Jedge Driscoll or maybe Pem Howard. Blame dat man, he worries me wid dem +ornery glasses o' his'n; <i>I</i> b'lieve he's a witch. But nemmine, I's gwine +to happen aroun' dah one o' dese days en let on dat I reckon he wants to +print a chillen's fingers ag'in; en if HE don't notice dey's changed, I +bound dey ain't nobody gwine to notice it, en den I's safe, sho'. But I +reckon I'll tote along a hoss-shoe to keep off de witch work." +</p> +<p> +The new Negros gave Roxy no trouble, of course. The master gave her +none, for one of his speculations was in jeopardy, and his mind was so +occupied that he hardly saw the children when he looked at them, and all +Roxy had to do was to get them both into a gale of laughter when he came +about; then their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, and he was +gone again before the spasm passed and the little creatures resumed a +human aspect. +</p> +<p> +Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so dubious that Mr. +Percy went away with his brother, the judge, to see what could be done +with it. It was a land speculation as usual, and it had gotten +complicated with a lawsuit. The men were gone seven weeks. Before they +got back, Roxy had paid her visit to Wilson, and was satisfied. Wilson +took the fingerprints, labeled them with the names and with the date +—October the first—put them carefully away, and continued his chat with +Roxy, who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great advance in +flesh and beauty which the babes had made since he took their +fingerprints a month before. He complimented their improvement to her +contentment; and as they were without any disguise of jam or other stain, +she trembled all the while and was miserably frightened lest at any +moment he— +</p> +<p> +But he didn't. He discovered nothing; and she went home jubilant, and +dropped all concern about the matter permanently out of her mind. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0004"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 4 — The Ways of the Changelings +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one + was, that they escaped teething.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + <i>There is this trouble about special providences—namely, + there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to + be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, + and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of + the episode than the prophet did, because they got the + children.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +This history must henceforth accommodate itself to the change which +Roxana has consummated, and call the real heir "Chambers" and the +usurping little slave, "Thomas `a Becket"—shortening this latter name to +"Tom," for daily use, as the people about him did. +</p> +<p> +"Tom" was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his usurpation. He would +cry for nothing; he would burst into storms of devilish temper without +notice, and let go scream after scream and squall after squall, then +climax the thing with "holding his breath"—that frightful specialty of +the teething nursling, in the throes of which the creature exhausts its +lungs, then is convulsed with noiseless squirmings and twistings and +kickings in the effort to get its breath, while the lips turn blue and +the mouth stands wide and rigid, offering for inspection one wee tooth +set in the lower rim of a hoop of red gums; and when the appalling +stillness has endured until one is sure the lost breath will never +return, a nurse comes flying, and dashes water in the child's face, +and—presto! the lungs fill, and instantly discharge a shriek, or a yell, +or a howl which bursts the listening ear and surprises the owner of it +into saying words which would not go well with a halo if he had one. The +baby Tom would claw anybody who came within reach of his nails, and pound +anybody he could reach with his rattle. He would scream for water until +he got it, and then throw cup and all on the floor and scream for more. +He was indulged in all his caprices, howsoever troublesome and +exasperating they might be; he was allowed to eat anything he wanted, +particularly things that would give him the stomach-ache. +</p> +<p> +When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about and say broken +words and get an idea of what his hands were for, he was a more +consummate pest than ever. Roxy got no rest while he was awake. He would +call for anything and everything he saw, simply saying, "Awnt it!" (want +it), which was a command. When it was brought, he said in a frenzy, and +motioning it away with his hands, "Don't awnt it! don't awnt it!" and the +moment it was gone he set up frantic yells of "Awnt it! awnt it!" and +Roxy had to give wings to her heels to get that thing back to him again +before he could get time to carry out his intention of going into +convulsions about it. +</p> +<p> +What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. This was because +his "father" had forbidden him to have them lest he break windows and +furniture with them. The moment Roxy's back was turned he would toddle +to the presence of the tongs and say, "Like it!" and cock his eye to one +side or see if Roxy was observed; then, "Awnt it!" and cock his eye +again; then, "Hab it!" with another furtive glance; and finally, "Take +it!"—and the prize was his. The next moment the heavy implement was +raised aloft; the next, there was a crash and a squall, and the cat was +off on three legs to meet an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as the +lamp or a window went to irremediable smash. +</p> +<p> +Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none. Tom got all the delicacies, +Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar. In consequence +Tom was a sickly child and Chambers wasn't. Tom was "fractious," as Roxy +called it, and overbearing; Chambers was meek and docile. +</p> +<p> +With all her splendid common sense and practical everyday ability, Roxy +was a doting fool of a mother. She was this toward her child—and she +was also more than this: by the fiction created by herself, he was +become her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly +and of perfecting herself in the forms required to express the +recognition, had moved her to such diligence and faithfulness in +practicing these forms that this exercise soon concreted itself into +habit; it became automatic and unconscious; then a natural result +followed: deceptions intended solely for others gradually grew +practically into self-deceptions as well; the mock reverence became real +reverence, the mock homage real homage; the little counterfeit rift of +separation between imitation-slave and imitation-master widened and +widened, and became an abyss, and a very real one—and on one side of it +stood Roxy, the dupe of her own deceptions, and on the other stood her +child, no longer a usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized +master. He was her darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in +her worship of him she forgot who she was and what he had been. +</p> +<p> +In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and +Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, +the advantage all lay with the former policy. The few times that his +persecutions had moved him beyond control and made him fight back had +cost him very dear at headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she +ever went beyond scolding him sharply for "forgett'n' who his young +marster was," she at least never extended her punishment beyond a box on +the ear. No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told Chambers that under +no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his hand against his +little master. Chambers overstepped the line three times, and got three +such convincing canings from the man who was his father and didn't know +it, that he took Tom's cruelties in all humility after that, and made no +more experiments. +</p> +<p> +Outside the house the two boys were together all through their boyhood. +Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; strong because +he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, and a good fighter +because Tom furnished him plenty of practice—on white boys whom he +hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his constant bodyguard, to and +from school; he was present on the playground at recess to protect his +charge. He fought himself into such a formidable reputation, by and by, +that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and "ridden in peace," like +Sir Kay in Launcelot's armor. +</p> +<p> +He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to play +"keeps" with, and then took all the winnings away from him. In the winter +season Chambers was on hand, in Tom's worn-out clothes, with "holy" red +mittens, and "holy" shoes, and pants "holy" at the knees and seat, to +drag a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; but he +never got a ride himself. He built snowmen and snow fortifications under +Tom's directions. He was Tom's patient target when Tom wanted to do some +snowballing, but the target couldn't fire back. Chambers carried Tom's +skates to the river and strapped them on him, then trotted around after +him on the ice, so as to be on hand when he wanted; but he wasn't ever +asked to try the skates himself. +</p> +<p> +In summer the pet pastime of the boys of Dawson's Landing was to steal +apples, peaches, and melons from the farmer's fruit wagons—mainly on +account of the risk they ran of getting their heads laid open with the +butt of the farmer's whip. Tom was a distinguished adept at these +thefts—by proxy. Chambers did his stealing, and got the peach stones, +apple cores, and melon rinds for his share. +</p> +<p> +Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as a +protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots in +Chamber's shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to undo, +then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged +at the stubborn knots with his teeth. +</p> +<p> +Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native +viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his superiorities of +physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. Tom couldn't dive, +for it gave him splitting headaches. Chambers could dive without +inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. He excited so much admiration, +one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from +the stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom's spirit, and at last he shoved +the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air—so he came down on +his head in the canoe bottom; and while he lay unconscious, several of +Tom's ancient adversaries saw that their long-desired opportunity was +come, and they gave the false heir such a drubbing that with Chamber's +best help he was hardly able to drag himself home afterward. +</p> +<p> +When the boys was fifteen and upward, Tom was "showing off" in the river +one day, when he was taken with a cramp, and shouted for help. It was a +common trick with the boys—particularly if a stranger was present—to +pretend a cramp and howl for help; then when the stranger came tearing +hand over hand to the rescue, the howler would go on struggling and +howling till he was close at hand, then replace the howl with a sarcastic +smile and swim blandly away, while the town boys assailed the dupe with a +volley of jeers and laughter. Tom had never tried this joke as yet, but +was supposed to be trying it now, so the boys held warily back; but +Chambers believed his master was in earnest; therefore, he swam out, and +arrived in time, unfortunately, and saved his life. +</p> +<p> +This was the last feather. Tom had managed to endure everything else, +but to have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation +as this to a nigger, and to this nigger of all niggers—this was too +much. He heaped insults upon Chambers for "pretending" to think he was in +earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody but a blockheaded +nigger would have known he was funning and left him alone. +</p> +<p> +Tom's enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their +opinions quite freely. They laughed at him, and called him coward, liar, +sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant to call +Chambers by a new name after this, and make it common in the town—"Tom +Driscoll's nigger pappy,"—to signify that he had had a second birth into +this life, and that Chambers was the author of his new being. Tom grew +frantic under these taunts, and shouted: +</p> +<p> +"Knock their heads off, Chambers! Knock their heads off! What do you +stand there with your hands in your pockets for?" +</p> +<p> +Chambers expostulated, and said, "But, Marse Tom, dey's too many of +'em—dey's—" +</p> +<p> +"Do you hear me?" +</p> +<p> +"Please, Marse Tom, don't make me! Dey's so many of 'em dat—" +</p> +<p> +Tom sprang at him and drove his pocketknife into him two or three times +before the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad a chance +to escape. He was considerably hurt, but not seriously. If the blade had +been a little longer, his career would have ended there. +</p> +<p> +Tom had long ago taught Roxy "her place." It had been many a day now +since she had ventured a caress or a fondling epithet in his quarter. +Such things, from a "nigger," were repulsive to him, and she had been +warned to keep her distance and remember who she was. She saw her +darling gradually cease from being her son, she saw THAT detail perish +utterly; all that was left was master—master, pure and simple, and it +was not a gentle mastership, either. She saw herself sink from the +sublime height of motherhood to the somber depths of unmodified slavery, +the abyss of separation between her and her boy was complete. She was +merely his chattel now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing and +helpless slave, the humble and unresisting victim of his capricious +temper and vicious nature. +</p> +<p> +Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, +because her rage boiled so high over the day's experiences with her boy. +She would mumble and mutter to herself: +</p> +<p> +"He struck me en I warn't no way to blame—struck me in de face, right +before folks. En he's al'ays callin' me nigger wench, en hussy, en all +dem mean names, when I's doin' de very bes' I kin. Oh, Lord, I done so +much for him—I lif' him away up to what he is—en dis is what I git for +it." +</p> +<p> +Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to the +heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in the fancied +spectacle of his exposure to the world as an imposter and a slave; but in +the midst of these joys fear would strike her; she had made him too +strong; she could prove nothing, and—heavens, she might get sold down +the river for her pains! So her schemes always went for nothing, and she +laid them aside in impotent rage against the fates, and against herself +for playing the fool on that fatal September day in not providing herself +with a witness for use in the day when such a thing might be needed for +the appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. +</p> +<p> +And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and kind—and this +occurred every now and then—all her sore places were healed, and she was +happy; happy and proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, lording it +among the whites and securely avenging their crimes against her race. +</p> +<p> +There were two grand funerals in Dawson's Landing that fall—the fall of +1845. One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, the other that of +Percy Driscoll. +</p> +<p> +On his deathbed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized +ostensible son solemnly into the keeping of his brother, the judge, and +his wife. Those childless people were glad to get him. Childless people +are not difficult to please. +</p> +<p> +Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a month before, and +bought Chambers. He had heard that Tom had been trying to get his father +to sell the boy down the river, and he wanted to prevent the scandal—for +public sentiment did not approve of that way of treating family servants +for light cause or for no cause. +</p> +<p> +Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great +speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding. He was hardly +in his grave before the boom collapsed and left his envied young devil of +an heir a pauper. But that was nothing; his uncle told him he should be +his heir and have all his fortune when he died; so Tom was comforted. +</p> +<p> +Roxy had no home now; so she resolved to go around and say good-by to her +friends and then clear out and see the world—that is to say, she would +go chambermaiding on a steamboat, the darling ambition of her race and +sex. +</p> +<p> +Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper. She found him chopping +Pudd'nhead Wilson's winter provision of wood. +</p> +<p> +Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived. He asked her how she +could bear to go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly +offered to copy off a series of their fingerprints, reaching up to their +twelfth year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a moment, +wondering if he suspected anything; then she said she believed she didn't +want them. Wilson said to himself, "The drop of black blood in her is +superstitious; she thinks there's some devilry, some witch business about +my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here with an old horseshoe +in her hand; it could have been an accident, but I doubt it." +</p> +<a name="2HCH0005"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 5 — The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; + cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college + education.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>Remark of Dr. Baldwin's, concerning upstarts: We don't care + to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Mrs. York Driscoll enjoyed two years of bliss with that prize, +Tom—bliss that was troubled a little at times, it is true, but bliss +nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and his childless sister, +Mrs. Pratt, continued this bliss-business at the old stand. Tom was +petted and indulged and spoiled to his entire content—or nearly that. +This went on till he was nineteen, then he was sent to Yale. He went +handsomely equipped with "conditions," but otherwise he was not an object +of distinction there. He remained at Yale two years, and then threw up +the struggle. He came home with his manners a good deal improved; he had +lost his surliness and brusqueness, and was rather pleasantly soft and +smooth, now; he was furtively, and sometimes openly, ironical of speech, +and given to gently touching people on the raw, but he did it with a +good-natured semiconscious air that carried it off safely, and kept him +from getting into trouble. He was as indolent as ever and showed no very +strenuous desire to hunt up an occupation. People argued from this that +he preferred to be supported by his uncle until his uncle's shoes should +become vacant. He brought back one or two new habits with him, one of +which he rather openly practiced—tippling—but concealed another, which +was gambling. It would not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of +it; he knew that quite well. +</p> +<p> +Tom's Eastern polish was not popular among the young people. They could +have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; but he wore gloves, +and that they couldn't stand, and wouldn't; so he was mainly without +society. He brought home with him a suit of clothes of such exquisite +style and cut in fashion—Eastern fashion, city fashion—that it filled +everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton affront. +He enjoyed the feeling which he was exciting, and paraded the town serene +and happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to work that night, +and when Tom started out on his parade next morning, he found the old +deformed Negro bell ringer straddling along in his wake tricked out in a +flamboyant curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, and imitating his +fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. +</p> +<p> +Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the local fashion. But +the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his acquaintanceship +with livelier regions, and it grew daily more and more so. He began to +make little trips to St. Louis for refreshment. There he found +companionship to suit him, and pleasures to his taste, along with more +freedom, in some particulars, than he could have at home. So, during the +next two years, his visits to the city grew in frequency and his +tarryings there grew steadily longer in duration. +</p> +<p> +He was getting into deep waters. He was taking chances, privately, which +might get him into trouble some day—in fact, <i>did</i>. +</p> +<p> +Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all business +activities in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years. He was +president of the Freethinkers' Society, and Pudd'nhead Wilson was the +other member. The society's weekly discussions were now the old lawyer's +main interest in life. Pudd'nhead was still toiling in obscurity at the +bottom of the ladder, under the blight of that unlucky remark which he +had let fall twenty-three years before about the dog. +</p> +<p> +Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above the +average, but that was regarded as one of the judge's whims, and it failed +to modify the public opinion. Or rather, that was one of the reasons why +it failed, but there was another and better one. If the judge had stopped +with bare assertion, it would have had a good deal of effect; but he made +the mistake of trying to prove his position. For some years Wilson had +been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for his amusement—a +calendar, with a little dab of ostensible philosophy, usually in ironical +form, appended to each date; and the judge thought that these quips and +fancies of Wilson's were neatly turned and cute; so he carried a handful +of them around one day, and read them to some of the chief citizens. But +irony was not for those people; their mental vision was not focused for +it. They read those playful trifles in the solidest terms, and decided +without hesitancy that if there had ever been any doubt that Dave Wilson +was a pudd'nhead—which there hadn't—this revelation removed that doubt +for good and all. That is just the way in this world; an enemy can partly +ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete +the thing and make it perfect. After this the judge felt tenderer than +ever toward Wilson, and surer than ever that his calendar had merit. +</p> +<p> +Judge Driscoll could be a freethinker and still hold his place in society +because he was the person of most consequence to the community, and +therefore could venture to go his own way and follow out his own notions. +The other member of his pet organization was allowed the like liberty +because he was a cipher in the estimation of the public, and nobody +attached any importance to what he thought or did. He was liked, he was +welcome enough all around, but he simply didn't count for anything. +</p> +<p> +The Widow Cooper—affectionately called "Aunt Patsy" by everybody—lived +in a snug and comely cottage with her daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, +romantic, amiable, and very pretty, but otherwise of no consequence. +Rowena had a couple of young brothers—also of no consequence. +</p> +<p> +The widow had a large spare room, which she let to a lodger, with board, +when she could find one, but this room had been empty for a year now, to +her sorrow. Her income was only sufficient for the family support, and +she needed the lodging money for trifling luxuries. But now, at last, on +a flaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; +her year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a village +applicant, no, no!—this letter was from away off yonder in the dim great +world to the North; it was from St. Louis. She sat on her porch gazing +out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches of the mighty +Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good fortune. Indeed it was +specially good fortune, for she was to have two lodgers instead of one. +</p> +<p> +She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had danced away to see +to the cleaning and airing of the room by the slave woman, Nancy, and the +boys had rushed abroad in the town to spread the great news, for it was a +matter of public interest, and the public would wonder and not be pleased +if not informed. Presently Rowena returned, all ablush with joyous +excitement, and begged for a rereading of the letter. It was framed thus: +</p> +<p> +HONORED MADAM: My brother and I have seen your advertisement, by chance, +and beg leave to take the room you offer. We are twenty-four years of +age and twins. We are Italians by birth, but have lived long in the +various countries of Europe, and several years in the United States. Our +names are Luigi and Angelo Capello. You desire but one guest; but, dear +madam, if you will allow us to pay for two, we will not incommode you. +We shall be down Thursday. +</p> +<p> +"Italians! How romantic! Just think, Ma—there's never been one in this +town, and everybody will be dying to see them, and they're all OURS! +Think of that!" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, I reckon they'll make a grand stir." +</p> +<p> +"Oh, indeed they will. The whole town will be on its head! +Think—they've been in Europe and everywhere! There's never been a +traveler in this town before, Ma, I shouldn't wonder if they've seen +kings!" +</p> +<p> +"Well, a body can't tell, but they'll make stir enough, without that." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, that's of course. Luigi—Angelo. They're lovely names; and so +grand and foreign—not like Jones and Robinson and such. Thursday they +are coming, and this is only Tuesday; it's a cruel long time to wait. +Here comes Judge Driscoll in at the gate. He's heard about it. I'll go +and open the door." +</p> +<p> +The judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. The letter was read +and discussed. Soon Justice Robinson arrived with more congratulations, +and there was a new reading and a new discussion. This was the beginning. +Neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, followed, and the procession +drifted in and out all day and evening and all Wednesday and Thursday. +The letter was read and reread until it was nearly worn out; everybody +admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and practiced style, +everybody was sympathetic and excited, and the Coopers were steeped in +happiness all the while. +</p> +<p> +The boats were very uncertain in low water in these primitive times. This +time the Thursday boat had not arrived at ten at night—so the people +had waited at the landing all day for nothing; they were driven to their +homes by a heavy storm without having had a view of the illustrious +foreigners. +</p> +<p> +Eleven o'clock came; and the Cooper house was the only one in the town +that still had lights burning. The rain and thunder were booming yet, +and the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping. At last there +was a knock at the door, and the family jumped to open it. Two Negro men +entered, each carrying a trunk, and proceeded upstairs toward the guest +room. Then entered the twins—the handsomest, the best dressed, the most +distinguished-looking pair of young fellows the West had ever seen. One +was a little fairer than the other, but otherwise they were exact +duplicates. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0006"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 6 — Swimming in Glory +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even + the undertaker will be sorry.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + <i>Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by + any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +At breakfast in the morning, the twins' charm of manner and easy and +polished bearing made speedy conquest of the family's good graces. All +constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest feeling +succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names almost from +the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity about them, and +showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, which pleased her +greatly. It presently appeared that in their early youth they had known +poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along, the old lady watched +for the right place to drop in a question or two concerning that matter, +and when she found it, she said to the blond twin, who was now doing the +biographies in his turn while the brunette one rested: +</p> +<p> +"If it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how did you come +to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were little? Do you mind +telling? But don't, if you do." +</p> +<p> +"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in our case it was merely +misfortune, and nobody's fault. Our parents were well to do, there in +Italy, and we were their only child. We were of the old Florentine +nobility"—Rowena's heart gave a great bound, her nostrils expanded, and +a fine light played in her eyes—"and when the war broke out, my father +was on the losing side and had to fly for his life. His estates were +confiscated, his personal property seized, and there we were, in Germany, +strangers, friendless, and in fact paupers. My brother and I were ten +years old, and well educated for that age, very studious, very fond of +our books, and well grounded in the German, French, Spanish, and English +languages. Also, we were marvelous musical prodigies—if you will allow +me to say it, it being only the truth. +</p> +<p> +"Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother soon +followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could have +made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they had many +and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, and they said +they would starve and die first. But what they wouldn't consent to do, +we had to do without the formality of consent. We were seized for the +debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, and placed among +the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the liquidation +money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery. We traveled all +about Germany, receiving no wages, and not even our keep. We had to be +exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread. +</p> +<p> +"Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped from +that slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men. +Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, how to take +care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how +to conduct our own business for our own profit and without other people's +help. We traveled everywhere—years and years—picking up smatterings +of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves with strange sights and +strange customs, accumulating an education of a wide and varied and +curious sort. It was a pleasant life. We went to Venice—to London, +Paris, Russia, India, China, Japan—" +</p> +<p> +At this point Nancy, the slave woman, thrust her head in at the door and +exclaimed: +</p> +<p> +"Ole Missus, de house is plum' jam full o' people, en dey's jes +a-spi'lin' to see de gen'lemen!" She indicated the twins with a nod of +her head, and tucked it back out of sight again. +</p> +<p> +It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised herself high +satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds before her neighbors +and friends—simple folk who had hardly ever seen a foreigner of any +kind, and never one of any distinction or style. Yet her feeling was +moderate indeed when contrasted with Rowena's. Rowena was in the clouds, +she walked on air; this was to be the greatest day, the most romantic +episode in the colorless history of that dull country town. She was to +be familiarly near the source of its glory and feel the full flood of it +pour over her and about her; the other girls could only gaze and envy, +not partake. +</p> +<p> +The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners. +</p> +<p> +The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered the +open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation. The twins took +a position near the door, the widow stood at Luigi's side, Rowena stood +beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began. The widow +was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession and passed +it on to Rowena. +</p> +<p> +"Good mornin', Sister Cooper"—handshake. +</p> +<p> +"Good morning, Brother Higgins—Count Luigi Capello, Mr. Higgins" +—handshake, followed by a devouring stare and "I'm glad to see ye," +on the part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head and a +pleasant "Most happy!" on the part of Count Luigi. +</p> +<p> +"Good mornin', Roweny"—handshake. +</p> +<p> +"Good morning, Mr. Higgins—present you to Count Angelo Capello." +Handshake, admiring stare, "Glad to see ye"—courteous nod, smily "Most +happy!" and Higgins passes on. +</p> +<p> +None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people, they didn't +pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person bearing a title of +nobility before, and none had been expecting to see one now, consequently +the title came upon them as a kind of pile-driving surprise and caught +them unprepared. A few tried to rise to the emergency, and got out an +awkward "My lord," or "Your lordship," or something of that sort, but the +great majority were overwhelmed by the unaccustomed word and its dim and +awful associations with gilded courts and stately ceremony and anointed +kingship, so they only fumbled through the handshake and passed on, +speechless. Now and then, as happens at all receptions everywhere, a +more than ordinary friendly soul blocked the procession and kept it +waiting while he inquired how the brothers liked the village, and how +long they were going to stay, and if their family was well, and dragged +in the weather, and hoped it would get cooler soon, and all that sort of +thing, so as to be able to say, when he got home, "I had quite a long +talk with them"; but nobody did or said anything of a regrettable kind, +and so the great affair went through to the end in a creditable and +satisfactory fashion. +</p> +<p> +General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about from group to +group, talking easily and fluently and winning approval, compelling +admiration and achieving favor from all. The widow followed their +conquering march with a proud eye, and every now and then Rowena said to +herself with deep satisfaction, "And to think they are ours—all ours!" +</p> +<p> +There were no idle moments for mother or daughter. Eager inquiries +concerning the twins were pouring into their enchanted ears all the time; +each was the constant center of a group of breathless listeners; each +recognized that she knew now for the first time the real meaning of that +great word Glory, and perceived the stupendous value of it, and +understood why men in all ages had been willing to throw away meaner +happiness, treasure, life itself, to get a taste of its sublime and +supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood accounted for—and +justified. +</p> +<p> +When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor, +she went upstairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow meeting there, +for the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers. Again she was +besieged by eager questioners, and again she swam in sunset seas of +glory. When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized with a pang +that this most splendid episode of her life was almost over, that nothing +could prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever fall to her +fortune again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, the grand +occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, and was a noble +and memorable success. If the twins could but do some crowning act now +to climax it, something usual, something startling, something to +concentrate upon themselves the company's loftiest admiration, something +in the nature of an electric surprise— +</p> +<p> +Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed down +to see. It was the twins, knocking out a classic four-handed piece on +the piano in great style. Rowena was satisfied—satisfied down to the +bottom of her heart. +</p> +<p> +The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were +astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance, and +could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever heard +before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace and charm when +compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound. They realized +that for once in their lives they were hearing masters. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0007"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 7 — The Unknown Nymph +</h2> +<pre> + <i>One of the most striking differences between a cat and a + lie is that a cat has only nine lives.</i> —Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +The company broke up reluctantly, and drifted toward their several +homes, chatting with vivacity and all agreeing that it would be many a +long day before Dawson's Landing would see the equal of this one again. +The twins had accepted several invitations while the reception was in +progress, and had also volunteered to play some duets at an amateur +entertainment for the benefit of a local charity. Society was eager to +receive them to its bosom. Judge Driscoll had the good fortune to secure +them for an immediate drive, and to be the first to display them in +public. They entered his buggy with him and were paraded down the main +street, everybody flocking to the windows and sidewalks to see. +</p> +<p> +The judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and the jail, and where +the richest man lived, and the Freemasons' hall, and the Methodist +church, and the Presbyterian church, and where the Baptist church was +going to be when they got some money to build it with, and showed them +the town hall and the slaughterhouse, and got out the independent fire +company in uniform and had them put out an imaginary fire; then he let +them inspect the muskets of the militia company, and poured out an +exhaustless stream of enthusiasm over all these splendors, and seemed +very well satisfied with the responses he got, for the twins admired his +admiration, and paid him back the best they could, though they could have +done better if some fifteen or sixteen hundred thousand previous +experiences of this sort in various countries had not already rubbed off +a considerable part of the novelty in it. +</p> +<p> +The judge laid himself out hospitality to make them have a good time, and +if there was a defect anywhere, it was not his fault. He told them a good +many humorous anecdotes, and always forgot the nub, but they were always +able to furnish it, for these yarns were of a pretty early vintage, and +they had had many a rejuvenating pull at them before. And he told them +all about his several dignities, and how he had held this and that and +the other place of honor or profit, and had once been to the legislature, +and was now president of the Society of Freethinkers. He said the +society had been in existence four years, and already had two members, +and was firmly established. He would call for the brothers in the +evening, if they would like to attend a meeting of it. +</p> +<p> +Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told them all about +Pudd'nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a favorable impression of +him in advance and be prepared to like him. This scheme succeeded—the +favorable impression was achieved. Later it was confirmed and solidified +when Wilson proposed that out of courtesy to the strangers the usual +topics be put aside and the hour be devoted to conversation upon ordinary +subjects and the cultivation of friendly relations and good-fellowship—a +proposition which was put to vote and carried. +</p> +<p> +The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it was ended, the +lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two friends than he had been +when it began. He invited the twins to look in at his lodgings +presently, after disposing of an intervening engagement, and they +accepted with pleasure. +</p> +<p> +Toward the middle of the evening, they found themselves on the road to +his house. Pudd'nhead was at home waiting for them and putting in his +time puzzling over a thing which had come under his notice that morning. +The matter was this: He happened to be up very early—at dawn, in fact; +and he crossed the hall, which divided his cottage through the center, +and entered a room to get something there. The window of the room had no +curtains, for that side of the house had long been unoccupied, and +through this window he caught sight of something which surprised and +interested him. It was a young woman—a young woman where properly no +young woman belonged; for she was in Judge Driscoll's house, and in the +bedroom over the judge's private study or sitting room. This was young +Tom Driscoll's bedroom. He and the judge, the judge's widowed sister Mrs. +Pratt, and three Negro servants were the only people who belonged in the +house. Who, then, might this young lady be? The two houses were +separated by an ordinary yard, with a low fence running back through its +middle from the street in front to the lane in the rear. The distance +was not great, and Wilson was able to see the girl very well, the window +shades of the room she was in being up, and the window also. The girl had +on a neat and trim summer dress, patterned in broad stripes of pink and +white, and her bonnet was equipped with a pink veil. She was practicing +steps, gaits and attitudes, apparently; she was doing the thing +gracefully, and was very much absorbed in her work. Who could she be, and +how came she to be in young Tom Driscoll's room? +</p> +<p> +Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could watch the girl +without running much risk of being seen by her, and he remained there +hoping she would raise her veil and betray her face. But she +disappointed him. After a matter of twenty minutes she disappeared and +although he stayed at his post half an hour longer, she came no more. +</p> +<p> +Toward noon he dropped in at the judge's and talked with Mrs. Pratt about +the great event of the day, the levee of the distinguished foreigners at +Aunt Patsy Cooper's. He asked after her nephew Tom, and she said he was +on his way home and that she was expecting him to arrive a little before +night, and added that she and the judge were gratified to gather from his +letters that he was conducting himself very nicely and creditably—at +which Wilson winked to himself privately. Wilson did not ask if there was +a newcomer in the house, but he asked questions that would have brought +light-throwing answers as to that matter if Mrs. Pratt had had any light +to throw; so he went away satisfied that he knew of things that were +going on in her house of which she herself was not aware. +</p> +<p> +He was now awaiting for the twins, and still puzzling over the problem of +who that girl might be, and how she happened to be in that young fellow's +room at daybreak in the morning. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0008"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 8 — Marse Tom Tramples His Chance +</h2> +<pre> + <i>The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady + and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a + whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.</i> —Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar + + <i>Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be + a young June bug than an old bird of paradise.</i> —Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +It is necessary now to hunt up Roxy. +</p> +<p> +At the time she was set free and went away chambermaiding, she was +thirty-five. She got a berth as second chambermaid on a Cincinnati boat +in the New Orleans trade, the <i>Grand Mogul</i>. A couple of trips made her +wonted and easygoing at the work, and infatuated her with the stir and +adventure and independence of steamboat life. Then she was promoted and +become head chambermaid. She was a favorite with the officers, and +exceedingly proud of their joking and friendly way with her. +</p> +<p> +During eight years she served three parts of the year on that boat, and +the winters on a Vicksburg packet. But now for two months, she had had +rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to let the washtub alone. So she +resigned. But she was well fixed—rich, as she would have described it; +for she had lived a steady life, and had banked four dollars every month +in New Orleans as a provision for her old age. She said in the start +that she had "put shoes on one bar'footed nigger to tromple on her with," +and that one mistake like that was enough; she would be independent of +the human race thenceforth forevermore if hard work and economy could +accomplish it. When the boat touched the levee at New Orleans she bade +good-by to her comrades on the <i>Grand Mogul</i> and moved her kit ashore. +</p> +<p> +But she was back in a hour. The bank had gone to smash and carried her +four hundred dollars with it. She was a pauper and homeless. Also +disabled bodily, at least for the present. The officers were full of +sympathy for her in her trouble, and made up a little purse for her. She +resolved to go to her birthplace; she had friends there among the Negros, +and the unfortunate always help the unfortunate, she was well aware of +that; those lowly comrades of her youth would not let her starve. +</p> +<p> +She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she was on the +homestretch. Time had worn away her bitterness against her son, and she +was able to think of him with serenity. She put the vile side of him out +of her mind, and dwelt only on recollections of his occasional acts of +kindness to her. She gilded and otherwise decorated these, and made them +very pleasant to contemplate. She began to long to see him. She would go +and fawn upon him slavelike—for this would have to be her attitude, of +course—and maybe she would find that time had modified him, and that he +would be glad to see his long-forgotten old nurse and treat her gently. +That would be lovely; that would make her forget her woes and her +poverty. +</p> +<p> +Her poverty! That thought inspired her to add another castle to her +dream: maybe he would give her a trifle now and then—maybe a dollar, +once a month, say; any little thing like that would help, oh, ever so +much. +</p> +<p> +By the time she reached Dawson's Landing, she was her old self again; her +blues were gone, she was in high feather. She would get along, surely; +there were many kitchens where the servants would share their meals with +her, and also steal sugar and apples and other dainties for her to carry +home—or give her a chance to pilfer them herself, which would answer +just as well. And there was the church. She was a more rabid and devoted +Methodist than ever, and her piety was no sham, but was strong and +sincere. Yes, with plenty of creature comforts and her old place in the +amen corner in her possession again, she would be perfectly happy and at +peace thenceforward to the end. +</p> +<p> +She went to Judge Driscoll's kitchen first of all. She was received +there in great form and with vast enthusiasm. Her wonderful travels, and +the strange countries she had seen, and the adventures she had had, made +her a marvel and a heroine of romance. The Negros hung enchanted upon a +great story of her experiences, interrupting her all along with eager +questions, with laughter, exclamations of delight, and expressions of +applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if there was +anything better in this world than steamboating, it was the glory to be +got by telling about it. The audience loaded her stomach with their +dinners, and then stole the pantry bare to load up her basket. +</p> +<p> +Tom was in St. Louis. The servants said he had spent the best part of +his time there during the previous two years. Roxy came every day, and +had many talks about the family and its affairs. Once she asked why Tom +was away so much. The ostensible "Chambers" said: +</p> +<p> +"De fac' is, ole marster kin git along better when young marster's away +den he kin when he's in de town; yes, en he love him better, too; so he +gives him fifty dollahs a month—" +</p> +<p> +"No, is dat so? Chambers, you's a-jokin', ain't you?" +</p> +<p> +"'Clah to goodness I ain't, Mammy; Marse Tom tole me so his own self. But +nemmine, 'tain't enough." +</p> +<p> +"My lan', what de reason 'tain't enough?" +</p> +<p> +"Well, I's gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, Mammy. De reason it +ain't enough is 'ca'se Marse Tom gambles." +</p> +<p> +Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment, and Chambers went on: +</p> +<p> +"Ole marster found it out, 'ca'se he had to pay two hundred dollahs for +Marse Tom's gamblin' debts, en dat's true, Mammy, jes as dead certain as +you's bawn." +</p> +<p> +"Two—hund'd dollahs! Why, what is you talkin' 'bout? +Two—hund'd—dollahs. Sakes alive, it's 'mos' enough to buy a tol'able +good secondhand nigger wid. En you ain't lyin', honey? You wouldn't lie +to you' old Mammy?" +</p> +<p> +"It's God's own truth, jes as I tell you—two hund'd dollahs—I wisht I +may never stir outen my tracks if it ain't so. En, oh, my lan', ole Marse +was jes a-hoppin'! He was b'ilin' mad, I tell you! He tuck 'n' +dissenhurrit him." +</p> +<p> +"Disen<i>whiched</i> him?" +</p> +<p> +"Dissenhurrit him." +</p> +<p> +"What's dat? What do you mean?" +</p> +<p> +"Means he bu'sted de will." +</p> +<p> +"Bu's—ted de will! He wouldn't <i>ever</i> treat him so! Take it back, you +mis'able imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow en tribbilation." +</p> +<p> +Roxy's pet castle—an occasional dollar from Tom's pocket—was tumbling +to ruin before her eyes. She could not abide such a disaster as that; +she couldn't endure the thought of it. Her remark amused Chambers. +</p> +<p> +"Yah-yah-yah! Jes listen to dat! If I's imitation, what is you? Bofe of +us is imitation <i>white</i>—dat's what we is—en pow'ful good imitation, +too. Yah-yah-yah! We don't 'mount to noth'n as imitation <i>niggers</i>; en +as for—" +</p> +<p> +"Shet up yo' foolin', 'fo' I knock you side de head, en tell me 'bout de +will. Tell me 'tain't bu'sted—do, honey, en I'll never forgit you." +</p> +<p> +"Well, <i>'tain't</i>—'ca'se dey's a new one made, en Marse Tom's all right +ag'in. But what is you in sich a sweat 'bout it for, Mammy? 'Tain't +none o' your business I don't reckon." +</p> +<p> +"'Tain't none o' my business? Whose business is it den, I'd like to +know? Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen years old, or wusn't I?—you +answer me dat. En you speck I could see him turned out po' and ornery on +de worl' en never care noth'n' 'bout it? I reckon if you'd ever be'n a +mother yo'self, Valet de Chambers, you wouldn't talk sich foolishness as +dat." +</p> +<p> +"Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will ag'in—do dat +satisfy you?" +</p> +<p> +Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and sentimental over it. She +kept coming daily, and at last she was told that Tom had come home. She +began to tremble with emotion, and straightway sent to beg him to let his +"po' ole nigger Mammy have jes one sight of him en die for joy." +</p> +<p> +Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when Chambers brought the +petition. Time had not modified his ancient detestation of the humble +drudge and protector of his boyhood; it was still bitter and +uncompromising. He sat up and bent a severe gaze upon the face of the +young fellow whose name he was unconsciously using and whose family +rights he was enjoying. He maintained the gaze until the victim of it +had become satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said: +</p> +<p> +"What does the old rip want with me?" +</p> +<p> +The petition was meekly repeated. +</p> +<p> +"Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the social +attentions of niggers?" +</p> +<p> +Tom had risen. The other young man was trembling now, visibly. He saw +what was coming, and bent his head sideways, and put up his left arm to +shield it. Tom rained cuffs upon the head and its shield, saying no +word: the victim received each blow with a beseeching, "Please, Marse +Tom!—oh, please, Marse Tom!" Seven blows—then Tom said, "Face the +door—march!" He followed behind with one, two, three solid kicks. The +last one helped the pure-white slave over the door-sill, and he limped +away mopping his eyes with his old, ragged sleeve. Tom shouted after +him, "Send her in!" +</p> +<p> +Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and rasped out the +remark, "He arrived just at the right moment; I was full to the brim with +bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it out of. How refreshing it was! +I feel better." +</p> +<p> +Tom's mother entered now, closing the door behind her, and approached her +son with all the wheedling and supplication servilities that fear and +interest can impart to the words and attitudes of the born slave. She +stopped a yard from her boy and made two or three admiring exclamations +over his manly stature and general handsomeness, and Tom put an arm under +his head and hoisted a leg over the sofa back in order to look properly +indifferent. +</p> +<p> +"My lan', how you is growed, honey! 'Clah to goodness, I wouldn't +a-knowed you, Marse Tom! 'Deed I wouldn't! Look at me good; does you +'member old Roxy? Does you know yo' old nigger mammy, honey? Well now, I +kin lay down en die in peace, 'ca'se I'se seed—" +</p> +<p> +"Cut it short, Goddamn it, cut it short! What is it you want?" +</p> +<p> +"You heah dat? Jes the same old Marse Tom, al'ays so gay and funnin' wid +de ole mammy. I'uz jes as shore—" +</p> +<p> +"Cut it short, I tell you, and get along! What do you want?" +</p> +<p> +This was a bitter disappointment. Roxy had for so many days nourished +and fondled and petted her notion that Tom would be glad to see his old +nurse, and would make her proud and happy to the marrow with a cordial +word or two, that it took two rebuffs to convince her that he was not +funning, and that her beautiful dream was a fond and foolish variety, a +shabby and pitiful mistake. She was hurt to the heart, and so ashamed +that for a moment she did not quite know what to do or how to act. Then +her breast began to heave, the tears came, and in her forlornness she was +moved to try that other dream of hers—an appeal to her boy's charity; +and so, upon the impulse, and without reflection, she offered her +supplication: +</p> +<p> +"Oh, Marse Tom, de po' ole mammy is in sich hard luck dese days; en she's +kinder crippled in de arms and can't work, en if you could gimme a +dollah—on'y jes one little dol—" +</p> +<p> +Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was startled into a +jump herself. +</p> +<p> +"A dollar!—give you a dollar! I've a notion to strangle you! Is <i>that</i> +your errand here? Clear out! And be quick about it!" +</p> +<p> +Roxy backed slowly toward the door. When she was halfway she stopped, +and said mournfully: +</p> +<p> +"Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en I raised you all +by myself tell you was 'most a young man; en now you is young en rich, en +I is po' en gitt'n ole, en I come heah b'leavin' dat you would he'p de +ole mammy 'long down de little road dat's lef' 'twix' her en de grave, +en—" +</p> +<p> +Tom relished this tune less than any that he had preceded it, for it +began to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; so he interrupted and +said with decision, though without asperity, that he was not in a +situation to help her, and wasn't going to do it. +</p> +<p> +"Ain't you ever gwine to he'p me, Marse Tom?" +</p> +<p> +"No! Now go away and don't bother me any more." +</p> +<p> +Roxy's head was down, in an attitude of humility. But now the fires of +her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began to burn fiercely. She +raised her head slowly, till it was well up, and at the same time her +great frame unconsciously assumed an erect and masterful attitude, with +all the majesty and grace of her vanished youth in it. She raised her +finger and punctuated with it. +</p> +<p> +"You has said de word. You has had yo' chance, en you has trompled it +under yo' foot. When you git another one, you'll git down on yo' knees +en <i>beg</i> for it!" +</p> +<p> +A cold chill went to Tom's heart, he didn't know why; for he did not +reflect that such words, from such an incongruous source, and so solemnly +delivered, could not easily fail of that effect. However, he did the +natural thing: he replied with bluster and mockery. +</p> +<p> +"<i>You'll</i> give me a chance—<i>you</i>! Perhaps I'd better get down on my +knees now! But in case I don't—just for argument's sake—what's going +to happen, pray?" +</p> +<p> +"Dis is what is gwine to happen, I's gwine as straight to yo' uncle as I +kin walk, en tell him every las' thing I knows 'bout you." +</p> +<p> +Tom's cheek blenched, and she saw it. Disturbing thoughts began to chase +each other through his head. "How can she know? And yet she must have +found out—she looks it. I've had the will back only three months, and +am already deep in debt again, and moving heaven and earth to save myself +from exposure and destruction, with a reasonably fair show of getting the +thing covered up if I'm let alone, and now this fiend has gone and found +me out somehow or other. I wonder how much she knows? Oh, oh, oh, it's +enough to break a body's heart! But I've got to humor her—there's no +other way." +</p> +<p> +Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh and a hollow +chipperness of manner, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like you and me mustn't quarrel. +Here's your dollar—now tell me what you know." +</p> +<p> +He held out the wildcat bill; she stood as she was, and made no movement. +It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery now, and she did not waste +it. She said, with a grim implacability in voice and manner which made +Tom almost realize that even a former slave can remember for ten minutes +insults and injuries returned for compliments and flatteries received, +and can also enjoy taking revenge for them when the opportunity offers: +</p> +<p> +"What does I know? I'll tell you what I knows, I knows enough to bu'st +dat will to flinders—en more, mind you, <i>more!</i>" +</p> +<p> +Tom was aghast. +</p> +<p> +"More?" he said, "What do you call more? Where's there any room for +more?" +</p> +<p> +Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with a toss of her +head, and her hands on her hips: +</p> +<p> +"Yes!—oh, I reckon! <i>co'se</i> you'd like to know—wid yo' po' little ole +rag dollah. What you reckon I's gwine to tell <i>you</i> for?—you ain't got +no money. I's gwine to tell yo' uncle—en I'll do it dis minute, +too—he'll gimme FIVE dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too." +</p> +<p> +She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. Tom was in a +panic. He seized her skirts, and implored her to wait. She turned and +said, loftily: +</p> +<p> +"Look-a-heah, what 'uz it I tole you?" +</p> +<p> +"You—you—I don't remember anything. What was it you told me?" +</p> +<p> +"I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you'd git down on yo' +knees en beg for it." +</p> +<p> +Tom was stupefied for a moment. He was panting with excitement. Then he +said: +</p> +<p> +"Oh, Roxy, you wouldn't require your young master to do such a horrible +thing. You can't mean it." +</p> +<p> +"I'll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or not! You call me +names, en as good as spit on me when I comes here, po' en ornery en +'umble, to praise you for bein' growed up so fine and handsome, en tell +you how I used to nuss you en tend you en watch you when you 'uz sick en +hadn't no mother but me in de whole worl', en beg you to give de po' ole +nigger a dollah for to get her som'n' to eat, en you call me +names—<i>names</i>, dad blame you! Yassir, I gives you jes one chance mo', +and dat's <i>now</i>, en it las' on'y half a second—you hear?" +</p> +<p> +Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying: +</p> +<p> +"You see I'm begging, and it's honest begging, too! Now tell me, Roxy, +tell me." +</p> +<p> +The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage looked down on +him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of satisfaction. Then she said: +</p> +<p> +"Fine nice young white gen'l'man kneelin' down to a nigger wench! I's +wanted to see dat jes once befo' I's called. Now, Gabr'el, blow de hawn, +I's ready . . . Git up!" +</p> +<p> +Tom did it. He said, humbly: +</p> +<p> +"Now, Roxy, don't punish me any more. I deserved what I've got, but be +good and let me off with that. Don't go to uncle. Tell me—I'll give +you the five dollars." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, I bet you will; en you won't stop dah, nuther. But I ain't gwine +to tell you heah—" +</p> +<p> +"Good gracious, no!" +</p> +<p> +"Is you 'feared o' de ha'nted house?" +</p> +<p> +"N-no." +</p> +<p> +"Well, den, you come to de ha'nted house 'bout ten or 'leven tonight, en +climb up de ladder, 'ca'se de sta'rsteps is broke down, en you'll find +me. I's a-roostin' in de ha'nted house 'ca'se I can't 'ford to roos' +nowher's else." She started toward the door, but stopped and said, +"Gimme de dollah bill!" He gave it to her. She examined it and said, +"H'm—like enough de bank's bu'sted." She started again, but halted +again. "Has you got any whisky?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, a little." +</p> +<p> +"Fetch it!" +</p> +<p> +He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle which was +two-thirds full. She tilted it up and took a drink. Her eyes sparkled +with satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under her shawl, saying, +"It's prime. I'll take it along." +</p> +<p> +Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and erect +as a grenadier. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0009"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 9 — Tom Practices Sycophancy +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a + funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. + There was once a man who, not being able to find any other + fault with his coal, complained that there were too many + prehistoric toads in it.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Tom flung himself on the sofa, and put his throbbing head in his hands, +and rested his elbows on his knees. He rocked himself back and forth and +moaned. +</p> +<p> +"I've knelt to a nigger wench!" he muttered. "I thought I had struck the +deepest depths of degradation before, but oh, dear, it was nothing to +this. . . . Well, there is one consolation, such as it is—I've struck +bottom this time; there's nothing lower." +</p> +<p> +But that was a hasty conclusion. +</p> +<p> +At ten that night he climbed the ladder in the haunted house, pale, weak, +and wretched. Roxy was standing in the door of one of the rooms, +waiting, for she had heard him. +</p> +<p> +This was a two-story log house which had acquired the reputation a few +years ago of being haunted, and that was the end of its usefulness. +Nobody would live in it afterward, or go near it by night, and most +people even gave it a wide berth in the daytime. As it had no +competition, it was called <i>the</i> haunted house. It was getting crazy and +ruinous now, from long neglect. It stood three hundred yards beyond +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, with nothing between but vacancy. It was the +last house in the town at that end. +</p> +<p> +Tom followed Roxy into the room. She had a pile of clean straw in the +corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept clothing was hanging on the +wall, there was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little spots of +light, and there were various soap and candle boxes scattered about, +which served for chairs. The two sat down. Roxy said: +</p> +<p> +"Now den, I'll tell you straight off, en I'll begin to k'leck de money +later on; I ain't in no hurry. What does you reckon I's gwine to tell +you?" +</p> +<p> +"Well, you—you—oh, Roxy, don't make it too hard for me! Come right out +and tell me you've found out somehow what a shape I'm in on account of +dissipation and foolishness." +</p> +<p> +"Disposition en foolishness! NO sir, dat ain't it. Dat jist ain't +nothin' at all, 'longside o' what <i>I</i> knows." +</p> +<p> +Tom stared at her, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Why, Roxy, what do you mean?" +</p> +<p> +She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. +</p> +<p> +"I means dis—en it's de Lord's truth. You ain't no more kin to ole +Marse Driscoll den I is! <i>dat's</i> what I means!" and her eyes flamed +with triumph. +</p> +<p> +"What?" +</p> +<p> +"Yassir, en <i>dat</i> ain't all! You's a <i>nigger!</i>—<i>bawn</i> a nigger and a +<i>slave!</i>—en you's a nigger en a slave dis minute; en if I opens my mouf +ole Marse Driscoll'll sell you down de river befo' you is two days older +den what you is now!" +</p> +<p> +"It's a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite!" +</p> +<p> +"It ain't no lie, nuther. It's just de truth, en nothin' <i>but</i> de truth, +so he'p me. Yassir—you's my <i>son</i>—" +</p> +<p> +"You devil!" +</p> +<p> +"En dat po' boy dat you's be'n a-kickin' en a-cuffin' today is Percy +Driscoll's son en yo' <i>marster</i>—" +</p> +<p> +"You beast!" +</p> +<p> +"En <i>his</i> name is Tom Driscoll, en <i>yo's</i> name's Valet de Chambers, en +you ain't GOT no fambly name, beca'se niggers don't <i>have</i> em!" +</p> +<p> +Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised it, but his mother +only laughed at him, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Set down, you pup! Does you think you kin skyer me? It ain't in you, +nor de likes of you. I reckon you'd shoot me in de back, maybe, if you +got a chance, for dat's jist yo' style—<i>I</i> knows you, throo en +throo—but I don't mind gitt'n killed, beca'se all dis is down in writin' +and it's in safe hands, too, en de man dat's got it knows whah to look +for de right man when I gits killed. Oh, bless yo' soul, if you puts yo' +mother up for as big a fool as <i>you</i> is, you's pow'ful mistaken, I kin +tell you! Now den, you set still en behave yo'self; en don't you git up +ag'in till I tell you!" +</p> +<p> +Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing sensations +and emotions, and finally said, with something like settled conviction: +</p> +<p> +"The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do your worst; I'm +done with you." +</p> +<p> +Roxy made no answer. She took the lantern and started for the door. Tom +was in a cold panic in a moment. +</p> +<p> +"Come back, come back!" he wailed. "I didn't mean it, Roxy; I take it +all back, and I'll never say it again! Please come back, Roxy!" +</p> +<p> +The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: +</p> +<p> +"Dat's one thing you's got to stop, Valet de Chambers. You can't call me +<i>Roxy</i>, same as if you was my equal. Chillen don't speak to dey mammies +like dat. You'll call me ma or mammy, dat's what you'll call +me—leastways when de ain't nobody aroun'. <i>Say</i> it!" +</p> +<p> +It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. +</p> +<p> +"Dat's all right, don't you ever forgit it ag'in, if you knows what's +good for you. Now den, you had said you wouldn't ever call it lies en +moonshine ag'in. I'll tell you dis, for a warnin': if you ever does say +it ag'in, it's de LAS' time you'll ever say it to me; I'll tramp as +straight to de judge as I kin walk, en tell him who you is, en <i>prove</i> +it. Does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" +</p> +<p> +"Oh," groaned Tom, "I more than believe it; I <i>know</i> it." +</p> +<p> +Roxy knew her conquest was complete. She could have proved nothing to +anybody, and her threat of writings was a lie; but she knew the person +she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any doubt as +to the effect they would produce. +</p> +<p> +She went and sat down on her candle box, and the pride and pomp of her +victorious attitude made it a throne. She said: +</p> +<p> +"Now den, Chambers, we's gwine to talk business, en dey ain't gwine to be +no mo' foolishness. In de fust place, you gits fifty dollahs a month; +you's gwine to han' over half of it to yo' ma. Plank it out!" +</p> +<p> +But Tom had only six dollars in the world. He gave her that, and +promised to start fair on next month's pension. +</p> +<p> +"Chambers, how much is you in debt?" +</p> +<p> +Tom shuddered, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Nearly three hundred dollars." +</p> +<p> +"How is you gwine to pay it?" +</p> +<p> +Tom groaned out: "Oh, I don't know; don't ask me such awful questions." +</p> +<p> +But she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: he +had been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from +private houses; in fact, he made a good deal of a raid on his fellow +villagers a fortnight before, when he was supposed to be in St. Louis; +but he doubted if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the required +amount, and was afraid to make a further venture in the present excited +state of the town. His mother approved of his conduct, and offered to +help, but this frightened him. He tremblingly ventured to say that if +she would retire from the town he should feel better and safer, and could +hold his head higher—and was going on to make an argument, but she +interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying she was ready; it +didn't make any difference to her where she stayed, so that she got her +share of the pension regularly. She said she would not go far, and would +call at the haunted house once a month for her money. Then she said: +</p> +<p> +"I don't hate you so much now, but I've hated you a many a year—and +anybody would. Didn't I change you off, en give you a good fambly en a +good name, en made you a white gen'l'man en rich, wid store clothes +on—en what did I git for it? You despised me all de time, en was al'ays +sayin' mean hard things to me befo' folks, en wouldn't ever let me forgit +I's a nigger—en—en—" +</p> +<p> +She fell to sobbing, and broke down. Tom said: "But you know I didn't +know you were my mother; and besides—" +</p> +<p> +"Well, nemmine 'bout dat, now; let it go. I's gwine to fo'git it." Then +she added fiercely, "En don't ever make me remember it ag'in, or you'll +be sorry, <i>I</i> tell you." +</p> +<p> +When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive way he could +command: +</p> +<p> +"Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?" +</p> +<p> +He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. He was mistaken. +Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Does I mine tellin' you? No, dat I don't! You ain't got no 'casion to +be shame' o' yo' father, <i>I</i> kin tell you. He wuz de highest quality in +dis whole town—ole Virginny stock. Fust famblies, he wuz. Jes as good +stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes' day dey ever seed." She put +on a little prouder air, if possible, and added impressively: "Does you +'member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh Essex, dat died de same year yo' young +Marse Tom Driscoll's pappy died, en all de Masons en Odd Fellers en +Churches turned out en give him de bigges' funeral dis town ever seed? +Dat's de man." +</p> +<p> +Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of +her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a +dignity and state that might have passed for queenly if her surroundings +had been a little more in keeping with it. +</p> +<p> +"Dey ain't another nigger in dis town dat's as highbawn as you is. Now +den, go 'long! En jes you hold yo' head up as high as you want to—you +has de right, en dat I kin swah." +</p> +<a name="2HCH0010"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 10 — The Nymph Revealed +</h2> +<pre> + <i>All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"—a strange + complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to + live.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Every now and then, after Tom went to bed, he had sudden wakings out of +his sleep, and his first thought was, "Oh, joy, it was all a dream!" +Then he laid himself heavily down again, with a groan and the muttered +words, "A nigger! I am a nigger! Oh, I wish I was dead!" +</p> +<p> +He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, and then he +resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous sleep. He began to +think. Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were. They wandered along +something after this fashion: +</p> +<p> +"Why were niggers <i>and</i> whites made? What crime did the uncreated first +nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed for him? And why is +this awful difference made between white and black? . . . How hard the +nigger's fate seems, this morning!—yet until last night such a thought +never entered my head." +</p> +<p> +He sighed and groaned an hour or more away. Then "Chambers" came humbly +in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. "Tom" blushed scarlet to see +this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, a nigger, and call him +"Young Marster." He said roughly: +</p> +<p> +"Get out of my sight!" and when the youth was gone, he muttered, "He has +done me no harm, poor wretch, but he is an eyesore to me now, for he is +Driscoll, the young gentleman, and I am a—oh, I wish I was dead!" +</p> +<p> +A gigantic eruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years ago, with the +accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of volcanic dust, +changes the face of the surrounding landscape beyond recognition, +bringing down the high lands, elevating the low, making fair lakes where +deserts had been, and deserts where green prairies had smiled before. +The tremendous catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his moral +landscape in much the same way. Some of his low places he found lifted to +ideals, some of his ideas had sunk to the valleys, and lay there with the +sackcloth and ashes of pumice stone and sulphur on their ruined heads. +</p> +<p> +For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, thinking +—trying to get his bearings. It was new work. If he met a friend, he +found that the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way vanished +—his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the hand for a +shake. It was the "nigger" in him asserting its humility, and he blushed +and was abashed. And the "nigger" in him was surprised when the white +friend put out his hand for a shake with him. He found the "nigger" in +him involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, to a white rowdy and +loafer. When Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, the idol of his +secret worship, invited him in, the "nigger" in him made an embarrassed +excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with the dread white folks on +equal terms. The "nigger" in him went shrinking and skulking here and +there and yonder, and fancying it saw suspicion and maybe detection in +all faces, tones, and gestures. So strange and uncharacteristic was +Tom's conduct that people noticed it, and turned to look after him when +he passed on; and when he glanced back—as he could not help doing, in +spite of his best resistance—and caught that puzzled expression in a +person's face, it gave him a sick feeling, and he took himself out of +view as quickly as he could. He presently came to have a hunted sense +and a hunted look, and then he fled away to the hilltops and the +solitudes. He said to himself that the curse of Ham was upon him. +</p> +<p> +He dreaded his meals; the "nigger" in him was ashamed to sit at the white +folk's table, and feared discovery all the time; and once when Judge +Driscoll said, "What's the matter with you? You look as meek as a +nigger," he felt as secret murderers are said to feel when the accuser +says, "Thou art the man!" Tom said he was not well, and left the table. +</p> +<p> +His ostensible "aunt's" solicitudes and endearments were become a terror +to him, and he avoided them. +</p> +<p> +And all the time, hatred of his ostensible "uncle" was steadily growing +in his heart; for he said to himself, "He is white; and I am his chattel, +his property, his goods, and he can sell me, just as he could his dog." +</p> +<p> +For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his character had +undergone a pretty radical change. But that was because he did not know +himself. +</p> +<p> +In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and would never go +back to what they were before, but the main structure of his character +was not changed, and could not be changed. One or two very important +features of it were altered, and in time effects would result from this, +if opportunity offered—effects of a quite serious nature, too. Under the +influence of a great mental and moral upheaval, his character and his +habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, but after a while +with the subsidence of the storm, both began to settle toward their +former places. He dropped gradually back into his old frivolous and +easygoing ways and conditions of feeling and manner of speech, and no +familiar of his could have detected anything in him that differentiated +him from the weak and careless Tom of other days. +</p> +<p> +The theft raid which he had made upon the village turned out better than +he had ventured to hope. It produced the sum necessary to pay his gaming +debts, and saved him from exposure to his uncle and another smashing of +the will. He and his mother learned to like each other fairly well. She +couldn't love him, as yet, because there "warn't nothing <i>to</i> him," as +she expressed it, but her nature needed something or somebody to rule +over, and he was better than nothing. Her strong character and +aggressive and commanding ways compelled Tom's admiration in spite of the +fact that he got more illustrations of them than he needed for his +comfort. However, as a rule her conversation was made up of racy tales +about the privacies of the chief families of the town (for she went +harvesting among their kitchens every time she came to the village), and +Tom enjoyed this. It was just in his line. She always collected her +half of his pension punctually, and he was always at the haunted house to +have a chat with her on these occasions. Every now and then, she paid +him a visit there on between-days also. +</p> +<p> +Occasions he would run up to St. Louis for a few weeks, and at last +temptation caught him again. He won a lot of money, but lost it, and +with it a deal more besides, which he promised to raise as soon as +possible. +</p> +<p> +For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. He never meddled +with any other town, for he was afraid to venture into houses whose ins +and outs he did not know and the habits of whose households he was not +acquainted with. He arrived at the haunted house in disguise on the +Wednesday before the advent of the twins—after writing his Aunt Pratt +that he would not arrive until two days after—and laying in hiding there +with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, when he went to his +uncle's house and entered by the back way with his own key, and slipped +up to his room where he could have the use of the mirror and toilet +articles. He had a suit of girl's clothes with him in a bundle as a +disguise for his raid, and was wearing a suit of his mother's clothing, +with black gloves and veil. By dawn he was tricked out for his raid, but +he caught a glimpse of Pudd'nhead Wilson through the window over the way, +and knew that Pudd'nhead had caught a glimpse of him. So he entertained +Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes for a while, then stepped +out of sight and resumed the other disguise, and by and by went down and +out the back way and started downtown to reconnoiter the scene of his +intended labors. +</p> +<p> +But he was ill at ease. He had changed back to Roxy's dress, with the +stoop of age added to the disguise, so that Wilson would not bother +himself about a humble old women leaving a neighbor's house by the back +way in the early morning, in case he was still spying. But supposing +Wilson had seen him leave, and had thought it suspicious, and had also +followed him? The thought made Tom cold. He gave up the raid for the +day, and hurried back to the haunted house by the obscurest route he +knew. His mother was gone; but she came back, by and by, with the news of +the grand reception at Patsy Cooper's, and soon persuaded him that the +opportunity was like a special Providence, it was so inviting and +perfect. So he went raiding, after all, and made a nice success of it +while everybody was gone to Patsy Cooper's. Success gave him nerve and +even actual intrepidity; insomuch, indeed, that after he had conveyed his +harvest to his mother in a back alley, he went to the reception himself, +and added several of the valuables of that house to his takings. +</p> +<p> +After this long digression we have now arrived once more at the point +where Pudd'nhead Wilson, while waiting for the arrival of the twins on +that same Friday evening, sat puzzling over the strange apparition of +that morning—a girl in young Tom Driscoll's bedroom; fretting, and +guessing, and puzzling over it, and wondering who the shameless creature +might be. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0011"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 11 — Pudd'nhead's Thrilling Discovery +</h2> +<pre> + <i>There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and + the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1—to tell him + you have read one of his books; 2—to tell him you have read + all of his books; 3—to ask him to let you read the + manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his + respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries + you clear into his heart.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +The twins arrived presently, and talk began. It flowed along chattily +and sociably, and under its influence the new friendship gathered ease +and strength. Wilson got out his Calendar, by request, and read a +passage or two from it, which the twins praised quite cordially. This +pleased the author so much that he complied gladly when they asked him to +lend them a batch of the work to read at home. In the course of their +wide travels, they had found out that there are three sure ways of +pleasing an author; they were now working the best of the three. +</p> +<p> +There was an interruption now. Young Driscoll appeared, and joined the +party. He pretended to be seeing the distinguished strangers for the +first time when they rose to shake hands; but this was only a blind, as +he had already had a glimpse of them, at the reception, while robbing the +house. The twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and rather +handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements—graceful, in fact. +Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there was something +veiled and sly about it. Angelo thought he had a pleasant free-and-easy +way of talking; Luigi thought it was more so than was agreeable. Angelo +thought he was a sufficiently nice young man; Luigi reserved his +decision. Tom's first contribution to the conversation was a question +which he had put to Wilson a hundred times before. It was always cheerily +and good-natured put, and always inflicted a little pang, for it touched +a secret sore; but this time the pang was sharp, since strangers were +present. +</p> +<p> +"Well, how does the law come on? Had a case yet?" +</p> +<p> +Wilson bit his lip, but answered, "No—not yet," with as much +indifference as he could assume. Judge Driscoll had generously left the +law feature out of Wilson's biography which he had furnished to the +twins. Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Wilson's a lawyer, gentlemen, but he doesn't practice now." +</p> +<p> +The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, and said without +passion: +</p> +<p> +"I don't practice, it is true. It is true that I have never had a case, +and have had to earn a poor living for twenty years as an expert +accountant in a town where I can't get a hold of a set of books to +untangle as often as I should like. But it is also true that I did +myself well for the practice of the law. By the time I was your age, +Tom, I had chosen a profession, and was soon competent to enter upon it." +Tom winced. "I never got a chance to try my hand at it, and I may never +get a chance; and yet if I ever do get it, I shall be found ready, for I +have kept up my law studies all these years." +</p> +<p> +"That's it; that's good grit! I like to see it. I've a notion to throw +all my business your way. My business and your law practice ought to +make a pretty gay team, Dave," and the young fellow laughed again. +</p> +<p> +"If you will throw—" Wilson had thought of the girl in Tom's bedroom, +and was going to say, "If you will throw the surreptitious and +disreputable part of your business my way, it may amount to something," +but thought better of it and said, +</p> +<p> +"However, this matter doesn't fit well in a general conversation." +</p> +<p> +"All right, we'll change the subject; I guess you were about to give me +another dig, anyway, so I'm willing to change. How's the Awful Mystery +flourishing these days? Wilson's got a scheme for driving plain window +glass panes out of the market by decorating it with greasy finger marks, +and getting rich by selling it at famine prices to the crowned heads over +in Europe to outfit their palaces with. Fetch it out, Dave." +</p> +<p> +Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said: +</p> +<p> +"I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right hand through his hair, +so as to get a little coating of the natural oil on them, and then press +the balls of them on the glass. A fine and delicate print of the lines +in the skin results, and is permanent, if it doesn't come in contact with +something able to rub it off. You begin, Tom." +</p> +<p> +"Why, I think you took my finger marks once or twice before." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, but you were a little boy the last time, only about twelve years +old." +</p> +<p> +"That's so. Of course, I've changed entirely since then, and variety is +what the crowned heads want, I guess." +</p> +<p> +He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, and pressed them +one at a time on the glass. Angelo made a print of his fingers on +another glass, and Luigi followed with a third. Wilson marked the +glasses with names and dates, and put them away. Tom gave one of his +little laughs, and said: +</p> +<p> +"I thought I wouldn't say anything, but if variety is what you are after, +you have wasted a piece of glass. The hand print of one twin is the same +as the hand print of the fellow twin." +</p> +<p> +"Well, it's done now, and I like to have them both, anyway," said Wilson, +returned to his place. +</p> +<p> +"But look here, Dave," said Tom, "you used to tell people's fortunes, too, +when you took their finger marks. Dave's just an all-round genius—a +genius of the first water, gentlemen; a great scientist running to seed +here in this village, a prophet with the kind of honor that prophets +generally get at home—for here they don't give shucks for his +scientifics, and they call his skull a notion factory—hey, Dave, ain't +it so? But never mind, he'll make his mark someday—finger mark, you +know, he-he! But really, you want to let him take a shy at your palms +once; it's worth twice the price of admission or your money's returned at +the door. Why, he'll read your wrinkles as easy as a book, and not only +tell you fifty or sixty things that's going to happen to you, but fifty +or sixty thousand that ain't. Come, Dave, show the gentlemen what an +inspired jack-at-all-science we've got in this town, and don't know it." +</p> +<p> +Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous chaff, and the +twins suffered with him and for him. They rightly judged, now, that the +best way to relieve him would be to take the thing in earnest and +treat it with respect, ignoring Tom's rather overdone raillery; so Luigi +said: +</p> +<p> +"We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, and know very +well what astonishing things it can do. If it isn't a science, and one +of the greatest of them too, I don't know what its other name ought to +be. In the Orient—" +</p> +<p> +Tom looked surprised and incredulous. He said: +</p> +<p> +"That juggling a science? But really, you ain't serious, are you?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, entirely so. Four years ago we had our hands read out to us as if +our plans had been covered with print." +</p> +<p> +"Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in it?" asked Tom, +his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. +</p> +<p> +"There was this much in it," said Angelo: "what was told us of our +characters was minutely exact—we could have not have bettered it +ourselves. Next, two or three memorable things that have happened to us +were laid bare—things which no one present but ourselves could have +known about." +</p> +<p> +"Why, it's rank sorcery!" exclaimed Tom, who was now becoming very much +interested. "And how did they make out with what was going to happen to +you in the future?" +</p> +<p> +"On the whole, quite fairly," said Luigi. "Two or three of the most +striking things foretold have happened since; much the most striking one +of all happened within that same year. Some of the minor prophesies have +come true; some of the minor and some of the major ones have not been +fulfilled yet, and of course may never be: still, I should be more +surprised if they failed to arrive than if they didn't." +</p> +<p> +Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed. He said, +apologetically: +</p> +<p> +"Dave, I wasn't meaning to belittle that science; I was only chaffing +—chattering, I reckon I'd better say. I wish you would look at their +palms. Come, won't you?" +</p> +<p> +"Why certainly, if you want me to; but you know I've had no chance to +become an expert, and don't claim to be one. When a past event is +somewhat prominently recorded in the palm, I can generally detect that, +but minor ones often escape me—not always, of course, but often—but I +haven't much confidence in myself when it comes to reading the future. I +am talking as if palmistry was a daily study with me, but that is not so. +I haven't examined half a dozen hands in the last half dozen years; you +see, the people got to joking about it, and I stopped to let the talk die +down. I'll tell you what we'll do, Count Luigi: I'll make a try at your +past, and if I have any success there—no, on the whole, I'll let the +future alone; that's really the affair of an expert." +</p> +<p> +He took Luigi's hand. Tom said: +</p> +<p> +"Wait—don't look yet, Dave! Count Luigi, here's paper and pencil. Set +down that thing that you said was the most striking one that was foretold +to you, and happened less than a year afterward, and give it to me so I +can see if Dave finds it in your hand." +</p> +<p> +Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of paper, and +handed it to Tom, saying: +</p> +<p> +"I'll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it." +</p> +<p> +Wilson began to study Luigi's palm, tracing life lines, heart lines, head +lines, and so on, and noting carefully their relations with the cobweb of +finer and more delicate marks and lines that enmeshed them on all sides; +he felt of the fleshy cushion at the base of the thumb and noted its +shape; he felt of the fleshy side of the hand between the wrist and the +base of the little finger and noted its shape also; he painstakingly +examined the fingers, observing their form, proportions, and natural +manner of disposing themselves when in repose. All this process was +watched by the three spectators with absorbing interest, their heads bent +together over Luigi's palm, and nobody disturbing the stillness with a +word. Wilson now entered upon a close survey of the palm again, and his +revelations began. +</p> +<p> +He mapped out Luigi's character and disposition, his tastes, aversions, +proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in a way which sometimes made +Luigi wince and the others laugh, but both twins declared that the chart +was artistically drawn and was correct. +</p> +<p> +Next, Wilson took up Luigi's history. He proceeded cautiously and with +hesitation now, moving his finger slowly along the great lines of the +palm, and now and then halting it at a "star" or some such landmark, and +examining that neighborhood minutely. He proclaimed one or two past +events, Luigi confirmed his correctness, and the search went on. +Presently Wilson glanced up suddenly with a surprised expression. +</p> +<p> +"Here is a record of an incident which you would perhaps not wish me +to—" +</p> +<p> +"Bring it out," said Luigi, good-naturedly. "I promise you sha'n't +embarrass me." +</p> +<p> +But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to know what to do. +Then he said: +</p> +<p> +"I think it is too delicate a matter to—to—I believe I would rather +write it or whisper it to you, and let you decide for yourself whether +you want it talked out or not." +</p> +<p> +"That will answer," said Luigi. "Write it." +</p> +<p> +Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to Luigi, who +read it to himself and said to Tom: +</p> +<p> +"Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll." +</p> +<p> +Tom said: +</p> +<p> +"'IT WAS PROPHESIED THAT I WOULD KILL A MAN. IT CAME TRUE BEFORE THE +YEAR WAS OUT.'" +</p> +<p> +Tom added, "Great Scott!" +</p> +<p> +Luigi handed Wilson's paper to Tom, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Now read this one." +</p> +<p> +Tom read: +</p> +<p> +"'YOU HAVE KILLED SOMEONE, BUT WHETHER MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD, I DO NOT +MAKE OUT.'" +</p> +<p> +"Caesar's ghost!" commented Tom, with astonishment. "It beats anything +that was ever heard of! Why, a man's own hand is his deadliest enemy! +Just think of that—a man's own hand keeps a record of the deepest and +fatalest secrets of his life, and is treacherously ready to expose +himself to any black-magic stranger that comes along. But what do you +let a person look at your hand for, with that awful thing printed on it?" +</p> +<p> +"Oh," said Luigi, reposefully, "I don't mind it. I killed the man for +good reasons, and I don't regret it." +</p> +<p> +"What were the reasons?" +</p> +<p> +"Well, he needed killing." +</p> +<p> +"I'll tell you why he did it, since he won't say himself," said Angelo, +warmly. "He did it to save my life, that's what he did it for. So it was +a noble act, and not a thing to be hid in the dark." +</p> +<p> +"So it was, so it was," said Wilson. "To do such a thing to save a +brother's life is a great and fine action." +</p> +<p> +"Now come," said Luigi, "it is very pleasant to hear you say these +things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or magnanimity, the +circumstances won't stand scrutiny. You overlook one detail; suppose I +hadn't saved Angelo's life, what would have become of mine? If I had let +the man kill him, wouldn't he have killed me, too? I saved my own life, +you see." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, that is your way of talking," said Angelo, "but I know you—I +don't believe you thought of yourself at all. I keep that weapon yet +that Luigi killed the man with, and I'll show it to you sometime. That +incident makes it interesting, and it had a history before it came into +Luigi's hands which adds to its interest. It was given to Luigi by a +great Indian prince, the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been in his +family two or three centuries. It killed a good many disagreeable people +who troubled the hearthstone at one time or another. It isn't much too +look at, except it isn't shaped like other knives, or dirks, or whatever +it may be called—here, I'll draw it for you." He took a sheet of paper +and made a rapid sketch. "There it is—a broad and murderous blade, with +edges like a razor for sharpness. The devices engraved on it are the +ciphers or names of its long line of possessors—I had Luigi's name added +in Roman letters myself with our coat of arms, as you see. You notice +what a curious handle the thing has. It is solid ivory, polished like a +mirror, and is four or five inches long—round, and as thick as a large +man's wrist, with the end squared off flat, for your thumb to rest on; +for you grasp it, with your thumb resting on the blunt end—so—and lift +it along and strike downward. The Gaikowar showed us how the thing was +done when he gave it to Luigi, and before that night was ended, Luigi had +used the knife, and the Gaikowar was a man short by reason of it. The +sheath is magnificently ornamented with gems of great value. You will +find a sheath more worth looking at than the knife itself, of course." +</p> +<p> +Tom said to himself: +</p> +<p> +"It's lucky I came here. I would have sold that knife for a song; I +supposed the jewels were glass." +</p> +<p> +"But go on; don't stop," said Wilson. "Our curiosity is up now, to hear +about the homicide. Tell us about that." +</p> +<p> +"Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all around. A native +servant slipped into our room in the palace in the night, to kill us and +steal the knife on account of the fortune encrusted on its sheath, +without a doubt. Luigi had it under his pillow; we were in bed together. +There was a dim night-light burning. I was asleep, but Luigi was awake, +and he thought he detected a vague form nearing the bed. He slipped the +knife out of the sheath and was ready and unembarrassed by hampering +bedclothes, for the weather was hot and we hadn't any. Suddenly that +native rose at the bedside, and bent over me with his right hand lifted +and a dirk in it aimed at my throat; but Luigi grabbed his wrist, pulled +him downward, and drove his own knife into the man's neck. That is the +whole story." +</p> +<p> +Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general chat about the +tragedy, Pudd'nhead said, taking Tom's hand: +</p> +<p> +"Now, Tom, I've never had a look at your palms, as it happens; perhaps +you've got some little questionable privacies that need—hel-lo!" +</p> +<p> +Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good deal confused. +</p> +<p> +"Why, he's blushing!" said Luigi. +</p> +<p> +Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply: +</p> +<p> +"Well, if I am, it ain't because I'm a murderer!" Luigi's dark face +flushed, but before he could speak or move, Tom added with anxious haste: +"Oh, I beg a thousand pardons. I didn't mean that; it was out before I +thought, and I'm very, very sorry—you must forgive me!" +</p> +<p> +Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as well as he could; +and in fact was entirely successful as far as the twins were concerned, +for they felt sorrier for the affront put upon him by his guest's +outburst of ill manners than for the insult offered to Luigi. But the +success was not so pronounced with the offender. Tom tried to seem at +his ease, and he went through the motions fairly well, but at bottom he +felt resentful toward all the three witnesses of his exhibition; in fact, +he felt so annoyed at them for having witnessed it and noticed it that he +almost forgot to feel annoyed at himself for placing it before them. +However, something presently happened which made him almost comfortable, +and brought him nearly back to a state of charity and friendliness. This +was a little spat between the twins; not much of a spat, but still a +spat; and before they got far with it, they were in a decided condition +of irritation while pretending to be actuated by more respectable +motives. By his help the fire got warmed up to the blazing point, and he +might have had the happiness of seeing the flames show up in another +moment, but for the interruption of a knock on the door—an interruption +which fretted him as much as it gratified Wilson. Wilson opened the +door. +</p> +<p> +The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic middle-aged Irishman +named John Buckstone, who was a great politician in a small way, and +always took a large share in public matters of every sort. One of the +town's chief excitements, just now, was over the matter of rum. There +was a strong rum party and a strong anti-rum party. Buckstone was +training with the rum party, and he had been sent to hunt up the twins +and invite them to attend a mass meeting of that faction. He delivered +his errand, and said the clans were already gathering in the big hall +over the market house. Luigi accepted the invitation cordially. Angelo +less cordially, since he disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful +intoxicants of America. In fact, he was even a teetotaler sometimes +—when it was judicious to be one. +</p> +<p> +The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined the company with +them uninvited. +</p> +<p> +In the distance, one could see a long wavering line of torches drifting +down the main street, and could hear the throbbing of the bass drum, the +clash of cymbals, the squeaking of a fife or two, and the faint roar of +remote hurrahs. The tail end of this procession was climbing the market +house stairs when the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when they +reached the hall, it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise, and +enthusiasm. They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone—Tom +Driscoll still following—and were delivered to the chairman in the midst +of a prodigious explosion of welcome. When the noise had moderated a +little, the chair proposed that "our illustrious guests be at once +elected, by complimentary acclamation, to membership in our ever-glorious +organization, the paradise of the free and the perdition of the slave." +</p> +<p> +This eloquent discharge opened the floodgates of enthusiasm again, and +the election was carried with thundering unanimity. Then arose a storm +of cries: +</p> +<p> +"Wet them down! Wet them down! Give them a drink!" +</p> +<p> +Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins. Luigi waves his aloft, then +brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. There was another storm +of cries. +</p> +<p> +"What's the matter with the other one?" "What is the blond one going +back on us for?" "Explain! Explain!" +</p> +<p> +The chairman inquired, and then reported: +</p> +<p> +"We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen. I find that the Count +Angelo Capello is opposed to our creed—is a teetotaler, in fact, and was +not intending to apply for membership with us. He desires that we +reconsider the vote by which he was elected. What is the pleasure of the +house?" +</p> +<p> +There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully accented with +whistlings and catcalls, but the energetic use of the gavel presently +restored something like order. Then a man spoke from the crowd, and said +that while he was very sorry that the mistake had been made, it would not +be possible to rectify it at the present meeting. According to the +bylaws, it must go over to the next regular meeting for action. He would +not offer a motion, as none was required. He desired to apologize to the +gentlemen in the name of the house, and begged to assure him that as far +as it might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his temporary +membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. +</p> +<p> +This speech was received with great applause, mixed with cries of: +</p> +<p> +"That's the talk!" "He's a good fellow, anyway, if he <i>is</i> a teetotaler!" +"Drink his health!" "Give him a rouser, and no heeltaps!" +</p> +<p> +Glasses were handed around, and everybody on the platform drank Angelo's +health, while the house bellowed forth in song: +</p> +<pre> + + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fe-el-low, + Which nobody can deny. +</pre> +<p> +Tom Driscoll drank. It was his second glass, for he had drunk Angelo's +the moment that Angelo had set it down. The two drinks made him very +merry—almost idiotically so, and he began to take a most lively and +prominent part in the proceedings, particularly in the music and catcalls +and side remarks. +</p> +<p> +The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins at his side. The +extraordinarily close resemblance of the brothers to each other suggested +a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and just as the chairman began a speech he +skipped forward and said, with an air of tipsy confidence, to the +audience: +</p> +<p> +"Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human philopena snip you +out a speech." +</p> +<p> +The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, and a mighty +burst of laughter followed. +</p> +<p> +Luigi's southern blood leaped to the boiling point in a moment under the +sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in the presence of four +hundred strangers. It was not in the young man's nature to let the +matter pass, or to delay the squaring of the account. He took a couple of +strides and halted behind the unsuspecting joker. Then he drew back and +delivered a kick of such titanic vigor that it lifted Tom clear over the +footlights and landed him on the heads of the front row of the Sons of +Liberty. +</p> +<p> +Even a sober person does not like to have a human being emptied on him +when he is not doing any harm; a person who is not sober cannot endure +such an attention at all. The nest of Sons of Liberty that Driscoll +landed in had not a sober bird in it; in fact there was probably not an +entirely sober one in the auditorium. Driscoll was promptly and +indignantly flung on the heads of Sons in the next row, and these Sons +passed him on toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel the +front row Sons who had passed him to them. This course was strictly +followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in his tumultuous and +airy flight toward the door; so he left behind him an ever-lengthening +wake of raging and plunging and fighting and swearing humanity. Down went +group after group of torches, and presently above the deafening clatter +of the gavel, roar of angry voices, and crash of succumbing benches, rose +the paralyzing cry of "<i>fire!</i>" +</p> +<p> +The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for one distinctly +defined moment, there was a dead hush, a motionless calm, where the +tempest had been; then with one impulse the multitude awoke to life and +energy again, and went surging and struggling and swaying, this way and +that, its outer edges melting away through windows and doors and +gradually lessening the pressure and relieving the mass. +</p> +<p> +The fireboys were never on hand so suddenly before; for there was no +distance to go this time, their quarters being in the rear end of the +market house, There was an engine company and a hook-and-ladder company. +Half of each was composed of rummies and the other half of anti-rummies, +after the moral and political share-and-share-alike fashion of the +frontier town of the period. Enough anti-rummies were loafing in quarters +to man the engine and the ladders. In two minutes they had their red +shirts and helmets on—they never stirred officially in unofficial +costume—and as the mass meeting overhead smashed through the long row of +windows and poured out upon the roof of the arcade, the deliverers were +ready for them with a powerful stream of water, which washed some of them +off the roof and nearly drowned the rest. But water was preferable to +fire, and still the stampede from the windows continued, and still the +pitiless drenching assailed it until the building was empty; then the +fireboys mounted to the hall and flooded it with water enough to +annihilate forty times as much fire as there was there; for a village +fire company does not often get a chance to show off, and so when it does +get a chance, it makes the most of it. Such citizens of that village as +were of a thoughtful and judicious temperament did not insure against +fire; they insured against the fire company. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0012"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 12 — The Shame of Judge Driscoll +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence + of fear. Except a creature be part coward, it is not a + compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose + misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!—incomparably + the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of + fear were courage. Whether you are asleep or awake he will + attack you, caring nothing for the fact that in bulk and + strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the + earth to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and + all days and nights in the very lap of peril and the + immediate presence of death, and yet is no more afraid than + is the man who walks the streets of a city that was + threatened by an earthquake ten centuries before. When we + speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam as men who "didn't know + what fear was," we ought always to add the flea—and put him + at the head of the procession.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Judge Driscoll was in bed and asleep by ten o'clock on Friday night, and +he was up and gone a-fishing before daylight in the morning with his +friend Pembroke Howard. These two had been boys together in Virginia +when that state still ranked as the chief and most imposing member of the +Union, and they still coupled the proud and affectionate adjective "old" +with her name when they spoke of her. In Missouri a recognized +superiority attached to any person who hailed from Old Virginia; and this +superiority was exalted to supremacy when a person of such nativity could +also prove descent from the First Families of that great commonwealth. +The Howards and Driscolls were of this aristocracy. In their eyes, it +was a nobility. It had its unwritten laws, and they were as clearly +defined and as strict as any that could be found among the printed +statutes of the land. The F.F.V. was born a gentleman; his highest duty in +life was to watch over that great inheritance and keep it unsmirched. He +must keep his honor spotless. Those laws were his chart; his course was +marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much as half a point of the +compass, it meant shipwreck to his honor; that is to say, degradation +from his rank as a gentleman. These laws required certain things of him +which his religion might forbid: then his religion must yield—the laws +could not be relaxed to accommodate religions or anything else. Honor +stood first; and the laws defined what it was and wherein it differed in +certain details from honor as defined by church creeds and by the social +laws and customs of some of the minor divisions of the globe that had got +crowded out when the sacred boundaries of Virginia were staked out. +</p> +<p> +If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of Dawson's Landing, +Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized second citizen. He was called +"the great lawyer"—an earned title. He and Driscoll were of the same +age—a year or two past sixty. +</p> +<p> +Although Driscoll was a freethinker and Howard a strong and determined +Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no impairment in consequence. +They were men whose opinions were their own property and not subject to +revision and amendment, suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their +friends. +</p> +<p> +The day's fishing finished, they came floating downstream in their skiff, +talking national politics and other high matters, and presently met a +skiff coming up from town, with a man in it who said: +</p> +<p> +"I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew a kicking last +night, Judge?" +</p> +<p> +"Did WHAT?" +</p> +<p> +"Gave him a kicking." +</p> +<p> +The old judge's lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. He choked with +anger for a moment, then he got out what he was trying to say: +</p> +<p> +"Well—well—go on! Give me the details!" +</p> +<p> +The man did it. At the finish the judge was silent a minute, turning +over in his mind the shameful picture of Tom's flight over the +footlights; then he said, as if musing aloud, +</p> +<p> +"H'm—I don't understand it. I was asleep at home. He didn't wake me. +Thought he was competent to manage his affair without my help, I reckon." +His face lit up with pride and pleasure at that thought, and he said with +a cheery complacency, "I like that—it's the true old blood—hey, +Pembroke?" +</p> +<p> +Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head approvingly. Then the +news-bringer spoke again. +</p> +<p> +"But Tom beat the twin on the trial." +</p> +<p> +The judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said: +</p> +<p> +"The trial? What trial?" +</p> +<p> +"Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault and battery." +</p> +<p> +The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has received a death +stroke. Howard sprang for him as he sank forward in a swoon, and took +him in his arms, and bedded him on his back in the boat. He sprinkled +water in his face, and said to the startled visitor: +</p> +<p> +"Go, now—don't let him come to and find you here. You see what an +effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to have been more +considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece of slander as that." +</p> +<p> +"I'm right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I wouldn't have done +it if I had thought; but it ain't slander; it's perfectly true, just as I +told him." +</p> +<p> +He rowed away. Presently the old judge came out of his faint and looked +up piteously into the sympathetic face that was bent over him. +</p> +<p> +"Say it ain't true, Pembroke; tell me it ain't true!" he said in a weak +voice. +</p> +<p> +There was nothing weak in the deep organ tones that responded: +</p> +<p> +"You know it's a lie as well as I do, old friend. He is of the best +blood of the Old Dominion." +</p> +<p> +"God bless you for saying it!" said the old gentleman, fervently. "Ah, +Pembroke, it was such a blow!" +</p> +<p> +Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and entered the house with +him. It was dark, and past supper-time, but the judge was not thinking +of supper; he was eager to hear the slander refuted from headquarters, +and as eager to have Howard hear it, too. Tom was sent for, and he came +immediately. He was bruised and lame, and was not a happy-looking +object. His uncle made him sit down, and said: +</p> +<p> +"We have been hearing about your adventure, Tom, with a handsome lie +added for embellishment. Now pulverize that lie to dust! What measures +have you taken? How does the thing stand?" +</p> +<p> +Tom answered guilelessly: "It don't stand at all; it's all over. I had +him up in court and beat him. Pudd'nhead Wilson defended him—first +case he ever had, and lost it. The judge fined the miserable hound five +dollars for the assault." +</p> +<p> +Howard and the judge sprang to their feet with the opening sentence +—why, neither knew; then they stood gazing vacantly at each other. +Howard stood a moment, then sat mournfully down without saying anything. +The judge's wrath began to kindle, and he burst out: +</p> +<p> +"You cur! You scum! You vermin! Do you mean to tell me that blood of +my race has suffered a blow and crawled to a court of law about it? +Answer me!" +</p> +<p> +Tom's head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent silence. His uncle +stared at him with a mixed expression of amazement and shame and +incredulity that was sorrowful to see. At last he said: +</p> +<p> +"Which of the twins was it?" +</p> +<p> +"Count Luigi." +</p> +<p> +"You have challenged him?" +</p> +<p> +"N—no," hesitated Tom, turning pale. +</p> +<p> +"You will challenge him tonight. Howard will carry it." +</p> +<p> +Tom began to turn sick, and to show it. He turned his hat round and +round in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and blacker upon him as +the heavy seconds drifted by; then at last he began to stammer, and said +piteously: +</p> +<p> +"Oh, please, don't ask me to do it, uncle! He is a murderous devil—I +never could—I—I'm afraid of him!" +</p> +<p> +Old Driscoll's mouth opened and closed three times before he could get it +to perform its office; then he stormed out: +</p> +<p> +"A coward in my family! A Driscoll a coward! Oh, what have I done to +deserve this infamy!" He tottered to his secretary in the corner, +repeated that lament again and again in heartbreaking tones, and got out +of a drawer a paper, which he slowly tore to bits, scattering the bits +absently in his track as he walked up and down the room, still grieving +and lamenting. At last he said: +</p> +<p> +"There it is, shreds and fragments once more—my will. Once more you +have forced me to disinherit you, you base son of a most noble father! +Leave my sight! Go—before I spit on you!" +</p> +<p> +The young man did not tarry. Then the judge turned to Howard: +</p> +<p> +"You will be my second, old friend?" +</p> +<p> +"Of course." +</p> +<p> +"There is pen and paper. Draft the cartel, and lose no time." +</p> +<p> +"The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen minutes," said Howard. +</p> +<p> +Tom was very heavyhearted. His appetite was gone with his property and +his self-respect. He went out the back way and wandered down the obscure +lane grieving, and wondering if any course of future conduct, however +discreet and carefully perfected and watched over, could win back his +uncle's favor and persuade him to reconstruct once more that generous +will which had just gone to ruin before his eyes. He finally concluded +that it could. He said to himself that he had accomplished this sort of +triumph once already, and that what had been done once could be done +again. He would set about it. He would bend every energy to the task, +and he would score that triumph once more, cost what it might to his +convenience, limit as it might his frivolous and liberty-loving life. +</p> +<p> +"To begin," he says to himself, "I'll square up with the proceeds of my +raid, and then gambling has got to be stopped—and stopped short off. +It's the worst vice I've got—from my standpoint, anyway, because it's +the one he can most easily find out, through the impatience of my +creditors. He thought it expensive to have to pay two hundred dollars to +them for me once. Expensive—<i>that!</i> Why, it cost me the whole of his +fortune—but, of course, he never thought of that; some people can't +think of any but their own side of a case. If he had known how deep I am +in now, the will would have gone to pot without waiting for a duel to +help. Three hundred dollars! It's a pile! But he'll never hear of it, +I'm thankful to say. The minute I've cleared it off, I'm safe; and I'll +never touch a card again. Anyway, I won't while he lives, I make oath to +that. I'm entering on my last reform—I know it—yes, and I'll win; but +after that, if I ever slip again I'm gone." +</p> +<a name="2HCH0013"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 13 — Tom Stares at Ruin +</h2> +<pre> + <i>When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I + know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a + different life.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to + speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, + September, April, November, May, March, June, December, + August, and February.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Thus mournfully communing with himself, Tom moped along the lane past +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, and still on and on between fences enclosing +vacant country on each hand till he neared the haunted house, then he +came moping back again, with many sighs and heavy with trouble. He sorely +wanted cheerful company. Rowena! His heart gave a bound at the thought, +but the next thought quieted it—the detested twins would be there. +</p> +<p> +He was on the inhabited side of Wilson's house, and now as he approached +it, he noticed that the sitting room was lighted. This would do; others +made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but Wilson never failed in courtesy +toward him, and a kindly courtesy does at least save one's feelings, even +if it is not professing to stand for a welcome. Wilson heard footsteps at +his threshold, then the clearing of a throat. +</p> +<p> +"It's that fickle-tempered, dissipated young goose—poor devil, he find +friends pretty scarce today, likely, after the disgrace of carrying a +personal assault case into a law-court." +</p> +<p> +A dejected knock. "Come in!" +</p> +<p> +Tom entered, and dropped into a chair, without saying anything. Wilson +said kindly: +</p> +<p> +"Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don't take it so hard. Try and forget +you have been kicked." +</p> +<p> +"Oh, dear," said Tom, wretchedly, "it's not that, Pudd'nhead—it's not +that. It's a thousand times worse than that—oh, yes, a million times +worse." +</p> +<p> +"Why, Tom, what do you mean? Has Rowena—" +</p> +<p> +"Flung me? <i>No</i>, but the old man has." +</p> +<p> +Wilson said to himself, "Aha!" and thought of the mysterious girl in the +bedroom. "The Driscolls have been making discoveries!" Then he said +aloud, gravely: +</p> +<p> +"Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which—" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, shucks, this hasn't got anything to do with dissipation. He wanted +me to challenge that derned Italian savage, and I wouldn't do it." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, of course he would do that," said Wilson in a meditative +matter-of-course way, "but the thing that puzzled me was, why he didn't +look to that last night, for one thing, and why he let you carry such a +matter into a court of law at all, either before the duel or after it. +It's no place for it. It was not like him. I couldn't understand it. +How did it happen?" +</p> +<p> +"It happened because he didn't know anything about it. He was asleep +when I got home last night." +</p> +<p> +"And you didn't wake him? Tom, is that possible?" +</p> +<p> +Tom was not getting much comfort here. He fidgeted a moment, then said: +</p> +<p> +"I didn't choose to tell him—that's all. He was going a-fishing before +dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I got the twins into the common +calaboose—and I thought sure I could—I never dreamed of their slipping +out on a paltry fine for such an outrageous offense—well, once in the +calaboose they would be disgraced, and uncle wouldn't want any duels with +that sort of characters, and wouldn't allow any. +</p> +<p> +"Tom, I am ashamed of you! I don't see how you could treat your good old +uncle so. I am a better friend of his than you are; for if I had known +the circumstances I would have kept that case out of court until I got +word to him and let him have the gentleman's chance." +</p> +<p> +"You would?" exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise. "And it your first +case! And you know perfectly well there never would have <i>been</i> any case +if he had got that chance, don't you? And you'd have finished your days +a pauper nobody, instead of being an actually launched and recognized +lawyer today. And you would really have done that, would you?" +</p> +<p> +"Certainly." +</p> +<p> +Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head sorrowfully and +said: +</p> +<p> +"I believe you—upon my word I do. I don't know why I do, but I do. +Pudd'nhead Wilson, I think you're the biggest fool I ever saw." +</p> +<p> +"Thank you." +</p> +<p> +"Don't mention it." +</p> +<p> +"Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian, and you have +refused. You degenerate remnant of an honorable line! I'm thoroughly +ashamed of you, Tom!" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, that's nothing! I don't care for anything, now that the will's torn +up again." +</p> +<p> +"Tom, tell me squarely—didn't he find any fault with you for anything +but those two things—carrying the case into court and refusing to +fight?" +</p> +<p> +He watched the young fellow's face narrowly, but it was entirely +reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: +</p> +<p> +"No, he didn't find any other fault with me. If he had had any to find, +he would have begun yesterday, for he was just in the humor for it. He +drove that jack-pair around town and showed them the sights, and when he +came home he couldn't find his father's old silver watch that don't keep +time and he thinks so much of, and couldn't remember what he did with it +three or four days ago when he saw it last, and when I suggested that it +probably wasn't lost but stolen, it put him in a regular passion, and he +said I was a fool—which convinced me, without any trouble, that that +was just what he was afraid <i>had</i> happened, himself, but did not want to +believe it, because lost things stand a better chance of being found +again than stolen ones." +</p> +<p> +"Whe-ew!" whistled Wilson. "Score another one the list." +</p> +<p> +"Another what?" +</p> +<p> +"Another theft!" +</p> +<p> +"Theft?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, theft. That watch isn't lost, it's stolen. There's been another +raid on the town—and just the same old mysterious sort of thing that has +happened once before, as you remember." +</p> +<p> +"You don't mean it!" +</p> +<p> +"It's as sure as you are born! Have you missed anything yourself?" +</p> +<p> +"No. That is, I did miss a silver pencil case that Aunt Mary Pratt gave +me last birthday—" +</p> +<p> +"You'll find it stolen—that's what you'll find." +</p> +<p> +"No, I sha'n't; for when I suggested theft about the watch and got such a +rap, I went and examined my room, and the pencil case was missing, but it +was only mislaid, and I found it again." +</p> +<p> +"You are sure you missed nothing else?" +</p> +<p> +"Well, nothing of consequence. I missed a small plain gold ring worth +two or three dollars, but that will turn up. I'll look again." +</p> +<p> +"In my opinion you'll not find it. There's been a raid, I tell you. Come +<i>in!</i>" +</p> +<p> +Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by Buckstone and the town +constable, Jim Blake. They sat down, and after some wandering and +aimless weather-conversation Wilson said: +</p> +<p> +"By the way, We've just added another to the list of thefts, maybe two. +Judge Driscoll's old silver watch is gone, and Tom here has missed a gold +ring." +</p> +<p> +"Well, it is a bad business," said the justice, "and gets worse the +further it goes. The Hankses, the Dobsons, the Pilligrews, the Ortons, +the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the Holcombs, in fact everybody +that lives around about Patsy Cooper's had been robbed of little things +like trinkets and teaspoons and suchlike small valuables that are easily +carried off. It's perfectly plain that the thief took advantage of the +reception at Patsy Cooper's when all the neighbors were in her house and +all their niggers hanging around her fence for a look at the show, to +raid the vacant houses undisturbed. Patsy is miserable about it; +miserable on account of the neighbors, and particularly miserable on +account of her foreigners, of course; so miserable on their account that +she hasn't any room to worry about her own little losses." +</p> +<p> +"It's the same old raider," said Wilson. "I suppose there isn't any +doubt about that." +</p> +<p> +"Constable Blake doesn't think so." +</p> +<p> +"No, you're wrong there," said Blake. "The other times it was a man; +there was plenty of signs of that, as we know, in the profession, though +we never got hands on him; but this time it's a woman." +</p> +<p> +Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off. She was always in +his mind now. But she failed him again. Blake continued: +</p> +<p> +"She's a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered basket on her arm, in +a black veil, dressed in mourning. I saw her going aboard the ferryboat +yesterday. Lives in Illinois, I reckon; but I don't care where she +lives, I'm going to get her—she can make herself sure of that." +</p> +<p> +"What makes you think she's the thief?" +</p> +<p> +"Well, there ain't any other, for one thing; and for another, some nigger +draymen that happened to be driving along saw her coming out of or going +into houses, and told me so—and it just happens that they was <i>robbed</i>, +every time." +</p> +<p> +It was granted that this was plenty good enough circumstantial evidence. +A pensive silence followed, which lasted some moments, then Wilson said: +</p> +<p> +"There's one good thing, anyway. She can't either pawn or sell Count +Luigi's costly Indian dagger." +</p> +<p> +"My!" said Tom. "Is <i>that</i> gone?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> +<p> +"Well, that was a haul! But why can't she pawn it or sell it?" +</p> +<p> +"Because when the twins went home from the Sons of Liberty meeting last +night, news of the raid was sifting in from everywhere, and Aunt Patsy +was in distress to know if they had lost anything. They found that the +dagger was gone, and they notified the police and pawnbrokers everywhere. +It was a great haul, yes, but the old woman won't get anything out of it, +because she'll get caught." +</p> +<p> +"Did they offer a reward?" asked Buckstone. +</p> +<p> +"Yes, five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred more for the +thief." +</p> +<p> +"What a leather-headed idea!" exclaimed the constable. "The thief das'n't +go near them, nor send anybody. Whoever goes is going to get himself +nabbed, for their ain't any pawnbroker that's going to lose the chance +to—" +</p> +<p> +If anybody had noticed Tom's face at that time, the gray-green color of +it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody did. He said to himself: +"I'm gone! I never can square up; the rest of the plunder won't pawn or +sell for half of the bill. Oh, I know it—I'm gone, I'm gone—and this +time it's for good. Oh, this is awful—I don't know what to do, nor +which way to turn!" +</p> +<p> +"Softly, softly," said Wilson to Blake. "I planned their scheme for them +at midnight last night, and it was all finished up shipshape by two this +morning. They'll get their dagger back, and then I'll explain to you how +the thing was done." +</p> +<p> +There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and Buckstone said: +</p> +<p> +"Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp, Wilson, and I'm free to say +that if you don't mind telling us in confidence—" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, I'd as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as the twins and I +agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it stand so. But you can take +my word for it, you won't be kept waiting three days. Somebody will apply +for that reward pretty promptly, and I'll show you the thief and the +dagger both very soon afterward." +</p> +<p> +The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed. He said: +</p> +<p> +"It may all be—yes, and I hope it will, but I'm blamed if I can see my +way through it. It's too many for yours truly." +</p> +<p> +The subject seemed about talked out. Nobody seemed to have anything +further to offer. After a silence the justice of the peace informed +Wilson that he and Buckstone and the constable had come as a committee, +on the part of the Democratic party, to ask him to run for mayor—for the +little town was about to become a city and the first charter election was +approaching. It was the first attention which Wilson had ever received +at the hands of any party; it was a sufficiently humble one, but it was a +recognition of his debut into the town's life and activities at last; it +was a step upward, and he was deeply gratified. He accepted, and the +committee departed, followed by young Tom. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0014"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 14 — Roxana Insists Upon Reform +</h2> +<pre> + <i>The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be + mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world's + luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of + the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels + eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know + it because she repented.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +About the time that Wilson was bowing the committee out, Pembroke Howard +was entering the next house to report. He found the old judge sitting +grim and straight in his chair, waiting. +</p> +<p> +"Well, Howard—the news?" +</p> +<p> +"The best in the world." +</p> +<p> +"Accepts, does he?" and the light of battle gleamed joyously in the +Judge's eye. +</p> +<p> +"Accepts? Why he jumped at it." +</p> +<p> +"Did, did he? Now that's fine—that's very fine. I like that. When is +it to be?" +</p> +<p> +"Now! Straight off! Tonight! An admirable fellow—admirable!" +</p> +<p> +"Admirable? He's a darling! Why, it's an honor as well as a pleasure to +stand up before such a man. Come—off with you! Go and arrange +everything—and give him my heartiest compliments. A rare fellow, indeed; +an admirable fellow, as you have said!" +</p> +<p> +"I'll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson's and the haunted +house within the hour, and I'll bring my own pistols." +</p> +<p> +Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of pleased excitement; +but presently he stopped, and began to think—began to think of Tom. +Twice he moved toward the secretary, and twice he turned away again; but +finally he said: +</p> +<p> +"This may be my last night in the world—I must not take the chance. He +is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely my fault. He was entrusted +to me by my brother on his dying bed, and I have indulged him to his +hurt, instead of training him up severely, and making a man of him, I +have violated my trust, and I must not add the sin of desertion to that. +I have forgiven him once already, and would subject him to a long and +hard trial before forgiving him again, if I could live; but I must not +run that risk. No, I must restore the will. But if I survive the duel, I +will hide it away, and he will not know, and I will not tell him until he +reforms, and I see that his reformation is going to be permanent." +</p> +<p> +He redrew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir to a fortune +again. As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied with another brooding +tramp, entered the house and went tiptoeing past the sitting room door. +He glanced in, and hurried on, for the sight of his uncle was nothing but +terrors for him tonight. But his uncle was writing! That was unusual at +this late hour. What could he be writing? A chill of anxiety settled +down upon Tom's heart. Did that writing concern him? He was afraid so. +He reflected that when ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, +but in showers. He said he would get a glimpse of that document or know +the reason why. He heard someone coming, and stepped out of sight and +hearing. It was Pembroke Howard. What could be hatching? +</p> +<p> +Howard said, with great satisfaction: +</p> +<p> +"Everything's right and ready. He's gone to the battleground with his +second and the surgeon—also with his brother. I've arranged it all with +Wilson—Wilson's his second. We are to have three shots apiece." +</p> +<p> +"Good! How is the moon?" +</p> +<p> +"Bright as day, nearly. Perfect, for the distance—fifteen yards. No +wind—not a breath; hot and still." +</p> +<p> +"All good; all first-rate. Here, Pembroke, read this, and witness it." +</p> +<p> +Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old man's hand a +hearty shake and said: +</p> +<p> +"Now that's right, York—but I knew you would do it. You couldn't leave +that poor chap to fight along without means or profession, with certain +defeat before him, and I knew you wouldn't, for his father's sake if not +for his own." +</p> +<p> +"For his dead father's sake, I couldn't, I know; for poor Percy—but you +know what Percy was to me. But mind—Tom is not to know of this unless I +fall tonight." +</p> +<p> +"I understand. I'll keep the secret." +</p> +<p> +The judge put the will away, and the two started for the battleground. In +another minute the will was in Tom's hands. His misery vanished, his +feelings underwent a tremendous revulsion. He put the will carefully back +in its place, and spread his mouth and swung his hat once, twice, three +times around his head, in imitation of three rousing huzzahs, no sound +issuing from his lips. He fell to communing with himself excitedly and +joyously, but every now and then he let off another volley of dumb +hurrahs. +</p> +<p> +He said to himself: "I've got the fortune again, but I'll not let on +that I know about it. And this time I'm going to hang on to it. I take no +more risks. I'll gamble no more, I'll drink no more, because—well, +because I'll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, +again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way; I might have thought of +that sooner—well, yes, if I had wanted to. But now—dear me, I've had a +scare this time, and I'll take no more chances. Not a single chance +more. Land! I persuaded myself this evening that I could fetch him +around without any great amount of effort, but I've been getting more and +more heavyhearted and doubtful straight along, ever since. If he tells +me about this thing, all right; but if he doesn't, I sha'n't let on. +I—well, I'd like to tell Pudd'nhead Wilson, but—no, I'll think about +that; perhaps I won't." He whirled off another dead huzzah, and said, +"I'm reformed, and this time I'll stay so, sure!" +</p> +<p> +He was about to close with a final grand silent demonstration, when he +suddenly recollected that Wilson had put it out of his power to pawn or +sell the Indian knife, and that he was once more in awful peril of +exposure by his creditors for that reason. His joy collapsed utterly, and +he turned away and moped toward the door moaning and lamenting over the +bitterness of his luck. He dragged himself upstairs, and brooded in his +room a long time, disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi's Indian knife for +a text. At last he sighed and said: +</p> +<p> +"When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory bone, the thing +hadn't any interest for me because it hadn't any value, and couldn't help +me out of my trouble. But now—why, now it is full of interest; yes, and +of a sort to break a body's heart. It's a bag of gold that has turned to +dirt and ashes in my hands. It could save me, and save me so easily, and +yet I've got to go to ruin. It's like drowning with a life preserver in +my reach. All the hard luck comes to me, and all the good luck goes to +other people—Pudd'nhead Wilson, for instance; even his career has got a +sort of a little start at last, and what has he done to deserve it, I +should like to know? Yes, he has opened his own road, but he isn't +content with that, but must block mine. It's a sordid, selfish world, and +I wish I was out of it." He allowed the light of the candle to play upon +the jewels of the sheath, but the flashings and sparklings had no charm +for his eye; they were only just so many pangs to his heart. "I must not +say anything to Roxy about this thing," he said. "She is too daring. She +would be for digging these stones out and selling them, and then—why, +she would be arrested and the stones traced, and then—" The thought made +him quake, and he hid the knife away, trembling all over and glancing +furtively about, like a criminal who fancies that the accuser is already +at hand. +</p> +<p> +Should he try to sleep? Oh, no, sleep was not for him; his trouble was +too haunting, too afflicting for that. He must have somebody to mourn +with. He would carry his despair to Roxy. +</p> +<p> +He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of thing was not +uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. He went out at the +back door, and turned westward. He passed Wilson's house and proceeded +along the lane, and presently saw several figures approaching Wilson's +place through the vacant lots. These were the duelists returning from the +fight; he thought he recognized them, but as he had no desire for white +people's company, he stooped down behind the fence until they were out of +his way. +</p> +<p> +Roxy was feeling fine. She said: +</p> +<p> +"Whah was you, child? Warn't you in it?" +</p> +<p> +"In what?" +</p> +<p> +"In de duel." +</p> +<p> +"Duel? Has there been a duel?" +</p> +<p> +"Co'se dey has. De ole Jedge has be'n havin' a duel wid one o' dem +twins." +</p> +<p> +"Great Scott!" Then he added to himself: "That's what made him remake +the will; he thought he might get killed, and it softened him toward me. +And that's what he and Howard were so busy about. . . . Oh dear, if the +twin had only killed him, I should be out of my—" +</p> +<p> +"What is you mumblin' 'bout, Chambers? Whah was you? Didn't you know dey +was gwine to be a duel?" +</p> +<p> +"No, I didn't. The old man tried to get me to fight one with Count +Luigi, but he didn't succeed, so I reckon he concluded to patch up the +family honor himself." +</p> +<p> +He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a detailed account of +his talk with the judge, and how shocked and ashamed the judge was to +find that he had a coward in his family. He glanced up at last, and got +a shock himself. Roxana's bosom was heaving with suppressed passion, and +she was glowering down upon him with measureless contempt written in her +face. +</p> +<p> +"En you refuse' to fight a man dat kicked you, 'stid o' jumpin' at de +chance! En you ain't got no mo' feelin' den to come en tell me, dat +fetched sich a po' lowdown ornery rabbit into de worl'! Pah! it make me +sick! It's de nigger in you, dat's what it is. Thirty-one parts o' you +is white, en on'y one part nigger, en dat po' little one part is yo' +<i>soul</i>. 'Tain't wuth savin'; 'tain't wuth totin' out on a shovel en +throwin' en de gutter. You has disgraced yo' birth. What would yo' pa +think o' you? It's enough to make him turn in his grave." +</p> +<p> +The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he said to himself +that if his father were only alive and in reach of assassination his +mother would soon find that he had a very clear notion of the size of his +indebtedness to that man, and was willing to pay it up in full, and would +do it too, even at risk of his life; but he kept this thought to himself; +that was safest in his mother's present state. +</p> +<p> +"Whatever has come o' yo' Essex blood? Dat's what I can't understan'. +En it ain't on'y jist Essex blood dat's in you, not by a long +sight—'deed it ain't! My great-great-great-gran'father en yo' +great-great-great-great-gran'father was Ole Cap'n John Smith, de highest +blood dat Ole Virginny ever turned out, en <i>his</i> great-great-gran'mother, +or somers along back dah, was Pocahontas de Injun queen, en her husbun' +was a nigger king outen Africa—en yit here you is, a slinkin' outen a +duel en disgracin' our whole line like a ornery lowdown hound! Yes, it's +de nigger in you!" +</p> +<p> +She sat down on her candle box and fell into a reverie. Tom did not +disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was not in +circumstances of this kind, Roxana's storm went gradually down, but it +died hard, and even when it seemed to be quite gone, it would now and +then break out in a distant rumble, so to speak, in the form of muttered +ejaculations. One of these was, "Ain't nigger enough in him to show in +his fingernails, en dat takes mighty little—yit dey's enough to pain +his soul." +</p> +<p> +Presently she muttered. "Yassir, enough to paint a whole thimbleful of +'em." At last her ramblings ceased altogether, and her countenance began +to clear—a welcome sight to Tom, who had learned her moods, and knew she +was on the threshold of good humor now. He noticed that from time to time +she unconsciously carried her finger to the end of her nose. He looked +closer and said: +</p> +<p> +"Why, Mammy, the end of your nose is skinned. How did that come?" +</p> +<p> +She sent out the sort of wholehearted peal of laughter which God had +vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy angels in heaven and +the bruised and broken black slave on the earth, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Dad fetch dat duel, I be'n in it myself." +</p> +<p> +"Gracious! did a bullet do that?" +</p> +<p> +"Yassir, you bet it did!" +</p> +<p> +"Well, I declare! Why, how did that happen?" +</p> +<p> +"Happened dis-away. I 'uz a-sett'n' here kinder dozin' in de dark, en +<i>che-bang!</i> goes a gun, right out dah. I skips along out towards t'other +end o' de house to see what's gwine on, en stops by de ole winder on de +side towards Pudd'nhead Wilson's house dat ain't got no sash in it—but +dey ain't none of 'em got any sashes, for as dat's concerned—en I stood +dah in de dark en look out, en dar in the moonlight, right down under me +'uz one o' de twins a-cussin'—not much, but jist a-cussin' soft—it 'uz +de brown one dat 'uz cussin,' 'ca'se he 'uz hit in de shoulder. En +Doctor Claypool he 'uz a-workin' at him, en Pudd'nhead Wilson he 'uz +a-he'pin', en ole Jedge Driscoll en Pem Howard 'uz a-standin' out yonder +a little piece waitin' for 'em to get ready agin. En treckly dey squared +off en give de word, en <i>bang-bang</i> went de pistols, en de twin he say, +'Ouch!'—hit him on de han' dis time—en I hear dat same bullet go +<i>spat!</i> ag'in de logs under de winder; en de nex' time dey shoot, de twin +say, 'Ouch!' ag'in, en I done it too, 'ca'se de bullet glance' on his +cheekbone en skip up here en glance' on de side o' de winder en whiz +right acrost my face en tuck de hide off'n my nose—why, if I'd 'a' +be'n jist a inch or a inch en a half furder 't would 'a' tuck de whole +nose en disfiggered me. Here's de bullet; I hunted her up." +</p> +<p> +"Did you stand there all the time?" +</p> +<p> +"Dat's a question to ask, ain't it! What else would I do? Does I git a +chance to see a duel every day?" +</p> +<p> +"Why, you were right in range! Weren't you afraid?" +</p> +<p> +The woman gave a sniff of scorn. +</p> +<p> +"'Fraid! De Smith-Pocahontases ain't 'fraid o' nothin', let alone +bullets." +</p> +<p> +"They've got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is judgment. <i>I</i> +wouldn't have stood there." +</p> +<p> +"Nobody's accusin' you!" +</p> +<p> +"Did anybody else get hurt?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, we all got hit 'cep' de blon' twin en de doctor en de seconds. De +Jedge didn't git hurt, but I hear Pudd'nhead say de bullet snip some o' +his ha'r off." +</p> +<p> +"'George!" said Tom to himself, "to come so near being out of my trouble, +and miss it by an inch. Oh dear, dear, he will live to find me out and +sell me to some nigger trader yet—yes, and he would do it in a minute." +Then he said aloud, in a grave tone: +</p> +<p> +"Mother, we are in an awful fix." +</p> +<p> +Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said: +</p> +<p> +"Chile! What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? What's be'n en gone +en happen'?" +</p> +<p> +"Well, there's one thing I didn't tell you. When I wouldn't fight, he +tore up the will again, and—" +</p> +<p> +Roxana's face turned a dead white, and she said: +</p> +<p> +"Now you's <i>done!</i>—done forever! Dat's de end. Bofe un us is gwine to +starve to—" +</p> +<p> +"Wait and hear me through, can't you! I reckon that when he resolved to +fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and not have a chance to +forgive me any more in this life, so he made the will again, and I've +seen it, and it's all right. But—" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, thank goodness, den we's safe ag'in!—safe! en so what did you want +to come here en talk sich dreadful—" +</p> +<p> +"Hold ON, I tell you, and let me finish. The swag I gathered won't half +square me up, and the first thing we know, my creditors—well, you know +what'll happen." +</p> +<p> +Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone—she must +think this matter out. Presently she said impressively: +</p> +<p> +"You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you! En here's what you got to +do. He didn't git killed, en if you gives him de least reason, he'll +bust de will ag'in, en dat's de <i>las'</i> time, now you hear me! So—you's +got to show him what you kin do in de nex' few days. You got to be pison +good, en let him see it; you got to do everything dat'll make him b'lieve +in you, en you got to sweeten aroun' ole Aunt Pratt, too—she's pow'ful +strong with de Jedge, en de bes' frien' you got. Nex', you'll go 'long +away to Sent Louis, en dat'll <i>keep</i> him in yo' favor. Den you go en make +a bargain wid dem people. You tell 'em he ain't gwine to live long—en +dat's de fac', too—en tell 'em you'll pay 'em intrust, en big intrust, +too—ten per—what you call it?" +</p> +<p> +"Ten percent a month?" +</p> +<p> +"Dat's it. Den you take and sell yo' truck aroun', a little at a time, +en pay de intrust. How long will it las'?" +</p> +<p> +"I think there's enough to pay the interest five or six months." "Den +you's all right. If he don't die in six months, dat don't make no +diff'rence—Providence'll provide. You's gwine to be safe—if you +behaves." She bent an austere eye on him and added, "En you IS gwine to +behave—does you know dat?" +</p> +<p> +He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway. She did not unbend. She +said gravely: +</p> +<p> +"Tryin' ain't de thing. You's gwine to <i>do</i> it. You ain't gwine to +steal a pin—'ca'se it ain't safe no mo'; en you ain't gwine into no bad +comp'ny—not even once, you understand; en you ain't gwine to drink a +drop—nary a single drop; en you ain't gwine to gamble one single +gamble—not one! Dis ain't what you's gwine to try to do, it's what +you's gwine to DO. En I'll tell you how I knows it. Dis is how. I's +gwine to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; en you's gwine to come +to me every day o' your life, en I'll look you over; en if you fails in +one single one o' dem things—jist <i>one</i>—I take my oath I'll come +straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you's a nigger en a slave—en +<i>prove</i> it!" She paused to let her words sink home. Then she added, +"Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" +</p> +<p> +Tom was sober enough now. There was no levity in his voice when he +answered: +</p> +<p> +"Yes, Mother, I know, now, that I am reformed—and permanently. +Permanently—and beyond the reach of any human temptation." +</p> +<p> +"Den g'long home en begin!" +</p> +<a name="2HCH0015"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 15 — The Robber Robbed +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one + basket" —which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your + money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Put all + your eggs in the one basket and—WATCH THAT BASKET!"</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +What a time of it Dawson's Landing was having! All its life it had been +asleep, but now it hardly got a chance for a nod, so swiftly did big +events and crashing surprises come along in one another's wake: Friday +morning, first glimpse of Real Nobility, also grand reception at Aunt +Patsy Cooper's, also great robber raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking +of the heir of the chief citizen in presence of four hundred people; +Saturday morning, emergence as practicing lawyer of the long-submerged +Pudd'nhead Wilson; Saturday night, duel between chief citizen and titled +stranger. +</p> +<p> +The people took more pride in the duel than in all the other events put +together, perhaps. It was a glory to their town to have such a thing +happen there. In their eyes the principals had reached the summit of +human honor. Everybody paid homage to their names; their praises were in +all mouths. Even the duelists' subordinates came in for a handsome share +of the public approbation: wherefore Pudd'nhead Wilson was suddenly +become a man of consequence. When asked to run for the mayoralty Saturday +night, he was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found him a made man and +his success assured. +</p> +<p> +The twins were prodigiously great now; the town took them to its bosom +with enthusiasm. Day after day, and night after night, they went dining +and visiting from house to house, making friends, enlarging and +solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising all with their +musical prodigies, and now and then heightening the effects with samples +of what they could do in other directions, out of their stock of rare and +curious accomplishments. They were so pleased that they gave the +regulation thirty days' notice, the required preparation for citizenship, +and resolved to finish their days in this pleasant place. That was the +climax. The delighted community rose as one man and applauded; and when +the twins were asked to stand for seats in the forthcoming aldermanic +board, and consented, the public contentment was rounded and complete. +</p> +<p> +Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, and hurt +all the way down. He hated the one twin for kicking him, and the other +one for being the kicker's brother. +</p> +<p> +Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard of the raider, or +of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able to throw +any light on that matter. Nearly a week had drifted by, and still the +thing remained a vexed mystery. +</p> +<p> +On Sunday Constable Blake and Pudd'nhead Wilson met on the street, and +Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their conversation for them. He +said to Blake: "You are not looking well, Blake; you seem to be annoyed +about something. Has anything gone wrong in the detective business? I +believe you fairly and justifiably claim to have a pretty good reputation +in that line, isn't it so?"—which made Blake feel good, and look it; +but Tom added, "for a country detective"—which made Blake feel the other +way, and not only look it, but betray it in his voice. +</p> +<p> +"Yes, sir, I <i>have</i> got a reputation; and it's as good as anybody's in +the profession, too, country or no country." +</p> +<p> +"Oh, I beg pardon; I didn't mean any offense. What I started out to ask +was only about the old woman that raided the town—the stoop-shouldered +old woman, you know, that you said you were going to catch; and I knew +you would, too, because you have the reputation of never boasting, +and—well, you—you've caught the old woman?" +</p> +<p> +"Damn the old woman!" +</p> +<p> +"Why, sho! you don't mean to say you haven't caught her?" +</p> +<p> +"No, I haven't caught her. If anybody could have caught her, I could; +but nobody couldn't, I don't care who he is." +</p> +<p> +"I am sorry, real sorry—for your sake; because, when it gets around that +a detective has expressed himself confidently, and then—" +</p> +<p> +"Don't you worry, that's all—don't you worry; and as for the town, the +town needn't worry either. She's my meat—make yourself easy about that. +I'm on her track; I've got clues that—" +</p> +<p> +"That's good! Now if you could get an old veteran detective down from +St. Louis to help you find out what the clues mean, and where they lead +to, and then—" +</p> +<p> +"I'm plenty veteran enough myself, and I don't need anybody's help. I'll +have her inside of a we—inside of a month. That I'll swear to!" +</p> +<p> +Tom said carelessly: +</p> +<p> +"I suppose that will answer—yes, that will answer. But I reckon she is +pretty old, and old people don't often outlive the cautious pace of the +professional detective when he has got his clues together and is out on +his still-hunt." +</p> +<p> +Blake's dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he could set his +retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was saying, with placid +indifference of manner and voice: +</p> +<p> +"Who got the reward, Pudd'nhead?" +</p> +<p> +Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come. +</p> +<p> +"What reward?" +</p> +<p> +"Why, the reward for the thief, and the other one for the knife." +</p> +<p> +Wilson answered—and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his hesitating +fashion of delivering himself: +</p> +<p> +"Well, the—well, in face, nobody has claimed it yet." +</p> +<p> +Tom seemed surprised. +</p> +<p> +"Why, is that so?" +</p> +<p> +Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied: +</p> +<p> +"Yes, it's so. And what of it?" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, nothing. Only I thought you had struck out a new idea, and invented +a scheme that was going to revolutionize the timeworn and ineffectual +methods of the—" He stopped, and turned to Blake, who was happy now +that another had taken his place on the gridiron. "Blake, didn't you +understand him to intimate that it wouldn't be necessary for you to hunt +the old woman down?" +</p> +<p> +"'B'George, he said he'd have thief and swag both inside of three days +—he did, by hokey! and that's just about a week ago. Why, I said at the +time that no thief and no thief's pal was going to try to pawn or sell a +thing where he knowed the pawnbroker could get both rewards by taking HIM +into camp <i>with</i> the swag. It was the blessedest idea that ever I +struck!" +</p> +<p> +"You'd change your mind," said Wilson, with irritated bluntness, "if you +knew the entire scheme instead of only part of it." +</p> +<p> +"Well," said the constable, pensively, "I had the idea that it wouldn't +work, and up to now I'm right anyway." +</p> +<p> +"Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a further show. It +has worked at least as well as your own methods, you perceive." +</p> +<p> +The constable hadn't anything handy to hit back with, so he discharged a +discontented sniff, and said nothing. +</p> +<p> +After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme at his house, +Tom had tried for several days to guess out the secret of the rest of it, +but had failed. Then it occurred to him to give Roxana's smarter head a +chance at it. He made up a supposititious case, and laid it before +her. She thought it over, and delivered her verdict upon it. Tom said +to himself, "She's hit it, sure!" He thought he would test that verdict +now, and watch Wilson's face; so he said reflectively: +</p> +<p> +"Wilson, you're not a fool—a fact of recent discovery. Whatever your +scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake's opinion to the contrary +notwithstanding. I don't ask you to reveal it, but I will suppose a +case—a case which you will answer as a starting point for the real thing +I am going to come at, and that's all I want. You offered five hundred +dollars for the knife, and five hundred for the thief. We will suppose, +for argument's sake, that the first reward is <i>advertised</i> and the second +offered by <i>private letter</i> to pawnbrokers and—" +</p> +<p> +Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out: +</p> +<p> +"By Jackson, he's got you, Pudd'nhead! Now why couldn't I or <i>any</i> fool +have thought of that?" +</p> +<p> +Wilson said to himself, "Anybody with a reasonably good head would have +thought of it. I am not surprised that Blake didn't detect it; I am only +surprised that Tom did. There is more to him than I supposed." He said +nothing aloud, and Tom went on: +</p> +<p> +"Very well. The thief would not suspect that there was a trap, and he +would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, or found +it in the road, or something like that, and try to collect the reward, +and be arrested—wouldn't he?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes," said Wilson. +</p> +<p> +"I think so," said Tom. "There can't be any doubt of it. Have you ever +seen that knife?" +</p> +<p> +"No." +</p> +<p> +"Has any friend of yours?" +</p> +<p> +"Not that I know of." +</p> +<p> +"Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme failed." +</p> +<p> +"What do you mean, Tom? What are you driving at?" asked Wilson, with a +dawning sense of discomfort. +</p> +<p> +"Why, that there <i>isn't</i> any such knife." +</p> +<p> +"Look here, Wilson," said Blake, "Tom Driscoll's right, for a thousand +dollars—if I had it." +</p> +<p> +Wilson's blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had been played +upon by those strangers; it certainly had something of that look. But +what could they gain by it? He threw out that suggestion. Tom replied: +</p> +<p> +"Gain? Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe. But they are strangers +making their way in a new community. Is it nothing to them to appear as +pets of an Oriental prince—at no expense? Is it nothing to them to be +able to dazzle this poor town with thousand-dollar rewards—at no +expense? Wilson, there isn't any such knife, or your scheme would have +fetched it to light. Or if there is any such knife, they've got it yet. +I believe, myself, that they've seen such a knife, for Angelo pictured it +out with his pencil too swiftly and handily for him to have been +inventing it, and of course I can't swear that they've never had it; but +this I'll go bail for—if they had it when they came to this town, +they've got it yet." +</p> +<p> +Blake said: +</p> +<p> +"It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it most certainly +does." +</p> +<p> +Tom responded, turning to leave: +</p> +<p> +"You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can't furnish the knife, go +and search the twins!" +</p> +<p> +Tom sauntered away. Wilson felt a good deal depressed. He hardly knew +what to think. He was loath to withdraw his faith from the twins, and +was resolved not to do it on the present indecisive evidence; but—well, +he would think, and then decide how to act. +</p> +<p> +"Blake, what do you think of this matter?" +</p> +<p> +"Well, Pudd'nhead, I'm bound to say I put it up the way Tom does. They +hadn't the knife; or if they had it, they've got it yet." +</p> +<p> +The men parted. Wilson said to himself: +</p> +<p> +"I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the scheme would have +restored it, that is certain. And so I believe they've got it." +</p> +<p> +Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those two men. When he +began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them a little and get a trifle +of malicious entertainment out of it. But when he left, he left in great +spirits, for he perceived that just by pure luck and no troublesome labor +he had accomplished several delightful things: he had touched both men +on a raw spot and seen them squirm; he had modified Wilson's sweetness +for the twins with one small bitter taste that he wouldn't be able to get +out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, he had taken the hated +twins down a peg with the community; for Blake would gossip around +freely, after the manner of detectives, and within a week the town would +be laughing at them in its sleeve for offering a gaudy reward for a +bauble which they either never possessed or hadn't lost. Tom was very +well satisfied with himself. +</p> +<p> +Tom's behavior at home had been perfect during the entire week. His uncle +and aunt had seen nothing like it before. They could find no fault with +him anywhere. +</p> +<p> +Saturday evening he said to the Judge: +</p> +<p> +"I've had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I am going away, +and might never see you again, I can't bear it any longer. I made you +believe I was afraid to fight that Italian adventurer. I had to get out +of it on some pretext or other, and maybe I chose badly, being taken +unawares, but no honorable person could consent to meet him in the field, +knowing what I knew about him." +</p> +<p> +"Indeed? What was that?" +</p> +<p> +"Count Luigi is a confessed assassin." +</p> +<p> +"Incredible." +</p> +<p> +"It's perfectly true. Wilson detected it in his hand, by palmistry, and +charged him with it, and cornered him up so close that he had to confess; +but both twins begged us on their knees to keep the secret, and swore +they would lead straight lives here; and it was all so pitiful that we +gave our word of honor never to expose them while they kept the promise. +You would have done it yourself, uncle." +</p> +<p> +"You are right, my boy; I would. A man's secret is still his own +property, and sacred, when it has been surprised out of him like that. +You did well, and I am proud of you." Then he added mournfully, "But I +wish I could have been saved the shame of meeting an assassin on the +field of honor." +</p> +<p> +"It couldn't be helped, uncle. If I had known you were going to +challenge him, I should have felt obliged to sacrifice my pledged word in +order to stop it, but Wilson couldn't be expected to do otherwise than +keep silent." +</p> +<p> +"Oh, no, Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. Tom, Tom, you have +lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung to the very soul when I +seemed to have discovered that I had a coward in my family." +</p> +<p> +"You may imagine what it cost ME to assume such a part, uncle." +</p> +<p> +"Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it. And I can understand how much it +has cost you to remain under that unjust stigma to this time. But it is +all right now, and no harm is done. You have restored my comfort of +mind, and with it your own; and both of us had suffered enough." +</p> +<p> +The old man sat awhile plunged in thought; then he looked up with a +satisfied light in his eye, and said: "That this assassin should have +put the affront upon me of letting me meet him on the field of honor as +if he were a gentleman is a matter which I will presently settle—but not +now. I will not shoot him until after election. I see a way to ruin them +both before; I will attend to that first. Neither of them shall be +elected, that I promise. You are sure that the fact that he is an +assassin has not got abroad?" +</p> +<p> +"Perfectly certain of it, sir." +</p> +<p> +"It will be a good card. I will fling a hint at it from the stump on the +polling day. It will sweep the ground from under both of them." +</p> +<p> +"There's not a doubt of it. It will finish them." +</p> +<p> +"That and outside work among the voters will, to a certainty. I want you +to come down here by and by and work privately among the rag-tag and +bobtail. You shall spend money among them; I will furnish it." +</p> +<p> +Another point scored against the detested twins! Really it was a great +day for Tom. He was encouraged to chance a parting shot, now, at the +same target, and did it. +</p> +<p> +"You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins have been making +such a to-do about? Well, there's no track or trace of it yet; so the +town is beginning to sneer and gossip and laugh. Half the people believe +they never had any such knife, the other half believe they had it and +have got it still. I've heard twenty people talking like that today." +</p> +<p> +Yes, Tom's blemishless week had restored him to the favor of his aunt and +uncle. +</p> +<p> +His mother was satisfied with him, too. Privately, she believed she was +coming to love him, but she did not say so. She told him to go along to +St. Louis now, and she would get ready and follow. Then she smashed her +whisky bottle and said: +</p> +<p> +"Dah now! I's a-gwine to make you walk as straight as a string, +Chambers, en so I's bown, you ain't gwine to git no bad example out o' +yo' mammy. I tole you you couldn't go into no bad comp'ny. Well, you's +gwine into my comp'ny, en I's gwine to fill de bill. Now, den, trot +along, trot along!" +</p> +<p> +Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that night with his heavy +satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept the sleep of the unjust, +which is serener and sounder than the other kind, as we know by the +hanging-eve history of a million rascals. But when he got up in the +morning, luck was against him again: a brother thief had robbed him while +he slept, and gone ashore at some intermediate landing. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0016"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 16 — Sold Down the River +</h2> +<pre> + <i>If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he + will not bite you. This is the principal difference between + a dog and a man.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>We all know about the habits of the ant, we know all about + the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the + habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have + been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +When Roxana arrived, she found her son in such despair and misery that +her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up strong in her. He was +ruined past hope now; his destruction would be immediate and sure, and he +would be an outcast and friendless. That was reason enough for a mother +to love a child; so she loved him, and told him so. It made him wince, +secretly—for she was a "nigger." That he was one himself was far from +reconciling him to that despised race. +</p> +<p> +Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he responded +uncomfortably, but as well as he could. And she tried to comfort him, but +that was not possible. These intimacies quickly became horrible to him, +and within the hour he began to try to get up courage enough to tell her +so, and require that they be discontinued or very considerably modified. +But he was afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull now, for she had +begun to think. She was trying to invent a saving plan. Finally she +started up, and said she had found a way out. Tom was almost suffocated +by the joy of this sudden good news. Roxana said: +</p> +<p> +"Here is de plan, en she'll win, sure. I's a nigger, en nobody ain't +gwine to doubt it dat hears me talk. I's wuth six hund'd dollahs. Take +en sell me, en pay off dese gamblers." +</p> +<p> +Tom was dazed. He was not sure he had heard aright. He was dumb for a +moment; then he said: +</p> +<p> +"Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save me?" +</p> +<p> +"Ain't you my chile? En does you know anything dat a mother won't do for +her chile? Day ain't nothin' a white mother won't do for her chile. Who +made 'em so? De Lord done it. En who made de niggers? De Lord made 'em. +In de inside, mothers is all de same. De good lord he made 'em so. I's +gwine to be sole into slavery, en in a year you's gwine to buy yo' ole +mammy free ag'in. I'll show you how. Dat's de plan." +</p> +<p> +Tom's hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with them. He said: +</p> +<p> +"It's lovely of you, Mammy—it's just—" +</p> +<p> +"Say it ag'in! En keep on sayin' it! It's all de pay a body kin want in +dis worl', en it's mo' den enough. Laws bless you, honey, when I's slav' +aroun', en dey 'buses me, if I knows you's a-sayin' dat, 'way off yonder +somers, it'll heal up all de sore places, en I kin stan' 'em." +</p> +<p> +"I DO say it again, Mammy, and I'll keep on saying it, too. But how am I +going to sell you? You're free, you know." +</p> +<p> +"Much diff'rence dat make! White folks ain't partic'lar. De law kin sell +me now if dey tell me to leave de state in six months en I don't go. You +draw up a paper—bill o' sale—en put it 'way off yonder, down in de +middle o' Kaintuck somers, en sign some names to it, en say you'll sell +me cheap 'ca'se you's hard up; you'll find you ain't gwine to have no +trouble. You take me up de country a piece, en sell me on a farm; dem +people ain't gwine to ask no questions if I's a bargain." +</p> +<p> +Tom forged a bill of sale and sold his mother to an Arkansas cotton +planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. He did not want to commit +this treachery, but luck threw the man in his way, and this saved him the +necessity of going up-country to hunt up a purchaser, with the added risk +of having to answer a lot of questions, whereas this planter was so +pleased with Roxy that he asked next to none at all. Besides, the +planter insisted that Roxy wouldn't know where she was, at first, and +that by the time she found out she would already have been contented. +</p> +<p> +So Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantaged for Roxy to +have a master who was pleased with her, as this planter manifestly was. +In almost no time his flowing reasonings carried him to the point of even +half believing he was doing Roxy a splendid surreptitious service in +selling her "down the river." And then he kept diligently saying to +himself all the time: "It's for only a year. In a year I buy her free +again; she'll keep that in mind, and it'll reconcile her." Yes; the +little deception could do no harm, and everything would come out right +and pleasant in the end, anyway. By agreement, the conversation in +Roxy's presence was all about the man's "up-country" farm, and how +pleasant a place it was, and how happy the slaves were there; so poor +Roxy was entirely deceived; and easily, for she was not dreaming that her +own son could be guilty of treason to a mother who, in voluntarily going +into slavery—slavery of any kind, mild or severe, or of any duration, +brief or long—was making a sacrifice for him compared with which death +would have been a poor and commonplace one. She lavished tears and +loving caresses upon him privately, and then went away with her owner +—went away brokenhearted, and yet proud to do it. +</p> +<p> +Tom scored his accounts, and resolved to keep to the very letter of his +reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy again. He had three +hundred dollars left. According to his mother's plan, he was to put that +safely away, and add her half of his pension to it monthly. In one year +this fund would buy her free again. +</p> +<p> +For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much the villainy +which he had played upon his trusting mother preyed upon his rag of +conscience; but after that he began to get comfortable again, and was +presently able to sleep like any other miscreant. +</p> +<p> +The boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the afternoon, and she +stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle box and watched Tom through a +blur of tears until he melted into the throng of people and disappeared; +then she looked no more, but sat there on a coil of cable crying till far +into the night. When she went to her foul steerage bunk at last, between +the clashing engines, it was not to sleep, but only to wait for the +morning, and, waiting, grieve. +</p> +<p> +It had been imagined that she "would not know," and would think she was +traveling upstream. She! Why, she had been steamboating for years. At +dawn she got up and went listlessly and sat down on the cable coil again. +She passed many a snag whose "break" could have told her a thing to break +her heart, for it showed a current moving in the same direction that the +boat was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did not notice. +But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break than usual brought her +out of her torpor, and she looked up, and her practiced eye fell upon +that telltale rush of water. For one moment her petrified gaze fixed +itself there. Then her head dropped upon her breast, and she said: +</p> +<p> +"Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po' sinful me—I'S SOLE DOWN DE +RIVER!" +</p> +<a name="2HCH0017"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 17 — The Judge Utters Dire Prophesy +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, + you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and + by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>JULY 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day + than in all the other days of the year put together. This + proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July + per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +The summer weeks dragged by, and then the political campaign opened +—opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed hotter and hotter daily. The +twins threw themselves into it with their whole heart, for their +self-love was engaged. Their popularity, so general at first, had +suffered afterward; mainly because they had been TOO popular, and so a +natural reaction had followed. Besides, it had been diligently whispered +around that it was curious—indeed, VERY curious—that that wonderful +knife of theirs did not turn up—IF it was so valuable, or IF it had ever +existed. And with the whisperings went chucklings and nudgings and winks, +and such things have an effect. The twins considered that success in the +election would reinstate them, and that defeat would work them +irreparable damage. Therefore they worked hard, but not harder than +Judge Driscoll and Tom worked against them in the closing days of the +canvass. Tom's conduct had remained so letter-perfect during two whole +months now, that his uncle not only trusted him with money with which to +persuade voters, but trusted him to go and get it himself out of the safe +in the private sitting room. +</p> +<p> +The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge Driscoll, and he +made it against both of the foreigners. It was disastrously effective. +He poured out rivers of ridicule upon them, and forced the big mass +meeting to laugh and applaud. He scoffed at them as adventurers, +mountebanks, sideshow riffraff, dime museum freaks; he assailed their +showy titles with measureless derision; he said they were back-alley +barbers disguised as nobilities, peanut peddlers masquerading as +gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft of their brother monkey. At last he +stopped and stood still. He waited until the place had become absolutely +silent and expectant, then he delivered his deadliest shot; delivered it +with ice-cold seriousness and deliberation, with a significant emphasis +upon the closing words: he said he believed that the reward offered for +the lost knife was humbug and bunkum, and that its owner would know where +to find it whenever he should have occasion TO ASSASSINATE SOMEBODY. +</p> +<p> +Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and impressive hush +behind him instead of the customary explosion of cheers and party cries. +</p> +<p> +The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and made an +extraordinary sensation. Everybody was asking, "What could he mean by +that?" And everybody went on asking that question, but in vain; for the +judge only said he knew what he was talking about, and stopped there; Tom +said he hadn't any idea what his uncle meant, and Wilson, whenever he was +asked what he thought it meant, parried the question by asking the +questioner what HE thought it meant. +</p> +<p> +Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated—crushed, in fact, and left +forlorn and substantially friendless. Tom went back to St. Louis happy. +</p> +<p> +Dawson's Landing had a week of repose now, and it needed it. But it was +in an expectant state, for the air was full of rumors of a new duel. +Judge Driscoll's election labors had prostrated him, but it was said that +as soon as he was well enough to entertain a challenge he would get one +from Count Luigi. +</p> +<p> +The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed their humiliation +in privacy. They avoided the people, and went out for exercise only late +at night, when the streets were deserted. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0018"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 18 — Roxana Commands +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of + the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth + staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone + by.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>THANKSGIVING DAY. Let us all give humble, hearty, and + sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji + they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not + become you and me to sneer at Fiji.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar +</pre> +<p> +The Friday after the election was a rainy one in St. Louis. It rained +all day long, and rained hard, apparently trying its best to wash that +soot-blackened town white, but of course not succeeding. Toward midnight +Tom Driscoll arrived at his lodgings from the theater in the heavy +downpour, and closed his umbrella and let himself in; but when he would +have shut the door, he found that there was another person +entering—doubtless another lodger; this person closed the door and +tramped upstairs behind Tom. Tom found his door in the dark, and entered +it, and turned up the gas. When he faced about, lightly whistling, he +saw the back of a man. The man was closing and locking his door from +him. His whistle faded out and he felt uneasy. The man turned around, a +wreck of shabby old clothes, sodden with rain and all a-drip, and showed +a black face under an old slouch hat. Tom was frightened. He tried to +order the man out, but the words refused to come, and the other man got +the start. He said, in a low voice: +</p> +<p> +"Keep still—I's yo' mother!" +</p> +<p> +Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out: +</p> +<p> +"It was mean of me, and base—I know it; but I meant it for the best, I +did indeed—I can swear it." +</p> +<p> +Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he writhed in shame +and went on incoherently babbling self-accusations mixed with pitiful +attempts at explanation and palliation of his crime; then she seated +herself and took off her hat, and her unkept masses of long brown hair +tumbled down about her shoulders. +</p> +<p> +"It warn't no fault o' yo'n dat dat ain't gray," she said sadly, noticing +the hair. +</p> +<p> +"I know it, I know it! I'm a scoundrel. But I swear I meant it for the +best. It was a mistake, of course, but I thought it was for the best, I +truly did." +</p> +<p> +Roxana began to cry softly, and presently words began to find their way +out between her sobs. They were uttered lamentingly, rather than +angrily. +</p> +<p> +"Sell a pusson down de river—DOWN DE RIVER!—for de bes'! I wouldn't +treat a dog so! I is all broke down en wore out now, en so I reckon +it ain't in me to storm aroun' no mo', like I used to when I 'uz trompled +on en 'bused. I don't know—but maybe it's so. Leastways, I's suffered +so much dat mournin' seem to come mo' handy to me now den stormin'." +</p> +<p> +These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if they did, that +effect was obliterated by a stronger one—one which removed the heavy +weight of fear which lay upon him, and gave his crushed spirit a most +grateful rebound, and filled all his small soul with a deep sense of +relief. But he kept prudently still, and ventured no comment. There was +a voiceless interval of some duration now, in which no sounds were heard +but the beating of the rain upon the panes, the sighing and complaining +of the winds, and now and then a muffled sob from Roxana. The sobs became +more and more infrequent, and at last ceased. Then the refugee began to +talk again. +</p> +<p> +"Shet down dat light a little. More. More yit. A pusson dat is hunted +don't like de light. Dah—dat'll do. I kin see whah you is, en dat's +enough. I's gwine to tell you de tale, en cut it jes as short as I kin, +en den I'll tell you what you's got to do. Dat man dat bought me ain't a +bad man; he's good enough, as planters goes; en if he could 'a' had his +way I'd 'a' be'n a house servant in his fambly en be'n comfortable: but +his wife she was a Yank, en not right down good lookin', en she riz up +agin me straight off; so den dey sent me out to de quarter 'mongst de +common fiel' han's. Dat woman warn't satisfied even wid dat, but she +worked up de overseer ag'in' me, she 'uz dat jealous en hateful; so de +overseer he had me out befo' day in de mawnin's en worked me de whole +long day as long as dey'uz any light to see by; en many's de lashin's I +got 'ca'se I couldn't come up to de work o' de stronges'. Dat overseer +wuz a Yank too, outen New Englan', en anybody down South kin tell you +what dat mean. DEY knows how to work a nigger to death, en dey knows how +to whale 'em too—whale 'em till dey backs is welted like a washboard. +'Long at fust my marster say de good word for me to de overseer, but dat +'uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it out, en arter dat I jist +ketched it at every turn—dey warn't no mercy for me no mo'." +</p> +<p> +Tom's heart was fired—with fury against the planter's wife; and he said +to himself, "But for that meddlesome fool, everything would have gone all +right." He added a deep and bitter curse against her. +</p> +<p> +The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in his face, and +stood thus revealed to Roxana by a white glare of lightning which turned +the somber dusk of the room into dazzling day at that moment. She was +pleased—pleased and grateful; for did not that expression show that her +child was capable of grieving for his mother's wrongs and of feeling +resentment toward her persecutors?—a thing which she had been doubting. +But her flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out again and left +her spirit dark; for she said to herself, "He sole me down de river—he +can't feel for a body long; dis'll pass en go." Then she took up her tale +again. +</p> +<p> +"'Bout ten days ago I 'uz sayin' to myself dat I couldn't las' many mo' +weeks I 'uz so wore out wid de awful work en de lashin's, en so +downhearted en misable. En I didn't care no mo', nuther—life warn't +wuth noth'n' to me, if I got to go on like dat. Well, when a body is in +a frame o' mine like dat, what do a body care what a body do? Dey was a +little sickly nigger wench 'bout ten year ole dat 'uz good to me, en +hadn't no mammy, po' thing, en I loved her en she loved me; en she come +out whah I 'uz workin' en she had a roasted tater, en tried to slip it to +me—robbin' herself, you see, 'ca'se she knowed de overseer didn't give +me enough to eat—en he ketched her at it, en giver her a lick acrost de +back wid his stick, which 'uz as thick as a broom handle, en she drop' +screamin' on de groun', en squirmin' en wallerin' aroun' in de dust like +a spider dat's got crippled. I couldn't stan' it. All de hellfire dat +'uz ever in my heart flame' up, en I snatch de stick outen his han' en +laid him flat. He laid dah moanin' en cussin', en all out of his head, +you know, en de niggers 'uz plumb sk'yred to death. Dey gathered roun' +him to he'p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took out for de river as +tight as I could go. I knowed what dey would do wid me. Soon as he got +well he would start in en work me to death if marster let him; en if dey +didn't do dat, they'd sell me furder down de river, en dat's de same +thing, so I 'lowed to drown myself en git out o' my troubles. It 'uz +gitt'n' towards dark. I 'uz at de river in two minutes. Den I see a +canoe, en I says dey ain't no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I +ties de hoss in de edge o' de timber en shove out down de river, keepin' +in under de shelter o' de bluff bank en prayin' for de dark to shet down +quick. I had a pow'ful good start, 'ca'se de big house 'uz three mile +back f'om de river en on'y de work mules to ride dah on, en on'y niggers +ride 'em, en DEY warn't gwine to hurry—dey'd gimme all de chance dey +could. Befo' a body could go to de house en back it would be long pas' +dark, en dey couldn't track de hoss en fine out which way I went tell +mawnin', en de niggers would tell 'em all de lies dey could 'bout it. +</p> +<p> +"Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin' down de river. I paddled +mo'n two hours, den I warn't worried no mo', so I quit paddlin' en +floated down de current, considerin' what I 'uz gwine to do if I didn't +have to drown myself. I made up some plans, en floated along, turnin' +'em over in my mine. Well, when it 'uz a little pas' midnight, as I +reckoned, en I had come fifteen or twenty mile, I see de lights o' a +steamboat layin' at de bank, whah dey warn't no town en no woodyard, en +putty soon I ketched de shape o' de chimbly tops ag'in' de stars, en den +good gracious me, I 'most jumped out o' my skin for joy! It 'uz de GRAN' +MOGUL—I 'uz chambermaid on her for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en +Orleans trade. I slid 'long pas'—don't see nobody stirrin' nowhah—hear +'em a-hammerin' away in de engine room, den I knowed what de matter +was—some o' de machinery's broke. I got asho' below de boat and turn' +de canoe loose, den I goes 'long up, en dey 'uz jes one plank out, en I +step' 'board de boat. It 'uz pow'ful hot, deckhan's en roustabouts 'uz +sprawled aroun' asleep on de fo'cas'l', de second mate, Jim Bangs, he sot +dah on de bitts wid his head down, asleep—'ca'se dat's de way de second +mate stan' de cap'n's watch!—en de ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he 'uz +a-noddin' on de companionway;—en I knowed 'em all; en, lan', but dey did +look good! I says to myself, I wished old marster'd come along NOW en +try to take me—bless yo' heart, I's 'mong frien's, I is. So I tromped +right along 'mongst 'em, en went up on de b'iler deck en 'way back aft to +de ladies' cabin guard, en sot down dah in de same cheer dat I'd sot in +'mos' a hund'd million times, I reckon; en it 'uz jist home ag'in, I tell +you! +</p> +<p> +"In 'bout an hour I heard de ready bell jingle, en den de racket begin. +Putty soon I hear de gong strike. 'Set her back on de outside,' I says +to myself. 'I reckon I knows dat music!' I hear de gong ag'in. 'Come +ahead on de inside,' I says. Gong ag'in. 'Stop de outside.' gong ag'in. +'Come ahead on de outside—now we's pinted for Sent Louis, en I's outer +de woods en ain't got to drown myself at all.' I knowed de MOGUL 'uz in +de Sent Louis trade now, you see. It 'uz jes fair daylight when we +passed our plantation, en I seed a gang o' niggers en white folks huntin' +up en down de sho', en troublin' deyselves a good deal 'bout me; but I +warn't troublin' myself none 'bout dem. +</p> +<p> +"'Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second chambermaid en +'uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, en 'uz pow'ful glad +to see me, en so 'uz all de officers; en I tole 'em I'd got kidnapped en +sole down de river, en dey made me up twenty dollahs en give it to me, en +Sally she rigged me out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went +straight to whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say +you's away but 'spected back every day; so I didn't dast to go down de +river to Dawson's, 'ca'se I might miss you. +</p> +<p> +"Well, las' Monday I 'uz pass'n by one o' dem places in fourth street +whah deh sticks up runaway nigger bills, en he'ps to ketch 'em, en I seed +my marster! I 'mos' flopped down on de groun', I felt so gone. He had +his back to me, en 'uz talkin' to de man en givin' him some bills—nigger +bills, I reckon, en I's de nigger. He's offerin' a reward—dat's it. +Ain't I right, don't you reckon?" +</p> +<p> +Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly terror, and he +said to himself, now: "I'm lost, no matter what turn things take! This +man has said to me that he thinks there was something suspicious about +that sale; he said he had a letter from a passenger on the GRAND MOGUL +saying that Roxy came here on that boat and that everybody on board knew +all about the case; so he says that her coming here instead of flying to +a free state looks bad for me, and that if I don't find her for him, and +that pretty soon, he will make trouble for me. I never believed that +story; I couldn't believe she would be so dead to all motherly instincts +as to come here, knowing the risk she would run of getting me into +irremediable trouble. And after all, here she is! And I stupidly swore +I would help find her, thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to promise. +If I venture to deliver her up, she—she—but how can I help myself? +I've got to do that or pay the money, and where's the money to come from? +I—I—well, I should think that if he would swear to treat her kindly +hereafter—and she says, herself, that he is a good man—and if he would +swear to never allow her to be overworked, or ill fed, or—" +</p> +<p> +A flash of lightning exposed Tom's pallid face, drawn and rigid with +these worrying thoughts. Roxana spoke up sharply now, and there was +apprehension in her voice. +</p> +<p> +"Turn up dat light! I want to see yo' face better. Dah now—lemme look +at you. Chambers, you's as white as yo' shirt! Has you see dat man? Has +he be'n to see you?" +</p> +<p> +"Ye-s." +</p> +<p> +"When?" +</p> +<p> +"Monday noon." +</p> +<p> +"Monday noon! Was he on my track?" +</p> +<p> +"He—well, he thought he was. That is, he hoped he was. This is the bill +you saw." He took it out of his pocket. +</p> +<p> +"Read it to me!" +</p> +<p> +She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky glow in her eyes +that Tom could not translate with certainty, but there seemed to be +something threatening about it. The handbill had the usual rude woodcut +of a turbaned Negro woman running, with the customary bundle on a stick +over her shoulder, and the heading in bold type, "$100 REWARD." Tom read +the bill aloud—at least the part that described Roxana and named the +master and his St. Louis address and the address of the Fourth street +agency; but he left out the item that applicants for the reward might +also apply to Mr. Thomas Driscoll. +</p> +<p> +"Gimme de bill!" +</p> +<p> +Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket. He felt a chilly +streak creeping down his back, but said as carelessly as he could: +</p> +<p> +"The bill? Why, it isn't any use to you, you can't read it. What do you +want with it?" +</p> +<p> +"Gimme de bill!" Tom gave it to her, but with a reluctance which he +could not entirely disguise. "Did you read it ALL to me?" +</p> +<p> +"Certainly I did." +</p> +<p> +"Hole up yo' han' en swah to it." +</p> +<p> +Tom did it. Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, with her +eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while; then she said: +</p> +<p> +"Yo's lyin'!" +</p> +<p> +"What would I want to lie about it for?" +</p> +<p> +"I don't know—but you is. Dat's my opinion, anyways. But nemmine 'bout +dat. When I seed dat man I 'uz dat sk'yerd dat I could sca'cely wobble +home. Den I give a nigger man a dollar for dese clo'es, en I ain't be'in +in a house sence, night ner day, till now. I blacked my face en laid hid +in de cellar of a ole house dat's burnt down, daytimes, en robbed de +sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de wharf, nights, to git somethin' to +eat, en never dast to try to buy noth'n', en I's 'mos' starved. En I +never dast to come near dis place till dis rainy night, when dey ain't no +people roun' sca'cely. But tonight I be'n a-stanin' in de dark alley +ever sence night come, waitin' for you to go by. En here I is." +</p> +<p> +She fell to thinking. Presently she said: +</p> +<p> +"You seed dat man at noon, las' Monday?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> +<p> +"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon. He hunted you up, didn't he?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> +<p> +"Did he give you de bill dat time?" +</p> +<p> +"No, he hadn't got it printed yet." +</p> +<p> +Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. +</p> +<p> +"Did you he'p him fix up de bill?" +</p> +<p> +Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried to rectify +it by saying he remembered now that it WAS at noon Monday that the man +gave him the bill. Roxana said: +</p> +<p> +"You's lyin' ag'in, sho." Then she straightened up and raised her +finger: +</p> +<p> +"Now den! I's gwine to ask you a question, en I wants to know how you's +gwine to git aroun' it. You knowed he 'uz arter me; en if you run off, +'stid o' stayin' here to he'p him, he'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong +'bout dis business, en den he would inquire 'bout you, en dat would take +him to yo' uncle, en yo' uncle would read de bill en see dat you be'n +sellin' a free nigger down de river, en you know HIM, I reckon! He'd +t'ar up de will en kick you outen de house. Now, den, you answer me dis +question: hain't you tole dat man dat I would be sho' to come here, en +den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch me?" +</p> +<p> +Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any +longer—he was in a vise, with the screw turned on, and out of it there +was no budging. His face began to take on an ugly look, and presently he +said, with a snarl: +</p> +<p> +"Well, what could I do? You see, yourself, that I was in his grip and +couldn't get out." +</p> +<p> +Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she said: +</p> +<p> +"What could you do? You could be Judas to yo' own mother to save yo' +wuthless hide! Would anybody b'lieve it? No—a dog couldn't! You is de +lowdownest orneriest hound dat was ever pup'd into dis worl'—en I's +'sponsible for it!"—and she spat on him. +</p> +<p> +He made no effort to resent this. Roxy reflected a moment, then she +said: +</p> +<p> +"Now I'll tell you what you's gwine to do. You's gwine to give dat man +de money dat you's got laid up, en make him wait till you kin go to de +judge en git de res' en buy me free agin." +</p> +<p> +"Thunder! What are you thinking of? Go and ask him for three hundred +dollars and odd? What would I tell him I want it for, pray?" +</p> +<p> +Roxy's answer was delivered in a serene and level voice. +</p> +<p> +"You'll tell him you's sole me to pay yo' gamblin' debts en dat you lied +to me en was a villain, en dat I 'quires you to git dat money en buy me +back ag'in." +</p> +<p> +"Why, you've gone stark mad! He would tear the will to shreds in a +minute—don't you know that?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, I does." +</p> +<p> +"Then you don't believe I'm idiot enough to go to him, do you?" +</p> +<p> +"I don't b'lieve nothin' 'bout it—I KNOWS you's a-goin'. I knows it +'ca'se you knows dat if you don't raise dat money I'll go to him myself, +en den he'll sell YOU down de river, en you kin see how you like it!" +</p> +<p> +Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil light in his eye. +He strode to the door and said he must get out of this suffocating place +for a moment and clear his brain in the fresh air so that he could +determine what to do. The door wouldn't open. Roxy smiled grimly, and +said: +</p> +<p> +"I's got the key, honey—set down. You needn't cle'r up yo' brain none +to fine out what you gwine to do—<i>I</i> knows what you's gwine to do." Tom +sat down and began to pass his hands through his hair with a helpless and +desperate air. Roxy said, "Is dat man in dis house?" +</p> +<p> +Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked: +</p> +<p> +"What gave you such an idea?" +</p> +<p> +"You done it. Gwine out to cle'r yo' brain! In de fust place you ain't +got none to cle'r, en in de second place yo' ornery eye tole on you. +You's de lowdownest hound dat ever—but I done told you dat befo'. Now +den, dis is Friday. You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you's +gwine away to git de res' o' de money, en dat you'll be back wid it nex' +Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. You understan'?" +</p> +<p> +Tom answered sullenly: "Yes." +</p> +<p> +"En when you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells me to my own self, take +en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd'nhead Wilson, en write on de back dat +he's to keep it tell I come. You understan'?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> +<p> +"Dat's all den. Take yo' umbreller, en put on yo' hat." +</p> +<p> +"Why?" +</p> +<p> +"Beca'se you's gwine to see me home to de wharf. You see dis knife? I's +toted it aroun' sence de day I seed dat man en bought dese clo'es en it. +If he ketch me, I's gwine to kill myself wid it. Now start along, en go +sof', en lead de way; en if you gives a sign in dis house, or if anybody +comes up to you in de street, I's gwine to jam it right into you. +Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" +</p> +<p> +"It's no use to bother me with that question. I know your word's good." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, it's diff'rent from yo'n! Shet de light out en move along—here's +de key." +</p> +<p> +They were not followed. Tom trembled every time a late straggler brushed +by them on the street, and half expected to feel the cold steel in his +back. Roxy was right at his heels and always in reach. After tramping a +mile they reached a wide vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this +dark and rainy desert they parted. +</p> +<p> +As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts and wild plans; +but at last he said to himself, wearily: +</p> +<p> +"There is but the one way out. I must follow her plan. But with a +variation—I will not ask for the money and ruin myself; I will ROB the +old skinflint." +</p> +<a name="2HCH0019"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 19 — The Prophesy Realized +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of + a good example.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>It were not best that we should all think alike; it is + difference of opinion that makes horse races.</i> —Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Dawson's Landing was comfortably finishing its season of dull repose and +waiting patiently for the duel. Count Luigi was waiting, too; but not +patiently, rumor said. Sunday came, and Luigi insisted on having his +challenge conveyed. Wilson carried it. Judge Driscoll declined to fight +with an assassin—"that is," he added significantly, "in the field of +honor." +</p> +<p> +Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready. Wilson tried to convince him +that if he had been present himself when Angelo told him about the +homicide committed by Luigi, he would not have considered the act +discreditable to Luigi; but the obstinate old man was not to be moved. +</p> +<p> +Wilson went back to his principal and reported the failure of his +mission. Luigi was incensed, and asked how it could be that the old +gentleman, who was by no means dull-witted, held his trifling nephew's +evidence in inferences to be of more value than Wilson's. But Wilson +laughed, and said: +</p> +<p> +"That is quite simple; that is easily explicable. I am not his doll—his +baby—his infatuation: his nature is. The judge and his late wife never +had any children. The judge and his wife were past middle age when this +treasure fell into their lap. One must make allowances for a parental +instinct that has been starving for twenty-five or thirty years. It is +famished, it is crazed with hunger by that time, and will be entirely +satisfied with anything that comes handy; its taste is atrophied, it +can't tell mud cat from shad. A devil born to a young couple is +measurably recognizable by them as a devil before long, but a devil +adopted by an old couple is an angel to them, and remains so, through +thick and thin. Tom is this old man's angel; he is infatuated with him. +Tom can persuade him into things which other people can't—not all +things; I don't mean that, but a good many—particularly one class of +things: the things that create or abolish personal partialities or +prejudices in the old man's mind. The old man liked both of you. Tom +conceived a hatred for you. That was enough; it turned the old man +around at once. The oldest and strongest friendship must go to the ground +when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at it." +</p> +<p> +"It's a curious philosophy," said Luigi. +</p> +<p> +"It ain't philosophy at all—it's a fact. And there is something +pathetic and beautiful about it, too. I think there is nothing more +pathetic than to see one of these poor old childless couples taking a +menagerie of yelping little worthless dogs to their hearts; and then +adding some cursing and squawking parrots and a jackass-voiced macaw; and +next a couple of hundred screeching songbirds, and presently some fetid +guinea pigs and rabbits, and a howling colony of cats. It is all a +groping and ignorant effort to construct out of base metal and brass +filings, so to speak, something to take the place of that golden treasure +denied them by Nature, a child. But this is a digression. The unwritten +law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll on sight, and he +and the community will expect that attention at your hands—though of +course your own death by his bullet will answer every purpose. Look out +for him! Are you healed—that is, fixed?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, he shall have his opportunity. If he attacks me, I will respond." +</p> +<p> +As Wilson was leaving, he said: +</p> +<p> +"The judge is still a little used up by his campaign work, and will not +get out for a day or so; but when he does get out, you want to be on the +alert." +</p> +<p> +About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, and started on a +long stroll in the veiled moonlight. +</p> +<p> +Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett's Store, two miles below Dawson's, +just about half an hour earlier, the only passenger for that lonely spot, +and had walked up the shore road and entered Judge Driscoll's house +without having encountered anyone either on the road or under the roof. +</p> +<p> +He pulled down his window blinds and lighted his candle. He laid off his +coat and hat and began his preparations. He unlocked his trunk and got +his suit of girl's clothes out from under the male attire in it, and laid +it by. Then he blacked his face with burnt cork and put the cork in his +pocket. His plan was to slip down to his uncle's private sitting room +below, pass into the bedroom, steal the safe key from the old gentleman's +clothes, and then go back and rob the safe. He took up his candle to +start. His courage and confidence were high, up to this point, but both +began to waver a little now. Suppose he should make a noise, by some +accident, and get caught—say, in the act of opening the safe? Perhaps +it would be well to go armed. He took the Indian knife from its hiding +place, and felt a pleasant return of his wandering courage. He slipped +stealthily down the narrow stair, his hair rising and his pulses halting +at the slightest creak. When he was halfway down, he was disturbed to +perceive that the landing below was touched by a faint glow of light. +What could that mean? Was his uncle still up? No, that was not likely; +he must have left his night taper there when he went to bed. Tom crept +on down, pausing at every step to listen. He found the door standing +open, and glanced in. What he saw pleased him beyond measure. His uncle +was asleep on the sofa; on a small table at the head of the sofa a lamp +was burning low, and by it stood the old man's small cashbox, closed. +Near the box was a pile of bank notes and a piece of paper covered with +figures in pencil. The safe door was not open. Evidently the sleeper had +wearied himself with work upon his finances, and was taking a rest. +</p> +<p> +Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his way toward the +pile of notes, stooping low as he went. When he was passing his uncle, +the old man stirred in his sleep, and Tom stopped instantly—stopped, and +softly drew the knife from its sheath, with his heart thumping, and his +eyes fastened upon his benefactor's face. After a moment or two he +ventured forward again—one step—reached for his prize and seized it, +dropping the knife sheath. Then he felt the old man's strong grip upon +him, and a wild cry of "Help! help!" rang in his ear. Without hesitation +he drove the knife home—and was free. Some of the notes escaped from his +left hand and fell in the blood on the floor. He dropped the knife and +snatched them up and started to fly; transferred them to his left hand, +and seized the knife again, in his fright and confusion, but remembered +himself and flung it from him, as being a dangerous witness to carry away +with him. +</p> +<p> +He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind him; and as he +snatched his candle and fled upward, the stillness of the night was +broken by the sound of urgent footsteps approaching the house. In another +moment he was in his room, and the twins were standing aghast over the +body of the murdered man! +</p> +<p> +Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on his suit of +girl's clothes, dropped the veil, blew out his light, locked the room +door by which he had just entered, taking the key, passed through his +other door into the black hall, locked that door and kept the key, then +worked his way along in the dark and descended the black stairs. He was +not expecting to meet anybody, for all interest was centered in the other +part of the house now; his calculation proved correct. By the time he +was passing through the backyard, Mrs. Pratt, her servants, and a dozen +half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and the dead, and accessions +were still arriving at the front door. +</p> +<p> +As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, three women came +flying from the house on the opposite side of the lane. They rushed by +him and in at the gate, asking him what the trouble was there, but not +waiting for an answer. Tom said to himself, "Those old maids waited to +dress—they did the same thing the night Stevens's house burned down next +door." In a few minutes he was in the haunted house. He lighted a candle +and took off his girl-clothes. There was blood on him all down his left +side, and his right hand was red with the stains of the blood-soaked +notes which he has crushed in it; but otherwise he was free from this +sort of evidence. He cleansed his hand on the straw, and cleaned most of +the smut from his face. Then he burned the male and female attire to +ashes, scattered the ashes, and put on a disguise proper for a tramp. He +blew out his light, went below, and was soon loafing down the river road +with the intent to borrow and use one of Roxy's devices. He found a +canoe and paddled down downstream, setting the canoe adrift as dawn +approached, and making his way by land to the next village, where he kept +out of sight till a transient steamer came along, and then took deck +passage for St. Louis. He was ill at ease Dawson's Landing was behind +him; then he said to himself, "All the detectives on earth couldn't trace +me now; there's not a vestige of a clue left in the world; that homicide +will take its place with the permanent mysteries, and people won't get +done trying to guess out the secret of it for fifty years." +</p> + +<p>In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram in the +papers—dated at Dawson's Landing: +</p> + +<pre> + Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, was assassinated + here about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman or a + barber on account of a quarrel growing out of the recent + election. The assassin will probably be lynched. +</pre> +<p> +"One of the twins!" soliloquized Tom. "How lucky! It is the knife that +has done him this grace. We never know when fortune is trying to favor +us. I actually cursed Pudd'nhead Wilson in my heart for putting it out +of my power to sell that knife. I take it back now." +</p> + +<p>Tom was now rich and independent. He arranged with the planter, and +mailed to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold Roxana to herself; then +he telegraphed his Aunt Pratt:</p> + + <pre> + Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost + prostrated with grief. Shall start by packet today. Try to + bear up till I come. +</pre> +<p> +When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had gathered such details +as Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd could tell him, he took command +as mayor, and gave orders that nothing should be touched, but everything +left as it was until Justice Robinson should arrive and take the proper +measures as coroner. He cleared everybody out of the room but the twins +and himself. The sheriff soon arrived and took the twins away to jail. +Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do his best in their +defense when the case should come to trial. Justice Robinson came +presently, and with him Constable Blake. They examined the room +thoroughly. They found the knife and the sheath. Wilson noticed that +there were fingerprints on the knife's handle. That pleased him, for the +twins had required the earliest comers to make a scrutiny of their hands +and clothes, and neither these people nor Wilson himself had found any +bloodstains upon them. Could there be a possibility that the twins had +spoken the truth when they had said they found the man dead when they ran +into the house in answer to the cry for help? He thought of that +mysterious girl at once. But this was not the sort of work for a girl to +be engaged in. No matter; Tom Driscoll's room must be examined. +</p> +<p> +After the coroner's jury had viewed the body and its surroundings, Wilson +suggested a search upstairs, and he went along. The jury forced an +entrance to Tom's room, but found nothing, of course. +</p> +<p> +The coroner's jury found that the homicide was committed by Luigi, and +that Angelo was accessory to it. +</p> +<p> +The town was bitter against the misfortunates, and for the first few days +after the murder they were in constant danger of being lynched. The +grand jury presently indicted Luigi for murder in the first degree, and +Angelo as accessory before the fact. The twins were transferred from the +city jail to the county prison to await trial. +</p> +<p> +Wilson examined the finger marks on the knife handle and said to himself, +"Neither of the twins made those marks. Then manifestly there was +another person concerned, either in his own interest or as hired +assassin." +</p> +<p> +But who could it be? That, he must try to find out. The safe was not +opened, the cashbox was closed, and had three thousand dollars in it. +Then robbery was not the motive, and revenge was. Where had the murdered +man an enemy except Luigi? There was but that one person in the world +with a deep grudge against him. +</p> +<p> +The mysterious girl! The girl was a great trial to Wilson. If the motive +had been robbery, the girl might answer; but there wasn't any girl that +would want to take this old man's life for revenge. He had no quarrels +with girls; he was a gentleman. +</p> +<p> +Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger marks of the knife handle; and +among his glass records he had a great array of fingerprints of women and +girls, collected during the last fifteen or eighteen years, but he +scanned them in vain, they successfully withstood every test; among them +were no duplicates of the prints on the knife. +</p> +<p> +The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was a worrying +circumstance for Wilson. A week previously he had as good as admitted to +himself that he believed Luigi had possessed such a knife, and that he +still possessed it notwithstanding his pretense that it had been stolen. +And now here was the knife, and with it the twins. Half the town had +said the twins were humbugging when they claimed they had lost their +knife, and now these people were joyful, and said, "I told you so!" +</p> +<p> +If their fingerprints had been on the handle—but useless to bother any +further about that; the fingerprints on the handle were NOT theirs—that +he knew perfectly. +</p> +<p> +Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom couldn't murder anybody—he +hadn't character enough; secondly, if he could murder a person he +wouldn't select his doting benefactor and nearest relative; thirdly, +self-interest was in the way; for while the uncle lived, Tom was sure of +a free support and a chance to get the destroyed will revived again, but +with the uncle gone, that chance was gone too. It was true the will had +really been revived, as was now discovered, but Tom could not have been +aware of it, or he would have spoken of it, in his native talky, +unsecretive way. Finally, Tom was in St. Louis when the murder was done, +and got the news out of the morning journals, as was shown by his +telegram to his aunt. These speculations were unemphasized sensations +rather than articulated thoughts, for Wilson would have laughed at the +idea of seriously connecting Tom with the murder. +</p> +<p> +Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate—in fact, about +hopeless. For he argued that if a confederate was not found, an +enlightened Missouri jury would hang them; sure; if a confederate was +found, that would not improve the matter, but simply furnish one more +person for the sheriff to hang. Nothing could save the twins but the +discovery of a person who did the murder on his sole personal account—an +undertaking which had all the aspect of the impossible. Still, the +person who made the fingerprints must be sought. The twins might have no +case WITH them, but they certainly would have none without him. +</p> +<p> +So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, guessing, day and +night, and arriving nowhere. Whenever he ran across a girl or a woman he +was not acquainted with, he got her fingerprints, on one pretext or +another; and they always cost him a sigh when he got home, for they never +tallied with the finger marks on the knife handle. +</p> +<p> +As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such girl, and did not +remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress like the one described by +Wilson. He admitted that he did not always lock his room, and that +sometimes the servants forgot to lock the house doors; still, in his +opinion the girl must have made but few visits or she would have been +discovered. When Wilson tried to connect her with the stealing raid, and +thought she might have been the old woman's confederate, if not the very +thief disguised as an old woman, Tom seemed stuck, and also much +interested, and said he would keep a sharp eye out for this person or +persons, although he was afraid that she or they would be too smart to +venture again into a town where everybody would now be on the watch for a +good while to come. +</p> +<p> +Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and sorrowful, and seemed +to feel his great loss so deeply. He was playing a part, but it was not +all a part. The picture of his alleged uncle, as he had last seen him, +was before him in the dark pretty frequently, when he was away, and +called again in his dreams, when he was asleep. He wouldn't go into the +room where the tragedy had happened. This charmed the doting Mrs. Pratt, +who realized now, "as she had never done before," she said, what a +sensitive and delicate nature her darling had, and how he adored his poor +uncle. +</p> +<a name="2HCH0020"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 20 — The Murderer Chuckles +</h2> +<pre> + <i>Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence + is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to + be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, + sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find + she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect + of the pencil, you will say she did it with her teeth.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +The weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the jailed twins but their +counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of trial came at last—the +heaviest day in Wilson's life; for with all his tireless diligence he had +discovered no sign or trace of the missing confederate. "Confederate" +was the term he had long ago privately accepted for that person—not as +being unquestionably the right term, but as being the least possibly the +right one, though he was never able to understand why the twins did not +vanish and escape, as the confederate had done, instead of remaining by +the murdered man and getting caught there. +</p> +<p> +The courthouse was crowded, of course, and would remain so to the finish, +for not only in the town itself, but in the country for miles around, the +trial was the one topic of conversation among the people. Mrs. Pratt, in +deep mourning, and Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats near Pembroke +Howard, the public prosecutor, and back of them sat a great array of +friends of the family. The twins had but one friend present to keep +their counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing landlady. She sat +near Wilson, and looked her friendliest. In the "nigger corner" sat +Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, and her bill of sale in her +pocket. It was her most precious possession, and she never parted with +it, day or night. Tom had allowed her thirty-five dollars a month ever +since he came into his property, and had said that he and she ought to be +grateful to the twins for making them rich; but had roused such a temper +in her by this speech that he did not repeat the argument afterward. She +said the old judge had treated her child a thousand times better than he +deserved, and had never done her an unkindness in his life; so she hated +these outlandish devils for killing him, and shouldn't ever sleep +satisfied till she saw them hanged for it. She was here to watch the +trial now, and was going to lift up just one "hooraw" over it if the +county judge put her in jail a year for it. She gave her turbaned head a +toss and said, "When dat verdic' comes, I's gwine to lif' dat ROOF, now, +I TELL you." +</p> +<p> +Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the state's case. He said he would show +by a chain of circumstantial evidence without break or fault in it +anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the bar committed the murder; +that the motive was partly revenge, and partly a desire to take his own +life out of jeopardy, and that his brother, by his presence, was a +consenting accessory to the crime; a crime which was the basest known to +the calendar of human misdeeds—assassination; that it was conceived by +the blackest of hearts and consummated by the cowardliest of hands; a +crime which had broken a loving sister's heart, blighted the happiness of +a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought inconsolable grief to +many friends, and sorrow and loss to the whole community. The utmost +penalty of the outraged law would be exacted, and upon the accused, now +present at the bar, that penalty would unquestionably be executed. He +would reserve further remark until his closing speech. +</p> +<p> +He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; Mrs. Pratt and +several other women were weeping when he sat down, and many an eye that +was full of hate was riveted upon the unhappy prisoners. +</p> +<p> +Witness after witness was called by the state, and questioned at length; +but the cross questioning was brief. Wilson knew they could furnish +nothing valuable for his side. People were sorry for Pudd'nhead Wilson; +his budding career would get hurt by this trial. +</p> +<p> +Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in his public +speech that the twins would be able to find their lost knife again when +they needed it to assassinate somebody with. This was not news, but now +it was seen to have been sorrowfully prophetic, and a profound sensation +quivered through the hushed courtroom when those dismal words were +repeated. +</p> +<p> +The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within his knowledge, +through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on the last day of his +life, that counsel for the defense had brought him a challenge from the +person charged at the bar with murder; that he had refused to fight with +a confessed assassin—"that is, on the field of honor," but had added +significantly, that he would be ready for him elsewhere. Presumably +the person here charged with murder was warned that he must kill or be +killed the first time he should meet Judge Driscoll. If counsel for the +defense chose to let the statement stand so, he would not call him to the +witness stand. Mr. Wilson said he would offer no denial. [Murmurs in the +house: "It is getting worse and worse for Wilson's case."] +</p> +<p> +Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, and did not know what woke +her up, unless it was the sound of rapid footsteps approaching the front +door. She jumped up and ran out in the hall just as she was, and heard +the footsteps flying up the front steps and then following behind her as +she ran to the sitting room. There she found the accused standing over +her murdered brother. [Here she broke down and sobbed. Sensation in the +court.] Resuming, she said the persons entered behind her were Mr. Rogers +and Mr. Buckstone. +</p> +<p> +Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed their innocence; +declared that they had been taking a walk, and had hurried to the house +in response to a cry for help which was so loud and strong that they had +heard it at a considerable distance; that they begged her and the +gentlemen just mentioned to examine their hands and clothes—which was +done, and no blood stains found. +</p> +<p> +Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and Buckstone. +</p> +<p> +The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement minutely +describing it and offering a reward for it was put in evidence, and its +exact correspondence with that description proved. Then followed a few +minor details, and the case for the state was closed. +</p> +<p> +Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses Clarkson, who would +testify that they met a veiled young woman leaving Judge Driscoll's +premises by the back gate a few minutes after the cries for help were +heard, and that their evidence, taken with certain circumstantial +evidence which he would call the court's attention to, would in his +opinion convince the court that there was still one person concerned in +this crime who had not yet been found, and also that a stay of +proceedings ought to be granted, in justice to his clients, until that +person should be discovered. As it was late, he would ask leave to defer +the examination of his three witnesses until the next morning. +</p> +<p> +The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away in excited +groups and couples, taking the events of the session over with vivacity +and consuming interest, and everybody seemed to have had a satisfactory +and enjoyable day except the accused, their counsel, and their old lady +friend. There was no cheer among these, and no substantial hope. +</p> +<p> +In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good-night with a gay +pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down without finishing. +</p> +<p> +Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, the opening +solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him with a vague +uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the smallest alarms; but +from the moment that the poverty and weakness of Wilson's case lay +exposed to the court, he was comfortable once more, even jubilant. He +left the courtroom sarcastically sorry for Wilson. "The Clarksons met an +unknown woman in the back lane," he said to himself, "THAT is his case! +I'll give him a century to find her in—a couple of them if he likes. A +woman who doesn't exist any longer, and the clothes that gave her her sex +burnt up and the ashes thrown away—oh, certainly, he'll find HER easy +enough!" This reflection set him to admiring, for the hundredth time, +the shrewd ingenuities by which he had insured himself against +detection—more, against even suspicion. +</p> +<p> +"Nearly always in cases like this there is some little detail or other +overlooked, some wee little track or trace left behind, and detection +follows; but here there's not even the faintest suggestion of a trace +left. No more than a bird leaves when it flies through the air—yes, +through the night, you may say. The man that can track a bird through the +air in the dark and find that bird is the man to track me out and find +the judge's assassin—no other need apply. And that is the job that has +been laid out for poor Pudd'nhead Wilson, of all people in the world! +Lord, it will be pathetically funny to see him grubbing and groping after +that woman that don't exist, and the right person sitting under his very +nose all the time!" The more he thought the situation over, the more the +humor of it struck him. Finally he said, "I'll never let him hear the +last of that woman. Every time I catch him in company, to his dying day, +I'll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that used to gravel him so +when I inquired how his unborn law business was coming along, 'Got on her +track yet—hey, Pudd'nhead?'" He wanted to laugh, but that would not +have answered; there were people about, and he was mourning for his +uncle. He made up his mind that it would be good entertainment to look +in on Wilson that night and watch him worry over his barren law case and +goad him with an exasperating word or two of sympathy and commiseration +now and then. +</p> +<p> +Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite. He got out all the +fingerprints of girls and women in his collection of records and pored +gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to convince himself that that +troublesome girl's marks were there somewhere and had been overlooked. +But it was not so. He drew back his chair, clasped his hands over his +head, and gave himself up to dull and arid musings. +</p> +<p> +Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said with a pleasant +laugh as he took a seat: +</p> +<p> +"Hello, we've gone back to the amusements of our days of neglect and +obscurity for consolation, have we?" and he took up one of the glass +strips and held it against the light to inspect it. "Come, cheer up, old +man; there's no use in losing your grip and going back to this child's +play merely because this big sunspot is drifting across your shiny new +disk. It'll pass, and you'll be all right again"—and he laid the glass +down. "Did you think you could win always?" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, no," said Wilson, with a sigh, "I didn't expect that, but I can't +believe Luigi killed your uncle, and I feel very sorry for him. It makes +me blue. And you would feel as I do, Tom, if you were not prejudiced +against those young fellows." +</p> +<p> +"I don't know about that," and Tom's countenance darkened, for his memory +reverted to his kicking. "I owe them no good will, considering the +brunet one's treatment of me that night. Prejudice or no prejudice, +Pudd'nhead, I don't like them, and when they get their deserts you're not +going to find me sitting on the mourner's bench." +</p> +<p> +He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed: +</p> +<p> +"Why, here's old Roxy's label! Are you going to ornament the royal +palaces with nigger paw marks, too? By the date here, I was seven months +old when this was done, and she was nursing me and her little nigger cub. +There's a line straight across her thumbprint. How comes that?" and Tom +held out the piece of glass to Wilson. +</p> +<p> +"That is common," said the bored man, wearily. "Scar of a cut or a +scratch, usually"—and he took the strip of glass indifferently, and +raised it toward the lamp. +</p> +<p> +All the blood sank suddenly out of his face; his hand quaked, and he +gazed at the polished surface before him with the glassy stare of a +corpse. +</p> +<p> +"Great heavens, what's the matter with you, Wilson? Are you going to +faint?" +</p> +<p> +Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but Wilson shrank +shuddering from him and said: +</p> +<p> +"No, no!—take it away!" His breast was rising and falling, and he moved +his head about in a dull and wandering way, like a person who had been +stunned. Presently he said, "I shall feel better when I get to bed; I +have been overwrought today; yes, and overworked for many days." +</p> +<p> +"Then I'll leave you and let you get to your rest. Good night, old man." +But as Tom went out he couldn't deny himself a small parting gibe: +"Don't take it so hard; a body can't win every time; you'll hang somebody +yet." +</p> +<p> +Wilson muttered to himself, "It is no lie to say I am sorry I have to +begin with you, miserable dog though you are!" +</p> +<p> +He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and went to work again. +He did not compare the new finger marks unintentionally left by Tom a few +minutes before on Roxy's glass with the tracings of the marks left on the +knife handle, there being no need for that (for his trained eye), but +busied himself with another matter, muttering from time to time, "Idiot +that I was!—Nothing but a GIRL would do me—a man in girl's clothes +never occurred to me." First, he hunted out the plate containing the +fingerprints made by Tom when he was twelve years old, and laid it by +itself; then he brought forth the marks made by Tom's baby fingers when +he was a suckling of seven months, and placed these two plates with the +one containing this subject's newly (and unconsciously) made record. +</p> +<p> +"Now the series is complete," he said with satisfaction, and sat down to +inspect these things and enjoy them. +</p> +<p> +But his enjoyment was brief. He stared a considerable time at the three +strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. At last he put them down +and said, "I can't make it out at all—hang it, the baby's don't tally +with the others!" +</p> +<p> +He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his enigma, then he +hunted out the other glass plates. +</p> +<p> +He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, but kept +muttering, "It's no use; I can't understand it. They don't tally right, +and yet I'll swear the names and dates are right, and so of course they +OUGHT to tally. I never labeled one of these thing carelessly in my +life. There is a most extraordinary mystery here." +</p> +<p> +He was tired out now, and his brains were beginning to clog. He said he +would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he could do with this +riddle. He slept through a troubled and unrestful hour, then +unconsciousness began to shred away, and presently he rose drowsily to a +sitting posture. "Now what was that dream?" he said, trying to recall +it. "What was that dream? It seemed to unravel that puz—" +</p> +<p> +He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without finishing the +sentence, and ran and turned up his light and seized his "records." He +took a single swift glance at them and cried out: +</p> +<p> +"It's so! Heavens, what a revelation! And for twenty-three years no man +has ever suspected it!" +</p> +<a name="2HCH0021"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CHAPTER 21 — Doom +</h2> +<pre> + <i>He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under + it, inspiring the cabbages.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + <i>APRIL 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what + we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.</i> — + Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +Wilson put on enough clothes for business purposes and went to work +under a high pressure of steam. He was awake all over. All sense of +weariness had been swept away by the invigorating refreshment of the +great and hopeful discovery which he had made. He made fine and accurate +reproductions of a number of his "records," and then enlarged them on a +scale of ten to one with his pantograph. He did these pantograph +enlargements on sheets of white cardboard, and made each individual line +of the bewildering maze of whorls or curves or loops which consisted of +the "pattern" of a "record" stand out bold and black by reinforcing it +with ink. To the untrained eye the collection of delicate originals made +by the human finger on the glass plates looked about alike; but when +enlarged ten times they resembled the markings of a block of wood that +has been sawed across the grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a +glance, and at a distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were +alike. When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, +he arranged his results according to a plan in which a progressive order +and sequence was a principal feature; then he added to the batch several +pantograph enlargements which he had made from time to time in bygone +years. +</p> +<p> +The night was spent and the day well advanced now. By the time he had +snatched a trifle of breakfast, it was nine o'clock, and the court was +ready to begin its sitting. He was in his place twelve minutes later +with his "records." +</p> +<p> +Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, and nudged his +nearest friend and said, with a wink, "Pudd'nhead's got a rare eye to +business—thinks that as long as he can't win his case it's at least a +noble good chance to advertise his window palace decorations without any +expense." Wilson was informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but +would arrive presently; but he rose and said he should probably not have +occasion to make use of their testimony. [An amused murmur ran through +the room: "It's a clean backdown! he gives up without hitting a lick!"] +Wilson continued: "I have other testimony—and better. [This compelled +interest, and evoked murmurs of surprise that had a detectable ingredient +of disappointment in them.] If I seem to be springing this evidence upon +the court, I offer as my justification for this, that I did not discover +its existence until late last night, and have been engaged in examining +and classifying it ever since, until half an hour ago. I shall offer it +presently; but first I wish to say a few preliminary words. +</p> +<p> +"May it please the court, the claim given the front place, the claim most +persistently urged, the claim most strenuously and I may even say +aggressively and defiantly insisted upon by the prosecution is this—that +the person whose hand left the bloodstained fingerprints upon the handle +of the Indian knife is the person who committed the murder." Wilson +paused, during several moments, to give impressiveness to what he was +about to say, and then added tranquilly, "WE GRANT THAT CLAIM." +</p> +<p> +It was an electrical surprise. No one was prepared for such an +admission. A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, and people were +heard to intimate that the overworked lawyer had lost his mind. Even the +veteran judge, accustomed as he was to legal ambushes and masked +batteries in criminal procedure, was not sure that his ears were not +deceiving him, and asked counsel what it was he had said. Howard's +impassive face betrayed no sign, but his attitude and bearing lost +something of their careless confidence for a moment. Wilson resumed: +</p> +<p> +"We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and strongly endorse it. +Leaving that matter for the present, we will now proceed to consider +other points in the case which we propose to establish by evidence, and +shall include that one in the chain in its proper place." +</p> +<p> +He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in mapping out his +theory of the origin and motive of the murder—guesses designed to fill +up gaps in it—guesses which could help if they hit, and would probably +do no harm if they didn't. +</p> +<p> +"To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before the court seem to +suggest a motive for the homicide quite different from the one insisted +on by the state. It is my conviction that the motive was not revenge, +but robbery. It has been urged that the presence of the accused brothers +in that fatal room, just after notification that one of them must take +the life of Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the parties should +meet, clearly signifies that the natural instinct of self-preservation +moved my clients to go there secretly and save Count Luigi by destroying +his adversary. +</p> +<p> +"Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? Mrs. Pratt had +time, although she did not hear the cry for help, but woke up some +moments later, to run to that room—and there she found these men +standing and making no effort to escape. If they were guilty, they ought +to have been running out of the house at the same time that she was +running to that room. If they had had such a strong instinct toward +self-preservation as to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had +become of it now, when it should have been more alert than ever. Would +any of us have remained there? Let us not slander our intelligence to +that degree. +</p> +<p> +"Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the accused offered a very +large reward for the knife with which this murder was done; that no thief +came forward to claim that extraordinary reward; that the latter fact was +good circumstantial evidence that the claim that the knife had been +stolen was a vanity and a fraud; that these details taken in connection +with the memorable and apparently prophetic speech of the deceased +concerning that knife, and the final discovery of that very knife in +the fatal room where no living person was found present with the +slaughtered man but the owner of the knife and his brother, form an +indestructible chain of evidence which fixed the crime upon those +unfortunate strangers. +</p> +<p> +"But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall testify that there was +a large reward offered for the THIEF, also; and it was offered secretly +and not advertised; that this fact was indiscreetly mentioned—or at +least tacitly admitted—in what was supposed to be safe circumstances, +but may NOT have been. The thief may have been present himself. [Tom +Driscoll had been looking at the speaker, but dropped his eyes at this +point.] In that case he would retain the knife in his possession, not +daring to offer it for sale, or for pledge in a pawnshop. [There was a +nodding of heads among the audience by way of admission that this was not +a bad stroke.] I shall prove to the satisfaction of the jury that there +WAS a person in Judge Driscoll's room several minutes before the accused +entered it. [This produced a strong sensation; the last drowsy head in +the courtroom roused up now, and made preparation to listen.] If it +shall seem necessary, I will prove by the Misses Clarkson that they met a +veiled person—ostensibly a woman—coming out of the back gate a few +minutes after the cry for help was heard. This person was not a woman, +but a man dressed in woman's clothes." Another sensation. Wilson had his +eye on Tom when he hazarded this guess, to see what effect it would +produce. He was satisfied with the result, and said to himself, "It was +a success—he's hit!" +</p> +<p> +"The object of that person in that house was robbery, not murder. It is +true that the safe was not open, but there was an ordinary cashbox on the +table, with three thousand dollars in it. It is easily supposable that +the thief was concealed in the house; that he knew of this box, and of +its owner's habit of counting its contents and arranging his accounts at +night—if he had that habit, which I do not assert, of course—that he +tried to take the box while its owner slept, but made a noise and was +seized, and had to use the knife to save himself from capture; and that +he fled without his booty because he heard help coming. +</p> +<p> +"I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the evidences by +which I propose to try to prove its soundness." Wilson took up several of +his strips of glass. When the audience recognized these familiar +mementos of Pudd'nhead's old time childish "puttering" and folly, the +tense and funereal interest vanished out of their faces, and the house +burst into volleys of relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked +up and joined in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not +disturbed. He arranged his records on the table before him, and said: +</p> +<p> +"I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few remarks in +explanation of some evidence which I am about to introduce, and which I +shall presently ask to be allowed to verify under oath on the witness +stand. Every human being carries with him from his cradle to his grave +certain physical marks which do not change their character, and by which +he can always be identified—and that without shade of doubt or question. +These marks are his signature, his physiological autograph, so to speak, +and this autograph can not be counterfeited, nor can he disguise it or +hide it away, nor can it become illegible by the wear and mutations of +time. This signature is not his face—age can change that beyond +recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not his +height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, for duplicates +of that exist also, whereas this signature is each man's very own—there +is no duplicate of it among the swarming populations of the globe! [The +audience were interested once more.] +</p> +<p> +"This autograph consists of the delicate lines or corrugations with which +Nature marks the insides of the hands and the soles of the feet. If you +will look at the balls of your fingers—you that have very sharp +eyesight—you will observe that these dainty curving lines lie close +together, like those that indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and +that they form various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, circles, +long curves, whorls, etc., and that these patterns differ on the different +fingers. [Every man in the room had his hand up to the light now, and +his head canted to one side, and was minutely scrutinizing the balls of +his fingers; there were whispered ejaculations of 'Why, it's so—I never +noticed that before!'] The patterns on the right hand are not the same as +those on the left. [Ejaculations of 'Why, that's so, too!'] Taken finger +for finger, your patterns differ from your neighbor's. [Comparisons were +made all over the house—even the judge and jury were absorbed in this +curious work.] The patterns of a twin's right hand are not the same as +those on his left. One twin's patterns are never the same as his fellow +twin's patterns—the jury will find that the patterns upon the finger +balls of the twins' hands follow this rule. [An examination of the +twins' hands was begun at once.] You have often heard of twins who were +so exactly alike that when dressed alike their own parents could not tell +them apart. Yet there was never a twin born in to this world that did not +carry from birth to death a sure identifier in this mysterious and +marvelous natal autograph. That once known to you, his fellow twin could +never personate him and deceive you." +</p> +<p> +Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death +when a speaker does that. The stillness gives warning that something is +coming. All palms and finger balls went down now, all slouching forms +straightened, all heads came up, all eyes were fastened upon Wilson's +face. He waited yet one, two, three moments, to let his pause complete +and perfect its spell upon the house; then, when through the profound +hush he could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he put out his +hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it aloft where all +could see the sinister spots upon its ivory handle; then he said, in a +level and passionless voice: +</p> +<p> +"Upon this haft stands the assassin's natal autograph, written in the +blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who loved you and whom you +all loved. There is but one man in the whole earth whose hand can +duplicate that crimson sign"—he paused and raised his eyes to the +pendulum swinging back and forth—"and please God we will produce that +man in this room before the clock strikes noon!" +</p> +<p> +Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, the house half +rose, as if expecting to see the murderer appear at the door, and a +breeze of muttered ejaculations swept the place. "Order in the +court!—sit down!" This from the sheriff. He was obeyed, and quiet +reigned again. Wilson stole a glance at Tom, and said to himself, "He is +flying signals of distress now; even people who despise him are pitying +him; they think this is a hard ordeal for a young fellow who has lost his +benefactor by so cruel a stroke—and they are right." He resumed his +speech: +</p> +<p> +"For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory leisure with +collecting these curious physical signatures in this town. At my house I +have hundreds upon hundreds of them. Each and every one is labeled with +name and date; not labeled the next day or even the next hour, but in the +very minute that the impression was taken. When I go upon the witness +stand I will repeat under oath the things which I am now saying. I have +the fingerprints of the court, the sheriff, and every member of the jury. +There is hardly a person in this room, white or black, whose natal +signature I cannot produce, and not one of them can so disguise himself +that I cannot pick him out from a multitude of his fellow creatures and +unerringly identify him by his hands. And if he and I should live to be a +hundred I could still do it. [The interest of the audience was steadily +deepening now.] +</p> +<p> +"I have studied some of these signatures so much that I know them as well +as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his oldest customer. While I +turn my back now, I beg that several persons will be so good as to pass +their fingers through their hair, and then press them upon one of the +panes of the window near the jury, and that among them the accused may +set THEIR finger marks. Also, I beg that these experimenters, or others, +will set their fingers upon another pane, and add again the marks of the +accused, but not placing them in the same order or relation to the other +signatures as before—for, by one chance in a million, a person might +happen upon the right marks by pure guesswork, ONCE, therefore I wish to +be tested twice." +</p> +<p> +He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly covered with +delicately lined oval spots, but visible only to such persons as could +get a dark background for them—the foliage of a tree, outside, for +instance. Then upon call, Wilson went to the window, made his +examination, and said: +</p> +<p> +"This is Count Luigi's right hand; this one, three signatures below, is +his left. Here is Count Angelo's right; down here is his left. Now for +the other pane: here and here are Count Luigi's, here and here are his +brother's." He faced about. "Am I right?" +</p> +<p> +A deafening explosion of applause was the answer. The bench said: +</p> +<p> +"This certainly approaches the miraculous!" +</p> +<p> +Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, pointing with his finger: +</p> +<p> +"This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. [Applause.] This, of +Constable Blake. [Applause.] This of John Mason, juryman. [Applause.] +This, of the sheriff. [Applause.] I cannot name the others, but I have +them all at home, named and dated, and could identify them all by my +fingerprint records." +</p> +<p> +He moved to his place through a storm of applause—which the sheriff +stopped, and also made the people sit down, for they were all standing +and struggling to see, of course. Court, jury, sheriff, and everybody +had been too absorbed in observing Wilson's performance to attend to the +audience earlier. +</p> +<p> +"Now then," said Wilson, "I have here the natal autographs of the two +children—thrown up to ten times the natural size by the pantograph, so +that anyone who can see at all can tell the markings apart at a glance. +We will call the children A and B. Here are A's finger marks, taken at +the age of five months. Here they are again taken at seven months. [Tom +started.] They are alike, you see. Here are B's at five months, and also +at seven months. They, too, exactly copy each other, but the patterns +are quite different from A's, you observe. I shall refer to these again +presently, but we will turn them face down now. +</p> +<p> +"Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of the two persons +who are here before you accused of murdering Judge Driscoll. I made these +pantograph copies last night, and will so swear when I go upon the +witness stand. I ask the jury to compare them with the finger marks of +the accused upon the windowpanes, and tell the court if they are the +same." +</p> +<p> +He passed a powerful magnifying glass to the foreman. +</p> +<p> +One juryman after another took the cardboard and the glass and made the +comparison. Then the foreman said to the judge: +</p> +<p> +"Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical." +</p> +<p> +Wilson said to the foreman: +</p> +<p> +"Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this one, and compare it +searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal signature upon the knife +handle, and report your finding to the court." +</p> +<p> +Again the jury made minute examinations, and again reported: +</p> +<p> +"We find them to be exactly identical, your honor." +</p> +<p> +Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, and there was a +clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice when he said: +</p> +<p> +"May it please the court, the state has claimed, strenuously and +persistently, that the bloodstained fingerprints upon that knife handle +were left there by the assassin of Judge Driscoll. You have heard us +grant that claim, and welcome it." He turned to the jury: "Compare the +fingerprints of the accused with the fingerprints left by the +assassin—and report." +</p> +<p> +The comparison began. As it proceeded, all movement and all sound +ceased, and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting suspense settled +upon the house; and when at last the words came, "THEY DO NOT EVEN +RESEMBLE," a thundercrash of applause followed and the house sprang to +its feet, but was quickly repressed by official force and brought to +order again. Tom was altering his position every few minutes now, but +none of his changes brought repose nor any small trifle of comfort. When +the house's attention was become fixed once more, Wilson said gravely, +indicating the twins with a gesture: +</p> +<p> +"These men are innocent—I have no further concern with them. [Another +outbreak of applause began, but was promptly checked.] We will now +proceed to find the guilty. [Tom's eyes were starting from their +sockets—yes, it was a cruel day for the bereaved youth, everybody +thought.] We will return to the infant autographs of A and B. I will +ask the jury to take these large pantograph facsimilies of A's marked +five months and seven months. Do they tally?" +</p> +<p> +The foreman responded: "Perfectly." +</p> +<p> +"Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, and also marked A. +Does it tally with the other two?" +</p> +<p> +The surprised response was: +</p> +<center> +"NO—THEY DIFFER WIDELY!" +</center> +<p> +"You are quite right. Now take these two pantographs of B's autograph, +marked five months and seven months. Do they tally with each other?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes—perfectly." +</p> +<p> +"Take this third pantograph marked B, eight months. Does it tally with +B's other two?" +</p> +<center> +"BY NO MEANS!" +</center> +<p> +"Do you know how to account for those strange discrepancies? I will tell +you. For a purpose unknown to us, but probably a selfish one, somebody +changed those children in the cradle." +</p> +<p> +This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was astonished at this +admirable guess, but not disturbed by it. To guess the exchange was one +thing, to guess who did it quite another. Pudd'nhead Wilson could do +wonderful things, no doubt, but he couldn't do impossible ones. Safe? +She was perfectly safe. She smiled privately. +</p> +<p> +"Between the ages of seven months and eight months those children were +changed in the cradle"—he made one of this effect—collecting pauses, +and added—"and the person who did it is in this house!" +</p> +<p> +Roxy's pulses stood still! The house was thrilled as with an electric +shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a glimpse of the person who +had made that exchange. Tom was growing limp; the life seemed oozing out +of him. Wilson resumed: +</p> +<p> +"A was put into B's cradle in the nursery; B was transferred to the +kitchen and became a Negro and a slave [Sensation—confusion of angry +ejaculations]—but within a quarter of an hour he will stand before you +white and free! [Burst of applause, checked by the officers.] From +seven months onward until now, A has still been a usurper, and in my +finger record he bears B's name. Here is his pantograph at the age of +twelve. Compare it with the assassin's signature upon the knife handle. +Do they tally?" +</p> +<p> +The foreman answered: +</p> +<center> +"TO THE MINUTEST DETAIL!" +</center> +<p> +Wilson said, solemnly: +</p> +<p> +"The murderer of your friend and mine—York Driscoll of the generous hand +and the kindly spirit—sits in among you. Valet de Chambre, Negro and +slave—falsely called Thomas a Becket Driscoll—make upon the window the +fingerprints that will hang you!" +</p> +<p> +Tom turned his ashen face imploring toward the speaker, made some +impotent movements with his white lips, then slid limp and lifeless to +the floor. +</p> +<p> +Wilson broke the awed silence with the words: +</p> +<p> +"There is no need. He has confessed." +</p> +<p> +Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with her hands, and +out through her sobs the words struggled: +</p> +<p> +"De Lord have mercy on me, po' misasble sinner dat I is!" +</p> +<p> +The clock struck twelve. +</p> +<p> +The court rose; the new prisoner, handcuffed, was removed. +</p> +<a name="2H_CONC"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + CONCLUSION +</h2> +<pre> + <i>It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie + thinks he is the best judge of one.</i> —Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + <i>OCTOBER 12, THE DISCOVERY. It was wonderful to find + America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.</i> + —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar +</pre> +<p> +The town sat up all night to discuss the amazing events of the day and +swap guesses as to when Tom's trial would begin. Troop after troop of +citizens came to serenade Wilson, and require a speech, and shout +themselves hoarse over every sentence that fell from his lips—for all +his sentences were golden, now, all were marvelous. His long fight +against hard luck and prejudice was ended; he was a made man for good. +And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts marched away, some +remorseful member of it was quite sure to raise his voice and say: +</p> +<p> +"And this is the man the likes of us have called a pudd'nhead for more +than twenty years. He has resigned from that position, friends." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, but it isn't vacant—we're elected." +</p> +<p> +The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with rehabilitated +reputations. But they were weary of Western adventure, and straightway +retired to Europe. +</p> +<p> +Roxy's heart was broken. The young fellow upon whom she had inflicted +twenty-three years of slavery continued the false heir's pension of +thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her hurts were too deep for money +to heal; the spirit in her eye was quenched, her martial bearing departed +with it, and the voice of her laughter ceased in the land. In her church +and its affairs she found her only solace. +</p> +<p> +The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but in a most +embarrassing situation. He could neither read nor write, and his speech +was the basest dialect of the Negro quarter. His gait, his attitudes, his +gestures, his bearing, his laugh—all were vulgar and uncouth; his +manners were the manners of a slave. Money and fine clothes could not +mend these defects or cover them up; they only made them more glaring and +the more pathetic. The poor fellow could not endure the terrors of the +white man's parlor, and felt at home and at peace nowhere but in the +kitchen. The family pew was a misery to him, yet he could nevermore enter +into the solacing refuge of the "nigger gallery"—that was closed to him +for good and all. But we cannot follow his curious fate further—that +would be a long story. +</p> +<p> +The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced to imprisonment +for life. But now a complication came up. The Percy Driscoll estate was +in such a crippled shape when its owner died that it could pay only sixty +percent of its great indebtedness, and was settled at that rate. But the +creditors came forward now, and complained that inasmuch as through an +error for which THEY were in no way to blame the false heir was not +inventoried at the time with the rest of the property, great wrong and +loss had thereby been inflicted upon them. They rightly claimed that +"Tom" was lawfully their property and had been so for eight years; that +they had already lost sufficiently in being deprived of his services +during that long period, and ought not to be required to add anything to +that loss; that if he had been delivered up to them in the first place, +they would have sold him and he could not have murdered Judge Driscoll; +therefore it was not that he had really committed the murder, the guilt +lay with the erroneous inventory. Everybody saw that there was reason in +this. Everybody granted that if "Tom" were white and free it would be +unquestionably right to punish him—it would be no loss to anybody; but +to shut up a valuable slave for life—that was quite another matter. +</p> +<p> +As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom at once, and +the creditors sold him down the river. +</p> +<a name="2H_4_0024"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + AUTHOR'S NOTE TO "THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS" +</h2> +<p> +A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time +of it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He +has no clear idea of his story; in fact he has no story. He merely has +some people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality, and he +trusts he can plunge those people into those incidents with interesting +results. So he goes to work. To write a novel? No—that is a thought +which comes later; in the beginning he is only proposing to tell a little +tale, a very little tale, a six-page tale. But as it is a tale which he +is not acquainted with, and can only find out what it is by listening as +it goes along telling itself, it is more than apt to go on and on and on +till it spreads itself into a book. I know about this, because it has +happened to me so many times. +</p> +<p> +And I have noticed another thing: that as the short tale grows into the +long tale, the original intention (or motif) is apt to get abolished and +find itself superseded by a quite different one. It was so in the case +of a magazine sketch which I once started to write—a funny and fantastic +sketch about a prince and a pauper; it presently assumed a grave cast of +its own accord, and in that new shape spread itself out into a book. Much +the same thing happened with PUDD'NHEAD WILSON. I had a sufficiently +hard time with that tale, because it changed itself from a farce to a +tragedy while I was going along with it—a most embarrassing +circumstance. But what was a great deal worse was, that it was not one +story, but two stories tangled together; and they obstructed and +interrupted each other at every turn and created no end of confusion and +annoyance. I could not offer the book for publication, for I was afraid +it would unseat the reader's reason, I did not know what was the matter +with it, for I had not noticed, as yet, that it was two stories in one. +It took me months to make that discovery. I carried the manuscript back +and forth across the Atlantic two or three times, and read it and studied +over it on shipboard; and at last I saw where the difficulty lay. I had +no further trouble. I pulled one of the stories out by the roots, and +left the other—a kind of literary Caesarean operation. +</p> +<p> +Would the reader care to know something about the story which I pulled +out? He has been told many a time how the born-and-trained novelist +works; won't he let me round and complete his knowledge by telling him +how the jackleg does it? +</p> +<p> +Originally the story was called THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS. I meant to +make it very short. I had seen a picture of a youthful Italian +"freak"—or "freaks"—which was—or which were—on exhibition in our +cities—a combination consisting of two heads and four arms joined to a +single body and a single pair of legs—and I thought I would write an +extravagantly fantastic little story with this freak of nature for +hero—or heroes—a silly young miss for heroine, and two old ladies and +two boys for the minor parts. I lavishly elaborated these people and +their doings, of course. But the tale kept spreading along and spreading +along, and other people got to intruding themselves and taking up more +and more room with their talk and their affairs. Among them came a +stranger named Pudd'nhead Wilson, and a woman named Roxana; and presently +the doings of these two pushed up into prominence a young fellow named +Tom Driscoll, whose proper place was away in the obscure background. +Before the book was half finished those three were taking things almost +entirely into their own hands and working the whole tale as a private +venture of their own—a tale which they had nothing at all to do with, by +rights. +</p> +<p> +When the book was finished and I came to look around to see what had +become of the team I had originally started out with—Aunt Patsy Cooper, +Aunt Betsy Hale, and two boys, and Rowena the lightweight heroine—they +were nowhere to be seen; they had disappeared from the story some time or +other. I hunted about and found them—found them stranded, idle, +forgotten, and permanently useless. It was very awkward. It was awkward +all around, but more particularly in the case of Rowena, because there +was a love match on, between her and one of the twins that constituted +the freak, and I had worked it up to a blistering heat and thrown in a +quite dramatic love quarrel, wherein Rowena scathingly denounced her +betrothed for getting drunk, and scoffed at his explanation of how it had +happened, and wouldn't listen to it, and had driven him from her in the +usual "forever" way; and now here she sat crying and brokenhearted; for +she had found that he had spoken only the truth; that it was not he, but +the other of the freak that had drunk the liquor that made him drunk; +that her half was a prohibitionist and had never drunk a drop in his +life, and altogether tight as a brick three days in the week, was wholly +innocent of blame; and indeed, when sober, was constantly doing all he +could to reform his brother, the other half, who never got any +satisfaction out of drinking, anyway, because liquor never affected him. +Yes, here she was, stranded with that deep injustice of hers torturing +her poor torn heart. +</p> +<p> +I didn't know what to do with her. I was as sorry for her as anybody +could be, but the campaign was over, the book was finished, she was +sidetracked, and there was no possible way of crowding her in, anywhere. +I could not leave her there, of course; it would not do. After spreading +her out so, and making such a to-do over her affairs, it would be +absolutely necessary to account to the reader for her. I thought and +thought and studied and studied; but I arrived at nothing. I finally saw +plainly that there was really no way but one—I must simply give her the +grand bounce. It grieved me to do it, for after associating with her so +much I had come to kind of like her after a fashion, notwithstanding she +was such an ass and said such stupid, irritating things and was so +nauseatingly sentimental. Still it had to be done. So at the top of +Chapter XVII I put a "Calendar" remark concerning July the Fourth, and +began the chapter with this statistic: +</p> +<p> +"Rowena went out in the backyard after supper to see the fireworks and +fell down the well and got drowned." +</p> +<p> +It seemed abrupt, but I thought maybe the reader wouldn't notice it, +because I changed the subject right away to something else. Anyway it +loosened up Rowena from where she was stuck and got her out of the way, +and that was the main thing. It seemed a prompt good way of weeding out +people that had got stalled, and a plenty good enough way for those +others; so I hunted up the two boys and said, "They went out back one +night to stone the cat and fell down the well and got drowned." Next I +searched around and found old Aunt Patsy and Aunt Betsy Hale where they +were around, and said, "They went out back one night to visit the sick +and fell down the well and got drowned." I was going to drown some +others, but I gave up the idea, partly because I believed that if I kept +that up it would arouse attention, and perhaps sympathy with those people, +and partly because it was not a large well and would not hold any more +anyway. +</p> +<p> +Still the story was unsatisfactory. Here was a set of new characters who +were become inordinately prominent and who persisted in remaining so to +the end; and back yonder was an older set who made a large noise and a +great to-do for a little while and then suddenly played out utterly and +fell down the well. There was a radical defect somewhere, and I must +search it out and cure it. +</p> +<p> +The defect turned out to be the one already spoken of—two stories in +one, a farce and a tragedy. So I pulled out the farce and left the +tragedy. This left the original team in, but only as mere names, not as +characters. Their prominence was wholly gone; they were not even worth +drowning; so I removed that detail. Also I took the twins apart and made +two separate men of them. They had no occasion to have foreign names now, +but it was too much trouble to remove them all through, so I left them +christened as they were and made no explanation. +</p> +<br /> +<br /> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, by +Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD'NHEAD WILSON *** + +***** This file should be named 102-h.htm or 102-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/102/ + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer; David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Last Updated: December 23, 2008 +Posting Date: August 20, 2006 [EBook #102] +Release Date: January, 1994 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD'NHEAD WILSON *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer + + + + + + + +THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD'NHEAD WILSON + +by Mark Twain + + + + +A WHISPER TO THE READER + + _There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can + be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. + Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about + perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler + animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead + of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are + left in doubt._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +A person who is ignorant of legal matters is always liable to make +mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene with his pen; and so I +was not willing to let the law chapters in this book go to press without +first subjecting them to rigid and exhausting revision and correction by +a trained barrister--if that is what they are called. These chapters are +right, now, in every detail, for they were rewritten under the immediate +eye of William Hicks, who studied law part of a while in southwest +Missouri thirty-five years ago and then came over here to Florence for +his health and is still helping for exercise and board in Macaroni +Vermicelli's horse-feed shed, which is up the back alley as you turn +around the corner out of the Piazza del Duomo just beyond the house where +that stone that Dante used to sit on six hundred years ago is let into +the wall when he let on to be watching them build Giotto's campanile and +yet always got tired looking as Beatrice passed along on her way to get a +chunk of chestnut cake to defend herself with in case of a Ghibelline +outbreak before she got to school, at the same old stand where they sell +the same old cake to this day and it is just as light and good as it was +then, too, and this is not flattery, far from it. He was a little rusty +on his law, but he rubbed up for this book, and those two or three legal +chapters are right and straight, now. He told me so himself. + +Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at the Villa +Viviani, village of Settignano, three miles back of Florence, on the +hills--the same certainly affording the most charming view to be found +on this planet, and with it the most dreamlike and enchanting sunsets to +be found in any planet or even in any solar system--and given, too, in +the swell room of the house, with the busts of Cerretani senators and +other grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon me, as they +used to look down upon Dante, and mutely asking me to adopt them into my +family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest ancestors are but +spring chickens compared with these robed and stately antiques, and it +will be a great and satisfying lift for me, that six hundred years will. + +Mark Twain. + + + + +CHAPTER 1 -- Pudd'nhead Wins His Name + + _Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick._ --Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar + + +The scene of this chronicle is the town of Dawson's Landing, on the +Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a day's journey, per steamboat, +below St. Louis. + +In 1830 it was a snug collection of modest one- and two-story frame +dwellings, whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed from sight +by climbing tangles of rose vines, honeysuckles, and morning glories. +Each of these pretty homes had a garden in front fenced with white +palings and opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, touch-me-nots, +prince's-feathers, and other old-fashioned flowers; while on the +windowsills of the houses stood wooden boxes containing moss rose plants +and terra-cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium whose spread of +intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint of the rose-clad +house-front like an explosion of flame. When there was room on the ledge +outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there--in sunny +weather--stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, with her furry +belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose. Then that house was +complete, and its contentment and peace were made manifest to the world +by this symbol, whose testimony is infallible. A home without a cat--and +a well-fed, well-petted, and properly revered cat--may be a perfect +home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? + +All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge of the brick +sidewalks, stood locust trees with trunks protected by wooden boxing, and +these furnished shade for summer and a sweet fragrancer in spring, when +the clusters of buds came forth. The main street, one block back from +the river, and running parallel with it, was the sole business street. +It was six blocks long, and in each block two or three brick stores, +three stories high, towered above interjected bunches of little frame +shops. Swinging signs creaked in the wind the street's whole length. +The candy-striped pole, which indicates nobility proud and ancient along +the palace-bordered canals of Venice, indicated merely the humble +barbershop along the main street of Dawson's Landing. On a chief corner +stood a lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top to bottom with tin pots +and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger's noisy notice to the world (when +the wind blew) that his shop was on hand for business at that corner. + +The hamlet's front was washed by the clear waters of the great river; its +body stretched itself rearward up a gentle incline; its most rearward +border fringed itself out and scattered its houses about its base line of +the hills; the hills rose high, enclosing the town in a half-moon curve, +clothed with forests from foot to summit. + +Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so. Those belonging to the +little Cairo line and the little Memphis line always stopped; the big +Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or to land passengers or freight; +and this was the case also with the great flotilla of "transients." +These latter came out of a dozen rivers--the Illinois, the Missouri, the +Upper Mississippi, the Ohio, the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red +River, the White River, and so on--and were bound every whither and +stocked with every imaginable comfort or necessity, which the +Mississippi's communities could want, from the frosty Falls of St. +Anthony down through nine climates to torrid New Orleans. + +Dawson's Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich, slave-worked grain +and pork country back of it. The town was sleepy and comfortable and +contented. It was fifty years old, and was growing slowly--very slowly, +in fact, but still it was growing. + +The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old, +judge of the county court. He was very proud of his old Virginian +ancestry, and in his hospitalities and his rather formal and stately +manners, he kept up its traditions. He was fine and just and generous. +To be a gentleman--a gentleman without stain or blemish--was his only +religion, and to it he was always faithful. He was respected, esteemed, +and beloved by all of the community. He was well off, and was gradually +adding to his store. He and his wife were very nearly happy, but not +quite, for they had no children. The longing for the treasure of a child +had grown stronger and stronger as the years slipped away, but the +blessing never came--and was never to come. + +With this pair lived the judge's widowed sister, Mrs. Rachel Pratt, and +she also was childless--childless, and sorrowful for that reason, and not +to be comforted. The women were good and commonplace people, and did +their duty, and had their reward in clear consciences and the community's +approbation. They were Presbyterians, the judge was a freethinker. + +Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged almost forty, was another old +Virginian grandee with proved descent from the First Families. He was a +fine, majestic creature, a gentleman according to the nicest requirements +of the Virginia rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority on the "code", +and a man always courteously ready to stand up before you in the field if +any act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious to you, and +explain it with any weapon you might prefer from bradawls to artillery. +He was very popular with the people, and was the judge's dearest friend. + +Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F.F.V. of formidable +caliber--however, with him we have no concern. + +Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the judge, and younger than he +by five years, was a married man, and had had children around his +hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail by measles, croup, and +scarlet fever, and this had given the doctor a chance with his effective +antediluvian methods; so the cradles were empty. He was a prosperous +man, with a good head for speculations, and his fortune was growing. On +the first of February, 1830, two boy babes were born in his house; one to +him, one to one of his slave girls, Roxana by name. Roxana was twenty +years old. She was up and around the same day, with her hands full, for +she was tending both babes. + +Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week. Roxy remained in charge of the +children. She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll soon absorbed himself in +his speculations and left her to her own devices. + +In that same month of February, Dawson's Landing gained a new citizen. +This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of Scotch parentage. He had +wandered to this remote region from his birthplace in the interior of the +State of New York, to seek his fortune. He was twenty-five years old, +college bred, and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern law +school a couple of years before. + +He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an intelligent +blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a covert twinkle of +a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, he would no doubt +have entered at once upon a successful career at Dawson's Landing. But he +made his fatal remark the first day he spent in the village, and it +"gaged" him. He had just made the acquaintance of a group of citizens +when an invisible dog began to yelp and snarl and howl and make himself +very comprehensively disagreeable, whereupon young Wilson said, much as +one who is thinking aloud: + +"I wish I owned half of that dog." + +"Why?" somebody asked. + +"Because I would kill my half." + +The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, but found +no light there, no expression that they could read. They fell away from +him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy to discuss him. One +said: + +"'Pears to be a fool." + +"'Pears?" said another. "_Is,_ I reckon you better say." + +"Said he wished he owned _half_ of the dog, the idiot," said a third. +"What did he reckon would become of the other half if he killed his half? +Do you reckon he thought it would live?" + +"Why, he must have thought it, unless he IS the downrightest fool in the +world; because if he hadn't thought it, he would have wanted to own the +whole dog, knowing that if he killed his half and the other half died, he +would be responsible for that half just the same as if he had killed that +half instead of his own. Don't it look that way to you, gents?" + +"Yes, it does. If he owned one half of the general dog, it would be so; +if he owned one end of the dog and another person owned the other end, it +would be so, just the same; particularly in the first case, because if +you kill one half of a general dog, there ain't any man that can tell +whose half it was; but if he owned one end of the dog, maybe he could +kill his end of it and--" + +"No, he couldn't either; he couldn't and not be responsible if the other +end died, which it would. In my opinion that man ain't in his right +mind." + +"In my opinion he hain't _got_ any mind." + +No. 3 said: "Well, he's a lummox, anyway." + +"That's what he is;" said No. 4. "He's a labrick--just a Simon-pure +labrick, if there was one." + +"Yes, sir, he's a dam fool. That's the way I put him up," said No. 5. +"Anybody can think different that wants to, but those are my sentiments." + +"I'm with you, gentlemen," said No. 6. "Perfect jackass--yes, and it +ain't going too far to say he is a pudd'nhead. If he ain't a pudd'nhead, +I ain't no judge, that's all." + +Mr. Wilson stood elected. The incident was told all over the town, and +gravely discussed by everybody. Within a week he had lost his first +name; Pudd'nhead took its place. In time he came to be liked, and well +liked too; but by that time the nickname had got well stuck on, and it +stayed. That first day's verdict made him a fool, and he was not able to +get it set aside, or even modified. The nickname soon ceased to carry +any harsh or unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, and was +to continue to hold its place for twenty long years. + + + + +CHAPTER 2 -- Driscoll Spares His Slaves + + _Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want + the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it + was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the + serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent._ --Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar + + +Pudd'nhead Wilson had a trifle of money when he arrived, and he bought a +small house on the extreme western verge of the town. Between it and +Judge Driscoll's house there was only a grassy yard, with a paling fence +dividing the properties in the middle. He hired a small office down in +the town and hung out a tin sign with these words on it: + +D A V I D W I L S O N + +ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW + +SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC. + +But his deadly remark had ruined his chance--at least in the law. No +clients came. He took down his sign, after a while, and put it up on his +own house with the law features knocked out of it. It offered his +services now in the humble capacities of land surveyor and expert +accountant. Now and then he got a job of surveying to do, and now and +then a merchant got him to straighten out his books. With Scotch patience +and pluck he resolved to live down his reputation and work his way into +the legal field yet. Poor fellow, he could foresee that it was going to +take him such a weary long time to do it. + +He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung heavy on his +hands, for he interested himself in every new thing that was born into +the universe of ideas, and studied it, and experimented upon it at his +house. One of his pet fads was palmistry. To another one he gave no +name, neither would he explain to anybody what its purpose was, but +merely said it was an amusement. In fact, he had found that his fads +added to his reputation as a pudd'nhead; there, he was growing chary of +being too communicative about them. The fad without a name was one which +dealt with people's finger marks. He carried in his coat pocket a +shallow box with grooves in it, and in the grooves strips of glass five +inches long and three inches wide. Along the lower edge of each strip +was pasted a slip of white paper. He asked people to pass their hands +through their hair (thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the +natural oil) and then making a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it +with the mark of the ball of each finger in succession. Under this row +of faint grease prints he would write a record on the strip of white +paper--thus: + +JOHN SMITH, right hand-- + +and add the day of the month and the year, then take Smith's left hand on +another glass strip, and add name and date and the words "left hand." The +strips were now returned to the grooved box, and took their place among +what Wilson called his "records." + +He often studied his records, examining and poring over them with +absorbing interest until far into the night; but what he found there--if +he found anything--he revealed to no one. Sometimes he copied on paper +the involved and delicate pattern left by the ball of the finger, and +then vastly enlarged it with a pantograph so that he could examine its +web of curving lines with ease and convenience. + +One sweltering afternoon--it was the first day of July, 1830--he was at +work over a set of tangled account books in his workroom, which looked +westward over a stretch of vacant lots, when a conversation outside +disturbed him. It was carried on in yells, which showed that the people +engaged in it were not close together. + +"Say, Roxy, how does yo' baby come on?" This from the distant voice. + +"Fust-rate. How does _you_ come on, Jasper?" This yell was from close +by. + +"Oh, I's middlin'; hain't got noth'n' to complain of, I's gwine to come +a-court'n you bimeby, Roxy." + +"_You_ is, you black mud cat! Yah--yah--yah! I got somep'n' better to +do den 'sociat'n' wid niggers as black as you is. Is ole Miss Cooper's +Nancy done give you de mitten?" Roxy followed this sally with another +discharge of carefree laughter. + +"You's jealous, Roxy, dat's what's de matter wid you, you +hussy--yah--yah--yah! Dat's de time I got you!" + +"Oh, yes, _you_ got me, hain't you. 'Clah to goodness if dat conceit o' +yo'n strikes in, Jasper, it gwine to kill you sho'. If you b'longed to +me, I'd sell you down de river 'fo' you git too fur gone. Fust time I +runs acrost yo' marster, I's gwine to tell him so." + +This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both parties enjoying the +friendly duel and each well satisfied with his own share of the wit +exchanged--for wit they considered it. + +Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; he could not work +while their chatter continued. Over in the vacant lots was Jasper, +young, coal black, and of magnificent build, sitting on a wheelbarrow in +the pelting sun--at work, supposably, whereas he was in fact only +preparing for it by taking an hour's rest before beginning. In front of +Wilson's porch stood Roxy, with a local handmade baby wagon, in which sat +her two charges--one at each end and facing each other. From Roxy's +manner of speech, a stranger would have expected her to be black, but she +was not. Only one sixteenth of her was black, and that sixteenth did not +show. She was of majestic form and stature, her attitudes were imposing +and statuesque, and her gestures and movements distinguished by a noble +and stately grace. Her complexion was very fair, with the rosy glow of +vigorous health in her cheeks, her face was full of character and +expression, her eyes were brown and liquid, and she had a heavy suit of +fine soft hair which was also brown, but the fact was not apparent +because her head was bound about with a checkered handkerchief and the +hair was concealed under it. Her face was shapely, intelligent, and +comely--even beautiful. She had an easy, independent carriage--when she +was among her own caste--and a high and "sassy" way, withal; but of +course she was meek and humble enough where white people were. + +To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one +sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen parts and +made her a Negro. She was a slave, and salable as such. Her child was +thirty-one parts white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a fiction of law +and custom a Negro. He had blue eyes and flaxen curls like his white +comrade, but even the father of the white child was able to tell the +children apart--little as he had commerce with them--by their clothes; +for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin and a coral necklace, while +the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen shirt which barely reached to +its knees, and no jewelry. + +The white child's name was Thomas a Becket Driscoll, the other's name was +Valet de Chambre: no surname--slaves hadn't the privilege. Roxana had +heard that phrase somewhere, the fine sound of it had pleased her ear, +and as she had supposed it was a name, she loaded it on to her darling. +It soon got shorted to "Chambers," of course. + +Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wits begun to play out, +he stepped outside to gather in a record or two. Jasper went to work +energetically, at once, perceiving that his leisure was observed. Wilson +inspected the children and asked: + +"How old are they, Roxy?" + +"Bofe de same age, sir--five months. Bawn de fust o' Feb'uary." + +"They're handsome little chaps. One's just as handsome as the other, +too." + +A delighted smile exposed the girl's white teeth, and she said: + +"Bless yo' soul, Misto Wilson, it's pow'ful nice o' you to say dat, +'ca'se one of 'em ain't on'y a nigger. Mighty prime little nigger, _I_ +al'ays says, but dat's 'ca'se it's mine, o' course." + +"How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they haven't any clothes on?" + +Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: + +"Oh, _I_ kin tell 'em 'part, Misto Wilson, but I bet Marse Percy +couldn't, not to save his life." + +Wilson chatted along for awhile, and presently got Roxy's fingerprints +for his collection--right hand and left--on a couple of his glass strips; +then labeled and dated them, and took the "records" of both children, and +labeled and dated them also. + +Two months later, on the third of September, he took this trio of finger +marks again. He liked to have a "series," two or three "takings" at +intervals during the period of childhood, these to be followed at +intervals of several years. + +The next day--that is to say, on the fourth of September--something +occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana. Mr. Driscoll missed another +small sum of money--which is a way of saying that this was not a new +thing, but had happened before. In truth, it had happened three times +before. Driscoll's patience was exhausted. He was a fairly humane man +toward slaves and other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man toward +the erring of his own race. Theft he could not abide, and plainly there +was a thief in his house. Necessarily the thief must be one of his +Negros. Sharp measures must be taken. He called his servants before him. +There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a woman, and a boy +twelve years old. They were not related. Mr. Driscoll said: + +"You have all been warned before. It has done no good. This time I will +teach you a lesson. I will sell the thief. Which of you is the guilty +one?" + +They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a good home, and a +new one was likely to be a change for the worse. The denial was general. +None had stolen anything--not money, anyway--a little sugar, or cake, or +honey, or something like that, that "Marse Percy wouldn't mind or miss" +but not money--never a cent of money. They were eloquent in their +protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them. He answered each +in turn with a stern "Name the thief!" + +The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected that the others +were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. She was horrified to +think how near she had come to being guilty herself; she had been saved +in the nick of time by a revival in the colored Methodist Church, a +fortnight before, at which time and place she "got religion." The very +next day after that gracious experience, while her change of style was +fresh upon her and she was vain of her purified condition, her master +left a couple dollars unprotected on his desk, and she happened upon that +temptation when she was polishing around with a dustrag. She looked at +the money awhile with a steady rising resentment, then she burst out +with: + +"Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had 'a' be'n put off till tomorrow!" + +Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another member of the +kitchen cabinet got it. She made this sacrifice as a matter of religious +etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, but by no means to be wrested +into a precedent; no, a week or two would limber up her piety, then she +would be rational again, and the next two dollars that got left out in +the cold would find a comforter--and she could name the comforter. + +Was she bad? Was she worse than the general run of her race? No. They +had an unfair show in the battle of life, and they held it no sin to take +military advantage of the enemy--in a small way; in a small way, but not +in a large one. They would smouch provisions from the pantry whenever +they got a chance; or a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, or an emery bag, +or a paper of needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, or small +articles of clothing, or any other property of light value; and so far +were they from considering such reprisals sinful, that they would go to +church and shout and pray the loudest and sincerest with their plunder in +their pockets. A farm smokehouse had to be kept heavily padlocked, or +even the colored deacon himself could not resist a ham when Providence +showed him in a dream, or otherwise, where such a thing hung lonesome, +and longed for someone to love. But with a hundred hanging before him, +the deacon would not take two--that is, on the same night. On frosty +nights the humane Negro prowler would warm the end of the plank and put +it up under the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; a drowsy hen +would step on to the comfortable board, softly clucking her gratitude, +and the prowler would dump her into his bag, and later into his stomach, +perfectly sure that in taking this trifle from the man who daily robbed +him of an inestimable treasure--his liberty--he was not committing any +sin that God would remember against him in the Last Great Day. + +"Name the thief!" + +For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always in the same hard +tone. And now he added these words of awful import: + +"I give you one minute." He took out his watch. "If at the end of that +time, you have not confessed, I will not only sell all four of you, +BUT--I will sell you DOWN THE RIVER!" + +It was equivalent to condemning them to hell! No Missouri Negro doubted +this. Roxy reeled in her tracks, and the color vanished out of her face; +the others dropped to their knees as if they had been shot; tears gushed +from their eyes, their supplicating hands went up, and three answers came +in the one instant. + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!--have mercy, marster--Lord have mercy on us po' niggers!" + +"Very good," said the master, putting up his watch, "I will sell you +_here_ though you don't deserve it. You ought to be sold down the +river." + +The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of gratitude, and +kissed his feet, declaring that they would never forget his goodness and +never cease to pray for him as long as they lived. They were sincere, for +like a god he had stretched forth his mighty hand and closed the gates of +hell against them. He knew, himself, that he had done a noble and +gracious thing, and was privately well pleased with his magnanimity; and +that night he set the incident down in his diary, so that his son might +read it in after years, and be thereby moved to deeds of gentleness and +humanity himself. + + + + +CHAPTER 3 -- Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick + + _Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, + knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first + great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the + world._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Percy Driscoll slept well the night he saved his house minions from +going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited Roxy's eyes. A +profound terror had taken possession of her. Her child could grow up and +be sold down the river! The thought crazed her with horror. If she dozed +and lost herself for a moment, the next moment she was on her feet flying +to her child's cradle to see if it was still there. Then she would gather +it to her heart and pour out her love upon it in a frenzy of kisses, +moaning, crying, and saying, "Dey sha'n't, oh, dey _sha'nt'!'_--yo' po' +mammy will kill you fust!" + +Once, when she was tucking him back in its cradle again, the other child +nestled in its sleep and attracted her attention. She went and stood +over it a long time communing with herself. + +"What has my po' baby done, dat he couldn't have yo' luck? He hain't done +nuth'n. God was good to you; why warn't he good to him? Dey can't sell +_you_ down de river. I hates yo' pappy; he hain't got no heart--for +niggers, he hain't, anyways. I hates him, en I could kill him!" She +paused awhile, thinking; then she burst into wild sobbings again, and +turned away, saying, "Oh, I got to kill my chile, dey ain't no yuther +way--killin' _him_ wouldn't save de chile fum goin' down de river. Oh, I +got to do it, yo' po' mammy's got to kill you to save you, honey." She +gathered her baby to her bosom now, and began to smother it with +caresses. "Mammy's got to kill you--how _kin_ I do it! But yo' mammy +ain't gwine to desert you--no, no, _dah_, don't cry--she gwine _wid_ +you, she gwine to kill herself too. Come along, honey, come along wid +mammy; we gwine to jump in de river, den troubles o' dis worl' is all +over--dey don't sell po' niggers down the river over _yonder_." + +She stared toward the door, crooning to the child and hushing it; midway +she stopped, suddenly. She had caught sight of her new Sunday gown--a +cheap curtain-calico thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and fantastic +figures. She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. + +"Hain't ever wore it yet," she said, "en it's just lovely." Then she +nodded her head in response to a pleasant idea, and added, "No, I ain't +gwine to be fished out, wid everybody lookin' at me, in dis mis'able ole +linsey-woolsey." + +She put down the child and made the change. She looked in the glass and +was astonished at her beauty. She resolved to make her death toilet +perfect. She took off her handkerchief turban and dressed her glossy +wealth of hair "like white folks"; she added some odds and ends of rather +lurid ribbon and a spray of atrocious artificial flowers; finally she +threw over her shoulders a fluffy thing called a "cloud" in that day, +which was of a blazing red complexion. Then she was ready for the tomb. + +She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye fell upon its +miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and noted the contrast +between its pauper shabbiness and her own volcanic eruption of infernal +splendors, her mother-heart was touched, and she was ashamed. + +"No, dolling mammy ain't gwine to treat you so. De angels is gwine to +'mire you jist as much as dey does yo' mammy. Ain't gwine to have 'em +putt'n dey han's up 'fo' dey eyes en sayin' to David and Goliah en dem +yuther prophets, 'Dat chile is dress' to indelicate fo' dis place.'" + +By this time she had stripped off the shirt. Now she clothed the naked +little creature in one of Thomas `a Becket's snowy, long baby gowns, with +its bright blue bows and dainty flummery of ruffles. + +"Dah--now you's fixed." She propped the child in a chair and stood off +to inspect it. Straightway her eyes begun to widen with astonishment and +admiration, and she clapped her hands and cried out, "Why, it do beat +all! I _never_ knowed you was so lovely. Marse Tommy ain't a bit +puttier--not a single bit." + +She stepped over and glanced at the other infant; she flung a glance +back at her own; then one more at the heir of the house. Now a strange +light dawned in her eyes, and in a moment she was lost in thought. She +seemed in a trance; when she came out of it, she muttered, "When I 'uz +a-washin' 'em in de tub, yistiddy, he own pappy asked me which of 'em was +his'n." + +She began to move around like one in a dream. She undressed Thomas `a +Becket, stripping him of everything, and put the tow-linen shirt on him. +She put his coral necklace on her own child's neck. Then she placed the +children side by side, and after earnest inspection she muttered: + +"Now who would b'lieve clo'es could do de like o' dat? Dog my cats if it +ain't all _I_ kin do to tell t' other fum which, let alone his pappy." + +She put her cub in Tommy's elegant cradle and said: + +"You's young Marse _Tom_ fum dis out, en I got to practice and git used +to 'memberin' to call you dat, honey, or I's gwine to make a mistake +sometime en git us bofe into trouble. Dah--now you lay still en don't +fret no mo', Marse Tom. Oh, thank de lord in heaven, you's saved, you's +saved! Dey ain't no man kin ever sell mammy's po' little honey down de +river now!" + +She put the heir of the house in her own child's unpainted pine cradle, +and said, contemplating its slumbering form uneasily: + +"I's sorry for you, honey; I's sorry, God knows I is--but what _kin_ I +do, what _could_ I do? Yo' pappy would sell him to somebody, sometime, +en den he'd go down de river, sho', en I couldn't, couldn't, _couldn't_ +stan' it." + +She flung herself on her bed and began to think and toss, toss and think. +By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a comforting thought had flown +through her worried mind-- + +"'T ain't no sin--_white_ folks has done it! It ain't no sin, glory to +goodness it ain't no sin! _Dey's_ done it--yes, en dey was de biggest +quality in de whole bilin', too--_kings!"_ + +She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her memory the dim +particulars of some tale she had heard some time or other. At last she +said-- + +"Now I's got it; now I 'member. It was dat ole nigger preacher dat tole +it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en preached in de nigger +church. He said dey ain't nobody kin save his own self--can't do it by +faith, can't do it by works, can't do it no way at all. Free grace is de +_on'y_ way, en dat don't come fum nobody but jis' de Lord; en _he_ kin +give it to anybody He please, saint or sinner--_he_ don't kyer. He do +jis' as He's a mineter. He s'lect out anybody dat suit Him, en put +another one in his place, and make de fust one happy forever en leave t' +other one to burn wid Satan. De preacher said it was jist like dey done +in Englan' one time, long time ago. De queen she lef' her baby layin' +aroun' one day, en went out callin'; an one 'o de niggers roun'bout de +place dat was 'mos' white, she come in en see de chile layin' aroun', en +tuck en put her own chile's clo's on de queen's chile, en put de queen's +chile's clo'es on her own chile, en den lef' her own chile layin' aroun', +en tuck en toted de queen's chile home to de nigger quarter, en nobody +ever foun' it out, en her chile was de king bimeby, en sole de queen's +chile down de river one time when dey had to settle up de estate. Dah, +now--de preacher said it his own self, en it ain't no sin, 'ca'se white +folks done it. DEY done it--yes, DEY done it; en not on'y jis' common +white folks nuther, but de biggest quality dey is in de whole bilin'. +_Oh_, I's _so_ glad I 'member 'bout dat!" + +She got lighthearted and happy, and went to the cradles, and spent what +was left of the night "practicing." She would give her own child a light +pat and say humbly, "Lay still, Marse Tom," then give the real Tom a pat +and say with severity, "Lay _still_, Chambers! Does you want me to take +somep'n _to_ you?" + +As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised to see how +steadily and surely the awe which had kept her tongue reverent and her +manner humble toward her young master was transferring itself to her +speech and manner toward the usurper, and how similarly handy she was +becoming in transferring her motherly curtness of speech and +peremptoriness of manner to the unlucky heir of the ancient house of +Driscoll. + +She took occasional rests from practicing, and absorbed herself in +calculating her chances. + +"Dey'll sell dese niggers today fo' stealin' de money, den dey'll buy +some mo' dat don't now de chillen--so _dat's_ all right. When I takes de +chillen out to git de air, de minute I's roun' de corner I's gwine to +gaum dey mouths all roun' wid jam, den dey can't _nobody_ notice dey's +changed. Yes, I gwine ter do dat till I's safe, if it's a year. + +"Dey ain't but one man dat I's afeard of, en dat's dat Pudd'nhead Wilson. +Dey calls him a pudd'nhead, en says he's a fool. My lan, dat man ain't +no mo' fool den I is! He's de smartes' man in dis town, lessn' it's +Jedge Driscoll or maybe Pem Howard. Blame dat man, he worries me wid dem +ornery glasses o' his'n; _I_ b'lieve he's a witch. But nemmine, I's gwine +to happen aroun' dah one o' dese days en let on dat I reckon he wants to +print a chillen's fingers ag'in; en if HE don't notice dey's changed, I +bound dey ain't nobody gwine to notice it, en den I's safe, sho'. But I +reckon I'll tote along a hoss-shoe to keep off de witch work." + +The new Negros gave Roxy no trouble, of course. The master gave her +none, for one of his speculations was in jeopardy, and his mind was so +occupied that he hardly saw the children when he looked at them, and all +Roxy had to do was to get them both into a gale of laughter when he came +about; then their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, and he was +gone again before the spasm passed and the little creatures resumed a +human aspect. + +Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so dubious that Mr. +Percy went away with his brother, the judge, to see what could be done +with it. It was a land speculation as usual, and it had gotten +complicated with a lawsuit. The men were gone seven weeks. Before they +got back, Roxy had paid her visit to Wilson, and was satisfied. Wilson +took the fingerprints, labeled them with the names and with the date +--October the first--put them carefully away, and continued his chat with +Roxy, who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great advance in +flesh and beauty which the babes had made since he took their +fingerprints a month before. He complimented their improvement to her +contentment; and as they were without any disguise of jam or other stain, +she trembled all the while and was miserably frightened lest at any +moment he-- + +But he didn't. He discovered nothing; and she went home jubilant, and +dropped all concern about the matter permanently out of her mind. + + + + +CHAPTER 4 -- The Ways of the Changelings + + _Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one + was, that they escaped teething._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + _There is this trouble about special providences--namely, + there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to + be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, + and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of + the episode than the prophet did, because they got the + children._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +This history must henceforth accommodate itself to the change which +Roxana has consummated, and call the real heir "Chambers" and the +usurping little slave, "Thomas `a Becket"--shortening this latter name to +"Tom," for daily use, as the people about him did. + +"Tom" was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his usurpation. He would +cry for nothing; he would burst into storms of devilish temper without +notice, and let go scream after scream and squall after squall, then +climax the thing with "holding his breath"--that frightful specialty of +the teething nursling, in the throes of which the creature exhausts its +lungs, then is convulsed with noiseless squirmings and twistings and +kickings in the effort to get its breath, while the lips turn blue and +the mouth stands wide and rigid, offering for inspection one wee tooth +set in the lower rim of a hoop of red gums; and when the appalling +stillness has endured until one is sure the lost breath will never +return, a nurse comes flying, and dashes water in the child's face, +and--presto! the lungs fill, and instantly discharge a shriek, or a yell, +or a howl which bursts the listening ear and surprises the owner of it +into saying words which would not go well with a halo if he had one. The +baby Tom would claw anybody who came within reach of his nails, and pound +anybody he could reach with his rattle. He would scream for water until +he got it, and then throw cup and all on the floor and scream for more. +He was indulged in all his caprices, howsoever troublesome and +exasperating they might be; he was allowed to eat anything he wanted, +particularly things that would give him the stomach-ache. + +When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about and say broken +words and get an idea of what his hands were for, he was a more +consummate pest than ever. Roxy got no rest while he was awake. He would +call for anything and everything he saw, simply saying, "Awnt it!" (want +it), which was a command. When it was brought, he said in a frenzy, and +motioning it away with his hands, "Don't awnt it! don't awnt it!" and the +moment it was gone he set up frantic yells of "Awnt it! awnt it!" and +Roxy had to give wings to her heels to get that thing back to him again +before he could get time to carry out his intention of going into +convulsions about it. + +What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. This was because +his "father" had forbidden him to have them lest he break windows and +furniture with them. The moment Roxy's back was turned he would toddle +to the presence of the tongs and say, "Like it!" and cock his eye to one +side or see if Roxy was observed; then, "Awnt it!" and cock his eye +again; then, "Hab it!" with another furtive glance; and finally, "Take +it!"--and the prize was his. The next moment the heavy implement was +raised aloft; the next, there was a crash and a squall, and the cat was +off on three legs to meet an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as the +lamp or a window went to irremediable smash. + +Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none. Tom got all the delicacies, +Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar. In consequence +Tom was a sickly child and Chambers wasn't. Tom was "fractious," as Roxy +called it, and overbearing; Chambers was meek and docile. + +With all her splendid common sense and practical everyday ability, Roxy +was a doting fool of a mother. She was this toward her child--and she +was also more than this: by the fiction created by herself, he was +become her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly +and of perfecting herself in the forms required to express the +recognition, had moved her to such diligence and faithfulness in +practicing these forms that this exercise soon concreted itself into +habit; it became automatic and unconscious; then a natural result +followed: deceptions intended solely for others gradually grew +practically into self-deceptions as well; the mock reverence became real +reverence, the mock homage real homage; the little counterfeit rift of +separation between imitation-slave and imitation-master widened and +widened, and became an abyss, and a very real one--and on one side of it +stood Roxy, the dupe of her own deceptions, and on the other stood her +child, no longer a usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized +master. He was her darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in +her worship of him she forgot who she was and what he had been. + +In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and +Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, +the advantage all lay with the former policy. The few times that his +persecutions had moved him beyond control and made him fight back had +cost him very dear at headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she +ever went beyond scolding him sharply for "forgett'n' who his young +marster was," she at least never extended her punishment beyond a box on +the ear. No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told Chambers that under +no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his hand against his +little master. Chambers overstepped the line three times, and got three +such convincing canings from the man who was his father and didn't know +it, that he took Tom's cruelties in all humility after that, and made no +more experiments. + +Outside the house the two boys were together all through their boyhood. +Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; strong because +he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, and a good fighter +because Tom furnished him plenty of practice--on white boys whom he +hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his constant bodyguard, to and +from school; he was present on the playground at recess to protect his +charge. He fought himself into such a formidable reputation, by and by, +that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and "ridden in peace," like +Sir Kay in Launcelot's armor. + +He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to play +"keeps" with, and then took all the winnings away from him. In the winter +season Chambers was on hand, in Tom's worn-out clothes, with "holy" red +mittens, and "holy" shoes, and pants "holy" at the knees and seat, to +drag a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; but he +never got a ride himself. He built snowmen and snow fortifications under +Tom's directions. He was Tom's patient target when Tom wanted to do some +snowballing, but the target couldn't fire back. Chambers carried Tom's +skates to the river and strapped them on him, then trotted around after +him on the ice, so as to be on hand when he wanted; but he wasn't ever +asked to try the skates himself. + +In summer the pet pastime of the boys of Dawson's Landing was to steal +apples, peaches, and melons from the farmer's fruit wagons--mainly on +account of the risk they ran of getting their heads laid open with the +butt of the farmer's whip. Tom was a distinguished adept at these +thefts--by proxy. Chambers did his stealing, and got the peach stones, +apple cores, and melon rinds for his share. + +Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as a +protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots in +Chamber's shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to undo, +then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged +at the stubborn knots with his teeth. + +Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native +viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his superiorities of +physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. Tom couldn't dive, +for it gave him splitting headaches. Chambers could dive without +inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. He excited so much admiration, +one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from +the stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom's spirit, and at last he shoved +the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air--so he came down on +his head in the canoe bottom; and while he lay unconscious, several of +Tom's ancient adversaries saw that their long-desired opportunity was +come, and they gave the false heir such a drubbing that with Chamber's +best help he was hardly able to drag himself home afterward. + +When the boys was fifteen and upward, Tom was "showing off" in the river +one day, when he was taken with a cramp, and shouted for help. It was a +common trick with the boys--particularly if a stranger was present--to +pretend a cramp and howl for help; then when the stranger came tearing +hand over hand to the rescue, the howler would go on struggling and +howling till he was close at hand, then replace the howl with a sarcastic +smile and swim blandly away, while the town boys assailed the dupe with a +volley of jeers and laughter. Tom had never tried this joke as yet, but +was supposed to be trying it now, so the boys held warily back; but +Chambers believed his master was in earnest; therefore, he swam out, and +arrived in time, unfortunately, and saved his life. + +This was the last feather. Tom had managed to endure everything else, +but to have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation +as this to a nigger, and to this nigger of all niggers--this was too +much. He heaped insults upon Chambers for "pretending" to think he was in +earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody but a blockheaded +nigger would have known he was funning and left him alone. + +Tom's enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their +opinions quite freely. They laughed at him, and called him coward, liar, +sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant to call +Chambers by a new name after this, and make it common in the town--"Tom +Driscoll's nigger pappy,"--to signify that he had had a second birth into +this life, and that Chambers was the author of his new being. Tom grew +frantic under these taunts, and shouted: + +"Knock their heads off, Chambers! Knock their heads off! What do you +stand there with your hands in your pockets for?" + +Chambers expostulated, and said, "But, Marse Tom, dey's too many of +'em--dey's--" + +"Do you hear me?" + +"Please, Marse Tom, don't make me! Dey's so many of 'em dat--" + +Tom sprang at him and drove his pocketknife into him two or three times +before the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad a chance +to escape. He was considerably hurt, but not seriously. If the blade had +been a little longer, his career would have ended there. + +Tom had long ago taught Roxy "her place." It had been many a day now +since she had ventured a caress or a fondling epithet in his quarter. +Such things, from a "nigger," were repulsive to him, and she had been +warned to keep her distance and remember who she was. She saw her +darling gradually cease from being her son, she saw THAT detail perish +utterly; all that was left was master--master, pure and simple, and it +was not a gentle mastership, either. She saw herself sink from the +sublime height of motherhood to the somber depths of unmodified slavery, +the abyss of separation between her and her boy was complete. She was +merely his chattel now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing and +helpless slave, the humble and unresisting victim of his capricious +temper and vicious nature. + +Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, +because her rage boiled so high over the day's experiences with her boy. +She would mumble and mutter to herself: + +"He struck me en I warn't no way to blame--struck me in de face, right +before folks. En he's al'ays callin' me nigger wench, en hussy, en all +dem mean names, when I's doin' de very bes' I kin. Oh, Lord, I done so +much for him--I lif' him away up to what he is--en dis is what I git for +it." + +Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to the +heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in the fancied +spectacle of his exposure to the world as an imposter and a slave; but in +the midst of these joys fear would strike her; she had made him too +strong; she could prove nothing, and--heavens, she might get sold down +the river for her pains! So her schemes always went for nothing, and she +laid them aside in impotent rage against the fates, and against herself +for playing the fool on that fatal September day in not providing herself +with a witness for use in the day when such a thing might be needed for +the appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. + +And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and kind--and this +occurred every now and then--all her sore places were healed, and she was +happy; happy and proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, lording it +among the whites and securely avenging their crimes against her race. + +There were two grand funerals in Dawson's Landing that fall--the fall of +1845. One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, the other that of +Percy Driscoll. + +On his deathbed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized +ostensible son solemnly into the keeping of his brother, the judge, and +his wife. Those childless people were glad to get him. Childless people +are not difficult to please. + +Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a month before, and +bought Chambers. He had heard that Tom had been trying to get his father +to sell the boy down the river, and he wanted to prevent the scandal--for +public sentiment did not approve of that way of treating family servants +for light cause or for no cause. + +Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great +speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding. He was hardly +in his grave before the boom collapsed and left his envied young devil of +an heir a pauper. But that was nothing; his uncle told him he should be +his heir and have all his fortune when he died; so Tom was comforted. + +Roxy had no home now; so she resolved to go around and say good-by to her +friends and then clear out and see the world--that is to say, she would +go chambermaiding on a steamboat, the darling ambition of her race and +sex. + +Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper. She found him chopping +Pudd'nhead Wilson's winter provision of wood. + +Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived. He asked her how she +could bear to go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly +offered to copy off a series of their fingerprints, reaching up to their +twelfth year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a moment, +wondering if he suspected anything; then she said she believed she didn't +want them. Wilson said to himself, "The drop of black blood in her is +superstitious; she thinks there's some devilry, some witch business about +my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here with an old horseshoe +in her hand; it could have been an accident, but I doubt it." + + + + +CHAPTER 5 -- The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing + + _Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; + cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college + education._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _Remark of Dr. Baldwin's, concerning upstarts: We don't care + to eat toadstools that think they are truffles._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Mrs. York Driscoll enjoyed two years of bliss with that prize, +Tom--bliss that was troubled a little at times, it is true, but bliss +nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and his childless sister, +Mrs. Pratt, continued this bliss-business at the old stand. Tom was +petted and indulged and spoiled to his entire content--or nearly that. +This went on till he was nineteen, then he was sent to Yale. He went +handsomely equipped with "conditions," but otherwise he was not an object +of distinction there. He remained at Yale two years, and then threw up +the struggle. He came home with his manners a good deal improved; he had +lost his surliness and brusqueness, and was rather pleasantly soft and +smooth, now; he was furtively, and sometimes openly, ironical of speech, +and given to gently touching people on the raw, but he did it with a +good-natured semiconscious air that carried it off safely, and kept him +from getting into trouble. He was as indolent as ever and showed no very +strenuous desire to hunt up an occupation. People argued from this that +he preferred to be supported by his uncle until his uncle's shoes should +become vacant. He brought back one or two new habits with him, one of +which he rather openly practiced--tippling--but concealed another, which +was gambling. It would not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of +it; he knew that quite well. + +Tom's Eastern polish was not popular among the young people. They could +have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; but he wore gloves, +and that they couldn't stand, and wouldn't; so he was mainly without +society. He brought home with him a suit of clothes of such exquisite +style and cut in fashion--Eastern fashion, city fashion--that it filled +everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton affront. +He enjoyed the feeling which he was exciting, and paraded the town serene +and happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to work that night, +and when Tom started out on his parade next morning, he found the old +deformed Negro bell ringer straddling along in his wake tricked out in a +flamboyant curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, and imitating his +fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. + +Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the local fashion. But +the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his acquaintanceship +with livelier regions, and it grew daily more and more so. He began to +make little trips to St. Louis for refreshment. There he found +companionship to suit him, and pleasures to his taste, along with more +freedom, in some particulars, than he could have at home. So, during the +next two years, his visits to the city grew in frequency and his +tarryings there grew steadily longer in duration. + +He was getting into deep waters. He was taking chances, privately, which +might get him into trouble some day--in fact, _did_. + +Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all business +activities in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years. He was +president of the Freethinkers' Society, and Pudd'nhead Wilson was the +other member. The society's weekly discussions were now the old lawyer's +main interest in life. Pudd'nhead was still toiling in obscurity at the +bottom of the ladder, under the blight of that unlucky remark which he +had let fall twenty-three years before about the dog. + +Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above the +average, but that was regarded as one of the judge's whims, and it failed +to modify the public opinion. Or rather, that was one of the reasons why +it failed, but there was another and better one. If the judge had stopped +with bare assertion, it would have had a good deal of effect; but he made +the mistake of trying to prove his position. For some years Wilson had +been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for his amusement--a +calendar, with a little dab of ostensible philosophy, usually in ironical +form, appended to each date; and the judge thought that these quips and +fancies of Wilson's were neatly turned and cute; so he carried a handful +of them around one day, and read them to some of the chief citizens. But +irony was not for those people; their mental vision was not focused for +it. They read those playful trifles in the solidest terms, and decided +without hesitancy that if there had ever been any doubt that Dave Wilson +was a pudd'nhead--which there hadn't--this revelation removed that doubt +for good and all. That is just the way in this world; an enemy can partly +ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete +the thing and make it perfect. After this the judge felt tenderer than +ever toward Wilson, and surer than ever that his calendar had merit. + +Judge Driscoll could be a freethinker and still hold his place in society +because he was the person of most consequence to the community, and +therefore could venture to go his own way and follow out his own notions. +The other member of his pet organization was allowed the like liberty +because he was a cipher in the estimation of the public, and nobody +attached any importance to what he thought or did. He was liked, he was +welcome enough all around, but he simply didn't count for anything. + +The Widow Cooper--affectionately called "Aunt Patsy" by everybody--lived +in a snug and comely cottage with her daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, +romantic, amiable, and very pretty, but otherwise of no consequence. +Rowena had a couple of young brothers--also of no consequence. + +The widow had a large spare room, which she let to a lodger, with board, +when she could find one, but this room had been empty for a year now, to +her sorrow. Her income was only sufficient for the family support, and +she needed the lodging money for trifling luxuries. But now, at last, on +a flaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; +her year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a village +applicant, no, no!--this letter was from away off yonder in the dim great +world to the North; it was from St. Louis. She sat on her porch gazing +out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches of the mighty +Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good fortune. Indeed it was +specially good fortune, for she was to have two lodgers instead of one. + +She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had danced away to see +to the cleaning and airing of the room by the slave woman, Nancy, and the +boys had rushed abroad in the town to spread the great news, for it was a +matter of public interest, and the public would wonder and not be pleased +if not informed. Presently Rowena returned, all ablush with joyous +excitement, and begged for a rereading of the letter. It was framed thus: + +HONORED MADAM: My brother and I have seen your advertisement, by chance, +and beg leave to take the room you offer. We are twenty-four years of +age and twins. We are Italians by birth, but have lived long in the +various countries of Europe, and several years in the United States. Our +names are Luigi and Angelo Capello. You desire but one guest; but, dear +madam, if you will allow us to pay for two, we will not incommode you. +We shall be down Thursday. + +"Italians! How romantic! Just think, Ma--there's never been one in this +town, and everybody will be dying to see them, and they're all OURS! +Think of that!" + +"Yes, I reckon they'll make a grand stir." + +"Oh, indeed they will. The whole town will be on its head! +Think--they've been in Europe and everywhere! There's never been a +traveler in this town before, Ma, I shouldn't wonder if they've seen +kings!" + +"Well, a body can't tell, but they'll make stir enough, without that." + +"Yes, that's of course. Luigi--Angelo. They're lovely names; and so +grand and foreign--not like Jones and Robinson and such. Thursday they +are coming, and this is only Tuesday; it's a cruel long time to wait. +Here comes Judge Driscoll in at the gate. He's heard about it. I'll go +and open the door." + +The judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. The letter was read +and discussed. Soon Justice Robinson arrived with more congratulations, +and there was a new reading and a new discussion. This was the beginning. +Neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, followed, and the procession +drifted in and out all day and evening and all Wednesday and Thursday. +The letter was read and reread until it was nearly worn out; everybody +admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and practiced style, +everybody was sympathetic and excited, and the Coopers were steeped in +happiness all the while. + +The boats were very uncertain in low water in these primitive times. This +time the Thursday boat had not arrived at ten at night--so the people +had waited at the landing all day for nothing; they were driven to their +homes by a heavy storm without having had a view of the illustrious +foreigners. + +Eleven o'clock came; and the Cooper house was the only one in the town +that still had lights burning. The rain and thunder were booming yet, +and the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping. At last there +was a knock at the door, and the family jumped to open it. Two Negro men +entered, each carrying a trunk, and proceeded upstairs toward the guest +room. Then entered the twins--the handsomest, the best dressed, the most +distinguished-looking pair of young fellows the West had ever seen. One +was a little fairer than the other, but otherwise they were exact +duplicates. + + + + +CHAPTER 6 -- Swimming in Glory + + _Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even + the undertaker will be sorry._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + _Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by + any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +At breakfast in the morning, the twins' charm of manner and easy and +polished bearing made speedy conquest of the family's good graces. All +constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest feeling +succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names almost from +the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity about them, and +showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, which pleased her +greatly. It presently appeared that in their early youth they had known +poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along, the old lady watched +for the right place to drop in a question or two concerning that matter, +and when she found it, she said to the blond twin, who was now doing the +biographies in his turn while the brunette one rested: + +"If it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how did you come +to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were little? Do you mind +telling? But don't, if you do." + +"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in our case it was merely +misfortune, and nobody's fault. Our parents were well to do, there in +Italy, and we were their only child. We were of the old Florentine +nobility"--Rowena's heart gave a great bound, her nostrils expanded, and +a fine light played in her eyes--"and when the war broke out, my father +was on the losing side and had to fly for his life. His estates were +confiscated, his personal property seized, and there we were, in Germany, +strangers, friendless, and in fact paupers. My brother and I were ten +years old, and well educated for that age, very studious, very fond of +our books, and well grounded in the German, French, Spanish, and English +languages. Also, we were marvelous musical prodigies--if you will allow +me to say it, it being only the truth. + +"Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother soon +followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could have +made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they had many +and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, and they said +they would starve and die first. But what they wouldn't consent to do, +we had to do without the formality of consent. We were seized for the +debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, and placed among +the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the liquidation +money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery. We traveled all +about Germany, receiving no wages, and not even our keep. We had to be +exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread. + +"Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped from +that slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men. +Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, how to take +care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how +to conduct our own business for our own profit and without other people's +help. We traveled everywhere--years and years--picking up smatterings +of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves with strange sights and +strange customs, accumulating an education of a wide and varied and +curious sort. It was a pleasant life. We went to Venice--to London, +Paris, Russia, India, China, Japan--" + +At this point Nancy, the slave woman, thrust her head in at the door and +exclaimed: + +"Ole Missus, de house is plum' jam full o' people, en dey's jes +a-spi'lin' to see de gen'lemen!" She indicated the twins with a nod of +her head, and tucked it back out of sight again. + +It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised herself high +satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds before her neighbors +and friends--simple folk who had hardly ever seen a foreigner of any +kind, and never one of any distinction or style. Yet her feeling was +moderate indeed when contrasted with Rowena's. Rowena was in the clouds, +she walked on air; this was to be the greatest day, the most romantic +episode in the colorless history of that dull country town. She was to +be familiarly near the source of its glory and feel the full flood of it +pour over her and about her; the other girls could only gaze and envy, +not partake. + +The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners. + +The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered the +open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation. The twins took +a position near the door, the widow stood at Luigi's side, Rowena stood +beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began. The widow +was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession and passed +it on to Rowena. + +"Good mornin', Sister Cooper"--handshake. + +"Good morning, Brother Higgins--Count Luigi Capello, Mr. Higgins" +--handshake, followed by a devouring stare and "I'm glad to see ye," +on the part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head and a +pleasant "Most happy!" on the part of Count Luigi. + +"Good mornin', Roweny"--handshake. + +"Good morning, Mr. Higgins--present you to Count Angelo Capello." +Handshake, admiring stare, "Glad to see ye"--courteous nod, smily "Most +happy!" and Higgins passes on. + +None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people, they didn't +pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person bearing a title of +nobility before, and none had been expecting to see one now, consequently +the title came upon them as a kind of pile-driving surprise and caught +them unprepared. A few tried to rise to the emergency, and got out an +awkward "My lord," or "Your lordship," or something of that sort, but the +great majority were overwhelmed by the unaccustomed word and its dim and +awful associations with gilded courts and stately ceremony and anointed +kingship, so they only fumbled through the handshake and passed on, +speechless. Now and then, as happens at all receptions everywhere, a +more than ordinary friendly soul blocked the procession and kept it +waiting while he inquired how the brothers liked the village, and how +long they were going to stay, and if their family was well, and dragged +in the weather, and hoped it would get cooler soon, and all that sort of +thing, so as to be able to say, when he got home, "I had quite a long +talk with them"; but nobody did or said anything of a regrettable kind, +and so the great affair went through to the end in a creditable and +satisfactory fashion. + +General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about from group to +group, talking easily and fluently and winning approval, compelling +admiration and achieving favor from all. The widow followed their +conquering march with a proud eye, and every now and then Rowena said to +herself with deep satisfaction, "And to think they are ours--all ours!" + +There were no idle moments for mother or daughter. Eager inquiries +concerning the twins were pouring into their enchanted ears all the time; +each was the constant center of a group of breathless listeners; each +recognized that she knew now for the first time the real meaning of that +great word Glory, and perceived the stupendous value of it, and +understood why men in all ages had been willing to throw away meaner +happiness, treasure, life itself, to get a taste of its sublime and +supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood accounted for--and +justified. + +When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor, +she went upstairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow meeting there, +for the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers. Again she was +besieged by eager questioners, and again she swam in sunset seas of +glory. When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized with a pang +that this most splendid episode of her life was almost over, that nothing +could prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever fall to her +fortune again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, the grand +occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, and was a noble +and memorable success. If the twins could but do some crowning act now +to climax it, something usual, something startling, something to +concentrate upon themselves the company's loftiest admiration, something +in the nature of an electric surprise-- + +Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed down +to see. It was the twins, knocking out a classic four-handed piece on +the piano in great style. Rowena was satisfied--satisfied down to the +bottom of her heart. + +The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were +astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance, and +could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever heard +before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace and charm when +compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound. They realized +that for once in their lives they were hearing masters. + + + + +CHAPTER 7 -- The Unknown Nymph + + _One of the most striking differences between a cat and a + lie is that a cat has only nine lives._ --Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar + + +The company broke up reluctantly, and drifted toward their several +homes, chatting with vivacity and all agreeing that it would be many a +long day before Dawson's Landing would see the equal of this one again. +The twins had accepted several invitations while the reception was in +progress, and had also volunteered to play some duets at an amateur +entertainment for the benefit of a local charity. Society was eager to +receive them to its bosom. Judge Driscoll had the good fortune to secure +them for an immediate drive, and to be the first to display them in +public. They entered his buggy with him and were paraded down the main +street, everybody flocking to the windows and sidewalks to see. + +The judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and the jail, and where +the richest man lived, and the Freemasons' hall, and the Methodist +church, and the Presbyterian church, and where the Baptist church was +going to be when they got some money to build it with, and showed them +the town hall and the slaughterhouse, and got out the independent fire +company in uniform and had them put out an imaginary fire; then he let +them inspect the muskets of the militia company, and poured out an +exhaustless stream of enthusiasm over all these splendors, and seemed +very well satisfied with the responses he got, for the twins admired his +admiration, and paid him back the best they could, though they could have +done better if some fifteen or sixteen hundred thousand previous +experiences of this sort in various countries had not already rubbed off +a considerable part of the novelty in it. + +The judge laid himself out hospitality to make them have a good time, and +if there was a defect anywhere, it was not his fault. He told them a good +many humorous anecdotes, and always forgot the nub, but they were always +able to furnish it, for these yarns were of a pretty early vintage, and +they had had many a rejuvenating pull at them before. And he told them +all about his several dignities, and how he had held this and that and +the other place of honor or profit, and had once been to the legislature, +and was now president of the Society of Freethinkers. He said the +society had been in existence four years, and already had two members, +and was firmly established. He would call for the brothers in the +evening, if they would like to attend a meeting of it. + +Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told them all about +Pudd'nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a favorable impression of +him in advance and be prepared to like him. This scheme succeeded--the +favorable impression was achieved. Later it was confirmed and solidified +when Wilson proposed that out of courtesy to the strangers the usual +topics be put aside and the hour be devoted to conversation upon ordinary +subjects and the cultivation of friendly relations and good-fellowship--a +proposition which was put to vote and carried. + +The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it was ended, the +lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two friends than he had been +when it began. He invited the twins to look in at his lodgings +presently, after disposing of an intervening engagement, and they +accepted with pleasure. + +Toward the middle of the evening, they found themselves on the road to +his house. Pudd'nhead was at home waiting for them and putting in his +time puzzling over a thing which had come under his notice that morning. +The matter was this: He happened to be up very early--at dawn, in fact; +and he crossed the hall, which divided his cottage through the center, +and entered a room to get something there. The window of the room had no +curtains, for that side of the house had long been unoccupied, and +through this window he caught sight of something which surprised and +interested him. It was a young woman--a young woman where properly no +young woman belonged; for she was in Judge Driscoll's house, and in the +bedroom over the judge's private study or sitting room. This was young +Tom Driscoll's bedroom. He and the judge, the judge's widowed sister Mrs. +Pratt, and three Negro servants were the only people who belonged in the +house. Who, then, might this young lady be? The two houses were +separated by an ordinary yard, with a low fence running back through its +middle from the street in front to the lane in the rear. The distance +was not great, and Wilson was able to see the girl very well, the window +shades of the room she was in being up, and the window also. The girl had +on a neat and trim summer dress, patterned in broad stripes of pink and +white, and her bonnet was equipped with a pink veil. She was practicing +steps, gaits and attitudes, apparently; she was doing the thing +gracefully, and was very much absorbed in her work. Who could she be, and +how came she to be in young Tom Driscoll's room? + +Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could watch the girl +without running much risk of being seen by her, and he remained there +hoping she would raise her veil and betray her face. But she +disappointed him. After a matter of twenty minutes she disappeared and +although he stayed at his post half an hour longer, she came no more. + +Toward noon he dropped in at the judge's and talked with Mrs. Pratt about +the great event of the day, the levee of the distinguished foreigners at +Aunt Patsy Cooper's. He asked after her nephew Tom, and she said he was +on his way home and that she was expecting him to arrive a little before +night, and added that she and the judge were gratified to gather from his +letters that he was conducting himself very nicely and creditably--at +which Wilson winked to himself privately. Wilson did not ask if there was +a newcomer in the house, but he asked questions that would have brought +light-throwing answers as to that matter if Mrs. Pratt had had any light +to throw; so he went away satisfied that he knew of things that were +going on in her house of which she herself was not aware. + +He was now awaiting for the twins, and still puzzling over the problem of +who that girl might be, and how she happened to be in that young fellow's +room at daybreak in the morning. + + + + +CHAPTER 8 -- Marse Tom Tramples His Chance + + _The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady + and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a + whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money._ --Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar + + _Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be + a young June bug than an old bird of paradise._ --Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar + + +It is necessary now to hunt up Roxy. + +At the time she was set free and went away chambermaiding, she was +thirty-five. She got a berth as second chambermaid on a Cincinnati boat +in the New Orleans trade, the _Grand Mogul_. A couple of trips made her +wonted and easygoing at the work, and infatuated her with the stir and +adventure and independence of steamboat life. Then she was promoted and +become head chambermaid. She was a favorite with the officers, and +exceedingly proud of their joking and friendly way with her. + +During eight years she served three parts of the year on that boat, and +the winters on a Vicksburg packet. But now for two months, she had had +rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to let the washtub alone. So she +resigned. But she was well fixed--rich, as she would have described it; +for she had lived a steady life, and had banked four dollars every month +in New Orleans as a provision for her old age. She said in the start +that she had "put shoes on one bar'footed nigger to tromple on her with," +and that one mistake like that was enough; she would be independent of +the human race thenceforth forevermore if hard work and economy could +accomplish it. When the boat touched the levee at New Orleans she bade +good-by to her comrades on the _Grand Mogul_ and moved her kit ashore. + +But she was back in a hour. The bank had gone to smash and carried her +four hundred dollars with it. She was a pauper and homeless. Also +disabled bodily, at least for the present. The officers were full of +sympathy for her in her trouble, and made up a little purse for her. She +resolved to go to her birthplace; she had friends there among the Negros, +and the unfortunate always help the unfortunate, she was well aware of +that; those lowly comrades of her youth would not let her starve. + +She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she was on the +homestretch. Time had worn away her bitterness against her son, and she +was able to think of him with serenity. She put the vile side of him out +of her mind, and dwelt only on recollections of his occasional acts of +kindness to her. She gilded and otherwise decorated these, and made them +very pleasant to contemplate. She began to long to see him. She would go +and fawn upon him slavelike--for this would have to be her attitude, of +course--and maybe she would find that time had modified him, and that he +would be glad to see his long-forgotten old nurse and treat her gently. +That would be lovely; that would make her forget her woes and her +poverty. + +Her poverty! That thought inspired her to add another castle to her +dream: maybe he would give her a trifle now and then--maybe a dollar, +once a month, say; any little thing like that would help, oh, ever so +much. + +By the time she reached Dawson's Landing, she was her old self again; her +blues were gone, she was in high feather. She would get along, surely; +there were many kitchens where the servants would share their meals with +her, and also steal sugar and apples and other dainties for her to carry +home--or give her a chance to pilfer them herself, which would answer +just as well. And there was the church. She was a more rabid and devoted +Methodist than ever, and her piety was no sham, but was strong and +sincere. Yes, with plenty of creature comforts and her old place in the +amen corner in her possession again, she would be perfectly happy and at +peace thenceforward to the end. + +She went to Judge Driscoll's kitchen first of all. She was received +there in great form and with vast enthusiasm. Her wonderful travels, and +the strange countries she had seen, and the adventures she had had, made +her a marvel and a heroine of romance. The Negros hung enchanted upon a +great story of her experiences, interrupting her all along with eager +questions, with laughter, exclamations of delight, and expressions of +applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if there was +anything better in this world than steamboating, it was the glory to be +got by telling about it. The audience loaded her stomach with their +dinners, and then stole the pantry bare to load up her basket. + +Tom was in St. Louis. The servants said he had spent the best part of +his time there during the previous two years. Roxy came every day, and +had many talks about the family and its affairs. Once she asked why Tom +was away so much. The ostensible "Chambers" said: + +"De fac' is, ole marster kin git along better when young marster's away +den he kin when he's in de town; yes, en he love him better, too; so he +gives him fifty dollahs a month--" + +"No, is dat so? Chambers, you's a-jokin', ain't you?" + +"'Clah to goodness I ain't, Mammy; Marse Tom tole me so his own self. But +nemmine, 'tain't enough." + +"My lan', what de reason 'tain't enough?" + +"Well, I's gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, Mammy. De reason it +ain't enough is 'ca'se Marse Tom gambles." + +Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment, and Chambers went on: + +"Ole marster found it out, 'ca'se he had to pay two hundred dollahs for +Marse Tom's gamblin' debts, en dat's true, Mammy, jes as dead certain as +you's bawn." + +"Two--hund'd dollahs! Why, what is you talkin' 'bout? +Two--hund'd--dollahs. Sakes alive, it's 'mos' enough to buy a tol'able +good secondhand nigger wid. En you ain't lyin', honey? You wouldn't lie +to you' old Mammy?" + +"It's God's own truth, jes as I tell you--two hund'd dollahs--I wisht I +may never stir outen my tracks if it ain't so. En, oh, my lan', ole Marse +was jes a-hoppin'! He was b'ilin' mad, I tell you! He tuck 'n' +dissenhurrit him." + +"Disen_whiched_ him?" + +"Dissenhurrit him." + +"What's dat? What do you mean?" + +"Means he bu'sted de will." + +"Bu's--ted de will! He wouldn't _ever_ treat him so! Take it back, you +mis'able imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow en tribbilation." + +Roxy's pet castle--an occasional dollar from Tom's pocket--was tumbling +to ruin before her eyes. She could not abide such a disaster as that; +she couldn't endure the thought of it. Her remark amused Chambers. + +"Yah-yah-yah! Jes listen to dat! If I's imitation, what is you? Bofe of +us is imitation _white_--dat's what we is--en pow'ful good imitation, +too. Yah-yah-yah! We don't 'mount to noth'n as imitation _niggers_; en +as for--" + +"Shet up yo' foolin', 'fo' I knock you side de head, en tell me 'bout de +will. Tell me 'tain't bu'sted--do, honey, en I'll never forgit you." + +"Well, _'tain't_--'ca'se dey's a new one made, en Marse Tom's all right +ag'in. But what is you in sich a sweat 'bout it for, Mammy? 'Tain't +none o' your business I don't reckon." + +"'Tain't none o' my business? Whose business is it den, I'd like to +know? Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen years old, or wusn't I?--you +answer me dat. En you speck I could see him turned out po' and ornery on +de worl' en never care noth'n' 'bout it? I reckon if you'd ever be'n a +mother yo'self, Valet de Chambers, you wouldn't talk sich foolishness as +dat." + +"Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will ag'in--do dat +satisfy you?" + +Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and sentimental over it. She +kept coming daily, and at last she was told that Tom had come home. She +began to tremble with emotion, and straightway sent to beg him to let his +"po' ole nigger Mammy have jes one sight of him en die for joy." + +Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when Chambers brought the +petition. Time had not modified his ancient detestation of the humble +drudge and protector of his boyhood; it was still bitter and +uncompromising. He sat up and bent a severe gaze upon the face of the +young fellow whose name he was unconsciously using and whose family +rights he was enjoying. He maintained the gaze until the victim of it +had become satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said: + +"What does the old rip want with me?" + +The petition was meekly repeated. + +"Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the social +attentions of niggers?" + +Tom had risen. The other young man was trembling now, visibly. He saw +what was coming, and bent his head sideways, and put up his left arm to +shield it. Tom rained cuffs upon the head and its shield, saying no +word: the victim received each blow with a beseeching, "Please, Marse +Tom!--oh, please, Marse Tom!" Seven blows--then Tom said, "Face the +door--march!" He followed behind with one, two, three solid kicks. The +last one helped the pure-white slave over the door-sill, and he limped +away mopping his eyes with his old, ragged sleeve. Tom shouted after +him, "Send her in!" + +Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and rasped out the +remark, "He arrived just at the right moment; I was full to the brim with +bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it out of. How refreshing it was! +I feel better." + +Tom's mother entered now, closing the door behind her, and approached her +son with all the wheedling and supplication servilities that fear and +interest can impart to the words and attitudes of the born slave. She +stopped a yard from her boy and made two or three admiring exclamations +over his manly stature and general handsomeness, and Tom put an arm under +his head and hoisted a leg over the sofa back in order to look properly +indifferent. + +"My lan', how you is growed, honey! 'Clah to goodness, I wouldn't +a-knowed you, Marse Tom! 'Deed I wouldn't! Look at me good; does you +'member old Roxy? Does you know yo' old nigger mammy, honey? Well now, I +kin lay down en die in peace, 'ca'se I'se seed--" + +"Cut it short, Goddamn it, cut it short! What is it you want?" + +"You heah dat? Jes the same old Marse Tom, al'ays so gay and funnin' wid +de ole mammy. I'uz jes as shore--" + +"Cut it short, I tell you, and get along! What do you want?" + +This was a bitter disappointment. Roxy had for so many days nourished +and fondled and petted her notion that Tom would be glad to see his old +nurse, and would make her proud and happy to the marrow with a cordial +word or two, that it took two rebuffs to convince her that he was not +funning, and that her beautiful dream was a fond and foolish variety, a +shabby and pitiful mistake. She was hurt to the heart, and so ashamed +that for a moment she did not quite know what to do or how to act. Then +her breast began to heave, the tears came, and in her forlornness she was +moved to try that other dream of hers--an appeal to her boy's charity; +and so, upon the impulse, and without reflection, she offered her +supplication: + +"Oh, Marse Tom, de po' ole mammy is in sich hard luck dese days; en she's +kinder crippled in de arms and can't work, en if you could gimme a +dollah--on'y jes one little dol--" + +Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was startled into a +jump herself. + +"A dollar!--give you a dollar! I've a notion to strangle you! Is _that_ +your errand here? Clear out! And be quick about it!" + +Roxy backed slowly toward the door. When she was halfway she stopped, +and said mournfully: + +"Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en I raised you all +by myself tell you was 'most a young man; en now you is young en rich, en +I is po' en gitt'n ole, en I come heah b'leavin' dat you would he'p de +ole mammy 'long down de little road dat's lef' 'twix' her en de grave, +en--" + +Tom relished this tune less than any that he had preceded it, for it +began to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; so he interrupted and +said with decision, though without asperity, that he was not in a +situation to help her, and wasn't going to do it. + +"Ain't you ever gwine to he'p me, Marse Tom?" + +"No! Now go away and don't bother me any more." + +Roxy's head was down, in an attitude of humility. But now the fires of +her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began to burn fiercely. She +raised her head slowly, till it was well up, and at the same time her +great frame unconsciously assumed an erect and masterful attitude, with +all the majesty and grace of her vanished youth in it. She raised her +finger and punctuated with it. + +"You has said de word. You has had yo' chance, en you has trompled it +under yo' foot. When you git another one, you'll git down on yo' knees +en _beg_ for it!" + +A cold chill went to Tom's heart, he didn't know why; for he did not +reflect that such words, from such an incongruous source, and so solemnly +delivered, could not easily fail of that effect. However, he did the +natural thing: he replied with bluster and mockery. + +"_You'll_ give me a chance--_you_! Perhaps I'd better get down on my +knees now! But in case I don't--just for argument's sake--what's going +to happen, pray?" + +"Dis is what is gwine to happen, I's gwine as straight to yo' uncle as I +kin walk, en tell him every las' thing I knows 'bout you." + +Tom's cheek blenched, and she saw it. Disturbing thoughts began to chase +each other through his head. "How can she know? And yet she must have +found out--she looks it. I've had the will back only three months, and +am already deep in debt again, and moving heaven and earth to save myself +from exposure and destruction, with a reasonably fair show of getting the +thing covered up if I'm let alone, and now this fiend has gone and found +me out somehow or other. I wonder how much she knows? Oh, oh, oh, it's +enough to break a body's heart! But I've got to humor her--there's no +other way." + +Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh and a hollow +chipperness of manner, and said: + +"Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like you and me mustn't quarrel. +Here's your dollar--now tell me what you know." + +He held out the wildcat bill; she stood as she was, and made no movement. +It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery now, and she did not waste +it. She said, with a grim implacability in voice and manner which made +Tom almost realize that even a former slave can remember for ten minutes +insults and injuries returned for compliments and flatteries received, +and can also enjoy taking revenge for them when the opportunity offers: + +"What does I know? I'll tell you what I knows, I knows enough to bu'st +dat will to flinders--en more, mind you, _more!_" + +Tom was aghast. + +"More?" he said, "What do you call more? Where's there any room for +more?" + +Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with a toss of her +head, and her hands on her hips: + +"Yes!--oh, I reckon! _co'se_ you'd like to know--wid yo' po' little ole +rag dollah. What you reckon I's gwine to tell _you_ for?--you ain't got +no money. I's gwine to tell yo' uncle--en I'll do it dis minute, +too--he'll gimme FIVE dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too." + +She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. Tom was in a +panic. He seized her skirts, and implored her to wait. She turned and +said, loftily: + +"Look-a-heah, what 'uz it I tole you?" + +"You--you--I don't remember anything. What was it you told me?" + +"I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you'd git down on yo' +knees en beg for it." + +Tom was stupefied for a moment. He was panting with excitement. Then he +said: + +"Oh, Roxy, you wouldn't require your young master to do such a horrible +thing. You can't mean it." + +"I'll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or not! You call me +names, en as good as spit on me when I comes here, po' en ornery en +'umble, to praise you for bein' growed up so fine and handsome, en tell +you how I used to nuss you en tend you en watch you when you 'uz sick en +hadn't no mother but me in de whole worl', en beg you to give de po' ole +nigger a dollah for to get her som'n' to eat, en you call me +names--_names_, dad blame you! Yassir, I gives you jes one chance mo', +and dat's _now_, en it las' on'y half a second--you hear?" + +Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying: + +"You see I'm begging, and it's honest begging, too! Now tell me, Roxy, +tell me." + +The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage looked down on +him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of satisfaction. Then she said: + +"Fine nice young white gen'l'man kneelin' down to a nigger wench! I's +wanted to see dat jes once befo' I's called. Now, Gabr'el, blow de hawn, +I's ready . . . Git up!" + +Tom did it. He said, humbly: + +"Now, Roxy, don't punish me any more. I deserved what I've got, but be +good and let me off with that. Don't go to uncle. Tell me--I'll give +you the five dollars." + +"Yes, I bet you will; en you won't stop dah, nuther. But I ain't gwine +to tell you heah--" + +"Good gracious, no!" + +"Is you 'feared o' de ha'nted house?" + +"N-no." + +"Well, den, you come to de ha'nted house 'bout ten or 'leven tonight, en +climb up de ladder, 'ca'se de sta'rsteps is broke down, en you'll find +me. I's a-roostin' in de ha'nted house 'ca'se I can't 'ford to roos' +nowher's else." She started toward the door, but stopped and said, +"Gimme de dollah bill!" He gave it to her. She examined it and said, +"H'm--like enough de bank's bu'sted." She started again, but halted +again. "Has you got any whisky?" + +"Yes, a little." + +"Fetch it!" + +He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle which was +two-thirds full. She tilted it up and took a drink. Her eyes sparkled +with satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under her shawl, saying, +"It's prime. I'll take it along." + +Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and erect +as a grenadier. + + + + +CHAPTER 9 -- Tom Practices Sycophancy + + _Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a + funeral? It is because we are not the person involved._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. + There was once a man who, not being able to find any other + fault with his coal, complained that there were too many + prehistoric toads in it._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Tom flung himself on the sofa, and put his throbbing head in his hands, +and rested his elbows on his knees. He rocked himself back and forth and +moaned. + +"I've knelt to a nigger wench!" he muttered. "I thought I had struck the +deepest depths of degradation before, but oh, dear, it was nothing to +this. . . . Well, there is one consolation, such as it is--I've struck +bottom this time; there's nothing lower." + +But that was a hasty conclusion. + +At ten that night he climbed the ladder in the haunted house, pale, weak, +and wretched. Roxy was standing in the door of one of the rooms, +waiting, for she had heard him. + +This was a two-story log house which had acquired the reputation a few +years ago of being haunted, and that was the end of its usefulness. +Nobody would live in it afterward, or go near it by night, and most +people even gave it a wide berth in the daytime. As it had no +competition, it was called _the_ haunted house. It was getting crazy and +ruinous now, from long neglect. It stood three hundred yards beyond +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, with nothing between but vacancy. It was the +last house in the town at that end. + +Tom followed Roxy into the room. She had a pile of clean straw in the +corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept clothing was hanging on the +wall, there was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little spots of +light, and there were various soap and candle boxes scattered about, +which served for chairs. The two sat down. Roxy said: + +"Now den, I'll tell you straight off, en I'll begin to k'leck de money +later on; I ain't in no hurry. What does you reckon I's gwine to tell +you?" + +"Well, you--you--oh, Roxy, don't make it too hard for me! Come right out +and tell me you've found out somehow what a shape I'm in on account of +dissipation and foolishness." + +"Disposition en foolishness! NO sir, dat ain't it. Dat jist ain't +nothin' at all, 'longside o' what _I_ knows." + +Tom stared at her, and said: + +"Why, Roxy, what do you mean?" + +She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. + +"I means dis--en it's de Lord's truth. You ain't no more kin to ole +Marse Driscoll den I is! _dat's_ what I means!" and her eyes flamed +with triumph. + +"What?" + +"Yassir, en _dat_ ain't all! You's a _nigger!_--_bawn_ a nigger and a +_slave!_--en you's a nigger en a slave dis minute; en if I opens my mouf +ole Marse Driscoll'll sell you down de river befo' you is two days older +den what you is now!" + +"It's a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite!" + +"It ain't no lie, nuther. It's just de truth, en nothin' _but_ de truth, +so he'p me. Yassir--you's my _son_--" + +"You devil!" + +"En dat po' boy dat you's be'n a-kickin' en a-cuffin' today is Percy +Driscoll's son en yo' _marster_--" + +"You beast!" + +"En _his_ name is Tom Driscoll, en _yo's_ name's Valet de Chambers, en +you ain't GOT no fambly name, beca'se niggers don't _have_ em!" + +Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised it, but his mother +only laughed at him, and said: + +"Set down, you pup! Does you think you kin skyer me? It ain't in you, +nor de likes of you. I reckon you'd shoot me in de back, maybe, if you +got a chance, for dat's jist yo' style--_I_ knows you, throo en +throo--but I don't mind gitt'n killed, beca'se all dis is down in writin' +and it's in safe hands, too, en de man dat's got it knows whah to look +for de right man when I gits killed. Oh, bless yo' soul, if you puts yo' +mother up for as big a fool as _you_ is, you's pow'ful mistaken, I kin +tell you! Now den, you set still en behave yo'self; en don't you git up +ag'in till I tell you!" + +Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing sensations +and emotions, and finally said, with something like settled conviction: + +"The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do your worst; I'm +done with you." + +Roxy made no answer. She took the lantern and started for the door. Tom +was in a cold panic in a moment. + +"Come back, come back!" he wailed. "I didn't mean it, Roxy; I take it +all back, and I'll never say it again! Please come back, Roxy!" + +The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: + +"Dat's one thing you's got to stop, Valet de Chambers. You can't call me +_Roxy_, same as if you was my equal. Chillen don't speak to dey mammies +like dat. You'll call me ma or mammy, dat's what you'll call +me--leastways when de ain't nobody aroun'. _Say_ it!" + +It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. + +"Dat's all right, don't you ever forgit it ag'in, if you knows what's +good for you. Now den, you had said you wouldn't ever call it lies en +moonshine ag'in. I'll tell you dis, for a warnin': if you ever does say +it ag'in, it's de LAS' time you'll ever say it to me; I'll tramp as +straight to de judge as I kin walk, en tell him who you is, en _prove_ +it. Does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"Oh," groaned Tom, "I more than believe it; I _know_ it." + +Roxy knew her conquest was complete. She could have proved nothing to +anybody, and her threat of writings was a lie; but she knew the person +she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any doubt as +to the effect they would produce. + +She went and sat down on her candle box, and the pride and pomp of her +victorious attitude made it a throne. She said: + +"Now den, Chambers, we's gwine to talk business, en dey ain't gwine to be +no mo' foolishness. In de fust place, you gits fifty dollahs a month; +you's gwine to han' over half of it to yo' ma. Plank it out!" + +But Tom had only six dollars in the world. He gave her that, and +promised to start fair on next month's pension. + +"Chambers, how much is you in debt?" + +Tom shuddered, and said: + +"Nearly three hundred dollars." + +"How is you gwine to pay it?" + +Tom groaned out: "Oh, I don't know; don't ask me such awful questions." + +But she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: he +had been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from +private houses; in fact, he made a good deal of a raid on his fellow +villagers a fortnight before, when he was supposed to be in St. Louis; +but he doubted if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the required +amount, and was afraid to make a further venture in the present excited +state of the town. His mother approved of his conduct, and offered to +help, but this frightened him. He tremblingly ventured to say that if +she would retire from the town he should feel better and safer, and could +hold his head higher--and was going on to make an argument, but she +interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying she was ready; it +didn't make any difference to her where she stayed, so that she got her +share of the pension regularly. She said she would not go far, and would +call at the haunted house once a month for her money. Then she said: + +"I don't hate you so much now, but I've hated you a many a year--and +anybody would. Didn't I change you off, en give you a good fambly en a +good name, en made you a white gen'l'man en rich, wid store clothes +on--en what did I git for it? You despised me all de time, en was al'ays +sayin' mean hard things to me befo' folks, en wouldn't ever let me forgit +I's a nigger--en--en--" + +She fell to sobbing, and broke down. Tom said: "But you know I didn't +know you were my mother; and besides--" + +"Well, nemmine 'bout dat, now; let it go. I's gwine to fo'git it." Then +she added fiercely, "En don't ever make me remember it ag'in, or you'll +be sorry, _I_ tell you." + +When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive way he could +command: + +"Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?" + +He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. He was mistaken. +Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said: + +"Does I mine tellin' you? No, dat I don't! You ain't got no 'casion to +be shame' o' yo' father, _I_ kin tell you. He wuz de highest quality in +dis whole town--ole Virginny stock. Fust famblies, he wuz. Jes as good +stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes' day dey ever seed." She put +on a little prouder air, if possible, and added impressively: "Does you +'member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh Essex, dat died de same year yo' young +Marse Tom Driscoll's pappy died, en all de Masons en Odd Fellers en +Churches turned out en give him de bigges' funeral dis town ever seed? +Dat's de man." + +Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of +her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a +dignity and state that might have passed for queenly if her surroundings +had been a little more in keeping with it. + +"Dey ain't another nigger in dis town dat's as highbawn as you is. Now +den, go 'long! En jes you hold yo' head up as high as you want to--you +has de right, en dat I kin swah." + + + + +CHAPTER 10 -- The Nymph Revealed + + _All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange + complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to + live._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _When angry, count four; when very angry, swear._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Every now and then, after Tom went to bed, he had sudden wakings out of +his sleep, and his first thought was, "Oh, joy, it was all a dream!" +Then he laid himself heavily down again, with a groan and the muttered +words, "A nigger! I am a nigger! Oh, I wish I was dead!" + +He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, and then he +resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous sleep. He began to +think. Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were. They wandered along +something after this fashion: + +"Why were niggers _and_ whites made? What crime did the uncreated first +nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed for him? And why is +this awful difference made between white and black? . . . How hard the +nigger's fate seems, this morning!--yet until last night such a thought +never entered my head." + +He sighed and groaned an hour or more away. Then "Chambers" came humbly +in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. "Tom" blushed scarlet to see +this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, a nigger, and call him +"Young Marster." He said roughly: + +"Get out of my sight!" and when the youth was gone, he muttered, "He has +done me no harm, poor wretch, but he is an eyesore to me now, for he is +Driscoll, the young gentleman, and I am a--oh, I wish I was dead!" + +A gigantic eruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years ago, with the +accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of volcanic dust, +changes the face of the surrounding landscape beyond recognition, +bringing down the high lands, elevating the low, making fair lakes where +deserts had been, and deserts where green prairies had smiled before. +The tremendous catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his moral +landscape in much the same way. Some of his low places he found lifted to +ideals, some of his ideas had sunk to the valleys, and lay there with the +sackcloth and ashes of pumice stone and sulphur on their ruined heads. + +For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, thinking +--trying to get his bearings. It was new work. If he met a friend, he +found that the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way vanished +--his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the hand for a +shake. It was the "nigger" in him asserting its humility, and he blushed +and was abashed. And the "nigger" in him was surprised when the white +friend put out his hand for a shake with him. He found the "nigger" in +him involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, to a white rowdy and +loafer. When Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, the idol of his +secret worship, invited him in, the "nigger" in him made an embarrassed +excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with the dread white folks on +equal terms. The "nigger" in him went shrinking and skulking here and +there and yonder, and fancying it saw suspicion and maybe detection in +all faces, tones, and gestures. So strange and uncharacteristic was +Tom's conduct that people noticed it, and turned to look after him when +he passed on; and when he glanced back--as he could not help doing, in +spite of his best resistance--and caught that puzzled expression in a +person's face, it gave him a sick feeling, and he took himself out of +view as quickly as he could. He presently came to have a hunted sense +and a hunted look, and then he fled away to the hilltops and the +solitudes. He said to himself that the curse of Ham was upon him. + +He dreaded his meals; the "nigger" in him was ashamed to sit at the white +folk's table, and feared discovery all the time; and once when Judge +Driscoll said, "What's the matter with you? You look as meek as a +nigger," he felt as secret murderers are said to feel when the accuser +says, "Thou art the man!" Tom said he was not well, and left the table. + +His ostensible "aunt's" solicitudes and endearments were become a terror +to him, and he avoided them. + +And all the time, hatred of his ostensible "uncle" was steadily growing +in his heart; for he said to himself, "He is white; and I am his chattel, +his property, his goods, and he can sell me, just as he could his dog." + +For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his character had +undergone a pretty radical change. But that was because he did not know +himself. + +In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and would never go +back to what they were before, but the main structure of his character +was not changed, and could not be changed. One or two very important +features of it were altered, and in time effects would result from this, +if opportunity offered--effects of a quite serious nature, too. Under the +influence of a great mental and moral upheaval, his character and his +habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, but after a while +with the subsidence of the storm, both began to settle toward their +former places. He dropped gradually back into his old frivolous and +easygoing ways and conditions of feeling and manner of speech, and no +familiar of his could have detected anything in him that differentiated +him from the weak and careless Tom of other days. + +The theft raid which he had made upon the village turned out better than +he had ventured to hope. It produced the sum necessary to pay his gaming +debts, and saved him from exposure to his uncle and another smashing of +the will. He and his mother learned to like each other fairly well. She +couldn't love him, as yet, because there "warn't nothing _to_ him," as +she expressed it, but her nature needed something or somebody to rule +over, and he was better than nothing. Her strong character and +aggressive and commanding ways compelled Tom's admiration in spite of the +fact that he got more illustrations of them than he needed for his +comfort. However, as a rule her conversation was made up of racy tales +about the privacies of the chief families of the town (for she went +harvesting among their kitchens every time she came to the village), and +Tom enjoyed this. It was just in his line. She always collected her +half of his pension punctually, and he was always at the haunted house to +have a chat with her on these occasions. Every now and then, she paid +him a visit there on between-days also. + +Occasions he would run up to St. Louis for a few weeks, and at last +temptation caught him again. He won a lot of money, but lost it, and +with it a deal more besides, which he promised to raise as soon as +possible. + +For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. He never meddled +with any other town, for he was afraid to venture into houses whose ins +and outs he did not know and the habits of whose households he was not +acquainted with. He arrived at the haunted house in disguise on the +Wednesday before the advent of the twins--after writing his Aunt Pratt +that he would not arrive until two days after--and laying in hiding there +with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, when he went to his +uncle's house and entered by the back way with his own key, and slipped +up to his room where he could have the use of the mirror and toilet +articles. He had a suit of girl's clothes with him in a bundle as a +disguise for his raid, and was wearing a suit of his mother's clothing, +with black gloves and veil. By dawn he was tricked out for his raid, but +he caught a glimpse of Pudd'nhead Wilson through the window over the way, +and knew that Pudd'nhead had caught a glimpse of him. So he entertained +Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes for a while, then stepped +out of sight and resumed the other disguise, and by and by went down and +out the back way and started downtown to reconnoiter the scene of his +intended labors. + +But he was ill at ease. He had changed back to Roxy's dress, with the +stoop of age added to the disguise, so that Wilson would not bother +himself about a humble old women leaving a neighbor's house by the back +way in the early morning, in case he was still spying. But supposing +Wilson had seen him leave, and had thought it suspicious, and had also +followed him? The thought made Tom cold. He gave up the raid for the +day, and hurried back to the haunted house by the obscurest route he +knew. His mother was gone; but she came back, by and by, with the news of +the grand reception at Patsy Cooper's, and soon persuaded him that the +opportunity was like a special Providence, it was so inviting and +perfect. So he went raiding, after all, and made a nice success of it +while everybody was gone to Patsy Cooper's. Success gave him nerve and +even actual intrepidity; insomuch, indeed, that after he had conveyed his +harvest to his mother in a back alley, he went to the reception himself, +and added several of the valuables of that house to his takings. + +After this long digression we have now arrived once more at the point +where Pudd'nhead Wilson, while waiting for the arrival of the twins on +that same Friday evening, sat puzzling over the strange apparition of +that morning--a girl in young Tom Driscoll's bedroom; fretting, and +guessing, and puzzling over it, and wondering who the shameless creature +might be. + + + + +CHAPTER 11 -- Pudd'nhead's Thrilling Discovery + + _There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and + the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1--to tell him + you have read one of his books; 2--to tell him you have read + all of his books; 3--to ask him to let you read the + manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his + respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries + you clear into his heart._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The twins arrived presently, and talk began. It flowed along chattily +and sociably, and under its influence the new friendship gathered ease +and strength. Wilson got out his Calendar, by request, and read a +passage or two from it, which the twins praised quite cordially. This +pleased the author so much that he complied gladly when they asked him to +lend them a batch of the work to read at home. In the course of their +wide travels, they had found out that there are three sure ways of +pleasing an author; they were now working the best of the three. + +There was an interruption now. Young Driscoll appeared, and joined the +party. He pretended to be seeing the distinguished strangers for the +first time when they rose to shake hands; but this was only a blind, as +he had already had a glimpse of them, at the reception, while robbing the +house. The twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and rather +handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements--graceful, in fact. +Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there was something +veiled and sly about it. Angelo thought he had a pleasant free-and-easy +way of talking; Luigi thought it was more so than was agreeable. Angelo +thought he was a sufficiently nice young man; Luigi reserved his +decision. Tom's first contribution to the conversation was a question +which he had put to Wilson a hundred times before. It was always cheerily +and good-natured put, and always inflicted a little pang, for it touched +a secret sore; but this time the pang was sharp, since strangers were +present. + +"Well, how does the law come on? Had a case yet?" + +Wilson bit his lip, but answered, "No--not yet," with as much +indifference as he could assume. Judge Driscoll had generously left the +law feature out of Wilson's biography which he had furnished to the +twins. Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and said: + +"Wilson's a lawyer, gentlemen, but he doesn't practice now." + +The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, and said without +passion: + +"I don't practice, it is true. It is true that I have never had a case, +and have had to earn a poor living for twenty years as an expert +accountant in a town where I can't get a hold of a set of books to +untangle as often as I should like. But it is also true that I did +myself well for the practice of the law. By the time I was your age, +Tom, I had chosen a profession, and was soon competent to enter upon it." +Tom winced. "I never got a chance to try my hand at it, and I may never +get a chance; and yet if I ever do get it, I shall be found ready, for I +have kept up my law studies all these years." + +"That's it; that's good grit! I like to see it. I've a notion to throw +all my business your way. My business and your law practice ought to +make a pretty gay team, Dave," and the young fellow laughed again. + +"If you will throw--" Wilson had thought of the girl in Tom's bedroom, +and was going to say, "If you will throw the surreptitious and +disreputable part of your business my way, it may amount to something," +but thought better of it and said, + +"However, this matter doesn't fit well in a general conversation." + +"All right, we'll change the subject; I guess you were about to give me +another dig, anyway, so I'm willing to change. How's the Awful Mystery +flourishing these days? Wilson's got a scheme for driving plain window +glass panes out of the market by decorating it with greasy finger marks, +and getting rich by selling it at famine prices to the crowned heads over +in Europe to outfit their palaces with. Fetch it out, Dave." + +Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said: + +"I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right hand through his hair, +so as to get a little coating of the natural oil on them, and then press +the balls of them on the glass. A fine and delicate print of the lines +in the skin results, and is permanent, if it doesn't come in contact with +something able to rub it off. You begin, Tom." + +"Why, I think you took my finger marks once or twice before." + +"Yes, but you were a little boy the last time, only about twelve years +old." + +"That's so. Of course, I've changed entirely since then, and variety is +what the crowned heads want, I guess." + +He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, and pressed them +one at a time on the glass. Angelo made a print of his fingers on +another glass, and Luigi followed with a third. Wilson marked the +glasses with names and dates, and put them away. Tom gave one of his +little laughs, and said: + +"I thought I wouldn't say anything, but if variety is what you are after, +you have wasted a piece of glass. The hand print of one twin is the same +as the hand print of the fellow twin." + +"Well, it's done now, and I like to have them both, anyway," said Wilson, +returned to his place. + +"But look here, Dave," said Tom, "you used to tell people's fortunes, too, +when you took their finger marks. Dave's just an all-round genius--a +genius of the first water, gentlemen; a great scientist running to seed +here in this village, a prophet with the kind of honor that prophets +generally get at home--for here they don't give shucks for his +scientifics, and they call his skull a notion factory--hey, Dave, ain't +it so? But never mind, he'll make his mark someday--finger mark, you +know, he-he! But really, you want to let him take a shy at your palms +once; it's worth twice the price of admission or your money's returned at +the door. Why, he'll read your wrinkles as easy as a book, and not only +tell you fifty or sixty things that's going to happen to you, but fifty +or sixty thousand that ain't. Come, Dave, show the gentlemen what an +inspired jack-at-all-science we've got in this town, and don't know it." + +Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous chaff, and the +twins suffered with him and for him. They rightly judged, now, that the +best way to relieve him would be to take the thing in earnest and +treat it with respect, ignoring Tom's rather overdone raillery; so Luigi +said: + +"We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, and know very +well what astonishing things it can do. If it isn't a science, and one +of the greatest of them too, I don't know what its other name ought to +be. In the Orient--" + +Tom looked surprised and incredulous. He said: + +"That juggling a science? But really, you ain't serious, are you?" + +"Yes, entirely so. Four years ago we had our hands read out to us as if +our plans had been covered with print." + +"Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in it?" asked Tom, +his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. + +"There was this much in it," said Angelo: "what was told us of our +characters was minutely exact--we could have not have bettered it +ourselves. Next, two or three memorable things that have happened to us +were laid bare--things which no one present but ourselves could have +known about." + +"Why, it's rank sorcery!" exclaimed Tom, who was now becoming very much +interested. "And how did they make out with what was going to happen to +you in the future?" + +"On the whole, quite fairly," said Luigi. "Two or three of the most +striking things foretold have happened since; much the most striking one +of all happened within that same year. Some of the minor prophesies have +come true; some of the minor and some of the major ones have not been +fulfilled yet, and of course may never be: still, I should be more +surprised if they failed to arrive than if they didn't." + +Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed. He said, +apologetically: + +"Dave, I wasn't meaning to belittle that science; I was only chaffing +--chattering, I reckon I'd better say. I wish you would look at their +palms. Come, won't you?" + +"Why certainly, if you want me to; but you know I've had no chance to +become an expert, and don't claim to be one. When a past event is +somewhat prominently recorded in the palm, I can generally detect that, +but minor ones often escape me--not always, of course, but often--but I +haven't much confidence in myself when it comes to reading the future. I +am talking as if palmistry was a daily study with me, but that is not so. +I haven't examined half a dozen hands in the last half dozen years; you +see, the people got to joking about it, and I stopped to let the talk die +down. I'll tell you what we'll do, Count Luigi: I'll make a try at your +past, and if I have any success there--no, on the whole, I'll let the +future alone; that's really the affair of an expert." + +He took Luigi's hand. Tom said: + +"Wait--don't look yet, Dave! Count Luigi, here's paper and pencil. Set +down that thing that you said was the most striking one that was foretold +to you, and happened less than a year afterward, and give it to me so I +can see if Dave finds it in your hand." + +Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of paper, and +handed it to Tom, saying: + +"I'll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it." + +Wilson began to study Luigi's palm, tracing life lines, heart lines, head +lines, and so on, and noting carefully their relations with the cobweb of +finer and more delicate marks and lines that enmeshed them on all sides; +he felt of the fleshy cushion at the base of the thumb and noted its +shape; he felt of the fleshy side of the hand between the wrist and the +base of the little finger and noted its shape also; he painstakingly +examined the fingers, observing their form, proportions, and natural +manner of disposing themselves when in repose. All this process was +watched by the three spectators with absorbing interest, their heads bent +together over Luigi's palm, and nobody disturbing the stillness with a +word. Wilson now entered upon a close survey of the palm again, and his +revelations began. + +He mapped out Luigi's character and disposition, his tastes, aversions, +proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in a way which sometimes made +Luigi wince and the others laugh, but both twins declared that the chart +was artistically drawn and was correct. + +Next, Wilson took up Luigi's history. He proceeded cautiously and with +hesitation now, moving his finger slowly along the great lines of the +palm, and now and then halting it at a "star" or some such landmark, and +examining that neighborhood minutely. He proclaimed one or two past +events, Luigi confirmed his correctness, and the search went on. +Presently Wilson glanced up suddenly with a surprised expression. + +"Here is a record of an incident which you would perhaps not wish me +to--" + +"Bring it out," said Luigi, good-naturedly. "I promise you sha'n't +embarrass me." + +But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to know what to do. +Then he said: + +"I think it is too delicate a matter to--to--I believe I would rather +write it or whisper it to you, and let you decide for yourself whether +you want it talked out or not." + +"That will answer," said Luigi. "Write it." + +Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to Luigi, who +read it to himself and said to Tom: + +"Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll." + +Tom said: + +"'IT WAS PROPHESIED THAT I WOULD KILL A MAN. IT CAME TRUE BEFORE THE +YEAR WAS OUT.'" + +Tom added, "Great Scott!" + +Luigi handed Wilson's paper to Tom, and said: + +"Now read this one." + +Tom read: + +"'YOU HAVE KILLED SOMEONE, BUT WHETHER MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD, I DO NOT +MAKE OUT.'" + +"Caesar's ghost!" commented Tom, with astonishment. "It beats anything +that was ever heard of! Why, a man's own hand is his deadliest enemy! +Just think of that--a man's own hand keeps a record of the deepest and +fatalest secrets of his life, and is treacherously ready to expose +himself to any black-magic stranger that comes along. But what do you +let a person look at your hand for, with that awful thing printed on it?" + +"Oh," said Luigi, reposefully, "I don't mind it. I killed the man for +good reasons, and I don't regret it." + +"What were the reasons?" + +"Well, he needed killing." + +"I'll tell you why he did it, since he won't say himself," said Angelo, +warmly. "He did it to save my life, that's what he did it for. So it was +a noble act, and not a thing to be hid in the dark." + +"So it was, so it was," said Wilson. "To do such a thing to save a +brother's life is a great and fine action." + +"Now come," said Luigi, "it is very pleasant to hear you say these +things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or magnanimity, the +circumstances won't stand scrutiny. You overlook one detail; suppose I +hadn't saved Angelo's life, what would have become of mine? If I had let +the man kill him, wouldn't he have killed me, too? I saved my own life, +you see." + +"Yes, that is your way of talking," said Angelo, "but I know you--I +don't believe you thought of yourself at all. I keep that weapon yet +that Luigi killed the man with, and I'll show it to you sometime. That +incident makes it interesting, and it had a history before it came into +Luigi's hands which adds to its interest. It was given to Luigi by a +great Indian prince, the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been in his +family two or three centuries. It killed a good many disagreeable people +who troubled the hearthstone at one time or another. It isn't much too +look at, except it isn't shaped like other knives, or dirks, or whatever +it may be called--here, I'll draw it for you." He took a sheet of paper +and made a rapid sketch. "There it is--a broad and murderous blade, with +edges like a razor for sharpness. The devices engraved on it are the +ciphers or names of its long line of possessors--I had Luigi's name added +in Roman letters myself with our coat of arms, as you see. You notice +what a curious handle the thing has. It is solid ivory, polished like a +mirror, and is four or five inches long--round, and as thick as a large +man's wrist, with the end squared off flat, for your thumb to rest on; +for you grasp it, with your thumb resting on the blunt end--so--and lift +it along and strike downward. The Gaikowar showed us how the thing was +done when he gave it to Luigi, and before that night was ended, Luigi had +used the knife, and the Gaikowar was a man short by reason of it. The +sheath is magnificently ornamented with gems of great value. You will +find a sheath more worth looking at than the knife itself, of course." + +Tom said to himself: + +"It's lucky I came here. I would have sold that knife for a song; I +supposed the jewels were glass." + +"But go on; don't stop," said Wilson. "Our curiosity is up now, to hear +about the homicide. Tell us about that." + +"Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all around. A native +servant slipped into our room in the palace in the night, to kill us and +steal the knife on account of the fortune encrusted on its sheath, +without a doubt. Luigi had it under his pillow; we were in bed together. +There was a dim night-light burning. I was asleep, but Luigi was awake, +and he thought he detected a vague form nearing the bed. He slipped the +knife out of the sheath and was ready and unembarrassed by hampering +bedclothes, for the weather was hot and we hadn't any. Suddenly that +native rose at the bedside, and bent over me with his right hand lifted +and a dirk in it aimed at my throat; but Luigi grabbed his wrist, pulled +him downward, and drove his own knife into the man's neck. That is the +whole story." + +Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general chat about the +tragedy, Pudd'nhead said, taking Tom's hand: + +"Now, Tom, I've never had a look at your palms, as it happens; perhaps +you've got some little questionable privacies that need--hel-lo!" + +Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good deal confused. + +"Why, he's blushing!" said Luigi. + +Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply: + +"Well, if I am, it ain't because I'm a murderer!" Luigi's dark face +flushed, but before he could speak or move, Tom added with anxious haste: +"Oh, I beg a thousand pardons. I didn't mean that; it was out before I +thought, and I'm very, very sorry--you must forgive me!" + +Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as well as he could; +and in fact was entirely successful as far as the twins were concerned, +for they felt sorrier for the affront put upon him by his guest's +outburst of ill manners than for the insult offered to Luigi. But the +success was not so pronounced with the offender. Tom tried to seem at +his ease, and he went through the motions fairly well, but at bottom he +felt resentful toward all the three witnesses of his exhibition; in fact, +he felt so annoyed at them for having witnessed it and noticed it that he +almost forgot to feel annoyed at himself for placing it before them. +However, something presently happened which made him almost comfortable, +and brought him nearly back to a state of charity and friendliness. This +was a little spat between the twins; not much of a spat, but still a +spat; and before they got far with it, they were in a decided condition +of irritation while pretending to be actuated by more respectable +motives. By his help the fire got warmed up to the blazing point, and he +might have had the happiness of seeing the flames show up in another +moment, but for the interruption of a knock on the door--an interruption +which fretted him as much as it gratified Wilson. Wilson opened the +door. + +The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic middle-aged Irishman +named John Buckstone, who was a great politician in a small way, and +always took a large share in public matters of every sort. One of the +town's chief excitements, just now, was over the matter of rum. There +was a strong rum party and a strong anti-rum party. Buckstone was +training with the rum party, and he had been sent to hunt up the twins +and invite them to attend a mass meeting of that faction. He delivered +his errand, and said the clans were already gathering in the big hall +over the market house. Luigi accepted the invitation cordially. Angelo +less cordially, since he disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful +intoxicants of America. In fact, he was even a teetotaler sometimes +--when it was judicious to be one. + +The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined the company with +them uninvited. + +In the distance, one could see a long wavering line of torches drifting +down the main street, and could hear the throbbing of the bass drum, the +clash of cymbals, the squeaking of a fife or two, and the faint roar of +remote hurrahs. The tail end of this procession was climbing the market +house stairs when the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when they +reached the hall, it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise, and +enthusiasm. They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone--Tom +Driscoll still following--and were delivered to the chairman in the midst +of a prodigious explosion of welcome. When the noise had moderated a +little, the chair proposed that "our illustrious guests be at once +elected, by complimentary acclamation, to membership in our ever-glorious +organization, the paradise of the free and the perdition of the slave." + +This eloquent discharge opened the floodgates of enthusiasm again, and +the election was carried with thundering unanimity. Then arose a storm +of cries: + +"Wet them down! Wet them down! Give them a drink!" + +Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins. Luigi waves his aloft, then +brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. There was another storm +of cries. + +"What's the matter with the other one?" "What is the blond one going +back on us for?" "Explain! Explain!" + +The chairman inquired, and then reported: + +"We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen. I find that the Count +Angelo Capello is opposed to our creed--is a teetotaler, in fact, and was +not intending to apply for membership with us. He desires that we +reconsider the vote by which he was elected. What is the pleasure of the +house?" + +There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully accented with +whistlings and catcalls, but the energetic use of the gavel presently +restored something like order. Then a man spoke from the crowd, and said +that while he was very sorry that the mistake had been made, it would not +be possible to rectify it at the present meeting. According to the +bylaws, it must go over to the next regular meeting for action. He would +not offer a motion, as none was required. He desired to apologize to the +gentlemen in the name of the house, and begged to assure him that as far +as it might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his temporary +membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. + +This speech was received with great applause, mixed with cries of: + +"That's the talk!" "He's a good fellow, anyway, if he _is_ a teetotaler!" +"Drink his health!" "Give him a rouser, and no heeltaps!" + +Glasses were handed around, and everybody on the platform drank Angelo's +health, while the house bellowed forth in song: + + + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fe-el-low, + Which nobody can deny. + +Tom Driscoll drank. It was his second glass, for he had drunk Angelo's +the moment that Angelo had set it down. The two drinks made him very +merry--almost idiotically so, and he began to take a most lively and +prominent part in the proceedings, particularly in the music and catcalls +and side remarks. + +The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins at his side. The +extraordinarily close resemblance of the brothers to each other suggested +a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and just as the chairman began a speech he +skipped forward and said, with an air of tipsy confidence, to the +audience: + +"Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human philopena snip you +out a speech." + +The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, and a mighty +burst of laughter followed. + +Luigi's southern blood leaped to the boiling point in a moment under the +sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in the presence of four +hundred strangers. It was not in the young man's nature to let the +matter pass, or to delay the squaring of the account. He took a couple of +strides and halted behind the unsuspecting joker. Then he drew back and +delivered a kick of such titanic vigor that it lifted Tom clear over the +footlights and landed him on the heads of the front row of the Sons of +Liberty. + +Even a sober person does not like to have a human being emptied on him +when he is not doing any harm; a person who is not sober cannot endure +such an attention at all. The nest of Sons of Liberty that Driscoll +landed in had not a sober bird in it; in fact there was probably not an +entirely sober one in the auditorium. Driscoll was promptly and +indignantly flung on the heads of Sons in the next row, and these Sons +passed him on toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel the +front row Sons who had passed him to them. This course was strictly +followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in his tumultuous and +airy flight toward the door; so he left behind him an ever-lengthening +wake of raging and plunging and fighting and swearing humanity. Down went +group after group of torches, and presently above the deafening clatter +of the gavel, roar of angry voices, and crash of succumbing benches, rose +the paralyzing cry of "_fire!_" + +The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for one distinctly +defined moment, there was a dead hush, a motionless calm, where the +tempest had been; then with one impulse the multitude awoke to life and +energy again, and went surging and struggling and swaying, this way and +that, its outer edges melting away through windows and doors and +gradually lessening the pressure and relieving the mass. + +The fireboys were never on hand so suddenly before; for there was no +distance to go this time, their quarters being in the rear end of the +market house, There was an engine company and a hook-and-ladder company. +Half of each was composed of rummies and the other half of anti-rummies, +after the moral and political share-and-share-alike fashion of the +frontier town of the period. Enough anti-rummies were loafing in quarters +to man the engine and the ladders. In two minutes they had their red +shirts and helmets on--they never stirred officially in unofficial +costume--and as the mass meeting overhead smashed through the long row of +windows and poured out upon the roof of the arcade, the deliverers were +ready for them with a powerful stream of water, which washed some of them +off the roof and nearly drowned the rest. But water was preferable to +fire, and still the stampede from the windows continued, and still the +pitiless drenching assailed it until the building was empty; then the +fireboys mounted to the hall and flooded it with water enough to +annihilate forty times as much fire as there was there; for a village +fire company does not often get a chance to show off, and so when it does +get a chance, it makes the most of it. Such citizens of that village as +were of a thoughtful and judicious temperament did not insure against +fire; they insured against the fire company. + + + + +CHAPTER 12 -- The Shame of Judge Driscoll + + _Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence + of fear. Except a creature be part coward, it is not a + compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose + misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!--incomparably + the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of + fear were courage. Whether you are asleep or awake he will + attack you, caring nothing for the fact that in bulk and + strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the + earth to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and + all days and nights in the very lap of peril and the + immediate presence of death, and yet is no more afraid than + is the man who walks the streets of a city that was + threatened by an earthquake ten centuries before. When we + speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam as men who "didn't know + what fear was," we ought always to add the flea--and put him + at the head of the procession._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + +Judge Driscoll was in bed and asleep by ten o'clock on Friday night, and +he was up and gone a-fishing before daylight in the morning with his +friend Pembroke Howard. These two had been boys together in Virginia +when that state still ranked as the chief and most imposing member of the +Union, and they still coupled the proud and affectionate adjective "old" +with her name when they spoke of her. In Missouri a recognized +superiority attached to any person who hailed from Old Virginia; and this +superiority was exalted to supremacy when a person of such nativity could +also prove descent from the First Families of that great commonwealth. +The Howards and Driscolls were of this aristocracy. In their eyes, it +was a nobility. It had its unwritten laws, and they were as clearly +defined and as strict as any that could be found among the printed +statutes of the land. The F.F.V. was born a gentleman; his highest duty in +life was to watch over that great inheritance and keep it unsmirched. He +must keep his honor spotless. Those laws were his chart; his course was +marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much as half a point of the +compass, it meant shipwreck to his honor; that is to say, degradation +from his rank as a gentleman. These laws required certain things of him +which his religion might forbid: then his religion must yield--the laws +could not be relaxed to accommodate religions or anything else. Honor +stood first; and the laws defined what it was and wherein it differed in +certain details from honor as defined by church creeds and by the social +laws and customs of some of the minor divisions of the globe that had got +crowded out when the sacred boundaries of Virginia were staked out. + +If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of Dawson's Landing, +Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized second citizen. He was called +"the great lawyer"--an earned title. He and Driscoll were of the same +age--a year or two past sixty. + +Although Driscoll was a freethinker and Howard a strong and determined +Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no impairment in consequence. +They were men whose opinions were their own property and not subject to +revision and amendment, suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their +friends. + +The day's fishing finished, they came floating downstream in their skiff, +talking national politics and other high matters, and presently met a +skiff coming up from town, with a man in it who said: + +"I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew a kicking last +night, Judge?" + +"Did WHAT?" + +"Gave him a kicking." + +The old judge's lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. He choked with +anger for a moment, then he got out what he was trying to say: + +"Well--well--go on! Give me the details!" + +The man did it. At the finish the judge was silent a minute, turning +over in his mind the shameful picture of Tom's flight over the +footlights; then he said, as if musing aloud, + +"H'm--I don't understand it. I was asleep at home. He didn't wake me. +Thought he was competent to manage his affair without my help, I reckon." +His face lit up with pride and pleasure at that thought, and he said with +a cheery complacency, "I like that--it's the true old blood--hey, +Pembroke?" + +Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head approvingly. Then the +news-bringer spoke again. + +"But Tom beat the twin on the trial." + +The judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said: + +"The trial? What trial?" + +"Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault and battery." + +The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has received a death +stroke. Howard sprang for him as he sank forward in a swoon, and took +him in his arms, and bedded him on his back in the boat. He sprinkled +water in his face, and said to the startled visitor: + +"Go, now--don't let him come to and find you here. You see what an +effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to have been more +considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece of slander as that." + +"I'm right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I wouldn't have done +it if I had thought; but it ain't slander; it's perfectly true, just as I +told him." + +He rowed away. Presently the old judge came out of his faint and looked +up piteously into the sympathetic face that was bent over him. + +"Say it ain't true, Pembroke; tell me it ain't true!" he said in a weak +voice. + +There was nothing weak in the deep organ tones that responded: + +"You know it's a lie as well as I do, old friend. He is of the best +blood of the Old Dominion." + +"God bless you for saying it!" said the old gentleman, fervently. "Ah, +Pembroke, it was such a blow!" + +Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and entered the house with +him. It was dark, and past supper-time, but the judge was not thinking +of supper; he was eager to hear the slander refuted from headquarters, +and as eager to have Howard hear it, too. Tom was sent for, and he came +immediately. He was bruised and lame, and was not a happy-looking +object. His uncle made him sit down, and said: + +"We have been hearing about your adventure, Tom, with a handsome lie +added for embellishment. Now pulverize that lie to dust! What measures +have you taken? How does the thing stand?" + +Tom answered guilelessly: "It don't stand at all; it's all over. I had +him up in court and beat him. Pudd'nhead Wilson defended him--first +case he ever had, and lost it. The judge fined the miserable hound five +dollars for the assault." + +Howard and the judge sprang to their feet with the opening sentence +--why, neither knew; then they stood gazing vacantly at each other. +Howard stood a moment, then sat mournfully down without saying anything. +The judge's wrath began to kindle, and he burst out: + +"You cur! You scum! You vermin! Do you mean to tell me that blood of +my race has suffered a blow and crawled to a court of law about it? +Answer me!" + +Tom's head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent silence. His uncle +stared at him with a mixed expression of amazement and shame and +incredulity that was sorrowful to see. At last he said: + +"Which of the twins was it?" + +"Count Luigi." + +"You have challenged him?" + +"N--no," hesitated Tom, turning pale. + +"You will challenge him tonight. Howard will carry it." + +Tom began to turn sick, and to show it. He turned his hat round and +round in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and blacker upon him as +the heavy seconds drifted by; then at last he began to stammer, and said +piteously: + +"Oh, please, don't ask me to do it, uncle! He is a murderous devil--I +never could--I--I'm afraid of him!" + +Old Driscoll's mouth opened and closed three times before he could get it +to perform its office; then he stormed out: + +"A coward in my family! A Driscoll a coward! Oh, what have I done to +deserve this infamy!" He tottered to his secretary in the corner, +repeated that lament again and again in heartbreaking tones, and got out +of a drawer a paper, which he slowly tore to bits, scattering the bits +absently in his track as he walked up and down the room, still grieving +and lamenting. At last he said: + +"There it is, shreds and fragments once more--my will. Once more you +have forced me to disinherit you, you base son of a most noble father! +Leave my sight! Go--before I spit on you!" + +The young man did not tarry. Then the judge turned to Howard: + +"You will be my second, old friend?" + +"Of course." + +"There is pen and paper. Draft the cartel, and lose no time." + +"The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen minutes," said Howard. + +Tom was very heavyhearted. His appetite was gone with his property and +his self-respect. He went out the back way and wandered down the obscure +lane grieving, and wondering if any course of future conduct, however +discreet and carefully perfected and watched over, could win back his +uncle's favor and persuade him to reconstruct once more that generous +will which had just gone to ruin before his eyes. He finally concluded +that it could. He said to himself that he had accomplished this sort of +triumph once already, and that what had been done once could be done +again. He would set about it. He would bend every energy to the task, +and he would score that triumph once more, cost what it might to his +convenience, limit as it might his frivolous and liberty-loving life. + +"To begin," he says to himself, "I'll square up with the proceeds of my +raid, and then gambling has got to be stopped--and stopped short off. +It's the worst vice I've got--from my standpoint, anyway, because it's +the one he can most easily find out, through the impatience of my +creditors. He thought it expensive to have to pay two hundred dollars to +them for me once. Expensive--_that!_ Why, it cost me the whole of his +fortune--but, of course, he never thought of that; some people can't +think of any but their own side of a case. If he had known how deep I am +in now, the will would have gone to pot without waiting for a duel to +help. Three hundred dollars! It's a pile! But he'll never hear of it, +I'm thankful to say. The minute I've cleared it off, I'm safe; and I'll +never touch a card again. Anyway, I won't while he lives, I make oath to +that. I'm entering on my last reform--I know it--yes, and I'll win; but +after that, if I ever slip again I'm gone." + + + + +CHAPTER 13 -- Tom Stares at Ruin + + _When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I + know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a + different life._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to + speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, + September, April, November, May, March, June, December, + August, and February._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Thus mournfully communing with himself, Tom moped along the lane past +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, and still on and on between fences enclosing +vacant country on each hand till he neared the haunted house, then he +came moping back again, with many sighs and heavy with trouble. He sorely +wanted cheerful company. Rowena! His heart gave a bound at the thought, +but the next thought quieted it--the detested twins would be there. + +He was on the inhabited side of Wilson's house, and now as he approached +it, he noticed that the sitting room was lighted. This would do; others +made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but Wilson never failed in courtesy +toward him, and a kindly courtesy does at least save one's feelings, even +if it is not professing to stand for a welcome. Wilson heard footsteps at +his threshold, then the clearing of a throat. + +"It's that fickle-tempered, dissipated young goose--poor devil, he find +friends pretty scarce today, likely, after the disgrace of carrying a +personal assault case into a law-court." + +A dejected knock. "Come in!" + +Tom entered, and dropped into a chair, without saying anything. Wilson +said kindly: + +"Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don't take it so hard. Try and forget +you have been kicked." + +"Oh, dear," said Tom, wretchedly, "it's not that, Pudd'nhead--it's not +that. It's a thousand times worse than that--oh, yes, a million times +worse." + +"Why, Tom, what do you mean? Has Rowena--" + +"Flung me? _No_, but the old man has." + +Wilson said to himself, "Aha!" and thought of the mysterious girl in the +bedroom. "The Driscolls have been making discoveries!" Then he said +aloud, gravely: + +"Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which--" + +"Oh, shucks, this hasn't got anything to do with dissipation. He wanted +me to challenge that derned Italian savage, and I wouldn't do it." + +"Yes, of course he would do that," said Wilson in a meditative +matter-of-course way, "but the thing that puzzled me was, why he didn't +look to that last night, for one thing, and why he let you carry such a +matter into a court of law at all, either before the duel or after it. +It's no place for it. It was not like him. I couldn't understand it. +How did it happen?" + +"It happened because he didn't know anything about it. He was asleep +when I got home last night." + +"And you didn't wake him? Tom, is that possible?" + +Tom was not getting much comfort here. He fidgeted a moment, then said: + +"I didn't choose to tell him--that's all. He was going a-fishing before +dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I got the twins into the common +calaboose--and I thought sure I could--I never dreamed of their slipping +out on a paltry fine for such an outrageous offense--well, once in the +calaboose they would be disgraced, and uncle wouldn't want any duels with +that sort of characters, and wouldn't allow any. + +"Tom, I am ashamed of you! I don't see how you could treat your good old +uncle so. I am a better friend of his than you are; for if I had known +the circumstances I would have kept that case out of court until I got +word to him and let him have the gentleman's chance." + +"You would?" exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise. "And it your first +case! And you know perfectly well there never would have _been_ any case +if he had got that chance, don't you? And you'd have finished your days +a pauper nobody, instead of being an actually launched and recognized +lawyer today. And you would really have done that, would you?" + +"Certainly." + +Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head sorrowfully and +said: + +"I believe you--upon my word I do. I don't know why I do, but I do. +Pudd'nhead Wilson, I think you're the biggest fool I ever saw." + +"Thank you." + +"Don't mention it." + +"Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian, and you have +refused. You degenerate remnant of an honorable line! I'm thoroughly +ashamed of you, Tom!" + +"Oh, that's nothing! I don't care for anything, now that the will's torn +up again." + +"Tom, tell me squarely--didn't he find any fault with you for anything +but those two things--carrying the case into court and refusing to +fight?" + +He watched the young fellow's face narrowly, but it was entirely +reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: + +"No, he didn't find any other fault with me. If he had had any to find, +he would have begun yesterday, for he was just in the humor for it. He +drove that jack-pair around town and showed them the sights, and when he +came home he couldn't find his father's old silver watch that don't keep +time and he thinks so much of, and couldn't remember what he did with it +three or four days ago when he saw it last, and when I suggested that it +probably wasn't lost but stolen, it put him in a regular passion, and he +said I was a fool--which convinced me, without any trouble, that that +was just what he was afraid _had_ happened, himself, but did not want to +believe it, because lost things stand a better chance of being found +again than stolen ones." + +"Whe-ew!" whistled Wilson. "Score another one the list." + +"Another what?" + +"Another theft!" + +"Theft?" + +"Yes, theft. That watch isn't lost, it's stolen. There's been another +raid on the town--and just the same old mysterious sort of thing that has +happened once before, as you remember." + +"You don't mean it!" + +"It's as sure as you are born! Have you missed anything yourself?" + +"No. That is, I did miss a silver pencil case that Aunt Mary Pratt gave +me last birthday--" + +"You'll find it stolen--that's what you'll find." + +"No, I sha'n't; for when I suggested theft about the watch and got such a +rap, I went and examined my room, and the pencil case was missing, but it +was only mislaid, and I found it again." + +"You are sure you missed nothing else?" + +"Well, nothing of consequence. I missed a small plain gold ring worth +two or three dollars, but that will turn up. I'll look again." + +"In my opinion you'll not find it. There's been a raid, I tell you. Come +_in!_" + +Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by Buckstone and the town +constable, Jim Blake. They sat down, and after some wandering and +aimless weather-conversation Wilson said: + +"By the way, We've just added another to the list of thefts, maybe two. +Judge Driscoll's old silver watch is gone, and Tom here has missed a gold +ring." + +"Well, it is a bad business," said the justice, "and gets worse the +further it goes. The Hankses, the Dobsons, the Pilligrews, the Ortons, +the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the Holcombs, in fact everybody +that lives around about Patsy Cooper's had been robbed of little things +like trinkets and teaspoons and suchlike small valuables that are easily +carried off. It's perfectly plain that the thief took advantage of the +reception at Patsy Cooper's when all the neighbors were in her house and +all their niggers hanging around her fence for a look at the show, to +raid the vacant houses undisturbed. Patsy is miserable about it; +miserable on account of the neighbors, and particularly miserable on +account of her foreigners, of course; so miserable on their account that +she hasn't any room to worry about her own little losses." + +"It's the same old raider," said Wilson. "I suppose there isn't any +doubt about that." + +"Constable Blake doesn't think so." + +"No, you're wrong there," said Blake. "The other times it was a man; +there was plenty of signs of that, as we know, in the profession, though +we never got hands on him; but this time it's a woman." + +Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off. She was always in +his mind now. But she failed him again. Blake continued: + +"She's a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered basket on her arm, in +a black veil, dressed in mourning. I saw her going aboard the ferryboat +yesterday. Lives in Illinois, I reckon; but I don't care where she +lives, I'm going to get her--she can make herself sure of that." + +"What makes you think she's the thief?" + +"Well, there ain't any other, for one thing; and for another, some nigger +draymen that happened to be driving along saw her coming out of or going +into houses, and told me so--and it just happens that they was _robbed_, +every time." + +It was granted that this was plenty good enough circumstantial evidence. +A pensive silence followed, which lasted some moments, then Wilson said: + +"There's one good thing, anyway. She can't either pawn or sell Count +Luigi's costly Indian dagger." + +"My!" said Tom. "Is _that_ gone?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, that was a haul! But why can't she pawn it or sell it?" + +"Because when the twins went home from the Sons of Liberty meeting last +night, news of the raid was sifting in from everywhere, and Aunt Patsy +was in distress to know if they had lost anything. They found that the +dagger was gone, and they notified the police and pawnbrokers everywhere. +It was a great haul, yes, but the old woman won't get anything out of it, +because she'll get caught." + +"Did they offer a reward?" asked Buckstone. + +"Yes, five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred more for the +thief." + +"What a leather-headed idea!" exclaimed the constable. "The thief das'n't +go near them, nor send anybody. Whoever goes is going to get himself +nabbed, for their ain't any pawnbroker that's going to lose the chance +to--" + +If anybody had noticed Tom's face at that time, the gray-green color of +it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody did. He said to himself: +"I'm gone! I never can square up; the rest of the plunder won't pawn or +sell for half of the bill. Oh, I know it--I'm gone, I'm gone--and this +time it's for good. Oh, this is awful--I don't know what to do, nor +which way to turn!" + +"Softly, softly," said Wilson to Blake. "I planned their scheme for them +at midnight last night, and it was all finished up shipshape by two this +morning. They'll get their dagger back, and then I'll explain to you how +the thing was done." + +There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and Buckstone said: + +"Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp, Wilson, and I'm free to say +that if you don't mind telling us in confidence--" + +"Oh, I'd as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as the twins and I +agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it stand so. But you can take +my word for it, you won't be kept waiting three days. Somebody will apply +for that reward pretty promptly, and I'll show you the thief and the +dagger both very soon afterward." + +The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed. He said: + +"It may all be--yes, and I hope it will, but I'm blamed if I can see my +way through it. It's too many for yours truly." + +The subject seemed about talked out. Nobody seemed to have anything +further to offer. After a silence the justice of the peace informed +Wilson that he and Buckstone and the constable had come as a committee, +on the part of the Democratic party, to ask him to run for mayor--for the +little town was about to become a city and the first charter election was +approaching. It was the first attention which Wilson had ever received +at the hands of any party; it was a sufficiently humble one, but it was a +recognition of his debut into the town's life and activities at last; it +was a step upward, and he was deeply gratified. He accepted, and the +committee departed, followed by young Tom. + + + + +CHAPTER 14 -- Roxana Insists Upon Reform + + _The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be + mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world's + luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of + the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels + eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know + it because she repented._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +About the time that Wilson was bowing the committee out, Pembroke Howard +was entering the next house to report. He found the old judge sitting +grim and straight in his chair, waiting. + +"Well, Howard--the news?" + +"The best in the world." + +"Accepts, does he?" and the light of battle gleamed joyously in the +Judge's eye. + +"Accepts? Why he jumped at it." + +"Did, did he? Now that's fine--that's very fine. I like that. When is +it to be?" + +"Now! Straight off! Tonight! An admirable fellow--admirable!" + +"Admirable? He's a darling! Why, it's an honor as well as a pleasure to +stand up before such a man. Come--off with you! Go and arrange +everything--and give him my heartiest compliments. A rare fellow, indeed; +an admirable fellow, as you have said!" + +"I'll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson's and the haunted +house within the hour, and I'll bring my own pistols." + +Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of pleased excitement; +but presently he stopped, and began to think--began to think of Tom. +Twice he moved toward the secretary, and twice he turned away again; but +finally he said: + +"This may be my last night in the world--I must not take the chance. He +is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely my fault. He was entrusted +to me by my brother on his dying bed, and I have indulged him to his +hurt, instead of training him up severely, and making a man of him, I +have violated my trust, and I must not add the sin of desertion to that. +I have forgiven him once already, and would subject him to a long and +hard trial before forgiving him again, if I could live; but I must not +run that risk. No, I must restore the will. But if I survive the duel, I +will hide it away, and he will not know, and I will not tell him until he +reforms, and I see that his reformation is going to be permanent." + +He redrew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir to a fortune +again. As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied with another brooding +tramp, entered the house and went tiptoeing past the sitting room door. +He glanced in, and hurried on, for the sight of his uncle was nothing but +terrors for him tonight. But his uncle was writing! That was unusual at +this late hour. What could he be writing? A chill of anxiety settled +down upon Tom's heart. Did that writing concern him? He was afraid so. +He reflected that when ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, +but in showers. He said he would get a glimpse of that document or know +the reason why. He heard someone coming, and stepped out of sight and +hearing. It was Pembroke Howard. What could be hatching? + +Howard said, with great satisfaction: + +"Everything's right and ready. He's gone to the battleground with his +second and the surgeon--also with his brother. I've arranged it all with +Wilson--Wilson's his second. We are to have three shots apiece." + +"Good! How is the moon?" + +"Bright as day, nearly. Perfect, for the distance--fifteen yards. No +wind--not a breath; hot and still." + +"All good; all first-rate. Here, Pembroke, read this, and witness it." + +Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old man's hand a +hearty shake and said: + +"Now that's right, York--but I knew you would do it. You couldn't leave +that poor chap to fight along without means or profession, with certain +defeat before him, and I knew you wouldn't, for his father's sake if not +for his own." + +"For his dead father's sake, I couldn't, I know; for poor Percy--but you +know what Percy was to me. But mind--Tom is not to know of this unless I +fall tonight." + +"I understand. I'll keep the secret." + +The judge put the will away, and the two started for the battleground. In +another minute the will was in Tom's hands. His misery vanished, his +feelings underwent a tremendous revulsion. He put the will carefully back +in its place, and spread his mouth and swung his hat once, twice, three +times around his head, in imitation of three rousing huzzahs, no sound +issuing from his lips. He fell to communing with himself excitedly and +joyously, but every now and then he let off another volley of dumb +hurrahs. + +He said to himself: "I've got the fortune again, but I'll not let on +that I know about it. And this time I'm going to hang on to it. I take no +more risks. I'll gamble no more, I'll drink no more, because--well, +because I'll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, +again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way; I might have thought of +that sooner--well, yes, if I had wanted to. But now--dear me, I've had a +scare this time, and I'll take no more chances. Not a single chance +more. Land! I persuaded myself this evening that I could fetch him +around without any great amount of effort, but I've been getting more and +more heavyhearted and doubtful straight along, ever since. If he tells +me about this thing, all right; but if he doesn't, I sha'n't let on. +I--well, I'd like to tell Pudd'nhead Wilson, but--no, I'll think about +that; perhaps I won't." He whirled off another dead huzzah, and said, +"I'm reformed, and this time I'll stay so, sure!" + +He was about to close with a final grand silent demonstration, when he +suddenly recollected that Wilson had put it out of his power to pawn or +sell the Indian knife, and that he was once more in awful peril of +exposure by his creditors for that reason. His joy collapsed utterly, and +he turned away and moped toward the door moaning and lamenting over the +bitterness of his luck. He dragged himself upstairs, and brooded in his +room a long time, disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi's Indian knife for +a text. At last he sighed and said: + +"When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory bone, the thing +hadn't any interest for me because it hadn't any value, and couldn't help +me out of my trouble. But now--why, now it is full of interest; yes, and +of a sort to break a body's heart. It's a bag of gold that has turned to +dirt and ashes in my hands. It could save me, and save me so easily, and +yet I've got to go to ruin. It's like drowning with a life preserver in +my reach. All the hard luck comes to me, and all the good luck goes to +other people--Pudd'nhead Wilson, for instance; even his career has got a +sort of a little start at last, and what has he done to deserve it, I +should like to know? Yes, he has opened his own road, but he isn't +content with that, but must block mine. It's a sordid, selfish world, and +I wish I was out of it." He allowed the light of the candle to play upon +the jewels of the sheath, but the flashings and sparklings had no charm +for his eye; they were only just so many pangs to his heart. "I must not +say anything to Roxy about this thing," he said. "She is too daring. She +would be for digging these stones out and selling them, and then--why, +she would be arrested and the stones traced, and then--" The thought made +him quake, and he hid the knife away, trembling all over and glancing +furtively about, like a criminal who fancies that the accuser is already +at hand. + +Should he try to sleep? Oh, no, sleep was not for him; his trouble was +too haunting, too afflicting for that. He must have somebody to mourn +with. He would carry his despair to Roxy. + +He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of thing was not +uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. He went out at the +back door, and turned westward. He passed Wilson's house and proceeded +along the lane, and presently saw several figures approaching Wilson's +place through the vacant lots. These were the duelists returning from the +fight; he thought he recognized them, but as he had no desire for white +people's company, he stooped down behind the fence until they were out of +his way. + +Roxy was feeling fine. She said: + +"Whah was you, child? Warn't you in it?" + +"In what?" + +"In de duel." + +"Duel? Has there been a duel?" + +"Co'se dey has. De ole Jedge has be'n havin' a duel wid one o' dem +twins." + +"Great Scott!" Then he added to himself: "That's what made him remake +the will; he thought he might get killed, and it softened him toward me. +And that's what he and Howard were so busy about. . . . Oh dear, if the +twin had only killed him, I should be out of my--" + +"What is you mumblin' 'bout, Chambers? Whah was you? Didn't you know dey +was gwine to be a duel?" + +"No, I didn't. The old man tried to get me to fight one with Count +Luigi, but he didn't succeed, so I reckon he concluded to patch up the +family honor himself." + +He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a detailed account of +his talk with the judge, and how shocked and ashamed the judge was to +find that he had a coward in his family. He glanced up at last, and got +a shock himself. Roxana's bosom was heaving with suppressed passion, and +she was glowering down upon him with measureless contempt written in her +face. + +"En you refuse' to fight a man dat kicked you, 'stid o' jumpin' at de +chance! En you ain't got no mo' feelin' den to come en tell me, dat +fetched sich a po' lowdown ornery rabbit into de worl'! Pah! it make me +sick! It's de nigger in you, dat's what it is. Thirty-one parts o' you +is white, en on'y one part nigger, en dat po' little one part is yo' +_soul_. 'Tain't wuth savin'; 'tain't wuth totin' out on a shovel en +throwin' en de gutter. You has disgraced yo' birth. What would yo' pa +think o' you? It's enough to make him turn in his grave." + +The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he said to himself +that if his father were only alive and in reach of assassination his +mother would soon find that he had a very clear notion of the size of his +indebtedness to that man, and was willing to pay it up in full, and would +do it too, even at risk of his life; but he kept this thought to himself; +that was safest in his mother's present state. + +"Whatever has come o' yo' Essex blood? Dat's what I can't understan'. +En it ain't on'y jist Essex blood dat's in you, not by a long +sight--'deed it ain't! My great-great-great-gran'father en yo' +great-great-great-great-gran'father was Ole Cap'n John Smith, de highest +blood dat Ole Virginny ever turned out, en _his_ great-great-gran'mother, +or somers along back dah, was Pocahontas de Injun queen, en her husbun' +was a nigger king outen Africa--en yit here you is, a slinkin' outen a +duel en disgracin' our whole line like a ornery lowdown hound! Yes, it's +de nigger in you!" + +She sat down on her candle box and fell into a reverie. Tom did not +disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was not in +circumstances of this kind, Roxana's storm went gradually down, but it +died hard, and even when it seemed to be quite gone, it would now and +then break out in a distant rumble, so to speak, in the form of muttered +ejaculations. One of these was, "Ain't nigger enough in him to show in +his fingernails, en dat takes mighty little--yit dey's enough to pain +his soul." + +Presently she muttered. "Yassir, enough to paint a whole thimbleful of +'em." At last her ramblings ceased altogether, and her countenance began +to clear--a welcome sight to Tom, who had learned her moods, and knew she +was on the threshold of good humor now. He noticed that from time to time +she unconsciously carried her finger to the end of her nose. He looked +closer and said: + +"Why, Mammy, the end of your nose is skinned. How did that come?" + +She sent out the sort of wholehearted peal of laughter which God had +vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy angels in heaven and +the bruised and broken black slave on the earth, and said: + +"Dad fetch dat duel, I be'n in it myself." + +"Gracious! did a bullet do that?" + +"Yassir, you bet it did!" + +"Well, I declare! Why, how did that happen?" + +"Happened dis-away. I 'uz a-sett'n' here kinder dozin' in de dark, en +_che-bang!_ goes a gun, right out dah. I skips along out towards t'other +end o' de house to see what's gwine on, en stops by de ole winder on de +side towards Pudd'nhead Wilson's house dat ain't got no sash in it--but +dey ain't none of 'em got any sashes, for as dat's concerned--en I stood +dah in de dark en look out, en dar in the moonlight, right down under me +'uz one o' de twins a-cussin'--not much, but jist a-cussin' soft--it 'uz +de brown one dat 'uz cussin,' 'ca'se he 'uz hit in de shoulder. En +Doctor Claypool he 'uz a-workin' at him, en Pudd'nhead Wilson he 'uz +a-he'pin', en ole Jedge Driscoll en Pem Howard 'uz a-standin' out yonder +a little piece waitin' for 'em to get ready agin. En treckly dey squared +off en give de word, en _bang-bang_ went de pistols, en de twin he say, +'Ouch!'--hit him on de han' dis time--en I hear dat same bullet go +_spat!_ ag'in de logs under de winder; en de nex' time dey shoot, de twin +say, 'Ouch!' ag'in, en I done it too, 'ca'se de bullet glance' on his +cheekbone en skip up here en glance' on de side o' de winder en whiz +right acrost my face en tuck de hide off'n my nose--why, if I'd 'a' +be'n jist a inch or a inch en a half furder 't would 'a' tuck de whole +nose en disfiggered me. Here's de bullet; I hunted her up." + +"Did you stand there all the time?" + +"Dat's a question to ask, ain't it! What else would I do? Does I git a +chance to see a duel every day?" + +"Why, you were right in range! Weren't you afraid?" + +The woman gave a sniff of scorn. + +"'Fraid! De Smith-Pocahontases ain't 'fraid o' nothin', let alone +bullets." + +"They've got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is judgment. _I_ +wouldn't have stood there." + +"Nobody's accusin' you!" + +"Did anybody else get hurt?" + +"Yes, we all got hit 'cep' de blon' twin en de doctor en de seconds. De +Jedge didn't git hurt, but I hear Pudd'nhead say de bullet snip some o' +his ha'r off." + +"'George!" said Tom to himself, "to come so near being out of my trouble, +and miss it by an inch. Oh dear, dear, he will live to find me out and +sell me to some nigger trader yet--yes, and he would do it in a minute." +Then he said aloud, in a grave tone: + +"Mother, we are in an awful fix." + +Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said: + +"Chile! What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? What's be'n en gone +en happen'?" + +"Well, there's one thing I didn't tell you. When I wouldn't fight, he +tore up the will again, and--" + +Roxana's face turned a dead white, and she said: + +"Now you's _done!_--done forever! Dat's de end. Bofe un us is gwine to +starve to--" + +"Wait and hear me through, can't you! I reckon that when he resolved to +fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and not have a chance to +forgive me any more in this life, so he made the will again, and I've +seen it, and it's all right. But--" + +"Oh, thank goodness, den we's safe ag'in!--safe! en so what did you want +to come here en talk sich dreadful--" + +"Hold ON, I tell you, and let me finish. The swag I gathered won't half +square me up, and the first thing we know, my creditors--well, you know +what'll happen." + +Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone--she must +think this matter out. Presently she said impressively: + +"You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you! En here's what you got to +do. He didn't git killed, en if you gives him de least reason, he'll +bust de will ag'in, en dat's de _las'_ time, now you hear me! So--you's +got to show him what you kin do in de nex' few days. You got to be pison +good, en let him see it; you got to do everything dat'll make him b'lieve +in you, en you got to sweeten aroun' ole Aunt Pratt, too--she's pow'ful +strong with de Jedge, en de bes' frien' you got. Nex', you'll go 'long +away to Sent Louis, en dat'll _keep_ him in yo' favor. Den you go en make +a bargain wid dem people. You tell 'em he ain't gwine to live long--en +dat's de fac', too--en tell 'em you'll pay 'em intrust, en big intrust, +too--ten per--what you call it?" + +"Ten percent a month?" + +"Dat's it. Den you take and sell yo' truck aroun', a little at a time, +en pay de intrust. How long will it las'?" + +"I think there's enough to pay the interest five or six months." "Den +you's all right. If he don't die in six months, dat don't make no +diff'rence--Providence'll provide. You's gwine to be safe--if you +behaves." She bent an austere eye on him and added, "En you IS gwine to +behave--does you know dat?" + +He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway. She did not unbend. She +said gravely: + +"Tryin' ain't de thing. You's gwine to _do_ it. You ain't gwine to +steal a pin--'ca'se it ain't safe no mo'; en you ain't gwine into no bad +comp'ny--not even once, you understand; en you ain't gwine to drink a +drop--nary a single drop; en you ain't gwine to gamble one single +gamble--not one! Dis ain't what you's gwine to try to do, it's what +you's gwine to DO. En I'll tell you how I knows it. Dis is how. I's +gwine to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; en you's gwine to come +to me every day o' your life, en I'll look you over; en if you fails in +one single one o' dem things--jist _one_--I take my oath I'll come +straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you's a nigger en a slave--en +_prove_ it!" She paused to let her words sink home. Then she added, +"Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +Tom was sober enough now. There was no levity in his voice when he +answered: + +"Yes, Mother, I know, now, that I am reformed--and permanently. +Permanently--and beyond the reach of any human temptation." + +"Den g'long home en begin!" + + + + +CHAPTER 15 -- The Robber Robbed + + _Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one + basket"--which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your + money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Put all + your eggs in the one basket and--WATCH THAT BASKET!"_ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +What a time of it Dawson's Landing was having! All its life it had been +asleep, but now it hardly got a chance for a nod, so swiftly did big +events and crashing surprises come along in one another's wake: Friday +morning, first glimpse of Real Nobility, also grand reception at Aunt +Patsy Cooper's, also great robber raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking +of the heir of the chief citizen in presence of four hundred people; +Saturday morning, emergence as practicing lawyer of the long-submerged +Pudd'nhead Wilson; Saturday night, duel between chief citizen and titled +stranger. + +The people took more pride in the duel than in all the other events put +together, perhaps. It was a glory to their town to have such a thing +happen there. In their eyes the principals had reached the summit of +human honor. Everybody paid homage to their names; their praises were in +all mouths. Even the duelists' subordinates came in for a handsome share +of the public approbation: wherefore Pudd'nhead Wilson was suddenly +become a man of consequence. When asked to run for the mayoralty Saturday +night, he was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found him a made man and +his success assured. + +The twins were prodigiously great now; the town took them to its bosom +with enthusiasm. Day after day, and night after night, they went dining +and visiting from house to house, making friends, enlarging and +solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising all with their +musical prodigies, and now and then heightening the effects with samples +of what they could do in other directions, out of their stock of rare and +curious accomplishments. They were so pleased that they gave the +regulation thirty days' notice, the required preparation for citizenship, +and resolved to finish their days in this pleasant place. That was the +climax. The delighted community rose as one man and applauded; and when +the twins were asked to stand for seats in the forthcoming aldermanic +board, and consented, the public contentment was rounded and complete. + +Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, and hurt +all the way down. He hated the one twin for kicking him, and the other +one for being the kicker's brother. + +Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard of the raider, or +of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able to throw +any light on that matter. Nearly a week had drifted by, and still the +thing remained a vexed mystery. + +On Sunday Constable Blake and Pudd'nhead Wilson met on the street, and +Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their conversation for them. He +said to Blake: "You are not looking well, Blake; you seem to be annoyed +about something. Has anything gone wrong in the detective business? I +believe you fairly and justifiably claim to have a pretty good reputation +in that line, isn't it so?"--which made Blake feel good, and look it; +but Tom added, "for a country detective"--which made Blake feel the other +way, and not only look it, but betray it in his voice. + +"Yes, sir, I _have_ got a reputation; and it's as good as anybody's in +the profession, too, country or no country." + +"Oh, I beg pardon; I didn't mean any offense. What I started out to ask +was only about the old woman that raided the town--the stoop-shouldered +old woman, you know, that you said you were going to catch; and I knew +you would, too, because you have the reputation of never boasting, +and--well, you--you've caught the old woman?" + +"Damn the old woman!" + +"Why, sho! you don't mean to say you haven't caught her?" + +"No, I haven't caught her. If anybody could have caught her, I could; +but nobody couldn't, I don't care who he is." + +"I am sorry, real sorry--for your sake; because, when it gets around that +a detective has expressed himself confidently, and then--" + +"Don't you worry, that's all--don't you worry; and as for the town, the +town needn't worry either. She's my meat--make yourself easy about that. +I'm on her track; I've got clues that--" + +"That's good! Now if you could get an old veteran detective down from +St. Louis to help you find out what the clues mean, and where they lead +to, and then--" + +"I'm plenty veteran enough myself, and I don't need anybody's help. I'll +have her inside of a we--inside of a month. That I'll swear to!" + +Tom said carelessly: + +"I suppose that will answer--yes, that will answer. But I reckon she is +pretty old, and old people don't often outlive the cautious pace of the +professional detective when he has got his clues together and is out on +his still-hunt." + +Blake's dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he could set his +retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was saying, with placid +indifference of manner and voice: + +"Who got the reward, Pudd'nhead?" + +Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come. + +"What reward?" + +"Why, the reward for the thief, and the other one for the knife." + +Wilson answered--and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his hesitating +fashion of delivering himself: + +"Well, the--well, in face, nobody has claimed it yet." + +Tom seemed surprised. + +"Why, is that so?" + +Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied: + +"Yes, it's so. And what of it?" + +"Oh, nothing. Only I thought you had struck out a new idea, and invented +a scheme that was going to revolutionize the timeworn and ineffectual +methods of the--" He stopped, and turned to Blake, who was happy now +that another had taken his place on the gridiron. "Blake, didn't you +understand him to intimate that it wouldn't be necessary for you to hunt +the old woman down?" + +"'B'George, he said he'd have thief and swag both inside of three days +--he did, by hokey! and that's just about a week ago. Why, I said at the +time that no thief and no thief's pal was going to try to pawn or sell a +thing where he knowed the pawnbroker could get both rewards by taking HIM +into camp _with_ the swag. It was the blessedest idea that ever I +struck!" + +"You'd change your mind," said Wilson, with irritated bluntness, "if you +knew the entire scheme instead of only part of it." + +"Well," said the constable, pensively, "I had the idea that it wouldn't +work, and up to now I'm right anyway." + +"Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a further show. It +has worked at least as well as your own methods, you perceive." + +The constable hadn't anything handy to hit back with, so he discharged a +discontented sniff, and said nothing. + +After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme at his house, +Tom had tried for several days to guess out the secret of the rest of it, +but had failed. Then it occurred to him to give Roxana's smarter head a +chance at it. He made up a supposititious case, and laid it before +her. She thought it over, and delivered her verdict upon it. Tom said +to himself, "She's hit it, sure!" He thought he would test that verdict +now, and watch Wilson's face; so he said reflectively: + +"Wilson, you're not a fool--a fact of recent discovery. Whatever your +scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake's opinion to the contrary +notwithstanding. I don't ask you to reveal it, but I will suppose a +case--a case which you will answer as a starting point for the real thing +I am going to come at, and that's all I want. You offered five hundred +dollars for the knife, and five hundred for the thief. We will suppose, +for argument's sake, that the first reward is _advertised_ and the second +offered by _private letter_ to pawnbrokers and--" + +Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out: + +"By Jackson, he's got you, Pudd'nhead! Now why couldn't I or _any_ fool +have thought of that?" + +Wilson said to himself, "Anybody with a reasonably good head would have +thought of it. I am not surprised that Blake didn't detect it; I am only +surprised that Tom did. There is more to him than I supposed." He said +nothing aloud, and Tom went on: + +"Very well. The thief would not suspect that there was a trap, and he +would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, or found +it in the road, or something like that, and try to collect the reward, +and be arrested--wouldn't he?" + +"Yes," said Wilson. + +"I think so," said Tom. "There can't be any doubt of it. Have you ever +seen that knife?" + +"No." + +"Has any friend of yours?" + +"Not that I know of." + +"Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme failed." + +"What do you mean, Tom? What are you driving at?" asked Wilson, with a +dawning sense of discomfort. + +"Why, that there _isn't_ any such knife." + +"Look here, Wilson," said Blake, "Tom Driscoll's right, for a thousand +dollars--if I had it." + +Wilson's blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had been played +upon by those strangers; it certainly had something of that look. But +what could they gain by it? He threw out that suggestion. Tom replied: + +"Gain? Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe. But they are strangers +making their way in a new community. Is it nothing to them to appear as +pets of an Oriental prince--at no expense? Is it nothing to them to be +able to dazzle this poor town with thousand-dollar rewards--at no +expense? Wilson, there isn't any such knife, or your scheme would have +fetched it to light. Or if there is any such knife, they've got it yet. +I believe, myself, that they've seen such a knife, for Angelo pictured it +out with his pencil too swiftly and handily for him to have been +inventing it, and of course I can't swear that they've never had it; but +this I'll go bail for--if they had it when they came to this town, +they've got it yet." + +Blake said: + +"It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it most certainly +does." + +Tom responded, turning to leave: + +"You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can't furnish the knife, go +and search the twins!" + +Tom sauntered away. Wilson felt a good deal depressed. He hardly knew +what to think. He was loath to withdraw his faith from the twins, and +was resolved not to do it on the present indecisive evidence; but--well, +he would think, and then decide how to act. + +"Blake, what do you think of this matter?" + +"Well, Pudd'nhead, I'm bound to say I put it up the way Tom does. They +hadn't the knife; or if they had it, they've got it yet." + +The men parted. Wilson said to himself: + +"I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the scheme would have +restored it, that is certain. And so I believe they've got it." + +Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those two men. When he +began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them a little and get a trifle +of malicious entertainment out of it. But when he left, he left in great +spirits, for he perceived that just by pure luck and no troublesome labor +he had accomplished several delightful things: he had touched both men +on a raw spot and seen them squirm; he had modified Wilson's sweetness +for the twins with one small bitter taste that he wouldn't be able to get +out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, he had taken the hated +twins down a peg with the community; for Blake would gossip around +freely, after the manner of detectives, and within a week the town would +be laughing at them in its sleeve for offering a gaudy reward for a +bauble which they either never possessed or hadn't lost. Tom was very +well satisfied with himself. + +Tom's behavior at home had been perfect during the entire week. His uncle +and aunt had seen nothing like it before. They could find no fault with +him anywhere. + +Saturday evening he said to the Judge: + +"I've had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I am going away, +and might never see you again, I can't bear it any longer. I made you +believe I was afraid to fight that Italian adventurer. I had to get out +of it on some pretext or other, and maybe I chose badly, being taken +unawares, but no honorable person could consent to meet him in the field, +knowing what I knew about him." + +"Indeed? What was that?" + +"Count Luigi is a confessed assassin." + +"Incredible." + +"It's perfectly true. Wilson detected it in his hand, by palmistry, and +charged him with it, and cornered him up so close that he had to confess; +but both twins begged us on their knees to keep the secret, and swore +they would lead straight lives here; and it was all so pitiful that we +gave our word of honor never to expose them while they kept the promise. +You would have done it yourself, uncle." + +"You are right, my boy; I would. A man's secret is still his own +property, and sacred, when it has been surprised out of him like that. +You did well, and I am proud of you." Then he added mournfully, "But I +wish I could have been saved the shame of meeting an assassin on the +field of honor." + +"It couldn't be helped, uncle. If I had known you were going to +challenge him, I should have felt obliged to sacrifice my pledged word in +order to stop it, but Wilson couldn't be expected to do otherwise than +keep silent." + +"Oh, no, Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. Tom, Tom, you have +lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung to the very soul when I +seemed to have discovered that I had a coward in my family." + +"You may imagine what it cost ME to assume such a part, uncle." + +"Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it. And I can understand how much it +has cost you to remain under that unjust stigma to this time. But it is +all right now, and no harm is done. You have restored my comfort of +mind, and with it your own; and both of us had suffered enough." + +The old man sat awhile plunged in thought; then he looked up with a +satisfied light in his eye, and said: "That this assassin should have +put the affront upon me of letting me meet him on the field of honor as +if he were a gentleman is a matter which I will presently settle--but not +now. I will not shoot him until after election. I see a way to ruin them +both before; I will attend to that first. Neither of them shall be +elected, that I promise. You are sure that the fact that he is an +assassin has not got abroad?" + +"Perfectly certain of it, sir." + +"It will be a good card. I will fling a hint at it from the stump on the +polling day. It will sweep the ground from under both of them." + +"There's not a doubt of it. It will finish them." + +"That and outside work among the voters will, to a certainty. I want you +to come down here by and by and work privately among the rag-tag and +bobtail. You shall spend money among them; I will furnish it." + +Another point scored against the detested twins! Really it was a great +day for Tom. He was encouraged to chance a parting shot, now, at the +same target, and did it. + +"You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins have been making +such a to-do about? Well, there's no track or trace of it yet; so the +town is beginning to sneer and gossip and laugh. Half the people believe +they never had any such knife, the other half believe they had it and +have got it still. I've heard twenty people talking like that today." + +Yes, Tom's blemishless week had restored him to the favor of his aunt and +uncle. + +His mother was satisfied with him, too. Privately, she believed she was +coming to love him, but she did not say so. She told him to go along to +St. Louis now, and she would get ready and follow. Then she smashed her +whisky bottle and said: + +"Dah now! I's a-gwine to make you walk as straight as a string, +Chambers, en so I's bown, you ain't gwine to git no bad example out o' +yo' mammy. I tole you you couldn't go into no bad comp'ny. Well, you's +gwine into my comp'ny, en I's gwine to fill de bill. Now, den, trot +along, trot along!" + +Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that night with his heavy +satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept the sleep of the unjust, +which is serener and sounder than the other kind, as we know by the +hanging-eve history of a million rascals. But when he got up in the +morning, luck was against him again: a brother thief had robbed him while +he slept, and gone ashore at some intermediate landing. + + + + +CHAPTER 16 -- Sold Down the River + + _If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he + will not bite you. This is the principal difference between + a dog and a man._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _We all know about the habits of the ant, we know all about + the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the + habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have + been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +When Roxana arrived, she found her son in such despair and misery that +her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up strong in her. He was +ruined past hope now; his destruction would be immediate and sure, and he +would be an outcast and friendless. That was reason enough for a mother +to love a child; so she loved him, and told him so. It made him wince, +secretly--for she was a "nigger." That he was one himself was far from +reconciling him to that despised race. + +Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he responded +uncomfortably, but as well as he could. And she tried to comfort him, but +that was not possible. These intimacies quickly became horrible to him, +and within the hour he began to try to get up courage enough to tell her +so, and require that they be discontinued or very considerably modified. +But he was afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull now, for she had +begun to think. She was trying to invent a saving plan. Finally she +started up, and said she had found a way out. Tom was almost suffocated +by the joy of this sudden good news. Roxana said: + +"Here is de plan, en she'll win, sure. I's a nigger, en nobody ain't +gwine to doubt it dat hears me talk. I's wuth six hund'd dollahs. Take +en sell me, en pay off dese gamblers." + +Tom was dazed. He was not sure he had heard aright. He was dumb for a +moment; then he said: + +"Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save me?" + +"Ain't you my chile? En does you know anything dat a mother won't do for +her chile? Day ain't nothin' a white mother won't do for her chile. Who +made 'em so? De Lord done it. En who made de niggers? De Lord made 'em. +In de inside, mothers is all de same. De good lord he made 'em so. I's +gwine to be sole into slavery, en in a year you's gwine to buy yo' ole +mammy free ag'in. I'll show you how. Dat's de plan." + +Tom's hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with them. He said: + +"It's lovely of you, Mammy--it's just--" + +"Say it ag'in! En keep on sayin' it! It's all de pay a body kin want in +dis worl', en it's mo' den enough. Laws bless you, honey, when I's slav' +aroun', en dey 'buses me, if I knows you's a-sayin' dat, 'way off yonder +somers, it'll heal up all de sore places, en I kin stan' 'em." + +"I DO say it again, Mammy, and I'll keep on saying it, too. But how am I +going to sell you? You're free, you know." + +"Much diff'rence dat make! White folks ain't partic'lar. De law kin sell +me now if dey tell me to leave de state in six months en I don't go. You +draw up a paper--bill o' sale--en put it 'way off yonder, down in de +middle o' Kaintuck somers, en sign some names to it, en say you'll sell +me cheap 'ca'se you's hard up; you'll find you ain't gwine to have no +trouble. You take me up de country a piece, en sell me on a farm; dem +people ain't gwine to ask no questions if I's a bargain." + +Tom forged a bill of sale and sold his mother to an Arkansas cotton +planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. He did not want to commit +this treachery, but luck threw the man in his way, and this saved him the +necessity of going up-country to hunt up a purchaser, with the added risk +of having to answer a lot of questions, whereas this planter was so +pleased with Roxy that he asked next to none at all. Besides, the +planter insisted that Roxy wouldn't know where she was, at first, and +that by the time she found out she would already have been contented. + +So Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantaged for Roxy to +have a master who was pleased with her, as this planter manifestly was. +In almost no time his flowing reasonings carried him to the point of even +half believing he was doing Roxy a splendid surreptitious service in +selling her "down the river." And then he kept diligently saying to +himself all the time: "It's for only a year. In a year I buy her free +again; she'll keep that in mind, and it'll reconcile her." Yes; the +little deception could do no harm, and everything would come out right +and pleasant in the end, anyway. By agreement, the conversation in +Roxy's presence was all about the man's "up-country" farm, and how +pleasant a place it was, and how happy the slaves were there; so poor +Roxy was entirely deceived; and easily, for she was not dreaming that her +own son could be guilty of treason to a mother who, in voluntarily going +into slavery--slavery of any kind, mild or severe, or of any duration, +brief or long--was making a sacrifice for him compared with which death +would have been a poor and commonplace one. She lavished tears and +loving caresses upon him privately, and then went away with her owner +--went away brokenhearted, and yet proud to do it. + +Tom scored his accounts, and resolved to keep to the very letter of his +reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy again. He had three +hundred dollars left. According to his mother's plan, he was to put that +safely away, and add her half of his pension to it monthly. In one year +this fund would buy her free again. + +For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much the villainy +which he had played upon his trusting mother preyed upon his rag of +conscience; but after that he began to get comfortable again, and was +presently able to sleep like any other miscreant. + +The boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the afternoon, and she +stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle box and watched Tom through a +blur of tears until he melted into the throng of people and disappeared; +then she looked no more, but sat there on a coil of cable crying till far +into the night. When she went to her foul steerage bunk at last, between +the clashing engines, it was not to sleep, but only to wait for the +morning, and, waiting, grieve. + +It had been imagined that she "would not know," and would think she was +traveling upstream. She! Why, she had been steamboating for years. At +dawn she got up and went listlessly and sat down on the cable coil again. +She passed many a snag whose "break" could have told her a thing to break +her heart, for it showed a current moving in the same direction that the +boat was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did not notice. +But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break than usual brought her +out of her torpor, and she looked up, and her practiced eye fell upon +that telltale rush of water. For one moment her petrified gaze fixed +itself there. Then her head dropped upon her breast, and she said: + +"Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po' sinful me--I'S SOLE DOWN DE +RIVER!" + + + + +CHAPTER 17 -- The Judge Utters Dire Prophesy + + _Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, + you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and + by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _JULY 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day + than in all the other days of the year put together. This + proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July + per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The summer weeks dragged by, and then the political campaign opened +--opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed hotter and hotter daily. The +twins threw themselves into it with their whole heart, for their +self-love was engaged. Their popularity, so general at first, had +suffered afterward; mainly because they had been TOO popular, and so a +natural reaction had followed. Besides, it had been diligently whispered +around that it was curious--indeed, VERY curious--that that wonderful +knife of theirs did not turn up--IF it was so valuable, or IF it had ever +existed. And with the whisperings went chucklings and nudgings and winks, +and such things have an effect. The twins considered that success in the +election would reinstate them, and that defeat would work them +irreparable damage. Therefore they worked hard, but not harder than +Judge Driscoll and Tom worked against them in the closing days of the +canvass. Tom's conduct had remained so letter-perfect during two whole +months now, that his uncle not only trusted him with money with which to +persuade voters, but trusted him to go and get it himself out of the safe +in the private sitting room. + +The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge Driscoll, and he +made it against both of the foreigners. It was disastrously effective. +He poured out rivers of ridicule upon them, and forced the big mass +meeting to laugh and applaud. He scoffed at them as adventurers, +mountebanks, sideshow riffraff, dime museum freaks; he assailed their +showy titles with measureless derision; he said they were back-alley +barbers disguised as nobilities, peanut peddlers masquerading as +gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft of their brother monkey. At last he +stopped and stood still. He waited until the place had become absolutely +silent and expectant, then he delivered his deadliest shot; delivered it +with ice-cold seriousness and deliberation, with a significant emphasis +upon the closing words: he said he believed that the reward offered for +the lost knife was humbug and bunkum, and that its owner would know where +to find it whenever he should have occasion TO ASSASSINATE SOMEBODY. + +Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and impressive hush +behind him instead of the customary explosion of cheers and party cries. + +The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and made an +extraordinary sensation. Everybody was asking, "What could he mean by +that?" And everybody went on asking that question, but in vain; for the +judge only said he knew what he was talking about, and stopped there; Tom +said he hadn't any idea what his uncle meant, and Wilson, whenever he was +asked what he thought it meant, parried the question by asking the +questioner what HE thought it meant. + +Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated--crushed, in fact, and left +forlorn and substantially friendless. Tom went back to St. Louis happy. + +Dawson's Landing had a week of repose now, and it needed it. But it was +in an expectant state, for the air was full of rumors of a new duel. +Judge Driscoll's election labors had prostrated him, but it was said that +as soon as he was well enough to entertain a challenge he would get one +from Count Luigi. + +The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed their humiliation +in privacy. They avoided the people, and went out for exercise only late +at night, when the streets were deserted. + + + + +CHAPTER 18 -- Roxana Commands + + _Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of + the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth + staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone + by._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _THANKSGIVING DAY. Let us all give humble, hearty, and + sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji + they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not + become you and me to sneer at Fiji._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + +The Friday after the election was a rainy one in St. Louis. It rained +all day long, and rained hard, apparently trying its best to wash that +soot-blackened town white, but of course not succeeding. Toward midnight +Tom Driscoll arrived at his lodgings from the theater in the heavy +downpour, and closed his umbrella and let himself in; but when he would +have shut the door, he found that there was another person +entering--doubtless another lodger; this person closed the door and +tramped upstairs behind Tom. Tom found his door in the dark, and entered +it, and turned up the gas. When he faced about, lightly whistling, he +saw the back of a man. The man was closing and locking his door from +him. His whistle faded out and he felt uneasy. The man turned around, a +wreck of shabby old clothes, sodden with rain and all a-drip, and showed +a black face under an old slouch hat. Tom was frightened. He tried to +order the man out, but the words refused to come, and the other man got +the start. He said, in a low voice: + +"Keep still--I's yo' mother!" + +Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out: + +"It was mean of me, and base--I know it; but I meant it for the best, I +did indeed--I can swear it." + +Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he writhed in shame +and went on incoherently babbling self-accusations mixed with pitiful +attempts at explanation and palliation of his crime; then she seated +herself and took off her hat, and her unkept masses of long brown hair +tumbled down about her shoulders. + +"It warn't no fault o' yo'n dat dat ain't gray," she said sadly, noticing +the hair. + +"I know it, I know it! I'm a scoundrel. But I swear I meant it for the +best. It was a mistake, of course, but I thought it was for the best, I +truly did." + +Roxana began to cry softly, and presently words began to find their way +out between her sobs. They were uttered lamentingly, rather than +angrily. + +"Sell a pusson down de river--DOWN DE RIVER!--for de bes'! I wouldn't +treat a dog so! I is all broke down en wore out now, en so I reckon +it ain't in me to storm aroun' no mo', like I used to when I 'uz trompled +on en 'bused. I don't know--but maybe it's so. Leastways, I's suffered +so much dat mournin' seem to come mo' handy to me now den stormin'." + +These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if they did, that +effect was obliterated by a stronger one--one which removed the heavy +weight of fear which lay upon him, and gave his crushed spirit a most +grateful rebound, and filled all his small soul with a deep sense of +relief. But he kept prudently still, and ventured no comment. There was +a voiceless interval of some duration now, in which no sounds were heard +but the beating of the rain upon the panes, the sighing and complaining +of the winds, and now and then a muffled sob from Roxana. The sobs became +more and more infrequent, and at last ceased. Then the refugee began to +talk again. + +"Shet down dat light a little. More. More yit. A pusson dat is hunted +don't like de light. Dah--dat'll do. I kin see whah you is, en dat's +enough. I's gwine to tell you de tale, en cut it jes as short as I kin, +en den I'll tell you what you's got to do. Dat man dat bought me ain't a +bad man; he's good enough, as planters goes; en if he could 'a' had his +way I'd 'a' be'n a house servant in his fambly en be'n comfortable: but +his wife she was a Yank, en not right down good lookin', en she riz up +agin me straight off; so den dey sent me out to de quarter 'mongst de +common fiel' han's. Dat woman warn't satisfied even wid dat, but she +worked up de overseer ag'in' me, she 'uz dat jealous en hateful; so de +overseer he had me out befo' day in de mawnin's en worked me de whole +long day as long as dey'uz any light to see by; en many's de lashin's I +got 'ca'se I couldn't come up to de work o' de stronges'. Dat overseer +wuz a Yank too, outen New Englan', en anybody down South kin tell you +what dat mean. DEY knows how to work a nigger to death, en dey knows how +to whale 'em too--whale 'em till dey backs is welted like a washboard. +'Long at fust my marster say de good word for me to de overseer, but dat +'uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it out, en arter dat I jist +ketched it at every turn--dey warn't no mercy for me no mo'." + +Tom's heart was fired--with fury against the planter's wife; and he said +to himself, "But for that meddlesome fool, everything would have gone all +right." He added a deep and bitter curse against her. + +The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in his face, and +stood thus revealed to Roxana by a white glare of lightning which turned +the somber dusk of the room into dazzling day at that moment. She was +pleased--pleased and grateful; for did not that expression show that her +child was capable of grieving for his mother's wrongs and of feeling +resentment toward her persecutors?--a thing which she had been doubting. +But her flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out again and left +her spirit dark; for she said to herself, "He sole me down de river--he +can't feel for a body long; dis'll pass en go." Then she took up her tale +again. + +"'Bout ten days ago I 'uz sayin' to myself dat I couldn't las' many mo' +weeks I 'uz so wore out wid de awful work en de lashin's, en so +downhearted en misable. En I didn't care no mo', nuther--life warn't +wuth noth'n' to me, if I got to go on like dat. Well, when a body is in +a frame o' mine like dat, what do a body care what a body do? Dey was a +little sickly nigger wench 'bout ten year ole dat 'uz good to me, en +hadn't no mammy, po' thing, en I loved her en she loved me; en she come +out whah I 'uz workin' en she had a roasted tater, en tried to slip it to +me--robbin' herself, you see, 'ca'se she knowed de overseer didn't give +me enough to eat--en he ketched her at it, en giver her a lick acrost de +back wid his stick, which 'uz as thick as a broom handle, en she drop' +screamin' on de groun', en squirmin' en wallerin' aroun' in de dust like +a spider dat's got crippled. I couldn't stan' it. All de hellfire dat +'uz ever in my heart flame' up, en I snatch de stick outen his han' en +laid him flat. He laid dah moanin' en cussin', en all out of his head, +you know, en de niggers 'uz plumb sk'yred to death. Dey gathered roun' +him to he'p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took out for de river as +tight as I could go. I knowed what dey would do wid me. Soon as he got +well he would start in en work me to death if marster let him; en if dey +didn't do dat, they'd sell me furder down de river, en dat's de same +thing, so I 'lowed to drown myself en git out o' my troubles. It 'uz +gitt'n' towards dark. I 'uz at de river in two minutes. Den I see a +canoe, en I says dey ain't no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I +ties de hoss in de edge o' de timber en shove out down de river, keepin' +in under de shelter o' de bluff bank en prayin' for de dark to shet down +quick. I had a pow'ful good start, 'ca'se de big house 'uz three mile +back f'om de river en on'y de work mules to ride dah on, en on'y niggers +ride 'em, en DEY warn't gwine to hurry--dey'd gimme all de chance dey +could. Befo' a body could go to de house en back it would be long pas' +dark, en dey couldn't track de hoss en fine out which way I went tell +mawnin', en de niggers would tell 'em all de lies dey could 'bout it. + +"Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin' down de river. I paddled +mo'n two hours, den I warn't worried no mo', so I quit paddlin' en +floated down de current, considerin' what I 'uz gwine to do if I didn't +have to drown myself. I made up some plans, en floated along, turnin' +'em over in my mine. Well, when it 'uz a little pas' midnight, as I +reckoned, en I had come fifteen or twenty mile, I see de lights o' a +steamboat layin' at de bank, whah dey warn't no town en no woodyard, en +putty soon I ketched de shape o' de chimbly tops ag'in' de stars, en den +good gracious me, I 'most jumped out o' my skin for joy! It 'uz de GRAN' +MOGUL--I 'uz chambermaid on her for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en +Orleans trade. I slid 'long pas'--don't see nobody stirrin' nowhah--hear +'em a-hammerin' away in de engine room, den I knowed what de matter +was--some o' de machinery's broke. I got asho' below de boat and turn' +de canoe loose, den I goes 'long up, en dey 'uz jes one plank out, en I +step' 'board de boat. It 'uz pow'ful hot, deckhan's en roustabouts 'uz +sprawled aroun' asleep on de fo'cas'l', de second mate, Jim Bangs, he sot +dah on de bitts wid his head down, asleep--'ca'se dat's de way de second +mate stan' de cap'n's watch!--en de ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he 'uz +a-noddin' on de companionway;--en I knowed 'em all; en, lan', but dey did +look good! I says to myself, I wished old marster'd come along NOW en +try to take me--bless yo' heart, I's 'mong frien's, I is. So I tromped +right along 'mongst 'em, en went up on de b'iler deck en 'way back aft to +de ladies' cabin guard, en sot down dah in de same cheer dat I'd sot in +'mos' a hund'd million times, I reckon; en it 'uz jist home ag'in, I tell +you! + +"In 'bout an hour I heard de ready bell jingle, en den de racket begin. +Putty soon I hear de gong strike. 'Set her back on de outside,' I says +to myself. 'I reckon I knows dat music!' I hear de gong ag'in. 'Come +ahead on de inside,' I says. Gong ag'in. 'Stop de outside.' gong ag'in. +'Come ahead on de outside--now we's pinted for Sent Louis, en I's outer +de woods en ain't got to drown myself at all.' I knowed de MOGUL 'uz in +de Sent Louis trade now, you see. It 'uz jes fair daylight when we +passed our plantation, en I seed a gang o' niggers en white folks huntin' +up en down de sho', en troublin' deyselves a good deal 'bout me; but I +warn't troublin' myself none 'bout dem. + +"'Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second chambermaid en +'uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, en 'uz pow'ful glad +to see me, en so 'uz all de officers; en I tole 'em I'd got kidnapped en +sole down de river, en dey made me up twenty dollahs en give it to me, en +Sally she rigged me out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went +straight to whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say +you's away but 'spected back every day; so I didn't dast to go down de +river to Dawson's, 'ca'se I might miss you. + +"Well, las' Monday I 'uz pass'n by one o' dem places in fourth street +whah deh sticks up runaway nigger bills, en he'ps to ketch 'em, en I seed +my marster! I 'mos' flopped down on de groun', I felt so gone. He had +his back to me, en 'uz talkin' to de man en givin' him some bills--nigger +bills, I reckon, en I's de nigger. He's offerin' a reward--dat's it. +Ain't I right, don't you reckon?" + +Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly terror, and he +said to himself, now: "I'm lost, no matter what turn things take! This +man has said to me that he thinks there was something suspicious about +that sale; he said he had a letter from a passenger on the GRAND MOGUL +saying that Roxy came here on that boat and that everybody on board knew +all about the case; so he says that her coming here instead of flying to +a free state looks bad for me, and that if I don't find her for him, and +that pretty soon, he will make trouble for me. I never believed that +story; I couldn't believe she would be so dead to all motherly instincts +as to come here, knowing the risk she would run of getting me into +irremediable trouble. And after all, here she is! And I stupidly swore +I would help find her, thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to promise. +If I venture to deliver her up, she--she--but how can I help myself? +I've got to do that or pay the money, and where's the money to come from? +I--I--well, I should think that if he would swear to treat her kindly +hereafter--and she says, herself, that he is a good man--and if he would +swear to never allow her to be overworked, or ill fed, or--" + +A flash of lightning exposed Tom's pallid face, drawn and rigid with +these worrying thoughts. Roxana spoke up sharply now, and there was +apprehension in her voice. + +"Turn up dat light! I want to see yo' face better. Dah now--lemme look +at you. Chambers, you's as white as yo' shirt! Has you see dat man? Has +he be'n to see you?" + +"Ye-s." + +"When?" + +"Monday noon." + +"Monday noon! Was he on my track?" + +"He--well, he thought he was. That is, he hoped he was. This is the bill +you saw." He took it out of his pocket. + +"Read it to me!" + +She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky glow in her eyes +that Tom could not translate with certainty, but there seemed to be +something threatening about it. The handbill had the usual rude woodcut +of a turbaned Negro woman running, with the customary bundle on a stick +over her shoulder, and the heading in bold type, "$100 REWARD." Tom read +the bill aloud--at least the part that described Roxana and named the +master and his St. Louis address and the address of the Fourth street +agency; but he left out the item that applicants for the reward might +also apply to Mr. Thomas Driscoll. + +"Gimme de bill!" + +Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket. He felt a chilly +streak creeping down his back, but said as carelessly as he could: + +"The bill? Why, it isn't any use to you, you can't read it. What do you +want with it?" + +"Gimme de bill!" Tom gave it to her, but with a reluctance which he +could not entirely disguise. "Did you read it ALL to me?" + +"Certainly I did." + +"Hole up yo' han' en swah to it." + +Tom did it. Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, with her +eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while; then she said: + +"Yo's lyin'!" + +"What would I want to lie about it for?" + +"I don't know--but you is. Dat's my opinion, anyways. But nemmine 'bout +dat. When I seed dat man I 'uz dat sk'yerd dat I could sca'cely wobble +home. Den I give a nigger man a dollar for dese clo'es, en I ain't be'in +in a house sence, night ner day, till now. I blacked my face en laid hid +in de cellar of a ole house dat's burnt down, daytimes, en robbed de +sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de wharf, nights, to git somethin' to +eat, en never dast to try to buy noth'n', en I's 'mos' starved. En I +never dast to come near dis place till dis rainy night, when dey ain't no +people roun' sca'cely. But tonight I be'n a-stanin' in de dark alley +ever sence night come, waitin' for you to go by. En here I is." + +She fell to thinking. Presently she said: + +"You seed dat man at noon, las' Monday?" + +"Yes." + +"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon. He hunted you up, didn't he?" + +"Yes." + +"Did he give you de bill dat time?" + +"No, he hadn't got it printed yet." + +Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. + +"Did you he'p him fix up de bill?" + +Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried to rectify +it by saying he remembered now that it WAS at noon Monday that the man +gave him the bill. Roxana said: + +"You's lyin' ag'in, sho." Then she straightened up and raised her +finger: + +"Now den! I's gwine to ask you a question, en I wants to know how you's +gwine to git aroun' it. You knowed he 'uz arter me; en if you run off, +'stid o' stayin' here to he'p him, he'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong +'bout dis business, en den he would inquire 'bout you, en dat would take +him to yo' uncle, en yo' uncle would read de bill en see dat you be'n +sellin' a free nigger down de river, en you know HIM, I reckon! He'd +t'ar up de will en kick you outen de house. Now, den, you answer me dis +question: hain't you tole dat man dat I would be sho' to come here, en +den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch me?" + +Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any +longer--he was in a vise, with the screw turned on, and out of it there +was no budging. His face began to take on an ugly look, and presently he +said, with a snarl: + +"Well, what could I do? You see, yourself, that I was in his grip and +couldn't get out." + +Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she said: + +"What could you do? You could be Judas to yo' own mother to save yo' +wuthless hide! Would anybody b'lieve it? No--a dog couldn't! You is de +lowdownest orneriest hound dat was ever pup'd into dis worl'--en I's +'sponsible for it!"--and she spat on him. + +He made no effort to resent this. Roxy reflected a moment, then she +said: + +"Now I'll tell you what you's gwine to do. You's gwine to give dat man +de money dat you's got laid up, en make him wait till you kin go to de +judge en git de res' en buy me free agin." + +"Thunder! What are you thinking of? Go and ask him for three hundred +dollars and odd? What would I tell him I want it for, pray?" + +Roxy's answer was delivered in a serene and level voice. + +"You'll tell him you's sole me to pay yo' gamblin' debts en dat you lied +to me en was a villain, en dat I 'quires you to git dat money en buy me +back ag'in." + +"Why, you've gone stark mad! He would tear the will to shreds in a +minute--don't you know that?" + +"Yes, I does." + +"Then you don't believe I'm idiot enough to go to him, do you?" + +"I don't b'lieve nothin' 'bout it--I KNOWS you's a-goin'. I knows it +'ca'se you knows dat if you don't raise dat money I'll go to him myself, +en den he'll sell YOU down de river, en you kin see how you like it!" + +Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil light in his eye. +He strode to the door and said he must get out of this suffocating place +for a moment and clear his brain in the fresh air so that he could +determine what to do. The door wouldn't open. Roxy smiled grimly, and +said: + +"I's got the key, honey--set down. You needn't cle'r up yo' brain none +to fine out what you gwine to do--_I_ knows what you's gwine to do." Tom +sat down and began to pass his hands through his hair with a helpless and +desperate air. Roxy said, "Is dat man in dis house?" + +Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked: + +"What gave you such an idea?" + +"You done it. Gwine out to cle'r yo' brain! In de fust place you ain't +got none to cle'r, en in de second place yo' ornery eye tole on you. +You's de lowdownest hound dat ever--but I done told you dat befo'. Now +den, dis is Friday. You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you's +gwine away to git de res' o' de money, en dat you'll be back wid it nex' +Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. You understan'?" + +Tom answered sullenly: "Yes." + +"En when you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells me to my own self, take +en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd'nhead Wilson, en write on de back dat +he's to keep it tell I come. You understan'?" + +"Yes." + +"Dat's all den. Take yo' umbreller, en put on yo' hat." + +"Why?" + +"Beca'se you's gwine to see me home to de wharf. You see dis knife? I's +toted it aroun' sence de day I seed dat man en bought dese clo'es en it. +If he ketch me, I's gwine to kill myself wid it. Now start along, en go +sof', en lead de way; en if you gives a sign in dis house, or if anybody +comes up to you in de street, I's gwine to jam it right into you. +Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"It's no use to bother me with that question. I know your word's good." + +"Yes, it's diff'rent from yo'n! Shet de light out en move along--here's +de key." + +They were not followed. Tom trembled every time a late straggler brushed +by them on the street, and half expected to feel the cold steel in his +back. Roxy was right at his heels and always in reach. After tramping a +mile they reached a wide vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this +dark and rainy desert they parted. + +As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts and wild plans; +but at last he said to himself, wearily: + +"There is but the one way out. I must follow her plan. But with a +variation--I will not ask for the money and ruin myself; I will ROB the +old skinflint." + + + + +CHAPTER 19 -- The Prophesy Realized + + _Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of + a good example._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _It were not best that we should all think alike; it is + difference of opinion that makes horse races._ --Pudd'nhead + Wilson's Calendar + + +Dawson's Landing was comfortably finishing its season of dull repose and +waiting patiently for the duel. Count Luigi was waiting, too; but not +patiently, rumor said. Sunday came, and Luigi insisted on having his +challenge conveyed. Wilson carried it. Judge Driscoll declined to fight +with an assassin--"that is," he added significantly, "in the field of +honor." + +Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready. Wilson tried to convince him +that if he had been present himself when Angelo told him about the +homicide committed by Luigi, he would not have considered the act +discreditable to Luigi; but the obstinate old man was not to be moved. + +Wilson went back to his principal and reported the failure of his +mission. Luigi was incensed, and asked how it could be that the old +gentleman, who was by no means dull-witted, held his trifling nephew's +evidence in inferences to be of more value than Wilson's. But Wilson +laughed, and said: + +"That is quite simple; that is easily explicable. I am not his doll--his +baby--his infatuation: his nature is. The judge and his late wife never +had any children. The judge and his wife were past middle age when this +treasure fell into their lap. One must make allowances for a parental +instinct that has been starving for twenty-five or thirty years. It is +famished, it is crazed with hunger by that time, and will be entirely +satisfied with anything that comes handy; its taste is atrophied, it +can't tell mud cat from shad. A devil born to a young couple is +measurably recognizable by them as a devil before long, but a devil +adopted by an old couple is an angel to them, and remains so, through +thick and thin. Tom is this old man's angel; he is infatuated with him. +Tom can persuade him into things which other people can't--not all +things; I don't mean that, but a good many--particularly one class of +things: the things that create or abolish personal partialities or +prejudices in the old man's mind. The old man liked both of you. Tom +conceived a hatred for you. That was enough; it turned the old man +around at once. The oldest and strongest friendship must go to the ground +when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at it." + +"It's a curious philosophy," said Luigi. + +"It ain't philosophy at all--it's a fact. And there is something +pathetic and beautiful about it, too. I think there is nothing more +pathetic than to see one of these poor old childless couples taking a +menagerie of yelping little worthless dogs to their hearts; and then +adding some cursing and squawking parrots and a jackass-voiced macaw; and +next a couple of hundred screeching songbirds, and presently some fetid +guinea pigs and rabbits, and a howling colony of cats. It is all a +groping and ignorant effort to construct out of base metal and brass +filings, so to speak, something to take the place of that golden treasure +denied them by Nature, a child. But this is a digression. The unwritten +law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll on sight, and he +and the community will expect that attention at your hands--though of +course your own death by his bullet will answer every purpose. Look out +for him! Are you healed--that is, fixed?" + +"Yes, he shall have his opportunity. If he attacks me, I will respond." + +As Wilson was leaving, he said: + +"The judge is still a little used up by his campaign work, and will not +get out for a day or so; but when he does get out, you want to be on the +alert." + +About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, and started on a +long stroll in the veiled moonlight. + +Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett's Store, two miles below Dawson's, +just about half an hour earlier, the only passenger for that lonely spot, +and had walked up the shore road and entered Judge Driscoll's house +without having encountered anyone either on the road or under the roof. + +He pulled down his window blinds and lighted his candle. He laid off his +coat and hat and began his preparations. He unlocked his trunk and got +his suit of girl's clothes out from under the male attire in it, and laid +it by. Then he blacked his face with burnt cork and put the cork in his +pocket. His plan was to slip down to his uncle's private sitting room +below, pass into the bedroom, steal the safe key from the old gentleman's +clothes, and then go back and rob the safe. He took up his candle to +start. His courage and confidence were high, up to this point, but both +began to waver a little now. Suppose he should make a noise, by some +accident, and get caught--say, in the act of opening the safe? Perhaps +it would be well to go armed. He took the Indian knife from its hiding +place, and felt a pleasant return of his wandering courage. He slipped +stealthily down the narrow stair, his hair rising and his pulses halting +at the slightest creak. When he was halfway down, he was disturbed to +perceive that the landing below was touched by a faint glow of light. +What could that mean? Was his uncle still up? No, that was not likely; +he must have left his night taper there when he went to bed. Tom crept +on down, pausing at every step to listen. He found the door standing +open, and glanced in. What he saw pleased him beyond measure. His uncle +was asleep on the sofa; on a small table at the head of the sofa a lamp +was burning low, and by it stood the old man's small cashbox, closed. +Near the box was a pile of bank notes and a piece of paper covered with +figures in pencil. The safe door was not open. Evidently the sleeper had +wearied himself with work upon his finances, and was taking a rest. + +Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his way toward the +pile of notes, stooping low as he went. When he was passing his uncle, +the old man stirred in his sleep, and Tom stopped instantly--stopped, and +softly drew the knife from its sheath, with his heart thumping, and his +eyes fastened upon his benefactor's face. After a moment or two he +ventured forward again--one step--reached for his prize and seized it, +dropping the knife sheath. Then he felt the old man's strong grip upon +him, and a wild cry of "Help! help!" rang in his ear. Without hesitation +he drove the knife home--and was free. Some of the notes escaped from his +left hand and fell in the blood on the floor. He dropped the knife and +snatched them up and started to fly; transferred them to his left hand, +and seized the knife again, in his fright and confusion, but remembered +himself and flung it from him, as being a dangerous witness to carry away +with him. + +He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind him; and as he +snatched his candle and fled upward, the stillness of the night was +broken by the sound of urgent footsteps approaching the house. In another +moment he was in his room, and the twins were standing aghast over the +body of the murdered man! + +Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on his suit of +girl's clothes, dropped the veil, blew out his light, locked the room +door by which he had just entered, taking the key, passed through his +other door into the black hall, locked that door and kept the key, then +worked his way along in the dark and descended the black stairs. He was +not expecting to meet anybody, for all interest was centered in the other +part of the house now; his calculation proved correct. By the time he +was passing through the backyard, Mrs. Pratt, her servants, and a dozen +half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and the dead, and accessions +were still arriving at the front door. + +As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, three women came +flying from the house on the opposite side of the lane. They rushed by +him and in at the gate, asking him what the trouble was there, but not +waiting for an answer. Tom said to himself, "Those old maids waited to +dress--they did the same thing the night Stevens's house burned down next +door." In a few minutes he was in the haunted house. He lighted a candle +and took off his girl-clothes. There was blood on him all down his left +side, and his right hand was red with the stains of the blood-soaked +notes which he has crushed in it; but otherwise he was free from this +sort of evidence. He cleansed his hand on the straw, and cleaned most of +the smut from his face. Then he burned the male and female attire to +ashes, scattered the ashes, and put on a disguise proper for a tramp. He +blew out his light, went below, and was soon loafing down the river road +with the intent to borrow and use one of Roxy's devices. He found a +canoe and paddled down downstream, setting the canoe adrift as dawn +approached, and making his way by land to the next village, where he kept +out of sight till a transient steamer came along, and then took deck +passage for St. Louis. He was ill at ease until Dawson's Landing was behind +him; then he said to himself, "All the detectives on earth couldn't trace +me now; there's not a vestige of a clue left in the world; that homicide +will take its place with the permanent mysteries, and people won't get +done trying to guess out the secret of it for fifty years." + +In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram in the +papers--dated at Dawson's Landing: + + Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, was assassinated + here about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman or a + barber on account of a quarrel growing out of the recent + election. The assassin will probably be lynched. + +"One of the twins!" soliloquized Tom. "How lucky! It is the knife that +has done him this grace. We never know when fortune is trying to favor +us. I actually cursed Pudd'nhead Wilson in my heart for putting it out +of my power to sell that knife. I take it back now." + +Tom was now rich and independent. He arranged with the planter, and +mailed to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold Roxana to herself; then +he telegraphed his Aunt Pratt: + + Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost + prostrated with grief. Shall start by packet today. Try to + bear up till I come. + +When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had gathered such details +as Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd could tell him, he took command +as mayor, and gave orders that nothing should be touched, but everything +left as it was until Justice Robinson should arrive and take the proper +measures as coroner. He cleared everybody out of the room but the twins +and himself. The sheriff soon arrived and took the twins away to jail. +Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do his best in their +defense when the case should come to trial. Justice Robinson came +presently, and with him Constable Blake. They examined the room +thoroughly. They found the knife and the sheath. Wilson noticed that +there were fingerprints on the knife's handle. That pleased him, for the +twins had required the earliest comers to make a scrutiny of their hands +and clothes, and neither these people nor Wilson himself had found any +bloodstains upon them. Could there be a possibility that the twins had +spoken the truth when they had said they found the man dead when they ran +into the house in answer to the cry for help? He thought of that +mysterious girl at once. But this was not the sort of work for a girl to +be engaged in. No matter; Tom Driscoll's room must be examined. + +After the coroner's jury had viewed the body and its surroundings, Wilson +suggested a search upstairs, and he went along. The jury forced an +entrance to Tom's room, but found nothing, of course. + +The coroner's jury found that the homicide was committed by Luigi, and +that Angelo was accessory to it. + +The town was bitter against the misfortunates, and for the first few days +after the murder they were in constant danger of being lynched. The +grand jury presently indicted Luigi for murder in the first degree, and +Angelo as accessory before the fact. The twins were transferred from the +city jail to the county prison to await trial. + +Wilson examined the finger marks on the knife handle and said to himself, +"Neither of the twins made those marks. Then manifestly there was +another person concerned, either in his own interest or as hired +assassin." + +But who could it be? That, he must try to find out. The safe was not +opened, the cashbox was closed, and had three thousand dollars in it. +Then robbery was not the motive, and revenge was. Where had the murdered +man an enemy except Luigi? There was but that one person in the world +with a deep grudge against him. + +The mysterious girl! The girl was a great trial to Wilson. If the motive +had been robbery, the girl might answer; but there wasn't any girl that +would want to take this old man's life for revenge. He had no quarrels +with girls; he was a gentleman. + +Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger marks of the knife handle; and +among his glass records he had a great array of fingerprints of women and +girls, collected during the last fifteen or eighteen years, but he +scanned them in vain, they successfully withstood every test; among them +were no duplicates of the prints on the knife. + +The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was a worrying +circumstance for Wilson. A week previously he had as good as admitted to +himself that he believed Luigi had possessed such a knife, and that he +still possessed it notwithstanding his pretense that it had been stolen. +And now here was the knife, and with it the twins. Half the town had +said the twins were humbugging when they claimed they had lost their +knife, and now these people were joyful, and said, "I told you so!" + +If their fingerprints had been on the handle--but useless to bother any +further about that; the fingerprints on the handle were NOT theirs--that +he knew perfectly. + +Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom couldn't murder anybody--he +hadn't character enough; secondly, if he could murder a person he +wouldn't select his doting benefactor and nearest relative; thirdly, +self-interest was in the way; for while the uncle lived, Tom was sure of +a free support and a chance to get the destroyed will revived again, but +with the uncle gone, that chance was gone too. It was true the will had +really been revived, as was now discovered, but Tom could not have been +aware of it, or he would have spoken of it, in his native talky, +unsecretive way. Finally, Tom was in St. Louis when the murder was done, +and got the news out of the morning journals, as was shown by his +telegram to his aunt. These speculations were unemphasized sensations +rather than articulated thoughts, for Wilson would have laughed at the +idea of seriously connecting Tom with the murder. + +Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate--in fact, about +hopeless. For he argued that if a confederate was not found, an +enlightened Missouri jury would hang them; sure; if a confederate was +found, that would not improve the matter, but simply furnish one more +person for the sheriff to hang. Nothing could save the twins but the +discovery of a person who did the murder on his sole personal account--an +undertaking which had all the aspect of the impossible. Still, the +person who made the fingerprints must be sought. The twins might have no +case WITH them, but they certainly would have none without him. + +So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, guessing, day and +night, and arriving nowhere. Whenever he ran across a girl or a woman he +was not acquainted with, he got her fingerprints, on one pretext or +another; and they always cost him a sigh when he got home, for they never +tallied with the finger marks on the knife handle. + +As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such girl, and did not +remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress like the one described by +Wilson. He admitted that he did not always lock his room, and that +sometimes the servants forgot to lock the house doors; still, in his +opinion the girl must have made but few visits or she would have been +discovered. When Wilson tried to connect her with the stealing raid, and +thought she might have been the old woman's confederate, if not the very +thief disguised as an old woman, Tom seemed stuck, and also much +interested, and said he would keep a sharp eye out for this person or +persons, although he was afraid that she or they would be too smart to +venture again into a town where everybody would now be on the watch for a +good while to come. + +Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and sorrowful, and seemed +to feel his great loss so deeply. He was playing a part, but it was not +all a part. The picture of his alleged uncle, as he had last seen him, +was before him in the dark pretty frequently, when he was away, and +called again in his dreams, when he was asleep. He wouldn't go into the +room where the tragedy had happened. This charmed the doting Mrs. Pratt, +who realized now, "as she had never done before," she said, what a +sensitive and delicate nature her darling had, and how he adored his poor +uncle. + + + + +CHAPTER 20 -- The Murderer Chuckles + + _Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence + is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to + be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, + sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find + she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect + of the pencil, you will say she did it with her teeth._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the jailed twins but their +counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of trial came at last--the +heaviest day in Wilson's life; for with all his tireless diligence he had +discovered no sign or trace of the missing confederate. "Confederate" +was the term he had long ago privately accepted for that person--not as +being unquestionably the right term, but as being the least possibly the +right one, though he was never able to understand why the twins did not +vanish and escape, as the confederate had done, instead of remaining by +the murdered man and getting caught there. + +The courthouse was crowded, of course, and would remain so to the finish, +for not only in the town itself, but in the country for miles around, the +trial was the one topic of conversation among the people. Mrs. Pratt, in +deep mourning, and Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats near Pembroke +Howard, the public prosecutor, and back of them sat a great array of +friends of the family. The twins had but one friend present to keep +their counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing landlady. She sat +near Wilson, and looked her friendliest. In the "nigger corner" sat +Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, and her bill of sale in her +pocket. It was her most precious possession, and she never parted with +it, day or night. Tom had allowed her thirty-five dollars a month ever +since he came into his property, and had said that he and she ought to be +grateful to the twins for making them rich; but had roused such a temper +in her by this speech that he did not repeat the argument afterward. She +said the old judge had treated her child a thousand times better than he +deserved, and had never done her an unkindness in his life; so she hated +these outlandish devils for killing him, and shouldn't ever sleep +satisfied till she saw them hanged for it. She was here to watch the +trial now, and was going to lift up just one "hooraw" over it if the +county judge put her in jail a year for it. She gave her turbaned head a +toss and said, "When dat verdic' comes, I's gwine to lif' dat ROOF, now, +I TELL you." + +Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the state's case. He said he would show +by a chain of circumstantial evidence without break or fault in it +anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the bar committed the murder; +that the motive was partly revenge, and partly a desire to take his own +life out of jeopardy, and that his brother, by his presence, was a +consenting accessory to the crime; a crime which was the basest known to +the calendar of human misdeeds--assassination; that it was conceived by +the blackest of hearts and consummated by the cowardliest of hands; a +crime which had broken a loving sister's heart, blighted the happiness of +a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought inconsolable grief to +many friends, and sorrow and loss to the whole community. The utmost +penalty of the outraged law would be exacted, and upon the accused, now +present at the bar, that penalty would unquestionably be executed. He +would reserve further remark until his closing speech. + +He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; Mrs. Pratt and +several other women were weeping when he sat down, and many an eye that +was full of hate was riveted upon the unhappy prisoners. + +Witness after witness was called by the state, and questioned at length; +but the cross questioning was brief. Wilson knew they could furnish +nothing valuable for his side. People were sorry for Pudd'nhead Wilson; +his budding career would get hurt by this trial. + +Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in his public +speech that the twins would be able to find their lost knife again when +they needed it to assassinate somebody with. This was not news, but now +it was seen to have been sorrowfully prophetic, and a profound sensation +quivered through the hushed courtroom when those dismal words were +repeated. + +The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within his knowledge, +through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on the last day of his +life, that counsel for the defense had brought him a challenge from the +person charged at the bar with murder; that he had refused to fight with +a confessed assassin--"that is, on the field of honor," but had added +significantly, that he would be ready for him elsewhere. Presumably +the person here charged with murder was warned that he must kill or be +killed the first time he should meet Judge Driscoll. If counsel for the +defense chose to let the statement stand so, he would not call him to the +witness stand. Mr. Wilson said he would offer no denial. [Murmurs in the +house: "It is getting worse and worse for Wilson's case."] + +Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, and did not know what woke +her up, unless it was the sound of rapid footsteps approaching the front +door. She jumped up and ran out in the hall just as she was, and heard +the footsteps flying up the front steps and then following behind her as +she ran to the sitting room. There she found the accused standing over +her murdered brother. [Here she broke down and sobbed. Sensation in the +court.] Resuming, she said the persons entered behind her were Mr. Rogers +and Mr. Buckstone. + +Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed their innocence; +declared that they had been taking a walk, and had hurried to the house +in response to a cry for help which was so loud and strong that they had +heard it at a considerable distance; that they begged her and the +gentlemen just mentioned to examine their hands and clothes--which was +done, and no blood stains found. + +Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and Buckstone. + +The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement minutely +describing it and offering a reward for it was put in evidence, and its +exact correspondence with that description proved. Then followed a few +minor details, and the case for the state was closed. + +Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses Clarkson, who would +testify that they met a veiled young woman leaving Judge Driscoll's +premises by the back gate a few minutes after the cries for help were +heard, and that their evidence, taken with certain circumstantial +evidence which he would call the court's attention to, would in his +opinion convince the court that there was still one person concerned in +this crime who had not yet been found, and also that a stay of +proceedings ought to be granted, in justice to his clients, until that +person should be discovered. As it was late, he would ask leave to defer +the examination of his three witnesses until the next morning. + +The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away in excited +groups and couples, taking the events of the session over with vivacity +and consuming interest, and everybody seemed to have had a satisfactory +and enjoyable day except the accused, their counsel, and their old lady +friend. There was no cheer among these, and no substantial hope. + +In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good-night with a gay +pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down without finishing. + +Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, the opening +solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him with a vague +uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the smallest alarms; but +from the moment that the poverty and weakness of Wilson's case lay +exposed to the court, he was comfortable once more, even jubilant. He +left the courtroom sarcastically sorry for Wilson. "The Clarksons met an +unknown woman in the back lane," he said to himself, "THAT is his case! +I'll give him a century to find her in--a couple of them if he likes. A +woman who doesn't exist any longer, and the clothes that gave her her sex +burnt up and the ashes thrown away--oh, certainly, he'll find HER easy +enough!" This reflection set him to admiring, for the hundredth time, +the shrewd ingenuities by which he had insured himself against +detection--more, against even suspicion. + +"Nearly always in cases like this there is some little detail or other +overlooked, some wee little track or trace left behind, and detection +follows; but here there's not even the faintest suggestion of a trace +left. No more than a bird leaves when it flies through the air--yes, +through the night, you may say. The man that can track a bird through the +air in the dark and find that bird is the man to track me out and find +the judge's assassin--no other need apply. And that is the job that has +been laid out for poor Pudd'nhead Wilson, of all people in the world! +Lord, it will be pathetically funny to see him grubbing and groping after +that woman that don't exist, and the right person sitting under his very +nose all the time!" The more he thought the situation over, the more the +humor of it struck him. Finally he said, "I'll never let him hear the +last of that woman. Every time I catch him in company, to his dying day, +I'll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that used to gravel him so +when I inquired how his unborn law business was coming along, 'Got on her +track yet--hey, Pudd'nhead?'" He wanted to laugh, but that would not +have answered; there were people about, and he was mourning for his +uncle. He made up his mind that it would be good entertainment to look +in on Wilson that night and watch him worry over his barren law case and +goad him with an exasperating word or two of sympathy and commiseration +now and then. + +Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite. He got out all the +fingerprints of girls and women in his collection of records and pored +gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to convince himself that that +troublesome girl's marks were there somewhere and had been overlooked. +But it was not so. He drew back his chair, clasped his hands over his +head, and gave himself up to dull and arid musings. + +Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said with a pleasant +laugh as he took a seat: + +"Hello, we've gone back to the amusements of our days of neglect and +obscurity for consolation, have we?" and he took up one of the glass +strips and held it against the light to inspect it. "Come, cheer up, old +man; there's no use in losing your grip and going back to this child's +play merely because this big sunspot is drifting across your shiny new +disk. It'll pass, and you'll be all right again"--and he laid the glass +down. "Did you think you could win always?" + +"Oh, no," said Wilson, with a sigh, "I didn't expect that, but I can't +believe Luigi killed your uncle, and I feel very sorry for him. It makes +me blue. And you would feel as I do, Tom, if you were not prejudiced +against those young fellows." + +"I don't know about that," and Tom's countenance darkened, for his memory +reverted to his kicking. "I owe them no good will, considering the +brunet one's treatment of me that night. Prejudice or no prejudice, +Pudd'nhead, I don't like them, and when they get their deserts you're not +going to find me sitting on the mourner's bench." + +He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed: + +"Why, here's old Roxy's label! Are you going to ornament the royal +palaces with nigger paw marks, too? By the date here, I was seven months +old when this was done, and she was nursing me and her little nigger cub. +There's a line straight across her thumbprint. How comes that?" and Tom +held out the piece of glass to Wilson. + +"That is common," said the bored man, wearily. "Scar of a cut or a +scratch, usually"--and he took the strip of glass indifferently, and +raised it toward the lamp. + +All the blood sank suddenly out of his face; his hand quaked, and he +gazed at the polished surface before him with the glassy stare of a +corpse. + +"Great heavens, what's the matter with you, Wilson? Are you going to +faint?" + +Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but Wilson shrank +shuddering from him and said: + +"No, no!--take it away!" His breast was rising and falling, and he moved +his head about in a dull and wandering way, like a person who had been +stunned. Presently he said, "I shall feel better when I get to bed; I +have been overwrought today; yes, and overworked for many days." + +"Then I'll leave you and let you get to your rest. Good night, old man." +But as Tom went out he couldn't deny himself a small parting gibe: +"Don't take it so hard; a body can't win every time; you'll hang somebody +yet." + +Wilson muttered to himself, "It is no lie to say I am sorry I have to +begin with you, miserable dog though you are!" + +He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and went to work again. +He did not compare the new finger marks unintentionally left by Tom a few +minutes before on Roxy's glass with the tracings of the marks left on the +knife handle, there being no need for that (for his trained eye), but +busied himself with another matter, muttering from time to time, "Idiot +that I was!--Nothing but a GIRL would do me--a man in girl's clothes +never occurred to me." First, he hunted out the plate containing the +fingerprints made by Tom when he was twelve years old, and laid it by +itself; then he brought forth the marks made by Tom's baby fingers when +he was a suckling of seven months, and placed these two plates with the +one containing this subject's newly (and unconsciously) made record. + +"Now the series is complete," he said with satisfaction, and sat down to +inspect these things and enjoy them. + +But his enjoyment was brief. He stared a considerable time at the three +strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. At last he put them down +and said, "I can't make it out at all--hang it, the baby's don't tally +with the others!" + +He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his enigma, then he +hunted out the other glass plates. + +He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, but kept +muttering, "It's no use; I can't understand it. They don't tally right, +and yet I'll swear the names and dates are right, and so of course they +OUGHT to tally. I never labeled one of these thing carelessly in my +life. There is a most extraordinary mystery here." + +He was tired out now, and his brains were beginning to clog. He said he +would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he could do with this +riddle. He slept through a troubled and unrestful hour, then +unconsciousness began to shred away, and presently he rose drowsily to a +sitting posture. "Now what was that dream?" he said, trying to recall +it. "What was that dream? It seemed to unravel that puz--" + +He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without finishing the +sentence, and ran and turned up his light and seized his "records." He +took a single swift glance at them and cried out: + +"It's so! Heavens, what a revelation! And for twenty-three years no man +has ever suspected it!" + + + + +CHAPTER 21 -- Doom + + _He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under + it, inspiring the cabbages._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + _APRIL 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what + we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Wilson put on enough clothes for business purposes and went to work +under a high pressure of steam. He was awake all over. All sense of +weariness had been swept away by the invigorating refreshment of the +great and hopeful discovery which he had made. He made fine and accurate +reproductions of a number of his "records," and then enlarged them on a +scale of ten to one with his pantograph. He did these pantograph +enlargements on sheets of white cardboard, and made each individual line +of the bewildering maze of whorls or curves or loops which consisted of +the "pattern" of a "record" stand out bold and black by reinforcing it +with ink. To the untrained eye the collection of delicate originals made +by the human finger on the glass plates looked about alike; but when +enlarged ten times they resembled the markings of a block of wood that +has been sawed across the grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a +glance, and at a distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were +alike. When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, +he arranged his results according to a plan in which a progressive order +and sequence was a principal feature; then he added to the batch several +pantograph enlargements which he had made from time to time in bygone +years. + +The night was spent and the day well advanced now. By the time he had +snatched a trifle of breakfast, it was nine o'clock, and the court was +ready to begin its sitting. He was in his place twelve minutes later +with his "records." + +Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, and nudged his +nearest friend and said, with a wink, "Pudd'nhead's got a rare eye to +business--thinks that as long as he can't win his case it's at least a +noble good chance to advertise his window palace decorations without any +expense." Wilson was informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but +would arrive presently; but he rose and said he should probably not have +occasion to make use of their testimony. [An amused murmur ran through +the room: "It's a clean backdown! he gives up without hitting a lick!"] +Wilson continued: "I have other testimony--and better. [This compelled +interest, and evoked murmurs of surprise that had a detectable ingredient +of disappointment in them.] If I seem to be springing this evidence upon +the court, I offer as my justification for this, that I did not discover +its existence until late last night, and have been engaged in examining +and classifying it ever since, until half an hour ago. I shall offer it +presently; but first I wish to say a few preliminary words. + +"May it please the court, the claim given the front place, the claim most +persistently urged, the claim most strenuously and I may even say +aggressively and defiantly insisted upon by the prosecution is this--that +the person whose hand left the bloodstained fingerprints upon the handle +of the Indian knife is the person who committed the murder." Wilson +paused, during several moments, to give impressiveness to what he was +about to say, and then added tranquilly, "WE GRANT THAT CLAIM." + +It was an electrical surprise. No one was prepared for such an +admission. A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, and people were +heard to intimate that the overworked lawyer had lost his mind. Even the +veteran judge, accustomed as he was to legal ambushes and masked +batteries in criminal procedure, was not sure that his ears were not +deceiving him, and asked counsel what it was he had said. Howard's +impassive face betrayed no sign, but his attitude and bearing lost +something of their careless confidence for a moment. Wilson resumed: + +"We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and strongly endorse it. +Leaving that matter for the present, we will now proceed to consider +other points in the case which we propose to establish by evidence, and +shall include that one in the chain in its proper place." + +He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in mapping out his +theory of the origin and motive of the murder--guesses designed to fill +up gaps in it--guesses which could help if they hit, and would probably +do no harm if they didn't. + +"To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before the court seem to +suggest a motive for the homicide quite different from the one insisted +on by the state. It is my conviction that the motive was not revenge, +but robbery. It has been urged that the presence of the accused brothers +in that fatal room, just after notification that one of them must take +the life of Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the parties should +meet, clearly signifies that the natural instinct of self-preservation +moved my clients to go there secretly and save Count Luigi by destroying +his adversary. + +"Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? Mrs. Pratt had +time, although she did not hear the cry for help, but woke up some +moments later, to run to that room--and there she found these men +standing and making no effort to escape. If they were guilty, they ought +to have been running out of the house at the same time that she was +running to that room. If they had had such a strong instinct toward +self-preservation as to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had +become of it now, when it should have been more alert than ever. Would +any of us have remained there? Let us not slander our intelligence to +that degree. + +"Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the accused offered a very +large reward for the knife with which this murder was done; that no thief +came forward to claim that extraordinary reward; that the latter fact was +good circumstantial evidence that the claim that the knife had been +stolen was a vanity and a fraud; that these details taken in connection +with the memorable and apparently prophetic speech of the deceased +concerning that knife, and the final discovery of that very knife in +the fatal room where no living person was found present with the +slaughtered man but the owner of the knife and his brother, form an +indestructible chain of evidence which fixed the crime upon those +unfortunate strangers. + +"But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall testify that there was +a large reward offered for the THIEF, also; and it was offered secretly +and not advertised; that this fact was indiscreetly mentioned--or at +least tacitly admitted--in what was supposed to be safe circumstances, +but may NOT have been. The thief may have been present himself. [Tom +Driscoll had been looking at the speaker, but dropped his eyes at this +point.] In that case he would retain the knife in his possession, not +daring to offer it for sale, or for pledge in a pawnshop. [There was a +nodding of heads among the audience by way of admission that this was not +a bad stroke.] I shall prove to the satisfaction of the jury that there +WAS a person in Judge Driscoll's room several minutes before the accused +entered it. [This produced a strong sensation; the last drowsy head in +the courtroom roused up now, and made preparation to listen.] If it +shall seem necessary, I will prove by the Misses Clarkson that they met a +veiled person--ostensibly a woman--coming out of the back gate a few +minutes after the cry for help was heard. This person was not a woman, +but a man dressed in woman's clothes." Another sensation. Wilson had his +eye on Tom when he hazarded this guess, to see what effect it would +produce. He was satisfied with the result, and said to himself, "It was +a success--he's hit!" + +"The object of that person in that house was robbery, not murder. It is +true that the safe was not open, but there was an ordinary cashbox on the +table, with three thousand dollars in it. It is easily supposable that +the thief was concealed in the house; that he knew of this box, and of +its owner's habit of counting its contents and arranging his accounts at +night--if he had that habit, which I do not assert, of course--that he +tried to take the box while its owner slept, but made a noise and was +seized, and had to use the knife to save himself from capture; and that +he fled without his booty because he heard help coming. + +"I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the evidences by +which I propose to try to prove its soundness." Wilson took up several of +his strips of glass. When the audience recognized these familiar +mementos of Pudd'nhead's old time childish "puttering" and folly, the +tense and funereal interest vanished out of their faces, and the house +burst into volleys of relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked +up and joined in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not +disturbed. He arranged his records on the table before him, and said: + +"I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few remarks in +explanation of some evidence which I am about to introduce, and which I +shall presently ask to be allowed to verify under oath on the witness +stand. Every human being carries with him from his cradle to his grave +certain physical marks which do not change their character, and by which +he can always be identified--and that without shade of doubt or question. +These marks are his signature, his physiological autograph, so to speak, +and this autograph can not be counterfeited, nor can he disguise it or +hide it away, nor can it become illegible by the wear and mutations of +time. This signature is not his face--age can change that beyond +recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not his +height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, for duplicates +of that exist also, whereas this signature is each man's very own--there +is no duplicate of it among the swarming populations of the globe! [The +audience were interested once more.] + +"This autograph consists of the delicate lines or corrugations with which +Nature marks the insides of the hands and the soles of the feet. If you +will look at the balls of your fingers--you that have very sharp +eyesight--you will observe that these dainty curving lines lie close +together, like those that indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and +that they form various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, circles, +long curves, whorls, etc., and that these patterns differ on the different +fingers. [Every man in the room had his hand up to the light now, and +his head canted to one side, and was minutely scrutinizing the balls of +his fingers; there were whispered ejaculations of 'Why, it's so--I never +noticed that before!'] The patterns on the right hand are not the same as +those on the left. [Ejaculations of 'Why, that's so, too!'] Taken finger +for finger, your patterns differ from your neighbor's. [Comparisons were +made all over the house--even the judge and jury were absorbed in this +curious work.] The patterns of a twin's right hand are not the same as +those on his left. One twin's patterns are never the same as his fellow +twin's patterns--the jury will find that the patterns upon the finger +balls of the twins' hands follow this rule. [An examination of the +twins' hands was begun at once.] You have often heard of twins who were +so exactly alike that when dressed alike their own parents could not tell +them apart. Yet there was never a twin born in to this world that did not +carry from birth to death a sure identifier in this mysterious and +marvelous natal autograph. That once known to you, his fellow twin could +never personate him and deceive you." + +Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death +when a speaker does that. The stillness gives warning that something is +coming. All palms and finger balls went down now, all slouching forms +straightened, all heads came up, all eyes were fastened upon Wilson's +face. He waited yet one, two, three moments, to let his pause complete +and perfect its spell upon the house; then, when through the profound +hush he could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he put out his +hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it aloft where all +could see the sinister spots upon its ivory handle; then he said, in a +level and passionless voice: + +"Upon this haft stands the assassin's natal autograph, written in the +blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who loved you and whom you +all loved. There is but one man in the whole earth whose hand can +duplicate that crimson sign"--he paused and raised his eyes to the +pendulum swinging back and forth--"and please God we will produce that +man in this room before the clock strikes noon!" + +Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, the house half +rose, as if expecting to see the murderer appear at the door, and a +breeze of muttered ejaculations swept the place. "Order in the +court!--sit down!" This from the sheriff. He was obeyed, and quiet +reigned again. Wilson stole a glance at Tom, and said to himself, "He is +flying signals of distress now; even people who despise him are pitying +him; they think this is a hard ordeal for a young fellow who has lost his +benefactor by so cruel a stroke--and they are right." He resumed his +speech: + +"For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory leisure with +collecting these curious physical signatures in this town. At my house I +have hundreds upon hundreds of them. Each and every one is labeled with +name and date; not labeled the next day or even the next hour, but in the +very minute that the impression was taken. When I go upon the witness +stand I will repeat under oath the things which I am now saying. I have +the fingerprints of the court, the sheriff, and every member of the jury. +There is hardly a person in this room, white or black, whose natal +signature I cannot produce, and not one of them can so disguise himself +that I cannot pick him out from a multitude of his fellow creatures and +unerringly identify him by his hands. And if he and I should live to be a +hundred I could still do it. [The interest of the audience was steadily +deepening now.] + +"I have studied some of these signatures so much that I know them as well +as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his oldest customer. While I +turn my back now, I beg that several persons will be so good as to pass +their fingers through their hair, and then press them upon one of the +panes of the window near the jury, and that among them the accused may +set THEIR finger marks. Also, I beg that these experimenters, or others, +will set their fingers upon another pane, and add again the marks of the +accused, but not placing them in the same order or relation to the other +signatures as before--for, by one chance in a million, a person might +happen upon the right marks by pure guesswork, ONCE, therefore I wish to +be tested twice." + +He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly covered with +delicately lined oval spots, but visible only to such persons as could +get a dark background for them--the foliage of a tree, outside, for +instance. Then upon call, Wilson went to the window, made his +examination, and said: + +"This is Count Luigi's right hand; this one, three signatures below, is +his left. Here is Count Angelo's right; down here is his left. Now for +the other pane: here and here are Count Luigi's, here and here are his +brother's." He faced about. "Am I right?" + +A deafening explosion of applause was the answer. The bench said: + +"This certainly approaches the miraculous!" + +Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, pointing with his finger: + +"This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. [Applause.] This, of +Constable Blake. [Applause.] This of John Mason, juryman. [Applause.] +This, of the sheriff. [Applause.] I cannot name the others, but I have +them all at home, named and dated, and could identify them all by my +fingerprint records." + +He moved to his place through a storm of applause--which the sheriff +stopped, and also made the people sit down, for they were all standing +and struggling to see, of course. Court, jury, sheriff, and everybody +had been too absorbed in observing Wilson's performance to attend to the +audience earlier. + +"Now then," said Wilson, "I have here the natal autographs of the two +children--thrown up to ten times the natural size by the pantograph, so +that anyone who can see at all can tell the markings apart at a glance. +We will call the children A and B. Here are A's finger marks, taken at +the age of five months. Here they are again taken at seven months. [Tom +started.] They are alike, you see. Here are B's at five months, and also +at seven months. They, too, exactly copy each other, but the patterns +are quite different from A's, you observe. I shall refer to these again +presently, but we will turn them face down now. + +"Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of the two persons +who are here before you accused of murdering Judge Driscoll. I made these +pantograph copies last night, and will so swear when I go upon the +witness stand. I ask the jury to compare them with the finger marks of +the accused upon the windowpanes, and tell the court if they are the +same." + +He passed a powerful magnifying glass to the foreman. + +One juryman after another took the cardboard and the glass and made the +comparison. Then the foreman said to the judge: + +"Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical." + +Wilson said to the foreman: + +"Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this one, and compare it +searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal signature upon the knife +handle, and report your finding to the court." + +Again the jury made minute examinations, and again reported: + +"We find them to be exactly identical, your honor." + +Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, and there was a +clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice when he said: + +"May it please the court, the state has claimed, strenuously and +persistently, that the bloodstained fingerprints upon that knife handle +were left there by the assassin of Judge Driscoll. You have heard us +grant that claim, and welcome it." He turned to the jury: "Compare the +fingerprints of the accused with the fingerprints left by the +assassin--and report." + +The comparison began. As it proceeded, all movement and all sound +ceased, and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting suspense settled +upon the house; and when at last the words came, "THEY DO NOT EVEN +RESEMBLE," a thundercrash of applause followed and the house sprang to +its feet, but was quickly repressed by official force and brought to +order again. Tom was altering his position every few minutes now, but +none of his changes brought repose nor any small trifle of comfort. When +the house's attention was become fixed once more, Wilson said gravely, +indicating the twins with a gesture: + +"These men are innocent--I have no further concern with them. [Another +outbreak of applause began, but was promptly checked.] We will now +proceed to find the guilty. [Tom's eyes were starting from their +sockets--yes, it was a cruel day for the bereaved youth, everybody +thought.] We will return to the infant autographs of A and B. I will +ask the jury to take these large pantograph facsimilies of A's marked +five months and seven months. Do they tally?" + +The foreman responded: "Perfectly." + +"Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, and also marked A. +Does it tally with the other two?" + +The surprised response was: + +"NO--THEY DIFFER WIDELY!" + +"You are quite right. Now take these two pantographs of B's autograph, +marked five months and seven months. Do they tally with each other?" + +"Yes--perfectly." + +"Take this third pantograph marked B, eight months. Does it tally with +B's other two?" + +"BY NO MEANS!" + +"Do you know how to account for those strange discrepancies? I will tell +you. For a purpose unknown to us, but probably a selfish one, somebody +changed those children in the cradle." + +This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was astonished at this +admirable guess, but not disturbed by it. To guess the exchange was one +thing, to guess who did it quite another. Pudd'nhead Wilson could do +wonderful things, no doubt, but he couldn't do impossible ones. Safe? +She was perfectly safe. She smiled privately. + +"Between the ages of seven months and eight months those children were +changed in the cradle"--he made one of this effect--collecting pauses, +and added--"and the person who did it is in this house!" + +Roxy's pulses stood still! The house was thrilled as with an electric +shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a glimpse of the person who +had made that exchange. Tom was growing limp; the life seemed oozing out +of him. Wilson resumed: + +"A was put into B's cradle in the nursery; B was transferred to the +kitchen and became a Negro and a slave [Sensation--confusion of angry +ejaculations]--but within a quarter of an hour he will stand before you +white and free! [Burst of applause, checked by the officers.] From +seven months onward until now, A has still been a usurper, and in my +finger record he bears B's name. Here is his pantograph at the age of +twelve. Compare it with the assassin's signature upon the knife handle. +Do they tally?" + +The foreman answered: + +"TO THE MINUTEST DETAIL!" + +Wilson said, solemnly: + +"The murderer of your friend and mine--York Driscoll of the generous hand +and the kindly spirit--sits in among you. Valet de Chambre, Negro and +slave--falsely called Thomas a Becket Driscoll--make upon the window the +fingerprints that will hang you!" + +Tom turned his ashen face imploring toward the speaker, made some +impotent movements with his white lips, then slid limp and lifeless to +the floor. + +Wilson broke the awed silence with the words: + +"There is no need. He has confessed." + +Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with her hands, and +out through her sobs the words struggled: + +"De Lord have mercy on me, po' misasble sinner dat I is!" + +The clock struck twelve. + +The court rose; the new prisoner, handcuffed, was removed. + + + +CONCLUSION + + _It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie + thinks he is the best judge of one._ --Pudd'nhead Wilson's + Calendar + + _OCTOBER 12, THE DISCOVERY. It was wonderful to find + America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it._ + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The town sat up all night to discuss the amazing events of the day and +swap guesses as to when Tom's trial would begin. Troop after troop of +citizens came to serenade Wilson, and require a speech, and shout +themselves hoarse over every sentence that fell from his lips--for all +his sentences were golden, now, all were marvelous. His long fight +against hard luck and prejudice was ended; he was a made man for good. +And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts marched away, some +remorseful member of it was quite sure to raise his voice and say: + +"And this is the man the likes of us have called a pudd'nhead for more +than twenty years. He has resigned from that position, friends." + +"Yes, but it isn't vacant--we're elected." + +The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with rehabilitated +reputations. But they were weary of Western adventure, and straightway +retired to Europe. + +Roxy's heart was broken. The young fellow upon whom she had inflicted +twenty-three years of slavery continued the false heir's pension of +thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her hurts were too deep for money +to heal; the spirit in her eye was quenched, her martial bearing departed +with it, and the voice of her laughter ceased in the land. In her church +and its affairs she found her only solace. + +The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but in a most +embarrassing situation. He could neither read nor write, and his speech +was the basest dialect of the Negro quarter. His gait, his attitudes, his +gestures, his bearing, his laugh--all were vulgar and uncouth; his +manners were the manners of a slave. Money and fine clothes could not +mend these defects or cover them up; they only made them more glaring and +the more pathetic. The poor fellow could not endure the terrors of the +white man's parlor, and felt at home and at peace nowhere but in the +kitchen. The family pew was a misery to him, yet he could nevermore enter +into the solacing refuge of the "nigger gallery"--that was closed to him +for good and all. But we cannot follow his curious fate further--that +would be a long story. + +The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced to imprisonment +for life. But now a complication came up. The Percy Driscoll estate was +in such a crippled shape when its owner died that it could pay only sixty +percent of its great indebtedness, and was settled at that rate. But the +creditors came forward now, and complained that inasmuch as through an +error for which THEY were in no way to blame the false heir was not +inventoried at the time with the rest of the property, great wrong and +loss had thereby been inflicted upon them. They rightly claimed that +"Tom" was lawfully their property and had been so for eight years; that +they had already lost sufficiently in being deprived of his services +during that long period, and ought not to be required to add anything to +that loss; that if he had been delivered up to them in the first place, +they would have sold him and he could not have murdered Judge Driscoll; +therefore it was not that he had really committed the murder, the guilt +lay with the erroneous inventory. Everybody saw that there was reason in +this. Everybody granted that if "Tom" were white and free it would be +unquestionably right to punish him--it would be no loss to anybody; but +to shut up a valuable slave for life--that was quite another matter. + +As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom at once, and +the creditors sold him down the river. + + + + + +AUTHOR'S NOTE TO "THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS" + +A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time +of it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He +has no clear idea of his story; in fact he has no story. He merely has +some people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality, and he +trusts he can plunge those people into those incidents with interesting +results. So he goes to work. To write a novel? No--that is a thought +which comes later; in the beginning he is only proposing to tell a little +tale, a very little tale, a six-page tale. But as it is a tale which he +is not acquainted with, and can only find out what it is by listening as +it goes along telling itself, it is more than apt to go on and on and on +till it spreads itself into a book. I know about this, because it has +happened to me so many times. + +And I have noticed another thing: that as the short tale grows into the +long tale, the original intention (or motif) is apt to get abolished and +find itself superseded by a quite different one. It was so in the case +of a magazine sketch which I once started to write--a funny and fantastic +sketch about a prince and a pauper; it presently assumed a grave cast of +its own accord, and in that new shape spread itself out into a book. Much +the same thing happened with PUDD'NHEAD WILSON. I had a sufficiently +hard time with that tale, because it changed itself from a farce to a +tragedy while I was going along with it--a most embarrassing +circumstance. But what was a great deal worse was, that it was not one +story, but two stories tangled together; and they obstructed and +interrupted each other at every turn and created no end of confusion and +annoyance. I could not offer the book for publication, for I was afraid +it would unseat the reader's reason, I did not know what was the matter +with it, for I had not noticed, as yet, that it was two stories in one. +It took me months to make that discovery. I carried the manuscript back +and forth across the Atlantic two or three times, and read it and studied +over it on shipboard; and at last I saw where the difficulty lay. I had +no further trouble. I pulled one of the stories out by the roots, and +left the other--a kind of literary Caesarean operation. + +Would the reader care to know something about the story which I pulled +out? He has been told many a time how the born-and-trained novelist +works; won't he let me round and complete his knowledge by telling him +how the jackleg does it? + +Originally the story was called THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS. I meant to +make it very short. I had seen a picture of a youthful Italian +"freak"--or "freaks"--which was--or which were--on exhibition in our +cities--a combination consisting of two heads and four arms joined to a +single body and a single pair of legs--and I thought I would write an +extravagantly fantastic little story with this freak of nature for +hero--or heroes--a silly young miss for heroine, and two old ladies and +two boys for the minor parts. I lavishly elaborated these people and +their doings, of course. But the tale kept spreading along and spreading +along, and other people got to intruding themselves and taking up more +and more room with their talk and their affairs. Among them came a +stranger named Pudd'nhead Wilson, and a woman named Roxana; and presently +the doings of these two pushed up into prominence a young fellow named +Tom Driscoll, whose proper place was away in the obscure background. +Before the book was half finished those three were taking things almost +entirely into their own hands and working the whole tale as a private +venture of their own--a tale which they had nothing at all to do with, by +rights. + +When the book was finished and I came to look around to see what had +become of the team I had originally started out with--Aunt Patsy Cooper, +Aunt Betsy Hale, and two boys, and Rowena the lightweight heroine--they +were nowhere to be seen; they had disappeared from the story some time or +other. I hunted about and found them--found them stranded, idle, +forgotten, and permanently useless. It was very awkward. It was awkward +all around, but more particularly in the case of Rowena, because there +was a love match on, between her and one of the twins that constituted +the freak, and I had worked it up to a blistering heat and thrown in a +quite dramatic love quarrel, wherein Rowena scathingly denounced her +betrothed for getting drunk, and scoffed at his explanation of how it had +happened, and wouldn't listen to it, and had driven him from her in the +usual "forever" way; and now here she sat crying and brokenhearted; for +she had found that he had spoken only the truth; that it was not he, but +the other of the freak that had drunk the liquor that made him drunk; +that her half was a prohibitionist and had never drunk a drop in his +life, and altogether tight as a brick three days in the week, was wholly +innocent of blame; and indeed, when sober, was constantly doing all he +could to reform his brother, the other half, who never got any +satisfaction out of drinking, anyway, because liquor never affected him. +Yes, here she was, stranded with that deep injustice of hers torturing +her poor torn heart. + +I didn't know what to do with her. I was as sorry for her as anybody +could be, but the campaign was over, the book was finished, she was +sidetracked, and there was no possible way of crowding her in, anywhere. +I could not leave her there, of course; it would not do. After spreading +her out so, and making such a to-do over her affairs, it would be +absolutely necessary to account to the reader for her. I thought and +thought and studied and studied; but I arrived at nothing. I finally saw +plainly that there was really no way but one--I must simply give her the +grand bounce. It grieved me to do it, for after associating with her so +much I had come to kind of like her after a fashion, notwithstanding she +was such an ass and said such stupid, irritating things and was so +nauseatingly sentimental. Still it had to be done. So at the top of +Chapter XVII I put a "Calendar" remark concerning July the Fourth, and +began the chapter with this statistic: + +"Rowena went out in the backyard after supper to see the fireworks and +fell down the well and got drowned." + +It seemed abrupt, but I thought maybe the reader wouldn't notice it, +because I changed the subject right away to something else. Anyway it +loosened up Rowena from where she was stuck and got her out of the way, +and that was the main thing. It seemed a prompt good way of weeding out +people that had got stalled, and a plenty good enough way for those +others; so I hunted up the two boys and said, "They went out back one +night to stone the cat and fell down the well and got drowned." Next I +searched around and found old Aunt Patsy and Aunt Betsy Hale where they +were around, and said, "They went out back one night to visit the sick +and fell down the well and got drowned." I was going to drown some +others, but I gave up the idea, partly because I believed that if I kept +that up it would arouse attention, and perhaps sympathy with those people, +and partly because it was not a large well and would not hold any more +anyway. + +Still the story was unsatisfactory. Here was a set of new characters who +were become inordinately prominent and who persisted in remaining so to +the end; and back yonder was an older set who made a large noise and a +great to-do for a little while and then suddenly played out utterly and +fell down the well. There was a radical defect somewhere, and I must +search it out and cure it. + +The defect turned out to be the one already spoken of--two stories in +one, a farce and a tragedy. So I pulled out the farce and left the +tragedy. This left the original team in, but only as mere names, not as +characters. Their prominence was wholly gone; they were not even worth +drowning; so I removed that detail. Also I took the twins apart and made +two separate men of them. They had no occasion to have foreign names now, +but it was too much trouble to remove them all through, so I left them +christened as they were and made no explanation. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, by +Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD'NHEAD WILSON *** + +***** This file should be named 102.txt or 102.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/102/ + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Instead of feeling +complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt. + + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +A person who is ignorant of legal matters is always liable to +make mistakes when he tries to photograph a court scene with his pen; +and so I was not willing to let the law chapters in this book +go to press without first subjecting them to rigid and exhausting +revision and correction by a trained barrister--if that is what +they are called. These chapters are right, now, in every detail, +for they were rewritten under the immediate eye of William Hicks, +who studied law part of a while in southwest Missouri thirty-five +years ago and then came over here to Florence for his health and +is still helping for exercise and board in Macaroni Vermicelli's +horse-feed shed, which is up the back alley as you turn around the +corner out of the Piazza del Duomo just beyond the house where that +stone that Dante used to sit on six hundred years ago is let into +the wall when he let on to be watching them build Giotto's campanile +and yet always got tired looking as Beatrice passed along on her way +to get a chunk of chestnut cake to defend herself with in case of a +Ghibelline outbreak before she got to school, at the same old stand +where they sell the same old cake to this day and it is just as light +and good as it was then, too, and this is not flattery, far from it. +He was a little rusty on his law, but he rubbed up for this book, +and those two or three legal chapters are right and straight, now. +He told me so himself. + +Given under my hand this second day of January, 1893, at the Villa Viviani, +village of Settignano, three miles back of Florence, on the hills-- +the same certainly affording the most charming view to be found +on this planet, and with it the most dreamlike and enchanting sunsets +to be found in any planet or even in any solar system--and given, too, +in the swell room of the house, with the busts of Cerretani senators +and other grandees of this line looking approvingly down upon me, +as they used to look down upon Dante, and mutely asking me to adopt them +into my family, which I do with pleasure, for my remotest ancestors +are but spring chickens compared with these robed and stately antiques, +and it will be a great and satisfying lift for me, that six hundred years will. + +Mark Twain. + + +----------------------------------------------------------------- + + +CHAPTER 1 + +Pudd'nhead Wins His Name + + +Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The scene of this chronicle is the town of Dawson's Landing, +on the Missouri side of the Mississippi, half a day's journey, +per steamboat, below St. Louis. + +In 1830 it was a snug collection of modest one- and two- story +frame dwellings, whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed +from sight by climbing tangles of rose vines, honeysuckles, +and morning glories. Each of these pretty homes had a garden in front +fenced with white palings and opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, +touch-me-nots, prince's-feathers, and other old-fashioned flowers; +while on the windowsills of the houses stood wooden boxes containing +moss rose plants and terra-cotta pots in which grew a breed of geranium +whose spread of intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint +of the rose-clad house-front like an explosion of flame. When there was room +on the ledge outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there-- +in sunny weather--stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, +with her furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose. +Then that house was complete, and its contentment and peace were made +manifest to the world by this symbol, whose testimony is infallible. +A home without a cat--and a well-fed, well-petted, and properly revered cat-- +may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? + +All along the streets, on both sides, at the outer edge +of the brick sidewalks, stood locust trees with trunks protected by +wooden boxing, and these furnished shade for summer and a sweet fragrancer +in spring, when the clusters of buds came forth. The main street, +one block back from the river, and running parallel with it, was the +sole business street. It was six blocks long, and in each block two +or three brick stores, three stories high, towered above interjected +bunches of little frame shops. Swinging signs creaked in the wind the +street's whole length. The candy-striped pole, which indicates nobility +proud and ancient along the palace-bordered canals of Venice, indicated +merely the humble barbershop along the main street of Dawson's Landing. +On a chief corner stood a lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top to +bottom with tin pots and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger's noisy +notice to the world (when the wind blew) that his shop was on hand +for business at that corner. + +The hamlet's front was washed by the clear waters of the great river; +its body stretched itself rearward up a gentle incline; +its most rearward border fringed itself out and scattered its houses +about its base line of the hills; the hills rose high, enclosing the +town in a half-moon curve, clothed with forests from foot to summit. + +Steamboats passed up and down every hour or so. Those belonging to +the little Cairo line and the little Memphis line always stopped; +the big Orleans liners stopped for hails only, or to land passengers +or freight; and this was the case also with the great flotilla of +"transients." These latter came out of a dozen rivers-- +the Illinois, the Missouri, the Upper Mississippi, the Ohio, +the Monongahela, the Tennessee, the Red River, the White River, +and so on--and were bound every whither and stocked with every imaginable +comfort or necessity, which the Mississippi's communities could want, +from the frosty Falls of St. Anthony down through nine climates +to torrid New Orleans. + +Dawson's Landing was a slaveholding town, with a rich, slave-worked +grain and pork country back of it. The town was sleepy and comfortable +and contented. It was fifty years old, and was growing slowly-- +very slowly, in fact, but still it was growing. + +The chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old, +judge of the county court. He was very proud of his old Virginian ancestry, +and in his hospitalities and his rather formal and stately manners, +he kept up its traditions. He was fine and just and generous. +To be a gentleman--a gentleman without stain or blemish--was his +only religion, and to it he was always faithful. He was respected, +esteemed, and beloved by all of the community. He was well off, +and was gradually adding to his store. He and his wife were very +nearly happy, but not quite, for they had no children. The longing for +the treasure of a child had grown stronger and stronger as the years +slipped away, but the blessing never came--and was never to come. + +With this pair lived the judge's widowed sister, Mrs. Rachel Pratt, +and she also was childless--childless, and sorrowful for that reason, +and not to be comforted. The women were good and commonplace people, +and did their duty, and had their reward in clear consciences and the +community's approbation. They were Presbyterians, the judge was a freethinker. + +Pembroke Howard, lawyer and bachelor, aged almost forty, was another +old Virginian grandee with proved descent from the First Families. +He was a fine, majestic creature, a gentleman according to the nicest +requirements of the Virginia rule, a devoted Presbyterian, an authority +on the "code", and a man always courteously ready to stand up before you in +the field if any act or word of his had seemed doubtful or suspicious to you, +and explain it with any weapon you might prefer from bradawls to artillery. +He was very popular with the people, and was the judge's dearest friend. + +Then there was Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F.F.V. +of formidable caliber--however, with him we have no concern. + +Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to the judge, and younger than +he by five years, was a married man, and had had children around +his hearthstone; but they were attacked in detail by measles, croup, +and scarlet fever, and this had given the doctor a chance with his +effective antediluvian methods; so the cradles were empty. He was a +prosperous man, with a good head for speculations, and his fortune +was growing. On the first of February, 1830, two boy babes were born +in his house; one to him, one to one of his slave girls, Roxana by name. +Roxana was twenty years old. She was up and around the same day, +with her hands full, for she was tending both babes. + +Mrs. Percy Driscoll died within the week. Roxy remained in charge of +the children. She had her own way, for Mr. Driscoll soon absorbed himself +in his speculations and left her to her own devices. + +In that same month of February, Dawson's Landing gained a new citizen. +This was Mr. David Wilson, a young fellow of Scotch parentage. +He had wandered to this remote region from his birthplace in the interior +of the State of New York, to seek his fortune. He was twenty-five years old, +college bred, and had finished a post-college course in an Eastern +law school a couple of years before. + +He was a homely, freckled, sandy-haired young fellow, with an intelligent +blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in it and a covert twinkle +of a pleasant sort. But for an unfortunate remark of his, he would no +doubt have entered at once upon a successful career at Dawson's Landing. +But he made his fatal remark the first day he spent in the village, +and it "gaged" him. He had just made the acquaintance of a group of +citizens when an invisible dog began to yelp and snarl and howl and make +himself very comprehensively disagreeable, whereupon young Wilson said, +much as one who is thinking aloud: + +"I wish I owned half of that dog." + +"Why?" somebody asked. + +"Because I would kill my half." + +The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, +but found no light there, no expression that they could read. +They fell away from him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy +to discuss him. One said: + +"'Pears to be a fool." + +"'Pears?" said another. "_Is,_ I reckon you better say." + +"Said he wished he owned _half_ of the dog, the idiot," said a third. +"What did he reckon would become of the other half if he killed his half? +Do you reckon he thought it would live?" + +"Why, he must have thought it, unless he IS the downrightest fool +in the world; because if he hadn't thought it, he would have wanted to own +the whole dog, knowing that if he killed his half and the other half died, +he would be responsible for that half just the same as if he had killed +that half instead of his own. Don't it look that way to you, gents?" + +"Yes, it does. If he owned one half of the general dog, it would be so; +if he owned one end of the dog and another person owned the other end, +it would be so, just the same; particularly in the first case, +because if you kill one half of a general dog, there ain't any man +that can tell whose half it was; but if he owned one end of the dog, +maybe he could kill his end of it and--" + +"No, he couldn't either; he couldn't and not be responsible if the other +end died, which it would. In my opinion that man ain't in his right mind." + +"In my opinion he hain't _got_ any mind." + +No. 3 said: "Well, he's a lummox, anyway." + +That's what he is;" said No. 4. "He's a labrick--just a Simon-pure labrick, +if there was one." + +"Yes, sir, he's a dam fool. That's the way I put him up," said No. 5. +"Anybody can think different that wants to, but those are my sentiments." + +"I'm with you, gentlemen," said No. 6. "Perfect jackass--yes, +and it ain't going too far to say he is a pudd'nhead. +If he ain't a pudd'nhead, I ain't no judge, that's all." + +Mr. Wilson stood elected. The incident was told all over the town, +and gravely discussed by everybody. Within a week he had lost his +first name; Pudd'nhead took its place. In time he came to be liked, +and well liked too; but by that time the nickname had got well stuck on, +and it stayed. That first day's verdict made him a fool, and he was not +able to get it set aside, or even modified. The nickname soon ceased to +carry any harsh or unfriendly feeling with it, but it held its place, +and was to continue to hold its place for twenty long years. + + + +CHAPTER 2 + +Driscoll Spares His Slaves + + +Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple +for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. +The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have +eaten the serpent. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Pudd'nhead Wilson had a trifle of money when he arrived, +and he bought a small house on the extreme western verge of the town. +Between it and Judge Driscoll's house there was only a grassy yard, +with a paling fence dividing the properties in the middle. +He hired a small office down in the town and hung out a tin sign +with these words on it: + + + D A V I D W I L S O N + + ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR-AT-LAW + + SURVEYING, CONVEYANCING, ETC. + + +But his deadly remark had ruined his chance--at least in the law. +No clients came. He took down his sign, after a while, and put it +up on his own house with the law features knocked out of it. +It offered his services now in the humble capacities of land surveyor +and expert accountant. Now and then he got a job of surveying to do, +and now and then a merchant got him to straighten out his books. +With Scotch patience and pluck he resolved to live down his reputation +and work his way into the legal field yet. Poor fellow, he could +foresee that it was going to take him such a weary long time to do it. + +He had a rich abundance of idle time, but it never hung heavy on his hands, +for he interested himself in every new thing that was born into the +universe of ideas, and studied it, and experimented upon it at his house. +One of his pet fads was palmistry. To another one he gave no name, +neither would he explain to anybody what its purpose was, but merely +said it was an amusement. In fact, he had found that his fads added to his +reputation as a pudd'nhead; there, he was growing chary of being too +communicative about them. The fad without a name was one which dealt +with people's finger marks. He carried in his coat pocket a shallow box +with grooves in it, and in the grooves strips of glass five inches long +and three inches wide. Along the lower edge of each strip was pasted a +slip of white paper. He asked people to pass their hands through their +hair (thus collecting upon them a thin coating of the natural oil) and then +making a thumb-mark on a glass strip, following it with the mark of the ball +of each finger in succession. Under this row of faint grease prints he +would write a record on the strip of white paper--thus: + + JOHN SMITH, right hand-- + +and add the day of the month and the year, then take Smith's left hand +on another glass strip, and add name and date and the words "left hand." +The strips were now returned to the grooved box, and took their place +among what Wilson called his "records." + +He often studied his records, examining and poring over them with +absorbing interest until far into the night; but what he found there-- +if he found anything--he revealed to no one. Sometimes he copied on +paper the involved and delicate pattern left by the ball of the finger, +and then vastly enlarged it with a pantograph so that he could examine +its web of curving lines with ease and convenience. + +One sweltering afternoon--it was the first day of July, 1830-- +he was at work over a set of tangled account books in his workroom, +which looked westward over a stretch of vacant lots, when a conversation +outside disturbed him. It was carried on it yells, which showed that +the people engaged in it were not close together. + +"Say, Roxy, how does yo' baby come on?" This from the distant voice. + +"Fust-rate. How does _you_ come on, Jasper?" This yell was from close by. + +"Oh, I's middlin'; hain't got noth'n' to complain of, I's gwine to come +a-court'n you bimeby, Roxy." + +"_You_ is, you black mud cat! Yah--yah--yah! I got somep'n' better to do +den 'sociat'n' wid niggers as black as you is. Is ole Miss Cooper's Nancy +done give you de mitten?" Roxy followed this sally with another discharge +of carefree laughter. + +"You's jealous, Roxy, dat's what's de matter wid you, you +hussy--yah--yah--yah! Dat's de time I got you!" + +"Oh, yes, _you_ got me, hain't you. 'Clah to goodness if dat conceit +o' yo'n strikes in, Jasper, it gwine to kill you sho'. If you b'longed +to me, I'd sell you down de river 'fo' you git too fur gone. +Fust time I runs acrost yo' marster, I's gwine to tell him so." + +This idle and aimless jabber went on and on, both parties enjoying the +friendly duel and each well satisfied with his own share of +the wit exchanged--for wit they considered it. + +Wilson stepped to the window to observe the combatants; he could not +work while their chatter continued. Over in the vacant lots was Jasper, +young, coal black, and of magnificent build, sitting on a wheelbarrow +in the pelting sun--at work, supposably, whereas he was in fact only +preparing for it by taking an hour's rest before beginning. In front of +Wilson's porch stood Roxy, with a local handmade baby wagon, +in which sat her two charges--one at each end and facing each other. +From Roxy's manner of speech, a stranger would have expected her to +be black, but she was not. Only one sixteenth of her was black, +and that sixteenth did not show. She was of majestic form and stature, +her attitudes were imposing and statuesque, and her gestures and movements +distinguished by a noble and stately grace. Her complexion was very fair, +with the rosy glow of vigorous health in her cheeks, her face was full +of character and expression, her eyes were brown and liquid, and she +had a heavy suit of fine soft hair which was also brown, but the fact +was not apparent because her head was bound about with a checkered +handkerchief and the hair was concealed under it. Her face was shapely, +intelligent, and comely--even beautiful. She had an easy, independent +carriage--when she was among her own caste--and a high and "sassy" way, +withal; but of course she was meek and humble enough where white people were. + +To all intents and purposes Roxy was as white as anybody, but the one +sixteenth of her which was black outvoted the other fifteen parts and +made her a Negro. She was a slave, and salable as such. Her child was +thirty-one parts white, and he, too, was a slave, and by a fiction of +law and custom a Negro. He had blue eyes and flaxen curls like his +white comrade, but even the father of the white child was able to tell +the children apart--little as he had commerce with them--by their clothes; +for the white babe wore ruffled soft muslin and a coral necklace, +while the other wore merely a coarse tow-linen shirt which barely reached +to its knees, and no jewelry. + +The white child's name was Thomas a Becket Driscoll, the other's name +was Valet de Chambre: no surname--slaves hadn't the privilege. +Roxana had heard that phrase somewhere, the fine sound of it had pleased her +ear, and as she had supposed it was a name, she loaded it on to her darling. +It soon got shorted to "Chambers," of course. + +Wilson knew Roxy by sight, and when the duel of wits begun to play out, +he stepped outside to gather in a record or two. Jasper went to work +energetically, at once, perceiving that his leisure was observed. +Wilson inspected the children and asked: + +"How old are they, Roxy?" + +"Bofe de same age, sir--five months. Bawn de fust o' Feb'uary." + +"They're handsome little chaps. One's just as handsome as the other, too." + +A delighted smile exposed the girl's white teeth, and she said: + +"Bless yo' soul, Misto Wilson, it's pow'ful nice o' you to say dat, +'ca'se one of 'em ain't on'y a nigger. Mighty prime little nigger, +_I_ al'ays says, but dat's 'ca'se it's mine, o' course." + +"How do you tell them apart, Roxy, when they haven't any clothes on?" + +Roxy laughed a laugh proportioned to her size, and said: + +"Oh, _I_ kin tell 'em 'part, Misto Wilson, but I bet Marse Percy +couldn't, not to save his life." + +Wilson chatted along for awhile, and presently got Roxy's fingerprints +for his collection--right hand and left--on a couple of his glass strips; +then labeled and dated them, and took the "records" of both children, +and labeled and dated them also. + +Two months later, on the third of September, he took this trio of finger +marks again. He liked to have a "series," two or three "takings" +at intervals during the period of childhood, these to be followed at +intervals of several years. + +The next day--that is to say, on the fourth of September--something +occurred which profoundly impressed Roxana. Mr. Driscoll missed another +small sum of money--which is a way of saying that this was not a new thing, +but had happened before. In truth, it had happened three times before. +Driscoll's patience was exhausted. He was a fairly humane man toward +slaves and other animals; he was an exceedingly humane man toward the +erring of his own race. Theft he could not abide, and plainly there was +a thief in his house. Necessarily the thief must be one of his Negros. +Sharp measures must be taken. He called his servants before him. +There were three of these, besides Roxy: a man, a woman, and a boy +twelve years old. They were not related. Mr. Driscoll said: + +"You have all been warned before. It has done no good. This time I +will teach you a lesson. I will sell the thief. Which of you is +the guilty one?" + +They all shuddered at the threat, for here they had a good home, +and a new one was likely to be a change for the worse. The denial +was general. None had stolen anything--not money, anyway--a little sugar, +or cake, or honey, or something like that, that "Marse Percy wouldn't +mind or miss" but not money--never a cent of money. They were eloquent +in their protestations, but Mr. Driscoll was not moved by them. +He answered each in turn with a stern "Name the thief!" + +The truth was, all were guilty but Roxana; she suspected that the others +were guilty, but she did not know them to be so. She was horrified +to think how near she had come to being guilty herself; she had been +saved in the nick of time by a revival in the colored Methodist Church, +a fortnight before, at which time and place she "got religion." +The very next day after that gracious experience, while her change of +style was fresh upon her and she was vain of her purified condition, +her master left a couple dollars unprotected on his desk, and she happened +upon that temptation when she was polishing around with a dustrag. +She looked at the money awhile with a steady rising resentment, +then she burst out with: + +"Dad blame dat revival, I wisht it had 'a' be'n put off till tomorrow!" + +Then she covered the tempter with a book, and another member of the +kitchen cabinet got it. She made this sacrifice as a matter of +religious etiquette; as a thing necessary just now, but by no means to +be wrested into a precedent; no, a week or two would limber up her piety, +then she would be rational again, and the next two dollars that got left +out in the cold would find a comforter--and she could name the comforter. + +Was she bad? Was she worse than the general run of her race? No. +They had an unfair show in the battle of life, and they held it no sin +to take military advantage of the enemy--in a small way; in a small way, +but not in a large one. They would smouch provisions from the pantry +whenever they got a chance; or a brass thimble, or a cake of wax, +or an emery bag, or a paper of needles, or a silver spoon, or a dollar bill, +or small articles of clothing, or any other property of light value; +and so far were they from considering such reprisals sinful, that they +would go to church and shout and pray the loudest and sincerest with their +plunder in their pockets. A farm smokehouse had to be kept heavily +padlocked, or even the colored deacon himself could not resist a ham +when Providence showed him in a dream, or otherwise, where such a thing +hung lonesome, and longed for someone to love. But with a hundred hanging +before him, the deacon would not take two--that is, on the same night. +On frosty nights the humane Negro prowler would warm the end of the plank +and put it up under the cold claws of chickens roosting in a tree; +a drowsy hen would step on to the comfortable board, softly clucking +her gratitude, and the prowler would dump her into his bag, and later +into his stomach, perfectly sure that in taking this trifle from the man +who daily robbed him of an inestimable treasure--his liberty--he was +not committing any sin that God would remember against him in the +Last Great Day. + +"Name the thief!" + +For the fourth time Mr. Driscoll had said it, and always in the same +hard tone. And now he added these words of awful import: + +"I give you one minute." He took out his watch. "If at the end of +that time, you have not confessed, I will not only sell all four +of you, BUT--I will sell you DOWN THE RIVER!" + +It was equivalent to condemning them to hell! No Missouri Negro +doubted this. Roxy reeled in her tracks, and the color vanished out +of her face; the others dropped to their knees as if they had been shot; +tears gushed from their eyes, their supplicating hands went up, +and three answers came in the one instant. + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!" + +"I done it!--have mercy, marster--Lord have mercy on us po' niggers!" + +"Very good," said the master, putting up his watch, "I will +sell you _here_ though you don't deserve it. You ought to be sold +down the river." + +The culprits flung themselves prone, in an ecstasy of gratitude, +and kissed his feet, declaring that they would never forget his +goodness and never cease to pray for him as long as they lived. +They were sincere, for like a god he had stretched forth his mighty +hand and closed the gates of hell against them. He knew, himself, +that he had done a noble and gracious thing, and was privately well +pleased with his magnanimity; and that night he set the incident down +in his diary, so that his son might read it in after years, and be +thereby moved to deeds of gentleness and humanity himself. + + + +CHAPTER 3 + +Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick + + +Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, +knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, +the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Percy Driscoll slept well the night he saved his house minions from +going down the river, but no wink of sleep visited Roxy's eyes. +A profound terror had taken possession of her. Her child could grow up +and be sold down the river! The thought crazed her with horror. +If she dozed and lost herself for a moment, the next moment she was +on her feet flying to her child's cradle to see if it was still there. +Then she would gather it to her heart and pour out her love upon it in +a frenzy of kisses, moaning, crying, and saying, "Dey sha'n't, oh, +dey _sha'nt'!'_--yo' po' mammy will kill you fust!" + +Once, when she was tucking him back in its cradle again, the other child +nestled in its sleep and attracted her attention. She went and stood over +it a long time communing with herself. + +"What has my po' baby done, dat he couldn't have yo' luck? +He hain't done nuth'n. God was good to you; why warn't he good to him? +Dey can't sell _you_ down de river. I hates yo' pappy; he hain't got +no heart--for niggers, he hain't, anyways. I hates him, en I could +kill him!" She paused awhile, thinking; then she burst into wild +sobbings again, and turned away, saying, "Oh, I got to kill my chile, +dey ain't no yuther way--killin' _him_ wouldn't save de chile fum goin' +down de river. Oh, I got to do it, yo' po' mammy's got to kill you to +save you, honey." She gathered her baby to her bosom now, and began to +smother it with caresses. "Mammy's got to kill you--how _kin_ I do it! +But yo' mammy ain't gwine to desert you--no, no, _dah_, don't cry-- +she gwine _wid_ you, she gwine to kill herself too. Come along, honey, +come along wid mammy; we gwine to jump in de river, den troubles o' dis +worl' is all over--dey don't sell po' niggers down the river over _yonder_." + +She stared toward the door, crooning to the child and hushing it; +midway she stopped, suddenly. She had caught sight of her new Sunday gown-- +a cheap curtain-calico thing, a conflagration of gaudy colors and +fantastic figures. She surveyed it wistfully, longingly. + +"Hain't ever wore it yet," she said, "en it's just lovely." +Then she nodded her head in response to a pleasant idea, and added, +"No, I ain't gwine to be fished out, wid everybody lookin' at me, +in dis mis'able ole linsey-woolsey." + +She put down the child and made the change. She looked in the glass and +was astonished at her beauty. She resolved to make her death toilet perfect. +She took off her handkerchief turban and dressed her glossy wealth of +hair "like white folks"; she added some odds and ends of rather lurid +ribbon and a spray of atrocious artificial flowers; finally she threw +over her shoulders a fluffy thing called a "cloud" in that day, +which was of a blazing red complexion. Then she was ready for the tomb. + +She gathered up her baby once more; but when her eye fell upon its +miserably short little gray tow-linen shirt and noted the contrast +between its pauper shabbiness and her own volcanic eruption of infernal +splendors, her mother-heart was touched, and she was ashamed. + +"No, dolling mammy ain't gwine to treat you so. De angels is gwine +to 'mire you jist as much as dey does 'yo mammy. Ain't gwine to have +'em putt'n dey han's up 'fo' dey eyes en sayin' to David and Goliah +en dem yuther prophets, 'Dat chile is dress' to indelicate fo' dis place.'" + +By this time she had stripped off the shirt. Now she clothed the naked +little creature in one of Thomas `a Becket's snowy, long baby gowns, +with its bright blue bows and dainty flummery of ruffles. + +"Dah--now you's fixed." She propped the child in a chair and stood +off to inspect it. Straightway her eyes begun to widen with astonishment +and admiration, and she clapped her hands and cried out, +"Why, it do beat all! I _never_ knowed you was so lovely. +Marse Tommy ain't a bit puttier--not a single bit." + +She stepped over and glanced at the other infant;' she flung a glance +back at her own; then one more at the heir of the house. Now a strange +light dawned in her eyes, and in a moment she was lost in thought. +She seemed in a trance; when she came out of it, she muttered, +"When I 'uz a-washin' 'em in de tub, yistiddy, he own pappy asked me +which of 'em was his'n." + +She began to move around like one in a dream. She undressed +Thomas `a Becket, stripping him of everything, and put the tow-linen +shirt on him. She put his coral necklace on her own child's neck. +Then she placed the children side by side, and after earnest +inspection she muttered: + +"Now who would b'lieve clo'es could do de like o' dat? Dog my cats +if it ain't all _I_ kin do to tell t' other fum which, let alone his pappy." + +She put her cub in Tommy's elegant cradle and said: + +"You's young Marse _Tom_ fum dis out, en I got to practice and git used +to 'memberin' to call you dat, honey, or I's gwine to make a mistake +sometime en git us bofe into trouble. Dah--now you lay still en +don't fret no mo', Marse Tom. Oh, thank de lord in heaven, you's saved, +you's saved! Dey ain't no man kin ever sell mammy's po' little +honey down de river now!" + +She put the heir of the house in her own child's unpainted pine cradle, +and said, contemplating its slumbering form uneasily: + +"I's sorry for you, honey; I's sorry, God knows I is--but what _kin_ I do, +what _could_ I do? Yo' pappy would sell him to somebody, sometime, +en den he'd go down de river, sho', en I couldn't, couldn't, +_couldn't_ stan' it." + +She flung herself on her bed and began to think and toss, toss and think. +By and by she sat suddenly upright, for a comforting thought had flown +through her worried mind-- + +"'T ain't no sin--_white_ folks has done it! It ain't no sin, +glory to goodness it ain't no sin! _Dey's_ done it--yes, en dey was +de biggest quality in de whole bilin', too--_kings!"_ + +She began to muse; she was trying to gather out of her memory the +dim particulars of some tale she had heard some time or other. +At last she said-- + +"Now I's got it; now I 'member. It was dat ole nigger preacher dat +tole it, de time he come over here fum Illinois en preached in +de nigger church. He said dey ain't nobody kin save his own self-- +can't do it by faith, can't do it by works, can't do it no way at all. +Free grace is de _on'y_ way, en dat don't come fum nobody but jis' de Lord; +en _he_ kin give it to anybody He please, saint or sinner--_he_ don't kyer. +He do jis' as He's a mineter. He s'lect out anybody dat suit Him, +en put another one in his place, and make de fust one happy forever +en leave t' other one to burn wid Satan. De preacher said it was jist +like dey done in Englan' one time, long time ago. De queen she lef' +her baby layin' aroun' one day, en went out callin'; an one 'o de +niggers roun'bout de place dat was 'mos' white, she come in en see de +chile layin' aroun', en tuck en put her own chile's clo's on +de queen's chile, en put de queen's chile's clo'es on her own chile, +en den lef' her own chile layin' aroun', en tuck en toted de queen's +chile home to de nigger quarter, en nobody ever foun' it out, +en her chile was de king bimeby, en sole de queen's chile down de +river one time when dey had to settle up de estate. Dah, now--de preacher +said it his own self, en it ain't no sin, 'ca'se white folks done it. +DEY done it--yes, DEY done it; en not on'y jis' common white folks nuther, +but de biggest quality dey is in de whole bilin'. _Oh_, I's _so_ glad I +'member 'bout dat!" + +She got lighthearted and happy, and went to the cradles, and spent what +was left of the night "practicing." She would give her own child a +light pat and say humbly, "Lay still, Marse Tom," then give the real +Tom a pat and say with severity, "Lay _still_, Chambers! Does you want +me to take somep'n _to_ you?" + +As she progressed with her practice, she was surprised to see how steadily +and surely the awe which had kept her tongue reverent and her manner +humble toward her young master was transferring itself to her speech +and manner toward the usurper, and how similarly handy she was becoming +in transferring her motherly curtness of speech and peremptoriness of +manner to the unlucky heir of the ancient house of Driscoll. + +She took occasional rests from practicing, and absorbed herself in +calculating her chances. + +"Dey'll sell dese niggers today fo' stealin' de money, den dey'll +buy some mo' dat don't now de chillen--so _dat's_ all right. When I takes +de chillen out to git de air, de minute I's roun' de corner I's gwine +to gaum dey mouths all roun' wid jam, den dey can't _nobody_ notice +dey's changed. Yes, I gwine ter do dat till I's safe, if it's a year. + +"Dey ain't but one man dat I's afeard of, en dat's dat Pudd'nhead Wilson. +Dey calls him a pudd'nhead, en says he's a fool. My lan, dat man +ain't no mo' fool den I is! He's de smartes' man in dis town, +lessn' it's Jedge Driscoll or maybe Pem Howard. Blame dat man, +he worries me wid dem ornery glasses o' his'n; _I_ b'lieve he's a witch. +But nemmine, I's gwine to happen aroun' dah one o' dese days en let +on dat I reckon he wants to print a chillen's fingers ag'in; en if HE +don't notice dey's changed, I bound dey ain't nobody gwine to notice it, +en den I's safe, sho'. But I reckon I'll tote along a hoss-shoe to +keep off de witch work." + +The new Negros gave Roxy no trouble, of course. The master gave her none, +for one of his speculations was in jeopardy, and his mind was so +occupied that he hardly saw the children when he looked at them, +and all Roxy had to do was to get them both into a gale of laughter +when he came about; then their faces were mainly cavities exposing gums, +and he was gone again before the spasm passed and the little creatures +resumed a human aspect. + +Within a few days the fate of the speculation became so dubious that +Mr. Percy went away with his brother, the judge, to see what could be +done with it. It was a land speculation as usual, and it had gotten +complicated with a lawsuit. The men were gone seven weeks. Before they +got back, Roxy had paid her visit to Wilson, and was satisfied. +Wilson took the fingerprints, labeled them with the names and with the date-- +October the first--put them carefully away, and continued his chat +with Roxy, who seemed very anxious that he should admire the great +advance in flesh and beauty which the babes had made since he took +their fingerprints a month before. He complimented their improvement +to her contentment; and as they were without any disguise of jam +or other stain, she trembled all the while and was miserably frightened +lest at any moment he-- + +But he didn't. He discovered nothing; and she went home jubilant, +and dropped all concern about the matter permanently out of her mind. + + + + +CHAPTER 4 + +The Ways of the Changelings + + +Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, +that they escaped teething. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +There is this trouble about special providences--namely, there is +so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. +In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, +the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than +the prophet did, because they got the children. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + + +This history must henceforth accommodate itself to the change which +Roxana has consummated, and call the real heir "Chambers" and the +usurping little slave, "Thomas `a Becket"--shortening this latter +name to "Tom," for daily use, as the people about him did. + +"Tom" was a bad baby, from the very beginning of his usurpation. +He would cry for nothing; he would burst into storms of devilish +temper without notice, and let go scream after scream and squall +after squall, then climax the thing with "holding his breath"-- +that frightful specialty of the teething nursling, in the throes of +which the creature exhausts its lungs, then is convulsed with noiseless +squirmings and twistings and kickings in the effort to get its breath, +while the lips turn blue and the mouth stands wide and rigid, +offering for inspection one wee tooth set in the lower rim of a hoop +of red gums; and when the appalling stillness has endured until one +is sure the lost breath will never return, a nurse comes flying, +and dashes water in the child's face, and--presto! the lungs fill, +and instantly discharge a shriek, or a yell, or a howl which bursts the +listening ear and surprises the owner of it into saying words which +would not go well with a halo if he had one. The baby Tom would claw +anybody who came within reach of his nails, and pound anybody he could +reach with his rattle. He would scream for water until he got it, +and then throw cup and all on the floor and scream for more. +He was indulged in all his caprices, howsoever troublesome and +exasperating they might be; he was allowed to eat anything he wanted, +particularly things that would give him the stomach-ache. + +When he got to be old enough to begin to toddle about and say broken +words and get an idea of what his hands were for, he was a more +consummate pest than ever. Roxy got no rest while he was awake. +He would call for anything and everything he saw, simply saying, +"Awnt it!" (want it), which was a command. When it was brought, +he said in a frenzy, and motioning it away with his hands, +"Don't awnt it! don't awnt it!" and the moment it was gone he set up +frantic yells of "Awnt it! awnt it!" and Roxy had to give wings to +her heels to get that thing back to him again before he could get time +to carry out his intention of going into convulsions about it. + +What he preferred above all other things was the tongs. +This was because his "father" had forbidden him to have them lest +he break windows and furniture with them. The moment Roxy's back +was turned he would toddle to the presence of the tongs and say, +"Like it!" and cock his eye to one side or see if Roxy was observed; +then, "Awnt it!" and cock his eye again; then, "Hab it!" with another +furtive glace; and finally, "Take it!"--and the prize was his. +The next moment the heavy implement was raised aloft; the next, +there was a crash and a squall, and the cat was off on three legs to +meet an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as the lamp or a window +went to irremediable smash. + +Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none. Tom got all the delicacies, +Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar. In consequence Tom +was a sickly child and Chambers wasn't. Tom was "fractious," as Roxy +called it, and overbearing; Chambers was meek and docile. + +With all her splendid common sense and practical everyday ability, +Roxy was a doting fool of a mother. She was this toward her child-- +and she was also more than this: by the fiction created by herself, +he was become her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation +outwardly and of perfecting herself in the forms required to express +the recognition, had moved her to such diligence and faithfulness in +practicing these forms that this exercise soon concreted itself into habit; +it became automatic and unconscious; then a natural result followed: +deceptions intended solely for others gradually grew practically +into self-deceptions as well; the mock reverence became real reverence, +the mock homage real homage; the little counterfeit rift of separation +between imitation-slave and imitation-master widened and widened, +and became an abyss, and a very real one-- and on one side of it +stood Roxy, the dupe of her own deceptions, and on the other stood +her child, no longer a usurper to her, but her accepted and +recognized master. He was her darling, her master, and her deity +all in one, and in her worship of him she forgot who she was and +what he had been. + +In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, +and Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and +resenting it, the advantage all lay with the former policy. +The few times that his persecutions had moved him beyond control +and made him fight back had cost him very dear at headquarters; +not at the hands of Roxy, for if she ever went beyond scolding +him sharply for "forgett'n' who his young marster was," she at +least never extended her punishment beyond a box on the ear. +No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told Chambers that under no +provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his hand against his +little master. Chambers overstepped the line three times, and got +three such convincing canings from the man who was his father and +didn't know it, that he took Tom's cruelties in all humility after that, +and made no more experiments. + +Outside the house the two boys were together all through +their boyhood. Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; +strong because he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, +and a good fighter because Tom furnished him plenty of practice-- +on white boys whom he hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his +constant bodyguard, to and from school; he was present on the +playground at recess to protect his charge. He fought himself into +such a formidable reputation, by and by, that Tom could have changed +clothes with him, and "ridden in peace," like Sir Kay in Launcelot's armor. + +He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to +play "keeps" with, and then took all the winnings away from him. +In the winter season Chambers was on hand, in Tom's worn-out clothes, +with "holy" red mittens, and "holy" shoes, and pants "holy" at the +knees and seat, to drag a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, +to ride down on; but he never got a ride himself. He built snowmen +and snow fortifications under Tom's directions. He was Tom's patient +target when Tom wanted to do some snowballing, but the target couldn't +fire back. Chambers carried Tom's skates to the river and strapped +them on him, the trotted around after him on the ice, so as to be on +hand when he wanted; but he wasn't ever asked to try the skates himself. + +In summer the pet pastime of the boys of Dawson's Landing was to +steal apples, peaches, and melons from the farmer's fruit wagons-- +mainly on account of the risk they ran of getting their heads laid +open with the butt of the farmer's whip. Tom was a distinguished adept +at these thefts--by proxy. Chambers did his stealing, and got the +peach stones, apple cores, and melon rinds for his share. + +Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as +a protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots +in Chamber's shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to undo, +then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged +at the stubborn knots with his teeth. + +Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of +native viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his +superiorities of physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. +Tom couldn't dive, for it gave him splitting headaches. +Chambers could dive without inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. +He excited so much admiration, one day, among a crowd of white boys, +by throwing back somersaults from the stern of a canoe, that it wearies +Tom's spirit, and at last he shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while +he was in the air--so he came down on his head in the canoe bottom; +and while he lay unconscious, several of Tom's ancient adversaries saw +that their long-desired opportunity was come, and they gave the false heir +such a drubbing that with Chamber's best help he was hardly able to drag +himself home afterward. + +When the boys was fifteen and upward, Tom was "showing off" in the river +one day, when he was taken with a cramp, and shouted for help. +It was a common trick with the boys--particularly if a stranger +was present--to pretend a cramp and howl for help; then when the +stranger came tearing hand over hand to the rescue, the howler would +go on struggling and howling till he was close at hand, then replace +the howl with a sarcastic smile and swim blandly away, while the +town boys assailed the dupe with a volley of jeers and laughter. +Tom had never tried this joke as yet, but was supposed to be trying +it now, so the boys held warily back; but Chambers believed his master +was in earnest; therefore, he swam out, and arrived in time, +unfortunately, and saved his life. + +This was the last feather. Tom had managed to endure everything else, +but to have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation +as this to a nigger, and to this nigger of all niggers--this was too much. +He heaped insults upon Chambers for "pretending" to think he was in +earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody but a blockheaded +nigger would have known he was funning and left him alone. + +Tom's enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their +opinions quite freely. The laughed at him, and called him coward, +liar, sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant +to call Chambers by a new name after this, and make it common +in the town--"Tom Driscoll's nigger pappy,"--to signify that he +had had a second birth into this life, and that Chambers was the author +of his new being. Tom grew frantic under these taunts, and shouted: + +"Knock their heads off, Chambers! Knock their heads off! +What do you stand there with your hands in your pockets for?" + +Chambers expostulated, and said, "But, Marse Tom, dey's too +many of 'em--dey's--" + +"Do you hear me?" + +"Please, Marse Tom, don't make me! Dey's so many of 'em dat--" + +Tom sprang at him and drove his pocketknife into him two or three +times before the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad +a chance to escape. He was considerably hurt, but not seriously. +If the blade had been a little longer, his career would have ended there. + +Tom had long ago taught Roxy "her place." It had been many a day now +since she had ventured a caress or a fondling epithet in his quarter. +Such things, from a "nigger," were repulsive to him, and she had been +warned to keep her distance and remember who she was. She saw her +darling gradually cease from being her son, she saw THAT detail +perish utterly; all that was left was master--master, pure and simple, +and it was not a gentle mastership, either. She saw herself sink from the +sublime height of motherhood to the somber depths of unmodified slavery, +the abyss of separation between her and her boy was complete. +She was merely his chattel now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing +and helpless slave, the humble and unresisting victim of his capricious +temper and vicious nature. + +Sometimes she could not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, +because her rage boiled so high over the day's experiences with her boy. +She would mumble and mutter to herself: + +"He struck me en I warn't no way to blame--struck me in de face, +right before folks. En he's al'ays callin' me nigger wench, en hussy, +en all dem mean names, when I's doin' de very bes' I kin. +Oh, Lord, I done so much for him--I lif' him away up to what he is-- +en dis is what I git for it." + +Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to +the heart, she would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in the fancied +spectacle of his exposure to the world as an imposter and a slave; +but in the midst of these joys fear would strike her; she had made him +too strong; she could prove nothing, and--heavens, she might get sold +down the river for her pains! So her schemes always went for nothing, +and she laid them aside in impotent rage against the fates, +and against herself for playing the fool on that fatal September day +in not providing herself with a witness for use in the day when such a +thing might be needed for the appeasing of her vengeance-hungry heart. + +And yet the moment Tom happened to be good to her, and kind-- +and this occurred every now and then--all her sore places were healed, +and she was happy; happy and proud, for this was her son, her nigger son, +lording it among the whites and securely avenging their crimes +against her race. + +There were two grand funerals in Dawson's Landing that fall--the fall +of 1845. One was that of Colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, +the other that of Percy Driscoll. + +On his deathbed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized +ostensible son solemnly into the keeping of his brother, the judge, +and his wife. Those childless people were glad to get him. +Childless people are not difficult to please. + +Judge Driscoll had gone privately to his brother, a month before, +and bought Chambers. He had heard that Tom had been trying to get +his father to sell the boy down the river, and he wanted to prevent +the scandal--for public sentiment did not approve of that way of treating +family servants for light cause or for no cause. + +Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great +speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding. +He was hardly in his grave before the boom collapsed and left his +envied young devil of an heir a pauper. But that was nothing; his uncle +told him he should be his heir and have all his fortune when he died; +so Tom was comforted. + +Roxy had no home now; so she resolved to go around and say good-by to +her friends and then clear out and see the world--that is to say, +she would go chambermaiding on a steamboat, the darling ambition of her +race and sex. + +Her last call was on the black giant, Jasper. She found him chopping +Pudd'nhead Wilson's winter provision of wood. + +Wilson was chatting with him when Roxy arrived. He asked her how she +could bear to go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly +offered to copy off a series of their fingerprints, reaching up to their +twelfth year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a moment, +wondering if he suspected anything; then she said she believed she +didn't want them. Wilson said to himself, "The drop of black blood in +her is superstitious; she thinks there's some devilry, some witch business +about my glass mystery somewhere; she used to come here with an old +horseshoe in her hand; it could have been an accident, but I doubt it." + + + + +CHAPTER 5 + +The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing + + +Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; +cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +Remark of Dr. Baldwin's, concerning upstarts: We don't care +to eat toadstools that think they are truffles. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Mrs. York Driscoll enjoyed two years of bliss with that prize, +Tom--bliss that was troubled a little at times, it is true, +but bliss nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and his +childless sister, Mrs. Pratt, continued this bliss-business at the +old stand. Tom was petted and indulged and spoiled to his entire +content--or nearly that. This went on till he was nineteen, +then he was sent to Yale. He went handsomely equipped with "conditions," +but otherwise he was not an object of distinction there. +He remained at Yale two years, and then threw up the struggle. +He came home with his manners a good deal improved; he had lost his +surliness and brusqueness, and was rather pleasantly soft and smooth, now; +he was furtively, and sometimes openly, ironical of speech, and given +to gently touching people on the raw, but he did it with a good-natured +semiconscious air that carried it off safely, and kept him from getting +into trouble. He was as indolent as ever and showed no very strenuous +desire to hunt up an occupation. People argued from this that he +preferred to be supported by his uncle until his uncle's shoes should +become vacant. He brought back one or two new habits with him, +one of which he rather openly practiced--tippling--but concealed another, +which was gambling. It would not do to gamble where his uncle could +hear of it; he knew that quite well. + +Tom's Eastern polish was not popular among the young people. +They could have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; +but he wore gloves, and that they couldn't stand, and wouldn't; +so he was mainly without society. He brought home with him a +suit of clothes of such exquisite style and cut in fashion-- +Eastern fashion, city fashion--that it filled everybody with anguish +and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton affront. He enjoyed the +feeling which he was exciting, and paraded the town serene and +happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to work that night, +and when Tom started out on his parade next morning, he found the old +deformed Negro bell ringer straddling along in his wake tricked out +in a flamboyant curtain-calico exaggeration of his finery, +and imitating his fancy Eastern graces as well as he could. + +Tom surrendered, and after that clothed himself in the local fashion. +But the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his +acquaintanceship with livelier regions, and it grew daily more +and more so. He began to make little trips to St. Louis for refreshment. +There he found companionship to suit him, and pleasures to his taste, +along with more freedom, in some particulars, than he could have at home. +So, during the next two years, his visits to the city grew in frequency +and his tarryings there grew steadily longer in duration. + +He was getting into deep waters. He was taking chances, privately, +which might get him into trouble some day--in fact, _did_. + +Judge Driscoll had retired from the bench and from all business +activities in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years. +He was president of the Freethinkers' Society, and Pudd'nhead Wilson +was the other member. The society's weekly discussions were now the +old lawyer's main interest in life. Pudd'nhead was still toiling in +obscurity at the bottom of the ladder, under the blight of that unlucky +remark which he had let fall twenty-three years before about the dog. + +Judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above +the average, but that was regarded as one of the judge's whims, +and it failed to modify the public opinion. Or rather, that was one +of the reason why it failed, but there was another and better one. +If the judge had stopped with bare assertion, it would have had a good +deal of effect; but he made the mistake of trying to prove his position. +For some years Wilson had been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, +for his amusement--a calendar, with a little dab of ostensible philosophy, +usually in ironical form, appended to each date; and the judge thought +that these quips and fancies of Wilson's were neatly turned and cute; +so he carried a handful of them around one day, and read them to some +of the chief citizens. But irony was not for those people; +their mental vision was not focused for it. They read those playful +trifles in the solidest terms, and decided without hesitancy that if +there had ever been any doubt that Dave Wilson was a pudd'nhead-- +which there hadn't--this revelation removed that doubt for good and all. +That is just the way in this world; an enemy can partly ruin a man, +but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and +make it perfect. After this the judge felt tenderer than ever toward +Wilson, and surer than ever that his calendar had merit. + +Judge Driscoll could be a freethinker and still hold his place in +society because he was the person of most consequence to the community, +and therefore could venture to go his own way and follow out his +own notions. The other member of his pet organization was allowed the +like liberty because he was a cipher in the estimation of the public, +and nobody attached any importance to what he thought or did. +He was liked, he was welcome enough all around, but he simply +didn't count for anything. + +The Widow Cooper--affectionately called "Aunt Patsy" by everybody-- +lived in a snug and comely cottage with her daughter Rowena, +who was nineteen, romantic, amiable, and very pretty, but otherwise +of no consequence. Rowena had a couple of young brothers-- +also of no consequence. + +The widow had a large spare room, which she let to a lodger, with board, +when she could find one, but this room had been empty for a year now, +to her sorrow. Her income was only sufficient for the family support, +and she needed the lodging money for trifling luxuries. But now, at last, +on a flaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; +her year-worn advertisement had been answered; and not by a village +applicant, no, no!--this letter was from away off yonder in the dim great +world to the North; it was from St. Louis. She sat on her porch gazing +out with unseeing eyes upon the shining reaches of the mighty Mississippi, +her thoughts steeped in her good fortune. Indeed it was specially +good fortune, for she was to have two lodgers instead of one. + +She had read the letter to the family, and Rowena had danced away to see +to the cleaning and airing of the room by the slave woman, Nancy, +and the boys had rushed abroad in the town to spread the great news, +for it was a matter of public interest, and the public would wonder +and not be pleased if not informed. Presently Rowena returned, +all ablush with joyous excitement, and begged for a rereading of the letter. +It was framed thus: + +HONORED MADAM: My brother and I have seen your advertisement, by chance, +and beg leave to take the room you offer. We are twenty-four years +of age and twins. We are Italians by birth, but have lived long in +the various countries of Europe, and several years in the United States. +Our names are Luigi and Angelo Capello. You desire but one guest; +but, dear madam, if you will allow us to pay for two, we will not +incommode you. We shall be down Thursday. + +"Italians! How romantic! Just think, Ma--there's never been one +in this town, and everybody will be dying to see them, and they're +all OURS! Think of that!" + +"Yes, I reckon they'll make a grand stir." + +"Oh, indeed they will. The whole town will be on its head! +Think--they've been in Europe and everywhere! There's never been a +traveler in this town before, Ma, I shouldn't wonder if they've seen kings!" + +"Well, a body can't tell, but they'll make stir enough, without that." + +"Yes, that's of course. Luigi--Angelo. They're lovely names; +and so grand and foreign--not like Jones and Robinson and such. +Thursday they are coming, and this is only Tuesday; it's a cruel +long time to wait. Here comes Judge Driscoll in at the gate. +He's heard about it. I'll go and open the door." + +The judge was full of congratulations and curiosity. The letter was +read and discussed. Soon Justice Robinson arrived with more +congratulations, and there was a new reading and a new discussion. +This was the beginning. Neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, +followed, and the procession drifted in and out all day and evening +and all Wednesday and Thursday. The letter was read and reread until +it was nearly worn out; everybody admired its courtly and gracious tone, +and smooth and practiced style, everybody was sympathetic and excited, +and the Coopers were steeped in happiness all the while. + +The boats were very uncertain in low water in these primitive times. +This time the Thursday boat had not arrived at ten at night-- +so the people had waited at the landing all day for nothing; +they were driven to their homes by a heavy storm without having had +a view of the illustrious foreigners. + +Eleven o'clock came; and the Cooper house was the only one in the town +that still had lights burning. The rain and thunder were booming yet, +and the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping. +At last there was a knock at the door, and the family jumped to open it. +Two Negro men entered, each carrying a trunk, and proceeded upstairs +toward the guest room. Then entered the twins--the handsomest, +the best dressed, the most distinguished-looking pair of young fellows +the West had ever seen. One was a little fairer than the other, +but otherwise they were exact duplicates. + + + + +CHAPTER 6 + +Swimming in Glory + + +Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the +undertaker will be sorry. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, +but coaxed downstairs at step at a time. + + --Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +At breakfast in the morning, the twins' charm of manner and easy and +polished bearing made speedy conquest of the family's good graces. +All constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and the friendliest +feeling succeeded. Aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names +almost from the beginning. She was full of the keenest curiosity +about them, and showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, +which pleased her greatly. It presently appeared that in their early +youth they had known poverty and hardship. As the talk wandered along, +the old lady watched for the right place to drop in a question or two +concerning that matter, and when she found it, she said to the blond twin, +who was now doing the biographies in his turn while the brunette one rested: + +"If it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr. Angelo, how did you +come to be so friendless and in such trouble when you were little? +Do you mind telling? But don't, if you do." + +"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in our case it was merely misfortune, +and nobody's fault. Our parents were well to do, there in Italy, +and we were their only child. We were of the old Florentine nobility"-- +Rowena's heart gave a great bound, her nostrils expanded, +and a fine light played in her eyes--"and when the war broke out, +my father was on the losing side and had to fly for his life. +His estates were confiscated, his personal property seized, and there +we were, in Germany, strangers, friendless, and in fact paupers. +My brother and I were ten years old, and well educated for that age, +very studious, very fond of our books, and well grounded in the German, +French, Spanish, and English languages. Also, we were marvelous musical +prodigies--if you will allow me to say it, it being only the truth. + +"Our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother soon +followed him, and we were alone in the world. Our parents could have +made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and they had +many and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, +and they said they would starve and die first. But what they +wouldn't consent to do, we had to do without the formality of consent. +We were seized for the debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, +and placed among the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the +liquidation money. It took us two years to get out of that slavery. +We traveled all about Germany, receiving no wages, and not even our keep. +We had to be exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread. + +"Well, madam, the rest is not of much consequence. When we escaped from +that slavery at twelve years of age, we were in some respects men. +Experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, +how to take care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks +and sharpers, and how to conduct our own business for our own profit and +without other people's help. We traveled everywhere--years and years-- +picking up smatterings of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves +with strange sights and strange customs, accumulating an education +of a wide and varied and curious sort. It was a pleasant life. +We went to Venice--to London, Paris, Russia, India, China, Japan--" + +At this point Nancy, the slave woman, thrust her head in at +the door and exclaimed: + +"Ole Missus, de house of plum' jam full o' people, en dey's +jes a-spi'lin' to see de gen'lemen!" She indicated the twins +with a nod of her head, and tucked it back out of sight again. + +It was a proud occasion for the widow, and she promised +herself high satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds +before her neighbors and friends--simple folk who had hardly ever +seen a foreigner of any kind, and never one of any distinction or style. +Yet her feeling was moderate indeed when contrasted with Rowena's. +Rowena was in the clouds, she walked on air; this was to be the +greatest day, the most romantic episode in the colorless history of +that dull country town. She was to be familiarly near the source of +its glory and feel the full flood of it pour over her and about her; +the other girls could only gaze and envy, not partake. + +The widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners. + +The party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered +the open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation. +The twins took a position near the door, the widow stood at Luigi's side, +Rowena stood beside Angelo, and the march-past and the introductions began. +The widow was all smiles and contentment. She received the procession +and passed it on to Rowena. + +"Good mornin', Sister Cooper"--handshake. + +"Good morning, Brother Higgins--Count Luigi Capello, Mr. Higgins"-- +handshake, followed by a devouring stare and "I'm glad to see ye," +on the part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of the head +and a pleasant "Most happy!" on the part of Count Luigi. + +"Good mornin', Roweny"--handshake. + +"Good morning, Mr. Higgins--present you to Count Angelo Capello." +Handshake, admiring stare, "Glad to see ye"--courteous nod, +smily "Most happy!" and Higgins passes on. + +None of these visitors was at ease, but, being honest people, +they didn't pretend to be. None of them had ever seen a person +bearing a title of nobility before, and none had been expecting to +see one now, consequently the title came upon them as a kind of +pile-driving surprise and caught them unprepared. A few tried to rise +to the emergency, and got out an awkward "My lord," or "Your lordship," +or something of that sort, but the great majority were overwhelmed by +the unaccustomed word and its dim and awful associations with gilded +courts and stately ceremony and anointed kingship, so they only +fumbled through the handshake and passed on, speechless. Now and then, +as happens at all receptions everywhere, a more than ordinary friendly soul +blocked the procession and kept it waiting while he inquired how the +brothers liked the village, and how long they were going to stay, +and if their family was well, and dragged in the weather, and hoped +it would get cooler soon, and all that sort of thing, so as to be +able to say, when he got home, "I had quite a long talk with them"; +but nobody did or said anything of a regrettable kind, and so the great +affair went through to the end in a creditable and satisfactory fashion. + +General conversation followed, and the twins drifted about +from group to group, talking easily and fluently and winning +approval, compelling admiration and achieving favor from all. +The widow followed their conquering march with a proud eye, +and every now and then Rowena said to herself with deep satisfaction, +"And to think they are ours--all ours!" + +There were no idle moments for mother or daughter. Eager inquiries +concerning the twins were pouring into their enchanted ears all +the time; each was the constant center of a group of breathless listeners; +each recognized that she knew now for the first time the real meaning +of that great word Glory, and perceived the stupendous value of it, +and understand why men in all ages had been willing to throw away +meaner happiness, treasure, life itself, to get a taste of its sublime +and supreme joy. Napoleon and all his kind stood accounted for-- +and justified. + +When Rowena had at last done all her duty by the people in the parlor, +she went upstairs to satisfy the longings of an overflow meeting there, +for the parlor was not big enough to hold all the comers. +Again she was besieged by eager questioners, and again she swam in +sunset seas of glory. When the forenoon was nearly gone, she recognized +with a pang that this most splendid episode of her life was almost over, +that nothing could prolong it, that nothing quite its equal could ever +fall to her fortune again. But never mind, it was sufficient unto itself, +the grand occasion had moved on an ascending scale from the start, +and was a noble and memorable success. If the twins could but do some +crowning act now to climax it, something usual, something startling, +something to concentrate upon themselves the company's loftiest admiration, +something in the nature of an electric surprise-- + +Here a prodigious slam-banging broke out below, and everybody rushed +down to see. It was the twins, knocking out a classic four-handed +piece on the piano in great style. Rowena was satisfied--satisfied +down to the bottom of her heart. + +The young strangers were kept long at the piano. The villagers were +astonished and enchanted with the magnificence of their performance, +and could not bear to have them stop. All the music that they had ever +heard before seemed spiritless prentice-work and barren of grace and +charm when compared with these intoxicating floods of melodious sound. +They realized that for once in their lives they were hearing masters. + + + + +CHAPTER 7 + +The Unknown Nymph + + +One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie +is that a cat has only nine lives. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The company broke up reluctantly, and drifted toward their several homes, +chatting with vivacity and all agreeing that it would be many a long +day before Dawson's Landing would see the equal of this one again. +The twins had accepted several invitations while the reception +was in progress, and had also volunteered to play some duets at +an amateur entertainment for the benefit of a local charity. +Society was eager to receive them to its bosom. Judge Driscoll had +the good fortune to secure them for an immediate drive, and to be +the first to display them in public. They entered his buggy with him +and were paraded down the main street, everybody flocking to the windows +and sidewalks to see. + +The judge showed the strangers the new graveyard, and the jail, +and where the richest man lived, and the Freemasons' hall, +and the Methodist church, and the Presbyterian church, and where the +Baptist church was going to be when they got some money to build it with, +and showed them the town hall and the slaughterhouse, and got out +of the independent fire company in uniform and had them put out +an imaginary fire; then he let them inspect the muskets of the +militia company, and poured out an exhaustless stream of enthusiasm +over all these splendors, and seemed very well satisfied with the +responses he got, for the twins admired his admiration, and paid him +back the best they could, though they could have done better if +some fifteen or sixteen hundred thousand previous experiences of this +sort in various countries had not already rubbed off a considerable part +of the novelty in it. + +The judge laid himself out hospitality to make them have a good time, +and if there was a defect anywhere, it was not his fault. +He told them a good many humorous anecdotes, and always forgot the nub, +but they were always able to furnish it, for these yarns were of a +pretty early vintage, and they had had many a rejuvenating pull +at them before. And he told them all about his several dignities, +and how he had held this and that and the other place of honor or profit, +and had once been to the legislature, and was now president of the +Society of Freethinkers. He said the society had been in existence +four years, and already had two members, and was firmly established. +He would call for the brothers in the evening, if they would like +to attend a meeting of it. + +Accordingly he called for them, and on the way he told them all about +Pudd'nhead Wilson, in order that they might get a favorable impression +of him in advance and be prepared to like him. This scheme succeeded-- +the favorable impression was achieved. Later it was confirmed and +solidified when Wilson proposed that out of courtesy to the strangers +the usual topics be put aside and the hour be devoted to conversation upon +ordinary subjects and the cultivation of friendly relations and +good-fellowship--a proposition which was put to vote and carried. + +The hour passed quickly away in lively talk, and when it was ended, +the lonesome and neglected Wilson was richer by two friends than he +had been when it began. He invited the twins to look in at his +lodgings presently, after disposing of an intervening engagement, +and they accepted with pleasure. + +Toward the middle of the evening, they found themselves on the road +to his house. Pudd'nhead was at home waiting for them and putting +in his time puzzling over a thing which had come under his notice +that morning. The matter was this: He happened to be up very early-- +at dawn, in fact; and he crossed the hall, which divided his cottage +through the center, and entered a room to get something there. +The window of the room had no curtains, for that side of the house +had long been unoccupied, and through this window he caught sight of +something which surprised and interested him. It was a young woman-- +a young woman where properly no young woman belonged; for she was in +Judge Driscoll's house, and in the bedroom over the judge's private +study or sitting room. This was young Tom Driscoll's bedroom. +He and the judge, the judge's widowed sister Mrs. Pratt, and three Negro +servants were the only people who belonged in the house. Who, then, +might this young lady be? The two houses were separated by an +ordinary yard, with a low fence running back through its middle +from the street in front to the lane in the rear. The distance was +not great, and Wilson was able to see the girl very well, +the window shades of the room she was in being up, and the window also. +The girl had on a neat and trim summer dress, patterned in broad stripes +of pink and white, and her bonnet was equipped with a pink veil. +She was practicing steps, gaits and attitudes, apparently; she was +doing the thing gracefully, and was very much absorbed in her work. +Who could she be, and how came she to be in young Tom Driscoll's room? + +Wilson had quickly chosen a position from which he could watch the girl +without running much risk of being seen by her, and he remained there +hoping she would raise her veil and betray her face. But she +disappointed him. After a matter of twenty minutes she disappeared +and although he stayed at his post half an hour longer, she came no more. + +Toward noon he dropped in at the judge's and talked with Mrs. Pratt +about the great event of the day, the levee of the distinguished +foreigners at Aunt Patsy Cooper's. He asked after her nephew Tom, +and she said he was on his way home and that she was expecting him +to arrive a little before night, and added that she and the judge +were gratified to gather from his letters that he was conducting himself +very nicely and creditably--at which Wilson winked to himself privately. +Wilson did not ask if there was a newcomer in the house, but he asked +questions that would have brought light-throwing answers as to that +matter if Mrs. Pratt had had any light to throw; so he went away +satisfied that he knew of things that were going on in her house +of which she herself was not aware. + +He was now awaiting for the twins, and still puzzling over the problem +of who that girl might be, and how she happened to be in that +young fellow's room at daybreak in the morning. + + + + +CHAPTER 8 + +Marse Tom Tramples His Chance + + +The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal +and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, +if not asked to lend money. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be +a young June bug than an old bird of paradise. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +It is necessary now to hunt up Roxy. + +At the time she was set free and went away chambermaiding, +she was thirty-five. She got a berth as second chambermaid on a +Cincinnati boat in the New Orleans trade, the _Grand Mogul_. +A couple of trips made her wonted and easygoing at the work, +and infatuated her with the stir and adventure and independence of +steamboat life. Then she was promoted and become head chambermaid. +She was a favorite with the officers, and exceedingly proud of their +joking and friendly way with her. + +During eight years she served three parts of the year on that boat, +and the winters on a Vicksburg packet. But now for two months, +she had had rheumatism in her arms, and was obliged to let +the washtub alone. So she resigned. But she was well fixed-- +rich, as she would have described it; for she had lived a steady life, +and had banked four dollars every month in New Orleans as a provision +for her old age. She said in the start that she had "put shoes on +one bar'footed nigger to tromple on her with," and that one mistake +like that was enough; she would be independent of the human race +thenceforth forevermore if hard work and economy could accomplish it. +When the boat touched the levee at New Orleans she bade good-by to her +comrades on the _Grand Mogul_ and moved her kit ashore. + +But she was back in a hour. The bank had gone to smash and carried +her four hundred dollars with it. She was a pauper and homeless. +Also disabled bodily, at least for the present. The officers were +full of sympathy for her in her trouble, and made up a little purse +for her. She resolved to go to her birthplace; she had friends there +among the Negros, and the unfortunate always help the unfortunate, +she was well aware of that; those lowly comrades of her youth would +not let her starve. + +She took the little local packet at Cairo, and now she was on +the homestretch. Time had worn away her bitterness against her son, +and she was able to think of him with serenity. She put the vile side +of him out of her mind, and dwelt only on recollections of his occasional +acts of kindness to her. She gilded and otherwise decorated these, +and made them very pleasant to contemplate. She began to long to see him. +She would go and fawn upon him slavelike--for this would have to be her +attitude, of course--and maybe she would find that time had modified him, +and that he would be glad to see his long-forgotten old nurse and treat +her gently. That would be lovely; that would make her forget her woes +and her poverty. + +Her poverty! That thought inspired her to add another castle to her dream: +maybe he would give her a trifle now and then--maybe a dollar, +once a month, say; any little thing like that would help, oh, +ever so much. + +By the time she reached Dawson's Landing, she was her old self again; +her blues were gone, she was in high feather. She would get along, +surely; there were many kitchens where the servants would share their +meals with her, and also steal sugar and apples and other dainties +for her to carry home--or give her a chance to pilfer them herself, +which would answer just as well. And there was the church. +She was a more rabid and devoted Methodist than ever, and her piety +was no sham, but was strong and sincere. Yes, with plenty of creature +comforts and her old place in the amen corner in her possession again, +she would be perfectly happy and at peace thenceforward to the end. + +She went to Judge Driscoll's kitchen first of all. She was received +there in great form and with vast enthusiasm. Her wonderful travels, +and the strange countries she had seen, and the adventures she had had, +made her a marvel and a heroine of romance. The Negros hung enchanted +upon a great story of her experiences, interrupting her all along with +eager questions, with laughter, exclamations of delight, and expressions +of applause; and she was obliged to confess to herself that if there +was anything better in this world than steamboating, it was the +glory to be got by telling about it. The audience loaded her stomach +with their dinners, and then stole the pantry bare to load up her basket. + +Tom was in St. Louis. The servants said he had spent the best part +of his time there during the previous two years. Roxy came every day, +and had many talks about the family and its affairs. Once she asked +why Tom was away so much. The ostensible "Chambers" said: + +"De fac' is, ole marster kin git along better when young marster's +away den he kin when he's in de town; yes, en he love him better, too; +so he gives him fifty dollahs a month--" + +"No, is dat so? Chambers, you's a-jokin', ain't you?" + +"'Clah to goodness I ain't, Mammy; Marse Tom tole me so his own self. +But nemmine, 'tain't enough." + +"My lan', what de reason 'tain't enough?" + +"Well, I's gwine to tell you, if you gimme a chanst, Mammy. +De reason it ain't enough is 'ca'se Marse Tom gambles." + +Roxy threw up her hands in astonishment, and Chambers went on: + +"Ole marster found it out, 'ca'se he had to pay two hundred +dollahs for Marse Tom's gamblin' debts, en dat's true, Mammy, +jes as dead certain as you's bawn." + +"Two--hund'd dollahs! Why, what is you talkin' 'bout? +Two --hund'd--dollahs. Sakes alive, it's 'mos' enough to buy a +tol'able good secondhand nigger wid. En you ain't lyin', honey? +You wouldn't lie to you' old Mammy?" + +"It's God's own truth, jes as I tell you--two hund'd dollahs-- +I wisht I may never stir outen my tracks if it ain't so. +En, oh, my lan', ole Marse was jes a-hoppin'! He was b'ilin' mad, +I tell you! He tuck 'n' dissenhurrit him." + +"Disen_whiched_ him?" + +"Dissenhurrit him." + +"What's dat? What do you mean?" + +"Means he bu'sted de will." + +"Bu's--ted de will! He wouldn't _ever_ treat him so! Take it back, +you mis'able imitation nigger dat I bore in sorrow en tribbilation." + +Roxy's pet castle--an occasional dollar from Tom's pocket-- +was tumbling to ruin before her eyes. She could not abide such a +disaster as that; she couldn't endure the thought of it. +Her remark amused Chambers. + +"Yah-yah-yah! Jes listen to dat! If I's imitation, what is you? +Bofe of us is imitation _white_--dat's what we is--en pow'ful +good imitation, too. Yah-yah-yah! We don't 'mount to noth'n as +imitation _niggers_; en as for--" + +"Shet up yo' foolin', 'fo' I knock you side de head, en tell me 'bout +de will. Tell me 'tain't bu'sted--do, honey, en I'll never forgit you." + +"Well, _'tain't_--'ca'se dey's a new one made, en Marse Tom's +all right ag'in. But what is you in sich a sweat 'bout it for, +Mammy? 'Tain't none o' your business I don't reckon." + +"'Tain't none o' my business? Whose business is it den, I'd like +to know? Wuz I his mother tell he was fifteen years old, or wusn't I?-- +you answer me dat. En you speck I could see him turned out po' and +ornery on de worl' en never care noth'n' 'bout it? I reckon if you'd +ever be'n a mother yo'self, Valet de Chambers, you wouldn't talk +sich foolishness as dat." + +"Well, den, ole Marse forgive him en fixed up de will ag'in --do dat +satisfy you?" + +Yes, she was satisfied now, and quite happy and sentimental over it. +She kept coming daily, and at last she was told that Tom had come home. +She began to tremble with emotion, and straightway sent to beg him +to let his "po' ole nigger Mammy have jes one sight of him en die for joy." + +Tom was stretched at his lazy ease on a sofa when Chambers brought +the petition. Time had not modified his ancient detestation of the +humble drudge and protector of his boyhood; it was still bitter +and uncompromising. He sat up and bent a severe gaze upon the face +of the young fellow whose name he was unconsciously using and whose +family rights he was enjoying. He maintained the gaze until the victim +of it had become satisfactorily pallid with terror, then he said: + +"What does the old rip want with me?" + +The petition was meekly repeated. + +"Who gave you permission to come and disturb me with the social +attentions of niggers?" + +Tom had risen. The other young man was trembling now, visibly. +He saw what was coming, and bent his head sideways, and put up his +left arm to shield it. Tom rained cuffs upon the head and its shield, +saying no word: the victim received each blow with a beseeching, +"Please, Marse Tom!--oh, please, Marse Tom!" Seven blows--then Tom said, +"Face the door--march!" He followed behind with one, two, +three solid kicks. The last one helped the pure-white slave over +the door-sill, and he limped away mopping his eyes with his old, +ragged sleeve. Tom shouted after him, "Send her in!" + +Then he flung himself panting on the sofa again, and rasped out +the remark, "He arrived just at the right moment; I was full to the +brim with bitter thinkings, and nobody to take it out of. How refreshing it +was! I feel better." + +Tom's mother entered now, closing the door behind her, and approached +her son with all the wheedling and supplication servilities that fear +and interest can impart to the words and attitudes of the born slave. +She stopped a yard from her boy and made two or three admiring +exclamations over his manly stature and general handsomeness, +and Tom put an arm under his head and hoisted a leg over the +sofa back in order to look properly indifferent. + +"My lan', how you is growed, honey! 'Clah to goodness, I wouldn't +a-knowed you, Marse Tom! 'Deed I wouldn't! Look at me good; +does you 'member old Roxy? Does you know yo' old nigger mammy, honey? +Well now, I kin lay down en die in peace, 'ca'se I'se seed--" + +"Cut it short, Goddamn it, cut it short! What is it you want?" + +"You heah dat? Jes the same old Marse Tom, al'ays so gay and funnin' +wid de ole mammy. I'uz jes as shore--" + +"Cut it short, I tell you, and get along! What do you want?" + +This was a bitter disappointment. Roxy had for so many days nourished +and fondled and petted her notion that Tom would be glad to see his +old nurse, and would make her proud and happy to the marrow with a +cordial word or two, that it took two rebuffs to convince her that +he was not funning, and that her beautiful dream was a fond and +foolish variety, a shabby and pitiful mistake. She was hurt to the heart, +and so ashamed that for a moment she did not quite know what to do or +how to act. Then her breast began to heave, the tears came, +and in her forlornness she was moved to try that other dream of hers-- +an appeal to her boy's charity; and so, upon the impulse, +and without reflection, she offered her supplication: + +"Oh, Marse Tom, de po' ole mammy is in sich hard luck dese days; +en she's kinder crippled in de arms and can't work, en if you could +gimme a dollah--on'y jes one little dol--" + +Tom was on his feet so suddenly that the supplicant was startled +into a jump herself. + +"A dollar!--give you a dollar! I've a notion to strangle you! +Is _that_ your errand here? Clear out! And be quick about it!" + +Roxy backed slowly toward the door. When she was halfway she stopped, +and said mournfully: + +"Marse Tom, I nussed you when you was a little baby, en I raised you +all by myself tell you was 'most a young man; en now you is young +en rich, en I is po' en gitt'n ole, en I come heah b'leavin' dat you +would he'p de ole mammy 'long down de little road dat's lef' 'twix' +her en de grave, en--" + +Tom relished this tune less than any that he preceded it, +for it began to wake up a sort of echo in his conscience; +so he interrupted and said with decision, though without asperity, +that he was not in a situation to help her, and wasn't going to do it. + +"Ain't you ever gwine to he'p me, Marse Tom?" + +"No! Now go away and don't bother me any more." + +Roxy's head was down, in an attitude of humility. But now the fires +of her old wrongs flamed up in her breast and began to burn fiercely. +She raised her head slowly, till it was well up, and at the same time +her great frame unconsciously assumed an erect and masterful attitude, +with all the majesty and grace of her vanished youth in it. +She raised her finger and punctuated with it. + +"You has said de word. You has had yo' chance, en you has trompled +it under yo' foot. When you git another one, you'll git down on yo' +knees en _beg_ for it!" + +A cold chill went to Tom's heart, he didn't know why; for he did not +reflect that such words, from such an incongruous source, +and so solemnly delivered, could not easily fail of that effect. +However, he did the natural thing: he replied with bluster and mockery. + +"_You'll_ give me a chance--_you_! Perhaps I'd better get down +on my knees now! But in case I don't--just for argument's sake-- +what's going to happen, pray?" + +"Dis is what is gwine to happen, I's gwine as straight to yo' +uncle as I kin walk, en tell him every las' thing I knows 'bout you." + +Tom's cheek blenched, and she saw it. Disturbing thoughts +began to chase each other through his head. "How can she know? +And yet she must have found out--she looks it. I've had the will +back only three months, and am already deep in debt again, and moving +heaven and earth to save myself from exposure and destruction, +with a reasonably fair show of getting the thing covered up if I'm +let alone, and now this fiend has gone and found me out somehow or other. +I wonder how much she knows? Oh, oh, oh, it's enough to break +a body's heart! But I've got to humor her--there's no other way." + +Then he worked up a rather sickly sample of a gay laugh and a hollow +chipperness of manner, and said: + +"Well, well, Roxy dear, old friends like you and me mustn't quarrel. +Here's your dollar--now tell me what you know." + +He held out the wildcat bill; she stood as she was, and made +no movement. It was her turn to scorn persuasive foolery now, +and she did not waste it. She said, with a grim implacability in +voice and manner which made Tom almost realize that even a former +slave can remember for ten minutes insults and injuries returned +for compliments and flatteries received, and can also enjoy +taking revenge for them when the opportunity offers: + +"What does I know? I'll tell you what I knows, I knows enough to +bu'st dat will to flinders--en more, mind you, _more!_" + +Tom was aghast. + +"More?" he said, "What do you call more? Where's there any room for more?" + +Roxy laughed a mocking laugh, and said scoffingly, with a toss +of her head, and her hands on her hips: + +"Yes!--oh, I reckon! _co'se_ you'd like to know--wid yo' po' little +ole rag dollah. What you reckon I's gwine to tell _you_ for?-- +you ain't got no money. I's gwine to tell yo' uncle--en I'll do it +dis minute, too--he'll gimme FIVE dollahs for de news, en mighty glad, too." + +She swung herself around disdainfully, and started away. +Tom was in a panic. He seized her skirts, and implored her to wait. +She turned and said, loftily: + +"Look-a-heah, what 'uz it I tole you?" + +"You--you--I don't remember anything. What was it you told me?" + +"I tole you dat de next time I give you a chance you'd git +down on yo' knees en beg for it." + +Tom was stupefied for a moment. He was panting with excitement. +Then he said: + +"Oh, Roxy, you wouldn't require your young master to do such a +horrible thing. You can't mean it." + +"I'll let you know mighty quick whether I means it or not! +You call me names, en as good as spit on me when I comes here, +po' en ornery en 'umble, to praise you for bein' growed up so +fine and handsome, en tell you how I used to nuss you en tend you en +watch you when you 'uz sick en hadn't no mother but me in de whole worl', +en beg you to give de po' ole nigger a dollah for to get her som'n' +to eat, en you call me names--_names_, dad blame you! Yassir, +I gives you jes one chance mo', and dat's _now_, en it las' on'y +half a second--you hear?" + +Tom slumped to his knees and began to beg, saying: + +"You see I'm begging, and it's honest begging, too! Now tell me, +Roxy, tell me." + +The heir of two centuries of unatoned insult and outrage looked down +on him and seemed to drink in deep draughts of satisfaction. +Then she said: + +"Fine nice young white gen'l'man kneelin' down to a nigger wench! +I's wanted to see dat jes once befo' I's called. Now, Gabr'el, +blow de hawn, I's ready . . . Git up!" + +Tom did it. He said, humbly: + +"Now, Roxy, don't punish me any more. I deserved what I've got, +but be good and let me off with that. Don't go to uncle. Tell me-- +I'll give you the five dollars." + +"Yes, I bet you will; en you won't stop dah, nuther. But I ain't +gwine to tell you heah--" + +"Good gracious, no!" + +"Is you 'feared o' de ha'nted house?" + +"N-no." + +"Well, den, you come to de ha'nted house 'bout ten or 'leven tonight, +en climb up de ladder, 'ca'se de sta'rsteps is broke down, +en you'll find me. I's a-roostin' in de ha'nted house 'ca'se I can't +'ford to roos' nowher's else." She started toward the door, +but stopped and said, "Gimme de dollah bill!" He gave it to her. +She examined it and said, "H'm--like enough de bank's bu'sted." +She started again, but halted again. "Has you got any whisky?" + +"Yes, a little." + +"Fetch it!" + +He ran to his room overhead and brought down a bottle which +was two-thirds full. She tilted it up and took a drink. +Her eyes sparkled with satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under +her shawl, saying, "It's prime. I'll take it along." + +Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and +erect as a grenadier. + + + + +CHAPTER 9 + +Tom Practices Sycophancy + + +Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? +It is because we are not the person involved. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once +a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, +complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Tom flung himself on the sofa, and put his throbbing head in his hands, +and rested his elbows on his knees. He rocked himself back and +forth and moaned. + +"I've knelt to a nigger wench!" he muttered. "I thought I had +struck the deepest depths of degradation before, but oh, dear, +it was nothing to this. . . . Well, there is one consolation, +such as it is--I've struck bottom this time; there's nothing lower." + +But that was a hasty conclusion. + +At ten that night he climbed the ladder in the haunted house, pale, +weak, and wretched. Roxy was standing in the door of one of the rooms, +waiting, for she had heard him. + +This was a two-story log house which had acquired the reputation a few +years ago of being haunted, and that was the end of its usefulness. +Nobody would live in it afterward, or go near it by night, +and most people even gave it a wide berth in the daytime. +As it had no competition, it was called _the_ haunted house. +It was getting crazy and ruinous now, from long neglect. +It stood three hundred yards beyond Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, +with nothing between but vacancy. It was the last house in the +town at that end. + +Tom followed Roxy into the room. She had a pile of clean straw in +the corner for a bed, some cheap but well-kept clothing was hanging +on the wall, there was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little +spots of light, and there were various soap and candle boxes +scattered about, which served for chairs. The two sat down. Roxy said: + +"Now den, I'll tell you straight off, en I'll begin to k'leck de +money later on; I ain't in no hurry. What does you reckon +I's gwine to tell you?" + +"Well, you--you--oh, Roxy, don't make it too hard for me! +Come right out and tell me you've found out somehow what a shape +I'm in on account of dissipation and foolishness." + +"Disposition en foolishness! NO sir, dat ain't it. Dat jist ain't +nothin' at all, 'longside o' what _I_ knows." + +Tom stared at her, and said: + +"Why, Roxy, what do you mean?" + +She rose, and gloomed above him like a Fate. + +"I means dis--en it's de Lord's truth. You ain't no more kin to +ole Marse Driscoll den I is! _dat's_ what I means!" and her eyes +flamed with triumph. + +"What?" + +"Yassir, en _dat_ ain't all! You's a _nigger!_--_bawn_ a nigger and +a _slave!_--en you's a nigger en a slave dis minute; en if I opens my +mouf ole Marse Driscoll'll sell you down de river befo' you is two days +older den what you is now!" + +"It's a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite!" + +"It ain't no lie, nuther. It's just de truth, en nothin' _but_ de truth, +so he'p me. Yassir--you's my _son_--" + +"You devil!" + +"En dat po' boy dat you's be'n a-kickin' en a-cuffin' today +is Percy Driscoll's son en yo' _marster_--" + +"You beast!" + +"En _his_ name is Tom Driscoll, en _yo's_ name's Valet de Chambers, +en you ain't GOT no fambly name, beca'se niggers don't _have_ em!" + +Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised it, but his mother +only laughed at him, and said: + +"Set down, you pup! Does you think you kin skyer me? It ain't in you, +nor de likes of you. I reckon you'd shoot me in de back, maybe, +if you got a chance, for dat's jist yo' style--_I_ knows you, +throo en throo--but I don't mind gitt'n killed, beca'se all dis is +down in writin' and it's in safe hands, too, en de man dat's got it +knows whah to look for de right man when I gits killed. +Oh, bless yo' soul, if you puts yo' mother up for as big a fool as +_you_ is, you's pow'ful mistaken, I kin tell you! +Now den, you set still en behave yo'self; en don't you git up +ag'in till I tell you!" + +Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing +sensations and emotions, and finally said, with something like +settled conviction: + +"The whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do +your worst; I'm done with you." + +Roxy made no answer. She took the lantern and started for the door. +Tom was in a cold panic in a moment. + +"Come back, come back!" he wailed. "I didn't mean it, Roxy; +I take it all back, and I'll never say it again! Please come back, Roxy!" + +The woman stood a moment, then she said gravely: + +"Dat's one thing you's got to stop, Valet de Chambers. You can't +call me _Roxy_, same as if you was my equal. Chillen don't speak to +dey mammies like dat. You'll call me ma or mammy, dat's what you'll +call me--leastways when de ain't nobody aroun'. _Say_ it!" + +It cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out. + +"Dat's all right. don't you ever forgit it ag'in, if you knows +what's good for you. Now den, you had said you wouldn't ever call +it lies en moonshine ag'in. I'll tell you dis, for a warnin': +if you ever does say it ag'in, it's de LAS' time you'll ever say +it to me; I'll tramp as straight to de judge as I kin walk, +en tell him who you is, en _prove_ it. Does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"Oh," groaned Tom, "I more than believe it; I _know_ it." + +Roxy knew her conquest was complete. She could have proved nothing +to anybody, and her threat of writings was a lie; but she knew the +person she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any +doubt as to the effect they would produce. + +She went and sat down on her candle box, and the pride and pomp of +her victorious attitude made it a throne. She said: + +"Now den, Chambers, we's gwine to talk business, en dey ain't gwine +to be no mo' foolishness. In de fust place, you gits fifty dollahs +a month; you's gwine to han' over half of it to yo' ma. Plank it out!" + +But Tom had only six dollars in the world. He gave her that, +and promised to start fair on next month's pension. + +"Chambers, how much is you in debt?" + +Tom shuddered, and said: + +"Nearly three hundred dollars." + +"How is you gwine to pay it?" + +Tom groaned out: "Oh, I don't know; don't ask me such awful questions." + +But she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: +he had been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from +private houses; in fact, he made a good deal of a raid on his fellow +villagers a fortnight before, when he was supposed to be in St. Louis; +but he doubted if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the +required amount, and was afraid to make a further venture in the +present excited state of the town. His mother approved of his conduct, +and offered to help, but this frightened him. He tremblingly ventured +to say that if she would retire from the town he should feel better +and safer, and could hold his head higher--and was going on to make +an argument, but she interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying +she was ready; it didn't make any difference to her where she stayed, +so that she got her share of the pension regularly. She said she would +not go far, and would call at the haunted house once a month for her money. +Then she said: + +"I don't hate you so much now, but I've hated you a many a year-- +and anybody would. Didn't I change you off, en give you a good fambly +en a good name, en made you a white gen'l'man en rich, wid store +clothes on--en what did I git for it? You despised me all de time, +en was al'ays sayin' mean hard things to me befo' folks, en wouldn't +ever let me forgit I's a nigger--en--en--" + +She fell to sobbing, and broke down. Tom said: "But you know I +didn't know you were my mother; and besides--" + +"Well, nemmine 'bout dat, now; let it go. I's gwine to fo'git it." +Then she added fiercely, "En don't ever make me remember it ag'in, +or you'll be sorry, _I_ tell you." + +When they were parting, Tom said, in the most persuasive way +he could command: + +"Ma, would you mind telling me who was my father?" + +He had supposed he was asking an embarrassing question. He was mistaken. +Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said: + +"Does I mine tellin' you? No, dat I don't! You ain't got no 'casion +to be shame' o' yo' father, _I_ kin tell you. He wuz de highest quality +in dis whole town--ole Virginny stock. Fust famblies, he wuz. +Jes as good stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes' day dey +ever seed." She put on a little prouder air, if possible, +and added impressively: "Does you 'member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh Essex, +dat died de same year yo' young Marse Tom Driscoll's pappy died, +en all de Masons en Odd Fellers en Churches turned out en give him de +bigges' funeral dis town ever seed? Dat's de man." + +Under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of +her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a +dignity and state that might have passed for queenly if her +surroundings had been a little more in keeping with it. + +"Dey ain't another nigger in dis town dat's as highbawn as you is. +Now den, go 'long! En jes you hold yo' head up as high as you want to-- +you has de right, en dat I kin swah." + + + + +CHAPTER 10 + +The Nymph Revealed + + +All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint +to come from the mouths of people who have had to live. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Every now and then, after Tom went to bed, he had sudden wakings +out of his sleep, and his first thought was, "Oh, joy, it was +all a dream!" Then he laid himself heavily down again, with a groan +and the muttered words, "A nigger! I am a nigger! Oh, I wish I was dead!" + +He woke at dawn with one more repetition of this horror, and then he +resolved to meddle no more with that treacherous sleep. +He began to think. Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were. +They wandered along something after this fashion: + +Why were niggers _and_ whites made? What crime did the uncreated +first nigger commit that the curse of birth was decreed for him? +And why is this awful difference made between white and black? . . . +How hard the nigger's fate seems, this morning!--yet until last night +such a thought never entered my head." + +He sighed and groaned an hour or more away. Then "Chambers" came humbly +in to say that breakfast was nearly ready. "Tom" blushed scarlet to +see this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, a nigger, +and call him "Young Marster." He said roughly: + +"Get out of my sight!" and when the youth was gone, he muttered, +"He has done me no harm, poor wrench, but he is an eyesore to me now, +for he is Driscoll, the young gentleman, and I am a--oh, I wish I was dead!" + +A gigantic eruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years ago, +with the accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of +volcanic dust, changes the face of the surrounding landscape +beyond recognition, bringing down the high lands, elevating the low, +making fair lakes where deserts had been, and deserts where green +prairies had smiled before. The tremendous catastrophe which had +befallen Tom had changed his moral landscape in much the same way. +Some of his low places he found lifted to ideals, some of his ideas +had sunk to the valleys, and lay there with the sackcloth and ashes +of pumice stone and sulphur on their ruined heads. + +For days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, thinking-- +trying to get his bearings. It was new work. If he met a friend, +he found that the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way vanished-- +his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the hand for a shake. +It was the "nigger" in him asserting its humility, and he blushed +and was abashed. And the "nigger" in him was surprised when the white +friend put out his hand for a shake with him. He found the "nigger" +in him involuntarily giving the road, on the sidewalk, +to a white rowdy and loafer. When Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, +the idol of his secret worship, invited him in, the "nigger" in him made +an embarrassed excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with the dread +white folks on equal terms. The "nigger" in him went shrinking +and skulking here and there and yonder, and fancying it saw suspicion and +maybe detection in all faces, tones, and gestures. So strange and +uncharacteristic was Tom's conduct that people noticed it, +and turned to look after him when he passed on; and when he +glanced back--as he could not help doing, in spite of his best +resistance--and caught that puzzled expression in a person's face, +it gave him a sick feeling, and he took himself out of view as quickly +as he could. He presently came to have a hunted sense and a hunted look, +and then he fled away to the hilltops and the solitudes. +He said to himself that the curse of Ham was upon him. + +He dreaded his meals; the "nigger" in him was ashamed to sit at the +white folk's table, and feared discovery all the time; and once when Judge +Driscoll said, "What's the matter with you? You look as meek as +a nigger," he felt as secret murderers are said to feel when +the accuser says, "Thou art the man!" Tom said he was not well, +and left the table. + +His ostensible "aunt's" solicitudes and endearments were become +a terror to him, and he avoided them. + +And all the time, hatred of his ostensible "uncle" was steadily growing +in his heart; for he said to himself, "He is white; and I am +his chattel, his property, his goods, and he can sell me, just as +he could his dog." + +For as much as a week after this, Tom imagined that his character had +undergone a pretty radical change. But that was because he did +not know himself. + +In several ways his opinions were totally changed, and would never go +back to what they were before, but the main structure of his character +was not changed, and could not be changed. One or two very important +features of it were altered, and in time effects would result from this, +if opportunity offered--effects of a quite serious nature, too. +Under the influence of a great mental and moral upheaval, his character +and his habits had taken on the appearance of complete change, +but after a while with the subsidence of the storm, both began to +settle toward their former places. He dropped gradually back into his +old frivolous and easygoing ways and conditions of feeling and manner +of speech, and no familiar of his could have detected anything in him that +differentiated him from the weak and careless Tom of other days. + +The theft raid which he had made upon the village turned out better than +he had ventured to hope. It produced the sum necessary to pay +his gaming debts, and saved him from exposure to his uncle and +another smashing of the will. He and his mother learned to like +each other fairly well. She couldn't love him, as yet, +because there "warn't nothing _to_ him," as she expressed it, +but her nature needed something or somebody to rule over, +and he was better than nothing. Her strong character and aggressive +and commanding ways compelled Tom's admiration in spite of the fact +that he got more illustrations of them than he needed for his comfort. +However, as a rule her conversation was made up of racy tale about the +privacies of the chief families of the town (for she went harvesting +among their kitchens every time she came to the village), +and Tom enjoyed this. It was just in his line. She always collected +her half of his pension punctually, and he was always at the haunted +house to have a chat with her on these occasions. Every now and then, +she paid him a visit there on between-days also. + +Occasions he would run up to St. Louis for a few weeks, and at last +temptation caught him again. He won a lot of money, but lost it, +and with it a deal more besides, which he promised to raise as +soon as possible. + +For this purpose he projected a new raid on his town. He never meddled +with any other town, for he was afraid to venture into houses whose +ins and outs he did not know and the habits of whose households he +was not acquainted with. He arrived at the haunted house in disguise +on the Wednesday before the advent of the twins--after writing his +Aunt Pratt that he would not arrive until two days after--and laying +in hiding there with his mother until toward daylight Friday morning, +when he went to his uncle's house and entered by the back way with his +own key, and slipped up to his room where he could have the use of the +mirror and toilet articles. He had a suit of girl's clothes with him in a +bundle as a disguise for his raid, and was wearing a suit of his +mother's clothing, with black gloves and veil. By dawn he was tricked out +for his raid, but he caught a glimpse of Pudd'nhead Wilson through the +window over the way, and knew that Pudd'nhead had caught a glimpse of him. +So he entertained Wilson with some airs and graces and attitudes +for a while, then stepped out of sight and resumed the other disguise, +and by and by went down and out the back way and started downtown +to reconnoiter the scene of his intended labors. + +But he was ill at ease. He had changed back to Roxy's dress, +with the stoop of age added to he disguise, so that Wilson +would not bother himself about a humble old women leaving a +neighbor's house by the back way in the early morning, in case he +was still spying. But supposing Wilson had seen him leave, +and had thought it suspicious, and had also followed him? +The thought made Tom cold. He gave up the raid for the day, +and hurried back to the haunted house by the obscurest route he knew. +His mother was gone; but she came back, by and by, with the news +of the grand reception at Patsy Cooper's, and soon persuaded him +that the opportunity was like a special Providence, it was so +inviting and perfect. So he went raiding, after all, and made a +nice success of it while everybody was gone to Patsy Cooper's. +Success gave him nerve and even actual intrepidity; insomuch, +indeed, that after he had conveyed his harvest to his mother in a +back alley, he went to the reception himself, and added several +of the valuables of that house to his takings. + +After this long digression we have now arrived once more at the point +where Pudd'nhead Wilson, while waiting for the arrival of the twins +on that same Friday evening, sat puzzling over the strange apparition +of that morning--a girl in young Tom Driscoll's bedroom; fretting, +and guessing, and puzzling over it, and wondering who the shameless +creature might be. + + + + +CHAPTER 11 + +Pudd'nhead's Thrilling Discovery + + +There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three +form a rising scale of compliment: 1--to tell him you have read one +of his books; 2--to tell him you have read all of his books; +3--to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. +No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; +No. 3 carries you clear into his heart. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The twins arrived presently, and talk began. It flowed along +chattily and sociably, and under its influence the new friendship +gathered ease and strength. Wilson got out his Calendar, by request, +and read a passage or two from it, which the twins praised quite cordially. +This pleased the author so much that he complied gladly when the asked +him to lend them a batch of the work to read at home. In the course of +their wide travels, they had found out that there are three sure ways of +pleasing an author; they were now working the best of the three. + +There was an interruption now. Young Driscoll appeared, and joined +the party. He pretended to be seeing the distinguished strangers for +the first time when they rose to shake hands; but this was only a blind, +as he had already had a glimpse of them, at the reception, while robbing +the house. The twins made mental note that he was smooth-faced and +rather handsome, and smooth and undulatory in his movements--graceful, +in fact. Angelo thought he had a good eye; Luigi thought there was +something veiled and sly about it. Angelo thought he had a pleasant +free-and-easy way of talking; Luigi thought it was more so than was agreeable. +Angelo thought he was a sufficiently nice young man; Luigi reserved +his decision. Tom's first contribution to the conversation was a +question which he had put to Wilson a hundred times before. +It was always cheerily and good-natured put, and always inflicted a +little pang, for it touched a secret sore; but this time the pang +was sharp, since strangers were present. + +"Well, how does the law come on? Had a case yet?" + +Wilson bit his lip, but answered, "No--not yet," with as much +indifference as he could assume. Judge Driscoll had generously left +the law feature out of Wilson's biography which he had furnished +to the twins. Young Tom laughed pleasantly, and said: + +"Wilson's a lawyer, gentlemen, but he doesn't practice now." + +The sarcasm bit, but Wilson kept himself under control, +and said without passion: + +"I don't practice, it is true. It is true that I have never had a case, +and have had to earn a poor living for twenty years as an expert +accountant in a town where I can't get a hold of a set of books to +untangle as often as I should like. But it is also true that I did +myself well for the practice of the law. By the time I was your age, +Tom, I had chosen a profession, and was soon competent to enter upon it." +Tom winced. "I never got a chance to try my hand at it, and I may +never get a chance; and yet if I ever do get it, I shall be found ready, +for I have kept up my law studies all these years." + +"That's it; that's good grit! I like to see it. I've a notion to throw +all my business your way. My business and your law practice ought to +make a pretty gay team, Dave," and the young fellow laughed again. + +"If you will throw--" Wilson had thought of the girl in Tom's bedroom, +and was going to say, "If you will throw the surreptitious and +disreputable part of your business my way, it may amount to something," +but thought better of it and said, + +"However, this matter doesn't fit well in a general conversation." + +"All right, we'll change the subject; I guess you were about +to give me another dig, anyway, so I'm willing to change. +How's the Awful Mystery flourishing these days? Wilson's got a scheme +for driving plain window glass panes out of the market by decorating it +with greasy finger marks, and getting rich by selling it at famine +prices to the crowned heads over in Europe to outfit their palaces with. +Fetch it out, Dave." + +Wilson brought three of his glass strips, and said: + +"I get the subject to pass the fingers of his right through his hair, +so as to get a little coating of the natural oil on them, +and then press the balls of them on the glass. A fine an delicate +print of the lines in the skin results, and is permanent, +if it doesn't come in contact with something able to rub it off. +You begin, Tom." + +"Why, I think you took my finger marks once or twice before." + +"Yes, but you were a little boy the last time, only about +twelve years old." + +"That's so. Of course, I've changed entirely since then, +and variety is what the crowned heads want, I guess." + +He passed his fingers through his crop of short hair, and pressed +them one at a time on the glass. Angelo made a print of his fingers +on another glass, and Luigi followed with a third. Wilson marked the +glasses with names and dates, and put them away. Tom gave one of +his little laughs, and said: + +"I thought I wouldn't say anything, but if variety is what you are after, +you have wasted a piece of glass. The hand print of one twin is the +same as the hand print of the fellow twin." + +"Well, it's done now, and I like to have them both, anyway," +said Wilson, returned to his place. + +"But look here, Dave," said Tom, you used to tell people's fortunes, +too, when you took their finger marks. Dave's just an all-round genius-- +a genius of the first water, gentlemen; a great scientist running to +seed here in this village, a prophet with the kind of honor that +prophets generally get at home--for here they don't give shucks for +his scientifics, and they call his skull a notion factory--hey, Dave, +ain't it so? But never mind, he'll make his mark someday--finger mark, +you know, he-he! But really, you want to let him take a shy at +your palms once; it's worth twice the price of admission or your +money's returned at the door. Why, he'll read your wrinkles as easy +as a book, and not only tell you fifty or sixty things that's going to +happen to you, but fifty or sixty thousand that ain't. Come, Dave, +show the gentlemen what an inspired jack-at-all-science we've got in +this town, and don't know it." + +Wilson winced under this nagging and not very courteous chaff, +and the twins suffered with him and for him. They rightly judged, +now, that the best way was to relieve him would be to take the thing +in earnest and treat it with respect, ignoring Tom's rather +overdone raillery; so Luigi said: + +"We have seen something of palmistry in our wanderings, and know very +well what astonishing things it can do. If it isn't a science, +and one of the greatest of them too, I don't know what its other +name ought to be. In the Orient--" + +Tom looked surprised and incredulous. He said: + +"That juggling a science? But really, you ain't serious, are you?" + +"Yes, entirely so. Four years ago we had our hands read out to us as +if our plans had been covered with print." + +"Well, do you mean to say there was actually anything in it?" asked Tom, +his incredulity beginning to weaken a little. + +"There was this much in it," said Angelo: "what was told us +of our characters was minutely exact--we could have not have +bettered it ourselves. Next, two or three memorable things that +have happened to us were laid bare--things which no one present +but ourselves could have known about." + +"Why, it's rank sorcery!" exclaimed Tom, who was now becoming very +much interested. "And how did they make out with what was going to +happen to you in the future?" + +"On the whole, quite fairly," said Luigi. "Two or three of the most +striking things foretold have happened since; much the most striking +one of all happened within that same year. Some of the minor prophesies +have come true; some of the minor and some of the major ones have not +been fulfilled yet, and of course may never be: still, I should be +more surprised if they failed to arrive than if they didn't." + +Tom was entirely sobered, and profoundly impressed. He said, apologetically: + +"Dave, I wasn't meaning to belittle that science; I was only chaffing-- +chattering, I reckon I'd better say. I wish you would look at their palms. +Come, won't you?" + +"Why certainly, if you want me to; but you know I've had no chance to +become an expert, and don't claim to be one. When a past event is +somewhat prominently recorded in the palm, I can generally detect that, +but minor ones often escape me--not always, of course, but often-- +but I haven't much confidence in myself when it comes to +reading the future. I am talking as if palmistry was a daily +study with me, but that is not so. I haven't examined half a +dozen hands in the last half dozen years; you see, the people got to +joking about it, and I stopped to let the talk die down. I'll tell you +what we'll do, Count Luigi: I'll make a try at your past, +and if I have any success there--no, on the whole, I'll let +the future alone; that's really the affair of an expert." + +He took Luigi's hand. Tom said: + +"Wait--don't look yet, Dave! Count Luigi, here's paper and pencil. +Set down that thing that you said was the most striking one that was +foretold to you, and happened less than a year afterward, and give it +to me so I can see if Dave finds it in your hand." + +Luigi wrote a line privately, and folded up the piece of paper, +and handed it to Tom, saying: + +"I'll tell you when to look at it, if he finds it." + +Wilson began to study Luigi's palm, tracing life lines, heart lines, +head lines, and so on, and noting carefully their relations with the +cobweb of finer and more delicate marks and lines that enmeshed them +on all sides; he felt of the fleshy cushion at the base of the thumb +and noted its shape; he felt of the fleshy side of the hand between +the wrist and the base of the little finger and noted its shape also; +he painstakingly examined the fingers, observing their form, proportions, +and natural manner of disposing themselves when in repose. +All this process was watched by the three spectators with +absorbing interest, their heads bent together over Luigi's palm, and nobody +disturbing the stillness with a word. Wilson now entered upon a close +survey of the palm again, and his revelations began. + +He mapped out Luigi's character and disposition, his tastes, aversions, +proclivities, ambitions, and eccentricities in a way which sometimes +made Luigi wince and the others laugh, but both twins declared that +the chart was artistically drawn and was correct. + +Next, Wilson took up Luigi' history. He proceeded cautiously and +with hesitation now, moving his finger slowly along the great lines +of the palm, and now and then halting it at a "star" or some +such landmark, and examining that neighborhood minutely. +He proclaimed one or two past events, Luigi confirmed his correctness, +and the search went on. Presently Wilson glanced up suddenly with +a surprised expression. + +"Here is a record of an incident which you would perhaps not wish me to--" + +"Bring it out," said Luigi, good-naturedly. "I promise you +sha'n't embarrass me." + +But Wilson still hesitated, and did not seem quite to know what to do. +Then he said: + +"I think it is too delicate a matter to--to--I believe I would rather +write it or whisper it to you, and let you decide for yourself whether +you want it talked out or not." + +"That will answer," said Luigi. "Write it." + +Wilson wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to Luigi, +who read it to himself and said to Tom: + +"Unfold your slip and read it, Mr. Driscoll." + +Tom said: + +"'IT WAS PROPHESIED THAT I WOULD KILL A MAN. IT CAME TRUE +BEFORE THE YEAR WAS OUT.'" + +Tom added, "Great Scott!" + +Luigi handed Wilson's paper to Tom, and said: + +"Now read this one." + +Tom read: + +"'YOU HAVE KILLED SOMEONE, BUT WHETHER MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD, +I DO NOT MAKE OUT.'" + +"Caesar's ghost!" commented Tom, with astonishment. +"It beats anything that was ever heard of! Why, a man's own hand is +his deadliest enemy! Just think of that--a man's own hand keeps +a record of the deepest and fatalest secrets of his life, and is +treacherously ready to expose himself to any black-magic stranger +that comes along. But what do you let a person look at your hand for, +with that awful thing printed on it?" + +"Oh," said Luigi, reposefully, "I don't mind it. I killed the man +for good reasons, and I don't regret it." + +"What were the reasons?" + +"Well, he needed killing." + +"I'll tell you why he did it, since he won't say himself," said Angelo, +warmly. "He did it to save my life, that's what he did it for. +So it was a noble act, and not a thing to be hid in the dark." + +"So it was, so it was," said Wilson. "To do such a thing to save a +brother's life is a great and fine action." + +"Now come," said Luigi, "it is very pleasant to hear you say +these things, but for unselfishness, or heroism, or magnanimity, +the circumstances won't stand scrutiny. You overlook one detail; +suppose I hadn't saved Angelo's life, what would have become of mine? +If I had let the man kill him, wouldn't he have killed me, too? +I saved my own life, you see." + +"Yes, that is your way of talking," said Angelo, "but I know you-- +I don't believe you thought of yourself at all. I keep that weapon +yet that Luigi killed the man with, and I'll show it to you sometime. +That incident makes it interesting, and it had a history before it +came into Luigi's hands which adds to its interest. It was given to +Luigi by a great Indian prince, the Gaikowar of Baroda, and it had been +in his family two or three centuries. It killed a good many disagreeable +people who troubled the hearthstone at one time or another. It isn't much +too look at, except it isn't shaped like other knives, or dirks, +or whatever it may be called--here, I'll draw it for you." He took a +sheet of paper and made a rapid sketch. "There it is--a broad and +murderous blade, with edges like a razor for sharpness. +The devices engraved on it are the ciphers or names of its long +line of possessors--I had Luigi's name added in Roman letters +myself with our coat of arms, as you see. You notice what a +curious handle the thing has. It is solid ivory, polished like a mirror, +and is four or five inches long--round, and as thick as a +large man's wrist, with the end squared off flat, for your thumb +to rest on; for you grasp it, with your thumb resting on the blunt end-- +so--and lift it along and strike downward. The Gaikowar showed us how +the thing was done when he gave it to Luigi, and before that +night was ended, Luigi had used the knife, and the Gaikowar was a man +short by reason of it. The sheath is magnificently ornamented with +gems of great value. You will find a sheath more worth looking at +than the knife itself, of course." + +Tom said to himself: + +"It's lucky I came here. I would have sold that knife for a song; +I supposed the jewels were glass." + +"But go on; don't stop," said Wilson. "Our curiosity is up now, +to hear about the homicide. Tell us about that." + +"Well, briefly, the knife was to blame for that, all around. +A native servant slipped into our room in the palace in the night, +to kill us and steal the knife on account of the fortune encrusted +on its sheath, without a doubt. Luigi had it under his pillow; +we were in bed together. There was a dim night-light burning. +I was asleep, but Luigi was awake, and he thought he detected a +vague form nearing the bed. He slipped the knife out of the sheath +and was ready and unembarrassed by hampering bedclothes, +for the weather was hot and we hadn't any. Suddenly that native rose +at the bedside, and bent over me with his right hand lifted and a +dirk in it aimed at my throat; but Luigi grabbed his wrist, +pulled him downward, and drove his own knife into the man's neck. +That is the whole story." + +Wilson and Tom drew deep breaths, and after some general chat +about the tragedy, Pudd'nhead said, taking Tom's hand: + +"Now, Tom, I've never had a look at your palms, as it happens; +perhaps you've got some little questionable privacies that need--hel-lo!" + +Tom had snatched away his hand, and was looking a good deal confused. + +"Why, he's blushing!" said Luigi. + +Tom darted an ugly look at him, and said sharply: + +"Well, if I am, it ain't because I'm a murderer!" Luigi's dark +face flushed, but before he could speak or move, Tom added with +anxious haste: "Oh, I beg a thousand pardons. I didn't mean that; +it was out before I thought, and I'm very, very sorry--you must forgive me!" + +Wilson came to the rescue, and smoothed things down as well as he could; +and in fact was entirely successful as far as the twins were concerned, +for they felt sorrier for the affront put upon him by his guest's +outburst of ill manners than for the insult offered to Luigi. +But the success was not so pronounced with the offender. Tom tried to +seem at his ease, and he went through the motions fairly well, +but at bottom he felt resentful toward all the three witnesses of +his exhibition; in fact, he felt so annoyed at them for having +witnessed it and noticed it that he almost forgot to feel annoyed +at himself for placing it before them. However, something presently +happened which made him almost comfortable, and brought him nearly back +to a state of charity and friendliness. This was a little spat between +the twins; not much of a spat, but still a spat; and before they got +far with it, they were in a decided condition of irritation while +pretending to be actuated by more respectable motives. By his help +the fire got warmed up to the blazing point, and he might have had the +happiness of seeing the flames show up in another moment, but for the +interruption of a knock on the door--an interruption which fretted him +as much as it gratified Wilson. Wilson opened the door. + +The visitor was a good-natured, ignorant, energetic middle-aged +Irishman named John Buckstone, who was a great politician in a +small way, and always took a large share in public matters of +every sort. One of the town's chief excitements, just now, was over +the matter of rum. There was a strong rum party and a strong +anti-rum party. Buckstone was training with the rum party, and he +had been sent to hunt up the twins and invite them to attend a +mass meeting of that faction. He delivered his errand, and said +the clans were already gathering in the big hall over the market house. +Luigi accepted the invitation cordially. Angelo less cordially, +since he disliked crowds, and did not drink the powerful intoxicants +of America. In fact, he was even a teetotaler sometimes-- +when it was judicious to be one. + +The twins left with Buckstone, and Tom Driscoll joined the +company with them uninvited. + +In the distance, one could see a long wavering line of +torches drifting down the main street, and could hear the +throbbing of the bass drum, the clash of cymbals, the squeaking +of a fife or two, and the faint roar of remote hurrahs. The tail +end of this procession was climbing the market house stairs when +the twins arrived in its neighborhood; when they reached the hall, +it was full of people, torches, smoke, noise, and enthusiasm. +They were conducted to the platform by Buckstone--Tom Driscoll +still following--and were delivered to the chairman in the midst +of a prodigious explosion of welcome. When the noise had moderated +a little, the chair proposed that "our illustrious guests be at +once elected, by complimentary acclamation, to membership in our +ever-glorious organization, the paradise of the free and the perdition +of the slave." + +This eloquent discharge opened the floodgates of enthusiasm again, +and the election was carried with thundering unanimity. Then arose +a storm of cries: + +"Wet them down! Wet them down! Give them a drink!" + +Glasses of whisky were handed to the twins. Luigi waves his aloft, +then brought it to his lips; but Angelo set his down. +There was another storm of cries. + +"What's the matter with the other one?" "What is the blond one +going back on us for?" "Explain! Explain!" + +The chairman inquired, and then reported: + +"We have made an unfortunate mistake, gentlemen. I find that the +Count Angelo Capello is opposed to our creed--is a teetotaler, in fact, +and was not intending to apply for membership with us. He desires +that we reconsider the vote by which he was elected. What is the +pleasure of the house?" + +There was a general burst of laughter, plentifully accented with +whistlings and catcalls, but the energetic use of the gavel +presently restored something like order. Then a man spoke from +the crowd, and said that while he was very sorry that the mistake +had been made, it would not be possible to rectify it at the +present meeting. According to the bylaws, it must go over to the +next regular meeting for action. He would not offer a motion, as +none was required. He desired to apologize to the gentlemen in +the name of the house, and begged to assure him that as far as it +might lie in the power of the Sons of Liberty, his temporary +membership in the order would be made pleasant to him. + +This speech was received with great applause, mixed with cries of: + +"That's the talk! "He's a good fellow, anyway, if he _is_ a teetotaler!" +"Drink his health!" "Give him a rouser, and no heeltaps!" + +Glasses were handed around, and everybody on the platform +drank Angelo's health, while the house bellowed forth in song: + + + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fel-low, + For he's a jolly good fe-el-low, + Which nobody can deny. + + +Tom Driscoll drank. It was his second glass, for he had drunk +Angelo's the moment that Angelo had set it down. The two drinks +made him very merry--almost idiotically so, and he began to take a +most lively and prominent part in the proceedings, particularly in +the music and catcalls and side remarks. + +The chairman was still standing at the front, the twins at his side. +The extraordinarily close resemblance of the brothers to each other +suggested a witticism to Tom Driscoll, and just as the chairman began +a speech he skipped forward and said, with an air of tipsy confidence, +to the audience: + +"Boys, I move that he keeps still and lets this human philopena snip +you out a speech." + +The descriptive aptness of the phrase caught the house, and a mighty +burst of laughter followed. + +Luigi's southern blood leaped to the boiling point in a moment under +the sharp humiliation of this insult delivered in the presence of +four hundred strangers. It was not in the young man's nature to +let the matter pass, or to delay the squaring of the account. +He took a couple of strides and halted behind the unsuspecting joker. +Then he drew back and delivered a kick of such titanic vigor that it +lifted Tom clear over the footlights and landed him on the heads of +the front row of the Sons of Liberty. + +Even a sober person does not like to have a human being emptied on him +when he is not going any harm; a person who is not sober cannot endure +such an attention at all. The nest of Sons of Liberty that Driscoll +landed in had not a sober bird in it; in fact there was probably not +an entirely sober one in the auditorium. Driscoll was promptly and +indignantly flung on the heads of Sons in the next row, and these Sons +passed him on toward the rear, and then immediately began to pummel the +front row Sons who had passed him to them. This course was strictly +followed by bench after bench as Driscoll traveled in his tumultuous +and airy flight toward the door; so he left behind him an ever-lengthening +wake of raging and plunging and fighting and swearing humanity. +Down went group after group of torches, and presently above the +deafening clatter of the gavel, roar of angry voices, and crash of +succumbing benches, rose the paralyzing cry of "_fire!_" + +The fighting ceased instantly; the cursing ceased; for one distinctly +defined moment, there was a dead hush, a motionless calm, where the +tempest had been; then with one impulse the multitude awoke to life +and energy again, and went surging and struggling and swaying, +this way and that, its outer edges melting away through windows and +doors and gradually lessening the pressure and relieving the mass. + +The fireboys were never on hand so suddenly before; for there was +no distance to go this time, their quarters being in the rear end +of the market house, There was an engine company and a +hook-and-ladder company. Half of each was composed of rummies and +the other half of anti-rummies, after the moral and political +share-and-share-alike fashion of the frontier town of the period. +Enough anti-rummies were loafing in quarters to man the engine +and the ladders. In two minutes they had their red shirts and helmets on-- +they never stirred officially in unofficial costume--and as the +mass meeting overhead smashed through the long row of windows and +poured out upon the roof of the arcade, the deliverers were ready +for them with a powerful stream of water, which washed some of them +off the roof and nearly drowned the rest. But water was preferable +to fire, and still the stampede from the windows continued, and still the +pitiless drenching assailed it until the building was empty; +then the fireboys mounted to the hall and flooded it with water enough +to annihilate forty times as much fire as there was there; +for a village fire company does not often get a chance to show off, +and so when it does get a chance, it makes the most of it. +Such citizens of that village as were of a thoughtful and judicious +temperament did not insure against fire; they insured against the +fire company. + + + + +CHAPTER 12 + +The Shame of Judge Driscoll + + +Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. +Except a creature be part coward, it is not a compliment to say +it is brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. +Consider the flea!--incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, +if ignorance of fear were courage. Whether you are asleep or awake he +will attack you, caring nothing for the fact that in bulk and strength +you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth to a sucking child; +he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the very lap +of peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more +afraid than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was +threatened by an earthquake ten centuries before. When we speak +of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam as men who "didn't know what fear was," +we ought always to add the flea--and put him at the head of the procession. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Judge Driscoll was in bed and asleep by ten o'clock on Friday night, +and he was up and gone a-fishing before daylight in the morning with +his friend Pembroke Howard. These two had been boys together in +Virginia when that state still ranked as the chief and most imposing +member of the Union, and they still coupled the proud and affectionate +adjective "old" with her name when they spoke of her. +In Missouri a recognized superiority attached to any person who +hailed from Old Virginia; and this superiority was exalted to +supremacy when a person of such nativity could also prove descent +from the First Families of that great commonwealth. The Howards and +Driscolls were of this aristocracy. In their eyes, it was a nobility. +It had its unwritten laws, and they were as clearly defined and as +strict as any that could be found among the printed statues of the land. +The F.F.V. was born a gentleman; his highest duty in life was to +watch over that great inheritance and keep it unsmirched. +He must keep his honor spotless. Those laws were his chart; +his course was marked out on it; if he swerved from it by so much as +half a point of the compass, it meant shipwreck to his honor; +that is to say, degradation from his rank as a gentleman. +These laws required certain things of him which his religion might forbid: +then his religion must yield--the laws could not be relaxed to +accommodate religions or anything else. Honor stood first; +and the laws defined what it was and wherein it differed in certain +details from honor as defined by church creeds and by the social laws +and customs of some of the minor divisions of the globe that had got +crowded out when the sacred boundaries of Virginia were staked out. + +If Judge Driscoll was the recognized first citizen of Dawson's Landing, +Pembroke Howard was easily its recognized second citizen. +He was called "the great lawyer"--an earned title. He and Driscoll +were of the same age--a year or two past sixty. + +Although Driscoll was a freethinker and Howard a strong and +determined Presbyterian, their warm intimacy suffered no +impairment in consequence. They were men whose opinions were +their own property and not subject to revision and amendment, +suggestion or criticism, by anybody, even their friends. + +The day's fishing finished, they came floating downstream in their skiff, +talking national politics and other high matters, and presently met +a skiff coming up from town, with a man in it who said: + +"I reckon you know one of the new twins gave your nephew a +kicking last night, Judge?" + +"Did WHAT?" + +"Gave him a kicking." + +The old judge's lips paled, and his eyes began to flame. He choked with +anger for a moment, then he got out what he was trying to say: + +"Well--well--go on! Give me the details!" + +The man did it. At the finish the judge was silent a minute, +turning over in his mind the shameful picture of Tom's flight over +the footlights; then he said, as if musing aloud, + +"H'm--I don't understand it. I was asleep at home. He didn't wake me. +Thought he was competent to manage his affair without my help, I reckon." +His face lit up with pride and pleasure at that thought, and he said +with a cheery complacency, "I like that--it's the true old blood-- +hey, Pembroke?" + +Howard smiled an iron smile, and nodded his head approvingly. +Then the news-bringer spoke again. + +"But Tom beat the twin on the trial." + +The judge looked at the man wonderingly, and said: + +"The trial? What trial?" + +"Why, Tom had him up before Judge Robinson for assault and battery." + +The old man shrank suddenly together like one who has received a +death stroke. Howard sprang for him as he sank forward in a swoon, +and took him in his arms, and bedded him on his back in the boat. +He sprinkled water in his face, and said to the startled visitor: + +"Go, now--don't let him come to and find you here. You see what an +effect your heedless speech has had; you ought to have been more +considerate than to blurt out such a cruel piece of slander as that." + +"I'm right down sorry I did it now, Mr. Howard, and I wouldn't +have done it if I had thought; but it ain't slander; +it's perfectly true, just as I told him." + +He rowed away. Presently the old judge came out of his faint and +looked up piteously into the sympathetic face that was bent over him. + +"Say it ain't true, Pembroke; tell me it ain't true!" he said in a weak voice. + +There was nothing weak in the deep organ tones that responded: + +"You know it's a lie as well as I do, old friend. He is of +the best blood of the Old Dominion." + +"God bless you for saying it!" said the old gentleman, fervently. +"Ah, Pembroke, it was such a blow!" + +Howard stayed by his friend, and saw him home, and entered the house +with him. It was dark, and past supper-time, but the judge was +not thinking of supper; he was eager to hear the slander refuted +from headquarters, and as eager to have Howard hear it, too. +Tom was sent for, and he came immediately. He was bruised and lame, +and was not a happy-looking object. His uncle made him sit down, and said: + +"We have been hearing about your adventure, Tom, with a handsome lie +added for embellishment. Now pulverize that lie to dust! +What measures have you taken? How does the thing stand?" + +Tom answered guilelessly: "It don't stand at all; it's all over. +I had him up in court and beat him. Pudd'nhead Wilson defended him-- +first case he ever had, and lost it. The judge fined the miserable +hound five dollars for the assault." + +Howard and the judge sprang to their feet with the opening sentence-- +why, neither knew; then they stood gazing vacantly at each other. +Howard stood a moment, then sat mournfully down without saying anything. +The judge's wrath began to kindle, and he burst out: + +"You cur! You scum! You vermin! Do you mean to tell me that blood +of my race has suffered a blow and crawled to a court of law about it? +Answer me!" + +Tom's head drooped, and he answered with an eloquent silence. +His uncle stared at him with a mixed expression of amazement and +shame and incredulity that was sorrowful to see. At last he said: + +"Which of the twins was it?" + +"Count Luigi." + +"You have challenged him?" + +"N--no," hesitated Tom, turning pale. + +"You will challenge him tonight. Howard will carry it." + +Tom began to turn sick, and to show it. He turned his hat round and +round in his hand, his uncle glowering blacker and blacker upon him +as the heavy seconds drifted by; then at last he began to stammer, +and said piteously: + +"Oh, please, don't ask me to do it, uncle! He is a murderous devil-- +I never could--I--I'm afraid of him!" + +Old Driscoll's mouth opened and closed three times before he +could get it to perform its office; then he stormed out: + +"A coward in my family! A Driscoll a coward! Oh, what have I done +to deserve this infamy!" He tottered to his secretary in the corner, +repeated that lament again and again in heartbreaking tones, +and got out of a drawer a paper, which he slowly tore to bits, +scattering the bits absently in his track as he walked up +and down the room, still grieving and lamenting. At last he said: + +"There it is, shreds and fragments once more--my will. Once more you +have forced me to disinherit you, you base son of a most noble father! +Leave my sight! Go--before I spit on you!" + +The young man did not tarry. Then the judge turned to Howard: + +"You will be my second, old friend?" + +"Of course." + +"There is pen and paper. Draft the cartel, and lose no time." + +"The Count shall have it in his hands in fifteen minutes," said Howard. + +Tom was very heavyhearted. His appetite was gone with his property +and his self-respect. He went out the back way and wandered down the +obscure lane grieving, and wondering if any course of future conduct, +however discreet and carefully perfected and watched over, +could win back his uncle's favor and persuade him to reconstruct once +more that generous will which had just gone to ruin before his eyes. +He finally concluded that it could. He said to himself that he had +accomplished this sort of triumph once already, and that what had been +done once could be done again. He would set about it. He would bend +every energy to the task, and he would score that triumph once more, +cost what it might to his convenience, limit as it might his +frivolous and liberty-loving life. + +"To begin," he says to himself, "I'll square up with the proceeds of +my raid, and then gambling has got to be stopped--and stopped short off. +It's the worst vice I've got--from my standpoint, anyway, +because it's the one he can most easily find out, through the impatience +of my creditors. He thought it expensive to have to pay two hundred +dollars to them for me once. Expensive--_that!_ Why, it cost me +the whole of his fortune--but, of course, he never thought of that; +some people can't think of any but their own side of a case. +If he had known how deep I am in now, the will would have gone to pot +without waiting for a duel to help. Three hundred dollars! +It's a pile! But he'll never hear of it, I'm thankful to say. +The minute I've cleared it off, I'm safe; and I'll never touch +a card again. Anyway, I won't while he lives, I make oath to that. +I'm entering on my last reform--I know it--yes, and I'll win; +but after that, if I ever slip again I'm gone." + + + + +CHAPTER 13 + +Tom Stares at Ruin + +When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know +have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate +in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, +November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Thus mournfully communing with himself, Tom moped along the lane past +Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, and still on and on between fences enclosing +vacant country on each hand till he neared the haunted house, +then he came moping back again, with many sighs and heavy with trouble. +He sorely wanted cheerful company. Rowena! His heart gave a bound +at the thought, but the next thought quieted it--the detested twins +would be there. + +He was on the inhabited side of Wilson's house, and now as +he approached it, he noticed that the sitting room was lighted. +This would do; others made him feel unwelcome sometimes, but Wilson +never failed in courtesy toward him, and a kindly courtesy does at least +save one's feelings, even if it is not professing to stand for a welcome. +Wilson heard footsteps at his threshold, then the clearing of a throat. + +"It's that fickle-tempered, dissipated young goose--poor devil, +he find friends pretty scarce today, likely, after the disgrace of +carrying a personal assault case into a law-court." + +A dejected knock. "Come in!" + +Tom entered, and dropped into a chair, without saying anything. +Wilson said kindly: + +"Why, my boy, you look desolate. Don't take it so hard. +Try and forget you have been kicked." + +"Oh, dear," said Tom, wretchedly, "it's not that, Pudd'nhead-- +it's not that.. It's a thousand times worse than that--oh, yes, +a million times worse." + +"Why, Tom, what do you mean? Has Rowena--" + +"Flung me? _No_, but the old man has." + +Wilson said to himself, "Aha!" and thought of the mysterious girl +in the bedroom. "The Driscolls have been making discoveries!" +Then he said aloud, gravely: + +"Tom, there are some kinds of dissipation which--" + +"Oh, shucks, this hasn't got anything to do with dissipation. +He wanted me to challenge that derned Italian savage, +and I wouldn't do it." + +"Yes, of course he would do that," said Wilson in a meditative +matter-of-course way, "but the thing that puzzled me was, +why he didn't look to that last night, for one thing, +and why he let you carry such a matter into a court of law at all, +either before the duel or after it. It's no place for it. +It was not like him. I couldn't understand it. How did it happen?" + +"It happened because he didn't know anything about it. He +was asleep when I got home last night." + +"And you didn't wake him? Tom, is that possible?" + +Tom was not getting much comfort here. He fidgeted a moment, then said: + +"I didn't choose to tell him--that's all. He was going a-fishing +before dawn, with Pembroke Howard, and if I got the twins into +the common calaboose--and I thought sure I could--I never dreamed +of their slipping out on a paltry fine for such an outrageous offense-- +well, once in the calaboose they would be disgraced, and uncle wouldn't +want any duels with that sort of characters, and wouldn't allow any. + +"Tom, I am ashamed of you! I don't see how you could treat +your good old uncle so. I am a better friend of his than you are; +for if I had known the circumstances I would have kept that case out +of court until I got word to him and let him have the gentleman's chance." + +"You would?" exclaimed Tom, with lively surprise. "And it your +first case! And you know perfectly well there never would have _been_ +any case if he had got that chance, don't you? And you'd have finished +your days a pauper nobody, instead of being an actually launched and +recognized lawyer today. And you would really have done that, would you?" + +"Certainly." + +Tom looked at him a moment or two, then shook his head sorrowfully and said: + +"I believe you--upon my word I do. I don't know why I do, but I do. +Pudd'nhead Wilson, I think you're the biggest fool I ever saw." + +"Thank you." + +"Don't mention it." + +"Well, he has been requiring you to fight the Italian, +and you have refused. You degenerate remnant of an honorable line! +I'm thoroughly ashamed of you, Tom!" + +"Oh, that's nothing! I don't care for anything, now that the will's +torn up again." + +"Tom, tell me squarely--didn't he find any fault with you for anything +but those two things--carrying the case into court and refusing to fight?" + +He watched the young fellow's face narrowly, but it was +entirely reposeful, and so also was the voice that answered: + +"No, he didn't find any other fault with me. If he had had any to find, +he would have begun yesterday, for he was just in the humor for it. +He drove that jack-pair around town and showed them the sights, +and when he came home he couldn't find his father's old silver watch +that don't keep time and he thinks so much of, and couldn't remember +what he did with it three or four days ago when he saw it last, +and when I suggested that it probably wasn't lost but stolen, +it put him in a regular passion, and he said I was a fool-- +which convinced me, without any trouble, that that was just what he +was afraid _had_ happened, himself, but did not want to believe it, +because lost things stand a better chance of being found again +than stolen ones." + +"Whe-ew!" whistled Wilson. "Score another one the list." + +"Another what?" + +"Another theft!" + +"Theft?" + +"Yes, theft. That watch isn't lost, it's stolen. There's been another +raid on the town--and just the same old mysterious sort of thing +that has happened once before, as you remember." + +"You don't mean it!" + +"It's as sure as you are born! Have you missed anything yourself?" + +"No. That is, I did miss a silver pencil case that Aunt Mary Pratt +gave me last birthday--" + +"You'll find it stolen--that's what you'll find." + +"No, I sha'n't; for when I suggested theft about the watch and got +such a rap, I went and examined my room, and the pencil case was missing, +but it was only mislaid, and I found it again." + +"You are sure you missed nothing else?" + +"Well, nothing of consequence. I missed a small plain gold ring worth +two or three dollars, but that will turn up. I'll look again." + +"In my opinion you'll not find it. There's been a raid, I tell you. +Come _in!_" + +Mr. Justice Robinson entered, followed by Buckstone and +the town constable, Jim Blake. They sat down, and after some +wandering and aimless weather-conversation Wilson said: + +"By the way, We've just added another to the list of thefts, maybe two. +Judge Driscoll's old silver watch is gone, and Tom here +has missed a gold ring." + +"Well, it is a bad business," said the justice, "and gets worse +the further it goes. The Hankses, the Dobsons, the Pilligrews, +the Ortons, the Grangers, the Hales, the Fullers, the Holcombs, +in fact everybody that lives around about Patsy Cooper's had been +robbed of little things like trinkets and teaspoons and suchlike +small valuables that are easily carried off. It's perfectly plain +that the thief took advantage of the reception at Patsy Cooper's when +all the neighbors were in her house and all their niggers hanging around +her fence for a look at the show, to raid the vacant houses undisturbed. +Patsy is miserable about it; miserable on account of the neighbors, +and particularly miserable on account of her foreigners, of course; +so miserable on their account that she hasn't any room to worry +about her own little losses." + +"It's the same old raider," said Wilson. "I suppose there isn't +any doubt about that." + +"Constable Blake doesn't think so." + +"No, you're wrong there," said Blake. "The other times it was a man; +there was plenty of signs of that, as we know, in the profession, +thought we never got hands on him; but this time it's a woman." + +Wilson thought of the mysterious girl straight off. She was always +in his mind now. But she failed him again. Blake continued: + +"She's a stoop-shouldered old woman with a covered basket on her arm, +in a black veil, dressed in mourning. I saw her going aboard +the ferryboat yesterday. Lives in Illinois, I reckon; but I don't care +where she lives, I'm going to get her--she can make herself sure of that." + +"What makes you think she's the thief?" + +"Well, there ain't any other, for one thing; and for another, +some nigger draymen that happened to be driving along saw her coming +out of or going into houses, and told me so--and it just happens that +they was _robbed_, every time." + +It was granted that this was plenty good enough circumstantial evidence. +A pensive silence followed, which lasted some moments, then Wilson said: + +"There's one good thing, anyway. She can't either pawn or sell +Count Luigi's costly Indian dagger." + +"My!" said Tom. "Is _that_ gone?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, that was a haul! But why can't she pawn it or sell it?" + +"Because when the twins went home from the Sons of Liberty meeting +last night, news of the raid was sifting in from everywhere, +and Aunt Patsy was in distress to know if they had lost anything. +They found that the dagger was gone, and they notified the police +and pawnbrokers everywhere. It was a great haul, yes, but +the old woman won't get anything out of it, because she'll get caught." + +"Did they offer a reward?" asked Buckstone. + +"Yes, five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred more +for the thief." + +"What a leather-headed idea!" exclaimed the constable. +"The thief das'n't go near them, nor send anybody. +Whoever goes is going to get himself nabbed, +for their ain't any pawnbroker that's going to lose the chance to--" + +If anybody had noticed Tom's face at that time, the gray-green color +of it might have provoked curiosity; but nobody did. +He said to himself: "I'm gone! I never can square up; the rest of +the plunder won't pawn or sell for half of the bill. Oh, I know it-- +I'm gone, I'm gone--and this time it's for good. Oh, this is awful-- +I don't know what to do, nor which way to turn!" + +"Softly, softly," said Wilson to Blake. "I planned their scheme +for them at midnight last night, and it was all finished up shipshape +by two this morning. They'll get their dagger back, +and then I'll explain to you how the thing was done." + +There were strong signs of a general curiosity, and Buckstone said: + +"Well, you have whetted us up pretty sharp. Wilson, and I'm free +to say that if you don't mind telling us in confidence--" + +"Oh, I'd as soon tell as not, Buckstone, but as long as the +twins and I agreed to say nothing about it, we must let it stand so. +But you can take my word for it, you won't be kept waiting three days. +Somebody will apply for that reward pretty promptly, +and I'll show you the thief and the dagger both very soon afterward." + +The constable was disappointed, and also perplexed. He said: + +"It may all be--yes, and I hope it will, but I'm blamed if I +can see my way through it. It's too many for yours truly." + +The subject seemed about talked out. Nobody seemed to have +anything further to offer. After a silence the justice of the +peace informed Wilson that he and Buckstone and the constable had +come as a committee, on the part of the Democratic party, to ask him +to run for mayor--for the little town was about to become a city and +the first charter election was approaching. It was the first attention +which Wilson had ever received at the hands of any party; +it was a sufficiently humble one, but it was a recognition of his debut +into the town's life and activities at last; it was a step upward, +and he was deeply gratified. He accepted, and the committee departed, +followed by young Tom. + + + + +CHAPTER 14 + +Roxana Insists Upon Reform + + +The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned +with commoner things. It is chief of this world's luxuries, +king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. +When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a +Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +About the time that Wilson was bowing the committee out, +Pembroke Howard was entering the next house to report. +He found the old judge sitting grim and straight in his chair, waiting. + +"Well, Howard--the news?" + +"The best in the world." + +"Accepts, does he?" and the light of battle gleamed joyously +in the Judge's eye. + +"Accepts? Why he jumped at it." + +"Did, did he? Now that's fine--that's very fine. I like that. +When is it to be?" + +"Now! Straight off! Tonight! An admirable fellow--admirable!" + +"Admirable? He's a darling! Why, it's an honor as well as +a pleasure to stand up before such a man. Come--off with you! +Go and arrange everything--and give him my heartiest compliments. +A rare fellow, indeed; an admirable fellow, as you have said!" + +"I'll have him in the vacant stretch between Wilson's and +the haunted house within the hour, and I'll bring my own pistols." + +Judge Driscoll began to walk the floor in a state of pleased excitement; +but presently he stopped, and began to think--began to think of Tom. +Twice he moved toward the secretary, and twice he turned away again; +but finally he said: + +"This may be my last night in the world--I must not take the chance. +He is worthless and unworthy, but it is largely my fault. +He was entrusted to me by my brother on his dying bed, +and I have indulged him to his hurt, instead of training him up severely, +and making a man of him, I have violated my trust, and I must not add +the sin of desertion to that. I have forgiven him once already, +and would subject him to a long and hard trial before forgiving +him again, if I could live; but I must not run that risk. +No, I must restore the will. But if I survive the duel, +I will hide it away, and he will not know, and I will not tell him +until he reforms, and I see that his reformation is going to be permanent." + +He redrew the will, and his ostensible nephew was heir to a +fortune again. As he was finishing his task, Tom, wearied with +another brooding tramp, entered the house and went tiptoeing past +the sitting room door. He glanced in, and hurried on, for the sight +of his uncle was nothing but terrors for him tonight. But his uncle +was writing! That was unusual at this late hour. What could he +be writing? A chill of anxiety settled down upon Tom's heart. +Did that writing concern him? He was afraid so. He reflected that +when ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers. +He said he would get a glimpse of that document or know the reason why. +He heard someone coming, and stepped out of sight and hearing. +It was Pembroke Howard. What could be hatching? + +Howard said, with great satisfaction: + +"Everything's right and ready. He's gone to the battleground with +his second and the surgeon--also with his brother. I've arranged it +all with Wilson--Wilson's his second. We are to have three shots apiece." + +"Good! How is the moon?" + +"Bright as day, nearly. Perfect, for the distance--fifteen yards. +No wind--not a breath; hot and still." + +"All good; all first-rate. Here, Pembroke, read this, and witness it." + +Pembroke read and witnessed the will, then gave the old man's hand +a hearty shake and said: + +"Now that's right, York--but I knew you would do it. You couldn't +leave that poor chap to fight along without means or profession, +with certain defeat before him, and I knew you wouldn't, for his +father's sake if not for his own." + +"For his dead father's sake, I couldn't, I know; for poor Percy-- +but you know what Percy was to me. But mind--Tom is not to know +of this unless I fall tonight." + +"I understand. I'll keep the secret." + +The judge put the will away, and the two started for the battleground. +In another minute the will was in Tom's hands. +His misery vanished, his feelings underwent a tremendous revulsion. +He put the will carefully back in its place, and spread his mouth +and swung his hat once, twice, three times around his head, +in imitation of three rousing huzzahs, no sound issuing from his lips. +He fell to communing with himself excitedly and joyously, +but every now and then he let off another volley of dumb hurrahs. + +He said to himself: "I've got the fortune again, but I'll not let on +that I know about it. And this time I'm gong to hang on to it. +I take no more risks. I'll gamble no more, I'll drink no more, +because--well, because I'll not go where there is any of that sort of +thing going on, again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way; +I might have thought of that sooner--well, yes, if I had wanted to. +But now--dear me, I've had a scare this time, and I'll take +no more chances. Not a single chance more. Land! I persuaded myself +this evening that I could fetch him around without any great amount +of effort, but I've been getting more and more heavyhearted and +doubtful straight along, ever since. If he tells me about this thing, +all right; but if he doesn't, I sha'n't let on. I--well, I'd like to tell +Pudd'nhead Wilson, but--no, I'll think about that; perhaps I won't." +He whirled off another dead huzzah, and said, "I'm reformed, +and this time I'll stay so, sure!" + +He was about to close with a final grand silent demonstration, +when he suddenly recollected that Wilson had put it out of his power +to pawn or sell the Indian knife, and that he was once more in +awful peril of exposure by his creditors for that reason. +His joy collapsed utterly, and he turned away and moped toward +the door moaning and lamenting over the bitterness of his luck. +He dragged himself upstairs, and brooded in his room a long time, +disconsolate and forlorn, with Luigi's Indian knife for a text. +At last he sighed and said: + +"When I supposed these stones were glass and this ivory bone, +the thing hadn't any interest for me because it hadn't any value, +and couldn't help me out of my trouble. But now--why, now it is +full of interest; yes, and of a sort to break a body's heart. +It's a bag of gold that has turned to dirt and ashes in my hands. +It could save me, and save me so easily, and yet I've got to go to ruin. +It's like drowning with a life preserver in my reach. All the hard luck +comes to me, and all the good luck goes to other people-- +Pudd'nhead Wilson, for instance; even his career has got a sort of +a little start at last, and what has he done to deserve it, +I should like to know? Yes, he has opened his own road, +but he isn't content with that, but must block mine. +It's a sordid, selfish world, and I wish I was out of it." +He allowed the light of the candle to play upon the jewels of the sheath, +but the flashings and sparklings had no charm for his eye; +they were only just so many pangs to his heart. "I must not say +anything to Roxy about this thing," he said. "She is too daring. +She would be for digging these stones out and selling them, and then-- +why, she would be arrested and the stones traced, and then--" +The thought made him quake, and he hid the knife away, trembling +all over and glancing furtively about, like a criminal who fancies that +the accuser is already at hand. + +Should he try to sleep? Oh, no, sleep was not for him; his trouble +was too haunting, too afflicting for that. He must have somebody +to mourn with. He would carry his despair to Roxy. + +He had heard several distant gunshots, but that sort of thing +was not uncommon, and they had made no impression upon him. +He went out at the back door, and turned westward. He passed +Wilson's house and proceeded along the lane, and presently saw +several figures approaching Wilson's place through the vacant lots. +These were the duelists returning from the fight; he thought +he recognized them, but as he had no desire for white people's company, +he stooped down behind the fence until they were out of his way. + +Roxy was feeling fine. She said: + +"Whah was you, child? Warn't you in it?" + +"In what?" + +"In de duel." + +"Duel? Has there been a duel?" + +"Co'se dey has. De ole Jedge has be'n havin' a duel wid one o' dem twins." + +"Great Scott!" Then he added to himself: "That's what made him remake +the will; he thought he might get killed, and it softened him toward me. +And that's what he and Howard were so busy about. . . . +Oh dear, if the twin had only killed him, I should be out of my--" + +"What is you mumblin' 'bout, Chambers? Whah was you? +Didn't you know dey was gwine to be a duel?" + +"No, I didn't. The old man tried to get me to fight one with Count Luigi, +but he didn't succeed, so I reckon he concluded to patch up +the family honor himself." + +He laughed at the idea, and went rambling on with a detailed account +of his talk with the judge, and how shocked and ashamed the judge was +to find that he had a coward in his family. He glanced up at last, +and got a shock himself. Roxana's bosom was heaving with +suppressed passion, and she was glowering down upon +him with measureless contempt written in her face. + +"En you refuse' to fight a man dat kicked you, 'stid o' jumpin' +at de chance! En you ain't got no mo' feelin' den to come +en tell me, dat fetched sich a po' lowdown ornery rabbit into +de worl'! Pah! it make me sick! It's de nigger in you, +dat's what it is. Thirty-one parts o' you is white, en on'y one +part nigger, en dat po' little one part is yo' _soul_. +'Tain't wuth savin'; tain't wuth totin' out on a shovel en throwin' +en de gutter. You has disgraced yo' birth. What would yo' pa +think o' you? It's enough to make him turn in his grave. + +The last three sentences stung Tom into a fury, and he said to +himself that if his father were only alive and in reach of assassination +his mother would soon find that he had a very clear notion of the +size of his indebtedness to that man, and was willing to pay it +up in full, and would do it too, even at risk of his life; +but he kept this thought to himself; that was safest in his +mother's present state. + +"Whatever has come o' yo' Essex blood? Dat's what I can't understan'. +En it ain't on'y jist Essex blood dat's in you, not by a long sight-- +'deed it ain't! My great-great-great-gran'father en yo' +great-great-great-great-gran'father was Ole Cap'n John Smith, +de highest blood dat Ole Virginny ever turned out, en _his_ +great-great-gran'mother, or somers along back dah, was Pocahontas +de Injun queen, en her husbun' was a nigger king outen Africa-- +en yit here you is, a slinkin' outen a duel en disgracin' our +whole line like a ornery lowdown hound! Yes, it's de nigger in you!" + +She sat down on her candle box and fell into a reverie. +Tom did not disturb her; he sometimes lacked prudence, but it was not +in circumstances of this kind, Roxana's storm went gradually down, +but it died hard, and even when it seemed to be quite gone, +it would now and then break out in a distant rumble, so to speak, +in the form of muttered ejaculations. One of these was, "Ain't nigger +enough in him to show in his fingernails, en dat takes mighty little-- +yit dey's enough to pain his soul." + +Presently she muttered. "Yassir, enough to paint a whole thimbleful +of 'em." At last her ramblings ceased altogether, and her countenance +began to clear--a welcome sight to Tom, who had learned her moods, +and knew she was on the threshold of good humor now. +He noticed that from time to time she unconsciously carried her finger +to the end of her nose. He looked closer and said: + +"Why, Mammy, the end of your nose is skinned. How did that come?" + +She sent out the sort of wholehearted peal of laughter which God had +vouchsafed in its perfection to none but the happy angels in heaven +and the bruised and broken black slave on the earth, and said: + +"Dad fetch dat duel, I be'n in it myself." + +"Gracious! did a bullet to that?" + +"Yassir, you bet it did!" + +"Well, I declare! Why, how did that happen?" + +"Happened dis-away. I 'uz a-sett'n' here kinder dozin' in de dark, +en _che-bang!_ goes a gun, right out dah. I skips along out towards +t'other end o' de house to see what's gwine on, en stops by de ole winder +on de side towards Pudd'nhead Wilson's house dat ain't got no sash in it-- +but dey ain't none of 'em got any sashes, for as dat's concerned-- +en I stood dah in de dark en look out, en dar in the moonlight, +right down under me 'uz one o' de twins a-cussin'--not much, +but jist a-cussin' soft--it 'uz de brown one dat 'uz cussin,' +'ca'se he 'uz hit in de shoulder. En Doctor Claypool he 'uz +a-workin' at him, en Pudd'nhead Wilson he 'uz a-he'pin', en ole +Jedge Driscoll en Pem Howard 'uz a-standin' out yonder a little piece +waitin' for 'em to get ready agin. En treckly dey squared off en give +de word, en _bang-bang_ went de pistols, en de twin he say, +'Ouch!'--hit him on de han' dis time --en I hear dat same bullet +go _spat!_ ag'in de logs under de winder; en de nex' time dey shoot, +de twin say, 'Ouch!' ag'in, en I done it too, 'ca'se de bullet glance' +on his cheekbone en skip up here en glance' on de side o' de winder +en whiz right acrost my face en tuck de hide off'n my nose-- +why, if I'd 'a'; be'n jist a inch or a inch en a half furder 't +would 'a' tuck de whole nose en disfiggered me. Here's de bullet; +I hunted her up." + +"Did you stand there all the time?" + +"Dat's a question to ask, ain't it! What else would I do? +Does I git a chance to see a duel every day?" + +"Why, you were right in range! Weren't you afraid?" + +The woman gave a sniff of scorn. + +"'Fraid! De Smith-Pocahontases ain't 'fraid o' nothin', let alone bullets." + +"They've got pluck enough, I suppose; what they lack is judgment. +_I_ wouldn't have stood there." + +"Nobody's accusin' you!" + +"Did anybody else get hurt?" + +"Yes, we all got hit 'cep' de blon' twin en de doctor en de seconds. +De Jedge didn't git hurt, but I hear Pudd'nhead say de bullet snip +some o' his ha'r off." + +"'George!" said Tom to himself, "to come so near being out +of my trouble, and miss it by an inch. Oh dear, dear, he will +live to find me out and sell me to some nigger trader yet--yes, +and he would do it in a minute." Then he said aloud, in a grave tone: + +"Mother, we are in an awful fix." + +Roxana caught her breath with a spasm, and said: + +"Chile! What you hit a body so sudden for, like dat? +What's be'n en gone en happen'?" + +"Well, there's one thing I didn't tell you. When I wouldn't fight, +he tore up the will again, and--" + +Roxana's face turned a dead white, and she said: + +"Now you's _done!_--done forever! Dat's de end. Bofe un us is gwine +to starve to--" + +"Wait and hear me through, can't you! I reckon that when he +resolved to fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and +not have a chance to forgive me any more in this life, so he made +the will again, and I've seen it, and it's all right. But--" + +"Oh, thank goodness, den we's safe ag'in!--safe! en so what +did you want to come here en talk sich dreadful--" + +"Hold ON, I tell you, and let me finish. The swag I gathered +won't half square me up, and the first thing we know, my creditors-- +well, you know what'll happen." + +Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone-- +she must think this matter out. Presently she said impressively: + +"You got to go mighty keerful now, I tell you! En here's what you +got to do. He didn't git killed, en if you gives him de least reason, +he'll bust de will ag'in, en dat's de _las'_ time, now you hear me! +So--you's got to show him what you kin do in de nex' few days. +You got to be pison good, en let him see it; you got to do everything +dat'll make him b'lieve in you, en you got to sweeten aroun' ole Aunt Pratt, +too--she's pow'ful strong with de Jedge, en de bes' frien' you got. +Nex', you'll go 'long away to Sent Louis, en dat'll _keep_ him in yo' favor. +Den you go en make a bargain wid dem people. You tell 'em he ain't gwine +to live long--en dat's de fac', too--en tell 'em you'll pay 'em intrust, +en big intrust, too--ten per--what you call it?" + +"Ten percent a month?" + +"Dat's it. Den you take and sell yo' truck aroun', a little at a time, +en pay de intrust. How long will it las'?" + +"I think there's enough to pay the interest five or six months." +"Den you's all right. If he don't die in six months, dat don't make +no diff'rence--Providence'll provide. You's gwine to be safe-- +if you behaves." She bent an austere eye on him and added, +"En you IS gwine to behave--does you know dat?" + +He laughed and said he was going to try, anyway. She did not unbend. +She said gravely: + +"Tryin' ain't de thing. You's gwine to _do_ it. You ain't gwine +to steal a pin--'ca'se it ain't safe no mo'; en you ain't gwine into +no bad comp'ny--not even once, you understand; en you ain't gwine +to drink a drop--nary a single drop; en you ain't gwine to gamble +one single gamble--not one! Dis ain't what you's gwine to try to do, +it's what you's gwine to DO. En I'll tell you how I knows it. +Dis is how. I's gwine to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; +en you's gwine to come to me every day o' your life, en I'll look +you over; en if you fails in one single one o' dem things--jist _one_-- +I take my oath I'll come straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge +you's a nigger en a slave--en _prove_ it!" She paused to let her words +sink home. Then she added, "Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +Tom was sober enough now. There was no levity in his voice +when he answered: + +"Yes, Mother, I know, now, that I am reformed--and permanently. +Permanently--and beyond the reach of any human temptation." + +"Den g'long home en begin!" + + + + +CHAPTER 15 + +The Robber Robbed + + +Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + +Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"-- +which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and +your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Put all your eggs in +the one basket and--_watch that basket!_" + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +What a time of it Dawson's Landing was having! All its life +it had been asleep, but now it hardly got a chance for a nod, +so swiftly did big events and crashing surprises come along in one +another's wake: Friday morning, first glimpse of Real Nobility, +also grand reception at Aunt Patsy Cooper's, also great robber raid; +Friday evening, dramatic kicking of the heir of the chief citizen in +presence of four hundred people; Saturday morning, emergence as +practicing lawyer of the long-submerged Pudd'nhead Wilson; +Saturday night, duel between chief citizen and titled stranger. + +The people took more pride in the duel than in all the other +events put together, perhaps. It was a glory to their town to have +such a thing happen there. In their eyes the principals had reached +the summit of human honor. Everybody paid homage to their names; +their praises were in all mouths. Even the duelists' subordinates +came in for a handsome share of the public approbation: +wherefore Pudd'nhead Wilson was suddenly become a man of consequence. +When asked to run for the mayoralty Saturday night, he was risking defeat, +but Sunday morning found him a made man and his success assured. + +The twins were prodigiously great now; the town took them to its bosom +with enthusiasm. Day after day, and night after night, +they went dining and visiting from house to house, making friends, +enlarging and solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising +all with their musical prodigies, and now and then heightening the +effects with samples of what they could do in other directions, +out of their stock of rare and curious accomplishments. They were +so pleased that they gave the regulation thirty days' notice, +the required preparation for citizenship, and resolved to finish +their days in this pleasant place. That was the climax. +The delighted community rose as one man and applauded; and when +the twins were asked to stand for seats in the forthcoming +aldermanic board, and consented, the public contentment was +rounded and complete. + +Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, +and hurt all the way down. He hated the one twin for kicking him, +and the other one for being the kicker's brother. + +Now and then the people wondered why nothing was heard of the raider, +or of the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able +to throw any light on that matter. Nearly a week had drifted by, +and still the thing remained a vexed mystery. + +On Sunday Constable Blake and Pudd'nhead Wilson met on the street, +and Tom Driscoll joined them in time to open their conversation for them. +He said to Blake: "You are not looking well, Blake; you seem to be +annoyed about something. Has anything gone wrong in the +detective business? I believe you fairly and justifiably claim +to have a pretty good reputation in that line, isn't it so?"-- +which made Blake feel good, and look it; but Tom added, +"for a country detective"--which made Blake feel the other way, +and not only look it, but betray it in his voice. + +"Yes, sir, I _have_ got a reputation; and it's as good as +anybody's in the profession, too, country or no country." + +"Oh, I beg pardon; I didn't mean any offense. What I started out +to ask was only about the old woman that raided the town-- +the stoop-shouldered old woman, you know, that you said you were going +to catch; and I knew you would, too, because you have the reputation +of never boasting, and--well, you--you've caught the old woman?" + +"Damn the old woman!" + +"Why, sho! you don't mean to say you haven't caught her?" + +"No, I haven't caught her. If anybody could have caught her, +I could; but nobody couldn't, I don't care who he is." + +I am sorry, real sorry--for your sake; because, when it gets around +that a detective has expressed himself confidently, and then--" + +"Don't you worry, that's all--don't you worry; and as for the town, +the town needn't worry either. She's my meat--make yourself easy +about that. I'm on her track; I've got clues that--" + +"That's good! Now if you could get an old veteran detective down from +St. Louis to help you find out what the clues mean, and where +they lead to, and then--" + +"I'm plenty veteran enough myself, and I don't need anybody's help. +I'll have her inside of a we--inside of a month. That I'll swear to!" + +Tom said carelessly: + +"I suppose that will answer--yes, that will answer. But I reckon +she is pretty old, and old people don't often outlive the +cautious pace of the professional detective when he has got his +clues together and is out on his still-hunt." + +Blake's dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he could set +his retort in order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was saying, +with placid indifference of manner and voice: + +"Who got the reward, Pudd'nhead?" + +Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come. + +"What reward?" + +"Why, the reward for the thief, and the other one for the knife." + +Wilson answered--and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his +hesitating fashion of delivering himself: + +"Well, the--well, in face, nobody has claimed it yet." + +Tom seemed surprised. + +"Why, is that so?" + +Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied: + +"Yes, it's so. And what of it?" + +"Oh, nothing. Only I thought you had struck out a new idea, +and invented a scheme that was going to revolutionize the timeworn +and ineffectual methods of the--" He stopped, and turned to Blake, +who was happy now that another had taken his place on the gridiron. +"Blake, didn't you understand him to intimate that it wouldn't be +necessary for you to hunt the old woman down?" + +'B'George, he said he'd have thief and swag both inside of three days-- +he did, by hokey! and that's just about a week ago. +Why, I said at the time that no thief and no thief's pal was +going to try to pawn or sell a thing where he knowed the pawnbroker +could get both rewards by taking HIM into camp _with_ the swag. +It was the blessedest idea that ever I struck!" + +"You'd change your mind," said Wilson, with irritated bluntness, +"if you knew the entire scheme instead of only part of it." + +"Well," said the constable, pensively, "I had the idea that +it wouldn't work, and up to now I'm right anyway." + +"Very well, then, let it stand at that, and give it a further show. +It has worked at least as well as your own methods, you perceive." + +The constable hadn't anything handy to hit back with, +so he discharged a discontented sniff, and said nothing. + +After the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme +at his house, Tom had tried for several days to guess out the +secret of the rest of it, but had failed. Then it occurred to +him to give Roxana's smarter head a chance at it. He made up a +supposititious0z H case, and laid it before her. She thought it over, +and delivered her verdict upon it. Tom said to himself, +"She's hit it, sure!" He thought he would test that verdict now, +and watch Wilson's face; so he said reflectively: + +"Wilson, you're not a fool--a fact of recent discovery. +Whatever your scheme was, it had sense in it, Blake's opinion to +the contrary notwithstanding. I don't ask you to reveal it, +but I will suppose a case--a case which you will answer as a starting +point for the real thing I am going to come at, and that's all I want. +You offered five hundred dollars for the knife, and five hundred +for the thief. We will suppose, for argument's sake, +that the first reward is _advertised_ and the second offered by +_private letter_ to pawnbrokers and--" + +Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out: + +"By Jackson, he's got you, Pudd'nhead! Now why couldn't I +or _any_ fool have thought of that?" + +Wilson said to himself, "Anybody with a reasonably good head would +have thought of it. I am not surprised that Blake didn't detect it; +I am only surprised that Tom did. There is more to him +than I supposed." He said nothing aloud, and Tom went on: + +"Very well. The thief would not suspect that there was a trap, +and he would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, +or found it in the road, or something like that, and try +to collect the reward, and be arrested--wouldn't he?" + +"Yes," said Wilson. + +"I think so," said Tom. "There can't be any doubt of it. +Have you ever seen that knife?" + +"No." + +"Has any friend of yours?" + +"Not that I know of." + +"Well, I begin to think I understand why your scheme failed." + +"What do you mean, Tom? What are you driving at?" asked Wilson, +with a dawning sense of discomfort. + +"Why, that there _isn't_ any such knife." + +"Look here, Wilson," said Blake, "Tom Driscoll's right, +for a thousand dollars--if I had it." + +Wilson's blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had been played +upon by those strangers; it certainly had something of that look. +But what could they gain by it? He threw out that suggestion. +Tom replied: + +"Gain? Oh, nothing that you would value, maybe. But they are strangers +making their way in a new community. Is it nothing to them to appear +as pets of an Oriental prince--at no expense? It is nothing +to them to be able to dazzle this poor town with thousand-dollar +rewards--at no expense? Wilson, there isn't any such knife, +or your scheme would have fetched it to light. Or if there is +any such knife, they've got it yet. I believe, myself, +that they've seen such a knife, for Angelo pictured it out with +his pencil too swiftly and handily for him to have been inventing it, +and of course I can't swear that they've never had it; but this I'll +go bail for--if they had it when they came to this town, +they've got it yet." + +Blake said: + +"It looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it most certainly does." + +Tom responded, turning to leave: + +"You find the old woman, Blake, and if she can't furnish the knife, +go and search the twins!" + +Tom sauntered away. Wilson felt a good deal depressed. He hardly +knew what to think. He was loath to withdraw his faith from the twins, +and was resolved not to do it on the present indecisive evidence; +but--well, he would think, and then decide how to act. + +"Blake, what do you think of this matter?" + +"Well, Pudd'nhead, I'm bound to say I put it up the way Tom does. +They hadn't the knife; or if they had it, they've got it yet." + +The men parted. Wilson said to himself: + +"I believe they had it; if it had been stolen, the scheme would have +restored it, that is certain. And so I believe they've got it." + +Tom had no purpose in his mind when he encountered those two men. +When he began his talk he hoped to be able to gall them a +little and get a trifle of malicious entertainment out of it. +But when he left, he left in great spirits, for he perceived that +just by pure luck and no troublesome labor he had accomplished +several delightful things: he had touched both men on a raw spot +and seen them squirm; he had modified Wilson's sweetness for the +twins with one small bitter taste that he wouldn't be able to get +out of his mouth right away; and, best of all, he had taken the +hated twins down a peg with the community; for Blake would gossip +around freely, after the manner of detectives, and within a week +the town would be laughing at them in its sleeve for offering a +gaudy reward for a bauble which they either never possessed or +hadn't lost. Tom was very well satisfied with himself. + +Tom's behavior at home had been perfect during the entire week. +His uncle and aunt had seen nothing like it before. They could find +no fault with him anywhere. + +Saturday evening he said to the Judge: + +"I've had something preying on my mind, uncle, and as I am going away, +and might never see you again, I can't bear it any longer. +I made you believe I was afraid to fight that Italian adventurer. +I had to get out of it on some pretext or other, and maybe I +chose badly, being taken unawares, but no honorable person could +consent to meet him in the field, knowing what I knew about him." + +"Indeed? What was that?" + +"Count Luigi is a confessed assassin." + +"Incredible." + +"It's perfectly true. Wilson detected it in his hand, by palmistry, +and charged him with it, and cornered him up so close that he had +to confess; but both twins begged us on their knees to keep the secret, +and swore they would lead straight lives here; and it was all +so pitiful that we gave our word of honor never to expose them +while they kept the promise. You would have done it yourself, uncle." + +"You are right, my boy; I would. A man's secret is still his +own property, and sacred, when it has been surprised out of him +like that. You did well, and I am proud of you." +Then he added mournfully, "But I wish I could have been saved the +shame of meeting an assassin on the field on honor." + +"It couldn't be helped, uncle. If I had known you were going +to challenge him, I should have felt obliged to sacrifice +my pledged word in order to stop it, but Wilson couldn't be +expected to do otherwise than keep silent." + +"Oh, no, Wilson did right, and is in no way to blame. Tom, Tom, +you have lifted a heavy load from my heart; I was stung to the very +soul when I seemed to have discovered that I had a coward in my family." + +"You may imagine what it cost ME to assume such a part, uncle." + +"Oh, I know it, poor boy, I know it. And I can understand how much +it has cost you to remain under that unjust stigma to this time. +But it is all right now, and no harm is done. You have restored +my comfort of mind, and with it your own; and both of us +had suffered enough." + +The old man sat awhile plunged in thought; then he looked up +with a satisfied light in his eye, and said: "That this assassin +should have put the affront upon me of letting me meet him on the +field of honor as if he were a gentleman is a matter which I will +presently settle--but not now. I will not shoot him until after election. +I see a way to ruin them both before; I will attend to that first. +Neither of them shall be elected, that I promise. +You are sure that the fact that he is an assassin has not got abroad?" + +"Perfectly certain of it, sir." + +"It will be a good card. I will fling a hint at it from the stump +on the polling day. It will sweep the ground from under both of them." + +"There's not a doubt of it. It will finish them." + +"That and outside work among the voters will, to a certainty. +I want you to come down here by and by and work privately among +the rag-tag and bobtail. You shall spend money among them; +I will furnish it." + +Another point scored against the detested twins! Really it was +a great day for Tom. He was encouraged to chance a parting shot, now, +at the same target, and did it. + +"You know that wonderful Indian knife that the twins have been making +such a to-do about? Well, there's no track or trace of it yet; +so the town is beginning to sneer and gossip and laugh. +Half the people believe they never had any such knife, +the other half believe they had it and have got it still. +I've heard twenty people talking like that today." + +Yes, Tom's blemishless week had restored him to the favor of +his aunt and uncle. + +His mother was satisfied with him, too. Privately, she believed she +was coming to love him, but she did not say so. She told him to +go along to St. Louis now, and she would get ready and follow. +Then she smashed her whisky bottle and said: + +"Dah now! I's a-gwine to make you walk as straight as a string, +Chambers, en so I's bown, you ain't gwine to git no bad example +out o' yo' mammy. I tole you you couldn't go into no bad comp'ny. +Well, you's gwine into my comp'ny, en I's gwine to fill de bill. +Now, den, trot along, trot along!" + +Tom went aboard one of the big transient boats that night with +his heavy satchel of miscellaneous plunder, and slept the sleep +of the unjust, which is serener and sounder than the other kind, +as we know by the hanging-eve history of a million rascals. +But when he got up in the morning, luck was against him again: +a brother thief had robbed him while he slept, and gone ashore at +some intermediate landing. + + + +CHAPTER 16 + +Sold Down the River + + +If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, +he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a +dog and a man. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +We all know about the habits of the ant, we know all about +the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the +habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been +choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +When Roxana arrived, she found her son in such despair and +misery that her heart was touched and her motherhood rose up +strong in her. He was ruined past hope now; his destruction +would be immediate and sure, and he would be an outcast and friendless. +That was reason enough for a mother to love a child; +so she loved him, and told him so. It made him wince, secretly-- +for she was a "nigger." That he was one himself was far from +reconciling him to that despised race. + +Roxana poured out endearments upon him, to which he +responded uncomfortably, but as well as he could. +And she tried to comfort him, but that was not possible. +These intimacies quickly became horrible to him, and within the hour +began to try to get up courage enough to tell her so, and require +that they be discontinued or very considerably modified. +But he was afraid of her; and besides, there came a lull now, +for she had begun to think. She was trying to invent a saving plan. +Finally she started up, and said she had found a way out. Tom was almost +suffocated by the joy of this sudden good news. Roxana said: + +"Here is de plan, en she'll win, sure. I's a nigger, +en nobody ain't gwine to doubt it dat hears me talk. +I's wuth six hund'd dollahs. Take en sell me, +en pay off dese gamblers." + +Tom was dazed. He was not sure he had heard aright. +He was dumb for a moment; then he said: + +"Do you mean that you would be sold into slavery to save me?" + +"Ain't you my chile? En does you know anything dat a mother +won't do for her chile? Day ain't nothin' a white mother won't +do for her chile. Who made 'em so? De Lord done it. +En who made de niggers? De Lord made 'em. In de inside, mothers is all +de same. De good lord he made 'em so. I's gwine to be sole into +slavery, en in a year you's gwine to buy yo' ole mammy free ag'in. +I'll show you how. Dat's de plan." + +Tom's hopes began to rise, and his spirits along with them. He said: + +"It's lovely of you, Mammy--it's just--" + +"Say it ag'in! En keep on sayin' it! It's all de pay a +body kin want in dis worl', en it's mo' den enough. +Laws bless you, honey, when I's slav' aroun', en dey 'buses me, +if I knows you's a-sayin' dat, 'way off yonder somers, +it'll heal up all de sore places, en I kin stan' 'em." + +"I DO say it again, Mammy, and I'll keep on saying it, too. +But how am I going to sell you? You're free, you know." + +"Much diff'rence dat make! White folks ain't partic'lar. +De law kin sell me now if dey tell me to leave de state in six +months en I don't go. You draw up a paper--bill o' sale-- +en put it 'way off yonder, down in de middle o' Kaintuck somers, +en sign some names to it, en say you'll sell me cheap 'ca'se you's +hard up; you'll find you ain't gwine to have no trouble. +You take me up de country a piece, en sell me on a farm; +dem people ain't gwine to ask no questions if I's a bargain." + +Tom forged a bill of sale and sold him mother to an Arkansas +cotton planter for a trifle over six hundred dollars. +He did not want to commit this treachery, but luck threw the man in his way, +and this saved him the necessity of going up-country to hunt up a purchaser, +with the added risk of having to answer a lot of questions, +whereas this planter was so pleased with Roxy that he +asked next to none at all. Besides, the planter insisted that +Roxy wouldn't know where she was, at first, and that by the time +she found out she would already have been contented. + +So Tom argued with himself that it was an immense advantaged +for Roxy to have a master who was pleased with her, as this +planter manifestly was. In almost no time his flowing reasonings +carried him to the point of even half believing he was doing Roxy +a splendid surreptitious service in selling her "down the river." +And then he kept diligently saying to himself all the time: +"It's for only a year. In a year I buy her free again; +she'll keep that in mind, and it'll reconcile her." Yes; the little +deception could do no harm, and everything would come out right +and pleasant in the end, anyway. By agreement, the conversation +in Roxy's presence was all about the man's "up-country" farm, +and how pleasant a place it was, and how happy the slaves were there; +so poor Roxy was entirely deceived; and easily, for she was not +dreaming that her own son could be guilty of treason to a mother who, +in voluntarily going into slavery--slavery of any kind, +mild or severe, or of any duration, brief or long--was making a +sacrifice for him compared with which death would have been a +poor and commonplace one. She lavished tears and loving caresses +upon him privately, and then went away with her owner-- +went away brokenhearted, and yet proud to do it. + +Tom scored his accounts, and resolved to keep to the very +letter of his reform, and never to put that will in jeopardy +again. He had three hundred dollars left. According to his +mother's plan, he was to put that safely away, and add her half +of his pension to it monthly. In one year this fund would buy +her free again. + +For a whole week he was not able to sleep well, so much the +villainy which he had played upon his trusting mother preyed upon +his rag of conscience; but after that he began to get comfortable again, +and was presently able to sleep like any other miscreant. + +The boat bore Roxy away from St. Louis at four in the afternoon, +and she stood on the lower guard abaft the paddle box +and watched Tom through a blur of tears until he melted into the +throng of people and disappeared; then she looked no more, +but sat there on a coil of cable crying till far into the night. +When she went to her foul steerage bunk at last, between the +clashing engines, it was not to sleep, but only to wait for the +morning, and, waiting, grieve. + +It had been imagined that she "would not know," and would +think she was traveling upstream. She! Why, she had been +steamboating for years. At dawn she got up and went listlessly +and sat down on the cable coil again. She passed many a snag +whose "break" could have told her a thing to break her heart, +for it showed a current moving in the same direction that the boat +was going; but her thoughts were elsewhere, and she did not notice. +But at last the roar of a bigger and nearer break than +usual brought her out of her torpor, and she looked up, +and her practiced eye fell upon that telltale rush of water. +For one moment her petrified gaze fixed itself there. +Then her head dropped upon her breast, and she said: + +"Oh, de good Lord God have mercy on po' sinful me-- +I'S SOLE DOWN DE RIVER!" + + + +CHAPTER 17 + +The Judge Utters Dire Prophesy + + +Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, +you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by, +you only regret that you didn't see him do it. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +JULY 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day +than in all the other days of the year put together. +This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of +July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The summer weeks dragged by, and then the political campaign opened-- +opened in pretty warm fashion, and waxed hotter and hotter daily. +The twins threw themselves into it with their whole heart, +for their self-love was engaged. Their popularity, +so general at first, had suffered afterward; mainly because they +had been TOO popular, and so a natural reaction had followed. +Besides, it had been diligently whispered around that it was +curious--indeed, VERY curious--that that wonderful knife of +theirs did not turn up--IF it was so valuable, or IF it had ever existed. +And with the whisperings went chucklings and nudgings and winks, +and such things have an effect. The twins considered +that success in the election would reinstate them, and that +defeat would work them irreparable damage. Therefore they worked hard, +but not harder than Judge Driscoll and Tom worked against +them in the closing days of the canvass. Tom's conduct had +remained so letter-perfect during two whole months now, that his +uncle not only trusted him with money with which to persuade voters, +but trusted him to go and get it himself out of the safe +in the private sitting room. + +The closing speech of the campaign was made by Judge Driscoll, +and he made it against both of the foreigners. It was +disastrously effective. He poured out rivers of ridicule upon them, +and forced the big mass meeting to laugh and applaud. +He scoffed at them as adventures, mountebanks, sideshow riffraff, +dime museum freaks; he assailed their showy titles with +measureless derision; he said they were back-alley barbers +disguised as nobilities, peanut peddlers masquerading as +gentlemen, organ-grinders bereft of their brother monkey. +At last he stopped and stood still. He waited until the place had +become absolutely silent and expectant, then he delivered his +deadliest shot; delivered it with ice-cold seriousness and +deliberation, with a significant emphasis upon the closing words: +he said he believed that the reward offered for the lost knife +was humbug and bunkum, and that its owner would know where to +find it whenever he should have occasion TO ASSASSINATE SOMEBODY. + +Then he stepped from the stand, leaving a startled and +impressive hush behind him instead of the customary explosion of +cheers and party cries. + +The strange remark flew far and wide over the town and made +an extraordinary sensation. Everybody was asking, "What could he +mean by that?" And everybody went on asking that question, +but in vain; for the judge only said he knew what he was talking about, +and stopped there; Tom said he hadn't any idea what his uncle meant, +and Wilson, whenever he was asked what he thought it meant, +parried the question by asking the questioner what HE thought it meant. + +Wilson was elected, the twins were defeated--crushed, +in fact, and left forlorn and substantially friendless. +Tom went back to St. Louis happy. + +Dawson's Landing had a week of repose now, and it needed it. +But it was in an expectant state, for the air was full of rumors +of a new duel. Judge Driscoll's election labors had prostrated him, +but it was said that as soon as he was well enough to +entertain a challenge he would get one from Count Luigi. + +The brothers withdrew entirely from society, and nursed +their humiliation in privacy. They avoided the people, and wait +out for exercise only late at night, when the streets were deserted. + + + +CHAPTER 18 + +Roxana Commands + + +Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of +the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth +staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by. +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +THANKSGIVING DAY. Let us all give humble, hearty, and +sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they +do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not become you +and me to sneer at Fiji. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The Friday after the election was a rainy one in St. Louis. +It rained all day long, and rained hard, apparently trying its +best to wash that soot-blackened town white, but of course not +succeeding. Toward midnight Tom Driscoll arrived at his lodgings +from the theater in the heavy downpour, and closed his umbrella +and let himself in; but when he would have shut the door, +he found that there was another person entering--doubtless another lodger; +this person closed the door and tramped upstairs behind Tom. +Tom found his door in the dark, and entered it, and turned +up the gas. When he faced about, lightly whistling, he saw the +back of a man. The man was closing and locking his door from him. +His whistle faded out and he felt uneasy. The man turned around, +a wreck of shabby old clothes, sodden with rain and all a-drip, +and showed a black face under an old slouch hat. Tom was frightened. +He tried to order the man out, but the words refused to come, +and the other man got the start. He said, in a low voice: + +"Keep still--I's yo' mother!" + +Tom sunk in a heap on a chair, and gasped out: + +"It was mean of me, and base--I know it; but I meant it for +the best, I did indeed--I can swear it." + +Roxana stood awhile looking mutely down on him while he +writhed in shame and went on incoherently babbling self-accusations +mixed with pitiful attempts at explanation and +palliation of his crime; then she seated herself and took off her hat, +and her unkept masses of long brown hair tumbled down about her shoulders. + +"It warn't no fault o' yo'n dat dat ain't gray," she said sadly, +noticing the hair. + +"I know it, I know it! I'm a scoundrel. But I swear I +meant it for the best. It was a mistake, of course, +but I thought it was for the best, I truly did." + +Roxana began to cry softly, and presently words began to +find their way out between her sobs. They were uttered +lamentingly, rather than angrily. + +"Sell a pusson down de river--DOWN DE RIVER!--for de bes'! +I wouldn't treat a dog so! I is all broke down and en wore out +now, en so I reckon it ain't in me to storm aroun' no mo', +like I used to when I 'uz trompled on en 'bused. I don't know-- +but maybe it's so. Leastways, I's suffered so much dat mournin' seem +to come mo' handy to me now den stormin'." + +These words should have touched Tom Driscoll, but if they did, +that effect was obliterated by a stronger one--one which +removed the heavy weight of fear which lay upon him, and gave his +crushed spirit a most grateful rebound, and filled all his small +soul with a deep sense of relief. But he kept prudently still, +and ventured no comment. There was a voiceless interval of some +duration now, in which no sounds were heard but the beating of +the rain upon the panes, the sighing and complaining of the +winds, and now and then a muffled sob from Roxana. +The sobs became more and more infrequent, and at least ceased. +Then the refugee began to talk again. + +"Shet down dat light a little. More. More yit. A pusson +dat is hunted don't like de light. Dah--dat'll do. I kin see +whah you is, en dat's enough. I's gwine to tell you de tale, +en cut it jes as short as I kin, en den I'll tell you what you's got to do. +Dat man dat bought me ain't a bad man; he's good enough, +as planters goes; en if he could 'a' had his way I'd 'a' be'n a +house servant in his fambly en be'n comfortable: but his wife +she was a Yank, en not right down good lookin', en she riz up +agin me straight off; so den dey sent me out to de quarter +'mongst de common fiel' han's. Dat woman warn't satisfied even +wid dat, but she worked up de overseer ag'in' me, she 'uz dat +jealous en hateful; so de overseer he had me out befo' day in de +mawnin's en worked me de whole long day as long as dey'uz any +light to see by; en many's de lashin's I got 'ca'se I couldn't +come up to de work o' de stronges'. Dat overseer wuz a Yank too, +outen New Englan', en anybody down South kin tell you what dat mean. +DEY knows how to work a nigger to death, en dey knows how +to whale 'em too--whale 'em till dey backs is welted like a washboard. +'Long at fust my marster say de good word for me to +de overseer, but dat 'uz bad for me; for de mistis she fine it +out, en arter dat I jist ketched it at every turn--dey warn't no +mercy for me no mo'." + +Tom's heart was fired--with fury against the planter's wife; +and he said to himself, "But for that meddlesome fool, +everything would have gone all right." He added a deep and bitter +curse against her. + +The expression of this sentiment was fiercely written in his face, +and stood thus revealed to Roxana by a white glare of +lightning which turned the somber dusk of the room into dazzling +day at that moment. She was pleased--pleased and grateful; +for did not that expression show that her child was capable of +grieving for his mother's wrongs and a feeling resentment toward +her persecutors?--a thing which she had been doubting. +But her flash of happiness was only a flash, and went out again and +left her spirit dark; for she said to herself, "He sole me down de river-- +he can't feel for a body long; dis'll pass en go." +Then she took up her tale again. + +"'Bout ten days ago I 'uz sayin' to myself dat I couldn't +las' many mo' weeks I 'uz so wore out wid de awful work en de +lashin's, en so downhearted en misable. En I didn't care no mo', +nuther--life warn't wuth noth'n' to me, if I got to go on like +dat. Well, when a body is in a frame o' mine like dat, what do a +body care what a body do? Dey was a little sickly nigger wench +'bout ten year ole dat 'uz good to me, en hadn't no mammy, +po' thing, en I loved her en she loved me; en she come out whah I uz' +workin' en she had a roasted tater, en tried to slip it to me-- +robbin' herself, you see, 'ca'se she knowed de overseer didn't +give me enough to eat--en he ketched her at it, en giver her a +lick acrost de back wid his stick, which 'uz as thick as a broom handle, +en she drop' screamin' on de groun', en squirmin' en +wallerin' aroun' in de dust like a spider dat's got crippled. +I couldn't stan' it. All de hellfire dat 'uz ever in my heart +flame' up, en I snatch de stick outen his han' en laid him flat. +He laid dah moanin' en cussin', en all out of his head, you know, +en de niggers 'uz plumb sk'yred to death. Dey gathered roun' him +to he'p him, en I jumped on his hoss en took out for de river as +tight as I could go. I knowed what dey would do wid me. Soon as +he got well he would start in en work me to death if marster let him; +en if dey didn't do dat, they'd sell me furder down de river, +en dat's de same thing. so I 'lowed to drown myself en +git out o' my troubles. It 'uz gitt'n' towards dark. I 'uz at +de river in two minutes. Den I see a canoe, en I says dey ain't +no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I ties de hoss in de +edge o' de timber en shove out down de river, keepin' in under de +shelter o' de bluff bank en prayin' for de dark to shet down quick. +I had a pow'ful good start, 'ca'se de big house 'uz three +mile back f'om de river en on'y de work mules to ride dah on, en +on'y niggers ride 'em, en DEY warn't gwine to hurry--dey'd gimme +all de chance dey could. Befo' a body could go to de house en +back it would be long pas' dark, en dey couldn't track de hoss en +fine out which way I went tell mawnin', en de niggers would tell +'em all de lies dey could 'bout it. + +"Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin' down de river. +I paddled mo'n two hours, den I warn't worried no mo', so I quit +paddlin' en floated down de current, considerin' what I 'uz gwine +to do if I didn't have to drown myself. I made up some plans, +en floated along, turnin' 'em over in my mine. Well, when it 'uz a +little pas' midnight, as I reckoned, en I had come fifteen or +twenty mile, I see de lights o' a steamboat layin' at de bank, +whah dey warn't no town en no woodyard, en putty soon I ketched +de shape o' de chimbly tops ag'in' de stars, en den good gracious me, +I 'most jumped out o' my skin for joy! It 'uz de GRAN' MOGUL-- +I 'uz chambermaid on her for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en +Orleans trade. I slid 'long pas'--don't see nobody stirrin' nowhah-- +hear 'em a-hammerin' away in de engine room, den I knowed +what de matter was--some o' de machinery's broke. I got asho' +below de boat and turn' de canoe loose, den I goes 'long up, en +dey 'uz jes one plank out, en I step' 'board de boat. It 'uz +pow'ful hot, deckhan's en roustabouts 'uz sprawled aroun' asleep +on de fo'cas'l', de second mate, Jim Bangs, he sot dah on de +bitts wid his head down, asleep--'ca'se dat's de way de second +mate stan' de cap'n's watch!--en de ole watchman, Billy Hatch, +he 'uz a-noddin' on de companionway;--en I knowed 'em all; en, lan', +but dey did look good! I says to myself, I wished old marster'd +come along NOW en try to take me--bless yo' heart, I's 'mong +frien's, I is. So I tromped right along 'mongst 'em, en went up +on de b'iler deck en 'way back aft to de ladies' cabin guard, +en sot down dah in de same cheer dat I'd sot in 'mos' a hund'd +million times, I reckon; en it 'uz jist home ag'in, I tell you! + +"In 'bout an hour I heard de ready bell jingle, en den de +racket begin. Putty soon I hear de gong strike. 'Set her back +on de outside,' I says to myself. 'I reckon I knows dat music!' +I hear de gong ag'in. 'Come ahead on de inside,' I says. +Gong ag'in. 'Stop de outside.' gong ag'in. 'Come ahead on de outside-- +now we's pinted for Sent Louis, en I's outer de woods en +ain't got to drown myself at all.' I knowed de MOGUL 'uz in de +Sent Louis trade now, you see. It 'uz jes fair daylight when we +passed our plantation, en I seed a gang o' niggers en white folks +huntin' up en down de sho', en troublin' deyselves a good deal 'bout me; +but I warn't troublin' myself none 'bout dem. + +"'Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to be my second +chambermaid en 'uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, +en 'uz pow'ful glad to see me, en so 'uz all de officers; +en I tole 'em I'd got kidnapped en sole down de river, +en dey made me up twenty dollahs en give it to me, en Sally she rigged +me out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went straight to +whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say +you's away but 'spected back every day; so I didn't dast to go +down de river to Dawson's, 'ca'se I might miss you. + +"Well, las' Monday I 'uz pass'n by one o' dem places in +fourth street whah deh sticks up runaway nigger bills, en he'ps +to ketch 'em, en I seed my marster! I 'mos' flopped down on de +groun', I felt so gone. He had his back to me, en 'uz talkin' to +de man en givin' him some bills--nigger bills, I reckon, en I's +de nigger. He's offerin' a reward--dat's it. Ain't I right, +don't you reckon?" + +Tom had been gradually sinking into a state of ghastly terror, +and he said to himself, now: "I'm lost, no matter what +turn things take! This man has said to me that he thinks there +was something suspicious about that sale. he said he had a +letter from a passenger on the GRAND MOGUL saying that Roxy came +here on that boat and that everybody on board knew all about the case; +so he says that her coming here instead of flying to a free +state looks bad for me, and that if I don't find her for him, +and that pretty soon, he will make trouble for me. I never believed +that story; I couldn't believe she would be so dead to all +motherly instincts as to come here, knowing the risk she would +run of getting me into irremediable trouble. And after all, +here she is! And I stupidly swore I would help find her, +thinking it was a perfectly safe thing to promise. If I venture to +deliver her up, she--she--but how can I help myself? I've got to do +that or pay the money, and where's the money to come from? I--I--well, +I should think that if he would swear to treat her kindly hereafter-- +and she says, herself, that he is a good man--and if he would +swear to never allow her to be overworked, or ill fed, or--" + +A flash of lightning exposed Tom's pallid face, drawn and +rigid with these worrying thoughts. Roxana spoke up sharply now, +and there was apprehension in her voice. + +"Turn up dat light! I want to see yo' face better. Dah now +--lemme look at you. Chambers, you's as white as yo' shirt! +Has you see dat man? Has he be'n to see you?" + +"Ye-s." + +"When?" + +"Monday noon." + +"Monday noon! Was he on my track?" + +"He--well, he thought he was. That is, he hoped he was. +This is the bill you saw." He took it out of his pocket. + +"Read it to me!" + +She was panting with excitement, and there was a dusky glow +in her eyes that Tom could not translate with certainty, +but there seemed to be something threatening about it. +The handbill had the usual rude woodcut of a turbaned Negro woman running, +with the customary bundle on a stick over her shoulder, and the +heading in bold type, "$100 REWARD." Tom read the bill aloud-- +at least the part that described Roxana and named the master and his +St. Louis address and the address of the Fourth street agency; +but he left out the item that applicants for the reward might +also apply to Mr. Thomas Driscoll. + +"Gimme de bill!" + +Tom had folded it and was putting it in his pocket. +He felt a chilly streak creeping down his back, +but said as carelessly as he could: + +"The bill? Why, it isn't any use to you, you can't read it. +What do you want with it?" + +"Gimme de bill!" Tom gave it to her, but with a reluctance +which he could not entirely disguise. "Did you read it ALL to me?" + +"Certainly I did." + +"Hole up yo' han' en swah to it." + +Tom did it. Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, +with her eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while; then she said: + +"Yo's lyin'!" + +"What would I want to lie about it for?" + +"I don't know--but you is. Dat's my opinion, anyways. +But nemmine 'bout dat. When I seed dat man I 'uz dat sk'yerd dat I +could sca'cely wobble home. Den I give a nigger man a dollar for +dese clo'es, en I ain't be'in in a house sence, night ner day, till now. +I blacked my face en laid hid in de cellar of a ole +house dat's burnt down, daytimes, en robbed de sugar hogsheads en +grain sacks on de wharf, nights, to git somethin' to eat, +en never dast to try to buy noth'n', en I's 'mos' starved. +En I never dast to come near dis place till dis rainy night, +when dey ain't no people roun' sca'cely. But tonight I be'n a-stanin' +in de dark alley ever sence night come, waitin' for you to go by. +En here I is." + +She fell to thinking. Presently she said: + +"You seed dat man at noon, las' Monday?" + +"Yes." + +"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon. He hunted you up, didn't he?" + +"Yes." + +"Did he give you de bill dat time?" + +"No, he hadn't got it printed yet." + +Roxana darted a suspicious glance at him. + +"Did you he'p him fix up de bill?" + +Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried +to rectify it by saying he remember now that it WAS at noon +Monday that the man gave him the bill. Roxana said: + +"You's lyin' ag'in, sho." Then she straightened up and raised her finger: + +"Now den! I's gwine to ask you a question, en I wants to +know how you's gwine to git aroun' it. You knowed he 'uz arter me; +en if you run off, 'stid o' stayin' here to he'p him, +he'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong 'bout dis business, en den he would +inquire 'bout you, en dat would take him to yo' uncle, en yo' +uncle would read de bill en see dat you be'n sellin' a free +nigger down de river, en you know HIM, I reckon! He'd t'ar up de +will en kick you outen de house. Now, den, you answer me dis +question: hain't you tole dat man dat I would be sho' to come here, +en den you would fix it so he could set a trap en ketch me?" + +Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help +him any longer--he was in a vise, with the screw turned on, +and out of it there was no budging. His face began to take on an +ugly look, and presently he said, with a snarl: + +"Well, what could I do? You see, yourself, that I was in +his grip and couldn't get out." + +Roxy scorched him with a scornful gaze awhile, then she said: + +"What could you do? You could be Judas to yo' own mother to +save yo' wuthless hide! Would anybody b'lieve it? +No--a dog couldn't! You is de lowdownest orneriest hound dat was ever +pup'd into dis worl'--en I's 'sponsible for it!"--and she spat on him. + +He made no effort to resent this. Roxy reflected a moment, +then she said: + +"Now I'll tell you what you's gwine to do. You's gwine to +give dat man de money dat you's got laid up, en make him wait +till you kin go to de judge en git de res' en buy me free agin." + +"Thunder! What are you thinking of? Go and ask him for +three hundred dollars and odd? What would I tell him I want it +for, pray?" + +Roxy's answer was delivered in a serene and level voice. + +"You'll tell him you's sole me to pay yo' gamblin' debts en +dat you lied to me en was a villain, en dat I 'quires you to git +dat money en buy me back ag'in." + +"Why, you've gone stark mad! He would tear the will to +shreads in a minute--don't you know that?" + +"Yes, I does." + +"Then you don't believe I'm idiot enough to go to him, do you?" + +"I don't b'lieve nothin' 'bout it--I KNOWS you's a-goin'. +I knows it 'ca'se you knows dat if you don't raise dat money I'll +go to him myself, en den he'll sell YOU down de river, en you kin +see how you like it!" + +Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there was an evil light in his eye. +He strode to the door and said he must get out of +this suffocating place for a moment and clear his brain in the +fresh air so that he could determine what to do. +The door wouldn't open. Roxy smiled grimly, and said: + +"I's got the key, honey--set down. You needn't cle'r up yo' +brain none to fine out what you gwine to do--_I_ knows what you's +gwine to do." Tom sat down and began to pass his hands through +his hair with a helpless and desperate air. +Roxy said, "Is dat man in dis house?" + +Tom glanced up with a surprised expression, and asked: + +"What gave you such an idea?" + +"You done it. Gwine out to cle'r yo' brain! In de fust +place you ain't got none to cle'r, en in de second place yo' +ornery eye tole on you. You's de lowdownest hound dat ever-- +but I done told you dat befo'. Now den, dis is Friday. +You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you's gwine away to +git de res' o' de money, en dat you'll be back wid it nex' Tuesday, +or maybe Wednesday. You understan'?" + +Tom answered sullenly: "Yes." + +"En when you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells me to my own self, +take en send it in de mail to Mr. Pudd'nhead Wilson, +en write on de back dat he's to keep it tell I come. You understan'?" + +"Yes." + +"Dat's all den. Take yo' umbreller, en put on yo' hat." + +"Why?" + +"Beca'se you's gwine to see me home to de wharf. You see dis knife? +I's toted it aroun' sence de day I seed dat man en bought dese clo'es en it. +If he ketch me, I's gwine to kill myself wid it. Now start along, +en go sof', en lead de way; en if you gives a sign in dis house, +or if anybody comes up to you in de street, I's gwine to jam it +right into you. Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat?" + +"It's no use to bother me with that question. I know your word's good." + +"Yes, it's diff'rent from yo'n! Shet de light out en move along-- +here's de key." + +They were not followed. Tom trembled every time a late +straggler brushed by them on the street, and half expected to +feel the cold steel in his back. Roxy was right at his heels and +always in reach. After tramping a mile they reached a wide +vacancy on the deserted wharves, and in this dark and rainy +desert they parted. + +As Tom trudged home his mind was full of dreary thoughts and +wild plans; but at last he said to himself, wearily: + +"There is but the one way out. I must follow her plan. +But with a variation--I will not ask for the money and ruin myself; +I will ROB the old skinflint." + + + +CHAPTER 19 + +The Prophesy Realized + + +Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a +good example. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +It were not best that we should all think alike; it is +difference of opinion that makes horse races. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Dawson's Landing was comfortably finishing its season of +dull repose and waiting patiently for the duel. +Count Luigi was waiting, too; but not patiently, rumor said. +Sunday came, and Luigi insisted on having his challenge conveyed. +Wilson carried it. Judge Driscoll declined to fight with an assassin-- +"that is," he added significantly, "in the field of honor." + +Elsewhere, of course, he would be ready. Wilson tried to +convince him that if he had been present himself when Angelo told +him about the homicide committed by Luigi, he would not have +considered the act discreditable to Luigi; but the obstinate old +man was not to be moved. + +Wilson went back to his principal and reported the failure +of his mission. Luigi was incensed, and asked how it could be +that the old gentleman, who was by no means dull-witted, held his +trifling nephew's evidence in inferences to be of more value than Wilson's. +But Wilson laughed, and said: + +"That is quite simple; that is easily explicable. +I am not his doll--his baby--his infatuation: his nature is. +The judge and his late wife never had any children. +The judge and his wife were past middle age when this treasure +fell into their lap. One must make allowances for a parental instinct +that has been starving for twenty-five or thirty years. +It is famished, it is crazed wit hunger by that time, and will be +entirely satisfied with anything that comes handy; its taste is atrophied, +it can't tell mud cat from shad. A devil born to a young couple is +measurably recognizable by them as a devil before long, +but a devil adopted by an old couple is an angel to them, +and remains so, through thick and thin. Tom is this old man's angel; +he is infatuated with him. Tom can persuade him into things which +other people can't--not all things; I don't mean that, +but a good many--particularly one class of things: the things that +create or abolish personal partialities or prejudices in the old +man's mind. The old man liked both of you. Tom conceived a +hatred for you. That was enough; it turned the old man around at once. +The oldest and strongest friendship must go to the ground +when one of these late-adopted darlings throws a brick at it." + +"It's a curious philosophy," said Luigi. + +"It ain't philosophy at all--it's a fact. And there is +something pathetic and beautiful about it, too. I think there is +nothing more pathetic than to see one of these poor old childless +couples taking a menagerie of yelping little worthless dogs to +their hearts; and then adding some cursing and squawking parrots +and a jackass-voiced macaw; and next a couple of hundred +screeching songbirds, and presently some fetid guinea pigs and +rabbits, and a howling colony of cats. It is all a groping and +ignorant effort to construct out of base metal and brass filings, +so to speak, something to take the place of that golden treasure +denied them by Nature, a child. But this is a digression. +The unwritten law of this region requires you to kill Judge Driscoll +on sight, and he and the community will expect that attention at +your hands--though of course your own death by his bullet will +answer every purpose. Look out for him! Are you healed--that is, fixed?" + +"Yes, he shall have his opportunity. If he attacks me, I will respond." + +As Wilson was leaving, he said: + +"The judge is still a little used up by his campaign work, +and will not get out for a day or so; but when he does get out, +you want to be on the alert." + +About eleven at night the twins went out for exercise, +and started on a long stroll in the veiled moonlight. + +Tom Driscoll had landed at Hackett's Store, two miles below Dawson's, +just about half an hour earlier, the only passenger for +that lonely spot, and had walked up the shore road and entered +Judge Driscoll's house without having encountered anyone either +on the road or under the roof. + +He pulled down his window blinds and lighted his candle. +He laid off his coat and hat and began his preparations. +He unlocked his trunk and got his suit of girl's clothes out from +under the male attire in it, and laid it by. Then he blacked his +face with burnt cork and put the cork in his pocket. +His plan was to slip down to his uncle's private sitting room below, +pass into the bedroom, steal the safe key from the old gentleman's +clothes, and then go back and rob the safe. He took up his +candle to start. His courage and confidence were high, +up to this point, but both began to waver a little now. +Suppose he should make a noise, by some accident, and get caught-- +say, in the act of opening the safe? Perhaps it would be well to go armed. +He took the Indian knife from its hiding place, and felt +a pleasant return of his wandering courage. He slipped +stealthily down the narrow stair, his hair rising and his pulses +halting at the slightest creak. When he was halfway down, he was +disturbed to perceive that the landing below was touched by a +faint glow of light. What could that mean? Was his uncle still up? +No, that was not likely; he must have left his night taper +there when he went to bed. Tom crept on down, pausing at every +step to listen. He found the door standing open, and glanced it. +What he saw pleased him beyond measure. His uncle was asleep on +the sofa; on a small table at the head of the sofa a lamp was +burning low, and by it stood the old man's small cashbox, closed. +Near the box was a pile of bank notes and a piece of paper +covered with figured in pencil. The safe door was not open. +Evidently the sleeper had wearied himself with work upon his +finances, and was taking a rest. + +Tom set his candle on the stairs, and began to make his way +toward the pile of notes, stooping low as he went. +When he was passing his uncle, the old man stirred in his sleep, +and Tom stopped instantly--stopped, and softly drew the knife from its +sheath, with his heart thumping, and his eyes fastened upon his +benefactor's face. After a moment or two he ventured forward +again--one step--reached for his prize and seized it, dropping +the knife sheath. Then he felt the old man's strong grip upon him, +and a wild cry of "Help! help!" rang in his ear. +Without hesitation he drove the knife home--and was free. +Some of the notes escaped from his left hand and fell in the blood on +the floor. He dropped the knife and snatched them up and started to fly; +transferred them to his left hand, and seized the knife again, +in his fright and confusion, but remembered himself and flung it from him, +as being a dangerous witness to carry away with him. + +He jumped for the stair-foot, and closed the door behind him; +and as he snatched his candle and fled upward, +the stillness of the night was broken by the sound of urgent footsteps +approaching the house. In another moment he was in his room, +and the twins were standing aghast over the body of the murdered man! + +Tom put on his coat, buttoned his hat under it, threw on his +suit of girl's clothes, dropped the veil, blew out his light, +locked the room door by which he had just entered, taking the key, +passed through his other door into the black hall, +locked that door and kept the key, then worked his way along in the dark +and descended the black stairs. He was not expecting to meet anybody, +for all interest was centered in the other part of the +house now; his calculation proved correct. By the time he was +passing through the backyard, Mrs. Pratt, her servants, +and a dozen half-dressed neighbors had joined the twins and the dead, +and accessions were still arriving at the front door. + +As Tom, quaking as with a palsy, passed out at the gate, +three women came flying from the house on the opposite side of the lane. +They rushed by him and in at the gate, asking him what +the trouble was there, but not waiting for an answer. +Tom said to himself, "Those old maids waited to dress--they did the same +thing the night Stevens's house burned down next door." +In a few minutes he was in the haunted house. He lighted a candle and +took off his girl-clothes. There was blood on him all down his +left side, and his right hand was red with the stains of the +blood-soaked notes which he has crushed in it; but otherwise he +was free from this sort of evidence. He cleansed his hand on the straw, +and cleaned most of the smut from his face. Then he burned the male and +female attire to ashes, scattered the ashes, +and put on a disguise proper for a tramp. He blew out his light, +went below, and was soon loafing down the river road with the +intent to borrow and use one of Roxy's devices. He found a canoe +and paddled down downstream, setting the canoe adrift as dawn +approached, and making his way by land to the next village, +where he kept out of sight till a transient steamer came along, +and then took deck passage for St. Louis. He was ill at ease +Dawson's Landing was behind him; then he said to himself, +"All the detectives on earth couldn't trace me now; there's not a +vestige of a clue left in the world; that homicide will take its +place with the permanent mysteries, and people won't get done +trying to guess out the secret of it for fifty years." + +In St. Louis, next morning, he read this brief telegram in +the papers--dated at Dawson's Landing: + + +Judge Driscoll, an old and respected citizen, +was assassinated here about midnight by a profligate Italian nobleman +or a barber on account of a quarrel growing out of the recent election. +The assassin will probably be lynched. + + +"One of the twins!" soliloquized Tom. "How lucky! +It is the knife that has done him this grace. We never know when +fortune is trying to favor us. I actually cursed Pudd'nhead +Wilson in my heart for putting it out of my power to sell that knife. +I take it back now." + +Tom was now rich and independent. He arranged with the +planter, and mailed to Wilson the new bill of sale which sold +Roxana to herself; then he telegraphed his Aunt Pratt: + + +Have seen the awful news in the papers and am almost +prostrated with grief. Shall start by packet today. +Try to bear up till I come. + + +When Wilson reached the house of mourning and had gathered +such details as Mrs. Pratt and the rest of the crowd could tell him, +he took command as mayor, and gave orders that nothing +should be touched, but everything left as it was until Justice +Robinson should arrive and take the proper measures as corner. +He cleared everybody out of the room but the twins and himself. +The sheriff soon arrived and took the twins away to jail. +Wilson told them to keep heart, and promised to do it best in their +defense when the case should come to trial. Justice Robinson +came presently, and with him Constable Blake. They examined the +room thoroughly. They found the knife and the sheath. +Wilson noticed that there were fingerprints on the knife's handle. +That pleased him, for the twins had required the earliest comers to +make a scrutiny of their hands and clothes, and neither these +people nor Wilson himself had found any bloodstains upon them. +Could there be a possibility that the twins had spoken the truth +when they had said they found the man dead when they ran into the +house in answer to the cry for help? He thought of that +mysterious girl at once. But this was not the sort of work for a +girl to be engaged in. No matter; Tom Driscoll's room must be examined. + +After the coroner's jury had viewed the body and its surroundings, +Wilson suggested a search upstairs, and he went along. +The jury forced an entrance to Tom's room, but found nothing, of course. + +The coroner's jury found that the homicide was committed by Luigi, +and that Angelo was accessory to it. + +The town was bitter against he misfortunates, and for the +first few days after the murder they were in constant danger of +being lynched. The grand jury presently indicted Luigi for +murder in the first degree, and Angelo as accessory before the fact. +The twins were transferred from the city jail to the +county prison to await trial. + +Wilson examined the finger marks on the knife handle and +said to himself, "Neither of the twins made those marks." +Then manifestly there was another person concerned, either in his +own interest or as hired assassin." + +But who could it be? That, he must try to find out. +The safe was not opened, the cashbox was closed, and had three +thousand dollars in it. Then robbery was not the motive, +and revenge was. Where had the murdered man an enemy except Luigi? +There was but that one person in the world with a deep grudge against him. + +The mysterious girl! The girl was a great trial to Wilson. +If the motive had been robbery, the girl might answer; but there +wasn't any girl that would want to take this old man's life for revenge. +He had no quarrels with girls; he was a gentleman. + +Wilson had perfect tracings of the finger marks of the knife handle; +and among his glass records he had a great array of +fingerprints of women and girls, collected during the last +fifteen or eighteen years, but he scanned them in vain, +they successfully withstood every test; among them were no duplicates +of the prints on the knife. + +The presence of the knife on the stage of the murder was a +worrying circumstance for Wilson. A week previously he had as +good as admitted to himself that he believed Luigi had possessed +such a knife, and that he still possessed it notwithstanding his +pretense that it had been stolen. And now here was the knife, +and with it the twins. Half the town had said the twins were +humbugging when the claimed they had lost their knife, +and now these people were joyful, and said, "I told you so!" + +If their fingerprints had been on the handle--but useless to +bother any further about that; the fingerprints on the handle +were NOT theirs--that he knew perfectly. + +Wilson refused to suspect Tom; for first, Tom couldn't +murder anybody--he hadn't character enough; secondly, +if he could murder a person he wouldn't select his doting benefactor +and nearest relative; thirdly, self-interest was in the way; +for while the uncle lived, Tom was sure of a free support and a +chance to get the destroyed will revived again, but with the +uncle gone, that chance was gone too. It was true the will had +really been revived, as was now discovered, but Tom could not +have been aware of it, or he would have spoken of it, in his +native talky, unsecretive way. Finally, Tom was in St. Louis +when the murder was done, and got the news out of the morning journals, +as was shown by his telegram to his aunt. These speculations were +umemphasized sensations rather than articulated thoughts, +for Wilson would have laughed at the idea of seriously +connecting Tom with the murder. + +Wilson regarded the case of the twins as desperate--in fact, +about hopeless. For he argued that if a confederate was not found, +an enlightened Missouri jury would hang them; sure; +if a confederate was found, that would not improve the matter, +but simply furnish one more person for the sheriff to hang. +Nothing could save the twins but the discovery of a person who did the +murder on his sole personal account--an undertaking which had all +the aspect of the impossible. Still, the person who made the +fingerprints must be sought. The twins might have no case WITH them, +but they certainly would have none without him. + +So Wilson mooned around, thinking, thinking, guessing, guessing, +day and night, and arriving nowhere. Whenever he ran +across a girl or a woman he was not acquainted with, he got her +fingerprints, on one pretext or another; and they always cost him +a sigh when he got home, for they never tallied with the finger +marks on the knife handle. + +As to the mysterious girl, Tom swore he knew no such girl, +and did not remember ever seeing a girl wearing a dress like the +one described by Wilson. He admitted that he did not always lock +his room, and that sometimes the servants forgot to lock the +house doors; still, in his opinion the girl must have made but +few visits or she would have been discovered. When Wilson tried +to connect her with the stealing raid, and thought she might have +been the old woman' confederate, if not the very thief disguised +as an old woman, Tom seemed stuck, and also much interested, +and said he would keep a sharp eye out for this person or persons, +although he was afraid that she or they would be too smart to +venture again into a town where everybody would now be on the +watch for a good while to come. + +Everybody was pitying Tom, he looked so quiet and sorrowful, +and seemed to feel his great loss so deeply. He was playing a part, +but it was not all a part. The picture of his alleged uncle, +as he had last seen him, was before him in the dark pretty +frequently, when he was away, and called again in his dreams, +when he was asleep. He wouldn't go into the room where the +tragedy had happened. This charmed the doting Mrs. Pratt, who +realized now, "as she had never done before," she said, what a +sensitive and delicate nature her darling had, and how he adored +his poor uncle. + + + +CHAPTER 20 + +The Murderer Chuckles + + +Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence +is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be +received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, +sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she +did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the +pencil, you will say she did it with her teeth. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The weeks dragged along, no friend visiting the jailed twins +but their counsel and Aunt Patsy Cooper, and the day of trial +came at last--the heaviest day in Wilson's life; for with all his +tireless diligence he had discovered no sign or trace of the +missing confederate. "Confederate" was the term he had long ago +privately accepted for that person--not as being unquestionably +the right term, but as being the least possibly the right one, +though he was never able to understand why the twins did not +vanish and escape, as the confederate had done, instead of +remaining by the murdered man and getting caught there. + +The courthouse was crowded, of course, and would remain so +to the finish, for not only in the town itself, but in the +country for miles around, the trial was the one topic of +conversation among the people. Mrs. Pratt, in deep mourning, +and Tom with a weed on his hat, had seats near Pembroke Howard, +the public prosecutor, and back of them sat a great array of friends +of the family. The twins had but one friend present to keep +their counsel in countenance, their poor old sorrowing landlady. +She sat near Wilson, and looked her friendliest. In the +"nigger corner" sat Chambers; also Roxy, with good clothes on, +and her bill of sale in her pocket. It was her most precious possession, +and she never parted with it, day or night. Tom had allowed her +thirty-five dollars a month ever since he came into his property, +and had said the he and she ought to be grateful to the twins for +making them rich; but had roused such a temper in her by this +speech that he did not repeat the argument afterward. She said +the old judge had treated her child a thousand times better than +he deserved, and had never done her an unkindness in his life; +so she hated these outlandish devils for killing him, and shouldn't +ever sleep satisfied till she saw them hanged for it. +She was here to watch the trial now, and was going to lift up just one +"hooraw" over it if the county judge put her in jail a year for it. +She gave her turbaned head a toss and said, "When dat verdic' comes, +I's gwine to lif' dat ROOF, now, I TELL you." + +Pembroke Howard briefly sketched the state's case. +He said he would show by a chain of circumstantial evidence without +break or fault in it anywhere, that the principal prisoner at the bar +committed the murder; that the motive was partly revenge, +and partly a desire to take his own life out of jeopardy, and that +his brother, by his presence, was a consenting accessory to the crime; +a crime which was the basest known to the calendar of +human misdeeds--assassination; that it was conceived by the +blackest of hearts and consummated by the cowardliest of hands; +a crime which had broken a loving sister's heart, blighted the +happiness of a young nephew who was as dear as a son, brought +inconsolable grief to many friends, and sorrow and loss to the +whole community. The utmost penalty of the outraged law would be exacted, +and upon the accused, now present at the bar, +that penalty would unquestionably be executed. He would reserve +further remark until his closing speech. + +He was strongly moved, and so also was the whole house; +Mrs. Pratt and several other women were weeping when he sat down, +and many an eye that was full of hate was riveted upon the unhappy prisoners. + +Witness after witness was called by the state, +and questioned at length; but the cross questioning was brief. +Wilson knew they could furnish nothing valuable for his side. +People were sorry for Pudd'nhead Wilson; his budding career would +get hurt by this trial. + +Several witnesses swore they heard Judge Driscoll say in his +public speech that the twins would be able to find their lost +knife again when they needed it to assassinate somebody with. +This was not news, but now it was seen to have been sorrowfully +prophetic, and a profound sensation quivered through the hushed +courtroom when those dismal words were repeated. + +The public prosecutor rose and said that it was within his +knowledge, through a conversation held with Judge Driscoll on the +last day of his life, that counsel for the defense had brought +him a challenge from the person charged at the bar with murder; +that he had refused to fight with a confessed assassin-- +"that is, on the field of honor," but had added significantly, +that would would be ready for him elsewhere. Presumably the person +here charged with murder was warned that he must kill or be killed the +first time he should meet Judge Driscoll. If counsel for the +defense chose to let the statement stand so, he would not call +him to the witness stand. Mr. Wilson said he would offer no denial. +[Murmurs in the house: "It is getting worse and worse for Wilson's case."] + +Mrs. Pratt testified that she heard no outcry, and did not +know what woke her up, unless it was the sound of rapid footsteps +approaching the front door. She jumped up and ran out in the +hall just as she was, and heard the footsteps flying up the front +steps and then following behind her as she ran to the sitting room. +There she found the accused standing over her murdered brother. +[Here she broke down and sobbed. Sensation in the court.] +Resuming, she said the persons entered behind her were +Mr. Rogers and Mr. Buckstone. + +Cross-examined by Wilson, she said the twins proclaimed +their innocence; declared that they had been taking a walk, +and had hurried to the house in response to a cry for help which was +so loud and strong that they had heard it at a considerable +distance; that they begged her and the gentlemen just mentioned +to examine their hands and clothes--which was done, and no blood +stains found. + +Confirmatory evidence followed from Rogers and Buckstone. + +The finding of the knife was verified, the advertisement +minutely describing it and offering a reward for it was put in evidence, +and its exact correspondence with that description proved. +Then followed a few minor details, and the case for the state was closed. + +Wilson said that he had three witnesses, the Misses Clarkson, +who would testify that they met a veiled young woman +leaving Judge Driscoll's premises by the back gate a few minutes +after the cries for help were heard, and that their evidence, +taken with certain circumstantial evidence which he would call to +the court's attention to, would in his opinion convince the court +that there was still one person concerned in this crime who had +not yet been found, and also that a stay of proceedings ought to +be granted, in justice to his clients, until that person should +be discovered. As it was late, he would ask leave to defer the +examination of his three witnesses until the next morning. + +The crowd poured out of the place and went flocking away in +excited groups and couples, taking the events of the session over +with vivacity and consuming interest, and everybody seemed to +have had a satisfactory and enjoyable day except the accused, +their counsel, and their old lady friend. There was no cheer among these, +and no substantial hope. + +In parting with the twins Aunt Patsy did attempt a good-night with +a gay pretense of hope and cheer in it, but broke down without finishing. + +Absolutely secure as Tom considered himself to be, +the opening solemnities of the trial had nevertheless oppressed him +with a vague uneasiness, his being a nature sensitive to even the +smallest alarms; but from the moment that the poverty and +weakness of Wilson's case lay exposed to the court, +he was comfortable once more, even jubilant. He left the courtroom +sarcastically sorry for Wilson. "The Clarksons met an unknown +woman in the back lane," he said to himself, "THAT is his case! +I'll give him a century to find her in--a couple of them if he likes. +A woman who doesn't exist any longer, and the clothes +that gave her her sex burnt up and the ashes thrown away-- +oh, certainly, he'll find HER easy enough!" This reflection set him +to admiring, for the hundredth time, the shrewd ingenuities by +which he had insured himself against detection--more, against even suspicion. + +"Nearly always in cases like this there is some little +detail or other overlooked, some wee little track or trace left behind, +and detection follows; but here there's not even the +faintest suggestion of a trace left. No more than a bird leaves +when it flies through the air--yes, through the night, you may say. +The man that can track a bird through the air in the dark +and find that bird is the man to track me out and find the +judge's assassin--no other need apply. And that is the job that +has been laid out for poor Pudd'nhead Wilson, of all people in the world! +Lord, it will be pathetically funny to see him +grubbing and groping after that woman that don't exist, and the +right person sitting under his very nose all the time!" +The more he thought the situation over, the more the humor of it +struck him. Finally he said, "I'll never let him hear the last of +that woman. Every time I catch him in company, to his dying day, +I'll ask him in the guileless affectionate way that used to gravel +him so when I inquired how his unborn law business was coming along, +'Got on her track yet--hey, Pudd'nhead?'" He wanted to laugh, +but that would not have answered; there were people about, and he +was mourning for his uncle. He made up his mind that it would be +good entertainment to look in on Wilson that night and watch him +worry over his barren law case and goad him with an exasperating +word or two of sympathy and commiseration now and then. + +Wilson wanted no supper, he had no appetite. He got out all +the fingerprints of girls and women in his collection of records +and pored gloomily over them an hour or more, trying to convince +himself that that troublesome girl's marks were there somewhere +and had been overlooked. But it was not so. He drew back his +chair, clasped his hands over his head, and gave himself up to +dull and arid musings. + +Tom Driscoll dropped in, an hour after dark, and said with a +pleasant laugh as he took a seat: + +"Hello, we've gone back to the amusements of our days of +neglect and obscurity for consolation, have we?" and he took up +one of the glass strips and held it against the light to inspect it. +"Come, cheer up, old man; there's no use in losing your grip +and going back to this child's play merely because this big +sunspot is drifting across your shiny new disk. It'll pass, +and you'll be all right again"--and he laid the glass down. +"Did you think you could win always?" + +"Oh, no," said Wilson, with a sigh, "I didn't expect that, +but I can't believe Luigi killed your uncle, and I feel very +sorry for him. It makes me blue. And you would feel as I do, Tom, +if you were not prejudiced against those young fellows." + +"I don't know about that," and Tom's countenance darkened, +for his memory reverted to his kicking. "I owe them no good will, +considering the brunet one's treatment of me that night. +Prejudice or no prejudice, Pudd'nhead, I don't like them, +and when they get their deserts you're not going to find me sitting +on the mourner's bench." + +He took up another strip of glass, and exclaimed: + +"Why, here's old Roxy's label! Are you going to ornament +the royal palaces with nigger paw marks, too? By the date here, +I was seven months old when this was done, and she was nursing me +and her little nigger cub. There's a line straight across her thumbprint. +How comes that?" and Tom held out the piece of glass to Wilson. + +"That is common," said the bored man, wearily. +"Scar of a cut or a scratch, usually"--and he took the strip +of glass indifferently, and raised it toward the lamp. + +All the blood sank suddenly out of his face; his hand quaked, +and he gazed at the polished surface before him with the +glassy stare of a corpse. + +"Great heavens, what's the matter with you, Wilson? +Are you going to faint?" + +Tom sprang for a glass of water and offered it, but Wilson +shrank shuddering from him and said: + +"No, no!--take it away!" His breast was rising and falling, +and he moved his head about in a dull and wandering way, like a +person who had been stunned. Presently he said, "I shall feel +better when I get to bed; I have been overwrought today; +yes, and overworked for many days." + +"Then I'll leave you and let you get to your rest. +Good night, old man." But as Tom went out he couldn't deny himself +a small parting gibe: "Don't take it so hard; a body can't win +every time; you'll hang somebody yet." + +Wilson muttered to himself, "It is no lie to say I am sorry +I have to begin with you, miserable dog though you are!" + +He braced himself up with a glass of cold whisky, and went +to work again. He did not compare the new finger marks +unintentionally left by Tom a few minutes before on Roxy's glass +with the tracings of the marks left on the knife handle, there +being no need for that (for his trained eye), but busied himself +with another matter, muttering from time to time, "Idiot that I was!-- +Nothing but a GIRL would do me--a man in girl's clothes +never occurred to me." First, he hunted out the plate containing +the fingerprints made by Tom when he was twelve years old, and +laid it by itself; then he brought forth the marks made by Tom's +baby fingers when he was a suckling of seven months, and placed +these two plates with the one containing this subject's newly +(and unconsciously) made record + +"Now the series is complete," he said with satisfaction, +and sat down to inspect these things and enjoy them. + +But his enjoyment was brief. He stared a considerable time +at the three strips, and seemed stupefied with astonishment. +At last he put them down and said, "I can't make it out at all-- +hang it, the baby's don't tally with the others!" + +He walked the floor for half an hour puzzling over his enigma, +then he hunted out the other glass plates. + +He sat down and puzzled over these things a good while, +but kept muttering, "It's no use; I can't understand it. +They don't tally right, and yet I'll swear the names and dates are right, +and so of course they OUGHT to tally. I never labeled one of +these thing carelessly in my life. There is a most extraordinary +mystery here." + +He was tired out now, and his brains were beginning to clog. +He said he would sleep himself fresh, and then see what he could +do with this riddle. He slept through a troubled and unrestful hour, +then unconsciousness began to shred away, and presently he +rose drowsily to a sitting posture. "Now what was that dream?" +he said, trying to recall it. "What was that dream? It seemed +to unravel that puz--" + +He landed in the middle of the floor at a bound, without +finishing the sentence, and ran and turned up his light and +seized his "records." He took a single swift glance at them and +cried out: + +"It's so! Heavens, what a revelation! And for twenty-three +years no man has ever suspected it!" + + + +CHAPTER 21 + +Doom + + +He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, +inspiring the cabbages. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +APRIL 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what +we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +Wilson put on enough clothes for business purposes and went +to work under a high pressure of steam. He was awake all over. +All sense of weariness had been swept away by the invigorating +refreshment of the great and hopeful discovery which he had made. +He made fine and accurate reproductions of a number of his +"records," and then enlarged them on a scale of ten to one with +his pantograph. He did these pantograph enlargements on sheets +of white cardboard, and made each individual line of the +bewildering maze of whorls or curves or loops which consisted of +the "pattern" of a "record" stand out bold and black by +reinforcing it with ink. To the untrained eye the collection of +delicate originals made by the human finger on the glass plates +looked about alike; but when enlarged ten times they resembled +the markings of a block of wood that has been sawed across the +grain, and the dullest eye could detect at a glance, and at a +distance of many feet, that no two of the patterns were alike. +When Wilson had at last finished his tedious and difficult work, +he arranged his results according to a plan in which a +progressive order and sequence was a principal feature; then he +added to the batch several pantograph enlargements which he had +made from time to time in bygone years. + +The night was spent and the day well advanced now. By the +time he had snatched a trifle of breakfast, it was nine o'clock, +and the court was ready to begin its sitting. He was in his +place twelve minutes later with his "records." + +Tom Driscoll caught a slight glimpse of the records, +and nudged his nearest friend and said, with a wink, +"Pudd'nhead's got a rare eye to business--thinks that as long as +he can't win his case it's at least a noble good chance to advertise +his window palace decorations without any expense." Wilson was +informed that his witnesses had been delayed, but would arrive +presently; but he rose and said he should probably not have +occasion to make use of their testimony. [An amused murmur ran +through the room: "It's a clean backdown! he gives up without +hitting a lick!"] Wilson continued: "I have other testimony-- +and better. [This compelled interest, and evoked murmurs of +surprise that had a detectable ingredient of disappointment in them.] +If I seem to be springing this evidence upon the court, +I offer as my justification for this, that I did not discover its +existence until late last night, and have been engaged in +examining and classifying it ever since, until half an hour ago. +I shall offer it presently; but first I with to say a few +preliminary words. + +"May it please the court, the claim given the front place, +the claim most persistently urged, the claim most strenuously and +I may even say aggressively and defiantly insisted upon by the +prosecution is this--that the person whose hand left the +bloodstained fingerprints upon the handle of the Indian knife is +the person who committed the murder." Wilson paused, during +several moments, to give impressiveness to what he was about to say, +and then added tranquilly, "WE GRANT THAT CLAIM." + +It was an electrical surprise. No one was prepared for such +an admission. A buzz of astonishment rose on all sides, +and people were heard to intimate that the overworked lawyer had +lost his mind. Even the veteran judge, accustomed as he was to legal +ambushes and masked batteries in criminal procedure, was not sure +that his ears were not deceiving him, and asked counsel what it +was he had said. Howard's impassive face betrayed no sign, +but his attitude and bearing lost something of their careless +confidence for a moment. Wilson resumed: + +"We not only grant that claim, but we welcome it and +strongly endorse it. Leaving that matter for the present, +we will now proceed to consider other points in the case which we +propose to establish by evidence, and shall include that one in +the chain in its proper place." + +He had made up his mind to try a few hardy guesses, in +mapping out his theory of the origin and motive of the murder-- +guesses designed to fill up gaps in it--guesses which could help +if they hit, and would probably do no harm if they didn't. + +"To my mind, certain circumstances of the case before the +court seem to suggest a motive for the homicide quite different +from the one insisted on by the state. It is my conviction that +the motive was not revenge, but robbery. It has been urged that +the presence of the accused brothers in that fatal room, +just after notification that one of them must take the life of +Judge Driscoll or lose his own the moment the parties should meet, +clearly signifies that the natural of self-preservation moved my +clients to go there secretly and save Count Luigi by destroying +his adversary. + +"Then why did they stay there, after the deed was done? +Mrs. Pratt had time, although she did not hear the cry for help, +but woke up some moments later, to run to that room--and there +she found these men standing and making no effort to escape. +If they were guilty, they ought to have been running out of the +house at the same time that she was running to that room. +If they had had such a strong instinct toward self-preservation as +to move them to kill that unarmed man, what had become of it now, +when it should have been more alert than ever. Would any of us +have remained there? Let us not slander our intelligence to that degree. + +"Much stress has been laid upon the fact that the accused +offered a very large reward for the knife with which this murder +was done; that no thief came forward to claim that extraordinary +reward; that the latter fact was good circumstantial evidence +that the claim that the knife had been stolen was a vanity and a +fraud; that these details taken in connection with the memorable +and apparently prophetic speech of the deceased concerning that +knife, and the finally discovery of that very knife in the fatal +room where no living person was found present with the +slaughtered man but the owner of the knife and his brother, form +an indestructible chain of evidence which fixed the crime upon +those unfortunate strangers. + +"But I shall presently ask to be sworn, and shall testify +that there was a large reward offered for the THIEF, also; +and it was offered secretly and not advertised; that this fact was +indiscreetly mentioned--or at least tacitly admitted--in what was +supposed to be safe circumstances, but may NOT have been. +The thief may have been present himself. [Tom Driscoll had been +looking at the speaker, but dropped his eyes at this point.] +In that case he would retain the knife in his possession, not daring +to offer it for sale, or for pledge in a pawnshop. [There was a +nodding of heads among the audience by way of admission that this +was not a bad stroke.] I shall prove to the satisfaction of the +jury that there WAS a person in Judge Driscoll's room several +minutes before the accused entered it. [This produced a strong +sensation; the last drowsy head in the courtroom roused up now, +and made preparation to listen.] If it shall seem necessary, +I will prove by the Misses Clarkson that they met a veiled person-- +ostensibly a woman--coming out of the back gate a few minutes +after the cry for help was heard. This person was not a woman, +but a man dressed in woman's clothes." Another sensation. +Wilson had his eye on Tom when he hazarded this guess, to see +what effect it would produce. He was satisfied with the result, +and said to himself, "It was a success--he's hit!" + +The object of that person in that house was robbery, not +murder. It is true that the safe was not open, but there was an +ordinary cashbox on the table, with three thousand dollars in it. +It is easily supposable that the thief was concealed in the +house; that he knew of this box, and of its owner's habit of +counting its contents and arranging his accounts at night--if he +had that habit, which I do not assert, of course--that he tried +to take the box while its owner slept, but made a noise and was +seized, and had to use the knife to save himself from capture; +and that he fled without his booty because he heard help coming. + +"I have now done with my theory, and will proceed to the +evidences by which I propose to try to prove its soundness." +Wilson took up several of his strips of glass. When the audience +recognized these familiar mementos of Pudd'nhead's old time +childish "puttering" and folly, the tense and funereal interest +vanished out of their faces, and the house burst into volleys of +relieving and refreshing laughter, and Tom chirked up and joined +in the fun himself; but Wilson was apparently not disturbed. +He arranged his records on the table before him, and said: + +"I beg the indulgence of the court while I make a few +remarks in explanation of some evidence which I am about to +introduce, and which I shall presently ask to be allowed to +verify under oath on the witness stand. Every human being +carries with him from his cradle to his grave certain physical +marks which do not change their character, and by which he can +always be identified--and that without shade of doubt or question. +These marks are his signature, his physiological +autograph, so to speak, and this autograph can not be counterfeited, +nor can he disguise it or hide it away, nor can it +become illegible by the wear and mutations of time. +This signature is not his face--age can change that beyond +recognition; it is not his hair, for that can fall out; it is not +his height, for duplicates of that exist; it is not his form, +for duplicates of that exist also, whereas this signature is each +man's very own--there is no duplicate of it among the swarming +populations of the globe! [The audience were interested once more.] + +"This autograph consists of the delicate lines or +corrugations with which Nature marks the insides of the hands and +the soles of the feet. If you will look at the balls of your fingers-- +you that have very sharp eyesight--you will observe that +these dainty curving lines lie close together, like those that +indicate the borders of oceans in maps, and that they form +various clearly defined patterns, such as arches, circles, +long curves, whorls, etc., and that these patters differ on the +different fingers. [Every man in the room had his hand up to the +light now, and his head canted to one side, and was minutely +scrutinizing the balls of his fingers; there were whispered +ejaculations of "Why, it's so--I never noticed that before!"] +The patterns on the right hand are not the same as those on the left. +[Ejaculations of "Why, that's so, too!"] Taken finger for finger, +your patterns differ from your neighbor's. [Comparisons +were made all over the house--even the judge and jury were +absorbed in this curious work.] The patterns of a twin's right +hand are not the same as those on his left. One twin's patters +are never the same as his fellow twin's patters--the jury will +find that the patterns upon the finger balls of the twins' hands +follow this rule. [An examination of the twins' hands was begun at once.] +You have often heard of twins who were so exactly +alike that when dressed alike their own parents could not tell them apart. +Yet there was never a twin born in to this world +that did not carry from birth to death a sure identifier in this +mysterious and marvelous natal autograph. That once known to you, +his fellow twin could never personate him and deceive you." + +Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick +and sure death when a speaker does that. The stillness gives +warning that something is coming. All palms and finger balls +went down now, all slouching forms straightened, all heads came up, +all eyes were fastened upon Wilson's face. He waited yet one, two, +three moments, to let his pause complete and perfect +its spell upon the house; then, when through the profound hush he +could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, he put out his +hand and took the Indian knife by the blade and held it aloft +where all could see the sinister spots upon its ivory handle; +then he said, in a level and passionless voice: + +"Upon this haft stands the assassin's natal autograph, +written in the blood of that helpless and unoffending old man who +loved you and whom you all loved. There is but one man in the +whole earth whose hand can duplicate that crimson sign"-- +he paused and raised his eyes to the pendulum swinging back and forth-- +"and please God we will produce that man in this room +before the clock strikes noon!" + +Stunned, distraught, unconscious of its own movement, the +house half rose, as if expecting to see the murderer appear at +the door, and a breeze of muttered ejaculations swept the place. +"Order in the court!--sit down!" This from the sheriff. He was obeyed, +and quiet reigned again. Wilson stole a glance at Tom, +and said to himself, "He is flying signals of distress now; even +people who despise him are pitying him; they think this is a hard +ordeal for a young fellow who has lost his benefactor by so cruel +a stroke--and they are right." He resumed his speech: + +"For more than twenty years I have amused my compulsory +leisure with collecting these curious physical signatures in this town. +At my house I have hundreds upon hundreds of them. +Each and every one is labeled with name and date; not labeled the +next day or even the next hour, but in the very minute that the +impression was taken. When I go upon the witness stand I will +repeat under oath the things which I am now saying. I have the +fingerprints of the court, the sheriff, and every member of the jury. +There is hardly a person in this room, white or black, +whose natal signature I cannot produce, and not one of them can +so disguise himself that I cannot pick him out from a multitude +of his fellow creatures and unerringly identify him by his hands. +And if he and I should live to be a hundred I could still do it. +[The interest of the audience was steadily deepening now.] + +"I have studied some of these signatures so much that I know +them as well as the bank cashier knows the autograph of his +oldest customer. While I turn my back now, I beg that several +persons will be so good as to pass their fingers through their hair, +and then press them upon one of the panes of the window +near the jury, and that among them the accused may set THEIR +finger marks. Also, I beg that these experimenters, or others, +will set their fingers upon another pane, and add again the marks +of the accused, but not placing them in the same order or +relation to the other signatures as before--for, by one chance in +a million, a person might happen upon the right marks by pure guesswork, +ONCE, therefore I wish to be tested twice." + +He turned his back, and the two panes were quickly covered +with delicately lined oval spots, but visible only to such +persons as could get a dark background for them--the foliage of a tree, +outside, for instance. Then upon call, Wilson went to the +window, made his examination, and said: + +"This is Count Luigi's right hand; this one, three +signatures below, is his left. Here is Count Angelo's right; +down here is his left. How for the other pane: here and here +are Count Luigi's, here and here are his brother's." He faced about. +"Am I right?" + +A deafening explosion of applause was the answer. +The bench said: + +"This certainly approaches the miraculous!" + +Wilson turned to the window again and remarked, +pointing with his finger: + +"This is the signature of Mr. Justice Robinson. [Applause.] +This, of Constable Blake. [Applause.] This of John Mason, juryman. +[Applause.] This, of the sheriff. [Applause.] +I cannot name the others, but I have them all at home, named and dated, +and could identify them all by my fingerprint records." + +He moved to his place through a storm of applause--which the +sheriff stopped, and also made the people sit down, for they were +all standing and struggling to see, of course. Court, jury, +sheriff, and everybody had been too absorbed in observing +Wilson's performance to attend to the audience earlier. + +"Now then," said Wilson, "I have here the natal autographs +of the two children--thrown up to ten times the natural size by +the pantograph, so that anyone who can see at all can tell the +markings apart at a glance. We will call the children A and B. +Here are A's finger marks, taken at the age of five months. +Here they are again taken at seven months. [Tom started.] +They are alike, you see. Here are B's at five months, and also at +seven months. They, too, exactly copy each other, but the patterns +are quite different from A's, you observe. I shall refer to these +again presently, but we will turn them face down now. + +"Here, thrown up ten sizes, are the natal autographs of the +two persons who are here before you accused of murdering Judge Driscoll. +I made these pantograph copies last night, and will so +swear when I go upon the witness stand. I ask the jury to +compare them with the finger marks of the accused upon the +windowpanes, and tell the court if they are the same." + +He passed a powerful magnifying glass to the foreman. + +One juryman after another took the cardboard and the glass +and made the comparison. Then the foreman said to the judge: + +"Your honor, we are all agreed that they are identical." + +Wilson said to the foreman: + +"Please turn that cardboard face down, and take this one, +and compare it searchingly, by the magnifier, with the fatal +signature upon the knife handle, and report your finding to the court." + +Again the jury made minute examinations, and again reported: + +"We find them to be exactly identical, your honor." + +Wilson turned toward the counsel for the prosecution, +and there was a clearly recognizable note of warning in his voice +when he said: + +"May it please the court, the state has claimed, strenuously +and persistently, that the bloodstained fingerprints upon that +knife handle were left there by the assassin of Judge Driscoll. +You have heard us grant that claim, and welcome it." He turned +to the jury: "Compare the fingerprints of the accused with the +fingerprints left by the assassin--and report." + +The comparison began. As it proceeded, all movement and all +sound ceased, and the deep silence of an absorbed and waiting +suspense settled upon the house; and when at last the words came, +"THEY DO NOT EVEN RESEMBLE," a thundercrash of applause followed +and the house sprang to its feet, but was quickly repressed by +official force and brought to order again. Tom was altering his +position every few minutes now, but none of his changes brought +repose nor any small trifle of comfort. When the house's +attention was become fixed once more, Wilson said gravely, +indicating the twins with a gesture: + +"These men are innocent--I have no further concern with them. +[Another outbreak of applause began, but was promptly checked.] +We will now proceed to find the guilty. [Tom's eyes +were starting from their sockets--yes, it was a cruel day for the +bereaved youth, everybody thought.] We will return to the infant +autographs of A and B. I will ask the jury to take these large +pantograph facsimilies of A's marked five months and seven months. +Do they tally?" + +The foreman responded: "Perfectly." + +"Now examine this pantograph, taken at eight months, +and also marked A. Does it tally with the other two?" + +The surprised response was: + +"NO--THEY DIFFER WIDELY!" + +"You are quite right. Now take these two pantographs of B's +autograph, marked five months and seven months. Do they tally +with each other?" + +"Yes--perfectly." + +"Take this third pantograph marked B, eight months. +Does it tally with B's other two?" + +"BY NO MEANS!" + +"Do you know how to account for those strange discrepancies? +I will tell you. For a purpose unknown to us, but probably a +selfish one, somebody changed those children in the cradle." + +This produced a vast sensation, naturally; Roxana was +astonished at this admirable guess, but not disturbed by it. +To guess the exchange was one thing, to guess who did it quite another. +Pudd'nhead Wilson could do wonderful things, no doubt, +but he couldn't do impossible ones. Safe? She was perfectly safe. +She smiled privately. + +"Between the ages of seven months and eight months those +children were changed in the cradle"--he made one of this effect- +collecting pauses, and added--"and the person who did it is in +this house!" + +Roxy's pulses stood still! The house was thrilled as with +an electric shock, and the people half rose as if to seek a +glimpse of the person who had made that exchange. Tom was +growing limp; the life seemed oozing out of him. Wilson resumed: + +"A was put into B's cradle in the nursery; B was transferred +to the kitchen and became a Negro and a slave [Sensation-- +confusion of angry ejaculations]--but within a quarter of an hour +he will stand before you white and free! [Burst of applause, +checked by the officers.] From seven months onward until now, +A has still been a usurper, and in my finger record he bears B's name. +Here is his pantograph at the age of twelve. +Compare it with the assassin's signature upon the knife handle. +Do they tally?" + +The foreman answered: + +"TO THE MINUTEST DETAIL!" + +Wilson said, solemnly: + +"The murderer of your friend and mine--York Driscoll of the +generous hand and the kindly spirit--sits in among you. +Valet de Chambre, Negro and slave--falsely called Thomas a Becket Driscoll +--make upon the window the fingerprints that will hang you!" + +Tom turned his ashen face imploring toward the speaker, made +some impotent movements with his white lips, then slid limp and +lifeless to the floor. + +Wilson broke the awed silence with the words: + +"There is no need. He has confessed." + +Roxy flung herself upon her knees, covered her face with her +hands, and out through her sobs the words struggled: + +"De Lord have mercy on me, po' misasble sinner dat I is!" + +The clock struck twelve. + +The court rose; the new prisoner, handcuffed, was removed. + + + +CONCLUSION + + +It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie +thinks he is the best judge of one. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +OCTOBER 12, THE DISCOVERY. It was wonderful to find America, +but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. + +--Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar + + +The town sat up all night to discuss the amazing events of +the day and swap guesses as to when Tom's trial would begin. +Troop after troop of citizens came to serenade Wilson, +and require a speech, and shout themselves hoarse over every +sentence that fell from his lips--for all his sentences were golden, +now, all were marvelous. His long fight against hard luck and +prejudice was ended; he was a made man for good. +And as each of these roaring gangs of enthusiasts marched away, +some remorseful member of it was quite sure to raise his +voice and say: + +"And this is the man the likes of us have called a +pudd'nhead for more than twenty years. He has resigned from that +position, friends." + +"Yes, but it isn't vacant--we're elected." + +The twins were heroes of romance, now, and with +rehabilitated reputations. But they were weary of Western +adventure, and straightway retired to Europe. + +Roxy's heart was broken. The young fellow upon whom she had +inflicted twenty-three years of slavery continued the false +heir's pension of thirty-five dollars a month to her, but her +hurts were too deep for money to heal; the spirit in her eye was +quenched, her martial bearing departed with it, and the voice of +her laughter ceased in the land. In her church and its affairs +she found her only solace. + +The real heir suddenly found himself rich and free, but in a +most embarrassing situation. He could neither read nor write, +and his speech was the basest dialect of the Negro quarter. +His gait, his attitudes, his gestures, his bearing, his laugh-- +all were vulgar and uncouth; his manners were the manners of a slave. +Money and fine clothes could not mend these defects or cover them up; +they only made them more glaring and the more pathetic. +The poor fellow could not endure the terrors of the white man's parlor, +and felt at home and at peace nowhere but in the kitchen. +The family pew was a misery to him, yet he could nevermore enter +into the solacing refuge of the "nigger gallery"--that was closed +to him for good and all. But we cannot follow his curious fate further-- +that would be a long story. + +The false heir made a full confession and was sentenced to +imprisonment for life. But now a complication came up. +The Percy Driscoll estate was in such a crippled shape when its +owner died that it could pay only sixty percent of its great +indebtedness, and was settled at that rate. But the creditors +came forward now, and complained that inasmuch as through an +error for which THEY were in no way to blame the false heir was +not inventoried at the time with the rest of the property, great +wrong and loss had thereby been inflicted upon them. +They rightly claimed that "Tom" was lawfully their property and had +been so for eight years; that they had already lost sufficiently +in being deprived of his services during that long period, and +ought not to be required to add anything to that loss; that if he +had been delivered up to them in the first place, they would have +sold him and he could not have murdered Judge Driscoll; therefore +it was not that he had really committed the murder, the guilt lay +with the erroneous inventory. Everybody saw that there was +reason in this. Everybody granted that if "Tom" were white and +free it would be unquestionably right to punish him--it would be +no loss to anybody; but to shut up a valuable slave for life-- +that was quite another matter. + +As soon as the Governor understood the case, he pardoned Tom at once, +and the creditors sold him down the river. + + +----------------------------------------------------------------- + + +Author's Note to THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS + +A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a +troublesome time of it when he tries to build a novel. +I know this from experience. He has no clear idea of his story; +in fact he has no story. He merely has some people in his mind, +and an incident or two, also a locality, and he trusts he can plunge +those people into those incidents with interesting results. +So he goes to work. To write a novel? No--that is a thought which +comes later; in the beginning he is only proposing to tell a +little tale, a very little tale, a six-page tale. But as it is a +tale which he is not acquainted with, and can only find out what +it is by listening as it goes along telling itself, it is more +than apt to go on and on and on till it spreads itself into a book. +I know about this, because it has happened to me so many times. + +And I have noticed another thing: that as the short tale +grows into the long tale, the original intention (or motif) +is apt to get abolished and find itself superseded by a quite +different one. It was so in the case of a magazine sketch which +I once started to write--a funny and fantastic sketch about a +prince an a pauper; it presently assumed a grave cast of its own accord, +and in that new shape spread itself out into a book. +Much the same thing happened with PUDD'NHEAD WILSON. I had a +sufficiently hard time with that tale, because it changed itself +from a farce to a tragedy while I was going along with it--a most +embarrassing circumstance. But what was a great deal worse was, +that it was not one story, but two stories tangled together; and +they obstructed and interrupted each other at every turn and +created no end of confusion and annoyance. I could not offer the +book for publication, for I was afraid it would unseat the +reader's reason, I did not know what was the matter with it, +for I had not noticed, as yet, that it was two stories in one. +It took me months to make that discovery. I carried the manuscript +back and forth across the Atlantic two or three times, and read +it and studied over it on shipboard; and at last I saw where the +difficulty lay. I had no further trouble. I pulled one of the +stories out by the roots, and left the other--a kind of literary +Caesarean operation. + +Would the reader care to know something about the story +which I pulled out? He has been told many a time how the born- +and-trained novelist works; won't he let me round and complete +his knowledge by telling him how the jackleg does it? + +Originally the story was called THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS. +I meant to make it very short. I had seen a picture of a +youthful Italian "freak"--or "freaks"--which was--or which were-- +on exhibition in our cities--a combination consisting of two +heads and four arms joined to a single body and a single pair of legs-- +and I thought I would write an extravagantly fantastic +little story with this freak of nature for hero--or heroes-- +a silly young miss for heroine, and two old ladies and two boys for +the minor parts. I lavishly elaborated these people and their +doings, of course. But the take kept spreading along and +spreading along, and other people got to intruding themselves and +taking up more and more room with their talk and their affairs. +Among them came a stranger named Pudd'nhead Wilson, and woman +named Roxana; and presently the doings of these two pushed up +into prominence a young fellow named Tom Driscoll, whose proper +place was away in the obscure background. Before the book was +half finished those three were taking things almost entirely into +their own hands and working the whole tale as a private venture +of their own--a tale which they had nothing at all to do with, by rights. + +When the book was finished and I came to look around to see +what had become of the team I had originally started out with-- +Aunt Patsy Cooper, Aunt Betsy Hale, and two boys, and Rowena the +lightweight heroine--they were nowhere to be seen; they had +disappeared from the story some time or other. I hunted about +and found them--found them stranded, idle, forgotten, and +permanently useless. It was very awkward. It was awkward all +around, but more particularly in the case of Rowena, because +there was a love match on, between her and one of the twins that +constituted the freak, and I had worked it up to a blistering +heat and thrown in a quite dramatic love quarrel, wherein Rowena +scathingly denounced her betrothed for getting drunk, and scoffed +at his explanation of how it had happened, and wouldn't listen to it, +and had driven him from her in the usual "forever" way; +and now here she sat crying and brokenhearted; for she had found that +he had spoken only the truth; that is was not he, but the other +of the freak that had drunk the liquor that made him drunk; +that her half was a prohibitionist and had never drunk a drop in his +life, and altogether tight as a brick three days in the week, was +wholly innocent of blame; and indeed, when sober, was constantly +doing all he could to reform his brother, the other half, who +never got any satisfaction out of drinking, anyway, because +liquor never affected him. Yes, here she was, stranded with that +deep injustice of hers torturing her poor torn heart. + +I didn't know what to do with her. I was as sorry for her +as anybody could be, but the campaign was over, the book was finished, +she was sidetracked, and there was no possible way of +crowding her in, anywhere. I could not leave her there, +of course; it would not do. After spreading her out so, and making +such a to-do over her affairs, it would be absolutely necessary +to account to the reader for her. I thought and thought and +studied and studied; but I arrived at nothing. I finally saw +plainly that there was really no way but one--I must simply give +her the grand bounce. It grieved me to do it, for after +associating with her so much I had come to kind of like her after +a fashion, notwithstanding things and was so nauseatingly sentimental. +Still it had to be done. So at the top of Chapter +XVII I put a "Calendar" remark concerning July the Fourth, +and began the chapter with this statistic: + +"Rowena went out in the backyard after supper to see the +fireworks and fell down the well and got drowned." + +It seemed abrupt, but I thought maybe the reader wouldn't notice it, +because I changed the subject right away to something else. +Anyway it loosened up Rowena from where she was stuck and +got her out of the way, and that was the main thing. It seemed a +prompt good way of weeding out people that had got stalled, and a +plenty good enough way for those others; so I hunted up the two +boys and said, "They went out back one night to stone the cat and +fell down the well and got drowned." Next I searched around and +found old Aunt Patsy and Aunt Betsy Hale where they were around, +and said, "They went out back one night to visit the sick and +fell down the well and got drowned." I was going to drown some others, +but I gave up the idea, partly because I believed that if +I kept that up it would arose attention, and perhaps sympathy +with those people, and partly because it was not a large well and +would not hold any more anyway. + +Still the story was unsatisfactory. Here was a set of new +characters who were become inordinately prominent and who +persisted in remaining so to the end; and back yonder was an +older set who made a large noise and a great to-do for a little +while and then suddenly played out utterly and fell down the well. +There was a radical defect somewhere, and I must search it +out and cure it. + +The defect turned out to be the one already spoken of-- +two stories in one, a farce and a tragedy. So I pulled out the farce +and left the tragedy. This left the original team in, but only +as mere names, not as characters. Their prominence was wholly gone; +they were not even worth drowning; so I removed that detail. +Also I took the twins apart and made two separate men of them. +They had no occasion to have foreign names now, but it was +too much trouble to remove them all through, so I left them +christened as they were and made no explanation. + + +End of the Project Gutenberg edition of The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson + diff --git a/old/old/puddn10.zip b/old/old/puddn10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..73574d3 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/old/puddn10.zip |
